wellRED podcast - #33 - Meemaw Said You Gotta Shoot The TV!

Episode Date: September 20, 2017

This week the boys discuss both of Trae's Papaws, Kiwis, what white people are like, weird-ass movies, and music that defined their early years.wellREDcomedy.com for tickets to shows and other cool stuff!https://www.patreon.com/wellREDpodcast to subscribe to our brand new exclusive content!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the skewniverse, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. And it's called Rocket.

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Also, a fun one I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton, Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the cue ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for just when I did something stupid?

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Go to RocketMoney. com slash well-read today. That's RocketMoney. money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the hey everybody it's the show uh well well you all been trying to catch up on game of throne so anyways i ain't a good move because i just saw the goddamn red wedding so anyways go to well-red comedy.com for tickets. W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com.

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Anyways, enjoy this episode. Well-redcom. Come see us on the road. George R. Martin is a fucking devil. Piece of shit. Love you. Bye. Well, well, well. What don't hit?

Well, probably are levels that I didn't check at all. We should check those. That's fine. Keep going. All right. Hey, Trey. We are rolling hot. Where are we?

What is that? A little beer? It's a iced coffee. Okay. No, it is. Is that the opposite of Kiwis with the skin on? Yeah, it is for me, yes. That video killed me.

I know. I mean, I knew it hit for y'all. It hit for Andy, too. Okay, well. Even though she hates me and you for eating Kiwis that way, it grosses her out to watch me eat them, so I do it in front of her as often. We can talk about that. For you know, I didn't see it.

I did a Facebook live video that was, I was feeling very inspired at the time. And so I just talked about fruit for about five minutes, mostly Kiwis. Mostly the fact that I, like Drew, eat Kiwis with the skin on. How weird is that, Corey? Okay. You know white people. I do. And Kiwis are.

He's like a white people whisperer for me and you in a lot of ways about certain things. And then, like, I'm in between the two of you. So sometimes he says a thing and you're like, what? And then I explain it to you. It's really funny. You said it because white people like mostly be whispering. It's usually just like, hey, that's a black person. For anyone listening who's a little confused about what we're talking about

because we are clearly very white, all three of us, there's like the idea of white people or whiteness. And you only achieved that recently. I've got that. Yeah, I've tried to make a bit out of this for so long, including on this tour and I'll probably, Oh, I was wanting to talk to you about... I'll go back to it again, I'm sure. I was going to talk...

But anyway, yes. I was going to tell you about where to put that. Okay. And I'll have to listen to that. But there's a part where you could just say, yeah, I've only been white for X number of years. Right, because you're playing what that means. It's like, yeah, I've only been white for, you know, like, at this point, you know, a little over a year or so. No, when you started working on the DOA?

Yeah, I've been white. I'd say a year after you worked there, either used white or you was impervious to it. Right. never going to be. Right. Rick used to say that about me all the time. I'd say something. He's like, well, I mean, you're not really white, you know.

Like, he used to fuck with me because I didn't know how mortgages work, I guess. Like, that was his key into the, into the club. I think you are pretty dumb. I know. I know. That's the, it's, Rick was, I kept telling him. I think we need to finish this explanation before. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It just sounds insane and or racist. Yes. Yes, it does. You're right. I always say, like, don't, like, don't get it's wrong. I'm not saying that I, like, identified. as black or nothing like that. I just didn't identify as white because my whole life growing up when I heard white people

and white people this and white people that. In my head I pictured, you know, like Connecticut waspy ass white people, you know, like yacht clubs and shit like that. I was just like I never felt like I was one of them. Right. You know, and like still don't really because I'm not white. I'm white trash, which is very different because those white people, you know, white trash people don't hit for them either in the same way that brown and black people and whatever

don't hit not that you're automatically racist if you're from connecticut and on a boat but i mean come on yeah you might not be racist but you definitely don't you keep quiet about a lot of stuff yeah so a lot of whispering friend of the pod episode two about dreamers and dreams bryson turner he he used i think it was him he used to have a joke about there's levels of whiteness right and he was talking about transitioning between the two of them and like when he realized he wasn't like it's like there's lizards i don't remember all of his levels and i want to fuck his joke up but he was telling me i remember in the joke he was white trosh yeah which he thinks is a step up from white trash that's what tray probably is right now and when he remembered when he looked

at very best i'm you know like and i don't have money but like i remember his way of money or whatever like i don't hit still i remember his way of explaining it was like something like i went to college, but my brother has a lizard collection. That's hilarious. But anyway, so anyway, people at there listening, like, you know, all the jokes of like white people be like, and sometimes that certainly applies to me. And sometimes, not only does it not apply to me, I identify with a joke where I'm like, yeah, man, that's shitty white people do be like that.

Why people do be like, yeah. For sure. That's how I always felt about it. That's like, also, I used to watch black comics. I mean, I watched all. kinds of comics, but I remember having the thought, even as a kid, like, whatever, 12 or 13 years old, I remember realizing in the middle of like a D.L. Hughley bit or something, like, oh, shit, like, I feel exactly the same way or whatever.

And that's weird, right? Like, that's got to be weird or whatever, you know, and I didn't really understand, like, what was going on there. Same with me, every part except the dancing. That's always, you know, not a much. my people could dance. Right. Yeah.

Well, I mean, it really just depends. Like, you know, white people can't dance. I mean, like, not as smoothly. But, buddy, I mean, you put on fucking bluegrass at a redneck wedding. It's beautiful. It's so white that Corey thinks that that's good dancing. Well, no I'm saying is it ain't good dancing. Like, as far as like, you know, it ain't going to win no competition.

But it's fun as shit. And it's fun to watch. We used to watch Martin as a family. I remember that a lot. And I remember thinking or feeling like, you know, I was more in tune with that or getting into that but whatever anyway how to mom and day fucked with martin hardcore i mean i love the shit out of martin martin was fucking hilarious damn jina and but i mean we were very white so we were we were a signfeld household and i'll have this good good clean humor here

this guy my my dad thought sinfield was the dumbest fucking show of all time we watched signfield and i'm not both shit and my dad like my they both hit for my dad like yeah you got both those shows signfeld maybe i'm wrong but i'm pretty sure i remember him being like, what are these people doing? Also, I mean, don't they have a job? Right. The, the widest show, possibly of all time, Frazier, was one of my family. It don't get much water.

My parents, fuck with Fraser. I almost bleat myself from saying fucks because I was thinking about my mama. You know what I think so? They probably identified with Martin. Like, Martin on that show, Martin Crane, which is the dad, they use him a lot to bring Fraser and Niles down a peg because their dad was very working class used to be a cop so when they're off being pretentious here would come Martin drinking a beer and basically call them pansies so I mean I could see where that would hit for somebody that

Frazier the character wouldn't hit for her and I'm off base no not at all I mean obviously and also stuff can hit for you that you don't identify with well for sure you know you see your dad down Abbey right don't identify with that shit at all you're talking soundville just be like, what did they do? Like, it's funny, but that also reminded me. I just had this vivid memory of me and my dad watching King of the Hill when it first came out. And one of the first episodes of King of the Hill, Hank, is talking about Seinfeld. And he's just like, I'm in.

I'm in. Well, them Yankees, man, they're just too much. Or something like, or like, the damn Yankees. They can't do nothing with them or something like that. Like he was, it was amused by them, but he liked the show. Right. And my dad died because he was just like, that's exactly it. My dad loved King of the Hill. Like, I remember one of his buddies telling him, my dad, like, my dad, he wasn't a dude who talked about pop culture.

You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, one of my buddies said we watched this, and then we did, and it hit for him. So I remember that. My dad loved Renan Stimpy. Oh, my God. My dad liked that, too. I mean, it was fucking, you were going back and watched that shit. It's wild as fuck.

I think I have told you and it killed you. Oh God, I was about to ask you. I hope this is what it is. And my mamma. Yes. Yes, dude, I swear to God, I was about say, Drew, please tell the story about your fucking mamma. Those Sonic commercials with those two dudes, they're improv performers. Yeah, they've been around for ever.

Right. And in most people listen to you probably know what they are. But in case you don't, you can look it up. It's two improv performers. And the bit is one of them is very stupid. And he doesn't know it. So he's like, he's a gopher, right? He's going for it, whatever they're doing.

