wellRED podcast - #323 - Clowns & Farters: The Highest Form of Art!

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

This week the boys talk about how prolific Stephen King is (and how dumb Dan Bongino is) and also Trae gives us a history lessons on clowns, and the world's greatest farters!   Heading to Asheville and Knoxville May 20-21…. Go to TraeCrowder.com for tickets!   Check out all the shows in the Skewniverse: Puttin’ On Airs, Gravy Baby, Weekly Skeews   For bonus Trae go to patreon.com/TraeCrowder   For Bonus Corey go to PartTimeFunnyMan.com   watch Drew’s mini special Tennessee’s A Drag on his YouTube channel! 

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yeah we don't know where he is uh he you know dead or whatever he'll probably He'll probably come straggling in here for long as he is want to do. Pissed off, butt spread, hating the world. Yeah. He's probably going to say like he thought it was a different time, even though this is the only time that got said. Yeah, right. Now, he didn't always do it.

I don't know what time we always do it because we've been switching days lately or whatever. I just know that I suggested this time you said yes. He said nothing, but then he said other things unrelated to that. the time, which is confirmation, which I took it tacit, which I took is tacit confirmation. Exactly. Yes, that's a I think. If someone poses a question about time and then you just sort of ignore that and start talking about something else related to the podcast, like, then that's, yeah, that's saying like, I don't have a problem with that time. Yes, and that goes for other conversations as well, because I actually get in this argument with people all the time, like, we'll be in a group text or

something, planning a dinner for Saturday or something. Someone will say, how about six? Then one of the parties will respond works for me. And then the other party will come in and start talking about something else, meaning that they had to have seen that. Where you're going to go or something. Yeah. Meaning that they had to have seen the thing that said six.

And then it comes time for that. And they're like, well, we never confirmed. And it's like, no, you never confirmed. We fucking said six. And then you brought additional minutes to. the meeting, but it's six. I very much feel that like you, if you have a problem with the proposed time,

you have to outwardly say that. You can't just, you can't just say nothing and then be like, well, I never said, you know, you can't just say nothing and be like, that was me not agreeing. It's like, no, you have to not agree in my opinion. Yeah. Especially, it'd be different if,

it'd be different if they never said anything at all, because then it's like maybe they never even saw the proposed. those time. Yes. So I better double check with them. But if they come in there and acknowledge the conversation itself, but with that, then yes,

you got to, you know, I don't know what else I'm supposed to think. We're putting, getting out ahead of all this because I just have this feeling that that's what the situation with Drew is going to be is he's going to be like, look, I didn't say that time was okay.

It's going to be something about the time, I think. Yeah. And I don't, and I'm trying to state my case for the record, even though the audience never had to know any of this. Well, no,

that this, I think that all of this is under, I think that all of this is relative to the audience, because even though it's inside baseball, because the prompt for this was it's about our podcast, everybody knows the situation that we're currently in. And I've been wanting to talk about it for a long time of like, it is up to you. And by the way, I've been guilty of this before. So like, I'm, I'm not saying I've never done this. You are responsible for going back in the thread to see information that you didn't get. Now, granted, if we had had like three, like, you know, I don't know, sometimes we get on a roll and there might be 120 some odd text.

In that situation, it might mean that we should repeat, by the way, six o'clock that cool. But like, you, if a question about time is posed, you have to do the due diligence of going back, in my opinion. Yeah. No, I agree completely. he probably just fucking fell asleep part and whatever and yeah none of that none of that even happened we're just projecting all that onto him just uh trying to see it coming in the future but uh so what you know about clowns i you know not a lot not as much as not as much as i should um i know like they're kind of they're definitely terrifying i'm not one of those people that's like deathfully afraid of Screens.

Okay. No, no, no, I'm not. They, they are creepy, but like, to me, the only reason that I find them creepy is because so many people found them so creepy that they decided to use them in that way and art. You know what I mean? Like, if clowns, if it was never, had never existed and they, yeah, I was about to say, I think our generation, like, we were like kids when the first it came out with Tim Curry as terrifying.

Fucking penny wise. And I just feel like everybody saw that of our age or whatever and it's just, I mean, that's like, that's literally the reason why I don't fuck with clowns. It's because of that,

that iteration of it, which is so wild, I'm about to go on a little tangent here. No, go ahead. Imagine being Stephen King. Like, Stephen King, that,

now that was from the like first filmed adaptation, but still, that's Stephen King's doing. He invented all of that. right. And he's like, you're a horror author, right? And he literally like scarred a generation for life, like imprinted phobias, far-reaching phobias, literal phobias. Cultural phenomenon phobias. Like everybody afraid of clowns. And a huge part of that is because of a book he wrote. Like, that's just wild, dude. Having that kind of cultural impact is fucking insane. I mean, I literally

can't imagine it. And no me, no me either. And the way that I know for a fact that it was Stephen King's it is because before I saw that, I was actually into Bozo. Like Bozo used to come on on like our local cable. It was syndicated, you know? So like Bozo would just come on.

And like, I'm not saying I was a huge Bozo the Clown fan, but I'd be at my grannies and it would be on. And like, Bozo entertained me. And I was like, oh, a wacky clown. When I was a kid, I played a clown in our school did like its own circus. had no problem with him. But as soon as, as soon as Tim Curry was it, fuck clowns forever. Yeah.

I mean, like, you know, I mean, one of the most preeminent brands in all of American culture was fronted by a clown, Ronald McDonald, for years and years. Obviously, clowns didn't have the sort of stigma that they had then or McDonald's. You know what I mean? He wouldn't have been the McDonald's guy. But like, you don't ever see Ronald McDonald anymore because it's just like, clowns have just been a road. out of because like because of it was like a turning point and from that point on everybody that

came after that was like fuck clowns clowns don't hit keep clowns away from me and now that's just the way it is which i suppose doesn't hit for you know actual clowns no i was going to say i've never actually considered that for people who are in the profession of clowns yeah stephen king like destroyed an entire profession yeah like dude the comedy industry it's possible that like Like episodes of Bozo, like old episodes of Bozo don't run as much anymore because of clown. I know they don't. You know they don't. I mean, I remember Bozo running too.

