wellRED podcast - #366 - Freedom of Speech and Claw Machine Spiders!

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

Among other things,  week the boys talk about some freedom of speech court cases and the nuance therein. Also, The CHO brings some very creepy science news to the boys attention attention!   Go To TraeCrowder.com to get tickets for the shows!   DrewMorganComedy.com   BonusCorey.com   Listen to all the podcasts in the Skeewniverse! Putting On Airs, Gravy Baby, Weekly Skeews!   Round Here and Over Yonder is available wherever books are sold!

They're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex. They care way too much, but don't give a fun. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. Rolling. Well, here I am alone in the studio, but I got so scared of being alone. I hope you guys are watching on YouTube. I brought Tray with me.

Yeah. Yeah, lovely shirt, that. It's very, very kind of you. I wasn't supposed to be there today. I mean, I'm not. I'm not there today. I'm at an airport hotel in Nashville. But, yeah, what a lovely surprise.

Well, someone sent, Corey, a picture of this face, you making this face and said, what was it? It was a, well, it was an airmail we got from, putting on airs and I'm pretty sure the person just said look how fucking stupid tray looks yeah I believe that was it so uh so I I had this on today and I was trying to get Mark to do the pod I was going to bring him his t-shirt you know I got everybody I got everybody matching shirts the whole family and I had it on and then like Mark couldn't come and I was like I was texting Corey like should I even wear it today and then I realized I was running late I was doing the dishes for

Andy and stuff like that so I was like I don't have time to change. This is happening. I need a caffeine really bad. And I hit a red light right by a convenience store. I was like, this is going to be a 45 second difference. I'm popping in here to get me a soda. Did they see that shirt and immediately try to give you stackers?

That's great. I walked up to the counter with my Coke Zero. And a guy that goes to my gym works there, apparently. I'm like, looking at my phone and he's like, hey. I was like, oh, shit. Hey, Chris, what's up? And he goes, who the fuck is on your shirt? And I've forgotten that I had it on.

And I was like, oh, that's my buddy, Trey. And he goes, is something wrong with him? All right. So then I get here to our illustrious studio, all things, comedy, the headquarters. One of the Sclar brothers, don't know which one, Randy or Jason, sitting there hanging out. Glasses or no glasses. Glasses. Jason.

Jason. Thank you, Aaron. And I meet his daughter. We're like saying, what's up? And then he goes, what is on your shirt? And I was like, oh, that's Trey. We've been sharing. Not who is it?

What is on your shirt? So that's Trey. We've been sharing this back and forth. And he goes, oh, it's finally not his accent making him look dumb. And then he said, you tell him. I said that. And I said, yeah, this picture looks like Trey sounds. Yeah.

I know that the original joke was for you and made by you about yourself. However, I think that that might be the official face of Taco Bell's palsy. I think if we're having to make, if we have to make the prescription, that's going on the commercial. That's very true. For people who don't know, I have some form of Bell's palsy. It's nerve damage in my face. It's mild, but like sometimes I just start drooling on myself and my face is. slightly crooked. And thank you, but I think you said I had Taco Bell's Palsy, Corey. But maybe I said

I had Taco Bell's Palsy. I can't remember. You're right. I mean, it hits real hard, so it seems like something I'd do, but I don't know. Maybe, you know, sometimes the thing just becomes a collective hit from the group, and we just have to all accept it. I'm going to write Taco Bell Palsy on it later. That's a good point about collective. Speaking of, I just put a crowdwork clip out where this guy, I was talking about Sumbright and this guy wooed. I was like, you never heard of a sunbrite. He was like, yes, I have. We had a little bit of a back and forth. And I was like, how? And he goes, well, one of my army buddies. And I was like, okay, actually, I believe you. Because that's the only way you can get out of our fucking town, right? And then I said, the recruiter shows up

and was like, hey man, you want a Camero? Sign up with us. You get a sign-up on us. And then I was like, that was not my joke. I don't know which one of us made it, but that was made in a writer's room. I think it's Trey. Yeah, I don't know. I can't remember none of these either, but that hits though. That look, that picture on your goddamn shirt, it's just like, you know how like you just, sometimes you'll just pause the show you're watching or something and somebody face looks stupid. Nobody's face

looked not stupid all the time, you know, especially when you do George Clooney, I bet. Yeah, probably. But still, they just, and I assume that's how it happened. They're listening to my dumb videos paused it because they were through, you know, and it just ended up on that particular face. But it's, uh, they're sure getting some mileage out of it. Whichever member of the, you know, skewniverse, whichever fan it was out there, uh, I hope they know how much joy they brought to, uh, three-fourths of the, the thread, the group chat. Yeah, it basically and beyond.

Yeah, basically any time, Trace says something, even remotely questionable. Or, honestly, anyone else now. It's like starting to be like, if Corey's did something dumb, I just boom, this face. Now, as far as the palsy goes, I'm trying to figure out which hand. This eye is not as open as much as the other one. Yeah. And that's how I always look. So I have no sympathy for you there because, like, I stay looking wonky-eyed.

Caddy Wampus. Is that what that word means? Yeah, Caddy Wampus is one of those words where, like, I can't defy-wampus. is one of those words where, like, I can't define, it's like pornography. I can't define it, but I know what it is when I see it. Like when someone uses Caddy Wampus, I'm always like, you're right, that is Caddy Wampus.

Do you know where that quote comes from? It was a Senate hearing, wasn't it? It was the fucking Supreme Court. Yeah, there you go. The Supreme Court of the United States. Imagine people whose heads go somehow further up their ass than those people, and they were like, ah, we can't define it. It was because they were trying to,

it might have been one of the lower courts. But it was because they were trying to get rid of Maplethorpe. Is it Maplethorpe? Robert Mapplethorpe? Couldn't tell you. I barely know who they are now. Robert Mapelthorpe is a photographer who had these pictures that were... Yeah, it's like he's pretty porny as an artist.

Well, that was, yeah, that was the big debate. Is it art or is it porn? It was a lot of it was same-sex couples, and a lot of them were interracial. And the photos were pretty explicit. He also was either married or the lifelong partner before he came out and accepted himself as gay or queer of, I'm going to fuck this up because I get all these women confused. I'm going to blow it. No, I don't want to do it because I'm going to do the Mamas and the Pappas thing where I just say the total wrong thing.

