wellRED podcast - #305 - Suckin' D*ck for Jesus w/ Drew and Andi

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

This week UncleDaddy is joined by his lovely wife Andi and it is a wild one. With Trae and Corey out of commission, Drew takes over as host as he and his lovely wife Andi discuss woke holidays, trying to get pregnant, and Drew finally reveals what he did at Burning Man that he is kinda sorta but not really ashamed of. It's a doozy of a story folks.

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skew universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery,

getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. You know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

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So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know,

put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid.

Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help.

So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the they're the they're the river rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a thug. They're the mirror And next that makes some people upset

They got three big old dicks that you can suck What's up everybody? Ooh, I came in a little hot there. Uncle Daddy here. I'm flying solo today. We have nothing to plug that I know of. I know Trey has some dates in January. I'll be at the comedy store the last Monday of the month,

but nothing major. I think the next well-read show is February 2nd through the 4th in Indianapolis, the 9th through 11th, we're going to be in Minneapolis, Minnesota, because we love going to Minneapolis in the wintertime. Go to well-read comedy.com to check out tickets.

Corey had to deal with some baby issues or appointments or maybe he's being a baby. I'm trying to remember what he said. No, I think he had appointments. Trey is back home in Clay County where the internet, like the politics, Or a couple decades behind. So I'm by myself today, but rather than literally speaking to the void the whole time,

I decided to get my wife to join me. Hello, Andy. Hello. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Did you have good Christmas? Yeah.

It was a good Christmas back in Scott County, slash Morgan County. Did you get anything good? I got a really cute drawing of our dog. Yeah, from your mom. You got some cool artwork He got me a new pixel whip Which I asked for

And opened Yeah Well I mean I knew what it was I opened the gift I asked him to give me When it showed up Because I knew what it was My name on the box

And then he got mad at me Because I opened it And was like I'm gonna wrap it And I'm like I already know what it is And he's like you still have to open it on Christmas We didn't have anything else to put We had two Christmases to go to Yeah

It was pretty funny. Yeah. It was just for show. You wanted everybody to see me open and present for me. Nobody saw you open that. So why did I need to open it? So that you would have something to open. Okay.

Fair. I read a Reddit recently. Am I the asshole? That's your favorite Reddit. It is. I love it. Where this chick went to Christmas with her fiance's family for the first time. and she, like, put a lot of time and effort into buying gifts for all of them, all the family, based on what she knew about them.

And she was like, I know I didn't expect anything great, because I know they didn't really know me that I didn't really expect that much. But, like, you know, I was coming to, like, bond with them. She said, I saw this whole pile of presents for me. And I was like, oh, wow, that's so kind. And every single one of them was a piece of coal. So they made her open like 20 individually wrapped pieces of coal. And apparently that... The hazing things?

Yeah. And then when she got upset, her fiance was like, we did this to every new member of our family the first Christmas since nobody knows what to buy them. And she got upset and they got mad at her. Isn't that crazy? How upset does she get? I mean, she wrote the post, so I guess it's hard to know. She said she started crying.

Yeah, I mean, that's a weird thing to do, but it's a weird thing to cry about, too. You got hazed by your fiancé's family the first time you had Christmas with them? That's embarrassing. I mean, I wouldn't do it to everybody. I wouldn't have cried about it. I'm not saying it's cool, but, like, crying about it's weird. Also, so is hazing somebody. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't remember how well she is. I think crying because people you don't know how you call as a joke. joke is stupid. I would have thrown the coal at them. You wouldn't have cared. You would have been like... Yeah, I would have thrown it jokingly,

but I would have tried to hit him in the head with it. You can't throw coal jokingly. Yeah, you're like, ha-ha, we're having a great time with this hazing. I don't think... That's how I react to hazing, Drew. I'm not sure what you don't understand. I get violent back against hazing. Or coal.

You can't throw coal as a joke. Now, I don't know which part you're... If it's the coal or the joke. But, like, coal's a rock. I have... I hit my cousin in the face with a piece of coal. I thought I like disintegrates. Yeah, you know, like if you hit it with a hammer

or throw it down on concrete, but it still hurts to get hit with it. Well? Well, what? It's their fault for bringing a bunch of coal into the house. I guess. Sound crazy to me, honestly. You sound like a wimp. Because I say coal's hard?

Because you can't handle some cold the head. Let's have a throw and call at each other's head contest and see who the limp is. All right. Yeah, you're obsessed with Am I the Asshole. For people who don't know even what Reddit is, Reddit is like a forum on the internet. So people will type out a story in the subreddit. It's like a section of Reddit called Am I the Asshole.

So people will type out a story and be like, am I the asshole? Or is the other party involved the asshole? And the ones that usually do the best. Are psychos. or 50-50s. Yeah. How did this one come down? Because I feel like a lot of people are like, they're clearly assholes because that's a weird thing to do.

I wouldn't call her an asshole for crying, but like, I feel like she said it might be asshole we're getting upset. I mean, she's an asshole for making a big deal about it, kind of. Who cares? Most people. Like, what happened to you there? What in your life is different? Were you expecting to get presents from people you just met? She said no.

So what is she crying about? I think she felt embarrassed. They embarrassed her. She doesn't like pranks. Yeah, because I mean, I guess she had to open each one individually. Blind enough. And they kept laughing at her. Yeah, she couldn't take it.

She can't take a joke. Yeah. It's a shitty joke. It's a shitty joke. You've got to be able to take one. Yeah. And also, you can't win in a shitty joke scenario by getting mad. Some people cry, though, when they feel blindsided.

I cry when I get angry. Sure. I cry. a lot. It has nothing to do with this. I'm just saying she might, crying might not have been a reaction she wanted to have, but it just like happened because she was embarrassed. I feel like

if somebody pulled a joke on you and you're a grown-up, and the joke was, we got you cold instead of a gift. The only way of making cries if it's someone who should have gotten you a gift, like your husband. Like your husband was like, uh-huh. He also didn't get her anything. The fiancé.

