wellRED podcast - #369 - American Chocolate Sucks! (+ Discussing HBO’s Real S*x!)

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Hey y’all! This week Drew walks in a little late and doesn’t realize things are about heated….. cause we are talking about how much harder British candy hits than American candy! Sorry, it’s true!   Then the boys talk about some horrible news concerning Looney Tunes, and the impact Real Sex and Taxi Cab confessions had on our generation!   Listen to all the podcasts in the Skewniverse: Weekly Skews, Putting On Airs, Gravy Baby, Through The Screen Door!   Come see us December 14-16 in Nashville! Tickets at TraeCrowder.com   DrewMorganComedy.com for tickets ti see Drew   BonusCorey.com for all of Corey’s Tom Foolery!   Get our new book Round Here and Over Yonder wherever books are sold!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. You know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,

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language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app,

lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that in response to?

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the well red fans this bustling holiday season you might be looking for nutritious flavorful meals

to fuel you on your jam pack days well factor america's number one ready to eat meal delivery service can help you eat well for breakfast lunch and dinner with chef prepared dietitian approved ready to eat meals delivered straight to your door so head to factor meals.com slash well read 50 and use the code well read 50 to get 50% off now that's code well r ed 50 at factor meals.com slash well red 50 to get half off. Cho how you doing here we are we're here. I too im bustling I like that word. It's a bustling time of year.

I myself am bustling hustling as well a combined a combination of hustling and bustling. It's funny that I feel like bustling seems super white. To me, it sounds like a super white word. Whereas hustling is, you know, super black. Yeah, like Rick Rawl, you know, hustling, hustle, that wouldn't hit as much if it was bustling. I don't know. It hit for me if it was bustling.

Busseling. Bustling definitely sounds like. Yeah, bustling, hustle and hustle, that definitely sounds like all the hustle and bustle, that definitely sounds like something. like producer Bryce would say like you know some middle management white guys like all the hustle and bustle of the year but yeah when you're hustling it's cool yeah so if y'all are watching on now on youtube you see this empty seat that's drew's he has died and will no longer be with us that's not true he's late which is fine we got got our wires crossed a little bit this week on recording times we're doing two episodes we're recording two episodes this week y'all ain't got to worry about that but it screwed drew up he's on the way he'll be here at some point In the meantime, we go ahead and get started. We were talking up top about Factor, which I am a big fan of Factor in those meals, but, you know, it don't hit to just eat good all the time, right?

No, of course not. Right. So I had a trash food subject I wanted to bring up. We talked about this on P.O.A, I think, and we talk about it in our book around here and over yonder. The comedic travel guide available now. Get the audiobook on Audible or go to Treycrowder.com or just wherever you get books and get the bookbook. And if you've already bought it for yourself, it makes a great gift because the holidays are coming up.

So, yeah. Yes, indeed. So in that book we talk about, perhaps the grandest revelation of our entire three-week sojourn across the pond to England and Scotland, in my opinion, was finding out that gasp saying ain't so. American candy bars don't hit. They suck. Even the ones that you think hit, don't hit.

And I know that's tough to swallow. We're two fat kids. It was hard for us to swallow, too, believe me, which is unusual. for us because we're two fat kids. But this was tough because we're big fans of Butterfingers and Snickers and Reese's and all that. But turns out none of them, not a single one of those, actually genuinely hits, at least not as compared to what they're working with in Europe and in England in particular.

I say this. I'm bringing this up now because I've been eating British candy bars for the past full day because some lovely soul in San Francisco brought me. And here's the thing, y'all, y'all also included a card, and I appreciate you very much if you're listening to this, but like, I'm dumb. I don't think it's you. I think it's me. I could not read what your name was at the end of the card. I'm sorry, but I couldn't. So that's a bummer. But I do appreciate you bringing me this big ass bag of British candy, British chocolate bars of varying types, you know. Star bars and boost bars and lion bars and taffy crunches and all these delightful offerings, smattering of various confectioneries from across the pond it was. And it's just been reminded me how much harder their stuff hits. And my sons, because of these lovely benefactors, Bay Area benefactors of mine,

my sons have now tried British candy bars. And I didn't influence them in either way. They just tried these candy bars, and then they said they themselves independently arrived at the conclusion that those candy bars hit harder than ours. So we got some empirical data to back it up. They felt the same way. It's just 100% true. And I want to ask one question real quick before I launch into what could be a treatise. You didn't answer my text the other day.

Starbar, from my recollection, those were the one that bus, correct? Okay, I read that text as a statement, a declarative statement. I don't know if I just missed the question mark or if you didn't include it, but I didn't know you were asking me if Starbarge was the one that bused. I thought you were saying to me that's the one that bus, which I was like, all right. Because maybe I forgot the question mark. I'm pretty sure I remember that being the one at bus. I think you're right.

It is weird. The way the word bus is used by the young people, bus means hit. They all bus in that way. But the Starbar, if I remember correctly, it, when we first bit into it, we were like, ooh, that bus. And it's the bus that do it. Bus. Yeah, bus in your mouth. Yes.

I think it's got a thing going on where it's like it seems to have an outer layer. You bite into it and there's like a hollow effect with like some real soft hit and caramel in it that does ooze out. Is oozing and busing the same thing? You know, not necessarily. It depends on how hard it oozes because I would say that gusher's also ooze, but I would categorize the speed in which they ooze as a bus. A gusher's definitely bus in your mouth. Yeah.