Bozo, like you said, was in syndication when we were little. And my fucker ain't been on TV in years. So just the loss of revenue, clowns don't hit for people. No, they don't because of Stephen. That's fucking crazy, man. Keeping on the Stephen King tangent for a second before circling back to clowns. Because I found out some shit about clowns I didn't know. I'm going to get to in a minute.

But as far as Stephen King goes, did you see? Talk about how insanely impactful Stephen King has been in his career, like objectively, undeniably at this point, right? The most prolific writer of our generation without question. Without a doubt, prolific and celebrated and fucking, like, relevant and all of that shit, right? Yeah. Like, and so did you see what that right winged shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He said, he told, he said to Stephen King. get a job loser. Yeah. He also said that he was, he also claimed that Stephen King was typing this from his mother's basement. Mom's basement. Yeah. That's like,

dude, that's the thing that they always say, they always say that when it's like a person on Twitter that nobody knows about, you can make the assumption that they're in their mom's basement. But right, for this motherfucker to use that baseline retort to one of the wealthiest authors to ever live is, Like, dude, if you want to, if you want to be like Stephen King's a liberal elitist, fuck him for all that, dude, say all that. That's fine. But the fucking sheer notion of implying that you get a job, you person who who writes seven novels a week. And, and also claiming his, he claimed that he was irrelevant. You know what I mean? Which could not be, that's the least true thing I've ever. Like, Stephen King will, if Stephen King didn't do another thing, from 1993 on, the fact that he's responsible for Shawshank Redemption and the Green Mile

means that his relevancy will outlive everyone on planet Earth. But like, Carrie Kujo, the shining fucking it. Like, yeah, it goes on and on, like for days. For sure, the dark tower. Like, but so when you read that, did it seem to you like Dan Bongino might not have known who Stephen King was? I mean, I, the only. reason I will allow for the possibility that that's not what happened is because of how massively do she and lacking self-awareness these people are, meaning like, it, it, the most obvious

interpretation of that was that he did not know who Stephen King is. Right. That, like, but that defies belief. Like that's, yeah, right. Like, that cannot, it almost cannot be true. Right. And then it's like, yeah, but nobody would say that to Steve. Stephen King knowing who, and then part of my brain is like, well, I mean, this guy might.

Yeah, right. Because like that's, because that's just how, you know, are worded and shitty these people are. Right. So, but like, but it definitely seemed like he didn't know who Stephen King was, yeah, which is wild. Dissecting it even a little bit further. Like, I've definitely, and you have to, had some like right wing trolls comment on our videos or something telling us that we should get a real job, right? And the reason is because there's a lot of people,

there's a lot of, society has a thing where if you see someone doing a thing that they're having fun at, you cannot physically allow yourself to call that work, you know, because people, people have this idea that work means a thing you do that you don't like. And for the most part in society, that is 100% true.

Like, that's absolutely 100% true. Well, I mean, that's kind of, do you buy into the whole, you know, I mean, everybody in any profession or industry, whatever, you know, the saying,

when you do something you love. Yeah, right. You never work a day in your life. So I'm saying like the definite, if you like, because some people I think don't view their jobs as work. Like it depends on. True. You know what I'm saying? If you're conflating jobs and work, I'm saying a lot of people, you know, like, I don't, you know, a lot like Stephen King works very hard.

But like, he might even be like, oh, this isn't work. This is my passion. No, no. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. But at the end of the day, it is a job. But at the end, yeah, a job does not mean a thing you do that is insanely. A job means something you do that people pay you money for. Pay you money for it. Right. And so I understand that some people are like, oh, that author, that's not really a job. But for Dan Bongino, whose most famous contribution to the world is podcasting to say to Stephen King,

you need to get a job when it's not like Dan Bongino's up on a fucking roof nailing right now is insane. Right. Yeah. I mean, the only logical explanation is that he didn't know who he was talking to, which is also insane. Because, dude, Stephen King is like,

he's not exactly Coca-Cola and Mickey Mouse, but he's as close of a physical human manifestation of those things. Like, he's a fucking staple of the world. Like, he's almost not even really. real anymore. Like you,

Stephen King is an, he's an establishment. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. He's like a brand and everything. Andy hits. And he does hit.

Yeah. I, dude, I was a huge, huge Stephen King fan when I was younger. And last year, I read that JFK assassination book, 1122,

63 or whatever. It's, his alternate history thing. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's fucking great. Is it a banger? Yeah, and that, I mean,

that book's, fuck, dude, that book's probably 10 years old, but that's like, like, more relatively recent. Recent, yeah. Era Stephen King, so like I'm saying, he still got it. Oh, I would like to say, before we get off, before we get off Stephen King, I would like to say that I'll never forgive him for scaring me

more than I've ever been scared, which wasn't it, but the movie Pet Cemetery. Go on. Drew said time got away from him at the gym, and he thought it was an hour earlier than it is. So, well, there you go. He just don't know how time work.

I don't know if that means he'll be here or not. Well, either way, we're here. Let's take a quick break, Trey, so that you can talk about clowns. Hey, guys, it's your boy. Corey Ryan Forster. I'll be short and sweet. Part-time funnyman.com is where you can get bonus stuff from me. Got bonus podcast, bonus videos, essays, stories, all sorts of cool stuff.

It is $5 a month, but if you can't afford that, it's free. Either tier, you get the same stuff. Just if you have the money to pay for it, it'd be cool if you did that. But if you don't, it's fine. You can get it for free. You can also make a one-time donation to the show on PayPal using buttercream corey at gmail.com. It's a really cool thing. I'm adding new cool stuff all the time.

There's about to be a whole brand new podcast over there called Oh Yeah Daddy. where I exploit the fact that I am now a dad and becoming quite the cliche one. So we'll talk about cliche dad stuff. You can get it everywhere soon, but it'll be up at part-timefunnyman.com before it's up anywhere. Part-time funnyman.com. Subscribe, support me, love me, love me, for the love of God, love me. I need it. Love y'all.