At all? Or just at that event? That's why she was actually crying. Yeah. Her fiance? Also, how's your fiance? She's never met any of these people. And people were like. She made this up.

And people were... She made this up. This is one of those... Well, if people live far away, they might not meet people. Beyonce? Yeah, I mean, some people get engaged fast. Which might be another reason why this wasn't going to work out. Well, I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Okay. It's just, I, you're obsessed with that one. There's another one you're obsessed with. The actual projection. So, credit. That will save that for our podcast. Hey, speaking of a podcast, today's episode is sponsored by a new podcast from the comedic genius, Drew Morgan, Carmen Morales, and DJ Lewis.

We're talking about, of course, Gravy Baby. Gravy Baby launches tomorrow. I've been very excited. about it for a while. You can find it where you can find podcasts. I hope. I've done this once before successfully. I think I'll be able to do it again.

It's hilarious. It's very good. There's some clips up on our social medias now. So get on it. Like, subscribe, rate, write us a review. Don't be shitty. Don't write a four-star review.

Oh, I'm going to be honest. It's pretty good. Just write a five-star review, asshole. Don't be a coward. Give it five stars You're a coward I had a good Christmas Did you have a good new year?

Yeah We went dancing We did go dancing We had unexpected fun Or unplanned fun Yeah I like that It started out kind of iffy

Because we went to that bar That we thought was going to have dancing Because it was a black light party And then it was like It was just people sitting around Did you do resolutions? No, I don't ever do that. Why?

I don't know. I don't like doing what, making goals when people tell me I should make goals. Who's telling you you should make goals? It's like a whole thing. New Year's resolutions. Make your new resolution. Nobody says you make it. I like to do it on my terms.

I get that. I make my own goals. I make many goals throughout the year and, you know, they change. But you sent me a thing. We're supposed to have a dinner this weekend where we do. this. That's not a New Year's Resolution. That is like a yearly like financial planning and stuff. It's the whole resolution is. It's a it's the same exact thing. No, it's not. How? Because New Year's resolutions are always like, I'm going to lose weight or sometimes there I'm going to do this with my money or my

business is going to be this. Well, if it works for people to call them New Year's resolutions, then they're more power to them. Why are you annoyed? Because I don't do resolutions. But you're making me do a couple ones. It's not, oh my God. That's what it is. No, it is not.

We're having a list of things. It's just being an adult, which I also hate doing, but we're doing it. New Year and new means. You're making me do resolutions and being an adult. I mean, yeah, I guess we have to. Ever since you decided to be a mother, you suck now. What the fuck? Fuck you.

It's also a bit when I throw a cold at your face. We're not pregnant yet. No. I'm a lack of trying. Been getting it in. And we're not doing the day thing yet. Is there like a time in your life? Is there like an amount of time you're like, all right, we're going to start counting days and ovulations and all that?

I don't know. Right now we're freestyle in it. Yeah. We're talking about swimming in. that's my favorite kind I'm not very good at planning freestyling I'm not a planner

I don't want to be an adult if this were a pitch for me to get you pregnant you'd be struggling right now well at least you know who I am oh I've been known who you know I know I think I know you more than you do do you agree with that

I don't know I don't know maybe in some ways I think I'm the only person in the world more obsessed with you I'm not obsessed with me no you're not if I was obsessed with

if I was obsessed with myself I would have a much more active social media that we think social media is self-obsession yeah and like well that and like some desperation

not that people are like desperate but like in terms of like oh this is how we get famous or how get rich. You certainly exist, but like you at least wanted to be an actor and now you want to do music. Like, you should use it as a tool. I know. Well, that's not self-obsession. You have this negative view of what it is for or what it does, which isn't entirely incorrect for some people, but like it can be a way, not that necessarily you get famous, what it is is like, let's see, you're being considered for a role and they go to your Instagram and you've got all these fire sketches where you play different characters,

it's like, oh, there's a depth of talent here. Yeah, I know why it can be good. I just don't necessarily enjoy it. But that's what it is. It's not because you're not, quote, unquote, self-obsessed. Yeah, well, I don't, yeah, some people like doing it. Yeah. Some people like doing it because they're self-obsessed.

Some people like doing it for other reasons, I would imagine. Yeah. I like being able to put my, like, projects out, you know. What do you mean? Like, when you make a project, like being able to advertise it? Yeah, I like being able to share it with people whenever I make something that I care about, you know. I like that aspect of it. You take a lot of pictures of yourself.

A lot? Like, if you look at your feed, I'm not judging you. Yeah. I'm not judging you. Sounds like you're judging me. No. You're the one judging people who are self-success. And use social media as a way to address that.

So I'm just saying, interesting, especially the Lucy Lightning page. Yeah, because I mean, I feel like that's what musicians do. That's how you roll with it? Like, all right, what do musicians do? Yeah. Well, what do actors do? To post a lot of acting. Yeah.

Guys, this is just a long form, me trying to get Andy to do more sketches with me. Which you've been trying to do for a while. Literally years. Yeah. You always say yes, and then won't do it. Our dog's going enough. Did he just fall? No, he's like.

What do you do? He's like pretending to kill the raw hide. Andy started a dog walking business, so that's fun. Dog sitting. That's what I meant to say. Let's not get too into it, though, because I discussed it on Gravy Baby. Gregie Baby, the new podcast. From the comedic minds of Carmen Morales, Drew Morgan, and DJ Lewis,

comes a podcast about spiteful joy. A podcast where we have positive vibes for trashy people. The whole conceit, if you guys are wondering what that podcast is about, it is a little thematic. And the idea is that we talk about things we like and things that bring us joy, but we're assholes. So, Carmen has phrased it,

positive toxicity. Which I like. I like that phrase, positive toxicity, because we're toxic people but we're trying to be positive. We'll give them a little taste. Andy, what do you like?

