wellRED podcast - #388 - A Man Or Bear in The Woods?

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

This week, among other things, CHO tells a story about being mistaken for a homeless man in his hometown gas station (which actually related to a larger conversation about people assuming that if you ...live in the south then you are both republican and a christian) Then the boys discuss the question (posed at women) that has been a phenomenon on the internet: If you were alone in the woods, would you rather run in to a man... or a bear? Oh, and Drew actually has a story related to that lol TraeCrowder.com to see Trae on the road DrewMorganComedy.com BonusCorey.com Check out our other podcasts: Gravy Baby, Weekly Skews, and Puttin On Airs!

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Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.
Starting point is 00:00:19 It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?
Starting point is 00:00:41 Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.
Starting point is 00:01:00 Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.
Starting point is 00:01:18 Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features.
Starting point is 00:01:44 I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,
Starting point is 00:02:06 but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.
Starting point is 00:02:28 What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.
Starting point is 00:02:43 So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast.
Starting point is 00:03:09 They're the. Who'd you think I was? She goes, I'll be honest with you. And she kind of looks up at me. And she goes, I thought you were homeless. I'm wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt. And so I'm internalizing this. And I didn't say it out loud, but I might.
Starting point is 00:03:23 They're the They're the Rednecks They like cornbread but sex They care Way too much But don't give a fuck They're the
Starting point is 00:03:34 People rednecks That makes Some people upset But they got Three big old dicks That you can suck No That's
Starting point is 00:03:46 That's good That's good That's all I'll take care of It's Washing over You Suddenly
Starting point is 00:03:53 melting into something. I can feel you breathe. It's washing over me and suddenly I'm melting into you. The slow. Yeah, the slow and steady rush. Something of your touch. Not your butt. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:07 Yeah. All that. Yeah. So what's going on? Slow and steady rush. I spoke a camel crush. God damn it. I was just fucking sitting here like fighting the urge to go get a drink because we were
Starting point is 00:04:22 recording. and I was like, I'm good. That's the devil talking. And then we start singing 90s country, like my biggest tick. And it is fate, you know. Yeah, it still, it doesn't matter. You want making you want to like shotgun a beer. Well, she makes me want to.
Starting point is 00:04:35 Ooh. Oh, I fucking go, boys. I mean, I mean, kind of. Not like the song, but just like the idea. You know what I mean? Like, because I think of Faith Hill, I immediately think of Tim McGraw. And then I'm like, I got a barbecue thing on my white t-shirt. And I'm like, fuck it.
Starting point is 00:04:50 Let's, let's go watch the Braves. get fucking drunk. I am an alcoholic. I'm finally ready to say it. All these years later, eight years later. I don't know. I know that's a hell of the thing
Starting point is 00:05:05 for me to say to you, but like, full more alcoholic, I mean, no. I'm not, I don't have to shake. Who would know better? Why can't you say it? No. What is it about your life
Starting point is 00:05:18 that makes you unable to speak truth to power right here? It's like, can black people say the N-word tray? Can black people say the N-word tray? What I mean is I've always been the one talking about how he hits and drinks and, you know, whatever, you know, chowing out. Right. And now I'm like, no, you ain't that bad, you know. I'm mentally.
Starting point is 00:05:40 I'm going the other way. Fortunately, that's not true. Fortunately, it's not. I'm sorry. I misunderstood real quick. Let me just say this. I thought you were backpedaling on calling him an alcoholic. you're backpedaling on saying, ah, you ain't that bad.
Starting point is 00:05:55 Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My apologies to the podcast. The thing is, what I'm about to say is what I say every time is I'm really not that bad. But I say it so much that I'm like, fuck, quit saying it. You know what I mean? Because like I do. I go long stretch.
Starting point is 00:06:11 But he just can't quit saying it. He goes weeks without saying it. Then he says it four or five, six days in a row. Things just happen just makes him want to say it, you know, certain triggers. I say it. Yeah. It's horrible, but, but, like, it's a dude, like, I'm starting to get the fucking give it to me, you know, where I never got the give it to me. I usually was just like, I mean, it would hit the drink, but now I'm just like, it would hit real fucking hard to drink.
Starting point is 00:06:35 Are you giving in to the give it to me? No. No. No. No. No. No. But, yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:45 Well, no, I mean, I had a couple drinks for the derby, but I quit. It's a Saturday. Yeah, right. No. But, yeah. A couple of glasses of whiskey? No, no, I had one glass of whiskey and then another like little whatever their fucking specialty cocktail bullshit was. And I quit and I have been able to do.
Starting point is 00:07:01 My point is though, it's that it's that I know I can at any time. And I'm more aware of that than ever. Like, you know what I mean? Like I've always been because of our job and especially because I'm like I've always been able to drink whenever I want. But I never thought about it. I find myself thinking about becoming bathrobe guy. You know what I mean? I find myself being like, why not?
Starting point is 00:07:26 Who gives a fuck? You're here. You don't even have to drive. Right. Yeah. You said their specialty cocktail. I thought you had like a little family get-together thing to watch the derby. You went somewhere?
Starting point is 00:07:35 It was a big party for our friend's 80th birthday and it coincided with the derby. And he's actually from Kentucky and like loves all that shit. So, I mean, it was a big fucking party. You have an 80-year-old friend? Yeah. Of course he does. of course. No, it doesn't shock me either.
Starting point is 00:07:51 I want to hear about him, though. You would not know that he's 80. It's fucking wild. Whereas, like, so many of my friend, like older friends, they're in their 50s and you would think they were 90, but he's 80 and, like, people are fucking, now I'm going to say his name, obviously. I don't want to, because they're a private family.
Starting point is 00:08:09 Give you a 10 minutes. You'll tell everybody his nickname, which includes the street. I'm not, I'm not drunk. Honestly, I started thinking about. You mean 116. is it Valley Bill. But see, here's the thing. The White House?
Starting point is 00:08:21 I doxed two mentally challenged people over the past couple weeks. I was drunk both times. That's what I do when I drink. I hurt people. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, wait, hold up. You just said you was off it.
Starting point is 00:08:35 I am. That's why I'm saying I'm not going to do it. You said give him 10 minutes. But that was recently. Trey and our drawing established. Yeah, I didn't have a week. Okay, a week. No, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:08:46 The week's good. 48 hours ago. A week is good. I'm not trying to shit on you. I'm trying to understand. But it's not a week. It's 48 hours, right? I didn't get drunk, Dan.
Starting point is 00:08:54 That don't count. You're not counting it because it's the derby and it was a part of it. But I didn't get drunk. I can still drive. If you're an alcoholic, getting drunk is not really a good. Because did you literally drink like a high ball full of straight whiskey? No. It was mixed with, they had like an Arnold Palmer but whiskey situation.
Starting point is 00:09:12 It was, it was whiskey and a little bit of lemonade. And they was trying to put mint. in my shit and I was like dude fuck that and you know I love mint but like mint and whiskey is so and everybody was like you to derby you gotta have one I was like because there's horses I have to drink something I hate that makes no fucking sense like I was very at a Larry David moment it's not meant
Starting point is 00:09:31 for whiskey um I think so it's been a week since you've been drunk and two three days since you this I don't know honestly I don't even know how to make this funny by the way and when I say I got drunk I only had like six drinks
Starting point is 00:09:47 Like I didn't get like blackout. I haven't been blackout in a long fucking time. I just get like we do a podcast. I have five to six to seven drinks and I just get too fucking loose. I just get too fucking loose, dude. And like you don't know what I like when I'm too loose, it's fucking dangerous. I've been trying to figure out how I want to say what I want to say and I think I've figured it out. I mean this in the most part.
