wellRED podcast - #3- The Road To Charleston (and Chicken)

Episode Date: February 22, 2017

This past week, The wellRED Comedy Tour took us from Athens, Ga to Charleston, South Carolina by way of Jacksonville, Florida. This episode was recorded in the car on our way from Jacksonville to Charleston and while we agonized over how shitty a 5 hour car ride is when you are hungover, we managed to discuss Donald Trump, Jeff Sessions, Simulation Theories, and of course... fried chicken.  Check out wellREDcomedy.com for tour dates, merch, and while you are there, sign up for the ole newsletter so you'll be the first to know when we are coming to your city.  This episode is brought to you by our book - The Liberal Redneck Manifesto: Draggin Dixie Outta The Dark which we just found out was named one of the top comedy books of 2016 by Splitsider!! Thanks so much for that, and pick up a copy wherever books are sold. Thanks for listening and subscribing... tell ya friends!!! SKEEEEWWW!!!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skew universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery,

getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days.

In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using.

So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know,

put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid.

Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help.

So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. Hello well read listeners. This is Corey and I've jumped back in time here to these first few episodes to offer this disclaimer off top. If you're a first time listener, you're going to notice that the sound quality on the first few episodes leaves a lot to be desired.

That's on us. We got ahead of ourselves and we didn't know what we were doing. Stick with us, though, because we got it figured out and it should be smooth sailing from here on out. Again, I apologize, but, you know, none of us ever claim to be tech savvy. We're idiots. We're idiots, but we love you. Go to well-readcomedy.com for tickets, merch, and our book. We love you very much.

Keep on listening. Skew! Oh, wow. Woo! You're rolling. You don't like this bridge? I don't like bridges at all. What?

Dude, bridge is hit. Bridge is like when you look at them, they hit. This is a cool bridge. I'm not saying it's not like, but I just always am like, well, we're going to fall off this and die. Well, yeah. I mean, that is how you're going to die. Have you driven to, uh, have you ever driven to New Orleans, Corey? To where?

New Orleans. No, but you've told me about that bridge. Over Lake Potscha train is so hard. How long is it going? I don't know. It's like the bridge that leads to all the hits. That's true, yeah. Where does this bridge go?

Is it over New Orleans? Down to the lands of beads and tities. It's city. Is it over New Orleans? Over. I mean, is it? Yeah, it's a bridge over New Orleans. Over the whole city.

I mean, what that water considered is what I mean. Like punch a train. Oh, okay. Like punch a train? Ponce a train. That's a hit. Like punch a train. Okay, let me show it out.

So hard down the door. That is punching trains. Like Incredible Hulk. He punches trains. Good. What are you all? Where are you? Somebody punched a train in one of the Marvel movies, Corey.

Who was it? Was it the Will Smith one? No, it wasn't the Hulk. Hancock. Hancock. Hancock did punch a train. That movie was good. I didn't see it.

I knew that from the previews, which I get why. I mean, you know, you got to put your best thing in the preview. Right. Also, just sort of by, we're on a bridge going down the road. Yeah, this is. Jacksonville, Florida. That's another one of the other one of the episodes where we're just going to be in a car. We're on our way to Charleston, which is one of my top favorite southern cities to visit.

Without a doubt. I don't think I can stand living there because I just buy everybody in khakis, which is everyone all the time. It's also hotter than a two-dick dog in the goddamn summer. I can see that. Me and my wife honeymoon in Charleston and we got married in June, and I don't know what the hell we were thinking. Dude. It was, uh, had to bathe in November. She was pregnant, though.

The cake didn't, it wasn't, no, it wasn't a secret to nobody. The cake top her on our wedding cake was a groom and a pregnant-ass bride, so, you know, we kept it real. But it was like, it was sincerely, in Charleston in June, it was like triple digits every day we were there. It was unbelievable. Unreal hot, like the hottest I've ever been. But I still dug it, though. City still hits. You guys did.

soaking wet the whole time. Right. Well, you were sweating a lot, though, Corey. Yeah, we was talking to say. He was like, yeah, but I didn't do nothing to make me sweat. And I was like, baby, you don't have to do nothing for you to sweat. No. You could sit

on an airplane. I've done that a million times. It's sweat to death. Just to death. All his white hats are stained brown, all his colored hats are stained white. Yeah. Salt rings and dirt rings from sweat. I'm a sorry individual. I don't know. I don't think that makes you sorry.

being sweating. Is it because you're drunk? Is that what you mean? Yeah. The way that I sweat. The body is trying to sweat all the poison out of itself. Yeah, but it can't keep up with itself. It's like a fucking Vietnamese factory.

I don't know what that means. There's just a bunch of child labor going on in my body. Like there's little kids trying to pump out toxins and shit like that, but there's too much work because I keep putting shit in. I don't know. That was terrible. I stopped listening. I did too.

I actually totally spaced out. I did too at the same time. What are we going to eat? Do we have a specific place that we're going to eat? We're going to eat in Savannah. We're going to eat in Savannah, yeah. I don't know. Almost said like, hey, good Savannah, 28 is what hits.

And I remember, like, we're not broadcasting over the air right now. Listen, why can't somebody invent an app that can do that? I mean, that probably exists. Yeah, I'd say that does exist. Well, they have. I mean, for video, there's that periscope. But you can't trust me. You can't trust me live.

so we record this. Periscope doesn't record, though. I think you have to watch it. No. I can't. That's wrong. Well, there's Facebook Live, obviously. Man, fuck this podcast.

Why don't we Periscope? Eh. Put it on the Internet. Periscope no help for me. I hadn't seen Periscope. I think Facebook Live. I think Facebook live. I think you're right about that.

Like, when's the last time you've seen a fucking Periscope? And you can't do an ad on Facebook Live, bastardsards. A what? An ad. You can't? That's why Facebook Live has an overtaken podcasting. They'll figure out how, I'm sure. Well, I mean, okay, so like, if we were doing Facebook live and we just said, we're like, hey, you know, anyways, car vodka is the best vodka they would like, how would they know, and they'd immediately shut it down?

I don't know. You know, they always watch them like they're your big brother. Now, I know this. It's creepy, by the way. On YouTube, they know too much. On YouTube, if you could, because it wasn't an ad. It wasn't a product placement. On YouTube, one of my videos, I held, I lovingly held a block of Velvita cheese.

and said, I wish I knew how to quit you to it, just trying to hit. Right? It did hit. It did hit. And they, YouTube sent me a notification

that said that I couldn't, that that video was flagged by them for inappropriate or unapproved advertising product placement or something like that. And so they clapped the video up, but they took like the ads and stuff off of it

and said it couldn't be monetized. because it had, they had not approved the advertiser that was in it. Now, do you think that a robot figured that out or that they is a person in India? Just like, but I head on, you know.

I understand that, but they, everybody, listen. I do. I'm saying, I mean, they watch me. They're millions of people with more followers than you. I know, but not,

that's what I'm saying, a monitor, all of them, I'm wondering if you think you would do that. Not literally millions. Yeah, literally. I would say there's two million people with more followers than you on YouTube.

crazy? I don't know. Because you got to think of YouTube allowed in China? Isn't that the one of the ones that allowed? Well, if it is, then yes, you are 100% right. They have a whole city of people over there with more followers than you. 40 million people were more followers than me. It's not, I mean, I don't even... Well, answer my question. What do you think? You think it's a robot?

I don't know, man. I don't even know about a robot that could do that, but there's a lot of stuff I don't know about. Like, I'm... There's so much stuff we don't know around. Right. We, we're fucked. Robots going to take over. Dude, I watched... This is going to... I don't know how this is going to be received,

but I watched his TED Talk yesterday, or no, whatever. Thursday. What about them fucking robots? Have you seen that? Yeah. Sam Harris? Yes.

He's on Bill Marrott. And that's how I know him. So that's why I watched it because he hits for me. I'm saying fucking robots like, God damn it? Or they is fucking robots as in the robots? Well, that would hit. They wasn't there. I mean, they all...

The Japanese are all over that shit. Give them two more years. It's going to be. Oh, no. Well, I saw a separate thing about fucking robots the other day, too. And, like, no,

it's there. Okay. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait for two years because... Just to let them work the bugs down? Yeah. Yeah. Let's some burn beta test that shit.

Then I'm coming up to head. What was you talking about? Okay. Sam Harris was talking about just the, in his opinion, like, almost inevitability

of, us eventually developing a true AI, true artificial. Yeah, a true artificial intelligence. And he was like, and once that happens, it will get exponentially smarter. And we won't be able to control that. And like once that happens, will it look at us as like ants? Like it may, it's talking about it doesn't even have to be openly hostile to us. Right.

Just like if its goals or whatever don't align with our own, then, you know, that will become self-aware while I'll die in a fireball or whatever. Right. And how could that not happen when you think about how if the planet is to continue on and support life, you know, somebody needs to do something about us. Right, we killing the Earth. Yeah, exactly. And if people are going to be slaves.

Then, you know, right. They'll have to take us out. Yeah, they don't have to think about. I don't know, man. That kind of hits for me. You know what? The whole crux of his argument was that exact thing. He was like that that's the problem.

He was like, you're probably going to feel like as you listen to me and talk about this, they're like, oh, that's kind of cool. Or like, that's kind of cool to think about or whatever. He was like, but that ain't how we should think about it. We should think about it like, oh, my God, that's objectively terrifying. and we We need a fail-said. I guess we're the plan, and he's like right now we don't have a plan, and even people in the field.

We need a program to have a safe word where, like, if they come at you, you just say like, peanut buttercups and it shuts down. I guess what I mean is like if we do, if Skynet becomes real and we get killed by robots, that's the only way I'll die and it not be my fault that it happened, and that kind of excites me. Okay.

Huh. No, I mean, with our current administration, There's plenty of ways that you can die and not be your fault. That's true, I guess. Well, I don't know. What I was about to say was going to be stupid, so never by them. That's the first time you've ever done that. I mean, me too.

Yeah, you especially. I was going to say, I thought we agreed you were going to get killed by a woman, but clearly that will be your fault. It'll be an artificial robot woman. Coming down to him. He'll be your fault. Ribed my dick off and throw it in the woods. But anyway, he said, like, even like, the scientists.

Can you be sexist towards robots? I know I would. Yeah. I know I would. No, I mean, I think you just were. Yeah. Yeah, I guarantee there's some people listen to that. They definitely perceived it that way.

That's the whole, he was saying, like, even science, like, the scientists that are in, like, the forefront of that field are, like, oh, we're 50 years away from that at least. But his argument is, okay. Well, now's the time to be figuring it out. You know what I mean? Like, before we get there. Yeah, a plan for it. He's like, because if we just, if it just happens and we're as unprepared for it as we are right now, and I don't mean. the robot apocalypse happens, I mean

true AI gets created, you know, without us being ready for it, then that's when the robot apocalypse happens. Dude, what if the robot apocalypse saves, you know, consciousness? Like humans die, but then they go on

live forever, keep it proving, you know. Right, they probably, well, they probably will. That is wild as shit to think about. Yes, it is. Like a whole immortal race of like an android. People that killed their creators. I swear to God y'all, we're just perfect butts. No, we're not hot at all.

We're just perfect butts and boobs. Okay, well, here's something that's more like politically relevant, but it's still related to that. So that's years off, but, like, but robots is taking our jobs for real, though. Indeed. Like, that is happening. Yeah. And I don't understand.

