wellRED podcast - #303 - Merry Christmas w/ Tushar Singh!

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

This week the boys talk Christmas. Hope y’all have a good one! hover.com/WELLRED

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Here we go. We're live, baby. Here we are. We are on the well read podcast. Guess what, everybody. Guess who's with us? The Indian outlaw himself, Tushar saying, y'all been clamoring for it.

Well, here you. I'm so stupid. You said, guess what, everybody? I'll do what. And then you said, Tushar's here. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, we're doing a show.

Yeah, no, I get, Tushar, thanks for having you. I get on my Patreon, I get comments and stuff for people all the time. They're like, where's Tushar? I want more of the Indian outlaw. And I was like, well, you know,

we'll get him back in the game. He's on the reservation. We're actually, matter of fact, we're doing a, it's not really a Bubba, because it's not country specific. It's Bubba something. It's Bubba.

It's a job. It's above a Christmas. It's above a Christmas, everybody, because we're going to talk about Christmas music with Indian outlaw, Tushar, saying. So, I guess we should start with you, Tushar. Like, Christmas music in general, you know, in America, it's unescapable. Like, it's everywhere during the season. Where are you at on Christmas music? Does you drive you crazy? Do you like it? What songs hit for you? Like, what were you at? And in India, did you guys have families? Right out of the gate. Hell yeah. We had families. Do you guys have holiday music? We have every festival has its own thing.

But in America. Conjari, right? That's the festival of lights. Kanjari. Canjari. Is he right about that? The way he said that was Kanjari. Diwali?

That's not even close. Festival. Okay. Festival of Light Power. I think it's close like in our term like conjure what did you say

it was actually called Devali you guys missed my head and I'm like it was two it was two syllables the way you said that was conjarring

I thought it was great fuck you people it's not what is divali divari something right I mean it's a word you made up just now

it's not what is what is Duvali like what is that's Miami Little Duval that's Jacksonville that's the Indian

community of Jacksonville, so Duvalli. No, there are songs that are mostly religious-ish in nature in terms of certain

celebration type things. But in America, I love Christmas music. It's so ingrained in the culture that right after Thanksgiving, you will be celebrating

Christmas in every facet of society. The malls will be dressed up, the stores will be dressed up, everyone will be amped up for it, and the Christmas music itself, I fucking love it. Andy and I went to a strip club two days after Thanksgiving

and somebody did a Christmas thing. Yeah. At a strip club. Beautiful. I was beautiful. I did like, we may have talked about this on last year. Was it like a nativity thing? Yep. Really? No. Oh, okay. Virgin Mary. Do you guys have

like a Christmas album for somebody from somebody that hits for you real hard than you go to? Because I, because like, my morning jacket's got a fire ass Christmas album. Oh, man, I bet. It's like some hipster shit, but it's, uh, well, it's actually, it's not hipster shit in 2022.

It would have been hipster shit fucking 15 years ago. But, but like, do you have like a Christmas thing from an artist that hits for you that you go to? Like Dean Martin for me. Mariah Carey? She's like the queen. She's the queen. She's the queen.

Martin. I like all that shit. Mariah Carey, I mean, that's everybody knows like the fucking like big joke is like All I really want for that that shit. All I want for Christmas is you. You know, she gets a big paycheck. Buddy, that right there is the main thing.

I want to make sure we got into is like, if you, it's wild because Christmas songs are standards, right? And I mean, you know, there's some originals and shit too, but like if you as a musician can make it onto that list, The list that plays, the list that plays at Coles every December. If you can get onto that list, dude, you never have to. Burrell Is a Kentucky black glass company? Burl Ives is the snowman in the fucking Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer movie.

So he sings the song as the snowman? Rudolph, the Red Nose, like that's Burl Ives. Bing Crosby is huge. That's the one. Not Franks Not true. That's the one. Bing Crosby is that guy. What about Paul McCartney?

He wrote a new one. Absolutely. He didn't want to do a standard. He wanted his own. Right. And if you pull that off, like, you're good. Obviously, Paul McCartney was already set for life. But if you get on that list, like, you don't ever have to do anything else ever the rest of your life.

Like, are. But there's, let's go ahead. There's some of those songs that, like, when you hear them now, it blows you away that they were ever, new songs. Right. You know, that's a classic. You just think of them as like, they're like Bayal Wolf. You know what I mean?

They've always existed. That's what I'm saying. Like all those Burl Ives songs are always like you go, that just like somebody went and goes, hey, we need Christmas classics. Will somebody write these Christmas classics? And then they've just

existed forever. But like it is crazy because every now and then somebody has a Christmas song you're like all right let's add that to the lexicon right and maria carrie was probably like the last one that that happened well so do you think that because so many artists put out christmas albums and it's just festive it's fun or whatever but like and it's that's probably that's probably like what they're trying to do of course they're all trying to they're all trying to put a rendition out that gets on that list because it's very very fucking lucrative of course but at the same time it is like

a lot of those Christmas songs have now, I mean, surely they've become public domain, right? Like, public domain is like a hundred years. The mouse, dude, I think it's 100, and it's high roll Mickey Mouse is. It's whatever the role Mickey Mouse is. It's coming up to expire. I want to say at the end of next year, and it looks like Congress isn't going to extend it again. Which means pretty soon we'll be able to butt fuck Mickey Mouse. No.

Oh, no. Hey, I like it. Oh, stick it in my ass, Mr. Man. Mr. Man. Mr. Man. So, no, actually, so I saw a thing that was like Disney had somehow found their way around that, which was like, they go, no. So what will be public domain is motorboat Mickey, like that original Mickey Mouse. Oh, Steamboat Willie.

Motorboat Mickey. You have the one that loves Tits. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Motorboat Mickey. Yeah. Yeah. Steamboat Willie is like, they're like, yeah, that is public domain, but Mickey Mouse the way that we've re. Am I wrong though?

