wellRED podcast - #318 - NEKKID TITTY ZOMBIE JESUS!

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

This week, Trae and Drew fill Corey in on their wild weekend without him in Portland, Oregon. Then, the show naturally transitions into talking about how weird Easter (and all religious celebrations) actually are. Other topics include: Did Shakespeare write the Bible? Does the Grim Reaper get a bad rap? Should Corey be allowed to get jerked off by an 80 year old Chinese lady? Y’all know how it isCheck out all the shows in the Skewniverse: Puttin’ On Airs, Gravy Baby, Weekly SkeewsGo to TraeCrowder.com for ticketsFor bonus Trae go to patreon.com/TraeCrowderFor Bonus Corey go to PartTimeFunnyMan.com

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

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They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the they're the liberal red necks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a fuck.

They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people. people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can sun. Yeah, I wanted to ask you all about Portland, because this is the, this is the first time I've ever not made the trip with y'all to Portland. And, you know, I know that, you know, everyone says, like, oh, we love all the places we play. And that is true to a degree, but we definitely have our favorites, Portland being, fuck you, Drew. Drew's calling me.

It didn't work, right? Portland is definitely like on our short list of favorite places to be, favorite clubs, great fucking fans. I hated it. I was bummed out that I wasn't able to be there. But also I forgot that y'all were there until y'all started texting me about the shows because I was just enveloped in the love of my child. So I just wanted to get a report on how zany it was. Pretty, it was great, very riven in a good way.

Like Portland's never not riven. Everybody's showing up on a unicycle. Pretty much there were anime characters there and stuff. Like, you know, it was all, uh, all very Portland. Portland, it's like, Portland is like Florida, been in a completely different type of way, meaning like, I've never been to either of those places and had them not be like how they were, fully how they are. Yeah, right.

Every time I go to Florida, I'm like, goddamn, Florida is so fucking Florida all the time, which I guess is why it's Florida. That's so true. the same way about Portland. Every time I go to Portland, I'm like, that is some Portland-ass shit that just happened around.

Dude, that's so true. And it's like the whole time you're there. But I love it, though. Like, don't misunderstand me. Like Tennessee, when I'm, like, Tennessee for some reason, I mean, obviously it's the beautiful scenery and stuff, but nothing ever happens in Tennessee that I'm like,

oh, they're very Tennessee. I don't, you know what I'm saying, but like, if you took me and transported me to two places and you didn't tell me at all where I was, and for the second, at this argument, I couldn't see the beaches. Within five minutes of human interaction, I would know if I was in Portland or if I was in the state of Florida. In a bad way,

I definitely think Nashville has that capacity. That's true. Tennessee, maybe not, but Nashville specifically. That's true. Can be that way sometimes in a way that annoys me. Atlanta is definitely that way. Yeah. Yeah. What a look, Cah. I don't know where I'm at. But Drew and Tushar, it was my birthday. this weekend too and drew was like hey we got told about this steakhouse supposed to be a really good steakhouse you want to go to it and I was like yeah hell yeah but you know and obviously we got shows at night time so we got to go at lunch time on Saturday 1 30 so Saturday morning I get up and I text juror and I'm like did you make a reservation and he was like no but I think it'll be okay

and I was like all right so just keep that in mind then I'm uh also it's like a steakhouse I'm gonna get a rib I'm gonna get some lobster bisque was this Friday? Saturday. So you were hung over and half dead by this point, both of y'all. I felt better Saturday than I did Friday, because Friday we had to get up early that morning and do press and stuff, which was fun, but it fucked me, fucked up my sleep up. And so anyway, I didn't go real hard until Tray's birthday. Yeah, go ahead of my life. I didn't need, I never actually, well, I'm getting ahead of myself. I never actually went all that hard, but I'm still 37. So like I still felt like fucking shit. shit yesterday. Like I wanted to die like Jesus. That airport hangover is Easter.

Nothing worse. I thought I was going to throw up him multiple times on the way to the airport. Yeah, but anyway, the steakhouse, I put on my show clothes because I travel light. I bring a backpack, right? I bring like just a couple buttonups for the shows and then T-shirts and shit like that. But we're going to a steakhouse. So I got the nicest shit I got with like a Pearl Snap shirt. and my boots and jeans.

And I get down to the lobby and Drew and Tushar are sitting there both in just like sweats or whatever. And I was like, okay, so they don't give a fuck. That's fine. I mean, whatever, you know. Oh, I had on nice pants, but a sweatshirt. And it's like, maybe that, you know, they've researched this place. I know there's not a dress code. I wouldn't make that assumption.

But maybe they know what they're talking about. But I'm not going to say anything. We get in the Uber and we leave and like we're in the Uber for a while. And at a certain point, I start thinking like, Where the fuck is this place? And I look up to check the driver's GPS to see how far away we are. And we're almost there. It says we're going to be there in one minute.

And on his GPS map, it's got the dot circled like, here's your destination. So I look at the dot on the phone. Then I look out the windshield where the dot should be in the real world, the steakhouse. And I was like, that can't be right. I was like, this building looked like a circus tent, right? It was blue and white striped, blue and white striped with no windows at all. And I was like, this is the Portland. It looked like one of those big bug tents or something, but the shape of a building.

And I was like, this is like a Portland institution steakhouse right here. And then I look up at the sign and it says, Acropolis. That's the name of the place. Acropolis. Good food. 45 bruise fully nude yeah

overdraft my man that's when it dawned on me what was happening yeah and so we went in there and I had a steak and eggs while some nice young lady danced naked to last resort

by Papa Roach among other that is exactly your shit God damn Drew call ahead for that hey listen we got a guy that's his birthday and he's a big time bro chinsstrand used to play.

Anything y'all got. I said, it was nothing but that music, dude. Can you make sure instead of the uppers girls, you got the pills girls? And they were like, we got you,

fam. The reason I wanted to make sure that everyone knew that I had on nice pants and a sweatshirt is I didn't want to sound like a pervert who wore jogging pants to the strip club

because I know the stereotype. But, yeah, Nick, shout out Nick, the manager of the helium Portland was like, oh man,

you guys are going out for Trey's birthday to a nice place. I keep asking people where to take this girl. I just started dating on a nice, like, steak dinner. And everyone keeps telling me to go to this strip club. And it was, and Trey wasn't with us because we had just impressed and he wanted to go back to bed. And so me and Tushar were eating with Nick,

and me and Tushar just kind of locked eyes. Yeah, yeah, that impish grin he has. Yeah, yeah, we're going there. And I asked Patterson about it, Patterson Hood, drive-by truckers. And he was like, man, you know, I don't really like strip clubs. Strippers ain't my thing, but they beat takeos there every time we're in Portland.

and I mean, look, steak and titties, what more can you want? Right. Was it really good steak? Yeah. So the owner. Yeah. This part's funny too. This part's very Portland, I think.