Part-time funnyman.com. Well, he's a part-time funny man to stand up when he can, but he wants. wants to stay at home and raise his kid. So he sits behind his computer and he does this. Classy. All right, so you said you don't really know that much about clowns, like the inner workings of clowndom or anything? Me and you have beat a couple things around,

but I've, like, I know that it's more serious than what anyone would think it was, but I don't know what those things are. And I would love to know because I know that clown college is like a thing. Yeah. So a clown's face paint is like a thumbprint. Did you know that? Yes, I think I did know that. And one thing else I know and then I'll let you go, but I think that I heard this one time.

And you can tell me if I'm wrong that you register your clown face by painting it on some sort of egg or an orb. and then mailing it to like the National Register of Clowns. Is that true or is that a thing I made up? You did not make that up. That's actually that right there is the main thing that I saw and wanted to talk about was that. Nice. You go through the process of your clown training, right? You develop your own clown persona.

Right. And that clown persona has its own face, its own makeup, whatever, that you also come up with. And so the face is attached to the persona, you know, bozos or persona or whatever, you know what I mean? And, and yeah, they are copywritten in the clown world. Nobody else can use that face or that persona and they copyright it by painting it on an egg, which is the clown, the International Clown Registry stores all of the clown face eggs inside the organ room of the Holy Trinity Church, which is the final resting place of the beloved Grimaldi the clown who passed away in 1837 and is noting for boosting the popularity of clowning to a worldwide audience. So clowning is a serious business.

I was about to say, this like sounds like Catholicism. You know what I mean? Like that's a really like I knew that people who were clowns took it serious, but I didn't know that it actually was. Like that's like there's a lot of reverence to that. but like how the fuck dude it you know me and you were talking the other day about i don't know if we were doing it on here just offhand about song melodies and how like it's to me it's almost insane that when someone makes up a new song melody that they don't like kind of accidentally rip off somebody else because how many different ways can you make g flat you know sound different than other people's like guitar riffs how the fuck do you how do you like with a clam face like how many different iterations can there be right I think that too and also it's like I feel like every clown I don't stare at longingly at clown faces like if I see a clown face I'm like fuck and then I look away generally you know I'm not like studiously observing it so to be fair

but I don't know I feel like I've seen a lot of the same type of clown thing do you know what I mean they've either got like the big sad lips, you know, painted on, you know, or the happy ones or whatever. You got the hair, I guess, is part of it. I assume. I don't know. Bozo had the. You got the hair, you know, out to the side and or up on top or whatever, or you got like a hobo cap. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like Charlie's, Charlie's papal and chocolate factory. That's a clown. That's a clown look. There's obviously the nose. And then there's only so many ways they can draw those things around their face. Right.

Or, I mean, their eyes. I mean, you know. I wonder if Kiss registered their characters or whatever. You would think, I mean, that's somewhat of a clown. But like, you know they've, you know they've somehow copywritten that whole thing. Without question. Because Kiss is like the most commercialized fucking band in the history of music. So they've definitely thought of that.

You know what? I'm thinking of now, too, is that I don't, I can't off the top of my head think of any clown that uses different colors other than red and white. You know what I mean? Like, it's, it's all red and white too. Like, I don't think I've ever seen a blue face painted. Well, the white, no, the white, so the white face, like, the base, the base of all the clown faces is white. I'm pretty sure. And that is, you know who invented that? Joseph Grimaldi. Joseph Grimaldi. Joseph Grimaldi. the guy who's buried where they store all the clown eggs. Because that guy,

that dude's a British. Gramaldi sounds Italian. I guess he's Italian. I don't know, but he was a British. He was the most popular English entertainer of the Regency era, which was the early 1800s, 1811 to 1820.

So he was like the George Clooney of the War of 1812 time. George Clowny. George Clowny. Yeah, that's right. And he was the guy. that like he made clowning hit you know for people like he's the

he was the first he before him they didn't have the white face they didn't maybe they didn't do the fucking water flower in the big shoes and you know right I don't know if he created all that but what I'm saying is like a lot of traditional clown stuff that dude came up with and he was

he invented all of that and in doing so he was like a superstar of his time when he died they got Charles Dickens to like, wow, uh, work on his, uh,

you know, the, not memoir, biography or whatever. Yeah. I mean, that's as big as it fucking gets, brother.

That's what I'm saying. He was huge, a huge deal. That's, that's, that's, again, going back to your first point,

that that's how it all started, the most dignified, serious thing in the world. And now it's, again, terrifying, but also, even if it wasn't terrifying, it's like, you know, we just think of the squeaky shoes and a bunch of them just being in the cars and it's just all ridiculous and shit. But this is so, like, it sounds so dignified.

Yeah. I don't know. Well, the past was like that, you know. I just think of stuff in that time frame as being automatically dignified, but that's also like, yeah, the general era of La Petomain, remember him? The fart. The fartist? Yeah.

Yeah. Who is the other farder? Roland? Rowland. Rolling the farder. Rolling the farder, yeah. I think Roland the farder went a little further back than Lepetamein, but I'm about to look him up again. But anyway, yeah, this guy was a professional farder in that same time.

So, you know. Especially him being British, too. Like, we've talked about this where, like, the British and the British accent has the exact opposite reaction to our accent, whereas the most ridiculous. fucking thing you could ever tell me, but if you tell me a British guy did it in the 1700s, I'd be like, oh, how regal, you know. Right, exactly. But it could just be stupid. Like, if you put a British accent on anything stupid, I will immediately give it more

credit, which is wrong. I shouldn't, but like I do. Yeah. So apparently Le Petomaine roughly translates to fart maniac. or farto Fartomaniac Fartomaniac Fartoniac

Which hits His profession Was referred to as flatulist Farture Or Fartist Oh god A common misconception

About Lepetomanius His real name was Joseph Poo Hall Poo Hall What? Get the fucking out of here! Poo-Hull That's the fuck out of there!