Like. No, Steamboat Willie is absolutely motorboat. They're like Steamboat. They're like steamboat. Although steamboat and a motorboat, not the same thing. Sure. But what they're saying is like. Steamboat would be in the ice.

Just. But their point is they go steam. That's hilarious. They're steamboating somebody. the idea that that's motorboat between the butt cheeks? That's fucking hilarious, dude. He said it and then y'all because he looked at me and regret it. Was that not funny?

Not because it wasn't funny, but because it was like thinking about the steam being a fart. Yeah, the steam, yeah. Fucking steamboat that motherfucker, buddy. My point is, my point is, I think that Disney, Disney. Dislingee. Disney. That's one of my cousins from back in Morgan County.

I think, Disley Marie. I think that Disney relinquished. They were like, yes, Steamboat Willie is in the public domain, but what we did with him from their own, Mickey Mouse, is new and therefore is not in the public domain. It resets. It may be newer, but first of all, I'm not, I mean, look, they may win that argument if Steamboat Willie was whatever you. They're going to keep winning.

I don't know, man. Because that's a cat out of the bag situation. once people just all start doing it because that's another thing the internet is going to say soon to each other hey you know we can just do whatever we want with Mickey and everybody's going to do it

and you can't stop that train you can't stop it dude Bing Crosby's White Christmas is the biggest selling is the biggest single of all time oh you didn't know that? Can I?

Yeah it came out in 1942 and it's the biggest single of all time as by plays or like sales? And by the way, I think that was a... Probably plays, too, though. I think that was the time when Bing Crosby was actually, like, on his downslope of his career. And it was one of those, like, moments where he was...

It was like George Jones when he did, like, he stopped loving her today. There was a lot of people who were like, Bing Crosby is fucking washed up. He can't do shit. And he was just like, oh, is that right? White Christmas! You know what I mean? And he did that shit. And then Bob Hope was like, you know what?

motherfucker we should make a bunch of movies that don't really hit but they have the same formula yeah you know what I mean and they did that shit like don't you think that back in the fucking 40s and 50s and 60s they were just like

being insane and just like going like well they had meth and there was heroin in the Coca Coca Coca-Cola or cocaine I mean so yeah they were insane right and all the movies kind of made sense for that reflected that

Yeah, man. Right, because they were just like, look, man, we have Bob-Holin? Is that what it is? Lanolin? What is Lanylin? Is that the thing that you could get and it had heroin in it? But you could just get it from the pharmacist? I don't know what that is.

I know that Coca-Cola had cocaine in it. And then you could get heroin at the fucking pharmacy. Right. Dude, like, all... All... Fucking cough serps and shit had heroin in it. And they were just like... Hold on, but you remember fucking...

Tombstone. Yeah, Loddenum. Loddenum. But then... Back then, they were just like, we had a movie came out where Ben Crosby and Bob Hope went to Singapore.

So next year, we'll just have a movie where Bob Hope and Bing Crosby go to Morocco. And they were like, man, that hit too. And so they'd keep doing that shit. Well, like, nowadays, we're just like, this is a fucking trilogy, it's tired, it's bullshit. But like, back then they were just

like, yeah, where can we send these bland white men? And they loved it. And then he sang White Christmas and like made a bazillion dollars. Born in the wrong era we were. Not you too, Sharr. You nailed it. Do you guys look at Christmas music in two groups,

which is one is the commercial, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, we're joyful, and then the other is Jesusy. Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, Well, my favorite Christmas song is the Pogues. The Pogues.

Fuck, yeah. Yeah, because they said the F word in it, but I like it for other reasons, too. I mean, I like it for other reasons, too. But let's lead with that. But, I mean, it is a good reason. You know that? It's happy Christmas back. There it is great.

I'm in the drunk tank. I don't think I've heard that. I'll play it for you later, dude. It's like Christmas Eve in the drunk tank or whatever. It's about broken dreams in New York City. It's my favorite one. Hell yeah. I'm fucking living right now.

Well, actually, but the, the MCU, they put out a Guardians of the Galaxy Christmas special. And it starts. It started with that song. And I was not going to the third verse. Right, not the F word part. So there's a part where... There's a part where...

It's a fairytale of New York is a song. Fairy tale of New York, yes, that's right. There's a part where the guy and his old lady get into, they're doing a back and forth in the song, and she calls him a... He goes... She calls him the F-ler. Corey apparently loves it.

Well, he goes, I could have been someone. and then she goes, well, so could anyone. That's later. Well, really, like, the whole point of it is a man sitting there trying to blame a woman for his misfortunes in life, and then she is rebutting to him in a very logical way. But they do love each other. Of course they do.

Which is why it's fine. She goes, you took my dreams for me, and he said, I put them with my own. Hey, this just came up. Listen, so I'm looking at this article about the amount of money that Christmas songs make, and so I just read that Mariah Carey is all I want for Christmas is. you has made $60 million in royalties to date and makes her around $400,000 a year, $400,000 a year for nothing. So just to sit there. But here's the Pogues, fairy tale in New York, and I haven't read this yet.

I'm reading this to y'all. It says, apparently this song came about as a result of a bet with Elvis Costello that the Pogues could. Elvis Costello was like, I bet you can't say that word. That the Pogs could not write a Christmas song that wouldn't be slushy. whatever that means. What a slushy mean? Quir. Corny.

What? That's what he meant. It says Shane McGowan and the late great Christy McCall's back and forth is still as timeless as ever, which is a funny way to describe that to me. Do you know how she died? I wouldn't I wouldn't call it timeless because of the Flaar. Do you know how she died? Do you know how she died?

Fomit? No, she got chopped in half by a boat. propeller. The lady that sing... Oh, that's right. I've heard that. The lady that sings that shit, she was, her son was in the water and she went to, like, save him, and the boat came up and chopped her in

fucking half. Yeah, she saved it. So, a 2016 estimate from the male reckoned it generates around also $400,000 a year. I heard it last night. I mean, they didn't pay, but I'm saying it's like, I went to like a Christmas show, like covers, and it was like country American... That song is just...