I know that will be fine. But they really start to become, you know, sentient beings, we'll just discriminate against them for taking our job. I'm not talking about, right. They're taking our jobs, but they're not to the point where they clock out and go home and hit their old lady yet. But I'm not, that's not my point. I'm saying, like, all that shit is, I don't know if that means anything.

Because it's a robot that stay at the factory. You know what I'm saying? In this AI situation, like that robot goes to the work. I'm changing. I'm not talking about the AI. I'm not talking about the Robocalyps anymore. Okay. I'm saying like...

Did you come over to that? Robocalyps? Probably not. I'm sure that's been some... I've never heard it. I've said it before. I'm sure. Some neck beard.

Unlike me. The name of the robot that takes us over is something like neckbeard. Like some teenager in China and Vince fell and then finally, you know, goes in. And it's like, like the end of humanity was brought about today by Dick Snuzzle. Dick Snuzzle 420. anyway, I'm talking about like, this is about to happen right now, and it's going to be, I think it's a huge, huge, huge colossal problem that I don't think we are at all prepared to deal with because, like, to me, the only solution is a universal basic income, right? And, like, that's so insanely far left to most people in America that, like, they ain't no way those people are going to be on board for that. I mean, that was kind of Bernie's thing.

I know that. Yeah. But, like, well, that was part of this thing. It was part of it, but, you know. Here's what scares me about that, and this is going to sound, I guess, kind of classically right-wing, not like insane today's right-wing. But, okay, so we have a universal basic income. Or we get rid of money, and it's a different system, and it's like, all right, everyone gets the house, everyone gets food, because we've got these robots doing on the workforce. We don't have to compete for basic needs.

Everyone gets basic needs. Star Trek, man. Well, what if? though like a shitty evil government like you use that to control you because you have no means to get a house or food otherwise in that scenario you've become completely dependent

god damn i do sound right wing itself you become completely dependent on the basic you know provisions that you're talking about being provided then they take it away one day boom you die

that would not have well and that's why you should buy Drew's bunker kit I don't know man I mean I'm gonna learn how to farm But we're fine Robots ain't taking comics jobs

Any time No hell no So when this robot That happens maybe But like we're fine for our Yeah I completely agree But I mean But you know

I know a whole lot of people That I care about That won't be fine Did you ever notice How when you're murdering the humans They look you in your robot guys. It's like, bitch, I don't have emotions.

That is very funny. Robots stand-up. The biggest one, and maybe the first one, well, not the fair, I mean, it's happening already, but, like, the big, the first, like, big, like, paradigm shifting one of those robots taking our job things is going to be fucking freight, you know, like your truck drivers.

Driving a truck is the number one occupation in like 42 of the 50 U.S. States or something like that. I mean, a shitload of people are employed in that industry. And we already know. I mean, they already got self-driving cars. As soon as they get that shit perfected, and as soon as, like, Walmart can legally roll out a fleet of self-driving tractor trailers, they will immediately. Oh, yeah.

And as soon as they do it, within six months, everybody will be done. doing it and all those jobs are going. But the problem Walmart will eventually run into, and at first there'll be a lot of pain and anguish and, you know, poor people. But like, who's going to shop at Walmart if no one has a job? And this gets back to that universal income thing. But, you know, what's going inside with this technologically is quantum computing. You don't know about that shit?

What is it? I'm probably saying some of the words wrong. I apologize to all you nerds out there who are going to correct me on Twitter, but I'm sorry that you don't have friends. So the way computing works now, it's all in a circuit, an electrical circuit. And we have chips that are so fast that it's like almost, you know, beyond the speed of, or not beyond Jesus Christ, at the speed of light almost, that they can compute these things,

but they're always computing ones and zeros. Everything comes through in binary code. It's just that you run a bunch of ones and zeros through, and you, you know, a computer can, you know, take a picture of you or whatever. It's just, it takes millions and millions of ones and zeros. With quantum computing, my understanding is it's at the anatomical level. Like, they can put information inside. You said anatomical.

Do you mean atomic level? Yes, please. Please correct me when I say dumb things. Thank you. They can put information inside, like, I don't want to, I think it's atoms. What? Yeah. Like, I know I'm fucking this up, but the point is...

They'll get this car. They can... If they can do it, if they can control it, they can do a lot more information other than ones than zeros. It's basically infinite. Yeah. I just got chills saying that. So, I mean, okay, it's 50 years off until a fucking... Someone harnesses quantum computing in...

No, right. In... That's the thing. Two years. And then it's like, right, now the computer told us how to make the robots. Well, that dude, until, like... We never know. Well, first of all, technology advances so exponentially, right?

Right. And also, those, like, huge colossal breakthroughs like that, they seem super far off right up until they happen. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. That's how that shit works, like, historically. So, like, yeah, who the hell knows how far?

I mean, robot cars is some shit that is still wild as hell to me. You know what I mean? And, like, that shit's real. It's wild, man. It's wild to talk about all this now, because, I don't know, I feel like we are spoiled in this country. Shit, do you think? Well, not just, obviously, we're spoiled in terms of, like, we have food, and a lot of people don't. But, like, existentially, what does that create?

It creates for you, you know, an ability to be interested in things like this. But, like, Trump challenges that, if nothing else, to me. It's like I'd love to sit here and think about robots all day long, but every 10 or 15 minutes something pops in my head, and it just did it just down where I was like, yeah, but it ain't going to matter because we can be out of water soon. Yeah, okay, well, all right, on that note, we've talked about this a little bit this weekend.

He got Elon Musk and his, not in his cabinet, but on some panel. On his advisor. Well, see, so he made one advisory panel just filled with legitimate hitters, you know what I mean? But, like, everybody else he gave actual, like, power to, retard. No, now, hold on. And we've talked about this before.

Ben Carson should not be president of the United States, and he probably shouldn't be Secretary of Hook, but he crushes, dude. Well, dude, you ain't going to like this. This ain't going to have for you, but I believe old Mad Dog is pretty legit military. I know. That's what I've said. I don't mind the crazy old dude being in charge of war. That's fine.

That's what he's supposed to do. You know, like that's perfect for him. Your name is Mad Dog. Yeah, let's let you do war. I mean, I'm not sure I agree with that he's the best choice, but I understand what you're saying. Yeah, you don't know. He's at least qualified for that position. Betsy DeVos, not.

No. Well, here's the thing, I mean, Jefferson, who regard sessions is qualified. Sure. Because he's a lawyer and senator forever. It's just that he's evil. Right, right. Well, Rick Perry ain't qualified for shit.

No, Lord. No. That literally was Trump trolling us. I sure. I believe that. I pulled it off. He's like, wait, wait, wait. Some dude said there shouldn't be a D-O-E.

Right. But he couldn't know the name of it. Let's make him. Yeah, this will be hilarious. So, anyway. That was a bet he had with Brady. That's what I'm convinced. It was like, hey, Tom,

you think you're going to be cool winning a Super Bowl? I'm going to give the whole Department of Energy to a guy who doesn't know what it's called. That is hilarious. We've talked about this some over the course of this. weekend. It occurred to me the other night, like, genuinely spontaneously. When I was talking about Trump, like, it's a Q&A type thing with the crowd. You know, somebody asked a question related that. And as I was talking, I realized, like, I don't think it's working. Like, all the stuff that he wants to do that's so regressive and whatever else, just all, like, you know, the

travel ban is a good example, whatever. But, like, I just don't. I just don't. feel like it's working out for him and like his supporters all this crazy shit that we on the left are so worried about i don't think they're pulling it off like i feel like they really struggling right now and so like and i don't know why i'm allowing myself to do this but i'm starting to allow that old imposter hope to creep back into my brain because like to me they just they look like they're really flailing and like you know i think we're going to be all right because they're just fail. Well, I do think that a lot of those ideas like the fear of Muslims or, you know, anti-gay rights stuff, I think we're watching. It's so fervent. The support for him so fervent, it has to do with those things that disappearing. When people know that, you know, their core belief and culture system is going away, you know, that's when they show up. Well, yeah, that's what happens. Be mad and all that. But on the other side of that, man, what I do think is going to continue on,

and I kind of hope it does. I just hope that someone decent harnesses this. People are fucking fed up with the same old bullshit. So much show that they did what they did. Lord, I can't. It's so hard to wrap your head around that. Like, last night,

we talked with a couple of people who voted for Trump, who are very seemingly reasonable, nice, smart people. Who? Wired? Yeah. And, you know, they were just... Corey's friends that we met last night,

and they were very... They're awesome. They're like, we're just, I mean, you know, we're tired of it. And they actually espoused some regret. You know, they were like, yeah, I think he might be crazy. You know what I mean? Like, you reckon? It seems like he's completely full of shit.

But at the time when I was voting, you know, they were like, not like happily. I wasn't excited about it, but I was just like, this is all bullshit. It's always been bullshit. This is the first time I left that I feel like someone outside of that bullshit, you know, might throw a ripple into the bullshit. And to be fair, he has done that. Sure. I mean, yeah.

But this Russian shit, this is some next level. Yeah, I was going to say, it ain't worth it. No. But he had, yeah, the next election cycle is going to be different because of this. This Russian shit, though, here's the thing. The conversation of, I don't like the system, let me vote for this person who some people think is crazy and some people say he's racist and blah, blah, blah. That's one thing.

This Russia shit, which is. of foreign government has been accused by our intelligence agencies of trying to influence our election. And the way that they did it, they were trying to get the person elected who ended up winning. And that person keeps defending them. Yep. That is some wild, like, historic shit. If we find any, any sort of thing that connects it in a direct way, it's, oh, like, it's new, it's, this is wild. Dude, do you know about that 19% stake in that big-ass Russian oil company or whatever else?

With all that shit and that dossier, right? You know about that dossier? I do. Do you know about that dossier? No, I doubt. They couldn't. Like, the media has not yet been able to 100% confirm the veracity of it. Well, I know that, but, like, I feel like they might.

I do. Well, this is another thing that Trump might help. The media does suck now. It's a 24-hour cycle, you know, ratings grab, and he's bad for that because he keeps providing him with fodder. But maybe actual deep journalism will come back. Right. Maybe three months from now someone will be like,

look, I've done the work, and here's the fucking proof, and people go, damn. Yeah, because I don't want to be called fake news. I want to absolutely be, you know, gory, the real deal. No, you're right. That's starting to happen right. That's watching posts in New York Times that already, I think,

I'm tired of this motherfucker calling us. I'll show you fake news, you orange piece of shit. You know what I mean? Like shoving journalism up his ass. An orange piece of shit would look like a Cheeto. I just realized that Cheetos look like Tards. And he looked like a Cheeto. Right.

Anyway, Corey. I don't like that. I know because Cheetos. Yeah, because people keep calling Trump King Cheeto, and I'm like, don't you do that to Cheetos. It ain't fair to Cheetos. It ain't at all. It ain't easy being cheesy, guy. Pete Holmes

That's a bad tweet Yeah Pete Holmes Is an awesome comedian tweeted once Chester Cheetah on his deathbed You know Looking back It actually was pretty easy

Being cheesy That's so fucking furry You know how people talk about How Chester Cito is kind of like Purvy Yeah He is Well

That is for me I wonder It's like someone realized That it ain't easy being cheesy Sounds a lot like Pimpin ain't easy. And they're like,

hey, let's just make him like an old stereotypical pimp. Well, dude, he is a pimp. Holy shit. Everybody doesn't know

about this, and I want to get back to Trump and rush in a minute, but this is hilarious. Yeah. So, furries, right? Furries,

people that like anthropomorphic animals and putting on animal costumes and fucking butts and stuff. I'm kind of into that. Are you? Well, okay. I don't want to,

you kind of end to a lot of shit. No, I don't want to, I don't want to do it, but I have. watched it and I was like, oh, yeah, I get it. Well, but you watched what? A purry porn. And so, do they cut slits out for their genitalia?

