wellRED podcast - #314 - CHO is Having A Baby & The Boys Talks About Pharmaceuticals!

Episode Date: March 15, 2023

This week Corey gives an update on his and his wife's pregnancy saga, which leads the boys to discuss medicine and how much of a crap shoot diagnoses can be. Also.... pharmaceutical companies suck Check out our sister podcasts Puttin On Airs, Gravy Baby, and Weekly SkeewsGo to Trae Crowder.com for tickets to showsPartTimeFunnyMan.com is where you can subscribe to Corey's bonus stuff. You can get it all for free, or you can choose to pay 5 bucks a month if you can afford to support!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

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So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin. fellas. Yeah. So that was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it

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They're the liberal rednecks. They like cornbread, but sex. They care way too much, but don't give a fun. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people upset. Got three big old dicks that you can sun. God damn, dude, look how fucking drunk. I mean, I know that you're drunk in that picture, too, but like me, I'm so visibly annihilated out of my mind.

You know what else? You said it's the banana pudding night. It might be, but there's a picture I have of you guys naked eating banana pudding that isn't this picture. This picture is a selfie. I wasn't, I didn't take this picture. picture. I took the banana pudding picture. I took the banana pudding picture. This could be that same night, but y'all were alone. And the only reason you sent, the only reason

anybody has this picture is that Trey couldn't get over how your head looks. So he spent it around. But like, y'all are by yourselves. Yeah. It does look superimposed on a person. Well, you can see all this darkness right here. That's mold because it was outside of the thing. In the original picture, plus also there's a fold right through your head, right there. I thought that was natural. Yeah, in the original picture, your head looked wild, dude. Not that it don't here, but in the original, I mean, it was.

I mean, Trey Lilly is saying it like, can you believe this? And everyone went, that's the photoshopped. Yeah. You know what? What? Here's how wild it is. I was like, I don't think it is, though. You know, like I, I don't remember.

I don't. I've, I've, I've remembered that picture. I've seen that picture, but I don't remember. Was that Brian Deney hit night? Maybe. I don't know. Wasn't because we were making sandwiches on our iron. Yeah, I mean, I remember Brian Denehy night, but of course I remember that.

Now, how could I ever forget? That was four. Celebration of Brian Denehy. I think we were outside on a balcony at that. hotel talking about how Brian Dennyi hits and how we hit everything else. And then some dude from like three floors below goes, shut the fuck up! And we were like, and we were like, you're right.

Sorry. Our bad. My favorite quote from that was, what was it that, what was it that you said, like you were like rightfully so for the record. Me and Trey were in there making really huge sandwiches and talking about how much Brian Denehy hits. And the reason that we were talking about, the reason that we were talking about how much Brian Denehy hits

is because we were at first, we were upset with ourselves for how much we were eating and how fat we were getting because we're like, man, we're in the Hollywood industry. Like we've got to really shape up. And then we were just like, but if you think about it, I mean, Brian Denehy hits.

Yeah, right. And then Drew came in that. We were fucking screaming about it. And Drew came in there and goes, do you guys realize that you're already character, actor, fat? You get that. even if you lose even if you fucking lose weight

like you're already it's not you're not getting too Brian Denny he you're there it's just they hitch harder than y'all man it was sobering it's so unfair that whole that whole scale and dynamic because I was thinking about it like yesterday or so

because like I'm if I had gone full time and like if I had given up on all this and hadn't gone viral and I was just at the DOE and I was like married to Katie and I was just like just a straight up you think you'd still be married? East Tennessee.

Yeah, for sure. East Tennessee. Suburban dad. I would be fucking crushing it right now in terms of the shape I'm in. Yeah, how I look. Exactly. I would be.

But like, I'm just nowhere near what the equivalent of that is in this fucking goddamn town. Yeah. Like it's not even close, dude. I think I could make,

I think I'd be the opposite. Like, I think being in this industry is the only reason I only look as bad as I look. You know what I mean? Like, I think, I think that like, because we're in such a van,

like, because my picture gets put out there a lot and I'm video on myself, I think that's the only reason that I'm not 400 pounds. Like, if I hadn't a made it, there was, there would be nothing stopping me from just eating fucking meatball subs for every meal and giving up.

I've got a serious fat kid complex, man. I've always been up and down with my weight even before I got into like this game or whatever. It's like I need help. Speaking of pictures and this one, I did want to say that I don't think this life size blowups capturing how wide your head looks because this is what I remember. This is what was so funny. Trace sent a fully nude selfie of the two of you to our friends. and everyone's reaction was look at his head,

is that real? And not, why are you sending naked selfie stuff? Like, it was like, look at his head. Like, his butt's in it.

That's his butt right there. But we're all like, look at his head. Also, I'm not in this picture. Corey, can you take a screen cap? Yeah.

I'll do it. I'll do it post. Yeah, right here. Let's see, we're at seven minutes, seven minutes. seven seven I won't let me write this down on my pen seven forty three I got a write down that that is screen

cap all right oh god that's fucking tremendous well what the what the fuck's been up with y'all I've been uh I was a danger zone for like four days well I mean I figured we'd talk about that at least to start with uh yeah because I mean hell I haven't even I haven't even updated y'all so for those listening that don't know the hell the only reason the way that you would know anything that's going on with me is uh if you were if you're on my substack because I I haven't even really, I've tweeted some like jokes from the hospital and shit, but not with any actual like information. So our baby was due April 10th. But the whole time the doctor was like, your blood pressure fucking sucks.

So there's no way that it's going to go to April 10th. We're looking at probably the end of March, you know, if everything goes well. Well, fucking Thursday, I wake up and she don't mind me saying this because the truth I've already talked to her. I wake up and Amber's sitting beside me and she's just panicking and she's been chronic. And I was like, what's going on? And she's like, I just took my blood pressure. And I was like, God damn, she takes her blood pressure every day and it's high. So for her to be crying and worried, this must be astronomical.

Do you know? I was like, what was it? She told me the number. I mean, 160 over, like, it was insane. Can we just all say right now they are not? I know they need to know both numbers. They aren't give us a one to a hundred. Like that, that and credit, I feel like they're fucking with us.

Or they should just say good or bad. Like I've had, so many doctors, so many doctors, yeah, so many doctors and nurses have come in and they've taken my blood pressure and they'll go, okay, so 120 over 40. And then they'll go to walk out of the room and I'm like, I need more information. I don't know what that means, you know. But anyways, it was really high and I was like, what do we need to do? You just tell me and what do we need to do. She goes, we need to go to the doctor right now. So we scroll up there to like the regular doctor.

