wellRED podcast - #337 - Osama Bin Laden Was a Nepo Baby + Hot Jacked Dudes!
Episode Date: September 13, 2023This week the boys discuss some 9/11 related topics and also try to determine if Roman soldiers and Vikings were actually as jacked as they are in the movies! If you havent already, we sure would prec...iate you pre ordering Trae And Corey's New book Round Here and Over Yonder! You can do so at TraeCrowder.com where you can also find dates to see Trae on the road! Go to DrewMorganComedy.com to see Drew in a city near you! Corey does bonus stuff at PartTimeFunnyMan.com and he sure wishes you'd subscribe! We hope you are enjoying all the podcasts in the extended Skewwniverse: Puttin On Airs, Weekly Skeews, Gravy Baby.... and if youre not... well... you ourt be! Love yall!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
And we thank them for sponsoring the show.
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Hey, y'all, it's Corey here. Before we start the show, just wanted to remind you all that
me and Trey's new book, round here and over yonder, comes out September 19th.
That is next week. You can still pre-order it right now by going to Trey
Crowder.com, there's a button there, or
Corey Ryan Forster.com. There's a button there. And when you get there, there's all
sorts of options, and you can actually order it from an indie bookstore, which
we would like if you did it. But we also want you to get it regardless of how you get it.
We also narrate the audio. You're going to love it. Thank you all.
Round here and over yonder, September 19th.
What's up? How y'all do? Do you have a good 9-11, everybody?
No. I wanted Andy to have the baby on 9-11, and she didn't.
Would ensure you never forget the birthday.
I was going to name it freedom.
That would have been sweet.
Yeah.
Freedom, spelled funny.
Yeah.
E-I-G-H-D-U-M.
Yeah.
They said if you had twins.
North and South Tower.
Yeah.
Morgan.
North and South Tower Morgan.
Yeah.
Could kids share a middle name?
Why can't?
They've got a last name.
I guess I could.
Yeah.
If there's a rule against it, I'd go Tower-Dash Morgan.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Osama?
Only if it wasn't mine.
Osama.
Yeah, that's a little aggressive.
If he came out and it was clearly not mine.
Osama bin Morgan.
Osama been Morgan.
Osama.
Osama bin Morgan. That's funny.
It is funny.
Dude, that'd be, come on.
Imagine if he was good at something.
A white ginger kid named Osama bin Morgan.
And imagine he was good at anything.
It could be bowling and it'd be the greatest thing ever.
Yeah.
Millions of dollars in ads, but from like, you know, dickhead companies.
There's a, he plays for the giants, but he was drafted by the writers naturally because it didn't work out.
He's a defensive lineman.
His name is Jihad Ward.
Jihad Ward.
Jihad Ward spelled the way that the word jihad is spelled.
Is that a wing of the Veterans Hospital?
Yeah, the Jihad War.
Yeah, that's fine.
Well, jihad's only bad if you're on the receiving end of the jihad, obviously.
And, like, you know, there's some jihads that we have, like, supported, you know, like,
a, me and you are America.
Beatdown, right?
Yeah, I don't think I'm for it, period.
Isn't it some kind of holy, like a holy war?
Religious beat down, holy war.
Yeah, no, I'm not cool with it either.
I'm just saying that it doesn't necessarily mean, I mean, that is the Muslim way of saying it.
But what I'm saying is that if some Muslims jihad some, like, worse for us Muslims than that jihad is.
You know, what I meant was that by the definition of the word, there are some Christians who would be cool if we jihaded some people, which, you know, we've done in the name of the Lord.
Christians doing things they say Muslims do, but they don't like is a common trope with them.
I want to say of all the times we've done something that could be perceived as mildly offensive.
I've never actually been scared, but I don't want to piss off the jihads.
No, me neither.
No, Mohammed's cool with me, man.
And I can't, no, he don't.
Taliban's back, though.
Taliban's back, yeah.
Taliban, Nirvana.
Running a whole country.
Smashout died.
Yeah, in Vanera.
Yeah, Taliban, they're like still in charge of Afghanistan, which I mean, why wouldn't they be?
What else would happen?
But, like.
20-year war.
It was funny.
I still think it's so funny when there's like you see the pictures of like, you know,
the Treasury Secretary of Afghanistan and it's some Taliban dude who looks like he just walked out of the cave,
like sitting in a nice office at a desk with a computer but holding an AK-47 and looking so confused.
You know, and it's like I kind of didn't think they would make it this long because it just looked like they had no idea what they were doing.
It's like, you can't stone every problem to death, am I right?
I have to believe because they've made it this long,
the reason he looks confused is when the photographer got there,
another dude gave him a gun and was like,
listen, this is what we're going to do.
Let me put some dirt on you and make you look like you came out of a cave for PR purposes.
And that's why he looks confused.
You know what I think he knows how to do accounting.
I think it's the AR that's confusing him.
Yeah.
How many people do you think are still left from the OG?
Because like some of these dudes just sign one-day contracts.
You know what I'm saying?
They got 72 virgins for one day.
How do they decide?
This is a good 9-11 episode.
How do they decide?
Poor?
Poor, but they're all poor, ain't they?
No.
Well, I mean, I know that, like, I know.
Osama bin Laden was a rich kid, which, like, and I've said this to y'all before,
but when I found that that was so funny to me and also disheartening, because it's like, dude,
even like the terrorist world is based on nepotism and rich privilege and shit.
You know what I mean?
It's like, even in that world.
It's not a bear in this world.
It's all about who you know.
knowing who your daddy is, even if you're trying to
like, bring America to its knees.
Imagine a dude in the cave, like, pissed about this?
Yeah, you can't be on the come up, right.
You can't start from nothing and be Osama bin Laden someday.
This is bullshit.
Yeah, right.
I put many years in hating America.
But it is like that.
It is like they can't get a fair shake in the hating America game
because some rich kid America hater always jumps the line, you know.
It's a universal truth.
Some poor kid invented killing infidels and fucking Osama
bin Laden just took it from him.
So yeah, you think it's just, do you think it's poor or dumb or both?
They can't be putting the vest on their hitting this guy.
No, it's desperate.
That doesn't make sense.
It's also, they think about who would agree.
You think it's kind of like how we used to send people to the Army in World War II to like get out of a prison sentence sometimes where it's like they, one of them does some shit and they're like, hey, we should stone you to death.
But we will allow you to go blow yourself up in a building and not be publicly ashamed.
We should not just talk about this when it's like easily verifiable.
going to do it anyway. I'm pretty sure
it's not like that. It's not like
the crime thing. It could be, but it's definitely like
an honor. Your family will be
honored. Yeah. You know, but then
not if the whole band
is blown up a week later.
Right. Right. Then your family just
doesn't have a dad or that money that was
supposed to be coming in. What are they up to now?
Did Trump take care of all that? Is that?