Starting point is 00:10:08 This is how I don't, why I don't think you're an alcoholic. I don't care about any of this. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. If I was worried about Corey, I'd be like, all right, when? But like, I'm just like, I don't, why are we talking about? Like, I did it. I did it.
Starting point is 00:10:24 I did it. But I was like, was it a glass? Fuck all that. No. No, it's fine. And my, yeah, my bottom story is like, oh, I tweeted it, Mike Huckabee. You know what I mean? Like, that's it.
Starting point is 00:10:34 There's nothing big time. I'm just like, well, all I'm saying is. Yeah, you should drink more, honestly. That's what I'm thinking. That's what I said. I'm like thinking about turning a bathrobe guy. And like, I mean, you kind of convinced me to do it. So I appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Yeah. Who's our sponsor this week? Better help? Bath tub gin. That's a girl I dated. I want to hear a little bit more about this party situation because like I've said before, so usually Christmas time after our Zany shows, whatever, me and Katie and the boys go to Waynesboro where her parents live and we stay
Starting point is 00:11:06 there for a few days. So it's like Christmas time at grandmas. And there's like all the cousins, all the kids, all the cousins, nieces and nephews and stuff are there and matching pajamas and shit. we're making gingerbread houses and all this real. It's real holiday and it's so wholesome. Yeah. And I genuinely like love it because and I've started to say this to page.
Starting point is 00:11:25 I love that shit. I started to say this to page last time I saw her in person. And before I could finish, she was like, because that's like what an actual fucking family does. Right. And I was like, yes, exactly. She's like, yeah, Sam must be nice. You know, whatever. But like. But yeah, because like, you know, broken home shit.
Starting point is 00:11:42 Right. This is like Hallmark movie family Christmas. type stuff. It's like the country-ass version of it, but still, it's that, and it really hits from me. I feel a similar sort of way when I hear Cho talk about, like,
Starting point is 00:11:58 all the white people get together's that he'd be going to where they have, like, drinks, they made special for it, and it's all these couples in this town, they all know each other, and we're all here to hit because this fella's 80, and it's like all, it's just
Starting point is 00:12:13 like, it's the type of thing that's like, I'm aware that people do that, but I think you are the only person I know who actually does those things or like lives that life. Okay. This is interesting because I don't think it's broken home stuff because my folks don't do any of that type. Everything my folks do is church related. So there are some like the pastor's 50th anniversary, they may go to the church. church and there'll be food and, you know, someone might catch the spirit and get a guitar out and fellowship.
Starting point is 00:12:53 But Andy's family is like this. Like they have, and it's generational too, perfect example, they all went to a, like a music recital yesterday, which that's normal. I'm sure if your kids had a music recital, you'd go, Trey, and maybe the grandparents should go to. Yesterday. guy. But this music recital, a few people in their church had a little girl in it.
Starting point is 00:13:23 Afterwards, some of the parents all went out to eat together. It's a cultural thing. Maybe that's a bad example because everyone will do stuff with their kids. But like, all right, Jim and Angeles 50th wedding anniversary. They did a big thing here at the property. They did send out some invites, but they also just like told the church. church and told other people. They were like fucking 200 people here, dog,
Starting point is 00:13:49 dressed up in like suits and shit. And it was like, well, perfect example. My mom and dad were invited. They went to the ceremony because mom felt like she needed to. But they had no interest in that. It was weird, not weird. That's not the word. It was alien to them too.
Starting point is 00:14:07 Are they drinking these things or they're churchy too? No, the Presbyterians be drinking, dog. And they've been making fun of that. That to me is like the main thing I think. We've talked about like, I feel like generally growing up in the South, in my experience, even people who had families who'd have to get-togethers and other members and stuff, even people that had drunks in their families, like hell, I did. But when they all got together, and my family wasn't at all religious,
Starting point is 00:14:30 but it's like you just didn't drink in front of me, ma'am. We've talked about this before. But it's just like families don't drink together because you got Maimon that don't hear for her or whatever the case. Or you end up fistfighting in the street. I have at the time of your uncle fucked her. cousin. Cho deals with that part, and I would like to talk about that part a little bit.
Starting point is 00:14:47 But it's like that type of shit, in the Midwest and stuff, I feel like everybody's getting drunk with their man. We talked with Dan Van Kirk about this a little bit. But like, Corey kind of be doing all that, despite living in rural North Georgia, and I just find it a little.
Starting point is 00:15:01 I think it's class. Well, no, no, hold on. First off, let me say this. Does it help for me to say that I don't enjoy it? at all. And I don't mind. And by the way, I personally am not mad at you. I wouldn't say, I'm not either. I wouldn't say homie's name earlier, but this, this I'm fine saying because everyone, but it's social security number. But no, but I'm saying everyone knows this about me. Like, everyone at that party knew that I didn't want to be there. Like, it's a, it's a running joke.
Starting point is 00:15:31 And like what, the only thing that I don't like about having a kid is that now I have to go to these things. Because Amber's going to go and she's going to take Bain and I just feel like an ass if I don't go. Because like, they're all seeing me ever since, ever since, like, we've had Bain that I've been reacclimated into Chickamauga society. And like, everyone knew. Like, people even stopped inviting me and it was so great because they kept, they would always like, well, no, you're going to come, but, you know, and I was like, dude, I'm serious. You don't have to go out of your wedding, and buy. I'm not fucking coming to your house. I love you. If you want to stop by my house on Sunday, I'm going to put, I'm not coming. And it's not that
Starting point is 00:16:06 I don't like y'all. I don't like doing shit. I do not like doing shit. I really don't. So again, that's, by the way, that's why I only had a couple drinks. I had him right when I got there because this is my deal with Amber is I'll go with you. But if we're taking Bain, that means we both can't get hammered drunk, right? And I will stay sober and stay there for a couple hours. And then the second Bain cries, I get to leave and no one can give me shit because he has to go. Yeah, they're great for that. Yeah, I was like, he has to go.
Starting point is 00:16:38 And I know that you want to stay and get drunk. So I'll fall on that sword, even though it's not really me falling on a sword because I don't want to be there. So like, that's how it is. And everybody knows I'm just sitting there counting the minutes until Bain gets tired. So like it don't hit for me. And also, when I was younger, this is very new for my family to go get drunk with other people. I was about to ask that. Like, are your parents without you and Amber?
