wellRED podcast - #312- Famous Beefs

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

#312- Famous Beefs, and OH BTW Our New Specials Are Available on Amazon!!from Arnold and Sly to 50 Cent and Ja Rule, we talk about some famous feuds!GO WATCH OUR NEW AMAZON SPECIALS RIGHT NOW! WE LOVE YOU FOR IT!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skewniverse, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery, getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

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lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was money.

What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first. But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.

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They're the. What's up y'all? Hello, well read podcast listeners at you boy the show. If you love us, you will go watch our new specials right now over on Amazon Prime. There is the option to watch all three of them together. For purchase, you can also just get them solos. It's whatever you want, but you do save money if you get all three of them. Drew's is, to my future kids, I'm sorry.

Trey's is damn boy. Mine is Corey Ryan Forster, a long line of stupid. We had so much fun shooting these. Probably next week on the podcast, we're actually going to talk about the specials, but this episode is coming to you. Blast from the past. We recorded a bunch in bulk when we were in Indianapolis. So that's what this one is.

But I wanted to jump on here in the intro to tell you thank you to everyone who has already watched the special. Thank you to everyone who has said such nice things on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, all that stuff. We really appreciate you. We feel like y'all have been on this journey with us. And we felt like these specials were a long time coming and we're so happy to finally have something out to point to and say, hey, here's our stand up. Y'all go watch this. So Amazon Prime, you can grab our new special.

specials, well-read comedy presents, yada yada, all that stuff. We love y'all. Enjoy the podcast. And, well, I guess while I'm in plug-in mode, Trey's got the weekly skews, Drew's got gravy baby. Me and Trey have putting on airs. And go check me out at part-time funnyman.com. That's my bonus stuff.

While I'm taking a little bit of time off the road to welcome me young and into the world. Love y'all. See you later. Enjoy the podcast. Scoo! Okay. Is we going? We are going.

okay but y'all go ahead so we're starting how much you get about you wrapping um i mean i'm not putting that in but we're at 10 minutes we're at 10 minutes so starting at 10 308 if you're right here we are here's the deal y'all we're still in indianapolis recording in our hotel room it's friday we didn't have to tell them i'm not mad you did it's just interesting that we could have manipulated people but we we chose not to yeah that's how recording from the past be but we just uh we thought it would hit if we recorded another and while we're all together so that's what we're going to do

I know Chow's got some shit he wanted to talk about Yeah We talked about it earlier Beef Not like cow beef Other beef rat beefs I'm having a beef with my wife

Till he gets back in here Don't hit Well she crazy What is it What are you saying Laud his butt this boy's butt

his butt is louder lately it is like his butt is his butt has really been on one tonight I think that my asshole here's what I think I may have said this before I think my asshole is either tighter than most people's or looser than most people's

okay because my farts are really loud and I would go with it's tighter which means that it takes a lot of force to get the air out or looser in that it's got like a wider scope like a base because I feel like my butt is like J.D. Sumner, which was Elvis's bass singer, who ended up singing for the Gaither band. Do you remember the Gaithers? I do. So it's like a deep butt. No, you're just You got a squeaky butt. Because Trays, there you go. See, that was a pigeon hole my butt,

motherfucker. No, no, no, no. Go ahead, but my butt's got my pigeon. Just so y'all know my butt has range. But he's his butt normally not like a camel. He has a camel spit butt. What is it? What? You normally spit camel butt. That's when I sit on the turlet. Yeah. Right. And it echoes. My butt.

B. B. My butt got other tools in its bag just so you know. Yeah, I know. My butt can do it all in terms of farts. What I'm about to say, you don't think my can. This is not hyperbole. You don't think my can.

This is not hyperbole. You don't think my can. Me stupid. Mine's dumb. In the pantheon of dumb arguments we've had, whose butt hits the most when farting is, and I'm not, it's not even close. This is the stupid. put this argument. Well, I don't, but I don't think we were saying whose hits the most.

It was who's, well, yeah, who's has the most range. Y'all were arguing over whose butt had the most range. Yeah, that's for sure. We were. You literally said, don't sell my butt short. I don't even, you've been on Bill Maher, dude. I said not to pigeonhole my butt. I know, but you understand what I'm saying. I don't even, I kind of don't even want to bring this up because I don't remember the rest of them because I was a kid, but I know that my dad and his boy, Purple and their homies. Purple hits. I miss Purple. Did he die? No. No. No. I've seen him in a few years. We'd have been to his funeral.

Oh, purple's still hidden. Purple's still hidden, but they used to have like a category of this podcast, by the way. A categorization system. Of their butt? For farts. He brought that up before. And the only thing, the only one I can remember, and you might be right, I maybe have, they had a bunch of different, like, categories of farts. And I was a kid.

Frog stomper was one of them. The only one I can remember is triple flutter blast. Triple flutter. Yeah, right. Yeah. And so, but they had like, they had all the farts mapped out, you know. Have I told me? We ought to do that.

We need to, we should do that. How about the farts? Remember he had a graph. How many farts are in a fart? Have I told you. Professor Joe, the butt fartist. You know, you got silent but deadly Drew excels in that category. We really need my.

I'm pretty good at loud and deadly too. Remind me to get my sister on this podcast because she has. Talk about farts? No, she has what. Wouldn't that be hilarious reminder? She has... My phone makes an alert and I'm like,

oh, it's time to text Corey that his sister should come on the podcast to discuss farts. No, she has what Purple had for farts about people's faces and her... She has a system

and all her friends in Chickamauga know this system that Kirby had and it's that she groups people in one of five distinct categories. First of all,

is this only white people? And honestly, it'd be better. It'd be better if it was. No, it's so... weird you said i can't i just listened to a podcast where somebody put forth a theory that actually i think there's only seven octa there's seven types of people there's only seven avatores well he said 20 is what he

said well kirby's is five but maybe there's more i think it's seven but you know how kirby's is brilliant is because she has five but then there's combinations of the five which adds up to 20 like she's like you can be a so hers are you're either a butthole you're a goony you're a look's your looks It's exclusively. It has nothing to do with your personality. No, it's just your face. It don't have anything to do with your body. Well, we did this too, but go ahead. We did.

It's a butthole, a goone, a lunch lady, a lamb chop. There's another one, and I can't remember it, but then there's combinations of some people are butthole goonies, which I'm a butthole goonies. Yeah, you are a butthole goonies. See? It makes sense. I think I'm a butthole lunch lady. The one that makes the most, like, if,

Like, obviously you can't off the top of your head know what a butthole or a goony is, but you know what a lunch lady is. Like, some people just look like lunch ladies. Honestly, lamb chop is only one just throwing me off. Lamb chop is they, it's people that have a wide face that look like the puppet lamb chop. You know how the lamb chops? I don't know about the puppet lamb chops. It goes on and on my friend.

So lamb chops are people with wide eyes, blanked. faces super just pale like a canvas of a face that's a lamb chop a butthole is someone with really big eyes that is like and their mouth is kind of hanging open and then a goony is like i can't we have to get her own to do this because it's perfect it's amazing and of course a lunch lady is a lunch lady like it's someone that looks like Vince neal wearing from the office is a lunch lady 100% lunch lady with a little bit of Gooney. And I think... He's a lunch lady,

I'm glad that Drew is fully bawled in already. I'm not saying I deny it. I just, without her here to explain to me the differences, and also I would be served by some visual aid. She's probably... You remember Kevin? She's probably a sleep. He's got lunch lady visual.

Yeah, yeah, no, I see him being a lunch lady thing too, because Corey is what Corey did. I know people aren't watching me. I mean, that looks like him. He looks like his... It looks like his joints in his face are sagging. She's probably asleep, but I'm trying. I'm giving a shot.

Whatever Sean Penn is, there are other dudes that have a Sean Penn look, like my buddy Tony had a Sean Penn look. But also I think Jeremy Renner kind of has a Sean Penn. Yeah, he's a goody, I think. And so whatever that is, that's definitely a style of dude. Yeah. Because I've seen those dudes a lot.

So we went to, we went, it doesn't matter where we went. We were hanging out with some of Andy's, like, Friends of Friends, and I met a girl for the first time recently, and she looked like so many people I knew. Yeah, there's a title. But not actually. Like, she looked like she was related to them or whatever. There's a mold that God has, and he only has so many of them. God broke the mold with you.

Y'all do the thing right, when something stinks where you're like, oh, my God, that's terrible. Oh, wow. Ooh. Oh, that don't hit. Oh, God. Foxworthy had a bit about that. Just tastes like, shit, here, try it, you know. Yeah, of course, dude.

You want, like, when I do. If it's your brand, you have to smell it. Right, but I can't stand when somebody's like, this thing, smell it. Andy's thing is, she goes, is this taste good? And I'm like, did it taste good to you? That's all that matters. She also asks me, she go, like, I will have been outside. Oh, oh, Kirby's calling me.