The Taliban? No, I know the
Taliban's run in Afghanistan. I mean, like,
I'm talking about al-Qaeda
and ISIS and all them fellers. I feel like
you ain't heard much of them. Like, are they too busy running
countries over there? Also, do they hit
for each other? To be making internet videos? I don't
know. Buddy, I'm going to be honest. I don't know what's going on in like
America? Massachusetts
right now. I have completely
I've done the opposite thing. But you used to hear
about them all the time. Now you don't.
Right? I mean... Well, they used
to drop mixtapes all the time.
That's what I just said. I said they're too busy to go on the internet,
you know, make one of their videos. It's funny, I'm making fun of somebody for
making a video. Me and the Taliban have that in
Yeah, well, you don't have a fly on your fucking face when you do it.
Might as well have.
I'm pretty sweaty, you know, sweaty and uncomfortable.
It's not that far off.
ISIS and ISIL is just the Islamic State.
So I don't think that that's like saying, you know, did white supremacy go away, right?
Am I stupid?
No, you're not stupid.
I just think the organ, like, because like the clan, you know, like, white supremacy is still here, but the clan ain't as popular.
But they still around.
So, oh, yeah.
We're saying that like, you know, the.
terrorism game.
We're so stupid.
The terrorism game is like, yeah, so stupid.
Just like, maybe it's like the clam.
Nice.
Mr. Butt, no, that was a soundboard, Mr. Butt, wasn't it?
It was, but it felt good to put after us just diarying out of our mouth about that geopolitical
things.
Well, I'm not done.
I'm trying to read.
It still ain't helping me.
Nepotism and privilege, you know, that terrorism has that in common with Hollywood.
in other industries.
Found another way in which terrorism in Hollywood have some overlap earlier.
This will make sense in a minute, I hope.
You ever heard of the Bojinka plot?
Mr. Bojinka plot?
The Bojinka plot, which sounds kind of minstrily and racist, but it's a totally different type of thing.
I was going to say it sounds like a biscuit from New Orleans.
Yeah, right, it does.
You're right, but it's not at all.
It was a large-scale three-phase terrorist attack planned in the mid-90s by, you know, Al-Qaeda
and Osama's boys and all them fellers.
and the plan included they were going to assassinate the Pope,
blow up 11 airliners in flight from Asia to the United States,
killing at least 4,000 passengers, setting down air travel around the world,
and crash a plane into the CIA headquarters in Fairfax, Virginia.
The Bojinka Plot fell apart.
Good idea.
Bojinka Plot fell apart because it was uncovered by, like,
somebody who worked for the Philippine Airlines,
because they were running some of their, like,
they were like doing recon and shit over there on the plane,
parts and somebody found them out so it was uncovered and foiled but elements of the bojinka plot
including the plan to crash a plane into the CIA headquarters would later be used by some of the
same people as the basis for the 9-11 attacks on the world trade center in the pinion so it's like
a script and development hell for years is what i'm saying like they were trying to get this off the
ground for a long time they could try to get this made couldn't get a green light for the longest time
and it changed a lot over the years but finally you know and a rich prick came in and made it
worse. Exactly. Yeah. Like, if they could have done it the way they wanted to, they had a really,
really changed culture forever. But they had to bend towards the rich people, and it was a
watered down version. The fact that... And then ISIS and the Taliban was like when White Earp and
Tombstone came out at the same time. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, they're both got
people in it that kind of hit, but one of them's clearly better. Who is that? So,
uh, the main element of this plot, like it said, was like first thing, priority number one,
according to that, according to Wikipedia, was killing the Pope, which makes me think, like,
why don't the Pope catch more heat from...
I don't think they're as powerful anymore.
Is that what it is?
Because it's like, it's all for America, you know, death to America and whatever, but it's like,
you know, they've been going at each other since the Crusades.
Like, you'd figured they'd have some, they'd have some sass for the Pope every now and then,
but like...
I think they got a little Pope sass, but I think for the most part, it's like...
Why rides around in that car?
It's almost like...
It's almost like the most disrespectful thing you could do as I...
to the Pope.
Is ignore him.
Act like you don't hit.
Yeah.
I mean, he ain't shit James.
You're talking about Pope ain't shit James.
You know what I mean?
Bro.
Speaking of Pope's and not being shit,
I've rewatched Spotlight the other night.
Y'all think that movie?
It's on my list.
I haven't seen it.
I just recently watched it out, which is about
the same stuff.
It is so goddamn good.
I watched it when it came out.
I think it won best picture.
At least got like best screenplay.
Is it better than that?
No, it's the old boy.
I just show Trey what you sent me
It's not better than that
It's not better than a little person playing golf
Sprinting at some geese
A fat little person trying to catch some geese
Who stole his golf ball
Evidently
Again, never be funnier than that
Nothing I ever write
Or any of us ever write
He's wearing my favorite color too
It's just about all the kitty didlin
That the church was up to
But it's but like it really
You know
Where else
Boston was the epicenter of this because of all the Irish Catholic mix I got up there, you know.
They, and this is all true.
The Boston Globe or the, like the biggest Boston newspaper.
This is the biggest scandal that they've had.
Exactly.
It was like the watershed moment that broke it all open was the Boston, the biggest Boston newspaper had this expose about what the church was up to in Boston.
Spotlight is the movie about that.
It's not Spilberg, Corey.
That's the Post.
It's a totally different movie.
somewhat similar.
It's Tom McCarthy, I think is his name.
He made Stillwater, the movie
where Matt Damon plays Old Boy.
That poster is the most,
it feels like it's ironic.
I know.
I know, it feels like it was in Tropic Thunder.
There's a whole
old boy universe.
They're not related, but right around the time
Stillwater came out, Mark Wahlberg
had a movie where he played old boy.
Justin Timberlake played old boy in a movie.
Bradley Cooper had an old boy
movie? He was the sniper dude.
Russell Crow played a pissed off
old boy. Richard Gill came out around then.
Is that the one where
it's road rage based on road rage?
Yes, but he's old boy in that. The plot of that
movie is insane. I haven't
seen it, but... I saw a clip of it
on TikTok, which is the thing the kids are doing, and I
had to go read about the plot. I mean, it's
bat shit insane. Which one is this?
Russell Crow plays a pissed off road rage and old
boy who's trying to kill a woman for cutting him off
or something. She cuts him off. He steals
her cell phone and then learns a
about her life in an hour, I guess, to the point where, like, now for the rest of the movie,
like, he starts kidnapping her family and shit.
It makes, I mean, it's crazy.
Like, it is the most cocaine-fueled shit I've ever read about.
Does it hit?
I just read about it, but according to, like, Rottenamedas, no, it varied does not.
What about the people?
What do the people say?
They didn't like it.
I don't.
I did both.
Rottenamados has both, right?
Still, yeah.
Yeah, it does.
Yeah, it's too low scores.
Stillwater does hit, though, for the record.
This McCarthy guy who has.
He's a longtime character actor who started writing and directed movies, beginning with Spotlight.
Pretty sure that's how it went down.
He's like, sort of Taylor Sheridan, but less cowboyish and, you know, hits a little less.
But he still hits.