Starting point is 00:17:02 Are they going to their own middle age sulleries? Yeah, I mean, this was there. This, you know, he's there. Like, we're friends with his daughter. right? His daughter's like my age, the 80 year old guy. 80 year old dude. It's like the other year. Theo shit. Yeah. And, uh, well, no, not quite Theo shit because I think Theo's dad was like 80 when he was born or something. But anyways, um, like, yeah, my mom would go out with them and they'll have wine and stuff like that. But this was like,
Starting point is 00:17:27 well, it's his, our parents are all friends with him and we're all, you know, so it's like a dual party. It's like, hey, the kids are going to enjoy this too. We're going to all, he's got a great house to party at. Um, now, you know, granted, it's not, all fun because we do sit there for a long time at the beginning of the party and talk about who's died since we had the last one who can't come because they're either on probation or so off the shit that they can't even be around it. Yeah, whatever, all that shit. But like, when I was younger, we, A, we didn't do anything with my family because my family, you know, my immediate family we did, but we didn't do anything with my dad's side of the family or my mom's because they were
Starting point is 00:18:06 all pieces of shit and it would go the punchy punchy way, you know. So we just kind of kicked it with the church and stuff like that. But like only in recent years was it like my mom, because used to it was like, I don't know, we wouldn't drink in front of mom because it would be weird. And when she'd go out, but now she's loose and like we're all going to the same parties and it's fine. But that's fucking, that's like, you know, in my late 20s to early 30s is when that fucking started.
Starting point is 00:18:34 Right. So what's the, but I'm assuming these people that hosted it, did they have it catered? Was it a potluck? No, it was like a potluck situation. There was, I think there was a couple things that were catered, but still everybody was bringing dips, you know what I mean? So the specialty cocktail is really the only, see, you said that and that's sort of what, like, that's what I was there a bartender?
Starting point is 00:18:56 No, someone just put it in a picture. You know what I mean? Okay. Yeah. I knew you was at somebody's house and you said that I had a couple of their specialty cocktails they had and that made me go like you know what kind of no like like my fucking
Starting point is 00:19:10 sister-in-law got hammered and put some shit in a picture and was like this is derby do you know what I mean so that but yeah I mean it was fun as fuck I guess for the a little bit like it is I like being there for like 30 minutes catch up with everybody
Starting point is 00:19:27 see Chief Smoke a bowl you know he was running around farting blaming it on everybody that was pretty hilarious But, dude, and again, I don't mind saying this because they know who they are. It's nothing. These are the same people my whole life who like always accuse me of like bringing up politics and shit. And I'm like, I don't say nothing. Dude, there's the whole time we're trying to, I'm just trying to watch the fucking derby.
Starting point is 00:19:49 They're passing around their phone because there's a new fucking Biden meme or something on it. And just being insane and nobody will stop talking about what shit while they're saying all the stuff that they can't say anymore, which was hitting for me. You know, but like they, they are so criminally obsessed with all this shit that I'm like, is this a good time for you? Like, are you all having a good time? Because like, I'm supposedly the one that's trying to keep you from having a good time. And y'all are bumming me out. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:20:21 Yeah. That reminds me of my Scott County report. Okay. Yeah, I was actually just about, I was going to segue into a Scott County, ask you for a Scott County report off of that because I was going to ask you, how's that part's been going? for you if you've been having any of that. Yes, that for sure.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Before I get into that, I just want to tag onto that last combo that there is a difference I've noticed. So I'm like involved in this and invited at these things and it's easier for me to say no because I didn't grow up here. Like I didn't go to that fucking recital.
Starting point is 00:20:53 You know, it's like, yeah, you all have fun. But, um, they're like catering versus not and how much catering that changes things. How do I say it? Like on whether you'd go or not? No, like just in terms of the experience
Starting point is 00:21:10 as like and how alien it is to me. It is odd for me to see a catered non-wetting situation in a house. Like one time there was a catered like house party in Boston and I talked about it for four fucking years. It was the greatest night of my life. I didn't, I'm not kidding. I'm not making this.
Starting point is 00:21:32 And by the way, it's ball or shit. We got to start. doing it, Trey. It had never, like, occurred to me. Right. Until I moved out here. I went to, and it's like, I went to a couple, like, big to-does, like fundraiser things where people were dressed up. And of course, they'd have hors d'oeuvres and shit. And I knew that was a thing. But I'm talking about, like, people do it for Thanksgiving out there. I went to a, I went to a birthday party, right, of this, like, Hollywood producer, like writers and producers and stuff there, just a birthday party at their house.
Starting point is 00:21:59 And they had a bartender, fully catered. They invited people's kids because they had a pool. They hired a lifeguard for the pool so you can just leave your kids in the pool and they got professional lifeguard there. And like all of that was wild of course. But even the food part, I literally had never thought before. I was like, oh, you can like hire people to make all the food when you have parties. You can make it. I'd never, never thought of that before. They had like, the caterers like in the kitchen fucking whipping shit up for people and stuff. And it was, you'll know when I've made it because it'll be Tuesday and I'll be fucking FaceTime and y'all with just my shit catered just for me to.
Starting point is 00:22:34 hang out by myself. Right. I mean, yeah, it does hit. I also, I love a potluck and I like to make shit. I love to take things to a potluck and see how it do. When it's, when it's people, and it all gets put up and all gets in your like, yeah. I smashed that, you know, that stuff hits from race. Especially when it's people you know, because, like, you, like, they have their, like, signature
Starting point is 00:22:53 dish that you look forward to. You're like, oh, fucking, you know, Renee's going to make them cheddar biscuits. She always makes. And, you know, oh, her green beans are fire and like, well, you know, you know, stay away from that potato salad, but there's another one, you know, over here.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Yeah, I love, I prefer a potluck. And also because I do like making food, I get it, that's probably my favorite part of a party. Me too. Is making the food before.
Starting point is 00:23:19 Once I get there, I hate it. I'm like, fuck this. But I'm like, here, look at the hits that I made. I also enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:23:23 Drew, I want to ask you a question about, he just made me think of something, a story of his that I know about potluck. So I don't think you've heard it. I want your perspective on it. He's like, oh,
Starting point is 00:23:33 stay away from that potato salad. salad, right? I don't remember the specifics of who it was, but some person and Corey's extended family or somebody, they'd have potlucks or whatever and like, no, no, no, excuse me, not a potluck. They'd make dinner for people, right? And it'd be some kind of chicken casserole or something like that. And Corey's mom would bake her own special chicken casserole and bring it to this dinner because that's how much that other bitch of chicken casserole didn't have for her or whatever. He told me that. I was like, bro, if somebody did that to me, like to my chicken cassero, I would be furious.
Starting point is 00:24:10 Like, I'd be talking to Katie about that for days. It's a little different. That's part of the goal when you do that is to get them talking about it for days. It's not just about wanting to eat your own chicken cassero. Not that my mom's less of a bitch. I mean, but it should be noted that it was like Thanksgiving. So there was going to be a lot of food. So I think she could like hide under the like,
Starting point is 00:24:34 we just wanted there to be enough. You know what I mean? But like, but her goal was exactly that. You know what I mean? Yeah. I wish I'd have been there. I'd have called her out.
Starting point is 00:24:45 Oh, was that your goal? Well, I can tell you one thing. You'd have fucking ate her chicken cassero more than other bitches. 100% would have been eating her chicken casserole while I made fun of the other lady. Yeah. To your mom. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:57 I would have hit for my mom so hard. I know. She would have pretended like she was embarrassed and I would have been, yeah. Buddy, women like your mom
Starting point is 00:25:06 were so easy for me. I'm sorry, but it's just so fucking true. Like a bit, fucking bitchy, good-hearted woman, dude, I cut right through the middle of them.
