wellRED podcast - #383 - Drunk Wisconsin Babies! W/ Daniel Van Kirk!

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

This week, the boys welcome the hilarious Daniel Van Kirk (The Pen Pals Podcast w/ Rory Scovel, Dumb People Town w/ Sklar Brothers)   Topics include the similarities and differences between southerners & midwesterners, how smart Octopuses are, how you do NOT mistreat an animal in front of Daniel, and of course, country music! (Time Stamps at bottom of description!)   Go to DanielVanKirk.com to check out his tour, buy some merch, and check out his movie Wine Club!   Stay tuned, because he also has a new comedy special coming out next month on his Youtube Channel  @DanielVanKirkComedy    As always, go to TraeCrowder.com to see Trae on the road   DrewMorganComedy.com for Drew   BonusCorey.com to support The CHO   and listen to all the podcasts in the Skewniverse: Gravy Baby, Weekly Skews, Puttin On Airs!   Timestamps 00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction00:53 Discussion about Dumb People Town and Comedy Shows01:22 Conversation about a bar in DC and shows in Raleigh03:11 Planning a comedy festival in Chicago04:07 Conversation about Corey Forrester's hometown and similarities between the Midwest and the South05:25 Drinking with family and cultural differences06:25 Discussion about legal drinking age in Wisconsin07:21 Drinking experiences with family and friends08:19 Emotional moments and crying in front of family09:39 Comparison of politeness and appearances in the South and the Midwest10:08 Discussion about crying and emotional experiences11:34 Sharing emotional moments and watching old family videos12:59 Conversation about singing and impressions13:58 Discussion about singing voices and country music15:22 Conversation about mimicry and singing registers18:23 Discussion about singing styles and finding the right register19:39 Exploring different singing registers and impersonations20:09 Discussion about a viral country song and Korean grocery stores21:54 Tasting Korean potato chips and discussing adventurous eating26:01 Conversation about trying new foods and Korean snacks28:37 Discussion about Asian snacks and comedy30:07 Conversation about virtual reality and haptic technology31:06 Perception and Memory36:33 Reflections on Aging39:35 Empathy for Animals45:22 Zoos and Animal Treatment49:41 Childhood Experiences and Sensitivity52:55 Animal Abuse and Trauma54:05 Review of Country Music57:16 Personal Updates and Upcoming Events

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Look at this. Got a nice surprise today, our esteemed guest, the co-host of Pimpos of Rory Skobble, and Dumb People Town with the Sclar Brothers in LA comedy staple. Very funny, man and all around good guy. Daniel Van Kirk, DVK. Thank you, boys. What's up, buddy? Appreciate being here.

Good to see you. Hell yeah. Yeah, we've all been on Dumb People Town a number of times. It's fun. I just saw you in D.C. How great was that bar? That was a great type. Yeah, well, the do drop in.

The do drop in. It reminded me of him only because I call him Drew Drop sometimes. That works? Yeah, it was, you know, like the do drop in, but you get it. Hey, dude. I do get it, and I do appreciate it, but it was. First, I thought you meant because it was a cool bar, so I got a little bit not your fault, disappointment. It's a building.

You did nothing wrong, but I was like, oh, man. I bet it's a building from the late 1800s that used to be the, like, sleeping quarters for people on the trains, because the track went around. And they converted it into a bar, only the upstairs. I don't know what's going on downstairs. But I said when we got there, it's the only place I've ever gone upstairs and felt like I was going into a basement. There's one other place like that I know exactly the type of vibe, Raleigh. on campus there, which is where NC State is. I know where you're talking about.

I took you there. Yeah, it's right down. Walk up to a dive bar. Yep, yep, yep. So strange. Really? God damn it, I don't remember the name of that place at all. It's like Chucks or bills or something.

But I know exactly where you're talking about. It's all like on campus right down from where they used to have us staying down on the road. I love doing Shrews and Raleigh. Yeah, me too. So you got a special coming out right or is it out now or it's out? It would probably out. April 17th? No, no, no, this will be out tomorrow.

You just. Yeah. This will be out in like eight hours. I'm going to make you reread our text. I'll like, can I come on and we'll drop it around there? Like, yes. Oh, sorry. My bad.

No worries, but I thought you said, maybe I either read it as March 17th or either way. Either way. Hey, this is, I mean, there's nothing wrong with telling people ahead of time. I got to do some of that. Okay. Well, if I will make sure. I'd rather do this and have it be ahead of time than have it not worked out at all. Okay.

Yeah. So April 17th. I'm just putting it out on YouTube. It's called Rose Gold. A shot it in Chicago. It's two hours. Where did you shoot it? Two hours.

Wait, yeah, what? I'm sorry. Two shows is my hour. We did two shows. Shot into Chicago. Lincoln Lodge. Yep, perfect. I know.

I know. Lincoln Lodge, I don't know what you guys' summer plans are. But Lincoln Lodge, I said to them, hey, I just want to do a residency for like a week as I build my new hour and do everything to try and, you know, give people new jokes. And I think we're turning it into like a mini Chicago summer. Comedy Festival. That is amazing. That is just like me doing it. Yeah.

So like if any of you all were like, hey, when is? I'm going to be in Matt. Let's say you're like, I'm going to be in Madison Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I'll come on Wednesday and do a headlining show. I'd be like, you got it. Take the door. I don't care. I'm here just running stuff anyway.

I think it's going to be like July 16th. If that's that Tuesday through Sunday. I'm going to do probably one to two shows a night, different shows. people guess on shows some people there might be a crew that does a live podcast i was like yeah we'll do a stand-up show and then do a live show they're just so they're being so great to me and i wanted an excuse to be in chicago is like the city that made me and after the town made me of rochelle rochelle yeah how far is that like that's a suburb of chicago like that's not even oh really it's like you can go as far as the commuter train yeah and then it's another 45 minutes okay so it is i always say it's

It's honestly, if you're not hitting bad traffic, it's an hour and 20 minutes and about 85 years. Right. Right. I know all three of you know exactly what that means. 85 sounds nice. Before I ever even met you. Sounds progressive. A little bit.

Before I ever met you, I heard you on a few podcasts talking about there, where you're from and you're upbringing and stuff like that, and it made me a lot of it, like, sounded similar to, you know, where I'm from. And I've thought before, like, the midway, a lot of, I don't know how much other people even think about but i think that like the midwest and the south have a lot more in common than people realize especially the the rural parts of the parts outside of the cities for sure but like you guys don't you know have the whole uh raccoon fucker accent that we have so like you got it get it away you slide to get away with more we get to decide if we want to be an ally

or not yeah right yeah nobody knows but you don't have to prove anything no but we do then get as soon and people like why did you do that dumb shit yeah you're like oh we didn't realize You're just the same as our crazy cousins down in Louisiana. Like, yeah, we're just up here, bored farmers. But one thing I've talked with them about before, and I think I've heard you, like, up there, I feel like it's more common to, like, get drunk or party with your family or your, your mamma or ants or whatever.