But anyway, Spotlight, I'm just saying, like the Catholic Church.
On one.
They was really, really, really doing it.
It's like everybody, everybody knew it.
I remember when I was in high school.
There was joke.
I remember my favorite joke when I was 14, which I'm sure everybody.
listen, knows already, but it was like, what's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne won't come on a little boy's face until he's at least 13, right?
And so I got one.
Okay.
All right.
Now, this is anti-Semitic, but I'm still going to tell it anyway.
Okay.
Sure.
Yeah.
A rabbi and a Catholic priest.
He's trying to make asses not mad at us.
Yeah, but I say this is the 9-11 episode, so.
Yeah.
A rabbi and a Catholic priest are sitting on a bench and a little boy walks by.
And the Catholic priest goes, hey,
let's go fuck that kid and the rabbi goes out of what yeah that's a classic right there my point is
like everybody like knew it in this spotlight shit it didn't happen until after i was out of like
not long after but like the movie didn't or the shit it's about well the movie was 2015 okay yeah yeah
the shit it's about was even that was after i was out of high school but not that long after it was
like oh three right it was like it was the mid aughts for sure we was all just pukashel and so it's like
Listen to Green Day.
Everybody knew it, but it was still wild when that came out.
And it's like, because, I mean, dude, it was something like...
It was the Weinstein of the world.
In Boston alone, there was like 1,500.
I remember it being like one of those things with like the numbers so big, it actually
made it seem less worse somehow.
Not like actually, but what I mean is like, you know, when somebody, they say still a billion,
don't ever still a hundred because then you get away with it kind of thing.
It's like, it's almost like people's brain.
can't process what you're telling them.
That 1,500...
By the way, is that children or priests?
I can't remember.
I think maybe.
I don't know, dude.
It's a lot.
It's like a crazy, crazy amount
that makes you go like that
don't even seem like that could be accurate.
Hey, Siri.
But it is.
How many kids in Boston
were molested by a Catholic priest?
See what Siri has to say.
Inside.
I wish you just said all of them.
Did you see that Barry Kriman's documentary?
Call Me Lucky.
That Bobcat Goldwaith did?
No, I remember that being a thing, but I never saw it.
It was incredible.
It was so good.
So Barry Krimmins was a stand-up comic who mostly did political stuff in the 80s and 90s,
was a contemporary of Bob Kat and Dennis Miller and all those folks out of Boston.
And he quit comedy.
He said that he wanted to make a difference in the world, and he felt like getting people to laugh at political jokes was hurting, not helping.
I heard that.
Gave people a reprieve and made him feel like they had to.
some control over it so they wouldn't change anything. And so he then just dedicated his life
to exposing people who abused kids because it had happened to him and his brother by separate
people. Wow. One a priest and one a babysitter. And so then he made his mission and he started
going in the chat rooms on AOL because he couldn't get anyone to listen to him. So he just went in
there and posed as a pedophile and got all this information and then went and testified
before Congress and like change the internet forever because I guess back then new first days of the
internet those folks could just gather in chat rooms and make you know really really dark plans
it's so weird this comes up we just talked about we talked about this on POA but like from a committee
I was laughing about it but I literally just posted the clip this morning I posted a clip where I had a
realization recently while talking to Thompson yeah last time I saw him back in May and we both
were like holy shit and but started laughing
laughing about it, which is this is not exactly what you're saying, but like, we used to go in chat
rooms all the time, right? All the time. We were like 13, 14, whatever. And we cyber, it'd have
cyber sex with all these like teenage girls and stuff. You know, ASL, they'd say 17 female
Cali every time, whatever, we're like, ooh, this is exciting. And we just get filthy with it.
As an adult, you realize, like, those were all 50-year-old dudes who were jacking off while we were
actively participating in it by, you know, describing our...
pubescent wainers in graphic detail and stuff like that.
The pictures, I mean, yeah, some, I mean, that was, yeah, I can't remember if I ever did,
because, you know, I was like, I was fat and didn't.
I didn't.
Yeah, but it would completely, it would go against what I had described.
Exactly.
Well, that too.
We lied, too, but we, but like, we lied and said we were, you know, 17 or 18 and, like, hit harder
than we did.
Well, the reason I asked is, if you don't send pictures, no harm.
I mean, they would not be doing that, but I'd rather him be doing that than dittling a kid.
Well, yeah, easy.
Because they use, I don't even mind to get to the point.
I'm not mad at them, really.
I just think it's funny.
Like, I don't feel abused or nothing.
You know how they talk about, I just think it's funny.
You know, they talk about pedophiles who don't act on the urge are heroes,
and then those who act upon the urge are the most despicable people on Earth.
This is the only person who's in between.
Yeah.
It's like almost a hero.
Yeah, right.
You had a good day.
Now, if they asked for a picture, that's fucked up.
Yeah.
But, you know.
Well, don't you think that all of them wanted eventually to get there?
Like, they were hoping they could talk to you again.
All right.
Of course.
You're correct.
I don't remember anyone ever asking for my address or anything like that.
But like, you are correct.
I was in and out because I would come.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And then I'd leave.
To be clear, just so just like a slight mark of difference,
I think what Krimands was going into was places where they shared stuff.
Right.
Like, like, chat rooms for pedophile, like a pedophile.
like a pedophile meetup.
Yep. Yeah.
Yeah.
And he exposed them and got a lot of people arrested.
Anyway, it's a fucking wild and rad documentary.
And it kind of put him back on the map and he started doing comedy again.
And we were supposed to interview him, if you recall, and he couldn't come because he got too tired.
He had a show, a late show, we had a late show.
And then he died two weeks later.
Yeah, he needed to hang, was going to hang out with us, mark of death for most.
Absolutely.
Speaking of, like, getting too tired.
And I'm not trying to just start, you know,
jerking Dart Brandon off here or whatever.
But it's been a talking point the past a couple days,
and I just want to say, like,
if y'all say, he's been in Vietnam or whatever,
Joe Biden has.
Oh, he went back.
They're trying to impeach him right now.
That too, but like, well,
for literally nothing, like, literally, there's no reason.
But anyway, I'm not saying none of that.
But he, he, uh, god damn it,
I just keep showing him the video.
They, there was a thing that I saw,
Pat and Oswald shared earlier, and it's Peter Ducey on Fox News talking about how like, well, you know, he has been working straight overnight, eastern time because he had a 14-hour flight to Vietnam.
He did a press conference.
He did this.
He did that.
Straight on another flight.
Flew five hours to Thailand or whatever.
Then flew back to D.C.
Did all this stuff and had all this shit back to back to back.
And you can see Ducey realizing like, oh, shit, this don't fit our narrative that he's a senile old man or whatever else.
But all I'm saying is like, I'm 37.
there's no way.
No way.
I could do all.
I mean, if I had Air Force One,
I had a big ass bed on it,
and you could pump me full of sleeping drugs.
And B-12 to travel up,
and you have nobody helping you.
B-12 to wake you up.