We're not like at the hospital or nothing. We get in there. And I'm, I'm thinking that the doctor's going to come in and be like, hey, you did the right thing coming up here. but just calm down the rest of the day and you're going to be fine. This some bitch walks in and like, no, he's, he's come in like every time joking about her blood pressure, but he's not joking. He goes, this is unacceptable. And I'm like, oh, fuck.

And he goes, I'm sending you the hospital right now. And I'm like, oh, shit. That's the scariest thing ever, dude. It was terrifying because it wasn't like, we're sending you, hey, guess what? The baby's coming early. It was that kind of like we, I now don't know if she's going to be okay. Yeah. The baby's going to.

I have no fucking idea. And so I'm being calm and I'm just like, okay, we're going. And I was thinking of an ambulance. It's a doctor. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So now I will say I started feeling a little bit better when I said, he said, so just drive her to Park Ridge East.

When he tells me, he goes, you can drive her over there. I was like, okay, things are a little bit better than I thought because they're not putting her in a fucking ambulance. You know what I mean? So like, I'm driving her over there. I'm glad he didn't say this to you, but it might have been because by the time they got there, you would already, do you know what I mean? Because like that thing's only happened to me once.

My baby wasn't part of it. But a doctor came in with my blood clots and was like, go to the hospital right now. Right now. Yeah. And I was like, what? He's like, don't we have on an ambulance because he even said to me by the time they get here. But that might not have been the case. Well, we get there and they lay her dead like your blood pressure skyrocketing.

And so they put her on this machine. They get her into bed. And they take her blood pressure. It's pretty bad. It was better than when she, then that morning, right? Then she lays there for a couple hours. And all of a sudden, her blood pressure is going down. And they get her stable.

They got her hooked up this machine that's monitoring the baby. And they're like, okay, here's what's going to happen. Because of your blood pressure and stuff, we're going to probably, we're going to induce you tomorrow night or whatever. If you're not any further along, I'm like, okay. Well, every time they kept coming in there, like her blood pressure would just be going down. And what I'm driving at here is that, and I've told her this, I had tried to get, Amber decided that was her, was the day that we went to the hospital was going to be her last day of school. She had finally decided to go on bed rest, even though me and my mama have been screaming at her for a long

time to go on bed rest because of her blood pressure. Well, it turns out that the reason that her blood pressure is the way it is, is just because she's a second grade teacher. Like, when you remove all of that shit and actually put her on bed rest, her blood pressure is fine. I mean, it's a little high, but it's not a much. emergency high. So like all of this would have been avoided if she had just quit school a week before. But so they keep coming in there and monitor and they're like, well, we're already here. And the baby is like eight pounds already, even though it's like a month early. It's eight fucking pounds.

So they're like, we're going to induce you tomorrow night. So we're waiting around for that. They induce her. And I was told by a lot of people like, hey, you know, when they induced, that don't mean like here in a couple hours you got a baby. They're like, it could take 24. It could take 48 hours. Well, I was going to ask about that. Like what?

I've heard of that. I've heard of inducing like, but like what does that make? They give her a shot or something? Like what is that? They scrape a membrane, right? There's that. Okay. The thing, no, no, no, that is a thing.

And that's like late stages of the induction process. So they told us about that. They're like, we go up there and we put this thing behind your uterine wall. And that way, every time you have a contraction, it hits this thing. And then like, she's like, Like, hey, it gives us like a signal, like we know when the contractions are coming and it speeds some shit along. So I'm sitting there. Now, and also, this went on for four days.

And I know that sounds like a nightmare to most people. And it was in terms of like, I was worried about her and she wasn't having a good time. Me personally, and I'm not saying this is a bit. I'm not trying to be some sort of contrarian. I had four of the best fucking days of my whole life. It was amazing. It was fucking awesome because, like, I've told you. You know, y'all know my long-running thing on I like being sick.

Yeah, I get it. I get that. I like being sick because it's the one time that I give myself a break. Otherwise, I'm like, if I'm not working on, I should at least be working on a joke or a video or reading something or doing something to further my career. I think all of us in this room and in this industry have that if I'm not working on something the other guy is, you know, mentality. And you don't ever give yourself a fucking break.

When I'm sick, I give myself a break. Well, in this situation, in this situation, I wasn't sick, but I was able to give myself a break because your only fucking job is to get her water, make sure she's got her pillows, and be here to hold her hand if anything goes down. And for the most part, she was just laying in bed half sedated. Bro, I read like no shit, 150 comic books. I read like half a Thomas Jefferson biography. I watched fucking three murdered. The first half.

The first half. I got up to him. being in France and so far I'm like I don't see this guy being such a bad guy what the hell what gives you know but I you know as norm said I know there's no no river so long it don't contain a bin but anyways I was having a blast uh now I now ate holy fuck dude because it kept being like oh we'll just be here one more day so I'll just keep eating this hospital food and ruffles and chips and be in my shell we're just be here oh we're here well let's be here one more day so I'm just fucking living off Doritos I didn't take a shit for four days that was tough but anyways

PIN Pills. I know. They wouldn't. Let me. Oh, tip for everybody. It doesn't matter what you say. They will not give you any of the shit that they give. Like, we're in there.

And no, I'm not talking about pain pills, but like, we, they, every night they were like, hey, the hospital beds can be uncomfortable. Do you need something to sleep? And she's like, I love it. And the first night, I was just like, oh, first time I like, I said, yo, can I get, can I fucking get something to? And they're like, no. And I was like, I don't mean, I know, like, whatever you're giving her to sleep, you know, can I just get something. They're like,

well, your insurance don't cover that. I'm like, I'm like, well, what if you just pretend you gave her to? You know what I'm saying?

And then just fucking give me one. What if I make cash? Yeah, yeah. Like, fucking just like, when you go to stick the needle in her, will you just drip some of it in my fucking mouth?

Like, what are we doing here? And so, what do you make as a nurse? You know? Is, you doing good? Is this about the money?

Is this about the money? Uh, we got one of them homoes. We're good. We're good on, on the insurance. We do have one of those, by the way. And apparently they're really good for this because what happened was when you have a certain type of HMO,

like with like being a teacher or whatever, you have a deductible. And once you meet that deductible, you ain't got to pay shit else. Well, we fucking meant that the first day. And so like at first I was like, God damn, if we stay here more than a couple days of me, that bill, she's like, oh, no, we're good because of how this works. She's like, we can stay here for another week. And I was like, shit, let's fucking, let's go. I kept trying to talk him in.

