wellRED podcast - #345 - Carmen Morales Makes Everything Better!

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

*Hey guys.... trigger warning: Suicide is brought up a LOT on this episode. If you or anyone you know is struggling, please talk to a mental health professional or call or text the suicide hotline at 988* This week, The CHO is sick so pinchhitting for him is the hilarious Carmen Morales! Carmen and the boys discuss Opulence, Tiny Houses, and Nascar! (among other things!) Go to BonusCorey.com and subscribe to Corey's substack so you can binge the new audio drama and become part of the world he is building! Go To TraeCrowder.com to see Trae live (and pick up a copy of our new book!) DrewMorganComedy.com will get ya all ya need to know on Drew! go to CarmenMorales.com to catch Carmen near you! Go to FactorMeals.com/WellRED50 to get 50% off your order!!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skew universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery?

Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

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So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know,

put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was money. What was that a reply gift for?

Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first. But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help.

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You're too busy with holiday plans to cook but want to make sure you're eating well. With Factor, skip the extra trip to the grocery store and the chopping, prepping and cleaning up too while still getting the flavor and nutritional quality you need. head to factor meals.com slash well-red 50 and use the code well-red 50 to get 50% off. That's code well-red-50. That's well-R-E-D-50 at factor meals.com slash well-R-E-D-5-0 to get 50% off. What's up everybody? Look at what is. It's Carmen Morales. Hi. Long-time Dennis of the Skeuniverse sitting in for Corey today.

Except Corey's normally a disembodied head on the screen behind us like Power Ranger style. I mean, I could do that. Do you want to embody your head? Yeah, kind of. I mean, make it look. But you know, he actually, like, did you fuck with Power Rangers when it was the first Aaron? Yeah. I was huge into it. You remember Zordon?

Mm-hmm. The big disembodied, bald head. Yeah. Corey, like, kind of sort of looks like Zordon. I never really thought about it. Which one was your favorite? Which was your favorite? Oh, Jason, the Red Ranger all the way.

Of course. I was my favorite was the yellow one. Uh-huh. Yeah. Because I couldn't stand, Kimberly. I don't think I had a favorite till the green came on. Yeah. Yeah, the bad boy.

You like the bad boy. Tommy, like Raphael is my favorite Digital Turtle too. Yes. The asshole. Get it. Yeah. I was more of a Michelangelo guy.

Tommy was rag because he was a heel and then he, you know, he did the opposite of a hill turn. Did a face turn. Yeah. Because he became the white Ranger, you know, the white power ranger. The first time he told, he had a joke with that in it. And I thought, I was like, dude, that's like Chris Rock. That's the funniest fucking thing.

I still feel that way. Well, then the internet made it ubiquitous, which is the problem with a joke. Yeah. I used to have a stand-up bit about him being the white power. Ranger and then and then I started seeing any memes on the internet and I saw like two or three of them and I was like okay I got to stop doing it. Well that happened to me with

Tiny Houses being trailers and then every comic also had it too. Yeah. But I mean that's but that's the thing was when rich people appropriate our poor people culture then they just make it like remember living out of an RV

used to be a thing now it's like you got to be rich to live out of an RV. Yeah when I saw a meme the other day about living in a van down by the river. It was like that was a warning in that sketch. Right. That was like, you'll end up living now. It's like, well, if you save up and you have $120,000, you might be able to live in a van by a river.

Yeah, if you have enough money for a small home. You could be the warning. Yeah. Dude, a lot of those prefab homes are fire looking though. They are. Well, those vans are fire. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Some of them, they got second floors and all this of their shit.

It's insane. You're talking about the tiny ones? The tiny houses? The tiny houses, yes. The ones that are even made out of the shipping containers and also the fucking RVs. They're insane. Yeah.

I did a festival that was like RV people. It was called Descend on Bend, but it was their offshoot, Descend on Pinnacles. And my opening joke was something about how everyone here is like a rich guy who was bored with his life and tried to decide this is what my family is going to do or someone barely fucking. hanging on by a thread living in and that got the biggest pot I was I just was like

oh we'll see how this joke does and it was like they were like yeah and we're all friends everyone here is super rich or insane and has you know creditors coming after them yeah either way criminal or cash kid one or the other criminal or white collar criminal yeah we know about the trailer parks in like Malibu or whatever very little what do you know about nothing I was just seemed like something you might know about I've seen them I mean I know that they exist I've talked about them. I'm very curious about like where that falls on that spectrum that you're discussing right now. I've looked them up.

I don't think this has always been the case because it feels like impossible, but they are like $2 million now. I just don't. Yeah. See, that's the right. That's the right response. I know. Like, I don't know how. I mean, I live here in Burbank and like I have kids that are in school, public school.

Yeah. And I'll go pick them up, you know, and there'll be other parents there wearing like a vons. uniform, which for people don't know, it's a grocery store. It's like wearing a Kroger uniform or something or a T-Mobile name tag or something like that. Yeah, people that still work real jobs. Regular people. Regular people with regular jobs is what I mean. And anytime I see somebody, like, I'm always just like, how are you here?

They bought no two? Or just families, always been here or whatever. But I just like, I look at some people at the time, I'm like, I don't know how you. Or sustaining this. I don't know how you exist here. Because it's like, it's just so absurd. Does your kids go have one of those things where they have to allow kids in from other parts of...

Yes, but I don't know how it works because we just live right here in the actual neighborhood. But yeah, they do have something like that. So maybe they work in this part of town. Their kid goes to school in this part of town, and then they... Yeah. Traves back to poverty land together. I think that that is the case for...

Probably that and also getting grandfathered in. I think it's the grandfathering in. When you've lived in this neighborhood long enough and you've refused to sell. Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm selling a house I grew up in in Clay County, Tennessee, complete opposite end of the spectrum.

and like it's I mean compared to out here it's nothing it's a tenth of it of course of course but like even what things sell for there is wild to me just because it's like gone up across the board

it's fucking big up baby yeah I saw a statistic the median home income is now something like eight times what it was in whatever year they're using as example 75 compared to the minimum wage or

median income. In other words, it's not eight times more expensive. It's eight times more expensive than the difference used to be. Does that make sense what I'm saying? Yeah, you mean like the amount of money you make versus how much things cost, like how that used to break down? Yeah, the gap. It's eight times worse now than it wasn't 75. That's a better way to say it. Everything's eight times worse. They did the math. Things are worse than they used to be for sure. By eight times. Yeah. Well, speaking of which, I was going to talk about suicide a little bit. Yeah. This is my specialty.

All right. So I found, I saw on a Reddit a while back, there was a, there's this bridge in South Korea called the Mapo Bridge, right? And it's like, it's sort of like the golden gate of South Korea, i.e., like that is the place to kill yourself at. You know what I mean? Like, it's the best bridge around for jumping off up. How do architects feel about that? Take a number. Like you're at the fucking deli county? Do you think architects are excited about that? So, well, this might be a clue. That's the answer to that question. Because in 2012, after years of people in South Korea jumping off that bridge, in 2012, the city there,

renamed the bridge, the bridge of life, and decorated it with all these little life-affirming messages, just little signs and placards and stuff that had life-affirming. messages on it. The amount of people jumping from the bridge increase the following year. Yeah. I'm sorry, but if I'm holding on by a thread, live, laugh, love, and South Korean is not going to stop me. For sure. If anything, I was like, well, this is the most I'm going to live right now. Iron, which is what all your friends' Chinese character tattoos say. Right. So that, 100% I agree with you about that. But beyond just that, some of the messages they put up, They caught a lot of flack for some of the choices they made.