I mean, that's like their whole. That's their whole thing. That was the revolution that, you know, the revolutionary technology that they patented was, you know, busing your mouth sour syrup technology in the 90s. What I was going to say, and I really did think, because, you know, in our book, round here and over yonder. It seems like we left it all on the field when it came to talking about candy and American candy and how much it don't hit anymore. But I find myself having even stronger opinions now that I wish I had put in the book, but I didn't know this.

Again, having their candy has now made, I cannot have American candy without thinking about how inferior it is. And the other day for the first time in a long time, I got a payday. My grandma Sandy, for Christmas, she gets all the kids like a paper sack with candy and apples and oranges and stuff in it. And there was a payday. And I was like, oh, you know, I haven't had a payday since I went over to England. Maybe payday still holds up because it's mostly peanuts. And then there's that really good nugget. I've been into the payday. No chocolate. They do have a new payday that has chocolate on the outside, but a payday is just nougat surrounded by peanuts. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. So I had this payday, and it brought back to my attention something that is true of payday. Payday, and I want to see if you agree, I don't know if you have any, I don't know if you have anything to say on this, because I don't know if you necessarily know what a payday is, but payday to me has the biggest margin between a threat, like when a payday is on versus when a payday is off. There's no, I've never had a decent payday. You know what I'm saying?

When a payday is just a little bit off, it's one of the worst fucking things in the world. And let me explain to you what I mean. I've had many decent Snickers. I've had many decent butterfingers, right? Where it's like, okay, this wasn't straight from the factory, but it's acceptable. A payday goes from, holy, or used to at least, holy shit, this is great to who the fuck would put this in their mouth? This is awful. And I can't decide if that's how it

always was, or as you pointed out, if our sojourn, which by the way, every time you say sojourn, I get hungry because I think of sorghum syrup. If our sojourn to Europe has just completely bastardized all American confections to me, and I'm afraid that it may have. Okay, a couple of things there. Paydays, I feel like paydays get hated on quite a bit, and I always thought that they were better than they got credit for. It's just because, and like, I used to love them. And I would think in this conversation,

I would understand why you might think payday would be one of the very few that holds up, because I wanted to say to people, the generally accepted principle here is that the reason that our American candy bars are so inferior to those over there is due in large part to the chocolate that we, And how chocolate works. It's mostly about the chocolate. Their chocolate over there is just 10 times better than ours. And as I understand the rationale for that to be, it's because old man Hershey there.

Was there an actual old man Hershey or just the town? I believe so. The town was Hershey. William Randolph Hershey. William Randolph Hershey. Yes. Yeah, we all, yeah, recall. Anyway, old man Hershey developed a way to bring chocolate to the masses, very American

in nature. We like to bring things to the masses in this country. It's something we've focused on over the years. And the way he did it, you know, involved approaching chocolate in a different way, which chocolate purists were disgusted by, you know. We're like, well, you know, they're like, what it ain't meant for the peasants?

Fucking, they don't need it. If you're going to ruin it so the peasants can have it, just don't even do it at all, right? So like, but that technique came to define American chocolatiering, as I understand. it and that's why it just don't hit as hard largely is because their chocolate they it's different from how we do our chocolate and it's just fundamentally better point being payday because it doesn't

have chocolate involved i could see how it would be an outlier in this discussion right because there's no chocolate factor to worry about i haven't had a payday in so long i can't comment on the you know sometimes it hits sometimes it don't a situation i mean i feel like any candy bar if it's old as hell it's probably dry and crumbly and And I mean, that's obviously not good. But, you know, nothing's going to hit if it gets too old if it sits around for too long. Well, I agree. And an old-ass Snickers isn't going to hit. But I guess what we're talking about here is the medium part.

Like a payday doesn't have a window where it's like, this isn't as good as it could be, but it's not horrible. It goes from as good as it can be. And then one minute past that, it's as bad as it could be. be. And I'm with you. I thought the same thing. Like, well, there's no chocolate on it. Peanuts are doing a lot of the heavy lifting here. But I will say, and I believe you've experienced this with the Lion Bar, I believe it is over there and any of their toffee. All their crunchy stuff is also superior to ours. Yeah, it's like soft, not softer, because it's crumbly, but it's like not, it's less

dense. It's lighter and more airy. Yes, their wifers and stuff. Yeah. The lion bar is basically a Kit Kat wrapped in Nestle Crunch pretty much to explain it to Americans, which is like, where's that at? Why do we not have that? That's right of fire. How have we not thought of that? But anyway, we're on so many different candy-related subjects right now.

You asked me something a minute ago at the end of your little treatise that I was going to respond to, and then I didn't, and now I can't remember because I circled back to the chocolate thing. I don't remember. Honestly, I don't even remember what I was talking about. You know me, I get passionate and I vomit it all out and then I'm on to the next thing. I was basically wondering if you felt the same way about payday. I think that like it's either hit or miss. Or if there's another candy bar that you feel the disparity in quality between new and off the shelf,

like a candy that there's a wider margin of this is either great or it's fucking horrible. No, not that I can think of. but God damn it I keep forgetting the things that I want to say to you about

these things oh you said sorghum syrup so I referenced sorghum in my act right now and it always gets a pretty big pop

because I feel like it's the most old-timey sounding thing there is but like you still be actively fucking with sorghum

is a part of your of your life because I'm surprised to do it okay no it's just that I know

what it is I mean, my, you know, I was halfway raised by my granny who was 68 when I was born, 96 when she died and was a big part of my life. So, like, I had sorghum as a child and I know what it is. And every now and then if you go to, like, a mom and pop, like, biscuit place, they will have, like, when you get, like, the jelly sampler, they'll have some sorghum. It's not in my house. It's not a staple. However, when I'm reminded of it, I'm like, oh, that does hit. I'd like some sorghum, you know.