I was just like, let's give her one more day to rest, you know? So anyways, that went on for four days. And finally, her blood pressure was literally normal. And the doctor had to concede. He was like, I guess you're just not ready. They kept trying to make her have the baby and the baby wouldn't come. And he's like, yeah, he's like, well, shit. If you go, if you just go home and rest, it'll probably be fine.

So now we're back home. So she has been induced. And they didn't like undo the inducing in any way. They just induced her. And then now she's just sitting on the couch watching friends or whatever. Having been induced. Yeah. See, that's wild.

I think there's a step. Like, I think that if they had scraped. Yeah, it's a whole process. I have not. Yeah, they didn't scrape. They had done that. I think it was like, I think it's over. And the only reason I know anything about that is Andy is vehemently against that because

she thinks that like unless someone's going to die. Because apparently she feels like the industry, not in like your situation because there's an emergency, but apparently like if you have a window with your doctor, but your body doesn't do it. Your doctor will do it just so like their schedule. Right, because he's going on vacation next week. I got, or has nine more to do. In some ways,

I got real lucky as far as that goes because both times with Katie, it was like both times she had these, what they're called like Braxton Hicks or something like that, contractions. I can't remember it. They're like false alarm. False alarm. You have a contraction and you start thinking about the Civil War.

That's rich dad, poor dad. no but it y'all don't know what i'm talking yeah braxton hicks i thought that's literally i've heard of it but braxton hicks contractions they're just basically they're just like false alarm contractions is what they are so she had like why they called that i'm looking it up i'm sure it's the doctors a doctor named brackston last name brackston and a doctor last name hicks are the ones that named the thing or whatever i'm sure that's what it is but anyway uh he does sound like a lacrosse player though fucking but anyway from old southern money Yeah, Braxton Hicks.

But she had go rounds with that. And like at first, like with Bishop, we don't know what that is. You know, it's, oh, shit, I'm having contractions. Fuck, so we go to the doctor and they're like, oh, it's fine. So she had like three or four false alarms. We go to the doctor. Happened with both kids and both times on like the real day. It's like she calls me.

And it's three weeks early both times. So I'm like, fuck, here we go again. You know, like nothing. Because she'd had all these false alarms. I'm like, I take her down there. and then, you know, all of a sudden it wasn't a false alarm. Doctor comes in and they're like, all right, let's go have this baby. And you're like, what?

And then like with Katie fucking, I'm not kidding. Three hours later, there's a baby. Like, yeah, like, because sometimes labor can go for like days, you know, like yeah. Like, yeah. I feel like Paige was in, like my sister was in labor for like, I think like 36 hours or something, which isn't all that uncommon. With Katie, I swear to God, three, four hours max would both. of them and they were there and it was like a whirlwind and was fucking insane. I thought I was going to pass out the first time because the whole tie didn't even have

time to get. I was like, what the fuck is happening? You know? And now I'm holding a child. So that was wild. But like in retrospect, it's, I mean, I'd rather have it that way than have it stretched out for fucking.

Yeah, that's what I was expecting was going to happen. And now, like, we're trying to look at it on the positive sense. And we had said this and then doctor actually reiterated to us. were like, well, you know, this sucks. We were up here for four days and nothing happened and we're going to have to come up here and do this whole process again.

But on the good side of that, the next time we come up here, we will know exactly what's going on and nothing will be new information to us, you know. But it was like, it was very anticlimactic because like I was texting everybody. I was like, bro, I think it's, I think it's time to go. And so all my friends that were wanting to come up there have been texting me out and they're like, what's the news? and it was such a rare, like none of this has, what went on with me and Amber has never happened to any of our friends in their pregnancies. So they didn't even understand what the fuck I was saying.

And I didn't either. And I'm like, I don't know what to tell you all, but they said the baby'd be here. It's not. And then now they've said, if it's not out by in the morning, we're going to do a C section. And then I told everybody, I said, I guarantee you that we're not having this baby this weekend. And everybody was calling me a dumb ass because they were like, the doctor literally said that if it's not out by tomorrow, they're doing a C section. I was like, we'll see. And then he came in and was like, look, I have to have to.

it's not time for you to have the baby. Y'all can go home. And then we just went home. And they didn't even fucking put her in a wheelchair. I thought you had to be taken in a wheelchair to leave the hospital. No, she'd fucking walk out. Strong. She got strong legs.

I think Mark did a version of this point, but I have to say that it's definitely Corey's child. When you think about it's like, hey, baby, you want to leave that completely enveloping, warm, life-giving womb that is by definition the most comfort a creature from where we're from that they could possibly feel. And the little Joe baby was like, nah, dude, I'm good. I'll stay here.

Bro. That's because nobody's mentioning the kid that he can suck on a titty as soon as he got out. Like, if you're just telling that, that's a good tag. It's a good following up outside this thing. Don't say, he'll come. This has been pointed out, but like, it's just wild to think about it. We don't make memories, but, like, babies do, like, experience shit. And, dude, that's got.

to be the most like fucking the best. No. I'm talking about like being born. I think it's like. Oh, yeah, you meant being in there. Ha!

Oh, yeah, like, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Like, you have no idea what the,

it's got to be the craziest most traumatizing fucking thing. You could, it's the first thing you ever experience outside of what drama described, which is like hits so hard. You just float around. Why wouldn't people have depression? And like just then all of a sudden you got some giant slapping you on the ass and fucking it's cold and you're like, you know, it's bright and your eyes hurt.

Abducted, yeah. Yeah. Like if you were pulled into another dimension. Yeah, right. You were so disoriented. You didn't have the ability to like understand what it was. That's what it would be like. I think that's why when people smoke DMT, they're like, it was like being born.

Being born. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it does have to fucking blow. And also like as soon as the baby comes. out, they're like, oh, look, it automatically loves its mother and father, and it's like, no, it's being sweet because you're holding its life

in its hands, and it's just like, oh, I'm fucking, I better, you know, I didn't shit on you. They also think the love chemical flows through mama and baby. For sure. Right then. Oxytocin. I'm excited about that. About what? Well, because, you know,

oxycodone. Yeah, so I said something about oxycotin. Oxytocin just thought he couldn't spell. So, well, like, you know, you've told me a million times. And it's the cliche of just like, you just don't know what love is until you see that. And they're like, and you change immediately.