Well, here's how we do we go. What's gravy, baby? What's gravy, Andy? What's been bringing you joy later? Well, I mean, I like being around dogs all the time. So your new job's hitting for you. Yeah.

I mean, it's a little chaotic sometimes, but... They're destroying our house. Literally. But they're so cute. They are cute and dumb and gigantic. I know. They're so... Man, that little one that just had, like, two little bucked, bottom teeth that are bucked out.

You kept calling a chicken, even though they're not his name. Yeah, it looked like a little chicken. Andy calls every tiny dog chicken. Every single one. And I call every big dog dumb fuck. Well, that's been bringing... Dogs bring me joy. Hey, Mick.

Speaking of dogs. Yeah, he's being really loud. We're talking and we're not looking at him. He's pissing him on. I know. He keeps walking back and forth. He's circling back to the baby thing. I will say in a weird way,

observing you get up early, deal with these dogs, not be miserable or a total butt hole about it. Yeah. That's a positive feeling for me because I'm a little worried about, you know, you need a lot of sleep. Yeah.

You have a disorder of some sort. Yeah. I do need a lot of sleep. But lucky for me, you get up really early, so I think it's going to work out. Yeah, this is your plan. Business and parenting plan is let me handle it in the morning. No, I handle the dogs in the morning. It's not like 6 a.m. though, so.

I fed the dogs almost every morning. Not you. Teamwork. What I love is doing this and knowing that everyone's on your day. side right now. I mean, if you want to be on board of this dog empire, we're building an empire, baby. I don't want to be one of those couples.

An empire of dogs. Trying to find me a man that I can build an empire with. What the fuck are you talking about? Egypt in the 2000s? Yeah. Pre-200, what I'm trying to say 2000 BC? That was it. I'm dumb.

Egypt 20 years ago? Is that what you mean, bro? It's built an Egyptian empire. Yes, let's do it. That's what we're doing. New Year, new Egyptian Empire. That's cultural appropriation, Andy. Well, you know, I learn a lot about Egypt, so I guess I can do it.

Hope people got your irony there. Yeah, sorry guys. My mama got you a knife that you can wear around your neck. Yeah, it's pretty rad. It really hits for me. Yeah, it really hits for me, too, because your mom is like the sweetest, gentlest, most Christian woman. Yeah, but she's also a right-wing Christian woman. They love weapons.

My mom has a gun. Your mom has a gun? Yeah, pistol. She doesn't use it. She didn't carry it. No, she carries it. Where? To the cabin when she goes alone.

To Knoxville when she goes alone. She haven't in her purse? In the purse or usually in the glove box. I can never imagine your mom pulling a gun on somebody. She takes it basically anywhere her mammal's afraid of you going. Because she's a mamma now. So everywhere in a city? My mom would cry if she'd,

she had to get the gun out. Yeah. I do think she'd shoot somebody, though, but she would cry the whole time. You think she'd shoot somebody? Like if they were, like, you know, like beating the hell out of one of her grandkids. It'd have to be pretty extreme.

Oh, well, yeah, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Would you shoot somebody? I mean, if I had to. You got that in you? Fuck yeah, I do. You know me.

Yeah, I just want to know how you assess yourself. Of course. I'm a pretty violent person. Yeah, I think being violent, shooting people aren't necessarily. I guess there's probably a relation. I'm not violent like, I'm like, let's go

be violent all the time for no reason. But, I mean, like, when somebody wrongs me, my anger feels violent. Your anger feels violent. You know, like, when you're like, I can do something violent.

This is what being, you're talking about, you're describing being violent. Because you made me that mad. Yeah. You're describing violence. Yes. It's an accurate description of what being violent is. Yep.

When you're like I could do violent. But I'm actually very chill, so when I get pushed to that point, then I like snap. I go red. Yeah, like a wrestler or a football player who's been hitting the heads many times. Snap. Yeah. Yeah, you have a long fuse.

Yeah. I agree with that. But it's also such a quick turn that it's really... It's a really quick turn. Well, it's kind of disturbing. Like, if it's on me, I hate it. Yeah. get mad, I get real, real mad.

Yeah, real mad. Just, like, and fully mad. And, like, no thought process about what I'm doing. Like, I'll try to fight, like, a linebacker. You've done a great job of describing violence and now irrationality. I'll try to fight the largest person in the room if I'm angry. But also, if you're like, if you get angry at me about a, a thing, you hate everything about me until you're over it. Yeah. So like, you're angry that I did

X, but like also the way I'm now doing Y. Like, you're really angry at me about a thing. And then now, the way I'm washing dishes makes you furious. Yeah. I don't like that. Well, live with it. I mean, I literally do. But I mean, I just, that's like, that's not fun for me. Well, I'm a very chill person. you're a great partner. You'll be fine. You're a wonderful partner. This is not an ultimatum or anything like that. I'm just like talking out loud because it's a podcast about how like, man,

it's just one of those things. We're like, once you're mad, there's nothing I can do. I just have to wait. Yeah. Usually passes pretty quickly. Like I literally can't do anything. I can't do the dishes. I'll do them on. Yeah. Yeah, it passes pretty quickly usually. So just get out of my way.

I try, but we live in a one-bedroom house and there's 15 dogs here. I don't get mad that often. What about me? Do you get mad often? Yeah. Your anger is different. Like, you have a short fuse.

To be annoyed. To be, yeah. But you take every... You don't get, like, super angry very often. No. You get, like, little angry. I'm annoyed. Yeah.

You're always, like, you're mad at me, and I'm like, now I'm just annoyed. Yeah. It's annoying. It's annoying that I get annoyed? Yeah. That's funny. Well, is it funny? Really?