The owner, he's deceased, but the founder also owned a ranch. So he has organic beef and this is technically the most farm to table you can be. Farm the table. Because he drives it personally from his farm. Yeah. That's fucking great. This Portland Steakhouse Slip Club is legitimately farm to table. Like Durr said, about as farmed to table as it's possible to be.

But the other side effect of that, it's not a side effect, I guess it's a direct effect of that, is that the stakes are super cheap, like crazy cheap, but not bad. They're good and cheap. Like his ribby was like $14 or something like that for a 12-ounce ribby. Yeah, it wasn't great, but it was, here's the thing, it was really good meat that was prepared by a line. cook. Yeah, right. They have $14.

I mean, that's pretty good. Oh, it ruled. I mean, you know, they got their money other ways. Now, here's my favorite part, Corey. So I'm telling this to Andy. Pussy's out, too? No, fully nude. I don't know if you heard the tagline.

Yeah, no. I did. Good food. 45 brews. Fully nude. Fully nude, yeah. Yeah. But holes.

We're out. But holes everywhere. Our friend Sheena. People just spilling beers all the time. Well, my friend Sheena came. and she used to manage a different strip club, so she knows all the strippers and knows all the spots. And she said that oftentimes there are people eating right by the stage

where the ladies crawl around. And I was like, now that. Yeah, it's a bit much. It's a bit much even for me. Yeah. Yeah. I'd eat a steak off Andy's butt. Right, exactly.

Yeah, I've like licked jam out of Amber's butthole before, but like that's familiar butthole, you know what I mean? But like, There's apparently, there's several places that we've been where someone from that area was like, dude, listen, I know this is going to sound crazy, but there's a strip club and they legit have a great buffet. And like, I get hold that all the time. And I'm a, I'm a decrepit motherfucker. I can be as dirty as they get. I still can't get over that.

Like, I can't, I don't know. Like the restaurant, that's a little bit different. But strip club with a buffet, all that shit just sitting there. I just can't. I can't bring myself to eat. It's also the clientele of a strip club walking through the buffet lines. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

It's part of what's getting you. I want to tell you my favorite part of the story. So I told Andy this plan, and she's like, that's hilarious. You think Katie will be mad? And I was like, I guess that's a good point. Like, I don't know what their rule is on that. Different couples have different feelings. And also, if Trey's not sure or it makes her uncomfortable,

I don't want to put him in the position of being like, hey, what a cool idea. Thanks for Uber and me 25 minutes out of the city. But you're going to get me in a five. fight later. So I called Katie. Because Tray can't lie. Right. So I called Katie to ask her. And I knew what was going to happen to. It was so funny, she and she thought, hello.

Yeah. And I go, Katie, first of all, everything's fine. And she goes, that's exactly what I was wondering. Why the hell is he calling me when he's with Tray? And I said, well, here's the thing. And I said, you know, the manager of the comedy club told us about this strip club slash, stay house and it's supposed to be really good and we think it would be hilarious to take tray there because it will make him uncomfortable at least at first we think and that'll be funny and also at the time we thought a bunch of our friends had to cancel we thought paterson was like we thought like nine people were going to be in on this little bag you know and she goes oh that'd be hilarious i don't care is that all you need and i said yeah she said okay lose my number bitch it's so funny because

that makes Katie sound succinct, which not a way I would categorize her. She was clearly busy. Yeah. She, about the strip, us and strip clubs, like the specific, and I mean,

this story I'm about to tell you, this is from years ago. I mean, fuck. I don't even think, I mean, I don't think, Bishop might have been a baby or something.

It's been a long time ago. But she used to like, uh, what we got, I go to strip clubs on buddies, Bachelor parties and stuff like that. She's always like real cool about it and everything. And,

uh, and then one time we were, I think it's the first time we ever came to LA. We were down on like Venice Beach or something and some like, shady bar or something down there. And, uh, and it got brought up or something. I really wish I remember the specifics,

but that's how long ago it's been. But she said something like, I said, yeah, you know, you've always been real cool about me going to the street. She was talking about some other couple we knew got into a fight because I did went to a strip club or something.

I was like, yeah, you know, you've never, you've never given a shit. And she goes, she said, like with a straight face, she's like, well, yeah, you know, I mean, it's not like they can touch you or anything. And I was like, yeah. You're screwed because you can't lie. Well, yeah, I literally was like taking a drink and I was like, what? That's the best part. Yeah, she was like, that's like a rule, right?

they're not allowed to touch you? I was like, no. I was like, you're not allowed to touch them. I was like, you're not allowed to touch them. They do whatever the fuck they want to you. And they do. And that's kind of their whole thing, you know. And she was like, oh, well, yeah, I feel less cool about it now or something like, you know, like she.

But I hadn't, I don't, this was a fun novelty. like if the steak had been terrible or like if they didn't if we just pulled up to a parking lot of a strip club it was like the steak house part of it was just like a lie yeah right right like it was just for a strip club or whatever i would have been pretty upset because like food's more important the food way i was i was like but this is and i asked them that i was like this is also a steakhouse right like we're gonna eat steak and here because yeah there's no bit if it's just a lie Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, right.

We told you the truth is why it's a bit. And I feel like because it does have a good reputation and they backed it up. I mean, now look, Corey, not a vegetable inside other than taters. Hell yeah. Literally couldn't get it. It was meat and taters and eggs. That's all they had. I love it.

That's beautiful. It could get burgers. Like they had burgers at BLTs, but yeah, it was just. That part is very not Portland. Yeah, well, they just, you know. I guess they could only Portland. I know what they're about. Yeah, right.

Now, that sounds fucking great. Amber's the, I'm pretty sure Amber knows that the strippers can touch you, but her thing on it has always been, like, when we were just dating, like early on dating and we were on the road and stuff, I didn't even think it was a problem to even fucking tell. Like, look, yeah, we're going to a fucking strip club. She went with West of one of them. We were in D.C., I think, on my birthday. That's the only time we've been to one other than this, I think.

Your birthday and trades birthday. I, with y'all, yeah, I used to go with Reap quite a bit to strip clubs. Oh, and I thought you meant when you were dating Amber, but yeah, sorry. No, I just got my timelines confused. I felt like we'd been to more strip clubs than we have. But I was always, like, once we got engaged and married and, you know, I was like, hey, so where do you fall on, like, me going to strip clubs? And it's a stupid question for me to even ask because even though I said I was degenerate,

degenerate. Y'all know that I don't care about I mean, I would have been saying the same shit as Trey did like, there is food though right? Right. Yeah, right. But she goes, but I asked her and she goes, I mean, just don't fuck them. And I was like, okay, I won't. And she's like, yeah, I don't give a shit, it's a show.

And but then I've always, and y'all know this, I've been lobbying my wife to get on board with, um, happy endings at massage parlors. Don't count, especially if it's from an 80 year old Chinese woman. I think that that is a business

transaction and I've had to back it up by telling her, listen, if y'all had a massage place where there was some, you know, blonde-headed swede that afterwards he'd just kind of give you a couple flicks and send you on your way, I would accept that because it's a business transaction and there's no love involved.