Like everything, one of my buddies. The way, the way you look at the world. That is all true. But one thing I guess maybe I did not tell you, but you should be prepared for it. Maybe it won't be. You did tell me this. Maybe it won't be like this for you.

But it's not like, whereas the woman's had that baby, be insider for nine months. I've been sharing chemicals all this shit and it is just like it's instantaneous. In my experience, it's not like, I had almost guilt early on because I was like, that's what you told me. Because I was like,

I'm supposed to feel different, right? Like I don't, I don't really feel that. Obviously, I don't want anything, you know, I'm going to take care of this baby,

but like, I thought I was supposed to be like just changed and fucking all. And I don't, I feel like the same guy, sensitive, but it, like, and I feel like it makes sense that it takes,

like I said, she got a nine months. head start on you in a lot of ways. But all that shit that I told you that you just said everything absolutely happens. It's just a little more gradual for the man. And also depends on who you are. But it sets. Yeah, dude, some people never feel it.

What the pieces of shit. But I'm saying like, but I'm saying like some people do like I had a buddy, I had a buddy who and he's a pretty manly man type dude. Like he's not one of these like fucking, you know, hippie. that's all about the vibrations and stuff. And he told me that he said to him, the baby coming out and him holding it for the first time felt like an acid trip for him. Because he said that he was just overcome.

He immediately changed, like not changes the person, but like his whole outlook on shit just completely changed. And so I was looking forward to that, you know. And, uh, but, but like,

I don't know, me and you were different people in that like, and I mean this is a positive thing towards you and a negative thing towards me. I'm fucking real sensitive to shit. Like, I feel like my, and this is going to sound stupid because you're a person with actual kids. But like, some of the things people described, I'm like, I felt that with Laura James kind of, my niece a little bit. Like, when I'm with her, I feel. And so to me, I was like, I think I've already got a head start on all this parent shit.

And then everybody's like, no, you don't even understand. And that excites me because I'm like, if you're telling me that like the way I feel about this child and feel about this child is going to be greater than the way I feel about my niece, which I know it is, I can't. fucking fathom that. You know what I mean? And so I'm just, I'm a sensitive pussy, so maybe it'll happen for me. I mean,

I think it'll happen. I'm just saying like, don't freak out if it's, like on the one hand, I remember as soon as like a bishop was born or was, I was like just overwhelmed with just, it's like getting fucking

a bucket of pure emotion thrown into your face, right? Like it's wild and I started crying immediately and all that shit. But after, right, But after that, you take him home.

And I felt like people says, acid trip, I'm more like a panic attack for me. Like I, Katie was like, they took him, they took him away to weigh him or whatever. Katie was like,

why aren't you go over there with him or whatever? And I was like, because I'm pretty sure if I let go to this bedrail, I'm going to fucking pass out right now. And like I look down and I'm just white knuckling the fucking bed railing. You know what I mean? And everybody's, everybody just kind of like,

no, you'll be all right. And have me breathe. And they're like having to. pay attention to me all of a sudden. Yeah. But it was fine. You made me think of something when you were talking about asking them for pills and

them being like no. Start thinking about Christmases. It reminded me of something. Yeah. Polaris. Put me back. One thing I kind of want to talk about here, because it's adjacent to this conversation, it's related to the medical field, is like, how much of it?

it comes down ultimately to like luck or the experience you have with any given doctor and how different doctors are and how they some of them are on their shit like you know like I had that I had that problem with my eyes for 10 years for 10 years I had fucking double vision right and all these and I went to a bunch of different doctors and all they told me was all you can do is wear corrective lenses that's all we can do and then I meet I randomly meet a doctor at a comics Christmas party who was she was the college roommate of one of our comedian friends now wife and she's an eye doctor I meet her at random and she's like no my office specializes in that we can fix that you should come in so I come in I have two surgeries and now my

problem is fixed after 10 years right well on a similar note I have chronic sinusitis right I've always got like sinus and allergy problems. I'm always like fucking all the time, right? I had to have sinus surgery for it a few years ago. The sinus surgery helped a lot, but my E&T told me she's like, you're still going to have symptoms, though. Like you're still going to have drainage and all that. You're just going to have to take over the counter stuff like Flonaze,

uh, fucking Flonaise or tech, whatever. And that was like four years ago and I've tried all of those. None of them helps at all, at all. I've told other doctors about it and they're like, yeah, that's all you can do. right then i go to the uk with corey and we get over there and i've got jet lag real fucking bad i can't sleep at all um and he's like well i got these pills my doctor prescribed me for sleeping if you want to try them and i was like yeah so i you know you ain't supposed to do that but who

gets the fuck i hits you know i was like yeah that's that's that's the thing that hits right yeah And I was like, yeah. And I tried them and I slept for the first time. So I took them again the next night and after that. And then I started noticing, I was like, man, my fucking, my sinuses have cleared up. And at first I thought it was just like the UK, the country. I was like, whatever it is that I'm allergic. I'm just allergic to America.

America. That's what I'm allergic to America. The UK hits, right? And then I got into a better sleeping schedule. so I stopped taking those pills and then my shit started coming back and I was like, wait a minute. And so I took a few more

and it like cleared up again. And anyway, fast forward X amount of time and like now I'm prescribed because I looked it up. They prescribed it to him. They're antihistamines. What they actually are,

they're an antihistamine. That's what the drug actually is. It's an antihistamine. And anyway, fast forward. Now I'm, they do make you tire, but do Benadryl make it tire.

Oh, right. Benadryl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my bad, my bad, my. Like, so he prescribed to Corey for sleeping because they do make you tired, but they're in antihistamine as well they are. So anyway, pure check. Never heard of that shit in my life.

No doctor ever said a word to me about the existence of this fucking drug ever once. Hydroxazine, by the way. Hydroxazine. Corey randomly gives it to me for sleeping, and now I take it. And it's like the first thing I've ever taken that, like, actually works on the shit that I have. And, you know, I wouldn't even know it exists if I hadn't randomly. Like, how many other things are out there like that? What are these doctors doing not bringing this shit up?

So I was going to ask you what your reaction, I guess, to the medical feel. Because, like, it's funny to think that Corey's doctor was like, yeah, we got sleeping pills, but hell, these will make you tired. And the dude who gave him to me, you know, he took me out for lunch and gave me 25 grand under the table. So here. I know. But like, what is your reaction to the medical? I mean, is that, are you getting conspiracy? minded trait because I have a tale of warning for you.