And she'll go, do I need a jacket? I don't know if you need a jacket. Hold on, Kirby. Only you can answer. Kirby, you're on the well-read podcast. Is that cool? Yeah, I mean, I'm just right and bad. Okay, that's fine.

That's totally fine, and I'm sorry, but can you, even in your tired state, try to give a synopsis on the buttholes, the goonies, the lamb chops? Can you give us a run-through of that? I mean, just the run-through is that there's, you know, not everybody, is one. Right. But they're, I mean... What is a butthole?

Like, I need you to explain to them all the types. Like, give a good example of who's a butthole and then go through it with Gooney and lunch, ladies. Okay, well, you're a butthole Gooney. Right. I'm trying to think of who else's... James Franco, what's he? He, I don't think he's anything.

Really? He's not like a butthole? Uh-uh. No. No. Because I thought I was half James Franco. That's a good way for me to do it. You mean me, me and James Franco, I got nothing in common physically? What was that? Trey was making fun of me thinking that I thought me and James Franco had something in common.

Oh, yeah, no, James Franco's not anything. Like me, yeah. Okay, Gooney. Explain a Gooney. A gooney is very similar to a glut hole. That's why it's very common. for people to be butthole goonies. Right.

Who is a famous goony and who's a famous butthole? That's what I'm trying to get at. Okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Gooney. Also, can you give me an explanation on why you call them buttholes and goonies?

Corey, it's a feeling. I mean, I can't. you know, why, why is, why is the sky blue, you know? I really, I really can't, I can't tell you. It's just like you just, you just, you just are wondering, you is a yank. Right. Okay, lamb chop. I tried to explain to them what a lamb chop was and I don't know if I did it right.

Explain what a lamb chop is. A lamb chop is someone that's like, like, light skin, light hair. Okay. I kind of said that and I said they had a wide, face with broad eyes? No, no, no, no, no. Lame, no. Lambchop someone, like, you could just become a lamb chop, like, getting, like, your hair done,

or, like, the girl from, um, uh, oh, what's the show, Jason, uh, Jason, uh, Jason Bateman, you know. Ozark? Ozart. Yeah, yeah, like, she's a lamb chop. Oh, yeah, she's a little albinoy. She's a lamb chop, right? Yeah, she's a lamb chop, right?

Yeah, she's a lamb chop. All right. What is Jason Bateman? I don't think he's not anything. But I always thought that you told me that everybody was one of them. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, I'm a goony. But why are you a goony?

Corey, because I am. All right, we're going to have you do Lunch Lady, but we need to know the fifth category because you can't remember it. I said Buttholes, Goonies, Lunch Lady's Lamb chops. Wasn't there another one? Hold on. Well, I mean, there's Buttholes, Goonies. butthole goonies

lamb chop and lunch ladies I think they're just five okay but butthole goonies the only one that's a hybrid there's no lamb chop lunch ladies

I mean I'm sure in the wild but I can't like think of it on the top of my head okay well we don't want to take up any more your time we know that you're tired I just needed to get

this on record, but to you, like, who is a famous lunch lady? Who is a famous lunch lady? Hold on. Because usually lunch ladies can't get famous. That's why the lights ladies. Famed character actor, Margo Martindale. Is Margoton Martindale a lunch lady?

I don't know who that is. She hits. She does hit. Oh, you saw Walk Hard, Kirby? You know Dewee Cox's mom from Walk Hard? No. Uh-uh. Oh, God.

No, I've always seen that one time. Honestly, if, I would say this is very controversial. But honestly, I would say Helen Mirrens. I knew you're going to say that. Fuck yeah. Drew knew it. There's a lunch lady, but it's a nice lady, but it's a nice. Yeah, it can be good.

Yeah, it can be good. Yeah, but, like, she's a lunch lady, but it's like a nice, like, and, prep school that she works at. Right. Like, I mean, it's a nice one. Like, it's, it's not just like our, you know, just local whatever.

Like, it's... And before you go, most famous butthole and most famous gony, and we'll let you go. Okay, hold on, hold on. Butthole first. Most famous butthole. Some people would say Kim Kardashian, am I right?

do what nothing i made a joke about kim cardassion oh ha ha ha ha you're so fine i'm kovic kevin costner kevin costner is a little bit of a butthole okay so you have something in common with him i have something in common oh so me and kevin costner are both buttons hey can you do me and tray what's tray and what's drew

um um Trey, Trey, uh, Trey's a little bit of a goony. Okay. I don't think Drew's anything. Okay, a lot of people don't. Got it. What, okay, who's the most famous goony?

You gave me a butthole that's Kevin Costner. Gooney and then you're gone. Who's the most famous goony, goony, goony, goony, goon, goon, goon, goon, hold on, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking. Bradley Cooper, maybe. Okay, Drew's got a question for you. I have a hunch. I just want to know.

Is Meryl Streep a lunch lady? What? Hell yeah. Okay, Kirby. We love you. Go to bed. I love y'all. Bye, bye.

God damn it. I love my sister so much. I love her. Dude, I've said it a million times, and I truly mean it. She's so much funnier than me. If you'd have called me at 12.30 in the middle of the night, and asked me to perform, I would have told you to go fuck myself.

And she was like, I'll tell you all of them. I told you to go fuck myself. See? I don't hit at 12.30 even when I'm trying to perform. Also, the disdain she had for that Kim Kardashian joke. She did. Oh, she loves Kim Kardashian-R-Den-old. Have some respect for yourself, Corey.

My sister is one of those people who, like, I, I disrespect, not my sister, but I disrespect, like, reality TV and stuff like that. And I'm like, only idiots watch this shit. and my sister is like one of the people that like proves that that can't be true because my sister is a very intelligent very thoughtful uh very in she's intrigued by history and stuff and she cannot get enough of reality tv and i know that it's just like a shut off for her brain because she's just like i just want to see these dumb fucks i'll tell you right now the idea that reality tv it's basically just like junk food but for tv right like when we're We were trying to write that sketch that ended up not... Catfish Jesus? But about 90-day fiancé. Right.

And so I didn't even know what that was. Me either. Drew had the idea to make a sketch about 90-day fiancé or whatever. And because of that, I watched it. And it was hugely popular at the time, at least, or whatever. And I haven't watched it since, and I have no real desire to. But while I was watching it, I was like, I totally understand why people get diet. into this shit.

It's just such a good idea. And get addicted to it. Right, but all the best ones are like that. You know what I mean? The two... The Miff Island thing? It's not called that. It's called Melf Island.

No, Melf Island is a 30 Rock joke. Yeah, but I thought that's... They did it then. No, I think they're literally not allowed. But I don't know if that's the name of it. It is. And I think I've talked about...

It's happening, though. I think I've talked about on the pie before. But if I haven't, really quickly, the idea is they take these milfs who are recently divorced, but they're on an island. They're really good look. They're like 40, 50. And they're like, hey, we're going to do a dating show, but you're going to fuck young dudes. And so they set it up and they're like, yeah, I am just now coming into my own as a woman.

I'm primal. I'm in the peak. Time for me to fuck young dudes. Where's Pete David's time? And then. One of them. So there's eight ladies and there's eight young dudes. And it's their sons.

Their sons. So the eight ladies. So each individual lady. that's really happening, right? Yeah, right. That's how to catch a predator. Well, but they're 20. Three-year-old dudes.

No, it actually really hits. So, each lady individually has seven dudes that she can choose from to fuck. Also, her son is there, and they are all. And so she has to fuck a kid in front of her son, and he has to fuck a lady in front of his mom, which, by the way, that's easy. Yeah. Dude. I would nail any hot lady if I could in front of my mom. Wouldn't give a fuck.

Yeah. A me-mail. Like the first get to know. Me mouth. When I came around on the reality... When I come around... There was two specific people that made me go, I think I've disrespected this too much.

Jessica Simpson. No, it wasn't the people that were on the reality shows. It was when I found out that Megan Galey, who I think is a fucking brilliant comedian... From the town we're in. Yeah, brilliant comedian, hilarious, sweet. she loves reality television She loves

the one we were just talking about Yeah 90-day fiancé is her favorite show I saw her tweeting about some reality show One time and I was like this clearly has to be a bit And then I kept seeing her doing it And I was like holy fuck she really likes this And then I was like

Well Megan Gayley is not an idiot Therefore there's something to this And then my friend Alex McDaniel Who is a sports writer Who y'all met in Mississippi Who is the person who convinced me to do a substack Who changed my life So shout out to Alex.

She loves it too. And I was like, well, if they love it, then it's not just for dumb fucks. But again, it's like having good taste, having a good palate, but still thinking that Velvita hits or whatever. And we like it does hit. And no one, it does hit. I know I agree with you. But like the thing for me, which has come up on here.

