wellRED podcast - #367 - Maybe We Should Stop Talkin About Dogs

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

Today Trae recalls various times in his life where simply telling a story outside of the south has gotten him sideways glances and accusations of crime and meanness on the internet. The common denominator in these stories? Pets. Seems like another example of America misunderstanding their rural brethren. Also Drew tells a hilarious tale from his time as a defense lawyer. 

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,

including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different

language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app,

lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that a reply gift for?

Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help.

If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions or reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the hey ron okay welcome back everybody everybody across this universe here we are it's just me and drew you notice no cho today no show november well no he's been here for most of the month i guess

He's off because he's making his yearly sojourn to the frozen plains of Iowa for Thanksgiving. They drive every year. Straight. And what is it? Like 13, 14? Damn. 19 hours. I made that up.

That doesn't sound right. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Georgia to Iowa. I mean, we drove from Salina to Daytona Beach. Right. We graduated high school naturally.

This is such a, you know, it's like when my grandfather was like he always kept his girlfriend's too. Joni's away. Yeah, right. Yeah. How far is it compared to Myrtle Beach? So, and that took 12 hours. I'm listening, I'm going to look it up while you. 12 hours one way.

My buddy Charles, you know Charles. I know Charles. He, uh, he drove from, is it Des Moines? Around Webster City. Okay. He drove from, uh, right around Chattanooga to Miami to go to WrestleMania. Yeah.

It was 18 hours. He drove there, went to WrestleMania, watched the match, got in his car, and drove 18 hours back. That's crazy. From Miami to Tennessee. I drove to Miami to move there. Now, I had a, we had a trailer, and it was raining at one point, and we had to get out and do the tart, but it took us 18 and a half hours. Now, I'm sure Charles made better time without moving, but Jesus, not my, 15 is probably

the quickest you could do it. I know. I remember him saying it took him like 18. Okay. So if it's, so I'm saying, from Chattanooga-ish, the other direction to Iowa, yeah, it's probably what is it 16 and a half hours it is 13 hours and six minutes damn all right 30 hours and 19 minutes i had it backwards and i flipped them just to see i really thought i was doing something there so this won't hit for you probably because it involves oh good it involves a cop

like not not hitting um no i mean i like it when cops do the right thing ran in that this actually happened to us twice on that trip we graduated high school drove to detona beach me thompson bang Tori, Barlow, not Forrester. And, you know, the whole crew, two vehicles left at like three in the morning. On the hill that goes down into Chattanooga from north, you know, from 111, where we were coming, you go down this mountain, basically, into Chattanooga. And you hit 27. Yeah. That goes by my house.

I go 27 to Chattanooga. So going down that mountain at like 3.30 to morning, we're the only two cars on the road. we got pulled over by a state trooper who was lurking in the shadows going like, going like 90 in a 55, right? Because we were the only out there, and he, he carded, Bain was driving the vehicle I was in. I think Thompson was driving the other one. He pulled us both over, you know, how they can do that or whatever.

Pull you over, you stay here, go get them, or you guys both just pulled over? They, like, this has happened to me twice. They passed the back car and, like, got in between. it and the front car and was like behind the front car fucking doing this iron thing and like hand signalling while

breaking in front of to slow down the second one. I've had that I've had that done twice. I got to mean that's pretty cool when they do that. But anyway, they did that and they came up to Bain and asked for his driver's license. He showed it to him. We're 18 years old and it says, you know, Salina, Tennessee on it. This is Chattanooga. It's 4 in the morning. He asked where we were going And Bain said, well, we just graduated high school, so we're going to Florida.

And he just goes, enjoy your vacation and handed him the... Slow down, boys. And I don't even think he said that and just let us go. Even Wilder... Give me a hell yeah. Even Wilder, we got in Florida, we're going down an interstate in Florida. There's two vehicles again. We're like hurling things, like snacks and little chocolate donuts.

and stuff like that. To each other? At each other? Yeah, like on the road. Thompson. Let's talk about the physics of that first time. Thompson, Thompson, like, gets out of the pack.

We're going, like, interstate speed down the road. And Thompson, like, gets out of halfway out of the passenger side door window. Shirt on? I can't remember. Probably not, you know, and he's, like, hanging out of it like this. We're behind his car. He's turning around backwards towards us, throwing donuts at us. Right.

rules. And there was a cop and we got pulled over. And he was mad. You were wasting them donuts. And he was like furious. Exactly. That's obvious. Right.

Yeah. Anyone sees that coming a mile away. But they really were donuts and he didn't, you know. What he did do was he comes up and he's like, what the hell were you? You know, he was like real aggressive. What were you throwing at that other vehicle? And Thompson had like the bag of donuts. He was like, this is a donut.

And he was like, oh, well, don't do that. He thought it was rocks or something maybe? Yeah, I guess, yeah. He told him it was a donut and that we were his friends, and then the cop was just like, oh, well, hell. But this is Florida. I thought you was trying to kill a stranger for a game. Yeah, right, exactly.

So, yeah, we, uh... Fun times. Fun times indeed. Did you go see any boobies at trip? Remember when that was a thing? I think so. Yeah, not a thing anymore, is it? Seeing boobies on trips?

Like spring break. I think it's still a thing at, um, Marty Gras. But I don't think spring girl's, Spring Break Girls Flash as much because of the cell phone era. The cell phone era. Yeah. I mean music festivals, it's the thing. We used to, I had this buddy that I just saw him at a wedding recently.

I hadn't seen him in a few years. We used to, he was part of the crew that I went to Bonner with every year. His name's Sharon. It's his last name, Sharon. And me and Sharon used to keep a run in tally. Yeah. How many boobs we each had seen. It was like a competition, like one of those little clicker things, you know.

Yeah. It's going away, that culture. It's really sad. Titty culture. The last time I was at Bunterer, the only tities I've seen where my wife's out. She was just walking around. I think she maybe had butterflies painted on them. And then our friend Jazz flashed.

