wellRED podcast - #324 - County Fairs, Abstinence, and Real Men!

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

This week Trae tells the guys about taking his boys to the county fair…. IN LA!!! This leads to a conversation about county fair stuff naturally (carnies, rebel flag t shirts, etc)    Somehow during all this, Sex Ed got brought up and the boys talked about their middle school experiences with that and once again lamented that they are not, in fact, “real men”   Go to TraeCrowder.com for tickets!   Check out all the shows in the Skewniverse: Puttin’ On Airs, Gravy Baby, Weekly Skeews   For bonus Trae go to patreon.com/TraeCrowder   For Bonus Corey go to PartTimeFunnyMan.com   watch Drew’s mini special Tennessee’s A Drag on his YouTube channel! 

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Well, here we are. I in particular am in a pretty different locale. This is, if there's any of my patrons watching, you may recognize it already. I'm back home in Clay County, which for a long time, if I was, back home in Clay County, that meant I couldn't do shit computer-wise because I had no cell phone service and no Wi-Fi. But now every time I come home, I stay in my best friend Dustin Thompson's childhood home, which is now an Airbnb, his mama, who was like my mama, she just lets us stay here because she's an angel of a woman. And she's got Wi-Fi and all that stuff. So I'm in the

top bedroom of Thompson's Childhood Home, which was built by his hippie daddy, the Dugger. The Dugger built this house. And so I'm sure, look like, there's the bed and stuff. It's very, it's, you know, it's pretty cool. But look at this little addition right here. Oh, yeah. Look at the ceiling. Can you see the ceiling?

Yeah, you hit your head when you poop. You have to squat down to, like, if you're seated on the toilet, it's fine. But like to even get on the toilet, you have to like squat down. It's like a little hobbit hole. Like the shower, yeah. With a toilet in it. Yeah. So it's a, it's an interesting addition.

Yeah, I'm here because we're actually trying to, we're trying to do a little bit of work to and then sell the house I grew up in. So that house is currently like ripped all the shit because we're going to try to try to sell it. We thought about renting it and stuff like that. But do Thompson's mom, who Airbnb's this house was like, and other people too were like, I don't think you want to rent something in saline. you know, it's like, well, mostly for trash reasons, I think. But just, you know, and so we decided, I guess we're just going to try to send.

And the thing is, like, dude, even in Salina, the fucking housing market, so inside. Even in Clay County, like, we haven't listed it or nothing having, we've talked to a realtor, but we haven't like engaged one formally. We're working on the house. We have gotten between me, Paige and Uncle Tim, like, we've probably gotten seven or eight. like we've got a couple straight up offers from people. And and, but also seven or eight or more like messages of interest.

Like, hey, y'all selling that because I want it. I'm telling you right now I want it. Or my daughter wants it or whatever. Because like they ain't nothing else for sale here. So like it's pretty crazy. It's like it's even reached salina and like,

you know, it ain't nothing compared to anywhere. Like my house is three bedroom, one bath house. It's like 1, 1,100 square feet or something, maybe, somewhere around in there, like very, very, very modest in the middle of town in Salina, Tennessee. And it'll, you know, it'll go for somewhere upwards. It should go for something, unless we'd find some horrible, something horribly wrong with it for upwards of like $125,000 or something, you know, which is like imminently affordable, but is also still crazy for Salina.

Because like it shouldn't be like, dude, until the past few years, like, there's no way it would have been six figures. Do you know what I mean? Well, I think the question everybody wants to know is how long did it take you to scrape off all of the rebel flag stickers? Yeah. It's so, I guess I haven't talked about it publicly. But I, so we, this is a second. We came in the, around the holidays to clean the house out. And I, and I talked about it on my Patreon for sure. may have brought it up otherwise, but like, and I told you all,

I was seeing y'all pictures and stuff, dude, cleaning out that house, my, I ain't putting it on nobody else, my old bedroom specifically, the sheer number of Confederate flags and Confederate flag adorned paraphernalia that I found in that goddamn house, dude, was absolutely unreal. It was cracking me up. It was all over the place. Every nook and cranny, there was some kind of rebel flag something, a fucking pen or a pencil, or stamps or whatever the stickers.

Of course, posters. There was a, my favorite piece was this little county fair, piece of county fair art. County fair art, some of the best art in the world, obviously. And, you know, that you get for like throwing darts at balloons or whatever.

And yeah. With a picture of Hillary on them. Yeah, right. And it was a, it was, the background was the Confederate flag. And in the foreground, was a little green alien with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth wearing a like Confederate colonel's military cap, which makes no sense whatsoever.

It don't even begin to make sense. But like 12 year old movie was like, that's fucking what's up right there. It's hilarious to think that if intelligent life did finally reach Earth that they would come during the Civil War and be like, I know whose side we're fucking home. I was thinking about those, the alien, we'll call it the alien movement, just like three days ago. They were on T-shirts and everything. The most popular one I ever saw, I see it everywhere, it said, take me to your dealer. And it was like, the aliens get here. And when they find out about weed, son, it's on.

And the rebel flag thing's dumber because it's like, you know, they might actually be into weed. There's no way they'd be into the Confederacy. Well, they probably are into slavery if you watch any of the movie. That's also probably why they came here. This side's already done half the work. We'll help them win the war, and then we make them slaves too, and then, you know, we're there. It kind of doesn't make sense, actually, if you think. Yeah, it sounds like you've been smoking that alien weed and making it work in your head.

But I was thinking about how, like, back before the Internet, back before the Internet, if you wanted memes, you had to go to the County Fair. That's what I was thinking about. That's all I wanted to get to. It's just memes, but they put them on posters and t-shirts. And big Johnson shirts, yeah. We're kind of all over the place, but that's actually another thing I want to talk about. I took the boys to the Los Angeles County Fair last week. Do you have been to the L.A. County Fair?

I have not, buddy. I feel like much like Church, when I left Morgan County, I think I swore that off. Yeah. Well, it was kind of wild to me how, like, it was in many ways. It's still just a county fair. It's just a county fair. It's just a county fair. Bigger, yeah.

Like, it's way bigger, obviously, and they have way more stuff. But, like, in terms of, like, tackiness, the types of things they have on offer and shit like that, it's like, and the types of things that's going on. The food, the rides, the games, you know, they had, they had livestock showings and shit. They had, you know, pigs and cows and all that stuff. They had big events every night, like, they'd have, I think they had, like, some nights would be tractor pull type stuff and that sort. of thing, but other nights would be concerts and it was like vanilla ice was one of the nights. Did POD play? I've been thinking about POD lately. No, I'm trying to think they did something the other day that was in the news. Izzly brothers were one of the nights. No sure. Okay, but at the

livestock showing, was there someone who threw red paint on anyone looking at the livestock showing? No, no, no, because this was like, you know, this was like the county fair demographic largely, which I'll point out in Los Angeles County, lot of Latinos, which, like, you know, checks out. There's overlap there. Of course. A fair amount of it.