Do you know the book Just Kids? Mm-mm. Nope. Patty Smith, I think. Yes. Okay. It is known as, and I've read it, it's incredible, one of if not the best memoirs of all time. And it's about them growing up in like Bohemian, New York, and they were lovers and artists.

She was a poet and a painter and then eventually a rock star. It's wild. Like what you did in your 20s, she was doing it with Bob Dylan. It's a really cool book. Pills. So what did the... What would the Supreme Court end up on that whole thing? So they were trying to delineate, delineate, delineate between art and pornography, because

your constitutional right to free speech would be higher if you were expressing yourself in art versus in pornography. You have a right to do either. But what the state has to prove in order to. So a lot of people don't realize the state can absolutely prevent you from saying stuff. And the Supreme Court's devised all these tests over the years to decide when the state can keep you from saying stuff. Perfect example. If you run into a crowded theater and shout fire, everyone runs out. Yeah, everyone runs out in fear and somebody gets hurt.

You can't be like, free speech. Because it's causing a riot. Yeah, you can't be like, free speech. Right. Well, so that's on one extreme example. you can't do that. The state can say you can't do that. They can suppress your speech because they have a compelling reason to, right? Well, when they do these tests, they question what it is your saying and in what form you're saying it to decide how much the state can suppress you. And to make a long story short, if you're a pornographer, you're not entitled to quite as much protection as a quote-unquote artist. Does that make sense?

Yeah, and I mean, but the thing about the, you know, screaming gun in a theater and screaming, bomb at an airport like that, that falls under a thing, which I do agree with to a certain extent, which is like the whole notion of your rights ends, your rights end where someone else's rights begin. Like, it's true that you have the right to free speech. However, if that speech directly causes harm, then no, you don't. And I know that's a slippery slope. And I want to see, I think everybody should be able to paint

Patty Smith, titties, and dicks all over the place. So maybe I have to change my stance. Well, you are hitting right on the crux of what this case is about. or it's like, yeah, a lot of people are like, this is obscene. Right. And since it's obscene, the state can say you can only share obscene things in certain places and in certain ways. This was on display in an art gallery or maybe even in a museum. And I think it might have been a state-owned museum, and that's why somebody sued.

They said, hey, you can't be putting this nasty shit up in something my taxes are paying for. and the museum said, sure we can. And then it was a big, you know, it was a big kerfuffle. And I also, it's like, there was that case. That's subjective and the other one, like, in my opinion, yelling bomb in an airport is objectively causing harm, but something can only be subjectively obscene. You know what I mean? Right.

And to be honest with you, Maple Thorpe's case was only a small part of that. The biggest person in that whole thing, undeniably was Larry Flint, the founder of Hustlin. Yeah. Larry Flint is genuinely an incredible figure in American history, whether you like or hate him. Yeah, no, he's, I mean, like, if you watch that movie, which obviously romanticizes him and is, like, very graphic and you can tell that, like, women were complete objects to him. But if you remove all that shit in terms of, like, what he actually did for free speech and the fact that you're like, God damn it, even if I hate this guy, I can't deny that, like, he's a fucking patriot. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Sure. So in law school, when you're learning about that, there's like four or five cases you touch on. Larry Flint's most of them. Maple Thorpe was one of them. And from there, it gets a little hazy for your boy. So pardon me, legal nerds, if I mush that a little bit. How often does that happen to you, whether it was like when you were actually in being a lawyer or just things that you've seen where like from a lawyer's perspective, you see a case such as not Larry Flint, but something like it, where, you have to step back and go, God damn it, this person is a piece of shit,

and I hate most of everything they do. But in this one particular instance, I'm on their team. Like, is that something that's happened to you a lot? I think that happens to everybody a lot, right? I do think maybe- Like OJ. Sure. Yeah.

I do think my perspective might be swayed as far as law school and being a lawyer goes just because I know the context with which this person will be tried or sued or whatever's going on if it's a legal thing. but I mean, I don't know, like, Tray, do you not have stuff like that where you're like, you're constantly engaged in politics, especially with evening skews? Like, are you not, are there not many times where you're like, fuck talk Tucker Carlson forever, but this thing he said was completely correct as an example? I mean, yeah, I was, as soon as Corey brought it up, I was trying to think of a specific example,

and of course, I'm coming up with nothing. But yeah, I know that it happens all the time because every time it happens, I think of that. there's an onion headline, and it's something like a devastating news. The worst person you know just made a really good point or whatever. So it's like, and I think of that a lot, which means it's happening to me a lot, but I can't think of a specific example right now. But I mean, yeah, you know, broken clocks and stuff like that. It's happened with, not that he's the worst person I know.

I mean, he's, you know, he's in that genre, I guess. But like, it's actually happened with Mitt Romney a couple times this year. But like just and Chris Christie for that. just because both of them were like going hard on Trump. And I found myself being like, oh, fuck yeah. And then remembering who they are and being like, all right, fuck me. Trump is a prime example for me in politics on the... That's what I was about to say, too.

I was going to say the same thing. I was like, do Trump? He's friends sometimes. Yeah, right, right. You got bars. Bars, bars. Yeah. Like that thing he said about Michael Bolton.

The thing, if you guys remember, he said about Wall Street about how they don't build anything, they just move papers from one side of... Fuck he said about Michael Bolton. I meant to say, what's that guy's name? John Bolt, John Baldwin. Guys, everybody's saying, God damn, man, hold on. Corey's getting defensive on behalf of him and other John Tesh fans. They're not even in the same league, but okay, I hear you.

They're definitely in the same lack, you know what I mean? Yeah, like, okay, yeah, in the sense that, like, I don't know. The same part of the record store. Do what? They're in the same part of the record store. It's adult, contemporary, easy listening. want. Yeah, okay, but that's, okay, in the same sense that Jeff Dunham and George Carlin are both in the same genre. You know what I mean? Sure, but I'm not in their genre. So like, if you were

just a dude who played piano music and you said, hey, Jeff Dunham and George Carlin do the same job, no one would be like, what the fuck, bro? Everybody'd be like, I guess they do. Yeah, okay, that's fair. It's just that I hold, and I think the world does Michael Bolton to a way higher regard than John Tesh, and you know I love John Tesh. Can I be honest with you? That's not what I thought you were upset about. Oh, really? Yeah, man. You thought it was the other way?