Starting point is 00:25:16 I used to clean up with women like your mom too. I get it. I guarantee it. They all want to take care of me, Drew. I don't know what it is. And the other ones want to be taken care of
Starting point is 00:25:26 and told what to do. I can fix him, but even if I can, he's funny. Everybody's okay getting stabbed can clean up women like my mom. Someone needs to clean up after your mom, I think. Your mom's clean. Finally. Yes, two reports that relate to what we've been talking about. One is Angela went to a funeral.
Starting point is 00:25:50 That's the Tom White's song. You went to pull it up? Yeah. She came back with plates for me and Andy. We've been working all day. And I don't know who made this fucking macaroni dog. But when I tell you
Starting point is 00:26:04 top three of my life, every single part of it was perfect. Noodles cooked perfectly. Cheese, both not soupy but soft and then with the chunks in it. I literally said to
Starting point is 00:26:20 Angela, half joking, but not really. Was there a black lady at this funeral? Yeah. And I swear to God, Angela, of all people, goes, are you asking me that because of that macaroni? Let me know. And I said, yes. Her dies.
Starting point is 00:26:36 Right. And this was like hours later, too? Like, you ate it after hours after you're prepared. I mean, I didn't have to reheat it. It was probably an hour later. Because macaroni, dude, don't. I love macaroni and she's like a motherfucker. It never hits quite as hard as when it's like straight up fresh,
Starting point is 00:26:53 even if you got to reheat it. So if you had to reheat it, and it still hit that. that hard. I like the first reheat, but I'll understand what you're saying. I don't mind the first reheat. You know what, Trey, you might be on to something. It might have been too moist, too soupy-ish on the first eat based on what I experienced. But, man, I mean, it was unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:27:16 The food was really good. They might hit so hard that they planned for that. You know what I mean? Because the thing is, you ate it an hour after it was gotten at the funeral. They made it way before that. hours before that. They made it hours before then. And I know that whenever I have to make like
Starting point is 00:27:29 pimento cheese, especially for like a group. And it's like, Amber's like, I got this thing tomorrow. Can you make it? And I'm like, fuck, I'll have to make it tonight. Or sometimes it's like, God damn it. I can't make it two nights before. I will make it a little extra runnyish because I know it's going to set and it always be due.
Starting point is 00:27:45 Now, now the thing about macaroni and cheese is if you just reheat it. Do do, do. If you reheat it in the Jamie cook this. Yeah, it's probably not going to hit as hard. But like I have a two method system of how to reheat the macaroni,
Starting point is 00:28:03 and you remove the top part, which is the baked part of cheese. You don't know what I mean? You remove that and you set that aside. And then you take the noodles and you put them in the pan with a little butter and you know, and maybe a touch more cream to reconstitutes or whatever. Then while you're doing that and then you do that, then you put that back in the bowl and you put the baked cheese part on top of it and you brush that with and butter and you dial up just a little bit more cheese and you just broil it for like
Starting point is 00:28:29 four minutes, it tastes better than when you got it. Now, most people are going to this prophet. I shoved it into a mouth hole. Yeah, I'm just saying it can be done. I'm not even sure I microwaved it in retrospect.
Starting point is 00:28:40 Yeah, I like cold macaroni and cheese. It was unbelievable. And it's all everyone I was talking about at the funeral, too, so it wasn't just me. They were like, he was a, not the person who died over. He O'D, dude. He OD'd, fuck him, dude. And by the way, that was a joke, but he did.
Starting point is 00:29:00 Yeah, right. So, uh, no, he did. So the other, so yeah, we got OD deaths and fire macaroni and cheese. That's report number one. Mm-hmm. Port number two. My nephew came up to hang out with me. We went to Walmart.
Starting point is 00:29:14 Nefcho. Nefcho. I had to go get some stuff. Uh, he, he will be furious at me for saying this, but he got dumped like three times by the same girl in two weeks. He really had to learn that lesson a few times. He was among us, dog. Yeah, right. But anyway, we went to Walmart, and he's, I mean, he's Neptchow.
Starting point is 00:29:37 We're at the Oneida Walmart. This is one. Oneida? Yeah, Oneida. Yeah, One, two, three, four, five towns with at least a junior high school away from Sumbrat. This is 35 miles from where he grew up. and he's like, man, I'm probably running to somebody I know in here, dude. They kind of know me around here.
Starting point is 00:30:01 And I'm like, yeah, okay, buddy. Fucking twice. We're walking through first, I think it was just like a kid who's from his school, but there's not a lot of Walmarts in our area or something. That's what I was going to ask. Yeah, right. And then it was this lady who was his aunt. And I knew I recognized her, but I swear I don't think I've seen her since.
Starting point is 00:30:22 John's dad and mom, my brother, my sister-in-law got married, which would have been 20-some years, like 21 years ago. So she's like, hey, Drew, what's up? You know, so I'm just sitting there. I'm talking. She's talking to John. She hugs him. I'm doing context clues.
Starting point is 00:30:42 Her man comes up. Right. How you've been? I've been good. We just moved back. Y'all were in California. Yes, we were. I've been out there.
Starting point is 00:30:51 I used to work out there. Yada, yada, yada. I loved the north part of the state. I was like, that's actually my favorite part of California, too. I love L.A., but, like, you know, it's dry. I like the ocean, but not that much. I love the trees, the forest. And he's like, yeah, that part of Oregon, I'm like, dude, that's my favorite part of the country,
Starting point is 00:31:11 and just in terms of how the outdoors looks. And he goes, and he didn't, he said it, like, he said it like you was talking about bears. Right. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. Man, I mean, a lot of liberals out there, you know, It's so pretty. Nefcho almost lost his mind laughing.
Starting point is 00:31:34 Yeah, right. And I'm having to look at him the way, they're looking at him like, what in the world is wrong with you? I'm having to look at him like, I know what's wrong with you, but what in the world is wrong with you? You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:31:50 And that kind of got me like paying attention more. There is an assumption here that, I don't think used to exist. You know, we've talked about how, like, people used to not talk about politics or care. The hell with all of them kind of used to be the line. Right. Everyone here just assumes if you live here, you're super right-wing. Of course.
Starting point is 00:32:11 It's like as much as they do Christian, as freely as they reference Jesus, they now reference right-wingism. Right. It's become the religion, intertwined. I mean, it, I, I guess. You could, you know, push back on this. for sure, but I've kind of thought that, like, they all, that they always sort of had that assumption and everybody around them believed the same things that they believed,
Starting point is 00:32:37 and then we're like, are shocked to find out that they didn't. But now they are much more vocal about all of it. Like what Corey said earlier about being at that party, and it's literally all they talk about. They did not used to be that way. I don't care what nobody says they did not. They didn't. But, like, granted, there weren't memes, but still.
Starting point is 00:32:53 I don't know if they all thought everybody was a Republican, because I just feel like there were known Democrats. Yeah, they didn't give a shit. But maybe you're right. Dude, I had a chick. It just was, I've just been a observant. I know the Jesus part has always been there because I'd like.