If he's an 80-year-old pap-ball suite. No, no, no. That would be worse for me. I wouldn't want a pap-ball finger. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. He's gay, though. Well, that's interesting, though. Well, gay, okay, gay makes a huge difference. I was just make them gay in my mind.

Because, like, you would think that maybe to a lady, to your wife, like, yeah, it's an, it's a Chinese mammal. That might make it better to them. I don't know. But like you said, like a, the reverse and a papal doing it. So much worse. Definitely worse. Way worse. Like, that's, no.

I'm not on board with any of that. Yeah. I mean, I don't think. I don't think that I really am. Here's the thing, I do not want my wife being fingered by a swede, but I want to be jacked off by an old Chinese lady, and I know that marriage is about compromise. Do you understand?

It also sounds like you just want to be jacked off by an old Chinese lady. Hey guys, it's your boy. Corey Ryan Forster, I'll be short and sweet. Part-time Funnyman.com is where you can get bonus stuff from me. Got bonus podcast, bonus videos, essays, stories, all sorts of cool stuff. It is $5 a month, but if you can't afford that, it's free. Either tier, you get the same stuff. Just if you have the money to pay for it, it'd be cool if you did that.

But if you don't, it's fine. You can get it for free. You can also make a one-time donation to the show on PayPal using buttercream corey at gmail.com. It's a really cool thing. I'm adding new cool stuff all the time. There's about to be a whole brand new podcast over there called Oh Yeah Daddy. where I exploit the fact that I am now a dad and becoming quite the cliche one. So we'll talk about cliche dad stuff.

You can get it everywhere soon, but it'll be up at part-time funnyman.com before it's up anywhere. Part-time funnyman.com. Subscribe, support me, love me, love me, for the love of God, love me. I need it. Love y'all. Part-time funnyman.com. Well, he's a part-time funny man. He does stand up when he can.

wants to stay at home and raise his kid. So he sits behind his computer and he does this. Classy. Also, I think you guys missed it or maybe he just respected what I said, but that like sort of accidentally happened to me one time. Jacked off by a Chinese lady? Sort of, and I don't want to talk about it, but it was. Well, shit.

It was, well, what I will say is it was extremely awkward. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're really not going to, you're not going to elaborate? Because I have questions, but she said you don't want to talk about it. Haven't you already said the part? Okay, that's fine. Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm saying.

That's pretty much the story. On the podcast or you don't even want to talk about it at all? Like you wouldn't talk to us about this in private. Oh, yeah, I'll think about that when we're off mic. But it was a long time ago. I felt disgusting. I wanted, I, two things. One, Andy's thing, if I'm not with her at a strip club, is no more lap dances.

Yeah. And I say no more because of problematic behaviors in the past. Yeah. But I don't think I've ever gone to one without her not on like a birthday or a bachelor party or something like weird like that. I like going with her. But I don't really care for strip clubs either. I like going in Portland because they got all these weird ones. It's weird.

Yeah. I've talked about it on the podcast before, but Stripper Oki is where they, do stripper karaoke. I saw this woman. And by the way, I found her. I found the woman that I saw do zombie Jesus. I found her on Instagram. My friend sent me one of her posts and was like,

this is zombie Jesus. And it was right. It was her. Which was a thing that happened on Easter at a strip club a few years ago. Lord, I hope mom don't listen to this episode for about a dozen reasons. Does she on occasion listen to this podcast? I think she used to. And then she listened to a little bit of end of the abisket to quote unquote,

go get to know her son better. You want to talk about sending chills down your boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that you know me as much as I want you to. Yeah, it's probably like that, you know, when your career first starts popping, like your parents want to be, they like feel like they have to, you know,

take in everything you're doing to feel like they're supportive. And then after a while, it's just like, yeah, he does this. I don't want to hear it. Fuck him. Yeah. That's kind of a segue into it. I wanted to talk a little bit about Easter

because it, We tend to be in Portland around both my birthday and Easter, which are often around the same time, which is never hit for me because I don't like the Lord, but I don't like having to share shit with him. But that's what happened this weekend. And I was thinking about, I saw, like, I saw something on, we got there Thursday,

and I saw something on Twitter or something, Mondi Thursday, right? Mondi. Mondi. M-A-U-N-D-Y. M-A-U-N-D-Y It's from the same It's like Marty Graw

So, okay So Drew knows, I guess But Corey doesn't This is why I want to talk to y'all about I was like, The fuck is that? Looked it up and it's It's part of Easter

So apparently Easter's like Easter's like a basic white bitch's birthday It's a whole week long Yeah, yeah Because you got good Friday And then you got the Passover And then you got when he was risen Yeah

Good Friday is the day Got actually crucified Which makes good And odd choice of prefect for that day, in my opinion, because they've all got different prefixes. We stay on that. Palm Sunday. Palm Sunday, right?

We stay on weird celebrations of what happened to our favorite person. We wash our bodies in his blood. Blood, baby. If you bathe in the blood of somebody, it's your enemy. Yeah, or your DMX. Does she do it with their savior? Yeah. Spy Wednesday.

I don't know what I'm saying. Is that when Judas betrayed him? Yes. Okay. It's when you got betrayed, yes. Is that what's named after? Thursday? Mondi Thursday is the supper part.

Good Friday is the crucified part. Holy Saturday is the time in between. Everybody's like, oh, no, what's going to happen? And then Easter is when he came back or whatever. That's all fine. I didn't know most of that. I think Monday, Thursday would be the dopest one if you were living through it the first time. Yeah, that sounds like a festival.

That's the day we ate. Yeah. So. Last time, thank God. I didn't know that that was the, that the last supper is where all the fucking body. and blood shit came from. It checks out, but I didn't know that.

That's how Bible dumb I am. And, but I've heard other people point this out, but I had a funny realization about myself earlier. I think it's kind of funny. I've often thought, as I've heard other people point out, every now and then I'll be like,

as a kid growing up, especially, you don't ever question any of this shit. Of course not. And you reach a certain age and you're like, dude, what the fuck is up with Easter? Yeah,

it's weird. Why? Okay, So it's Jesus's resurrection. That's the purpose of it. But an anthropomorphic rabbit hides eggs, eggs, which rabbits don't lay eggs. And it took me a long time to realize that rabbits don't lay eggs, by the way, because of that shit. And so, like, at a certain point in your life, you're like, none of that makes any goddamn sense, right?

But what I realize about myself is that, like, I've had that thought before, but apparently never cared enough to just actually go find out what the answers are. I do that with so many things. Which I did earlier today. But you guys are church fellers and Bible smart. And the rabbit and egg part is not like explicitly Bible parts of it. But like I was just wondering, do you guys just already know what all that is about? I didn't know the rabbits and eggs. No.

I know. I know. Go ahead, Drew. I know some of that stuff. I don't know if I know these eggs. I mean, I have a theory. Like most of our holidays. they are hybrids and or holdovers from a time when the calendar wasn't just a Christian calendar.