I want to say Big Frida, who is gay, but that was pretty great. It's like, yeah, dump them out for that person who's not attracted to you at all, Jazz. You know, it was pretty great, though. Shout out, Jazz. Hold on. Big Frida. Is that saying that right? That's not a woman? That's a drag queen is why you think it's a woman.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, gotcha. Yeah. All right. And pronoun wise, I may be, I feel like Big Frida and Freddie are split, not personal out, but like I feel like their persona, one is a she and one is a he and they're comfortable with both, but I could be wrong. All right. Well, yeah, so Cho's on his way to Iowa, and that takes three days or whatever, and then he'll get up there and get drunk with Amber.

mama and whatnot and then come back i asked him on p oa this week which this will come out for p oa does but like i know i've always been kind of fascinated by families that get hammered together at the holidays because like and his family does it really because what i was going to say my experience is like because like dude i'm from like a dirt bag drinking ass family i'm fucking my dad you know boozer dope smoking heathen jean jacket guy loved the party his dad my papal that's whiskey bowl papal and want to drink a bowl of whiskey a night, literally. And just, but around the holidays, everybody just acted like they didn't because, like, because Ma Ma's there, you know, drink in front of Memo or whatever.

Every girl I've ever dated, their families don't drink at the holidays. I feel like Southern culture, I know that they exist, but I feel like it's more typical. It's atypical to have a family that gets drunk together at the holidays, like in the South, especially in the small town south, whether they're Jesus or not, because I'm, you know, we ain't at all. Jesus. Well, my theory is the Jesusy culture permeates. You know what I mean? Corey's in-laws are Catholic, are they not?

I don't know. I mean, yeah, Catholic. My in-laws are Presbyterian, which I've been calling Catholic JV ever since I met them. They don't have as much money, and the best I can tell they don't rape boys. I feel like evangelical culture, it just like removes drinking from family events. And look, probably for the best, because I, I think you've got to be like somewhat stable and or get along for that to go well every year.

And like I've been in Andy's family 12 years now. We've only had about two issues. Well, actually this is what I wanted to talk about at least for a little bit this week. Because I get asked every year around this time I get asked by somebody, people on the internet or in an interview or whatever, if I go on any kind of serious show or just wherever the case may be, I get asked about like, Thanksgiving's coming up. How do you deal with, you know, those people at your, you know, the difficult people at your family get together. You're like, you know, you're drunk, racist uncle, like that type of thing.

And I always feel like kind of guilty because, like, everybody assumes, like, because, you know, liberal redneck, I'm from where I'm from and I am the way I am that I'd be very well versed in that. But, like, I'm actually, my whole family is this way. Yeah, they're like, ain't you got one uncle? Right. I mean, no. My one uncle is a sweet old gay man. I understand that question from an interviewer's perspective if they're interviewing the entity that is the liberal redneck. Do you feel like though, and maybe I'm wrong, I'm not trying to like call anybody out?

Do you feel like when regular, not-intervie-y type people ask that? It's like there's almost an implication there for me where I'm like, you sound like a dick. Like unless you, maybe you are thinking of one particular person who's impossible to get along with. but like for the most part you can't just talk about football for an hour i know i mean that's kind of what i've always thought but i know that some people have this position of like uh and i guess it depends on what they're saying but just like some stuff you just can't let it like i do remember one time we were going to katie's families for the holidays and this was in the peak of duck dynasty right yeah and her family was obsessed with duck dynasty that time saying that holiday season every

single member of the family age, gender, irrelevant, all of them got some sort of Duck Dynasty merchandise. Like, dude, the amount of money they had to fucking make off that whole thing is just insane. But anyway, they were obsessed with Duck Dynasty and Duck Dynasty Papal, the Patriarch, Phil had just come out and said that, you know, gay's burning hell or whatever. Like, remember that? Gay marriage don't hit the Abomination, yada, yeah, yeah, playing all the hits or whatever. Led to that Bill Burbitt. Would you think he thought, right? Yeah, exactly. So that had just had just had. happened. And we're going down there for Thanksgiving. And I told Katie, and I never felt like the need to do this before, but I told her, I was like, listen, I want to tell you, and you can tell

them if you think you need to ahead of time. I was like, if all that shit comes up, I was like, I'm not going to just let it go. Let it go. I was like, I'm not going to just sit there and be quiet if it goes down that road. So I might cause a scene if that happens. And I just want you to know that. And she was like, no one's going to say anything. And I was like skeptical, but then no one said anything and it never mattered. So it didn't come up anyway. But I'm saying some people's position is like shit like that. Yeah, no, I get that position. I do. That's what I'm saying. It's like, oh, you're thinking of a specific person who in my opinion is just, it's not that they're conservative. It's that they're a piece of shit. What kind of asshole is talking about gay marriage

in the middle of me trying to eat this gravy? Right. You know what I mean? Especially if you're doing it because you know that I feel differently. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Oh yeah. It's like if that's really what's on your heart right now as we give thanks to the universe or our God or whatever you believe in. I don't know what to tell people. Like that's a fair question. If they have someone in their life that's that impossible to get along with, you just can't. Fuck them. Like you just can't. Right. You just can't, what, get along with them? Yeah, because... But what do you do? Like... Tell them that. Be like, hey, regardless of your beliefs, the fact that you're like doing this, knowing how it's going to make me feel makes you a piece of shit,

apart from your political beliefs. Do you know what I mean? Like interrupting this meal with like your opinion, man. It's just like arrogant and narcissistic kind of. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, so you said in 12 years you've had two. Blowups with issues. One was sort of about politics.

I think I was getting tested. This was early on. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like it was like, let's see where this guy who's turned. turned our little daughter into a raging liberal where he's coming from. And then the other one, I don't think anything to do with politics. It was like old family wounds between a brother-in-law and a cousin, niece, whatever.

That you got roped up into? Oh, the second one had nothing to do with me. I meant I have observed two. The first one was more Andy and her brother. But I feel like it was about me. Do you know what I mean? Uh-huh. I was like, all right, new guy.

And that wasn't a holiday, though. not in the American version of that word. We were on holiday, but it wasn't wholly. We were going on a cruise. Gulf Shores? Oh, cruise, yeah. How many cruises you've been on? Two.

