wellRED podcast - #321 - OJ Simpson: A Great Follow On Twitter!

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

This week the boys talk about how insane OJ Simpson’s Twitter presence is, along with some farm animal talk and a rousing game of “Would You Rather!”   Heading to Asheville and Knoxville May 20-21…. Go to TraeCrowder.com for tickets!   Check out all the shows in the Skewniverse: Puttin’ On Airs, Gravy Baby, Weekly Skeews   For bonus Trae go to patreon.com/TraeCrowder   For Bonus Corey go to PartTimeFunnyMan.com   watch Drew’s mini special Tennessee’s A Drag on his YouTube channel! 

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The way you were like, listen, maybe it's me, but in my opinion, Tony Soprano is not you're the standard bearer for, you know, objective male beauty or whatever. Okay. Yeah, no shit. He's a big fat meatball. Okay. You're helping me. I know.

My point is, I know. I love him so much. But my sister genuinely thinks he is sexy. Like, physically. Sexy is not the same thing. That's hot. That's true.

That's true. They love him because they know like if somebody, you know, disrespected them at the salon, he'd fucking put some concrete boots on them and have him swimming with the fishes or whatever. And they love, women are fucking crazy. They want people to murder other people on their behalf. you know what I'm saying?

I mean, the whole, I don't know if you guys are watching Barry. No spoilers, but like the whole theme of this year's show is like, they want to feel safe, but a little scared. I mean,

Bill Brown was the first person. Like, dude, this is, it's like borderline how like we like tities. It's like that basic for them. Right. Little scared,

very safe. Tony Suprano, buddy, come on. I just, there was something I wanted to ask you, Drew, I just want to make sure I don't forget.

It's related to TV shows, but other than that, it doesn't have much to it. Actually, I saw it in a TV. show and I'm curious about real life. It's about a criminal defense, right? So you got law your client privilege, right?

They tell you whatever and you're not allowed to divulge it. That's like a fundamental precept of representation, right? Okay, yeah. So what if they like, what if the murder weapon has not been found, right? Okay. And they tell you, you know, what it is and where it is and all that. and you they tell you that and then after that furthermore what if they just gave it to you or something to you directly like can you do what about the first thing like if they tell you where it's at can you like where do they draw the line in between

you know because they could tell you hey i did it please get me off and you can like you don't have to tell the prosecution that information but obviously is it with physical evidence you would not have to tell where the murder weapon was, you absolutely can't accept it. You can't like keep it. If they start to tell me where it was, I'd be like, well, you're committing a crime. It depends on the state what exactly you're doing,

but probably obstruction, withhold. I mean, there's a lot of things. But if they tell you where the murder weapon's at, you actually, in most states, would be like, not only do you not have to, you can't. Like, if you did that, you would be disbarred because you're, you're incriminating your own client.

See, but I, that's, I mean, that's what I'm saying is the line, the line that's drawn is it like physical evidence versus just information? Is that what makes it different? Because, you know, like, that's why I was asking. So I committing a new crime. Like, that's the part, I can't accept, like, you can't bring me this. I, like, I wouldn't tell the police that you'd. did that. It would just be like, no, I will not hold this here because it would be against the law for me to do so. Don't tell me, and I would say, don't tell me what you're going to do with

it. Get out of here. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Does that make sense? What if they, what if your client in the process of y'all, like figuring out your defense or whatever, it tells you that they're planning on committing another crime? So in a lot of, yeah, in a lot of states, you, I'm trying to remember you guys are hitting me with fucking bar questions ethical because like that's never happened um i think there's states where if somebody's life and is in danger you can divulge i don't think you have i don't think you have to anywhere oh really because i didn't know what the difference is between like because we were talking about tony soprano a minute ago and like you know melphy on that show would always just like you can tell me you know your problems or

whatever but if you if you you you know let me know that there's a thing that's about to happen I have to go to the authorities. I didn't know if that worked with lawyers, too. No, there's no, it's called a duty to report in the psychologist world. There's no such thing as far as I know a duty report in the lawyer world. That's a bit of a hazy, you know what I mean, area for me. I wasn't too worried about it. Yeah, right.

But is that something that you'd be disbarred for if they told you they were going to do something and then you went against your client's wishes? What do you mean you went against your client's wishes? Like your client, while you're talking about this, he's like, oh, and by the way, I'm about to rob this other liquor store. And then you went to the cops and you're like, yo, my client's trying to rob this liquor store. Would you, would you be in trouble for fucking over your client in that regard?

No, it would not be. I don't think. I mean, that's a pretty basic hypothetical, but it's just been so long. but I think that if you think someone's in danger, I think you're allowed to. Right. And I think that holding up a liquor store potentially put someone in danger.

Now, if they told you they were going to go spray paint a building and you told on them, yeah, I think you'd probably get in trouble. Well, yeah, you'd just be a dick then. Yeah, I mean, a lot of it is just like, don't be a bitch. Right. I just was reading exceptions to attorney-client privilege in California, and it looks like the only two by statute, is when the services of a lawyer were sought to pursue a crime.

So in other words, they could tell on somebody for doing a property crime, I guess. And the reason why is the attorney-client privilege never existed in the first place there. Does that make sense? So if you go to your lawyer and you're like, hey, I'm about to go commit this crime. Help me do it the best way. Not all, like, in the legal fiction that exists,

there is no attorney client privilege. Now I'm just a citizen. I would tell them that, you know. That's what I would. Yeah, right, right, right, right. Like, hey, bro, shut the fuck up, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

Most of the time attorney client privilege comes in, when somebody's trying to get from an attorney. something out of them. Right. Let's say your client got found guilty for a bunch of stuff, and then they got sued for those crimes. Like in civil court or whatever? Yeah. And then they would come to me, and I'd be like, I can't attorney client privilege.