Oh, I cannot wait. And I don't know if this is like a lost and trans. I don't know how, you know what I mean. This is translated from Korean into English, but this is what they said. Like, when it said, just try it. Oh, no. Were you lonely because you do not have any parents or friends? What kind of question is that?

Wait until you get older, tisk, tisk, tis. Can you even swim? Holy shit. L-O-L, you need to try harder and wake up, all of which were eventually removed. So I don't know, you know, what kind of committee they put together. I don't know what kind of failed Hallmarked author was writing these, but it seemed like they were on their way out too. Holy shit. Wait till you're older?

What's the appropriate age to kill yourself then? Yeah. Or excuse me, un-life yourself now. That's the that's the... Oh, yeah, that's right. Unalive. Unalive. That's the appropriate way to talk to the kids about it.

I've seen that in sewer, like the word, suicide. Sewerside. Do you, do you know all those rules and stuff? All those like social media rules like that, like those? Not all of. Because those exist for people, you know, because they'll demonetize you or de-algorithm you or whatever if you don't follow these rules. Yeah, right. So, like.

It's usually like cussing, mentioning suicide or mentioning drugs or mentioning. any of those like just major things so but I'll see why a lot of people beep their videos and stuff like that I know but like but I'll see things sometimes usually from him that is just like the wildest shit he sipping one the other day of this like little person Osama bin like I mean he was literally just like a small Afghani man but like you know he was like a dwarf a desert dwarf so hard desert dwarf a desert dwarf yeah what I feel like you guys are making up news A Middle Eastern Dwarf, right?

Yeah. We were. Yes, right. Who just pulled his dick out, and that was the whole video. Someone sent it to me and shook it. And he had like 700,000 likes or something like that. And like, I've seen videos of people saying every slur there is on earth. But which platform?

Because I'm talking specifically about TikTok. Because Instagram's looser because it's still. It's still Facebook owned. I always thought Instagram was supposed to be more of the, you know, more uptight ones for some reason. That's because you follow these comedians who keep claiming they've been shadow banned for speaking the truth. Yes, that is true. Instagram's out to get me.

Yep, I've heard that three times this week, I think. That's, there's not a quicker unfollow from me. Because even if it's true, I don't care. I don't know how you even know that that's happened. You got to, like, search for yourself and you don't come up? No. You, your videos aren't doing as well. and you convince yourself

you're the center of the goddamn universe that Mark Zuckerberg's out to get you because he's a fucking Jew. So... That was ironic, everybody. Mark, that was ironic. Don't shadow ban me. If you were the mayor of

Maypo, South Korea, or whatever, I mean, what would you do about the suicide bridge? Nothing? I mean, nets, right? Isn't that what they do around all the factories? Nets. Yeah. But those nets don't.

pay for themselves. No, they don't. Those workers pay for them. They're goddamn right, they do. Well, if you're the mayor, how are you going to pay for them? That's your bonus, motherfucker, is we put in nets to keep you here. That's your holiday bonus. I think I'm, I'm taking it to Instagram.

A big reveal party. Now you can't kill yourself, baby. Get back to making phones. Instead of pizza. Yeah, right. Yeah, big holiday party this year. Got a big surprise. You guys are going to love it.

In lieu of your bonus, I know you guys have been making a lot of phones. I get it. Not you, Lou. Not you in Lou. Yeah. Lou's been fucking. You're slowing us down, if anything. But I just, to keep you guys all happy in here, I want you to know for this year, for the holiday, for, you know, Nets, baby.

You're here. You're stuck here, babe. And we named it after Wong. Don't you guys miss him? Oh, Jesus. Jimmy Wong Memorial Net. Nothing. Nothing wrong anymore, baby.

If I were the mayor, I think I would make it a fucking, why not make it a, uh, why not make it tourist thing, like that forest in Japan. Yeah, right. Yeah. Gets send to Paul brothers over there. Is there the suicide forest? Yeah. Yeah. Remember, Logan? That was like one of the things that made Logan Paul huge, but in a, you know, well, I guess not in a shitty way since he's just straight up a massive superstar. He went over to the, when he was like just regular YouTuber, he went over to the suicide forest in Japan and like filmed dead people. People killing people? I don't think.

It's not a murder. It's not a homicide for us. Yeah, it's a suicide for. suicide for. But he like went over there and it's like, you know, he's like, watching people filming people? Yes, and being a body. He's like, listen. I know, he found a body.

Smash that. Smash that subscribe button. Today we're going into suicide forest checking out this dead guy. What's up? Look at that. You know, like, what's up guys? I'm here at the suicide forest. Look at, we got somebody already done.

Did it. I mean, barely. Turns out we got here late. Like, that's what he did. He showed a little, not contritioning, he showed a little like, can you believe it? But you're barely, barely. exaggerating what happened.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll never be that guy. But the reason he knew about it is that it is, I don't think it's a tourist trap. It's not, I don't think there's a guy selling hot dogs there, but it's a known thing. What if it's, I went to the suicide forest, and all I got was this T-shirt?

That's the bridge. That's what I'm selling T-shirts at this bridge. That great fucking, former voice of comedy central. Live, Laugh, Un-Life. Former Voice of Comedy Central. Don't live life. Not Rory. Fucking.

Canane. That great Canane bit. Which one? About people. He's got so many. When you commit suicide off a bridge, why not make it exciting? We're a Superman outfit. Yeah.

In with a question mark instead of an exclamation point. I'm doing that. You're going to do it today, dude? Fucking buy this Batman outfit. Yeah. Let's go. Everybody, dare this got to do a gainer. Worst case scenario, you hit your head?

Come on, dude. Would you go to the bridge or the, uh, forest if you were in the market. Oh, forest for me. Really? I guess so. Yeah. It's nicer scenery. I guess, no, I mean, I don't mind plummeting. Pills. I mean, yeah. But you could do that in a forest in a nice setting. That's what I'm saying. I do, I mean, I do pills now. Pills in the river. Yeah. Yeah. Let the river wash me away. Pilsner. See, the bridge makes. Pils and a Pilsner. Fuck yeah. Mama's, that's, that was a great market. Remember that beer? Mama's yellow little little yellow

pills? Man, how'd they get away with that? I don't know, but a bridge makes sense because, like, it's, you know, it's easy to think I'm going to jump off that if you're in the suicide game. But, like, just there's so many parts of so many different forests that don't say to people come kill yourself here. Do you know what I mean? Most parts, yeah. Right. Almost all of them. Well, that's my whole thing.

How is it a suicide forest? Is there like a place or it specifically or they're like, if you're going to do it, do it here? Yes. They have like a plaque. It's kind of part of their culture. I don't know how I got started. Maybe we could look it up, but like, yeah, it's like, and it's also known that if you are going there, like, that's why you go there. You're not supposed to go there, I don't think for any other reason, and you're supposed to be like...