Right. Christianity became the sort of forefront of Western civilization in the middle of Western civilization existing. So prior to that, a lot of what you think of as the top whites, you know, the British, top whites in terms of history. and like winning and all that. The Romans and the British, and I guess they were the Britons or the Saxons or whoever were fucking back then, they were pagans.

So a lot of this is a spring holiday. Right. That the government, when the Christians and the pagans were living together, we're like, we're just going to mix these two. This is going to be your holiday and your holiday. And then as hundreds of years pass,

it gets kind of weird. I mean, you got it with Halloween with all saints. Right. Yes. You know, and Hallows Eve being. being mixed. Christmas

as far as Christianity surpassed all the pagan shit but there was a lot of mixing pagan shit with Christianity back in the day for Christmas too but Christianity just you know Walmart won that one yeah so my theory

is that it boils down go ahead well I was going to say my theory is that it boils down to capitalism yeah it boils down to capitalism and like Like, okay, every Christian knows that when their kid is very teeny tiny, they're not going to be able to handle the gravity of the whole resurrection shit situation, right?

Now, don't you're wrong. Some of them will straight up tell a two-year-old that. But like, but like they, like with Christmas, it's like, okay, we need these kids to be good. So we're going to make an analogy or a metaphor for Jesus. And he's Santa and its presence. And it's, you. You know, those are the, don't sin or you'll get coal, you blah, blah, blah. And I think Easter was just like, what do we do with these fucking kids? And some drunk lunatic was just like, hide eggs. And they're like, who will hide eggs? The rabbit, duh. And then Hallmark got a hold of it, and it really took off. The last part kind of did happen, but it's not, they didn't, it wasn't a drunk lunatic.

I mean, Drew's right. Okay, well, hold on. Mixing of the traditions. Right. Pagan traditions and Christian traditions. And the pagan traditions is spring festival shit. rebirth, new life, fucking procreation, fertility, and rabbit. That was the part I didn't know, but that was going to be my theory on the, I guess that's the eggs and the bunny.

Like, fuck it is. It is. It is both the eggs and bunnies are both symbols of like, of fertility and new life and rebirth. And people were like, oh, Jesus got resurrected. Right. That's like rebirth, obviously. That's new life. So much cooler.

So much cooler. So they got sort of conflated in that way. And that's where that came from. It did get very commercialized over the years, Corey, obviously. And then, like, then it after the, it was off the rails at that point. But, like, they've been doing that shit for a lot longer than you think. I think the Easter bunny, I think I read. First of all, it was the Germans who came up with that.

No shit. Yeah, which is, it feels way too whimsical to be German to me. Yeah, that's actually true. You know that rabbit was mean as fuck, that first one. So, don't terrorized the children. Through eggs at them. Yeah. Donnie Darko-esque bunny rabbit.

Yeah, lured them in the woods and fucking cooked them and shit. That's probably with the original Easter, but that's how Germany used to roll. But I tell they folks. Oh, yeah. 17th century, I think. So like the 1600s, the Easter bunny been around since.

Not every place celebrate. Some places have the Easter Fox or the Easter whatever. Apparently in Australia, they don't fuck with the Easter bunny. They don't fuck with the Easter bunny because rabbits are pests down there. Which is funny to me. That's hilarious. I fuck ribbets.

That's like having an Easter rat. They have a fucking Easter rat. They have an Easter spotter. It's called an Easter bilby, I think. It's an Australian, Australian sounding thing. Easter, is it Bilby or Bill? Yeah, they've got a weird little thing down there called a Bilby. And it's like a, it looks like a, ironically.

It looks way more like a rat. It's like a field rat. It's so funny how culture. was like the difference between how we treat specific animals across cultures because like in America eating a dog would be the worst thing that you can do right but in some places they do it and they're not barbarians for doing it it's just that's how they treat dogs over there and like us we look at rabbits as these cute little things and like you said in australia they're fucking cockroaches so yeah we we do we do we do we do they're different in dogs somehow yeah it does it

Yeah, rabbit hits. Do dogs aside, dogs is more extreme example. But did you know that like in a lot of like, because I'm not trying to be racist or stereotypical here. But when you're talking about places where they eat dogs, we're talking about in the east, right? Yes, dude. Okay. Yeah. Well, there's Western countries.

You know the good ones. You know, they're not crazy. I don't want it to sound that way, but what are you going to do? There are Western countries that like traditionally eat a shit load of horse. Do you know that? Yes. You go to the grocery store. I've heard it's pretty good.

Horse. They're huge. There's beef, beef chicken horse right there all together in the grocery store and a lot of like Western Europe. Well, they got a lot of them. Hell.

And bodybuilders fuck with horse made a lot because I get and donkey meat and shit. Yeah. So that's sadder to me. I mean, we eat pretty much anything, really. Dude,

other than not eating dogs, our culture just always is worse than others when you start stacking it up. It's like, like the holiday thing. It's like, all right, the rights of spring.

We're going to celebrate the passage of the season. Pagans, what do you want to represent you? Symbols of fucking. Christians, what do you want to represent you? That time we murdered our best guy. No, the Jews did that. Thank you very much. And blamed it on the Jews.

The Romans did it. Yeah, no, I know. Blame it on the Jews. Jews don't care. I came in with that harmony quick. It's like we plan that. I've been saying it a lot. That's extra funny because Jews control the weather and you guys are parroting the song about the rain.

Yeah, you're right. It works on a bunch of levels. All of them wrong. Much like the Jews. As far as, you know, of government, society, work at a bunch of levels. You get it. Anyway, I didn't see this, though. This question didn't occur to me at the time, but it's occurring to me now.

And you guys will know this. So this celebrates the resurrection of Christ, right? Okay. But now he's gone again, obviously, because he's supposed to come back. Yep. He can't come back without having been gone. Yep. But he already done did come back.

Yeah. On Easter Sunday. He came back and then a few days later. He came back and fucked off. He came back. He came back from hell. Yeah. And then descended back into the heavens with his father.

Ascended. So he went to hell. Yeah. So when he died, he went to hell. to defeat death of the devil. That's part of the official thing. Yeah, he went to hell and defeated the devil. That's where he had to fight the devil, bro.

He fought the devil for real. His ass. Right after he got the shit kicked out of him in a fiddle contest. Yeah. Well, I can't. That's hilarious. But right after he got the shit kicked out of him by a bunch of Romans, he then beat up the devil.

Yeah, right. It doesn't make a lot of sense. He overcame death. Yeah, he's up there. Why did he get sent to the hell in the first place? Had to go out to whip the devil's ass? Yeah. Also, his dad sent him down there to whip the devil's ass.

