wellRED podcast - #301 - Waving At Strangers + Kanye West & Mental Health

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

This week the boys talk about 2 stupid encounters Corey had in the park, which led them to shitting on Corey a bit. Then they ask the question many have asked.... is there any coming back for Kanye?WE ARE AT ZANIES IN NASHVILLE DECEMBER 15-17 GET TICKETS AT WELLREDCOMEDY.COMCheck out Corey's new stuff over at PartTimeFunnyMan.com.... if you cant afford the 5 bucks a month, email [e-mail] and he'll take care of you no questions asked!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

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language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app,

lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that in response to?

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the they're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a fun.

They're the River rednecks That makes some people upset But they got three big old dicks That you can suck Dren before you got on here We're talking about how Right now I got

What me and Drew have diagnosed As a thick throat Which is like You know how your spit be When you've been eating sour candies a lot And it's like thick and syrup I think frizz. You froze up for me, baby.

I did. Yes, I'll say it again. Do you know how you're spit and like how it be when you eat like a bunch of sour candies and it's like syrupy spit and you just and you can't quite hock it up? It's like you don't have a thick throat. Yeah, because I don't have a sore throat. My throat ain't sore either. My throat ain't sore either, but I've been doing Patreon videos today and I keep like going. I keep having to go like,

mm-hmm, me too. It's because we talked so much over this weekend. Yeah, that's true. I sometimes forget that that's a thing. And we didn't do anything for it. Like,

so we just recorded a whole bunch of episodes of putting on theirs all together like we do. So we talked a lot over the course this weekend. And like people that use their throats, smart ones know that you're supposed to like take care of your throat if you're going to be over-exerting it but we all dumb and trash and don't do that and I've had the road teach me that lesson before I've gotten to I've gotten to points on the road where I was like I don't have fucking boy I've lost my voice and people will be like you want some tea or something and I'm like fucking for what what I'm going to do with tea you know and they're like you know for your throat I'm like fuck you talk about what's sweet tea going to do for my throat no not sweet

tell you dipshit. But anyway, and it does help, but we were here all weekend, and I know I didn't, and I don't think you did either, did no kind of, like, throat protection regimen. So barely drank water. So now you got that, now you got that thick throat. Yeah, it don't hit. Speaking of being on the road and stuff and doing stand-up and supposed to be taking care your throats, I am going to rest my throat from now until December 15th or 17th,

because that's when we're going to be at Zanis Comedy Club in Nashville, doing our home coming shows. I'm super pumped about that. Boys, are y'all, either one of y'all anywhere else between now and then? You want to promote?

No. I'll be at the comedy store. Go ahead. I'll be at the comedy store Monday. I think so. I've got a, I'll be on a show in Santa Monica this Saturday. If anybody's listening to San Francisco wants to come to a place called the Crow.

They got free parking. It's a nice, nice little spot. very artsy. I've been seeing stuff about that. It's not a Trey Crowder show, just so everybody knows. It's just a show that I will be on along with a bunch of other comics. But other than that, no, it's just Nashville.

I got a couple things that I want to talk about today that are in the news, such as Antonio Brown, Kanye, sort of loop that into an overall talk about mental health, maybe the Georgia race. I don't know, but before we get started on that. So listen, you know, okay, the, Georgia Senate race involving Herschel Walker, Kanye West, and Tonyo Brown, right? We're not going to get to all that. I'm about saying, well, I'm just saying, like, I'm glad none of our papas are here is all I'm saying.

Because, yeah, it does seem like we're piling on. Could be a bit of a minefield if a man wasn't as, you know, successfully progressive as all three of us are, of course. we would never imply anything like that. But that is true. I feel like people would be expecting it the whole time, especially pap balls. Are they never going to bring it up? I'd say there's some Papalas in Georgia who are pretty pro Herschel Walker from as a young man until now.

Like he really ain't ever done nothing wrong. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, that's a good point. Before that, I wanted to tell you all something funny that happened to me that I think Drew especially is going to get a kick out of. of this actually it's two separate things that but they're both related did it hurt me my feelings it hurt my feelings really bad uh man so i was the so the first the first one that happened was i you know i walk around the park every day i get my 20 000 steps in that's how i keep my girlish figure and the first thing of this related to this that happened was i was walking by a guy and i

had my headphones in and i just i just wait you know you walk past somebody you wave you drive past somebody. You wave. You just fucking, it's two human beings acknowledging that we exist in the world. Why wave at this dude?

Show me the way. Do what? Let's see the wave. You did the face too. So I was, it's so funny it came up before anybody even. Well, I don't know if I did that.

Before anybody even brought it up. But I was going to say, it's like, when I started working an office job and I passed with people in the hall, I was often, it was a thing for me. I was like, do I, do you wave? And now, and I realize there's the white person face. and that's what you always default to have just

you also nod and yeah you it's like a nod yeah you nod down to a white person up to a black person I think yeah and uh yeah it's like you do a weird sort of frown

because the corners of your lips come down but it's like a it's like the gym on the office look yeah yeah right that's a white person's default face uh so I was going to make sure and bring that face up as soon as you start

talking about this But then Drew said, show me the wave. And your wave incorporated the white person face. It ain't not. Not. It's like your face. It's like your face on a string with your fingers that when you throw the fingers up, it does that. So I just do that.

And then as soon as I do that, like I said, I had my headphones on. And as soon as I do that, out of the corner of my eye, I see this guy turn around. I could inaudibly hear something because I have my headphones on. I turn around. I go, excuse me? And he goes, do I know? you and I go no I go no and he goes well you you just waved at me and I was like where did you say this happened in the park I what in the park in the the the chickamauga battlefield

okay so not it could no not not you've been in LA no no no no no no no this was my hometown and I was just like I just I was just waving he was like oh okay and then that was the end of it which is like whatever do you think it just not just not It would have went the same way? I don't know. Not that it was your fault. I'm just curious what this dude's thinking process is. I don't know if he's got some personality disorder where he takes everything literally.

It's because I acknowledged him that he was like, why would someone acknowledge me if they don't know me? I don't understand this. But like, that's clearly what was going on. But the second one, which was more egregious without question, it was like two days later, walking around the park, see this guy, give him the this, right? I make another, I make another lap, I'm coming back up, I see the same guy. I didn't really realize it was the same guy at first, but as I'm giving him the this, I realize like, oh, this same guy, y'all already said hey to him.

And I did that, and like in a very Larry David way, he goes, you know you don't have to do that again. Right. Was this Drew you ran into something? Is this Drew doing a bit in a costume or something? I knew. Drew put on makeup and went out to the battlefield just to fuck with you or something like that. Because this sounds like a thing Drew would do to troll people to me. I agree.