Who the fuck am I? Has come up on here many times before. But for me, the gateway. Trash TV. Survivor. was, well, okay, I love Survivor when it first came on. I was watching Survivor when it first aired.

You've recently been watching it from the jump, right? Which is wild to do. Not from the jump, no. But no, I was going to say the bake-off. A Great British Baking Show. That's different, dude. No, that's high quality shit. I'll fight anybody that says earlier.

But it's not the same. But now, Joe, now, if I just want to, like, turn my brain off and whatever, I'll turn on some other cooking show or something. But that's not the same. That are not all that great. That's educational though. Like that's learning.

No, no, no. A lot of them are trash, bro. But dude, it's still watching people cook. Reality shows are watching people live their lives, which is scripted but not a scripted show. It's way different. Yeah, the doc you follow. You learn something in cooking shows.

Doc you follow, which that's what like Duck Dynasty and Kardashians are. I've never watched one of those that actually hit for a lot. That's what I'm saying. And like that's, we're talking about just those. Yeah, because, dude, diners drive. And dive-ins and dives, like, there's at least like, yeah, but that, that, I think is a different thing. I agree. And so is the cooking shows.

No, but I'm saying, like, pressure cooker, okay? That's a Netflix original just came out recently as a cooking show. And it's pretty trash. And it's like, what do you mean, though? It's like, it's, it's just so obviously manufactured drama and shit. And it's, but it's, but again, I watched every episode and I liked it for the record. but it's like survivor but in a kitchen. Yeah, but see, there's a game.

Again, if you're talking about just Docu-Falo. I'm talking about just Docu-Farlashian. If you're talking about just Docu-Milfiling shit. But I'm saying that and Diners' Drive-Ins and Dives are not the same thing either. Well, that's what I'm saying. Diners' drives and dives is fucking... Matter of fact, I'm glad that you made the distinction because, yes, what I'm specifically talking about is Docu-Follow. Docu-Follow is fucking garbage.

And another example. But, like, in a day, my... Fiance. But my sister... Nanda Day Fiance, that's a docu-follow show, right? But my sister, who was... I love, and honestly,

I mean this, I respect my sister as a comedian. Like, she's so funny. We did a podcast together that y'all can listen to on the Putting On Air's Feed, a little House of the Dragon. She's funny.

She can literally write jokes. Like, but she loves the Kim Kardashian shit. She knows it ain't real, but she bought... But this is the big thing that I saw. I started watching my sister talk about the Kardashians the exact way that I talk about wrestling.

And I was like, oh my God, Kardashians is wrestling for white women. We actually, me and Drew, have some firsthand experience in this world, matter of fact. Okay.

And we could talk about it. North South shit. So me and Drew and Andy and also our buddy Rick got, we got cast to be the, like we got cast as the cast. We got cast as the cast of this new practical joke, candid camera show. It was produced by the impractical jokers, right? So that's like mega famous. They're hugely famous, yeah. And it was for, that hits. It was for CMT specifically. So it was like a country version of impractical jokers, basically.

So we met two of the impractical jokers. Yeah, they were there. But all I'm trying to, trying so we got this was way before i ever went viral way before we ever did anything you didn't hit we got i mean yeah honestly you weren't there because you were too good for us at the time yeah but we got in your mind we got casting this thing and so we sent an audition to pilots which the audition tape hit for the record i remember y'all doing the audition tape hit because we tricked and eating into eating a hot pepper no snorting and we didn't we pretend to Dean ate the burrito? No.

Okay. Let's not get into that. For a variety of reasons. But, but, no, we pretended to snort hot pepper as a challenge, but tricked Andy into being the only person who did it on camera, which is.

In Practical jokers, hugely famous. I don't know how they do their show. I'm just saying our experience with it, we got cast in like a spinoff basically and made, and we shot a pilot for it. That happened twice a us and never worked out. Well, it's funny because, like, that's the only pilot I've ever shot.

and fucking, but it was, we shot a pilot for it and it ended up not getting picked up. But I'm only saying that to say, we know from doing that, that like, it was insanely scripted. Do you know what I mean?

Like, I mean, they had, they had like prank things or whatever, and we did have to do them, right? But they would, you know, they'd get a better shot. They would, they would do that. There was like, we were doing a thing in public.

You would do the real thing and then they'd go, we like that, but do it. We'd do a thing in public, right? And it's like, oh, go up and sing Taylor Swift to this lady while dressed as a banana or whatever. I hate that shit. And it's like. I dress as a cheerleader. But they would have like a PA from the show, right?

Walk down the street and be the person that you. A cost. Right. But he worked for the show. Right. And like shit like that. And they did all. of shit like that.

Like that's, so it's like, it's not, one thing that bothered me. It's also not scripted. They just have ideas for like, this would make this hit so then they do it. But,

but also with a second take. Right. And here's the thing that really bothered me. They brought, it was a different bit, but they brought the pepper thing back. They were like, you guys did that pepper thing.

We loved your audition. We're going to do this pepper thing here. And then we kept writing jokes for it. Like, like we would eat a pepper and they would, it was like we'd eat a pepper and say, a line and we kept hitting and we were making the crew laugh.

We were crushing. And that fucking the bald one, the main one, he kept being like, all right, but guys, could you just do the script? And to his credit,

one of the other ones was like, yeah, but they're funnier than the script. Right. That's all I remember. Some motherfucker kept trying to tell me and try not to do our jokes. You know what?

Now that I'm thinking about this, I literally have experience in this too. The only pilot I've ever shot was for Food Network. Yeah, right. Yeah, Bill, you have. So briefly before you move on, let me just say to people listening now that are somewhere in Knoxville, Tennessee, of all places, because that's where North South is, there's footage of a shirtless tray crowder getting absolutely wrecked, spanked, slapped around by me with a wet mop. A wet mop.

Okay, that's another good example, though. The bit was Drew dipped the mop in a fucking toilet or whatever. And then hit me with it. Actually, but you did do that, right? They said, don't do it. Well, they said, we're going to dip in the toilet. They're going to fake that. And then we'll trade it out.

And I just did my toilet and slapped a shit at you, boy. No, I thought, that's what you told me, I guess. I thought you said, I thought you said that they told you, they were like, yeah, we told Trey we're faking it, but do it for real. And let's see what happens or whatever. But either way, whether you thought that or they thought that, it's the same thing. I hit him with it, though. Well, so this just now occurred to me because, again, and this is,

so hilarious that I forgot that I too had been on a reality television show that we shot the pilot and it went to air. I watched it. It actually aired. It was fine. I mean, for me, I'm your boy.

But I've been watching shows like that and I don't understand what it was about your show. It was the pandemic. That didn't hit instead of like, and I know you went with Netflix, but did you watch the Netflix barbecue show? Yeah, garbage. It's like, well, it's the same. I'm not calling yours garbage, but like I'm saying they're the same thing. I mean, basically.

And I don't know why yours didn't hit. And there's, but like Dave, I've sooner lasso the moon. I've got two theories and I'll give them to you both right now. My number one theory is I think, like the thing you have to tell yourself is that we shot the pilot and then the pandemic happened. And then they were like, well, we can't do any more episodes. Like that's literally what happened. Like at that same time, I had a game show network. contract shit that I got paid for.

They put the kibosh on that because at the fucking run through for the game show that me and Mark wrote we're at the run through. We've got the game show set up. I'm hosting it. And we got Game Show Network

to bring in a mechanical bull. Mark fucking Smart Mark from skews, listen to the show. Smart Mark wrote a bit into the script when we were working on it and he was like this is one of those things that they're definitely going to throw out but I'm just going to put in there because it hits for me and Mark

wrote a bit where in our show which was supposed to be like a southern fried jeopardy type thing he goes we're going to have a bit where people answer questions on a mechanical bull and if they get one wrong the bull goes

faster so as long as they can hang on to the bull they can keep going but if you get one wrong the bull goes faster. And so I was like, yeah, they're not going to do that, but whatever. We fucking show up to Game Show Network, and sure as shit, they went down to the bar that like it was some... Yeah, it's on the strip.

It's right by the comedy store. They got that bull. Yeah, it's the only one in L.A. They got that bull and brought it into Game Show Network. And me and Mark are like, what the fuck? So we... There's only one mechanical bull in Los Angeles. And we got it.

Trey, you got the money, dude. We should change that. We can make a billion dollars, dude. So we got that. Y'all been on a mechanical bowl? Yeah. It's funny because it's like... I have.

I have too. I guess we all have. But like... I didn't hit at it. It's funny that... I didn't either. But it's funny that like in like being sober or whatever and thinking back on it, how much that don't hit for anybody. It's not.