Also, if you, Trey, think about it this way. Trey, you got to think about it this way, though, too. The Catholic faith or tradition has, what's the one in the middle purgatory? Yeah. Mm-hmm. But also, the whole faith is based around the notion that you cannot get into heaven unless you ask Jesus to come into your heart and wash away your sins. So the whole premise that God sent his son to die in the first place was because

no one could get into heaven. Yeah. So he had to go to hell to literally get people out. So it was like a jail break. Yes. And I know that sounds insane, but like the theology is that the only way to get into heaven is to be pure and perfect. No humans are pure and perfect. So God allowed for them to get in with a sacrifice.

Who did he sacrifice, his own son? To who? Himself. Is that weird? Fuck yeah, it is. So then, so by point. is no one, I mean, according to that logic, and this, by the way, this was the first thing that I, like, came to an adult with that, like, really started unravel it for me. According to

that logic, no one was in heaven. Yeah, right. Even though in the Old Testament, some of the Jews that were talking about paradise, one of them went straight to heaven on a chariot of fire. So, the Bible inherently contradicts itself, but the logic there is he had to go to hell. Only once, though, so that's good. Hey, do you believe in me? And I want you to think about how big of a bag of shit you got to be to be burning alive while you're getting butt rate by a demon. And some dude comes through and is like, hey man, I'll let you out if you say you believe

in me and you're just like, ah, fuck off, queer. Yeah. I don't know. I'd probably start believing real quick. That's what I'm saying. How big of an asshole would you have to be? Like, yeah. It's not fair, in my opinion. If I have to go to hell because of what I've experienced in life made me decide Jesus wasn't

real, I think it's unfair that those people went through hell and then got out on a technicality. Right. Well, especially So like there's going to be some people down there, like namely those two thieves that were... The one thing went to heaven. That's right. That's right. He said, today I will see you in paradise and the other one he sent straight to hell.

And he only stole from corporations. But the one that went straight to hell, though, that dude was only there for like 12 hours. Oh, he didn't even give him an offer. He didn't even give him an offer. Yeah, he was like, yeah, you don't, we know you, you had a chance to believe in me and you didn't take it. Whereas before I existed, these people didn't have a chance to believe in me. Exactly. It doesn't make fucking sense.

Yeah, well, it does when you say it like that. So he went to hell to break everybody out. And to beat the devil. Yeah. But, okay, that's the part I was going to. The big ball. Was beating the devil a necessity? Because he's like, he's going there to free these souls.

But the devil's down there. She's like, I'm going to have to whip his ass too. Yes, that's it. The warden's got to go. You know what I mean? Like, you got to take out the fucking warden first. or none of this, it's all moot. I don't even think it was personal.

There should be like a Japanese anime about this or some kind of something. It's like where it's like a prison break scenario and there's like a fucking hardcore boss fight between Jesus and the devil and all that shit. They did on South Park. You know, anime would be cool. South Park is great. You know what it's also amazing. Best piece of art I've ever seen on it. A stripper in Portland did this whole story while dressed as zombie Jesus as another person sang with

arms wide open by Creed. Greatest part I've ever seen. Tits out. A buddy's with arms wide open. What do you think she was spreading? Yeah, right. That sounds fantastic. It was.

So, yeah, dude, it's funny, too. It's always fun to walk through it with Trey because I have to like revisit the things I've visited as a 16 year old. But it was hard out of your mind. Yeah, yeah. But it was like hard for me then. It was like, but I don't, maybe it's this. Okay, but, okay, but this.

Like, like, you know, my act. argumentative brain. I was like, oh, I can figure out a way to make this make sense. And then they're now like, oh, it's so dumb. Yeah, but then their comeback would always just be like, listen, our puny human brains aren't don't have that, you don't understand. They don't have the capacity to understand the heavens and the earth and all this stuff. And that is why you just have to have faith, which is a fucking, I mean, stone cold argument.

Like, if you can just get people to believe that shit, like, hey, listen, I know it don't make sense, but like, that's why you just got to have faith. It's all his part of his divine plan. But yeah, no, it sounds real dumb. Well, that's part of why I think I do still sort of consider myself a person of faith because I believe wholeheartedly in my soul that if an entity that is godlike exists, I have so much faith that none of that shit is it. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had that conversation with my mom so many times where I was telling her that, Like a couple weeks ago, I had something happened that was like I genuinely felt like was divine intervention. And I was telling my mom about it.

And she goes, yep, see, see? And I was like, see what? She's like, you just, now you believe in God? And I was like, Mom, I've always thought, not your guy. You know what I mean? Just not your guy. I've always thought that maybe there was something going on. But definitely not that fucking, you know, zombie Jesus highest.

So circling back to that real quick. because I started out by asking, I was like, so, but he already came back, but now he fucked off again, whatever. So, like, so he gets crucified. He then goes straight to hell. Yep. To break all the hitters out and kick the devil's ass, right? Then he comes back. He comes back.

And he's just like, does he get resurrected on the earthly plane just because that's what's between hell and heaven? He wakes up. He was just on his way back through. Like, yeah, what's up, my fuckers? Not for long, though. I'm actually just, I'm on my way, you know. So supposedly Mary Magdalene. He was just on his way back to heaven.

Mary Magdalene found him. If I'm not mistaken, the guards, Mary Magdalene, I think that's it. I think three people saw him. And they were knocked out by the glory of him. Like they were rendered unconscious. And then he gets with Mary Magdalene. Like Elvis. Yes, exactly.

And then he gets with Mary Magdalene and he's like, okay, I'm going to chill out of your house for a while, you go just start telling people that I'm back. Don't worry. They ain't call you crazy. It's fine. Luckily for you, you're a whore. So anyways, and then he got he, some of his disciples. And then by the time you get back here with them, I'll be gone. I'll be gone. And yeah. But didn't, wasn't he, didn't he see some of his disciples right before he went back so that they could then go tell everybody? I was kind of thinking there were five people that saw Jesus. It was Mary the two guards. And I think it's Peter. Yeah.

Paul wasn't a disciple. Paul was the person who basically wrote the New Testament of few years later. I think it was Peter and I want to say one of the Johns. Yeah. First John. Trey, do you know how Peter died? I'll tell you who it definitely wasn't. Ain't shit James.

I don't know what I'm. You know his, you know his ass didn't see shit. Yeah, he ain't shit. Drink it on somebody else's dime. Do you know how Peter died, Trey? No. This is St. Peter from the gates of heaven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, when he was just regular Peter or Apostle Peter or whatever, he naturally, Jesus dies and he runs around and tells the story of like,

no, no, no, he came back. Y'all don't understand. And so, of course, he goes proselytizing all over. And then he gets convicted of being a false prophet or whatever. And so they're going to go crucify him. And this dumb ass goes, well, you're not going to crucify me like the Lord. I don't deserve that death. So they crucified him upside down because he thought he didn't deserve. He didn't deserve to be regular.

He didn't deserve to be regular nailed to a tree. This is where we. This is where we cut to ain't shit, James. Would it catch me doing that? I love Jesus. Not that much. I don't know Jesus like that. Who you think told Judas, you know?

Definitely ain't shit, James. Sorry to keep coming back to this. No, I love it. You're saying he came. back and then he hung out in hiding for a while. We're not saying it. And then, and then fucked further off.