Starting point is 00:33:12 Yes, 100% there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm agreeing with that 100%. I'm saying that now you can add, so as part of the cultural, that's a culture thing of like, I think if you were brown, and you were in certain countries, people would just assume you're Muslim.
Starting point is 00:33:29 If you were in Israel, people just assume you're Jewish. People in the South and the small towns just assume you're Christian. They now just assume you're a Republican too. For sure, dude. Without thinking about it. It's not an active assumption. It is a benign subconscious assumption. Dude, what's crazy is like there's still people around here who know me.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Like, they know that I'm a comedian. Like, they know that. and they some of them still assume it about me like this girl I saw he said that this is that's what just happened and he knows I've been in California yeah so they know from like my mom or whatever on Facebook but they don't you know they don't know enough clearly right well these like so I ran in this girl not long ago and I'm in the gas station and did I tell this story about this is a girl who thanks your Chinese no no no no I haven't told this story so I run in this girl this girl girl who I graduated with a brother. I know who she is. I hadn't seen her in a long time. Older or younger. Younger. I sort of make eye contact.
Starting point is 00:34:31 I'm like, oh, she don't know who I am or whatever. Anyways, I'm someone over, and she like kind of cuts in front me. I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get to the, you know, water, whatever I'm like. She definitely don't know who I am. She sits up and looks at me and she goes, hey, will you tie my shoe? I don't feel like bending down. So I'm like, oh, she does remember me.
Starting point is 00:34:51 and she clearly thinks we're more friendly than we are, but hey, whatever. So I go and I tie her shoe or whatever, and I look up and she goes, hi, I'm and tells me your name, and I go, yeah, I'm Corey. And she goes, oh, my God, oh my God, you're Cory Forrester. And I was like, who'd you think I was? She goes, I'll be honest with you.
Starting point is 00:35:12 And she kind of looks up at me. And she goes, I thought you were homeless. I'm wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt. And so I'm internalizing this. And I didn't say it out loud, but I might. I didn't say it out loud, but I'm like, so you just wanted a homeless food to tie your fucking shoe, you know? Why? And I go, I go, wait me, homeless.
Starting point is 00:35:29 She goes, well, look at how you're dressed. I'm wearing, I'm wearing, listen, hold on now. This is where it gets real good. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants. I go, yeah, she's wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants, right? And I go, I'm wearing the same shit as you. And then she goes. Hers say juicy across the boat.
Starting point is 00:35:47 Yeah, right, exactly. Well, here's where I know she knows my fucking. deal. You know what I mean? She goes, yeah, but like, you're like famous. You're like kind of famous. And I was like, no, I'm not. She goes, yeah, but you're famous. You should be dressing different. Right. So when she says that, it clearly shows that she knows that I'm a comedian who has had a modicum of success, right? There's no other reason for her to say that. So I'm sitting there and I'm like, yeah, I has your brother, whatever. And she ignores all that. And she goes, so Trump, huh? Trump. And I was like, what about him? And she goes,
Starting point is 00:36:17 voting for him, right? And I was like, are you shitting me right now? Because again, she knows who I am. And I go, no. And she goes, what? Are you serious? And I go, what? I was like, dude, fuck that. She's like, why ain't you voting for Trump?
Starting point is 00:36:30 And I was like, we don't have enough time to talk about this at this gas station, but I'm not. And then it like, it hit me. I was like, how the fuck do you know who I am? You know who I am from this town. You know that I've had a little bit of success. I feel like most people would know that that cess was at least slightly attached to who it is that I am as a person. Then we get up to the fucking The fucking whatever the cash register
Starting point is 00:36:55 And she's like She asked the lady behind the cash register Who is you know To say this nicely Looks like she's Well seen better She's meth out The monsterly meth at them
Starting point is 00:37:09 Yeah right And she looks at the lady behind the gas station And she goes You're voting for Trump right And she goes bitch I'm a felon I ain't voting And I'm like hell yeah I'm like well that
Starting point is 00:37:19 shut that down. And she goes, hey, put your shit up here. Like, getting to me. She just put your shit up here. And I was like, what she goes, I'm buying, I'm buying his stuff because he's clearly a Biden supporter. And so he needs it. You know what I mean? And I was like, no, don't. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And then I was like, this bitch made me tie her shoe. I was like, all right. And I grabbed some other shit. And I threw it to fuck out there and made her pay for it or whatever. Then so that happens. It's like, you know who I am, yet you still think, like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:37:45 In her mind, she's like, what you're doing is a bit. That's a bit. You're really, for Trump. And then the other day, someone who knows all of this about me was like, so where are you going to church now? And I was like, oh, I don't go to church. And like, dude, like the shock on their face that I don't go to church was crazy. And I'm like, am I not, am I not being vocal enough about how much y'all don't hit for me? Because it seems like I'm not. Yeah, I would definitely think in a town like Chickamauga that that would all be, but maybe it's like, they know, it's like, oh yeah, he's a town queer. But it's like, even in their minds, even the town queer still goes to church somewhere. Like, you don't.
Starting point is 00:38:19 I mean, they still can't. Oh, he's Presbyterian now. Yeah. Right. But, okay, Drew, what do you? I wasn't there. I didn't hear this actual lay chick say any of this stuff. I'm with, but like, between the shoes to start with, then the homeless part and the Trump part in her.
Starting point is 00:38:37 That's what I was about to say. All that together, I think she was like purposefully trolling or fucking with him the whole time. Yeah, maybe. Amber thought she's trying to fuck me. I just don't know. She might have been flirting with you or whatever at first or as part of it too, because that was sort of the first thing, too, with the shoe tie. But, like, the way that all played out, it sounded like,
Starting point is 00:38:59 but it also kind of sounds like she thought you knew. She's not smart enough to have planned the shoe tie and, oh, my God, I didn't know who you were. After that, maybe she's trolling out. But that part, no, she genuinely didn't know who I was. Now, granted, dude, she hadn't seen me in a long time. And the homeless thing sounded like when you make a joke when you're feeling defensive. Right. Who did you think I was? Oh, some homeless guy. Look at you.
Starting point is 00:39:25 She said it with like a lot of sincerity. Like I really thought you were homeless. And again, I was like, so you saw a homeless person and you were like, I bet he'll tie my shoe because I don't feel like. And is that a, are the two things related, even if in that moment she didn't know you were who you are, even if that's true. Is that kind of related, meaning like she's like trying to subjugate or humiliate a homeless person? Like, I'll make this humble person, like, do this for me just because they're, like, you know, bugs. They exist. What else would it be? You know what I mean? She could have tied her fucking shoes. Yeah, like, they're totally worthless. I can't make them fucking, you know, tie my shoes for me because that's the place that they belong is kneeling before me or whatever.
Starting point is 00:40:08 Then she realized it was you. And then the rest of it was a different version of that same kind of mentality. Right. Dude, you just crossed paths with potentially an insane, like, that could have gone so much wilder potentially. Yeah. In another lifetime, if she was hitting on you, you could be dead right now. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:40:30 Because in another lifetime, I know what I'd have done. I know exactly what I'd have done. Yeah. And I know exactly what I'd done. You end up getting drugs and fentanyl, fitting all them titties in your mouth. That's right. Right. So I wanted, Drew said something earlier. He said the guy said like he was describing bears. Y'all know about the great bear debate? I heard about today.