Where are you had on cruises? Take them or leave them. Yeah. Had an okay time with Andy's family. It got a little long, and we couldn't dock at the island we were supposed to go to because of choppy waters. And that sucked, because you already been on for two days. Then I did the outlaw country cruise as Elizabeth Cook's guest. had a great time

had the wristband that I didn't pay for that time and also like had all access to the backstage stuff and it turns out well that's different getting treated like a hitter hanging out with Lucinda Williams

way better than not yeah no those like themed crews like festival cruises like the they have comedy ones like the impractical jokers do a cruise they bring a bunch of comics on it Burt has one now too but also the music version

Outlaw Country like those feel different to me I feel like those would hit because you know what you're going to be doing while you're on the cruise. Right. And you understand what hits about it. Do you remember hanging out in Tampa before we really knew what those 3-11 fans that night?

Before we knew what was? Those cruises, because we learned about it that night, or at least I did. This was maybe year one of the tour. We were at a bar and everyone, it was like the vibe was weird. Yeah. Because they knew each other, but they didn't.

At first I was like, this is some kind of conference. This is like a work thing. and we started talking to them and we found out they were going on a 3-11 which, and I remember you, I think, said 3-11's big enough to have its own fucking crews. Yeah, I'm still surprised by that.

Those dudes were, it was like, it was Pill City, you know what I mean? Of course, yeah. 3-Eleven, yeah, could only have their own crews going out of, you know, Tampa. North Central Florida, yeah, Tampa, yeah. Ebor City. The other thing I remember about the first time I went to Ebor City

is we, I think we drove there from like Orlando, which is only an hour away, but we got there, which is not like us, but this is how I remember it. We got there, we went to eat because our timing was off, and it wasn't even noon yet,

and that's important, because it was like 11.13, and we went to this place to eat because we were all hungry, and we never been to Ebor City before, and we're sitting there eating, and we kind of just, like, look around at some point, we're like, everybody in here is fucking slaughtered drunk right now.

On a Thursday. He's like, look around and realize that, like, everyone is hammered. Like, again, at 11.30 a.m. And, you know, because... It was Key Westy. Ebor City is like, yeah. It's sort of like, it's also kind of New Orleans-y, sort of.

But trashier than both those places. And if you've been to either of those places, you know there's a good trash element in both New Orleans and Key West. Even trashier and even more like Gatlinburgie. Right. And there's chickens everywhere. Chicken. Yeah, yeah.

The street chickens. Just loose chickens. This dude. This is... It is only because, so I was, last time I was in, I did the Tampa Improv. What's, God damn, that's been almost a year ago. It feels like it was just a couple months ago, but it was in January, which is in Ebor City. I was walking back and I was like walking through the parking garage that connects to my hotel and it's after the show.

So it's like midnight-ish and I'm in a parking garage. Yeah. And some guy like yells me like, hey, hey man, you know, whatever. And I try to just keep walking. Sure. You know, I assume it's up whatever. And he like chases me down sort of. And I'm like, what the fuck?

I turn around and this dude. He's like a 22-year-old black kid. And he was like, you know what's up with all these fucking chickens? It was so important to him that he get an answer. Yeah. That he was like, I'm not letting this one get away. I've been ignored too many times. And I told him, I was like, yeah, I think it's like the mascot of this.

Like, it's illegal to fuck with them or anything. Like they're like the, yeah, they're like the, yeah, they're like the Ebor mascots, the street chickens. Fighting chickens. Yeah. The evil were fighting street chickens. Which I did look up the origin, but I don't remember now. I did too. Somebody just had chickens and they got out and now there's chickens there.

I don't know. I could be wrong. I feel like this was the thing that they say. I feel like they said it like went all the way back to like when it was a major port. When the shipping industry was like way more important there. Because pirates is a big theme there too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, buccaneers.

Right. And I don't believe for a second that the chickens there. just never went away from pirate times to now, but I think somebody reintroduced him under the, like as a total tourist gimmick of like, welcome to pirate land, we got chickens walking around, you know,

because in the Caribbean, that's, that is common. Were you out on pirates? Love them. Yeah? Fuck yeah, dude. Because like,

it's like a mafia on the ocean. Right. And they like, it's weird because they're like, they were sort of like egalitarian and everything and like progressive air quotes, like for the time. in a lot of ways, but they raped and murdered and stuff too.

Yeah. So it's, you know, I feel like it's a bit of a mixed bag with pirates. Yeah, I mean, I like the idea of pirates if I'm on. Like, if pirates were around raping, I wouldn't be for it. Right. You know, but as far as the stories go. Or they, like, accepted trans people. Like nowadays.

No, they did. There's like a few stories of ladies. And Bonnie and Mary Reed. There you go. They had a three-way, a menager sort of relationship with Calico, Jack Rackham. They were all caught and scheduled to be hanged together. They hung Calico Jack and I think Ambonny too, but Mary Ree was pregnant with Calico Jack's

baby at the time and they wouldn't hang a pregnant woman. And then she was actually a rich girl from a plantation. Her daddy on the plantation in the South Carolina colony or something. Tell us old as time. Right, ran off joining the pirates. Had the good dick. Yeah, right. Yeah.

Yeah, run off with the big farmer's daughter. but then she still hit her rich daddy got her out of it I read actually it's not known with certainty what happened to her but like a prevailing theory is that they know she didn't get executed when the other ones got executed and the prevailing theory is that she you know her daddy got her out of it she went back back home the most successful pirate of all time Chinese woman is a Chinese woman see like they hit like all things with history I know far less about her just because of because she's from China. Yeah. Like, we don't, we don't learn or no shit about China. I've only,

it's weird you bring this up. I've only just recently, and I mean just recently, I haven't really learned shit yet, but I'm about to start doing some Wikipedia diving on Chinese stuff because, like, they got a wild-ass history and expansive.

It goes back so far. Yeah. Most of the things that have ever been, like invented or come up with, they did it first. We just, nobody gave a shit because they were doing it. And now people complain about how they don't honor our past.

And they don't. Right. We started that. Right. But like I was just reading yesterday about eunuchs. Okay. In the Chinese dynasties. Big, big, there's a big theme.