Yeah, I don't know that I've got some sorghum, you know. ever had sorghum. I've just, I've long known what it is or whatever. And it's like I said, it's like in my act, I talk about people in LA thinking I sound like a cowboy or something. And I'm, you know, and I say like, I guess, like, we're at a party, we run out of beer. And I'm like, well, I guess somebody better ride into town, pick up some more. And they're like, ride into town. What are we out of sorghum? Right. And it's like, and then there's other punchlines after that. But like, yeah, it's in sorghum, it always

hits because I feel like nothing sounds more old-timey, in my opinion. Yeah. Sorghum and Sasparilla, that would be another good comp. Another thing you told... Horehound candy. Yeah, that's what I'm about to say, horhound candy, which I've still to this day never had, but that's another thing. You're great, dude, you're great, like, my mom-maw's, you know, 84.

I had great-grandparents that lived to be 98, 99, great-grandmothers, specifically. All the men in my family explode at 59 or whatever, so, you know. I'm doomed. But I've had women live to be 90-something years old. So I've had old-ass southern women around me. But your granny, when you talk about her, she just... She's old school. She just sounds like a character from like a Cohen Brothers movie about the Depression era of South or something.

Yeah, man. Like, yeah, she loved Horhound Candy. She did. What the fuck is that? I'd never even heard of it when you brought it up. And now I know what it is, but I've still never had it. Yeah, man, she was definitely, she's someone who even when out of the Great Depression, and like my granny never, like when I say, oh, when she got out of the Great Depression,

she worked as a bank teller making not much money at all, but like, you know, still, she was not completely, didn't have a pot to piss in, but like she never fundamentally got out of the Depression. Do you know what I mean? Like, it didn't, she never like, oh, I've got a job now, so I don't have to behave in this way. Like she, it was, it was in her. And so all of those things, like, were still her treats. And I remember like, like Cracker Barrel.

Oh my God, dude. I take her to Cracker Barrel. And so at Cracker Barrel, they basically have an entire section of the general store that's like, were you in the Depression? Here's the candy you ate. You know what I mean? And Horhound was there and like, she would eat it. And my mom would always go, Granny, you people only ate Horhound candy when that was the only candy they could eat. will get you anything else you want.

And she's like, no, I like this. And by virtue of that, I like Horhound. It's kind of rootbeary. You know what I mean? I'm doing it just for like a nostalgia thing. But like, yes, Granny, that's a good way to put it. She's like a Cohen Brothers character representing the Depression. Yeah.

So it tastes like root bear sort of? Is it chewy? Do you chew it or is there a hard candy? You suck on it for a long time. The one that Granny would get that she says was kind of like the one she got. It was a hard candy. It was kind of like, you know, you would like a little peppermint type thing, but it was like a, you know, like in a little log looking thing. And it was just you'd suck on it like a Ludens cough drop.

Yeah. Yeah, Horhound never had that. We've got to make your own root beer kit at the house right now for the boys that we just still ain't opened yet. So we'll see how that goes. You might you can. I'm a big fan. You can do it a few different ways. You can like, you know, you can, I know, probably for being an idiot here.

But did you know that, like, you could carbonate things, or at least you can carbonate root beer at home? Naturally? Without a, whatever those are called. Delterators? Seltarators or whatever the hell. Those things that people have that make soda water that everybody loves. How do the fuck do you do that? It's because of the yeast and the stuff that goes into making root beer.

So it's fermenting? You seal it up. Yeah, and it fermenting. It, like, carbonates itself, but you got to watch it or your bottles are... Because it'll be booze. They'll explode. Well, yeah, I mean, that too, I guess if you... leave it for too long, but I think it would be like undrinkably bad. But also, you got to watch

the bottles or they'll like explode everywhere, I reckon. But if you do it, so the two ways to do it, you can either make like just root beer syrup and you get soda water or if you had a one of them soda water machines that people have in their house now, you could use the syrup to make the root beer that way. Or you could put it in a in a thing and, you know, and let it bubble up itself, which I thought was pretty wild. I would have never. I would have never. I would have Oh, yeah, the starting point guard for the Burbank Bulldogs or the starting shortstop. What is that? You look like baseball-y right now.

Yes, you do. But that's it. You look like baseball. But I didn't think you played baseball. I thought you played basketball exclusively. I was doing a sketch. Oh, okay. And I was a coach.

And like this hat was just the best way, you know what I mean? Like to physically do it. You look like a little league coach, which Corey always looks like a little league coach. So, like, physically do it, the hat. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, the most immediate. Yeah.

Like, I actually look more like a coach with my new, you know, short hair, I think, anyway. Nah, I think the hat is more coachy. The hat does it. Well, it's like, no coaches wear this anymore, but this signifies it more. Do you understand? Yeah. This is a scarce coach.

Yeah. And this is, like, Sean McDermen or whatever his name is. Also, perfect shorts and perfect tuck-in without the, The blouse. I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, for sure. You're nailing it. The tuck into the ball shorts is definitely pretty classic, pretty classic move. Did you have that shirt made or is that an actual? I got at Walmart. Okay, all right. Oh, maybe that's the...

I think this is the high school. The high school? They're the bulldogs? I had no idea. And the only... My sons ain't old enough for all that yet. The only shirt I could find of mine from Sunbrite, my high school. Like, I have a bunch somewhere probably at my mom's house. Got a rebel flag on it. No, it's so funny. You say that it's tied. The Indians? Oh, I thought... It's the opposite of that.