We don't know. Maybe we should change topics. Let's talk about the next most boring thing in the world. The weather. What about how all this money we spent moving out to Los Angeles? And the number one thing is supposed to be the weather. This is the grayest winter we've ever had here. This feels like fucking New York.

It's been raining. lot. The cool parties. But I feel like because it's sunny all the time, when it does rain, I appreciate the rain more. I think you just gotten older. No, I do. Wiser. Because, like, the last two winters, we barely had any rain.

True. And now that we've had a lot of rain, that means we're going to have a poppy explosion. For people who don't know what a poppy explosion means, in California, there are orange poppies just north of Los Angeles. in the Antelope Valley. And if you have a rainy winter, when spring hits... You have a super bloom. You have what they call a super bloom where Poppy's just fucking everywhere.

The whole Anilogue Valley turns on. It's magical. Fairies definitely live there. If fairies are real. Well, I would agree with the first part of that. It's magical how I would define it. But I don't think fairies were there. I said if fairies were real.

They all live in West Hollywood. Hey! Is fair a slur? Yeah, I think... Probably. Probably. Oops, my bad. I take it back. I didn't mean to. I was trying to make a gay joke, but I wasn't trying to do a slur.

Well, where do we go from here? So we're going to go see the poppies. Yeah, we are. How about how it's like people get really mad about people going to see the poppies because there's a lot of tourists who walk right through them and they stomp all over them just so they can take pictures in the middle of the poppies. Okay. and when we were there last, the last Super Bloom,

I was very conscientious of that and I was looking around and I did see a lot of people just stomping around on the poppies. Yeah. So that's... I have conflicting feelings about that. I mean, do I want people to stomp the poppies? No, that's not a conflicting feeling.

But generally speaking, this is part of a larger conversation in the conservation community, which is like you conserve nature, in theory, one reason is for people to enjoy it. Of course, people enjoying it doesn't mean they have to destroy it,

but people enjoying it and large numbers will mean that nature is going to get fucked up, period. I mean, that's just how it is. Yeah, so if you want to keep enjoying it, you have to, like, be conscientious about if you're going to destroy it, because that's how you ruin good things. So should only conscientious people get to enjoy stuff?

Um. And what about kids? I mean... What about an exhausted parent with three kids and one kid takes off running through the poppies? I'm just saying like they're, like if enough people fuck up the poppies, then the poppy fields might be closed and you have to look at them from the road. You know what I mean? Like, I get why people are like, stop walking all over the poppies. I do too

I wasn't just trying to be contrarian It's just it really is a paradox When it comes to like The Great Outdoors It's like Yellowstone exists for Americans to enjoy Yeah But there's too many fucking Americans there

It's too many people There's too many people There's people everywhere Yeah There's somebody when You ever been to Ohio There's so many people there And you're like, why?

And there's too much Ohio And by that I mean Ohio In Tennessee specifically. Stop. It's like the worst Ohioans too. I feel like I hate Ohio for the wrong reason and it's because their worst people

used to come to the lake all the time. Yeah, they're terrible. Then you go to Columbus and it's like, no, they're pretty cool. Well, so... There's also, there's Ohio Hillbillies, which I'm sure hit. In terms of people ruining things during the pandemic, like during quarantine, you know, all the national parks were closed. Somebody chopped down a Joshua tree,

which is like, there's only one place those trees grow. It's an Joshua tree. What if it wasn't? Somebody went and chopped one down and it was like a big deal because they're like, the park service had to be like, hey, don't do that. They take

like hundreds of years to grow. See, that person, that's different. Like somebody, it's like, how do you define stomping through the poppies? Because you and I did get off trail. We were careful, but we absolutely got off trail so we could take pictures completely inside. Now, we didn't step

on any poppies. But my point is when you're trying to define stomping through the poppies, you know, that's where it's like, what is stomping mean? Like, how careful is careful enough? Should you and I be punished? Because we did get off trail, but we're careful to step around the poppies. Versus

the person who tried down that Joshua tree should go to prison. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm an abolitionist. Like, I don't think anybody should go to prison. That person should go to prison. That person's an idiot. Why? I think they're an asshole What are you going to do if you chop it down

You can't replant it If you chop it down It's gonna die Coria's that great bit It's like Don't conflate asshole With stupid Because some of the stupid people

Are good-hearted That person's an asshole Well yeah, they're both What do you think they're dumb They're a dumb asshole? Yeah God, what's worse than a dumb asshole? Nothing

Nothing in the world I don't know I don't know A smart asshole kind of sucks too Yeah, it depends on the situation, right? Yeah. Because you can beat a dumb asshole. Yeah.

You can, like, really, you know, poke a dumb asshole and make them really bothered. Yeah. Smart assholes harder to get under their skin. Uh-huh. But a lot of smart assholes hide that they're an asshole, so they're more tolerable until you're... I'd rather know. Me too. Rather know.

Also, I'd rather the world know. Dumb assholes can't hide it if you're dealing with a smart asshole, and then sometimes they make you look like the asshole because they bait you and the world's like, why are you being so mean? Yeah. You're a gaslit by a narcissistic asshole. That's my new thing is that we're all being gaslit by God.

I'm not even sure I know what it means. I mean, yeah, the Bible's pretty gaslighty. That's not God, though. That's true. Or maybe it is. Eh. I don't feel like God was like, hey. You fuck with Jesus, though.

Write this down. But you fuck with Jesus. Yeah. I like Jesus as a... Explain yourself. As a spiritual figure. Mm. I'm not Christian.

I'm spiritual. I'm not religious. I'm not religious. I like... I like learning about... I like learning about, you know, different religions and different gurus and spiritual teachers. Um...