But they love hilarious t-shirts. We had a lot of Latinos at our county fair, but they worked there. Yeah. Right. What about the baked goods situation or contest situation? I would like to know about that. Ooh, like the content. I didn't notice that, but that's not to say that it didn't, it didn't happen.

There was, there were plenty of, like, exhibition halls and stuff that we didn't make it into. so it could have been there. I thought you meant like the stuff you could buy to eat. I also want to know about that. It's not baked. It's fried, but it's all the same shit that you hear about it. Deep fried. Yeah, chicken on a stick.

You know, funnel cake, obviously. A lot of in L.A. County Fair, a lot of churros, right? Shitload of churros, all that stuff. Got them churos in San Antonio. What other... What other... What other kind of chiro flavors?

The only chiro flavor I know of is the cinnamon one. What other chiro flavor? had Oreo churros, which was like, and they were stuffed. They were stuffed with the Oreo filling. Benton got one of those pretty fire. They had strawberry churros. They had like chocolate churros. They had, I had an orange marmalade one once.

That was pretty flames. It was like seven or eight different chiro flavors. All right. I got another question. Were there carnies? I mean, was there a guy who was clearly hooked on many thins and bad teeth yelling at you to come play a game and stuff? Yeah, but they were, I mean, you kind of said this.

They also, they were mostly Latinos. That was my first closer was about how we've even lost our carnies, have lost their jobs to the Mexicans. You're right. You did use talk about that because, yeah, because when I was a kid at Clay County or Putnam County Fires or the ones I would go to, it was just, you know, white trash meth head carnies was my introduction to carnied them. And there wasn't none of them.

And these, I got to say, these carnies were much better put together. They had all their teeth and stuff. But the Mexicans took their jobs, and they did it with quality, working for the same rate. But they're doing all the same things. They're barking at you,

trying to get you to come over and stuff like that, and they're like, they can all do the rigged games. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You're like, no, it's easy. Check it out. You know,

and then they just like, fucking barely toss a ball straight into the basket and nobody else can do it to save their lives like that type of shit. But most of the games were the same. There's one now. I don't know if y'all seen it where it's like, and I didn't do this because we let the boys pick the games, obviously,

but there's a, there's like a fishing pole, fishing line. At the bottom of the fishing line is a red ring about that big. And beneath you on the ground is a beer bottle laid over on its side. And you have to take the hook on the end of the fishing line, put it around the neck of the beer bottle, and stand it up and make it stay. up. And again, the Carney running at booth was just, I sat there and watched him to do it six or seven times. And it like worked on me. I was telling Katie, I was like, I was like, I think I can do that. I was like, because he's making it look easy. But again, the boys didn't want to do that one. So we didn't. But I watched some other people do it. And no other regular person was able to get it to stand up. I bet I'd hit it that. I knew he was going to say that. I knew he was going to say that. I knew what you meant. And I'm not necessarily saying. I knew what you meant. And I'm not necessarily saying.

and you're wrong. But you got to be charming. You've got to be able to manipulate people and you've got to do drugs and you got to hit. Yeah, I mean, you probably would be. My last question, and then we can move on, was my cousin Hannah there? Because she ran off with a carny in about 2003.

And now, well, the funniest thing was she got kicked off. Like she ran off with the traveling fair. And then it was like back a month later and was like, they fired me. Also, bro, going as to the. adult. And I knew this as a kid, too, to a certain extent. You remember as a kid, you can get like a wristband or whatever, ride all the rides, all that shit.

But like, obviously, this ain't news. This ain't a headline. Everybody knows this. But, like, the sheer degree to which they, like, drain your wallet at the county fair, like, the way everything is set up to, like, it's just all so absurd. Token this, token that. Yeah, everything. It's wild. They've really, really got that whole thing figured out.

but we're actually, I think we're going to go if Katie will allow it because we're, you know, we're busy fucking with that house. She told me, you know, she said before we came, she's like, you know, I'm going to be at that house all day, every day. And I'm like, Katie, it ain't really fair to the boys to just go,

like, you know, they need to have some fun while we're here. It's like they just got out of school. They love coming back here and everything. We need to do some fun shit. So I rented a pontoon boat one of the days this weekend. But also we're thinking about going to the, Cookville Fair because it's happening this week. And I think it'd be interesting to see the boys

you know, comparing contrast the experiences back to back like that. I keep forgetting about that. And I know you talk about it all the time. And it should be obvious to me, but it's still not. But like, you're, and this, I'm not, this is not meant with any offense. It's just true.

Your kids are more California than they are Southern. You know what I mean? Like it, I mean, obviously they're raised by you and Katie and both of you all are fucking, you know, toothless morons. like so that they're getting it from there but like my man's got an extra tooth and you went with the one thing that don't apply to him that's true that's um well his teeth don't hit the ones that he does have don't hit so mine don't either i don't have hitting your teeth don't hit our teeth don't have good teeth we have bad teeth we point out all the time when people say that we think it we're like i don't know if that was the first thing we ever saw was sarah smarsh but my favorite thing that she did was writing about teeth and how it ruins people's lives to have bad teeth Yeah, but yeah, I didn't even, I don't really think about that. Like, obviously, I know they go home like once a year for Christmas and stuff, but like, you know, they're kind of isolated with the family. So it's just, so like I would like to hear them report back from like the county fair now that they're of like reporting back age.

Like they're both fucking regular people now. It's crazy. Take them to the Cookville Fair tray and let the horse judges look at their teeth. Have I talked before on here about... That's California. Once again, all over the place. I know I've told you all, I've probably mentioned it on here, but when I was in high school,

I was one of the single worst horse judges in the state of Pennsylvania. Yeah, but I don't know if you've talked about it on here. I don't remember this. Sorry, hold on. I'll mute. Hey, Mick. I took ag class every year in high school. You know, that's like in Solana, it was still very much like, we still had Homeack, right?

it's like every boy took ag, every girl took home at, right? But I fucking loved ag class. It was just shit. We had a great ag teacher and everything. But like, I took home act, so.

Really? Yeah. Everybody did though. That wasn't a separate. Yeah. That was like a, yeah. And no,

I mean, I did fucking like it. Um, our home act teacher made hands down the worst fucking biscuits of anybody ever. And doing that in, no, it ain't right.

And like, because she was making them in the town of Chickamauga, Georgia, every single one of her students let her know. I don't know how she fucking survived, man, because every year she never got better at it. And everybody was that, Ms. Bailey, there's some fucking Yankee biscuits. They suck dick, you know. But anyways, yeah, I took homeick. Yeah, that don't hit the biscuits part.

I just realized because Bishop started middle school next year, they have homeck in Southern California still, but they don't call it homeck. Well, I guess they've isolated it down just to food. But, like, there are culinary classes starting in sixth grade. That rules. That's awesome. I think it's pretty cool, too. Do they make them carry a baby around on their hip and teach them how to balance a checkbook?

