wellRED podcast - #39 - Pre-Indictment Party in D.C.! (+ The Boys are Back on The Sauce!)

Episode Date: November 1, 2017

Hell of a weekend in our Nations Capital! The boys discuss Trump, forced patriotism, Mexican food, Conspiracy Theories, issues with Booze, and a whole lot more! wellredcomedy.com for tickets to shows!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skewniverse, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery, getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,

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language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app,

lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that a reply gift for?

Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help.

If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions or reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the 90% of households that join Peloton early in the year are still active a year later. Because of cycling?

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New members only, not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepellaton.ca slash home dash trial. What's up, everybody? It's your boy the show. Tickets as always, well-read comedy.com. Spelled just like the podcast, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com. we're basically going to be everywhere. Just go check that out.

I shouldn't even have to tell you all of them because it's just listed right there. It's real fucking easy and awesome. And also, you know, I get out of breath every time I try to read them all. This weekend we're going to be, or this week, November 7th, Gramercy Theater in New York,

New York for the New York Comedy Festival. First show sold out. Second show still got some tickets. Wellreadcom.com for everything. Also, subscribe, tell your friends, and all that good stuff. you. Join us on Patreon for bonus episodes of extra stupidity.

Love you, love you, love you, love you. Skew. Well, well, well. So, Trey, you, we moved a couch to do this podcast. In the green room. We slid it over. There was just a water sitting there

and you mindlessly drank it. Just now. Because we moved the couch like an hour ago. And then we recorded a podcast. that won't go out. This is my fault, because it's only Corey's audio. We sat here and talked about 25 minutes.

We solved all the world's problems. Really? We had 25 minutes. I think there was a poem involved. We talked about... Me and Drew didn't have our mics on. So, yeah, now it's 30 minutes later. We just discovered that and we've restarted.

And while we were talking about it, I reached down, grabbed this bottle of water, and just mindlessly took it. Was it sealed? No. Hell no. That's just Artie Lang's insulin. There's no telling who you drank after.

I know. That's the thing. And we're comedians. There's a whole mural on the wall behind you of people you could have just drank. Now, we're on this mural at the DC Improv, which is where we're at right now. And that hits. That's it. We're by our buddy, Burke Chrysher.

Having deja vu. It's like we said this earlier. We're also drinking running bird tea. We are doing that. And this is going to sound like a commercial, or at least it did the last time. we talked about it but we did want to shout them out a company here sent us tea because they know we like sweet tea and they have all these flavors it's called running bird b y r d which is spelled like my mother's maiden name so these are my people uh george bird is that what you said

the founder's papal's name is george yeah he's the original running bird he's the original running bird anyway we like this tea it hits it looks like a cassowary on the cover we already went over that i don't want to do it again i'm so upset I'm so sorry. We talked about cassouaries. We talked about D.C. And how it both hits and don't hit. We talked about Mexican food.

We talked about getting real high. Now we're just talking about what we talked about. It's pretty hilarious. I did see a cassowary in a while. That is worth mentioning again, I think. With there's only like 200 in the wild or 2000 or some shit. It's not a lot. They're that endangered?

Yeah, man. Now, there's some in captivity. I'm just, I found out what it was an hour ago. And now I'm like, really? Yeah. They're that in danger. there's more than that. Yeah.

Yeah. A thing I didn't even fucking know. Yeah. And they're, and they're, uh, they're mean. They're just barely smaller than ostriches,

and they attack humans. They're straight up dinosaurs. They're wild as hell. They put like, are they edible? We put on, well, they're birds.

We put on Twitter that we wanted a baby dinosaur. Maybe we just need to get a baby ostrich. I'm down with that. I rode an ostrich one time. Well, nothing has ever checked out more for me than that sentence. Can you say it again? I rode an ostrich one time.

Please give us the context. My papal had an ostrich. Thought it hit to ride it. One of the three times I ever saw... My papa had an ostrich. One of the three times I ever saw him in my life included was his funeral. But as I went to his farm, he had horses, and he had just got this ostrich, and I was little. And he basically was just like, put Corey up on that ostrich.

Hey, boy, I ain't know I ain't been around ever. Ride that ostrich for my entertainment. And I did ride that ostrich. And it hit, and I hit doing it. I guarantee. Yeah. So you had a papal that you only met twice. Put him on that ostrich.