Yeah, it hits. I've seen a woman dressed up like a cat getting her butt fucked by like a penguin or something. I mean, again, you know, like, it's just, you know, that stuff you don't get every day. It is. And what way did it hit for you? It was different. It was like, why people voted for Trump and whatnot. I want the same bullshit.

No, no, no, no. I want to know, did it hit for you? And like, oh, this is cool? Or did you touch your dick while you were? It was like, okay, you know how? Did you answer the question? Listen to me. Listen to me. I did, but that wasn't what I finished with if that makes sense.

You know how like you, huh? Please instruct the witness to answer my question. I did touch my dick, but that's not the thing that I ended up all touching my dick the whole time to. That was just like. It didn't make you come, sir? No, no, it didn't. But I was like, you know, this is something you don't see every day. But you did be an erection to furry bar.

I already had an erection. No more questions, Your Honor. Okay. The witness may step the office. Well, all right. We have delved into my psyche too much. Any goddamn way. Did you ever do it again?

Huh? Have you ever done it again? No. It was a cat getting fucked by a pain one? Yeah, well, something like that. I want to see that, too, but I don't think it turned me on. I just want to see that. Well, that's kind of where I'm at.

No. Okay. That hits. All that shit hits. Anyway, that's what they are. And for them, apparently, and it kind of checks out if you think, about it. For a lot of furries, Tony the Tiger is

like the daddy. He's like the furry daddy. He is the dude, right? Okay. And so they, people would like, these furries all the time on Twitter would send him these like nasty ass messages

and stuff. Sometimes just like Tony the Tiger post something about. We got to, you know, cinnamon frosted flames coming out, you know, or whatever has. And they're great. And, uh, And then, like, the first five comments would be like, I want to eat. I want you to eat cinnamon frosted face out of my asshole, daddy.

You know, shit like that. Because the internet is fucking insane. And awesome. Yeah, and he finally, whoever runs that account was finally like, you know, listen, well, we got kids around. Why about we don't do that? You know, or whatever. Like, he, like, admonished them for it.

And so they jumped ship and went to Chester Cheeto. or Chester Chita and we're like you know we need a new daddy and Chester Chita was like shit all right

and just like totally we deserve Trump whoever who runs that account is the committee there's zero down in my habit but yeah we know people who do that

Ryan Brown is a hilarious comedian he runs I think it's Denny's Twitter Ryan Brown runs what on to a bunch of those like a top five corporate you know whatever tweets or whatever he's made no i see that his tweets like on the internet like going viral pretty boy i'll be doing that's right pretty boy ryan ryan b well dude ryan's funny as shit i i don't mean it in that way i'm mad that ryan

ain't never took me to denny's on his goddamn dime but i know he's got a card ryan oh anyway uh right that's pretty though um god damn so cori russia right Okay. The dossier, there was this British intelligence agent. That's a French word, what ain't a cheese, so Corey needs to know. Dossier, yeah. Dossier sound like a dog. Go ahead. What was his name, Drew, the dude? The M-16 agent?

Yeah. I don't remember. It was very British. Isn't it M-I-6? M-I-6, yeah. I call it M-16. M-16, a gun. I know. They hit the main.

People in M-6 carry. Anyway, this guy was like, you know, the British equivalent of a CIA dude and for years, years and years. Guys, oh my God, shut the fuck up. What? I just, I can't be the first person that realized this.

Trump is literally a Bond villain. Yeah. Holy shit. Like, James Bond is trying to take down Trump. Dude, I think I said the other day, who's I talking to about it? How would we know, Tray? I thought y'all were there

because I was like, if you tried to write him as a bond villain, that people were there. Sure, but I mean, but I'm saying that, because that's what Bond was, right? M.I.S. Yeah. Yeah. He's like literally James Bond is taking down Trump. Sorry, continue. God damn, and like somehow we have to hope that happened. I don't want to root for the British.

British hit for me. They did. They hit for me too. I think he's for Bond all day, dude. Yeah, you're right. I hope he takes down Trump, fucks Ivanka. It'd be a great episode. This dude, that's a shame. Her vodka so hot.

I mean, she does hit. this real life James Bond he turned this dossier over to, who did he give it to originally? I don't remember the... I don't remember the publication. I feel like the times or something? Well, I feel like the first people that ran it, though,

whoever got it first didn't run it because they were trying to check on it. And then, unfortunately, I think BuzzFeed broke it, which did not help with the whole life. Right, he used to all that. So, anyway, he had this dossier. If you're out there and you're about to start some online digital journal.

of shit, please name it something fucking decent so that when you break big stories, people can't be like, oh yeah, BuzzFeed? Right. So, Corey, he got this dossier filled with all these just mountains and mountains

of basically accusations about Trump and Russia. That's where the drinking pee thing came from. Right. Oh, well then yes, I saw that. But also, to me, one of the more interesting parts of it, and terrifying, is I don't know what to hell

wrong me. I'm forgetting all these like the names of shit but this big colossal Russian like state owned, previously state-owned Russian oil company you know, I mean like

multi-billion dollar oil deal that they, the Russians promised Trump through like shell companies and shit like that

19.5% ownership of this mega oil company if he would lift the sanctions of Russia resulting from the whole Crimea invasion and all that shit. Okay? Okay. So, like, within two weeks or a month or something like that, after the election, uh, 19 and a half percent of that company was sold to like a, a, uh, an, uh, an, uh, 19 and a half percent of that company was sold to like a, an unknown shadowy organization corporation you know what I mean and so it just is weird

it is a whole lot of huge you couple that with Flynn had talks that the DOJ that FBI intercepted reported to the DOJ the DOJ told the Trump campaign Flynn had a conversation with a Russian diplomat in which they discussed

lifting the sanctions right the head of the DOJ at the time was Sally Yates because they were in that transition phase Trump fired Yates over the Muslim travel ban But now there's a lot The travel ban was announced The day after Yates told him

Your boy Flynn Did have this conversation with Russia Right So I mean now we're getting deep in it But if you look at the date signing up Flynn from the Department of Justice Goes to the Trump administration It says hey

I'm sorry Yates Yates from the Department of Justice Goes to the Trump administration says Hey this guy Flynn one of your cabinet members he been having a conversation with Russia about lifting sanctions well before you transitioned

into being president he ought not have done that and they go oh you're right he shouldn't have and then the next day they announce a travel band making her then go against it because it was completely illegal and they fire her yeah I mean of course I do but I think it's all

real I think it's all true everything that's in there and it's going to gradually get proven is true. And he's going to get tried for treason. We're going to hang him in the town square. God, that would be. Here's his predicament for Trump. Not only does Russia now, you know, have this situation with him

that we're all in trouble in terms of like, that sounds treasonous on his face. Like, yeah, I'll live the sanctions if you'll give me a big stake in an oil company. They have proof that he has done that. they being Russia. Right. I mean, Vladimir Putin

fucking snaps his fingers. If that is true, he snaps his fingers and the world knows. Right. And then we have to get rid of our president. He knows that.

So if that is what happens, when we say, oh, look, we got rid of Trump. Not only ultimate leverage, ultimate we're under Putin's fucking thumb as a nation. He can embarrass the shit

out of us in other words. Yeah, dude, fuck up, fuck some pictures, you know, where you get paid on. You know, high trees.

Right, yeah. If you're supposedly progressive and liberal and you're upset about him getting peed on, you know, jump up your own hypocritical ass. A hundred percent. I'm certain he got peed on by like, you know, an 18-year-old Russian girl who's been a slave to the Russian state as a concubine since she was 14. You've made the sale. Quit selling. Her mom had been murdered because she couldn't suck a dick the right way.

You guys get it. Yeah. Anastasia the porn hits. God damn. Oh. Was you wearing one of them furry Russian hats? Oh my God, you know it. Chester Cheetah.

Now, we finished that story. But this Russian shit is the wildest thing that's going on around Trump area, because this is like, I mean, that shit is wild, man. Did you see their way to combat the leaks? Okay, first of all, they're worried about the leaf. Let's talk about that first. Trump's big thing in response to that was not I want to investigate what Flynn did or did not do. It was I went to investigate who was leaking things from the White House.

And that is, I mean, that is the problem, no doubt. If you got leaks coming out, you got to fix it. But here's my thing. If I find out that a murderer is living in my apartment and also the roof is leaking, Which one of those are you going to check on first? Is the leak over your bed? And we just talk about like a convicted murderer and it is time and his M2B down the hallway, whatever. Because you're kind of being a dick.

You're going to make that a huge deal. Look at this magazine. I'm just about it to live. Yeah, you're right. I should just put some post-it notes up on the fridge. Don't murder me. Corey, what? You just handed me a honey-baked ham magazine.

Cory, you can read that if you want, but we're trying to talk. about something else. I'm seriously just, like, we're talking about politics, and Corey is mad, so he's a tray of honey-baked ham slides in the beard, and he just like, if I've looked at that that hens. It does look like it is, don't it? Of course. Oh, what else?

You were such a toddler, and like all toddlers, my love for you is unconditional, but I don't want you in my life sometimes. I hear you, but I didn't know that they made a whole honey-baked ham magazine. I just thought was interesting. Interesting. No, this is interesting. Check these articles out. You're in Honeybanks Ham Weekly.

Well, anyway, my point is, the fact that the Trump's response to the press finding out that he knew that Flint had done this weeks ago and hadn't fired him was, who's leaking? Right. That was his only response. Isn't that problematic and perhaps shows more of what you're saying that's real? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's your initial response. And it's like, that's basically the same as saying, who is telling everybody all this really bad and wrong shit that we'd be doing in here.

Yeah. Like, we get to figure out who is telling everybody about this stuff. You know, we've got to get rid of the snitches. Who's code is that? Criminals. I mean, you know, snitches do get stitches, though. Yeah, that's from criminals. Yeah, well, you also are.

told not to tattle. That's true. Yeah, that's true. But not because your teacher will kill you. You're right. It's fine that Russia's got us under the gun. I take it back. We need to worry about these tattel tails. No, no.

In that situation, what I'm saying is, Drew, if you kill somebody and I see it, I'm taking that to the grave. Oh, I know. Shit. So like... Well, here's what I'm saying. Let me do a different out of you. If you're, one of your boys

comes in and says that your other boys, You know, like, he's in there, he's in there, like, throwing his toys against the wall or whatever. You might be like, man, stop tattling. But then he comes in and he's like, hey, you know, he's in there. Oh, you mean my actual boy? My son. I thought you were talking about me.

I did, I thought, yeah. Your son. Okay, so Thompson is throwing his toys against the wall. One of your sons, if one of your sons is going to in, like, dad, you know, brother is throwing his toys against the wall, you'd be like, come on, stop tattling. That's not what we do around here. But if he comes in and, like, hey,

Dad, brother is selling America out to the Russians. You might walk into the room and be like, hey, you're in timeout. That does sound like something he would do. 100%. Who, what? Trump? What, he was going, is it to rock? No, one of your boys.

