wellRED podcast - #310 - May We Approach The Bench?

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

This week we are back together in the same room and discussing the nuances of the law w/ former public defender Drew Morgan! Do lawyers hit? What is your moral obligation if you know your client is guilty?The boys all have new specials coming to Amazon on Feb 19!Check out Drew’s new podcast Gravy BabyListen to Puttin On Airs with Trae and Corey!For bonus Trae go to Patreon.com/TraeCrowderFor Bonus Corey go to PartTimeFunnyMan.comGo see the boys this weekend in Bloomington, MN at the Mall of America! Tickets at WellREDcomedy.com

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the skew universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. And it's called Rocket.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know,

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people upset but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. They don't want to hear it. Okay, so we're going? Yeah, we just now are. I didn't hear any of that. Drew be taking people down, that's all. Yeah, he does. Taking and bringing.

Taking and bringing? Well, I was going to say I used to take them down, but you were a public defender, but maybe you was taking down the system. I was taking down the man. Yeah. I called a cop a liar. That's the hardest one to take down. Do you miss that ever?

Yeah, for sure. Like the take, or what do you miss more of the? taken down of the man or the helping of a human being. Yeah, I mean, I miss my clients. My clients were probably my favorite part. But, like, Court was probably my other favorite part. Terry, my other favorite, grape snow cone. Sorry, I'm doing a Brian Regan bit.

Because it was like a show? And that's, yes, and that's taking people down. Dude, I miss the identity. First of all, I was very proud of myself. I'm not at all ashamed of what we do and being a comic, and I especially am proud of the way we've done it. But the identity of that, man, like having an identity. where, first of all, it's interesting, but also it's also not made up.

Comedy is very made up. Like, you had a job that people know what that job is. Right, and I had kind of, I hadn't fully bought in on the whole, like, public defenders are the most punk rock, badass lawyers out there. I hadn't fully bought it on that, but it was fun that all my friends had, that the people I hung out with would talk me up all the time, you know, and all that shit. So I know that you wanted to be a public defender, and you don't have to get into this because of the stuff with your brother or whatever.

No, that's not why I want to. to be a public defender at all. Okay. Well, did you, when you decided you wanted to be a lawyer, was it immediately I'm going to be a public defender? And if so, did you have any, did you have a bunch of misconceptions of like, I'm a lawyer, I'm going to make a shit ton of money? Yeah, I can walk you through that. Law school was, I think, mostly fear-based in the sense of like that existential type of 24-year-old, 22-year-old come from where I come from. Like, I don't know if you identify with this tray. And hell, maybe you do too, with comedy of like,

fuck, I'm going to be stuck here forever if I don't do the right thing. Whatever the right thing is, hard work, get out, blah, blah, blah. Law school was just like, I haven't figured it out yet, but I got good grades. I took the LSEC because somebody told me to, so I'm going to do that instead of, I mean, honestly, I was living in Australia at the time when I got in. I should have stayed there.

Oh, I definitely identify with that in the sense of I didn't, like, I knew that I wanted to do stand-up, and because of that, I could. convinced myself I didn't have any other skills. And then, you know, there was that, like now I'm re-proud of the South. But, like, I think we all probably, especially us, the way our minds work, had that moment where we were done with it. And we were like, I can't fucking live here anymore.

I can't be here. People around here don't think the way I do. And I was like, the only way I'm going to fucking get out is if I pop in comedy, because I didn't even go to school. You know what I'm saying? I think I had that for a small town more than I had the South because where I'm from, I I thought like Knoxville was huge. Because you're from,

liberal. You're from right outside of Chattanooga. I'm with Drew. Like, did I have that with Salina? Yeah. At 16, I had that with Salina. Yeah. But once I got to like Knoxville or whatever, it wasn't so much that anymore.

But I'm like, I was so insanely delusional even though like, you know, I do hood. But like, you do hit. I was in, I was in. I was in. I was in college. You have to be. Making really good grades and shit. But the whole time I was like, I was like, yeah, but I'm going to be like,

like winning Oscars and shit one day. I'm going to be making movies. That's what I'm going to do. I'm only doing this so I can work a day job while I'm trying to figure that out, which I'm nowhere close to Oscars, but that is pretty much what happened. But I like the practicality of getting the MBA and what that might mean if it didn't work out, I'm not kidding. I never really thought about it until I graduated, got the job, started doing the job,

and then started doing stand-up. and then, you know, I was like, oh shit. Like, if it don't work out, I'm going to just be doing this. Right, right. You know, and I was kind of starting to make it work in my head because, like, you can, because I hit pretty hard at that job. And, like, you can work for the government and then go on to the private side and make a lot more money and all that.

If you've worked for the government, it hits for the private side that you have to, you know how to government be or whatever. And so I was like, yeah, I can just do that. you know, that'll be fine, but obviously I didn't want to. But yeah, I had that moment one time. And it was, I was dating Leanne, who's sweet, love Leanne, great family. And I was doing comedy and I was like, this is it. I'm going to make it in this.

And then we started dating. And I, of course, during that time, I had to have other jobs because comedy wasn't paying me anything. And I started working at tractor supply. And I remember me and her were having a conversation about like our future because I mean, God damn, we were 25. We have to get married right now or what's going to happen. And she was like, you know, like, you're a really good salesman.

Like, you could work your way up at tractor supply and you could end up like working for corporate. And I entertained it for 0.5 seconds. And then it hit me. I was like, I'm going to be here forever. Oh, my fucking God. And then I like, you know, fucking went full bore into it. Major dump you, as I recall.

Yeah. Well, anyway, as far as being. and a PD, yeah, I got to law school and I knew that I was going to be a trial lawyer, or that's what I thought. Like, I had no interest in any other aspect of that career. And then, you know, you can do any type of litigation, including bigwig corporate shit where you make a lot of money. You can do insurance type cases where you do sue the man, but for big amounts. Like, you know, Ford, fix your fucking brakes kind of shit.

Right. Right. Tort law. Tort law, yeah. Is that like a, you know, I've never known what that was. Not heroic, but is there like nobility and doing that? You can absolutely try to do it for the little guy. It's harder, but yeah, you can absolutely try to be the little guy's guy.

But that is sort of where ambulance chaser comes from. But, you know, it's funny, I've always felt that that was a little bit of a bullshit. What's the word I'm looking for? Propaganda type thing to, like, make people ashamed of suing companies. Because you think about, like, an ambulance chaser. Somebody got run over, dude. It might be. that they need a longer.

Yeah, right. Of course. But it's like this thing where we like, oh, better call Saul or whatever. It's like any billboard guy. No, we're like that's fucking well. And a lot of those billboard guys are super shady because they take too big of a percentage. But the fact is like somebody's got to get in the weeds and sue the insurance company if it's going to be done. Right.

So how do you, because I mean, you are a licensed or whatever the right word is, logger. Yeah, that's the word. Okay. I've never seen him be in a loss for a word that was that simple. I wasn't fully at a loss for it. I think he thought there was another one. But yeah, I thought maybe there was something above and being on that. I was laughing at his discomfort that he couldn't think of a word that doesn't exist.