I don't know if you're team me up, because I don't care of. I talk about this in the hour. Go ahead. Oh, I think, did I talk about it when I did the guest set? Do you guys know what this is in the hour? It's a real question. Do you ever, you guys have any bits like that where you're, you're like, no, I kind of just want to talk about this for a while.

Yeah, absolutely. Obviously, we have things where we're like, you know what I think is ridiculous. And then, you know, like I have a bit where I say I just wish we would go back to be in a country that doesn't wear clothes that starts arguments. Like, if you just saw somebody wearing a Bob Dole shirt in 1994, you'd be like, the fuck's wrong with this guy. Like, if it wasn't within a week of the election, you know. Anyway, the thing that I just want to, like, talk to people about, because I don't think

people will know is, do you know what the legal drinking age is in the state of Wisconsin? I think it's 19. Okay. Anybody other guesses? Is it have something to do with if you're in the place with your parents or something like that? Yeah, it's all in the album. So you guys don't have to listen to this part. Zero.

There isn't right. There's no. If you, here's the law. It is up to the discretion of the bartender to provide alcohol to a person of any age when accompanied by a legal guardian. Right. Which does not mean parents. As it should be.

Which is so like, You could take your kids and their friends to a little mom-pop lakeside resort in Wisconsin that's got a little bar that's been there since 1946 or whatever. This is the first place you got drunk you're describing. Yeah, it is. It's the first place I had a beer. It was a bush light. And my uncle was like, are you going to drink it? Like, I was getting peer pressured by my own.

How old were you? 12. 13. Yeah, because I mean, where are we going? We're on the lake. Yeah. But the crazy thing is, is at the resort. by where my family's place is, people rent the cabins

from Saturday to Saturday. Yeah. So by Wednesday or Thursday, these bartenders know that they don't care about their 50, these parents don't care about their 15-year-old drinking. So they'll just walk up to the bar. Yeah. And go, can I get a bucket of high life? And they'll go, yeah, and they'll just pay them. And then

we had times, obviously now, we're all of an age where anyone under like 25 looks like a child. Absolutely, yeah. But when you are 22, 23 years old, I remember we were, I was at the bar, up in Wisconsin, by my family's little cottage, and we were probably 22, 23 years old. My buddy's talking to this girl, and he's like, said someone or, you know, whatever, it's a casual

conversation. He's like, how old are you? And she goes, 14. Because he was all, he was drunk. He's like, what the full? We got to get the fuck out of here. Because he's like, you're having beer. Like, as he's talking about, because at first he's like, well, she's drinking.

Yeah. He's like, but that's, you're young. So he hadn't like, you know, there was no hand on leg or anything, but he was like, how old are you? Yeah. And I was like, yeah, guys, you got to, because you can go 19, 20 years old. You're like, what the fuck is the person in the bar? It's wild. But I don't know if you got this.

But as long as she got her mother's permission, the age of consent also the room. Oh, my God. That's true of some states. I'd say, we would do that. That would be a thing. Yeah, you could sign your kid over for, you know, to get married. Yeah, and then people make false equivalencies. Well, hey.

If we start changing that, where's it going to end? It's a slippery slope. Slippery slope has been the dam to so many, like, mental improvements of people across this country. Oh, yeah. Just the words, slippery slope. It's a slippery slope. Yeah.

And I don't ski. So. But the drinking with family thing. Big time. I've thought about before. I've heard you talk about it and everything. Like, I feel like in the set. I didn't even come from a churchy family.

But I feel like that's part of the whole, like. and I know people go to church and shit up there too but it's different. You don't like drink in front of my mom and stuff. People don't get drunk at like family gatherings. Don't you think in the south that things are more about appearances

than they are in the Midwest? I guess that's what it is happening. Everything's midnight in the garden of good and evil, right? But you guys have a politeness. But you just don't do like in the south of like yeah, but you don't do that. That's exactly right. So why does your, y'all's politeness

where everything is so bottled up, not relate? Like why is drinking okay to do? in front of people, but never cry in front of people. Because we cry in front of people. My family is a big... I don't cry. We call it crying jags.

We'll have crying jags. My family will start getting each other worked up about crying, like, on purpose. Like, it isn't really like, hey, man, you know, like, oh, shit, I didn't think we'd talk about this. I remember one time, we were at the cabin, and one of the sibling cousins in my family, the whole family is there. It's like aunts, uncles, everybody. somebody put on the song by Gilbert O'Sullivan Alone Again Naturally.

Do you guys know that song? Oh my gosh. Alone again, naturally. In a little while from now, if he's not feeling any less sour, he promised himself to throw himself off a nearby tower. And then there's another part where she's like, the woman whose husband had died, she could never understand why the only man she had ever loved had been taken

alone again naturally. So my grandpa died in like, he died in 19. And my family's never gotten over it. So flash forward, 25 years, something like that. We're at the cabin. Somebody puts on a CD, sounds of the 70s or whatever. Gilbert O'Sullivan's alone again naturally plays. Everybody starts crying.

By everybody, I mean, all the adults, right? And the older generations of I'm in of like the grandkids kind of know like, yeah, they're really missing grandpa, right, decades later. And I looked over at like one of my cousins and I go, to go, right? And then one of my uncles goes, play it again. Yeah, yeah. And everybody just starts crying again. Right. When we, like, we, we as a family watch old Christmas movies around Christmas time of when people in our family, like, we're still there, just to kind of remember. And of course, everybody cries. So that part, that it doesn't apply to us. Okay. But I do.

Yeah, that's really sweet. I know, sometimes it's just a little. Yeah, it's all. Can we just go back, like, just deal the cards. Just steal the cards. Can we go back to... Can we just pretend we don't feel anything? One time the three of us were on the road together, and like, I think we're driving to Oxford, Mississippi, or Bentonville, Arkansas, one or the, between the two.

It's like a seven-hour drive. And like not a lot of interstate, weirdly. That's why I think it was too Oxford. That's what it's like Texas to Arkansas. It's so much highway. Right, and it was like a rainy day and all this stuff where we're like hung over and shit. And the, uh, did you know the song In Color by Jamie John?

It's a country song. If it looks like we were scared. Yeah, boy. Like a couple of kids just trying to save each other. You should have seen it in color. Absolutely. So that came on. Like we were like flipping through radio stations or something.

That came on. That song hits. So hard. It's so hard. So hard. The third first, we all independently of each other like started crying during the third verse, but trying to hide it from the other two and then realize that we all were crying. simultaneously and trying to hide it from each other because of that, because of that song.

So, yeah. He also doesn't feel like he has a put on dialect. No. Like that, he, that song almost feels like a guy at the bar you would hear singing to himself. Yeah. In that thing. If it looks like we were scared to death. Like it's so effortless.

Yeah. That song. I think it's, well, honestly, I probably would compare it to Trey where it's like, that is his accent and it's probably not, but it is his singing accent. Does that make sense? Like the person who taught him to sing, he's the real guy. Sounded just like that. Forgive me for not knowing.