I was about to say,
that's what I was going to say,
like even him,
even his age or whatever,
like he's,
they're putting stuff in him.
Maybe there's a double.
And don't, let's not put that out,
don't clip this,
but maybe there's a double.
Don't clip it because this will be the new Fox News thing.
Maybe he's got a double.
Because I just don't,
because it's not the first time I thought that.
I've told this story, but when Al Gore came to my house to make an internet video with me that time,
he came straight from Thailand, right, where he had done a thing, flew 14 hours, whatever,
landed LAX, drove to Burr.
That, dude, that alone is the worst.
Landing at LAX and driving to Burbank makes me want to shoot myself.
He did that after some big ass climate conference and a 14-hour flight, then got to Burbank from
LAX, came straight to my house, did the video one take, one take, right, went and changed into
a tuxedo because the sun was going down
and went to some other shit after
that and I was just sitting there like
I have a theory. How to fuck? I don't, there's
no way dude. I'd be a zombie
bro. If you have that many people
you'd be fine. That's part of it
but I have a different theory too.
Do you think
that, well Al Gore, that's a perfect example.
Do you think Al Gore's smarter than you?
Yeah. Without question.
Yeah, dude. I'm really
not very smart. But like
I can't believe that you think I was rhetorical
like for all of us.
Why are you
what are you basing on?
Why is our
smart?
He invented the internet,
he discovered global warming.
Okay?
I mean,
lockbox,
give it up to my band.
I will give you.
He's clearly smarter than you.
I'll give you that.
I'm sure Republican politicians
do all this hard-core shit, too.
It's like athletes.
Like,
you can train your whole life,
but you can't train
and be LeBron James.
You got,
got to be 6-9-260 with the twitch muscles of a soccer player.
You know what I'm saying?
I think there are physical aspects of some people who are successful in those worlds.
I think they need less sleep.
I think they heal quicker.
I think that their chemicals and their hormones are perfectly balanced, whereas other
people's get out of whack.
And like, it helps that.
They were born rich, fed good food, had access to all this stuff, but even in that world.
like how many sons of producers who make it as actors have brothers and sisters?
Chet Hanks is the one out, you know what I mean?
Like even in the world of a privileged person who has the opportunity to become Al Gore,
they don't all become Al Gore for people who don't know his dad was a politician.
Yes.
But a lot of politicians kids.
And he's the vice president of the United States for anyone further confused.
But my point is like a lot of politicians' kids don't become the vice president of the United States.
They become Hunter Biden.
Right.
And there's new.
factors that could lead to that, but my point is I do think that some people are built
different, but in a way that we don't really quite know how to measure. I don't think Al Gore's
any smarter than you. I think it's a ridiculous thing that you said that. I don't think Al Gore has
done anything in his life to prove... You fucking dumbass. You dumb piece of shit. Al Gore ain't
smarter than you. Well, what is he done in his life to make you think that he's hyper-intelligent?
But that aside, that's a separate thing from my point. My point is like... He's definitely
pretty smart. I'm not saying he's a dumb ass by any means. But I am saying,
that he was born on third base.
Yeah.
And I just think some people are, like, I think about it in comedy all the time, man.
Some people can go on the road, not sleep that much, party, glad hand, improve their
relationships with people, make connections, go out with fans, get their picture,
come back and still be funny the next day early in the morning at an interview.
Yeah.
And I can't.
Dude, you're making, you're really kind of, you're making a lot of sense, but also bumming me out,
because I've had a lot of these same thoughts too before.
Because it's like, dude, I walk around all the time thinking like, there's no way that everybody feels like this, right?
They don't.
And they don't, they don't.
But most people do.
They feel like normal.
It's like people that hit.
No, I think you're normal.
I think people that hit feel better.
They just don't.
Yeah, right.
And Bert's a perfect example.
Bert's a great example.
Bert's very funny.
He's not funnier than you.
He's not funnier than you, Corey.
But he has things that we don't have.
He's not funny.
You either, Drew.
Clearly.
He clearly has things we don't have.
Yeah, he's, I mean, he's.
I mean, yeah, he can be funny longer.
You know what I mean?
He can be funny first thing in the morning hung over.
It is always funny.
Which in a way is funny than us, I guess.
I guess in a way, because it's like volume-wise, too.
His age is the thing that blows my mind because I'm not sitting here saying that I was ever as funny as Burt Crasher or anybody else.
However, the things you're describing early on in the well-read tour, I absolutely could do and did.
You know what I mean?
Like, we would get drunk at the shows, have killer shows, and then I'd get up.
up six in the morning for radio.
I mean, not feeling good, but like could turn it on, do all this shit.
And like, I kind of thought for a while, like, that's just who I am.
And then I hit my 30s and what happens to everyone in their 30s happened.
And like, I can't fucking do that anymore.
Now, granted, I got out of practice during the pandemic.
Maybe it's that.
Like, I had fine-tuned those muscles so much.
But, like, yeah, Bert's age thing.
Like, when he was younger, it's whatever.
But, like, I mean, I'm with Trey.
Like, I can't do that shit no more.
It's the Brady argument.
you guys always throw it me too where you say
okay well any given best Peyton
Manning season versus any given Brady
best season that's super comparable
easy to make an argument Manning's better
but then the volume has to come into play
right that's I guess I do have to say
and when it counts right and I guess I have to say
that Manning was always good when it counted he just didn't have the team
but I guess I have to say that like
it is funnier if you can do it
in those scenarios like I have to acknowledge
by a definition there's more funny
there. You know what I'm saying? When you talk to managers and agents out here, when they
talk about somebody they're excited about, one of our managers said this to me about you early
on. They're like, oh, he's special. Okay, why? They rarely say he's the funniest person I've ever
seen. They talk about the things I'm talking about. And it's almost like, well, in the world
we're discussing, funny is a given. There ain't no untalented motherfuckers getting up at the
comedy story. There's a few, but you understand what I'm saying.
Well, then there's another aspect of it, too, and I feel like, you know, as far as
Burke goes, like him and Tom are boys, right? And I feel like Tom is not like that. He's not
machine-like. He's more like us in terms of like, I don't, he can't just go and go like that,
but he's like, he got business sense. And like if you, you know what I mean? Like,
there's also guys that have that. There's guy.
He has neither.
Andrew Schult. Exactly. That's my whole point. Andrew Schultz is a genius market.
I'm saying Andrew Schultz, Tom Seguero, some of these other guys, that they may not have the
machine thing that Bert does or whatever, but they
had this other thing that's like... Dan Cook
had both. They're good at the business, part
of show business, and that's also huge, and I
just don't, I don't have either of
those things. And again, it's so ironic, because I have a
literal MBA and still don't
hit. I think there are
physical factors that we don't
currently, we're not able to measure.
And I do think you can improve them. I mean, it's
not a coincidence that when any of us stop drinking,
we become more productive.
100%. I mean, dude,
my career changed forever, because
I've been sober for four months.