You spent like an hour talking about how much John Tesh hit, like three weeks ago. Two things can hit for me. But I'm saying objectively, Michael Bolton has one of the greatest male voices of all fucking time. Okay, but you got like immediately offended. Like, if I had said, hey, everybody, Corey thinks John Tesh and Michael Bolton are exactly the same. I just brought him up and you were like, what the fuck? So, like, yeah, I'm shocked that the guy you spent an hour marking for, simping for, the kids say. Yeah, I still love him.

I just, like, I know, you know, what the deal is. Like, I can love someone and still be like, yeah, but like, you ain't in this motherfuckers. Like, you couldn't watch their drawers. All right. Do those guys, is that to, are they yacht rock? Is that what yacht rock is? I don't think so. No, but I think it's like similar.

Holland is soft, like Drew said, like, you know, American contemporary soft, pussy fart. But then what is, so what is, Yacht Rock is like Steely Dan type of shit. Yeah,

Steely Dan and Hollin Oates are the like If you like Pinacolados is probably like, listen to that song, you're like, that's yacht rock and anything that kind of sounds like it, that's yacht rock. Brandi.

Because of, because of Peloton, there's at least one yacht rock song that I find to be. And just an absolute certified banger. Brandi? Brandy's

Oh yeah That yacht rock That song rules Dude But no Also a woman's name Valerie by Steve Winwood

Yeah boy That song kicks ass Dude Steve Winwin Run rules You know It's a good genre I'm a fan of all the little subgenres of rock

My favorite right now Probably being butt rock Butt rock But Rock is the shit Yeah Drew you know about But Rock I don't think so

Of course he does You just don't know that it's called butt rock by the internet now, but you know the genre. It's like all my favorite music from the age of 18 to 26, 26, like that era of my life. Breaking Benjamin. Theory of a dead man, fucking, you know, creed, all of them. Was pill rock already taken? That's true. It's because it's the same. Well, and also, but rock, I thought you guys are going to, I thought it was going to be like hair metal or something, you know, like they're singing about butts, you're rocking your butt.

I didn't think it was going to be. I think it's just like if a butt could rock, this is how it would sound. This only thing I can think of to why it means that. I haven't looked it up, but like, here's the, when I hear it, it doesn't make sense. However, I'm like, I agree, though. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

I want to go back on something because it's like stuck in my crawl and I think it's interesting and it's like a layer down from what we were talking about. But we can do butt rock for a few more minutes because I don't want to just gloss over the glory that creeds return to prominence that we are seeing. Okay, so going back, Corey, you said, you know, sometimes because of like being from law school and an attorney, maybe you agree with someone who's an asshole. sometimes though like I find myself completely on the other side of all people and I do think it's sometimes it's like because of law school or whatever right like there are times where like it's not like oh this is a horrible person but they're right in this one case sometimes I'm like almost everyone has this wrong this isn't even that horrible of a person it's usually like a criminal

situation like you're like you think martin screlly hits no not that guy no not that guy man who was that most recent one the crypto dude Andrew diesel fuck Andrew diesel fuck I think that was Andrew diesel fuck yeah big crypto guy I can think of one on Drew's behalf where I know he was in this position as we talked about it on this podcast and I did not agree with him and still don't but at the beginning of the pan sanitizer yeah the dude that hoarded all that hand sanitizer and the story went viral and everybody's like fuck this motherfucker. Drew was like, that guy hits. That's how I remember.

That's not at all what happened. There's a lie. There's a lying. No, it happened. Yeah. Yeah. You did say something to the effect of that guy hits. Corey, didn't he?

Yes, he did. Now, in Drew's defense, I'm fairly certain he ended up reneging on it. I'm fairly certain. And it's very possible, and I'll give Drew the benefit of a doubt here, that it could been him being just contrarian as he is. However, I specifically remember Drew going on and on about how that guy hits. I'm pretty sure it was with me and DJ. No, that's not. No, this is true. Well, okay, well-read archivists out there. If this is ringing a bell, I need you to point me in the I'm not asking you to clip it out. I'll do the job, but like point me to the episode and I will

bring it to the table next week and we will have. If you are going to do that, then let me say what I do remember. This is how I remember it. I remember saying something like, this dude has done exactly what America is. This dude has done exactly what Wall Street does, exactly what Screlly does, exactly what all these rich motherfuckers and companies do constantly over and over again, but it was some dumb fuck old boy from Chattanooga. And so now the media wants to go after him. I think I was making the point, and I stand behind this. How come this is a, how could you do it, situation when it's some dumb fuck outside of Chattanooga and it's not a how could you do it situation when it's literally every fucking corporation in America and that's on business as the

kids say and probably stole it from black people. I'm looking here in my notes and it says that you also said right after that direct quote, I hope he buys all the fucking mask too. People should have to pay 10 times more for masks. If he's going to do it with the sanitizer, do it with the mask and also when there is a vaccine, he should buy all them too. That's what you said. Did you care to comment? Yes, I would care to comment. Let me find my notes here of what Corey has said, not on the podcast. That was it.

That was the whole joke. My actual note says Hitler's farts on it because it was from another thing. But, yeah. Cho, didn't you say you had some wild shit or something? Yes, I did. I'm really hoping, Aaron, confirm for me in one way or the other. Do you have the thing that I sent you? I got it.

Okay. I would like you to pull it up. So I was, and I think I saw this a while back, but didn't investigate it any further, and I really hope we didn't talk about it on the thread. But did y'all see where these scientists, in a supreme example of they wondered for so long if they could, they didn't try to ask themselves if they should, have reanimated the corpses of spiders in order to make claws? claws.

Claws. Like a claw machine. Andrew, pull up that fucking pull up that video. Look at this shit. Look at this. That's a dead spider. Ugh.