But like, so like you just said, that's a really good point you made. Dude, people, people shit on lawyers. People do not like lawyers. There's a whole subgenre. It's like jokes, of like logger jokes. Like I just read a new, I just read one. I just read one yesterday. I just read one yesterday.

It was like, so a lawyer goes in for surgery. And when he wakes up, all the blinds are pulled and the windows are blacked out. And he asked him, why did you black the windows out? And the nurse said, because there's a fire across the street. And we didn't want you to think the procedure had not been a success, right? Because you're in hell or whatever. And, uh, and, uh, and, um, and, um, and, um, and, um, and, um, um, and, um, and, and, and, um, and, and, There's another one where a lawyer goes to heaven and he gets this big palatial mansion in heaven, right?

And he's enjoying it. He's hanging out. And then he sees a priest who's living in like the heaven version of a little condo or like an apartment building, which is so funny that heaven would have any of that shit. But like a priest living in one of those. And the logger asked God or St. Peter or whatever, he was like, what's up with that? He's a priest. He's always down there. He was like, oh, we got a million of them.

You're the first law. We've ever had. That's great. Like my people shit on loggers. And I'm saying like, but like you said, you need a fuck. If you get into some shit, you need. And your logger's like your only ally when you get into some shit. I want to tell this joke real quick because it's exactly like that joke and it's another

group of people that get shit on, which is politicians. Heard a similar joke that was a politician dies. And then they're in, they meet St. Peter. And he's telling them about like all the benefits of. heaven, everything he's going to get, this huge mansion or whatever. And he's like, oh, right on, I'm sold. And then they immediately take him to hell. And he's like, wait, what the fuck?

I was told all this. They're like, yeah, that was campaign promises. Yeah. You know, so anyways, go ahead. I think that there's a few reasons for that. And a lot of them, excuse me, are legitimate. First of all, we are, sorry, depending on what type of law you do, generally speaking, lawyers

are I mean, dude the word leech does come to mind in the sense of like the system exists and lawyers are sucking resources out of it

but as we just pointed out sometimes you need someone to do that because the system fucked you. Right. Another thing that you got to think about is you only ever meet lawyers and mechanics only meet people for the most part who are having the shittiest time.

So like in Unless you can pull off a fucking miracle, like, they're probably not going to be super pleased. Well, lawyers are definitely, like, cops get shit on, but for right reasons. Like, there's definitely more good lawyers than there are good cops. Like, we shit on lawyers, but, like, most people should. It's not even close. I know. But, like, most people, when they're shitting on a lawyer, what they really mean is, like,

the prosecution for this fucking rich guy. But, like, nobody shits on public fucking defenders. You know, cops don't really have... A lot of people shit on public opinion. But I'm saying, yeah, the rich fucks, but I'm saying like... No, people who get arrested. There's no public defender type cop. Like, we don't separate those two.

It's like, you're either the cop that got fired because he ratted on somebody or you're a piece of shit cop. I got a specific example of the thing we're talking about. Okay. Divorce loggers. Oh, yeah. Right? I feel like divorce loggers, people generally like those fucking vultures, you know, or whatever. Depends.

On what end you're in? But if you going through a divorce... You need one. You need a lawyer and you need a fucking art. Do you know how many times divorce lawyers? It's something like, I don't remember the percentage I read once, but high. Whatever would be high to you, it's that higher or higher, that until the person kind of that felt blindsided by a divorce or blindsided that somebody was cheating or whatever

got the lawyer, they didn't know how much money their partner had. Their partner had a fucking bank account separate, you know what I mean? That'd be me, bro. So I don't know. I haven't seen a dollar that I've made in how long me and I ever been together, six years? Well, that's kind of the reverse of what I'm talking about, which is the spouse is like, and then he had a bank account with 30 grand in it, and I didn't know to the lawyer made him turn all this shit over the board. Oh, well, I got draft kings.

So it's like, it's super necessary. But the other thing about that is lawyers get blamed fairly for what they do inside the system. there's this like notion of fucking that company wouldn't have gotten away with it if it weren't for the lawyers and that's true but it's like it's slightly misplaced like

that that lawyer who works for who's like an evil company Exxon is a piece of shit. Right. But Exxon just would use whatever system was in place to say all right we'll pay a million dollars to whoever can fix this fucking problem you know what I mean?

But at the same time, though, and I think about this all the time with, like, yeah, the guy who's representing Exxon is probably a piece of shit because he knows good and well. Exxon's guilty. But, like... Dude, Exxon got a guy literally put under house arrest in New York for suing them in a third world country and winning. Okay. I'm not, like, by the way, nothing I just said is hyperbole. No, I know. I know. But I'm saying, like, at the same time, though, we in this country, you have a right to trial and a right to counsel.

and what's that criminal cases what's that guy supposed to do not hit like you have a right to get counsel he's going to get somebody like he has to get a lawyer and there's this lawyer who is just like I mean I got hired to win

like I don't know what the fucking morality in that is is like I mean they hired me and I'm good so I'm gonna fucking get them off yeah I mean different people look at it differently I have friends some of whom you guys

know who, you know, like, went in a business for themselves and, like, I'll be hanging out and party with them and they'll be making pretty dark jokes about their clients. And it's obvious that... They know they're guilty. It's not, dude, we're not talking about criminal cases. We're talking about, like, horrific... Like, one particular thing comes to mind is a horrific thing where it was bothering him that he represented.

You could tell. Like, he was making jokes, but he was representing a company that had done something truly horrific. That's tough. I mean, I guess that's up to the person. Because you don't want to commit career suicide. But what's funny about, like, it's how naive and much of a dip shit I was,

like when we first met and we were both like 25 or whatever, we hadn't hung out much or whatever, and we're at a bar at a comedy show or something hanging out, and you were talking about being a lawyer, and I was like a public defender, and I asked you completely sincerely, I was like, dude, you ever, you ever have to represent a guy that like you're pretty sure they did it right and you started you started dying laughing you're like dude

you're like honestly I prefer that they did it's a bit that it's like it's like it's better if they did it and then like I'd never thought about it that way at all and then you explained it and it totally makes sense to me it's not did they do it it it should they go to jail for this much time for doing the thing that they did well it's also I think just easier on me right so let me go back a little bit and we can talk about well ultimately my point with that is I think that attorneys are just the obvious representation of some of the worst parts of our capitalistic system it's like these are the faces of some of the worst parts of what we got going on here um going back to law school I know I want to be a trial lawyer I tried immigration law it didn't fit some some of my professors like you should go into criminal law they try to be a prosecutor and honestly I'm really proud of myself because I hadn't learned a lot of things I've learned now especially like being being from a small town and then going abroad after college.

Right. I just thought, man, I don't want to stand up and say a dude should go to jail because you got high. Yeah, right. And that was kind of the end of my analysis. Yeah, right. And then I also heard it was easier to get a job as a public defender because more people want to be prosecutors.