Oh, Thompson? Yeah, Thompson. Just get drunk and shit an accident would sell us to Russia. Yeah, if Thompson wasn't president. Corey, your farts smell like feet in sour milk. I'm sorry. No, I mean, my birth than yours, but the, specificity of what your smell like bothers me i'm sorry this is the wind that ain't gonna head

that's gonna be loud as shit the car's got to do something about that well i will not until we figure out how to you know get smell over podcast equipment they had to experience somehow the park and that was them filling it you guys it's like a movie our podcast y'all hush you don't talk about the money nuance what money yes but hold on before we do that So we've talked about the league, but let's talk about their response to it. Did you see that? Who's response to what? To stop the leaks.

Trump and his cabinet are now using apps. Snapchat, right? That the messages disappear. Yeah. So Snapchat. Yeah. It's what fucking 15-year-olds sitting their dick to other 15-year-olds on. Right, yeah.

That's our national security advisor or whatever. Who's that? Anthony Wieners? Right. hilarious. That's funny as hell. Anthony went there. I know about some ways to send messages. You don't want to be able to see it. We've all been there, am I right?

Even Trump's like, no, I'll do. I haven't been there. Come on. See, well, a lot of people, I've heard people say that, like, this is tangentially related. It's not directly related to the Snapchat thing, but, like, that what's really happening here is that the deep state, which is, you know, the CIA spooks, whatever. They hate Trump.

They hate, they're about to take Trump back Trump's ass down. Or like, that's like, what's going on? You know, like, well, he's talked a lot of shit about them as he has everybody else. And it's like, that hits for me. Well, it doesn't, for me, because it's a scary thought.

That they could do that? No, it's just more of like, we're about to have some real problems in America. If there's a public battle for our conscience and that we are asked to either trust lifelong CIA people who none of us trust

or Donald Trump who very few of us trust like that could be a real true issue in terms of, I mean I'm talking about like violence in the streets type shit but if they take down Trump I don't know I'm all for that if they take down Trump

and you're all for it that's what I'm saying if they take down Trump and then just go back to installing you know Venezuelan dictators or whatever the hell they've been up to for the past 40 years then like that's fine no it's not if there's a civil war do we still get to do a podcast

this is why congress has to fucking do it this is why congress has to do their god damn job well buddy the CIA is not going to just come out and do it in the middle on like on the fucking beltway they're going to do it in their back channeled CIA type ways but if they come to Congress with evidence which I should

that needs to be vetted they need to make like I don't want to hear about this in a week right I want fucking two thousand goddamn page I want a picture, I want video, I want Putin, telling Trump on the phone, I own you.

Well, maybe that's what they're doing right now in building that case. Yeah. It will, in terms of winning, but it won't in terms of fucking living in a healthy, like, dude, I'm sorry. No, if they do it that way, and they come out with a 2,000 page of fucking video

and pictures and all this shit that you just said, it proves that he committed fucking trees. and his people try to riot in the streets when we fucking tell him to go fuck himself for that there's no way even as crazy as they are.

I'm saying that this is a country that is in charge of most of the world well yeah that's over. We're in turmoil, man. Dude, for sure. Don't have. No, yeah, somebody's probably going to make a play too.

That don't help them. They already are. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid and just like, you know, artistic I was like yeah man it'll be a hit and play you mean like King Lear or something I watch a power play oh that's already happening I know Russia already did I know that yeah god damn that don't hit you think it'll be Merkel like the fucking the world burns the ashes there's smoke rising out just fucking Germany start doing Germany shit again just like comes out smiling like

hello did you start time then yes that you like did you like caduceyase Putin is a puppet. Oh, man. Well, it's all the Illuminati anyway. Sure. It's the lizard. Man, I missed the Illuminati. And I said that for years about the Illuminati.

Isn't that nice? Isn't it great to have this fake shadow organization that Beyonce is the head of and they fucking, you know, sacrifice goats to the gods to blame everything? I'd love to watch her eat a goat. I wasn't the only one that tweeted this, but when it first started happening, and the Trump started winning, I was like, hey, Illuminati, get your shit together. Yeah. You're supposed to not let this happen.

But I wish we had an Illuminati who was in charge of everything. We could blame him for shit and not worry about it. But it turns out the American people are in charge, and we have fucked up royally. Yeah. Yeah, that sucks. It sucks to think about it. It is interesting, though. You know, I mean, life was getting boring and easy.

Okay, but there again, you know, the flip side. I mean, what you said about us being, you know, a major important factor in a lot of the other countries of the world and shit like that. I mean, a world leader, I mean, we're the world police, too. And, like, all that is going to be, who the fuck knows, because of the shit that's happening. Don't care for police. We're not, yeah, we're not, because we're not going to be trying to, how the fuck could you trust us anymore as a country after this shit, seeing what we're capable of doing as an electorate? So, like, that, that is going to have long-standing implications.

India is over in the corner looking all cute. We're like, what's up, girl, ain't seen you in a long time. You go let me police that ass? Right. I just don't think I can trust you anymore after what you've done, America. Exactly. But, so all that is, sorry, I'm distracted. What is this?

Safe? No, I thought it was a high voltage. It's like a, I don't know, what the hell that was. Anyway, we on the road, y'all, being dumb. What the hell was I? That has completely wiped my slate clean. Oh, but the other. Maybe it's what it is.

Maybe it's one of the machines. It's fucking my reference. The other. The other way to look at that, though, you know, you stay being pessimistic. Like, you could also look at it in a good way as far as, again, you know, we did fuck. We did fuck up. We got a problem. This is us taking care of said problem, and then we just go back to him.

It's like a forest fire. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. And right now we're trying to just put it out. Yeah. We're trying to burn all the riffraff. Is that what you meant? Like one of them control burn?

Yeah. Yeah, like we'll put it out, and, you know, all the dead wood will have burned in the forest to look pretty here in a couple years. Yeah. America, the forest of the world. Yeah. In America, you can't be gay and live in our forest. America hits. It does.

Sure. Jeep's hit. That's a metaphor, really. What? American greatness. Those were invented for a time of war, and then we turned them to a toy for white people to play with on the beach. Jeep Wrangler, America. Yes.

I own a Jeep Wrangler. I intend to very soon. It hits. I'm a buy a truck. I'm about to buy a truck, too. I mean a new one. You want mine? Thank y'all.

Hell no. I got a 1989 forward ranger. With no mirrors on it. Any part of the goddamn truck. It's got bicycle mirrors on the outside, and the mirror you bought for me. I bought it a mirror because I'm a dad. And when I saw that one of my babies was driving a truck with no goddamn mirror in it, I was like, well, I can't have that. My truck don't have a hit in sound.

system in it. My truck is literally the color of, like, sand mixed with dirt. Yes. Like, if you ever seen dirty sand, which is a thing somehow? I like your truck.

I fucking love my truck, man. I mean, like, if I didn't feel like it was a death trap, it would hit for me, too. Well, that's what I mean, it wouldn't hit for me. It hits that you drive it for me. Right. Right. I like the look.

Yeah, y'all want me to die. No, it looks like a, like, something, It reminds me of my papaw, which so do you. There is a papaw. He is. You and dad, I'm a toddler. Yeah. I'm all.

Our comedy tour is just me going on a fishing trip with my two favorite people. Pappaw and dad. Here we go again. They had to buy me a sound system. Shut up, Papal just give me candy. Yeah. And I am back here eating candy. Corrie really is a toddler, y'all.

I hit. He does hit. toddlers head they do they're chosen did you say you want to talk about money yeah well I asked the question if we wanted to talk about

okay as far what the copper pig yeah Georgia barbecue farmer's market with live baby gators fuck yeah hell I was about to ask why

they always baby gators and I immediately realized the answer to that yeah because the other ones will eat you well they only got baby gators that do things Well, we had a real one time.

Because the other ones are Apex Predator ancient killing machines. They're awesome. Them and sharks freak me out. They're insane. Y'all are so good at murder and that y'all haven't had to change. Right, exactly. They're perfect. They got perfect millions of years ago and have just stayed hitting.

Y'all have nightmares about sharks when you was babies? No, sharks always hit for me. I mean, they hit for me. I'd watch the shows, but then I'd have nightmares about them. We lived in Tennessee eight hours. I don't have dreams that a flood came and I was floating around on my bed. You dreamed up Shark Nader when he was a boy? Wait, it's a flood?

I thought it was a literal tornado. Well, it's a storm. And part of that storm is a tornado. I ain't seen Shark Nato, unfortunately. You know, I've seen parts of it. I haven't either. Hey, somebody we know in Chartnato? Ian Zering is.

He's my friend. Okay. So he was on Melrose place. Hell yeah. My friend, I just remember him on that. Is there, is there, uh, So there's a tornado and inside of it is sharks. So you get swept up by the tornado.

And if that wasn't bad enough, then you get at my shark. Don't hit. That doll hit. I want to watch that movie. That sounds awesome. They made another one, didn't they? Shartanato 2, electric bugle-a-loom. Well, they should have called the Sharknados sent it in, uh...

Yeah, Spanish. In Mexico, so. In Mexico. They didn't have the budget to film there. Chardonados. A caramba. Whatever. The sharks just keep hitting the goddamn wall.

Y'all remember my idea for one of those movies that I got super pumped about before I realized that it's just they live. John Carpenter's movie with Rowdy Roddy Piper in it. The bubble gum. That's the movie. That's the real movie. And that movie's awesome. But like I had this idea that I got all fired up about. I was like, I'm going to write a sci-fi original movie.

Routy, Roddy Piper. With, oh, yeah, he was, man. Rest and pace. We've got a sci-fi original movie where not everybody can see it, but this group of people gain the ability to see that all of the people in, like, high-finance, all the high-level finance people on Wall Street in New York are actually these like tentacle-faced alien monsters who are subjugating us economically to, you know, rule the world. Yeah, I've seen they live.

Octopi Wall Street, is what I was like. I did remember that. I got so fired up about it. And I was like, oh, this is going to be awesome. I can write a dumb-ass movie, but that's awesome. And then, yeah, I got like halfway through like outlining it. And I was like, man, wait a minute. This is just stay live.

See this movie? It's worth it just for the title, though. I know, yeah. I mean, well, they rip-offs happen all the time. Hell, I'm going to write it. Fuck it. Anyway. It is impossible for me to win that court case if we release this episode when they sue you for

copying their movie. hilarious how does that work though it's inspired by no you can't copyright an idea so I mean you could tell you a general premise

there's only like five stories out there anyway if we wanted to make a movie right now about fucking white earth we can do that shit but tombstone exists well that's not quite the same but your point is

fair which is that you can't copyright an idea only is actual what I'm saying is what I'm saying is avatar is fur and gully is Hokohannis as fast as with wolves. Sure, but those are all very different in a lot of ways.

What's sad about it, like that woman that wrote The Matrix, and there's another movie, Terminator, she sued for like billions of dollars, and the only case she won was one of the Terminators, but her scripts were really, really close to a lot of them, even the Matrix one. I mean, that makes me sad.

Wait, you telling me that Wachowski didn't write The Matrix? I mean, what other hidden movies have they have? I mean, well, that's a good point. Oh, and of course, she was blacking her wife. I always shot another example of that shit happened. I always shocked that up to, like, the sophomore effect, but it just never, they never got, meaning like they had their whole entire lives to do that, to do that, hitting that. Like, that was their life's work and dream, but I'm saying if they ripped it off, then fuck them.

But, like, that's what I always thought that was about. Like, their whole lives was this passion project. Right. And then after that, they were just like, well, what now? They don't hit. She lost her case against... They don't not hit. They're all right.

I'm saying you can run out of his, though. Right. Their other movies are okay. What about this fish dock right here, Bo? Fish dockside dining? I mean, it probably hits. Big Macs hit. I don't want one, but they hit.