It's funny you kind of said because when I was going to, I made a doctor's appointment to go get my own prescription for this drug, right? And on the way over there, I'm fucking cussing. I'm getting mad already because I'm like, I'm like, I don't know what's going to happen. Corey goes in there, don't even have this problem. And they're like, you want 95 of these pills that might do something for you. It ain't got nothing to do it what you got. But in my head in other ways, if you just want a whole bunch of them for free, right?

And they're like, yes. Katie's always joking about how she can go to her. She could, her and Paige both can just tell their doctor, oh, can you give me this? And he's like, yeah, now you got this. Joe Zimmerman used to have that bit. He's like, I went to my doctor. Adderall. About Adderall.

And I said, I think I got ADHD. And he goes, well, first of me ask you, do you have health insurance? And I said, yeah. And he goes, yeah, you got it. You got it. And like, people say that shit all the time. That has never been my experience, ever. I've gone into fucking doctors on death's door.

I can't say three words without coughing, right? I'm like, like, I'm so fucked up. And I was like, I was hoping to get some antibiotics and maybe some codeine cough syrup so I could sleep at night. And they're like, well, I'm kind of a minimalist when it comes to medications. Like, I think it's better if you let the body just, and I'm like, well, what's your accent? You can't ask for codeine with your accent, dude.

Yeah. It's not. But you could tell, you can tell I'm not faking it. It's not even just the fucking code up, dude. It's the antibiotics, too. Like, nothing. And it's like, you're a minimal. this week comes to mess with what would you say you do here like you just have people come

and be like yeah you don't hit go to bed hopefully you start hitting later that'll be 75 like this is it then i'm with you but like you're acting like an addict ain't never been like hey man can i get some antibiotics along with all the perkinsets you got i'm saying you can tell by looking at me i don't go i don't look like you ain't have no been two weeks bro you don't don't go to I don't go to the doctor if I'm not in rough fucking shape. So I'm saying I'm sitting there in anybody, Stevie Wonder could tell because see that I'm fucking sick. That's what it is, dude.

You're waiting too long. You're waiting too long and you go in there and you look dope sick. They're like, this dude is fucked up. I'm firing myself up thinking like, I already know what's going to happen. They're going to tell me like, well, you can't just be taking your friend's pills. We can't prescribe those to you. Those aren't meant for they don't have the profile for whatever. I was so ready for it, right?

but I walked in there and he was just like, yeah, all right. And he wrote me a script for it. That's the first time it's ever happened. I was like, so this is what people are talking about. So anyway. So I had a thing happen kind of like that. So the stuff that they were giving me,

that shit that I ended up stopping taken and I gave all of them to you. Because what I want is Xanax. That's what I want. I want Xanax or Kalanapen because those are knock you out, make you feel great. It's a completely.

complete and you cannot have anxiety on these fucking pills. That's actually a bad side effect of it sometimes. Sometimes you need a little bit of anxiety. If you're on Xanax, you ain't going to have it. There's no like rush to do shit. And that's what I fucking want. So I'm talking to my doctor not that long ago. And I'm like, hey, so I know you got me on this.

On Trazidone. I got me on this. That's great. I said, but I've got a friend who they take Xanax and the way they describe it to me. You know, just saying all this, I go, the way that they describe it to me, it sounds like that would be. a better fit for me. And this fucking doctor had the audacity

to go, oh, what you're on is the same as Xanax. And I couldn't just go, no, it's not. And here's how I know. It's because I'm the friend. I'm the friend. I'm the one taking... Just telling that, dude.

I know. I'm going to next time. I'm going to next time. Here's the issue with that. I know you know this is he's going to be like, yeah, but like it is the most dangerous drug. Hands down. And you are asking me for it. I literally cannot do this.

Like if anybody found that, like, it is against all of the laws. How do you get it then? Everybody just getting lucky? You get nervous on airplanes, right? I'm really fucking anxious. I can't do it on planes. And then if you're lucky, they'll do Xanax. It also is who took them at the dinner because?

Was it the Zanax Pimp? Or was it the fucking Trasid owner wherever the fuck you said? No, you're right, man. I guess I got to find out all my friends that are on Xanax go, what doctor you go to? And I just go to that doctor. Or you just find out all your friends on X and you just slip them some money. I got to give Trayy.

I'd be doing that. Yeah, I got to give this tale of morning. Plus, I think this is interesting. No names. I think y'all know this girl. But, you know, gluten and sensitivity and allergy now, it's so prevalent that it's like a hack joke. In white people, yeah.

But there was a time when, like, it was unheard of, which is part of why everybody roll in their eyes. But think about how crazy that was for people who actually had it. So a friend I know was dying. Doctors could not figure out why hair was falling out, developed eczema late in life,

like was falling apart as like a 21-year-old. And then a chiropractor was like, I think you have a gluten intolerance. There's a blood test for that. It's pretty simple. And she had celiac. And it was like, all right, stops eating gluten and not overnight, but within a year was like back to her old self.

That caused her to develop such a mistrust for the medical industry that now she is on like that she's an anti-vaxxer. Like it is like the entire because of what happened to her, which was traumatic legitimately. Like this person literally almost died. And because of that trauma, that turned into like a, um, they're all lying. everything they do is for money. There is no value. She even said to me one time,

other than trauma response, like if you get in a car wreck, the Western medical industry has done nothing for humanity. And she meant that shit. I just think that all I'm, my only takeaway from it really is that like, it's way more of a crap shoot than a lot of people realize. Like that's all I'm saying.

Absolutely. You go to a doctor. Most people go to the doctor and they're like, well, he's the doctor. He knows what's up. But like, dude, there's shitty doctors like they're shitty anything. And like you, you know, like you need to get other opinions.

It's just, it's just way more of a dice roll than people, a lot of people think it is, is my, is my only real takeaway. Some of them are great. These other, this new drug and that, and that Dr. Laura that we, shout out Dr. Laura that we met that Christmas part. Like, dude, she fucking saved my life, man. Like, I, I had stopped driving. I mean, tearing. Having fucking double vision all the time is awful. It's awful.

Like I was at, I was, I was, I was ready to ask a doctor to blind me in one of my eyes. To kill you. I knew they wouldn't do that. I knew they'd be like, no, we can't do that. That's unethical. Here's an eye patch. Get a parrot. Get a parrot, get a parrot, you dip shit.