Like, these new chicken bites are great. And then he makes a joke or he comments on it. She fucking hated those commercials. And I don't mean like, oh, you know, how do you feel about that? My mom? I don't like it. It would come on and she would get mad and start cussing at the TV. And she didn't cuss all that often, only when she was really mad.

It would come on and she'd be like, oh, shit. There's the damn stupid, Drew. What are they even talking about? She couldn't grasp the concept of the faking dunt, like the buffoon character, like the Will Ferrell act type thing. There was no comedic value for her in that because, like, the concept of someone being that character. I meant to show her a Will Ferrell movie, and I just never did because I was like, dude, and she'd have to hate those. She would get mad at the TV and asked me what their problem was.

And she was serious, not like she wanted me to explain to her what was wrong with that man. It's, that's, dude, I remember where we were, but I remember when you first told me that, I about fell the fuck smooth out. Well, the commercial was on, and it's that new Somali A one. And you started doing your grandma yelling at the TV. It's that new damn stupid. And it's that new Somali A one where he's like talking about whatever. Emomey, what's the word?

Edomame. No, that's not the word. That's hilarious. Don't check out, Sonic wouldn't have Edamame. No, they've got a Somali on there, and he's describing a, drink and he uses a French word and the dude just misuses it completely and I just just like me. I would be furious.

I want to know what that word is now. Also, I don't know this, but I would bet just about anything that my ma-ma would fully agree with your mama on her assessment of that. But wouldn't she just ignoring it though? Wouldn't she just be like, I'm old, that ain't for me, so I'm going to move on? That's what most old people do. start screaming, Ma Ma'am would,

her reaction, if she did feel that way, would just be like, ah, and like get up and walk out of the room. Migraine. I've noticed,

go wash a dish or something and come back. But I've noticed like a lot of old people, when they know something's not for them or they recognize, this don't make sense to me, I think they just assume it's because they're old and they just, they get quiet.

That's why a lot of them, you know, they don't spend a lot of time engaging in the world. You know what I mean? They like watch old movies. and shit like that. She just didn't do that. It's not how she lived her life.

How old was she? At that time? I don't know, man. Probably, I mean, around 70. Okay. Well, the reason I say that is because, like, I think older people now are getting, we're getting better because we grew up with acting

and television have always been in our lives. And so we know that grows, but we kind of see it grow gradually. Like, my grandmother would feel the same way. She, like, I don't even know when she got her first television set. like that type of humor is something that was created by the art world. Like that's not a natural, like jokes have been around forever, but that type of character was, that's a very, that's a very new type of humor.

You know what I mean? Sure. So. A buffoon? The way that they do it. Yeah. The modern buffoon. Right.

No, I know. I know. To me, it's like a pretty direct progression. I know, but like the nuanced way in which they do it. Like, because he's not playing just a complete, he is a complete, moron, but like, the, most buffoons back then... Because I mean, the buffoon is a straight man,

that's the oldest comedic dynamic in the history of... I know it is, but usually the buffoon was very clearly a buffoon and didn't really ever think he was shit. You know, this guy, that's his stupidity is how confident he is. Right.

It's not slapstick and it's not over the top. It's a very nuanced. I don't say he invented it, but I think Will Farrell did a lot for that arrogant, very dumb person. For sure. That's definitely true. I believe they studied the groundlings at the same time, him and I think.

I saw the straight man in those commercials. That guy writes for the Tonight Show or Seth Myers Show now. He's written for Copeland for years. Those two dudes have been around forever. They're great. They used to be in a four-man group, like together for a long time. And the straight man and another dude who wasn't in the commercial but was in the four-man group with both of them. They did a two-man show at UCB.

most I've ever laughed at an improv show because you know I mean improv shows they either really hit or it's just really weird and quote Harrison tweet and we're still stuck in a canoe yeah that's hilarious I didn't know Harrison had ever said anything that funny he said no one's laughing and we're still stuck

in a canoe but it was the best one I'd ever seen that those two also those two dudes you just said oh it's the new one with the Somali A shit in or whatever it is so fucking wild how long they've been doing science have had that gig for that long.

It has been like 20 years, right? I'd say 10. Dude, it's been longer 10. I'm 31. I remember them commercials from like at least high school. Yeah, you're right. Because I feel like it was in high school when the first time I heard me, I'm all railing. Right.

I can tell you right now. Because I felt like these guys are too good for us to keep calling them those two guys. Is it Showalter? No, no, that's, that's Stella. But isn't it? Yeah. That's Michael Ian Black, David Showalter. Michael Showalter and David Wayne.

David Wayne, yeah. It is, uh, T.J. Jagadowski is the buffoon. Yeah. And the straight man is Peter Gross. And Gross is who I saw in New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, uh, I want to find out how long they've been doing these goddamn commercials. Roy de la Rosa took me an improv guy out of Knoxville who lives in New York now, uh, who listens to the podcast.

He's who took me to that show. 2004 is when those commercials came out. It's about to be. So, I mean, it's almost 14 years. Just like, damn. That's a, I mean, since... That is wild. I was a sophomore in high school.

I definitely would have guessed like 2000 or 2001, no, because I thought I was in high school. And, I mean, I graduated no forward. Right, yeah, I was a sophomore. So, I mean, that pretty much as long as I can remember giving a fuck too much about commercials and shit, they've been around. I have all kinds of memories of memo and her relationship with a television being wild. One time... I got a great one about my memo. I was talking to him the other night about it.

Yeah. One time I showed up and she told me not to buy... lottery tickets and the way that she said it was and I quote well Dr. Phil told me Dr. Phil told me that then was a scam because some girl in Georgia was supposed to win and she didn't win the uh and I realized Dr. Phil like had become just like this person that she hung out with it yeah oh yeah granny used to say that about Judy Judy she was the lady that yeah late night Judy this is the first time I ever heard the Jeff Foxworthy joke, you might be a red, if you, if your new TV is sitting on top of your old TV, the first time I saw that joke on television was at my grandmother's house on a TV that was sitting on top of her old TV.

And I like, immediate, that's the most I've ever related to something as a kid. I was like, I'm seeing why this is funny right now. It was the, I can remember that you might be a redneck was the first joke that I, really got on a bunch of levels. Yeah. And that's the beauty and the quote-unquote problem with the joke when people make fun of it is, oh, that was a dumb.

That's a great joke. It's because it's so easy to get them. You know what I mean? It was so overdone and it's so, like a 14-year-old can understand it kind of thing. Yeah, but also,

beautiful, hilarious. That's the thing. Remember when you did the one where he talked about ones people had told him? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And some of them were pretty fucking good. Some of a baver biting your nipple.

Yeah. Yeah. But, dude, that's the, like, you know, most, there's a lot of people, especially we're friends with, and I probably used to be this guy. Like, you know, if everybody likes what you're doing and you're not doing something right, I agree with that to an extent. And of course, there's people that don't like Jeff Foxworthy. But how universally accepted and funny that joke is and those calendars are does not mean that it's just Tyler Perry shit. That shit is fantastic. There are some.

Sometimes it's how good they are. I totally agree. I think Foxworthy is a good example of that. I also thought we've had this discussion before, it's my opinion that the song Wagon Wheel is an example. Without a doubt. I had a fucking argument the other night. Wagon wheel, in my opinion,

yeah, a whole lot of shitty people love that song or whatever. But that song is a timeless classic. It's not a fucking cheap, hacky song that appeals to people. It's a fucking timeless classic that appeals to basically everybody. I know, but

I know. We're on the same page. I'm just saying a lot of times the most popular shit is also like the worst shit because it's the most broad and lowest common denominator and all that. But sometimes it's because it's just undeniable. Somebody said, I made a Facebook post about being in Lexington and somebody was like, oh, coming to the show, we're from the Cumberland Gap. And I said, oh, cool. I listened to that song and the whole record the whole way up here, which I did.

I was telling you all, that's when we had that discussion about much that song hits. And they were like, God, which one fucking wagon wheel? because in it says, you know, I'm a headed west from the coming a game. And I said, I was like, the Tennessee. I was like, no, Jason Isable. But secondly, hold the fuck up.

Yeah. That's a good fucking, there's a reason. Everybody fucking, there's a reason it shit on so much because it ain't like Nickelback, where they're shit on because they don't hit, but for some reason they hit, it does hit. I know. That's what I'm saying.