Like, I mean, that's the only
thing I attribute it to. Nothing,
I didn't get funnier or nothing. I just
was more productive because I was
sober. The,
and the sleep part of it? Yep, that's
huge. I think about that all the time. Like, dude, that might as
and that, that is like a scientifically documented
fact that some people are like that. Some
people just for whatever reason, they don't understand why,
but they just don't need as much sleep. And, dude,
that is, might as well be a literal
superpower as far as I would. I would pick that.
Me too. Some people
it's waste it. Sorry, I love him death. He knows I love him. But like, my Uncle Tim has that, 100%. Uncle Tim stays up to three in the morning every night, wakes up at seven every day, right? No issues whatsoever. He just does. It's just like what his natural sleep rhythm is. But he doesn't have like international ambitions. He has very like normal ambition. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. He could easily sleep. He could easily sleep. He could easily sleep. He could easily say he's an old retired feller. He can sleep. He can sleep.
He can sleep.
So it's like wasted on him and I'm just so jealous of it.
Do you think he needed energy to block all the hate?
Yeah, I don't know, dude.
But I'm so jealous.
Yeah, I'm so jealous of that.
Me too.
That one is like, that's the one.
Like if I could pick one, I'd pick that.
I don't need as much sleep as most people.
So I don't want to like complain too much about it.
I only need about seven.
But I need six or seven.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like below that and like,
we're talking personality changes.
We're talking energy levels.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, there were parts of the well-read tour guys
where, like, I don't really remember anything.
And it absolutely affected my performance,
not just on stage, but like who I was offstage.
Like, what was I posting?
What was I thinking about?
What was I doing for my career?
Nothing.
I didn't have any fucking energy.
I was truly exhausted.
And I just think that some people can do it.
The way that LeBron James can jump higher
than most humans,
some humans can just go.
Right.
And we live in a culture where they act like,
you're talking about laziness,
just decide to do it.
I could decide to go do it.
I wouldn't be as good.
I have forced myself to put stuff out and it's not good.
Exactly.
Well, that's where we're different than some people in some other industries.
I think in some other industries you can force yourself
to just keep showing up and keep doing the thing.
But we have to be funny or entertaining or captivating or whatever.
And if you feel like abject shit,
it's real hard to pull that off.
Like you said, I used to have that argument with our own manager all the time about like, oh, I need to be making more stuff or whatever.
And I'm like, if I just shit something out, it's not going to hit anyway.
And I don't want to put a bunch of stuff out that don't hit.
Yeah.
You know, and in order to hit, I need to feel good.
That's why the second thing I would pick, the second thing I would pick, and Corey, you have this is that sort of easy charm.
Absolutely.
Where, all right, I don't have the energy.
That's why he's the right.
You know, he was always the, you know, the morning radio.
It's like, no, make a head.
Right.
Make them forget I'm here.
Do your pig stuff.
Because if you can't be, because you said it, you made me think of it.
All right, I can't be as funny.
I'm not fresh.
My brain's not quick.
But I can be, but if I have that skill being easy, likable, that's fine for a day or two.
You know what I mean?
Like, you don't have to be hilarious every day.
If you can be hilarious every four days and likable, the other three.
right yeah that's a huge advantage for me that like i like yeah because there's been sometimes that i
know on morning radio maybe i wasn't funny but i was amenable you know and uh and and and said what like
like i i definitely feel like i uh i leave rooms and people are like uh that was fun you know what
i mean even if i wasn't like hitting punch lines like that was fun and i can do that and i'll tell you
so much of that is because it's
like a crutch for when I don't know
if my brain's sharp enough to be funny.
You know what I mean? It's just like, okay,
well, just fucking be in a good mood
and like it'll be fine.
Well, all these things are grooves in our brain that we
learn when we were younger and that's why it's like wild
how some of it's just kind of not dumb luck,
but like you didn't know
that the thing you were using as a coping mechanism when
you were in sixth grade was going to make
you this type of
person in your industry or whatever.
I feel like, I actually feel like I'm pretty good
on morning radio because I'm fresher
the morning. I've always wished the way I feel in the morning
was how I felt at night because I am so much clearer headed that I would be
I generally think of 15 to 20 percent better comedian. I mean as y'all know I'm telling you
if we could do 11 a.m. shows I'd be the best comedian on the planet. As y'all know
I'm the complete opposite. I'm that you know that Tyler Childers lyric late in the
evening when the sun sinks low that's about the time my rooster crows. I'm the opposite.
I'm like a diesel engine. I've tried to make my
myself that way and I can't.
Yeah, it takes me while to even get, I'm not even really myself until like afternoon and like
definitely would not want to do a show before.
But yeah, like the evening time and early, early night stuff, that's like, that's my part
of the day.
That's how Andy is.
Which is good for a comedian, you know.
Yeah, for sure.
But like, but don't hit for the morning radio stuff.
Or the flight.
It don't hit for all the other stuff you have to do to promote yourself being a comedian.
Yes.
Well, and if, and, you know, most comedians have the goal of it.
least being able to dabble in television and film and generally speaking that's going to be
an early morning call. Oh yeah. Yeah. And then you get there and just sit around all goddamn day,
but we went pretty inside baseball after starting off with ISIS. I don't know if that was my fault,
but I just, I have that theory. It doesn't just about, I don't say it's not just about
Osama bin Laden got all that. Yeah. Or had all that. Al Gore, Al Gore. I guarantee you he does,
yeah. Al Gore clearly has that. I don't know if you'll see Al Gore soon. I hope he don't hear this.
fucking putting him and Osama bin Laden
right beside each other for no good reason.
Both these guys hit.
Change the world.
And George Bush
fucking beat him.
But not really.
This is what Republicans believe.
Actually, they both beat George Bush,
but Republicans won't ever admit that.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't know if y'all saw this,
but we all got tagged in a tweet
the other day from one of our fans.
And it actually took me a full day to realize why.
It was this girl,
she retweeted an old drill
tweet and tagged us in it.
And the drill tweet was something like,
I would like to apologize for my
earlier statements.
No matter the case,
you don't have to give it up for ISIS.
You know what I mean?
Or like, one of those things.
And I was like,
I was like, why is she tagging us in this?
And then like a day later I go, oh, it's because I said
Osama bin Laden hit one time, you know?
Yeah, but is that, you said this just,
she just tagged us in this?
Yeah, but she's like a long,
time fan. Right, but you, I'm
saying was she digging through old shit? You said
that, like, that's from a long time
ago, right? What I'm saying is I think
she just remembers it, like, because
if someone, if one of your favorite
podcasters says that if someone been lying
hit, you're probably going to remember that.
All right, I just, this is so
funny. Andy didn't know who drill was
for whatever reason, and
we're in synchronicity today,
boys. I just was reading her
drill tweets as she drove the
other day. We had to leave the house for
few hours because we got it deep cleaned for the birth or whatever. And I just forgot how wild
that dude is and how funny. And I think this is my favorite drill tweet currently. It changes.
So I just wanted to read it to you. This is my art. I am selling six beautiful, extremely ill
white horses. They no longer recognize me as their father and are the burden of my life.