I can't. And they'd be like, okay, but what about on this day you guys had lunch? Did you only talk about business? Because if you didn't, maybe attorney client privilege doesn't exist there. I mean, no, every judge would throw that out, though. Okay, on that note, because I've always been like super curious about this, but, you know, as with anything, not enough to like look it up. So OJ found not guilty in criminal court, but in a civil court, he was found liable for their deaths. How in the fuck?

Can I take a crack this? You tell me if I got it right or not. Yeah, that's fun. criminal court you have to the onus is on the prosecution to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he absolutely did it the burden of proof in a civil case is lower i think it's like just the preponderance of the evidence or something like that so it's not the same standard for proof or truth or whatever that they're that you're using is that right that is correct and that's a huge part of the answer i think underneath he's maybe not underneath a level, maybe a level above that. Corey's asking, yeah, but why are they even allowed to? Right. The first answer is what Trace said, well, it's a different standard of evidence.

The criminal court's asking, as Tray said, do you think he did this beyond a reasonable doubt? No matter what, you're absolutely sure. And the jury went, no. And then in the civil course, they're like, y'all think he did this? Yeah, like he probably. He probably did that shit. Yeah, right. But also, they have two different jurisdictions.

So you guys, I'm sure, familiar with double jeopardy. double jeopardy is where you can't be tried for the same thing twice if you were found not guilty. That's because of the same court with the same jurisdictions coming at you saying, you did this, we're going to hold you accountable. Criminal and civil have completely separate jurisdictions, but over the same citizens. So technically speaking, either court can hold you accountable for the same thing. And then the rest of the answer is, Tray's point, sometimes it splits. But every time you can be held accountable by either jurisdiction.

You can be real accountable criminally or civilly. And then sometimes the answer is different. And civilly, that's pretty much all about the restitution and payment. You can't like once they find you guilty in that, it's not like they can go, oh, never mind. So charge him with this. It's just like, no, here's what you owe for pain and suffering. Yes.

Speaking of OJ. That clip, that clip you found, Corey, from the 90s of OJ, whatever, is one of the wildest, you know, funniest to me things I've ever seen. So OJ was on ABC Nightline or 2020 or one of those type of

news magazine shows in the 90s, like a few years after the whole trial and everything. They asked him about, you know, did you do it? Of course, he says no, whatever else.

Then there's a behind the scenes thing where the journalist who interviewed him about everything, she was in her dressing room. and OJ as a prank, right? Knocked on her dressing room door, and when she opened it, he was holding a butcher knife and made stabbing motions at her

while doing the psycho theme song sound. Which is like, that is wild. Like, like I said, somebody, they were behind, they were backstage at her show's production office or whatever. So, OJ was backstage in a dressing room. Dressing rooms don't have butcher knives.

Like, OJ. They don't. OJ. had to tell somebody, some PA or something, hey, OJ. Simpson told someone, go get me a butcher. Right? You got it, Jeeves? And that person did that. And the whole thing is just so goddamn funny to me.

It is, it is funny. That's how you can be held liable in civil court. Right, right. But because of him being proved not. guilty, he can go around doing all that shit now and they can never bring him back to trial. Bro, he could come on TV and say, I did it. Here's how. Here's why. Here's a picture of it. Suck my fucking dick. And he all but does that, I feel. Like, the, like, he hasn't ever come, the subtext. You know what I mean? Like, dude, it's like, because think about what Tray just said about that

clip. Like, there's two, there's only two scenarios here. And in both, OJ is one of the craziest motherfuckers that has ever lived. Both scenarios. First, scenario, he actually did it, right? Because who else would be so flippant as to be like, ah, knife, huh? And it's like a cocky man who was a great athlete, who was used to get in his way and is now like, see, look at me, I'm untouchable. The second situation is he genuinely did not do it at all, but he doesn't give a fuck about making jokes at the expense of two slaughtered dead people who he presumably cared about. So, like, there's no situation where he's not a fucking madman.

The second one's crazier. I agree. I agree. If he didn't do it, then he's not a killer. So what kind of person would do that? And also, if he didn't do it, what he went through was traumatic for him. But he's making them jokes as the mother of his kids murder is out there somewhere, cut her up, however many times, dozens of times.

Like, honestly, honestly, it would be kind of worse if he didn't do it. Right. And also to that point, I don't remember the last time I heard OJ being like, we got to find the person who did this shit. You know what I mean? I mean, maybe I could be, maybe I could be. Well, you know why. You know why that's the case, right? You've heard the-

Because OJ did that shit. No, the internet's figured it out. No. Okay. OJ's son did that shit. That's right. And OJ knows that. And that's why you don't ever hear him trying to.

out who actually did is because he was covering for his son the whole time. That's just so everybody knows that's an internet conspiracy theory. That's actually the one my sister kind of believes. Out of the goodness of his heart, a hero, rose to the occasion, covered for his son, and then went on Barbara Walters and pretended to stab her with a knife while he left. Well, if you think about it, listen, listen, if you think about it from that perspective, he's a good father, he's just covering up even harder. You know what I mean?

Because people say this, they're going to be for sure that I did that. I did it. The Juice is playing 19-dimensional chess. Yeah. That's why he's going on Instagram now. Also, can we talk about something that we've all, I think, we've all like solo thought it, definitely. Trey's the one that actually finally just said it flat out. He's going to put me on front straight like that.

Yes, but we all agree. The caveat was you go, you go, guys, I know this is an insane thing to say, but I've been sharing all these clips of OJ. He just gives his random political thoughts on Twitter. And by the way, most of which align with my political thoughts. And Trey just said the other day, he's like, I know this is fucked up, but like, OJ. kind of hits for me. The things he said, like, because of social media, because of the world we live in and everything, how absurd it is and social media and stuff, there have been multiple times where I'll click a video,

being like, let's see what kind of crazy ass shit OJ Simpson said here. And then by the end of the video, I'm like, you're 100% correct. Joe. Juice spitting. Yeah, juice, juice spitting right now. Tell me about it.