No way! That's so funny. Yeah, I didn't even read it because it's spelled just like Albert Poo-Hulls, you know, whatever. And so I didn't, I just didn't consider the fact that, yeah, his name, I mean, that P-U-J-O-L, that's P-U-J-O-L, that's Poo-Hull, right? Nominive determinants, buddy, if I'm saying that, right. Absolutely. You are at its absolute finest right there. God, damn. For the record, he was about 50 years later than Gramaldi, just so everybody knows.

I said it was the same time, but he was in like the late 1800s, early 1900s. A common misconception. about Le Petomain was that he passed intestinal gas as part of his stage performance. That was not true. Rather, what he did was he sucked air into his butt and then pushed it back out to do his, like, tricks and whatnot with. Yeah, I've got a buddy who taught, well, tried to teach us all how to do that. You got a buddy who could suck air into his butt? Yeah, he could fart on command fucking Jarvis.

I'll say his name because I don't, I think he'd be proud. but we were in high school and he would just constantly fart like one of his gimmicks that he would do was like he would tell a joke and then on cue fart at the punchline and we were all like dang man like so you just wait till you have to fart and then that's when you decide to talk so that you make sure that he's like what are you talking about he's like you just fart and I was like I was like I was like I was like you're acting like it's the same thing. I was like you're acting like it's the same. as a burp because like and I know you can't burp but like if you want to burp you just gulp air in and you burp and I was he goes yeah it's that but with my butt but with your butt yeah and I was we were all just like fart now and that motherfucker would just kind of his face would you could tell he was doing something and then he fart and we were like get the fuck out of here he goes I've just suck air up my ass like I'm breathing and we were like fucking bullshit prove it so we got him strip butt butt ass naked in the locker room and he pulled

his legs behind his head and we watched him breathe in his asshole. Like he would suck air and it was like the most. So we've all tried it. But like I do not have the. How do you try? What do you do to try to suck air into your butt? Like I wouldn't even, I don't even know how to make an attempt at sucking air into my own butt.

How do you, how you do that? The only way, well, clearly I don't do it right because I can't do it. But the only way I can describe to tell you to try it is do the. do the opposite of a fart. Like a fart is where you push out, try to suck up your butt. But like I'm trying it right now.

And dude, I, like, I'm a really good farder. Like, I can actually, like, if I know I have a really good fart coming,

I can sort of change the pitch of my farts. Like, I can sort of fart a sonata. You know what I mean? Like, I can do a little hop. I can go, like I can do all. Fart.

Yeah, but I can even make the bram bram bram pran part with my fart. with my fart whenever I got a big one. But like in terms of trying to suck, I can't even begin to, I don't have that. Whatever that is, I don't have it.

So this is great. Yeah, Drew, just to catch you up, we're talking about Lepetamine. You know what the Pertesne is? Fartiste from the, late 19th, early 20th century. French vaudevillian, correct?

Yeah, his name was Joseph Poo-Hull. P-U-J-L-L-L, yeah. P-U-J-L. I know. It's wild he improved on it. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Le Petomaine translates from French into the fartomaniac. So that was his stage name, the fartomaniac. So he would, uh, he found this. He was in the military and was bragging like your buddy was, Corey, about being able to do this. And everybody's like bullshit, just like y'all were. So he would like, he'd pull his pants down and then he would, uh, suck water up into his butt from a pan and then spray the water on. to all his buddies, you know, in the milk, like, spray.

And in doing that, he realized he could do it with air as well. And then, you know, the rest is history, but to elaborate on some of the history. Do you think the water allowed for the air? Because I got this, I got this tushy Cadillac top of the line bidet. And I've been letting the water go into my butthole. Yeah. Because it's like, and then I push it out. And it's like, well, now I push it.

know I'm clean. Like, like, yeah, right. We cleaned it from the inside out. So just so you know, for future reference, you probably already knew this,

but that I believe is exactly what you do before you get your butt fuck. So if you ever need to know that, or if you ever, I did know that. Just so you know, Drew,

you've been practicing. Yeah, right. So, you know. It's anal duching basically, right?

Yes, right. But I think with an anal duch, like a proper anal duch, you go pretty deep. Yeah, probably. Like you push it up in there like a super, those old super soakers. And then you squeeze it.

Yeah, where I'm just talking about just, you know, just open the screen door and let it get in that for the four year. I'm letting them in the foyer, you know, when I get the mudroom clean. And I'm wondering if I keep this up if I'll be able to do it with air. That was, I wasn't trying to derail the combo. That was where I was going on. No, no, no, no, I'm with you. I mean, I think that it is about training, like essentially, it's like, I think the same motion that you would have to do in order to suck air up your butt to fart it out is sort of like an anal kegle.

So it's like you're having to strengthen the constitution of your sphincter muscle. And my buddy Jarvis just, you can't coach that. Like he just had it. You know what I mean? Jarvis the farter. Jarvis the Hardy farder. Jarvis the Hardy fart. And I normally, I try not to say names of people, but like I'm, dude, there's no way that he's not

proud of that. You know what I mean? I mean, he was at the time. That was his thing. So, Lepetomain, here's what he did for his act. First of all, he started in Marseille, right? And he quickly made it to the main stage at the Moulon Rouge in Paris, right? Because he was such a big hit, as you can, you know, imagine. The highlights of his stage act, including imitating the sound effects of cannon fire and thunderstorms, as well as playing O Sole Mio and Le Marseillaire. on an ocarina through a rubber tube in his anus. Is Osolameo the song that Jim Carrey made into Ashole Mia? Yes, in Ace Ventura.

Assoramio, Osadamia. So he could play that with an ocarina in his butthole, evidently. And he could blow out a candle from several yards away. He was such a hit that in the audience on certain nights, where Edward Prince of Wales, Sigmund Freud, and also King Leopold the second of Belgium.

Y'all know who that motherfucker is? King Leopold II of Belgium. I'm sure that he's come up in my putting on air research at so point. He is the fucking Hitler of the Congo. He absolutely ravaged Central Africa in a super fucked up way and mostly gets away with it. Just the people like, there's been books written about him and shit. People like douchebags like may have found out he existed now.