Do any all the three of you sing? Corey can sing. Corey can sing. Did you choose your, I imagine you do it country when you sing. Did you choose your register for it? Because I think about this all the time. You know, man, like, I was actually just thinking about this not that long ago. How like when I like started.

started singing, I would always try to impersonate the person, like whatever song I was singing. I think that's what most people did. I would sing like Sammy. So I don't even know what my natural singing voice is, really. Same here. Because we had Amy Mann. Right. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay. Oscar nominated. Oh, dude. Yeah. What's the, oh my God, her big hit from the 80s? Voices Carrie.

Thank you. I was singing it in my head. Had her on what? It's on pen pals because I don't, through comedy, Amy and I have become friends. Wow. And I am constantly feeling like this is going to burst. Like not in a negative way, but she'll just be like, oh, you're not, I'm super cool. You're not cool.

I thought that we were both cool. Yeah. Yeah. I've got to like friends like that. I've got to like do shows with her and stuff. I'm bringing this back. So we had her on and Rory and I were joking about being able to sing. And then I started doing my Tom Waits Impress.

right yeah and she goes this is actually really good singing and I thought to myself okay just do that I can sing right but I have like people exactly yeah very I'm pregnant you have no I think I was doing I think I was doing somewhere there's a place for us that is pretty Yeah. Somewhere. But I was, whatever. No, I do it again. I was actually going to ask you how many, like, if you are a gifted impressionist outside of, like, because, you know, you're known in the community.

Sure. For doing a killer, uh, Mark Wahlberg. Right. But I don't know how. Like, you know, James told me. I didn't know if you had a whole roster of those or if that, if you just fell in that one. One day you're just like, I can do that guy and then. I'm a mimic.

Yeah. So, like, people in my life, I can find a way to do an impression of whether that is a mannerism combined with, like, something they say a lot, right? But, like, a true impressionist, like, James Adomian, has the ability to go, how does this, how does that work? Like, what are they doing? They almost, like, break it down, like, a math equation. They figure out X for Y, and then they can do it. And I don't have that ability. Yeah.

It somehow gets into my head, and if I can hang on to it long enough or find a key phrase that'll always get me back into it, then I can do it. I've heard, like, Kevin Pollock say that. I think Dana Carvey, too, that they have, like, key words. They'll be trying to figure somebody out, and they find a word that kind of unlocks the whole thing for them, which is why. Because that's a trick for dialect. I can say, I can do that with accents sometimes. If you find your word, like, for me, for Irish, it's shoot. Shoot the words are taught to your mouth, and then you could talk like this.

But it's shoot. You got to, like, shoot the words right out to your mouth. Right. And then I'm in. And like for Walberg for a long time, it was, how are you guys doing? You're doing good? Yeah. You had to say that phrase to be able to do it.

Yeah, if I say that, and then I'm at the place now where I can just start talking like it at any point. Yeah. But if I haven't done it a long time and I just go, how are you guys doing? You're doing good? It really doesn't matter what you say because I'm doing good. Like, and then you just, you know, and then it's all like inflated confidence. Yeah. Yeah.

But, so I think that's the true exact same thing of singing. I, the reason I ask you is because I think about it. I've always wanted to sing. a country band, country music. Oh, yeah, my whole life. And I'm always like, we've got one. Do I go, I'm in, do I go, I'll do backup vocals. Do I go high or do you go real low?

You got to find, well, you clearly do better with low if you're crushing that Tom waits. Well, I haven't heard you high. Maybe that would be great to. Right, but you, like you do that Michael Waltrip. Right. Napo 535 car was real coming tight. And the word, he always says that.

But there's some real popular low ones that you could impersonate. You could throw a couple on like, baby, turn them life. Well, yeah, it was the other one, because that's the one that, what's that guy? Josh Turner. Josh Turner. The reason I'm alone I know about. Morgan Wallen. Yeah, boy.

God, my pussy's wet. But I like it. I like the higher. Dude, Twitty. Do Conway Twitty. Oh, come on. Give me something. Hello, darling.

It's nice to see you. You know a long time. You're just as lovely. What's the goddamn? Hello. But that's more spoken. See that lady where in there? Hello, darling.

You know what I'm saying? That one. It's been a diamond real. Limeon real. You start walking your way and I'll start walking my. Yeah. And we'll meet in the middle. But ain't that old Georgia pine.

I think you just can sing. Maybe you have to imagine somebody. So you get a pick. Do you want to be high country or low country? I know. You want a high lonesome sound? I'm a hardworking man. You go like Brooks v.

B and D? I wear a steel hard hat Brooks is a I can ride road I forget those words but that's right in the middle That you're revealing Well they can switch

Of course But I'm saying is That's where I found You're revealing a little bit more Don't take this the wrong way Of your amateur in this I think you got to do the lower high Stick lower high

Because you still sounded good But it was like But like when you were doing low and high It was like damn You know what I'm saying? Boy you're saying because that's middle What are they called It's not bare tone

It's not I forget all those words. Tanner. Caperone, soprano, tenor. I think that they're a natural tenor. You need to copy a high tenor or a natural or a barotone. Do you know, and this is like, yeah, good call, dude. Do you want to make money as a cover band?

Do you know whose register is almost always exactly where I feel like I naturally would sing is Garth? Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. Hit it. There's old highways getting longer. It seems to be no end inside. To sleep would be best. But I just can't afford the rest.

I got a ride in Denver tomorrow night. And that's, I mean, that's my favorite country song of all time. But I feel like that's always, like, right in there. Yeah. That's great. You're hired. Our band's called Gypsy Speedboat. He was like a manager or something.

Let's get it. I want it all. Like he was going to sign you. You guys have to. I'm sorry for how many episodes you've probably already spent on this. But you've talked about parked out by the lake, right? the greatest country song of all time I don't even know if I know what that is

by who Trey's furious I think you meant that kind of ironically No bullshit no I thought there would be I thought you guys would look at me like yeah you dumb fuck Cory do you know it Dean Summerwind Yes

Have you listened to it How all a man I think he's one maybe Is it a legal to play We gotta put that on the Patreon Yeah I think he's looking it up I don't think we know this song From what year

It can't I think it came out 2017 2018 Okay That would explain it for me. But it became a phenom in the south, especially around Nashville. Okay. Oh, wait a minute. We also don't like that.

Cheryl Crow had a morning show play at every. This guy's a singer-songwriter. He made this song as like a goof. Yeah. People lost their minds. Yes. It's like meant to be kind of parody of Lake Country, but then everyone loved it. Is that what you meant by a goof?

You are close and you don't even know how far away you are. But is that what you meant by goof? he was like Or just like on a whim On a whim but also like You imagine if people liked this You know what? Right

You know how I just said Oh right You know what I was thinking of When fucking Nate was on Apple Bayes And they did that Lake party song or whatever Oh yeah yeah

Yeah You know what I'm talking about I thought that's what you were talking about For a second Now I'm back to not having a clue So this was like a viral country song From 2017 or 2018 It's called parked out by the lake

Yeah I don't know Summerwind I've been checking out on... Is that his real name, or did he also make a name? He made that up. He's a pretty good songwriter. I think here's what's happening here is as comedians, I think we're going to love this, but what you are maybe missing a little is, we genuinely love country music. And it sounds kind of shit. He does too. He's shitting on it. Is he? The answer, it's just like when you, I said you were close yet far.