Huge, huge thing. The only men, other than the guards, there are only two types of men who are allowed to work in the palace, if I understood it correctly, in any capacity. Whether you were like a cook or a, you know, a flower tender or a fucking scribe or whatever, the guards were regular fellers. Every other male in the palace was a eunuch. Not through every dynasty,

but for huge chunks of Chinese history. That's how it worked. And they'd have like 50,000 eunuchs on staff in the palace. Because I say the palace, the palace is really like a mini... That's like 45,000 too many. A mini city, you know. And it had like 50,000 eunuchs in it.

And the origin of all that was that they couldn't... They couldn't fuck the emperor's... concubines and get them pregnant and that type of thing and that was like the origin of why they cut their junk off but then it became a whole thing and like ceremonially ceremonially only units could hold these certain positions they were around and eventually became influential and like some of them like one of the guys considered to be one of the greatest military commanders in Chinese history was a eunuch there's another eunuch who like overthrew an emperor or a dynasty or whatever wonder what he was mad about that's what I'm saying shit like that like

Like, you don't ever hear a word about none of that growing up in America or just in the West in general, I think. And I'm about to start diving into it. I'm about to start learning me some China stuff. That's the age of dad you are. Because if dad's got a good thing. Usually, yeah, Fred, it's like if I was more, if I was less of a queer, if I was more conservative, it'd just be your classic World War II. Hitler type deep dives. But I'm going Chinese with it because they're communist or whatever.

Speaking of queer, I do want to ask about your mustache. But before we do that. Before we get there, I think about that a lot. Chinese. And I think about how differently the East's worldview is and perspective on what the world is. So I feel like people in Europe are probably more in tune with this kind of thing. And certainly people in Latin America and Africa. But like in America, our culture is sort of the world's culture.

If by the world you mean Europe, Latin America, and major parts of Africa. I was just talking about this with somebody. I don't think on a microphone, was it you? About how, like, people say that, like, Europeans and stuff to act like America has no culture, and I'm like, we're everybody's fucking culture. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, have you ever heard of rock and roll?

Right, rock and roll, blue jeans, all that shit that y'all, that y'all just also do. Like, all that is us. Yeah, we didn't act like that's not us. Right, yeah, exactly. In China. You're pisses me off so much. But in China, that's actually not true.

Okay. other than movies to a certain extent. Now. Basketball, right? They love basketball. Also relatively new. So their whole worldview, they know all the things you're talking about. But imagine how that makes you feel so differently about the world.

Are they aware of who Donald Trump is? Yes, but not the way that people in Latin American Africa are. That's crazy to me. I mean, you think about fucking North Korea, as far as we're told, and maybe I'm off by this, They literally don't know shit about how the world's working. No. Because they're taught that they're leaders of God and stuff like that. And people go, okay, yeah, and you think about that and you move on.

No, that's insane. That a whole country is like living the way a cult does in the backwoods of Appalachia. Do you know, if you ever see that M. Night Shyamalan movie The Village? Yes. Okay, good. Because that was seen by most as like the beginning of his down, of his fall off, which I don't disagree with. But like, he was still hot when that movie came out in the village. The premise of it is it's this like 18th century village

that keeps itself isolated in the woods away from the big towns because they're like puritanical and don't want to be corrupted. Also, there's monsters in the woods and whatnot and the twist, Chamelon ending, is that it's present day and they're living out in the woods in like, you know, in secret

and they don't know that it's actually the year 2002, 2008 or whenever that movie came out. Well, like North Korea, I think, for a lot of people there, is like, is sort of actually like that. Right. It's not 1800s, but it's a weird counter. Well, I'm saying, so yes, two things are wild in my mind about that.

North Korea is living in this culture that is not engaging with reality. Right. And that's insane. In the rest of the East, they're engaging with a culture that is reality, but it is completely different than mine and yours. Both are valid because both are actual experiences as far as moving through the world. It's just that I would imagine that growing up there, the way they're taught, is like China's number one. And in America's their company, just like we are the flip, right?

Yeah, except we're right and they're wrong, though. Sure, but their celebrities, they probably believe Yao Ming is almost as famous as Michael Jordan. Uh-huh. I mean, but. And there he probably is. And there's so many of them. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

Maybe he is as famous or more famous than Michael Jordan. That's what I'm saying. It kind of reminds me of that. Kevin Hart quote, or no, it's a Dave Chappelle quote about Kevin Hart. Somebody's like, you know, and Kevin Hart was able to do the crossover, and he was like, Kevin Hart was selling out huge, huge arenas

before white people knew about him. You're calling it a crossover because you're focused on white culture being the main culture. Same thing with like Asian directors. Like a lot of them, we hear about him and they're like, oh, he crossed over. It's like, no, that dude's a borderline billionaire right now. He has movies that have won many awards.

He probably got some concubines. You see what I'm saying? That really, really, really blows my mind. Obviously, someone living in Africa, someone living in Germany, someone living in America, someone living in China. They have very different experiences. But it seems to me that the East have a completely different framework through which they view reality,

and it's a valid one other than North Korea's. Yeah, that shit is wild. World too big. World too big, yeah. World is too big. So, before we started recording my mustache, I told you it's like I'm doing a thing that is like seven years out of date. It's so 2000 and late what I'm doing.

But used to November, there was like a thing for a little while. There's no shade November? That or like Movember or Movember? They changed it. Moose Day, yeah, I don't fucking know. But you grow a mustache in the month of November. I don't even remember why I decided to do it this year. It's not even that far end.

Well, I mean, it's like, God damn. It is like November 20th, 21st. Well, they're kind of in. and it looks good on you. It looks so, like, yeah. It's very different. Hipstery or gay or whatever. It don't look like, because I wear glasses and this haircut and whatnot, like it, you know.

No, I think they're unironically in now. Okay, because there's old boys who look right with a mustache, but I don't look old boyish because of everything else. Yeah. I took these off and put a hat on. Sure. Had this mustache. Yeah.

You know, I eat my internet costume. Call that the corn dog effect. Yeah, that I wear. Well, the kids now, they're not doing mustaches. It was to go to that NASCAR race. Oh, that's what it was. The fact that you forgot? That's why the hat.