It's my favorite Christmas song. Right, but it's like, is there anything even remotely approaching that in the world of comedy? No. Like maybe movies? Like you make Elf? National Christmas vacation. But do Christmas, home alone? Well,

home alone. Different level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, home alone. But like, Christmas vacation, there's no way Christmas vacation approaches, uh, all I want for Christmas is you. entire. It's a whole last movie.

A song you can slide into anything. A movie, you have to just play on something. Ironically, movies cost more to project. So if you, so Christmas vacation, they're only getting money

from TNT or whoever's running it from the syndication, right? And maybe, and rentals at home. Mariah Carey's getting money from people who have subscript. Like, the mall is paying her.

The mall won't pay for the movie because the movie's more. Right. It costs the mall like $3 to play Mariah Carey. Right. But they're all playing it. Right. Whereas the mall to project a Christmas movie, it would probably be 10 grand.

Right. So ironically, it's like they out-charred. They're not going to do that. It would be weird, yeah. Unless they were running it like, come to the mall and watch a Christmas movie in the food court or whatever. Well, really what it is is they play on TNT and shit. Well, I bet a Christmas story. I bet they make so much money on that shit.

Right. But the thing is with movies, like I bet I could. be wrong, but I bet the guy that plays the kid in the Christmas story he's not getting chunks of that. I bet. I don't know. It depends on his... It depends on the contract. But dude, he was a

fucking child. It's much better for TV because with a movie, syndication wasn't really even the goal back then. Right, but with Christmas movies, they are syndicated on TV. Now, but I don't know back then they had thought of that. That's what I'm saying. I bet you're probably right. The contracts

weren't thinking about streaming. gets a chunk because I bet his agent and lawyer saw what happened with a Christmas story. Buddy, I've said this before on here, but like the first time I showed my sons home alone. I guarantee it, dude. Like, it is impossible, impossible to hit or crush harder for any, for any human being than the climactic sequence with the break in at the house and all that shit. Unbelievable. Then that crushed for my, at the time, five and six-year-old son.

Because it's cartoonish. It's a cartoon. They were when that movie came out. Right. It's an adult cartoon. Yeah, right. They were fucking losing their mind. Then you could immediately show them the sequel to next.

Well, there's certain movies. And they still love Home Alone. There's certain movies that you, that they play and it's just like, oh, this is a movie that like, like, okay, so, uh, what's the movie with Jimmy Stewart?

It's a wonderful life. It's a wonderful life. So y'all know the story about a wonderful life, right? I don't know if I know what you mean by the story behind it. You don't know why that movie's so popular? Because every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. Are you serious right now? I don't know.

I don't think I even watch the movie. No, I'm so excited right now. Okay. I'm so excited right now. So that movie was actually a commercial and critical flop. 100% commercial and critical flop. They let the fucking, whatever the thing is, when a movie has

you know when the public domain shit that thing they let the public domain run out on that movie nobody gave a fuck about that movie at all. And then TNT started showing it all the time. So TNT it was like where was TNT or TBS

somebody was like hey the public domain is lapsed and nobody has picked this shit up. Everybody at the time thought this movie was a shit movie and the public domain lapsed and it cost nobody anything to air it so they decided to start airing it because they were like, it doesn't cost us anything so we'll start airing it

and then everybody was like this is the greatest Christmas movie ever because everybody was airing it because it didn't cost them fucking shit. Right? And so in our brain, see this is the greatest Christmas movie of all time but no, it was only because

Pigley Wiggly. It was free to show it. It was free to show. It is a great movie though. Right. Jimmy Stewart crushed. Okay, sure. But at the time the movie came out, nobody thought that.

Yeah, but at the time that it came out, nobody washed their feet either. True, but there were still- They had no shit. But there were plenty of movies at that time that people considered greats. But, like, that is why that movie is considered a great is because they just played it because it cost them nothing to do. Right. Jimmy Stewart, dude, he was like...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, my, my, my, my, crass mouse. Yeah, that Dana Carvey book. Jimmy Stewart with a prostitute. You know, it's like, do it again, ho. You're your imagination. Do it again, whore. Yeah, but anyway.

But that's the deal with that movie. Like, it should have never been a classic. If there hadn't been those, like, public domain laws, nobody give a fuck about it. You hear stories like that about, like, during the DVD era all the time, especially about comedies. That, like, shit, like Super Troopers. Right.

Didn't really hit, but on DVD, it was massive. Right. And that fan. Family Guy, it became, because Family Guy got canceled like three times or whatever. Three seasons in. Because it wasn't getting, it wasn't doing numbers. But then that was the DVD era and people put out box sets, a family guy. And that pumped it up.

Friday, office space. It's like that's what happens with Netflix now a lot, shows that are on something. Like Schitt's Creek was on Sky TV and nobody was watching that, but Netflix picked it up. But it's wild for. a show that at that time was like 50 years old, or a movie, I mean, at that time it was like 50 years old to get that kind of hate or whatever. No, dude, it's crazy.

Yeah. And like Christmas story, like, I love the movie, a Christmas story. I genuinely do love it. But I don't know if TBS hadn't started playing it 24 hours, if it would be the thing that it is today. You know what I mean? Like that was a gimmick. I agree.

But also let's break it down a different way. It's like with the first story you told, it was like, well, this is cheap. With it with... Not cheap, free. Right. With a Christmas story, I do think it was a little bit like, all right, this movie hits. It'll hit for people. So like, it became the classic because it had the juice.

Yeah, for sure. And it's just like, but he's talking about with Christmas songs, it's kind of the same thing. It's like... Yeah, let's get back to songs. But I'm saying like there's a moment in time and these songs just happen to penetrate that moment and now they are in our culture forever. And I don't know if you can like get a new Christmas song going.