And I did. How would that be trolling people? He was right. Because you're going to keep passing each other. Yeah. Enough with the wipes. We've waived. Okay.

But I think you do it on three, you bring it up. Two. Like, but again, and I thought he was doing up. I was assuming that this guy was about to hit from me that he was doing a bit. And I go, I go, yeah. And he goes, no, it's just like, we've already done it. Like, you've already waved at me. And I was like, and I was like, yeah, yeah, okay, all right, bye.

And then I walked the complete other way so that I wouldn't pass him again. But like, those were two days apart. Two separate people in Chickamauga did that to me. Oh, that wasn't the same guy. No. Oh. No. No.

But you did pass him twice. No, no, no. The second guy. These were two separate stories. The second guy passed twice, but the first guy that, yeah, no, these are two separate stories, but yeah, I passed this guy 12, but like, these are two separate occasions that happened within two days of each other, and I've never had anything like that happen, and I'm not behaving in a way that's different.

Like, I always, I've passed, I've passed millions of people in the park, what, not, everybody's just like, yeah, we know the deal, whatever. And so, yeah, it was just fucking, it was just weird to me. and I would go with the theory of like, you know, when I'm in my park, it's like somebody might know me and I might not hit for them. But like that wasn't the case, at least on the first guy, because he didn't know if we knew each other or not. You know what I'm saying? So like that theory is out the window. Well, that only that last part of that.

Go ahead, Drew. I think I got a delay. Go ahead, brother. only that last part of what you said I've been dealing with a little bit lately, Corey, you're like, oh, it's my hometown. I think maybe they know me and I don't hit for them or whatever, right? So I've been having to like, because of stuff going on in my family, I've been having to make like phone calls back around, both like Salina, you know,

Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma'am's got dementia, nursing home, all that shit. Yeah, man, that sucks. I'm sorry, dude. having to make a lot of phone calls to the area I grew up in. And like, I hate it, not just because I hate making phone calls, but also because like every time in my head I'll be like, I'm sure I don't hear for this person. I don't.

It's like, there's no. I was like, they're going to know who I am and I don't hear for them and whatever else. And then the other part of my brain will be like. It's like having an ego, but the reverse way. Right. No. So then the other part of my brain, when I think that will be like, try get over yourself, dude.

You're not that big of a fucking deal. Like, especially like if I'm calling someone in Cookville, which is the bigger town near where I grew up, and like, especially if I've got to call someone in Cookville, I'm like, dude,

it's pretty arrogant of you to assume these people are just going to know who you are immediately. Right. But I'm not kidding. Literally, every single time. I just got off the phone with a logger 30 minutes ago. And when she picked up the phone,

And I said, hey, this is Tray Crowder to turn your call. And she goes, you're a famous person. And I was like, no, not really, but yes, I am that guy. I was like, I hope that's okay. And she was like, yeah, whatever. But anyway, like every single time, one of them I talked to was like, then this made me feel like a dick, but it's been 15 years. I wasn't thinking about that way.

One of them was like, yeah, dude, we went to school together. I was at Tech, we used to get drunk together all the time. And I was like, oh, right, it's just every single time. And like, and when it's in Salina, before I even get anything out, Like, this tray, Tammy called you, it's about Wanda, you know, whatever. They're like talking about Uncle Tampage, whatever. Like, they just know the whole family and the whole deal before they even get on the goddamn phone. And it's like every single time.

Every time it got, now, it's never, this is all sort of like business or professional related shit that I'm talking to people about. I'm not just calling to shoot the shit. So, like, you would never. No one has like, you know, nothing weird has happened. Yeah, of course. But my only point. it. My only point is that I'll have the thought, oh, they're going to know who I am and it ain't going to hit. And then I'll have the thought, get over yourself. Not everybody knows who you are.

And then I call them and they know exactly who I am immediately and make a comment about it right off the bat. And it's just a mixture of like, you know, small town. That's just how small township be, especially when you have any kind of like, you know, notoriety or whatever in that area. It's just. Yeah, a similar thing is happening. do be knowing. Yeah, similar thing has happened to me a couple times where there will be a party or something and I'll know, like, they're like, so-and-so's on their way and I'll be like, oh my God, I haven't seen so-and-so in, you know, since pre-hit. And a lot of times, because we've, you know, started, we've always had the same opinions, but my friends never really got mad at me for them until we got successful with them. And then they were like, boo. So I've been like, oh, I don't know how this person it feels about me now, just because we're, We haven't seen each other. And a lot of people that I used to fuck with don't like me as much anymore.

And this has happened twice. And it was the most deflating thing in the world in both situations. I was like, yo, what's up, man? How are you doing? He's like, dude, I'm good. Man, good to see you, dog. And I'm expecting him to now to be like, dude, congrats on everything. All your success.

It's so fun watching you blow up. And they'll be like, so like, are you still doing stand up? And I'm like, God damn. Like, they don't even know to hate me for something. You know what I mean? They even fucking know that shit. Yeah, the ego. That's a hell of a thing.

Yeah. Well, another part of that whole thing is like having not been on, you know, TV and shit lately. You know what I mean? A long time. I was like, yeah, you came out of nowhere. And then all of a sudden you're on TV and you were kind of hot shit. But then you haven't done that in a long time. I'm talking about me and you, I'm talking about all of us.

And so it's like for these people, it's like, you know, you don't hit anymore. Right. Yeah, exactly. I mean, how else would you interpret it? Other than, yeah, you kind of started to hit for a minute, right? But you don't now, right? And that what's going on? You don't hit now? It's literally like when we started, you're still doing that comedy thing? Yeah, yeah.

Like, you have to, like, consistently be in their face on TV for them to stop doing that. I'm upset we move to a general discussion. I'd like to go back to the specifics, if we may for a moment. I like to imagine that that old boy, the second one, has a podcast, and he's having a similar conversation this week where he's like, this fucking guy, and he's saying the same things. He's like, I think he's got some kind of personality disorder or he might have been a little slow. And I feel kind of bad. Like, I feel guilty. Because, like, I think I chided someone who's like, maybe reads on a fourth grade level because he waved.