But for a long time, nobody ever talked about how much of a fucking genocidal maniac this guy was. Well, it's so wild that like that dude in his spare time, he's watching Le Fartiste blow out candles with his butt and like, you know, golf clapping and shit in between chopping off children's hands because they don't find enough fucking diamonds or whatever. So this dude was. The past is such a nightmare, man.

This guy was like Hitler's favorite comic or not a great comparison, but Trump's favorite comedian. That's very interesting. Not a good thing to be. Trey, is the Leopold you speak of the person Hugh Jackman was playing when he played in 1800s royal person in Kate and Leopold? Like, have we whitewashed this dude? Oh, surely not. I never saw that. I never saw that movie, so I have no idea.

but dude, surely not. I think he's just a Leopold. Yeah. Isn't that? I haven't seen that movie, though. So I don't know. He's the Leopold, the third Duke of Albany. That doesn't sound like your guy.

Is, I mean, forgive me for being stupid here, but like the reason, I'm just asking, the reason that that guy isn't talked about along the sides of Hitler is because he did it to the Africans, right? Yes. Like, is that why it was that? Yeah, right. Absolutely. I didn't know if there was some other reason. Like he covered it up for a while.

But to me, I was like, yeah, that sucks. But that is how that goes. What I'm about to say is not a quote. I want anyone to isolate. But we think of Hitler as the worst person ever because he did it in Europe to white people. I'm not suggesting that he is the greatest person ever. But like, like, there was people doing stuff in China and Africa that was, dude, they was murdering by the words.

Yeah, gang is gone, man. Like, dude, there's, like, I know you're 100% right. Like, Hitler just came at the perfect time where print media was more, more prevalent. There were movies were starting to come out. You know what I'm saying? Like, and it was a part of the great wars, you know? So you're right. Like, when you go back through history and read about some of these dudes, it's like,

God damn it, that was, and again, not to take anything away. from the Holocaust, but there have been plenty of those things that happened that people, we just don't talk about because it's like, well, as it's such a funny, like, you know, preface to a sentence. Yeah. I want to take anything away. Again, again, again, not to take anything away from the Holocaust, but you know what they need. You know me, boys. I give credit words due now. But I'm just saying, like, a lot of it is now top notch, but a lot of it.

Yeah, a lot of it. In a tournament. neutral field be honest who you drafted first be for real gangis con or the guy with the goofy mustache

be honest boys okay Vlad the Impaler you know what I'm like a lot of these dudes like like and the other thing too that's important is because there are people

right now who were in the Holocaust so it's closer to us and I guess well I was just about to say a really old episode of this podcast we kind of talked about this because I asked y'all

if you thought that Hitler whatever like he don't have his own have his own franchise of mall restaurants. Like, you know, there's the Genghis Grill, right? Like,

so that was, that's like, fucking first year of this podcast. Well, okay, there is a, it does need to be pointed out that, like,

you brought Vlad the Impaler Gangas Khan guys like that. Like, it is different just by virtue of him being in, like, there's another huge difference, yeah. There's another huge difference.

Like you said. And it sounds like this Leopold guy, it sounds like this Leopold guy is close, closer to Hitler than Genghis and what I'm about to say, although I don't know a lot about it. But there's another huge difference here, which was Genghis Khan was a murderous. Killed everybody. Exactly. While expanding his empire, Hitler was doing that while also trying to kill a specific subgroup of his own citizens based upon their ethnicity.

There's like this extra strange like killing your own countryman element. I'm not saying Genghis Khan didn't do that, but I never. It seemed like it was like, fuck everybody. And there's something weirdly, strangely more noble about murdering all the people than murdering one of the peoples. Yeah, it was all about conquest with him. Just like, I'm going to, I'm the stallion who will mount the world type shit. You know what I mean? So it wasn't like ethnic based genocide or anything, which is a little grosser, obviously.

But it's funny what you said, I get what you're saying. I remember Eddie Isard on Dress to Kill had a. bit that was like the exact opposite. He wasn't talking about Gangus Con, though. He was talking about Stalin, Paul Pot, Chairman Mao, right? And all of those guys killed, like, way, way more people than Hitler. He was like, they killed their own people. We're sort of fine with that.

Yeah. He's like, but Hitler, you know, killed the person next door. Oh, stupid man. You know, we can't have that. Hitler never played risk when he was a kid, you know. Yeah, it is true, though, like, because one, you go. So it's out, like this guy hated an entire group of people. The other people just only like themselves.

There is just a little, there's a slight difference in it. Yeah. Genocide talk. Don't hit this week. Genocide don't hit. We've always said that. That's right. It's a wild, I mean, there's a very direct hinge point that makes a lot of sense,

and that was King Leopold the second, but it's a wild pivot from Lepetamine to the history of genocide. Literally, the most. the most whimsical and absurd live entertainer of all time, who was a professional farder straight into Hitler or Gangus Kahn. What do you think? Who you got?

Yeah, but like, you know, sometimes you're going to have that. Like, I'm certain, yeah. Well, I'm certain that, like, Kim Jong-un likes a Spielberg movie from time to time. You know what I mean? Like, when you hit, like, that's just going to be how that is.

Yeah. Yeah. You got to know what the dictators get the blues. Like, let me look up, rolling the farter real quick. Yeah, please. I have an image of him in my head. I was going to say, well, go ahead. Let's say, he was a medieval flatulist. He would, oh, dude, way, way back, the 12th, 12th century England. And he was a jester, a jester who could fart. The picture I have of him in my head, and maybe it's the one they use on Wikipedia, is like him in typical jester

stuff, but he also has like a flute pressed to his assholes. or something. Right. I was just about to say, it's wild to me that we haven't had one of these since lepetamine in the early 1900s. But listen to this, Paul Oldfield,

better known by his stage name, Mr. Methane, is a British, a British flatulist or professional farter who started performing in 1991. What? He briefly retired in 2006, but restarted in mid-200. He claims to be the only currently performing professional farder in the world.