Yeah. That's why I have it. Like, I saw my mom wearing one. It's like new, you know, tie-dye's back. And I was like, hey, get me one of them. This is the only one I had. So I did this. I know you've told us before, but what was Sunbright?

The Tigers. Yeah, right. Salinas, also the Bulldogs, which is like those. I feel like those two and Wildcats are like the Eagles. And the Eagles, those are like the, they've got to be the four most popular high school mascots, I would think, are. close to it in the country. What color is that?

Yellow. And our colors were, according to our cheerleaders and everybody, we were blue and gold. But we were definitely yellow. Yeah, no, we were gold. We were black and gold. I don't know about saying. I don't have anything to show you, but like, compared to that especially, it was definitely gold.

Like, aren't we looked like the dollar store bargain bin, like saints colors, basically? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what's funny? Where I'm from in various different regions, the trashiest people. piece of shit high schools are always black and gold or black and silver. Well, that's evidently also true for the Upper Cumberland because I went to the trashiest piece of shit as high school in the fucking eight county region or whatever. Go bulldogs.

You know, I had a great time. Eight was too many. I was going to let you have it until you said eight. What? I feel like Morgan and Scott County, I think, dude, where Andy's from is the trashiest place in the world. But y'all are, but that, that's all East Tennessee, right? Right. But we're both on the line, correct?

I think so. So I'm saying, I think the line is in between us. So you're not, like, we never played y'all in anything. No, that weren't even that far away. That hour difference was too much. Yeah, right. So like, so y'all, you're in a different grouping of trash counties. That's fair. For us, it's like us, Overton, Jackson, Pickett, you know, Tralsdale, maybe, and a couple other ones. But anyway, they're all, you know, I said we're right up there among the trashiest, for sure. I won't hear no different, God damn it. Well, I think it was Upper Cumberland that threw me because we're Ted...

Do y'all Upper Cumberland? So, like, Pickett State Park. Yeah. Is Andy worked there? Because just you go to it from where you're at and you just go down the hill and you're in her town. Mm-hmm. But, yeah, no, we played a, we, I texted you this the other day.

Scott County, that's Oneida, right? Oneida's one of them, yeah. We scrimmaged O'Nida once, scrimmage, pre-season scrimmage, and, you know, one, like, 12 to 6 or something and we're like over the moon. Yeah, they were generally very good. I only being once and we were over the moon.

We were, we were pumped, but it's like, you know, they, I'm sure, didn't give a fuck about it because it's a scrimmage, but like we were super, super excited. My junior year, we were 9 and 0 going into them last game of the year. It was their senior day.

They were seven and two. We were supposed to win by, like, we shouldn't have been, we shouldn't have rushed the field. when we beat him, and we did. Yeah. And they were furious. Like, the football team would then come to the basketball games I played in the next two years

with headbands on because I wear a headband. And, like, they all said Drew Who and, like, make fun of him. Like, we beat him and it made them so mad that they didn't forget about it for longer than two years. Actually, one of Andy's friends, I went to a party with her one time, and he left because he, quote, wasn't going to hang out with that piece of shit from Sunbright. I was in college. I didn't know who we was. In spite of how much you guys make fun of me,

I didn't give a fuck or relive any of that. Like I was like, what? Football? Yeah. The sport we used to play? Yeah, I remember I met we, for us that was, I mean, for us that was everybody

because we were mostly terrible except for my senior year, and that's only because we had 20 goddamn seniors at a 1A school. But for us, that was Gordonsville. Nobody gives a fuck about any of this. Gordon'sville was our O'Neider, our Scott County or whatever,

and we beat them at Gordon'sville. their senior night in my senior year and was like it was this huge deal. But I ran into a guy with the first day at Tennessee Tech. I ran a guy with a Gordon'sville shirt on and I had a fucking salina shirt on or whatever. And, you know, there was no, he didn't get up and leave or try to whip my ass or nothing. He went to college. Right. He also wasn't hanging out of a high school party.

Yeah, yeah, I guess that does make a difference. But anyway, so we were talking about candy bar earlier, candy bars, but listen, guys. It's almost mid-roll time. You shouldn't eat candy bars all the time. You need to eat good stuff. That's what you need to do. And if you like eating good stuff, you should try a factor. This bustling holiday season, if you're looking for nutritious, flavorful meals to fuel you on all these jam-packed days, well,

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Bring it in here on Coach, on Uncle Coach. Listen, we've been doing the protein. Now at my house, the protein pluses, and it's 10 out of 10. it's given 110% You know what I'm saying? It's finishing the drill all the way through It's focused eye on the ball It's got a good attitude

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That's code well-read-50 at FactorMeals.com slash well-red 50 and get 50% off today. Factor does hit. Let me add this in, too. As a new parent, this has been a godsend. My favorite is the Indian butter chicken, and I want to add that I genuinely didn't know about this, but when Factor sent me my thing,

they threw in some smoothies. that were absolutely delicious. And for someone who currently has an infant who is hanging off of my head, sometimes I need to get something quick and delicious in, it's awesome. Literally this week I probably would have starved without factor. So yeah, that is factormeals.com slash well-read 50.

Use the code well-read 50 to get 50% off. It is worth it. It's great, especially for the holidays. All right. Candy bars. Can I say before we do candy bars, The infant hanging out of my head also just sounds like a reason you gave that you had smoothies. Like the infant hanging off my head demanded I have a smoothie and I had one.

So it happens. And also Indian butter chicken is the excuse your grandfather made for why he hooked up with a Cherokee. Indian butter chicken. That's really good. Good job. Yeah, she's Indian. She's a butter chicken. No, yeah, no, I got it.