I don't want one, but I want one. Let's keep going. I want one. 55 minutes? Yes. Yeah. So anyway, money. Money.

All right, so... Joe. Oh, God damn it. We're 65 miles from Savannah? Yeah. I'm starving. I know it's a long way, man. You'll be all right.

You ate cheese. That don't mean nothing. You've been sick of care graces this whole time. I know. He's a big baby. We go. Just big old child. Anyway, money.

Corey, you heard about that? The money Trump be spending? The administration. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As far as like how much it's taken to keep Melania up. Yeah, $300,000. a day. Yeah, right. And also, like, where did he go

last weekend? I don't know, but Marlago, Marlago, which sounds like one of his wives. Between that and all his families, his family's jaunts, right? Because his family members, like any of his kids or whatever, they all have to have secret service details anywhere they go.

And so, like, one of the dipshits Eric or whoever, went to Uruguay. That's his middle name is a dipship. Yeah. Ordebaid. Went to Uruguay. to, like, open or do a ribbon cutting or something shit for, like, a Trump tower, right? And that costs the American taxpayer like $700,000.

Right. But Obama should have been able to play golf. Right, exactly. To date, like, in the first two months, or in the first six weeks, whatever, of his presidency. Well, no. I mean, it's been a month, January 21st to now, they have spent $11.3 million on. that kind of shit, which is more than Obama spent in any one year period ever

of his entire presidency. Those are facts, right? He's a Muslim. Yes. Yeah, they're facts. So they won't, that don't matter. That will not registered. That will not matter. Well, man, the thing about his kid going, it's like, all right, you know, we've got

to send secret service with him, and he's got to run a business. But, like, they don't have to live in New York. You don't have to be at Marlago all the fucking goddamn time. I mean, It's all bullshit. It's like in the aggregate, this is all amounting to. You are the most entitled. You're living off the government literally.

Like, this is all he wanted. Dude, he's killing it. Like, objectively speaking, historically. Like, if we read about this, someone doing this 500 years ago, man, this dude hits. Yeah. He was a reality TV star. He wanted the government to be president.

The government paid for everything. And then he sold him out to Russia. As long as he didn't die in the street, he'd hit. Sure. Yeah, I mean, that's absolutely He's keeping all his finances at bay By making the government pay for everything It's fucking genius

But god damn it Brutal What god damn it you upset Yeah, that just fucking That all sucks man Yeah That does suck But yeah like you said about Obama

But Obama wasn't allowed to play fucking golf Like that Just the blatant Hypocracy of all of that Like if Obama did a tenth of the shit that Trump does

Trump's old people wouldn't fucking have crucified him because they did I know I don't know a 12th sounds like you did a 12th

right it's it's unreal man and uh fuck those people now I just got sad really thinking about how

I know me too when you think about it in those terms it's like man we ain't ever gonna change agree yeah

yeah you get people to agree on hell no guys listen if you're out there let's just by it gone you know yeah hell yeah

just murder yourself and your whole family you still got drugs god damn look at that yeah that's weird lord what so people won't steal that's a fucking so people won't steal them for bears it is drove by a crane had two generators at a construction site

lifted up and it's it's Sunday today that we're recording this you're not working it's still you're right that is what it's for that's wild as hell it is wild hats now we're just gonna start talking about what we see what kind of sandwich is this yeah shit

I thought that's a new fast food joint man you know I gotta know about that oh man exit now but can't okay we can't see this is we're running out of free billboard podcast no we're not running out steam I'm just starving so I keep looking at these billboards just in case

something does head well let's pause it and then we can maybe eat and then come back oh cool we're gonna take a quick up this will be a fun experiment Listen, it will be a break. Y'all don't have to say anything. I know that. No, it's not going to be a break, but I'm saying,

I want people to realize that's what's about to happen. We are going to take a break. We're going to run, and we're going to come right back for this weekend run. No, this absolutely will be the same episode. Without a day. Well, did we mention where we were going to go or where we were thinking about we just know yet? No, we didn't. We said we're going to go to some really awesome place in Savannah.

Yeah, well, instead, We went to a combination KSC and Taco Bell, but we still run. Fret not their listeners. Also, I guess we need to explain what we mean by this week in running, because we just kind of threw that on everybody. This is a new segment that we're going to be, everything's new, I guess, but this is a new segment we're going to be doing called This Week in Running, where we discuss just exactly how much of.

fat piece of shits we are and have been. Rurning, if anybody don't know, you have not ascertained by the context. Rurn it is, that means that's Southern for

ruining and what we mean by... I don't think we should get shit for not saying that word right. That's annoying to say correctly. Ruining? It's stupid. You have ruined everything. You burnt it. You burnt. It's way better.

Rurnet's harder. It's harder. Anyway. Lord, I've burnt myself stupid, which is pretty much... That's the problem with running. Other than getting fat, you can't think. Right. So, yeah, so what we mean by saying run is that we've earned our...

Well, in my case, my life. And life. Our whole day or whatever. We just, we eat, we're... We gorge. We found her. And we go in. And we're drinking.

Yeah, every meal. Yeah, every single meal. And drinking, too, yeah. Drinking is also burning. We didn't drink just now. Yeah, a minute. We didn't drink just now because we did a Cassidy Taco Bell, but oftentimes ruining also entails running on Acky Hall as well.

Well, in case in point on that, the reason we didn't go to Savannah is we didn't have time because we have to go straight to the show. And the reason that we're running behind is that y'all don't want to get up this morning, and the reason y'all want to get up this morning is because it's runned on the red wine and alcohol. We did. So I got whiskey drunk as fuck last night. We also roared on sandwiches.

We did as soon as we got back. Oh, yeah. Lord. We ate sandwiches off of a goddamn ironing board. I could hear y'all. I bet you could. We was going in. We was naked eating sandwiches.

We were very fat. And like we were disgusted with ourselves. We kept talking about how fat we were. but I kept justified it. I don't remember why how I landed on this or whatever but I kept justifying it by

talking about like, well, I mean Brian Denahy, he still has. He had a good career, you know, whatever. So you were thinking of people who you thought were large, who had careers in the entertainment industry, and you were giving yourself permission to run based upon their careers.

Trey ate a second sandwich and right before he was putting it in his mouth, he said, I was only ever going to be a character actor anyways, and then just shoved a fucking sandwich in his mouth. What's funny is when he started talking about, as soon as he mentioned Brian Denahey, I calmed me down. I was like, oh, yeah, man, hell yeah, Brian.

The other thing that's hilarious about that is, y'all are already character actor fat. Yeah. We know, yeah. That's true. God damn it. No, that's bad. But we just ate, we just tried the new, I mean, this ain't going to count as an ad.

Oh, really don't matter to the podcast. We just tried the new, what's it called? Georgia Gold. Georgia Gold chicken from KFC, and it's got the well-read stamp of approval, I can tell you that. It's like a honey mustard barbecue sauce that they put over their fried chicken, and I mean, you know, you'll never believe this. It hits. Yeah, so hard. I got, because it's a combination of Taco Bell KSC, I also got what Taco Bell's new promotional item,

which is a naked chicken chalupa, which is a chalupa in which the shell is fried chicken. It's a shell made out of fried chicken. I ate it, and it was good. I mean, it's an affront to God, but it's a tasty affront to God. You got up to the counter and Trace said, hey, does that have meat in it too? And the lady heard of the front of a young girl, she was like, no, the shell is the meat. Yeah. And that sent us along, like, the way that she said it.

The shell is the meat. And I was like, okay, well, I get that. That is. But can you put some meat in it too? And they did. Yes, you did. Well, Taco Bell is the IKEA of food. Yeah.

Like, they have figured it out. You can rail against it all you want. I mean, their nachos are almost as good as restaurant nachos. They're better. They're like what's wrong and right with the world. Yeah. Everything. You know what I mean?

It's like, we're efficient. We figured out how to do things. but also art is dead. Yeah, and I'll Taco Bell's my shit, man. For sure. Because he is, too. But what, what? Like if you were somebody who wanted to make hitting nachos,

you know, as a, not a chef, I mean, but, you know, just like open up your own restaurant. Wouldn't Junglebell depress you? No. It's like, God, these are $4. They taste great. I can't compete with this. You can't.

I feel like that's how Van Gogh would feel about, like, cat gifts. Right. I mean, like, what? This is what people are at it? It is pretty good, though. Look at it. Yeah, dude, cat gifts. Come on get someone cut my ear off.

Cat Gets are where it's at, baby. What's y'all's least hit nest? Pass poo place for you. What do you dislike the most? Man, that's good. Cigory's like, hey, all have for me, by me. Most of them do hit from. I think it's Sonic.

I love their drinks. I heard that. Yeah, their drinks are great, but, like, food-wise, I would never be like, oh, Sonic, let's go. Who's eating at Sonic? I know. Enough people to where they still keep making food. No, it's because they make $2 a drink

because it literally costs three cents to make those things. Right, but they're great. Because I was like fucking sodas and whatever. Like, I don't even give a shit about their drinks either. Like, I'd never go to Sonic, so I mean, I'm with you on that. Because their food is such. I feel like that's regional. Isn't Sonic regional?

No, I'm actually why. Those dudes, I'm two old boys from UCB. Yeah. Yeah. My mom all hated them. That's funny. She didn't get the irony. Right.

And so she would come on and she would get so mad. Like physically angry. She'd be like, ah, hey, look at these idiots. They're idiots, Drew. What are they even talking about? That's so funny. It was so funny, dude. That was my mom off date thing?

Yeah, she took everything literally little. She thought Dr. Phil was real. You know what I mean? Yeah, my grandma loved Dr. Phil. Like, one time she told me not to buy lottery tickets because, quote unquote, Dr. Phil told her, Dr. Phil told me that they'd scam with the lottery tickets

and nobody wins so don't be buying them, Drew. Like it was her neighbor that told her that. Also, like that's a goddamn hot take from Dr. Phil. Hey, turns out sometimes lottery tickets don't always win. I'm pretty sure he meant.

Are you doing Dr. Phil or me? No, you have done as Dr. Phil, but you have to have a dazil. You do not to fill But you close your nose like them I think she and he meant No one won Do what?

That no one won Like there's never aware So like yeah So I didn't win $77 that one time And fucking Chatsworth Yes I did I want 500 in Minnesota You did

You did I remember that That was awesome I can give y'all a dollar Oh that was a fucking fun night though Was that Minnesota? Yeah That trip it might have been Detroit Detroit. It was Detroit.

That was Detroit. Yeah, because remember I was talking about how the last time I was in Detroit, I won $800 playing blackjack. Detroit hits. That's that night we went to that, speaking of running, we went to that. One time I was in Detroit, man, we got a blow job at a truck stop. We didn't know it was a dude. That does sound like one of my stories. I get blown my dude to a lot.

Where did we eat that night? We ate it some Fermi-ass, chain, Twin Peaks. We ate it Twin Peaks. Yeah. And that's the. know it was like a, like y'all told me before we went in, but I didn't know that, so I've seen those restaurants. I didn't know, I didn't know there was, that was a genre of restaurant. That them and Hooters and, like, but like, that kids can go to.