Yeah. And one of the two times you saw him alive, he put you on a live ostrich. Mm-hmm. Hits. Yeah. Everything about this is unreal. Is this the one that drove John Gotti around? It was not John Gotti fucking, oh my God, he's...

Jimmy Hoffa? Jimmy Hoffa, yeah, the one that drove Jimmy Hoffa around. Yeah. Wildcat. I can't, yeah, it's like somehow you're distilled. You're a distilled version of your family's DNA. He also is the one that got shot in the belly trying to steal air conditioner unit and had to have a veterinary unit and had to have a veterinarian sew him up because he couldn't risk going to the hospital. You wrote, I, I've told that before, ain't I?

Yeah. Your Papo sounds like a dude who also had a cult in L.A. in a 70s. Dude, he's unreal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he's unreal, man. Like the song, it doesn't relate to me so much, but the song along a long. line of losers that Montgomery Gentry I talked about this too?

All of this. Okay. Well, never mind. Never mind then. Yeah, but the more I hear about him, where was the loser part? Well, he was a deadbeat father. He had an That ain't a loser. That's a shitty person. Oh, right. Well, no, then he was not a loser. No, hell no. I mean, he fucking

ran cocaine from Miami all the way up Chattanooga. He had a whole thing doing that. He ran prostitutes. He did that. Married one. What up? Pull one out. So, yeah, she was his, as they say in the industry, bottom bitch? Is it bottom bitch?

I thought it was Maine. Main bitch or bot? This bottom bitch twos. Ain't it, Tray? It's hilarious and both y'all are looking at me for confirmation of this right now. There's episode South Park where Butters pimps and I think he calls the girl his bottom bitch. I think that's what it was. I think that that means you're the worst one.

Yeah, actually that makes sense. I don't know. Well, he married his main bitch. Oh, yes. The nuance of pimp culture. Yeah. Anyway He married his main bitch

Rang cocaine And yeah He got into ostrich farming Got it Yeah he just had to One though Which I thought was rude So I kind of want to

Oh well first of all In Salina There's my hometown Town of you know 800 people Whatever tiny There's an ostrich farm A shitty redneck zoo

Basically This motherfucking dude Why don't we go there The next time we're in Tennessee Please Because y'all Just won't come to Salina, I don't blame me.

True. Corey refuses. I should say, I have been. You've been. I did comedy. You refuse. I fell off the... You have refused.

I fell off the table I tried to do stand-up on and then had to do it on the crate. We walked into that. Don't say it like, I was like, gross Salina. That's not what I did. I just didn't want to do a show. Yo. Dude, have we talked about that show? I don't have it.

I can't remember if we ever not. I think we mentioned it, but what about when Rick walked in? Oh, all right. So, first of all. I booked a show in Salina, the only show I've ever done in Slina, my hometown, one of my best friends, Tiff, her mama had opened up a bar out on Pea Ridge, which is the most redneck part of Salina, which, God damn. Right. The most redneck part of the assholes. Exactly, yeah.

Purple is part of the dick. I mean, hell, that, you know, it hits out there, whatever. Hair is part of the beard. There you go, whatever, all that. Shiny as part of the nickel. She opened a bar up out there that was an old gas station, right? And it was, and I'm doing air quotes now, converted into a bar. What I mean is she just brought a bunch of beer out of this gas station and turned on the fucking skinner.

No, she did build a bar. I remember there was a bar bar bar. That sounds awesome. There weren't no air conditioning. It was. fucking and we got there in the stage no shit at all Corey and I mean not that you will find it's hard to believe

but the stage was milk crates with a warped piece of plywood laid over the top of them over in the corner and uh just in the back yeah and it was an ambush show and but it was red as fuck out there son

we actually had a microphone I think we had a mic a small piano karaoke machine yes yeah yeah and dude and like I mean it was red But it just looked like the red characters in our lives. For the listeners, it was supposed to be me, Drew, Rick, who's been on the show before, and Corey. And Corey, I've told the story on here, I believe, about a Cookville show I had that Corey was on. Well, in much the same fashion as that show, Corey called me that day and said, my sister don't head, I can't come.

I don't even fucking know what it was, but he just said, I ain't coming, don't. So he didn't come with us, but me, Drew, and Rick go up there and Drew's wife. We get to this bar, walk in, and literally within 15 seconds of being there, Drew's wife, Andy, had had a poem recited to her by a drunk redneck about his dick or something like that. It was a great poem. It was in an iambic ricktameter. That's what it was in. And Rick was there in his full whaling whiskey attire, cowboy hat, sunglasses at night. That's the lunatic that was on our homecoming show for those of you who need context.