He just kept waving. And I should have been like, hey, little guy, but instead I was like, what are you doing? What are we doing? but then he talked and like he was definitely a special person um oh speaking of which uh my kid um amber just got back Amber Amber just got back from the doctor and I told you all off podcast but I wouldn't have mentioned it for our fans that the first thing the doctor said to her the other day when they got the 4K scan was does your husband have a big head and then today when she went to get they did like the full body

scan of it and they were getting its vitals or whatever. Apparently my child is trending like very big. Like it's the whole thing. It's just the head. The whole thing. Like, no, the whole thing. Like,

they're like, this is, they're like, this is going to hurt you. Like, this is going to be, this baby is going to be pretty fucking big. Yeah.

So I don't know if it's just going to come out big. And then that, you're that family guy headline. It's like, elephant child, birth by a local woman or whatever it is when Chris was born. that's going to be the next issue of the paper. I don't know if it's going to like just, you know,

because like it's possible to just be a big baby and then you're not otherwise a big person. But like it would be wild if I had like some six foot eight kid. That'd be crazy. I was a pretty big baby. How big were you all, you know? I think I was over. I think I was like six and a half pounds.

Yeah, I was like close to 10 pounds. I was like nine pounds. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And so I'm pretty big-ass baby. And I'm, you know, I'm fat and don't hit and stuff, but I'm not gargantuan. But I do have a freak. I got freakishly sized hands and feet and stuff like that.

So my size is sort of all over the place and has been my whole life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got a move like a Rottweiler puppy. He does. Or like a basset hound with the ears flapping. Or like a kid that just put.

on his dad's shoes. You know, Trag kind of has that walk about him. I had a cousin who weighed 14. And he's not a small man, but like, you know, he doesn't walk into a room and go, damn. I mean, my nephew, Jake is bigger than him by quite a bit. 14. Yeah, 14. That is like two babies.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure they had to do the surgery. I think they were like. C-section? Yeah, I think they were like, you're not. No one should have. have to do this. So are there, we could just ask a woman or I could look it up, but I would rather not do either of those things.

Or no, because you're about to do it. Yeah, right. A C-section, is there like some health risks that are associated with doing it that way? There have to be right, because otherwise, why wouldn't you just do that? Probably more expensive to just do it, but also I would imagine surgery in general carries some risk in general. Yeah, right. Anastasia.

Surgery just. Yeah, because otherwise they just do that. I feel like, uh, and that's, well, I'm a pussy, so I would just risk it. Yeah,

I would risk it. That's me. One thing that I've learned just from having these conversations with Andy, uh, in, you know, in the theoretical sense,

because she's not pregnant yet. Uh, lying on their backs was just like, so the doctor could see what they's doing. It is apparently pretty doggy established that it's worse for the mother and the child. And no one cares. Yeah, you're supposed to do it.

Doggy, that's like, better. If things start to get, if things are not going, like, ideally, the first thing they'll do is tell them to flip over on all fours. And Mike's. I guess it depends on what's happening, but, like, we had issues with the boys' heart rate. I thought you had a second opposite. Both times, there was a very mild issue. It ended up being nothing where it's like, oh, the baby's heart rate is dropping.

And I've never been more terrified in my life both times. Like, I was scared as far. fuck, but it ended up being not big of a deal, but both times when that happened, they, like, told Katie to flip over and get, get off of her back and get on all fours because that helped somehow, and I guess it did help somehow. So it makes you wonder, like, why they wait to do that. But I don't know. I think his feet, I think I'd rather just like flat ass on my back than have to be up on my hands and knees. Yeah, right. But we should take a break uh yeah so anyways my baby is huge i'm what i wanted to talk about and again

i was going to say like you ain't said a word about you know these fucking crazy lunatics who happened to be black and has nothing to do with it but uh yeah we're we're it does it because it doesn't i know i know i'm not being ironic it doesn't have anything to do with it no i know no i know i'm just agreeing with you knowing how that still sounds um the demand the main one that I wanted to talk about was that like, so of the person who takes the crazy cake this week,

I mean, you have to give it up to Kanye for going on Alex Jones in a black morph suit and talking about how much Hitler hits. Yes. And I was like 10 days ago. But, but okay, but my point is, that was so, that was

so crazy that Antonio Brown was in a standoff with the motherfucking cops and that is just completely relegated to the sidelines. I thought that got like sort of like not debunked, but like that like they came to arrest him. He was like I ain't coming out and then he did. Like was it actually a standoff? I guess is what I'm asking.

Was it actually a standoff? I never heard how it, you know, ended up, which I would like to know. So it just nothing really happened. Y'all chat away and I will look that shit up because I have to know too. because, I mean, I thought that the article was like Antonio Brown, even the article that I read the headline of. Antonio Brown. Yeah, I mean, I think they went to arrest his ass, and he was like,

fuck y'all. And they were like, does he have a gun? And somebody who knows him was like, he's got like 10. But I'm pretty sure that it kind of just ended. I don't think it was like a real standoff. But I could be wrong. Well, I mean, they clearly didn't shoot him. Otherwise we would have heard about, okay.

Former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver, Antonio Brown has a warm. out for his rest for battery charges and has reportedly locked himself inside the house. He's now engaged in a standoff with local police who were trying to get him to come out of the house by speaking with him via a megaphone. Okay, so this was obviously written right after it happens. But like, you know, it's clear. He's basically putting that article out and no updates.

Well, that's a good day's work. Time for dinner. Yeah. Wait, okay. Hold on now. Hold on now, Drew. Now, I don't know how reputable this sports side is. It's called SportsKedia.com, but it says Antonio Brown and the police were never in a standoff over Mr.

Meanor charges. Fact-checking report. Antonio Brown's 22 just went from bad to worse, and a few hours earlier this week, the police issued a standoff, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then it says here, that being said, several reports spoke of a standoff between police and Antonio Brown. But I guess that didn't. I don't know.

This is very weird. It doesn't make sense that not much happened. Otherwise, we would hear about it. Right. Because I just went and looked on, looked up Antonio Brown on Twitter like now to see if there's any newer shit. And it's all,

it's mostly just people talking about like making the same point you made Joe where it's like, Kanye went so nuts today that Antonio Brown been in a standoff with police for 12 hours, nobody even gives a shit. 12 hours. Antonio Brown's showing Kanye the ropes on how to fuck your life up, you know, stuff like that. It's all just jokes about the two of them, but I didn't find this one. To clear up some misinformation, there isn't a police standoff at Antonio Brown's house.

Police are trying to serve him, but they can't find him. It's a misdemeanor for throwing his shoe at his baby mama. Eventually, he'll turn himself in, but they're not going to just barge into his house. That comes from Robert. So, yeah, on a misdemeanor in most states, you could get a warrant. I'm surprised they didn't, but they're just trying to serve him. That's hilarious. That's so funny.