She, her face is busted, butter chicken. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. That was, uh, that was top notch, Drew. So, rather than go back to candy, we talked about candy bars in your absence, which we figured, you know, was appropriate. Recy comes all I care about.

Right. Well, we were set. The whole, so. What? All right, okay. They don't hit anymore. You don't know what's happening here. The whole context of the conversation was, we talked about in our book and I'd talked about

before. We talked about this, so this weekend, somebody in San Francisco. bought me a big bag, brought me a big bag of British candy bars because I had talked about how much harder their candy bars hit than hours because they do. And so I've been eating British candy bars, which made me bring it up. And Cho, obviously, you know, he agreed. And that was a difficult thing for us was to go over there, realize, holy shit, their candy bars are so much better than ours.

And not only that, it made ours kind of not hit anymore. It kind of ruined our candy bars for us. And, you know, we fat. So that's a... And Reese's are the best of what we got. I'll tell you that. They're the best of what we got, but in comparison, they're disappointing. Y'all are the dumbest fucking sellout motherfuckers I've ever heard of in my life. I've been to Australia. I've been to South Africa. I'm pretty sure they have the same candy bar. I'll give you the breadth. Am I saying it right?

Like, they got 10 bangers. But the idea that that takes away from Recy Cup is just like, you boys have gotten, you know, lost in the sauce. Y'all got a little bit too up your own ass hanging out with the Brits. You're a European. peeing crowd now. You're too big for your britches, literally, because you ate too much candy. And like, this is unbelievable. Next you're going to tell me hamburgers don't hit. Oh, we can't have a hot dog because I had a brot. Brots are good, but hot dogs are still hot dogs. I don't disagree with you. I will never disagree when someone says that me and Trey are up on ass, but I will add this, uh, that your palate is trash and you don't know what hits. So that's trash. Y'all literally just fucking pour Doritos in your mouth while pouring wine on your

faces screaming about how much you hit. I'm not suggesting. My palate is special. And I'm not even saying that British candy bars don't hit. I'm saying the idea that they hit so good that Rees somehow isn't done. It's just... They're not done. They just don't hit. God, you're really testing me.

I'm not allowed to say that word. I'm not going to my coach. Here's the rationale. Again, we've said all this earlier. It's the chocolate that do it. Chocolate is integral to almost every candy bar we have. And American chocolate is worse. It's worse.

I give you that. Right. Well, so that's what makes it. You ever had those dark chocolate Reesey cups from Trader Joe's? Yeah, they're awesome. You got me on those. Not Recy Cups, like the Trader Joe's version. Yeah, those are fire.

So people give me shit, I think Corey did, saying until he tried them, that those are better than Recy Cups? I did. Okay, so, like, I'll give you that, but like, that don't make Recy Cups worse. They're just that this, you know, the Trader Joe's is better than the Recy Cup.

Right. I think by definition, that makes them worse if something's better than them. But I get what you're saying. I'm not saying that Riesies... I'm not saying that Riesies... Fucking Rue definitions of me. Well, first off, I will agree with you that, yes, you...

It was during our writers' room days when you were like, I'm telling you these dark chocolate things from Trader Joe... And all I heard was dark chocolate and Trader Joe's. And I was like, man, fuck this piece of shit. Ain't no way they're better than Riesies. And then I had it. And I was like, okay, you're totally right. But, like, that's how I feel about every other candy bar in Britain.

But, like, yes, dude. Since I can't just get those all the time, if you hand me a Reese's, I'm going to smash it. But every time it enters my mouth, I think about how much better the equivalent would be in England. It almost makes the calories not worth it to me. Is there an equivalent? Because I also want to say that when I say Reese's, I kind of mean a chocolate peanut butter cup. So, like, I'm not necessarily defending a brand. And then the other thing I want to say is, are you saying that Recy Cups is worse than it used to be?

Because that's what I'm hearing. And that's the part I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around. Like the first time I had steak cooked properly, I was like, holy shit, this rules. But if you think I won't go to town on a Salisbury steak frozen dinner, you got three things. But that's not always true, though. I know exactly what you made, and I hear you, but there's other things. Like, for example, like, but I don't know if this could be. Like subway don't hit no more.

Exactly. But it never hit. Right. Right. But once you don't know, you don't know that it don't hit at a certain point. Then you get it. Some part of us in there eating that poverty sandwich. sold to us by a literal pedophile going,

man, there's got to be more to life than this. I had a more ridiculous example. I was going to say, like, when I was a kid, I loved fucking canned New England clam chowder. Not even Campbell's Chunky variety. There's that brand that... Progresso. No, that one hits harder, too.

I'm talking about, like, there's like a save-a-lot brand of clam chowder that we always had. Great value. It's basically that, but I usually eat that shit all the time. And then, like, you get the, But anyway, at a certain point, you know, I'm saying you do that. Then you're like, then I went to Seattle for the first time and tried actual like hitting chowder in a place that has hidden chowder.

And I was like, oh my God. And this is a more extreme example than what, but you know, I was like, I don't even, what even is that other shit that I, you know, like, it's not that bad between Reese's and their chocolate. That would be insane to suggest. But I'm saying like that type of thing can happen. And you don't know any better until you do. And then you're like, well, shit. Well, I say, again, I think, let me backtrack a little. Risi Cup is, to me, what's, you probably know the word, like Kleenex.

Eponym. It's an eponym for peanut butter cup. Yeah, sure. I think the Trader Joe's minis are the best version of that I've ever had. I would be absolutely willing to try a European version, but I will not say Risi Cup sucks. Right. Until I do that, it's in my mouth and I feel that way. And I just can't imagine that.