You're not supposed to go there to, like, build your following? No. And you're definitely not supposed to be like, what's up, guys? You said it's part of their culture, but like, they're not doing it with swords, though, right? No. Okay. I don't mean... Yeah, right.

I don't mean, like, you know, the Japanese people have been doing this for years. I just mean, that place is known. That's now a known part of their culture. So I think when you did it like this It was like in front of everybody or something Was it Harry Carey? Harry Carey? How do you kid?

Slash Sapuku. I thought I don't remember the difference. Sepoku. Yeah, announcer, play-by-play guy or whatever. Yeah. It was a very similar thing. I thought that was called subpooku. It is called both. I'm pretty sure.

I don't know. Don't ask me how or if there's maybe two slightly different things, but I've heard both words for the same. It's honoring. I think it might be it. Before dishonor, you know. Right.

So it's not like suicide. It is. but it's not like my life isn't this or that. It's like I have to die because I failed. I guess that is kind of same. The rules they had for dishonor though, and now I want to preface all this by saying I got this from a book I read about Feudal Japan,

a novel written by a white Englishman. Take it for what it's worth. I got some stuff from Wu-Tang Clan. Let's see if our war matches up. But to be also fair, as I said white Englishman, it's like a very famous historical. It's called Shogun, right? It's like a pretty big book.

Yeah. And according to that, dude, you don't just, uh, yourself, you like got to kill your whole family if the right circumstances are right or someone has to. Like if you got children, they don't get to live no more because you've dishonored like, you got to do the CTE thing. Your whole family is the line. You got to kill the line, man.

Yeah. Not only are you trash, but your kids are trash. Your kids, kids, kids are going to be trash. So you got to end it. you got to end the line. There's a part in there. You're just like an angsty teenager and your dad fucked up so bad you have to die.

And there's a part in there where like, and it's like, you know, they just they don't show the right kind of deference to some lord in a situation. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's just like our kings. Like little, seemingly little shit. And then like that dude's...

You use the wrong fork at dinner. And then that dude's daddy is like, go kill all my grandchildren and then yourself because you fucked up. And then they do it. I mean, That's barely different than the stories about our kings and queens. It's just them instructing kill him in his entire bloodline because I don't like how he looked at my wife.

Yeah, white kings did it because of like threats to their throne or whatever. Or their ego. Yeah. Which I guess you're saying it is a little different when it's honor, but it feels a little egotistical too. Surely it was abused. Right. You know. Kill your whole family off. You've dishonored me.

How do I do that? You're more badass than me and I don't like it. I think maybe, I think I swear. which sides. I think I'm going to go back to the, to the bridge. I think I'd rather plummet off of a bridge because you'll be dead. Usually you die before you hit the water. What? What? From a heart attack or something? Yeah, your heart stops. Okay. Well, if you've heard that, I know you've heard the other little factoid that they always say that every person who's ever jumped off a bridge and lived, every single one of them has reported that they regretted doing it as soon as their feet

left the ground or whatever. Well, yeah, that's the intrusive thought, right? That's the fun part where your brain goes, this might be a good idea. And then you do it. And you go, no, no, no, no, no. I was, I was kidding. I was kidding. Can we back up? I was just kidding.

We should have done a trigger warning. Yeah, that's my fault. I just thought the messages were funny more than anything. But also, I saw this post years ago I sent to y'all. Had nothing to do with that. It was like some bridge in America somewhere. And the caption of the post said, it was a picture of this bridge that had somebody like graffiti all of it, like on a bathroom wall.

And there was two messages. you can read. And the caption said there's two types of people in this world. And one of the inscriptions said like, don't do it. You are loved. Call this hotline or whatever. And then the other one said, do a backflip, F, slur.

And that's what I always think of when I think of people jumping off a brief. Which side are you? I already said do a gainer. You know which one you are. Yeah, yeah. I would have said pussy, though. If I saw a real person, actually going to do it, I would

be the former, but if I was like wanting to draw a funny thing on a bridge, you know, it'd be the latter because... It's better than wait till you're older L.O.L. or whatever they put on the bridge in South Korea. It also might make somebody laugh. Right. And they decide not to do it. I mean, I feel like

that might could happen to me if I was, you know, walking up to the bridge to do that. And I saw that exact thing written there. It definitely would crack me up. I guess I can see... And it's weird to jump off a bridge while laughing real hard. Right. You know. I mean, if you are, you were ready to die. I guess I could see a guy

who's got real bad dad issues and that's part of what's gotten him to this position and be like, I'm not a pussy. I will fucking do a flip and I'll show everybody. Well, it's funny

and then they actually attempt it because it's funny if they fuck it up. You know what I mean? Try to do an actual backflip off a bridge. Yeah. Fuck the backflip up and somehow survive. That's always brutal to me.

I mean, obviously, The second you aren't successful and, you know, you get all fucked up from jumping off a bridge, I imagine there's regret. But also, at the same time, it's like, man, it would be nice if you hadn't to fuck just this one thing up. So you didn't really fuck you up even worse. Yeah, failing. Now you're in. Yeah. Ending the failure.

Yeah. That'd make me want to. Yeah. Do it again. Roll me off this bridge. Take down the next. God damn it. Damn you Wong.

Oh man, this is dark. It is. And I don't know where to go from here either. We can't talk about my brothers too. The literal one and the slow one. That's all this was missing. It was making it personal. We could make it personal somehow.

Well, guess we could. Have you guys ever tried to un-life yourself? No. Oh, wow. My brother took that for me. Oh, that's true. That is true because when my sister passed away, that was one of the first thoughts that I ever had was great.

now I can't fucking kill myself which is like an honest thing and not that I wanted to but it's just like you can't. You wanted the option. I wanted yeah I wanted the well you can't have your parents stuff but that's what I'm saying I would have to wait but it was definitely one of those like

oh fuck I can't because if both of your kids pass away then you think it's you you know and I can't have my mom thinking it sir it's not Corey had that same thought when he had a kid he said he said that on here I'm pretty sure yeah we didn't even talk about it for a while He said that, like, when he had a kid,

at one point he realized it and got bummed out because he was like he had lost the option. Like, you said it, like, he never went. But I'm saying, I didn't want to. Listen, it's nice for it to be on the menu. Well, I told them, I went straight from being like in my early 20s and thinking I'm going to live forever and then I'm the shit and I'm a future superstar. Sure.

Because I was like that at 23. I went straight from that guy who would never kill himself to having children and being past that. So I've never, in matter of fact, I'm finding, as I grow older, I only grow more increasingly terrified of death. So that's fun. Yeah, I've never been scared of it. Yeah, no, I'm like. I think I was too close to it as a kid.

I think about it a lot. I'm in this spot. A whole lot. I do too. And it's not good. I'm in the spot. Well, I used to be afraid of very, very genuine, like panic. My first panic attack was because I thought I was going to go to heaven and live forever.

And it's, and it took me years to work all that out. The idea of living forever mortified me. Like I would stand up in school thinking about it and start having a fucking panic attack and then have to pretend like I had to go to the bathroom or whatever. And as soon as I, like almost literally to the day that I'd kind of worked through all that and it didn't get to me anymore.