I think they've cut all that parts because they literally just call it culinary class. I think it's just a food. Goddamn, Cami, California, you can't even learn about the consequences is having sex. They just showed them a few video about the fourth and fifth graders, Benton and Bishop. The parents had to give permission for them to watch it, which like, that's like do we really need any more than like

that system? You know what I mean? All this like school debate shit wherever it's like you can't force the shit on my kids and it's like well it's just like do you know do that. The problem is though when they start with like history. You can't force my kids to learn that we did slavery.

It's like well I guess we can't but shouldn't we? And also it's different. It's different. I understand we have to to let parents say no to the puberty thing too. But at some point, these children need to learn how sex works from somewhere. Like the parents need to sign something to say, I taught them. Yeah, and the people that are like, this should be left up to the parents,

I promise you those are the type of people that ain't doing it right. You know what I mean? They're not saying the right things. Not doing any of it. Yeah, dude, like I remember, you know, back in middle school or whatever. Yeah, starting in middle school, I guess, when they, ours was called the, why no program, why no. Like abstinence.

Why no? Like why you should say no. And I'll never forget. Was it a play on winos? No. It's funny. I get to that, but I thought it was. That's what I think of when I hear it now. And our PE teacher who was a whino, his name was Coach Gwynn, he is long since dead.

I'm certain he played football. This motherfucker, played football at Purdue. which is true. He played football at Purdue. Claims to have, though, claims to have, though, in the first quarter of a game, broken his back in half and completed the game. This is what he says. Yeah, he's full of shit. But anyways, they come in and they're setting up this class,

and they're like, this is called why no? And they explain what why no means. And fucking coach Gwen, who was the biggest fucking purve, he should have gone to jail. He stood up and goes, why no? I say, why not? like in front of all these metals and it fucking crushed. We were like, yeah.

And then the girls were like, he's in our locker room all the time. We're like, you know. That is fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I remember when all that was going on, like,

like it's looking back on it now, it's like so true that like, we should have, instead of being told that, we should have just been like, guys, by the way, here's condoms. And these are what,

because we know what you are going to do. But we didn't get any of it. that you know we just got don't do it what about you because i've heard that all this debate for years about abstinence only education that ain't good and all that but like did y'all have abstinence abstinence only education school we didn't we just had like regular it was in health class but it was like we had a fuck ton of abstinence like propaganda the prom promise all that stuff but we also I remember in health class, literally one day, one class. I think they separated the boys and girls.

We watched a video and then somebody, I think, did a demonstration on how to put a condom on. And that's all we got. I think the girls got a lot more about pregnancy and how bad it is, like a lot of scare tactics. I watched a live birth video. No, but I think the girls did. I think they're like, these boys don't need to say this now. That thing was infamous at Salina, dude. Yeah, not us.

That fucking video, the boys, we all, everybody watched it and, you know, it was like fucking traumatizing, which was, that's the idea. Yeah, right. No. And I'm for that for the record. Me too. Yeah. But we didn't get any of that because their notion was like, well, if you just don't have sex, it'll never come to that. Yeah, no, I've heard of that.

I've heard of that. And a place. It's so stupid. Weren't you guys the rebels once upon a time? My school? Yeah. No, we were the Trojans always. There has been like schools around us that were the rebels.

There was something about your, anyway. Oh, yeah, you guys, Martin Luther King Day was a snow day. Before that it was called Robert E. Yeah, I'm not surprised that abstinence was the main form of trying to teach these kids. That's not surprising. No, we were named after the Roman oppressors, God damn it. Can I do a shout out to Kaelin Palufo, one of my dear friends from New York, look her up, great comic.

been on TV a bunch of times. You can find her Conan sets and stuff like that. She has this bit that I always think about when this comes up. And I'm going to butcher the whole thing. But the line that's so funny is she's talking about sex ed being totally incomplete and not preparing you. She's like, sure, they taught me how to put a condom on a banana. But no one taught me how to talk the fucking banana into wearing a goddamn condom. Right.

Yeah. Well, and dude, like, again, it's such common sense. It's like if you tell fucking kids, hey, don't do a thing a lot of times. That's the only thing that they're going to do. But I know that if someone had told me, hey, listen, we know you're going to do this, but it'll hurt your dick if you do it with too many people a bunch of times. So just wear this and you can do whatever you want. I would have like related to that.

I've been like, oh, yeah, word, I'll do that. I've tried really hard with my nephews when booze and drugs comes up. And it'd be coming up with them too a lot to just like be as honest. as I deem possible, which, you know, it can be a little difficult because I'm a little wild. But just be like, like I told one of them once, I was like, look, dude, to be completely honest with you, I know you're going to do it. I hope you don't do it much. I said, he's like really into science and facts. I'm like, just factually, your brain ain't ready for what drugs and alcohol do.

In a way we're like, it's fun, but like your brain will like it too much. much more than it'll like it later. That's how people become addicted. And luckily what I kind of used on them, and it's like this weird, sad aspect of where we're from, it's just like, hey,

you know that guy who's 20 and he's kind of a loser now? Big part of the reason why is he's doing too many drinking, too many drugs and too much drinking when he was 16, and it fucked his brain up. And that they can see, like visually. And like, whereas this guy who you see posting pictures and he's at college and all that,

it's like, he didn't do it as much. much. I don't know if it works. No, but I mean, that's a better approach than just don't do it. You won't have to worry about any of this. Just to close the loop from earlier, there's not much more to say about it other than. So like I said, I was in ag and our ag teacher was really like he had us all signed up in FFA and shit like that, right?

And it was, I forget FFA and 4H. I feel like I don't, there was overlap between. A lot of overlap. Both or what? But is it FFA or 4H or both? I think 4H is a national organization and an FFA is, loosely, it's like local organizations to have a loose affiliation. Yeah, future farmers of America.

So it was, uh, they would have events, right? And you could, most of us were like, we want to be on the FFA team because you got out of school to go to these events, right? Like it was during the school day. So it's like a field trip, but you got to go and do all kinds of shit. Soil judging pig, judging cow judging, horse judging, land measuring, like a bunch of stuff. And I just sort of got assigned horse judging. And my teacher, like, you know, taught me how to do it ostensibly.

And, you know, I was like the smart kid and everything. It's like you'd think it'd be all right. And I go down there and, like, I felt like I was looking at the right stuff. You know what I mean? Sure is a horse. Muscles. Yeah, right. I was kind of said about, yep, that's a horse.

But, like, you know, you had to, like, give your rationale for why. you scored these horses the way that you did in terms of like their musculature and their teeth and all that type of stuff. And I wrote it all out. And then you had to present it. You had to go in the room with the judging of the judges who judged the judges, you know what I mean. Yeah. Going there in front of this panel of people and present your like horse scores, right, with your rationale. And they didn't, it wasn't like American Idol. They didn't give you no feedback in there and whatever. Like, great, thank you, whatever. And then like the scores come out later and it was like 150 students in the competition.