Blowing in the summer win? Good band to see Kay. Why? It would be both things. You all want me to listen to it off mic and report back? I mean, he'd probably give us permits to play. You should listen to it off mic. You'll come back and you go. Do that. Go ahead. I'll be right back.

I have to give them, because I speak for them when it comes to country music. And also, since he can't be involved in this other thing I wanted to do. So while he's gone. Oh, yeah, good idea. I want you guys to try that. These aren't bad. I'm not tricking you into trying something hot or awful. I want to know if you can make out of cricket.

What flavor this is? No, these are. These are lays from another country. And they're not gross. Oh, they're from another country. You've eaten a lot of them. Yeah, I ate the whole bag. I tried them based on the picture.

Okay. Oh. What is that? Can I say? Yeah, yeah, I want you guys to guess. You can go first. That's easy. Let Trey eat on it before you guess.

Do you know, Trey? Don't say anything. I know exactly what that is. All right, go ahead. What is it? If you made me guess, that's a pulled pork sandwich. All right, what do you think, Trey? Yeah, now that he's just said that.

Ribs. sloppy joe would be my other option you said ribs ribs yeah barbecue pork spare ribs yeah yeah yeah that's the extra like that's good right yeah that's good right that's good right that makes you feel like you're eating protein yeah it tricks you do you get that from a Korean grocery store or something there's a grocery store in Hollywood that just has a bunch of Korean chips and I was and my other podcast was right down the road so I just popped in there the bag got me I saw I love how brave you are I would have never done that I would if it was It was bad.

I just threw it away. It was a $3 risk. Every time I just said, would you go to a Korean grocery store, that made me instant. I have like a flashbul memory of one of the most insufferable things I've ever heard a hipster type person say. Was this one I still lived in Tennessee. She worked with me and my old day job, but she was from New Mexico and she was real into like, you know, New Mexico-y type shit. You know.

Meth? Not meth, but crystals, though. I don't know. Like, fucking turquoise. Turquoise and fucking stuff. Like that. Yeah. Pretend to be Native American?

I think she was at least part Native American, to be fair. But so, yeah, they're allowed to be into that. But new age type shit, too. Yeah. But she was also just. Insufferable. Just so insufferable. And one time I was talking to somebody else.

And, dude, this is like 2010 or 11. This is how long ago this was. And I had said that my wife had started drinking coconut milk, right? I said it to another person and I was like I was like yeah I don't know about it it's kind of weird to me or whatever And then and she didn't say anything then and then I was talking about something else later and she like had to cut I think it was oil pulling Which I don't know if you remember what that was but it was something with like coconut oil I'm also married to a woman right you treat my wife for a while tried to treat her teeth with like coconut or you put coconut oil in your mouth and switch you around I don't fucking I think there was some proof behind it but you had to do it like every day for 30 minutes Yeah. So my wife couldn't handle it because she couldn't talk for 30 minutes, and that's like putting her in a coma.

Like she fucking, you know, absolute torture. So she could, but anyway, I was talking about that. And this girl I'm talking about, she like, she like couldn't take it anymore. And she was like, I don't remember what was pissing her off. I was describing it incorrectly. And she had to stop me and be like, no, no, no, this is what you're really doing. And she like goes in this whole tirade. And then at the end of it, out of nowhere, just as like a PS, a tag at the end of it. She goes, and I've been drinking coconut milk since you had to buy it in Korean grocery store. and like turn swiveled back around and I was like mic drop yeah exactly and I was like what the fuck just happened so anyway you got owned dog 13 years ago core did you listen to that song while you were gone what we were talking about uh Korean grocery store can you see these

oh he can't hear you can see we're oh he doesn't if y'all can hear me that's great but I lost audio and can't hear you yes we can't we can't hear you we're giving you the thumbs If we could try to figure out how to get him back, that'd be great. So are you saying you're not, you're not adventurous in culinary terms? I would try anything that somebody else is like, oh, you should try this. Like that, no fear. You were like, I'm going to try it. Even if I mean.

Did I need to say it's not gross or did I need to like let you know? I wasn't trying to trick you. I just wanted to know if you, you know what I mean. But I think like eyeball and stuff, I just always stick. I just would be like, I'm probably not going to like those. I assumed I wasn't going to like them. But you took the gamble and your life improved. I had to know.

What do you think that is? Your fear versus me doing it? No, no, no. Their ability to do that. Just pure chemical, right? And, well, Carmen Morales nailed it when I made her try it. She didn't want to, by the way, because she just doesn't eat chips or anything processed anymore. You have multiple bags of these chips or you've had that bag for a week.

I've had that bag for three hours. That's where I was this morning. Oh, you were with Carmen this morning. Karma was here last week on this show. Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought. I thought he was. By the way, they had a roast fish flavor, and I did.

not even want to try that. But anyway, she nailed it. And it's why it was fucking with my brain. It was kind of fucking with my brain the way those jelly beans used to fuck with your brain. Where it would be like, this does taste like popcorn, but I hate it. And I can't figure out why. She said, this is all aromatic. She said that your nose is telling you it smells like pork spare ribs.

But it's not, and that's part of why it's like trippy almost. And so your question was, how do they do it? They somehow did it through the scent. It has to be all. chemical. I imagine little droplets. And all these words that are in Korean that we can't read, I would say that they're, you know,

that's how. DuPont. Based on our, like, regulations, there's probably, they probably is lacking some of the stuff that we have that's worse for you. I was absolutely thinking that too. When I bought them, Carmen said made some point about how like, you also don't know what's in that and I thought, I bet it's actually better

because we have a lot looser. Is it beef jerky? What, can you hear of now? Laced potato chips. I can. Yeah. It's Lays potato chips from Korea and it's pork spare rib flavored. Hell yeah, dude. I follow a bunch of like snack Instagram accounts and like the fucking, dude,

hold on, let me phrase this way better. The Asians are doing some wild shit with chips and I'm for it. They are doing wild shit with India and everything. Yeah, but I'm not for all that. I'm for what they're doing with the chips. It's true. I told him what. Don't be blurring out pussies.

That is weird. They blur out the penis. Yeah. That's why tentacle porn became a thing. I mean, they're allowed to show it. That old Ron White bit is one of the, that blew my mind. That was very, that album, that blue collar comedy tour was so influential on me.

But his whole story and all that stuff were, I think, but it's the second one, right? Where he does the tentacle one, yeah. Yes. But he does the thing where he asks his cousin, he's like, he's like, you're all a little bit gay. And they're like, hell I ain't? Oh, the big dick one? Yeah. And he goes, boy.

Like a big, huge, hard throbbing cot. And it just makes every... That's such... That's when comedy is. So when you make people go, fuck, you're right about me. And I've never thought about them. He said, and I think he was doing this for a bit, but he said on something once that that was actually Larry. That's perfect.

Like, the person he's talking to in that was like, I ain't gay at all was Larry. Right. Which is hilarious. Because there is entire swaths of men and women. but I'll speak from probably our traditional perspective who don't watch lesbian porn because there's no dick in there. There's no one to represent what I would do. And so I'm not like the black ones, I'm all right?