And I was like, all right, well, my grades already aren't great here because I hate it. So... Did you immediately know, though, like, this is the path that makes the least money? Yeah, I knew that. So here's what I will say about myself by then. I knew I wanted to help people. Like I got there. I paid attention.

I heard different professors talk about what all you could do. And I was like, man, I do want to help people. And I want to be a trial lawyer. So, like, all right, I've narrowed it down to that. And then what I liked about it, all my friends in law school for the most part, not my basketball drinking buddies, but all the ones from class, they were do-goaters. You know, I've always been attracted to them. And, you know, they were hot girls. So I was attracted to them literally.

I'm talking about some of my best friends like that. My apologies, ladies. Dude. You can be attracted to your best friends. But my point is they had causes. I married one of my best friends after I wanted to fuck her. Okay. My point is they had causes.

I thought I was talking about me. No, you wouldn't let me. They had causes. My friends had causes. Public defense was great because I had a person instead of a cause. The causes freak me out. I like some of the causes, but I was like, I can't dedicate my life to a cause. What do you mean by that, like being environmental shit or something?

Yeah, environmentalism was one of them. One of them was literally trying to save Palestine. Like, all these things were great, but I was like, what if, what if it works? And then what do you do? Like, you know, so I just, I wanted a client. And when I first started interning with public defenders, I had clients and I fucking loved it. I loved having clients. I genuinely loved having a person.

Yeah. Go, what do I do? And I go, I'm not sure, but we'll get through it together as best we can. I'm making, you no promises, but I'll promise to work hard. I loved that. I really did. I'm glad that you brought that up because I'm actually very ignorant on, like, because I know that, like, environmental lawyers exist, but like, who are they on behalf of?

Like organizations or like, they just go into business for themselves and like, I'm doing this. Buddy, a lot of them end up working for like, because you got to think about, if you're an expert on environmental law, guess who needs to you? You work for PETA. Yeah, no. No, but you fucking Exxon, dude. Or, or. And this is a better version, I guess, but like, and I, these guys were great, but like,

the DOE, the guy, the lawyers that I was. worked with, they were environmental loggers. Right. Because they represent the DOE in regards to like all the nuclear waste, the DOE buried in the backyard or whatever. But there's two ways to look at that. Like the politicians make the rules. The DOE's lawyers make sure the DOE is

following those rules. That's the positive way to look at. Obviously the negative way to look at it is like, yeah, but we know what the government have been doing with the waste. For the record, these guys, a lot of them looked at it as like they're also there to keep the private companies, the DOE contracts with, from doing some fucked up environment. Absolutely.

Like, they're there to stop them from bearing a much of nuclear waste in the backyard, whatever. And the oil spills and shit. If we're going to have a government, this is how it's, in some version of this is going to be how it has to function. Some of them were like, you know, like, Seyro-Libals. Yeah, right, exactly, who were like, and that's how they looked at it. So to be fair to them, I mean, yeah, they're there as like a check on the private industry. I mean, who's badass.

I mean, who's badass, all right? Public defense. vendors, environmental lawyers on the right side, union lawyers, God damn, union lawyers are fucking badass. You want to talk about somebody who only sues the worst of the worst. A union lawyer, unless it's like some really corrupt, like, I don't know, the police union's lawyer or something like that, or some corrupt situation with like the mob got involved. A union lawyer is a fucking badass. Well, like you talked about, you know, there's some pinko liberals on that side, like, that's the moral ambiguity point that I always think about with lawyers,

where it's like, you know, you look at, you know, Johnny Cochran, he's the guy that you hire when you're guilty. I wanted to bring those guys up too. Yeah, so he's the guy, he's the guy you hire when you're guilty. You fart. Oh my God. Why didn't you fucking do it in the mic? It wasn't loud and you know his butt quiet, but stank. Dude, this is old school. Yeah, old. We ain't experienced this together in a while. So, oh, it just hit me. That's pretty fucking rough. That's a pretty, uh, you know what? let's take a break real quick and we're back um so we had to leave the room for a second so so like i think about that moral ambiguity with lawyers or whatever where it's like johnny cochran he's the guy that you hire when you're guilty right or when you know you're guilty but then like it's

o j simpson in this country still deserves not guilty a lawyer well you right no i know i he he's Double jeopardy. He's still not guilty. Right. He gets one. That's what, like, that conversation that I had with Drew about, like, you ever have somebody you know, did it or whatever? Like, that's how I used to think about it.

But now, even when I hear, like, I know long, I don't judge a lawyer anymore. Of course. That's what I'm saying. For representing what I know to be a reprehensible piece of shit. Because, yeah, like, so they have a right to counsel. That's what lawyers are there for. And you got a win. Like, why would you not want to win?

Like, if some dude. dude gets caught with a fucking gram of weed in his car and is facing 15 years or some shit like that. Like, I'm glad that dude has a lawyer. Of course. And you can't draw the line somewhere and say he needs one and he doesn't. Even like rich assholes on trial for murder, some of them maybe didn't do it. You know what I mean?

Because at the end of the day, Johnny Cochran is, Johnny Cochran's job is not to showcase that O.J. Simpson is actually a good person. Johnny Cochran's job is to make the jury evident of the fact that his opponent can't prove that he did the shit. Beyond a reasonable doubt. That's it. He's not saying this guy's great. He's just saying, all I'm saying is you can't prove that he did that shit. How do they teach that, Drew, in law school?

Do they get into like that ambiguity he's talking about? We're like, look, you're going to have to represent people, or is it just a given that you should know that if you're in law school? I mean, like ethics, you got ethics classes and stuff? You definitely have ethics classes. And then also you're talking really about philosophy and like half of what law school is, maybe not half. Maybe the way to say it is 75% of your first year is a lot of this shit.

It's a lot of what we're talking about. Because they're trying to figure out, do you really want to do this or not? Well, that's part of it. It's like you've got to think about these things if you're going to go into it. But it's also like, I think trying to help us in general understand.

You know what? Maybe they're trying to kind of, what's the word when you, you got a lot of beliefs, decode you? Debrief. Like when you leave a cult, what they call it?

Debriefing you? I think decoding. Yeah, decoding. I think they're trying to decode us of like what our own preconceived notions and thoughts, you know, might be,

hey, if you're going into criminal defense work, guess what? Some people will be guilty. And guess what? it's still very important that they get representation. Here's why, you know. I swear to God, I've done this on here before.

So if I have, I'm sorry. But a thing that moved me the most in law school, and while we're really up our own ass, a thing that moved me the most. Do you remember Ruby Ridge? Yeah. For people listening who don't remember Ruby Ridge, I don't know how to say this.

It was real hot in the 90s. It was a popular thing for the FBI to raid white supremac. Yeah, right. On a compound. Them and also the Waco people. Waco people happened. Yeah, there was a lot of times they were accusing them of fucking kids or running drugs or both. I think that it bared out that in Waco that definitely was going on.