The second lunatic that was on our homecoming. Right, yeah. But cowboy hat, sunglasses at night, fucking, you know. Do you remember on the way in? Shirt probably or whatever. Do you remember on the way in? Skin boots, all that shit. Do you remember on the way in?

He's in the real shit. And on the way in, like, I don't remember if he's walking in front of us or behind him. behind us or maybe after we got there we got off the side but i said tray these people are going to hate waylon he goes by waylin on stage yeah and he was like yeah yeah they are and uh core you'll never believe this they did yeah huh yeah well dude it was like it was just funny because like i don't know seeing him there in that situation is like, you know, real bringing a knife to a gunfight type thing.

He tried to, now he did it. He did a stick. These motherfuckers playing a character right now. Right. Shit is real. Right. So.

No boy got beat literally nearly to death at that show that now. I have heard y'all talk about that a little bit, but over what was it now? Something doesn't hit. Yeah. Usually how it goes, this don't hit. Whop his ass.

That's pretty much what happens. This don't hit. You want to talk about it? Hell no. It might confuse listen. Not Rick. There's some other old boy. No, yeah.

I tried to get up on a table. They had booths. And I tried to get up on a table to, like, you know, command more presence and try to get the people playing pool to listen to me. The table bout broke. I nearly fell into this couple's lap. That would not have been good. It was a nightmare in terms of as a stand-up set from top to bottom.

But as a story, dude, I had a great time. We got hammered. We went to Kobe's garage. Hell yeah, we went to Colby's. Hell of a hell of a time, man. He had a nice garage, too. Kobe got a bunch of shows similar to that, but that's probably the raddest one.

But all the, like, New York and L.A. comedians that would, you know, that would say that we have not paid our dues at all. She did. Come to a show on P. Ridge and then talk to me, motherfucker. Yeah, I was not saying. Corey, that was also the next morning woke up, and Paige was like, hey, y'all won't go to Dairy Queen? And that is when I found out that Salina had a Dairy Queen.

And so going back to the... LA comics who say we don't pay our dues and shit. My response to that was, oh, really, Trey. You've been preaching this fucking tiny town, nothing hits and slant. Y'all got a fucking dairy quote. That's fancy. Where I'm from, we don't have stoplights.

We don't have any chains. We now have a dollar general, which is big doings, of course. We had a grocery store, but R.B. burn it down for the insurance money, as you do. We ain't got to get into all this again. I've done it plenty of times.

but like, I just feel obligated to point out, though, one of the reasons why it's not apples to apples is because y'all are not that far removed from other towns that do have those things. Who? So why is the fucking county seat of Clay County? It's the biggest town for fucking 50 miles in any direction. And ours is Wirtberg. And it's that small. Right.

Ours is Wurtberg. And I just didn't realize you grew up in Wartburg. I thought you grew up in Sombrite. But like, there is no Sunbrite in, that's Hermitage Springs. Sure. And I mean, yeah,

Hermitage Springs is fucking ridiculous. I'm being ironic, clearly. I'm over here talking about how fancy you are because you have a fucking dairy queen. I know what I'm saying. Like, it's, I think that that makes a difference.

Like, if you're talking about, you're from a really, really small town, but it's in a place with other, like, how many high schools are in Morgan County?

Four? Right. There's one in Clay County. It won't be bigger. And there's one and it's single A. That's what I'm saying, dude. Solana is rural as fuck. Dairy Queen, not with sands.

I think Clay County is rural as fuck. It is. But Salina's fancy. Y'all. I think it's so funny that like, bruh. I think it's so funny that, like, y'all play. You guys have so many things we don't have, Trey.

Traffic lots, Dairy Queen, black people. I know. I think it's so funny that, because y'all do this all the time. And we do, though. Like y'all play the like Shout to Skymole. No, my fucking town was shittier than yours.

Fuck you. My town was way shittier. My upbringing sucked worse. It's so funny. No, he got me beating upbrain' better. No, he does for sure. But I'm saying it's so funny because people do that like the jump off. I'm like rich ass people.