The only reason those things exist and are there. For people to watch someone fall off of it. Yeah. Who has tities, by the way. For them to bounce up. Nobody wants to see me on it. No, me neither. Or a guy who's...

really good at it. Who's really good at it. Yeah. I guess that's also true. So any fucking ways. And I'm going to bring this back to the cooking show or whatever. So in this instance, we do the mechanical bull thing.

And buddy, I'm telling you, like, you know how fucking critical of myself that I am and how I think that everything I do don't hit. We fucking crush this run through. We're getting this show, dude.

Like, it was fucking awesome. We had a mock audience in there. We had all the games work. which was like pretty important, you know, like all the games worked. Everybody liked it. The mechanical bullshit worked. As we get done with our run-through of the game show, my manager, Nat, comes up to me and Mark and goes,

hey, have you heard of this COVID thing? And we were like, I was like, I think I've heard is it China thing. Not to be racist, but like we'd only heard like it was a thing in Wuhan or whatever. And she goes, yeah, Tom Hanks apparently. has it. Yeah. And I was like, oh, shit, which is the moment that everyone started taking it seriously when Tom Hanks had it.

Two days later, we flew to Riley to do shows. Yes. And then turn around and flew back because the world shut down. Well, the world shut down. And so naturally, that game show, which I thought, this is a go, they were like, well, I mean, we're putting on everything on halt. And then between now and then, as you know, the CEO of Game Show Network has changed, all this shit.

So what the fuck ever. But anyways, with the cooking show, that was around that same. same, that was right before that. I'd film that shit in New York. And so when we went to do it, this is going back to the reality show aspect of it. I was 100% thinking I was like, all right, all of this is going to be fucking scripted. Like they're going to tell me what to say. They're going to tell these guys what to cook, whatever the fuck.

And it wasn't like that at all. What they did was they put a microphone on me. They had cameras at like certain points. you know, to gather everything. And then they had a stationary camera that followed me like point of view or whatever. And I was like, I was like, what's my direction? Like, what do I do? You know, I know the plot of this thing, but what do I do?

They go, we just want you to go around to all the pit masters who have been here for 24 hours and we want you to just comment on their food. And I was like, great. You know, and they just followed me. And I did that shit. And not once did anybody go, okay, I liked what you said. We just did it. Like, we just did one run-through.

They had... But what you were at was an event that existed outside of that show. Yes. So it was in... Oh, but I guess 90-day Fianze, they really are going to get married. Well, so actually, that's not true. The people that were at that show, they all knew each other because they're on the competitive barbecue circuit, which was really cool.

So it was a fake contest? Yes. It was, well, it wasn't a fake contest. It was a contest for the show and for the record. they did not pick who was going in. Like, it was a straight up contest. Now, I picked, there was, I really am so sorry because I love you and we follow each other on Instagram when we met at that show. I can't remember the beautiful.

I know, but we actually became friends and I'm just drunk and I can't think of her name. She, uh... It's a cute girl. Older lady, like my mom. She's not. Her dad is like the barbecue king of Louisville who just passed away like two. years ago. All of these people...

Her dad was KC. Masterpiece. Yes, that's him. Her name was Lori Masterpiece. It's wild that he was born with the last name, Masterpiece. You know what I mean? It's that nominive determinism right there. And also, he's from Kentucky, but his initials are KC. So all of the judges were people who had like won events on like prior barbecue things.

You put a, put a pen and Matt. You just got to go with... Pause for... commercial probably. Yep, we'll take a break and we'll be right back right after this. We're sponsored today by Casey Masterpiece.

Text me and say 45 minutes. Okay, so where was I at? I said that I was doing the run through the show. You were starting to say something like each one of the judges was... Each one of the judges was a competitor

on the barbecue scene and that's how they all knew each other, but these were like the top of the top. These were the people that won a lot. Legit question, how you get into that? I, buddy... Do the competitions exist before? the TV shows or vice versa.

Oh yeah. No, they're like all of these people met through legitimate. Dude, my dad's been in barbecue competitions with some of these people. Like my dad knew some of these people because he was like, yeah, they were at the Jack Daniel Titty fuck, you know, and dating fucking whatever. My mom won that one. Yeah.

So anyways, they all knew each other and it was super cool. But like there wasn't a like no one knew who was going to win. Now I, as soon as the motherfucker rolled up who ended up, winning, I picked him and hell I told y'all. Oh, black guy? No, no. Fucking dude that looks exactly like Wade Cardwell. This some bitch show up and I was just like, I mean, if it's a rib competition, this guy knows. Now, there was a black guy in it, but he was a super ripped skinny black guy. So I was like, I don't know, you know, but then the fat fucking Wade Colonel Sanders motherfucker shows up and I was just like, I just bet this motherfucker crushes.

And for the record. Bro, always trust to fat when it comes to, in matters of the meat. And so. Matters of the meat, always trust the fat. And so we went through and I got to taste everything, which was like, I mean, first off, let's get this out of the way. One of the best days of work I've ever had in my life. Because all they did was, they put the camera on me and said, go around and taste

barbecue and talk to all these people, which I've done a million times without a camera on me and for zero money. So we're going around. And I finally, I have this motherfucker's ribs, which his secret to his ribs was, he slow cooked him for 18 hours. And then on the 16th hour, he took them out and crushed toffee into a fine powder. Hell yeah. And put him on top of that shit. And buddy, it was literally.

Toffee or toffee? Toffee. It was equal parts hitting meat. And like, you could be convinced it was candy, but meat, it was meat. it was meat candy. It was unbelievable. And then his everybody, everybody had to have a side too. And so he did his macaroni and cheese.

And like, he was sort of down on himself because he was like, you know, this isn't the type of mac and cheese that most people make. It's like, it's my mama's recipe. And it's not baked like a lot of these restaurants do. But we'll see. You know, I cannot stress to you enough how much this is the greatest mac and cheese. that has ever existed. I tasted it. And then, of course,

what do you do to it? A shit ton of mayonnaise. A shit ton of mayonnaise. Like so much. Like, you know, obviously, I like baked mac and cheese, too, but this was just the creamy side to barbecue. Super mayonnaise.

He also cooked the noodles perfectly. They were actually al dente, which a lot of macaroni and cheese is complete mush. and I'm a big fan of Al Dente noodles. So it was wonderful. But anyways, my point is. But you, it didn't matter what you thought, right? It didn't matter what I thought.

Now, I... You weren't weighing in. Now, I did, like, have conversations with the judges on what I thought, but ultimately, that probably doesn't sway them because they've got their check cards, right? I said all that to say this. We, there was never one moment where they go, except for when we were doing, like, the setup where I was coming out of the truck to judge everything, they were like, okay, we'll do it from this angle, okay, we'll do it from this angle.

But there was never a time like what y'all said in y'all show where a moment happened and they go, okay, let's recreate that, right? That never happened. So we did the whole thing live, one kind of cut, one take, whatever. And my point is, that show didn't get picked up. So maybe. I was about to say, because ours was done by the goddamn impractors. Yeah.

So maybe we should have, they should have looked at everything I did and went that. was a good take let's try that one more time but we didn't we just did it once all the way through now i promise you i mean in my mind the reason we didn't at least get a second fucking episode was the pandemic shut everything down and then they forgot about me which i'm not that's not me being shitty like i get it like i've told you this before but just to share uh a hit on this subject we i watched that when that aired i watched it with katy and the boys right and benton who at the time was like seven or eight right he don't No shit about anything.

I know where this is going. He's 7 and 8 years old. And when it ends, he was like, I said, he was like, oh, I like that. I thought it was good. And I was like, yeah, well, hopefully there'll be more of them. Corey can do some more. He was like, what do you mean? I was like, well, you know, they'll shoot some more of those and do the same thing.

And Benton goes, really? Because it felt like a one episode type of fun. Which all he meant was it's episodic. It got wrapped up. It got wrapped up. But it killed me. He was like, because it seemed like a one episode type of thing. That's the mouth of babes type shit.

Right. Like, he was correct. But yeah, but that was my point is that like the experience that I assume that all reality shows is I didn't have, but that show wasn't successful. So that kind of makes sense to me, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Joe, beef. He's wanting to talk about beef, right?

Yeah. Yeah, before we get out of here. We were talking. We were talking. earlier. And I don't, have we talked about the, the 50 cent jaw rule shit

on the podcast? We have, well, another, but refresh everybody and cause it doesn't know. Well, to refresh everybody's memory,

50 cent and jaw rule have a longstanding beef. And if you don't, if you're, uh, someone who's in a new rap, because I'm, if I'm not mistaken,

is there beef anymore? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,

do, do, do, do, it's not the same. And weirdly Eminem ended it. right because it became a thing where of emin well him and machine gun Kelly had beef right and that wasn't that long ago that was probably six years ago but then Eminem sliced him to death and then what happened beef's over no MGK's huge now he headline Bonnero right but he never came back on slim

he didn't have to yeah well that's like wrestling that's like wrestling shit this is what I'm talking about this is what ended beef him and him literally into beef because young rappers wanted Eminem to diss them right and they were like fuck that Eminem also had a track where he dissed a bunch of young rappers, and they posted videos of themselves on TikTok, listening to it, and getting excited. Right. That ended beef.