It's like his sports takes and his fucking socialist, all kinds of stuff. It's like, man, he's got a good point, you know, or whatever. And it's just,

it's wild. But yeah, I mean, look. Yeah. Other than the, other than the grizzly, grisly,

eight-touple murder and all the racism, Charles Manson has some good thoughts. I mean, yeah, man, it's, it's no river so long it don't contain, a bend, as they all say.

He was worried about class, you know. I don't know, man. I think what you're talking about is a testament to how, and I'm not literally not going to subbox because I don't really care, but it is how, I guess the right, what phrase is fucked up as hell. Social media is in terms of how we consume it. We go, oh, look at this former athlete. Oh, I agree with that.

And it, like, divorces us. And it's hard because in some ways this is related to the whole, like, do you enjoy Woody Allen films. The difference is it's probably harder to like, if you're a big film lover and you really love Woody Allen, it's probably harder to like let go of that than it would be to just block OJ Simpson. Not that I did.

I'm not trying to, again, I'm not No, dude, he's a great follow. But that's what, but social media is allowed, I don't, I can't express it without sounding soapboxy, but like, it is the end of us because you're not able to,

it doesn't allow, the platform itself doesn't allow that sort of thought or feeling. You just hear someone talk for a minute and you go, I liked that. You don't know anything else about them. Right. But we do with O.J. Simpson.

With OJ. Yeah. But no, I agree with the point. But your brain's trained. Your brain is trained. You do know it. But like, you're just,

you're scrolling, dude. You're not sitting here thinking about that waiter. It also like sort of, it proves the point of, hey, guys, no matter what you, believe you think you're righteous or whatever, but like, there are, there are bad people who think the same thing as you do. You know what I mean? Like, I think everyone likes to believe that, like, if you believe politically the things that I believe, then you're a good person. And, like, OJ's proof of like, I don't know, sometimes you can be right about one thing and then horribly

wrong about, you know, another thing. You're right. I just don't know why we're applying nuance to the OJ. Simpson discourse. Because it's a podcast. When that guy, Jeffrey Tubin, right, the CNN reporter, when he accidentally jacked off on a CNN Zoom during the pandemic. Remember, right? Jeffrey Tubin had also in the past written a like tell all book about the OJ trial or murder or whatever. And it did not paint OJ in the most favorable light, right? Reallaging that. So this dude don't hit for OJ, right?

So when he gets caught jacking off on Zoom at work or whatever and then gets suspended by CNN, OJ makes a video for his socials where he's like, Toobin, what was you thinking, man? You got to be good. It's like, come on. Not like he's like shitting all over for, you know, fucking up so bad. And that's so funny for somebody who committed a double murder in the 90s. Yeah, grisly double murder in the 90s. Like getting dunked on by a double murderer for jacking off the public. That's a low point.

Another thing to be said here that's been a fact since before social media, but social media really highlights it is that, dude, a lot of sociopaths and narcissists are extremely fun and charming. You're charming, yeah. Like, you know,

because if you're not, you're an asshole and you get outcast from society about being an awful person. He was like universally beloved, right? I mean, like, before the murder. Oh, God.

Yeah. Well, that's why it was the biggest deal in the world, you know, because of that. There was a, and everyone in the world has heard this by now. But like the story goes, O.J. Simpson was supposed to play The Terminator. And James Cameron refused to cast him because he said nobody would believe that that guy was a killer or something like that. You know, he's like, nobody's going to buy that he could, you know, be a ruthless murderer or whatever. Proof that he's also the greatest actor of all time. Yeah.

Yeah. He was great. Naked gun movies. I just keep going to bat for O.J. in this episode, which is not, yeah, my, my, my grandma would be proud. I think I've told you all before. Oh, was she an OJ apologist? My mama cat, I know, I can't remember if I talked about it on here or not, but I've talked about it before for sure.

Like, just talking about how complicated racism and mammals and papas of just people in the South in general can be. My mama cat, right, she died in like 2010, 2011. So Obama was in office, right? So my mama cat both literally believed that Barack O'clock. Obama was the actual antichrist, right? Like, believed that. Yeah.

And also went to her grave fully believing in the innocence of O.J. Simpson. Why? 100%. TV, but she never bought it. She watched every second of the, she was already retired and shit by when the trial was going on. I stayed with her a lot during the trial. She watched nothing else but trial shit.

And she just, she just didn't buy it. hey, glove didn't fit, Cho, you know, like, what are you going to do? I don't know. I was a kid, but she never, she never, ever bought it, ever. I mean, there's probably, there's probably a great deal of, like, people out there who genuinely believe that our judicial system is perfect. And like, if you did something, they'll catch you. And if you didn't do it, they won't. So, like, they're just like, well, I get, I mean, there you go.

She had her mind made up way before the verdict is what I'm, like, saying like she was always like the whole time she was like i don't believe it i don't believe he did she just what she just wouldn't have it and so then when the verdict came down you know she was like you know just like dave chapelle fucking day in your face fucking loving it um okay bill like obviously there's parallels between like him and bill cosby in the sense of like how beloved they were and then like the horrible thing that they ended up doing like who's our modern day it would be the oj trial aside from bill cosby Would it have to be like fucking Tom Hanks?

Yeah. Tom Hanks, Calder Reeves, somebody like that. Yeah. That's fucking bizarre, man. Wait, did you say who's the modern O.J? Or who's the modern, like, who would be the modern O.J to where if this happened? I think that Cosby was a much bigger deal in terms of how beloved he was. For sure. I'm not saying people hated OJ, but I think that, because Tom Hanks is equivalent to Cosby, I don't, I don't, I'd have to think more about the equivalent to OJ because I don't think it would be, I think Tom Hanks is too.

big. I don't know, I think OJ's like peak and stuff was still like a little before hour of time. Like we were kids Ronk. Rob Bronkowski, dude. Well, it depends on how the lady ends up dead. If it's like off a boat situation,

you know, so like some hit her head ended up grounding, whatever, you know, and it's like, yeah, I could totally say that. I could see him being civilly live with a Bluetooth speaker. I could see him being civilly liable for a boat death. But even them criminally, I don't think he meant to, dude.