Drill is such a specific type of humor that I just
It's the only millennial art that is just for millennials.
Yeah, but you can't, like, I can't describe to any,
I'm pretty good at being able to see an entertainer and go,
this is what I think they do, this is why it works.
I can't explain it with drill, but it just works.
You know what I mean?
It's like bacon on a sandwich.
I think they satirize the sincerity of the internet.
in a way that no one else does.
It's like,
because it's like there's a melodramatic aspect
to the way some people post like that.
And the ISIS thing.
Got to correct my former stance, guys.
It turns out.
But also,
but also think about this.
Drill is like a total Twitter celebrity.
None of us know who the fuck it is.
Well,
he got doxed,
but here's the great thing about that.
No one cared.
Everyone was like,
it was better when we didn't know who it was
because he didn't want to be doxed.
He writes,
of course,
I mean,
he's in L.A.
But doesn't promote his shit on his Twitter.
No.
And also, because he didn't want people to know who drill is because it's an art.
He considers it a character that's like an art piece.
And also, it came first.
So it wasn't like a Hollywood writer came up with it.
He got to do Hollywood stuff because of it, which I think is cool.
I love that.
Yeah.
Yeah, it does hit.
Speaking of Hollywood stuff, I was watching that.
Are we really not going to talk about Aaron Rogers for two seconds on 9-11?
Oh, I mean, sure, yeah.
My favorite one was Trey saying another jet went down on 9-11.
or some version.
And I did think of that, but again,
I'm sure a million people have made that same.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, right.
But, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I saw the joke a couple times.
This is the worst 9-11 that Jets fans have ever had.
And, like, for the record, for so many Jets fans, that is true.
But I know this isn't a sports podcast,
but I did just want to point out to the world and us,
and not that y'all don't already know, that, like,
if I had to, if I needed to describe,
if there's people that don't understand what we mean,
when we say that's so raven,
this is that.
Like,
this is the best example of that.
For the Jets,
specifically.
For the Jets.
For the Jets.
For the Jets.
It's not really raving for Aaron Rogers,
but it's very raving for the Jets.
That's true.
He's had a pretty charm fucking line.
Yeah.
This is a team that is responsible
for the butt fumble.
They've fucking done,
you know,
they didn't draft Dan Marino
when they should have.
They've done so many stupid things
and all their fans,
this, dude,
this whole fucking year,
all of their fans like the whole world is like hey y'all got aaron rogers you're going to be good
and all of their fans have been like i'll believe it when i see it and i'll be god damned if this
motherfucker his jet's his whole jet's career is going to be oh for one one pass that's it they have
one four thousand yard passer in her history and it's uh joe namath uh from when joe namath was there
which is like that's incredible for him to have done that when he did that like you know in that era
of not a passing league but it's also incredible
that all the years since since it's become a passing league
that no one else has ever done it for them.
But the Chicago Bears have literally never in their history
had a single one and they're not even close to it either.
But they've had a bunch of Super Bowls.
Yeah, they've had, they're like real strong defense and shit.
They've been a storied franchise.
I mean, they ain't hit since I was born.
85?
85. I was born 86, but yeah.
But the Jets are like, you know, an exercise in futility,
which I certainly understand as someone who follows the Raiders.
To go back on the Ravens and not the team,
what we were alluding to,
I think it's helped me clarify what it means to me a little bit,
which is when something so very expected happens that it's actually unexpected,
when something so predictable happens that you would never predict it
because it's too predictable for it to possibly be real.
It'd be like hacked to suggest that that would happen or whatever,
but yet it did happen.
Yeah, it's just like extremely typical, you know, is what's what Raven is.
But typical in a funny way, you know?
Yeah.
Like, always negative.
Like, can you believe that?
This is about right.
I can't believe that I believe that.
Yeah, right.
I cannot believe that I am not surprised.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, I just wanted to get that out there, Trey.
I want to hear your old Hollywood thing, though.
It's not an old Hollywood thing.
I was watching, I actually talked about it last week with you and Too Shard briefly.
That movie The Northman.
Yeah.
Another thing I thought of while I was watching that.
Yeah, it does hit.
I'm not going to repeat everything I said last week, but it's like,
I thought it'd be archier, far easier than it was.
which I was, you know, what's the word?
I was apprehensive.
I was apprehensive.
I was apprehensive.
But then after I watched it, I was like,
well, I thought it'd be a little archier, far easier than that.
But it still does, it still does hit, though.
But anyway, I was wondering, like, any Viking movie,
any old Roman, old Sparta, any of that shit movie,
these dudes are always, like, just absolutely shredded all to fuck, right?
And now back then, they didn't eat refined sugars.
and stuff like that,
and, you know,
they didn't eat the garbage
that we eat and whatnot.
They were all 5-7,
which I think makes it easier.
Okay.
See, but I'm saying,
they didn't know what muscles to work out.
That, that.
There's different arguments.
There's like,
they didn't eat the trash they ate.
They just ate fucking,
you know, rabbit hearts
and grain or whatever.
And they did a lot of physical stuff.
They trained,
bad on all this shit,
but they didn't know anything
about exercise science,
what muscles do what,
whatever.
I don't think that's true.
Yeah, they said the Spartan.
I mean,
they said the Spartan.
They're not.
They have a historical example.
They have a historical example.
Yeah, but that is to look like a bodybuilder.
Like how shredded were these guys is what I'm trying to get out.
The David is an actual person.
So Michael Angelo's statue of the David, that's an actual person.
He looked like that?
Yes.
But if you want to get shredded, and this is, I mean,
Corey, you can have Robbie on.
Robbie's whole thing with Uncle Body.
Uncle Bod.
Yeah.
Go to Unclebod.com.
Use the promo code buttercream.
You get 10% off everything.
Hey, add, boom, snuck it in.
The whole, his whole thing is Tutt, which is time under tension, which is why he stopped using
weights and started using those bands.
The absolute way to get shredded, not huge, but shredded, is to do slow body weight exercises.
When you see those dudes at Muscle Beach in Venice, Muscle Beach has a weight section, but the
biggest part of Muscle Beach is all these rings, ladders, pull-up bars, push-ups, dips.
they're doing like 40 reps, body weight, slowly.
That's what gets you shredded.
Athletes, I feel like have known that for a long.
Now, am I saying the Vikings cared about that, had time for that
because they were not too busy whoring around?
I don't know.
But like even martial arts, how long have martial arts been around?
Right.
I mean, yeah.
Thousands upon thousand years.
Now, do they know how to get big traps?
I'm not sure, but they didn't want big traps.
But I think that they absolutely, they're athletes.
I guess absolutely.
their warrior classes?
They had muscles, dog.
Okay, but I guess I do mean like, you know,
in a hot.
Exactly.
No.
Yes.
There's certain muscles that we only ever learn how to work them out.
Right.
Yes.
Or the world's strongest man, maybe.
They had a bunch of tone and definition, or, yeah, some of them were these big burly
motherfuckers.