Like the old school rap guys who were into beef, were like, oh, it's not, they're excited that they've gotten our attention. It's over now. Dude, speaking of fucking, this is not to my point, but speaking of that, because y'all know this motherfucker,

and this is hilarious to me. So, y'all know Cassio? So Cassio is, He's the co-host of a podcast with the Road Dog Jesse James. Uh-huh. So their business partners in the podcast, Cassio's just like, this Road Dog, I got two words for you. Suck it, you know.

Yeah. Sounds just like him. So Road Dog has beef right now with Dax Hardwood, who is a member of my favorite tag team, which is FTR, right? So Road Dog has some beef because Dax used to be. at WWE and Road Dog Did you say FDR? FTR, Fear the Revolution.

Okay, so not the guy who brought electricity in the South. No, not Franklin Delano Romano-Romanowski, which is my favorite Seinfeld character by a mile. He spit in the face of a foreign leader. Did he really? No, Romanowski spit in a ref's face and I was trying to... Which Romanowski? Bill Romanozky.

He spit in a ref's face? Yeah, is there another Romanowski? Like Bill Romanowski from the Bears? And later the Raiders. He was on the Raiders team. Did he stop hitting when he went to the Raiders? No, he spent on the riffs. No, he was on the Raiders when they went to the Super Bowl.

Oh, with Rich Gannon? Yeah. And he spit on a riff. Man, that was such a good Raiders team, dude. What happened? Everything. Whole world. But for the record, Romanowski's known for being a fucking abject lunatic, right?

I wasn't on the field, right? It's pretty different. but I met Romanowski on a plane, me and him were on the same plane, and I just said something the effect of like, you go, like, what's up, Romo, go Raiders, you know, or something like that. And he was, you know, super rad about it. Meaning, you know, he was just like, he's not a dick. He's like, he's smiled and was like, oh, thanks, man.

Like, he didn't spit in my face or nothing. Usually the heels on TV are the nice guys in real life. It was a terrible call. Yeah, well, that's a thing. The heels on TV are you. usually the nice guys in real life. But speaking of that, so Dax Hardwood,

FTR NWWE, who Road Dog Jesse James was working as a producer at that time, apparently they've got fucking heat. And so Dax was talking about it on his podcast and then Road Dog addressed it. And Cassio, just being the consummate professional co-host,

was just agreeing with Road Dog Jesse James. And fucking Dax this week came out on his podcast and now they have beef and he talked about if I so Matt Mitchell got beef with yes with this wrestler dude just because he was like hell yeah man yes dach said that said because Matt co-cun who used to co-host screen door with me he's dax's co-host and he goes hey man like just to let you know like Cassio's a really good guy like he was probably just trying to handle business and fucking dax one of the baddest tag tamers on earth said well I'm I appreciate that you're sticking up for your friend, but if I ever in my life see Cassio, he will regret it for the rest of his fucking life.

So he's going to murder Cassio, so they have huge beef. And so that ain't K-Faib? No, that's real. Like, they are fucking pissed at each other. They are fired the fuck up. But we were talking about beef. I'll believe that for a second. And to catch, I don't understand you, dude.

So to catch everybody up on the jaw roll 50 cent beef, the jaw roll 50 cent beef was they didn't hit for each other. 50 cent hit harder financially. So what he used, number one thing he did was when Jowruel's catalog came up for sale, he bought it underneath Jai Ruhl, and now every time a Jarl rule song gets played, which Trey has said a bunch of times, which is never, 50 cents get paid, not Jow Ruel. 50 Cent also constantly buys out the first two rows of Jow Ruh's concerts. so that Jarl Rule has to perform to no one.

That is the most gangster shit. It's so cold-blooded, dude. It's unbelievable. And I thought that was the most gangster thing I've ever heard, and perhaps it is. But one thing I heard recently, which reminded me of that, was there is a movie that I didn't even know Sylvester Stallone was in. And I think that is, well, the reason I've never heard of is because it don't hit at all. And that movie is called Don't Shoot. Stop or my mom will shoot.

Stop or my mom will shoot. It's kind of a cult classic. Okay. When something's so terrible, it's good. Well, I grew up in a video store. Right. And I vividly remember that movie. Okay.

Well, I don't remember it at all. And it's like, all I remember about it, I said vividly. I remember it existing and I definitely watched it a bunch as a kid. But like one of the opening bits is his mom played by Estelle Getty, Sylvester Stallone's mom. Oh, I love that. Being like, oh, you didn't knit your breakfast. let me bring you some breakfast. He sits down at the table and she gives him some eggs and he starts eating it.

Then she gives him some sausage. And then she brings them some bacon. And then she leaves and brings them some pancakes. Yeah. And then she brings them some cereal. And it just keeps piling up because you know how Mama's beat. Yeah. Absolutely.

And that's the opening bit of that movie. That's all I remember about it. Well, that sounds like it hits. But that movie hit for me when I was a stupid-ass kid. Well, regardless, it was a commercial flop. Massively. Massive commercial flop. and also it was a huge

change in direction from what Sylvester Stallone was doing. It was a weird, dumb fuck movie. Well, of course, a lot of people were wondering why the fuck would Sylvester Stallone do this goddamn movie? And this past week, through Smart Mark sending us a text, we found out the reason. And it's that, apparently, Sylvester, which this makes so much sense,

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone had a very competitive like career path like both of those dudes were always up for the same fucking roles like it makes sense like I'm sure that like that's similar with like

John Sina, Baltista, the Rock, whatever like they're always kind of in the run in for these same things dude Tom Hanksson and Michael Keaton Tom Hanks and Michael Keaton that was literally the 80s I mean that was the so like you have these dudes that have this boy Tom won that one

which Michael Keaton rules Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are slightly different in that like those two dudes can only play certain roles

whereas like Tom Hanks and Michael Keaton could like if Tom Hanks is doing this Michael Keaton could just go do this other thing but those guys were like like if it's an action

where there's going to be this big action movie this year it's going to be Schwarzenegger or Stallone so they're up for it well this script apparently for don't shoot my mom in the pussy

or what stop her my mom will shoot sorry about that buddy i didn't mean to stop her my mom will shoot apparently this Arnold Schwarzenegger had gotten a hold of this script saw it for the ridiculous bullshit that it was and then was like you know what I'm gonna do I'm going to leak to the press that I'm interested in this movie

so that Sylvester Stallone will hear that and want to take it from me and then he will do that and be in one of the worst movies of all time and that is literally exactly what happened and like a lot of people didn't know that was a thing and they asked Arnold about it

and he was like yeah I did that I did the fuck yeah I get them in the script and yeah I can't do a good Arnold impression but like that's so that's such a joke that only a certain person can play I feel like

and maybe I'm being me being too negative I love Arnold Yeah, he's great. But I feel like that was his agent's idea. And he took credit for it? Sure. I mean, he should have.

His agent wanted him to take credit for it. I don't know, man. His agent wanted him to take credit for it. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what his agent would have to gain by fucking sly. Well, they were in competition together. We need to tank the dude's career. I don't know.

I do want sincerely to believe that Arnold was that petty. And, like, he... To agree to it is pettiness. Yeah. Right. Either way, it's one of the funniest fucking things I've ever heard of. And what I wanted to ask you guys, and I think we've probably all been thinking on that so it don't really matter. But, like, those are the two most baller practical jokes. Also the pettiness.

The pettiness. The petty. Those are the two most, that J-Z, or J-Rul and fucking 50-cent. Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Those are two of the most bawling practical jokes I've ever heard of. The only other one that I can think of was, did you ever hear the one about George Harrison and Phil Collins? Yeah. George Harrison told Phil Collins he cut his drumming out of, you know the whole story if you do tell it.

I know it's something with them being a session drummer for George Harrison. And yeah, go ahead if you know it. So George Harrison sets up this. do a song and he wants Phil Collins to be the percussionist on it or whatever. And so they get in there, they get in the studio, and Phil Collins is on the percussion.

And like, they send the cut back to Phil Collins and you can hear the producer in the back going like, this is the worst fucking drumming. This is the worst fucking drumming I've ever heard in my life. And then Phil Collins hears this and is like,

oh my God, they weren't supposed to send me this. This is fucked up. What the fuck? And so they go on about their day. and George Harrison ends up releasing a song, and they'd cut out the Phil Collins part. And like two years later, they were talking about it,

and George Harrison literally did it as a practical joke on Phil Collins and hired a studio musician quartet or whatever, spent like $15,000 just to make it to where Phil Collins would hear his producer go, this really don't hit. No, no. He hired somebody to play the drums badly. That's what it was. Because he knew that Phil would be like, but I hit on this track.