It didn't really bear out that way in Ruby Ridge. But the guy Ruby Ridge was absolutely an anti-Semitic wise supremacist. And he was one of those wise supremacists who very much focused on the Jews and how they controlled everything. It's a big major for those folks. His name was Randy Weaver. His attorney's name was Jerry Spence, and if I'm not mistaken, Jerry Spence himself was a Jewish man. And he voluntarily defended Randy.

So I don't want to, like, read the whole... I mean, I respect the shit out of that. Well, I don't want to read the whole letter because it's long. It would take for fucking ever. But essentially, he has a friend who he cares about, someone that he's been friends with forever. Wait, did you send us this to us in a long time? I said I thought I have a deja vu.

No, no, no, no. You did. You sent me this article. I think when I was living in New York. And I remember having the same thought where I was like, I don't respect this guy for being an anti-Semite, but I respect this guy for being an anti-Semite that was like, I'm still here to do a job. Well, the anti-Semit was the guy who was the criminal and the Jew was the guy who was there to do a job. The opposite, yeah. But the Jews, the Jews, the Jewish lawyer's Jewish friend was like, how can you do this? And he wrote this long letter.

and it's essentially what we were talking about. And he was basically pointing out that the FBI had railroaded this man. Right. And that they scared him. Because they had all these rules they could bend, they came in on this guy who was paranoid about the government attacking him. They snuck in there. Classic Jew hiter.

They snuck in there without any badges, middle of the night, fully armed, where this dude lives with his family, and he thought he was under attack. Right. And he was like, the fact that he hates me is all the more reason I should represent him, because I agree with him that the government should be allowed to do this. And if I allow the government to do this to this man, then, you know, I'm not proving him right, but I'm giving him fuel.

I remember when you sent that, you sent, I mean, that was like pre-hit long time ago. You sent that. And I remember reading that and just being like, holy fuck, this is what the law is. And I want to be very clear. Randy Weaver was an evil man. Right, right. But that guy, so that doesn't matter. And also his point, Gary Smith's point, was in that moment, he was a father who didn't know that the FBI was there because he had been accused of this stuff.

Because they didn't tell him. And that's not the thing he's on trial for. Exactly. Like you can be a piece of shit, but if they're accusing you something you didn't do, you still don't deserve to go to jail for that thing. Right. Yeah. Well, and even if you deserve to go to jail for it, you deserve a vigorous defense because that's the only way we can know. Justice is not an outcome.

It is a process. Right. Every single time. I've done this podcast, The Bituation Room, a few times because I'm a big bitch. Hosted by Francesca Fiore and Tini. She's real cool. She's from the Young Turks and everything. One of the time I was on there, the other guest...

Our culture is hell. The other guest was this Muslim lady. She was in like her mid to late 20s, probably. And her whole thing was like about how... the government has treated Muslims ever since 9-11, right? Right. And how, like, the FBI treats them. And how they're profiled and the bullshit that the FBI has done.

Like, that was her whole thing. And at some point in the conversation, though, the January 6 guys got brought up. And, like, the fucking white militia guys, right? And she was like, she was like, no, the FBI fucks them too. Maybe not the January 6 dudes. But it was like, and she was like, you know what they do to the FBI? Or what the FBI does to these guys? or whatever.

And she, like, went to bat for those dudes because she was like, the FBI or not do that to anybody. Right. And it's fucked up. They do it to anybody. And I can't be a hypocrite. I can't be a hypocrite and sit here and say that it's fine because fuck those guys. She's like, it's not fine.

Right. And in that great letter, the guy wrote, if I'm not mistaken, he, you know, he brings up what all has happened to Jewish people and who has done it, which is the state. which is the government. And that's sort of, I think that guy's a libertarian. And I think that was why he went to represent the guy. And maybe,

and I might be getting it wrong. It might be that, I know he had a black wife. He might not be himself Jewish. It might be that his best friend was a Jew, who was the guy who was right. But the point is, he was like,

yeah, I don't condone anything about this with this guy. But what we saw there was fascism. Right. I'll give you a perfect example for my own life. This is one of the few times I've gotten to invoke what I used to do and not felt bad about it or shitty about it to someone like trying to be shitty. You remember the J20,

before we had January 6th, we had the J20 reporters. It was the people who were trying to, I think it was Trump's first swearing in and a bunch of reporters ended up getting arrested. What were they doing? Being reporters. Right, liberal quarters.

There were protesters there. But then there were all these reporters who got swept up in it. And then there was a lot of people like, no, they're trying to hide under the freedom of the press, but they were there protesting. It was like this big thing at the time. I mean, now, God, it seems like a million years ago. Oh, did people spend a weekend in jail? Yeah, right.

You know what I mean? But at the time, it was like, see, he's already taking the freedom away. And a guy who I respect, but a big Trumper named James, he was a comic. Yeah, I know who he is. I talked to a buddy of yours about him the other day. Yeah, Irvine. He's a big wrestling fan. No, Shulie, actually.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So, a big Trump guy, he was on Facebook and he was like, all you fucking comics claim to love free speech now and you complain about fascism, you know, where were you, you know, five years ago when you say you love, you hate fascism and, you know, give an example of Barack Obama's fascism or whoever else is fascism or whatever. And I was one of the people he was responding to on whatever thread we were on. And I was like, five years ago, I was fighting fucking fascism.

Right. That's where I was. because that is ultimately what, in my opinion, the best attorneys in America do, and that's not a right-wing, left-wing thing. Plenty of libertarian lawyers, real libertarians, not like fucking out in the desert with a shotgun, crazy libertarians.

And then plenty of left-wing attorneys are essentially trying to prevent either or both the American government and the American greed corporate system from fucking people. Right. And then you have, randomly outside of that, you have like divorce, which I think is apart from that. I think I should do with fascism.

Not if you ask my ex-wife. Yeah. But yeah, so like as a- You gotta have a lawyer. Right. As a lawyer, you have to remove yourself from guilty, not guilty, whatever, and just go, my enemy is obstruction of the law. Well, you don't have to, but it's definitely a healthier way to do it.

Right. That's the only way you can do it. And there's definitely people who like will only sue companies on behalf. what I mean? Like, it's like, my enemy is the companies. Right. And I'm sure there's people who like refuse to take a case if it's not X or Y once they get older. But civil rights lawyers. What about them?

They hit, right? They did. Yeah. They do. Well, that's good. They do. They do hit. Yeah.

They do hit. But I mean, everyone's had, most people that have had an experience with lawyers have had probably what they felt was a shitty experience of lawyers. A lot of that is also. Might have all been good. It's also like, you know, You're not just vulnerable because you're in a bad seat. You don't know anything.

Right. And it feels like they're tricking you. Right. Because they expected it to go one way and they told you then it didn't and then they know the judge and they're up there whispering. I mean, I can't tell you how many first time offenders I have. Be like, I don't want you to be my lawyer. I can tell you're friends with him. And then somebody beside him who's been there before, he'd be like, that's exactly who you want because somebody's friends with him.