But yeah, I mean, like, absolute units with 6% body fat that are massive.
And that's like, I'm saying, no one ever on earth was that ever, in all of human
history until like Arnold in the 70s or something?
Arnold definitely changed it.
It's a recent, like that type of human being has only existed on this planet for like 50
years, right?
That's what I'm really trying to get at.
Yes.
And you're asking a question that's like, so some dudes, when they do those time under tension
workouts, do look a little bodybuilding.
And there's like old pictures of guys in the 20s who were like circus freaks or whatever.
You know, the world's strong.
man and they were barrel chested, but some of them
had like big shoulders.
Abs, I'm not so sure about.
That's what I'm saying.
They weren't ripped.
They were strong.
But they had ripped people too, though.
Like, again, the David.
I mean, that guy's fucking ripped and he's got abs, right?
He was an athlete.
That's why Michael Angela had chosen for his model, because he's a hot
athlete.
So those dudes definitely existed.
I do think, though, there's like an evolution of
standards that only like
modern weightlifting,
the internet supplements steroids all that shit that they didn't have can lead to on like a
on a mass scale right but i think any given part like you wouldn't have a huge group of dudes
looking like that but i think there could be a couple because it's not i'm thinking of a few
things like giant biceps or giant traps yeah you'd have to just work out those muscles and no
no one would do that then why the fuck would they right but again i go back to the david like there
were dudes who were beefy and shredded.
They were just rarer. Because it's just like,
because I'm watching that movie and it's Alexander Scarsguard
right, a fucking Adonis and he's
huge and just
ripped all the shit half-necked
throughout the whole movie or whatever, murdering
everybody. Yeah. Right.
And you're sitting there watching like, God damn,
imagine this motherfucker rolling up on your
village, right? Yeah. And then I was like
Vikings were absolutely terrifying
either way, but like
did this motherfucker ever roll up on
anybody's village and hit, like, is it
possible for that dude to have the craziest Viking berserker they ever had, could he have
touched Alexander Scarsgaard's physique? Like, I don't think. He probably, he'd have killed his
ass. I'm not saying that. Scarsegaard's not that strong compared to those dudes. That dude would
absolutely wreck his shit. I know, but I'm talking about like aesthetically, it turns of what he
looks like or whatever. It just occurred, I know, I'd had a weed gummy and I was sitting there and I was like,
imagine seeing that guy coming at you in Twilight. And then I was like, but that guy never existed in reality.
Let me ask you this.
Back then.
Like, not that guy didn't.
I don't know if that guy would be as scary to you.
Yeah, right.
Some big, like, looks like the mountain that rides covered in blood and shit.
Yeah, that would be scarier.
You know, I think you'd be like, man, that guy's got weird veins.
Well, anyway, gutted him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I don't know.
I don't know.
I think about that.
I think we've also trained ourselves to be afraid of that guy.
But also, dude, look at NFL athletes.
Like, some of them are trying to get abs because they want to be the,
on the cover of sports.
But for the most part,
they're just working out
to be in good shape.
And they look up.
Way more.
Huh?
You said beef up.
Keep going.
I got another thing.
I was going to say,
like,
I,
like,
rip dudes,
that's usually for glams.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
But like,
because I'm always going to be
way more terrified
of a dude like Brian,
our buddy Brian,
or his best friend Brian,
I'm always going to be
way more scared of him
than someone who is like,
your typical shredded because like in my mind I'm like that guy's shredded because he wants to look good
brine's a big ass country motherfucker that will fuck you up fair enough but on the beefy note that's another thing
i thought of i'm glad you reminded me of that like you said NFL players right every now and then
NFL lineman will talk about their diet they'll put out their diet their daily diet whatnot and things
like that and they're like this is what i have to eat just to maintain the size i need to be able to
survive in NFL, which is true.
And these guys are like 300-something pounds.
Well, like, that's the other part.
They back then, they didn't have access to that kind of food.
Like, they didn't have refined sugars and candy either, but they also had to hunt to live.
They could not eat the amount of calories it would take to be this hulking berserker.
Most of them couldn't, right?
Most of them, most of them for sure.
The king would probably make sure his number one murderer is kept in, you know, fucking minks and squirrels and whatnot.
Calorie-wise, they drank a lot of beer.
You know, I know the protein is like an issue, but like, calorie-wise, you know,
they definitely got it in with alcohol.
They get in these long boats and go across the Arctic Sea and shit for weeks and months
of the time.
It's like you're not meeting your macros on the fucking Arctic Sea.
You know what I'm saying?
That's got to fuck with your games.
What about fish?
Isn't fish a good protein?
I'm sure.
Yeah, it's a great protein, yeah.
But I do think they were all short, too.
I think they required less calorie.
I absolutely think they all weighed 150 pounds.
Yeah, right.
They're not as fucking big as they are in the movie.
Other than one or two dudes.
I think there were one or two dudes who were bigger.
You know, the big guys.
I mean, Lincoln, Lincoln was considered a giant at like what,
6-2 or 6-3?
I think he was like 6-5.
I think he was 6-5.
Yeah.
Either way, that's a tall motherfucker right now.
Like a 6-5 person is still tall nowadays, but it's not unheard of.
Right.
Yeah, my buddy Chris Key, 6-5.
That's right.
My buddy James Baines, six-five.
Got two six-five buddies.
And fucking big.
Some dude.
Yeah, he's huge.
Right?
See, yeah.
So that's like, they probably were all short.
They were shorter and smaller generally, but you would have, they still would have every,
you know, every hundred dudes or something, some big elephant child would be born to a sturdy
woman, right?
And then grow up to be like, you know, like a James Bain type of motherfucker.
James is just a big fucking dude.
Now, he's a modern day human.
Correct me from wrong.
but like isn't like the Greek god physique sort of what bodybuilders I mean it's it's
mr. universe for sure don't they use like a Zeus it was Mr. Olympia before that's what I'm
saying which Olympia is where the Greek I think that those paintings had them pretty fucking
jacked first of all Greeks are big people you know back when they were like a more why weren't they
all hairy I mean I'm Greeks here aren't they her suit thing specifically it's that there are certain
muscles they wouldn't have known
to work out. Like we all have the
like when a dude goes on and he's
playing in the movie. What's that?
I just don't know what you guys mean by known to
work out. Like they know they have muscles.
They do know they have muscles. But what I'm
saying is like nowadays like
when Robbie's teaching me curls and stuff
like there's new ways to do curls because it's like
this actually works out this part of your muscle
and stuff. These dudes weren't doing
all the technical shit. They were just getting
bulky in the one way. So like when you see
I disagree with that. I'm saying. I'm saying
they have certain muscles that we've just now really learned how to work those muscles out.
I don't agree with that.
And you have to do these contorted fucking things.
I think it's more...
I think the working out one muscle group actually got invented during the muscle-bound
weightlifting craze in the 40s, 50s, and 60s.
I think the Greek people were working out by like carrying rocks and shit.
I think they were engaging all their muscles, period.
Now, they had the opposite problem maybe.