I got like 147th or something. Just didn't know shit about any of them horses. But I realized like in retrospect, dude, I guarantee you pretty much every single one of those other kids I was going against. Like grew up with horses fucking, you know what I mean? Like they knew horses. I just got like, all right, who's going to do the horses? Trey?

You know, whatever. And, uh, yeah, it's 146 people knew everything about horses. not that you're just a fucking idiot when it comes to horses. I agree. I mean, don't you think it's pretty likely. It's two things can be true. Two things can be true is all I'm saying.

I don't think you hit when it comes to horses. Well, of course I don't, but that's the reason why. Yeah, you're right. It's because I didn't fuck with horses. All these other kids fucked with horses, which is probably hit at horses.

Yeah, I don't think 147 of them fucked with horses. I think there's plenty of them that didn't fuck with horses that you were way dumber than. You know what I mean? I think there's... This is great. Yeah, about horses.

This is so good. I think we need to holler at whoever that horse judge judgeer was and get us to do a horse judging competition to see if you still don't hit. Or if I'm better at you than horses. I know Drew's better at you at horses. He has said better at you than horses twice. Yeah. Well, you know, horses are pretty good at me. But I want to, I want to say that...

I applied the way back bus ride home from that event. I don't even know why it was girls there. I don't know what events they were doing, but that was the... On the same bus? Yeah. First, first fingering experience. Nice. Nice.

Did she give you a 47 out of 50? I wanted to ask, related to that, why didn't you, be in you, like, get a book on it or ask for help before you went? I was super arrogant back then about anything like that. I know, but I thought that would be related to like, I'm going to learn how to do this. You know what I mean? I didn't used to have to learn.

Of course, hubris. I mean? I mean, I just, of course I learned, but I'm saying like, up until that point in my life, I never. The single dumbest thing about Trey, I've gathered as a teen, was that he didn't know his own limits. Yeah. That's what I've gathered. Intellectually, no, I did. Yeah, he was like, I'm the smartest kid in Salina, so I'll probably be on NASA soon.

And it's like, yeah. Literally, unironically, that's exactly what I thought. Do you remember that to ask us specifically? Totally ironically, the dumbest thought in the world. Do you, do you? I mean, I don't know why he wouldn't have thought that, considering how dumb I know everybody else was. I was the fucking valedictorian too.

And the smartest thought I ever had was, yeah, but this is some right. This ain't it, dog. Buddy, I made straight 70s and I thought that, so I can't call trade dumb for it. Like, I was dumb. Here, I do think one difference is. I went to those math competitions where the 12-year-old children of PhDs in Okridge humbled me. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I never, we didn't do any like academic bowls or nothing like that.

Trey was zero and zero and was like, yeah, I'm the champ. Hey, let me ask you this. Well, I'm not like recruited by Ivy League schools and shit. I thought I was, you know. Not equestrian university. I promise you that. Did you remember what it is about horses you didn't know? All of it.

Like, what were some of the questions? It's not questions. There are no questions. They just present a horse, and they're like, does this horse hit? If so, why? Right. If not, why not?

Friends in there like, yeah, man, look at Dick. That's a sexy fucking horse. I don't know if you'd think the dick. Maybe it was all dickless horses. I can't remember. Gelding's nose are called. Jesus, he is fucking stupid. Jesus, Chris.

I'm not like, I mean, yeah, that's what I might. But you know the crust on the horse of dick I'm talking about, right? The dick definitely wasn't. I, for sure thought Pony was a lady horse till like pretty recently. I definitely thought it was a baby horse, yeah. I thought I was probably 30 before I found out a pony was not just a. Oh, that's what I meant. Well, that's what I meant, baby.

You told me. No, that's, yeah, that's right. It was the same time. No, I thought baby too. not lady ladies a mayor right yeah it was when we met kiwi that we found all this out because we started looking at what different types of horses there were that's so funny that in court literally didn't even know what a pony was and i was representing clay family in the horse judging competition right imagine tray out there judging fucking the little one keyway it's like

and this horse is tiny seems to be small i've known Noted. But like, it's like, I remember it's about their, like their leg muscles, their hooves. Like I said, their teeth, you know, that type of shit. Is it possible that the freakishly large size of your hands is why this fucked you up? You're like, that horse is four hands. And they're like, this idiot thinks that horse is four hands. That's way off.

Yeah, that's funny. I don't know, dude. I don't remember. I just know it was bad. But, you know, like I said, bus trip was fun. so it was fine. I heard that. I almost didn't get to go to Washington, D.C.,

because I got in bad trouble at school. The worst trouble I ever got in my whole career. I broke urinals and shit. And got to finger a girl on that trip on a bus, so I was like real relieved. But I think that was my second time. Sorry, go ahead. The first time you get in trouble for something

and the first time you finger a girl often overlap. Yeah, it's all them hormones, because I was fucking raging. I'm a break urinals and fuck bitches. Yeah. And the girl's like, oh, he's a bad boy. He broke a urinal. Come here. So I've openly talked before about, like, how, you know, in terms of man stuff.

I mean, I had a bit about it on the special. My special is out on YouTube right now, by the way. You can find it if you want to. Damn boy, look it up on my channel. There's a bit in there about this, about how, like, I'm not a man. I don't know how to fix shit, that type of thing. Can't judge horses. My father can't judge horses.

Can't do none of that shit. But my father-in-law, you know, total man, huge man, right? And so him and my mother-in-law, they're up here in Clay County right now, staying with us and helping us work on this house. And I knew it was going to be like this, but it's just really, it's not like it's not like it was a surprise or a secret. He knew that I wasn't a man, right? He knows I'm a pussy and all that stuff.

But like, it's just really highlighting it for me all over again, which I knew, you know what I mean? It's like, I'm in there getting assigned the same task as my 10 and 11-year-old sons are. You know what I mean? Like, go on there and scrape that wallpuff. off the wall, leave me the fuck alone, basically. But it's just, it's just a bummer. It's like, I don't know.

Is it cut, like, you got to be taught this shit at some point. Is it just, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, my dad's not a man, so that helped me. You know, I mean, he is, but he's, he's a man. He likes man stuff, but my dad, like, he, when I was a kid, he didn't teach me no man shit, because he was working. And my dad, like, my dad definitely knew car stuff. My dad could work on cars for sure.

And I feel like my dad at least had some aptitude around the house and stuff like that. My dad built furniture. He knows how to do it. He just didn't tell me. He just didn't hit you. I mean, my dad, my dad taught my older brother. And I have two theories as to why he barely. Maybe that's what it was.

I mean, dude, you're not wrong. I mean, toxic masculinity is a big, but anyway, he'd be kind of, like, I think he thought he was teaching me by having me hold the wrench and go get shit for him and Dustin. But I have three theories as to why he didn't really teach me much, and they're all overlapping. One, I had real bad allergies, and I was a mama's boy. So, like, if they was, like, going outside in spring, my mom would be like, he's not going with you, Doug.