I know. I'm yelling at again. We accidentally swirved. What was your memo on TV? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, this is great. So. What the fuck?

Hold on. God damn it. Can you guys? I don't know if you can hear this on the podcast. What I think is happening is we have a tornado warning. Is it storming here? Man, I don't know. Maybe the North Koreans are bombing us.

I guess there's motherfuckers in there saying in the floor ain't skipping a beat. A, they can't hear it because they got the standard going. And B, most of those people are undocumented workers. Yes, they were. Nobody gives a shit about that. Well, I just yelled on. if you heard. People should give a shit about that.

I said, I just yelled her way good to the entire hotel and this guy walked by and was just like, yeah, we're fine. So I'm going to take his word for it. Speaking of being white, that's the thing white people do. Yeah. It's like, I know white guy. I was like, it's fine. And we're like, oh, okay, cool.

I was at Side Splitters Comedy Club at Knoxville one weekend and the fire alarm went off. Yeah. And we had to delay the show and it really fucked things up. But literally not one person moved at all. like in the audience like the show was just about to start like the crowd had been seated it was Liam Morgan weekend

so we were full of white people of very white people I know that's what made me think of it and they all just and you know Bridget the manager was like go up there and tell them it's just a malfunctioning everything's fine and I was like I'm pretty sure they you know have already made their decision right which is to just sit here and die yeah it was but and I did go up there but like

no one even started I could see Bridget it, even if it was a fire. Just being like, oh, a bear and lie to these people. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, that goes back when we're talking about

a couple podcasts ago about, I heard gunshots or some shit like that. Whenever I hear gunshots, I never think, oh, somebody got murdered, I think, oh, somebody got... That was the Papal Batman episode.

It was, wasn't it? That was one of your many arguments. What? I'm just saying, like, I always think, oh, somebody got a new Ruger for their birthday, and they're outside,

you know? Yeah, you were saying that... Carlarge of the same shit. You could walk up to somebody's driveway in a fucking cul-de-sac, pop them two times in the head, and walk away as an 85-year-old man, and no one would care because no one reacts to gunshots. Are we doing this again?

No, we're not. We're not. Where I'm from. I don't mean in fucking Connecticut, that might be an issue. Where I'm from. Where I'm from, no, they don't. Anyways, your Mamaw story. Last night, real quick,

Trey and Corey got into, and fake argument where Trey was pretending to be mad at Corey and it was the funniest thing I've seen in a year. Yeah, that's what happened. I don't think he was pretending all that much, but I think he was pretending at what level, you know? That's definitely true. All right, tell a Mamaw story before we.

My Mamaw, when she lives in the house that I grew up in, where, you know, my dad's house, she lives there alone now. Uh, she moved in with us after my grandpa passed away in 2004. Uh, whore banging truck driving papal? No. My dad's dad. Okay. Drink a fucking, a literal, uh, mixing bowl full of whiskey and coke every night before.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why he drank it out of a mixing ball. Yeah. Because he's, because he knew he's only allowed to have one glass before bed, or he was an alcoholic. You had to tell his doctor, how many drinks do you have? One day? One of a day?

Yeah. Anyway. So we're clear, what is exactly a mixing bowl? Yeah, well, I was going to say, well, I just want to make sure I know what that means. Like a butter bowl? On the Pyrex ones with the handle? Yes. Yeah, that's how my daddy says frosted mini weights.

Okay. He was not a whiskey man. He was a mini weight man. True and true. But like the big, you'll be hitting on the way out. The big round ones that like you like to mix fucking batter up in. Yeah. Yes.

But they have a pouring spout. and a handle to pour the battle. Still what I mean. That's what he drank his whiskey out of every single night. That hit so hard. Yeah. Anyway. Pyrex dishes in the motherfucking kitchen.

Anyway, Mamaw moved into that house and still lives there. At some point after my dad had passed away, she was, actually no, my dad was still around. She just viewed this as my job, which I guess is fair. I had a truck at the time out of F-150. She'd call them every now and then, and she would be like, Trey, you've got to, next time you come to town,

you've got to go back there and you've got to haul that old TV off out of my bedroom back there. In the room, she slept in our house. There was an old TV, but like made in like 98 old. But the heaviest shit still. Very heavy. Yeah, it was an old tube TV. It was extremely heavy.

And like, it was a... And it had like the tube have blown out or however that works. It didn't work anymore. It was just sitting back there in her room. And she was like, you need to haul that off. And I was just like, yeah, okay, fine. I thought it was just like in her way. And, you know, I don't be doing stuff.

So I just let it go. And she kept, I wasn't going home really often. You know what I mean? No, I wasn't going to make a trip just to do it. And then I hadn't been up there a while, but she just kept on about it. And I was like, ma'amaw, what is the, What is the deal with that TV? Like, it's just sitting back there.

And she goes, yeah, well, the mercury inside that thing's poisoning me in my sleep. And I was like, what? And she goes, them TV's just filled up with mercury. And it don't work. It's leaking out. It's poisoning me in my sleep. You need to haul it off. And I was like, okay, fine.

I'll haul it off to the dump or whatever. And she was like, and then she goes, okay, well, just make sure you take one of your one of your piles of shotguns with you and I was like for for what like nobody's gonna fuck with me Mamma it's a dump that's what it's

for and she was like no Trey you have to take them old TVs like that out and shoot them and I was like what and she was like yeah if you don't shoot them they explode

did they used to explode like in the 30s? There's a thing. You set it outside? I mean, I've come to find out that that is apparently a thing amongst old people is like you're supposed to shoot old TVs. But my theory on it was my paw at one point had just wanted to shoot a TV. Like his ear condition? Yeah, exactly.

Because I don't know if I've said this on the podcast or not. But another thing my mom and all said to me not that long ago, I mean, probably about six or seven years ago, we were. No, five years ago. My son, my son was like one year old. We were having this hearing. Treat the table like an old horse. Yeah. Yeah.

We were having a, my son's hearing checked and she said, yeah, he might. And his hearing's fine. But she was like, yeah, he might. You know, it runs in our family. And I was like, what does? And she goes, hearing problems. And I've never known anybody in my family having a hearing problems. And I was like, what are you talking about?

She goes, your pa, he had a hearing condition his whole life. And I was like, what are you talking about? She goes, yeah, you don't know that. You don't remember that? He couldn't, he couldn't hear women talk at all. Seriously, like, he was fucking gangster. He could hear men talk just fine, but when women talked, he just couldn't, his ears didn't pick it up. It was fucking different frequency.

I just stared at her for about 10 seconds, and then I just started running around my house, like, fist pumping and laughing. Like, death jam. Yes. Yes. And she was like, what? And he was dead at the time, right? That's the most unfortunate shit ever. Knowing that, how much more you could have learned from this man.

I'm like, what else was he not telling you that he had done? So anyway. Shooting TV, telling women I can't hear him. Drink a bowl of whiskey. God damn it. This motherfucker's a goddamn chow. I come from a line of them. God, Jesus Christ.

This is not quite as, the results of this aren't as hilarious because this was benign. but one time my mom was explaining to someone at a campsite that if they had had blue eyes, the mosquitoes would not bite them as much. And the reason that she had said that is because at some point, very early on in my childhood, she was complaining about getting bit by mosquitoes, and dad was like, they're not bothering me. And, you know, that happens. Sometimes mosquitoes just prefer different, like the way they smell or whatever it is.

Probably back then, you know, dad was a case deep. So they were just dying. They don't ever fuck with me. Right. makes sense. So anyway, he told her it's because I got blue eyes, just like being an asshole. And she believed him and kept it going. And he never corrected her.

In the middle of saying to this woman, this woman, my mother realized and felt the weight of a 20-year lie. Like she was looking at a stranger's face as she said it. And you could just watch her go, I died. Like I was like 16 and I had like realized pretty early on. What? And I looked at dad. he gave me it look like, don't you ruin this?

I just had a really fucking funny, stupid thought in my head, and I wish that I could draw and, like, create cartoons very quickly because I just think about a mosquito coming up and biting me and then flying home and beating the shit out of his family because he was drunk as shit, like, like, ugh. Yeah, that was funny to me. That would say that'd be a way better joke if it didn't go straight to fucking awful and dark. You can beat mosquitoes.