Like when's the last time you heard of a new Christmas show? I think probably Mariah Carey. Right, but that's 25 years ago. That's almost 30 years ago. It's insane. We're old as fuck. Okay, but like that's my point. I know.

I know, but it will. But it will. But it will. Yeah, people try to do it every single year. And it don't work. Mariah was the last fucking one to do it. So, Tushar, that's your favorite Christmas home. I just remember her being like, New Indians, I do like that.

Christmas. We do. Gras said they had families. That's close. I said family. You're right. I did say that. We do, uh, I think we, we, we, towards the end in high school, we got a Christmas

tree and we, but the whole tradition of like Santa's coming and all that shit. We didn't do any. of that. Like, we didn't even fuck with, like, there's a, leave a cookie out. But Christmas song, Christmas music hits for you. But we,

yeah, because it, it, it's a, it, like, enables a feeling of things are in a holiday season. There's a festive spirit. I did hate,

and I think we may have talked about this last year, the year before, whenever we did this, but the fact that Christmas was basically, oh, Santa was basically fabricated by Coke. Right. You know,

like that, there's like, there's like, there's like, gross elements to it but they do it so well and uh homie that wrote uh what's the motherfucker uh that did all that shit uh yeah that motherfucker did all that shit yeah you know what i think we all remember the motherfucker did all that shit so one thing i will say what are you talking about not hans christian anderson but the other motherfucker oh that motherfucker charles dickens yep

tally dickon yes he invented christmas i know he did but you're really talking about Charles Dickens? Yes, I said that. I thought you were, dude, you're like a huge fan of his. I know, Trey, and I'm very drunk right now

and I can't remember nobody's name. Okay. Ask me what your key is. I want to remember. Real quick, I will say one thing. In terms of Christmas

and India, God, we don't care. There was, there was, I do too sure. I very much. I care.

Okay, fine. Like, before, mega malls showed up in India like 15 years ago. Oh damn. There wasn't much in Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas but you show up Almost like the mall has to be there

For Christmas to matter exactly Exactly so in the mall we show up And there's a fucking big tree There's a fucking 112 pound Indian dude and a Santa outfit Like it's all fucked up It's like what do we That's fat there 12

Yeah that's how big Santa was That's a big old fat man That's a fat fucking Indian right there 112 pounds they're like what's he been eating show up at the mall it's like December and it's like this is fucking bullshit Christmas

oh my God 120 how surreal is that though to like did you have any I just think it's movies did you know this was an American thing oh for sure I knew it was American thing but we show up there and they're like they took because of Christmas movies they knew that the but he's from Alabama

yeah I thought he was like the baby you're talking about like I'm talking about When you visited You learned from movies That in America I thought he was so great Bro I thought he said when he was like six No I'm saying

Through the years I saw India adopt Christmas Right as a thing More and more and more And that was because malls Were like the place to like buy shit So they would push this idea Of like Christmas holiday shopping

So all this commercial shit that was here You see it seep into there slowly And it's not like they're Christian They're gonna go to fucking church on Sunday They are just a pure commercial element of gift buying, tree. Yeah, the best part of it. But it's like adopted by Hindu Indians there. All right.

Specifically talking about Christmas music, because we said this is a sort of impromptu Bubba situation, although it doesn't have to do with country music. I'll start. The Christmas song that stood out to me that I thought before we started is the, it's Carol of the Bales, but not just any Carol of the Bells, the one with the Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Carol of the Bells, which I feel like goes pretty hard. You guys know when I'm talking about, yeah, Carol of the Bells is dun-da-da-da-da-da-da. But you guys know the Trans-Siberian Orchestra one. I think I saw it when that video went viral where they made the lights match. They fucking, there's like shredding guitar solos in it.

I'm talking about where somebody made their Christmas lights blink with that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the first time I heard it. And it rocks. I love that song. It does rock. It does. It rocks real hard, but I also, I told you all before we started recording, I also can't help but think of.

It's Rodney Carrington. It's Rodney Carrington. It's Rodney Carrington, I think. It is. Rodney Carrington. He had a Carol of the Bell song about a mentally handicapped young man. Working at Burger King? And it was like, ding, fries, a done, ding, fries are done.

I work at Burger King. I wear a paper hat. fucking work a, and that was like, dude, an apple pie. I think it was. I'm pretty sure it was Rodney Carrington, but that.

Would you like an apple pie? But, would you like an apple pie with that? Would you like an apple pie with that? Ding, president. And let me tell you something, buddy. When that came out in

Salina, Tennessee, that was it. That is the Mariah Carey. Do you know what I mean? Like, this is about to be a standard right here. Big Brother done.

Do you remember that song goes, do you remember what he said? It's not good. We'll move on. Is it racist? Nope. It was not. I just want to say that the first time I heard that song

was in Home Alone, which we just referenced earlier. I love that scene. It's a montage scene, and it's so dark for a movie, for a kid's movie. Because he's trying to, like, get his shit together. It's with the old man.

Yeah, the old man who he's afraid of. He doesn't know he's there to help him. Oh, I love that fucking scene. Dude, that movie is, Like, it's a classic, and it, like, there's a lot of Christmas classics that don't have actual deep meanings. But that movie, if you just watch it as a standalone, is a tremendous movie. Like, what Chris Columbus did in that movie is tremendous. And I remember being so fucking scared of that old man.

And then I only to come at the end and be like, it was like Snape and Harry Potter. Potter where I was just like, wait, he's good? What the fuck? This means nothing to any of y'all or anyone listening, but that old man looks so much like my father-in-law. That means a lot to me. And the boys, my son's papal. Yeah.