It's just like a whole thing. I had a guy who got hung up on the fact. He told him, he said, who signs your paychecks? said the state of Florida he said look at my case and it had his name versus the state of Florida and I was like all right man I'll get you a new lawyer

yeah right because conflict of interest well not a conflict of interest just like you don't believe anyone who works for the state of Florida can help nothing I can do about that dude right even though like dude I mean can you imagine a scenario

where you take on a client and you don't want to win I mean there has to be that like competitive nature that comes to it with like a Johnny Cochran where you know that motherfucker knew that O.J. Simpson killed Nicole Brown. You know he did. But in his mind, he's like, I got hired to fucking win. I don't give a fuck. Like, I'm going to win. Those are the best lawyers. Matter of fact, it hits for me that he did it because that's going to make the W even better. Well, I also think, correct me if I'm wrong, but like a huge part of your job was like you got this 19 year old kid who got caught with some meth shit or whatever and like he did it we all know he did it but you're there to prevent the state from putting

him away for 25 or 30 years you know it's like yeah he did it big part of it give him this we can live with that but don't throw the book at this kid and ruin his whole life or whatever because that's what they would do otherwise that's a huge part of it absolutely and then the other part of it in that scenario is, did they do everything right? And the reason that I have to make sure that they did everything right is as soon as we stop and you can go back into a time, not enough people were doing that,

then they stop. Then they stopped and everything right. And then that is exactly how people who didn't do it get fucked. That's another great example. Yeah, like if there's some meth head kid or whatever who did the shit, but they fucked up the whatever, They cheated or whatever you want to call it.

They cheated. Then like, that should be pointed out and he should go to fuck home. Because even whether he did it or not, like, they can't do that shit. Right. Well, I mean, that was my experience with, uh, with my, uh, shout out, Walter Moffat. If you're in the greater Lafette area, he's a great guy. Uh, when I got my, that's a good Southern attorney names. Walter Moffat.

Walter Morphette. Walter Morphill. Come on now. Yonna. Yonna. Walter Moffa. I'd like to approach the beach. I bet he had a slutty daughter.

If you'd think I'd know. Yeah. So I don't think he did. I bet she was too young. Hold on that thought for just a second. The lawyer and salinas name was Herschel Lacey. That's a pretty good Southern lawyer name too. Herschel Lacey.

Most of them are pretty good. Herschel Lacey. The defense calls Husha Lacey and Walter Moffitt Hill. We're going to have us a sasparilla. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Your honor, D. The evidence will show that these are my client's very own self-same chickens.

He did not steal these chickens. He showed it. Well, so this was like my first, when I was 16, this was my first experience with, oh, this is what law is. So I... Jail for the first time at 16. Well, technically 16 and a half. I don't know why I said that. So, anyway, I have no idea.

Half years are important when you're talking about someone's sentence, but not how old they are. You know what it is? You know what it is? I'm so used to doing my bit where I say, I got a DUI at 16 because 16, and there's some part in there where I go 16 and a half, so my brain's just trying to be an idiot. Anyways. I thought maybe it was because the baby's like so many weeks. Who fucking knows? I'm a moron.

So I get a DUI, and I've told this story a million times, so I'll just do the summation of it. I have the wreck, and then the cops don't even show up until four and a half hours later, and it was in a private field, and that's when they gave me the sobriety test or whatever. So yada, yada, yada, I get this lawyer, and I'm trying to get this shit expunged, and I meet him and he's like, so anyways, and he's doing this, he's like, so when you were, when you were drunk, I was like, no, I was like, no, I wasn't, I was like trying to lie to him. And he's like, Corey, you blew a 0.04 and you wrecked in a field. You were drinking, right?

And I go, and he goes, I, you can tell me. And I was like, oh, okay. And I said, yes, sir, I was drinking. I was like, so am I going to get in trouble? He goes, no, no, no, the, yes, you were drinking. They didn't give you the breathalyzer to four hours later. The point is not that you were drinking. The point is that they can't fucking do that shit.

They can't prove that you were drinking when you were driving. Even though we both know that you were, they cannot know that. You got a wreck. It stretched you out, so you started getting hammered. And that was the line that he gave me. He's like, listen, you have this wreck. It's a brand new truck. Your dad got you right.

And I'm like, yes, sir. And he goes, well, you're torn up about it. So, I mean, after. where'd you have a let's say a screwdriver that'd get you at about point four right and i was like that's great that's like a same from a movie where a kid realizes what a lawyer's for you know what that's exactly what it was i know i may not believe it here's how we used to do it and it was so fun i used to love and we'd always do it together because we always wanted two people in the room so if anything ever came back on us we would have each other's back because we was doing this with kids when i

started out like children you know so we being there i mean i guess this you were a kid. I can't believe your parents weren't there. But we'd be in there and we'd be like, now listen, I'm not saying this happened. But what if? And I can never tell you to lie. But man, it really would be helpful to your case.

John, don't you wish that this is John would be like and John will be like Mr. Drew, I think that'd be great. I just wish we had a case like that, you know, if that was true and the kid would be like, that's what happened? And we'd be like, that's what happened? Dude, that motherfucker. made me believe that that shit is what happened.

Because imagine me. Now that's a little dirty. Imagine me. Oh, dude, I would hate you. In that kid's scenario? No, me. You are the best. Can't lie.

And I would have been like, okay, but that didn't happen, though. He's like, but imagine if it did. I can't imagine anything. And I would be like, all right, man, you're going to jail. Yeah. Or I'd be like, hey, cut the tape. But that was the first time when that happened to me personally, obviously, That was the first time I realized like, oh, I genuinely before that, growing up in a white

homogenous town in the South, I genuinely believed you either did something or you didn't do it. And at that moment, I was like, oh, the law is very complicated. And like, because, yes, I did the thing? But it's not, did you do the thing? It's do they know for a fucking fact you did the thing? And they don't know that. And therefore, fuck them. And you get your license back.

It's not what you know. It's what you can prove. God damn right son Denzel training day I'm sure a million other people say it before that no never that show hits or that movie hits

movie hits so hard so hard that holds up too oh buddy I watched it like two months ago and I was like I watched it three four months ago I want to say too

for people who are genuinely interested and it might be nobody maybe everybody has turned this episode off my cousin Vinnie genuinely genuinely gets

every court scene correct to the point that people teach it criminal procedure. I've heard. You told me that actually. That's crazy.

No one would take that movie seriously. No one would think that about that movie exactly. It's wild that that movie being what it was that they went through the effort of making sure that all that. Because most, crap me if I'm wrong, most like legal drama settings, they don't do any of that at all. When you watch law and order, you're like, what the fuck. Law and Order gets a lot of the procedure. right? Right.

But listen, and I mean this in the most literal sense of the word, that show is propaganda. Right. And I don't mean like... For the cops, right?