Yeah, but, like, you could have had him order a prostitute off the internet. That wasn't where my brain went. I understand. Yeah. speaking my truth. I hear you. I'm ex-girlfriend. Okay.

I'm just explaining. That's what he did. I'm just explaining to you what happened because you got mad. You got mad. Mosquitoes are whole family. Yeah, I know. Mesquite his little mosquito kids. It's a southern mosquito.

I've been with you, lady mosquito, my whole life. Two whole weeks. I can't handle this shit. Damn it. Beating larva. Yeah, beating larva. well i'm the only reason i said i wasn't trying to chide you or correct you i was explaining you why i had a feeling no i had a feeling that was kind of good i expected that to you i'll be

honest with you i thought you'd be with me it does it was perfect joke structure yeah yeah no it just needed a new punchline i don't think it does i think it needs a new audience well that's fair uh the salt right oh yeah i know but we're speaking of where were we when i called cori the Salt Wright. He tried to take credit for that when I got here this weekend. Wasn't I tried to take credit? I just forgot that it happened and then it came to me because I was called your hair the, was it before or after that? You called my hair of this after this. Okay. It was the other day. You just said, hey, I think you said, me and Trey figured out, I'm the Salt Right. No, it was.

Or I looked like, sorry, I look like the Salt Right. You've made a similar alt-right thing and then that hit came to me as if I'd never heard it before. Because and, you know, as it goes, you were drunk. I was drunk when you told to me, so I hadn't. Sobered Corey had never heard that. Hammered Corey would have been like, oh, yeah, I remember a hit. Yeah. I mean, that's just how hits.

Well, that's like the example of you being childlike and an old person like. That was an old person moment. My senility. Yeah. Man, when you're young, that's when like old people hit the most, but you don't appreciate them. And I know, like, a million people have written about this. And it's always like a fucking poster people hanging their walls or whatever.

but it's like you get older and you appreciate how awesome they are and they're gone it sucks yeah they say that about basically everything youth is wasted on the young but it's you dumb that and that is true but it's just it for me i fucking did youth correct i promise you that i'm thinking the TVs i want to say this for you i think i told you because you tell them out they thought TVs could blow up so you had to shoot them that was like called arc in a TV where you'd have to go out there and shoot it. Anyways, I stole a bunch of TVs from my high school one time and sold them for 50 bucks apiece, like 10 or 12 of them, but some of them wouldn't sell because they didn't hit. And so,

me and my buddy took them up on a big cherry picker and dropped them like David Letterman used to do watermelons to try to get him to explode on the ground. The premise to this story is a fucking felony. Yeah, I don't care. I don't care. Just, that would even an important part. They were getting... They were getting rid of them, and we were supposed to take them somewhere. But I took them to my house instead. That's what I did. Hell yeah. So, and then I sold a lot of them for 50 bucks a piece.

Some of them didn't hit. So I was like, well, I'm going to get something out of them. So we got a cherry picker, went up on top, dropped them, and see if they'd explode on the ground. And I mean, you know, they went everywhere, but no, blow up, which didn't hit. Did you charge people tickets to come to your TV exploding? Or have. Hell no.

That was just for me. That was my art. That was my passion project. Oh, no. Oh, no. What? He has offended himself, which means there's no way this is going to hit. Jesus Christ.

God, God, Jesus Christ. We were doing so good, the first video podcast. I think that'll hit for people because if y'all's reaction is anywhere close to what it meant to me, live, if it comes across on video, I'm out of breath from that making me happy and because I don't want to breathe the air right now. Yeah. What were we talking about before his butt reset everything? Still TVs.

Oh, yeah, me. TVs and me ma-maws. TV's and maimau. That hurts. Try a little bit. I ain't going to talk too much about my ma'am. Did the men old folks in your life watch a lot of TV? I don't feel like either.

my papas did. Well, one of them, I don't know what he did because he left the whole family as soon as my mom off the Alzheimer's. The same thing with me. I didn't get to have a papal. Your papal left because somebody got Alzheimer's? No, not that. I was just saying I didn't get a papal.

Not on either side. Not my papal. My dad's dad died when I was eight. We watched, I tell you one thing we did used to watch together was remember Justin Wilson, the Cajun chef. I guarantee. Yeah. He hit for my papal so hard.

And so we'd watch that and he'd watch Cho, C-H-E-A-U-X. You all do it. That's hilarious. He was a goddamn huge show. He hit for him. He also used to let me watch. That's a character we're going to work on at some point for the Patreon is you being the show, C-H, however you spelled out.

C-H-E-A-U-X. I said it right the first time. Hips. Snoopy, it hit for me and also hit for him. So I don't think he was just like letting me watch that. Like, he also like Charlie Brown. but like yeah he died when I was like A and then my other papal

my granny and Granny Bain who is he's technically my great grandpa he died a year before him and then my mama's dad my real papal on that side I saw him twice in my life because he ran off on my mama the song dude the song long line of losers could have

almost word for word been written about my fucking mother not me but my mother like all that shit fucking about daddy never finished school but he shot one main game of pool took took a bullet for stealing cars down in Birmingham. My pap ball did not steal a car in Birmingham. He stole an air conditioner unit in Birmingham and got shot in a stomach and had to go to a veterinarian buddy of his to get it taken out because of course he couldn't go to the hospital.

Right. So the horse doctor had to pull the bullet out of his guts. Did he get away with the air conditioning unit or did he have to drop it? No, he dropped it. They shot him in the stomach and he dropped. But anyway, it'll do that. The song ain't called Long Line of Winters for a reason. The point is I didn't get a papal like at all.

Well, I only had one. He watched TV. He watched football and old movies, and that was it. No programs. So, Whiskey Bowl, Papa. Yes. He, uh, that's, that's not a bad, like, special or album neighbors. Whiskey Bowl, that will be my last hour before you die.

My George Carlin, my George Carlin Viking funeral exit. Anyway, Whiskey Bowl, Papal, he pretty much just watched, I'm not kidding, NASCAR and porn. Fuck yeah. I mean, how'd you know he watched porn? I didn't until years later, much like I didn't know that was whiskey in his mixing bowl. And he told his wife. You didn't know that was whiskey. Was you watching porn?

And he was just like, this is a cartoon, boy. My dad, as I've mentioned before, my dad on the video store and in the back room of the video store was porn. He had to hook up. Yeah. Your father got to hook up. My boy, mine gets me porn. What's yours doing for you, Dale? Your boy don't love you, Dale.

Oh, he put you in a home. He brought you a titty flick. But those, the porno movies, the backroom movies, they had like special cases they were in, you know? So like... So you could hide it. Yeah. So what they were like Scotch Garden? No, but I mean, you wasn't hiding it because that, hell, everybody knew those were the porno boxes.

But like... But maybe your wife don't know. But you didn't carry out, you weren't carrying a... Something had titty on it. A case with tities on it throughout the store. You're carrying like a big orange case or whatever. They were not discreet. But they knew what you were.

You weren't trying. The goal wasn't to hide from the people. Right. Who you go to church with who are in the front of the store, what you had done. It was just to keep kids from seeing the covers. Exactly. Okay. Right.

But I knew, like, those are the backroom movies or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, I was aware of that. Yeah. And my pa'll be having those at their, at my mom's house. And a bunch of orange tapes. Yes. In a cabinet, like under the TV or whatever.

And I was like, those were the backroom. And then later on, I was like, you know, he just sitting there drinking a bowl of whiskey. His balls are just probably in the bowl of whiskey. And then truck driving, horn banging papal. You had a two good whiskey. You said NASCAR. So he would watch the race every weekend. Never football?

It's a miracle. No, he didn't like football, but he loved NASCAR. My grandma was a fucking gear hit. My grandpa used to. to build and race stock cars in like the 50s and 60s. He had all these trophies in his basement from like the old black,

you know, moonshine circuit or whatever. The fact that you've been on CNN as a... The fact that you've been on CNN as a contributor and not a suspect is amazing. I know. Like none of this at all. I know.

But he, but yeah, NASCAR, you'll never a million years guess. Well, since I've said that, you might, but who his driver was. when I was a kid anyway. Fucking Earnhardt. No, I mean, he liked that Earnhardt.

Was it Gordon? Oh, fuck it. Okay. He liked Jeff Gordon. Me too. I remember. Was it because of the skill? Because Gordon was skilled.