Yeah. And so basically this What is happening? And they're like, this has so many applications to the real world. Like, so this scientist, she basically,

she was like doing science stuff that was worth the fuck, I assume. And in the corner of her lab saw a bunch of dead spiders all curled up and stuff. And she started wondering about like the, what's your, the, the, the,

the, the, what's your, the, the, the, most evil thing I can think of? What's the thing that makes your feelings? Brain mess. Yeah, brain mess. She was wondering about the brain messes of a spider and why they were all, like, curled up. And, like, turns out,

spiders have this weird thing where, like, when they die all their muscle spasm or whatever, but there's a place in their brain, like the spider version of their medulla oblongata, which is probably just a medulla oblongata, Blondaga, I guess all brains are similar, that you can like poke it and you can reanimate their shit.

And she was wanting to use this in the application of organic, uh, robo technology or whatever. Uh, and like, so it's going to be, per her, it's going to be spiders used as claw. And I'm not for it. That's the whole application here. That was the whole like thing. Like she was in her lab cooking up like fucking DC comic level evil. And she was like, look everybody. But now we can replace the claw machines with spiders, and that's a story.

Yeah, so she's calling them necrobots. Also don't hit for me. Yeah, definitely sounds like something out of a nightmare. I know. She says that they could be used to pick up fragile materials like wires and even other spiders up to 130% more massive than the reanimated spider grips. Now it says here, who needs necrobotic spiders? Preston says,

this was the first time a full animal was used as a robot. We've seen, quote, we've seen researchers use, for example, feathers from a bird for robotics applications, he says. Other than that, we're not aware of people using biotic materials. But beyond the novelty, Yap and Preston say the spiders are plentiful and very convenient for researchers. Yeah, again, I just think that their time could have been spent doing something. Yeah, this is evil and stupid.

some type shit out of this. They can make, like, imagine having, like, not just robot slaves, but like robot zombie slaves. Yes. Like, they turn, you know, like a human corpse into a robot, and it's basically just like you've got a zombie, you know, valid. I get that. And that's worth discussing, being afraid of, and or exploring.

But just so I'm clear here, she figured out a way to push on a spider's brain and make its legs expand and then draw up. And that's it. And kind of like when you rub a dog's back and his leg goes, hit banjos, you know. I just feel like this is like that Regan bit, dirt in a cup. It was like her boss was about to show up to see what kind of progress she's made. And this thing she did, as Corey said, while high and fucking around in the lab was all she had.

She was like, well, we could do this. We could, you know, we could use them to pick stuff up. Because the application of this and even expanding it into other species, It just seems like we're not at all there. It just seems like she found a button that makes the spider's legs do this, and who gives the fuck? Right. And also, like, won't the spider decompose and shit?

Because she says, like, she says, like, well, this would be a really good source material to use because nature does all the work. We won't have to build these grippers from scratch. We can just use the spiders. And I think I speak for most Americans when I say, well, take your time. Build them from scratch. You know what I mean? Yeah.

What? How many grippers? are we building? Is this a huge problem in the battle against climate change? All the fucking resources going into grip builds? Like, I remember when we was kids, we had the little plastic one that had the red handle that we'd pick up clothes and stuff with?

Like, those were fine. I never once thought I wish this was a spider. Also, when's the last time anyone bought one of those? Like, the only people buying them are people who can't bend over anymore. And I recognize that they need them. But you know what old people hate? Spiders. Spiders.

This is going to be a gag. Just to grab people's butts with. and then spider that's all this is for uh you all know those uh claw machines sorry if this makes me dumb because just everybody on earth knows this but like uh you all know how those claw machines like work um so piss me off yes but did you know it's not just like did did you always think that like it's real real hard to to get it right you have to get it like perfectly right for it to not fuck up or whatever and that's how it works it's just almost impossible to do.

That's not it at all. It's random. It's not even random. It's like the person who owns it set. It's a setting. And it's like, I think on average, it's like every one in eight or ten times the claw actually works. But you can set to be every one in 256 times or whatever.

Before you even push the button, it's either going to work or it's not. And it's like, it's like a slot machine basically, like to return on it. like um and if every time i've gotten one of the teddy bears it ain't because i hit because i thought it was because i hit because i've gotten a lot of them yeah no it's just you how many's a lot your cho look led you to using it when it was on one of the the hit you know it was on a hit cycle it was the one in eight or one in 50 or whatever and that's when it were but yeah i just i never knew that and i found it out like yesterday and it didn't hit for me well hold on tray when it's on the on you still got to get it right, don't you?

I mean, yeah, if you just totally whiffed, then it won't work. But, like, you know. Because if it's one and eight, because some of those motherfuckers have iPhones in them. Okay, I was about to say, like, it'd be worth paying eight times. Well, that's how I'm trying to figure out how many you've done, Corey, because are you just playing eight times in a row? Because what do you mean a lot? Me? I'm just saying, like, I would say I've gotten four in my life, which, you know, I would say I've gotten four in my life,

to me feels like a lot, because it's not like I play it all the fucking time, but like, anytime I see one of those, especially since my niece has been born, I've always, like, tried to get something so I could take it for. And like, yeah, most of the time I don't get it. But like, then I will. And every single time I'm like, God damn, boy, like you fucking hit because there have been like countless times. And y'all know this too. It's like, I know I was locked in.

I know I was fucking locked in. It's like there's no fucking way I don't get it. And I didn't. And so like then every time I would, I was like, shoo-wee way, son. Like this is, you know, again, one in fucking, which I guess now Trace says, possibly eight. Oh, up to much higher than eight. Yeah, sure. Like, eight is like on the low end, I think.

Well, that's fucking bullshit. Yeah. So the ones that have iPhones and shit in them, I bet it's like one in every fucking 500 or something, probably. Corey, are you angrier that there were times you missed because it was impossible? Or are you angrier to find out that you perhaps don't hit? That one, of course. Like, what do you think? What do you think?

I don't know. Again, like, I thought I could add that to my repertoire of, like, things that you're not supposed to be skilled at that that I somehow am, like roulette and stuff like that. And I always enjoyed that. You're not skilled at roulette. It's not possible. Okay. Well, I would say one word to you in retort, scoreboard.

We should go gambling and do some research. Please. I can't wait. the best hedge better in the entire fucking world in the entire world no i'm not but like when it comes to roulette once a year in Vegas i'm fucking hit i've never not made a lot of money see this is for people that don't know in one of the scripts we wrote it's really hitting for aaron every time i do this like every time i do this aaron loses i just want y'all don't know what every time you do what out of that yeah glad it's a big hit uh but

In one of the pilots, we wrote Corey's character, when we got it from this exact conversation, because you'll be stunned to learn this is not the first time this conversation has taken place amongst us, or a version of it. We wrote his character. There was going to be a, we call it to Patty Drop or Paddy Walk, would we call it? I can't. Patty Walk. Patty Walk.