I knew that's what was going to happen. I was already getting mad about that. That's what to be like, just knock it out. Just knock the motherfucker out right now. I can't do this anymore. Right. And, uh, but anyway, but then I met that girl at a Christmas party and I'm, now I'm fine. fixed it. So yeah, man, I'm with you. Like, I used to think, like, it really does make you

understand it. Like, I mean, you know, doctors are human beings. Like, I used to think it's like, you go in and they get your blood and they look at your blood and they're like, well, there's everything that's wrong with you. Here's the stuff. Like, you think they all know the same thing. But like, they don't, you know, like that whole second opinion thing. It's like, one motherfucker tell you this. One motherfucker tell you this. It's like, did you all go the same fucking school? Like, what the fuck? But like, and the antivactors, like, when you, you when you lay it out to me like that, and I do know what person you're talking about, and I have talked to them about it, and like, for all of those reasons, I can sit there and go,

I understand why you'd be like, like, most anti-vaxxers are just like one step away from me being completely on their team until with a lot of them, when I go, when they're like fucking vaccines and blah, blah, blah, and I go, yeah, I agree. The Sackler should be in prison. And they're just like, well, I don't know about that now. You know what I mean? Like, like, they don't take it to like the full end. They're still totally for the like the capitalism of the pharmaceutical companies. It's exclusively the part about the government. Do you understand what I'm saying? I mean, yeah, it depends on which ones. But I think that that's how this happens is you go, how the fuck was I not correctly diagnosed? And you look into it. And through your research,

you find out, well, they can't make money off prescribing people to stop eating bread. So there's pretty convincing evidence that as an industry, no one individual was being evil. evil, but the industry that is supplied by money was being pressured by evil people. And you go, oh, okay, I can see that. I wonder what other areas that's happened in. And then, like, you fall too far down the rabbit hole. And I think we have to acknowledge that there's some real fucking corruption in every industry that exists. Dude, for sure.

And, like, I mean, and I'm hypocritical on the other end because I'm like, for most of my life and all my beliefs, I am, fuck the pharmaceutical companies, fuck Pfizer. they don't give a shit about you. And then Pfizer comes out with a vaccine. And I'm like, take it. Everybody take it. You're an asshole if you don't take. You know what I'm saying?

So like, it's that selective fucking shit that I think we all deal with. And then, yeah. And now like, dude, my fucking, my Amber's cousins, who I love, I've said this a million times in this podcast, Amber's cousins, who I love are both doctors. And it blows a mind because they're fucking in a good way. But they're idiots. I love them. Like, they're idiots the way I'm an idiot.

I'm not like, you know what I'm saying? I'm smart. And I'm just saying like you used, when you're a kid, you used to think like the doctor fucking knows everything. And he don't know shit. Right. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Well, red podcast.

Trey Crowder, don't vaccinate your kids. You'll vaccinate your kids. And Corey's family is full of morons. Again, they're smarter than me. That shows you how highly I think of myself. I know Trey, you got to go. Yeah. Soon I do.

I was just going to say it's also, but it's also like, I know you're right, Drew. Like, you think no drug addicts ever coming here. said all this same shit. I know, but it's just a bummer because it's like, I don't care what nobody says. That shit, that's the only shit that works is the good shit.

You know what I'm saying? The shit that people abuse, but it's like, because instead of like, well, I'll give you these pearls. Have y'all had the pearls? The little cough,

like instead of cough syrup, they got a little part. Those don't do a goddamn thing. Throw them in the fucking trash. You know, that is, they don't do nothing. They do nothing.

It's a waste of time. The first time I got them was I was in high school and I was pretty innocent. But even, than then, I was like, I knew it was bullshit because you guys remember that Cohen Brothers movie, they wrote it, but they didn't direct it, um, outside Providence. There's just, there's a scene, no, not, Fairly, Brothers, sorry. Pretty different.

They both hit for me. Right. Or there's a scene where one of them gives the city girl, quailudes. And she goes, what's this? And he goes, ah, it's vitamin Q, relaxes your throat muscle. Yeah. My mom hands me these pills when I'm coughing in high school. And she's like, the doctor's, you know, this is what the doctor said, these pearls, whatever.

it's going to keep you from coughing. It does something to your throat. And I immediately thought, dude, this is literally a joke on one of my favorite movies. This ain't going to work at all, and it didn't because it wasn't quailudes or coating. Do you all know what was originally intended as a cough drop,

a thing that is, that you would never think, but its original purpose was a cough drop. Heroin? No. No, it's wilder. Marshallows. Marshallows' original intent was to be cough drops

because of that you eat them and the coating of them helps your throw, which I kind of can get, but like they weren't originally made as a candy. They were made as cough drops. They didn't work. And everyone was like, give me some chocolate and a graham cracker. So funny how bass-acquards the fucking past was because it's like,

candy was drugs and drugs was candy. Yeah. Sounds awesome. You know, the pharmacist, the drug store, it's also the soda fountain. It's like, they had all their shit fucked up, dude. It seemed like a hit, though. Drugs and candy. think about that's that's why they all aged so bad and died we're like yeah it must have been

hard in the past it's because they had to work outside and the food wasn't as plentiful and it's like no dude they were on heroin every day from 14 on and then if they got tired they drank cocaine all and took some more heroin before yeah exactly they all belushied their cells i do have to go are y'all going to keep going or it's just a 45 minute episode yeah no we'll keep it's fine we'll keep going i just click leave right i click leave it to buy them, but I don't close the window out until it uploads. There you go. There you go.

That'll work. Love you and bye. Finish it out, strong. Bye, Tray. Bye, Tray. Today's episode is sponsored by the well-read comedy specials available on Amazon. You can go to Amazon right now, type in well-red comedy or any of our names. You can buy the entire season, which is all three specials, or buy them individually if one of us gets on your goddamn nerves.

Yeah. I don't know why anybody would do that. I think, yeah, because I think if you, it's, I think the way it works out is like, if you buy all three of them, technically, you almost get one for free or something like that. Yeah, yeah. I think I, initially I said you save like a dollar, but you save like more than a dollar. Yeah, yeah. Like if you bought two, you would just be purposefully not buying one for the same price. I was about to say, the only way that would make sense is if two of us get on your nerves, then just buy the one. And we know who those two are. Go buy Tray special is what I'm saying. any any any any any fucking way hey i wanted to ask you something uh because i'm well number one i wanted to give

you a chance to promote your other podcast but uh dj has turned he's the same level of lunatic but dj has in a good way because dj's living a more straight in their life gained a little bit of weight in his face and he is now gone full he's a full beard and he's gone full beard and he's gone full silver fox and every time I see him now, he looks to me like he would be like the Jordan Peterson of the tattoo world. Like he looks like a more respectable person. You know what's gray gives you makes you look like your wise. So he's saying the same amount of crazy shit, but for the first time of my life, I'm like believing him more. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's weird when he wears his glasses and we said this on the podcast recently. They help. Well, they make him look all right.