I remember even, because again, my grandpa had done that for years. It's like he could appreciate talent or ability or whatever. I remember even at that age being like, why do you like Jeff Gordon, you know, whatever? And he was like, because he's good, buddy. I always like Jeff Gordon because everybody hated him and that was my way to... Well, I remember all the rednecks hating Gordon or whatever, but like my cousin... That's Jeff Foxway said, because Jeff Gordon, a nutsy age. He's like, and they're just ain't no place in NASCAR for something like that.

God damn it. But I remember like the real deal gearheads, a lot of them liked him and a lot of them would defend him. Yeah, well, that was my Paul. Even if they didn't, like, I remember Daniel, my cousin Daniel hated him, but defended him. He's a big Earnhardt Jr. He's a big junior fan. I've told you all this, but I think I said it's on here. I'm talking about my pa being a gearhead and shit.

I was in this old, souped up 79 Chevy pickup truck that he had for a while with like a 353 in it or whatever. And I was asking him, because what I was telling you, I was about the fact that he also, he didn't like ever listen to music. My dad was a huge rock and roll dude and had to say everybody at concert and just lived. for music and my grandpa didn't fuck with it at all and I remember being in that truck with him one day and I was like, Paul, don't you like, don't you ever listen to music at all, like on the radio or whatever? And he fucking revved the motor up real out. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's the only music you need, boy.

God damn. And it's like, if I could not disagree with that more, but that's objectively badass. It's so badass that if I saw it in a. movie i would think it was bad riding right you know what i mean i'd be like well okay that's nobody would fucking do that that's way too cool he did yeah i believe it but anyway whiskey banging or whore banging truck driving papal he fucked like westerns and shit but he didn't watch a whole lot he didn't watch a whole lot of tv though yeah i liked it back when one coin could get you a whore and a whore said it was good it was a good old day's boy oh lord god damn it well papal clem watch football and

movies. He watched John Wayne. He loved John Wayne. That's all I remember him watching. You just remind me something a little different, though, because you were just talking about him racing. It's like, it's great when you learn about those old folks, like, you know, that they used to have real lives outside of sitting on the couch and waiting

to die. My pa, which honestly, that's what we did. My pa worked up until the day he died, but really? But, yeah. Pabawley. He went racing cars that whole time. Right. Well, right. Right.

He was in the army. And, like, I remember how old I was when I found out he had a daughter in Italy because he had a woman in Italy during the war. And he stayed there as long as he could. And they wouldn't let him marry her because they were, like, afraid of, like, you know, Mussolini and all that's like, well, we're not letting any soldiers marry Italians because maybe they're the enemy. Yeah, well, there's also a part of that I was like,

ah, that's just what he told her. Maybe I can't marry fascism. Yeah, probably, yeah. Mosulini don't hit. I might title this, Mosulini don't have. What are you going to do, baby? Yeah, man. But while he was in the Army,

that old dusty trail, and various tours and various wars, he drove around. I always screw up which general it is, but like a general who they've made movies about. He was his driver. And another thing he did, he was on the shooting team.

And he was supposed to go to the Olympics one year. and then for some reason he couldn't. And when I found out, I was like, probably. But I found out of like, wow. You got somebody pregnant. You want to know how different our pap balls are? You know who my pap, this is the legend. You know who my papal used to drive around?

The, uh, it was a gangster, right? Jimmy Hoffa. Damn. He was Jimmy Hoffa for the Teamsters, and they had a big presence in the Chattanooga area. And anytime... Why? What?

What were they doing there? I don't know. They just, be on Jimmy Hoffa, be, he just would go around recruiting people to the, union or whatever, he would do public engagements on, you know, behalf of his values or whatever to feel. He was a big deal. Anyways, whenever he would come to that area, and I think through Atlanta, too, like,

that was what my papal did. He drove Jimmy Hoffa's ass around. And then, of course, Jimmy Hoffa got himself killed. Yeah, what was that about? Don't know. He just, that's... It's the mafia, wasn't it? Yeah.

But that's all like, what was his deal with the mafia? My papal? No, Jimmy Hoffa. You know, I don't know. Same thing. Kennedy's was. Like, he was just somebody that the mafia paid to do certain things, and then he pissed him off. And, you know, he was just a balk man, I guess.

He, I don't know, man, I guess. Maybe he directed some of his funds into their organizations and shit. I don't know much. I know that Jimmy Hoffa was connected to the mob. That's literally as deep as I know. And my papal used to drive him around. And now they both dead. And were never in my life.

Jimmy Hoffa were my papon. I'm trying to find a post I made about it. About Jimmy Hoffa? No, it's just so I get that General's name right. I'm just explaining because now that we're on video this time, it's making me self-conscious that people are watching me reading my phone. I keep forgetting that.

I'm like rubbing my toes and shit, which is the thing I do, but I keep forgetting that like we're on video. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How Moore. Who?

General Moore. Oh, yeah. He was depicted by Mel Gibson, and we were soldiers. My papal drove him. Nice. So, you know, basically Mel Gibson. Yeah.

He is Mel Gibson. Yeah, my papal's Mel Gibson. And mine was Jimmy Hoffel. The guy that, yeah, drove Jack Nicholson. Yeah, does hit. Nicholson played Hoffa. And yours is Tom Cruise, Thunder Road. Well, I was going to say the other Papal, and he just, you know,

drove around some horror Juliette Lewis probably played. Yeah. a light lizard. Speaking of. A light lizard played by Dale Dickey. My name is Earl. Have you seen my grandpa? Juliet Lewis, Brad Pitt, end of film.

I think it's called Love and a 45. You asked me about that last night. I know that's what made it pop into my head real quick. We were talking about how Brad Pitt's a character actor, but he has to be a lead man. Didn't they do them, those two, didn't they do that weird indie movie, California, but spelled with a K? Maybe that was it. I thought it was called Love and a 45.

Have you seen it, California with a K? What's it? What's it about? No, I haven't seen it because when it came out, it was like... This spring at Target celebrate the sun-end designers Fee, Noel, Agua Bindida, and Road, each inspired by the vibrant colors, patterns, and textures of their worldly backgrounds. Shop the limited time Target Spring Designer Collection now, in store, and on Target.com. Not my speed.

Right. Like, I'd probably fuck with it now, but back then I was like, what? I go back and forth on that speed. like I'll have big swings of time where like indie films are all I want to fuck with all that weird shit all that avant-garde shit and then it'll just stop and I'll be like no fuck that I want to watch Transformers or something like not not Transformers but like you know what I'm saying yeah like just run run the gamut on all the 90s Will Smith blockbusters and just jack off and not give a fuck about my brain which you know yeah

It's fun. I think I was thinking of too young to die, which is a movie they did before California. Yeah, jacking off. Hits, not giving a fuck about your baby. It does hit. It does. Your Paul had it figured out of me.

Him that bowl of whiskey, that teddy flick. Let me pull my winger out. Get these goddamn kids out there. Yep. What did you say? I can't hear you. I got to get you. God damn.

Oh, man. I have something else. Oh, shit. Well. but uh do we have to move on to current topics I mean we don't have to

we ain't got to do shit well I know I just sorry there was a little what's the weirdest movie that you like hey you remember

you remember when he had went to the movies and he got on our text our group text and was like yeah I went to saw this movie Mustang

and uh and I was like oh Mustang that hits like you know I immediately for some reason I thought car

Like a Mustang. Me too. Is that like something like drive? You know what it means? Like some, you know, assassin and a leather jacket driving a Mustang around or whatever? He's like,

No. It's about the genocide of horses. It's a coming of age movie about four Middle Eastern girls. Which is like, what made it even funnier was the poster. The poster. One of y'all went and looked it up.

And the poster, it's a genius marketing ploy in this day and age, what they did. To lie? Yes. But the way they lied. Yeah.

It was four girls with their arms around each other in a circle and the shot the picture was from underneath them looking up like they're in a huddle yeah like yaya sisterhood type shit like that's exactly what it looked like poster in the text group text and i was like nah dog yeah hard pass yeah but like this this should be called selica but like five people die in it there's like abuse one of them i think kills their own dad like it's you know it is hardcore but it looks like yeah and if you know yeah sisterhood And if that was diehard, that'd be great.