Which is a real thing. I think the name varies place to place, but it's where it's like, it's cow shit bingo. It's like, you know, there's a grid. You get a number in a square and you wait for a cow to take a shit. and whichever square of the cow shits in, if it's your number, you win a prize. They used to do that in Salina all the time. He probably still do. I don't know.

But we had that in the script, and Corey's character was convinced that he hit at it, you know. And our character is like, and he did. And we're like, you can't, you cannot hit at that. It's random chance. He's like, no, I hit at that. And so, yeah, art imitating life or whatever. Because obviously, Drew, you're correct. I mean, Corey, he's objectively correct that.

you can't really hit at roulette. However. But I've, you know, seen you hit at roulette. Multiple times, yeah. I mean, I've seen Andy hit at roulette multiple times, too. But unlike you, she's like, I don't know. I just pick them. Me too.

I picked the right ones. That's how you hit that roulette. That's what she does. Sounds like Andy hits at roulette is what you're saying. You're calling it a skill. It, well, the people around me do not hit at it. I would say they are quite unskilled in roulette, whereas I am very skilled. So she's a savant in this scenario.

She would have to be a savant where you have a skill but you're completely unaware of it. Well, that's it. Okay. Yeah, I got that. You're also a savant, you're saying. Yeah, I'm a savant. There's no, I can't tell you what it is. You didn't like.

I couldn't teach you. I just know what I know. I just know what I know. I just got it in me. By the way, can I say something real quick? I literally just almost teared up when you, were talking about the paddy walk because it sent me back to that place of us working on that pilot together and i know we say it all the time and it's shitty toot your own horn but i literally i went

back and listened to that episode of dead pilots the other day because we'd been talking about it it's a fucking good pilot and now that the strike is over bring it back any of you people listening to this bring it back yeah it was phenomenal man um everyone i told about it who is a not an idiot and or from where we're from. Just immediately latched on to every plot line that we hit with. Immediately got it. It's a shame. I feel like...

Go ahead. I was going to say if something happens in the next couple years and I hit a real good lick, I'm just going to pay for us to do that pilot. And if it goes somewhere great and if it doesn't, at least I'll have it for myself forever. Yeah, I don't know how y'all feel. And I think I've said this to both of you privately. but as far as like us

as far as like what well read is and or will be that to me is like the thing that's left on the table you know like I enjoy doing this podcast and I love that the fans listen but like you know we don't tour as much together we're all trying to do our own thing

but that to me is like that's the thing that sticks in my crawl that I don't want to do by myself you know like I would like if you guys are like fuck you and I was like all right I'll do stuff by myself but like that's the thing the thing where I'm like, we could do that. I agree. I don't like, I'm content with how my career

is and like obviously I'm never going to be, I strive to not ever be a bitter person. But I do feel like I will feel some form of incompleteness if we don't get to do that one or another version of it. It's just left on the table. Honestly, the show, the hammer down is more of one for me personally, but just like the idea of like, you know, was like at the end of my life was well-read of success undeniably. Did you not, did you do everything you wanted to do? Only if we get that done. Right.

Yeah. And remember they were like, we can't do this because it's like pills and stuff. And now literally every show on television is about pills. It seems like it would have fit. Well, to be fair to them, I think that was their point. I think they were like, we got seven and we've got a lot of pills stuff. yeah but what's one more pill thing told by the pill people you sound like my brother what's one more pill so the whole thing about the spider claw uh made me try to look up some other you know

because every now to get nostalgic for one minute he didn't want for one second to talk about our feelings he was like all right well we're back to the spider and death he's moving on see every now and then you'll see that you see something from scientists you're like man scientist is wild sometimes or just real high or whatever you know like the famous version that we've talked about before is the lady that jacked that doffin off and then it and then it killed itself when she left it right scientist is a hell of a word for her I know right it's like John Tesh and Michael Bolton being in the same you know I wrote it down every time I jacked him off have data she did she did have data i reckon you know uh so i tried to look

somewhat i was kind of disappointed in most of the results but like i did find a couple that sort of hit i think so one there's a study that said it found that uh pigeons can differentiate between good and bad children's paintings right which is i thought you were going to stop at children the paintings that's fucking like a penguin just being like that's fucking trash. Exactly. Yeah, to a seven-year-old. Yeah.

Could you be like, that shit don't hit? All of those are Mike Tyson's pigeons. Every single one of those pigeons. He's this fucking trash. How does it vote? I need to know how it votes. I don't know.

I already, I saw it as I just saw the title of the study and thought that was funny. I didn't look into it. But I've got a couple of more, though. So this study is entitled, The Termination of Intractable. hiccups using digital rectal massage. I'm in.

Yes. So they found that this guy who had hiccups and couldn't get rid of them through any the conventional methods, it did cease his hiccups when you finger his butt. If you tried getting fucked in the ass, Gary? Yeah. Well, they specifically, they specified it was digital rectum massage. So it's a butt finger. When you said digital, I thought it meant like a, like a vibrator.

Yeah, like a robotic thing. They stick in your ass, like one of those eggs you put up there that vibrates the hit. Now, do you think that like, because you know some of the time they say like, oh, scare somebody, startle somebody or whatever, and then I make them, I make a hiccups go away, whatever. Do you think there's just like an element of like, I don't know, you know, I got damn, you know what I mean? Hey, Gary's not gay. I know it'll surprise them. Yeah. I don't know.

Maybe it's like, yeah, probably like a tension thing. But have you seen this meme that's been going around that says something. like the skin on your lips is the same as the skin on your asshole, something, something, something. There's like a very common internet thing now that's like, you know, you ever think about how your mouth and your asshole is just part of opposite ends of one tube, blah, blah, blah. And I just kind of read that and chuckle and move on, but like, is it that? Like, you know, the conventional ways to get rid of hiccups is like drink water sideway, you know, because it's like, oh, your diaphragms connected to your mouth.