Yeah, because I was wearing an Earnhardt shirt and I had a ball cap and I wasn't wearing I had contacts in. And yeah, I shaved everything but the mustache to go to a NASCAR race. That's why. NASCAR tray and Glasses Trey who rode here on his bike today. That's the China and America of your life. They have very different filters to which they view reality. Yeah.

Yeah. And neither of them really hits for me. Well, that's depression. Yeah, right, I know. And the comparison we have there is just the never-ending march of modernity into the abyss. But you said, I said, I don't think it's even a thing anymore growing a mustache in November. And you were like, no, now all the kids are not jacking off, which I had, I didn't know about. We're coming.

I don't think it's, like, you're not supposed to nut during sex either. Yeah, no nut November. That's been a thing for at least, what, three, four, five years, right? At least, yeah. Is it Isn't it also an in-celly type of thing? In-cell-adjacent at least? Well, those folks attach themselves.

Talk about crossing over main, you know, like a crossover success. I don't think some just regular people do it too, maybe. But there's definitely a contingent of like an in-cell type of stuff or like, wouldn't the Proud boys have a rule you're supposed to jack off? Sure. And they really attach themselves, the in-cell type parts of the internet, to anyone who's claiming. to know what masculinity is as long as part of its hating women.

And I'm not saying the people who started No November hate women. I'm not saying that at all. The reason that you're associating, I think, with in-cell type culture is like they get really into anyone who's like, this is what being a man is. And that is... How is not coming being a man? It's supposed to like, it's like quit watching porn. This will clear your mind.

It's good for you. Show some discipline. Don't you feel like... I mean, I've never attempted this, but like, isn't the conventional wisdom that It's the exact opposite. In terms of clear, you know what I mean? Like that, all that, that gunk. Yeah, needs to come out.

That's poison. Fucks your brain all up. Makes you a lunatic, an animal. So I think. So you got to get rid of that so you could be like a human person. That's how it actually works, isn't it? I think so, yeah. I think that.

So you're supposed to be more of an animal? I think that most of us jacked off too much, at least between certain ages. And that maybe is why people were attracted to this, because it was like, dude every day like I saw something the other day it was a it was a doctor saying you're supposed to between like the ages of like I don't know 15 to like whatever 50 whatever the ages are you're supposed to have a release about every three days okay as a man so so a lot of people in their 20s are doing it twice a day so I feel like they think oh no no remember it's great because when I started I feel good you know after a while sex feels better like if you stop jacking you

You know what I'm saying? But I think a month's too long. Like health-wise. Not just because I can't possibly do it and have no interest in it. I think it's legitimately too long. Don't you? Yeah, hell yeah. But I haven't said that.

I mean, I bet I've done at least 10 days, if not two weeks, without trying before. Yeah, me too, recently. Yeah. With the post-baby situation. For sure, yeah. Yeah. And then you get older and you got, if you have kids and just like life and stuff, you ain't, you ain't jacking off.

twice a day. No. Like you forget entirely about just... Well, I would be on the couch 10 p.m. Just exhausted

when Andy first got the hospital because he was crying all night and then I was she was taking care of him in terms of feeding him and changing him, but I was having to bring him

to her and bring her stuff constantly because she was bedridden for about a week and she was in the hospital the week before that. So I would like, I would lay it on the couch at night and I could then,

but I'd be like, fucking just want to go to sleep. Uh-huh. And there are times where my brain's too wired and be like, well, rub one out, I'll go to sleep. I didn't need any help going to sleep that night, you know what I mean? For show. What are you got? I'm trying to find, well, I was just going to look and see what I have, but I did remember one thing I wanted to say, you know, there's a word, there's a name for this.

Like, I don't think it's a real scholarly thing, but like more of an internet thing. There's like a, it's like a theorem or a maxim or something, one of those things that says that if you want to find out, if you don't know something, you don't know the accurate piece of information or the correct answer. The best way to go about it is not to ask for it on the internet, it's to state the incorrect

thing. So to say, to state something about something that you know is incorrect on the internet is... And then somebody will correct you. Because someone will correct you, right? It's just like a Reddit maximum. That's a better philosophy than just asking

the question. Why? Because people will be, you don't know Google works, let me Google that for it, whatever the hell, but if you just, like,

say something wrong, they'll, like, climb over themselves to be the person that corrects you. Right, that makes sense. So,

I think we've already dipped into that some already because, like, I bet we'll hear about it. If I, like, I may have had Anne, Bonnie and Mary Reed

mixed up earlier. Okay. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know if I did, but I'm saying, if I did, somebody will tell us,

I bet. Cho talks about all kinds of shit on PLA, and it's funny. He, like, he like does like it's like it's kind of it's kind of cute really because it's like he's doing book reports every week or something okay you know what I mean because he covers like fancy people from history and stuff but like he approaches it sort of like a like a like a presentation in school or something because you know he never went to college and it's very uh you know chowie about

that fact and whatnot so it's like he's like giving himself homework and are people like saying he's wrong about stuff yes all the time does it bother him? No, I mean, he gets very defensive. Well, I'm trying to decide if he's doing it for them or for you. And I sort of said this to him this week. I never realized it because usually he covers these kind of obscure topics that I'm also not that familiar with.

So I don't know. So he's telling me, and I'm like, right on, I just take it at face value. He'll get emails from somebody every week. So 98% of people, 99% of the people listening, they are like me. They're just whatever. Oh, that's interesting. but there's always at least one person who actually knows this subject matter

and they will send him an email just like, what was that guy? You know what I mean? You got that type of shit. Happens all the time. And usually I don't know, but then one time he went to cover a topic I do know something about

and I literally took it over from him like before he got through it. I finally had to stop it. I was like, can I just do this one? Is that going to bother you if I just do this one? He was like, no, go ahead. Do you remember what it was?

The Fermi paradox. Yeah, he just, what was he saying? I can't remember, he was just, but he was like, you know, pretty well butchering it, basically. And I was like, and I was like, oh, this is what, this is why people be that way. Like, I understand, you know, if you know about something. Yeah, it's annoying. Especially if you're on the other end of a podcast, you're just a listener, you can't interrupt. Yeah.