But, you know, I don't know. Hell, maybe Mustang did help. It was fire. I'm sure it was good. I don't know the fucking weirdest movie I like. The weirdest movie I like probably don't even register to this motherfucker as a weird movie. I'm sure. Do you have one in mind?

I don't even have one in mind right now because my, I'm in one of them Will Smith's Blockbuster mode right now. My brain's just, it's off. Yeah. What's yours? The weirdest movie that I like. I like most Harmony Korem movies that I've seen. Those are usually weird. made all him for me.

Yeah, I know it's weird. He just, I don't know. His whole deal, it's just like... He's too much. I don't get, I don't get, like, how it's art, really. I'm like, it's just gross shit. Kids, what he does? Gross, it was just sad.

I didn't find it gross. I thought it was disturbing. What he does? Very disturbing. I don't know this person's art. Kids kind of hit for me. That's really all I'm talking about. I don't think I've seen any other ones.

Spring breakers. I didn't see that. I didn't see that. I hate James Franco. I used to think I liked it. I mean, I like Franco. I just didn't like that movie. Gummo, that one was super weird.

That's him too. Yeah. I know that don't. Those are the only two I've seen, to be honest. God might be real, because I couldn't think of my favorite weird movie. I thought that was the name of a movie.

Yeah. I was like, no, that's the gods must be crazy. That's what you're thinking of. My buddy Brad just called me, which I might have to holler back at him later. And he's the one that showed me.

It's a toxic Avenger. You ever fucking seen that movie? It's like a real Kempie, B-grade cult type? Yeah, like it's so shittily made. Troma pictures, they made, all their movies were like that. Yeah, but they're like that on purpose. Yeah, but I liked it.

And it's very fucking weird, but I enjoyed it. I was very high. So I was dying laughing the whole time, but that's probably the weirdest movie I like, I guess. I don't really fuck with a lot of weird movies. I've seen them two Harmony Corrin. I don't know, because I don't consider Captain Fantastic to be weird. Some people would because it's an art seat.

movie and it's a weird I loved that movie. I did too but like I feel like that's me that's a real mainstream weird movie for me to say you know what I mean my dad used to love David Lynch movies that motherfucker's weird I've seen a few Lynch movies they don't that never hit for me really I think he's wildly overrated you like Twin Peaks I never watched it but my dad fucking loved it he loved twin pigs he loved a racer head he loved Mulholland drive I mean he fucked with David Lynch hard I like Mulholy Dr. David Cronenberg, too, who's also a wild...

Eraserhead I didn't care for. That was the first one, right? Yeah, I don't... That's just super weird shit just don't really hit for me. David Cronenberg, though, his later movie, you ever seen a history of violence with Vigo Morrison? I think so. That's a fucking righteous movie.

Eastern Promises, which... No, I ain't seen that. Also hits. Who's the dude? He plays a Russian gangster. I don't think I've seen any of this dude's flicks. David Cronenberg? Yeah.

He's a fucking wild... He's something else. Who's a dude that made... Is it pink flamingo? John Waters? John Waters. God damn. John Waters.

That scene. I haven't seen the whole movie, but that, you know, of course, the butt hole saying. The bird is the word. The bird, bird, bird, bird. That's, I mean, buddy, as a comic, that's great. Like, that's a very funny. I don't know how the rest of the movie is, but that's great.

That's missed a butt. That was his first role. For anybody, listen, don't know what we're talking about. And John Waters, uh, classic. Thin mustache, weird looking. Pink Flamingos, there's a scene where a dude, like, just puts his legs up in the air and just contracts and what's the op-what? Contracts and expands his asshole over and over again to the song, which I think the actual title is like called Whirling Bird or something, but it's a song when everybody heard. Burr-Bur-Bur-Bur-Bur-Bur-Bur-Bur-Bur-Bur-Bur-Bur-B-B-Bur.

That and just with a gap and a gap-bher-b. That and just with a gaping Anus. That's a scene in this movie. And my dad showed me just that scene. I mean, I was like 17 or something. I wasn't a kid.

We were looking at this asshole, boy. He was just like, I'm going to show you something. You tell me what you think about this. It was a lesson. Yeah, he turns it on, and he's just sitting there and just like, oh, my God,

damn. What do you say about that? That's some bitch. sure. Oh, God damn. Like that something? I'm just like, yeah, daddy, that's something. I'm just like, the way that you're saying that, I know is how your dad actually said it.

But what the thing about it is, though, that particular scene, I don't care who you are in that moment when you see it, you're a redneck going, ain't that something? Like, no matter how fucking open, the most open-minded person we know is still like, God damn, look at that. Because that's out there. But my dad, though, just for the record, because again, my dad was real into all that type of shit. Like, so he, he wasn't offended by its existence. That's what I mean is that it was more just like, buddy, you know, goddamn. I know some people who would say exactly that, but then would, we're like, fuck this shit.

You're burning. You're kind of just like, come here, boy. Yeah, right. Yeah. That's wildest shit. I don't, I think, I've said on here before, one of my favorite directors is Darren Aronowski, who's new movie. he just came out today, I think, called Mother. I saw somebody shitting on him

the other day, and I wanted to tell you about it. What were they saying about him? Go ahead, and then let me find it. I can find it on Twitter. You've actually, you've actually mentioned him a lot on the podcast. Yeah. And I say that because one time somebody commented, they're like, hey, tell Trey, we get it. He likes fucking Darren Narnowski. I mean,

fuck y'all. No, fuck them, of course. It's just funny. Yeah, but you're right, though. I've mentioned him a lot, and I bring him up now, because he's the answer to this question probably. He's, he's about as weird as I get into. Because like I said, like David Lynch and stuff, I didn't really fuck with. But, like, his stuff, I do dig.

And it's, you know, it's pretty weird. Like, Black Swan, I fucking love that movie. Pie. You ever seen that? Wildest. No. Fuck. P.I.

Pie. Oh, no. I thought you were probably. Yes. P.A. You were like, go along. I was sitting there going, is that the sequel to cake with Jennifer Aniston? What's happening?

No, it's just a mind-fuck of a movie. This dude who has this obsession with the letter Pye, yeah. 3.14, 8, 7, 6, whatever. Are those real? I think those are the first 4 or 5. That's all I remember, I think. I thought you were about to do some rain man shit. No.

a thing like that. Oh yeah, there's some people like how far for I remember that. I thought you were doing that at first. I was like,

holy shit. No, no, that's just the first. Because I literally just know 3.14 or whatever. Yeah,

which if you turn backward spells pi. Like the number four, the way it spelled out if you turn it around and then one is the I and then the three is the E. Yeah.

Pie. It's pretty weird that the only math that I even remotely know is pie. It's that day in class. I was just like, what? And then I had to do.

And then I had to do. Because on Pi Day, we did get pie. So that was your reward for doing your work that they were like, and now, you know, buttermil. And you remembered it. So let that be a lesson. Any teachers out there listening, if you got some chose in your class, they need to be rewarded for learning.

That is, what is that called? Positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement. Yeah. I mean, that works. Negative reinforcement has been proven over and over again not to work. You think I gave a fuck that you gave me detention? Some comic has a joke about it, and it's true.

It's like, yeah, hell, fuck, I love detention. That's where I got all the best drugs. I guess for all the drug dealers, and that's where you learned all the shit you wanted to know to be a better bad piece of shit. So, like, you know, treat me right when I do good stuff. Give me pie. I can't find whatever it was on Twitter. It was somebody, but anyway, Trey, the point of it was, I think it was both Aronovsky and Del Toro, but it might have been somebody else. I was about to bring up Garamo Del Toro, too, actually.

Well, he does. They're both. They're both. I fucking love that movie. They're both, they both make movies for people who aren't. smart but want to pretend that they are so they can talk about them i don't know shit about either of them but when i saw that and i knew you love him i was like man i need to send this to tray and i just forgot that person don't have i don't know i don't know shit

yeah blade is a fucking movie for people who think they're smarter than they are just did yes he did oh no not just did he made the he made the blade he made the he made the he made the blade movies he made playing a blade runner but let me say real quick it might not have been del toro i don't dennis villanoeva yes yeah he that you know what One of his movies is, A rival, which hit for you. It did. Because you also like to think you're smart.

Absolutely. Right, well. Hey, that guy, fuck him, though. The only reason I wanted to hit is you is because I knew you'd react this way and get mad. Yeah, all three of them hit. Listen, here's my stance on that. There are things that exist in the world that I feel that way about, where I'm like, all right, this is just pretentious art for pretentious people.