You know what I mean? But yeah, no, dude, he was terrified. Yeah. Right. But then it turns out that scene in the church. He's a sweetheart, right. Like, it literally is like what, it's what J.K. Rowling did for seven movies with snakes.

but Chris Columbus and John, who's the guy that wrote the... John Hughes. John Hughes did it in one fucking movie. One fucking movie where you go, this guy is the devil, and then at the end they go, actually this guy has been the good guy

the whole fucking time. So I want to do this because I think it's important. That's not Rodney Carrington. This is from the era of like Napster and shit. Live wire. Live wire. And lime wire and all that stuff

where it's like, You know that song, you know the country-ass gin and juice cover, which is by the goords. That's the gourds. But on Limewire, that said fish. Forever. So everybody thought that was fish. Well, apparently, Deng Frieser Dunn is by a guy named Robert Lund. So it's not.

Thank you, Robert Lund. I'm certain you're dead. It's not by Rodney Carrington. Well, he's a god, in my opinion. But it does say like some Rodney Carrington shit, though. That was huge at Gordon Lee, too, by the way. like people would just run through the halls and just go ding fries are done thing fries are done like it was a big deal yeah it went viral before we're going viral was viral yeah dude that's a wild time it is a wild time i think about like uh you point of your dick check your phone uh i think about like uh like the jerky boys or whatever you know like they oh yeah like that's insane like they went viral before the internet it's like people were like jip foxworthy did too it's like people were like just like people were like they did it's like people were like they did it's like people People were passing tapes around or whatever.

My uncle Ronnie, I think I've told you all this before, came over with, you might be a redneck on cassette. And, like, was like, come on, we got to listen to it right now. Foxworthy went viral. I went viral before going viral was viral. It's like I read, have you all, like I read Steve Martin's book, born standing up. It's a great book.

It is a great book. And he talked about how, like. He talked about how he quit stand up because of, Friday late show which yeah but he talked about his like like back then this is like the 70s or whatever

and he was saying like you know from his perspective it was like he was on the road he'd do shows and more and more people just showed up do you know what I mean and it's like that's so that's insane to me because there weren't

there weren't videos that went viral on the internet that everybody saw there was none of that it was just like There was this guy. Newspaper articles. Word of mouth. That was like, this dude's insane.

Well, you get on Johnny Carson. Like back then, you get on Johnny. Yeah, but I'm talking about like, like before he ever did. No, no, no. I know. But I'm saying like everything was so fucking like there was like three things. Standardized. There was everything was standardized.

And like you like there was three channels. So if you did one thing and if you were at a club and somebody saw you at a club and you hit, they were just like yeah you all got to go to the club when this motherfucker's there and they had no idea what other stuff was going on because there weren't no goddamn internet and shit and then if you went on fucking johnny carson bruh they were just like you knew that like if you went on carson and did well you knew you were going to sell out clubs of course i mean there were dudes that talked about it like leno talked about it where or well steve did too where uh they were like you would be a fifty thousand dollar a year comedian you know opening for people, which by the way, not bad. Dude, any opening comedian

right now hearing this going, I mean, 50,000 dollars here, not even adjusting for inflation. But like back then, that would be the thing. You made $50,000 a year. But like, if Carson had you on and he gave you the nod, not only were you going to have a good year,

you were going to have a good 15 years. Like you're in. Like you're fucking good. I shouldn't, honestly, I shouldn't even say this because I can't remember who I heard say it. But I think on like Marin's podcast, I heard somebody like a comment from back in the day. Drew Carey.

Well, no, I'm saying I heard one of them say like, everybody thinks that because we do all think that. And I heard somebody say like, well, they were, and this is, again, this is why I shouldn't even have said it because I don't remember who it was. But they were saying like, there were plenty of people for whom that happened

that the subsequent hitting did not have. Well, you still had to hit. Well, I'm saying, like, God has nod. Like, you could go out there and, like, because that's what we've all heard is comics. Back in the day, you go on Carson, you get the nod. You're selling out right after that. And I've heard that that's a little bit of a, like, urban legend or whatever. You still had to bring it.

Right. Like, that absolutely happened. But absolutely. But not for everybody. Okay. I won't name drop. I'll say the first name, and I won't say. the last name. Our friend

Whoopi. You already said her whole name, but yeah. Our friend Whoopi told us she was like, luck is when hard work meets opportunity. Yeah. I don't think that was Whoopi. That's not a whoopee ism. She said that to me. I know, but that's a

thing. Right. But Whoopi said it, so it's a whoopiism now to me. And I was like, because I was telling her me and this lady named Whoopi that y'all may not know, I was like, well, we got lucky. Yeah, Jewish guy. I was like, well, we got lucky because they're and she's like, they are like, we know y'all crush.

You don't understand. I was like, no, we got in this, we got in this moment because of this. And she's, they, whoopee, was like, yes, but you've been working really hard. And the reason that you succeeded at this is because luck is when hard work meets opportunity. And back then, when Johnny Carson would be like, give you the nod, of course there were some people that just had a good set. They just had a good set on Carson, and then they went to a fucking theater and sucked dick for 45 minutes. Right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But then there was Drew Carey who then murdered, right? Right. But you don't hear about those other motherfuckers.

Stephen Wright was another one. There was, there was plenty of them for whom like that absolutely happened, yeah. But back to Christmas music, Toshar. You already said, no, I'm not, but you said,

you already said Mariah Carey as you're, like, if you're picking one Christmas song. Can I call it two songs? Of course you can. Two songs that really always get to. Two songs. Pull up to the club.

Uh, have a holly jolly Christmas. That song. That's Burlives. I mean, that song, you hear it. You can't be in a bad fucking mood.

Oh, good golly. Have a holly. I like the name. Burl. Yeah. That one. Lives had a great moment. I hope the Burl and Lexington is still going.

It is. Some of our friends play music there. We did a show at the Burl. We were the very first act to ever do the Burl in Lexington. Yeah, we were. Cool place. Corey, you've said. They weren't even open yet.

You've said Burl Ives full name 20 times on this podcast. I'm just, do you? I'm just wondering like, I mean, I love that name. Do you like that name? Do you like the full name? Yeah, is that wrong? No, no, no. Burl Lives Matter.