Are you just coming out from the other end? like your hiccup in but it's closer to your but your hiccup is a thing that can be somewhere in your body and if it's closer up you gotta do it mouthwise but if it's further down you got to go through the poop shoot yeah or it's like when you send the cops in

you send them in the back door to the trap house because they're expecting you through the front door hiccups have front door defense it's either that or trace probably more likely point of like you just tighten up and somehow that squeezes the hiccups out your body I can't wait till the next It's time Amber has hiccups.

I'll tell you that much right now. But like, how do you think they landed on that? Like, how many other methods did they go through? Yeah. You know what I mean? They're like, well, we've tried water, paint it better. You know, we tried to scare him. My guess is.

Was the first one on the list after that, be like, let's shove the finger up his butt. What happens is it? Here's my guess. And they were like, yeah, that's worth a shot. And then it worked. Here's my guess. There's like four scientists on this team. It was one of them's first idea.

Yeah. And they resisted it. And yeah, they resisted it as long as they could. And then fucking Gary finally was like, look, I'll try anything. I'm going to, I haven't slept. I'm going to kill myself. My wife lefty. And finally they were like, all right, let's try Corey's method, I guess.

We have literally nothing else to lose. Yeah. And then he's, that dude is just fucking Randy Quaid from Independence Day all goddamn day. Just like, I've been saying it. So according to the abstract of the study, They did it the first time, and his hiccups went away, but then a little bit after that, the hiccups came back. So they fingered his butt again, and then they were gone forever.

So may not get it on the first lick, you know. I wonder if what happened there was. I bet he faked the hiccups. Yep. I bet he was going to say. Yeah. Well, hey, guys. One more time, please.

When I get, you know, when I drink too much, sometimes I'll get the hiccups and can't get rid of them. So, like, how drunk am I going to be before I decided to just finger my own asshole in the kitchen pretty soon at like 1230 at night. Way better question. It's like, no, I've got the hiccups. Can I let you in on a not so big of a secret? You'll probably like it.

Yeah, that's what I've heard. I can't wait for you to have to ask Corey to do it for you because for whatever reason you can't reach it or whatever. Corrie, you know, I would jack me off too, goddamn. I mean, dude, hiccups will drive you crazy, right? Yeah, they're the worst. Yeah. I don't think it'd take much to top me into a butt finger and from a doctor or whoever.

A good puke usually does it. I'll say, like, if you can make yourself fucking puke, that's usually the only times I, like, I don't really vomit being hung over. But if I'm hung over and get a bad case of the hiccups every now and then, like, something will just come with it. And every time, usually it's like, all right, that was it. That makes sense because when you puke your diaphragm kind of, I don't know what the right word is. It expands and decreases real quick. Yeah. So another one that y'all will appreciate some researchers at Wayne State University,

which is in Michigan. This is their mascot. This is an apt name. App name for this, for what these guys are doing. Wayne State. This guy here is the president of Wayne State. The Wayne State fighting Trey Crowders. Actually, there's one guy from Wayne State and one guy from Auburn.

Yeah, that's the Billy Dean. Collaborated on a study called the effect of country. music on suicide. And he says, we have hard data suggesting that cities with higher than average country music radio market share had higher white suicide rates. Yeah, and it's definitely because of the music. African American suicide rates, he explained, were not affected by the size of the country music market.

It would be hilarious if that was, it's like in places where there's country music, black people were killing the cells more. Like that would have made more sense. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Inescapable. Banjo again? Yeah.

Yeah, I would say, I will say this. Like, if you're in a bad place and someone has just left you and you here don't close your eyes by fucking Keith Whitley. And, and dude, how many times? And I know, like, this is true for all of us. Like, if we're drunk as fuck and we're emotional, like, we'll get so emotional and we'll start texting the thread. Like, God, I'm up crying.

almost every time it's because we're drunk listening to old country music. Like there is something about it that really tugs at your heartstrings. I feel like, though, I've read before that the catharsis of sad music actually helps, like that there's pretty identifiable evidence that if you listen to sad music, you'll eventually feel better. I think this is definitely a correlation does not equal causation situation. Yeah, it's because those places also have pills. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, in Nashville, people are sad because have you been to Nashville? It's not the music brand. I mean, it is a little bit. But anyway, I think it's, yeah, it's definitely, those are caused by the same thing. For sure. Which is like Kid Rock being everyone's hero. Oh, my God, dude.

Some other scientists found that a certain species of herring, the fish herring, communicate by farting. Hell yeah. So that's fun. I didn't know my dad was a fish. Yeah, I don't know how that's supposed to work in the water, but yeah. Bubbles. Fart talk.

They'd be bubbling. It's like smoke signals. How does a scientist reach this conclusion, though? Like, they see a herring fart and they go, I wonder what he meant by that. You know what I mean? Like what? How? I guess the other herring respond in a certain way.

over time, if you can measure that they continue to do that. Like, every time that boy, farts three times, they go left, maybe farps two times. They go right. It seems like every time this herring farts, all the other fish swim away from it. It's definitely telling them, get away from me. I need some space. This was on a list of Drew. Me and Corey talked about this on P.O.A. one day.

A lot of these are from a list of Ig Nobel Prize winners. Are you aware of that? No, but I immediately know what it is. It's kind of like the Darwin Awards or something. something. Yeah, so it's like all these that I just named were Ig Nobel Prize winners, but I guess they have one for economics, and it went to the Catholic Church because the Catholic church was outsourcing prayers to India. Well, they have so many extra gods, you know what I mean? They can get the prayers there. Yeah, these Catholics, they couldn't, they's too busy, you know,

pork and kids or whatever to get around all the praying. So they just, you know, paid some Indians to pray for them, I guess. That's beautiful. I don't know how that's, supposed to work. I saw a thing today. I was reading about Onlyfans. There was like a article that came out. The top earner on OnlyFans, at least at the time of the article, outsources her messaging. Yeah.

So she offers like the girlfriend experience. She'll message with you or whatever if you're lonely and she'll flirt with you and show your tits. But like it's just, you know, probably some old boy or like, you know, Walmart greet her who wanted a better job. right yeah i mean that makes sense because she's the top earner like she's got so many of those but like i mean god damn like but did she did they was this something that they found out or did she uh submit this like i'll just tell you by the way i'm outsourcing this to the are you asking if she told the people who follow her or the journalist the yeah i'm asking if like she admitted this or something they

found out no she just told the journalist just like come and hung out out the only fans compound that she and her husband had built. And yeah, it just was, yeah. And by the way, I feel like my Google news showed me that article because I've been saying OnlyFans a lot. For sure, 100%. That wasn't a top article. It just popped up on my thing because I've been saying that phrase.