And so, like, some part of my dad was like, well, I guess I'll write him off. He's his mama's boy, you know? Might as well have to write him off. Right. Two, related to that, I was good at the stuff my brother wasn't, like, school. And I think my dad was literally just like. Like, he don't need to know this shit. This shit sucks.

I've always thought if my grandpa, especially, my grandpa was like a man's man all the way, he could do all that shit. And I'm very convinced. I mean, I pretty much know that that was, because he was always like, you know, you're going to school, you're going to go to college. You're going to be the first one to go to college. You're going to be a doctor or lawyer or something like that. And I think his attitude was always like, you just said he was like, he don't,

he don't need to know all this bullshit. It was almost like, don't get him interested in it. Yeah. Like don't get him excited about. towards. Right. Yeah. And so I think that's what it was for me, too.

But still, now that I'm an adult, I'm like, I sure do wish I knew some of that shit. Right. Me too. But luckily, like, at least for me and Amber's whole relationship, because her dad's a fucking man as well. And like, she, she's all, like, dude, it used to, like, luckily, though, our entire relationship, we've been doing pretty well financially that anytime there's a thing that

needs a man to do, I can call a man. You know what I mean? And now, often. times her dad will do the things, but if I wanted to keep it from him, I'm like, I can afford to fucking call a man and have him do the man stuff. And that's my thing is like, I've, like now that I'm an adult and I don't have any of these skills, I'm like, well, as long as I continue to be successful in all my avenues of what I do, I won't ever have to know it because I'll just fucking pay for it.

But yeah, dude, I mean, I wish that I knew some shit, but my dad was very against me knowing anything. Well, my third theory is that I was good at sports and that was what my dad did. with me. He coached me and was always there. And I appreciate that. It's great memories. I feel like my dad maybe was like, and that's what you get. You get one thing for me. Each son gets one

thing and yours is sports, you know. I want to shout out our boy, Noah Fielding. He has a great joke that's on Don't Tell. I keep shouting out comedians jokes right now. I don't know why I'm in this mode about what you just were talking about phoning a man. He was talking about how he just calls his dad.

It's like every time, like my car breaks down, just call dad. I get dad on the phone. Dad's like, what's going on? I don't know, dad. It's making a noise. He's like, all right, hold on. Let me call Grandpa.

And then eventually what we do is we call AAA. And if you don't know what that is, that's a company where if you pay them a certain amount of money per year, they'll just send the dad. Right. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in AAA.

Triple A hits. Cho, Joe. Yeah, I had a. Yeah, go ahead. I was talking about my father-in-law. And I do think that there's always been this thing between this. He definitely loves and respects me because at the end of the day, he wants his little girl taking care of and I financially take care of her and all that stuff.

And he also, I think, he really, really gets off on being the dude that can fix things for everybody. Like, when we go on vacation, we always have, like, running bets in our family of, like, how long before we, how long after we set our bags down is Danny reaching for his toolbox and fixing something in this fucking condo that don't even belong to him? Yeah, that's that's that shit. Yeah, and sometimes it's before we even set our fucking backstand. He just loves that shit. Like, we'll go, we'll be somewhere and he'll be like, I don't like the way this toilet seat is. And he'll just take the toilet seat off, fucking fix it.

You know, all that shit. So I think he likes it. But because of that, I am always like anytime, like Amber really underestimates the, or maybe overestimates how little of a man I am. Because it's like, yeah, dude, I'm not sitting here using a sawzaw. I'm not going to build a new back deck. But like, sometimes I'll come to the house and Danny will be there and he'll be leaving. I'm like, where are you doing? He's like, well, Amber needed a picture

hung up. And I'm like, God damn it. I was like, I can do that shit. And but she doesn't, she's like, no, you can't do anything. And so she calls him and I'm having to sit there while he's on his way out and going, Danny, by the way, you know I can do that, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, fine, whatever. So I'm always trying to, anytime there's any of these situations, I catch it before. I'm like, Amber, don't fucking tell your dad, you know, I can do this, blah, blah,

well, well, the thing came up. And Amber doesn't realize, she doesn't, she doesn't understand that tension that I feel. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't cross her mind that like these things are emasculating. She's like, oh, we don't matter. Nobody cares. So this is what happened recently. I have an old house. I love my old house. I would never want to live in a new house. I love old houses. But because of that, there is a downside where is like old houses are susceptible to infestations because over time they get holes in them, right?

So we got a couple of holes. We got to patch up in our house because right now, dude, we have just a whole gang of mice that just be here. That, that, just be here. That family, fucking cousins, fucking, like so many of them. And it's infuriating because me and Amber

are very clean people. We've called a... That's what I fucking keep saying. We're borrowing my sisters next weekend. Just like on a four-day stint, I'm going to keep the cat. Just see if we can't get rid of some of them. Greatest weekend of that cat's fucking life.

Oh, he's going to love it. He's going to love this. Dude, Murder Fest, 20-203 baby. Yeah. At a mansion compared,

I'm sure. Yeah. Well, dude. So at night, you know, I'll be getting up for like multiple snacks in the middle of the night. And when I get up like, you know. That's funny. Do you mean you get up and you eat two snacks or that you get up and you eat a snack and then a few hours later you get up and you do that again? It's both.

I definitely eat multiple snacks every time I get up, but I also get up multiple times throughout the night. It's bad. It's real bad. If I could just not do that, I'd weigh 160 and have abs. If I could just cut out a snack. Oh, well, the first one. I'll all here's what it kind of goes uh it grows try tip sandwich the no the first one I'm always like I'm just gonna get me a little just a little something I swear I ain't gonna go back I'll

just grab like a piece of cheese and a pickle and I will like take about a pickle take about a cheese take about a pickle take a bite of cheese and I'm like oh I'm good and then if I wake up at like two to pee or something I dude I'll go in there and make a fucking pinini like I'll really oh yeah oh yeah like I held it pinini press at two and morning. Yeah. Nailed it. I've made Alfredo, like Fetitini Alfredo at two in the, yeah, like a single serving just

enough pasta for me. Like, I don't know, man, like I get up. I'll throw my headphones in and fucking next thing I know, I've listened to a podcast at 2.30 in the morning. I'm just in there fucking ratatooie in my shit. So anyways, when I get up, like the rats, you know, they're smart. Like, they only come out when you ain't in there. Like, they'd be knowing.

You don't, you don't hardly ever see rats and me. Rats are mice. Huge difference. I need to know. I mean, I think they're mouse because they're cute. You know, they're definitely mice. Yeah, they're mice. Yeah, they're not the New York shits.

You know what I mean? These are like cute mice. So anyways, like I heard the other day them scattering when I came in there. And it's either, it is, we either have a family of mice or two grown raccoons. That's the only two possibilities of things. So that we either have two raccoons or it's a bunch of mice because that's how much sound they were making. So anyways, we've been setting out these traps. Amber's been sitting out these traps.