Yep. So there's a, how long was he around for and why was he hiding and shit? Like a weird. There's a very famous scene of him in the garden. Dolly Parton has actually pretty incredibly beautiful song about it. So it's like there's this scene in a garden where they all encounter him. I don't know that's sure it is I can remember the Dolly Parton I don't know what the Bible

but I can remember her lyrics so we both ran towards the garden and John ran on the head we found the tomb and the empty we found the stone and the empty tomb just the way that Mary said which is Mary Magdalene not his mother anyway um it's Gassimini it's very I think I could be wrong there might be a timeline it probably depends on which gospel you read there's four of those also their calendar was different back then so you're never really sure on any of the how the shit worked. Yeah, but I don't, I don't remember learning

the exact amount of time he was around, Tray. I think, I want to say it was like a week. Like, he was, he was in and then, and he only saw five people. He,

he did, like, a little private tour. Why the fuck did he come back and for that amount of time? But, like, hide. He, I also tell people, go tell everybody I'm back and shit and then,

like, then they finally bring all these people back and he's just like, deuces. Because, Trey. Trey, I don't know if you ever heard. about how the Lord works, but it's in mysterious ways.

I'll tell you what it is, because if he came back and everyone saw him, then no one would have had to make up the fact that he came back in the first place. That's what it is. If everybody saw him, Trey, then it wouldn't require faith to get into heaven. You would just see it, and then you still couldn't get in the heaven because God wanted you to believe without seeing the evidence, because that's how you prove you love him when he murdered his son. Trey, do you know how much faith you must possess in order to move a mountain? An amount that no one has possessed thus far?

A mustard seed's worth. A grain of a mustard seed. If one had the faith, the size of a grain of a mustard seed, they'd be able to move mountains, which is basically... So no one on earth has faith the size of a grain of a mustard seed. No, no, nobody. Nobody. Is that George... Is that the point of that saying?

I guess. Humans don't have enough faith. Yeah. Like, I think the point of the saying is if you have a little bit of faith. Yeah. You'll be able to. Well, they ought to put that a different way.

Yeah. Yeah. You know. How did their well-read fans across this skeuniverse. It's your boy, Trey Crowder here. Just want to take an opportunity to let you know. But a couple things that I think you might think are cool. There's some things to let you know about in case you don't done to already know.

about them. I'm talking about, uh, in particular weekly skews host about me and smart mark Aegee. If you're into my political musings and I so many of you are, well, it's all politics all the time podcast. That's what weekly skews is. Mark reads and knows stuff. I learn and react to stuff. We have a good time with, do the show live every Tuesday night at 5 p.m. Pacific on my social pages. Uh, but also you can get it as a podcast wherever you get your podcast. from or you can watch it on my YouTube channel. You don't have to be there live. Check it out either way.

Also, if you would like to check out some of the bonus stuff I got going on, you can go to patreon.com slash Trey Crowder. I got a bunch of stuff on there for my patrons. You got multiple tiers. I do news reaction videos. I learn the news of the day react to them in real time, rant and rave, do my thing. We have interviews with other blue sheet. people like Corey, Drew,

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all that by going to tray crow crowder dot com last and last but not least i love him like chicken thank you for being here and enjoying the well-read podcast and we'll keep doing it if you keep listening to it baby see you love you bye i'm not really getting it was full of shit they should have put a different way if you ask Where are you guys at on the shroud of Turin? I don't know that one. Yeah. Neither one of you knows that one?

No, no, no. That sounds like something you found in a video game that also happens. It does. You're right. Yeah, it sounds like a Zelda. Dungeons and Dragons campaign, but it's not. Y'all don't know what the Shroud of Turin is. If you start talking about it, maybe something will, like, reigniting me, but I don't think so.

It's a holy relic that is highly controversial, probably because it's bullshit. But it's debated on way. whether or not it's bullshit at the very least. It's ostensibly it's the shroud. It's the shroud that Jesus was. Oh, wearing. Yeah.

Not wearing. After it crucified, they brought him down to bury him, whatever. They wrapped him in a shroud and like, and not only, like, you can see the face of Jesus on the shroud.

And like, you can see it. Right. Someone faked that. Yeah. But like, but, uh,

like you can look up pictures of it and shit right now. Look up the shroud of Turin. All right. So here's what you need to see. He's a, it's a, Homically Jesus looking, dude. It's like, I don't know.

It's kind of funny, but. Here's something that you need to understand fundamentally about fundamental evangelicalism and just Protestantism in America. What you just described is something that someone found and now it's in a museum. And it's probably a religiously themed museum. And there are plenty of probably Catholics and Methodists who know what you're on about. But in the world of Baptist son, if it ain't in the King James Version. Didn't happen. We ain't about it.

Didn't happen. We don't know what it is. We don't want to know what it is. It ain't for us. That ain't got nothing to do with nothing. What clothes was you wearing? Clothes don't make the man. When are we ever given a shit about that?

As long as you don't dress like a girl, then you're fine. Did I ever tell y'all that my, our country-ass preacher when I was a kid literally believed that the King James version of the Bible was the first Bible ever written? I mean, hell, I wouldn't have. Well, like, he, so I probably would. I wouldn't have known that it was or that it wasn't. But it's called the King James Version. This was the version that... I just always heard it called the King James Bible.

So hell, I probably thought I was like, King James dude who came up with that Bible. No, the King James wanted the Bible translated into, at the time, I guess, new English, but it's what we know as old English, right? And so it's hard to interpret because we don't be saying a lot of that shit. And the reason that I know that he thought it was the OG is because, when I was probably in like fifth or sixth grade or something, it may have even been before, but it didn't get to us quick.

The NIV came out. I remember that. Drew knows what the NIV. Yeah, right, okay. I know what that is. The NIV is the new international version. What it is is an abomination. Exactly.

That's the reason I remember is because I remember it came. It's like, you know, they dropped a hot new Bible and people are not happy about it or whatever. But the thing is, they're still coming out with new Bible? All it fucking was is, hey, this is a way for people who

talk today speak to understand the Bible and our preacher got up and he was going fucking crazy about how like you can't reinterpret the Bible or whatever and I remember my dad used to because my dad was not a Jesus dude but he went to church because he didn't want my mom to

bitch at him and he was the one that like planted in me like this is all fucking horse shit and dad was just like does this motherfucker not know that the version that he liked so much was translated in order to be easier read by the people. The NIV is literally just them doing that centuries fucking later.

And I'm pretty sure that somebody brought that up to Pastor Paul. And he's just like, no, this is the Bible. Everybody's like, wait, this all happened in Arab stuff. You know what I mean? I don't know why it would be ye old like that. Don't make no goddamn sense. And then they finally accepted the NIV as well. Jesus didn't talk like Shakespeare.