It's definitely funny that the internet ran with it, too. This other thing says that they did issue an arrest warrant for Antonio Brown. And, yeah, says police negotiators. So why didn't they bust in his house? It says police negotiators are trying to reason with Brown, using a megaphone. I don't know. It is very weird that this is all from like days ago.

And there's no, I can't find any updated information about it at all. It had to have just ended up being a big nothing burger. And everybody was like, let's just all sort of ignore that. Because if it was actually some wild shit, they'd still be going with it for sure. For sure. But I mean, back to the point of that I guess Corey was originally making. and it could have been, even if it is a nothing burger situation, I can't believe, because it's such a attention-grabbing headline,

that it wasn't at least addressed. Like, I'm really shocked. I'm almost impressed with ESPN for not making a big mountain out of this mohill. Yeah, right, because, I mean, it's not like it was, I don't know what receiver to even throw out there that if they did this, who would give a fuck. But, like, Antonio Brown is, like, one of the most famous wide receivers of all time

and more famous for being a, lunatic, I would say than anything. The only other thing I can think of is there's all these accusations that the NFL basically threatens outlets and can to a certain extent control them, that this is like that mid-level type story where the NFL is like, we don't want you covering this and if you want access to X or Y, don't do it. Because it's just bad. The NFL wants to make Antonio Brown obsolete.

They want to release Maurice Claret him. And what I mean by that is make him one of those like asterics. It's hard because of what you just said, Corey. He's very famous. But that's what the NFL wants. They want Antonio Brown to not be associated with the NFL. Yeah, right. Like what was, so the Maurice Claret thing was he came, you know, he came out early from Ohio State.

And then like he got in, he robbed a liquor store or some shit. He got injured. He got injured and was out of the league and then got cut because he came back to Camp Fat or something like. that and then immediately turned to crime. And it wasn't just like, he may have robbed a liquor store, but it was also like, and they found nine machine guns in his car and a bunch of drugs. I mean, he did years. Oh, where he actually did years?

I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah, it was bad. Yeah, no, I knew the whole situation was bad, but I thought it was just like, yeah, it's super sad. He's not in the league, and now he's just not hitting. I think he's like, I think he does like motivational speeches and shit now. I'm pretty sure.

Yeah, no, I know, man. Like that, do you talk about, like, an absolute tragic bust? Joe. Yeah, I mean, I guess that is the only positive way you can go with it, or one of the few, and that's good that he did it. It's good that he did the crime? No, that he turned it around and became a motivational speaker. Yeah. Generally, when I hear about a motivational speaker, I get to skeevees.

I'm like, yeah, for sure. But it's like, if somebody that's been through something, it's like, well, you know, Not a lot of options with that big felon on their record. Well, right. And also, what did I expect him to do? Cool. But it is funny, too, because it's like, yeah, that's what inspires me hearing about a guy blowing it all so he can rob a liquor store. Well, but like you said, though, like if someone, if he really is like, I want to make sure that some kid don't turn out like me.

Like, yeah, what else is he supposed to do? Trey, what are you about to say? I listen to Ryan Leaf Talk. What's, uh, what's eye butter? What do you? YBB. Like, no, no, no, like iPhone, but with butter, eye butter. What is that, Corey?

Is it an app? Electronic butter. Well, see, last night at 1057 p.m., Cory Forrester tweeted from Los Angeles, California, I butter. At what time? 1057 p.m. At what time? 1057 p.m.

Is that L.A. time? You know how I was at 1057. He was just about to get on a red eye. But yeah, I was on Twitter looking for A, B stuff, and then on my timeline I just saw where you had tweeted I butter. And so I retweeted it, of course. I have no recollection of that at all. Because you do be butter. Some people made some like, some, you know, replies, jokes, whatever.

You responded to none of them that I could say. So I guess the world may never know. Did you take Xanax? Uh-uh. No, I'm looking for some, though. That might be a blackout situation. Dude, sometimes when I'm, like, really drunk, I go on, like, a tear on Twitter, and I won't remember, like, I'll remember having tweeted, but there'll be one in there that was just, like, it sort of, like, caught astray. You know what I'm saying, in the middle of some other tear? So, I don't know, but I'll tell you what, eye butter.

Let's look into it, because that sounds like that would hit. Yeah, I think he was on to something. Maybe you got an idea at the time. It's a shame that it's lost to the ether. You say you go on a tear on Twitter, and that means a few different things. But one of the types of- Now, the drunken tear, I've said before that, like, how alcoholics, they'll have, like, court-ordered breathalizers that go in their car.

They have to breathe into the breathalyzer to start their car if you're too much of a drunk. You need one of those for Twitter, I think, sometimes. because, but you're not in terrible company because did you see where Lamar Jackson went off on haters on Twitter last week or recently and got into some shit? He said, he said something like motherfuckers are always capping on this website. That means lying, right. Lime. People always lie on his website.

He said something like never, never even smelt, S-M-E-L-T, never even smelt a football field. never done nothing but eat a dick talking shit to me, right? And I was like, I saw it, and I thought of you immediately. I was like, woo, Lamar, you probably just sort of, I would not sent that one. And I don't think he even got drunk. He was just mad because they'd lost or whatever. But like you and Lamar are cut from the same cloth, I think, because I've seen you find by me.

Go on similar tirades whenever somebody says you don't hit on Twitter. Yeah. Before you find by me, I think he also threw a slur in there. Did he not? No, no, he didn't throw a slur in there, but he did get... Oh, I thought that's what I read. He did, well, he did get, like, push, he got shit on for it because of the eating dicks thing. I'll get the fuck out of here.

I know, dude, I'm like, dude, people say eat a dick all the time. It's not, it's not a bag, eat a bag, eat a bag of dicks, whatever. It's like, that's not, that is not homophobic. Cannibals eat dicks. Right. It's, right. And if we're not allowed to shit on cannibals, I ain't doing it no more. But yeah, he said never done nothing but eat dicks.

And he did get like in some hot water for that because people said it was homophobic and shit. But I, yeah, I personally think that's reaching. I feel like I feel like eat a dick exist in its own sort of insult, space that ain't got nothing to do with actual gay people. Or like gay people, women fucking women eat dicks, suck dicks, whatever. Of course. I don't see how it's homophobic. Yeah, even if he had said out here sucking. dick, I could defend that and be like, well, that could be like, you know, you guys are too busy

sucking dicks, like sucking up to people, you know what I mean? Joe. Yeah, I mean, I'll defend it either way. What's the, I mean, you're drunk when you do these, so I'm sure you probably can't really answer, but do you know what the funniest or wildest or most egregious example of you doing that is that you can think of? Like, can you think of any? No.