Yes. Yes. And like, like, as in like Dick Wolf. Dick Wolf is on the record as saying that his goal was, now he didn't say to make propaganda, but it was like to make people understand that cops or this or how hard it.

Like he set out with the goal. To make everybody believe in the system. To make everybody believe in the system. He literally set out with that goal. which is why the show works. Like, people want to believe in the system. They want to believe in a good guy. For example, and I think this has maybe been brought up before

because I remember you mentioning the words, needed killing defense, right? But as an example, John Grisham's classic, A Time to Kill, hits. Matthew McCahey movie, hits so hard, Samuel L. Jackson. Yes, they deserve to die, and I hope they burn in hell. Yeah. Also, Chris Cooper's got an incredible scene in that movie

where he's the cop that got shot by accident. And he's like, I got a little girl. Somebody rapes her. He's a dead dog. I'll kill him myself. And he starts pointing at Samuel Jackson. He's like, y'all, turn him loose. He's a hero.

You turn him loose. How often have I said Chris Cooper is underrated? He's fantastic. Billion times. So anyway, I love that movie. It's awesome. And the book, too. And like Drew.

It's Grissom? John Grisham. Yeah. I think it's his best book. So what about that? Because basically, they just prove Hey, these white trash motherfuckers deserve to be killed. And everybody was like, they did.

And then he goes home. The Texas defense. So that defense. Is that not the Texas defense? I've never heard that, but maybe. I think that's what the Texas defense is. The needed killing defense is what I heard old-timers call it in Tennessee. That's the Texas defense.

And when I say it was a legitimate defense, what I mean is you could argue it. And then, like, it had a statute. You know, there was like this rule. that went with how the judge was supposed to instruct the jury. The defendant has raised the needed killing defense. In order to win on this, he has to prove X and Y. If he proves it, you still have to find them guilty, but you can reduce the sentence, blah, blah, blah.

I don't think that's what was going on in that book. They did temporary insanity is with the... That was what they claimed. Not guilty by reason of temporary insanity. So what that's doing there, and Grisham's great at all this stuff for the record. Like he usually gets it right, but he makes it dramatic to the point where it's like, all right. But my point is, what happens there is you do the insanity defense to give the jury an out.

Right. And then you just beg them to do it. Another thing you're allowed to do, and this is hard, and judges hate it, and they'll try to shut you down, and the prosecution will object left and right, but it's a legitimate thing. There is a thing called jury nullification, and there's plenty of case law. that says the jury has a right to know if the defense wants them to know about it, that it exists, where you say to the jury, just so you know, you are allowed to just let him go.

Right. You can just do it. Right. And I think that that makes... Do you know of that, like, does that happen? And like, how often does that happen? Not often at all. I mean, first of all, that goes against what most people think in their soul is...

the fabric of our justice system. You tell a juror, I mean, a good prosecutor, unless the situation's really, really fucked up, like a time to kill. The prosecutor eats you alive on that.

The defense is saying they did it. This fucking asshole wants you to let people go. We're going to have anarchy in the street, blah, blah, blah. I think Grisham probably recognized as a storyteller that it was a lot better tension between arguing temporary insanity and then having it play out with the guy

because obviously the dude made a very sober insane decision. He wanted to kill that. Right. Right. So those guys. The reason that I knew about the, that it was called the Texas defense, and if I have told this story to y'all,

I don't think I've told it on the podcast, so just let me finish, is that back my, my papal Harvey, who is technically my great-grandpa, because I had a horror grandma, whatever the fuck. So his dad- He's technically, you're what? He's technically my great-grandpa, but I called him Papal Harvey because my mom was-

Because y'all skipped the generation because you didn't like them. No, because my mom was adopted by them. They were her grandparents, but she was adopted. You'll skip her parents. Yeah, exactly. We skipped the generation. I was like, you mean step. You mean she was a whore and this is your step.

And Katie's family, her great-grandpa. They just all called him Pap-Paul because they were like, they would be confusing. Yeah, right. No. You know what I mean? He's like, he's pap-all to us, but he's also pap-a-all to y'all. Oh, and then they just wrong with it. No.

Well, no, the one I'm talking about died at 99. There wasn't an equivalent. But who was below him? Who was the actual papal? What did they call him? You are correct that he wasn't there. Oh. He was long since dead.

So we had, we had. But like, Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma'a to my boys. Right, right. And she's their great Ma'am. Yeah. Well, it wasn't that. My one Mamma's mom was Nana, and she wasn't Nana because Nana was still alive, so she had to be Mamma.

Well, it wasn't that. It was just that. when I was a kid, it was just Granny and Papal, because I didn't even know at that time that my mom had been adopted by them because my actual grandmother and grandfather were pieces of shit.

So I call him Papaw Harvey, but technically my great-grandfather, which means this is technically my great-great-grandfather. Our fans are hanging themselves in the family tree of your building. Let's get to them. I'm trying. I'm trying. So my great-great-grandfather, Harvey's dad,

had a daughter. I want to say it was Ruth. Don't matter. Anyways, she got pregnant. This is in the, he was born in 1907, so this is the 20s, right? Okay. So she gets pregnant out of wedlock. My great-great-grandfather finds out about this,

finds out who the boy is, and slit his throat. That's the night the lights with out in Georgia. Br-na-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's a night that we hung in it. Madison, ma'am. Don't trust your soul to know Backwood. Southern lawyer. I'm Baltimore.

Because the judge in the town's got blood stains on his hands. Before you finish, because I forgot to say this earlier, the judge in Andy's town is Judge Cotton. And he is technically Andy's uncle because it is her mother's bastard out of wedlock brother. Judge and Solana got caught with a shitload of cocaine in like 2003. It's still the judge there to stay. What's his name?

Well, I don't know. I don't know. Sli. Pusible. His name is a very standard generic. By the way, his dad was also the judge. So the judge had a kid out of wedlock and the kid still became the judge. Please tell us.

What happened after he cut the boy's throat? So my pap-paw, my great-grandfather, finds this boy that him pregnant. My-pa-p-p-p-paw. My-p-p-p-paw. I feel like a dick because we gave him shit for the long setup. And then we started interrupting him when he got. to the good point. Oh, I was enjoying it.

I thought you were doing it on purpose. I enjoyed it to bed. Yeah. So my Puppah, Paul, he finds the boy slits his throat for the crime of impregnating.

Porking his daughter. Porking his daughter. Not thinking to himself like, well, you, not like shotgun wedding. You should be there for the boy. Yeah, that's pretty short-sighted.

No. Are you sure? I'm positive. So he just killed the baby's daddy just because you don't fuck my daughter? Even in the story which of course is told from my family's point of view, it wasn't rape.

It was just he got her pregnant and that didn't hit for Pappap-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P. Did P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-R? Maybe this was his girlfriend, anything? I mean, dude, every grandpa raped their kids back then, so I assume. No, but that is a rash decision on the part of P-P-P-P-P-P-P-A. Agreed. Now, that man should be in jail just because, like, we can't have him out and about. I agree with you. He's an overreactor.