Sorry. Hey, it's not my thing and I think that's why. You can't pretend. I'm pretty gay. Well, you want it. And I prefer the dick to be smaller, I think, so I can identify with the protagonist. It makes sense that you. I mean, that's why there's POV porn.

Right. To put yourself in. position and I get that some men want to wish that they had a big cock but for me it's like well I just don't believe this and they do the thing now I haven't done it I don't know if y'all have done it but you know they got like they got like VR headsets and I haven't done apiraptic oh yeah haptics and all this stuff that like go with that word mean it like suck you off sort of oh so it's like you got a yeah haptics are like uh like your phone and it's a haptic feeling or when you're Apple watch fiber so you got like a pocket pussy

situation going on while you watch you're totally happy getting stroked out by a machine you can mount to the wall you're saying that's an option but what were you talking about that that's the only one right well that oh i imagine there's other type of habit i bet they got all i'm not up on the latest trends or technologies but i'm assuming they've got all kinds of various uh vibrational i've never done some virtual porn me either but to the extent that you watch people they are stand in the living room on christmas day And then think they're on a bridge. Yeah.

It must be the same. That capacity must be the same for people. Like, we're like, I. Because. But see, I think that it's, I feel like with the people that think they're really on a bridge, it's like, this don't feel like I'm on a bridge. But I see I'm on a bridge. And that's fucking me up. So if you see somebody, if you see somebody blowing you, you're going, you're going like, this don't feel nothing like I'm getting blown.

I'm busting a nut. And that's fucking me up. Even if you're... Even if you're stroking yourself, if mentally... Because you know the thing is, is we... God, how do I put this? I saw a thing where a guy was blind. And so they created a thing,

took up to his brain. Because you don't need eyes to see. You just need something that sends those signals to your brain to process. Sort of like we were saying with the smell stuff too, right? That it's a... If it tells you what it is. Do you guys remember the HBO series, miniseries Generation Kill?

Oh, yeah. And so the person... It's a guy from The Wire, right? Yes, and Scars Guard's in it too. But they're talking about... I think at one point a guy says, I had a dream, I had sex with Cindy Crawford. And then the guy goes, well, then you did. And he goes, no, I didn't.

It's just a dream. And he's like, hey, if your mind remembers it, your mind can't distinguish memories from real or fake. It either happened in your mind or it didn't. And so eventually, everything, if you remember, lives in the same places whether or not it was real or not real because it's just a memory you have. Have you ever...

So if your mind thinks it's real, it might as well have happened to you. Have you ever had the thought, I don't know if this is going to make sense. It's like on the other end of what you're talking about. Let's say you're out drinking, you're drunk or something. Have you ever had the thought where you're like, because I'm consciously thinking this right now, this means I will remember this tomorrow. Because if I wasn't going to remember this tomorrow, then I wouldn't be present right now. Do you know what I mean?

Yes. That's not how it works. I tried to do that with bits and it won't work. That is so true. I don't want to write it down. I'm comfortable. That's a thought, not a memory. But it doesn't, I don't think, it doesn't actually work like that.

You know what I mean? It's like, there's probably been a million times where I've had that thought, but then it did disappear into the ether. That's a totally different person. Blackout's a different person. You ever done this one sober, though, of like, this is happening to me lately because I'm almost 40. I'll be like, I don't remember the, I don't remember the, I don't remember the event, but I remember being 30 and being like, I wonder what it'll be like to be 40.

And I'm going to remember, I'm going to try to make myself remember what I feel like now so I can look back on that. Does that make sense? Like, holy shit, one day I'm going to be 50. That's crazy. Oh, right. One day I was 30. What was that like? I have no idea. I don't remember what it's like to think about that whenever I listen to strawberry wine. Sure. I think of course. I remember when 30 was old. And also age is a big part of that song. Big time. but don't take the girl would make me cry too bro yeah boy take the watch yeah just take the watch that my granddad gave that's the type of shit and like you don't you you you you're not having kids or anything right yeah that's the type of thing for me at least that like post having kids

that type of shit like overtly sentimental things or like boarding on saccharin or whatever that used to i always like that song but it used to wouldn't have it wouldn't like affect me in that way but ever since I've had, my kids are 11 and 12, so it's been a long time now. Ever since I had kids, it's like, that shit just... And he don't mind if you take Katie either. Rex may, dude. Yeah, she don't...

Stuff about the wife, the woman, or whatever, is still, you know, it's when the kids come into it. It's when I get all torn up. You warn me about that, dude, and I've had a real hard time. I don't want to give any spoilers away. It's a brand new show, but I've been watching Shogun. Yeah. And there's a scene very early on, and it has nothing to do with the main of life.

Episode one. I read the book. Yeah. And buddy... I know exactly what you're talking about. Episode one, dude. Reading a book, fucked me. That's like 20 minutes into the shit.

It's like chapter one of the book, too. And you're like, these fuckers go hard. They go hard. Me and Andy were falling apart. She like got up and went and looked at our son. I know. She's like, I'm just going to go look at him real quick. And then also, I don't want to bring up anything real bad, but like fucking,

I'm so tired of. And what a privileged statement to make just seeing pictures of starving kids in Gaza right now. It's like I'm scrolling them up. And I don't want to look away. I want to be a person who realize that the. world is full of harrowing things in my countries at least partially if not almost entirely responsible but i'm just like jesus i'm about to cry right now thinking about a picture i saw today it's just like i want to murder somebody and i don't know who to murder dude i'm that way with

kids and animals all animals yeah i have absolutely which is weird because i know people i have i have no intention to stop eating meat on any level i have stopped i will not eat uh because i'm not smart enough to remember if they're both super smart, squid and octopus. Same. He's just, he's been on a whole thing about that. Because I didn't realize that squid were, I thought, I knew octopus were smart.

I thought squid were like just, they're dumb, cousins. They're close enough in my mind if I was playing match game, that I'd get them confused. So I just lump them in together. Because, so I went. They changed colors when they dream.

I went to Hawaii. That's crazy. Bragg. Yeah. And it was at the time, like 2021, maybe early 2022, I don't remember, but you couldn't rent cars on any of the islands.

They had a couple of bad things happen there. There was like one fungus got into these engines. So on the island of Kauai, you couldn't rent anything. I'd say all that to just say, through friends of a friends, people who lived on the island were like, you can borrow our car. And their family's been on the island for like 100 years.

And they let me rent one of their family cars. The day I land, after we exchanged cars, nicest guy. Taylor, shout out Taylor and Kauai Pokey Company. Taylor goes, hey, Saturday night, do you want to go nighttime spear fishing? And I wrote back, I have zero percent idea how to do that, and I'm 100% in. And so there's a long drawn-out story of how crazy and everything gets.

But he ends up getting an octopus, like spears one. And we get up onto the beach, and he takes it out, and it is one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever seen in my life. and he drops it away from the ocean and it immediately turns around and starts going back to the ocean. Yeah. And the reason is because it has full fucking awareness that it was in a bag, that it's where the ocean is,

like it's fully, like I've been, we went on a field trip in high school to the meatpacking plant and I watched the pigs get lined up all the way through it. Okay? And, hell of a field trip, dude.