And I accepted that if there is any sort of afterlife, it has nothing to do with me. Like I won't remain. It's not like this I wake up in heaven. Literally like instantly it was like, oh, so I die, die. fuck. That was like terrified if you do, terrified if you don't.

Yes. I remember one, like, I remember the night. It's been, probably during COVID, I imagine, when everybody was all fucked up mentally or whatever. It's like 20-20-ish, but I can remember laying in bed because I always just used to think, like, there's quotes from people you can read. It's like, you know, I wasn't alive for billions of years before I was born. It never bothered me then. You know what I mean? Or what happens when you die?

Nothing. Nothing happened before I was born. I never cared to it. Like, I used to think that type of. of shit, but I remember just one night I got like a little too high. I'm laying in bed and I'm just laying there and I'm like, but what is nothing? What is it? Like what the fuck is nothing? And now I started thinking about the goddamn universe and everything. There had to be nothing at some point or there weren't, there wasn't, there was a, none of it makes sense. Pete Holmes got a whole

bit about it on his new special about now. It's good too. Yeah. And made me so mad that it was good because I don't. It's like an anti-anarchist bit as nothing is something. Nothing can't be nothing. We can't have come from nothing if nothing is nothing because it's nothing. Right. And my favorite line as he goes, and also you guys are saying you don't believe in any sort of God. So you're saying you return to nothing. Oh, you return to what you came from? Sounds a lot like heaven to me.

Yeah, you return to your creator. It's a great bit. That general thought process is exactly what I used to do. But instead of nothing, I would go forever. What the fuck is eternity? That's what I would do. That same thing. How can it be forever?

If it does it not have a beginning? How can it not have an end? And then I would like cry and my mom would have to come console me. You know, all I have right now is that I'm like, I have to get rich enough to purchase the wealthy people immortality shit that hopefully they will come up with sometime in the next 50 years. Is it about the cryofreeze? Whatever it is. Just like, I'm saying like, I fear death, but I also look forward to it. I don't. I say it.

It fucking freaks me out so bad. add lately that that's where I always have to land on ultimately is I have to just be like it'd be alright I can just what I can do is I can just get rich somehow and then fucking uh they'll scientists will figure you know that's like the number one thing they they cured not been able get your dick hard like bald will be next and then it's going to be some kind of like live longer pills or whatever fuck climate change just give them hair and live forever yeah but that's true though they're going to spend more money on those things so like money I keep thinking like they'll get some youth shit, a youth serum

or something. Sign up for Tray Crowder's Patreon right now and fund his quest to be immortal. You know, the thing we've never been warned is evil. It's like I did that, I did that thing at Al Gore's place and I thought there's going to be adrenal chrome or whatever there. You're waiting. That's supposed to work and then

were you pissed? So pissed. Hey, couldn't get it. Let me say that. Do you guys say... What am I working for? It's not for that. I know you've got to do a thing. This is on topic and then we'll move on to the commercial situation. Do you guys ever read Ursula K. LeGwen? I know.

She's my favorite sci-fi author. There's a caption in the last book I read by her that talks about how we all have to accept death, but we should absolutely fear it too and despise it. And I really, really resonated with me because it seems like people present it as your choices are to be deathly afraid and it consume you and it fuck up your life or just accept it. Just accept it. And I was like, there's always something that felt off about that.

And then I was like, okay, reading that passage, it's like, no, I accept that I will die and therefore I fucking hate it. I hate the fact I'm not going to be around when my kid's 75. You know what I mean? I hate this stuff. I feel like it's because you guys have children. I'm like, I have, I'm totally chill with dying. I'm not, I don't want to. Right.

You know what I'm saying? But if it happens fine. Yeah, I mean, but I've also, yeah. One less thing. It's like eating ramen. Yeah. It's an option. It's a,

my life's been cool enough. You know, that was actually one of the most baller things that, because my mom doesn't ever really talk about things in a philosophical way, mainly because my dad doesn't let her talk very much because he talks so much. But one time we were in the Bahamas together because I was working there and I brought her with me. And we're just sitting in the ocean. I'm working with another comic who's all,

you know, he smokes enough weed where he's always in that headspace. What about aliens? What about this? What about that? And he asked my mom if she would, She had the option which she wanted to live forever and she goes, eh, and she was like, why?

He's like, hey, it's enough. Yeah. I think the time we have here is enough. I don't want to do it up more. I wouldn't want forever at all, but I would definitely want 400 years. Sure. 400? For sure, yeah.

With the option of at 200, I can be like, change my mind, let's go. And I want them to be healthy. You want the option to be out. And I want them to be healthy, ears. I don't want to be 400 years old. Well, now you're getting particular. The whole thing is life. There's no guaranteed on how things going to work.

Right. So I say, however long I got, I'm just grateful. Yeah. I'm grateful. Plenty of people that didn't and plenty of people live too long. Do you think you're better than us? No. You are.

I think I'm chill. That was the joke. I agree. Yeah. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. This isn't a competition.

I'm just saying that's the relationship I have with death. But that's because I've been talked about, I've been talked to about dying or have my life threatened since I was little. So my relationship with death isn't, it's not scary, just because it's been presented as scary so much now that I'm disenchanted by the fear of it. You've seen the horror film too many times. I guess, yeah, you know. Or the same kind of thing, if you clean up a dead body's enough, it becomes less gross

and more, look at, he's flickingy off. There's that, there's that, yeah, the slow not being scared of it. Or the longer you're, I mean, me and DJ have talked about this, the longer you're in prison, when the riots happen, it goes, hey man, hand me that guy's bread. He's not going to eat it. You just get more comfortable with the idea. It becomes less scary and more just that's another thing.

Yeah, you said, him and that guy's bread. He's not going to eat it. Sometimes, you know, you've got to make choices when it comes to what you're going to eat, right? So this holiday season, you might be looking for nutritious, convenient meals to keep you energized on these jam-pack days. Factor, America's number one ready-to-eat meal delivery service can help you fuel up fast for breakfast. lunch and dinner with chef prepared,

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and I haven't been able to be keto all the time, but it's nice that I can do it for those meals. You know what I mean? It's like, all right, today we're low-carbonate. Have two of these back-to-back. They're tasty. I like them. I'm a sauce, man.

All their keto meals have great sauce. Oh, I love a good sauce. There's no dryness to them, you know, and I dig that. So, yeah, I'm a huge fan. It's nice that we've gotten growth in them. I mean, if you're going to, going back to what we were talking about, if you're going to die, die healthy, first of all, one. And then two, I love the evolution.

that we've had where you can have quality food made quickly. Because before, it just used to be like a lean cuisine or a kid's cuisine where it was like, this is all chemicals for sure and corn. They would just give you chemical meat and corn and a very disgusting brownie. And now you can have a proper meal with actual healthy, fresh ingredients, cooked easy, peasy, quickly, minkly, come on. And if that sounds good to you, here's what you can do. Go to factor meals.com slash well-read 50 and use the code well-read 50.

and use the code well-red 50. That's well-red-50. That's well-red-50 at factor meals.com slash well-red-50 to get 50% off. Try it now. Factor hits. Although I got to say, I do like chemical meats too. Do you? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. But smirch. What he was raised upon. Yes. I'm a human garbage disposal. Potted meat. You're not like trailer paté, the potted meat. It's like you spread it, spreadable pig, all.

awful that you could put on a cracker. The devil ham? Deviled ham. That is one of them, but there's also one that's just literally called potted meat. They don't even tell you what kind of, it's just called potted meat. You don't want to save a lot. Yeah, and yeah, spread it on a cracker or whatnot. Or Vianni sausages, you know those?