He just said, just been like, Burl Lives Matter. Burl-Live. And I don't think I've ever heard his name. Burl Lives matter. It's a great name. That's hilarious. Burl-Lives is like, you know,

I've definitely heard Burl-Lives. You remember all the Rudolph and Santa movies? Yeah. Like, that was all Burl-Lives. Like, he was the, he wrote the songs for all those movies. So I thought of him every Christmas, like until he died he was getting a huge paycheck because like he was commissioned to do like hey we have a new santa cartoon coming out and burrow eyes would be like have a holly jolly christmas it's the

best time of the year oh by golly have a hot that was burrow lives like he just had it up like he was auditioning that was awesome but burrow lives had a moment there and where like i just do you see what i mean instead of saying he had a moment there you did he said says his full name. It's a good fucking name. It is a good name. It is a good name, right? Burl Ives.

If your name is Burl Eyes, people will say your name instead of just like, you know, Burl or he? It sounds like a beer. Pass me one of them Burl Isles. It sounds like a Norm MacDonald character. Right. My name is Burl Ish. Yeah, because Nibbley, Shibbley, he was the snowman.

He was. Burl Eyes is often a. associated with the Christmas season. He did voiceover work as Sam the Snowman and narrate, who was the narrator of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Burrow-Li-Ly. He also worked on the soundtrack, including the songs, Holly Jolly Christmas and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, both of which continue to chart annually on the Billboard holiday charts into the 2020.

I want to talk a little bit about Rudolph. That was my choice. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So more Burrell-Lives talk. Yeah. So it's an interesting story because it was a pamphlet.

Basically, it was like a children's story, really, that took off as a story in the 30s. So you were talking about how it just feels like these things have been around like Beowulf. And then we talk about how Dickens is sort of the father of modern Christmas. So I guess in like 38 or 39, someone just wrote essentially a children's story to make kids feel okay about being different, which is obviously the point of Rudolph. The song came later. Of course. The movie and the song came later and at the same time. So what's the origin of the story?

Would you say? Rudolph. How did he get? Was he always connected to Santa? The story, as you know it, is just a pamphlet like a book. It was a children's book, but it's considered a pamphlet because it was so short. And it wasn't like in hardback or whatever. That went, again, viral or viral.

When was that, you said? The 930s? Late 30s. But my question is like if, if. You're in that queer reindeer buck? Go to war. Oh, yeah. Fog.

Oh, fog's what scary? Imagine fog and Nazis. Yeah. You cowards. If Santa was invented by Coke at some point, and Rudolph came in later. I don't know he was invented by Coca-Cola. I'd love to play any games. Father Christmas at St.

So I guess what you're saying is like the story, as we know, of Christmas of Santa does this and he has Rudolph and all that stuff. That was piecemeal or was that one person came up with it? So it's like religion. St. Nick is a character who existed. Myths about

him got blended with myths about Father Christmas. Many Western and European nations had various traditions similar to that. Even Crampus was considered the opposite of that. What is it? I thought we'd been recording for like three hours.

were we at 40 minutes that's all right we're getting there we got 20 minutes no i'm happy and sad about it i was like merry christmas buddy drew is right it is piecemeal is right so and according to one movie i saw that chow recommended charles dickens charles dickens did you like the movie yeah we talked about this one putting on there's charles dickens uh sort of crystallized a whole lot of that with a Christmas carol when that book came out. So like the way that a lot of the things that people think about Christmas, Drew's right, Father Christmas, St. Nick,

Chris Cringle, all that shit goes back forever, and it all sort of got crystallized and brought together by... And Scrooge and shit like that. Charles Dickens in that book, yeah, and that... Yeah, like Christmas wasn't that big of a deal then, and he was just like, I'm writing a Christmas book, what are you go of it?

and they were just like, don't do that. And he was like, I'm a boy, too. And they were like, all right. And he was like, ooh, yep. Root. I love how you're devolving further and further into the British accent. Let me ask you. What is it, right here?

How old are about it? Oh, you need a silly goose, Tony Tim. Oh, you ought to come at it. Oh, fuck you. I don't. I'm the busy for a fool about it. We have a tree. Do you think Christmas is.

done evolving. Like, is the story changing? Are we... No, we're not. The shelf, dude. What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? Dude, at some point, like, someone is going to put out a song

that's going to become one of those songs. That's true. Like, it will happen. Harry Styles. Honestly, somebody... You know what we should do

is write a song about Elf on the shelf because it is a cultural phenomenon. What is Elf on the shelf? So you don't know Elf on the shelf? We didn't fuck with it in my house. Hey, I don't know shit. No, no,

no, that don't hit. So you put an elf on the shelf, but if you're not a good little boy and girl, it'll fuck your shit up, right? And it doesn't mean stuff. It's an answer lie that people tell their kids. You're telling me there's an, like a toy elf. You do it with your kids?

Jesus is already alive. No, I did not do it in my kids, but like there's this toy elf. You put it on a shelf. Right, that's very important. It's very important. And it watches you, whatever else. But also like, is my dad?

Is he on a cross? Kids go to sleep. Kids go to sleep. sleep and you move the elf onto a different shelf or whatever to make it have the semblance of someone's watching.

Sapience, right, yeah, exactly. Look at you. There's an elf on the shelf watching you jack all. Happy fucking Christmas. Yeah, it's the same thing. So, Santa is Jesus

and the elf on the self is Santa. No, but it's true. Is his agent, his manager. All the fucking. All of it ever has been is parents trying to keep their kissing jacking off. Yes. Thank you. It's just parents trying to not parent.

They're going, there's an omniscient being out there that, listen, I don't give a fuck if you finger your butt hole at all. But there's a guy out there. And if you do finger your butt hole, you won't get any goddamn presence. We've been learning so much about Corey. You'll get fucking coal. And they were like, oh, cool, Santa. and they were like, yeah, we know Santa. We know his whole fucking deal.