So you're just like yelling at your thing or whatever. Yep. Well, anyway, so I do kind of understand that on the internet, but there's a similar phenomenon, I think, where you can just assume if there's any kind of negative angle on some, something or a way to take something negatively or a source of negativity with something you post or say, it will emerge in the comments. So this happened to me this week and this is what I wanted to bring up. Oh, I know where we're going with this.

We got a... I knew we were building to something. I was afraid it was going to be about me. Katie, no. Katie did put the finishing touches on the house I grew up in in Salina the weekend before last. I was in Chicago doing shows. By the way, the fucking the Dan Theater in Chicago, that is. an incredible fucking room.

I walked in, I was like, this is like arguably too classy for me. It's beautiful. And it's like, I think Sam Meryl did, like filmed one of his specials there. Like a couple, not the last one but the one before that, I think. Only fans did a thing there

with the comedy thing they're doing. Yeah. I've seen a few clips. It looks gorgeous. It's awesome. Great. It's in Wicker Park. Nice neighborhood.

Fucking, a cool neighborhood too because Wicker Park, like if you're staying the whole, there's an old historic hotel in Wicker Park where I stay is called the Robi and it's a tall building. and it, wicker parks like outside of Chicago so you can see all of Chicago

from the windows and stuff and Chicago's like got the prettiest skyline in this country in my opinion. Anyway, so that was great. But that's where I was at. Caddy was in Salina, don't hit as much. Working on my house, you know, bless her heart. While she was in Salinas, she found,

she ran across these, this litter of stray kittens, right? She's running a neighborhood, I mean, naturally. Happens all the time. Salinas got fucking stray. We don't even have any kind of animal control unit or whatever. Yeah. We got, you know, pap balls will poison them or shoot them or, you know, round them up in a bag and throw them off a bridge, you know, classic stuff. It would be a good company.

A way to keep papal's busy. Yeah. Just sign them up for animal control. Yeah, unwanted, yeah. They're just shooting up, yeah. Cats out of kids' hands. Yeah, I'd say, in front of your children in the yard and stuff. Yeah, yeah, right.

So anyway, there's... You're welcome. There's, it's line of a fucking redneck white trash place. So there's fucking loose animals all over the goddamn place. She finds this litter of kittens and just, you know, falls in love with one of them immediately. And the boys were with her too. And, of course, they were like, oh, we got to keep her. We got to keep her.

So next thing I know, Katie's having me called Delta and add a pet pass to their flights back to L.A. And she went and got a carrier. She brings this little kitten home with her. And she is precious. She named her gravy because she's like, she kind of has the color scheme of, like, country gravy. She's like a breakfast gravy. Breakfast gravy. She's like a cream-cream.

breakfast gravy she's like a cream colored cat with like gray it's the best gravy gray coloring yeah that gravy does hip anyway so she named her gravy precious little baby kitty and so i took a picture of it on saturday which is catter day on the internet right and i said well we got a new kitten my wife and i put it in quotes rescued this little girl from a tree in clay county tennessee which is that is true but like i've always i'm annoyed by the word rescue right so to make fun the cat's just living in his life having a good time So to make fun of that... The cat world, they call that kidnapping. So to make fun of that, I said,

my wife rescued this little girl from a tree in Clay County the other day, although abducted feels more appropriate, right? And just trying, you know, just trying to make it sort of some kind of joke instead of just saying, hey, here's my cat. But I knew. As soon as I posted, I knew in my head, in my head, well, I was like, whether I said abducted,

but especially since I said the abducted thing, I was like, I know there's going to be some internet smart asses telling me that my wife obviously stole somebody's cat, you know, that whatever, there's no way that that's true or whatnot. She's a pretty kitten, right? It's because people aren't from places like salinas. They don't understand that that type of thing happens. I know, but I knew it was going to happen. So I posted on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, on every one of them, top comment. I put a comment that said, just so everybody knows, she confirmed that this was astray. Oh, you sweet summer child. Do you think they're going to read your comment? She did not steal someone's

cat right and but they're not going to scroll and then people and then so many people in the comments were just like they're like that is that that is a 1500 cat at least that is a cat with a pedigree yeah that's why she stole it I know cats and that cat there's no way that was a stray cat she 100% stole that cat fucking and all this type of stuff and it's just like you know i'm i've always said like the things that people can say awful things to me or literally threaten my life or whatever on in internet comments and it don't bother me but when people like assert things that are not true. Yeah, it's your way you're autistic.

That drives me insane. I cannot stand that. And so I backed right into this, but still, I knew, you know, I knew it was going to happen, but still it's so annoying just so. And then there were other people coming in there, like people from Salina who were like, I live in Clay County. I know exactly the litter of strays he's talking about. There's still some here that need a home.

If anybody wants to come get them, this is 100% of stray cat, you know, and then people like, bullshit. You know, like, it's just. Doubling down. Yeah, of course they double down. It's all they know how to do is double down on the internet. KFC double down. But it's like people just, I don't know, everybody's got, like that person who's like basically

might as well have been like, I am one of the premier experts on cats, on cat pedigrees or whatever, and I know that that was not a stray cat just with absolute certainty and it's not. The wild thing about that too is what if it is this beautiful breed of cat that doesn't prove anything about, so you still have never been to salina. do you not understand that an old boy who don't know shit about cat pedigrees would still be like get that fucking cat out here I ain't feeding it yeah right like you know I mean it's like even if you have a level of expertise in a certain field we're now talking about where I'm from that you don't know anything about right but you know

people just march forward going with God now and I hadn't really thought about that way but now that I think about it that actually is a good sign for the soul of salina that those kittens that the kittens are just running around and you know nobody's shooting nobody's shooting them nobody's putting them in a bag and throwing them off a bridge you know we i just we had the dial-up guys on poa recently we did it here because they're they're on atc so they want to record it here before we turned it on i was something got me talking about that about how and they lost their minds they didn't lose their minds but you know they were like damn bro yeah because i was like i brought up The dam in Salina, the Dale Holladam, and not just cats, dude, like, you know.

Bodies. Any kind of unwarranted animal or also just something. They just wanted to see what happened. If you, like, for example, threw a chicken off the dam, right? Like that type of shit. I do think that's fading. I never did that, but, like, that was so common. I had a cousin who hung a dog.