This picture of us by this truck. Roy Wood just commented, y'all look like a W-Bed drama about small-town football. That's phenomenal. That's great. I want that to be my credit. Lord, I don't even know what the fuck I was saying.

Oh, anytime people hit you with the like, it's just pretentious for pretentious people. It's like, if you like it, who gives a shit? Right. You know what I mean?

Like, I am smart and a rival was smart and I liked it. Didn't love it. I rival the recent Aliens movie. I didn't love it. I was very,

visually, it was awesome. them. The story was cool. I've never had any interest in seeing it again, but I'm glad I saw it the first time. Because it's not, you know, that's what I told everybody's like, it's an alien movie, but it ain't like any fucking alien movie you've ever seen. You know, like, I want them aliens to break out the glass and start butt fucking people

is what I want. You don't? Yes. Yes, but the fact that that movie was a different kind of alien movie, that really hit for me. It did me too, but I'm not going to watch it again. But of course I like aliens, but fucking people. But if they had done that out of watching it. Redneck. Right. I don't watch it again.

Like your whole thing. Yeah. No, I did. I loved arrival, but I was like, I'll never watch that shit again. On account of, it ain't no alien butt fucking. Well, that's a good place of any to end, I think, for this round. Alien butt fucking, most of any don't have. It's been a good one.

Do you think the Nationals pretentious? Yes. It is. And I love them. I love them, too. I can't help it. That fucking, that new album is the soundtrack of fall and sadness. Well, Ryan Adams is one of most pretentious motherfuckers to ever live.

I love Ron Adams. Here's how pretentious Ryan Adams is when he started making country music, it was literally, in his head, it was satire. Like, in his head, he was just like, I can do that. Like, they don't head, I can go hit at that. Let me make fun of them. Like, that song, and I love this song, I can't remember the name of it, Dancing with the Women at the Bar.

It's a Whiskey Town song. Yeah, yeah. If you listen to the lyrics of that song, it sounds like a dumb person is talking. Uh-huh. Like, it's, every time I go out, I'm a hit for the women. That's like the whole premise of. Show song.

Yeah. It's satire. But like that's how pretentious, but he's so good. It didn't matter. And the music was so great. It didn't matter. And then he started taking it seriously, obviously, because people start paying to see him. Right. Explosions in the sky.

Do I like them? Are they pretentious? I don't think so. I think pretentious people like them. But I think if you make music without lyrics, you just automatically said to be pretentious. But they make fucking, like, like, blockbuster movie soundtracks. You know what I mean? They're Friday Night Lights.

That's what most, you know what? But so I think we're very pretentious when we discuss them because it's like, you don't understand there's no words and I still break down crying every time because of the- The name is explosions in the sky. Hold on, no, hold on. That's what I'm getting at. I brought them up because I know we all know them. There's a, I went down a little bit of a rabbit hole once trying to find other shit

like them because I liked them so much. Yeah. And there's a whole genre of music and bands and shit that do that. And when I read the titles or listen to the rest of. them, I'm like, oh, go fuck yourself. Because it seems like pretentious to me, but Explosions in the sky, I fucking love shit.

Like, uh, dude, it's either a song or a band. It was called something, something very close to, uh, everything you do is a balloon. What does that even mean? Exposions in the sky is not that pretentious as a name,

though, because, but they're, they're describing a sonic, they sound. It also is so, Thomas said Sonic Sam. Their song titles, though, too, are like, but again, like, they hit Supreme for me, but, you know, the only moment we were alone and, like, that kind of stuff.

But a lot of times, I think that's because it's a film score. They live up to it. That, dude, that, that was not, they did not make the score. They were the score of Friday Night Lights, but, like, your hand in mind was already a thing. Was made for their records. Right. The Earth is not a cold dead place. I'm so, okay.

I'm saying, I know, but I love them. certain that at least two of the members of that band are extremely pretentious douchebacks. However, there's one show. He's making this about us. No, no, no. No, I wasn't going to say. Just because there's no words, I can't say that that's pretentious, like not having music. Because I'm not pretension to me, I've got to hear you say some pretentious shit.

But yeah, there's some pretentious dickbacks. I want to hear just in disintegration anxiety right now. There's another song or another band that makes a, kind of music called This Will Destroy You. And they have a song called Killed the Lord Left for the New World. It's. Sounds like some viking shit.

Yeah. But it's not some viking shit. You'll some viking shit. That's Amar and Amarth, and they are not at all pretentious. I feel like I tried to get into that and I couldn't. I fucking hit so hard for me. No, it was metal.

That's, Amon Amhar. Don't Mastodon do that? Metal? Yes. Viking metal. They may have some like vacuum. I don't know.

really fuck with them. What is, like, what is specifically Viking Metal? I fuck with this one band in particular and all their songs

have like Norse mythology and shit in them. They say, lyrically it's Viking Metal. Odin and shit and it's like, you know, raise your horns,

raise them up to the sky. We will drink to glory tonight. Dude. We will meet in Valhalla again. But there's no, but it's like,

raise your horn. That's bad at. But there's no, but Viking Metal is specifically lyrics. Crushes for me. I love it. Wait, but is there a thing called vacuum metal or are you just calling this one band?

There is. I've heard it, but I've always assumed that there was like a different instrument being played, like a fucking, there's a bagpipe in the back or some shit. Andy and I met these two dudes on our honeymoon. This was years ago. I still keep up with this dude on Facebook. His name was Devin. He worked in like wood chipping and paper cutting factories in Canada.

And it was like union. So you'd make good money. He'd worked nine months out of the year. And the rest of three months, he'd travel the world and go to metal festivals. He's been to Crackin, which is the biggest one. I think it's in Prague every year for the last decade. And his buddy... A metal festival in Prague called Cracking.

I mean, I want to go to that. And his buddy that he traveled with had a horn, and that's all he would drink out of. And I just remember that. He would order a beer and then pour it into the fucking horn. Now that I've been watching... I've been actually fucking with Game of Thrones. I want to have one of them hornsteins to pour my wine and beer into it.

And now that I'm saying that I will. I'm about to order it right now. The only two metal bans I really fuck with are that one. And then there's another one that's like... They're called Sabaton, and they, it's not Viking shit. It's a lot of like, but it's all like war and battles and stuff, but it's like from World War II or World War I or whatever, but they sang about like, you know, fighting back the Nazi fucking, you know,

right, thread or whatever. But it's metal. So it sounds metal as fuck. It is. It hits. Metal art for me. I like lyrics and melody too much. get in the metal. I've tried to get into it. Both of them, in my opinion, both of them

are very melodic, and that's why I like it. Can you understand them? I had a hard time understanding the lyrics sometimes. For sure. Amon and Marth a little harder, but I can understand them. Did I go to Macedon with you at Moneroux? No. You didn't see them there? So it must been the year I didn't go. I, I liked it. Like, I was, I was far back, you know what I mean? And I just, it was just like jumping around. You know what they're saying. I needed to be melodic, too, is what I'm saying. And that's why I think both of them are a little melodic, because I dig them. But like,

what's that one? There's that, like, fucking Swedish, black death metal motherfuckers. They were at Bonaroo. Ah, God damn it.

They wear mass. Oslo? Musuga. Yeah. My sugar. Like that Jewish? Them motherfuggers is wild. Ain't my sugar Jewish?

I don't know. Was sugarna. That's like means, my baby girl or something. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. I just, the way it would be hilarious to me if they're band name my baby girl because, like,

They play like throat slitting music. That means my baby calf and they're going to sacrifice it later. That makes a lot more sense. Do you know where a lot of people, music, historians suggest that metal evolved from? Meth. Bluegrass. We've had this. I don't know that he came up with it.

I'm not saying he came up with it, but my daddy always used to say, and he really did, he used to say bluegrass was the first. heavy metal music ever played. I don't disagree with that. My dad always used to say that, and I remember thinking it and was like, well, yeah, that kind of checks out. One of my favorite bands of all time, trampled by turtles, a lot of people say that their bluegrass with a touch of metal. Like, that's how they're just often described.