Starting point is 00:40:56 Yeah. So for people that don't know, I'm sure everybody does, it started on TikTok and spread like wildfire around all the recesses of the internet. Started with women asking other women or women like answering a prompt on TikTok. If you're walking alone in the woods, would you rather encounter a man or a bear? either of which you don't know, like a strange man or a strange, like, yeah, people know bears. Like, oh, that's my buddy to bear. Hey, Graham, what I'm, what, Coo? What's up, poo? Pooh and the gang out here.
Starting point is 00:41:23 What's up? Woo, boo. You got that honey on you. Yeah. Looking good. A shirt with no pants on. I like it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:33 Right. So anyway, yes. But a strange man or a bear. And like, I guess pretty much universal, almost universally across the board, they were saying bear. And then dudes got, and their feelings about it initially. And then it just,
Starting point is 00:41:46 it just, the discourse swirled around it from there. But anyway, I just wonder what y'all thought about that. Dudes, a lot of dudes seem to prove the women, the women right in that they should, uh,
Starting point is 00:41:57 encounter the bear because like, what I think is like most women who said, I'd rather encounter a bear are being, they're being funny. Like, they obviously know a bear. I'm saying most of them, not all of them.
Starting point is 00:42:11 I don't think that's true based upon what I I watched. Okay. But there was at least some of them who were like, oh, I'll tell you what, I'd rather encounter a bear. But if you really put them in that situation and they could turn the bear really quickly into a man, they'd probably shit their pants and go, I'll take the dude. But the point still is like, I get what they're saying. It's like, yeah, you're, you know, people say they're actually more than likely to get attacked by a man than a bear. Counterpoint, that's because you don't go around fucking bears. You know what I'm saying? But like, all the dude's response was like, some of them, these neck beard motherfuckers was like,
Starting point is 00:42:43 terrifying and I was like, dude, hell, I'd choose the bear. I mean, this is too nerdy and granular, I guess, but like, I think it, the bear, you said, you know, whatever you said about bear, bears be different, obviously, and like, black bears is like almost harmless to people. They're like real skittish, they're afraid of people. Brown bears that can go either way. And like, polar bears will
Starting point is 00:43:08 straight fuck your shit up. And like, if it was specifying, if this was only, for Alaskan women and it was specifying polar bears or whatever. Now, would you also, if you do that, do you have to specify the men to? You know, white men, white men. Sure, right. Yeah, but like, and then I saw dude saying, hell, I'd rather run into a bear or whatever. And, I mean, I don't feel that way.
Starting point is 00:43:30 I get, no. I get how women feel that way. Don't get me wrong. But, like, as a dude, because I don't want to run into a bear. I mean, bear don't head. As a dude, if you're talking about like a hiking trail, obviously. cross past another dude. If you're talking about
Starting point is 00:43:46 middle of, if you're talking about deep middle of nowhere, I get, I get to a certain extent, like the way your spine tingles if you're like, man,
Starting point is 00:43:55 they ain't supposed to be nobody else out. Right. Yes. And like, I'm smarter than a bear. Is it a person I know? Humans are more deadly.
Starting point is 00:44:03 No, it's a stranger in both. Okay. I was going to say, if it's a person I know who will talk to me, I'll take the bear. Yeah, 100%.
Starting point is 00:44:09 Especially if the bear will talk to me. Yeah. I saw, so I heard about it or whatever and then it was like whatever. And then it came across my feet again and I saw, and I don't know if this is what started it, but somebody asking women the question. And I saw them process it. Like, excuse me, may ask you a question?
Starting point is 00:44:30 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I saw women go, okay, some bears won't bother you, right, as long as you get them off. And the person was like, yeah, some. And they were like, yeah, this is a bear. Yeah. So, like, I didn't feel like it was them doing a bit. I felt like it was them going, oh, yeah, I think bear. Right. And, like, moving on. And then the internet made it, you know, a thing. Because if you get, if you can initially get away from the bear, the bear won't, like, try to hunt you down and shit. He'll be off with it. But a dude, he'll be like, I'm fucking coming to get your ass. So, like, yeah. Right. And it's like, I know, you know, I'm sure we've all experienced. I'm sure every man has experienced this. And, you know, you know,
Starting point is 00:45:13 because women have experienced far worse. But like, you know, I've had it happen to me where like a woman was clear. Like, remember I experience it every day. The lady I bought my Ford Explorer I used to have years ago, I bought it used off this lady, a single woman. She owned this Ford Explorer. It was in good shape. I saw it on Craigslist.
Starting point is 00:45:32 She wanted to meet up very public place. Of course, why would I want to meet anywhere else other than a public place? But like, she wouldn't do it unless she had to like schedule it to make sure that someone else was with her. Like she wouldn't. And I even tried to be like, well, I've got, you know, a two-year-old and a three-year-old. They'll probably be with me. Like, I tried to put that out there to make, you know, but she's just like, they won't
Starting point is 00:45:53 be mine, but I'll have them by then. Yeah, sure. But like they, but you could just tell she was like, I'm not going to be alone around this dude. And even just recently, like I was in a hotel I was staying at, got into a elevator. And there was a lady by herself. And she was like walking up to the elevator. So I held the door.
Starting point is 00:46:12 Yeah. And she, like, you know, wouldn't get in. And then after the door closed, I saw her pushing the button to, like, get an elevator or whatever. And so when stuff like that happens, I cannot help. But my knee-jerk reaction is just like, what the fuck? God damn. I'm not rape. I don't be rape.
Starting point is 00:46:29 I would never rape. Come on now. Like, I'm a sweetheart. Like, I think that. But then I have to think, like, but, you know, they don't know that. Ted Bundy looks like a sweetheart. Why the dudes do be rape. Right.
Starting point is 00:46:38 Yeah, exactly. So, you know. I mean, I get him. Dude, every day, literally every day when I'm walking in the park, it's that Malini bit. Like every fucking day, I'm not kidding, every day that happens to me. I hate that so much when that happens. Because it's like, what do you do?
Starting point is 00:46:53 You know what I mean? It's like, I know that, yeah, you accidentally fall in behind a woman walking by herself. I turn around. And then I'm like, but then I swear, every time I turn around, I'm like, I bet she thinks I'm doubling back. You know what I mean? Like, I bet she thinks I'm doubling back. Now, like, and the thing is like, now I've been walking in the park,
Starting point is 00:47:11 seven days a week for like three fucking years. There's a lot of women who like they know, like I see them often now. So first I was like, so it's not as weird when I see when I know. And I'm like, I bet those women are even scared because they're like, he knows my patterns.
Starting point is 00:47:25 You know what I mean? He's been out here every fucking day. And like, yeah, I always like, I keep my headphones in and I just avoid eye contact. And it's just like, how you doing?
Starting point is 00:47:33 You know, whatever. But it's like, I feel, again, as awkward as I feel, I'm like, they have to be fucking terrified.
Starting point is 00:47:40 Because I, I mean, I like to think I don't look harmless, but I am a dude in the woods, you know? Right. Yeah. I think that back to say that. He did. You said, I like to think I don't look harmless. Right. Which is like, that's like you'd be like, I have to think I look like I could, you know, kill somebody or with somebody's ass.