He just, he was reckless. He had her on his shoulders, you know, wallhammer and fucking went under a low hang, just, you know, clipped her on the forehead and she fell off. Accidentally dunked her head in a propeller. Now, the fact that he didn't go back and get her and then she actually was fine, but she drowned out there. Now that, we could probably pin on it. Yeah.

Oh, God. Oh, dude, I thought she just built on the party. That's fine. I would like to take a break here for just two seconds, just to say that we want to thank everybody for coming out to the shows in Little Rock this weekend. It was a super fun time. And also, coming soon, we will be in Asheville and Knoxville. You can go to Trey Crowder.com to grab them tickets because we, oh, God, that just,

I did not mean to do that. That just started coming out. We would love to see y'all there, Trey Crowder.com. Fun, fun time this weekend, boys. Sure was. I've got, so I saw this thing on Reddit, right? I'm going to be like BuzzFeed now and just appropriate Reddit content. But, you know, I'm asking you guys.

I mean, I do it all the time. So it's a would you rather situation. And so here's some of my favorites, both of you guys. Would you rather have horizontal butt cheeks or a vertical mouth? Horizontal butt cheeks. Oh. I think horizontal butt cheeks too because most people wouldn't see your horizontal butt cheeks. Right.

Everybody's going to be freaked out. out by the fucking pussy mouth. But a push mouth, yeah. All right. Well, that makes sense, and you can sway me. But explain to me how it's going to, how you going to do it? Because I can spread my legs. Sorry, I hit the mic.

I can spread my legs and then that opens me up. That's how I poop. I'm doing it. How are you going to spread them cheek? Yeah. No, no, hold on. You're going to squeeze your butt together, which is probably. No, no.

Look, you just, look, you're sitting down and you grab the top butt cheek and pull it up like a flap. Yeah. Flaping. But also, going up. Stairs running, jogging, any of that? You cheek's going to be clapping the whole time. That hits. You know what I mean?

You like that? But they're not going to be rubbing together, see, so I really won't get chafed as much. The slapping doesn't chafe as much as the rubbing together. So I just put some desks in twine them cheeks and I'm fucking good to go. None of that stuff hits for me. It's just I'd still rather have that than the vertical mouth is all I'm like. If only, if purely from the aesthetic part of it, like you got a fucking vertical mouth, now that is all that is all that you. are you can just wear some pants that you know don't look like you got a you got a mouth like a

pussy you got a butt like a hamburger girl you know all sorts of stuff all right this next one would you rather fuck a goat and no one ever ever knows that it happened or or everybody i know this one i feel like is almost silly but i'm going to continue or everybody thinks you fucked a goat, but you didn't actually have to fuck. The first one, dude. I mean, I mean, here's like my mama too. Well, we're public figures and shit, but

either way, I don't know how you don't choose the first one. I don't want to fuck a goat. Me either. And if in one of the everyone thinks I fuck the goat and I can't disabuse them in that notion no matter what, I'd rather fuck a goat and avoid that. Like, I want to do your power last?

And you got to finish as much. first question. Power. And the second question about the second part is, does my mama know? And I think. Yeah, in the second scenario, absolutely your mama knows. Like in the one where everybody knows. I'm not even sorry about it.

I'm fucking that goat. I think you have to, man. I don't know, you know. Yeah, dude. I mean, I'm not going out of my way to fuck a goat anytime soon. But if someone was like gunned to your head or everyone on earth will think you did it or you get to do it, I'd go fuck that go. And like the thing is, it's like, only a little while of it would. It wouldn't hit.

Like, I think the first, like, when you're getting into it, you're like, oh, my God. Well, that's true. The part of it that wouldn't. Yeah, because, because think about it. The part that's not going to hit is the first part. The drive to the goat, that's going to be rough. You know what I mean? That's horrible.

Then you've got to sit there and get ready to, like you've got to, like, you're sitting there knowing what you're about to do. But then once you do it, I mean, close your eyes. No, you skipped a hard part. Well, you got to eat the goats, pussy. No, the first. The first approach and the entrance. Yeah, that part wouldn't hit, but immediately after that part, you'd be like, yeah, I mean, it feels the same.

Yeah. And then you get, and then, but the worst part is the after, the, the immediate afterwards. Yeah, the end would be pretty cool, but then post-end. Yeah, when that goat's sitting there smoking a cigarette staring at you and just like, ugh. That reminds me, we've got a new podcast we want to plug. Fuck, that. Goh! Goat!

Fuck that goat! That would be a good podcast. You can do you know anybody? Do you all know anybody in your hometowns who, um, yeah. Rumor was or who straight up claimed to have porked animals? Yeah. Plenty that the rumor was. Plenty.

I knew one. I've talked about them before, but it was years and years ago. So whatever, but it was a guy I worked with, uh, at my summer job at the highway department. And I was 18. I mean, it's very possible this dude, like, fucked with the young people who worked there by doing this. This is like a running joke or something. But he openly, he didn't seem clever enough to pull off such a ruse. You know what I mean?

Like, he was a pretty as you see it kind of guy for the most part. Like, not a lot of layers to him otherwise, generally, right? And he would talk openly about pork and his cows. And he would say things like he had. One of them trained so good. Whenever he opened the gate to the pasture, she'd lift her tail up. Yeah. He had a stump that he stood on for better access.