Such a pastime in Salina. And it was awful. You said hung a dog, didn't he then shoot it? Yeah, because it wasn't time. Because you said that, and I was like, I call that a Panama Paniata. Sorry, sorry. It's a funny joke though. But here's the thing about people being like, no way or whatever.

It's like I think they don't do it anymore. That's why those cats are. That's what I'm saying. Well, that's good. It is good. It's progress. And my thing with that is like, yeah, man, it sucks at where I'm from. People were just throwing dogs off a bridge in 1992.

What do you hear what else they had going on in their minds, hearts, and everyday business? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, the past was a rough place. It was, and it was inarguably the most racist place you can be from, the past. Oh, yeah. So, like, do you know what I'm saying? It's like, yeah, you should have, the guy who was throwing them cats off,

asking what he thinks about black people. Uh-huh, right. But people don't have any capacity for that, especially when it comes to animals. You know what I mean? Yeah. Just freak out about it. Yes, I know. That's what I'm saying.

It's like, I forget. I don't forget. But, yeah, the way people are about animals, it's like, yeah, you know, you can't even tell a story that is true. Yeah, exactly. They're just appalled. The dog up dudes weren't like bad. They weren't like, Jesus, get away from us.

But they were like, you could tell they were like, that's fucking hardcore, you know. Because, I mean, it is hardcore. I think maybe you and I and people from where we're from and around our age need to internalize. You know how we also don't tell stories about the jokes that were passed around in the eighth grade? Right. Because we know people will be like, what the fuck? Yeah, right. Maybe we shouldn't, do you know what I mean?

Maybe we should just let the past die. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Like maybe the issue is, yeah, it's not that wild that in 1990 you saw an old boy throw a bag of dogs off a bridge. It's wild you're just telling me this. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but yeah, but if it's somehow relevant to what else is being discussed,

if you didn't bring it up on like a double date when everybody else is talking about the season of the bachelor or whatever. I agree. Do you remember the story? Of course you do about that comic who started having a crowdwork with that girl in a wheelchair and made her cry? Yes. And I told that story on the Squar Brothers podcast on their Patreon.

Yeah, yep, yep, yep. I feel like every time I see them, they get tense. And I feel like that's why. And I was like, oh, right, I didn't do it, but they didn't want to hear that. Right. You didn't throw dogs off a bridge, but I just think people don't want to hear it. Yeah. Last time I saw the Sclar Brothers, I told them about the guy I worked with who purported to fuck cows.

Yeah, that's a more fun story. Yeah, I think last time I saw them, I was on their podcast, you know, when I told me. Yeah, that was another one where it was like, you could. So let me ask you, do you think, because I've only thought about this whenever I think back on it, I was 18 years old. There's no way he fuck out. Okay. So he was just like fucking with the new kid. Yeah, right.

100%. But that never entered my mind at the time. Like, I, one- That makes it so much better for him. 100%. But, dude, God, I wish you could see this guy. I mean, this dude has got to be dead at this point. Maybe he was just the greatest actor of his generation who never got a chance.

He teed out like dead. Like, you know, he walked down there. Like, like, literally, dude. Get up on the back of that cow. You know their pussies look just like a regular woman. Yes, I have one train's a good. I open the gate. She'd lift her tail up like that.

I've heard that joke before, which is why I think it's a joke. Yeah, and he talked about, like, hooking them by the nostrils. Does that what the hooks for, Gordon? To, like, to, you know, get them under control or whatever. Well, see, right there. I mean, the cow's very long. See, I was on, I was on, do you know Jason Ellis, the Australian guy? Yeah.

Rad dude. I did his show and that came up. I don't know how this always comes up. Just, you know, because how I sound like, Trey. People murder dogs and fuck cows. Yeah, exactly. Right. And then I get bad with people like judge where I'm from or whatever.

And then I go out in public, talk, tell me all this shit. There's a whole town with an economy, religion, culture. Trey just walks in. I tell you what you're out there. in Salina, Tennessee. You heard it here first. Yeah. Cow fucking dog murdering.

Leave the cats alone now, though. The Jason, when I was on Jason's show, that was like... Is he like Wolfman or something like that? Hawke and... Wolf. He's Wolf. He's what he goes about. Yeah, I dig that guy.

Tony Hawk. Anyway, yeah. That guy's hilarious because it took him like eight years to come out of the closet on his podcast publicly. I follow him, and it's very funny how he just, like, gets more and more comfortable. Because he's, like, really macho and, you know, tatted up. But he also gets his butt fuck.

And he's a bisexual guy, yeah. And it was like, he started out being like, sometimes I kiss guys. And then like four months later, he's like, sometimes I suck guys. You know what I mean? It was just very funny. No, when I was wondering, he was talking about washing out and stuff.

He's like, no, my, you got to wash you out, you know. And the first time we were on there. And then we did it a long time ago. That was on serious. And he said then, I don't know, I could be gay. Right. And that's what I'm saying. There's like the progress.

I'm very happy for him. Me too. Yeah, very funny. a cool dude but anyway i hadn't thought of the guy the cowfucker's name's walter i hadn't thought walter in years until i did his show which was like last summer isish and it came up on there and he started like kind of picking holes in it like you were just saying like i told the thing about like the nostrils or whatever and he was like well hang on you know he's like i mean think about the logistics of that mate like how you know how long is this guy's arms you know whatever and

that was when i was like fuck my you know that was the first time i never crossed my mind that like maybe he did not actually fuck cows. Yeah. And this was just something they told the new kid, you know, whenever they got one around there. Yeah. They're like, hey, Walter, tell them about you. Tell them about your girlfriends.

I'll confess, so you're not the only one who has to talk about like the embarrassment of something like that. There was a professor I had at a summer school thing called governor's school. And he said that he had a student whose last name was Cheteed, but they just called her shithead. And I was, people were talking about fucked up names, and I said that, and somebody was like, that's not a real last name.

And I was like, oh, you're right. I always heard it as chathade. Is that how you spell it? C-H-I-T-H-E-A-D-E? Just chathed, or chathed? Well, I look for different variations. The closest thing I found was an African surname, and it wasn't that close.