We're talking about no. We hit harder than you. We're rich than you. But then you just keep going down and it's like you want to brag about how shitty you have. There's a line. It's like rich people do that. Middle class probably brag about, you know, what they have. Like I got the bigger.

pool or whatever. Yeah. And then at some point on the diagram of economics, it flips. It's like, I'm the poorest one, God damn. It's a pride thing. You're like, I'll fuck you. I made it through with only this. You suck my dick.

We talked on here before about the red off that we had. Me and him when we first were getting know each other. Maybe, but let's do it again. Before an open mic started, me, him, and Jeff Blank. Who's from Rockwood, Tennessee. I remember. Had a red off. And Jeff quickly found out not to, you know, overuse a metaphor here.

that he was bringing a knife to a gunfight. Because he started out, we're all in. He was like, yeah, Rockwood, you know, there's only one Mexican, and everybody hates him, you know, or whatever. And that was the type of shit it was. Right. And then it just kept going. It escalated up to by the end of it.

I'm like, yeah, well, the girl I lost my opportunity to, her daddy shot and killed my uncle in cold blood. And Drew was like, yeah, well, my brother. And Jeff Blank was like, whoa, whoa, geez. And Jeff Blank literally, like, we both said that. And it, like, turned and looked at Jeff. And he was like, okay i can't fuck with that shit

i gotta bow out of this and you don't want to do this with alcoholism how about that to his credit he actually is who pointed out what we were doing at that moment he goes yeah i turns out i can't compete with you guys on who's the bigger redneck or whatever it was that he said hilarious

and that's when we realized we was having a red off so speaking of white trash shit or whatever we talked in the previous recording that corey fucked up about um he had one job i know about how i've got lots of jobs Because Corey was making a point on this, and I just want to know where he was going with it, because we didn't finish it, because we realized shit was fucked up. I was talking about the fact that...

This double hits because we're making fun of Corey, and he has to make a point. I'm not proud of this, but, like, so I live in Southern California now, and what I've been surprised to find is... Oh, Mexican food? The Mexican food there, it don't hit for me. But, like, I can objectively realize, like, this is more authentic and this is more true to what their cuisine is, and it's like objectively better. Right.

But I was raised my entire life on the white trash version of Mexican food. But me and Corey ain't buying that that is. You're fine. We got a visitor. Oh, hello. Oh, you're fine. We're doing good. We're doing great.

I would, may I get a Miller lot? Of course, we already drinking. We are, yeah. I told you we'd fuck up. I know. We fucked up and we started drinking again. We started drinking last night, yeah. Yeah.

Yes, ma'am. I think I'm good. Bourbon. Bullet. He didn't tell me that bullet. I just weren't regular, and you tell Luis, I'm upset with him that he didn't tell me y'all have a bullet. I want it on the rocks. Okay, so I'll be right back with those.

Thank you, ma'am. We saw the nachos. We're going to eat in between shows. We don't know how good they look. Thank you so much. Yes, ma'am. Thank you. So, anyway, I can objectively recognize that the Mexican food out there is, like, better and more authentic.

But I'm, I was raised on El Tapatio, Cookville, Tennessee, white trash, Mexican. food. And so like when I want Mexican, that's what I want. And you can't get it out there. And the most glaring omission for me is the fucking the cheese dip. The white cheese dip, they don't fucking have it out there. Well, that drives me insane. Because it's heroin. I want it so bad. This might be your point, Corey. And if it is, obviously you make it, however you're going to make it. But I'm not saying I buy that that's authentic Mexican just because it has a close proximity to Mexico. Like, California has a food culture. Everyone knows what it is. So maybe

they've adjusted to that just like they've adjusted in the south to ours my point was a lot worse but i'm gonna make it it was but you but you also said like no no they have plenty of the non-healthy stuff it's not a healthy right well it's not like a like uh you know hollywood right no no like tofu mexican thing that's not what i'm talking about let me let me say what i was gonna say bro i got some chicken mole the other day that was literally just chocolate sauce right no no no but here's where my brain was that when you were saying that because i thought what you were saying was, is that this healthy shit is more authentic Mexican

and I was just going to say there's no way that's true. On account of, Mexican's fat as fuck. They're the only ones that have gone toe to toe with us the South in the obesity and diabetes game and whooped our ass. I'm going to say whooped our ass. It ain't like, you know,

I'm sure that it's close. But Mexico is the most overweight. And Mexicans in America, they got the fattest kids. Yeah, they're hilarious and cute. I used to try and have a joke about how they have achieved the American dream. They got childhood obesity. That's got to be part of it.