I know I've seen you threaten to stab people to death before. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I've said you go to. Yeah, one of my go-toes is somebody I'll be talking shit to me and I'll quote tweet him and be like, don't make me come down to where you live and make a shoe store out of your ass, you know talent motherfucker or some shit like that.

But the ones that are really, really bad, they're so bad that even drunk me realizes how bad it is and I immediately delete it and then I wake up and forget that I had done it. Or I'll get a text from one of y'all in the thread that's like, hey, dog, hey, you might want to just not with this. I was about to, by the way, be like, see, me and Lamar Jackson, you know, that's cool. I'm in good company, but like, he's also a very young man. So that's not, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm like 12 years older than his ass.

I should not be this way. What is it that changes in your brain when you get drunk? And anybody that drinks, I'm sure, can automatically relate, but I'd still like to hear you talk through it. Like, you get drunk and all of a sudden, you'll do that when you won't otherwise. Just like the ass whooping switch. Yeah, the ass whoop and switch. And also, like, I'm naturally a defensive person anyways.

Like, I'll be the first to admit that. Like, I'm super fucking defensive. You're the most defensive person I've ever met in my entire life. I don't think that's true, but. Yeah, there is. No, I agree. No, I 100. You are one of them.

I won't. No, no, dude, I would. I mean, I don't know how, I don't know all the other people that you know, but I would, I would, I believe you. You know what I mean? Like, I 100% believe you. And, uh, and I've like, I, I worked on it in therapy because I start like, you, you, when you basically like, I started seeing a lot of stuff in my dad that I disliked. And I was like, oh, fuck, I know why I dislike that. I do that shit too. You know what I mean? And when that, when that switch kind of flipped for me, I was like, okay, dude, well, like, here's the thing. These, these are things. These are things. that are about you that you don't like. You can't change the fact that that's how you've always been. The only thing that you can do is try to be less of that, you know. But when I'm drunk, all of that, like when I'm sober, I'm in a really good mental place. I've learned to take 10 seconds, take a breath.

And somebody put something on Twitter. It was like, yo, if this, think about, before you react to something, think about, is this going to matter in six days? Is this going to matter in six weeks? Is this going to matter in six minutes? If the answer to any of those is no, don't let some motherfucker, don't let some motherfucker take 30 seconds to ruin your whole 24 hours, because that's what you're doing when some troll fucks around.

It's like, you're letting this person fuck your whole day up. So when I'm sober, I don't even really like be checking that stuff, or I'm just like, dude, you know what, fuck them, whatever. But then when I'm drunk, all those drills that I've learned, all those like breathtaking exercises that I've done, you just, you just forget it. They just go out the goddamn window and I go back to default Cho and default show is a motherfucking lunatic. And again, this is why I don't, I try not to drink as much anymore because I don't feel good

about it. I don't fucking like it. But I'm just, I have. And again, I know that what you've just said about me is true. And I'm a mental wreck. But I am, you know, doing way better now than I ever have been. you know what I mean? And I'm self-aware and I'm trying to work on those things.

But again, when I've had one too many mimoses or whatever the fuck, buddy, it's fresh out the box show. Here it comes. One instance, you weren't drunk when this happened. And so instead of talking any shit, you just listen to everybody. But one instance of you getting admonished immediately by people on the internet recently that I would like to defend you for because I'm sure most people didn't even I don't even know what you're talking about.

This lasted less than five minutes for you deleted it because everybody immediately went in on you. But you didn't deserve it. I don't think. So I found this video on Reddit of these dudes, these guys, I think they were in India. They're in another country. Albanian. It doesn't matter.

These dudes found a bear cub with its head stuck in like a carbon. board, he couldn't get his head out of this box. But it's still a fucking bear cub, right? So they go over there and one guy's trying to get the bear's head out of the box and he does, and then in my opinion, you can

see what he pulls it out and then he's like, oh fuck, I'm holding a bear. And so he just like he just sort of yeats it to the side. Off a cliff. And the angle, the angle of the camera, the camera angle makes it look like it's off a

300 foot cliff so he pulls this bear's head out of a box and eats it to its death. I read, I read on Reddit that that was cut from a longer video. In the longer video, the camera peaks over the edge and you can see it's not, it's more like the hill and Tommy Boy or whatever that Chris Farley rolled down or whatever. That was Black Sheep, not Tommy Boy. Black Sheep, sorry.

I got those two mixed up this weekend, too. Everybody, that's why, wouldn't you? The Hill and Black Sheep that Chris Farley rolled down. It was more like that. The bear cub was fine. It got up and ran away. But they cut it at the point where it looks like this dude just shall launch the bear cub. Shalanched a little.

Shalanched. Yeah. Saved a little bear cub and then immediately shallunched it off a cliff to its death. I thought it was the funniest fucking thing I'd ever seen in my life. We were dying. I was crying laughing. It was so unexpected. I saw it like while laying in bed in the morning.

I got up and immediately put on Reddit for, you know, just because of how I am. And I was crying, laughing in bed, and I sent it to y'all. And when I sent it to y'all in the group chat, you immediately responded, Republicans after they save a trailer baby from being aborted. Which is fucking perfect. It's a great fucking joke. It's perfect for that gift. It's on brand for us. So I told you, I was like, you got to tweet that.

That's hilarious. That's great. And you're like, I'm going to do it. I should do it. I'm going to do it. We even, by the way, I think people need to know this. We even for like a couple minutes workshopped the best way in order for me to go about it. You know what I'm saying?

So it wasn't like it was like a crime of passion. Like it was very well thought out. It had been run by a group of professional comedians who figure out this is exactly how we should do it. And then you were like, dude, that's a fucking banger. go, yeah, but because we have all approved it as such and we think it's funny, I bet you it won't do that good because that's how that goes. Things that we think are great. That is how that goes.

But as soon as you tweeted it, everyone immediately was like pretty classless, bro, not cool. Sharing animal cruelty. Animal cruelty videos really publicly on Twitter and not only that, but making a tasteless joke about it, a tasteless, you know, like what's the word poverty shaming joke or whatever the fuck. What's classist? A tasteless classes. Joe. Yeah, classes. Involving animal cruelty. How dare you, Cho? And according to you, that was the, it's so funny, because I went to Twitter immediately to look for it so I could retweet it because I was so excited about it. And you said that that was the immediate response. Everybody said that you got like five to ten

responses like that immediately. So you just deleted. Yeah, 10 to 12. Like if it had just been. See, if you'd have been drunk, that might have got ugly is what I'm saying. Oh, yeah. No, it would have It would have got super fucking ugly. What I'd have done was I'd have turned my phone around on me and done a video, which, you know, this always goes over well, explaining the joke and explaining why I hit. Then I would have thrown y'all motherfuckers under the bus. I'd have been like, this also, by the way, was workshopped in a goddamn group filled with professional fucking comedians. But like, it was, if one person had to said some shit, it's like whatever. because it's usually like, you know, if you get 20 positive responses, you're going to get one that's like, you know, maybe not what you want.