Oh, yeah. Vienna. Yeah, I thought the Vienna sausage. I mean, they definitely are, but I've never heard anyone growing up calling them anything like that. Vianni. And I don't know how to come in. Those were so gross. I tried to eat them.

I can't. They're so nasty. I love them. Yeah, right. That is funny. That and the ice cream, the old Breyer's ice cream. Vionetta? Vionetta?

Yeah. That's the height of luxury, bro. I've looked for it. I remember watching that. It's in Spain. When I was in Spain, I saw it. That's the only place I've seen it. I remembered it one time when I was like a teenager and I was like, I wonder if that

was good. I could afford that now. I bet it wasn't bad. Sure. It was fucking ice cream. Bad, yeah. How crazy is it that, like, things like that, just everyday products, were symbols of like symbols of luxury, symbols of opulence.

Dude, is it still a supreme? Yeah. Still happens. Gray Poupon. Oh yeah, I always thought that was for me. Oh, but you mean specifically food items. Yeah, that's not really happening as much anymore, but now it's fashion. It's all came out of like the 80s and everything, right, with like fucking all the consumerism

and Greek, like being rich hits real hard. Of course, being rich is always hit, but like people became aware of it and thought they could be rich. And so it's like, let's make people feel rich with ice cream loaves and fancy mustard that cost $4 a bottle of water. And the dream of room from a baby. Yeah. That's what it was. It was, it was, you wanted to eat like at least if you weren't rich, you could at least eat like the rich, but the rich weren't eating fucking Vienna. Hell no. Hell no. I mean, ironically, they were eating closer to like, probably not peasants, but like people from the fucking 1500s because it was like, yeah, they're eating something that was raised without chemicals,

just meat and potatoes. You know what I mean? There was like way less processing going on. They also, you've been to a real fancy-ass restaurant because I haven't. I'm talking like three Michelin stars like super high end. They got like foam and shit. Yeah. Or they do the little steam and you have to smell a thing and bite a thing.

and then drink a thing to get the phone ain't fake is it no it's not fake no i just don't i am i love food you know fat kid always have been but like that but i also don't like uppity shit you don't like the experience because that's the whole thing is the point of it is it's supposed to be like multi-sensory right so it's like this smells adds to this that you bite and then you drink this and that it brings it all together that's supposed to be the idea and it landed for you like You've, like, you, like, you bought into that. Did you smell your own farts? You did it.

You went with the experience. You were like, no, this actually, this did hit for me. Well, here's the, if, if I'm going to go watch a guy that thinks he does the thing in the best, and he was one of the best in the world, you know, and it wasn't, the meal wasn't that expensive. Like, I'm not spending $1,500 on a meal. It was multiple, it was like $2.250 or something like that. But when you have a guy that's like, this is, this is what I do and I do the best at it. It's like, I want to see what you think. is the best stand-up comedian to me.

So I'm like, I'm going to go check us out with that, with that in mind. This guy thinks he's the fucking best. I want to see what you think your best is. I want to know that. Did you enjoy it? Yeah, I thought it was great. Hell yeah. Right.

It was yummy. They also, speaking of like having the like fake rich people stuff where it's like trying to trick people into thinking they're eating like the rich or whatever. Yeah. They also have that in like the fine dining world now. They got all these trendy restaurants where it's like it's clearly bullshit that, but they're trying to fake being like that type of dining experience. And it's the ones where it's like, you go to Miami, you order a tomahawk ribby,

and they bring it out in a suitcase that lights up like the one in Pulp Fiction. And it's a bunch of dudes and tuxedos like dancing around and there's smoke machines and shit. And it's like, I don't think the fucking Archduke of Monaco is doing this. They're not. You know, right. You would have had that got killed. Right. That's the new money versus old money shit.

Exactly. And that's the whole thing is like when we're talking about richness, that's kind of where I want to be is I only want to be rich enough. where I don't have plastic in my food. And that's not that rich. It's still pretty fucking rich in this country. But it's not that rich in the grand scheme of things. I think you just need 80 grand in the bank to be able to move to Portugal right now. Is that what it is?

You got to keep it in there for a full year in one of their banks. And then after that, you can take it out and you're a full-budged. I love Libson. I'm going on. EU citizen. What? They'll just take Americans like that. Oh, yeah.

They need people to live there. I mean, anybody. It's not necessarily just Americans. This is a little bit of the danger, although they're protected by the EU, so it should be fine. I mean, they don't have a lot of money in their banks. So, like, there's the caution a little bit of, like, they're asking you to put your $80 grand in there and leave it because they're going to invest it.

Yeah. Well, I'll be damned. I didn't think we could go nowhere right now. I thought everybody was like, no thanks. Well, a guy at that van conference I told you guys about told me this, so take it with a grain of salt. No, it's a real thing. According to Don, who lives in his Tacoma.

Yeah. They got it in Greece. They got it in Italy. It's all of these smaller, little townships and little villages that everybody has left and gone to bigger cities and so... It's the whole country of

Portugal's my understanding. In Italy they pay you to move to tiny towns. That's what I'm saying. But I think you've got to get citizenship on your own there. Like maybe they'll help you, but this, my understanding is like you sign up for the deal, you sell them the money, you pay for the processing fee, and you put the money in the bank, and you move

there, and you live there, and if you don't take that money out, at the end of it, they make you a citizen. And then you're fucking citizen of the EU dog. Yeah. Dual citizenship is the where it's at. Because I want to be able to easy, peasy,

levy, levy, you know what I'm saying? For sheisy, sheisy. I just couldn't I mean, but none of us could do that though, right? I mean, why wouldn't we be able to? No, no, no. I mean like, is it they got a club in Lisbon or whatever? They do. There's like a lot of expats.

Isn't Lisbon in Spain? No. No, it's in Portugal. Right? Yeah. That's the capital. Yeah. Thank you, Aaron. But I mean, but surely it's not. But you could hop over to London and stuff, right? Yeah, but I wouldn't have to mostly. Super easy.

You could easily do it. Tom Rhodes did it. But if you had it for years. He was very famous in Amsterdam because of that mushroom bit he did. Yeah, he had a late night show. Yeah, he was famous because of the late night show. No, they gave him that show because of that bit. He like went viral before going viral was going viral.

Yeah. Yeah, well, all right, I don't know. Do it. It's possible. It's just difficult. That's all. So it'd take more work. I feel like there's a trickle-down effect of information to.

By the time Tacoma Joe told me this story, probably the program had ended. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, he probably heard that from a cool hippie in like 2017. Yeah. Because they can't keep that going forever. No.

No. Because then people will just buy citizenship. And their goal is for to like have families move there. That's pretty presumptuous that you think that many people have 80 grand just throw in the... I was going to say the 80 grand in the bank part is like obviously such a massive part of it. And it's smart on their part too because it's like, hey, no fucking trash. All right. Only people with some class.