They couldn't blow up their biceps because they weren't doing it.
but like I think they were engaging
in their muscles, man.
Well, I just saw,
maybe without, like, thinking
that's what they were doing.
I'm not, Corey is right.
There's all these, like, you know,
trendy, wild-ass, brand-new exercises
that have just been discovered and all this shit.
But I just saw a video on YouTube the other day
of this, like, PhD and exercise science
or whatever, some, like, learned gentleman
who also was jacked, so he was jacked and a doctor.
Pretty hot dude, huh?
So you tend to trust him.
PhD.
And he, uh, pretty hot dude.
I just got, thank you, thank you, Drew.
And I thought you were just saying,
And you like a man with an active brain and big traps.
It is both.
But anyway, he watched a video of Kamail Nanjiani breaking down his superhero workout routine, right?
And he had a trainer for that, right?
He was in a Marvel movie.
It's his Marvel movie workout.
Here's his Marvel movie personal trainer he's got.
And here's his routine.
And it's wild shit.
He's strapping these electrode to his biceps.
He's fucking standing on a plate that vibrates while doing certain moves.
because every muscle is engaged
out your whole body
because if you're vibrating
the whole time,
shit like that
throughout the whole thing.
Yeah.
And this dude is sitting there
going like,
yeah,
look, I'm not saying
he's not getting anything
out of that,
but like he could also
just do regular shit too
and it would work just as well.
Like this is all a bunch
of gimmicky bullshit
that keeps that other guy
employed.
You know what I mean?
You got to like,
you got to like
make it seem like
you're doing some shit
nobody else knows about
or this is like
the cutting edge
or whatever.
But most people
who know about it
like that fucking you don't know all you got to do is like deadlift and you know bench press
and a few other things and eat right my my main thing was the amount of calories available the
lack of drugs and sups and all that that type of shit they didn't have none of that especially the
vikings right so unless there was just fish jumping into the boat which i don't know about that
because i'm always been like how they keep all them men alive period by the way you said fish
jumping into the boat i keep a list of like things to bring up on here talking about them
fish jumping in a boat.
Sometimes I'm high when I have a thought and I write it down.
And so I don't know how I thought this was going to start a conversation.
It never would have.
I'm just going to read it to you.
Okay.
That's one of the ones I wrote down.
You just made me think of it.
I wrote down, flying fish evolved to escape aquatic predators and birds be like,
yoink.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Yoink.
And it's like, that's a, you know, it's a funny enough observation.
and I don't know what I expected you guys to say about that
after I brought in a bit.
That might be a bit, man.
But yeah, they did, you know,
because like people were talking about,
I saw a video or something about,
you don't realize how far flying fish,
but they really do, like, they soar for a long time.
They don't just like, boop, boop, boop, poop, poop.
They go out, they're out for a while.
And people don't realize that.
And I saw a video about that.
It was wild.
And people were like, yeah.
Yoink.
Yeah, it's like, that's because they evolved to be able to do that
because if they're being chased in the water by some kind of, you know, predator, they jump out, fly, and they're gone.
And then that's why I had the thought I was like, and that's when a Seahawk is like yoink or whatever.
And they got to be like, ain't this some shit, you know.
It's just nature's a bitch.
I've always felt that way.
I had a bit about it.
Giraffes evolved to get the fruit in the top of the tree.
But like in doing so, they have to run from lines on a set of stilts now.
Yeah.
And also have the biggest throat, which is what every predator goes for is the throat.
It's like they got the biggest throat.
Well, yeah, but the throats up there, they can't get to it.
They can't if they bite my ankle and I fall for 90 feet.
Yeah, because you've got stilts his legs, like you said.
I had a thought, a note that I wrote the other day.
It's kind of different.
It said, this is all it said.
I was probably drunk.
Susan B. Anthony dot, dot, dot, racist, question mark.
And I think where my head was at was that.
Like, I don't know.
Yeah, but I was like, you don't ever think about it.
Like, she's on the fucking coin.
Like, oh, Susan B. Anthony, women.
and blah, blah, blah, she's a hero.
And I was like, I bet she hated black people.
For sure, dude.
You got to just take that for granted back then.
Like, the only ones who didn't are famous for not.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, John Brown or whatever.
Like, he's famous because it's like,
this guy didn't hate black people in the mid-1800s.
Can you believe it?
He's world famous for that.
I mean, he did a bunch of, I know.
He did a bunch of shit because of that.
Violently not.
Yeah, I know.
John Brown's ghost is like, dude, I killed people.
Yeah, he was.
He was. He was.
I shouldn't diminish John Brown's legacy.
You know how many white people I killed?
He did go hard in the paint, but still, I'm just saying.
Yeah, your videos are really changing the world.
I wanted to go back quickly.
Just make one, I think, very quick point.
I'm not saying that in the whatever 200 BC, Camille Nangiani could have been
Only now can that happen.
Right.
Yeah.
It's the...
Accurate.
It's the LeBron James' is, you know, it's the Greek fighters, you know, it's the people in the
fucking arena at the actual Olympics that I'm saying.
I think they were pretty jacked, most of them.
Right.
Yes.
But you do agree with me.
Like, not...
I liked what you said.
You were like, there were dudes who were ripped and there were dudes who were like strong
man.
Yeah.
Right.
But not...
Rarely.
Both put together, which is what we have.
in movies now.
You can make it now.
I think there's like very small
percentage of humans who are just like that.
Very small.
Right.
And they don't need much sleep.
Well, it's been fun.
Happy 9-11, everybody, yeah, absolutely.
I think we...
Fucking Andy.
Go to traycrouter.com, check out my dates.
I'm going to be in Austin, Texas, this weekend.
As we said last weekend, come see me
and then the other night of the weekend
go see Sam Tailing our buddy because he's in town too.
So jealous.
And it's going to hit.
So come see me.
And I've got a five-night, five-city, Ohio run next week.
And then a bunch of fun stuff after that.
Tragrider.com also pre-order.com.
Available here and over yonder, very, very soon.
Also on Tragher.com.
I'm going to be in San Francisco, the last weekend of November,
first weekend of December.
I'm going to be in Atlanta, Georgia, for the Laugh and School Comedy Festival,
October 6 and 7th.
And that is all my dates, because I am about to have a baby.
yeah buddy congrats i'm super excited for you i'm so glad that our group thread is now mark's going to be
the only one without a kid it's going to be a lot of fun uh i will be at the lookout comedy festival
in chattanooga tennessee uh on october 18 uh so go grab uh those tickets at uh i think
lookout comedy festival dot com or the comedy catch dot com check out putting on airs with me and tray
go to part time funny man dot com for all my bonus stuff and
And yeah, the book, around here and over your honor, comes out September 19th.
So you can pre-order it now, but you're getting close to just being able to order it, which would hit.
And if that's all for you guys, then I would like to say, thank you all for listening to the well-read show.
We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go.
Tune in next week if you got nothing to do.
Thank you. God bless you, good night and skew.
Pets.