He worked on the railways before focusing on his farting performance. That's a hilarious thing to retire from and then to come back. You know what I mean? You got to buy yourself a watch. I totally get never doing it again. But to be like, you know, man, the fucking struggle, like I'm just, I need some time away from farting. Yeah, I need some time away from farting. And then in 2007, he's like, God damn, not fart and don't pay the bills.

You know what I'm saying? Yes. He also had to hang out with his family. Yeah. So it says that he discovered his ability to fart on command at the age of 15 while practicing yoga. The next, you know, you're getting some wild butt up in air positions while doing yoga. The next day, eager to share his new found ability, he performed 20 rapid fire farts in under a minute for a group of his friends. That's pretty good.

That's great. Pretty good. Yeah. Imagine that one friend who was like, you should do this professionally. You're good, dude. You've got it. My uncle works in the business. This fella is able to fart the notes of music in time and in tune.

And in the late 1980s, after years of work in the railway industry, he turned professional, starting as an opening act for bands. I do you follow that shit. Literally. Can we see him? He was on Howard Stern as the British Blaster and performed a series of fart acts on Broadway in New York City.

On Broadway. Yeah, that's what says. Wow. It missed it in the 90s. He produced a parody of the Phil Collins song In the Air Tonight, titled Curry in the Air Tonight. But his business manager refused to let him release

it stating this is a very serious song and we cannot see any reason for it to be taken so lightly. What a fucking stick in the mud day. How do you manage a pro farter and be that much of a fucking prude about Phil Collins's au revoir or whatever? Also, how did you get that kind of power to like, how can a business manager stop it? Oh, wait. Never mind. Oh.

It says in 2009, he auditioned for Britain's Got Talent announcing his. his intention to put the art into fart, but failed to make it through to the live finals. He gave a flatulous performance of the Blue Danube Waltz and was buzzed out by all three judges. Well, see, he made the mistake of going on Britain's Got Talent, not America's Got Talent, because we would hate that shit up. It says despite two of them, Pierce Morgan and Amanda Holden laughing uncontrollably while Simon Cowell called him a disgusting creature. Dude, how do you, I don't understand that. Like if you're laughing your ass, bro, if you're, like, I don't know how you can watch a man fart the blue Danube, right? And like, be unable to keep yourself from laughing uncontrollably.

And then be like, no, that ain't it. You got to go. Like, I just, I don't. Yeah. I don't understand that. I was listening to Edgar Wright talk about movies and, like, you know, how critics are like, they'll straight up talk about how, oh yeah, I mean, it was very, very entertaining, but like, was it a good movie and blah, blah, blah, blah, and Edgar Wright was like, listen,

I mean, don't even wrong, sometimes we're making movies to have a conversation or to make a point, but like everyone's goal should be to make something that's entertaining. And if you were entertained the whole time and had a good time watching the movie, it's a good fucking movie. So like- Also, dude, we all fart, right? Yeah, not professional. I got to fart right now. You, right. The blue Danube, that was not.

Like I'm saying, every human, every human has the capacity to understand that that's crazy what that guy's doing. It's impressive. Because we all know that we can't. You can't, not, it ain't like everybody can fart. It's way harder than singing it. Yeah. farting it. He's like the only dude on earth who can fart it.

This is another example of comedy not being. It's another example. comedy not being respected. It reminds me of when Eddie Murphy was like, y'all gave me a fucking Oscar for Dreamgirls. Fucking, the clumps was way hard. Easiest thing I ever had. He said, I remember in the midst of saying that,

he was like, he's like, everybody was telling me the whole time, he's like, oh, you know that one scene where you gave that look when the drugs came out and you gave that look. That was incredible. And I was like, motherfucker, a look? What are you talking about? Did you see what I did in the clumps? Like, this is like, yeah.

That's one of my favorite. would be if this guy was an opera singer and we found that out and then he just came out and belted it and people were like oh my god your voice and he's like fuck y'all do you know how easy that was compared to the other yeah there's a lot of opera singers dude there's only one mr methane this is another bullshit another example of that is how like if someone probably get him on the show you think that's do it buddy let's send we could probably get news from him let's hey let's find out his information and let's absolutely try to get him on the show. But another thing that I think goes with that is like everyone, like if you

mentioned Vincent DeNafrio to a lot of people, they'll always be like, oh, man, his performance in Full Metal Jacket. Oh my God. So great. The best performance that motherfucker ever gave. And one of the best performances any motherfucker ever gave was in men in black. That is one of the most insane, wonderful performances ever. And honestly, if you go back and watch that movie, go in.

I like he's playing a bug and he does it like he should have been nominated for a fucking Oscar whoever won the Oscar that year did not do as good as that motherfucker in men in black I will give it up for Dianfrey Oaz-Egger but I think he's much better in full metal jacket personally I think that uh I think that did he play a bug game weight I thought he was like full-mail jacket is dude he crushes in that movie I'm just saying it's harder to play I thought something wrong with him me too I thought they got somebody to do the thing. Do you know what I mean?

I was like, damn, how do they teach him to run the lines? He's awesome in that movie. I just think it's harder to play a bug. Because Jim Carrey played a bird in Ace Ventura. Well, I was going to say, I don't believe you, but Jim Carrey's pretty fucking talented. Jim Carrey should have won Oscars for everything. He did. Men and Black, like, actually, it's like goofy, but that movie's got some, like, elevated

moments in it. It's awesome. It's not just the, it's not just the, uh, the events at Donofrio thing. Yeah, like the whole the little, the speak, the little dialogue on the bench between them too about like, you know, imagine what you'll know tomorrow. And the whole thing about like, a person is nice, whatever, but people are panicky, stupid and all this stuff. Like, there's a lot of, there's a lot of wisdom in the first. Dude, my favorite, my, one of my favorite lines in movies ever. And it only makes sense in this universe was just when Tommy Lee Jones threw on his glasses and goes Elvis didn't die son he just went home and I fucking love

that like talking about Elvis as an alien that movie's fucking great it is there's like that movie should have won the best picture that year whoever won best picture of three up till the Chris Hemsworth one but like the first the

the first three they're in black with Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith and then a man in black third Josh Bolin is so fucking killing that's great He is Charlie Jones. Yeah, those, but those first three movies are like, they're solid as hell.