You know what I mean? I have 80,000 dollars in the bank and be able to leave it there for a while. I don't want some fucking garbage people coming over here. When they kick you out if you went down to 79,000, you think they're like that you get deported? Yeah. More people than you think probably could have 80 grand in the money. the bank. Yeah.

I mean... It's still a good cutoff, I think, you know. Still, I agree, but I'm just saying if 10% of Americans could do it, that's a lot of people. If 5% of Americans could do it, that's a lot of people. Well, you also got to think, though, I feel like, if you have 80 grand in the bank that you, like, 80 grand that's just sitting there that you could just put

in an account and leave it like you're saying you have to do. Yeah. If you have that in this country, like, you probably don't want to leave, right? That's what I'm saying. Since you're not spending it, though, it'd be great to get that dual citizenship. since you're not since because you get it it's not like you're giving them 80 grand

you just have to not touch your 80 grand for a year right that's a good fucking deal man because you don't have to leave America you just have to leave for a year it's kind of like but that is leaving America for a year dude worth it

if I had it wait okay hold on you have to say signora because you have to live there that's what I was supposed to say you have to leave the money in the bank without touching it for X

for a year and you have to live there for a year too and at the end of that you get a passport A Portuguese passport. That's my understanding. Again, I don't even know if the program's still going on. Portuguese.

But I do know that, because you've got to live there, so you've got to be able to pay rent there without, you know, leaving or whatever. I guess you could probably go on tour. You go to my only fan. Check out OnlyFans slash Drew Moore comedy.

That's the only way I could potentially make some extra cash. Yeah, I ain't selling no tickets in Lisbon, dog. No, but you can probably tour. Yeah, well, there's way more flat rates over there, too. Dude, I bet Katie could talk shit on the internet in Lisbon.

About what? I don't know. Just feel like she could. But you'd be surprised there's a bunch of expat places where Americans go and perform. Yeah, I was just thought, who was it? I wish I could remember. I was talking to a comic recently who just got back from Europe and... It was probably Tiffany Haddish.

He's like, who was not? Tiffany Hadd. By the way, can we talk about that? Have you talked about it? Those on the podcast yet? No, I haven't. I mean, it just happened Sunday. But, yeah, we can.

And I just, anytime I talk to a comic who has come back from overseas doing shows and stuff, they always say that it's almost entirely expats at most of these shows that they're doing. So it's like, you know, because I just think about going over there, whatever, like we talk too short about doing shows in India or whatnot. And you think it's like, fuck it. I don't speak Indian. That's not even what they call it. Yeah.

It's like, it's farcey or it's not. It's not either Urdu. What is it? Who knows? Anyway, certainly not me. Relatability is the baseline for a lot of. lot of humor. So it's like how am I going to connect with this thing? But it's like all expats

in this of these places. So you know, they would get it. You could relate a lot. Like you guys left America? God damn me too. Yeah. So this past Sunday I went to the NASCAR championship race in Phoenix because I was at Stand Up Live in Phoenix on Sunday night. And I got an email from NASCAR like two

weeks before they were like, we saw you're going to be in town and like some executive at NASCAR is a fan of mine. They were like, you want to have VIP passes and meet the drivers and do all this shit. And I felt kind of, I almost felt kind of of bad because it's like, you know, white trash redneck from Tennessee or whatever, and I've never even been to a NASCAR race.

Like, I've just never been a fan, really. You want to talk about a symbol of opulence. Yeah, you can't afford it, son. I mean, my papal was like, I mean, he's been dead since I was 18, but he was like, he literally like built in race stock cars in the 50s and 60s. He was super into all that shit. So I just felt like,

immediately I was like, yes, of course, absolutely. I'll do that. That's incredible. Thank you. But I also felt like, you know, pretty fraudulent the whole time. Then we get there. They gave me a plus one. And one of my best friends who Drew knows, just a regular guy, civilian that I used to work with at my old day job.

He's a huge NASCAR guy because he's from North Carolina. And it's like their birthright over there in North Carolina. And he's single, no kids, got a good job. So I was like, hey, you want to fly to Phoenix next weekend and do all this shit? And he was like, hell yeah. So he came with me. He knew everybody and everything. He's pointing out people.

He's like, that's Richard Childress. You know who Richard Childress is? He's a NASCAR. owner. He's like a Jerry Jones of NASCAR. Like he was doing that type of shit. I've heard of Children's racing. Yeah, right.

Well, he's that. He's the children's. And so Bryce, my buddy, was doing that all day. He like knew everybody's pointing out on this shit. That was the perfect person to go with. Yes. Because then you could learn while you're there, while not having to know everything while you're there and feel like a complete tool.

He legitimized you. He'd invited a burning man. And, uh, yeah, right. Yes. Yeah, that makes total sense. But I was, uh, we, they, we had like a guide with a NASCAR person with us all time. Had these VIP passes, they took us into a hauler.

I always want to like over- No, in a hauler. Because it sounds so much like hauler, like living a hot, but like a, like a-h-a-U-L, the R-H-A-L-H-L-R-Huller, yes. It's like, I was doing that all. I just can't say it without feeling like I'm saying the other word. But yes, the vehicle that hauls their cars and gear and shit, that's their whole base of operations.

We went into this driver, Austin, Dillon. we went into his hauler and we were standing back there talking to his driver and they were showing us all this shit and whatnot and they were like Austin to be in here in a second and I hear him just like

cracking the fuck up in the like front of the hauler like I can't it's just you hear like muffled stuff and like like riotous laughter yeah right exactly

and I was like the fuck it also I'm like well I'm not gonna be able to follow whoever the fuck that is you're like man who's killing god damn it's like 10 30

in the morning also at this point or whatnot, and he knows. It's like, I'm not fucking, you know. I just, I was sitting there like, well, I hope he's. Trey's an emo girl until about 11. Yeah. So I hope he's got all his, all his good laughs out here. But I had no idea who it was.

And then he, like, strolls out or whatever, and they go introduce him to me. And then behind him is fucking Tiffany Haddish. Of course, I recognize immediately. And then, but the imposter syndrome, like, kicked in hard. Oh, yeah. I was like, fucking. me and Tiffany Haddish are the two people in here doing this.

Like, how the fuck did that happen? This don't make no sense. And I never met her before. I'd seen her. I, like, went to that. I did, no, I did a Zoom show of yours during the pandemic and I'd been at a Black Lives Matter thing earlier that day. And Clayton English was there and he did.

She was at that, but I didn't actually like talk to her or nothing. So this was the first time that I, met her and she was like, you know, super cool. She's like, hey, I'm Tiffany, you know, like that type of thing. It's like, yeah, you're hugely famous. Then we walked out of the holler and walking up to us was fucking Dion Cole. Oh, he wasn't even with her? No, I don't think so.

He was like, it seemed to me as though they did not know each other were going to be there because I saw him walk up and he was like, Tiffany, what the, you know? So it didn't seem like they were together. No, but Dion Cole, if people listen, don't know, like great comic, black, from, um, that's a show he's on everybody. Yeah, yeah. Blackish. Black is a hugely famous show to be fair.