She's worried that they're not working. And long ago in our marriage, I told her, and I'm about to get called a pussy, not only by y'all, but by our listeners, I don't care. That's fine. I have a moral aversion to the glue traps that they said for, because they don't kill birds. It's torture. It's torture. That's a torture of birds and shit.

Okay, I didn't ever know that. But yeah. But anyways, like, because I remember one time Amber had sat one. down while we were gone and she put a glue track down. And I came home to a mice, mouse that had ripped its own leg out trying to get out of the thing. And I was, and I told her, I said, babe, I'm not sitting here saying that I want a family of, I can't say mice, a family of mice to be living here, but we've got to do it another way than this. Like, I can't, I don't mind if they die, but this is inhumane. I can't stand it.

She knows I stand firm on that. She knows I stand firm on that. I come home the other day, and she had a grocery bag on the counter. And I go over there, and I'm getting shit out. And I noticed five of them fucking glue traps. And I came in, and I was like, old me before therapy, I'd have just come unhinged. Bitch, I don't ask you for shit, you know, one thing. But I didn't. I was just like, she might have forgot.

She might have forgot. I said, hey, babe, look, I know we've got a problem with these mice, but like, you know how I feel about these, right? And she goes, yes, I know how you feel about them. them, but I am at my wits end. None of the other traps are working. I've got to use those. And I was like, okay. I said, you know what?

That's fine. I said, that's totally fine. I said, but I'm out. I said, you have to deal with the mice after this. Like, I'm not, I cannot see them in the glue trap and then go do anything about it because it breaks my heart. I said, so are you cool with that? Because if you're cool with that, then you can use these, but I'm out.

Oh, I know where this is going. I'll take. And she goes, no, that's totally. She goes, that's understandable, babe. I know that you don't like them. All right. So I go play golf or walk in the park the day of the day or whatever. And I get home and I'm sitting there for a while.

And next thing I know, Amber's just like, oh, hey, dad will be coming over here in a minute. And I was like, okay, word, whatever, da, da, da, da. And I'm sitting, I go, hey, what's your dad? What's your dad coming over here for? And she goes, oh, one of the mouse, it's in the glue trap. And so he's going to come take care of it for us. And I was like, fucking what? and she goes, yeah, and I go, Amber, Amber, we had an agreement.

I said, I told you that you were taking care of those. She goes, yeah, and I'm having my dad come get it. Delegated. And I go, I go, okay, Amber, but do you understand how now this just makes me look like a pussy? And she's like, what are you talking about? And I was like, from your dad's perspective, it's just you calling him when I'm sitting here at home and he's having to come take care of the rat. And she's like, well, you said you wouldn't deal with it. And I said, well, I fucking would have before this happened.

Right. And it's like, even if I explained the entire circumstance of my father-in-law, it actually makes me look like more of a pussy. Because I wouldn't just go, hey, hey, by the way, you know, I'd do this. I go, oh, Danny, I'm so sorry. It's just that I actually have a moral aversion to those type of traps. You know what I'm saying? Like, and so I'm in a fucking lose-loose situation. What'd you do? I didn't, I did nothing. I did nothing. I just let him come get it. Because she'd already told him, and he was already on the way. There was nothing for me to do. No, I didn't.

Talk to him? No, no, no. I stayed up right up here in my office. I hid from him. Yeah, I hid from him. I didn't leave the house, but I fucking hid from him. Because now it's just like, God damn, he can't. Rats already trapped.

He can't even do shit about it. So she not only called him over. She told him you won't do it. And why? No, she didn't, no, she didn't say any of that stuff. She just said. Oh. So, no, so if I'd have been gone, if my car

not have been here, he probably would have just thought, oh, Corey, but he knew I was fucking here. But that's why I would have left. That's why I would have left. Yeah, that's a good call. Well, I would have done that or I think I would have killed the mouse. I almost killed her. Now, I don't like those traps either, but once a mouse is trapped in one, I have to get rid. Like, like I have to do it then. Like, I can't leave it there. I got to fucking stomp it or whatever. I mean, and I did the last time that that happened and it just broke my fucking heart. And I said, and I said never again. And I was like, just don't use these fucking traps.

Just don't. I was like, I don't give a fuck. Just don't use these fucking traps. So like it was, the reason it was pissing me off is, you know, as men, we, and I'm certain that we ask our wives more than the one thing we say that we ask them. But like, I don't think I ask for a lot. Don't use these fucking traps. Like, don't use these fucking traps. She did.

And not only did she betray me on that, she then called her father. to come pick up the fucking rant. The second part's how she not know? She don't know. And God love her, and that's why I'm not madder because she don't know.

But I don't know how she don't know. Yeah. Oh, yeah, she's listening to this right now, yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. I meant like. Blue traps are they like, because I've never used them

because I think they're fucked up too, but I just, y'all tried the other types of traps and nothing worked. You tried poison and that type of shit. Why do you have been in the first place? Because we just weren't getting the good results with the other ones. Yeah, like we'd gotten one, but Anne frankly, she, you know, the glue traps are catching them.

You know. Well, yeah, they can't get away from them. Also, I want to point out you're in an attic and you said, Anne frankly. Andy, Andy, come here real quick. I'm going to make Andy. John O'all my mom used to look just like Anne Frank when she was a kid. Oh, I could see that. Nope.

Yeah, we call her Anne Frank. When we were kids, we called my mom, Anne Frank. I don't know why I responded in my brain sexually to that. And I apologize to you, your mother and Anne Frank. Andy, real quick, come and tell. Andy has a, we were on the road and Andy has a, not a mouse, but a glue trap story. Hi. Hi, Andy.

You're not going to be able to hear them. Oh, right. Go ahead. So, hey, hey, guys. Yeah. So when I was in New York and Drew was on the road with y'all, I went outside. I was really sad one day. And I was like walking outside to go get some fresh air.

And there was a giant sticky trap right in front of our door on the sidewalk. And there was a bird stuck to it. And the bird was like flapping trying to get off. And I just started sobbing. And I thought that it was going to have to die. I thought somebody was going to have to kill it. So I went back inside to get a trash bag. And I was going to go walk down to the construct where there was construction and get one of the construction workers to put it out of its

misery. Not a father-in-law, a different man. You weren't there. And then I walk, I walk back outside and I was like, what am I going to do? I can't do this. And some guy walked by and he looks at me crying. And then he like took a minute to process and then he turned back around and he was like, what's going on? And I'm like, this bird is dying. Somebody has to kill it. You're going to have to kill it. And he was like, I don't think we have to kill it. And I was like, I think you have to kill it. It's stuck forever. And then he like bent down and he picked every little toe off the sticky trap. And it flew away.

And I was like sobbing. I was a mess. I hugged him. I was like, oh, thank you so much. It was pretty traumatic. In a different universe, she ran away with that man. I'm not trying to be funny. He's listening for me.