They're like genuinely held up. They're really good. That one would take a break, Joe. How did they're well-read fans across this skewn of our sit. your boy, Trey Crowder here. Just want to take an opportunity to let you know. But a couple things that I think, you might think, are cool. There's some things that let you know about in case you don't done to already know about them.

I'm talking about, uh, in particular, weekly skiskewarm. Cues, host by me and Smart Mark Aegee. If you're into my political musings, and I so many of you are, well, it's all politics all the time, podcast. That's what weekly skews is. Mark reads and knows stuff. I learn and react to stuff. We have a good time. Do the show live every Tuesday night at 5 p.m. Pacific on my social pages.

But also, you can get it as a podcast wherever you get your podcast from, or you can watch it on my YouTube channel. You don't have to be there live. Check it out. either way. Also, if you would like to check out some of the bonus stuff I got going on, you can go to patreon.com slash Trey Crowder. I got a bunch of stuff on there for my patrons. You got multiple tiers. I do news reaction videos. I learn the news of the day, react to them in real time, rant and rave, do my thing. We have interviews with other blue sheet. People like Corey, Drew, Smart Mark, My Sister.

you name it all kinds of fun people Brent Terhune and we explore the background of my political opinions as well as reviewing many of our country's worst politicos all that plus I do audience Q&As and bonus

weekly skews episodes all at my Patreon. It's also just a nice way for you to support your boy. So if you'd like to check out the wares over there, go to patreon.com slash Trey Crowder and do so. And then lastly, one-stop shopping for me if you want to come see me live, which I sure would appreciate.

You want to check out my and me and the guys of Amazon specials. You can find all that by going to traycrouter.com. Last but not least, I love him like chicken. Thank you for being here and enjoying the well-read podcast. And we'll keep doing it. If you keep listening to it, baby, see you love you by. I'm still kind of stewing that fucking Pierce Morgan gets to tell Mr.

Methane that he don't hit. You know what I mean? No, I thought he said that he did hit. No, they all said that he did. He was laughing, but then said he didn't hit while still laughing at him. Like, what's the fuck does Pierce Morgan do? You know what I mean? He farts.

Yeah, but not. He don't hit at us. You're also getting at another, you're also getting at another specific way comedy so disrespect. It's like, everybody's laughing. You're doing your job. And then they're like, that wasn't talent. What? What?

How? You get up here, Pierce, and make one person laugh. You fucking bubbly piece of shit. He looks so bloated. Listen, I got to tell you guys something real quick. Okay. My computer's messed up is in the shop, so I'm on this laptop. So first of all, that's why I sound weird.

But it makes my desk look so different because I have a desktop. And now I've got a laptop on my desk. So look what I just seen that's been here, I guess, since we put this desk in this position, but I haven't seen it in years. You guys remember this? Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. Do I remember that? Hold on, Drew.

Hold on. I have my copy. I think Corey, I'm pretty sure Corey did something with that on his. substack recently or something. I still am. It's an ongoing series. I've been dragging it the fuck out. Okay, so good. We can plug that. And I can, I need to make a

comment. So you guys were talking about farts and I wasn't listening to y'all because I saw this book and I was like, well, I got to pick this up. I haven't picked it up in a while. And I just turned to a random page. It was page 29 to 30. And I started reading. And yeah, this is longer than

an eight minute conversation. Maybe we can remember to bring it up earlier. I'm so uncomfortable from this passage. And it's not... The age I'm on that I haven't read yet. 29. That's wild. So everyone, here's a plug for Corrie's

when he gets to it, because I'm not going to read it. And here's why. No. The gay stuff didn't make me uncomfortable, genuinely. The tenderness with which she writes our relationship.

Yeah. And is that toxic masculinity? Is that I have a particular type of homophobia where a dick don't bother me, but love and Amanda's. It's almost like how I'd rather squeeze your dick jokingly than you clasp hands with me. Of course.

I just remember. Like there's a passage in here where I got physically, I felt the thing. And it was she, Zillora, such a great writer, was describing the way Trey was looking at Corey. And it made me feel ill. So there's like gay dudes out there, right, who are around our age and stuff. and probably older too. But like, I've heard them talk about it on podcast and shit,

how they're like, and there's something they've had to push back against, but like, they'll pork a dude, right? But they don't want to like, you know, be kissed on the,

they don't want to have like a fucking, like you said, a hugging a kiss or holding hands or something. He's like, I'm not a fucking queer, you know, what the hell? Like,

yeah, uh, what's the movie? Willem Defoe. Willem Defoe. Yeah. Willem Defoe. Boondock.

Oh, Boondock Saint. Right. Yeah, right. Yeah, when he goes, get off me, you fucking F word. Yeah. That's apparently like, that's like a real thing. But, you know, like that exists. There's dudes out there that are like that.

I think I'm that dude. Yeah, but you're not gay, though. Yeah, right. But I would rather you suck my dick. I would rather you suck my dick than have to hold hands with you all day, for sure. Sure. I feel like that's like, I mean, of course. Right.

I agree with you that that's, that's. the case, but I think the of course is not. That's just a man thing. No, dude, don't you think any dude of course is just for us? Then hold hands with anybody like, but it's getting your wife. Where we're from, like,

where we're from if a, if you're a dude and a dude sucked your dick, that fucks you forever. Like you're, you're gay now. Like, so some people would rather, yeah, handholding.

Me, I'd rather get my dick sucked. You know. Yeah, I just, I'd get my dick sucked. What do you do? Right.

That's just that's, I don't know. That's, I don't feel like that's all that out of pocket to ever as a man say, call me crazy. I'd rather get my dick sucked. That's just how I am. I don't think it's out of pocket. You could take all that other stuff if you won't. Yeah, I don't think it's out of pocket.

Yeah, I like getting my dick sucked. I know that's weird. I don't think every papal would agree with you, that's, right? No. Like, I think there would be papas. Papas who would be like, no, just kill me. I ain't doing neither. And then you go, all right, but here's the thing.