So he's blackish. Old Spice guy. Yeah, yeah. And, uh, anyway, so yeah, he walks up and I was like, what the fuck is going on, but, um, and then I asked, were they doing like some kind of? Yes, so that, that was, and so I said, I'd already introduce myself to Tiffany and then Dion comes up and it's like, hey, I'm, I'm at stand up live tonight. And he was like, oh hell yeah right on and I was like I was like you guys were you doing and I still I thought maybe they were doing something like you guys at like the arena or something you're at the sun's place

or the theater or whatever and Tiffany was like no I'm in my bed tonight right and I was like what are you in town for you filming something or whatever and she was like no I'm doing this and so she was they have like they have celebrities come and do like like she wrote in the pace car before they started and she like waved the green flag and all she was like the celebrity ambassador or whatever Oh, nice. She was, like, there just for that. I don't know. It wasn't clear to me what Deon was doing.

Oh, like a personal appearance. Yeah, it's like, welcome our, whatever, everybody, Tiffany Haddish. And, you know, and she, yeah. And then Dion was just there having a good time. I guess. I don't know. I got this. But.

It's funny to think that they're right, that NASCAR's strong right wing, potentially racist fans. Sure. Would it be way less offended by her than you in the Pacecar? That fucking bloodbred. Trader? We were driving. They also, they walked us up at, like, when we first got there, we were going over to all the haulers,

we're in this little golf cart, and we're passing by, you know, like people camp out in RVs and shit in the infield of these NASCAR tracks. That's it. It's wild in the infield. And we were, like, driving down through there, and Bryce was swimming, and he's like, you think about here's going to recognize you or whatever? And I was looking and we're passing on these RVs, and I saw like

seven, let's go Brandon flags in a row or whatever for these RVs. And I was like, I was like, I really hope not, buddy. But yeah, I had nothing to worry about. But that was part also what they did was that also did the whole time. Because like all of us, me, Tiffany, Dion, whatever, whenever they took us anywhere, like we went into the driver's meeting, which there's a red carpet that leads in there, right? And all these people line up to get autographs and stuff from the drivers. The NASCAR fans, the drivers walk down through there.

But they also take the VIPs through there, right? And so like, I think she was telling me this to like, I'll make me feel better or something, maybe, even though I didn't even bring it up. But the girl we were with said that, like, they oftentimes don't have a clue who literally anybody is. Except the drivers. Yeah, they were like, she was like, you know, like when we had Morgan Wallin, who's a country star, she was like, you know, people would get excited. But I wish I could remember who it was.

She named some big, famous actor who had just been there doing a similar thing. and she said literally no one knew who they were because they weren't in like the NASC... Because they weren't in the show Yellowstone. Exactly. Yes, actors from Yellowstone, other athletes, NASCAR people, country music stars.

Those people get recognized there. Everybody else, they're like, who the fuck is that? So like, but yeah, I'm walking down through there, like, actively trying not to make eye contact with anybody. Because I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing on this fucking red carpet either. I apologize to all of y'all. But, yeah.

You just remind me of a quick story from my, week. I hung out with the truckers this weekend for Homecoming West. And I told you a little about this morning, but I forgot this. I was like in the front front with Earl in front of the railing. And I was uncomfortable because there wasn't really enough room for us. I ended up leaving, but this woman goes, hey, congrats on the baby. And I did the reverse where I was like, oh, that's not for me. No, I knew it was for me, but I was like, who are you? I was trying to figure out who this person person was. Right. It was just a fan, but I was like, yeah, like she's like one of the truckers people that's always around that we've met before. Yes, I said, I should know your name, but I don't.

And I was like, no, I shouldn't know your name at all. Yeah. So I never expect anyone to. I do have to say for the record, though, like, I'd always heard over the years like, now you got to go to a race. It's great. And like it was fun, especially having that experience. But this was like the championship and everything. Like, the actual race part, it played for me pretty much the same way, like, watching it on, it's like, I mean, they just driving his order. I respect, I respect the drivers and I respect everything that goes into it. Yeah.

Because I know they'll do anything to shave a tenth of a second off. They're like world-class engineers. The drivers are high-level, like, endurance athletes and shit with what it does to your body. I respect the shit out of all that. But, like, just watching it, they're just kind of driving. And, like, being there didn't really change how I felt about that, Frank. Well, yeah, because you weren't in the party part of it. Yeah.

You weren't in the party part of it. You weren't down with the let's go Brandon guys. But that kind of makes this point, too, where it's like, yeah, I'll go to a party. Right. Yeah. But if that's what's fun, then it ain't the race. I mean, I would go back for sure, because it's still one to Bristol. And they said Bristol's more fun from what I understand.

It's supposed to be the most fun. It's supposed to be the most fun. Yeah, that's what people say. And it's like where I'm from, you know, East Tennessee. But apparently it's counterintuitive because this was the last race of the year. The championship was decided on. Sunday, but it's actually, I guess, to a lot of race fans, Bryce was telling me, it's like one of the lesser races of the whole year because there's only four people who are actually in it, but they make them all run it. So like 30 of them are like just there. Or they're like 30 of them are just phoning it in because they're...

Do you not get any money if you come in fifth at least? Maybe, but they have, a lot of them are teammates with the guys who are in it. Oh, they're shaking and baking. So they, well, they just kind of like hang back and just like, it's kind of an understood thing. Like, only the. these four dudes are like really trying to die. No one's doing any slingshot and like... Right. So it's like, it kind of ends up being kind of boring, I guess. Yeah, so you didn't get to see the most action-packed one. Well, Daytona's like first or second race of the year. And it's like the Super Bowl, right.

I never understood that part. Me neither, but that's what Bryce told me. I said, I was like, this is a championship, but this is not really like the Super Bowl, right? And he was like, fuck no, Daytona's the Super Bowl. And I was like, but that's at the very beginning. He was like, yeah, and he just left it at that, you know? Yeah, exactly. No further explanation.

I swear to God, Bobby Labani was one of the – at one point he pointed out that's Bobby Labani. I know all the names from when I was a kid because my uncles and my dad were very into it. It was like, we hated Jeff Gordon. You either like Richard Petty or Dale. Richard Petty was there. Now, I'd have freaked out a little bit at Richard Petty. I mean, it was wild seeing him, dude.

He's 86 years old. Jesus. Because he's got such a distinctive look. He sort of looked exactly the same for 40 years or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, he was there. was rad. Dale Jr. was there, you know? Like, I got, like, for me to you to all

these people, but I didn't bother none of them. Bryce cut, he was fist bumping everybody. And they were doing it, too, you know, they were, uh... Well, yeah. Everybody was sweet. Yeah. Bryce was, like, even they probably thought he was an investor or something. Yeah, because most of the people back there are that, they're like corporate sponsors. Yeah, I'm about to put liquid death on the side of that car.

You better... That's what 90... It's either, like, drivers, like, family or whatever, or it's, like, corporate sponsor people. Or a handful of whatever the hell I am. And he had his nicest Eddie Bauer on, so they really thought. Yeah. Carmen, you want to plug some stuff?

It's about time for us to wrap up, or am I wrong? Are we pushing up against it? We're definitely not up against it, but we can, I mean, but we can totally begin to wrap up, yes. Thank you, Carmen, for sitting there for Corey today. But yeah, plus some shit. Absolutely. The first weekend of December, I will be with Chad Daniels at LOL Comedy Club and San Antonio.