Yeah, no, I hear you. There was something else I was going to bring up has nothing to do with any of that. We were talking about, you know, Sunbright, Salina, East of Chickamauga. We're all from sort of the same place, which is called... They all sound made up. Which is colloquially known as, by a lot of people, as BFE... Small Town America? BFE.

BFU.E. BFU. Right. And I just want to bring up the fact that that is a hilarious thing to be so widespread. because I, because like, you ever like really, it's one of those things that's like you really stop and think about it. You're like, I've never thought about it. But fuck Egypt. I know it's bum fuck Egypt. But like, like, where the hell did that come from? Egypt? I don't, you're not allowed to do any of that in Egypt or they'll kill you with rocks.

I'm pretty sure. At least they used to be the way. Yeah, they will. And so. I think you're a little off. But like, well, maybe not and whatever. Spears? No, I think that, I think you're equating Egypt. with parts of the Middle East that are completely run by right-wing, like, religious groups. I don't think... They're not that hard. I don't know if Egypt ever went through that extremely. And also, let's remember what Egypt...

I still don't think it hits to fuck butts in Egypt, though. Yeah, let's think, okay, but, like, Egypt's been around long enough. Hey, Siri, can you fuck butts in Egypt? It should get credit for all the butt-fucking that was going on for centuries. Yeah. Like, Egyptian pyramid butt-fucking. That was a whole genre of butt-fucking. Who knows?

That might even been where the Greeks learned it from, you know. I could see it. I'm not saying that it happened. Right, yeah. But I could see the white people taking yet another thing from Africa, and pretending it's there. My other question about BFE, though, is because it is, even in the South, it's like, it is bum-fuck Egypt, which implies that it's Britain, or it's British in origin.

I never, you know what? Bum-fuck, you know what I mean? Otherwise, it would be butt-fuck Egypt. I've never... But it's bum fuck. So it's a British... Yeah. I've never associated it with bum as in a butt.

I always thought of it as like, look at these fucking bums. Like, we're in bum fuckville. Right. Okay. But I don't know why. I cannot defend that. It's just in my head I always thought, poor, fuck, Egypt. Yeah.

Hey, y'all. LGBTQ morality laws in Egypt. De facto illegal after 2000 under Morality. Laws, punishment up to 17 years with hard labor fines and deportation. So nothing here about getting hit with rocks, but not, don't hit over there.

You'd be out by now. Another thing I found, this is just a random person on Quora. Do y'all know Quora? Are you still doing BFEs? Yes, yes, yes. Y'all know what Quora is? Yeah. So not a good source. But I did find a person saying a thing, right? So this person says

that in Egypt, it says the origins of BFE are uncertain, right? But then it says in Egypt, though, if people want to express that a place is very far away, they might, they can't, they might use the phrase Fiaqsa al-Ballad, which translates to the furthest part of the country. This phrase conveys a similar meaning to the concept of remote locals. So in Egypt, they have a phrase that means like in the furthest part of this place.

Of Egypt. Yeah, right. Even in Egypt, they'd say that, I guess. But anyway, it's just, so I heard somebody say BFE or something the other day. day and it's like one of those things where it's like you know you've been hearing it your whole life and never even thinking about it but then all of a sudden you do think about it and you're like yeah start laughing you're like what the fuck what why do we call the middle of nowhere bum fuck agent we should have every show every show we've pitched we should have called it BFA yeah

that's so true yeah uh what about yeah this is the same vein what about 10 buck two how old were you when you realized that was an actual place I I when uh when uh I saw it in an episode of Bugs Bunny, but actually I'm probably, that probably didn't make me think it was real. I was older than you'd think when I was like, oh, wait a minute. Probably around the same time I found out that Lake Tiddy Kaka is a real place.

Yeah. But I just, you'd hear a similar type phrase about, you know, from here to Timbuktu. And I had no concept that was an actual place until I was a teen. Yeah. Same thing with me in Albuquerque. I didn't know that was real.

I thought that was a made-up. thing. Shouldn't it because... Shouldn't take that left turn at Albuquerque? Exactly. Like, I'd only ever heard it in cartoons and I thought that was like

just a Looney Tunes in universe thing. And then I found out about Albuquerque New Mexico and I was like, well, I'll be goddamn. Cho, you know what they're doing the Looney Tunes? You heard? Making them gay. I mean, probably that.

That would hit for me. Right, well, so they have genitalia. Sorry. They're, uh... No. Lola Bunny had a pussy. I can tell you that. She had to have for what she did to me.

Yeah. No, they're getting They're getting rid of them Off the... What? Yeah, I know. Insane, right? Wait, hold on.

Hold on. Is this fucking Warner Brothers thing? Like, they're just... Like, they're just... Dude, what the fuck are they doing? It's David Zoslov. He's the, you know, and hey, he can still hire me if he wants to for...

We have nothing but positive things to say about David Zossel. Or Warner Brothers. And Warner Brothers. The people who gave me my first two development deals. Trey and I are very, very in line with every decision they make. Go ahead, Corey. But yes. David Zosloff.

You know what? I will stand firm. What the fuck are they doing? Hire me and fix all of it. Cho's standing on business. I knew that would be sure. I don't know how firm he is. If you didn't know about it already.

But yeah, that's the latest thing he's getting raked over the Coles for, David Zosloff is they're taking the whole eyes. I understand it. The entire Looney Tunes catalog off of, it's not going to knock about it. I think so. Hold on. That's what I've read. So you don't just mean not making new Looney Tunes.