Starting point is 00:47:59 Sometimes. But I wouldn't. It would offend me if a woman, like, verbally was like, oh, I'm glad to run into you. You look like you couldn't harm a fly. That wouldn't piss me off. What time I was walking through the parking lot of a grocery store? with like bags in my arms, you know? And I had like my keys on like my finger or something like that.
Starting point is 00:48:18 And I'm fucking shuffling through there. And the key, I dropped the key off my finger. And as soon as I do, as soon as I dropped them on, I went like, you know, like at myself. Like, God damn it. But I didn't say, God damn it. I just went like, oh, you know, like because I was having that kind of day. Like, fuck everything.
Starting point is 00:48:33 Fuck. You know, but all, the only sound I made was, and this lady like yelt beside me, who I didn't even see. She was like three feet away from me leaning into her car, like fucking moving shit around or whatever. And I didn't even know she was there. And I mean, she was terrified. But which I mean, again, I get it.
Starting point is 00:48:52 It sounds like I literally growled not at her, but to her, it seemed like I growled at her. So I mean, I had. Yeah. All right. I got to tell two stories. The first one, y'all tell me what you think. I was hiking. there's this park in North Knoxville.
Starting point is 00:49:12 It was when I was living over in Knoxville, the time in between New York and L.A. And I would go there in the afternoons, almost every day. And at the top is where that radio station is. You might have been there once or twice straight. That one that was way up on the hill in North Knox. I've been there to do press interviews a few times. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Yeah, I remember that radio. So if you go right there's the radio station. If you go left, there's a park up right at the top, and there's a lot of people that park up there. It is a known hot spot for hot gay action. I was about saying gay sex. It is in fact where that super anti-gay senator got arrested in a sweep. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:49:56 So, and then not charged and released. So I'm at the bottom. When it comes to hot gay sex, I'm a bottom. That's a, like, it's not that long of, walk, but the way the roads work, it's almost like that's a different part of town. I don't really know how to explain it, but like the radio station is across a railroad track and then up the hill. So like, I didn't even realize in my head that I was hiking in the same park. There's only one reason that's relevant to the story, which I will get to. I'm walking,
Starting point is 00:50:27 and then there's a woman kind of coming down the path. And when you get on the path, it's a bike trail, so there's a few different trails in the middle where you can go different ways. and I see her coming at me and I see her look at me and I and then it's like what we're like like I know what she's thinking and I don't know what to do. I almost just turned around and left. Right. And then I was like, okay. Just go, hey girl. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:53 Then do I wave? Like I'm not. Right. Do I try to figure out what path to take the doctor? There's only one way to do that though. Watch her. Yeah, yeah. Carefully.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Yeah. And then plot out her path. Yeah, she's standing there like, like that. I'm like, fuck it. Head down. Right. Won't look at her. Always.
Starting point is 00:51:16 Move slowly. Just kind of keep hiking, right? Mm-hmm. She comes right for me. So much so that I was so tense about not like disturbing her that when she's just right in front of me all of a sudden, it scared the fuck out of me. And she's like the short, like petite, like 40-year-old woman. and she goes,
Starting point is 00:51:38 excuse me, do you know where the nearest gas station is? And I go, oh, hmm, well, I'd have to think about it. There's a shell off Broadway and Chickamauga.
Starting point is 00:51:56 I think I start to explain. I'm looking at her. She has super slutty clothes on. Every woman listening right now is going to call me ridiculous for what I'm about. to say, especially in the context of this conversation, where women just want to be left alone. In retrospect, I now fully believe in my heart that this woman was trying to enact some
Starting point is 00:52:17 weird, wood sex anonymous fantasy. It's so funny if she assaulted you after all that. Her pits were so out, and that doesn't mean she wanted to fuck. I know that everybody, but the whole scene of- She wasn't scared of you. Well, I tried very much to not be near her. she got right in my face and then when she said that and I was like oh I think it's over here she kind of went like she looked up at me and she was like this is like a porn scenario this is penthouse yeah this is all the walk through the woods and a like scampily clad fluter comes up to you and it's like yes so so porn scenario tray that it was like three hours later yeah that all this went like this in my brain I know what you did back to it I was like God that was so weird
Starting point is 00:53:07 and man, like her tits were out. Yeah, yeah. She hiking with her tits out. Man, why'd she hang? You know, the only other thing I can think is like she needed help of some sort, and she thought this is the only way a man will help me. But then, like, why didn't she tell me, hey, there's a fucking dude back here. She could have been some kind of wood siren, wood siren, succubus spirit lady, you know,
Starting point is 00:53:32 who was like trying to joan you, you know what I mean? She would have ruined my life. It would be great. You know that the fan theory about Jolene that she's like a malevolent spirit who's taking these men's souls or whatever? Dude, I met Joanne. Yeah, maybe you did. I met her trashier sister. You were obviously with Andy at this time, correct?
Starting point is 00:53:51 Oh, and as a person, yes. I thought you meant in the woods. No, no, no. I meant like, were y'all together? Yes. Yes. It was, this is just incidental. The rockiest time of our relationship.
Starting point is 00:54:05 Not at all suggesting that if I had to realize what was going down, I would have changed anything about that scenario. I was about to say, God tested you, boy. Woo. It's fun. It's like, he doesn't go anywhere else for the woods. It's like, well, I guess I'm going to have to put the whore in the woods. We want this trial to go down.
Starting point is 00:54:24 God and the devil had to bet about me, but it was that I was too stupid to sin. Yeah, right. The devil was like, nah, he'll figure it out. And God was like, you don't get it. He's dumb as fuck, dude. You can put her tits right out. I guarantee you he won't get it. Another report, this is a Morgan kind of report from today.
Starting point is 00:54:42 And you were talking about that lady meeting you, even, you know, asking you, oh, two and three-year-old. I wanted to make the joke. The three-year-old is not a tie-noughts. My dad was, I was like, oh, I'm selling my Highlander. I think Andy wants a RAV-4. And he's like, oh, those are good cars. And then he just, of course, just as meeting like,
Starting point is 00:55:05 I went with Peanut. He picked his up at 07. We went in there at Chattanooga. Bought up some Mexican boy. Mm-hmm. And he met him, you know, in a parking lot. I said, peanut, what kind of gun you're taking? He said, what?
Starting point is 00:55:20 Right. You're going over at a $7,000 car. You're going to have the cash on you. Right. Well, what are we doing here? And I was like, yeah, where'd you meet him at? And he goes, the parking lot of a Bass Pro shop. And I said, well, I'm sure a lot of people had guns on.
Starting point is 00:55:35 on him and he goes, I did. I had it in my hoodie pocket with my hand on it the whole time. And he goes, and I bet that little Mexican boy had his on him and his hand on it the whole time just in case I was trying to get weird with something. And
Starting point is 00:55:51 you know what? We were both safe for it. Right. Yeah. That's the American way. I just realized how easy it would be to kill my ass. I mean, I think about that all the time. But how is he I'd be to get killed? Not me, but I mean, also you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:05 I mean, we've talked about it before how, but not just poisoning or whatever. It's like, you know, I'll think every now and then it's like, my whereabouts are publicized by me all the time. Yeah. I never, you could, I'd be, I would be the easiest person to murder on this earth, I believe. Yeah. Like, or, you know, I genuinely think I'm in the top half. Of easy to get murdered? No.