And they'd back up to the stump, you know, things of that nature. So if they get ordinary with you, you, you hooked her nose like that with your fingers. Oh, yeah. Show them whose balls, put them back in line. So, yeah, that's all pretty normal. This is sort of related to the OJ thing. Sure. Do you find it weirder or worse or whatever word you want to throw at it?

That this man fuck cows or that he then went to work and told everybody that he did and how he did it. I mean, that second one's worse. It's not. Well, it has to be because in what it, the second one has to be worse because the way you describe those two things, he fucks the cows in both of them. So the one where he fucks the cows and then talks about it is like by death. definition worse than the one who just fucks the cows and doesn't talk about it. That's why I was trying to find the right word. I guess weirder.

What's weirder to you? You should be ashamed. A man fucking a cow or a man who does fuck cows and has made peace with the fact that he fucks cows, telling the world about it. Yeah, that's weird. If you just, if you just fuck him, I could at least go, this guy's got issues. He's ashamed of himself. But like, if you're just like, this is what it is. Like, and again, I don't know anyone personally who.

who it's like guaranteed we know they did because they said it. However, I will tell you this. Where I'm from, a lot of people own pigs. A lot of people own pigs. And if you, every time you, well, yeah, somebody's got to be fucking them. But every time, every time you talk to these dudes about pigs, whether it be the first time or whatever, this will happen. Like at some point, this will happen. They'll just be like, yeah, I'll tell you, we got six or seven.

and yeah, you know, that one's fat enough for the bacon. And, boy, I tell you what, you don't want to get, you know, too attached to them because then you're going to have to kill them. It's a sad thing. By the way, did you know that anatomically a pig's pussy is about the same as a woman's? Like, it just, and they'll just go, and anyways, and blah, blah, blah, and you're just like, what, what, what? And then, like, they, you know, will show you.

And, like, sure enough, a pig's pussy does look like it hits. But, like, it does. Have you ever seen a pig's pussy? Not up close. No. They're pink, too. they look. I mean,

sure. It's there. But I don't know. It just, I feel like if 10 people have. You could see how curiosity might get the better of a man is what you're saying. Or desperation. You're out there around pig pussies all day, just staring longingly at them.

Like, you know, eventually nature's going to take over. Did you all? Do you think it? There was a. Go ahead. I just,

do you think it's only heterous? Like, do you think a gay man would be like, I would fuck a pig, but not a woman. Yes. Yeah. Pig, but. Yes.

Because, because I'm only saying that because on a recent episode of POA, we found some stories of dudes. Like, and of course, this is like medieval ages when it's like, you know, everybody was fucking donkeys and shit. Like, it seems like anyway, peasants was just fucking anything. But like, yeah. But they used to, like, when they put animals on trial, like, if you fucked like a girl donkey. they might let the girl donkey live as long as you could prove that she was a good Christian donkey and not a horror donkey.

I'm not making any of this up, by the way. But if it was a boy donkey whose butt you fucked, they was killing that donkey for sure because he was gay and thus of the devil or whatever. And that type of thing happened. So yeah, it's some gay dudes fucking animal butts. But, you know, what are you going to do?

I've known some slutty. donkeys. You can tell by the eyes. Oh, for sure. They got a whole bunch of them in Mexico. There was a, there was a guy, there was a lawmaker in Texas. Me and Mark have talked about this before. There was a lawmaker in Texas who tried to put forth a bill or something making bestiality legal. And that's like, that's a hell of a hill to die on right there. Like that's, like, but what's funny about it is his whole argument was like,

and this is almost an O.J. Simpson type thing where it's like, damn, I didn't expect to end up here, but I'm kind of with you on that. His whole argument was, his whole argument was like, listen, it's not like they consent to us slaughtering and eating them. He was like, they're not into that either.

Like, and we do that all the time. So we should be able to fuck them. I mean, honestly, I know they don't want it, but, you know,

they don't want it either. So how is that for? I thought this was America, you know. I can murder and eat this animal, but I can't fuck it. Right. This is whole point.

Again, as you said, Show me the lie, sort of. As you said, putting your reputation on the line to say that out loud is insane. However, motherfuckers spitting. Like,

that's so true. Like, if you are going to be comfortable with literally breeding these animals just to be murdered so you can have eggs and shit, fucking send them out right. You know what I mean? Like, let them have a day.

or you should like, I mean, well, that presupposes that it. It seems like I'm going to start fucking out. Very chill of you. Very chill of you to think they'd enjoy it. That it hits. I know that's what it's like, actually what it is. Actually what it is, it's like, if you're going to kill and everything, anyway, rape them first. Like, that's what it actually is.

You're like, light some candles, make a day of it. Yeah. Apparently, and I don't know. And this is also information I'm getting. Rubbing her feet. This is information that I'm also getting from people who may not have the best A information. But, like, I have heard a lot of times that, like, pigs have machine gun orgasms. Like, they can orgasm just like a person.

For a real long time, right? For a real long time. So, I mean, they would enjoy it, you know? That's true. Well, I mean, you, so now you're presupposing you could make a pig come. I know for a fact And that you could get her to where she would let you Because done it before, am I right?

Yeah, because it's like a machine gun or gas. This is no very show of him, dude. He's like, well, I get that pig pussy humming, she's going to love it. You trust what I'm more about that. Say I won't. How much you won't? I'm sorry, buddy, I'll be out there pork in her. See what I did there?

It's also like, it's. No, the machine gun orgasm. Does they have to be comfortable with you? Like, do you have to build up a relationship, or is that kind of automatic? I don't know. You got to buy them a vibrator, pay all their bills? It depends on how slutty the pig is. It's just like with the donkeys, I assume.

It depends on what they're into. Yeah. You got to choke one of them, probably. I ain't got big enough hands. See that neck on a pig? You can't chuck a fucking pig. You got to use your forearm. You got a forearm bar, son.