And I just think Jesus was pretty fucking rough. Brad. Yeah, that checks out. And I think, like, the book they wrote based on him is fucking bullshit. So you don't think women should talk in church. What? You said you were down with Jesus. Jesus didn't say that, though.

Jesus didn't say that. How do you know? The person that made up the book said that. What if Jesus was a smart asshole? I don't think so. Hit it? I don't think so. He loved having dudes falling around.

in the desert. Yeah. If you heard about somebody, Jared Leto's got people flying around in the desert. He's an asshole. Fuck Jared Leto. Well,

here's what I know about the gurus through history that people, you know, claim as gurus, and they become, like, known. They all say the same thing. This includes Jesus,

a bunch of Indian gurus that I've learned about, all of them. They say, the one thing that they all have in common is they're like love is the whole thing just love each other and the universe is inside of you that's like all they say Jesus said that shit too so Jesus said the universe is inside you yeah and the Gnostic the Gnostic scriptures that were hidden away what yeah there's like a whole there's like a whole book that was hidden because they couldn't read there was like they told the it was like supposed to be destroyed. It had the book of Mary Magdalene in it.

You're talking about Satan. That's the one Satan wrote. I didn't know that's what you were talking about. Now, Satan wrote those, Andy. Yeah, I know. Satan was trying to confuse us. Satan said, love everyone. We're going to take a quick break right here.

Today's pot is brought to you by Gravy Baby Podcast. That's Gravy Baby Baby, not Baby Gravy. Gravy Baby, the podcast that has positive vibes for trash people. You can find us anywhere. our podcasts or podcasting. Now, back to the show. All right, we're talking about Jesus here on the well-read podcast. A few days after his birthday.

You know, you always got to have people. Fake birthday. I'm so glad you said that. Because I think that stuff's important. I think that when people are like, hey, you know that story? You were told at Thanksgiving about the Indians? Yeah. Actually, we slaughtered him.

I think that's important. Yeah. I think that at the 4th of July, it's like, we're celebrating our freedom, but isn't it weird that we became twice as imperialistic as who we say we had to get our freedom from? Yeah. I think that's important. Yeah. But you do get tired of it. Like, sometimes you just want to get drunk.

For sure. And be like, we're celebrating. What are we celebrating? The number changed. That's why New Year's is great. New Year's is great. You can't woke New Year's into being problematic. I'm sure you could if you tried.

Actually, the real New Year's is like January 22nd. What do you mean real? I can't remember exactly, but it has something to do with like the, it's like when winter actually ends. Yeah, but who gives a shit about that? There's no one offended on behalf of winter. No, that's true. That's just, you're just talking about time and seasons. Nobody cares about that.

I'm sure if someone tried, they could be like, well, our calendar was 10 months originally, but then it was 12 months because the Romans conquered whoever. But then it's like, yeah, because July. was added by Julius Caesar. Right. And then August, I think, or September. Augustus. Yeah.

October, Oct. It used to be the eighth month. Yeah. Not the 10th. But that's not necessarily problematic. It's like, yes, the winners chose how the numbers would go. But it's not like, and they replaced a culture. You know what I mean?

It's just nice to party on New Year's without anyone having to tell you that you shouldn't be partying. They did kind of replace. I mean, like, whole societies had, you know, there are traditions around the seasons and however that works. But the calendar didn't get rid of the tradition. War may have. I don't know. But what I'm saying is when you party on New Year,

no one's like, you shouldn't be celebrating this. Yeah. The only people saying that are people who are like, I'm a professional alcoholic. New Year's Eve is amateur. People just want to. Shut the fuck up. People just want a party and they just want presents.

Even like the most Christian people. Yeah. They really only care about the prisons. I don't know if that's true. They, most of them do. I'm talking about New Year's. I'm saying that New Year's is the only holiday that is not problematic. You know, it's just the date changed.

There's two of them. There's ours and the Chinese. What's the difference? With theirs, you get hungry an hour later. Other than that, what are we celebrating? Another year. Yeah. It's a birthday for the world.

Yeah, for being alive another year. I dig it. Yeah. New Year's, he was awesome. I think so too. I mean, I'm tired of being shamed by these people who are like, I can't go out. I mean, I get, like, you don't want to go out

because, like, people are going to puke. Yeah. It can be too much. Just go to cooler places. I saw an Instagram post recently, and it was, like, like, a Instagram account that posts, like, historic photos. And it was the series of photos of New Year's,

a New Year's party in New York City in, like, 19. 30 something. Okay. And it was like a ton of people just passed out on the street. New York, they were just like piles of people just sleeping on the street. And I was like, these people went hard. All they had to eat it, it was bread.

They were like taking opium and like Coke and their soda. Yeah, there's cocaine in their Coca-Cola. Yeah, they're going hard. I can't believe anybody drank beer when there was cocaine in the Coca-Cola. I know. Maybe it'd come down. Yeah, you had to. Mix them a little bit.

Wow, that would have been fun times. I don't like cocaine. Allegedly. Allegedly. If I've ever done it, I know I would not like it. Yeah. Well, let's not talk about drugs. That's not what this podcast is about.

This is a well-wrep podcast. Parcast? Percash. We're smart redness. Let's get back to our Lord and Savior. Yes. Dale Earnhardt. Right,

Howell? Praise Dale. Who? We've done this before, and it's in our book, but I would be curious yours. I want you to do, and I'm putting you on the spot a little bit. I'm going to say it,

then I'm going to keep talking to give you time to think. Your three favorite hillbillies, your rednecks, or whatever word you prefer. You've already got number one. I know that, so I'm going to let you think of two and three

while I plug gravy baby. Braveie Baby, the world's best podcast. Ranked number one by friends, family. The Rock likes it. This guy down at my gas station said it was great. My mother thinks it's the best one. Who else? Joe Montana says it's his favorite podcast.