He looks a little bit like Gavin McGannis with his glasses on. Yeah, he's a good looking dude. I think it's... Very good looking. I think it's like... So he's... I think you would call it California sober. He is working outside every day.

Yeah. He's working outside every day. He quit nicotine. Wow. For how long? I don't know how long he's been off it. I want to say like two weeks. He says he's going to go back.

but he's going to wait a year. He wants to see, he wants, he wants, he wants a cigarette to feel good again. So he's not quitting for his health. He's quitting for his hits. Yeah, he's quitting for the hits, I think. But he's like, yeah, he's in such a good place. It's really been magnificent to watch. I think we maybe put a clip out about the Gavin McGinnis thing. If not, I probably will today. I need to go through some of that work. But the podcast, if you don't know, we're talking about his gravy baby with me, Carmen Morales, who co-hosted Well Red Beard when the boys were in the UK. and DJ.

And the other thing, man, is he's just like really, I guess, calm within himself, which is awesome to observe. He's just very much comfortable with who he is. And that's so cool to watch. I don't think he mind me telling this because he told this on our podcast. His sister-in-law hit him up the other day and was like, I'm going to send your niece and nephew to stay with you for a few weeks this summer, if that's cool.

And I want you to teach him to drive. And he was like, oh, yeah, yeah, that'll be cool. That'll be cool. And then he, like, hung up and he just started crying because he was like, dude, the idea of someone saying, not only do I trust you with my kids, but I need you to help me and teach them something. He's like the idea that I've made it that far. Yeah. It was like a thing that happened to him that made him realize all the steps he's taken or whatever. He's, yeah, is manifesting outside of himself.

It's not just him that's noticing the difference. You know, it's other people. And, man, I think it's. I think it's super, super incredible. That's beautiful. Yeah, there's, there's, I really want to see him. I'm supposed to see him at the end of the month. He's going to hopefully meet me in Athens.

Well, hopefully he's going to meet me in Athens at the end of the month. I'm going to go to Homecoming and I'll get a hug his neck and stuff. I also, what I really want to do, and I probably shouldn't bring it up on here, because everyone will get excited and this is a year away if we do it. But I really want to produce a special for him. I think that the way video cameras in the world has gotten, I think that I could get that done for amount of money that he could easily make back and then some. And also I just want it out there.

But here's part of why I brought it up. I'm looking at that and I'm going like, I do really want to do that. But I also just want him to keep farming. Yeah, dude. Me too. That's the thing that I'm the most jealous at him for. But also here's the thing too, because I watch all the gravy baby clips of DJ and stuff.

And he has not in any way lost one step being funny. I would argue that he's funny now than he's ever been. But I think that's an important thing. Like that gives me hope too because it's, you know, whenever you're going through some shit and you're trying to clean up your life as like a comedian or artist or whatever, you always assume you're like, well, yeah, but the damage and the anxiety and all that stuff is like the cocktail that makes me who I am. And if you break that down and I change, then like my humor will change too.

and I had fear of that for myself, and I still do at some point, but then I look at DJ, and I'm like, this is the happiest this motherfucker has ever been. He looks fucking amazing. He is farming, and he is the,

but all the things that made him really funny, they stayed exactly right there. You know what I mean? And that's insane. I completely agree. And to be clear, I'm not worried like, oh,

you know, it's more like, damn, do you really even want to do that, type of work. Yeah. Because it's a lot of work to get a special together as an artist or whatever. So it's not like can he do it anymore.

It's more like, do you even want to? But I think he said he did. I think he does. So if he does, I want to do that. Anyway, man, yeah, it's been really rad.

I mean, it's been really rad for all of us. For people who don't know, the theme of the podcast is good vibes for trash people. And the concept is that me, Carmen, and DJ, for various reasons are kind of can be very crumagony as terms of our outlook.

on the world. Like DJ, if you guys know him, you know he's a bundle of joy. But if you really know him, you also know that he doesn't have many positive thoughts about the future of our culture and society. And Carmen and I are very sick. And never have. He's a hipster in that. There's a lot of people that feel that way now.

And they've gotten there now because of like 2020 or whatever. This motherfucker was hating shit in the 90s. Right. And so we had our old podcast Into the Abisket and Carmen had a podcast called No, Sir, I don't like it. And both of them were like very like dwelling upon negative things, which can be fun and funny. of course.

So the concept of gravy baby is to do the opposite of that. It's to talk about joy and all the like eat, pray, love shit, but do it as people who aren't that, who are the opposite of that as our personalities go. We do not read Goop Magazine, but we don't want that to be the only type of person who owns that space. Like we have this weird thing on the internet where, I mean, I do this. I do this with working out. Dude, for years, I wouldn't work out because my experiences with working out were football bros that I went to college with, some of whom I love, but the culture I hated.

And then people on the internet going like, that's right. Okay. Push it, ladies. One more, and I'm just like, if that's what working out is, fuck that. You can't allow that. So anyway, we're trying to push joy while being assholes. Carmen calls it a positive toxicity. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's great. Y'all need to have a newsletter called poop that's like goop, but it's y'all's called poop. And number two, the thing about working out, a friend of the show, my buddy Robbie, who does Uncle Bod, which is where I work out. By the way, a free plug for Robbie. You go to UncleBod.com promo code buttercream and you can get 10% off your workout. That's not why I'm saying this.

I stand by Uncle Bod, by the way. Yeah, Uncle Bodd is great. But Robbie has struggled with that same thing about like trying to promote his workout shit online and absolutely hating the shit that you're talking about. It's like me and him, me and I help him with his video. and like these ideas. And like every single fucking day for him is just a fight with. He sees the workout shit on the internet.

And he's like, I hate that. And I'm not that. He's like, but I still have to promote an online workout. What the fuck do I do? When you have to tell people to keep a positive outlook, and you have to tell people to keep going, you just have to try and do it in a way where you don't remind them of the worst person.

Exactly. Exactly. So Rob's whole thing is like, he basically is trying to. to brand himself as like the online workout guy for people who hate the online workout guy. You know what I mean? No. Because I was like, that's the only way that I can help you with that.