So he slits this. He is. He slits this. boy's throat, right? Okay. The boy, he either slid it too narrow or too thin. He didn't die. Oh, he's just trying to scare him.

No, no, no, no, he definitely tried. Just some light. No, no, no. He definitely tried to kill. I don't teach him. I think what happened is... Thomas was different then. Otherwise, it's a huge pussy.

Knives didn't hit. You can't even cut somebody's throat anymore without him putting you in jail and calling you a murderer. I think what happened was he just didn't hit the jugular. Yeah. Because he almost bled out. but they got him to the country doctor and the country doctor sewed him up. Whose name was Dr. Wompler.

Dr. Olly Wompler. Olly Wompler. Yeah, you come on in here, boy, suck on that bullet hill. We're going to stitch you up. Because Ollie Womper sucks dicks. He does. Do you know, remember that? Yeah.

Bathroom graffiti. I'll never forget. It said, Ollie Wompler, S-U-X-D-I-X. Ollie Wompler sucks Dix. I looked him up and rest his soul. I don't know the man. Ollie Wampler is a real guy in East Tennessee who is dead. He's the sausage king, dude.

Yeah. And his obituary didn't say nothing about him. Wait, is he really the sausage guy? Because we used to eat Wampor sausage. I know Wampler sauce is a real thing. I don't think this guy. He was just some dude who sucks dix, I guess. But again, rest his soul.

What? Okay. So, anyways. He cuts his throat, but somehow they get to the country doctor or probably the veterinarian, and they sew his neck up and he doesn't die, right? Immediately. He doesn't die immediately. Well, this goes straight to the court.

Like, there's been an attempted murder. Finally have something to do. There's been an attempted murder. And the judge hears this, and they go, Your Honor, this man, slit this boy's throat and he was like and they were like he did it because this boy fucked his daughter and he's like and they go they weren't married and he's like case dismissed like he was like yeah I mean as a father or as a father he's like allowed to do that this boy defiled his daughter and he can cut his throat so he like what didn't even go to like trial it

was just like get the fuck out of here with this this boy fucked he His daughter. Preach all here. In this Christian area, this boy fucked his daughter, and you think he's not allowed to cut his throat? Get the fuck out of here. So anyways, the boy lives. It didn't even die. Get this out of my face.

So the boy, he got stitches in his neck, right? Okay. And the doctor tells. You get a zipper? The doctor tells his mama, he goes, listen, that's going to be real sensitive for a while. And his, like, he can't cough too hard. If he throws up, this could really be a problem. so stay away from dairy because back then dairy like was just always bad like milk was

are you going to tell me your papal brought him cheese no no no no he this is the origin story of how dairy hit so hard for child's paper so we were told we were forbade from having dairy and from that day forward and my family declared we would never ever let the man keep us from having dairy again. My great-great-grandfather ate dairy through a hole in his throat. Well, he's not related to me. To eat it today. That's where milkshakes come from. So the doctor tells him, he goes, if that wound gets agitated, it could split open. So we have to prevent him from puking, from coughing too much, don't have any dairy products, don't have blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, one day he was not feeling so good. And his mom was like, you know what

always makes my baby feel good? Little buttermilmil. and corn bread. So she gave him buttermilk and cornbread and he... The range of characters you've put in the story. So he got thrown out

because he was black. That's what I know, right? So she... Little buttermilk and cornbread. You know. We're talking about Corey's white papal hair.

That's the mamaw. Oh, that's the mamma. Oh, that's the mamma. You know what my baby love? But this is not... Some good calm bread. He loves his cornbread.

Again, this is Corey's white grandmother. I'm impersonating Corey's white mama. No, no, no. These were not my relatives. My papal's the one that killed him. This is a other family. But they had a baby. And that baby was Dale.

So anyways, he eats buttermilk and cornbread to soothe his stomach because he wasn't feeling like good. It made him gag. He threw up the stitches split open. he bled to death on the spot. So my papal, my papap, pa pa, did end up killing him,

never went to jail because you're not allowed to fuck my granddaughter. That is an incredible, like, old South family folk tale or whatever there. That's a fucking... I heard it from a guy who was there.

That sounds like a bedtime story, you know, a wild one. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a Confederate bedtime story. No, really happened, though.

Speaking of Confederates, You guys, and I can't tell if I'm annoyed, or if I'm like, all right, supportive friends. Neither of you have commented on my ridiculous facial hair. I love it. What's wrong with it? I just suit you. Why would I comment on it? I mean, it is so white trash in a way that works for me.

Joe dirt. Dude, honestly, I'm not kidding. It hasn't crossed my mind because you're so white trash that it just makes sense. I look like a Civil War General with an above-ground pool. Ew. Kuhnil wool pool. Colonel Whirlpool That voice getting a lot of play tonight, I think.

It's come up a lot. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it just do the whole rest of the podcast. That's one of my favorite voices to do is the old Virginia, the old Virginia Confederate Confederate motherfoth. Benoit Blanc.

It's a good voice. That voice is having a moment right now. Did you see the new glass onion? Yes, I did. Not the character of the actor. Yeah, he's gay. Oh, wait, the actor's not. I don't know if Daniel Craig is gay, but the...

I thought Daniel Craig had like a Troy Aikman backstory. Like, they keep finding him at gay bars, and he keeps being like, ah, nobody bothers me there. I bet you Daniel Craig is gay in the way that Stephen Tyler is gay, where it's just like a couple of them going slip in. You know what I mean? That's what they always say about Freddie Mercury, right? He wasn't gay, he just ran out of women and pork.

No, I think Freddy was. I know he was. I'm just saying that's the thing they used to say about him. You know that he fuck women, too. Listen, I want to go back to Stephen. He fucked everybody. I want to go back to Stephen Tyler. Because I've been thinking about this.

I've been thinking about Stephen Tyler a lot. Pink came on like two weeks ago. Did you see your aunt lately? And it reminded you a Stephen Tyler? That's my point, dude. You think Stephen Tyler's got a little non-binary they, them going on, but just like that wasn't a thing? Stephen Tyler looks just like Caitlin Jenner. I mean, fucking David Bowie definitely did, right?

Yeah, David. I mean, I think David Bowie. He sucked and fucked them all. David Bowie, the word they used in was... Androgynous. Androgynous. Yeah. That's still a thing you can be.

Did you know the song... Does that mean neither, technically? Do you know what the song... Well, Andro is definitely... Androgynous means male, but... It's ambiguous. Yes, that's true, but I'm saying... Huh.

That's kind of... These are just questions we have and everybody listen on. Genuine questions we have. This brings back androgynous. Maybe I'm wrong. This brings back... Hydro means water. I can wrap...

Does that help anybody? I can rap and Drogynist and Stephen Tyler back with this. Do you know this? Did you think he was about to rap? I did. I did.

To rap what? You were going to wrap, I thought you were going to be like, I can rap androgynous with homogenous. I thought it was like, I thought it was like how a bill becomes a law. What was that? Conjuncts.