They're stupid. Welcome to the Midwest, baby. I mean, high school, I've been shoulder deep in a cow in high school. He wants to hold the killing gun. In the building, in high school. You just put that right there. There you go.

Here's beer, never cry, and kill this fucking pig. And I know pigs are really smart too, but they weren't smart enough to try and stop. They just all kept going one after another. And I know that that's hard to hear. And if anybody else follows, I don't want them to have to linger on that. However. Also, pig

tastes better than octopus, so it's I agree. Did the octa. Way more versatile meal. If I had the money, if we were all sitting here on our yachts having this podcast, I would either hunt or pay someone else to hunt one to one all my meat. I would gladly do that. I just can't afford that.

And the fact that if you lined up a whole bunch of octopus, the second one and the third and the fourth would go, oh, no, I'm not doing it. Get me the fuck out of here. The first one would be like, what's that? So that sort of cognitive ability is enough to me to go, the only thing stopping me, like it from objectifying to being killed is its ability to just speak my language. Everything else about it is like, dude, I don't want to do this. I know what's happening.

People say if they just lived longer, it would be insane. Because they only lived like two or three years. I didn't know that. And I've heard people say, it's like they're so smart. Now I'm back to kill them. It's like I've heard people say if they lived, if they had a longer lifespan, who the fuck knows what they'd be capable of? But also the three of us, the three of us went to the aquarium in the mall of

America and Minneapolis once because we were doing that comedy club in there, the House of Comedy and the Mall of America. We were there one weekend and like on Saturday morning, we like ate some weed gummies and went to the aquarium, which was cool. I add gas, boy. Yeah, you know, gummies be, how edibles be. And so like got a little higher and we meant to. And there was one part where there was this guy, museum employee standing there and all three of us just sitting there just like staring at his octopus in this seemingly not big enough of a tank, right? And this guy I worked there

because he's a real interesting fella, right? He's all cheery and stuff. The Octopus had a name. I don't remember what it was, but he's like, yeah, this is, you know, fucking auto. Otto, auto over here. He's real interesting, you know, because we've had to put him into like five or six different enclosures in his time here

because he keeps escaping. He just wants to be free. He's no bad, right? What does that say? And we're sitting there. We're just like, he's saying it all cheerily. Like, isn't that neat?

Isn't this a neat little guy? But we're all, like, shaking to our core. You know what we're saying? Oh, yeah. We're sitting there just staring at his eyes. You guys are tuned in. You guys are on a frequency to receive this. That's fucking, that's real fucked up, man.

This is real fucked up. This whole thing is fucked up, you know. Just like looking at his sad eyes. I mean, outside of like rescues or refugees, every, this is the first bit I ever wrote. It's never, I've never made it work. It's never been on an album or anything. Hell yeah. Zoos are just flexes.

Yeah. That's all they are. So are museums. At one point, somebody in Cincinnati didn't believe that a zebra was real and thought the picture was fake, so they went and fucking got one and brought it over here so that everybody can come around to look at them. But unless you're saving these animals, it's all, like, people go, oh, my God, do you go see the lions? You go see the lions at the Brookfield Zoo outside of Chicago. I go, that's not, that's not real. You see people on footage where they go to safari and a lion is 40 yards away, even 100 yards away, and they're like, holy shit.

That's real. That's when you're seeing that animal. Your spine should tingle. But I'm so, I'm so wired, man. Somebody sent me a post of, like, an Instagram account of, like, a guy who, like, helps animals that are, like, being boarded or, I don't know, some sort of medical thing.

And I was like, I can't watch this. They're like, no, no, it's like, positive and habit. You can't see it. I go, yeah, but the animals are so scared. Yeah. Like, I think about that stuff. Like, even in a movie where two people are fighting and there's a dog in the scene. Yeah.

That's stressing that dog out. The dog, nobody told the dog that this is fake. When, uh, they can, like, highly train those movie dogs. and shit, right? They know what's up, don't they? No, I don't think so at all. Well, I don't know what I mean by know what's up, but I mean you were in a scene and you were fighting over the cuss of your daughter and it's literally like a domestic deal and the dog is in the room

and barking, that dog and the child has no idea if they're like one. Well, dude, did you see... But did you... So you don't even want them pretending to be violent around. I'm just saying it. That stuff it goes in my mind. What age were you when you knew you were gay? Dude, I've thought about it since I was 11. Yeah. I mean, that's

like a child's perspective in a good way. You know what I mean? Like realizing that. I remember- Well, but I mean in terms of the animals, like, very gay for all that. The joke aside, you were young when you started feeling that, I bet, right? Really? Dude, this is the last, like, six, seven years. Now, that blows my mind.

I don't know. I just gets me. I was making a shitty joke, but I really thought that you were going to be young. Like, I think about that tiger at fucking LSU games or that giraffe at the fucking gas station in Louisiana? And I'm like, what are we doing? And people like, that tiger's treated better in any person I know. I go, yeah. But do you think when it was born that it was like,

something I'm going to be at a football game on a Saturday in Louisiana? The ones. The ones that are treated, like, fucking royalty like that. And nowhere to run? Yeah, but I don't know. Like, UGA especially do. Well, that's a dog. That's a dog.

They can't live in a while. Right. We did it so bad to them that we can't let them back out. No, they can't be on there. My wife wants a bird and I won't let her get one. That is never. I was like, I will open the cage. Those parents, bro, you ain't ever heard stories of like parrots?

Because they live fucking 80 years. We got them here in town. Have you seen them around? Yeah, of course. Yeah, they're loud as hell. Fucking, uh... Free and loud. Yeah, right.

But parents... Free and loud. There's so many stories. Parents live to be like 80 years old. By the way, quick aside. When my son was like four, and he's a little fucking lunatic too, by the way, when he's like four, we got these parrots in Burbank. We're talking about parrots.

It's a little bit about parents. I live to be like 80 years old. My wife took him to Lowe's with her to pick something up or something, and there was like this old crazy Hollywood-looking lady with a parrot on her shoulder, and she was like, she was like old and haggard and 68, and there's a bird on a shoulder, and my four-year-old walks up and he goes that bird's going to live to your dad and you know she might get that a lot but anyway there's a lot of stories like I'm already dad because of situations like that there's a lot of stories of like and this is sad too maybe this is further to y'all's point but like

their owners die and these birds are fucking distraught because like they love their fucking caring And this is your argument to keep it in a cage? Yeah. They, bro, they birds. They, Corey, we'll get into it later. Before you do whatever you're going to do with him. Yeah. We can't divert into that.

Your argument is that they feel sadness so we should cage them? That's not a good argument. I don't think that parrots and those types of birds. I do not believe that it does not hit for them to live the life that they live. I think that they dig it. Yes. But they'd rather, they'd rather fly away. So you watch goodies up, bro.