Dude, you know. You know, I did his workout leading up to the special. And the only reason I quit is I hurt my back and then fell out of it. And then now that I'm gotten back into working out of my back's healed, I'm using weights because I'm working with a particular thing, which is not what Rob does. But I stand by it. I didn't mean to. but I may have just copied his because I've had that conversation.

Yeah, you taught you what to do, yeah. Well, I know, but I mean, I don't mean his workout. I mean like the thing you were to tell about. I've had that conversation with him where he's like, I want to be the workout for people who hate workouts. Carmen and I, when we talked about Gravy Baby and launching it, because I was like, let's do one together. And if DJ wants to be involved, that would be dope because I didn't know if me and Carmen were going to do a new thing and me and DJ were going to do a new thing. I thought I might have two podcasts. So when I first was started Carmen about it, we were like, oh, this will be a thing that's, like, related to joy for people who hate stuff like that.

Joy. So I think I just, like, stole Robbie's whole problem. I mean, Rob's seeing it as a problem. I'm seeing it as like, there's your hook, dog. Yeah, I was not a bug. It's funny you say that because I'm now, I'm just now realizing how similar DJ and Carmen are because I, like, I've known Carmen for fucking hell longer than. than I've known y'all, I think. And I would describe her in D.

Like usually people are like, how's call? Oh, she's a fucking best. She's so awesome. She's sweet. And I'd say the same thing about DJ too. It's like, he's just a blanket of warm energy. But then I'd step back and listen to what you said.

I go, yeah, but they also were two of the most pessimistic, hateful motherfuckers ever. They do it. They're that. Like, anytime I'm that, it's just I'm all that. There's not, I can't wear any other emotion on my sleeve. But both of them can, like, outwardly be beautiful and, positive and loving, yet like at their core be these fucking hateful negative. That's a fucking real talent that I think I hope rubs off on you.

Yeah, thanks for that. I think that the reason why what you're observing, and we've talked about this on the podcast again, I'm not, I don't feel uncomfortable saying this. They've both been through pretty traumatic things, like actual traumatic things, not like we say we went through trauma when we were. 16, but like really dark shit. And, you know, you can react to that in a few ways. And part of the reason I think I'm so impressed and in love with both of them is the way that they reacted to that in their lives.

It didn't turn them into bitter. They are both cynical. They are both dark, but they're not bitter. And that's what I, yeah, I mean, I think that's the whole goal of gravy baby. I don't want anyone hearing this right now to be like, so you just talk about dark shit, but you're happy about it? No, we just goof around.

I ask them, we rotate whose turn it is to say what's gravy, baby, and we tell what's making us happy this week. And the reason it's different than other podcasts is we're not like, what's bringing me joy this week is my meditation practice. It's not Oprah.

It's literally like, what's bringing me joy this week is I've been stealing from Target, and it's such a fucking rush. That's one from recently. So, like, that's what's up with it. Yeah, I've been stealing.

Not is not a lot, but this ever since, and I know we've talked about this, but ever since it became basically required to do self-checkout in some places, I'm at least getting one avocado for free. Yeah, I've been doing a bit about it, dude, and it's been a lot of fun.

Yeah. It's me too. I've been doing it a while. It's also my new drug, my new hard drug. It's such a thrill. I tell everybody who's white to do it, especially if you're a guy.

There's no reason. I don't want to do the whole bit. But there is no reason anyone can give you not to do it. Morally, logically, fear-wise, culturally, there's not a convincing argument that you shouldn't steal from the self-check-all-law. And maybe it was you, but someone made to point to me a while back, again, maybe it was you that, like, the whole reason that they do the self-checkout is, like, to save them money on having to hire people, but they don't pass those savings on to you. It still costs the same fucking amount. So for you, so it's like, all right, well, you know, Bill Burr had the bit about it. It's like, oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't know I worked here. I didn't clock in today, you know? So it's like, yeah, this is like if you're going to make me do what should have been done by somebody else, I'm going to get an avocado, one avocado. I'll pay for the other two. And that's the move, by the way, anybody out there stealing. And I'm sure that you've gone over this too. But like, you can't get greedy and you've got to pay for some things.

You know what I mean? And you can't, you know, If you're going to go with an expensive item, that's the only one you don't pay for. Of course. You know, it's for you. It's for fun. It's the thrill. It's to get that money.

They owe you back, which is part of the Bill Burr bit. A thing that I say in there, too, is they can't arrest me because you can't get arrested for being a bad employee. All they can do is fire me. Yeah, right. And if you want to fire me from this job, I didn't try to. That's fine. I won't work her anymore. The next time I come.

You fired me now. I can't self-check out. Make somebody come here and do it. What's the reasoning, by the way, on how, like, they've got a person there because they're the one that has to check your ID. And then they've got a person there to like, here's how you do the vegetables and shit. Don't you the whole time just feel like, okay, why don't we just go a step further and you just do this for me? Yeah. Like you're right here.

I think the logic is that, yeah, but that person in theory can do eight at a time. Yeah, right. Instead of one, here's the thing. She can't. That's why I steal. I just, I don't, I just don't like it. And, you know, because my thing has always been, like, you know, steal. But like, the rule is like, don't do it from mom and pop place, obviously.

But the way that you can weed out that is just, just if someone has a self-checkout, they're not a mom and, like, as soon as a mom and pop gets a, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Like, as soon as a mom and pop gets the self-check. check out, they're no longer mom and pop. Mom and pop have retired and the son is the CEO now, so fuck them. Yeah, I guess I could imagine they're so ubiquitous now, a small grocery store chain. Like, maybe they're just as cheap now.

But I don't, I'm in Los Angeles. That's not a thing. You know, Ralph's is owned by Kroger. It is genuinely one of the biggest grocery conglomerates to ever exist. Yes. And all I'm really doing, honestly, I'm keeping people in jobs. They have insurance. Loss prevention.

Loss prevention officers and insurance built in to cover these losses. If I stop stealing, they won't need that anymore and an LPO will get fired. I mean, I'm pretty good at arguing, but I can argue that one. It's just 100% true. So for more insight from stealing, check out gravy baby. Also check out me and Trace podcast, putting on airs. Haller at me over at part-time funnyman.com as I will be putting a lot more shit up there while I have a child that's about to come. And also, well, hey, Drew, where are you at this weekend?

San Diego doing the don't tell shows. I don't think I put them up on my website because the whole thing there is that I'm a secret headliner. But if you really want to come to San Diego, DM me, Carmen, I hear, might be with me. Oh, hell yeah. Well, also, thank you all for listening to The Well Red Show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you. God bless you. Good night and skew.