All right, you got a list? I can't do this anymore. Yeah. Well, um... Number one. favorite old bill you're right now Dolly Duh

Duh That was a dure Why? Tell us why Why's you your favorite? Well, because I mean it's like

The perfect blend of things I like She's, you know, an activist And she cares about people And cares about the region, I think But she's also

A performer And she's real flashy Which hits for me Okay, I can't There's no pushback on the performance side. Anybody who tries to push back against Dolly's talent, it's just like, they're so boring. I've talked about it on here.

I tried to fight a guy recently. I had to leave. I embarrass myself. But this whole activism, caring with the region thing, there's a lot of people who accuse her to being performative. There's a lot of info out there that, you know, she's just using the library thing

as a total tax write-off, and she doesn't pay fair wages at Dollywood. How do you feel about that? A place that, but very recently had a North versus South battle. Yeah, but when people push back, she did get rid of it. I don't think Dolly's a saint. I mean, I say it in like a joking way, but yeah, I think she could improve.

I think she's from an old generation. So just like our grandparents, like there's things that we're like, oh, you can do better there. I think she should pay people more. I really do. But I do think she does a lot of really good. good things and I mean I get people being suspicious of rich people but I do think among the rich people she's I think she actually cares about doing some good and I like that

she's keeping like Appalachian music alive you know she's question yeah we're eating the rich yeah you're first or last I mean you can't eat dolly because she has no fat her boobs are silicone you can't eat those. I thought that her boobs were Are you supposed to say real? Not real, but I thought they were always big. She just got him like shaped up as she got older. No. Do you want to mistake him? Do you know what I mean?

Like I think, I thought... Oh, I think she did have big boobs, but like, they're not that big. No, he's a bad bad tidies. She was a, she was a thick girl back in. So she does have something to eat. You're saying she's not marbled. Yeah. All right.

That far got awkward. Number two, Philadelphia or Redneck. Uh, uh, Yula Hall, hillbilly. Now there's an activist. She might be my number one, to be honest with you. Okay. Tell the people about Yula. Yula Hall, um, is from Kentucky.

She opened the Mud Creek Medical Clinic. It's now called Big Sandy. Um, but she basically lived, you know, she lived in this tiny Appalachian town and they didn't have any medical services. So she started operating a clinic out of the trailer. She lived in with her kids and would go pick up doctors. And like she really tried, like she made deals with all these doctors in neighboring towns. Organized. Got them to come in and like give cheap health care for the people.

And it grew from there. She would hand deliver people medicine. just really an effort on taking care of her community and the surrounding communities. And at one point somebody burned down her trailer, which just so strange, but somebody burned down her trailer, which was her home. And she raised money and completely rebuilt a new medical center. And now it's still there. And, you know, they've expanded to dental work and all kinds of stuff. and they offer free and reduced health care to people, anybody who comes.

So people from all over the region drive there. Yeah. And she's also a dope name. This is awesome name. And she's like real, real southern, like, you know, that thick Appalachian accent and just like a real feisty lady. She died last year, actually. Oh, damn, I didn't know it was that recent.

I think it was last year. It was pretty recently. Well, that was a great one. I got no pushback there. Uh-huh. What's your number three? It's hard to pick the third one. Okay.

Because there's two. Okay. Ola Bell Reed. Yep. Mountain musician. I actually don't. Her voice is the one I hear when I hear the name of you all. Yeah.

Because I've heard her sing somewhat. Yeah. I don't know as much about her life, but she's seems like a total badass from what I do know about her. But also, um, I would say the couple that I tell you about that almost defeated the TVA. Sam, Nellie and Asa. They almost took the TVA down from flooding their entire town. A quick back story on that.

TVA obviously came in the south and put electricity in the south. One way as they did it was they dammed up rivers. they did this part of the new deal it helped bring electricity and modernity into the South and it was one of the things that helped Fullis had a great depression it was a move by one of the Roosevelt's I think Teddy but I could be bucking it up and it was a great program most people loved it

but then it continued to exist and like many government like many government bureaucracies it became a big and part of the power game that is Washington DC in the 60s and 70s they were still building dams in spite of the fact that at that point it was pretty demonstrable that adding dams to the grid specifically the one you're talking about

wouldn't even help the power grid at all. It was just a project for the government to that entity that needed to spend money. It was just a project for them to spend money on. Plus, they would flood this land, take it by eminent domain, claiming that the government had to have it to do something with it, and then they would flood half the land. and sell the other half as lake or riverfront property. Which is what it is now today.

For triple the price that they pay for it. Yeah. So they flooded and destroyed a lot of farmers' lands. It was in the most fertile part of East Tennessee. Of America. Yeah, of America. And the last remaining free-flowing section of the Tennessee River, the Little Tea. Cool, tea.

It looked beautiful. And, yeah, the CVA, they fucking flooded it. But there was a group of hillbillies in the area who fought it for a really long time. And this couple that I'm talking about was the kind of the catalyst of it. And they brought in a law professor

that, a lawyer that you actually had as a law professor who... Yeah, Zig Plotter taught at Tennessee at the time and then he ended up teaching at Boston Palsh. He loved to talk to me and you about them and that. And technically, they did win because they found... It's a lot of information, but if anybody's interested,

look out of the Snell Darter trial. They won. They did win because they found... And then my guy, a senator, who I actually grew up going to church with, Howard H. Baker, snuck in a clause into a completely random bill because he was owned by the TVA. That said the Snell Darter was exempt from the Endanger Species Act.