Yeah, but I don't know how. Like if I'm doing that, how I'm going to get in there too. Like, I don't think it'd be easy to fuck a pig that didn't want to get fucked is all I'm saying. You know what I mean? I mean, if you put it, I mean, if you want to really think about it, you could put it in a like. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. In my very fictitious scenario, I would never do that. She wants it.

Yeah, right. What the record show that in show scenario, the pig wants it. Okay. Incentual, completely. Rape a pig, yeah. He would, however, show one. a pig the night of her life. Absolutely.

Joe, did you have a thing for Miss Piggy? No. I mean, I like, no, because she's always a bitch to Kermit,

and that was my dog. You know what I mean? Well, but I get it. You do have a top. Yeah, right. But I mean,

I get it. But no, man, she was too mean. Uh, train, did you have another one of those, would you rather?

We sort of stepped on it with the, well, how did we get here? Oh, how did we get here? Huh? The ghost. Was there.

There's talking about fucking a go. The go. I wanted a real quick circle back, more of a comment. I did float a hypothetical that I accidentally kind of pitched. It would be wild that that dude is the second half of that hypothetical. There is a world where that guy has never fucked a cow. He just said that at work one day. It was funny.

Okay, my bad. I missed that. Well, I said, I said, like, at the time that, never crossed my mind. At the time I fully believed it, looking back as an adult, because the way it would come up is they'd be like, you know, let's say his name was Randy. It wasn't, but, uh, you know, he's very Randy-esque or whatever. We'd be sitting around lunch or whatever. Again, I'm, I'm, I'm, these guys are all fucking grown ass redneck fucking men or whatever, sitting there. Like, I was like, hey, Randy, won't you tell trade about you, about your girlfriends, you know,

like that and you're like, he, he, he, he, he know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you could he's talking about fucking cows. So I'm saying in retrospect, it's like, I feel like there's at least a pretty good chance that it was like a running joke that he would do to all the young people that came through there or whatever. And then it wasn't actually true. So he chose the second one. Right. Think about the freedom with which you live your life.

If you genuinely don't care if there's a gang of people running around telling everyone that you fuck cows. Yeah. Like, oh, but dude, whether he actually fucked the cows or not, the field where this man grew his fucks was long since barren. Like, I can tell you that right now. Like, cows aside. He ain't, he ain't got to fuck what nobody thought about his ass. That's so funny, dude. All right.

I got, yeah, I got another one. This is very, very different, but this is the type of shit that my, uh, my nerdy sci-fi loving ass digs right here. would you rather have access to a room containing the next 50 years of New York Times newspapers, right? The next 50 years. Or would you rather be able to watch six, two-hour documentaries about other technologically advanced civilizations from different parts of our universe? The first one is I could make money. Yeah, that's the practical answer. But that's the second one is just saying.

Yeah, no, I can. I would regret it. I would regret it. I'd almost rather just keep trying to make money the way I'm already doing it. And also not knowing when everyone's going to die horrifically in a famine or a war or none of that shit. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't have to know now that. I just know, I'd love to know what kind of hitting shit aliens are up to out there.

Okay. I'm sure that they don't bring it up in this question, but I'm asking you and you can make the rule here. Do other people know that you know these things? or are you just saying that you know them and thus people call you crazy? That's a good question. I think it would have to be the second one because if, right, if everybody knows and they know that you're telling the truth,

then it's like, right. That defeats the purpose of you being the one. Yeah, right. Because that type of information is going to be global immediately if people actually believe it to be true. I'm okay. I'm on number two now.

Go ahead, Drew. I think I would. Vince myself that I would figure out how to make money from the documentaries. I think I'd be like, I'll be able to glean something.

They'll have an idea. You can write a new story. As if like physics and math and things that I can't do here, much less there on Gorlock 9 or whatever their fucking planet's called. So I still, but I do think I would be like,

I'll figure it out. Also, other than the money, and this is, this is my person. I'm going back and forth on whether or not I'd want to know the New York. Right. I'm with you.

It's a part of it that knows I'm a control freak. And there would be certain things that you could do. Like if there was a huge war, sure. But maybe there was like a small thing. You could help your family. You know what I mean? You could get people out. Then you sound crazy too, though.

You know, going back to the thing. I know the future. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I would want. I don't, yeah. I don't think the juice. But the aliens, though, I would definitely.

I know right now. You've convinced me. Yeah, you've convinced me because with the New York Times things, I now no longer believe the juice is worth the squeeze because it's like, yeah, I could go full Biff from fucking back to the future too. But then also, like, I mean, part of life is the mystery, I guess. And then, like, number one, you would never enjoy another Super Bowl. You would never enjoy another, you know, all these fucking sports events that you'd read about.

All the spontaneity, you'd never know. you would know when like you know when motherfuckers are going to die so you couldn't even look at them the same well you don't skip sports other than the bet well you have see that's the thing i think you have access to these right it's not like you just automatically download all the information right onto your brain at one time so i'm saying like you want to make a bet on a specific thing i but there'd still be a lot you wouldn't know or you could choose not to know And it's only in the New York Times. With the NBA playoffs coming up, just skip those three months of New York Times sports sections or whatever. If you don't want to know what happens, like, I mean, you could do that.

I still, for me, it's option two. This one is funny. I mean, you definitely know that. Can you change things? You definitely know that for the next 50 years you'd have to hear Nazis out and that the trans issue is actually complicated. Right. It was a New York Times joke. Fuck the New Times.

I don't hit. So this one's funny to me for a. specific and personal reason, which you probably get pretty quickly. It says, would you rather be slightly thirsty, no matter how much you drink, or slightly tired, no matter how much you sleep? And I'm like, goddamn, that's just me every day. Both of those are like, what do I get for being both of those things all the fucking time? Never.

Tired. Thirsty as hell. Tired. I would have to choose. Just, like, just texted me. It said, uh, Drew said y'all are podcasting right now. try not to say I'm always drunk this time, Turkey. How did I say that?