Like, Hooters is the whole genre now. It is. Twin Peaks, there's another one too. We saw it in the, hell, y'all went in there. Y'all went in there, didn't you, I slept in the car in Phoenix. Yeah, was it, Phoenix. Yeah, was it Phoenix. What was that? It was good. I mean, it was okay. Tilted Kilt and killed or something like that. Yeah, that's a whole thing. theme restaurants I used that one in Knoxville what was it called

the Mexican one it was a Mexican thing of one of those oh shit I bet that La Maracas or something like that those melons

I don't know something that's hilarious it closed down though I guess shit titty's a long

what is that something you had to do my brother should we go out of my that still makes sense

yeah right do you have a knife hope you don't get right My wife called after my brother called and she was going hiking and I asked her if she took a knife with her and then said good luck don't get raped which is not an okay thing to say but I just want y'all to know Corey just didn't come back talking about knife rapes or anything I mean if you're in East Tennessee or in New York somewhere she's at an upstate New York by herself okay yeah no that's a fine thing to say I mean yeah you don't want her to get raped

Of course not. Well, anyway, this we could run. So what were we talking about? We were talking about Dr. Phil. We were talking about Dr. Phil. We were talking about my mom-am-a-law. And we were talking about theme restaurants. She would let you run.

Oh, theme restaurants, yeah. Like Lost Titties and Twin Weeks. Well, we were talking about the Titty theme restaurants. So then there's like, the Dix is a theme restaurant. Isn't there like an off-brand of that? Probably. I've never actually been to one of those because anybody literally I've ever talked to or any review I've ever read is that.

It don't hit. I only want the food to be good, so I don't give a fuck what your little theme is. I know. And I'm saying, they say the food is absolutely terrible. It's almost like I think they try to like make that part of it. You know what I'm like? Yeah, fuck you. We're dicks.

You're supposed to like it, queer, you know, or whatever. Because that's the thing about that, that's so stupid to me. It is stupid. That's the thing about Hooters is like, you know, everybody's like, oh, you only go to Hooters for the girls in the short. I genuinely for years love their wings. I love their wings. If their weight. If their food sucks, I would have never gone to Hooters.

Right. Because if you want to see titties that you can't do nothing with it, I'll just go to a teddy bar. Well, just get a Zaxby's tray and go home and look at porn. You're right. Get some wings and things. Yeah, wings and things and just, you know, wop your deck out on the computer. It's fine. You don't have to go to a restaurant. So, speaking of Zaxby's porn. So Zaxby's hit for y'all. That's fine. It's fine, right? The wings and things are good, too.

I stopped going to Zaxbys. Well, the wood by my old house, because I went there one day, and I was at the time. drive-through and they got boneless fingers and boneless wings. And I asked him, I said, hey buddy, what's the difference between fingers and wings? And he goes,

what do you mean? And I was like, well, there is clearly some difference where they wouldn't be called to different things. And like, is one of them dark meat and one of them's white meat? Is that what it is? He goes, all our chicken's white meat. I was like, okay. So why are they

they're not even priced the same? and what's the difference? He goes, I swear to God, verbatim, he goes, look, bro, one of those fingers, one of them's tenders, what do you want me to tell you? And I so you boycott it? No, I said, so I was like, okay, well, I'd like a 12 piece of the tenders.

Can I get six of them, Buffalo and six of them barbecue? And he was like, he goes, no, you can get two six orders of six if you want. And I said, you know what, buddy, go fuck your skin. self. And I just drove off and never went back to that Zach's You see, the Louisville Redneck here, folks, progressive heroes. Some of y'all boycott Chick-fil-A because of their gay rights issues. I did that too. We boycott for a week because they will not tell us the difference between Tenders and,

wait, we can't we? That dude died and then the sun came out and was like we like for gays. Tell me that's true. Did I dream now? Is that something I wanted to be true? I hope. But dude, I go there. And I did the little boycott. I did. It was great. whatever, but then their chicken's so goddamn good. It transcends hate. My friend Matt, who is gay,

told me I'll suck a dick in a parking lot and then go eat your fucking chicken. Look, I want to know. I don't know. I'm not sure. I know that dude died. I'm pretty sure literally as soon as he died, his family sold his old ass out of that.

You know, it's funny. I can text my friend Sarah and ask her because she's married to chicken the family. She's, her husband is his grandson. What's funny about that is, like, we were talking about Prince. Prince is, as you guys,

No, or you should. He has died, and his family has sold him out, and put all his shit on Spotify, which he did not want. But heads for us. And there's like, a part of me that's like, eh, they shouldn't have done that. You know, I'll still listen to it, but they shouldn't have done that. But no part of me is like, Chick-fil-A should have sold out that old homophobic.

I'm like, no, I definitely should have sold us that out. Sure. Fuck him. Right. It's just like, as long as you're playing for my name. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. Yeah, obviously, man, that's how everybody is, dude.

So this segment, though, is called This Week in Rurn. And we talked about the last 24 hours. Well, you know, because we didn't have this show then. What other burns have we done this week, boys? Roll that up, baby. I mean, I know. I understand why you rolled it down. Yeah, Corey farted a footlocker in.

We just burned. We burned the other day, didn't we? Yes, was it a day of the week and we were together? Yeah, you're right. We burned last night. Oh, you know what we can talk about? We could talk about late Thursday night at Athens, Georgia. Oh, God.

how it didn't hit. Athens hits for the record. And those two nights really hit. So right. With the drive-by truckers who were doing their yearly, their pro-athens,

the band is, and they do a Ethan's home coming over here. And we were there for that on Thursday, Friday. I hope you were for Friday night. And it, I mean, it was fucking great. They were old.

Yeah, they rocked the shit. But, so after their show on Thursdays, like two in the morning, And it's a college town, though, so we're like, we're hungry as hell, plenty of shit's open, let's go wherever. We were all the way to this pizza spot, and Corey got tractor beam straight into a fucking waffle house. We were arguing with him to not go as we followed him into it. He was like, yeah, I mean, I hear what you're saying. He just kept, he was walking backwards at one point.

It was funny because, like, before that, he had been, me and Drew were sitting back. backstage at the Drive-by Trucker Show because our lives are dope and we do dope shit. And we were sitting back there talking about how fucked up we had accidentally gotten. We're like, dude, oh, God, man, we're fucking ripped. And Corey's like, oh, man, I want to be ripped. I'm not very drunk. I've just been sipping on bears, whatever. He says that.

10 minutes later we leave, we're outside in the street trying to find something to eat. And Corey got, as I term it, he got run over by the drunk. truck. Yeah. The trunk truck came through. Well,

he just went, he flipped a switch and he got hand. I did because I smoked the weed right

before we left. And I was like this would kick this in gear, but it was one of them vape pans of high octane fucking weed.

And man, oh my God. Yeah, I appreciate you, Scott. I got torched. God damn, I was hammered.

Yeah, so anyway, we go into that Waffle house and they're packed, but this dude, we basically stood there

and watched this I finish his mail. We were just staring at him and Cors was like, you about done, buddy? And he's like, yeah, yeah. And it was like, okay. And then we just keep looking at him. He's like, God. I don't have hated us.

Oh, yeah. But we weren't like glaring at it. Like we wanted to fight. We were just drunkenly like, please, we want to sit down. We can't stand much longer. Exactly. And so he got up and left. His plate was sitting there. And we sat down. and some of y'all might have seen this because Drew Facebook lived it, but this was real and unplanned. We sat down there and Corey was so hammered and so hungry.

We just crossed into South Carolina. Scoo! He started, Corey started eating the food that that dude left on his plate. The toast specifically. And me and Drew were like, bruh, we're in the Waffle House. Like, give it a minute, you know, whatever. And he was just like, no, toast hats. He ate a stranger's toast off a stranger's pot.

That guy hadn't eaten it. He hadn't eaten any of it, though. But he had eaten everything else on that plate, that the toast was sitting on. Sure. Right. So, like, he clearly moved that toast around and shit. Okay, whatever.

But Corey kept me, he kept going, like, it's perfectly triangular. And what I mean by that is there weren't a goddamn bite out of it. I know. I just somehow said it the dumbest way possible. So this guy, this dude was sitting behind us in the same. the next booth over. Turns out he didn't even know these chicks. So he was being awful because he was sitting at this booth with these four ladies.

And, you know, he's sitting there trying to hit. And he don't hit. And he don't hit as drunk douchebags are wont to do. And he heard Corey railing about toast and he turned around and said something about toast. He's like, yeah, man, he took fucking toast or whatever. And then he turns around and he's still right there. Like Corey's head is right by his head. He's like, y'all see?

You all hear that? Fucking Billy Ray Cyrus's testicle just told me it was our eyes. I know that dude that had to hear you say. I know for a fact that one of the women heard him because she looked and laughed. He looked like Billy Ray Cyrus's testicle. He did. Yeah, but I still got it. I mean, yeah, that was hilarious.

But, okay, here's the not-hidden part. They never served those. We sat there for 20 minutes and they wouldn't come sorry of us. And I wonder, was that because we were so hammered and loud? It's a wild. house. No, it was. No, it wasn't.

They were slammed, dude. No one even said, we'll be with you in a minute. They just straight up ignored us. Yeah, to trust me, we're in a college town. There were drunker people than us that had been in there that night. I mean, I've been glad to agree with that, too. I don't believe that anyone drunker than Corey was anywhere outside. Well, there was worse people than me drunk.

Okay, you're right. God damn it. I suck. I'm the worst. I don't know why y'all bring me on this fucking tour. I mean, you were hitting. I do hit. You being shitty and drunk and got nothing to do with being funny.

Yeah, that's right. So we left. They weren't in service. We lived and we went to, we yelped it, and there was a place called DP Does or something like that. Was it DP? Yeah, DP and Breadholes. Which hit for me because, you know.

It was a Calzone and Wing place. That's how it's built. That's like there are two things. And we got all the wings. We ordered wings of what. There's Redneck girls in this truck. Hell yeah. We ordered all the wings.

Hell yeah, skew! What if they recognized you, Trey, and shot you? That would be cool. Not while I did. I missed that last part. Hey. They're probably very confused right now. They are.

God damn it. What was we talking about? I don't know. I'm dumb. We were talking about the wing and cows on the spot, and we ordered all the wings. We ordered wings, and that took 45 goddamn minutes. And Corey, I mean, we were all right. We were all pissed.

Corey was walking around looking for leftover pizza crusts. I was. He tried to buy a meal for $20 off a dude who had just got done paying $8 for it, and the dude refused. I did do that, too. And then it finally came, and we'd also got some loaded tater tots, and the cheese was like old and cold or whatever. And Drew was like, this cheese ain't even fucking melted, dude.

And the guy took it back and... I had it 30 seconds later, and it wasn't any warm back. Right, yeah. But I had put food in my mouth by then, so I was nicer to him. Now, those, those wings were pretty, pretty all right, I thought. They were nothing to write a little about. They goddamn ice cream pissed me the fuck off. We were all stoned, and that's how you know that ice cream was terrible.

Dude, that's the worst ice cream I've never had in my wife. I was fucking high of marijuana and didn't like ice cream. When does that ever happen? Well, it wasn't even ice cream. It was a frozen dairy dessert. Posen dairy dessert. It's some Monsanto bullshit. That sounds like a Jetsons thing.

Yeah, that's what it did not. Well, anyway, we have reared this week properly, but we ate at the National. It's a restaurant downtown Athens. That was great. That was real good. With Patterson for the drive-by truckers and his wife and some other of our friends. And that was a really good meal. That was a fan. We had that hanger steak.

We had that trout. We got a salad because no wild woman. It's flounder. Was it flounder? I got what? Oh, salad. Yeah, but I also had some of your flounder and some of Trace steak. And I also ate like three of them goddamn stuffed peppers.