No, no, no, I know. I don't think, I don't think we're, like, connecting here. What I'm saying is, like, I know that when you, when you specify that it's a man who's doing it, there are plenty of papas and plenty of straight dudes who would say, no, just kill me instead. I know that that's true. I'm saying, I don't think the, like, on an instinctual level, I don't think that that's a wild or crazy thing to say, you know, is. I think that a lot of my dicks, you know, because it just makes sense.

I don't think it's Of course, though. I think it's 50-50. And I think it relates to the stuff we're talking about. Now, I remember when that, so that's a, that's a fan fiction,

an erotic fan fiction written about the three of us. Oh, yeah. It's really given any content. We didn't really explain it. But yeah, all this time later, that's an erotic fan fiction written about the three of us

that was given to us in Asheville, right? We were going to be Sunday. Yes. I think that's correct. That was in Nashville. Yeah. Rocky Ridge Books is who put this out. Rocky Ridge Books.

Perhaps she's written a sequel by now. I don't know. But anyway, she brought it to us after a show in Asheville. We all got copies and we were so excited. We're like, this is going to be fucking hilarious, whatever. And she's great.

I'm not disparaging it, whatnot. I just remember we got back to the green room. We started reading it out loud and very quickly, we all three were like, oh, no, this is kind of weird, man. The problem is that it's good. Do you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah, right. That's the problem. Yeah. Like in our brains we were like, oh, this will be hilarious. But like, it's actually a really well-written homosexual romance and not played for comedy. It's not played for comedy at all. And actually in my series on Substack where I've been reading parts of this. And by the way, I got permission from Zia Lora.

I would never have done it otherwise. But I'm reading it verbatim, but I also do a little commentary pointing out just some characteristic inaccuracies of us, such as like, well, A, Trey would never talk about that. You know what I mean? I would fucking kill. I just randomly turned to a page where you two are stuck in my dick. And this is proof of what I'm talking about, too. This is hitting for me so fucking hard.

Because it's not as tender and like there's not as much like eye contact and saying stuff. I fucking love this sentence. Drew opened his mouth to say something, but his erect cock would call him a liar if he said anything other than please. Yeah. And also, the thing that really is... She knows me. She wrote me so well.

Thank you, Zee. Another inaccuracy, but the thing that hits for me the most, is that I'm described as having the biggest wiener out of all of us, which, again, not accurate, but it hits for me that she went there. That was a choice that she made, which really hits. And at one point, and I thought this part would hit for me, but at one point, Katie... Andy and Amber all have a threesome at a sauna.

And like, don't even wrong. What page is that, Cah, Cah, I don't remember. That's a welcome aside, but that was the catalyst for us deciding to suck each other's dicks. You know, it's like, well, they can do it. I'm sorry if I missed it. Did you add that or is that in this book? No, it's in the book somewhere.

I'm pretty certain. Or, or. I thought I read most of it. Or it's that we were sucking each other's dicks and Amber and then were like, well, if y'all are going to do that, we're going to lick some pussy at the massage parlor. And we were like, I bet it. I think it's the second one because it opens with us at the nudist retreat. Like the onus of this is that basically this is true fanfic in that it took something that did happen in the well-read universe,

which is that we were at a nudist retreat with a lot of gay men together. And then Z was like, well, what y'all didn't know was this is, I really went down there. And also, again, let me state, which I'm speaking for all three of us, I know we're talking about it in Jest right now, but the reason that it makes us so uncomfortable is because it's a well-written

fanfic romance. Like, it's not, again, like, in our, yeah, yeah, it is really good. I can see. Well, it's like eye contact, tenderness. He looked at his lips in a way. It's like stuff like that.

It's very, very, it's sweet. It's full of romance, not just fucking. which is that's the gay part you know yeah which is fine yeah so i like because i remember i thought it would be like uh uh uh do you guys not you know we talked i think about chuck tangle right oh yeah so he all his stuff is like in my butt hole or he's like pounded in my butt by my own But, you know. He's prolific. Pounded by the pound, turned gay by the socioeconomic implications of Britain leaving the European Union.

Wait, can I do one more from this? The butt in the mist. Yes, please. This is, this is my, this is my, this I have seen before. This is my other favorite part, other than you guys suck in my dick and my cock calling me a liar. This is so great. Full stop. Trey waited and waited.

Nothing. When Corey didn't scream, I got you. Trey's entire belief system stood under a magnifying glass and was called into question. Was it what he believed or was it what he was taught to believe? Corey, I have too many beers in to even begin to figure out what the hell you're talking about. Corey sat on the edge of his bed, head down, staring at the floor. How does anyone know if they love or hate? Deep fried Oreos, unless they try them.

That is exactly how I would try to get a dude to fuck my butt. That is 100% how I would do. By the way, cheap plug for me, but if you want to hear me read this, you can go to part-time funnyman.com. I've put out five segments so far, and I'm about to read the six, I guess, maybe later today. But, yeah, that was a good character work.

Can you put the chapter about, the girls can you just put that out for free or give you boy like a login code or something oh it's all listen my substack is all free you can pay five dollars a month but you can also just i still put everything out there for free for those that uh that don't have the five bucks so you can just you can just go get it but yeah i'll isolate that one for you well i mean i don't know where to go from there you know where we should go from there we're like 57 minutes and yeah right so yeah we should go to we'll be in Knoxville this weekend at the Immaculate Bejew Theater always

There's like 10 tickets left. I'm about I say it's very, very close to sold out. So if you don't know. Let's sell it out. You should get it. Yeah, it would have for us to sell it out once again. So get you ticket, come and see us. And we'll be in Asheville at the, you know,

also awesome orange pill for two shows the very next day. One show is sold out on that one. But the early show there is sold out the second show Sunday, which the second show Sunday is only at like 7 or 7.30. It's not late. So, right. So I guess the tickets come see us.

Don't give us this bullshit. I can't be up late. Excuse. Yeah. So yeah. So yeah. Can do it. Come to us.

I guess sing us out of here, Cho. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Attune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you. God bless you.

Good night and skew. Thank you.