They're always fucking. dancing and shit, fucking head-banging, having a big old time. Any person who has birds and clips their wings is, that is, that's Satan's shit to me. Yeah, they're a liar. That's like, oh yeah, we took the most magical thing that this animal can do

and stopped that, so that I could have them in this house. And the only thing that keeps it here, look, if you show me somebody who didn't clip the wings and the parrot don't leave, I'm with you. If it leaves and comes back regularly, then I'm like, beautiful. That's perfect. Yeah. I'm all for it. As long as they're allowed. I mean, that's what most people do, I think, with, like, especially with...

Then I'm fine with it. But, like, when they, like, literally cage it and clip its wings, I'm with him. It's like, you took away the whole reason you wanted it. The reason you're obsessed with birds is what they look like fucking flying through the air. And you took that to own it because you're small. Right. I mean, this is everybody at SeaWorld. This is everybody at that LSU game to be like, well, we wanted to be able to look at it.

We're the tigers. Sometimes they rescue a tiger. Different. Sometimes they rescue a tiger that's hurt and it's like it can't go back in the wild. It'll die. And then I'm like, of course. Of course.

Like, we bred it out of them. Okay. If you might be able to convince me we bred it out of birds. That's what I'm saying. They're not all the same. Like you brought up SeaWorld. Like clearly those orcas are not down with that shit.

They make it very evident. Right. Well, that they literally traverse hundreds of like thousands and thousands of miles. That changes things. They're not all created equal in my mind. I agree. And also like. And also, like, we've, they've been waiting on me to say something this whole time, I'm sure, because, like, I've got a whole thing about, like, I've always said, I'm never going to, I, I'm not super gay about most animals.

That's the terminology y'all used a minute ago. But I've always, I'm never going to. I didn't say that. As long as I'm still eating, you called him gay. Yeah, I know. And I was doing it a bit, too. All right. Anyway, I've always said, as long as I'm still eating cheeseburgers and bacon and stuff like that, I'm not going front like I'm some fucking.

hero for animals or whatever and I'm still eating cheeseburgers and shit and that's a weird thing I say about myself too I don't think it's weird to be like I'm complicated a cheeseburger but I don't think you should kidnap an animal and make it live with you guys I was walking through an apartment complex it just depends you will die if you don't eat I was walking through a apartment complex a couple weeks ago and I saw a guy whipping his dog with a leash see that's fucked up and I went full red I mean I went hell yeah it I felt embarrassed later on how hard I went. And I would do it again.

You cast a big head of. But I mean, I went full, full theater voice. I mean, it was like, hey! Yeah. But like times. Oh, that was Conway Twitty. Perfect. That's my favorite quote from the Forrest Gunt books.

Hold on. If you see a man beating his dog, whip his ass on the spot. Oh, I'd kill him. I have no problem. And you know what? How would it end? You want to put me away? He kept telling me to mind my own business.

Sure. And I kept telling him my business is what he was doing to that fucking dog. And he's like, what if this dog bites somebody? And I go, he's going to. If you keep fucking hitting, I mean, I could get so. I was so. And then it ended with me going, do it one more time. Do it one more fucking time.

And then he goes, he goes, you're saying your business. and then they walked away and I walked away and I was like vibrating. I just couldn't. Did people in Rochelle like, was that not more? Because I'm not going to lie. I'm not really, I didn't. We'd have a dog. I lived in town.

We'd get a dog wouldn't chine it up or put it in a fence or not like that. And then it would just, you know, run off and get poised into run over or something like that all the time. No, no. I've seen my fair sure of that. But that's what happened to my dogs. like growing up in salina dude like people i remember i heard people say pain retain i mean people beat the shit out of their i got the shit whipped out of me as a kid so like they'd be they'd be kids and and uh made us pick her on switches and stuff like that like they fucking beat their

dogs like that's how they try that's how it was i know and i just want to kill those i'm asking was it like that there and then for you so i remember now that's what i think is this in like within the last 10 years i've become this like and i don't know sensitive sensitive. I'm sensitive to it. When did you move to California? Living in California? Yeah, that'll do it.

Ooh, 2008. So it took about five years. That's probably about right. You got to drink the water. If you mean, because of the first day, it was like 2017, 2018. But I remember growing up with kids

who, like, told me, like, oh, we got all these cats out at this farm and we shot them. Oh, bro. That too. Put them in a bag, throw them off the bridge. And I never was into that. I never thought it was cool.

I never did any of that stuff. But I also was... Did you witness it? Nope. I saw it. But I was like unfazed or somebody like, yeah, we... Somebody was like, this should all be a trigger warning, but somebody like hurting a small animal or whatever. And now, if we were at a bar and you see that guy over there?

You're like, yeah, and like, you know what he does? If you just told me he did it, there'd be a confrontation. He does it. I don't. No, I don't. No, I don't. But yes, I tried to make a bit about that for a while about how like about, like, about And it never worked.

You can have a hundred podcasts talking about people killing each other. You try to tell, even the stuff we've told, I feel horrible about talking about. I have a comedy question. It's all true. That might make some people listening uncomfortable, but I don't care. I'd hate to make our listeners uncomfortable. Because, well, inside our world, this is a very, very legitimate question. We've actually gotten into this shit probably 15 times.

So I have tried to make a joke about picking out my own switch work here in L.A. I had one about that. Good luck. Not here. It won't work. Nope. and I've seen other people try to do it and not work, but I've seen black comedians be able to talk about getting hit as kids,

even in front of white people, and it just destroy. Now, people that I'm thinking of, it's like Earth Creek, these people are unbelievably funny anyway, but I wonder if they could get away with beating dog jokes. If it was like when I was younger, this happened. Not with white, no. Not with a white crowd. Yeah, they didn't let Michael Vick get away with it, dude.

No, hell no. No, you can't, because, well, also, it's got, let me ask you about this. This is how hardcore white people have gotten about this type of thing. I saw an Instagram real day. What they weren't like celebrating? It was just like, that's what happened. Just even the topic. I wouldn't like cause a disturbance.

I saw a guy. I saw an Instagram reel of a dude. He had a dog sitting in front of him, dog sitting right there. This is fine. He's, uh, he's holding like a piece of food, like a piece of bacon or so. I can't remember it in his hand. And he's like kind of close to the dog. And the dog is like, like he's going to go for it.

Right. Yeah. But he won't let the dog get it, but the dog's going for it. And then right here, I guess it's his roommate or his buddy or his wife or something. There's a hand with a dog puppet on it. Like, it's a human hand with a dog puppet. A triumph? Kind of like that right beside the real dog.

Yeah. So he takes the bacon and holds it in front of the fake dog, the dog puppet. And the dog puppet bites the bacon. And he fucking wails on the dog puppet. The puppet, the fake dog. It's his buddy's hand, Dan. And then he doesn't. that and the dog is like you know and then he puts the bacon back in front of the dog's face

and the dog is like I'm good you know do you understand that you just described what a whipping boy was in Victorian times but they don't they can see this is what I was getting to in the comments there were a lot of people like this is some fucked up shit right here that's trauma for the dog I was like I was like mental abuse that's trauma for the dog that that's I'm not saying I don't think they can I don't think they can process it on my record to say I'm crazy sensitive. And why didn't he eat the bag? I'm saying I don't think that it's like, I don't think that they are.