And they were like, really? Do you know the fucking elf that moves everywhere in this fucking house? And they were like, we didn't know anything about that. So they put the fucking elf up there. And the kids are just like, we can't beat off because there's a fucking elf out there. Isn't there? Right. It's 1994.

Corey just left the mall in Chattanooga with his parents. And his mom's like, what did you tell Santa you wanted? And he told him, he's like, I wanted a new Nintendo. Super Nintendo. And then his dad's like, well, you know you're not going to get that if you don't stop fingering your butt hole. I knew that bitch.

I knew Santa's ass. I knew Santa's ass wasn't real for a long time because my dad was a proud man. My dad was like... A prod boy, if you will? My dad was like, I got you that shit. All right. Santa, she...

I got you that. Quit finger in your bow. Yeah. So, too... Son, quit finger in your butt hole. You want a Nintendo 64? It originates. I don't know if it originates,

but a children's book from 2005 that also came with a toy elf. The book tells the story of a scout elf who hides in people's homes to watch over events. This is from Wikipedia. Once everyone goes to bed, the scout elf flies back to the North Pole to report to Santa the activities good and bad that have taken place throughout that day. Religion. Before the family wakes up each morning, the scout elf flies back from the North Pole and hides. By hiding in a new spot around the house every morning, the Scout Elf.

plays an ongoing game of hide and seek with the family. The scout elves get their magic by being named and loved. Sounds like a pedophile elf. By being named and loved by a child. Drew, don't he always try to act like Santa ain't Jesus? Yeah, definitely. That's why I said, here we go again, because like this is Jesus. I feel like literally every single Christmas on the well-read podcast,

we have this exact same conversation. wrong every time with me. Santa just don't. I feel like Santa can serve as a secular version of the same sort of thing. Can I just say, bro, I, name. Then he had a stroke, dude.

Listen, he's right. You know one thing he is very right about? We've done this a million times. We have. Every year. Let's move on. Those people have stopped listening. Every year we have the same conversation.

Moving on, let's move back to Rudolph. Can we do that? Yes. Because if we're going to do Bubba style, we should break down some lyrics. Okay. I don't feel like you'll do your thing. Yeah. I don't feel like we got to read the Rudolph lyrics because everyone knows them.

No, read them. Go pee. Read them, motherfucker. Go pee. Rudolph, the red night, my dear. I love that. He was Jewish. As sung by Corey's aunt.

You ever saw him You would even say it close Like a lot, pulp And all the other reindeer Used to laugh and call him names What they call him? And if he ever saw them No, they never let poor Rudolph

Playing any reindeer games Poor Rudolph Joining any reindeer games And Corey Then one foggy came to say Rudolph with your nose so bright won't you

join my sleight tonight and how the reindeer loved him as he shouted out with glee you'll go down in history just like George Washington and peewee Herman you guys didn't say peewee Herman

all right go peevee that ain't your liquor but yeah rendition all right if you guys want to see the film version of that Tushar and I will be post posting it on our socials, because he filmed all of that. So what I want to say is this. The reindeer tradition existed before that.

It came from the St. Nick tradition. Go reindeer. Santa sleigh is pulled by reindeer. And they can fly. Yeah, right. So living inside the song, as we do on Bubba, as if it's literal and it literally happened, just like, you know, when we do Dennis Lindy songs.

Dude, there's no way the reindeer liked Rudolph. This brand new dude just came to fucking work. and was the star immediately. And also it's like, oh, it's foggy. It's never been foggy on fucking Christmas in any part of the world. And then you got flying reindeer? Yeah, but dude, they can fly. Can we just take a moment?

But they can't see through fog, tray? But see, he's like, he got bullied. You know what I'm saying? By who? The other reindeer. That's what I'm saying. They treated him like shit. By the Germans.

So let me tell the, he's Jewish. All right. I try to do it inside that world. Let me do it in the real world. So, who's the other? been bullied here. Have you ever been bullied, Trey? A little bit, not too much. Corey's been bullied. What?

Shit. I don't think so either. No, I don't buy that. But I don't buy that. Tushar, were you bullied? I was bullied for sure. Maybe when he let that dude jack him off. I was bullied. You were? Two-star was bullied. Blacks and whites. Tussar. A lack. All right, here we go. When you were bullied,

if you had come to school and suddenly been good at, things your bullies wanted to be good at, would they immediately have respected you? Or they've been mad about it. So like I'm an athlete all the sudden. Yeah, I know they wouldn't have bullied you anymore, but would they have respected you or would they've been jealous real bad?

I think they probably would be confused and then jealous, and then they'd probably try to bully again. They'd come around eventually? You think they'd come around or they'd bully you? Well. I just don't think they'd admittedly be like, let's sing a song for this guy we hated yesterday. You don't think that.

I don't know about singing a song, but you don't think they'd earn respect for him or whatever. Maybe eventually, but that takes time with your bullies. Maybe you're right, though. Maybe Rudolph earned it. I just feel like, to me, he's got real. My dad owns the company energy. But his dad don't, though.

Yeah, I know. You know his dad's daughter? His dad's daughter. His dad is daughter? Can you guys name the reindeer? Yeah, in the myth, yeah. Like, it's from a different Rudolph movie. So, Donner is part of the problem because Donner is one of the ones bullying.

Bullying his own son. Who can identify with that? he sprints back in here. See, you're coming from a perspective of, uh, well, all state fucking football quarterback. Oh, maybe.

Uh, prom king. Maybe. I thought I was coming from, you're like, this little fucking nerd comes in here and tries to hit. We can't have that. Okay,

I think you're right. I was covering that. Oh, red shirt. Red nose freshman. Right. Because it was like, oh, guys, it's foggy.

We better bring this light up nose in here. Brough, it's been foggy on Christmas before. Yeah. Yeah, lights don't help on the fog. What was the nose really doing? Do you know what I mean? Like, I mean, if you think about it.