I'm not trying to be funny at all. This is genuinely what I thought. Whenever you open with like while I was in New York, I 100% thought that was going to end with. And I walked out and a homeless. man was eating the bird. That's what I thought was, that's what I thought you were going to say. And I was like, oh, shit. It could have gone anyway in New York.

That was the same year. I think, like, uh, I think that was like a month afterwards that I found seven dead blackbirds drowned in a, uh, a bucket in our backyard. What? Drew never told us about this? No, that was the day I was like, we're moving. Holy shit. That's how I got her to leave. New York. It wasn't the fact that she

was borderline suicidal and we were very close to splitting up. It was seven dead birds as a sign. While we were on tour together, there was a bucket of dead ravens in your fucking... Oh, I think I told you all. I'm pretty sure I'm it was seven of them.

Oh my God. Yeah. That's a lot of dead ravens. It was awful. What? Did they get in the bucket and that's how they died? It was, so it was this bucket I was using for like compost and soil for my garden. And I guess like it had rained and because of all the stuff that had been in the bucket,

like the water was really oily or something. So I guess all the birds like they thought it was a bird bath. And they just got in there and then they couldn't get back out and they all drown. I've always heard that ravens and crows are smart, but that don't seem smart. You know, at least by the fifth one, they'd be like, I think something don't hit about that bird. They were trying to rescue each other maybe. Or do you remember that?

I guess one's three to eight since Larry's dead. You remember that musical theater roommate we had? Yeah. I think she killed them. Oh, yeah. I mean, it checks out. She came back and did it. She was so weird.

It'd been funny if like, and I know she would never have done this because she was going to go get a construction worker or ever to do it. But like, it would have been funny, very macabre if she was like, well, this poor thing, it's got to be put out of its misery. so she gets like a shovel or something and like right when she hits it the same dude who was walking by I was like what do you do it? You know you didn't have to kill it

right? He's like, oh, you can just pull their feet off. They'll fly away. They're fine. Like it happens all the time. Or like if when that dude had saved the burden it took off some, a bus hit it like in the street. You know, it starts to flap and it gets in the street and just bhawn. And just feathers fly everywhere.

I genuinely don't think. I'd hate it. I generally don't think either of those would have bothered Andy. I think it was like, oh, this thing is suffering and I can't watch it suffer, but I can't also bring myself to be the one to kill it. Did you see that video that one time of like, some lady had like, I want to say it was like a baby flying squirrel or something, and she was sitting there pet in it and showing her kids how cute it was.

And she was like going to show him how it flew and she threw it up in the air. And as soon as she did, buddy, a fucking hawk said, wow. I know I've told this story before. It's been a long time and I'll try to make it quick. My Katie's sister's husband, my brother-in-law, he was at home with their kid. They had three kids. And at this point, the oldest one is like five, maybe.

It's like five, three and one, something like that, like they're little. And he's at home with those three kids. And he's on the couch watching TV or whatever. And they're over by their back door, the back. It's a glass door in the kitchen. And they had, at the time, they had ducks in their backyard, like baby ducks, little ducklings, they just got them. And they're saying there like, Daddy, daddy, something's wrong with the duckies.

Something's wrong with the duckies. And, of course, he's sitting there on the couch like, there ain't, there's nothing wrong with the duckies. The duckies are fine. You're like, no, no, something's wrong with the duckies. He's like, God damn it, fuck you. You know, he gets up, and he walks in there, he walks over there and he looks out. And the ducks are just out there.

So he's sitting there with him. He's like, see, look, the duckies are totally fine. And right when he said that, this gigantic hawk swoop down and just murdered the shit. I don't know one of those just started tearing it apart from him and his kids all start screaming and crying. And that, dude, that kills me every time I think, better than that ducky. It kills me every time I picture that. I got one niece, one of my nieces, LJ would be tore up, but my neighbor's, uh, brother's kid, Sadie, dude, that would be the most metal shit she ever saw and she'd love it.

Like, she's that type, you know, like, I almost wish. Yeah, I almost wish that that would happen in front of her. She'd be like, I want to. you get, motherfucker? I want to ask, I'm against those fucking traps because it looks like torture. It is torture. I don't let them dying, but just I don't want them to hurt. So that's what I'm going to say is like, if I have been there,

it would have been nothing for me to stomp that bird out. Like, I don't have a problem killing animals, but it's like making them suffer for no fucking reason. It seems weird to me. For the record, I killed the last rat, but you didn't like it. No, I didn't like it. Well, my whole thing, I would have done it. It's just that it was me saying to Amber, I'm fine with you betraying me, but now you've got to be the one that does this.

You know, so maybe you can see. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I guess that. It had to have. He had to run this whole afternoon, sitting up there crying and everything, looking up bird videos and shit. Would have been funny. On this note, one other thing, this wasn't a personal experience.

It's just a meme. Or like something that went sort of viral that just always killed me. It was some little sort of hippie-ish type chick took a picture of herself. And she had found this turtle in the road. She's like, found this poor little guy trying to cross the road. So I decided to get him to safety. And the pictures of her throwing him off a pier. Like, go home, little buddy.

And the top comment was someone going, that's a tortoise. They can't swim. You threw it in the water. Dude, did you know that their shell is a living organism? Like skin, right? The whole thing is a living organ. Yeah, but I'm saying. You need organ?

Their shell, like, it's not like a, it's not quite like a motorcycle helmet to where like it, like if it gets a crack in it, it can more likely get infected and them die. So like, yeah, I did know. I knew that much. I've seen them, you know, been run over split open and shit. Yeah, I just assumed that it was very regenerative like lizards and shit. And like, I guess it can be, but like more than likely it'll just get infected and they'll die. and you're not supposed to paint them like NASCAR. Well, that clogs their pores.

Well, listen, I mean, the number three don't take up too much space. That's not many pores. 24, I get it. We won't do that one no more. But three, come on. Thinking about somebody doing a fucking burnout on a queer turtle head because it was Jeff Gordon. Is your father-in-law, man? Yeah.

I mean, he's an army guy who was a warden in prison. He's been in, I think, Annie, how many wars your dad been in? Two? I thought it was three. He's two and up. Oh, he's been in that one a couple times. The war on drugs. He was on the wrong side of that one as a warden.

I work. Yeah, he's also a drug task force agent. I worked out with him during the pandemic when we drove across country and was staying there. He had this like thing. It was one of those things. By the way, there's a whole ecosystem of like conservatively skewed companies just advertising on Fox News. And this was just workout straps. But the whole story behind it, he was telling me, it was like, you know, these guys in Afghanistan couldn't find a way to work out because they didn't have any weights in between murder and children.

So they invented this system. It's a system that's been around forever. So he's telling me all this and we're doing the workouts. I could not keep up with him. He has had, he's got one lung because of Agent Orange, and he's had two back surgeries. And I couldn't keep up. He was being able to do more pushes and pulls than me at that particular time. And I wasn't in bad shape.