But my ego was so bruised, I was like, this is what it is, but now I realize, no, I just got. I always heard it in a real name. racial context i was going to say i feel like that's one of those racist urban legend things it's like a black person's name a black name i never heard it as a surname i heard it as someone's first name you mean like a you know yeah ladashia laddasha yes that that that one kevin teats swears that he had a client who had a dash in their name and you were supposed to pronounce it but kevin teats also has said a lot of things that he believed in they weren't true right because he's altered his

state of consciousness a lot there's more to absity or something like that, I think, which is just A, B, C, D, E, the first five letters of the alphabet. I don't believe that. Absidy? I don't know. Well, white people also, we had to take everything from black people even that. And, like, we

now have no reason to say anything about the names that black people choose for their children. There's a Facebook group, Andy's in. It's got, like, a million or two million people called that name is a tragedy. The tragedy spelled with an E-I-G-H at the end. Yeah. And

white, people are wilding. Every once in a while she shows me one that I'm like, that's fake. And then she goes and shows me the post and the person is arguing people saying, I like this name. Because people will make fun of people. That's nothing. People will find negativity.

And hey, we've got a new baby. Greatest thing of our lives. Here's the name. And just a bunch of strangers will be like, what the fuck? I've told this multiple times. Any time this ever comes up, I'd tell it. But Katie went to high school with a girl who has a son named Phoenix. And it's spelled F-H-O-E-N-I-X. Phahonics.

And it's like you don't need the, if you got the F, you don't need the H, you only need the H to turn the P into the F. It's totally redundant. Do you remember that Brian Regan bit about people who can't read? I don't remember how he got to it, but he was going

hookid on Pahonics. What's funny is that reads Fahonix. Right. Phonix. P-F-H-O-E. Jesus. How's that kid doing? Oh, I don't know. Yeah, we pray

shouldn't have said a kid's name. Yeah. Oh, well. Well, whatever. I didn't say his last name, and also, hopefully I'm wrong about the relationship. It might just be somebody

that's on Facebook. And we didn't mention his last name, so there's no way it could be a, it could be any kid named F-H-O-E. I mean, I bet there's at least a couple. That's true. Not from the general southwestern Tennessee region, though. Yeah.

Yeah. I just, I don't know if she's come up twice now. Friend from earlier, Tits out at Bonnero Jazz. Her name is Jasmine, spelled J-A-Z-M-E-N. Okay. That's a good spelling of that. Jazz man. Jazz men.

Yeah. And I've, like, wondered if there's other people, and I've typed it in Facebook. There's plenty. All-Black. She's the only white Jasmine spelled that way that I found. Mm-hmm. I mean, I've, there's at least one that I can think of, but almost every other T-R-A-E I've ever met as a black guy. Right.

Yep. That came up on, oh, never mind. You get your podcast confused again? No, I got, I thought that I was texting Travis about a serious show I went on. And in my head, man, you were talking about that serious show, but we weren't. We weren't. So I was going to reference something that we didn't actually talk about. Call back to somebody else's relationship.

Yeah. I've been doing that. Like, I do, got somebody goddamn podcast and Patreon stuff and group chats and everything that I can't keep straight the context with which I'd discuss things with people. One time I tried to steal a hip from one group chat to the next. Like my friend Chris sent me a funny man. I'm going to send it to you guys and I sent it back to the Chris group uh-huh I was like oh my bad try to send that to my buddy it's like fuck I got caught trying to steal the hit is that what happens in our group chat sometimes whenever uh things get repeated often

often by someone else is and I no Corey and I both don't scroll up right yeah so you both see something that hits and we share it and you share it without realizing that the other one already beat you to it or you or like yeah I because sometimes like it depends on what I'm do and I've been trying to put my phone down a lot and stuff. I mean, sometimes y'all are like a hundred deep. Uh-huh. And if anything really hit, it'll come back up is what I've decided. Do you know what I mean?

Like during the pandemic, I was fucking glued to that phone and all group chats. And now I'm just like, sometimes I'm in it when I'm texting with you guys and I'm the one sending five messages in a row. And sometimes I'm like, it really, I don't have to do this, you know? Mm-hmm. But that does lead to repeats for sure. Yeah. Well, I think we've survived. I think we did it. Yeah, listen, I'll be next week, I'll be in San Francisco at Cobbs. Then the Grove in Lowell, Arkansas, then me, him and Drew, me, him and Corey, we'll be back together again for the Christmas shows at Zanis just like every year. Go to trycrowder.com. Check out my dates. I got 2024 dates on there, too. So come say me. Quick story with my plugs. It's very quick. The mustache. I've been meaning to tell this to the whole show, and I keep forgetting.

and had a trial. It was a robbery in a park with a kid. The kid got arrested in a park where someone had gotten robbed on the other side of the park, and they did a show-up ID, and they were like, yep, that's the kid who did it. When the person who got robbed gave the description,

they described something with a mustache. They picked up my 14-year-old Hispanic boy who had, like, the thinnest... Sure. Just like every 14-year-old Hispanic boy's mustache. Yes. Yeah, right. And that was like our whole...

thing with the case. We were in front of an idiot judge who's probably racist and juvenile trials in Miami are no juries, always a judge. So I was like, we're fucked, but let's argue it to the death. In my closing, I was focusing on that, I was talking about it, and I was

pointing to my kid, and I was like, Your Honor, I asked him not to shave for the last month. This is the best he can, you know, whatever, whatever. And I was like, that's not a mustache. And I turned, and there was a guard. Old black man, ballhead, like, you know, eyebrows and mustache, the only thing on his face.

It was just like yours, but way bigger. And I was like, that's a mustache. And that judge lost her mind laughing and then still found that fucking kid guilty. And that is when I knew I should be a comedian instead of an attorney. Because I'm murdered in that room, but that kid still went to jail. I'll be in San Francisco the weekend after Trey. At cheaper than therapy, that's a little theater downtown. I'll be there Wednesday through Saturday.

headlining. It's going to be a lot of fun. If you want to see me work stuff out, come on Wednesday. If you want to see it more polished up, come on Saturday. And then, like you said, well-read at the end of the year. Yeah, it's... Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We love to stick around longer, but we've got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do.

I can't have it. Thank you. God bless you. Good night and skew.