And then we had them stuffed peppers. They were like crab meat and lobster meat and mashed potatoes. They were pretty far. They were typically for us. Yeah, the national is very good joy in Athens. Those dates were awesome too. Oh, yeah. Stuff dates.

I thought you meant like days of the week. No. We have roared pretty good. We didn't do no. Okay, so Friday we reared separately. I roared in my hotel room. What did I do? You all were burnt at walkers or whatever it was.

Oh, Lord, I did run. We went to the spot called the place. Then we went to this place, Walkers. And they had their whole thing is coffee and a bar. And we took them up on that offer. We did. We had espresso and liquor. Oh, it was awesome.

It was. And we got supremely drunk again. What to do? So that was Friday. Saturday was yesterday. We were driving most day. We ate chicken express yesterday. That was good.

It was all right. I don't think we had to tell them everything we've eaten. I like it. I know, but I'm just, I like, I'm also just, I'm going through it, reminded myself. It is called This Week in Rurning. Yeah, but that's because our show is weekly. Why, I know? I'm going to tell them about all the Rerner.

If we did some Rurin on a goddamn Tuesday, I'm not going to just not talk about it because we're doing the podcast on Friday. Like that. You're right, by it. I think this segment, much life, our hope of ever having abs is over. Yeah. Okay. So what else is going on then, Drew? Well, should we swing back into some politics?

No. Well, first, let's plug some shows. I'm burnt. We're going to put this one out this week. Is that right? Yes. Torrey, what we got coming up, buddy? Oh, God.

We're going to Largo on March 9th. That one's sold out, though. That's the thing. We're going to Salt Lake City, March 10th. We added a show to that, did we not? Yeah, we did. So we still got tickets for March 10th at Salt Lake City. I'll tell you what's sold out.

Okay, yeah, we got Largo sold out Salt Lake City on March 10th. We have added a show. Oklahoma City. We added a Sunday show. We added a Sunday show, so an extra date. So that'll be March 19th. We're going to stick around. Also, Bentonville, Arkansas on April 1st.

We added an April 2nd show to Bentonville, Arkansas. Bittonville heads. Bittonville heads. Last time we were there, I had to drive 10 hours home because we got fucking snowed in. March 31st, we're in Oxford, Mississippi. We got a book event that day at 4 p.m. We do. We got a book.

Oh, well, we also have a book. The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark, available where books are sold. Buy that shit. It has rave reviews on a place called the Internet. Yeah, 4.8 out of 5 stars, baby. We found out that was out of 10. We just fucked it up. It ain't, though.

But, yeah, it's not. We hit. Oh, and a big thing, this is, we've been getting a lot of people tell us we need to come to Huntsville, which we've been once, right? Kind of. You weren't on that show. No, I wasn't. Oh, I went and got drunk.

Yeah, you did. June. He was on. June. Yeah, hell yeah. He was in a literal spaceman outfit. I dressed up like an astronaut and got drunk. He put it on.

Before he put it on, I saw it. I looked at train and I said, Corey will wear that before the night is over. And you were on stage. You were on stage. I was backstage. And Corey, I hadn't said to worry to him about it. I turned out and look at Corey just walks out of there wearing that goddamn space outfit. June 1st, 2nd.

Nothing I like more than being right. There's nothing he likes more than hitting. Yeah, that's true. That will double wham. June 1, 2nd, 2nd, and 3rd, we. at the new stand-up live in Huntsville, Alabama, doing a full weekend. Full weekend. We got five shows.

I can't wait for that. We will run. You want to go do some rocket shit? Yes. I want to do some space videos. Space videos. I want to put Corey on a rocket. That would hit for me.

I want to put Corey one of the big gyroscope things or whatever. I'm going to take the hell out of the way. Dude, I'll pute. Yeah, he don't puke on me, as he has done before. Anyway, I'm a lot of. Good weekend running that we didn't never get to. Corey puked on Tray's face once, and that was hilarious. I was going to say that.

I got to see it. And it was all red wine, too. It was only on happy face. I haven't had kids yet, but I think it's always going to be the greatest moment of my life. I know it will be. I've never seen Drew that happy or just happy. Oh, I'm happy, Lord. Wait, get them at wellred.com.

Wellredcom. Yeah, well-red comedy.com. That's R-E-D. Spelled like this podcast. Oh, right. Well, red. Yeah, they should at least. Well, well-red.

Comedy.com for all those tickets, the book, we got merch, we got shirts. There ain't no tickets, but I'm certain Trey wants to tell you guys. I'm opening for Jason Isbell in March, March 15th, and Anaheim and March 16th at the House of Blues in fucking Las Vegas, baby. That's going to be. That will hit. So awesome. I'm going to drive, I'm going to fly out there, get hammered, fly back to Buffalo, get hammered with my friends, because that's the opening weekend of the March Madison. Which is a tradition that me and my friends have.

I can't wait to review that on this weekend running until everybody about Black Friday. I can't wait to eulogize you when you aren't able to do that because you're dead. All right, you guys, so you can tell people what to say. And then I fly back to Oklahoma for three shots. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That is going to be fantastic. Yeah, no, I'm going to fly out.

And I get out straight from Vegas to Oklahoma City and then home to die for a week, I assume, which I feel like doing right now. God damn, we have got to stop. Well, we can't stop ruining now because we've just introduced any segments. We owe it to our fans to run. That's going to be our new. First, it was Denahey. Then the whole list.

Well, this one makes a little more sense. We owe it to our fans to get... Oh, fuck yeah. You're going to drink that whole fucking bottle, aren't you? Well, hang on. No, it's fine. Pepo Bismol's what we're talking about. All right, so...

That's my second. Honestly, they ate a lot, buddy, but you can have. Thank you. There are a couple more things than I want to talk about because it's going to be prevalent. You know, still in the media when we put this out on Wednesday. There's two things. Number one, Donald Trump had a campaign rally in

Florida. Yeah. Yeah. While they're rallying. Yeah. They're rallying. Y'all.

The game is over, dog. I mean, that's what the Nassies did. And I see to say, unless you're trying to play

a different game. Right, yeah. That's, that, honestly, I feel like I'm underestimating him because that scares me except I'm like,

yeah, but it's Trump. He can't figure out how to be a dictator. He figured out to be president, Drew, you fucking idiot. Yeah.

Well, poop figured out how to make him president. Still, that's another way dictators get made. How much of Putin, I'm sure this may have been covered. How much of Putin being...

I'm Putin a lot. Most of the time I'm pooping. We stay Putin. How much of his name being Putin, although I don't know what that means in Russian, is why he became the way he is. He means Deathhammer. Yeah, I was going to say a fucking bear raper or something. Vladimir Deathhammer. Poot.

You all are saying that picture I know you have because I used to put it, I used to send it to you guys in text messages. Him sure. All the time of him waving at that bear. It ain't real, but it's like. It's just four panels. The first one is him, just his face, and the next one is just a bear sitting in a field.

And the third one is pooping with his hand up like this. And the fourth one is the bear waving back. Yes. I don't know why, but it destroys me. No, it's funny. That one of him shows on a horse, which has no doctoring to it destroys me. He's weird, though, right? They all are, dude.

Well, that's kind of weird. They're short or tiny-handed or tiny dick or all that. I didn't realize this, but the Internet for the last two to three years has been slowly somehow endearing. us to Putin. Accidentally? Accident. We're not.

Maybe, maybe not accidentally. Maybe, that's what I'm saying. There's a fucking conspiracy. Maybe, maybe they have been. Putin memes that made us, because we don't want to be, they don't want us to be afraid. I refuse to believe.

It's like, it's like a earworm. They've just been slowly fucking and then all of a sudden this happened. And we're like, well, Putin, he's the one that rides, you know, horse a show. My papal did that. That hits.

I've seen too many black people Twitter hits about Putin to buy that because I can't buy that Russians could emulate hitting black people on the internet. No, but if they start it and then hit black people pick it up and run with it and make it great. Or they pay them to do it.

You right. I don't know if anybody out there listening ever fucks with Black people Twitter on Reddit. Or just any source for it brus on the internet. Right, it's great. It's the best thing on there. Yeah. They are so much

those guys are so much funnier. And gals. I'll see some female tweets and stuff on there sometimes, but they are so much funnier than we are. I just always thought that their boyfriend was like, here by me tweet this one. Lord. That ain't going to have. No, it won't. I'm sorry. It's a joke. God damn it.

Nah, you miss that. Yes. And then the other thing, Donald, or fucking John McCain just said, in response to a question, what about what Trump's doing with bashing the media, McCain said, and I quote, that's how dictators get started. John McCain just said that about our president. Yeah. John McCain, who a lot of Trump supporters really liked not that long ago. He needs to keep that shit up, man. That's wild. I mean, that's going to be a big headline. Trump's going to respond because you know how he is. McCain knew that.

McCain knew that when he said that Trump will respond to this and it will get play in the media. Like, he might have something planned. It's getting wild as hell out there. Immediately. Yeah. Immediately. It was all. As a matter of fact, get on Twitter right now, Doreen, see if Donald Trump ain't tweeted about it. what John McCain hit hit. I will do that.

Y'all continue to hit while. I mean, man, I need to get back to shooting the gun. Hell yeah. I feel like I need more target practice, Ray. Yeah, but I, you know, I'm pretty good with a shotgun, most rifles. You talk about when the revolution come? Or just like needing to, you know, find food because our entire society has broken down. That's another thing, man.

The people who caused all this are the most equipped to survive it. About Red Decks. Yeah. Well, and just Republicans in general. I don't know. A lot of Rists. Republicans who voted for Trump, they're going to die quick. Without a doubt, dude. Eat the rich,

baby. Eat them. I'm not seeing him say anything about McCain. All right, well, what is he saying? This is on real Donald Trump. He's got two Twitters. Well, yeah, the POTUS one. Yeah, but that one, he don't go in as hard on that one, I don't think, does he?

I have no idea, actually. I don't know either. Nothing heads. Man, we live in a hologram, don't we? Yeah. But, no, man, if to make the, see, I think. This is like the potos. The Matrix ain't real because,

God, why would you program this? Because they let a 12-year-old start playing the game. They let it get out of hand. This is a 12-year-old alien up there playing right now. I don't know what I did. Only he was like, beep, boom.

No, it's that, was that what Elon Musk says? Like, it's generating itself. Like, they, you know, they started this algorithm or whatever, and then it's just gotten the fuck out of hand. What? Corey went, you know, it's like Elon Mess who said,

you know, it's like there's an algorithm or whatever. things skipping all the park. You are Charlie Day. No. It's an algorithm. I'm just saying that would explain. I'm just saying that would explain. We don't know.

But listen, all I can do is be me. I want some cheese. Okay. That is very funny. But what I'm saying is, it's like you go, well, there's no way this is a simulation because who the fuck would do this?

It's like it started simulating and then it got put on autopilot. You know what I mean? That implies to me that it's only going to get crazy er. Yeah, don't hit. Don't hit. Elon Musk, obviously, he's real life Tony Stark.

That guy hits like a brother-fucker, but like... He might be an alien. I think he, uh, he might be the one who has done all this. He's insane, right? Sure. Like, he has to be. You literally have to be that guy. But like brilliance looks like stupidity to dumb people or whatever that thing is.

Like, when someone's really smart, it's... Well, you know what I'm saying? Like, when someone's like super, super, super smart and you go, well, there's no fucking way... It's like, yeah, we just can't. our brain don't work the same way as Elon Musk, so he might say some wild shit, but he's only one of the right.