Starting point is 00:56:29 Oh, yeah, yeah. I think you're fine. Maybe top 20%. It's hard to murder me. There are plenty of people who can physically overpower me. That's why I'm not putting myself in the top two. But, like, I'm very anxious. I'm ornery as fuck.
Starting point is 00:56:39 If I start to feel it's all fight or flight. It just, it's all, speaking of flying, I am about to shit myself. I really need to go. So we've got like eight minutes left. You guys can roll without me? I'm sorry. Corey, can I hang up and it not fuck up the street? I got you.
Starting point is 00:56:54 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Cool. I love you guys. Free. Thank you, buddy. I think if, I think Drew has to be right because he would have been murdered by now. you know, if it was easy to murder.
Starting point is 00:57:07 Yeah. Well, I'm just like, I'm also like I'm so, you know, I've made enemies, right? Not purposefully, but there's a lot of people for whom I do not hit, people who are probably unhinged and insane. I'm utterly oblivious. Like that, like that Pat and Oswald bit about it's like, can't see murder when it's three feet from his face or whatever. Like, I'm one of those people. Yeah, right. Like, I just don't pick up on shit.
Starting point is 00:57:32 Yeah. Like, you know, because I'm in my own world all the time or whatever. the case may be. Also, it's like I'm so inclined to like be immediately nice to a person. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like if someone comes up fucking looking all wild eyeing shit like that, I'll be like, I better get my wallet out and probably won't change. You know what I made?
Starting point is 00:57:48 Something like that. Like I don't want to upset him. I'll buy your mixtape. God damn it. And then I just get shot smooth to death right on everybody or whatever. I do. I frighten easy and I am a little neurotic. So maybe I might, if there was true danger, run.
Starting point is 00:58:05 but then not like I can run fast but also it's just like yeah like I think about that all the time it's like dude everybody knows where I fucking be on this earth you know what I mean and like they could just you know but it's really the poison the poisoning part would be
Starting point is 00:58:23 the poisoning bro like it's nothing I just anybody anybody bring me anything that looks like it hits to eat at a show or whatever I'm gonna eat it you know or like send me a drink on stage. Like I'm going to drink it.
Starting point is 00:58:37 You know, like, yeah, no questions asked. Looks like a hits. I mean, you take pills off the floor. Speaking of... Always in yourself. Yeah, yeah. Speaking of hits to eat, where have you been lately and where are you about to be?
Starting point is 00:58:55 Because I want to know what you've been going in on because I want to live vicariously through you because I'm, you know, I'm on like a cholesterol-free fucking shit right now. So I kind of need to watch. you eat. The last, I'm in a big spell of not many shows, but that's about to end, like, next weekend, and then it's like hot and heavy again.
Starting point is 00:59:14 The last, like, run I had was Vancouver and Seattle. What did I? Oh, in Seattle, I went to a Cambodian place and got these, like, you know, noodles, Cambodian noodles that was, like, fucking fire. They also, though, they had an appetizer. I was very intrigued by. They had stuffed chicken wings. So it's like a chicken wing, they shoved a bunch of Cambodian mess up in.
Starting point is 00:59:39 Like a turduckin, but meat, but also some kind of grain and like a lot of Spite, Cambodian spices, I guess. And it was like, and little bitty tiny like what of rice noodles, like the noodles that sort of like glass. Racine, something. Fuck. Yeah, I know what they are and they hit for me. Asia grits.
Starting point is 01:00:01 Chicken wing stuff with that. And it was like, that part was a disappointment, but the noodles were insane. And in Vancouver, I got in with no time to spare before the show. And I just had to eat like a sandwich from the like from downstairs or whatever. But then afterwards, Canadians about hear this and scoff at this. I don't know. Have you heard of Japan, Japan dog, Japan dogs, it's like Japan dogs, but there's no end in it. It's all one word.
Starting point is 01:00:31 So, I mean, I don't know how to say this. Zappa dogs. Yeah, right. Anyway, like Asian hot dogs? Right, yes. So when I pulled up, they had a cart outside the hotel. And maybe I'm making this up.
Starting point is 01:00:44 But when I saw that in my head, I was like, I've heard of that. That's like a thing. That's a thing they have. I want to try that. Went over there. They didn't take American Express. That's when I had to eat the sandwich. After the show, though, they opened late.
Starting point is 01:00:57 And I got like three Asian hot dogs, you know, with all this wild shit on it, and some putteen, of course. so I was in Canada and that smashed. And then, yeah, and that's the last trip I've been on recently. But I'm going to Oklahoma City soon, so it'll be barbecue and whatnot. And, you know, but yeah, you asked the question at an inopportune time because I haven't been. And even at home, I've been almost exclusively cooking or trying to because we bought this house. And it's like I'm terrified all the time of money.
Starting point is 01:01:28 I mean, you know. Yeah, right. Yeah. No, I hear you. We wouldn't have bought it if we couldn't afford it. But at the same time, I'm just because I'm. the way I am. It's like, we're eating rice and beans and shit over here.
Starting point is 01:01:38 I mean, I'm not, I'm not that way like you are. However, we're in a similar boat, which is Amber has just retired. And if we weren't doing well enough, then she wouldn't have retired. However, since she's retired, I'm like, okay, I'm a meal prep. You know, right? Yeah, that's exactly. So I haven't been, so I ain't been, I ain't been going in recently like I do for those reasons. But fret not, it'll come back.
Starting point is 01:02:02 It's just right around the corner. speaking of all that. Like I said, Oklahoma City is up next, the 13th through the 16th, I think, or somewhere around it. No, no, 16th through the 18th, I believe. And then Buffalo and Pittsburgh and a bunch of other places after that, go trycrowder.com. Check it out. Hell yeah. Also, yeah, go to bonus cori.com. That's where I do all my extra stuff. I appreciate all the people who upgraded from a free subscriber to a paid subscriber this week. That super hits, especially because like I said, my wife retired. But other than that, man, hey, check out putting on airs.
Starting point is 01:02:33 That is our other podcast wherein we talk about fancy shit. I think that you would really, really enjoy it. This week I will be concluding my speak, whatever the fuck, on, what was I talking about? Lloyds of London. Yeah. Lloyds of London, the very insane insurance place from London. We'll also have to look at the wildest looks and freshest fits from this year's Mechala, which is tonight, I think. Yes, I forgot.
Starting point is 01:03:02 We did a whole MetGala special last year. Yeah, we get to do that one. Last year we did like the background and stuff. I figure this year we'll just go to a slideshow of the whatever. Because you know they're going to get wild as well. Oh, yeah. They always do. And they have to one up themselves every year.
Starting point is 01:03:16 Like they, somebody's eventually going to literally be wearing an actual duck. You know what I mean? Like it's going to happen. Well, yeah. And check that out wherever you get your podcast or at watch p.O.A.com. Also, thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do.
Starting point is 01:03:37 Thank you, God bless you, good night and skew. Also buy our book, skew.

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