Which is so freaky. 100%. Also, let me ask you this. And maybe it was in the article. To be the top earner on OnlyFans, I'm going to throw it out there 20 million a year. I believe it was 10. but like I said I don't know how old the article was yeah because like they can

I know some people that ain't close to the top earner but they're still fucking pulling it in boy well I've also seen clips of people claiming to earn like oh I earned 15 million last year or whatever I don't know if that's like to go viral though like to make that that's like a good way for people to be like damn what's she doing over here right yeah like that girl

um the girl that was on like it wasn't Sally Jesse Raphael maybe it was more or something catch me outside girl Catch Me Outside Girl. Like, yeah, I remember I saw at one point where they were like, she made $15 million in one month on OnlyFans. I was like, it ain't no goddamn way. But it did make everybody go.

Exactly. She probably made a lot that day because people were like, well, shit, I got to sign up. Yeah. Well, we should just start doing that. No, she also rap. God, I bet. Probably.

Right. Yeah. I would say that most people who use the phrase, Cash Me Outside have entertained. How about that? Yeah. You forgot to how about that? Especially if they're white.

Right. Because it's where you learn that phrase probably. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. It makes sense that she wraps. Now, let me ask you this, Trey. Does it even a little bit hit? I mean, I don't know.

You know, I don't be listening to it. I just thought that. But, I mean, you know, I know she ain't making $15 a month for that. Yeah, right. He said $15 a month. I think he meant to say, you know. $15 million a month. He was like, I know she ain't even making $15 a month.

month from that, that really hit for me. No, she probably is making $15. I'm sure she's doing pretty well with that too. What's her, let's say here, catch me outside girl, bad baby. Bad baby. Bad baby. Spilled wrong, I bet. B-H-A-D, B-H-A-B-I-A-B-I-E.

That's really, that's smart. Make it where people can look you up easy. It sounds like Brian Regan doing that. Hooked on Pahonix. Hooked on Pahon. Bad baby. bro what how much she made dog she did well she got 16 million instagram followers damn she got a song uh oh shit y'all can't hear that can you we turn okay she got a

a song with little yaddy get out of here called Gucci flip flops and it's got a hundred ninety nine million views the music video does jesus little yadi is trash sure but very popular She's got another one called Hi, bitch, what you know. I'm assuming as pronounced just by looking at the way on this. Yeah, 226 million views.

That's insane. She's got 7.5 million YouTube subscribers, dude. She's doing fine, boy. She's massive. Did you play one of them? I heard you say, I hope you guys can't hear that. I mean, I don't want to. I just want to know if you think it's bad.

I don't want you to play it for us. I just wanted to know your assessment. Oh, you're okay. Well, uh... I mean, I guess we're pap-laws when it comes to rap now, but I'm just curious. I feel like you could be like, eh, you know what? Like, it doesn't sound like an idiot. I'm not...

I'm not... Like, don't get me wrong. There's rap that I prefer, and maybe I can be pap-hosh about it, but there's plenty of the new shit that I feel like I can go, this isn't for me, but objectively in this genre, this is a bop. I feel like I'm decent at that. I've tried. like it's one of those things that like as we're getting to the age where like we have it's like taking our vitamins we have to be vigilant every and i know tray gave up long ago and i respect him for it we have to be vigilant every day to not turn into the back in my day people um and i'm trying but tray seems to think it's trash last night on the patio of the comedy store the bartender like had control of the you know playlist ox and it was like a lot of stuff i didn't either didn't know or don't like don't like

But Isaiah Rashad was heavy in the rotation, and I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the children love Isaiah Rashad, pleasantly. That hits. That hits. No, that was definitely not, like, offensively terrible or whatever. Like, you know, like I think it sounds like, you know, it sounds like new rap and whatnot, which most of which, like, don't. I bet if you're like a hip-hop, a fissionado. I'm sure you're like, oh, yeah, this don't hit. I don't think it's a coincidence that Lil Yati's the most famous collaborator because he very much is like a clout guy.

And I think he's pretty open about that. She probably paid him a lot to get him, I'd say. How do you, like, she literally was a viral clip just being a little shit on Dr. Phil or whatever. And now, and. It's amazing, man. Like, what did she then follow that up with? Her pussy, I think. I know, but not a new.

It's a good second act. She wasn't old enough. Oh, that's right. Damn, she had to sit there and wait. Dude, I guarantee she did some, you know, 18 countdown or some shit. And that attracts a lot of attention. I would love to say, like, how gross of her, but like, really, no, it's how gross men are, and she knew she could do that.

Like, y'all ever think about that how, like, when we were kids, like, it was in popular culture. It wasn't like the skanks. doing it. Like in popular culture, people were constantly doing the countdown to 18 with Mary Kate and Ashley. Yeah, dude. There was a few of them. And then, like, Pete Revello had a great video about this, like a character video, but like barely legal is such a wild genre of point. I couldn't have fucked to yesterday, but not today. It's like, yeah, but just to lead with that, like, there's a whole category of like, guys, we're just under the line. I mean, jail bait, right?

That's another word for it. Yeah, you know. Yeah, well, dude. Yeah, I didn't think about that. Yeah. Dude, I mean, all the, like, almost all rock used to be. That's what I was about. I was about to say, like, a massive percentage of, like, the hit in this rock stars of all time,

they just, like, port 14-year-olds and stuff. Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure. Like openly. Yeah, and, like, in, in Little Did, about Jack and Diane. I'm pretty sure that, like, someone, I saw someone doing the lyrics other day, and it's like, Jack, like, this girl was, like, 14

and Jack was, like, 19 or some shit like that. Like, yeah. I mean, dude, yes, and that's weird, but that's a song about two people who did it. No, I'm not, I'm not sitting here trying to cancel the song. The song fucking rules. I'm just saying, like, that was such a thing back then that it wasn't even thought of.