But like literally 10 to 12 in every single one of them, except for one lady who was like rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off. Holy shit, dog. But it was one out of like the rate. She just wasn't. She does hit. And I want to say like it sucks. It just wasn't worth it. But now I.

Yeah, for sure. I really do wish I'd have left it up now just to see, like just to observe it for a couple. days and see, I would like to see people, but without me arguing, me watch, see if there was like a, like a, uh, the diamond in the rough that would come in there and do my job for me and be like, no, here's why the joke is. You know what I mean? Right. But it was just bothering me that people like assumed, I guess that they were, that they would, that these guys would, I don't know, it just seems so obvious to me that they were like, we should help that bear. He gets the bear. his head out and then he freaked the fuck out, which I think is completely reasonable, considering

he's holding a bear. You know what I mean? Like, I totally get it. I don't think there's anything weird about it at all, but so many, because on Reddit, too, so many people are like those heartless monsters. How dare they, that stuff. And I'm like, I just, it's pretty clear they were trying to help. And then, like you said, it went like, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah. Like, they didn't save a bear just to eat it. I don't think. No. If they had of, though, I still would have. cackled like a wolf watching the video because it was super fucking funny but yeah so i but but like i said if i'm drunk man i just i literally go back to default like with with mental health and all my stuff like you know like any therapist will tell you it's like it's it's like wiping your

ass you can't just do it once like you're gonna have to do it every time you take a shit you know what i'm saying like is that a therapy thing like is that a therapy maximum what you just said not that's how no that's just how i've you just how i've you should you You said any therapist will tear you. Any therapist will tell you, you can't wipe your ass once after you take a shit. I don't even remember what you said now, but it hit. I don't either. I don't either.

But you know what I'm saying? But mental health is like brushing your teeth. It's like brushing your teeth. Which would be more ridiculous, is if a therapist use that as an example, like they got their fucking degree on the wall. And they're like, look, it'd be like taking a shit. popping your ass one time and thinking you should. Or would it be more ridiculous if Corey had worked on in therapy with his therapist that he has to wipe his ass? But y'all get what I'm saying, though.

You get what I'm saying, like, like, yeah, it's a process, not a result. Yeah, exactly. If you're dirty and you take a shower good, but like, then if you don't shower the next day, you're going to get re-dirty. And like-teach a man to fish and wipe his ass. Exactly. And now, now a lot of the things that I really have. to like consciously

consciously make an effort to do now they are just how my decision making works now because that's what forming habits is and that's all you're trying to do but like it is it's still in every day like okay Corey don't slip back into your old ways because I don't want to be that guy anymore

but as y'all know like again when you're drunk all your inhibitions are fucking gone and like you just lose you lose control and me losing control makes me revert back to a self that was not well. And it's, you can tell,

I think. Let's take a break real quick. Yeah. Yeah, let's. So, I mean, I don't,

Kanye, I guess. Kanye, what is there any, maybe coming back for Kanye? I mean, God, like,

I love Hitler is about as, I don't know what's past that. You know what I mean? No, well, we're back to see, I promise you that, because he's got to keep leveling up.

No, I think that's kind of what I'm, wanted to talk about too on the there's for a very very long time with Kanye I've been like man this we're watching a man have an absolute mental breakdown in public and I for a lot of this time I felt bad for him because I was like this is a guy like he needs genuine help and like I'm not going to sit here and dunk on someone who clearly needs genuine health but speaking of someone with mental health issues when your mental health issues start affecting everybody else then it's fuck you.

You know what I'm saying? Like you gotta want to get better. So like, no, dude, he, he's, it's,

it's just unforgivable. And I hate it. Because God damn it. I loved him. There's also like plenty of people who, you know, are in an institution who literally don't know what walls are. Right.

Who don't hate Jews. Yeah. Like, I know. That's what I was going to say about my mom. It's like, dude, my mom has genuine mental.

And I've like, try to forgive her for a lot of it. But like, she might think the whole world's trying to fuck her over. But, Not specifically the Jews, though. Do you know what I mean? It doesn't have to take the form of any kind of racism or anti-Semitism or whatever.

It's like that's not an excuse for that. But I do think that people are more susceptible to sort of conspiracy theory bullshit when they're in a state like that. You know what I mean? That doesn't excuse it at all. But I do think that there's like people going, oh, Kanye's just. going nuts and other people accurately point out just because you go nuts doesn't mean that you'd be anti-semitic but like isn't there like a sliver of overlap of like you lose like clearly he has something inside him that connects with his hateful ideology and that's disgusting and you have to

condemn it but like I don't know what I'm trying to say well do you think he was just pretending not to be anti-Semitic before he went nuts right well I think well I think Look, I don't know how else to say this. If you pay any attention to like the sports world or whatever at all, it's like there's been a little bit of a trend lately. Yeah. With high profile athletes and also, you know, celebrities and stuff, most of which that I'm currently thinking of have been black and going in on the Jews or sympathizing with Hitler or whatever. And it's apparently because there's like a group. Black is real.

Right. There's a group. There's like a black power. I know that's not the right way to term it. But, you know, whatever. There's like a powerful black group that also like Lewis Farrakhan runs it right and Jews don't hit for him. And so it's like a lot of it is just like black people do hit, which that's fine. But also sometimes there's an element of Jews don't hit, which is not fine.

and so there's been a lot of... Oh, it's crazy. It's been a thing lately. They've been going in on Jews and then they'll come to each other's defense and stuff. And it's like, it's super weird. The first one I remember was Deshawn Jackson, which is like two years ago or something like that. I don't remember that one.

Yeah, Deshaun Jackson. Yeah, he talked about Hitler, not been wrong about everything and shit like that. It was wild. Well, there's plenty of references in rap, too, because of the three, five percenters? Five percenters. It's three or five. Three or five. It's five, three-fifths.

It's five because the threes are a racist white group. That's true. That's right. Yeah, right. They have this thing of like 80% of the world is neutral. Whatever percent of the world is shitty and three percent is willing to stand up to them or something like that. Yeah, I ran into some of these folks when I lived in Harlem. We've talked about this on the podcast like a year or two or three ago.