That's right. So he hired someone to be a bad drummer. So that Phil would hear the drumming and go, God damn, I did so. That's what it was. You're fucking right. And then as I remember or understand, he then, like, he planned to tell him immediately. Yeah. And forgot.

Right. And then it came out. And then, yeah, he forgot for years that he had tortured that guy. Matter of fact, you're right, that's way funnier. And it's also kind of different than these because they didn't actually have a beef. that was just like if me did it to y'all if me if i did it to y'all in that sense like i don't hate y'all it would just be like a funny fucking thing but those are like the only three instances i can think of and the reason that you can't think of some anymore is because all three of those beef slash practical jokes

require so much to be able to pull off like you have to be at such an elite status in your life to pull off that big of a deal. The only thing I can think of, and I know we've talked about it before, but I don't think on the podcast, I have no backup or verification for this whatsoever. It's just a thing that I heard repeatedly. I heard that, and I don't know which one's which, but that the CEO of Walgreens and the CEO of CVS are a divorced couple. That's why they put up to each other.

So I think it was like, I think the idea was supposed to be CEO of one of the two, right? maybe owns both chains or something gets divorced the ex-wife or ex-husband gets the gets the other property in the divorce right so now he's got Walgreens she's got CVS and that's why they're always right beside each other is just out of spite I'm sure that's bullshit but that's the only thing I can think of that fits what you're saying that I've heard before another one that I've heard of that I also think is probably bullshit have you you ever heard the Trader Joe's one? So the Trader Joe's one is, you know how you go to Trader Joe's and they're famous

for their wine, two buck chuck? Okay. So when Trader Joe's first came a thing, there was two buck chuck, but also like this was in the 70s or whatever when like $2 was way different than it is now. But the reason that, this is what I heard, the reason that the two buck chuck spent so long without raising their price is because the CEO of two buck chuck got divorced from his wife

and one of her agreements in the divorce was that she got all the profits from like the two buck chuck or whatever and so he just refused to ever raise the price even when there was like market competition for it I really thought I gave you enough lead time to process what I was saying I thought Drew was standing over here actually listening to you. I was listening. No, Drew was not listening to me. I heard the story. I was

looking up something to make sure that I remembered it right because I got a story too. But you heard what I said, right? I heard everything about two buck chuck and the reason that never went up and all that stuff. I'd never heard that one before and I find it fascinating. I just yeah, I thought Drew was going to talk. Yeah, I'm ready to talk. Full disclosure everybody. We're trying to eat Mexican and shit. Go on, go on Drew. Tell you tell you tell. We're really talking about pettiness. Right? Yeah.

And who's prettier than the queen herself, Taylor Swift? Oh, my queen. So. Wait, are you, hold on. Are you calling her your queen ironically? The queen of petty, I said. Okay. I thought you said then my queen, Taylor Swift, and I was about to be pretty mad at you.

Well, but, but I do have, I don't want to say news on that topic. Because the whole time I've told you all, like, I don't care one way or the other. I think she's a little overrated. You've never said, I don't care one way or the other. What you said was, I hope she gets cancer. A conversation a million times. Literally just like that. Farting on the fish.

And, but my wife hates her. And also, I think, you know, but anyway, the song, anti-hero. Oh, yeah. I'm in the car the other day. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? And I should... It's me. Hi.

I'm the problem. And I'm the problem with me. So I shazammed it. And I was like, fuck, this is terrible. I like this song. But then I was like, well, yeah, she's finally admitting that she's the problem. Yeah, right. But I sent it to Andy.

And she's like, I was like, this is actually good. She's like, fuck you. and I'm not listening to it. Today she finally listened to it and she was like, God damn it, this song is great. And I texted Lucy a screenshot of it and Lucy was loving it.

Is that song the one if I took a video of me, Aiton Belveda at one in the morning? And then I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth, which I would never do. You know the bathroom to brush my teeth and then look in the mirror. Yes. And then I'm trying to the problem.

I'm singing back to myself, it's me, hi. Yeah. It's a big TikTok thing for that. That's actually the first. It's about like an older lady, so I don't think it's meant to be what I've made it. But in my head, I've made it.

Taylor has written all these songs about how men have wronged her. And after like 50 different men, she's finally going, it's me. Hi. Which, by the way. I'm the fucking problem. Which by, like, obviously, like, this kind of makes sense of how much I like Taylor Swift because, like, me and you were in the green room talking between shows.

Our green room, not Taylor Swift's. Yeah, but in the green room, between shows or whatever. and I was like expressing to you, or I was trying to express to you that like, I've taken ownership of the exact type of person that I've been for so long and I'm ashamed of it, but I have to acknowledge it and I'm actively working on getting better

and it's embarrassing to have to say, yes, I did do all these things and I, whatever. And so like, that's Taylor Swift doing the same thing. So we're like very similar. It's me. Hi, I'm the problem. It's me. You're right.

It's so appropriate that you took a moment we shared privately and then you try to get credit for it on a podcast. And then in that way, you are just like Taylor Swift. It's me. Ha! Celebrating. I'm the problem. It's me. What are you not getting?

I get all of it. Can I tell you my thing? Yeah. Oh, please. Yeah. Because this is really funny. Is this famous people shit or somebody you know? It's fucking Taylor Swift.

Oh, okay. Right. You did say all that. In June of 2017, her album, 188. had sold 10 million copies worldwide and she wanted to celebrate it, right? So she posted her entire back catalog on every streaming service.

This was a big deal at the time because although she was already on Apple, she had famously pulled out of Spotify three years earlier. So suddenly users were excited that Taylor Swift had returned to Spotify. But it didn't take people long to notice that. Swift's return to the streaming service happened to be on the exact

same day that Katie Perry dropped her fifth album an ill-fated record called Witness which bombed. Right. Some people could say that there was a coincidence but other people said nope,

they had bad blood going back to 2013. That's a Taylor Swift song too by the way, bad blood. Because they were still... Yeah, because something about stealing each other's dancers. And then...

I love that shit. That shit hits so hard. That's a fucking tremendous example. sample, dude. Yeah, that's a great, great pull. Yeah. Oh, also, also, oh, shit. Jay-Z put out the blueprint, and Osama bin Laden bombed the Twin Towers on that same day.

That's crazy, dude. It was so jealous of the world's. And the album still hit. So petty of Osama. So petty of Osama. That piece of shit. That's a wild thing to think about. 9-11 it is.

Don't hit. By the way, here's a fun one. What? State for the record. Thank you. There's a fun one. We're going to go back. Mozart.

And as we know, he's got reins and that's what my butt thinking of Mozart. Speaking of Mozart, Mozart should think something of your book. What do you think about Mozart, Mr. Butt? I'm going to edit that so that comes first. I kind of feel bad because I was like, I just, Mr. Butt needed to talk. This is how it is. But I was like, man, Mozart does.

deserves better than that. God, I mean, do you think, in terms of... You know what's crazy? Like, I just disrespect it Mozart. Dude, fuck, Mozart. Hold on. Look up Mozart wrong.

Also, he loved butholes. George of all rules. He had a song about farts and eating butts. He did. I'm not going to tell you all something that hits about him, but you don't listen to me. No, no, no. Say it after this.

Do you, do you know that, like, I'm just now realizing this, because we've gone so long between Mr. But, that I know for a fact we have listeners who are like new listeners or whatever. Who don't know that. Don't know who he is. That don't know who he is. Yeah, he's on this episode and we didn't even introduce him.

Yeah. Senior butt. DJ butt. Monshairedare. Ho-hawn. DJ butt. So anyways, if you're a new listener and they're still here, Mr. Butt is when we fart. We fart.

Okay. Drew, tell your thing that I'm certain is better. I'm glad we caught them up. Well, I'm just saying, there's some people that are going like, when did they start fart? There's a lot of people. Now, there's more people who are like, thank God, they've finally started farting again. Go ahead. Yeah, so speaking of...

Did I not need to say that? Speaking of cultural icons, Mozart, he had a beef with somebody. And he had a distaste for a soprano name, Adriani. Ferrerasi del Benet who was his Liberettis mistress And for whom Does that mean liberal mistress?

No It's like a Somebody in his Circle Band For lack of a better Whom the role of Fear Delegie

Have been Created, right? Mozart wrote Madame Allegrante Look, there's too many people weird names To keep up with it Here's the guy

Hey, by the way, do it in a really Italian voice. Hey. Hey, Ferreira. What you say the name was? Madame Ferrisi. Mademifarise. Mademelagrace. It's far better than Malamapherasi, which I admit is not the saying much.