60 something? No, he was like 71. Damn, bro. Yeah, Andy was like, we either think that Andy was like a 10 year later accident or a let's try to save this marriage situation. her parents were old when they had her so he's old dude oh dude oh to be fair to you he could he's older and i thought he could be now circling back into old man strength right which you oh he is yeah he definitely is so dude uh speaking of uh speaking of vietnam uh i was at my well he said agent orange uh speaking of vietnam i was at my high school alumni golf tournament last

week and ran into that's not what that. Sounds like you're going to be like and I hit one straight in the sand on 17 after being up or straight going in the final play. You know what I had. I saw somebody I didn't like. Having to see

all them motherfuckers is my personal Vietnam. Dude, I know. I called my personal 9-11 a couple months ago and somebody got mad at me and it was really funny to me. Sorry, go ahead. I've done that too and people have gotten mad. And I have noticed that there are certain things

where if I do it and people get mad, I do actually go, oh, this is a learning experience, Corey. They, I get it. You probably shouldn't say that anymore. You're growing. But whenever I'll say, I'll call anything my personal 911. I don't give a fuck what anybody says. I was there for 9-11.

I was there. Not there. Yeah, right. That's my, my generation was traumatized about it. We're allowed to joke about having our own 9-11s. We also had the fucking Patriot Act and goddamn shitty art for 20 years and Toby Keith. People complaining about us saying something is our. personal 9-11 is my personal 9-11.

Yeah. Anyway, very, very, very quick because speaking of 9-11, so the other day, at a golf tournament. Now, the other day we're at this school thing, and it's Bishop school thing. So Benton's with us. Benton's sitting there beside me and Katie. And he goes, what time is it? Actually, no, he didn't say.

I asked Katie. I said, hey, what time is it? And she looks at her watch and she goes, 9-11. And Benton, who's like sitting there on a table or something, she goes, it's nine 11, Bitton goes, playing crashes. And I started laughing, you know, and Katie's like smacker me. She's like, Bitton, you can't do that or whatever. You know, Trey, stop laughing, all that shit.

So that was hilarious. Anyway, go ahead. So, anyway. Corey, yeah. I was to say, what was? I met the golf tournament. And I'm sitting there. I am talking to some people in this.

And I won't say they're full names because I don't want to get anybody in trouble. But I'm talking to this guy who comes up to me. He's just, hey, man, are you, are you, Corey? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, hey, man. he's like, I'm actually. I'm actually a fan. He's like, I graduated a long time after you.

But he goes, really, the real fan, though, is my dad. And he's here. And the reason that he came to this tournament is because he saw you on the sign-up sheet. And he was like, I've got to meet that guy. Right. So I'm like, oh, absolutely. Well, it turns it. His dad's a lot older than him.

And his dad was he comes up gray hair, Vietnam hat. And he's a very, very, like, super sweet guy. But like, you know how those dudes from Noms seem real Nami. he was you know what I mean they still got that look in there like something's you know about to come out the corner so he was just like hey man he's like oh my god he's like I'm so glad to see you and I made him a fucking great guy and and he started going he goes man he goes god damn it brother he said I love you my son turned me on you he showed me when he's on the CNN you sticking it to that fucking bitch Marjorie Taylor green and he's going through this whole thing and me like as we are in the middle

of the Gordon Lee alumni tournament. Everybody there's a fucking Republican. So just as a joke, I was just like, I go, hey, you know, me and you might want to keep that kind of talk down or we're going to get shot by someone who's standing their ground. And he kind of looked at me and he goes, I was in fucking Vietnam. I'll call that bitch whatever the fuck I want to. And I was like, you're goddamn right.

I hate to do this. You froze up at the worst possible time. What did you guys say? I said, so anyways, he said. there talking about how Marjorie Taylor Green don't hit. And I said, hey, buddy. I said, just so you know, we might want to keep it down for that. And he looked at me and he goes, I was in fucking Vietnam.

I'll call that bitch, whatever the fuck I want to, like as loud as he could, like made a scene. And I was just like, you know what? You're goddamn right you can. I believe the kids call that 10 toes down. Yeah. That rules. Oh, God. It was great.

It was truly fucking great. And yeah, I did have a good round. It's pretty fun. The rest of the day was the opposite of Vietnam in 9-11. Yeah, we need more men like that to a spouse. You know what I mean? We need more. We need bullies on the left.

I tried doing a bit about this. I was writing it one night about a guy I know, and then that guy got drunk and smacked me that very same night. So kind of put me in my place. Well, what y'all boys got coming up here in the next couple of weeks that you need to promote? Are you doing a show in Salina? No, but I have. You would have if you hadn't.

No show channel. Not that I blame you. But anyway, you can go to traycrouter.com, see all my dates. And then also there's a link on there to the special, which is on my YouTube channel. Check that out too. You know, Patreon.com slash trade crow router if you want some bonus stuff. That's about it. Yeah.

I'll be in Denver at the end of this month and beginning of next. I think it's the last day at June, first day of July. Also, Fort Collins and Boulder. I'm going to hit them all. I'll be posting about that soon when I got all. the links. You can go to Gravy Baby Patreon and or listen to the Gravy Baby

podcast. If you listen to this week and or go to the Patreon, you can hear about how me and DJ shot a tater gun and then it broke. And speaking to not being a man, I tried to fix it and it blew up in my face, quite literally, and thinned out my already not doing well hair. The week that I booked something for the first time in literally years. So I'm going to be on TV this week, pushing my

hair forward, hoping for the best, but it's a very funny video. DJ tried to shoot me with the Tatergun too. Go see how close he came and if he hit me. My goodness, that is the best excuse I've ever heard for having an even more receding hairline. Yeah, you catch me at part-time funnyman.com for all the bonus stuff. And this weekend, I will be opening up for my friend Leslie Jones at the Carolina Theater in Durham there and also the Charleston Music Hall.

and then on June or wait what what month is it right now this may but just barely yes so that this weekend at the Durham in Durham at the Carolina Theater and Charleston Music Hall and then June 24th I'll be back with Leslie at the James K. Polk Theater in Nashville so y'all come see us I'm sure they're already probably sold out because it's Leslie Jones but I'll be there hits does hit Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you. God bless you.

Good night and skew. Hey, guys, it's your boy. Corey Ryan Forster. I'll be short and sweet. Part-time funnyman.com is where you can get bonus stuff from me. Got bonus podcast, bonus videos, essays, stories, all sorts of cool stuff. It is $5 a month, but if you can't afford that, it's free. Either tier, you get the same stuff.

Just if you have the money to pay for it, it'd be cool if you did that. But if you don't, it's fine. You can get it for free. You can also make a one-time donation to the show on PayPal using buttercream Corey at gmail.com. Love y'all. Part-time funnyman.com. Well, he's a part-time funny man to stand up when he can,

but he wants to stay out. at home and raise his kid so he sits behind his computer and he does this classy