There's been one exemption from the Endanger Species Act. species act and the history of it and it's the snail dart. Yeah. So they could build this dam. Yeah. So he was paid off by the TVA. And they burned, they, Sam died. Asa died. Not Sam, your son, right? No, I don't know why I keep saying Sam because I'm

I wrote, started writing a play about it and the characters named Sam. That's right. Asa passed before they had to leave their house and then Nellie was the last one there and she refused to leave. She was the last person in the area and the TVA came in and they like shredded up her roads with tractors and bulldozers so that nobody could drive on it so like reporters couldn't get to her and then they set her house on fire with all of her belongings in it and there's a picture of her going through her the rubble of what was her house so needless to say i fucking hate the TVA with a fiery passion well this has been

a lighthearted segment about your favorite rednecks. Jesus also hates the TVA. He told me. Usually when we ask people with their favorite rednecks are, they have fun stories. I noticed yours were all women. Yeah.

Is that like a coincidence or? I mean, women rule. Yeah. All your favorite rednecks are women. I like badass women. I think redneck women are generally, we can generalize like, you know, a safer pick with redneck men.

Yeah. All white women. though a little problematic well I mean fair I was just fucking I was I was actually trying to think of like you know non-white what I would consider redneck women because like you know Bell Hooks is from Kentucky but I don't think she was a lot of non-white hillbillies I don't think Bell Hooks would identify as a redneck she would pray I didn't know how to hillbilly well anyway let's not let's get out of that um what why does that play I don't know this is funny

I'm just doing that segment, you know, because like we've listed our favorite rednecks on here so many times. I don't think we ever got that detailed. Or deep? Or deep of an answer. You don't say. It's usually like, you know, Earnhardt closing the wall. Y'all fart into the microphone. Of course, you didn't get deep.

Fair, but we can get deep, you know. It's not that. It's more like the term redneets. It's like you would think, like, oh, we celebrate these people for their redneckery. Yeah. You know what I mean? You seem to be celebrating them for. I don't know, though.

I think like, you know, fucking I think. I think. I'm starting to fighting the man and starting a clinic kind of rednecky or hillbillie. Fuck yeah, it is. That's where the fucking word came from. There you go.

And hillbillies are. The shit. They're just shit, man. They're the shit, man. Yeah. Bit I have about you that I just put out for the last time. Trying to go viral as we do. I always wanted to say, I call you a redneck hippie.

I always want to call you a hillbilly hippie, but I just feel like redneck hippie flowed that. Yeah, I'm definitely more of a hillbilly. Those words, though, they mean different things with different people. Yeah, one time I was talking to this really pretentious actress in New York City on a film screening. She asked me where I was from, and then she, like, visibly got repulsed. And so I was like, well, I'm about to just, like, dig my toes in and go even further. And I told her I was a redneck, and she, I've never seen anybody to be so disgusted.

She was like, why would you call yourself that? And I was like, well, because I am. So people of you would get the fuck away. Yeah. That's also a very redneck move. It's to be contrary on purpose. Yeah. I mean, it's like...

Kind of our whole essence. The defines rate of redneck, not giving a fuck with somebody thinks about you. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, we haven't made it to an hour, so I got to come up with one more thing because those are all the things I had come up with. We've been a little all over the point with you. place. I think we did pretty good.

We talked about the holidays, the new years, and then I asked your favorite rednecks. I also like to let everybody know that the world's greatest podcast, Gravy Baby, named by God to be more important than the Bible. It is going to be out tomorrow

on all platforms. So if you're looking for a guru, like whatever Andy was talking about, this is the spot for it. If you're looking for your favorite rednecks, we got DJ on the mic. That's got to be in somebody's top five. if they're paying attention. Gravy baby.

That was good. We're good at spots. We can get commercials together. I said two words. Three words. You were directing me with your eyes. Yeah, you're right. I'm really good at that.

If you want Andy to agree with you, say something positive about her, and she'll just agree with it. You need to trick her. Like, if you're ever in, like, a lawsuit with her, you know, and like something about the lawsuit, she's claiming that she wasn't in charge. Just be like, you were a really good boss.

She'd be like, I was a good boss. and loss of one. Wow, you're really good at manipulation. Thank you. I am. I'm not. I'm okay at it. Are you good at manipulation?

No. Why? You're an actor. I just don't think I am. I'm not good at like... You're a terrible liar. Feeling like I'm like being untruthful or like being skeezy.

I'm doing the jack-off motion, everybody. I don't like it. I'm not saying you do or you don't like, But that's not why. I don't think that's why you're bad at it. I think you're bad at it because you're a bad liar. Yeah, because acting isn't lying. Acting is telling the truth.

It is. Whatever. Suck my dick. How about that truth? There you go. Let's get into it. Sucking my dick? Sucking dicks.

You want to talk about sucking dicks? No. Why don't do that? All right, fine, whatever. I sucked a dick once. For Jesus. No, I've been teasing this story on here. I think I feel more comfortable telling you,

telling it while you're on here than anyone else. Are you going to tell it? I suck the dick at Burning Man. It was short. The amount of time, not the dick. Dick was very long, but the amount of time was very short. I did it kind of as a bit. I was there.

And like, I think that's why I feel so uncomfortable. A lot of people were there. I think that's why I was so uncomfortable about it. Like, doing it as a bit feels weird. Yeah. Well, I mean, why? I don't know. It was funny.

It was funny. All right. So here was the game. We were at what I can only call Spring Break Burning Man. So I think I talked enough about Burning Man where people get a sense. It's a whole city. There's a lot going on.

There's a church. There's Put Putt Putt. There's a Chit Kids Corner. There's bars. There's yoga. we were at a bar that was kind of building itself as the party bar.

And they had a hot dog eating competition. A sexy hot dog eating competition. And the conceit of the hot dog eating competition was that these very attractive girls who worked there at the bar would like feed you a hot dog but they had hanging on like a string. But you had to crawl towards them

and it was almost like a catwalk thing like crawl towards us and do something funny or sexy and then we'll feed you the hot dog in a sexy way. And they'll like shove it down your throat or like they'll hold it like if it's their dick and you... Yeah. And it's a competition

is the idea. It's like, oh, if you want to win our trophy, you got to do this the funniest way or the way the crowd likes the most. And pretty quickly. Yeah. Like in about 10 minutes. Escalated. It got wide.