You mean getting rid of the cat? What the fuck? It's already there. They got canceled for a record. Are you really worried about gigabytes? Right. Yeah, I know. Let me Google it see if I can find anything.

I saw people on Twitter up in arms about this the other day because it had been announced, and that's how I read it. That's how I understood it. I watched Looney Tunes on Max all the fucking time. I was going to see. Oh, you're the guy. I almost asked that question first, because I assumed you probably did. Yes. Yeah, right.

So, yeah, well, you're not going to be able to anymore, I reckon. While you're looking for it, let me just say that raked over the coals is another one. Now you've got me on the old phrases processing. That's really dark. Yeah, and it probably started in Egypt. Did we rake people over coals? Because that's fucking torture. Yeah.

You got it? Hot coals. No, I can't. Yeah, I'm sure we did. You can't confirm that it's gone gone? I can't, yeah, is Max removing. Yeah, I mean, well, dude, that. They used to, bro, he was just talking about it on POA recently, and I did a report on it in college or whatever, a presentation on it.

The stuff that they used to do. But the fact that we just say it now without connecting it to raking someone over hot coals is crazy. Yeah, well, obviously, it's not a human, so it's not the same thing, but it's also like, you know, there's more than one way to skin a cat. Right, right, right, right. It's like, why you skinning cats? Just drown them like a regular person, you know. Yeah, but then you got to skin them. But yeah, no, I don't know.

Raked over the cold back. What is that even? I mean, what, you lay a person on a bed of hot coals and then just I don't like thinking about it. Drag them. Push them back and forth. Oh, yeah. Like pull them by their.

You're raking the coals with them. You're using them as a rake. Okay. They've backtracked on it. And this is either bullshit or like either they didn't expect a backlash. got and they're lying. But what they've said is, Warner Bros. Discovery since

said that Looney Tunes was included in error as a title that would be leaving the platform. It is not the case. But they did announce it was going to be leaving and people... They're definitely lying but I'm happy. Yeah, right. And people lost their minds and that's what I think too. I think they didn't expect people to flip out like they did and then they backpedaled.

Either that. Either that. Or this was a move from them where they were like, hey, you know what? We need to get people re-interested in Looney Tunes. How can we do that? Threaten to take it away from them. Get everybody pissed. It'll create our own marketing for us and then go, oh, accidentally came out in the memo. Our bad. I guaranteeing to you, in 12 months there's going to be a new Looney Tunes movie. You fucking watch it. Premier it on Max.

Dude, and also those fucking memos, it's not like an intern writes it and then one dude in the comm department signs off on it. Like if it's an announcement like that, nah, they've talked about it. They had meetings. Of course. It came up. Yeah, had to get rid of Looney Tunes so they can make room for, you know, Melf Mansion and Melfth Mountain. The whole new Melff franchise that they're putting out over there. I want a Miltf franchise. Let me tell you. It's why I don't know if it's a conspiracy theory.

I've never looked it up. It might just be broadly available information. But I think that, you know how it was HBO Max and then it just went to Max? I kind of think that HBO came to them and was like, hey, can you take our names off this, fucking shit, please. We hit. Like, yeah, right. Like, I know, I know, I know we're still going to be on there, but like, I feel like

HBO was the one who, like, came, came to them. It was like, take our names off of it or work. Because, like, you know, you're opening up that. Because HBO, you know, for so long was like the mountain top of prestige. Prestige TV. And deservedly so. We talked about it on this show before a long time ago, but still, like, there was a period, there was like a 10, 15 year period of time where, like, they were just on a completely

whole other, they were in a whole other galaxy. That real sex series. Then the rest of TV. 10 out of 10. Like, no one else was even close to what they were doing for a long time. And they still hit real, real hard. And now you're open, then people are open up the HBO and seeing fucking fuckboy Island and Milt Mansion and all this stuff on the front page. And it's like, it wouldn't hit for me either if I ran HBO. No, and there's still on there. People aren't smart enough to, right. People aren't smart enough to differentiate, you know,

in general, because they're just like, oh, this is HBO, therefore it sullies this. And, and, you know, Well, it was HBO. No, I'm with you. It's not just like people being smart enough. Like, if this is the HBO platform and Milf Mansion is on it, right. Like, it's not on us for being like, what the hell happened to the brand? It's like, no,

you did that. I was kind of making a joke, but now I'm thinking about it a lot. Did you guys watch real sex in your formative years? Of course I did. Are you kidding me? That's how you had to beat off before there was porn on our phone. If Cinemax wasn't doing it that night, then you had to watch.

an old couple in Germany. Have an orgy. And taxi cab confessions, too. I'd beat off to the words. Of course. Every now and then they might flash the taxi driver too. That's when taxi cab confessions was really a little. One girl fingered herself.

Yeah, right. Yeah, you'd have that every now and then. See, the kids kids today. They don't understand. Hey, you remember when you had to beat, you had to beat off? You had to not only did you have to beat off, you had to pull your pants down, get hard, and beat off all in the time of a Girls Gone Wild Cup. commercial. A commercial. You had 30 seconds. Just fucking boom. I was already hard.

Sure. Generally. Right. But I feel like, of course, Cinemax and softcore porn, of course taxi cab confessions, but there was something truly interesting about what happened to our generation with real sex because it was an attempt at an actual documentary. For sure. And it was an attempt to like talk about kink and all this other stuff. But, like, for us, it was just like, man, we might see a titty and they're going to talk about dark stuff. But, like, it was really, like, opening our minds, maybe not in the greatest way ever. Maybe, yes, in the greatest way ever. But like you said, we were just on there as teenage boys, just like you said, trying to see some titties and get the job done or whatnot.