Well, it's very fat. I mean, metals very fast and, like, some dude wrote, I need to look back up the article with that, like, you know, kids of parents, their parents would play bluegrass or whatever, and they'd be in their parents' bluegrass band, and they would be playing fast, and they'd get together with their buddies, and they started just fucking jamming out on the guitar and then they were like oh well this hits like you know just going fast then the electric car came out took that same fucking hammer claw rhythm and then here comes metal huh yeah that's what that's what and it makes sense to me yeah but didn't it like come

well i said all that to say it come out of like england though that's what they're bluegrass scene over i mean like black sabbath and shit that's like the oh yeah that's the genesis of metal right right for sure maybe i need to read that again my point i said all that to say this i need to dive into this Viking medal because I love bluegrass therefore if this is true I'll probably rel-luck I like metal for

eight months my sophomore year because I've just found out about pills and you know you know how you do that don't check out for me like pain pills and metal go together shit hydros and lamb of god baby that's afternoon

hell yeah it's because I was doing pills and like I hate when you start doing pills you start hating everybody like I hated my parents you know everybody tell me not to do drugs not to hit. All these stuff. And I was like,

that don't hit. You know who talks about people that don't hit? Lamb of God, hits, put it on. Blood of Jesus. Hell yeah. So,

so anyways, bluegrass, or, since it hits for me, metal might hit, and Vikings hit for me. I, uh, Guardians of Asgard.

Hits to start with, that's the band? No, A. Bon, A, Mark. That's their, in my opinion, that's,

like, you should start with that song. Okay. Guardians of Asgard. We'll do. Yeah My junior year I'd just gotten done with school

Some of my friends here year older than me It just graduated from high school And we went to Nashville to celebrate My friend Cameron who's a year older He loved Finger 11 Remember that band? Oh yeah And they were playing in

They made a huge like Shift Yeah like one of the biggest shifts I've ever seen in my own One thing It was what it was No I thought their shift was with that huge You're right

a Bambah Bha Bap Bha Bha Bha Bha Bha Yeah You guys sound

like the Durba Durba Even though I did like that song But it was different Oh god damn it I don't want to look it up Move right through

I'm on my way To you You Shit I'm not paralyzed But I seem to be struck By you Yeah

That's all I want to Their shit Before that was like Pretty different from that. Oh, yeah. It wasn't that, like, catchy radio type of it at all. He was into that shit.

Right. This was then. This was actually, I think about he. He felt very betrayed. Well, I think it was about a year before that album. And, um, their openers. One was a band called Boy Hits Car. They're like a punk rock band out of California.

And they were pretty good. Actually, as part of the story, they had a great show. But the first opener was at that time, a completely unknown band called Drowning Pool. Yeah. Now, Dranypool had not blown up yet. And honestly, there was about... I still listen to let the bodies hit the floor. This was about a month before that song broke through on MTV or whatever it was that it broke through on.

My friends and I walk in, it was me, two linemen from the football team, my buddy Robert, my buddy Brian, of course, and Cameron. And Drowning Pool's fans are there because they had a huge following at that time, and they were going to go on first. And this girl, I swear to God, it was like a record scratch in a movie. We walked in, we're dressed in like, you know, Abercrombie or some bright high school football gear. And this, like, they all turn and look at us. And this girl and a wife beater with no bra and a green Mohawk says, Stop for a second. Go ahead.

Who let the backstreet boys in? Drew's got a bit of a history of getting, like, called out at concerts. Uh-huh. I don't remember the other one, but this story ain't over. Okay, go ahead. because I remember the other one. We're walking in and that happens and we're like stared at it and we're like, oh, fuck, what's about to happen, you know? But of course, you know, it's like kids.

And then it happens. We're just standing around and we get some sodas or whatever. Cameron passes out the goodies headache powder. Like he just brought something with him. He's like, here, everybody. And so I took someone. I was like, all right, well, we got this. Such a teenager shit thing today.

Everybody thought it was meth or something. So now we got respect. So now the backstreet boys are doing drugs. So everyone's like, all right, goddamn, you know. That dude walks out, and again, no one knows who's drowning pool is. I mean, they're fans there, do, but they're not a national thing yet. So we don't know what's going on. This dude's got a devil on the mic stand.

He walks out there and he goes, raise your hand if you're a sinner. And all those fucking angsty goth teens are like, bra! And that was one of their songs. And that's what they open with is raise your hand if you're a sinner. And they's do, a mosh pit encompasses us. We are now in the middle of a fucking mosh pit at a drowning pool concert. We do not mean to be at all, and we are in fact, dressed like the Baxter boys. I have on a pair of Old Navy flip flops, like the kind that's a dollar, they were white.

I got them to wear with my white tuxedo to junior prom, and I just had them on that day. This mosh pit surrounds us, but I'm with two, one all-state linemen and another like all, I'm with two huge motherfuckers. We start getting picked on or they're trying to. The linemen start separating us from people. Robert falls on the floor. He thinks he's going to die, starts hyperventilate. We get him out of there. We're like,

holy shit, that was all that. So we ran back in. I ended up getting thrown. I went crowd surfing. They threw me over. Now, I remember how were you going to call me out? They threw me over the railing, and I broke my toe,

I broke my pinky toe on the railing. I couldn't. You'd have been on meth. You'd have broke the goddamn railing. Anyway, that was it. And then let the bodies hit the floor was like the hit song. of summer literally a month later maybe even less. That song

was enormous. Do you want me to tell the story or do you want to? I don't know that I know what the fuck you're talking about. That was the first time I went crowd surfing. I've never been crowd surfing since but I tried. I've tried one time. Yeah. Oh. Oh, okay.

Had an MGMT concert. So we were at this festival, Andy and I were that was just north of where we lived in Miami and we were just going to have something There weren't a lot of bands that we cared a whole lot about. But I do like MGMT. MGMT was playing. This was eight years ago, so they were still pretty popular.

And there were these kids, by where we were standing, who were crowd surfing. They were getting up on this trash can, and they were doing it. This was my first full year as a lawyer. I had been in law school for three years before that. I was in the worst shape of my life, and I was 26 years old, maybe 25. And so I was, like, leaving behind being, like, a college kid or whatever. I got up on this trash can and just. jumps and the crowd completely dispersed.

That's great. And I splatted on the pavement in front of Andy and my friend Tim, who's like a big smart ass anyway, you know? And they're dying laughing. And then this kid like walks up to me. In my head, he looked just like the girl with the green Mohawk, at least in the way he like waddled and stared at me. He was like, and that's why grown ass men don't try to crowd surf.

Lord. And my friend Tim. Got called old. Like fell laughing. I would have to. Oh, I had to laugh, dude. It was great. I can't imagine that happening to you.

Getting called out of that hardcore? Or just like embarrassing myself? Miss, just fucking that crowd surf up that back. They ran for me because I was fat. Oh. I was so fat back then. But you know what, man? I'm fat and I feel like, people would be like, okay, this is it.

Let's catch this fat boy. As we have talked about in the past, I used to be a sway and I became a druid. And this was after the transition, but before. before I had realized it. Oh, that ain't a good place to be. That's the worst place you could be. Well, that checks out to me. Because now I feel like you, if I was in Bonnery with you and you tried to crowd surf,

they'd be like, yes, this motherfucker right here. Hitting beard. He's one of us. But it was like, it was 14-year-olds who were sober. This was an outdoor family concert. Oh, God, this is great. Yeah. You were just drunk and dove into a group of time.

Yeah, a bunch of kids. Buddy, hammered drunk. Me and Timmy and Bob, foot long, like, fucking. margarita's eyes hammered drunk. A druid who thought he was still a sway attempting a show move. It can't be done. In front of teenagers. It was on that borderline

nonsensical note, we need to wrap it up. Did you see how fast I got to rest? I did. I was impressed. Wasn't that something? I didn't even know. I literally took off and I said, I can't wait to watch back on a video. I mean, it couldn't have been more than 30 seconds. Well, well, that hits Mighty Mouse, but I got to go

do that too all the way in another room and shit i mean y'all can keep going if you don't too but i gotta go we gotta go get ready for this show in uh we got two right two shows yeah i need to take some drugs so it'll make you make it hit so anyways we love you guys thank you so much and uh skee thank you all for listening to the well-read show we'd love to stick around longer but we got to go tune in next week if you got nothing to do thank you god bless you good night and skew presents precious moments. Nothing beats driving cross-country in our RV.

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