I remember we were talking about him saying the N-word and everything. It's funny that he's like, yeah, that plays. I know how it was. I said, and it was soft while drunk, and you go, well, I mean, he's always drunk. Okay. Doing comedy. You meant doing comedy. I love that that's the part that Jeff has a problem with.

That's why I said. It's like the base of it was him saying the N-word and a joke or whatever. He got nothing to say about that. Like, but, oh, really? I'm drunk all the time. Let's record show. I've said the N-word while sober plenty of time. I think I would have to take.

I think I would have to take slightly thirsty as much as that sucks. Just because, like, when I'm even slightly tired, it's hard for me to do my job, you know, like being on. So, like, no, I know. And Trey has to do with it every day. But, like, I mean, again, and you're only saying slightly thirsty. I can, oh man, that would fucking suck. But dude, just monetarily for my career, I'd have to go with slightly thirsty as much as that sucks.

I feel slightly tired all the time. Me too, though. Slightly thirsty, too, though. Can I try it? Can I be like, what is slightly, like, show me what it feels like? Show me what slightly tired feels like? Oh, yeah, I guess that is a good question. It's like, what is slightly mean?

Well, I think that it has to be more than you already are. movement from okay well i was about to say it could be an upgrade for me i think i think it has to be yeah i think it has to be whatever your base is it's more than that you know what i mean i mean obviously these are hypotheticals but surely that'd have to be how it worked but yeah slightly thirsty fluent in all languages or master of every instrument master of every instrument it's definitely cooler But, yeah, I can do more with it. I don't know. Just not being a master?

I mean, I guess you could. Yeah, I could produce my own fucking specials, playing all the music in them. I could finally do musicals the way that I've been wanting to. Like, you know how long I've been wanting to do a musical, but then I got to hire all these people. I would know how to do all of it. I'd just fucking, dude, I'd be doing Broadway shit. Yeah, man. There's something you didn't want to do.

I mean, master doesn't necessarily imply. I mean, I guess, like, there's a lot of, like, master music. but we don't know who they are. So I think I'm, you know what I mean? Like a lot of studio music is like, wow, this guy's great at the guitar,

but he, you know, you can't move people. Now, I think, no, you're so right. I think that's most of them,

really. I think most of that proven virtuosos or whatever don't really hit for most, for most people. They're respected by other musicians, but most people are like, I'm not into this. This is way too technically proficient or whatever.

I think I'm languages too. Because we could do stand up all across the country in there, or all across the world. And like that, well, I'm just said, that does open you up. Like, all of a sudden you just know how to talk to French people. Like, that, yeah, that would be amazing. But, like, just specifically because I really want to do musicals, that would be such a fucking huge tool for me.

Right. I mean, again, that would be rad. Yeah. Caviot to both is that, you know, you're going to end up divorced. Yeah. Because either of those. Yeah, but you can play the guitar. That's what I'm saying.

Like, you're going to end up, like, in either of those scenarios, you're drowning in it, son. Yeah, right. I mean, that is going to consume your life. This is a very chowy one right here. Pussy you're getting. I was doing it. Would you, I'm sorry? Would you rather, would you rather eat a cake and sit on a dick or eat a dick and sit on a cake?

Did we just do this? I know mine. I just did this with somebody. Yeah, I brought it up. I brought it up. I'm pretty sure. And here's the... On the shot?

I'm pretty sure. But so say it again. Say it again. Say it again. And I'll give you my answer. Would you rather eat a cake and sit on a dick or eat a dick and sit on a cake? Eat a cake and sit on a dick because it's the only scenario in where at least something hits. Right.

Yeah. Yes. You know what I mean? Like sitting on a cake does nothing for you. Eating a dick does nothing for me. I will gladly take one up the ass while I'm eating a fucking cake. Because at least you fried cake, you know. Exactly.

And the gay, and I've said a million times, gay people are not doing favors. They are not doing favors. That feels good. I mean, I think they do a lot of favors. They got to, they got to work up to that, cuz. Okay, sure, but like, you, I've seen them like it. I've seen them like it. So, like, I'm just saying.

Yeah. And either one of these, you're getting made fun of your, from your buddies. So, like, have some fucking cake. I mean, only maybe you guys, I think, I think I'm reverse. Suck a dick, Nate, sit on a cane. Well, it said eat a dick. That was my first question. Oh.

I mean, like, no, no, no, no. Like venison. I think, I think they mean suck it, right? Sure. Yeah. To completion? Well, that's not part of it. I mean, yeah, sure.

Well, that's another one on here. Would you rather do the first 90% of a blowjob or just the last 10%? First 90. 90. Because it wouldn't take me long. You know what I mean? I get to 90 real quick. You got what?

Was that two and a half minutes or something? Yeah, dude. Especially me doing it. Like, I know how to set a fucking dick. We all do. I feel like we all do without ever having to do it.

I would make you come so fucking hard, dude. You're calling me a pig? Yeah. Yes, I wasn't. But yes, now. Yeah.

We, uh, we just went to a very special place. I would, I would like to send me this video so I can clip that. You just like very seriously said, not a person, not a man. I would make you come so hard, dude. I was talking to both of y'all in the same episode in which he said that about pigs.

He's like, he's just been on one. I mean, he's not, that's not really on one for him. That's very standard. But what I'm saying, Trey, you're still missing my thing, what I'm getting at. Pigs was very general. That was not a general one. That wasn't dudes. Yeah.

It was you. Well, that's who I was talking to, you know, know your audience. I would make other dudes come. Now, here's the thing, though. Okay, would you rather suck a random dude's dick or one of ours? A known dick. Random. Okay, but you don't know if the random dude has something.

Well, that's different. No, it's not. You just wouldn't know. I mean, if it's a trailer. But like, with us, you know we don't. You know what I mean? Okay. Well, generally speaking, I would rather the dick that I'm sucking in this wild hypothetical,

be attached to someone I don't. don't know that well. I can see why. Yeah. Well, because it's just like it's in there. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. I mean, your friendship has changed for either the better or the weirder.