But the problem with real sex, like, you were also, you were really rolling the dice. Yes. Yes. He was an old lady. Sixty-year-old man's, you know, mangled wainer or something like that. And he was into being mangled. Yeah. Like just, wow, on Joseph Mangala over here.

And you're just, like, you're waiting, you know, and you're getting warm, and they would also do different segments, and they knew what they were doing. At least one of the segments would be hot. Yeah. You might catch a little bit of that, and then you just shift really, really abruptly. But that would, yes, I was going to ask if this ever happened to y'all where you were sitting there and you were worked up over something that hit, but right before you bust, it switched to the mangled dude's dick, and you're like, oh!

Yeah. Formative experience right there. And now I dress like a coach and beg for validation from strangers. Yeah. Yeah, no, yeah, HBO, it was, it was, again, HBO still hits. It's just that HBO is now under the umbrella of all these other things that don't hit, and so they get wrapped up with them, you know. Dude, speaking to HBO, you know how my mama, like, she's a fancy lady,

or at least she tries to feign being fancy. like an aristocratic type gal. No shit. The other day she was telling me and my sister about some movie she watched and we were like, oh, that sounds interesting. Where do we find that? She goes, oh, I think it was on Home Box Office.

What? She fucking calls it. Home Box Office, bro. Bro. What? Nobody's done that in 42 years, man. I swear to God, if I heard somebody did that, I'd be like, what? Yeah.

Like, I wouldn't know. I would be like, home box office. I did it first, and then I was like, oh, wait, HBO and I was like, I was like, what the fuck she goes? Or HBO, whatever you call it. Yeah, but obviously, I know that HBO stands for Home Box Office, but I've never heard a person call it Home Box Office.

My mom's, I don't think it's, correct me if I'm wrong, you don't think this is put on or a choice she's made to sound. Yes, it is, 100% of choice she's made. Okay, because if it was the other thing, I'd be so jealous of someone who moves through life so unaware of other people and themselves, that they can just do that and not know how they sound. Do you know what I mean? Speaking of that kind of choice, I was just thinking the other day...

Like, that's rich, rich. I didn't hear a person... I didn't hear the person say this, but someone in Knoxville told me that they, you know, like tourists would go to Severeville and Dollywood and Gatlinburg and stuff like that and Pigeon Forge. Someone in Knoxville once told me that this tourist had stopped, asked them, they worked at a convenience store or something,

and they were asking them how to get there, and they were talking like, this tourist and they asked them, do you know the way to piggy on full gay? Pigeon Forge. So a British dude. Piggy on Folgae. Pronouncing it like, what is that?

French? An attempt at French? I guess. Forge. Yeah, right. That's why we do it, folks. Forge. When we were kids,

my dad never called it Pigeon Forge. He called it by its, what he claimed was its full Christian name, Action Pack Pigeon Forge. And people would be like, so where are y'all going for Martin Luther King Day or whatever? And he's like, We're going to action-pack pigeon-forward.

Hold on. Wait a minute. Is that a thing otherwise? I think so. Do people say that? You heard some else say action-said or pigeon-for? No, I could be wrong. I believe that I was totally unaware that Dale calls it that.

And but I've always, or I think it was an ad campaign for them? Maybe that was it. Because I remember, because you remember when we pitched all those different ideas for a cartoon, I put one in there that I called action-packed pigeon-forge. No, I think it was an ad. ad. Okay. Yeah, it was an ad for them, but dad thought that was the official name of the cities.

Like, we went to action-pack Pigeon Forge USA. So there was a thing in Branson, Missouri. Yeah. That didn't happen there where they, in the 70s, they had, like, ski shows in little man-made lakes where, like, professional skiers would go over ramps and stuff like that. I always thought that would have been a huge hit up there. I guess they couldn't find a lake or a pond big enough. There's a place in Knoxville or in West Knoxville or something that used to.

It's doing that now? No, I do. When we lived there, it was like over by Wild Wing Cafe or whatever I think. They had a, I know what you're talking about. They do jet ski tricks in the pond outside the chicken wing place. Those were pros. During Balls games. Those were like pros who hit like a circuit, like when that was like almost the next X games type thing.

Because the number, I remember like reading one time, like three of the top five people in the world live in Knoxville. And I was like, well, it must not hit, man. Yeah, right. But don't you think that'd be a huge hit in Gatlinburg? It seems like it. You know, put them on your shoulders and go off a ramp. Seems like it. Well, we're about to have to call it.

We got somebody else coming in, or they got somebody else coming in the studio after us. Next week, our buddy Joe Zimmerman, the very, very, very funny comic that we all love. We'll be joining us here on the show. This weekend, you can see me if you're in northwest Arkansas. And then next weekend, the three of us will be together. As always, every year before Christmas at Zanis in Nashville. Go to traycrouter.com, get your tickets. I got 2024 dates, too.

come and say we can check out the book. We already mentioned that earlier. Go ahead. I'll be in San Francisco this weekend. I think it's called the Sturgeon Theater. Cheaper than Therapy. Look that up. I'm headlining from Wednesday to Saturday, cheaper than therapy comedy in downtown San Francisco near the fisherman's wharf. I am in Asheville, North Carolina, December 28th at the Grey Eagle. Also go to bonus Corey.com for my bonus stuff. Thank you all for listening to The Well Red Show. We love to take around longer, but we got to Hugo. At the time next week, have you got nothing to do? Thank you, God bless you.

Good night, Anske. Nailed it.