What's funny about this is Mozart is fucking German or Austrian. Eh, don't worry about that. These people have to be Italian. I made him Italian because of Da Vinci. And opera. Yeah, right. The opera is, and also those are Italian people. Madam Farase is Italian.

Anyway, here's the point. He wrote a song, a composition. What do you call it? Anyway. A composition. Yeah. A melody. Making it to wear.

There were high notes followed by low notes. And this was the role that she was going to play. Is this a brown-out note? Because he knew that she would drop her chin on low notes because of how she sang. And throw her head back on high ones. And he wrote... He wrote an all- No way.

It looked like she was... No. fucking way. That's the most genius shit I have ever heard. I can't believe that Drew is excelling at this topic. You know what I mean? I know. Fucking First about Hall of Fame pettiness.

Yeah. Because these are fucking great. I'm sincere. This is all some druid shit. Dude, I'm actually so impressed because like I mentioned to y'all that I wanted to talk about these things and I straight up said I was like, I don't have any other examples about this. And apparently this motherfucker's been in the lab with a pen and a pad trying to get this

damn label off. Mm-hmm. Because that was flames. So was Taylor Swift. They were both flames. What did you type in to find that famous people that hit that did? I think he knew already, didn't you? Yes, I knew already.

Amazing. That were things that I just had, you know. No, you looked it up. Okay. That hits too. Well, what I... I mean, I would... It's crazier to me that you looked him up because I don't even know what you look up to get that.

What I typed in was... Famous Beefs? Petty moves by celebrity. That's... Okay, great. You're so much better at Google than me. And I couldn't. I still haven't found the one I want.

There was definitely a pop star one, and I can't remember if it was Mariah Gary, J-Lo. What's the weird one? Bjork. A little less weird. Jewel. Or Lady Gaga. One of them had it, but I couldn't find it.

That was a fun episode of Password we just played. This list has reminded me of two that I want to bring up that don't quite fit our theme. Okay. Because I typed in pettiness and the things that I found have reminded me of things that don't fit. What we're talking about was just celebrity beef, but like the petty thing, right? All right. This is like a double reverse petty. Do not pass go.

Do you guys remember the minute details of the Martin Screlli saga? No. Let me fill you in on what I know about the Martin Screlly saga. This was a hashtag pharmacy bro. Yep. And he raised the price of end. insulin by a fuck ton and then tried to convince everybody that that meant he was a humanitarian. Okay, but before that, he'd already gotten famous.

I don't know why. Because he bought a Wu-Tang album. Yes, he bought the one that only Bill Murray could get. Right. It was a Wu-Tang album that they said, we're going to make a painting, not an album. And what they meant was, we're making an album, but there's only one copy of it. It was an NFT before NFTs were a thing. Exactly what it was.

and Martin Screlly Can you explain the whole thing because I just did a bad job of it? No, I mean, you got it. You make a music album and you go, all right, let's see how many copies we can sell. And they said, fuck that, we're going to sell one copy. For a lot of money.

No one's going to be able to have it on Napster or, you know, I'm giving my age away. But you can't pirate this. Limewire, yeah. That didn't get any younger when you limewired it. I know, I know, I'm sorry. So he bought It's called Once A Pot of Time in Shaolin

An album by the Wu-Tang Clan For 2 million Just so no one else could listen to it After he bought it He went public online Whatever to say I don't even give a fuck about the Wutang Clan But I want to be online

I did this just so nobody else can have it For the record I'm for that That hits So Wutang fans Utang clan fans Will get mad at me Right

So that's like petty In and of itself Which is then we'll talk about the pettiest of them all the American government this dude's in the media now and he's already he was already being investigated they hit him with a bunch of fucking charges like this dude no one would have heard of him right about the wu tang out right that is when I first heard of him

but like his case that you'd have heard about that happened to a dozen people right it's just the fact that he was famous his pettiness made him famous and they made the FBI's pettiness go on He probably would have gotten away with all of it. At the very least, he probably would have got a better deal. Wouldn't have been in the limelight and could have come back at something else later, right? But his pettiness led to there being more petty, right?

And then the ultimate petty of all, in my opinion. And maybe they're just doing this to win. But according to the Wuzhang, that album is not good. They didn't try on it. By the way, I love them for this. And their whole goal was to trick of Rich. guy. That's great.

That's, if that isn't what happened, I'm upset. And I'm telling you, that needs to be what happened. Further proof that they ain't nothing to fuck with. What level do you think of effort you would give in that scenario where they're like, we're going to fuck over a rich guy. We're not trying. We all know that. But, like, we're going to make an album that we sell.

Like, what do you think the level of effort is? Here's what I honestly, here's how I would do it. Like, if I was really going to k-fave it. I would put it on sale See Who Bought it And then record an album I'd already have the beats And have them in my head the beats

And I know what the beats are So I can wrap over it But how many people are in Wutang Her are still alive? Six I don't know Probably something like that It's a bunch of Is it still alive?

What's now 14 songs? Well I mean dude Nowadays 10 So you don't even have to do that So my point is I would wait I would wait to see who bought it And then I would put lines in there That were like

To me Meta Funny about those dudes For me, like, doing a thing... Yeah, but that's putting in a headner level of effort. It's a joke to me, so of course I'm putting it in it. But I think that you would too. I mean, actually, that's right. I think that you would too.

And here's why I think that. Because we are conditioned to, no matter what we do, we have to do our best. Like, you're putting your thing out there. Even if one person's going to hear it, you got to fucking do your best. Martin Screlly could... He owned everything about the album at that point. He literally could have done, I think they put in a clause where he couldn't license, like, parts of it to other musicians. But other than that, he could have put it out.

Yeah. Well, I, right. So that's why you have to try it. Exactly. That's why you had to make a deal. But if people find out that you did it as a bit. I've had companies. That's hilarious.

And, you know, right. And they won't care that it's going to be a good, no, but it's still got to be a good bit. I've done stupid fucking videos for, like, several companies, like, that hired me for a campaign to do, like, commercials from whatever the price has ranged from five thousand dollars to thirty five thousand dollars and i gave i even on the five thousand dollar video i gave a thirty five thousand dollar effort that this is not the same thing i guess you're right but all you're saying is just being a professional and oh somebody's payment i always want to do my best when i'm doing but that's not they were as i understand it their whole thing was a troll 35000 right but they

They still had to know that it would get out eventually. Maybe. I mean, I might go with you on that. I'm just saying, if you're devising something purely as a troll, that's not the same thing as like, well, I signed up for the job, so I'm going to do the job. I mean, yeah, you're right.

Which that's how I feel to. I feel the same way. Yeah, right. But, well, maybe they did. Maybe they didn't. That's my whole question. They probably were just having a lot of fun. They're like, we're not under contract for a label.

Like, what constitutes a song? Do you know what I mean? Like, would they? For those sessions For those sessions Would they do that? Would they fart on the mic for 45 seconds And then call that track three?

They would fart on the mic While they narrated it I'm farting on the mic like I'm from Staten Island The Poutang clan It also would be funny if like they sort of all know Poo Tane clan and you know we be wilding If somebody they all like They all understood that's what was happening

I fart real hard and my turds turn to diamonds That they were doing If they all got that Trey hates this bit He's about to start sighing so if I I don't get no credit for that yes I'm laughing at you you idiot

are you looking at him I don't remember what I was saying so congratulations good job you were saying like how funny it would be if they were like they all knew how we're trolling some rich guy or whatever so we're not going to try

they were just like make it sound clean but they kept choosing one guy's songs or whatever And everybody was like, what the fuck? Or if you kind of got the impression that they were doing something as a bit, and they kept going like, we love that thing you had about, you know, whatever. Like, that would be hilarious, like, to do to Corey. It would be so funny to do that also as a bit.

Well, do you ever think about these type of things? Yes, me and Dre think of them all the time. Well, it's not just that, but like. Ways week and way, Corey confused. It's not just these petty things or whatever. It's like when I see, like, Tom, uh, Seguerra and Bert, like, playing these practice. jokes on each other. That is like, I've never, I've been trying to explain to my wife.

I was like, I don't know why I want to make a lot of money because everything that I do, everything that I really enjoy don't cost a shit ton. I mean, golf, yes, but where I'm from, like, you know, the country cup fleet ain't shit. But I was like, I don't really know what it is that I want to make a lot of money for. Like, what is it that I want? And then sometimes I think, like, if I had fuck you money, I could just, like, put up a billboard with both of y'all's faces.

It's already funny. And have it say like, I fart. It's something more diabolical, but like, I fart come. I beat me and Drew like naked looking back like this and it's just, I fart, I poop. Yes. Like, that would be, but that would be so, wouldn't that be hilarious and wouldn't that be a fun thing to do? Yes.