This has been around for a while. A lot of, and look, there's groups within the groups. Actually, shout out Dave Bory and Langston Kerman. They have a podcast called Things My Mama Told Me, and they go over all this. Like racist stuff, my mama told me? No, they do a bunch of stuff, but they just happen to do this conspiracy theory episode of it. It's basically like black myths, like myths started by the black community or black conspiracy theory. is my understanding of what the...

I've only listened to two or three episodes, but I listened to this one. It was cool. But anyway, these folks like... It's not just like we don't like Jews. It's that there are no Jews. We are the Israelites. The people who call themselves Jews took our history and culture.

Like, the Jews in the Bible were black, and then this group of people, and it's not clear to me how or why they did it, just said that was them. They were like, no, that's a... That is a wild thing to believe. Wild. And then a subgroup, and I don't think Kyrie's in this one.

And I don't think Kyrie's in that other one. He just thinks it's interesting. But a subgroup of that, I think, and this is the 5 percenters, I think their founder truly believed or argued that white people were invented. By who? Like in a lab, a black guy. Well, he ought not done. That was it.

Yeah. That was a real Frankenstein. That's a franchise. Yeah. Yeah, it's wild. And that doesn't make any less anti-Semitic. It's just that it's much crazier than Jews don't hit for me. They control the media is all I'm saying.

I was about to say, like, hating Jews and being anti-Semitic, that is a shitty way to be. And a thing you shouldn't do, but not believing that Jews are real or thinking that the Holocaust or the hoax. Those are insane things to believe. Well, a lot of them don't believe the Holocaust was a hoax. Some of them do. Some of them are like, no, no, that's just Hitler figured it out, son. Oh, my God. It's wild.

And it's weird, like, sociologically, it's very strange because you know, it's an oppressed group and another oppressed group. But then a lot of people point out that Jewishness gets to be adjacent to whiteness in America. A lot of the things they accuse Jews of doing really,

the like racist structure of our, it's very strange and sad. It's sad. It's sad. It's what it is. Like racist white dudes, like, racist dudes that hate black dudes. It's always like black people don't hit.

But then people that hate Jews are like, Jews hit too hard. You know what I'm saying? It's the complete, it's like the complete opposite. Well, of all people, I heard Andrew Schultz, uh,

point out, and he didn't invent this, but he said it quite well, somewhat recently and got a lot of shit for it. Imagine that on his podcast. But in some ways, that can be not more dangerous in the long term, but more dangerous in a flash, because that's sort of what happened with the Holocaust. If you're hated for being beneath people, which is what racism towards black people is, then that's horrible. You know, the structures around you are designed to keep you down. People don't respect you. It's hard to get jobs, et cetera. We're aware.

of that. If you are hated for being better than others, there's less systemic issues, but when and if the tides turn on you, they kill you immediately. More violence. More instant violence. Yeah, because it's a fear that I'm going to have something taken away from me because

of these people. You know what's funny too? Well, not funny in a ain't this some shit kind of way. I've seen a lot of people defending Kyrie and Kanye by thinking that this makes it better They're like, well, I mean, you got to understand that, like, the reason they feel that way is because, like, their managers were probably due. You know what I mean?

And it's like, oh, never mind. Well, you see, they've dealt with them, see? And anybody's dealt with them can tell you, they ain't it, all right? So, like, that's how that comes across to me. Yeah, so I know. Yeah. But they think that they're, they think they're making a mind-blowing point. like, oh, I didn't think about it like that.

It's just. Now, you've got to understand that they've actually had to deal with Jews before, unlike the rest of us who don't really know, they know first time, just how bad it is. It would be just as funny if it were the reverse, where the black people you have speaking out about how horrific this is, and they were like, ah, he's just saying that because, you know, I'm sure they are saying this, you know. He's just saying that because the Jews pay his bills or whatever.

Yeah, right. It's what's a wild time we're living in, dude. It's, I was thinking, I almost tweeted this. Speaking of wild tweets, I got stoned and wrote this tweet and then I deleted it. But I'll say it on the podcast. I didn't spell a word out. I put stars in there. And I said, I don't sucks that we can't say the, and it was the R word anymore when we're living in the most R word timeline ever.

Yeah. Like, everything is so fucking dumb. R worded. It's all very R worded, no doubt about it. I tweeted something like that in 2016 but did say it. And it was basically just like, we really lost the word a little bit too soon, you know. But you should just kept that up.

Yeah, you should have just kept that up. I think that might have been, I think that might have been where our sketch idea for the funeral for the R word came from. Like was that thread or whatever the fuck. But yeah, no, you're right. It's a weird. Black guy shows up. Why are you here?

God, such a good scheme. Yeah. So it is, it's a wild time and it's a very stupid time. And I know that this gets, you know, talked about a lot. But it still is something I think about every day in the wake of all these stories about anti-Semitism and like, Hitler wasn't wrong about everything. It's that like, I promise when we were kids, Nazis were not it. It was told to us by papaws by everyone.

Nazis, that ain't it. Your papal died defending the Nazis. The Nazis ain't it. And all of a sudden, it seems Nazis is it. Yeah, three things happen all at once, and they're related to each other. One is that AM radio disappeared and was taken over by just whoever could afford the equipment. And who ended up doing it was mostly creatures, but a lot of people, the Jews. See, the Jews were trying to control the media.

See, the one piece of media the Jews didn't control, and look what happened. Oh, that's where Alex Jones was born. It's where all that right-wing shit was born. All that stuff was dying. It went, it became so fringe, and the white supremacist and far-right movements in America were all but dead. They had no money. No rich people were fucking with them. It had all but gone away. Because of that, we also stopped having to have these battles and shame people and all that. And then the goddamn social media phenomenon took off. And on the backs of the little bit of, I guess, fandom, those A.M. assholes had built, and the Alec Joneses of the world now had a platform to reach people.

And unfortunately, Silicon Valley, all these fucking platforms were in the control of like three greedy people or four greedy companies or however much you want to, you know, however you want to split it up. And it was the perfect storm. And then these Gen Z kids are now on the internet. And this even happened to some young millennials. They'd never heard any of this shit before. They're like, I guess this makes sense because X, Y, Z and they're hiding the truth for me. And yeah, it's only the morons.

But, you know, there's a lot of them out there. It fucking, it sucks. It sucks. It's creepy and scary and it sucks. Yeah. Dude, they shut down power in Moore County, North Carolina, trying to end the drag show. That kids weren't even going to be at. Not that that would make it okay.