Yeah. They were like, well, I guess as long as it gets people. to read the Bible. We don't give a shit. That's fine. But yeah, they, it was like,

no, this is the only one. And it's like, bro, if you're trying to do that, I'm going to need you to read the goddamn Bible in Aramaic,

as I believe it was first transcribed. Yeah. Well, and I mean, the story of Jesus predates Christianity in terms of a god figure dying and coming back, but people don't get into that.

It was Egyptian. There's a fucking pretty interesting theory that Shakespeare probably had a decent shot of actually being one of the people who, helped write the King James version. Okay. Because what he did before he became Shakespeare, like he had a job,

he had other jobs writing and stuff. And like, who knows if it's true, but it's like, yeah, he was around at that time. And he was a known scholar who, you know, was a known writer.

Like, Shakespeare may have written parts of the King's game. I mean, I would say it's probably, it's probable that he did, you know, like if King James was the king when Shakespeare was around and he wants a new Bible writ,

like, Why not get the barred? You know what I mean? And that's a pretty fucking insane job to have. I could be wrong, but I think you wouldn't quite the bard yet. Yeah, right. It's like, oh, they don't know who these writers were because they were like anonymous, but like it was probably Shakespeare was probably on the short list of people it could have been at that time,

which is, I just think that's interesting. I did have. It is, but wouldn't you have to like, wouldn't the main part of that job be like speaking the first language? Like, it's not about. Yeah. Like, essentially, it's not about hitting that writing. A translator reads it to him and then he's like, let me put some stank on it. So yes and no, it depends on what your goal is, right? So they definitely had translators and they had to have translators.

But part of the argument would be the king wanted it to hit. Yeah, right. And part of the job of a good translator, which now is a highly specialized field, but probably wasn't then. They probably just happened to find somebody who could read it and speak English. So in other words, you might have had somebody who could read, probably Hebrew, who's what it would have been in, and English. But that doesn't mean that the king would trust that person just because they could speak both languages to author one of the most important things of his, in his own mind, of his reign as king.

You know, because he was... So you got multiple levels of, like, telephone game type shit that could be happening here in the production of the predominant version of the Bible for most of our people and stuff. Yeah. Like, the first, it's more insane. The first New Testament was surprisingly written first in Greek. Oh, interesting. It is interesting.

But I meant the one that the King James translators were using. I assumed was Hebrew, but maybe it was Greek. That makes sense, too. Well, that's just the New Testament. You know, in the Old Testament was probably more popular, back then a little bit. I mean, that's where all the... That's better scenes.

I was about to say, man, like, obviously the death and resurrection and crucifixion and all that shit is like the main, supposed to be the main takeaway from the Bible. But if you leave that out of the New Testament, the New Testament ain't really got shit until you get to Revelations, which is metal as well. I think, say, Revelation is when it tried us to go back. But, dude, the book of Genesis is so much wilder than the book of the Revelation.

Dude, kings too. Like, fucking, it's insane. And then I love how, like, just during the, You know about a lot, Trey? Yeah, he knows. I know that his wife turned to salt. Yeah, she saw him. And then his daughters raped him.

Yeah, I thought he raped his daughters. No, they raped him trying to get a baby. Yeah. Well, you couldn't be raped as a man back in the Bible time. So that's not going to hold up in court. But I also love that in the middle of the Old Testament, they just break out into song for a whole chapter. You know what I mean? Like, they're just going along and they're like, and now a music break.

Here's Psalms and everything is a poem. I mean, I'm not saying it's a good book. I'm saying it's a wild book and it is entertaining. Like we, on POA, putting on airs, me and Tray's podcast, y'all should listen to it. We talked about Nebuchadnezzar a few weeks ago. And like that, it has made me want to go back and just kind of like peruse the Old Testament, which by the way is in the public domain so we can take any of those stories and put a redneck stank on it. Yeah, your orch.

Ork. We should rewrite the Bible. I wanted to tell one more story from this weekend if we're done with Easter, which we probably should. Well, I would, yeah, okay. It's not about Jesus. It's just about this. We're talking about death and afterlife and all that shit. I'd written a note to myself in my phone the other night because I saw like a web comic that made me think of this.

And I couldn't remember what I'd written. I went back and looked at my nose to myself. And what I wrote was, quote, the Grim Reaper sort of a bro, really. That's good shit. I don't, but like, I don't, live and don't hit and that's what he's there for, but what I meant was like.

That'd be so great if that was your suicide note. What I mean, Grim Reaper sort of a bro, really, but what I meant was like most of the representations of him, he's not, he's not killing people. No, he just welcomes you to death. Right.

He's like the shepherd of the afterlife or whatever. So it's like it's got to, so my point, what I'm saying is it's got to be fucking terrifying, right, to have just died or be new to the afterlife or whatever. And this dude, you know, he's got an unfortunate visage. Sure. He's not the most welcoming looking motherfucker. Could have left out of a sickle. As long as he keeps his hood up, could have put the sickle down, you know, you know, putting that aside. I think he's fucking with people.

He really is sending a pretty bad. He is a bro. He is a bro. And just like a bro, he's an asshole. And look what I did. I'm carrying a sickle. But like he's not, I'm just saying, he's not, he's just there to, like, escort you. Yeah.

You know, like whatever. And so you don't have to do it by yourself, which is kind of nice, really. I is nice. Yeah. His, uh, yeah, his aesthetic choices, but maybe he didn't have a choice. I mean, the sickle is clearly a choice. Like, without a question. It's quite a choice.

have an umbrella. I think he would be offended if you said it wasn't a choice. He made that wanting you to know what was up. I think it's because on your way to the afterlife, you must walk through a lot of wispy, uh, like brush, you know,

like you go, like in, like in, uh, reeds of time. Yeah. And, well,

in Gladiator, you know, he's going through the hayfields where so he has to have the sickle. It would be like, it would be a maximumus. Yeah, maximum is probably multiple points. It was like,

damn, I wish I had a sickle. Yeah. You know. that's funny to think about like someone die and then they get into that that afterlife field or whatever and there's mosquitoes grim reaper's like now do you get it people people are so freaked out by the sickle but it's just practical you know like see everybody always gets that they get here and they're like oh right and i said yes exactly that's why i have the sickle and i was trying to think of as far as the skull that's just that's how he looks he can't help that the black cloak you know i'm saying he's why i'm saying he's can't help that. That's just how he looks. And the black cloak is actually a, that's another

practical choice if you are like a walking, Stygian terror or whatever, like, you know, cover that up with a cloak. I was trying to think of a joke about somebody dying of sickle cell anemia. And they just think he's fucking, he's, he's fucking with them personally. Like, really did. Oh, man. I always have this. I always have it. Yeah. What do you carry when it's AIDS? What are we doing here? that's uh that's the only other thing i had okay here let me to hear this portland story oh okay yeah well first of all we had the best meet and greets maybe that we've ever had

because i would go ahead and say i concur okay well we talked about that but i think i think that was part of it but i think it was definitely just the quality of stories we were getting also i think a lot of people had met us three times so they were like cool see you later yeah right a lot of gifts. Yeah, we got a lot of gifts, saw a lot of old friends and new. Yeah, just so you know, we really appreciate those two things. When you either give us a gift or fuck off completely, just for the future... Both is nice.