Well, I mean, dude, you're flying, you're flying through the fog. Above the fog, first of all. If you think about it. At light speed. Fog, my definition. At BTW. Fog, by definition, is down low. If you think about it.

I mean, it was at light speed. If you think about it, if you think about it, all the red nose is doing is preventing other flying. objects from hitting them. That's really all it's doing. It's, well, I mean, yeah, that's good to have, you know, in the age of... Wait, but who flies into Santa? Birds? Airplanes?

Well, airplanes, I guess. Can I ask you a question? But that's not how they present it. They presented like he puts them through the fog. There was only like eight airplanes and they were at war. Absolutely. So they make it sound like the red nose got them through the fog. I'm so glad you're coming around on this.

Yeah, because... Can I point out one more later? It would not work that way. All you, all you would do is light up more fog. You would just make the fog. The dog look red. Again, it would help. Which is cool if you're on Molly.

It's actually, it ages well because in the modern era, it does make sense in that it would keep Delta Flight 1293 from ramming into your ass. Right, right, right, right. But that's really all it does. Like, it doesn't. And also, he's in the front. It's not going to prevent him from running your ass. Right. Still going to get up your ass.

Let me say this. Another lyric that bothers me. uh do you do you recall the most famous reindeer of all you can you don't if you have to ask me if i remember them they weren't famous you are hitting for me in that like we all know you're a contrarian and i feel like at christmas time you've been like you know who didn't hit rudolph it's like very very own brand but like you're but you're selling me on it though like i'm with you I wish you guys could see me I just put a red nose on it

It's very funny Yeah man I've been doing it kind of as a bit And I'm going to try to do it this weekend And put it out even before this podcast comes out I hope you're right I hope you know But I don't know

Maybe that's too far behind the curtain Maybe people aren't interested To how my brain's been working But I also truly feel this way I was listening to that song a day And I was like This dude sounds like The coach's kid

Who like gets to play because he has good fundamentals. It's like, fuck your fundamentals, dog. You can't do a no-look pass. His name was Zach. I'll never fucking get over it, all right? Okay. Why reindeer, though?

I hear you, but like, bro, the red nose is something none of the rest of them have. He's bringing something to the team that literally none of the rest of them do. It's completely worthless as we have elucidated. Sure. Sure, but like it. Yeah, it's a word.

It doesn't fit in this context, but, you know. It doesn't fit this context. But it did. But it did. hit that night that they were foggy. They don't help in the fog.

It just makes the fog red. Also, they've been through fog before. So you think that Santa was just like, good job, buddy. Yeah. I think Santa's a good dude. And he's like, man, they're really shitting

on this kid. Santa's totally a good dude and is in no way like Jesus. Jesus was a good dude too. Well, yeah. It's just, you know. Sure. Jesus's great dude. Are you?

I was just, that was, I was just joking. Jesus is like the American flag. People that are listening right now, if you are new to us and to well-read, they can go back and listen to it because again, I'm not joking. Three times. Every single Christmas, every single Christmas,

we have this exact argument, and I don't want to do it again. But there's no argument. Jesus. Joe insists. It's not an argument. Jesus and Santa are the same thing. He's saying that has myths. They're not, though.

They literally have the same. They're not. They're two different. Do they serve the same purpose? Say all Santa stuff. Do they serve? It is too wild. You're not letting me say anything.

Say all of Santa's stuff. No, they're both. You're not letting me say anything. Say all of Santa stuff. Do they serve the. same purpose in that it's a way to get your kids to act right yeah sure okay but they don't have to it could be some other it does you relate everything to jesus because you grew up in a jesus how santa can just do that without having a single fucking thing to do with jesus they serve the same purpose

but i don't give a fuck it doesn't matter you can Santa could be a totally secular give a fuck but it's still the same thing but but it doesn't what i'm saying it doesn't have to be of course it doesn't have to be christian or thing okay all it is that's but in in course the defense in course of the sense santa then is secular people's way of tricking their children let's not do it we've already done it a million times i don't give a fuck this is the gift that keeps on sucking all i'm saying is please i agree i'm on trace team santa hits harder than jesus i'm with you i'm just saying harry potter's the same shit like Born of a virgin.

Fucking, like, died, came back, all that shit. Mama was a virgin. It's all the same fucking story. You know what I'm saying? Fucking Star Wars. Like, baby, Darth... Can I ask you... Hey, can I ask you something?

What is in Santa's backstory justifies what you're saying? Meaning, I don't know much about Santa's backstory. He's an old fat white man. He killed Satan. Not true. Okay. You're damn right.

He's white. But what... There's nothing about Santa. Santa's backstory. He's a motherfucker who sees you when you is sleeping. Sure. He's omno, whatever. Amnition. Omniscient. Omniscient. Omniscient. Omniscient. Omnis. Omnisian. Omnipro power. And you as a child have to be like... But I'm saying... A hole in your logic is there's no backstory to Santa. He's just a cartoon character that's mystical. Which means he's Thor, Thanos. He's Thanos or whatever. It's more secular people. For secular people.

people that don't want to teach their kid about Jesus. Does it serve the same purpose? Yes, I agree with you. He's modeled after St. Nicholas. I don't think it's for secular people. Okay, that's actually a better point. He's an avatar. St. Nick, so his backstory, at least a little bit, because again, it's a little piecemeal.

St. Nicholas was a figure who, uh, Jesus, I can't believe in no one's point of this out. He really loved kids. He was a cat. He was a Catholic who liked little boys and girls. sit in my lab little boys and girls It's over here He's just like Jesus now

I think about it I don't want to do this anymore Or any priest He's like any priest It's a good thing to end Don't sing us off, Joe Thank you all for listen to the well-read show We love to stick around longer

But we got to go Tune in next week If you got nothing to do I can't believe I just stayed on town Felice Navidad