Yeah, domestic terrorists blew up the power grid. The whole county's powers out for this reason, because of what we're talking about. Because of the rise of right-wing bullshit and how organized they are allowed to be now. And they fucking always, the second you're like, this is terrible. and it ought not be, they somehow think that all of that is protected by the First Amendment in some way. Like, you can't just point out to these people like, this is a hate crime. It's Dick. They're just like, oh, you just can't say anything without pissing anybody off now.

And it's like, no, you can't blow a transformer to a business without people getting pissed off, I don't think. Well, what makes me sick where we live, Trey and I, is all these people who claim to be centrist who are like, yep, that's what it is. everyone's extreme now and it's like dude people saying that you should get fired on the internet are annoying that's not the same as domestic terrorism stop fucking equating the right and the left extremist because one's annoying and the other one is literally evil and violent right sorry yeah no but i could i could not agree more man like i me and tray talked about this uh off mic or this week of like how not to everybody, but a lot of people around here where I'm from, like, they, me and them have, like, the exact same beliefs, but they vote Republican. And they're, I always asking me, like, what, what is? Like, me and you have the same views.

Why is it you, and their whole thing is just like, liberals are just so annoying. And it's like, yeah, those aren't the same things. Like, that's not that, I agree with you, by the way. I fucking 100% agree with you. But like when, like you said, when one is, trying to electroshock gay kids wieners into making them straight and the other is just like we shouldn't use straws you know like that's fucking different i mean like it's way different i bet i bet if you had a curved wiener electroshock would straighten it out probably hit too yeah man i don't know i mean my sad cynical response to that is like those people you're talking about don't actually have the same views as you and it's like fucking scary. Like they think they do or they whatever, but like clearly they don't. No, I know.

But like, you know, a lot of them genuinely. They think they do. Yeah, right, right. But at the end of the day, they're like, but taxes, gas, you know, whatever. I don't fucking know, dude. But yeah, it is a nightmare out there. But at least tomorrow, it's going to be a close fucking race with Herschel Walker. and Raphael Warnock,

I hope that everybody out there listening to this had already voted because this will be coming out a day afterwards. And I'm certain that it's going to be super close and it too will lead to a goddamn runoff and this is never going to end. But something that will end, I suppose, is this podcast right now. Come see us at Zanis, y'all.

December 15th through 17th, you can get tickets at well-read comedy.com and go see Trey doing his thing in, where were you at again? Uh, I'll be in Santa Monica this Saturday if you're around there. And Drew's at the comedy store, and I'm at part-timefunderman.com. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go.

A tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you. Good night and skue. Howdy there, friends. It's you boy, Corey Ryan Forster. Some of you may know that I have a thing called a substack, and you can find it over at. part-time funnyman.com.

There's bonus blogs, there's bonus podcasts, there's going to be cartoons and stuff, there's videos, there's the rantings of lunatics, one lunatic in particular, that being me. It's $5 a month. This is a good way for you to support me since I'm not going to be on the road as much because I'm having a baby. It's $5 a month, but if you can't afford it, just email buttercream Corey at gmail.com and I'll take care of you. No questions asked.

care if you just, if you own strike, you out of work, you got too many hospital bills, you got too many damn kids, or you just broke. I don't care. I'll take care of you. But that's part-time funnyman.com to support you boy. Oh, also, I write poems. Just a little bit of everything. So, y'all take care of. I appreciate you. If I were the king by Corey Ryan Forrester. Maybe it's because I grew up with a mother and grandmother who doted on me without pause, but I always reckon I'd make a pretty good king. It don't seem near as hard as being the president, as far as I can tell, and it appears these days that just about anybody can do that.

One reason I think it'd be easier is that when you're the king, your job isn't in jeopardy just because most people don't like you. I think people would like me as king, though. Of course, I bet that's what everyone thinks. If you're in a position of power, it doesn't matter how well you use it, some people will hate you just for having it. I guess I can't blame them for that, but I think if I was offered a trial run, I could probably change a few minds. The first thing I would do is get rid of this daylight savings nonsense.

It had a good run, but it's long since outstate it's welcome. I think it was implemented so that farmers could have an extra hour to plow their beans or something, but in case nobody has brought this up, most of us ain't farmers anymore. I don't know what the original time was, but whichever one it is that we use in the summer that makes the days longer, that's the one we're going to stick with. Matter of fact, I'm open to the possibility of adding another hour to it so the sun don't go down until about 9.30 p.m. That would give us more time to walk in the park, play golf,

sit on our porch and cuss at the kids who drive too fast. The farmers can work late if they want to, but nobody really needs the sun at 8 a.m. anyhow. We are already miserable and don't want to be awake, so why not save the sun for when we can enjoy it? The second thing I would do is require that any man, who wishes to ride a crotch rocket must complete 40 hours of community service a month changing old people's diapers at the nursing home.

No one on earth should be allowed to zip down the highway between lanes of traffic on something that was designed to break the sound barrier. Plus, all us normal people would prefer to get home both alive and without pooping ourselves in fear when one of you immature dumdums pops a wheelie in front of a school bus. I believe in freedom, so I'm not going to outlaw them, but by God, you're going to earn it and finally contribute something to society. The third thing I would do is force McDonald's locations to disclose whether or not their milkshake machine is broken by way of a giant neon sign. When the machine is operating, the sign shall say, come on in, we've got milkshakes. When the machine is broken, the sign shall say, our milkshake machine is broken.

we are sorry that we suck, please go to Sonic. I have a great many other ideas that I would implement, and I'm not sorry to admit that most of them are food-related. Butterfinger will not only return to its original recipe, but will bring back Butterfinger BBs. Failure to do so would be considered an act of treason, and God help you once I'm done using the guillotine to cut up these watermelons. Women would not only be allowed to breastfeed in public,

but be required to on the first Tuesday of every month. This would not be in lieu of, but instead a welcome edition to Taco Tuesday, which under my reign would be considered a national holiday with employees receiving time off, with pay. Speaking of work, when I'm king, any meeting that could have been an email will be an email, and if your job can be done behind a desk, then by God that desk can be at your house. Those who are required to actually go into work will no longer have to dress in business casual, whatever the hell that means, but will instead get to wear sweatsuits or any other such items of comfort that they may choose. Whether or not said sweatsuits are embroidered with the sigil of your dear king is entirely up to you,

but please know it will be taken into account when I make my monthly pilgrimages about town and hand out free lollipops. Yep, I think I could handle it. the crown just fine. Tis such a shame that those whom it would suit so well are never in line for it. Have a great day, y'all.