Well, what I was going to say is it was such a thing back then that there other songs were a 33-year-old front man, saying as if he was the one in the story and it was like, you know, 17, taste so sweet. Yeah, I mean, it was, yeah. All right. Yeah, dude. It's fucking. And again, like, these are not underground things.

These were number one hits. There was one, like, groupie who we probably wouldn't recognize her name if one of y'all said it. She was like a famous groupie, but was like underage and was just porking them all. Like got passed around by. That's who almost famous was based on, right? Penny Lane. Maybe. Penny Lane, yeah.

I don't think that was her name, but yes. Right. I know that that was, there was a real groupie who, was it the one that Bowie fucked? Do what? Bowie had a 14-year-old girlfriend. That was the one you're talking about? I don't know, but, you know, I'm sure he had a bunch.

But yeah, I just know there was one who was with a bunch of, like, the most famous rock stars of the time, and I'm pretty certain, like she was a, you know, under 18, the whole time it was happening. And, like, everybody just knew it, and that just hit just fine for everybody. Lori Maddox,

also known as Lori Lightning, was a baby groupie from the 70s. Is that who it is? I can't remember. Dude, that's the one. Jimmy Page dated her. So did David Bowie. Not to excuse any of it,

but just to put into context how wild the times were, aside from just the rock shit. I mean, a lot of this is going on during the time where, like, fucking, there were country-ass families that were, like, happy to give their 13-year-old daughter to, like, some 30-year-old businessman or some shit. Or, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, the whole Jerry Lee Lewis situation, like, they were cousins, but it was, like, laid out as if, like, they were like,

yeah, go be with your cousin, Jerry. He's successful. You're 14. Get the fuck out of my house. Stephen Tyler specifically got this one teenager girl's parents to, like, sign her over to him, basically, so that he could take her across state lines on the tour and stuff like that. Like, it would have been. And they were like, yeah, hell, sounds fun. Here's a wild sentence from a Rolling Stone article about Paige and Lori Maddox.

This is, I didn't realize this. Even in the swinging 70s, this kind of thing could put you in jail. but Paige did what he could to keep the relationship hidden. I didn't realize that. There are times where I'm not defending these folks, but I'm like, eh, it wasn't against the law. It's gross, but no, apparently it was. Apparently even then, people were like, no, this is illegal.

Yeah, like, I feel like when you get to the 70s, it's like, nah, people knew better, but like, you know, back in the 20s and 30s, like, genuinely, man, I used to hear my granny just tell these fucking stories. And like, never once was my granny saying it as if she perceived it to be gross or whatever. like her she was from a family in nine and like her sisters a couple of the my granny was the last to get married and she was 20 or 21 and like considered on the verge of being an old maid and not being not being good enough for someone until my papal came along but like her sister's like I remember one of them nettie I think she got married at like 12 to like a 24 year old and like my granny never said it in any other

way than like, yeah, that's just what we did. Yeah. This is what we did. We also went to work in the factory. Well, that's it. They would have killed the work in the factory. I'm not excusing any of it either, but like they were about fucking 12. All right.

But dude, I mean, you know, in the goddamn 20s or whatever, I mean, a fucking 15 year old was like a goddamn 30 year old. Well, I mean, and clearly everybody felt that way. Yeah, and clearly everybody felt that way. Because they, yeah, they went to work at nine or whatever. Well, to be clear, they were wrong about all of that, but yes. It's not shocking. But you get where they're coming from a little bit. Yeah, I mean, my granny, she dropped out in sixth grade to work in the fields or whatever.

So, like, I promise you this, me in seventh grade and my granny in seventh grade, light fucking years different. Well, and I'll promise you this, too, if you're going to make them work in a goddamn field, you got to let them fuck. Oh, yeah. You're going to have a revolution on your hands. for sure. You know, maybe. Yeah. On that note, that's a good note for me to go out on at least.

I don't know if we're getting ready to shut it down here, but I think we're out. Yeah, go ahead and plug your shit. Yeah, Trackerouter.com for all my dates. Got San Francisco, Northwest Arkansas, and then we'll all be together in Sanis in Nashville, right before Christmas, as usual. And then I got 2024 mess coming to us.

So go to trackruder.com. Check it out. Come and see me. San Francisco, Descuits. December 6th, 7th, and 8th, I think, maybe 7th, 8th, and 9th. You can go to my website. I'll be posting it on social. Listen to Gravy Baby, me and Gutter Bumpkin, aka DJ Lewis,

aka Goataddy's podcast with Cormer Morales, who you heard on Well-Red recently. Go to bonus cori.com for all my bonus things. Also listen to putting on airs with me and Trey Crowder. And, yeah, come see us at Zanies, December 14th through the 16th. And then after that, Asheville, North Carolina, I will be there by my lonesome December 28th at the Grey Eagle. So anyways, love y'all. And thank you all for listening to The Well-read show. We love to stick around longer, but we've got to go.

A tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God. Oh, fuck me. I about puked. Thank you, God bless you, good night and skew. You know, when a burp, it ends up, there's stuff in it. And that's why we had to finger Gary's asshole. That kind of worked that, like, you know, you're like,

thank you, God damn about you. You kind of still fit the rhymes game. Fart, bye. Bye. Okay. Later. This episode is brought to you by the new book, Round Here and Over Yonder, written by author's Trey Crowder and Corey Ryan Forrester.

That's your boy. The book is out now. I would like to thank everyone who did the pre-order, but for those of you who were like, you know what, I went away and actually go to a bookstore and pick this thing up. Well, you can do that right now. Round here and over yonder, a front porch travel guide written by two progressive hillbillies, parenthetical. Yes, that's a thing.

We love long titles, but we love making you laugh even more. This book is Chalked Fill. Chalked Full of jokes. We chalked filled it, too. It's got a bunch of jokes in it. It's really, really, really fun. We tried to take the stereotypes of certain regions, talk about what they are, talk about what they got right, talk about what the actual reality is. Of course, we did it with our own little region here in the South.

We went everywhere else in the United States, and for the first time in our lives, we went to the UK. It's Rednecks Abroad. The book is round here and over yonder. Not to brag on us, but I will. It is hilarious. Pick it up now wherever you get books. And, by the way, we narrated the audio version, if that's how you want to digest. it, but there is no wrong way. Round here and over yonder, wherever you get you books,

do it at an indie bookstore.