Conjuncts and junction. What's your phone? I thought you were about the schoolhouse. I thought you were about the schoolhouse. I thought you were about the schoolhouse rock. Androgyny for me. And I got so excited. They need to make a non-binary schoolhouse.

Rock. Do you all? To explain this to people instead of to kids. I can't believe it don't exist. This day and age, God, that's what's coming next. Just so you know.

We're going to pie. I needed. I need it. I need it. I hope you're ready for that. Yep. Miss Rogers. Yeah.

Watch out for that. Won't you be my, I don't know. What do people do? Neighbor's non-binary. What do the non-binary for Mr. or Mrs. Forrester?

What is it? What? What is the non-binary? non-binary or whatever. If you were saying, if Corey was non-binary and you were going to call him, this here is my, is,

I think if someone's they, them, or non-binary. I think my name would work. What's the Mr. Mrs. acquitted? I don't know that there is one.

Oh, oh, oh, your majesty. I don't know, whatever. Yeah, there you go.

Lord. No, Lord is, what are those called honorifics. Honorifics. Yeah, you would say, they got to have an honorific. My liege. My liege.

This is my liege, Corey Forrester. No, but for real. They. Forrester. Well, they need one if there's not one. Let's mic it up.

Let me get to the end. We should make it up. Do you know the story of the song? And if you do, let me tell it on this because I haven't told her on here. Do you know the story of the song by Aerosmith? Dude looks like a lady. Oh, you forgot about that. I don't know the story.

And I forgot that they already did a song about that. Real quick, it's MX. But I don't know how you say it. I don't know. Mix. I don't know. I don't know. It's not delivery.

You sure. It's not a queer. It's Majerno. I apologize for that. I was going to say it's not binary. Okay. It's Majerno. Yours would have made more sense.

Well, it's not quite as good of a hit maybe, but I think that one can last, though. Mix. Mix. Mix, Mix, Forrester. It's not binary. It's Majerno. I'm going to keep that one.

Okay. Do you know? the story of how the song by Aerosmith, dude looks like a lady, got wrote. Got ridden. There's on an elevator and they couldn't tell if somebody was the dude. That was loving an elevator.

Okay. That was great. That worked out great. I love stuff. So, no. So Stephen Tyler and Joe Perry. Steven Tyler PJs. Steve and Tyler PJs.

What is that? That is a line from the Polly Shore movie where he moves on a farm and, thank God I'm a country. boy son-in-law. Y'all really don't know this story? I'm so happy. Dude, I thought it was loving an elevator.

I'm so happy right now. So Stephen Tyler and Joe Perry are hanging out of the bar. Doesn't Joe Barry have a weird voice? Probably. All right, go ahead. Sorry. Probably. I mean, he probably does.

So they're hanging out of a bar. I'm going to say it's the Viper room in L.A. They're in something I want to bring up. Go ahead. Okay, cool. They're in the Viper room, hypothetically. And Stephen Tyler's sitting there. and Joe Perry's sitting there, and they look up at the bar,

and they see this fucking hot-ass blonde. And fucking Joe Perry's like, God damn, man, look at that fucking bitch. And Stephen Tyler's like, hell yeah, man. So they go over there to creep on this hot blonde that they want to fuck, and they get up to the bar, and it's Vince Neal. Hell yeah. The lead singer of Motley Crew. That was the rainbow room.

And they were like, what the fuck? Dude looks like a lady. Yeah. And there you go. Stephen Tyler. And someone went, ah, ah! so you're telling me Stephen Tyler was walking around the Rainbow Room

all scarf and was offended that someone had fooled him by looking like a lady. Yeah. It's also hilarious. No, I bet you they fuck Vince Neil after that. I bet what happened is somebody did it to Stephen Tyler and then he wrote the song and then he was like, I'm going to say this happened in reverse.

Yeah, for sure. And Steven Tyler in recent years and Vince Neal in recent years. How has the hotel not told us to shut up? They probably will soon. How long have we been going, Joe? Oh, we've been an hour, but let's just go. Most of the people here probably went to the Laker game. That's true.

As I was walking your room, I heard someone go, I'm going, dude, LeBron, you give me LeBron all day. No, I'm going to do a teaser for next week so people listen. Dude, when I was in the bar. Next week, Cho, Andrew. Andrew sounds like androgynous. It does. Andrewgianist. I want to do a thing where it's a game.

drug setting band okay put them together but we're gonna do that next week okay

I don't even know what you mean but I love that what drug and what setting for what band oh I love that okay go ahead do your thing

yeah I'm asking but we're gonna do it next week okay people got to tune in you gotta remember this though because I won't I will I was gonna bring it up I don't get it

don't worry when we talk about pick your ideal drug it needs to be and your ideal Just what I want. Yeah. I got it.

Don't do it now. Let's do three. Best ever had. Best I would like to have, all that. It'll be fun. I'm going to do three. Okay. Don't do it now.

Because different drugs need different settings and different bands. I know. That's what I'm saying. That's the point of the bet, yeah. Make a hit. No, what? You had another thing. That was my thing.

No, I think you had another thing. You brought up the Viper room. Oh, so. And I said I've got another thing. That is the other thing. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We loved this. Oh, by the way, we're in,

Minneapolis this weekend at the Mall of America, House of Comedy. Rick Bronson's House of Comedy. All you need to know is that it's February 9th to the 11th. They're in Minneapolis. You can go to well-read comedy.com for those tickets. And go ahead and sign up for our newsletter so you know where we're going to be. Also, please listen to Gravy Baby, which is Drew's new podcast with DJ, DJ Lewis, and Carmen Morales. If you listen to this podcast, you heard a little bit of that last week.

Yeah, you heard some clips. I should say DJ had some problems with this. I listen back to the episode. Oh, I didn't. And we could tell you didn't because me and you both played the theme song. Oh, no, you know what? And hilarious. When I edited it, I went forward to your thing and saw that you'd done it.

And I was like, it's already rendering. I don't care of fuck. I did an intro and thing because I thought you were just going to put it out. No, I was going to do it. I realized I didn't rep the podcast super well. because the episode I did last week was all over. I interviewed Carmen, then I go interview DJ and there's clips in between.

Just give Gravy Baby a shot. But that's what Gravy Baby is. No, it's not. Gravy Baby is like highly produced. We've got a 4K camera. You can watch it on YouTube. The shit looks great. It does look great.

It's a wonderful podcast. Also check out putting on airs. That's me and Trey's show where we talk about fancy shit, you know, because early on in our relationship, we found out that we both loved Downton Abbey. Hey, you can also go to well red comedy.com to get tickets to all our shows. Go to patreon.com slash Trey Crowder to get bonus stuff from Trey. Go to part-time funnyman.com to get bonus stuff from me.

And also, thank you all for listening to the Well Red show. I thought he was going to come back in where he went out. Oh, I should have done that. How do I? Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you. God bless you. Good night and skis. Sushi, chow.

Oh, you.