You know what? Weird time. And the only dick I did suck, I'm going to see that guy for the first time this weekend since that time together. Is the national suck a dude's dick conference back around? Well, yeah. It's a burning man regional. So, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That does, yeah, I mean, and I guess in this situation, because you barely know him, like, that's definitely better than, like, you suck Trey's Dick. And then here we are in Asheville, by the way, Dr. Crowder.com. Nashville, North Carolina, Knoxville, Tennessee. I mean, I agree with Drew about that part. Like, it, the stranger part is tough because of the unknowns. But, yeah, like, I like the middle ground of, like, someone I sort of know. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Yes, that's, that's, that's an acquaintance. I have. That's what I have. That's what we have. And it's special.

That's nice. That's actually the sweet spot, if you will. I was trying to think of anything that didn't sound effeminate and gay, but it's like sweet spot. You don't want to not familiar dick, like similar dick. You know what I mean? Like, like ours dicks would be too familiar, but like if you sucked, my buddy Robbie's dicks. You know, that'd be way different. And attaintance. Attaintance.

Yeah. All right. I got another one for you. Okay. Would you rather, would you rather bang, um, a person who it's the top half is Hulk Hogan, right? Yeah. And the bottom half is Emma Watson, right? Or reverse.

The top half is Emma Watson. And the bottom is. is the hulkster. Top half Hulkster brother. Yeah. Easily. It's funny because the top comment on this,

the top comment on it says, oh no, Emma Watson with a cock and muscular legs, how horrible. I would really hate that. So I guess that hits for some people. Yeah,

that's a big, that's a huge porn segment. It's not one I'm into, but I do think I'm choosing that because I assume I would be fucking the holster's butt, right? Yeah. I guess you'd have to.

Like not. When they say fucking the holster, they don't mean riding his dick. I don't hope not. I guess it's up to you. Well, yeah. So definitely the Hulkster's butt. The golden butt cheeks. I think I'm not fucking.

Hulkster's butt. I think I am. I get it. Because you're looking at Emma Watson. I'm going to look at Emma. I'm going to be like, you fold that over here and like, keep it as far away from the way. But it'll touch me, but I'm pretty comfortable with it touching me. Yeah.

Peak Hulk and doggy style, though? Not bad. Buddy. Yeah. Yeah. Emma could look over. Hold on, Emma Watson. Okay, but Emma Watson's

Emma Watson's bottoms, right? And then it's Hulk's top, but you've got him doggy style. So all you see, you see the bald spine with the fucking. The bald spiked, a massive shelf of a bag. He's got the bandana on. He's got the bandana on.

So it just looks like you're fucking a trailer lady. Yeah, with the most rip back. With a massive, yeah, I'm about to say, oh, it looks like you're fucking Odin. 24-inch pythons. How big you think the littler snake is? I'm still going holtop,

because I've always wanted to meet him. You know what I mean? A hell of the context. Hey, Hey, brother. So glad to have you here, dude. All right, you go over there. There's towels and water.

What are you doing, Tray? I think I'm with Drew in that I would go top half, I'm a bottom half hawkster and fuck hogs butt. Yeah, I do think. Yes, I suppose so. Omega powers. I do think that I am, but I don't think I was always this way,

but I do think I'm definitely like in a place where like the dick, like I don't want it, but it doesn't mean anything to me in terms of like it's there or whatever. I am attracted to, I think I'm mostly attracted to look. I mean, I like the way of pussy looks, but I think I'm mostly attracted to other parts of a woman in general anyway.

And also, Hulks, but, you know, it don't look like a, It's going to be a good butt. Oh, yeah, for sure. He's definitely got a good bud.

He got cake. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, I could see it. Honestly, I do either one gladly. Yeah, like, can we do both? Get them in here. What that was. It's a reminder to me to set the alarm to have a reminder to me that we have a meeting.

Oh, well, on that note, it's been a fun show. I'm super glad to know that we all would fuck some form of on-coats. And like I said, Trey Crowder.com for tickets to the shows. Trey, where are you going to be in the next couple weeks? I only know where we're going to be. Those shows are, I've got a couple weeks off.

Those shows are my next ones. So, yeah. Wonderful. Asheville and Knoxville, Treycroutor.com for tickets. Also check out putting on airs. That's me and Trey's other podcasts where we talk fancy people and their stuff. And check out my stuff at part-time funnyman.com.

Subscribe. I'd love you, Drew. Yeah. I still want everybody to watch both the specials. We got one on Amazon that we all did together and separately. You'll figure it out when you get there. And then I've got one on YouTube called Tennessee's a drag. I'm going to be in L.A. May 16th.

I don't remember where, but you can follow me at Drew Moore Comedy on any of the socials. And listen to Gravy Baby, a podcast I do with Carmen Rouse and DJ Lewis, friend of this pod. And we talk about goats. We don't talk about fucking them, but we do pretty much everything else with them. We shot a potato gun last week. It's a great podcast. That's a good time. Well, yeah, do all that.

And also, thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Attune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God. Bless you, good night and skew. Howdy there, well-read fans across the skewniverse. It's your boy, Trey Crowder, here. Just want to take an opportunity to let you know.

About a couple things that I think, you might think, are cool. Just some things to let you know about in case you don't done. already know about them. I'm talking about, uh, in particular weekly skews host about me and smart mark a. If you're into my political musings and I so many of you are, it's all politics all the time podcast.

That's what weekly skews is. Mark reads and knows stuff. I learn and react to stuff. We have a good time. We do the show live every Tuesday night at 5 p.m. Pacific on my social pages. Uh, but also you can get it as a podcast wherever you get your,

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So he sits behind his computer and he does this. Classy.