Both is great. So, Trey already referenced meeting an anime character, and I just feel like I have to tell the story. And I texted the story in some version to Andy. So I'm going to go try to, like, find that so I can make sure that, you know, we're kind of going chronologically. but basically, Corey, someone came up in the line, and they kind of had a, I think they call it a wafoo vibe. Wayfoo. Do you know what?

Wifu maybe? Do you know that in the anime world? Like a lot of giggling. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. That's exactly like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Do that again. Yeah. Yeah, kind of like that. Very, but like super high pitch boys, super cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're big into that.

While wearing a, like a fox hood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like their hood had animal ears on it. Yeah. And they're very small person and they're talking like that. Yeah. And I was like, everybody in the whole fucking meet and greet line and in the club was watching this happen.

I don't like the fuck, you know, it was just so, again, so, Portland. Yeah. So goddamn Portland. So we meet them. But I was, yeah, go ahead. And I just thought it was cute. You know what I mean?

Like that's the whole thing with that Japanese culture is like big eyes, super cute. Well, that was, well, that was adorable. And she was also there with her dad. It was just this. 58 year old white guy or whatever.

He was like kind of presented as gay, which is like, like, it was like, all right. Hello, I'm a homosexual like that. Well,

it was like, but it was just like, all right, this is like an alternative family. He was like, yeah, that's my daughter. and they gave me a pen that said cure ableism, not autism.

And that's important, I think, because I think it adds to this next part in terms of the question that was asked after. So we get done with that and we're in the back and Tushar's like, oh, I fucking hated that. And we were like, what? We were like, what? And at first we thought he was doing one of his bits where he pretends to be the worst person in the world. and he was like, no, dude, that wasn't her fucking dad. And I don't know if it was, and it's a they then, by the way. I don't know if it was their dad or not.

But it was like, that wasn't their dad. Like, that was a fun, dude, that whole thing was like a sexual thing. And we were like, what? And he was like, that was like a fucking person pretending to be like a little child. Right. But they are clearly not. And that's, and Trey was like. And Tushar is Asian, so he knows about all this shit.

And you know, but, and you know me, my naive dad ass, ass, whatever. I was like, I was like, no, dude, no. It wasn't, it was like, that's not what was going on. Quit perverting it. Yeah, right. Exactly. It's like, it ain't like that. Right. That's where I was at on it. And then they followed me on Instagram. Oh, boy. And sent, and sent, tagged, tagged us in like a picture. And they sent me two messages. And I took a screenshot and I was like, all right, let's see what these messages say. And I'd already check out the profile. Yeah. And boy, when you, when you want to know, like, Tushar was the most right Tushar has ever been. Yeah. And he was right.

They weren't like, highly sexual in nature. They weren't like, oh, they're kind of sexual. It's what they do for a career. Word. And by the way. Gimp mask and shit. And that's fine.

Wild shit. Not only is it fine. I want to be very clear, because I mean this in my heart. I think it's great that somebody can be a sex worker. And then go to a comedy club and act. like, you know, an innocent, like if that's another thing they're into, because that's a type of role playing in that world, but it's also a sexual thing in that world. Like some of the strippers I was talking to later about this story.

Some people want to talk about it. Baby Fox, you know, where are you going to do? Apparently there's, well, apparently during Comic-Con, the strippers who can do a Wafoo thing make like a thousand dollars a day during those things. So there's definitely a part of it. But I also don't, she was definitely, they were definitely on an off night. Like, they were definitely doing it for fun. You know what I mean? But it just was, it was so funny how exactly right Tushar was. The messages that they sent me were very wholesome.

Have you told Tushar that he was right? At first. Oh, yeah, dude, this was a whole thing. I was texting everybody. I was texting Andy. The message they sent me at first were very wholesome. Yeah. At first.

Yeah. The rest of them were very sweet. Because I'm doing jokes about Andy and I's sex life and about how parts of it are over. now that fatherhood is impending. And they, they, they, the, the, the, the, it was actually kind of wholesome. They were assuring me that those parts of our life didn't have to be over. Well, that's an increase. Because they're there to peg you if you want.

It was the implication. It is very sweet. Me and, me and Andy, for to be clear, they were not trying to overstep boundaries. I enjoyed them sincerely very much, but I wanted to tell a story because watching Tray go. So, like, he was so crestfallen. Yeah. Because, I think it was because

Tushar was saying that the father thing, and I don't know if that part was wholesome or not, but he was like, that's what made me uncomfortable. That this was performance for that dude or whatever. And I was like, I don't want to kink shame, but I get why that makes people uncomfortable. Somebody acting like a child in a sexual way.

And I think that's what it was. Well, we all know. Tuchar's very conservative when it comes to things. It just made me feel, you know, naive and stupid and stuff as the real world. It is really funny that that's how you be, because, like, you, the way that you grew up, you should be the least naive person that I know. Like, you should expect everything to be bucked up.

Yet you don't. You don't at all. Dude, I got to, I know we got to go. You know why? Because I got fake the size of a mustard sake. Got damn right. That's why. In humanity.

Still can't move mountains or none of that horse shit. But, yeah. The funniest part of this, and I forgot to tell you all this. I was texting with Andy about it, and I was telling her the whole story, and I was talking about Trey being, you know, upset. Like, oh, man, that was a perverted thing. Oh, shit. You know, Andy goes, and he goes, oh, he's just upset because he was wrong. Yeah.

I mean, like, that's objectively kind of true, but it's the specific context in which I was wrong that I found so upsetting about. That is fantastic. Plug you shit, boys. Okay, I'll go first. Listen, weekly skews with me and Smart Mark every Tuesday night, five Pacific time on all my channels or just listen to it as a podcast. Whatever fuck you want to do is fine with me. You also go to Patreon.com slash Trey Crowder if you want my bonus shit

or just go to Trey Crowder.com. You can get our specials on that site, but also all my tour dates. And that's pretty much it. Check me out on the Gravy Baby Pod. You can go to Drew Morgan Comedy.com for dates. I don't have a lot of them posted right now outside of Will Red because I've been taking some time here.

in L.A. You can catch me in L.A. though. I got a monthly show at the comedy store. Anyway, just follow me. You'll find it all. And we're going to be in Little Rock at the end of the month. Can't fucking wait. All three of us. Yep. Little Rock's also one of those cities that's just always a fucking banger. Hey, listen to putting on airs with me and

you boy, Trey Crowder. It's a wonderful podcast. You can watch it at watch p.oA.com. And I would also really love it if you subscribed to my bonus stuff over at part time funnyman dot com. Apparently I'm not allowed to share links to it on Twitter anymore because Elon hates substack. So I'm having to tell you all about it here. So part time funny man.

It's got good stuff. All right. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless your good night and skew.