Yeah, too. Like real wild. Like, a girl got fucked by a hot dog. A few of them did. girls who work there. Condoms over the hot dog. Yeah, they were like, yeah, straight up. There was a couple just kind of going at it.

And I know that sounds gross, and it is, but it was also funny and wild. Yeah. And people were into it because they were on drugs and or hammered because we'd been drinking there for hours. Yeah. And people, that's not all that was going on. I don't want anyone to think it was just like,

and then another person gets fucked by a hot dog. Mostly it was like people would come up and pick these girls up and then they'd be so drunk and they fell and absurd and that was hilarious. And then. someone we know was there and he was nude. As he is always at Burning Man. And he has a

giant dick. Massive. And that's why those girls pulled him over there. And this particular gentleman said to me I am 87% gay. Yeah. He had said that to me at some point in the week. So these girls who

had been getting by hot dogs and being wild and drinking and partying and letting people do shots off their necks and stuff pull him over there. Because he's naked and has a huge dick. Yeah. They put a hot dog bun around his dick. They cover it in mustard.

And they're like, who do you want to lick the mustard off? And I'm not sure why the 13% of him couldn't just let one of these five hot, slutty girls do it. But he just looked right at me and goes, I want Drew to do it. And everyone there looked at me and were like, Drew, yeah! And I was like, all right.

And he's not one to back down from a challenge. And I thought it would be funny. And I think some part of me could like convince myself in that split second like, I got to help my friend out. Like, this gay man's going to get. He did look terrified. He looked terrified, genuinely. Yeah.

And I was like, this gay man is going to get his dick sucked by a girl. And we can't have that. So they put mustard on his dick, and I, I lick the mustard off. Yeah. That's what I did. It was very fast. Extremely fast. Really funny.

Everybody was going crazy. And then you walked back to where our group was. And you had mustard all over your face. I'll never forget that moment. It was so funny. Watershed moment for you, huh? It's hilarious. It was funny.

And it is why I don't. did it. And I think that's why I'm uncomfortable talking about it. Because I'm like, what does that say about me that I'll suck a dick for a bit? That you really commit to the bit. I guess so, ma'am. I guess so. It's so funny to try and convince people that Burning Man is anything other than that. And then you just tell that story. There's a lot of that. There's just a really spiritual, there's not a lot of that. There's a sum of that. It's not a lot. I mean, there's a lot for some, like, there's a lot for some people to grasp.

Oh, you mean it is a lot. I thought you meant that there's a lot of that going on and there's not. I think there is a lot of weird stuff going on. No, there's like, it's like five percent. Well, I mean, yeah, percentage-wise. Here's what I will say. They put you in sections. We were in the adult. a strip plank game we play

where you have to strip your clothes if you fail when you walk the plank yeah that's why they put us over there with them because they want to keep those people separate from where the kids are yeah so we were around more but like in other parts of it it wasn't there at all that's fair yeah yeah and like there is like the whole spiritual aspect of burning man

which is really cool you can have both you can have it all you can suck a dick for your guru yeah a lot of people have done that yeah a lot of people have done that Yeah. Ooh. Yeah.

I just told them that. Good job. See how people react. Well, and there's a part of me that wonders. It's like, I think a part of me that I wanted, it was like, oh, here's the way I can do this thing that I don't think I'd ever do otherwise. Yeah. And it just be, like, fun or whatever. And because, like, I need to know.

Like, I'm the type of person. You didn't know if you like it? No. think I knew that like I'm not gay. Yeah. But I don't know. Maybe I am a little bi. I mean, I did that.

But like, it was like, oh, I can experience this. Mm-hmm. You know, I think that was part of it for sure. Yeah. You live life and have experiences. Hits. Sure. That's right.

You know what it's hilarious. Imagine like in a movie, like the dick comes out of my mouth. There's mustard all over my faith. Everyone's laughing. And then it just cuts to Andy and she goes, you live life and have experiences. Hits. Yeah. Exactly.

You know what's really funny, though? After all that, you know, it escalated. That was the final escalation of the whole event, basically. Yeah. You didn't even win. Our friend did.

Yeah. Our friend won. It was a volume thing. I hit the game-winning shot. But he was the MVP of the game. That's how I would describe it. Our friend who's name, I won't say. He worked hard.

To do basketball analogy, yeah, he was lifting girls. He was going down. He was putting hot dogs in weird places with his mouth. He ate about 40 hot dogs. It was, at the end of the day, it was a hot dog eating competition. What I'm getting at is this dude was Kobe Bryant putting in 30 points, 10 rebounds, eight assists and then I, Robert Horrie, just hit the game

winning shot. Like, I am the reason we as a group took it home, but he was definitely the MVP. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Got the golden shoe. The golden dog. Did you enjoy World Cup? Could have talked about that? I mean, I didn't watch much of it because it was too fucking

early. World time. Let's not try to fucking transition to soccer after that. Yeah. Let's let people go and process what I just did to them. Women's cups better anyway. Sucking digs for Jesus. That's a callback to a thing I did on Facebook once to one of those hateful Christian people who was talking about gay people when I told him I sucked a dick for Jesus once

outside of Arizona in the desert. Well, anyway, we call that foreshaddle. Was that manifesting? When I said I sucked a dick for Jesus in the desert, did I manifest this, Andy? Is that the secret? Manifest dick, Denny. Well, that was done. We're getting out of here.

Thank you all for listening to the well-red beard. We know you want to Trey and Corey and Corey, too, but they're not here. Tune in next week, if you got nothing to be. And also watch Gravy, Baby. I mean, listen to Gravy. Fuck. Thank you. God bless you.

I am Drew. And Andy. Bye.