Plenty of super, super, super smart people who think that that's bullshit. All this feels like a fucking video game. You got a dude named Trump, like Trump card, who is the Bond villain, as we have discussed. You have? I got a pause. Pause for something. Okay, well, go.

No, it's like we got Elon Musk. That sounds like something somebody made. up. He's the science, dude. Elon sounds science. You got Trump, who's the Trump card villain. You got these MI6 James Bond motherfuckers trying to take it down. You got Jefferson Beauregard sessions that, you know, again, I've said it before.

It sounds like if you made up a racist, that would be going too far. You got John McCain, the most American name you've ever heard of. And a literal fucking war hero. Wrapping himself in the flag. Now I'm going to stand up to a dictator. God damn it, man. I don't really like what you're doing right now. We are a comic book. We are a really pretty hit in a hologram.

And a nerd alien, a nerd alien wrote us. You know, I think you could do that at a lot of different times about history, though, man. Shut up, Tray. We've done it with history. But like, it's half, like, you can do what you just did, but with Churchill and Hitler and fucking, I kind of think, Aldi Murphy and all that.

It was a fucking comic book. Well, I kind of think what, I can't be that as much. Yes. Yes. Elon Musk, Jefferson Bougar, session. They had literal mad scientist back then, man. Yeah, but their name was the Oppenheimer.

That's wild as fuck. Okay, but I think what Drew's saying is like, that's wild as fuck. I think what Drew's saying is like, usually it's like in... Cuckold Landing. In retro... Hey, Cuckold Landing, we're going about Cuckold Landing right now. That's where all the cucks live. Hilarious.

Usually it's like in retrospect we see all that shit, but like we're just seeing it unfold in front of our face, and it's so clearly a goddamn comic book. Yeah, also, Goebel's by a very normal name in German. German being the evil scientist came from that. right like we decided that Corey well like Hitler wasn't always a bad word Corey basically just made the argument

that people during World War II didn't think that shit was pretty wild that's not what I mean that is not what I mean I feel like people thought it was wild when it was happening sure that's not what I mean though but what Drew's saying is

it's cartoonishly wild yes it's cartoonishly wild with the name Trey you cannot tell me Al Switz is not fucking insanely egregiously wild. All that shit.

It's wild. It's not cartooning. It's not cartoonishly wild that a racist person gets to be the head of the Department of Justice. But that his name is Jefferson Boudregaard Sessions.

Sounds like a cartoon. Yeah. Trump card. There wasn't no Hitler card before Hitler. This is the wildest time in my living memory in America. Why does Elon sound science to me? But this is like, this is a

pet peeve of mind, man. People have like a recency bias with that kind of shit. Nobody gives a shit about your pet peeve. That does not. I don't give a shit about your theory. I know, but you're wrong. No, I'm not.

I'm not arguing that it's not wild. I'm saying human history is fucking wild. I completely agree. I'm not talking about human history. I am not talking about this being a weird time in human history. You are right. We have had dictators. We've had mad scientists.

We've had fucking brave Americans. I'm saying everyone's name sounds like a 13-year-old wrote them for the role. That is wild. That has not happened before. Adolf was not an evil name until. Adolf Hitler made it. Trump card sounds like something you do just fucking end to a two-party democracy system of America. Trump. Elon Musk

sounds like a dude who's going to invent space time travel, which is what he's doing. It's wild that a racist name is Jefferson Buregard Sessions. You will not convince me of otherwise. It's wild. Do. Wild. That all hit for me so hard. Motherfuckers used to be called Alex the Great. And they would like conquer the entire.

We named him that after. He was calling himself that at the time. But so was 15 other motherfuckers who got beat by him. But Trump, just his literal God, like his given name, like nobody made that shit up. Like Alexander the Great, he had an ego. Actually, someone did. It was drunk. It was drunk. They did make it up.

That's true. That's true. God. Then he became president. Lord. Lord God. It's weird. We all going to burn. If Stephen, Steve Bannon's name is the only one that don't fit my theory.

Bannon? I don't know. Bannon sounds like a fucking Marvel villain. name should be like Admiral X or something. Right. Instead of fucking liver spot-face Jones. He looks like the model for that Davy Jones. Has someone else made that comparison?

I don't know, but we can do. I think somebody has. Steve Bannon. What are you talking about? Pallets of the Caribbean? Steve Bannon. Steve Bannon looks like when you open a box of pizza, but all the cheese has stuck to the top.

It's a little bit more. Nothing hits less than that. Yeah, nothing gets to him. He is that. Kelly Ann Conway looks like if a character from a Tim Burton film went into politics. I agree with that, but then some part of her. Man, that's perfect. That's exactly what she looks like.

She absolutely does. Corey, I think I know what you're about to say. It's just that she's blonde and has opinions. That's why you're attracted to it. You're 100%. And I'm not, she is about how she hit for him? No. I wonder what it could be.

Yeah, she's the worst, but like, you know, I don't know. Yeah, she tells people they're wrong and she's blonde. You have a weakness for that. Yeah, I date one of them. Tell me I'm wrong all the time and be blonde. I love you, baby. I'm married to one of those. Yeah, they hit.

Boys. I'm married to if a dream catcher became a person. And I love you, baby. You saw all my dreams and captured them. I literally just about passed out. You ever last so hard. You see stars. It's like the same as if you get hit in the head.

Yeah. I just happened to me. I love it. I killed me. Lord Jesus. Even when I hit, I hurt Corey. You do. That's all you do.

Oh, my God damn. Well, boys, are we getting out of here? I don't know. We're rolling into, we're rolling into Charles. Oh, how we still got like 30 miles. We got like 40. Oh, damn it. We can keep hitting.

I got a poop. It's going to distract me. Okay, so you're going to stop. That's fine. This ain't the best way to stop. It's not the best way to stop. He doesn't want to stop. We should stop.

Let's just stop. This is like trying to get off the phone with my me, mom. Well, what next? Like, okay, all right, love you bye, okay. That really was. Did you talk the page? The only positive thing about my grandma used to call. Sorry, Cory, go ahead.

No, I was just going to say the only positive thing about my granny being dead is now I don't have to do that anymore. Well, it's funny you say it that way, and I know you're just trying to hit, but my mom-in-law used to call. It was so annoying. She would call, she would talk to you for like five minutes. She'd be like, what do you do? And you'd say nothing or whatever. And she'd be like, well, Tom Jobs came by the other day. Oh, yeah, man.

And he was telling me that up there down there in Warburg, they got meat on sale. Yes. I watched Dr. Fitz, and just like, and she wouldn't stop. And it would be a contest me and my brother would have if we don't talk. How long would she stand the phone before she asked for my dad or said, well, I'll let you go. I miss that so fucking much. I wish to God she could call me right now and just talk about nothing for six straight minutes. It's like, well, I'm up here in the afterlife.

An angel came by yesterday. Down at the tree of life, they got figs on sale. Well, anyway, I didn't want nothing. Yeah, obviously, you know, I'm meeting the same thing. I miss. I would love to do that too. That's funny, you say you had a contest. I just realized, as I'm about to say this, this is one of them stories y'all are going to make fun of me for.

But there was this girl that we, my mother. There was this girl who was going to train with the girls in the train room. We got to this. Really? We got to call the crash test. I mean, it's turning a whole story into the crash down. Keep going, Gordon. Okay, so anyway.

This girl who? Yeah, so we, uh, me and my buddy told us she lived like it. She was in another state away, but he got her phone number at a party or something. And he's like, uh, yeah, she's like, he gave her out a state phone number to another boy at school. And when? Okay. And so. We finally called her.

Go ahead. All right. So, anyways, he was, he was, he was like. This girl, she'll call and you can talk dirty to her, and we're like, well, that's a new concept. You know, that's wild as hell. But he goes, but dude, she won't shut the fuck up. She'll just, like, keep talking. Like, we were talking when I was like, this girl ain't talking dirty.

She'd just keep talking, and she would never shut up. So we would leave the phone, like, on the bed, on speaker, and I'd go downstairs, eat a bowl of cereal and come back up, and she was still sitting up there talking. And this is the part that's so wild as hell. We found out later that she had Down syndrome, and my buddies and idiots. Oh, my God. Well, that took a fucking turn. I know. But I didn't know.

You and your buddies used to call and dirty talk. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Hell, I forgot about that part by the end. No, no, no, no. See, that actually didn't. Now, he may have whatever.

Once. I never, I never dirty talk. We'd just call him, be like, what's up? How's it going? Had to ride a different bus than a other kid to school. And when. On the phone we called her, she

dirty talk to a middle-ly-recorded girl. Well, somewhere on the spectrum. She didn't by understand all the last thing we said. Lord Jesus Christ. So y'all are so gross. No, dude, but I never done to talk to her. What I'm saying, she'd just be going on and on talking about. Yeah, so anyways.

Somebody did. At one point, yeah, fair enough. Also, he got her phone number at a party. How did a girl who was mentally challenged go out of state to a high school party? Dude, the whole thing was weird to me. I'd really have to call her at Robbie. It's not Rob, not that, not our Robbie, a different Robbie. Although, no, Robbie was with me.

No, Robbie was with me. Trying to protect the guilty. No, I'm not, dude. Fuck that. I would absolutely if it was Robbie Lee Lee. Right, back, back, back. Keep going. But I remember Robbie was with us.

We'd call her and go downstairs and eat cereal and come back up and she'd still be talking on the phone. But you've got to be. and called her as a group clearly clearly y'all were planted like come on Corey what's y'all say to her i'm not i'm not nothing ever happened as hey what's going on here's a girl we it's told us that she was hot and we just like talking to girls on the phone sure we didn't have no self this is all landline she has sure and so we just talked to her about maybe we'll meet up with her and she seems kinky and then she just go on and on about stuff that i didn't understand but like butt sex No.

No. When you first called her, she first picked up, you called her for that purpose. So, like, surely you said a little bit of that. No, we literally were just like, hey, this, I swear to God, it was just like, hey, whatever. Stephanie, this is Corey. We got your number from our friend Robbie. He said we could talk dirty to you. Wasn't even that.

Wasn't even that. Just, hey, what's going on? I don't know what's happening. I'm talking to a girl who Robbie has given me this number. And then, you know, then we find out through, I don't know how we found out that you. We can't quite explain how we got your phone. But yeah, then she had Downton, Roman Ice cereal while we was on the phone with her. We're going to go back and end where we said, hey, we're going to end now.

We're going to put this out and everyone's going to freak out. And I want everyone to realize we are making fun of a group of teenagers who did a ridiculous thing that teenagers do. It's a real story. It happened. Stop pretending like being PC means that, you know, retired people don't exist. They do. They do. And if you call them, you can talk, I talk dirty to them.

Also, no. I mean, dude, hey, listen, if you really want to think about it, for a while. I don't really want to think about it too. Well, I don't want to think about this. Oh, Corey. I know that y'all was innocent kids. But something about you and who you are, because you still have that twinkling your eye like you're still an innocent kid. Like, when I see this in my head, it's you that I know doing it.

Oh, right. Not an innocent kid. So, like, you that I know is like, we're going to call this girl and talk dirty to her. And you just have no one. idea that she's on the spectrum or whatever the situation was. Yeah, no idea. Yeah, we never was like, let's talk about it. You did nothing wrong, but thinking about it makes me feel like it was wrong. Uh-huh. You know, I agree with that. Well, you know what? I believe we go out on that and we got that. All right, go well-read comedy. Well-readcom. That's where you can lodge

your complaints with the Americas with Disabilities Act. All right, we'll see y'all next time. Thank you.