It stays with him? Yeah. I know. I think I'm with you. But then what's the point of doing it? Because isn't that the point that it does stay with them? If they learn, that's why he's doing it.

If he just learned behavior not to do the thing. But it's like he did the dog. I don't know. He didn't hit the dog. But he's scared the dog is what I think his point is. It stays, that trauma stays with the dog, which is the point of it. Now, if the dog is dumb enough. That's a little too far for me.

I don't think it's trauma. and maybe I don't know psychology doesn't have to know the difference I think it's just fear He just made the dog afraid You guys have never seen a person Who adopted a dog and they go Well hey he's just weird

Around guys with beers Yeah because he got the fuck Actually beat out of him That's trauma But trauma stays with you I agree But I'm not like I'm overly sensitive I'm over sensitive

But I'm saying I'm just arguing I don't think that dog was traumatized I think it was made afraid Which to me is still a little fucked up And off but a whipping boy though It was like It was like

Well that's why I said I don't know The psychology words Exactly. The Whitton boy was another real human that continued to get. I know. I'm just saying, yeah, I'm not saying it's a one-to-one. I'm just saying it's the same methodology. I guess that's true, yeah. No, because you see the pain in the Wibbing boy's eyes and you feel guilty. Right. That was the point of the woman.

For what you've done wrong. It's inanimate. It's curbing behavior. The Wippin boy cries, you know, like it's worse. Yeah, he's a poor and dirty. And black and a slave and all that stuff. It was his job. He got food because.

brutal. Yeah. More gruel. What a fun episode. Yeah, it has been. I try. Anyway, it's called parked out by the lake. You guys should listen to it.

Corey, was the song good? Okay, here's the thing. As a bit, absolutely it's great, but I'll say this. It's not so like, it is clearly taking the piss out of a style of country music, but it's more like, you remember right before it completely turned to shit. Like in the early 2000s, there were still. still some hitters left. Like some Ginny Chesney songs were really banging.

You mean girls like too? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like it was, it wasn't like on some Florida Georgia line shit. My point is, if it was just playing in the background while I was at a bar,

I would not be mad. And I would think that it was just some like early 2000s Tim McGrath shit. And it's funny. Yeah, and it makes a great point. So is it like, is it like, is it like,

it's that kind, because that's great, those are great songs. It's even more. simple. It's not even... It's so on the... Yeah.

Dude, the whole thing is he's like, I'm parked out by the lake near Santa Fe and then the next verse is like 80 miles from Santa Fe, that's where I parked my truck. And then it just is him describing... Well, I'm parked out by the lake.

80 miles from Santa Fe. And I'm sitting here just parked down by the lake. Nah, I don't think it would do it for me. You, dude, it'll go into this and then right into my town. And you would go, these are great. This is great music.

What's my town? Montgomery Gentry? Yeah, see, we're off our era is just a little way. Why? Because you're, what, four years behind that? I'm a little bit, I think I'm a little bit before that because the era country I like

was when I was like six to 12 years old. Okay. Montgomery Gentry's fine. Sure. I mean, hell, I'll like Montgomery Gentry. I like Montgomery Gentry. This don't sound like Garth is what I guess I'm saying. No, it's not Garth.

Montgomery Gentry don't ever make my, like, top 10 90s country bangers, but if they come on, they're early stuff. They definitely, when they, before, you know, rest in peace right before Troy died they started getting into that territory

of like Jesus Christ guys they very much did they very much did 6 to 12 that's probably a good wheelhouse yeah it is about time to wrap this up now that we've gotten all

you know brutal again we do that shit all the time what other animals have you seen killed we skipped right over me going shoulder deep on a cow well yeah well tell that

that was so normal for us to hear that's like you guys have done that too I did, but like in a college setting. Same, yeah. So, mine was in high school. U.T. Martin has like a program. Yeah, and it's the artificially inseminated cow. And they said, does anybody want to do it?

And I thought, when will I get this opportunity again? Yeah. To go. We got a buddy check off down the road. There's a, there's a, there's. They have cows at UT Martin. At the time, this is the only place in the world they had. I'm sure they have them other places now.

For educational purposes, they have a hole in their soul. Yeah. In their side? Oh, yeah. And then you can stick your hand into the side of it. Yeah, because they got four stomachs. It was wild. Yeah, Corey calls them TV cows.

Wow. Oh, that's a good way to put that. That's what you call it. TV cows. I don't know if that would ever, that would get such a big laugh on me. Yeah, I think most people where I'm from would just be like, oh, I mean the pretty ones, they get on TV? The pretty ones. The blue ribbon.

The chick-fil-a. Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A-cows or TV cows. All right. Dude, I'm genuinely so sorry about the mystery-reucation, about the timing. Who cares? I either read it as March 17th, I think. I don't care.

I'd come back anytime you all have me. Well, all right. Well, remind everybody in, and if you want to come back in a month, just come back in a month. It's fine with us. Don't test me with a good time. April 17th is my special. It's called Rose Gold. It drops on my YouTube channel.

Everything's at Daniel Van Kirk.com. I'll be in Denver the second week in May. I'll be in Wisconsin and Green Lake at the Thrasher Opera House on May 18th. And then I think July 16th is my five nights. of my own Chicago Summer Comedy Festival at the Lincoln Lodge. That link probably isn't even up yet because it's a super, super early tease. And you can watch my movie wine club. Everything's at Daniel Van Kirk.com.

Hell yeah. And go to Treycroutor.com and check out my dates. Next up, I got Vancouver and Seattle and then a bunch of other places of Buffalo and Pittsburgh and then all over the place. So Treycrouter.com. Let me say to thank you to everybody who came out to Denver. It was nice saying hi to folks going to the Waffle House. We had a good time.

We won't get into it. I think I have Nashville and Bristol coming up next. That's not until June. I'll be in Scott County, Tennessee the next two months, wanting to blow my brains out. So if you're around there, come by and see me, and we will not shoot a dog. Yep.

Thank you. Mother's Day night, I'll be at JJ's Bohemia in Chattanooga, Tennessee, opening up for my buddy John Michael Bond, who's recording a record. So y'all come out and laugh for him and make the record awesome. Also go to bonus cory.com and sign up for shit and give me money, love me whatever thank you all for listening to the well red show we'd love to stick around

longer but we got to go tune in next week if you got nothing to do thank you god bless you good night and skew you got the goods got it kid that's great all right what's up y'all try cor here skis skate the date date we got us a neat podcast don't we Damn straight, it's called putting on ours. We talked by fancy shit. But in a dumb way. So if you like that, get on your phone calculator, type all the stuff in and like, subscribe,

tell all your friends, leave us a five-star review. We sure would appreciate you. Skin it, ball. Woo! My God, I feel like I'm totally capturing the mindset of the simpleton, but to what end? You are veritable scintiate parcel, as I have over there. You're doing fantastic.

Thank you, old boy. Although I am dying inside. Yes, of course. I do not need this. I hope it goes well.