Yep. San Antonio, so make sure you get tickets for that. Also, I will be in Naples, Florida. Captain Brines? I don't remember if that's it. Remember what? I think that is. I think that is.

I have been. But I think that's what I said yes to. But November 21st and 22nd, I'll be at Captain Brines. Isn't it also the town? It's not just the... Isn't Naples like... Yeah, it's trash. Yeah.

Not a fan. It's just like a lot of real old people. Okay. Which you'd think would be great for us, but it was just fine, actually, when we were there. Drew flew to the whole wrong side of the state and had to drive across Florida and barely got there in time for the show. I did do that. And not like, oh, this will be fine. I was like, are we not in Miami or wherever I thought we were?

I better rent a fucking car. Wow. And then I also, I think I slightly broke my arm that weekend. Do you remember that? Yeah, I didn't see it. fell in front of the whole staff. Yeah. And like it was one of those where I fell so hard.

It scared them, but they thought it was so goddamn funny. And then the next day, because we were there all weekend. I was bruised from here to there. Corey, I was in the back. I hadn't left the green room yet. Him and Corey had already walked out of the green room walking through the kitchen. It's slippery in the kitchen. I hear this big loud crash.

And then I hear Corey, try, try, get in. You're like, but happy, you know what I made? Oh, yeah. He's like, you're missing it. You're missing it. Yeah. And then I hear about the people be like, Is he all right?

Whatever, I walk in there. It was hard. But yeah, I didn't say it. So you just probably just fractured it. Yeah, the hairline situation. Then let it healed. Yeah. And you healed incorrectly.

Yeah. Sorry, do we cut you off? Oh, no, no. That's fine. Listen to our podcast, Drew and I have a podcast, Gravy Baby, with me, him and DJ Lewis. Listen to that. Follow me and all the assorted social media.

At the funny Carmen. And that's about it. Oh, yeah. I have a little set that came out for Comedy Central. Please watch that. Nice. I'll be in Chicago this weekend at the Den Theater. Then I got San Francisco coming up. Northwest Arkansas. And then we'll meet you and Corey will be in the groves. Yeah. Yeah. I like the Grove too. I didn't. I'd been Northwest Arkansas a bunch of times, but hadn't done that club because the owner, then I did it last year and the owner told me,

I brought that up. I was like, I don't even know this was here. Because like when I'm, before COVID, I went to North, I did Fayetteville, Bentonville. You know, we went there like every year, basically. And I was telling me, I didn't know this was here. This is. I didn't even know this was here. is a nice club, you know, whatever. And he told me, he was like, he's like, yeah, I turned you down a few times. I just didn't see it. He was like, but, you know, I'm going to, like, he was like, but I realize I made a mistake now. And I'm, you know, I'm going to go ahead and book you for next year, like, immediately because, you know, he was, but yeah, he just helped. Boli just said that. He did, yeah. He's one of those guys, dude. I don't think he's self-aware at all as far as

that regard. He's like, yeah, I got pitch his, I got, I could pitch you a couple times. Blurie. I didn't see it. Blurrayed. But anyway, but yeah, but that, but the weekend went great and yeah I'll be back there soon then zanis that closes the year out some other shit coming up in twenty 24 tray crow crowder dot com me and cori's book around here and over yonder is on there too or you can get it on audible and uh yeah keep watching me on the socials and stuff go ahead drew i will be in san lewis abisbo this thursday uh that is november was that the ninth uh i will be in san francisco the weekend after tray so that's like december 7th eighth and ninth i skipped on november 30th please come to the comedy store for Culture Court.

We're going to tape it. It's going to be a fun fucking show. And then, like Trace said, we got Zanis. Real quick, if we do have time, speaking to club owners, I love the story. Our fans have heard it, but I don't think Carmen has. Carmen, have you ever done Spokane, Washington? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So we should say, because I was just there, and I was there last year, too. The people that run it now, it's different than the story he's about to tell. I think you should tell. I think you're better at it, because it kind of happened. So, first of all, Spokane Now is great.

It's part of that collection of club. Conglomerate? The comedy store conglomerate that started. Appleton, the one in Appleton, Bricktown. Bricktown. They got one in Louisville now, Tacoma, Spokane. And I think all those clubs kick ass. I was just in Spokane and Tacoma like two weeks ago.

But before that, years ago, like seven years ago, 2016, we went to Spokane for the first time. And I don't even remember if it was that club that and then the club got bought or If it was a whole different club and this one, I don't know, but it definitely was not the same people. I know, because we went to this club in Spokane, and we met the owner briefly, and he seemed like kind of, like kind of confused or something. He seemed sort of weird, but he was like, yeah, yeah, got to beer, whatever.

And then a little bit later, we asked the staff, like, where he had gone. We were like, you know. Oh, where'd the owner go? Yeah, whatever. Yeah, what happened to Bill or whatever, you know? And they were like, oh, no, he just, we had to go. We were like, oh, because he had mentioned he was going to be here. It was no big deal or whatever.

They're like, yeah, well, he just, he, well, okay, well, what happened was. So he actually didn't really know who you guys were, and he thought that well-read. He's like, he thought you guys were indigenous comedians. He thought you were Native American comics. Like, because they would do that. They would name themselves, you know, like well-red skin, basically is what he thought it meant. Oh, no. And, and furthermore.

he didn't know what you actually do, and he's a pretty big conservative, so when he put it together what you guys actually are, he kind of got pissed off and gotten his car in line up. Wow. Yeah, so again, we'll make it very clear

that is not the club that's currently in Spokane, which I love. Totally different people. Totally different people. And years and years ago, but yes, that's what they told us. It's what the staff told us. What a daffy twat.

He doesn't even know what's going on in his own club. Yeah. Daffy Twat That was great Daffy Twat It's got like a British sound to it You know

Daffy Twat Okay, that'll do it Thank you guys For being here All right And okay Thank you all for listening To the well-read show

We'd love to stick around longer But we got to go Tune in next week If you got nothing to do Who Thank you God bless you Good night and skew.

Skew. This episode is brought to you by the new book, Round Here and Over Yonder, written by author's Trey Crowder and Corey Ryan Forrester. That's ya boy. The book is out now. I would like to thank everyone who did the pre-order, but for those of you who were like,

you know what, I went away and actually go to a bookstore and pick this thing up. Well, you can do that right now. Round Here and Over Yonder, a front porch travel guide written by two per progressive hillbillies, parenthetical. Yes, that's a thing. We love long titles, but we love making you laugh even more. This book is chalked fill. Chocked fill. Chocked full of jokes. We chock filled it, too. It's got a bunch of jokes in it. It's really, really, really fun. We tried to

take the stereotypes of certain regions, talk about what they are, talk about what they got right, talk about what the actual reality is. Of course, we did it with our own little region here in the south. We went everywhere else in the United States. And for the first time in our lives, we went to the UK. It's rednecks abroad. The book is round here and over yonder. Not to brag on us, but I will. It is hilarious. Pick it up now wherever you get books. And by the way, we narrated the audio version, if that's how you want to digest it. But there is no wrong way. Round here and over yonder, wherever you get you books, do it in an indie bookstore. I like that.