Well, that's what I want to spend my money on. Like, I go, oh, fuck yeah. If I ever made it. Dude, I would blow up your house. I'd buy another one. If I have money to build a new one? If you've got the amount of money... You know, how much out of fucking...

Dude, he comes home when his house blows up? It's a hilarious idea because now you've got me thinking of like putting up billboards and chigamaga, you know. The pig man. With him doing body by bees or fucking pig satin or any of that shit. Well, I'm saying like... I remember it's still his picture. The moon pie. Like the moon pie man?

Yeah. Any of those things. Well, wouldn't that be fun to do? It would be hilarious. Well, I want to do it. Do I remember pig satin? That's your picture in my phone. You was ham satin, by the way.

And I don't hit in it. But that's what I want to do. Like, I want to, like, I hear these stories and I'm like, that's so gangster. I want to fucking do that to Drew and Trey. So bad. Like the Phil Collins, fucking George Harrison shit. Oh my God. If I could pull something of that level off on y'all, I would literally come.

Like, here's how I would do it to him. I would, if I had this much money, I would buy billboards in Hollywood. I love him and make it look like he had a reality television show coming out. That's perfect. But one that would embarrass him. And that's part, right. Well, it's perfect too because it might work.

Ford Island. Yeah. Hits. All right, I have one more patty. Wait, are we done? No, no, no. Dude, I'm having a great time. There's one more patty.

Good. You've been hitting with these. Yeah, this one's going to hit but not hit. And you can choose. Choose your own hit. You can choose your own hit. Yeah. because this particular person has had beefs with many people in which the pettiness level was hilarious.

The king of petty is Donald Trump. Oh, without question. Yeah, for sure. He's great at it. It's, like, unbelievable. Like, to the point where he has uncomfortable levels of petty. You could write just a whole book about nothing but his pettiness. Uncomfortable levels like McCain.

Yeah. He died. Uncle Tom Petty. The day, Uncle Palm Teddy. Petty. That didn't even make sense. I apologize. I couldn't either do anything with it, and that's my fault.

Yeah, I was like, I don't know. I feel like Trump's pretty much exactly the thing. He looks like he is. He for sure is. Richard Petty. All the patties. Anyway, there's like on the low end, like the shitty end. I mean, McCain had just died.

Oh, yeah. And he said, I like my war criminals. Yeah. Not towards. You don't get captured. Yeah, right. War heroes who don't get captured. The dude just died.

By the way, if I had to pick war heroes. heroes. I'm on his side, but like, I like them all. You know what I mean? Like, if you're going to go, like, you can only like one type of war hero, you would definitely go with the people that you're captured. I don't know, dude. I feel like when the, when the caveat. Yeah, if they get captured and they live. The caveat, which is assumed here, because we're talking about John McCain, is that they live, then live and survive it. I think that's about as badass. Have you heard Ryan Darling's bit about that shit? I don't know. Ryan Darling has this, which he opened for us with good cop, Bradcock in Knoxville.

He has this great bit about his papal telling him about him being in World War II. And he was like, me and 10 other guys, we got captured. And they shot everyone but me. And Ryan's like, when I was a kid, I was like, God damn, Papal's so brave, papal so tough. And then I get older and I'm like, that motherfucker's a snitch. Like, he definitely told them some shit. And they shot everybody else and let him fucking go.

Yeah. Ailt Yeah True story Also he dated a girl Who joined us Isis That's like

It's like the gay I've turned a girl Lesbian I was about to say Everybody's got that buddy Who like had an ex Who then turned gay Imagine that but with ISIS

It's different What were we talking about The beef Of Petitness We're talking about Trump We're talking about His various beef

So I think the McCain one Is like Uh Like Gross But then there's other ones That are hilarious we've talked about the Michael Bolton thing on here.

John Bolton. John Bolton. That's hilarious. Watch her. He changed his name. He sucks. We've talked about the John Bolton shit on here at least seven times. I mean, he's had a dozen.

He's had a dozen beefs with people and he's so petty. Anyway, it just, he's just, there's not a specific one. I know, you're not, you're right. He is. I know I do a bit about this on stage, uh, about how. Even fucking, his whole campaign supposedly is because Obama made fun of him at the correspondence then. Right.

Supposedly, this isn't true, but it's funny to think about, he was one of the people pushing Barack Obama fake birth certificate. Obama at the correspondent center shit on him because of that. Right. Was having his own celebrity. And then Trump took his job. Dude, so what I was going to say was, what I was going to say was, you know, they say the older you get, the more conservative you'll get. And I don't believe that because genuinely, I'm. probably more a liberal in this moment than I was even five years ago.

But like, I think that the older you get. Not that he made, that people make. Yeah. That people make what? That you'll get, like, that's such a dumb thing. What did I say? What I said? No, not you.

That people say that you've derailed him, bro. Oh, yeah, yes. That is a dumb thing. But you don't understand. You're going to care about the world once you're a dad. Oh, and I'll be more conservative all of a sudden because I care about the world? I'm doing that on stage right now about how like I just saw my baby for the first time and I have no idea why, but I have the insatiable desire to lock Mexicans and cages to strip homosexuals of their rights.

It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. But what I do think makes sense is the older I've gotten, I haven't become more conservative, but I have found what Donald Trump says funny more. Like used to... I think that's space from Donald Trump. I agree. I agree. Right.

Because I think he's... I think he's objectively hilarious when he's not in power. I agree. Well, and I mean, there were definitely things that he did that you could go, this is horrible and I hope this doesn't really happen and this is indicative of a movement that we shouldn't be going towards. But as a comedian, we could look at, like the John Bolton thing, for instance, objectively hilarious. But like right now, and this is where we need Trump. Trump was, he's kind of right now as long as...

Because, dude, well, first off, if he runs, DeSantis is going to split the votes, whatever I'm not worried about. it. Now, granted, nobody was worried about it the first time, but here we go. But Trump is almost back in the position that he was in pre him running for shit, which was a national laughing stock that we can all just look at and go, God damn, I thought I was an idiot, which again, I genuinely don't think he's an idiot. Like, I think that he obviously doesn't know as much about things that he claims to know as much about, but like, he knows what he's doing. He don't believe half a goddamn things

coming out of his mouth, but he's like, they're going to eat it the fuck up. Like, am I wrong on that? He says some shit about trans people today that was bone-chilling, frankly. Really? So I hope somebody's shooting. What are you talking about that?

You're talking about that school shit? That he went on this, dude, he went on this, it was like a nine-minute rant on his website, and this is supposedly part of his, like, kickoff campaign or whatever. of like talking about the schools and talking about how basically like when I'm when I'm in charge. He didn't say when I'm in charge again, but it's very clear that like that's what he's doing. He was like, you know, when I'm in charge, uh, whoever the principal at a school is is going to be voted in by all the parents are going to have a say in not only who the principal is, not only who all the teachers are, not only what curriculum is taught.

not only what it, but like all that shit. And it was like... It's such a hilariously stupid thing to promise. Yeah. And he sold him. But he did. But he's promising. Well, I say he promised, but he was just like, he was like, this is what it should be.

And then at the end it was like, you know, not vote for me. But like, it's clear that he's like... Just shit utopia. When, even if he, even if he doesn't do it, it's clear that he wants to make people think this is what I'll do. Right. Parents should be in charge of what. their kids learn, which I, there's a certain part of me that if I wasn't wrapped up in all this shit and kind of knew the ends and out of what they really mean versus what they say,

they would be part of me that was like, well, hell yeah, the parents should have more of a, you know, hands on deck situation with the principal and the school board and all this shit. But then I look at it the other way and I'm like, if the parents knew any of this shit, the kid wouldn't be there. You know what I mean? Like if it was if the parents are the ones that educate you, they don't have to go to school. They'll just hear it from you when you get off work. Like we need people that are teaching fucking curriculum, fact-based bullshit.

And like it seems to me that the, what do I say? Fact-based bullshit. Yeah, don't help. At school, baby. Fact-based bullshit. But like, it's very clear to me and it really upsets me that I think it's obvious that the next, the next presidential campaign was they always have

their major issue and then they're like five minor issues it's pretty clear to me that one of the major issues in this country in the next election is going to be educational reform which is going to attack CRT

which is going to attack science which is going to attack evolution and like I know that all those people have been beaten around that Bush for a long time, but I think that we're finally getting to the point where it's going to be true, and I'm about to have a kid, and that fucking terrifies me. I don't like it. Well, on that uplifting and cheery note, won't you sing us out of here, baby?

Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Attune it next week, if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you. A night and school. Well, damn, I didn't mean to leave on a downer. I was just making a point. I didn't have for you.

Go check out our specials on Amazon Prime and also part-time funnyman.com and Patreon.com slash Trey Crowder and also listen to Gravy Baby and all that good stuff. Amazon Prime, specials, love you. Bye!