Right. Like, they have arrived in that regard. Let me, and by the way, let me say this. I didn't just decide to arrive the conclusion. Mexicans are fat as fuck. I read a statistic like they have the most, they're the most. Mexico surpassed America in terms of obesity. It shocked me when that happened.

I started thinking about it. I was like, wow, I fucking get it, rice and beans and cheese. God damn. So his point is, he believes that perhaps Southern Mexican food. is more realistic. Yeah, because they fat as shit. There's, that, like, that just doesn't make any sense, though, man.

I mean, Southern California is. Well, that's like, it did when you were initially talking, man. When you were initially talking, you hadn't mentioned the, oh, and there's also the fatty shit. So, like, it did make a lot of sense. It made so much sense to me. Right, right. Did you tell Louise to go fuck himself?

Okay. Okay. You just said Drew's mad, and that's all you said. I said Drew's mad. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's Friday. We get it. It's his favorite thing to do.

That reminds me, what was it that you said to me that hurt my feelings but also hit for me on the podcast? I was about this Mexican food. I said, I was like, it can be authentic. I was like, well, yeah, that can be. No, that is what made me think of the Mexican. I said, you said it in response to me what I said. I said you can be.

But what did I say? that made you say it. I'm just saying something. I just said something can be right and may still hate it like Drew. Yeah. That hits and makes me sad. Yeah.

And then that's what made you think about it. Yeah. That's what prompted the Mexican. Because my favorite thing to be is right, but I don't like that you hate me. So that's a picture. It's a picture of Steve Mariochi. It is a picture of Steve Mariochi.

What else are we talking about? Well, speaking of Steve Mariochi and football. Oh, yeah. I know I'm going to ask you guys for the purpose, whatever. You guys saw. what Bob McNair, owner of the Texans said, correct? No, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, I thought we already talked about it.

We did. He's been funny. Oh, my bad. I'm stupid. Yeah, this is how it usually goes. Anyway, no, it's usually the way around where I'm trying to get you to lie. We've already covered that. He said that in terms of players kneeling and trying to figure out what to do about it as a league, he's one of the owners.

He said in an owner's meeting, we can't let the inmates run. the prison. Yeah. Poor choice of words. I don't think so. Obviously, it was for him and his goal, which is not to end up in the media for this shit. I think that's how they fucking feel about this shit. Do you know what I mean? Because, like... Oh, he chose his words correctly because that's what he meant. It's shitty that he means that.

Well, let me break it down in terms of that analogy. Let's say, give him the best benefit of the doubt you can. He didn't mean that they're inmates. He doesn't mean that they're criminals. He doesn't mean that they're evil. He didn't mean any of that, and he didn't mean to make the equivalent of all his players, most of whom are black, that they're all criminals. He didn't mean any of that. All he meant was, the people at the low end of the totem pole shouldn't have any say in how shit goes down. That's still kind of fucking shitty. It's still wrong. Of course it's shitty. Like, you have people literally sacrificing their bodies and their health, and yes, they're well-paid. Sure.

But they're sacrificing their bodies and their health and their time of their family so that you can own a team and be involved in this billion dollar industry. And your feeling is if they have a political idea you disagree with, well, fuck that. Who gives a shit? That's just no way to run a business. Exactly my point. Like if it was any other business, any, like I know some people who probably are sitting there hearing that going, yeah, that's how he should. They're his fucking, you know, not property. Subject.

They're his subject. And they would agree with that. But I was like, okay. But then they go to work. And they would never do that. Or let's say they're the boss. You would never run your company like that. And also, if I just told you about a company where that was going on,

they'd go, well, no, that doesn't work. No, I'm telling you, man. To be fair. Some, I didn't say, I said people that I know, not all, not the trumps of the goddamn world. Owners, CEOs, high-level bosses, managers, whatever. Most of them feel that way. But they try very hard to hide it. And not just in the media, they'll have meetings.

Well, most of the media don't give. a fucking way. But I mean, but they'll have meetings where they go, we hear you, we want to hear what your problems are. I never said CEOs. I never said CEOs. I said people that I know. So people that I know. Yeah, he don't know no CEOs. I don't know no CEOs. I know one. But so like, they would, I do know some people that run a business, but it's not like, oh, they're the CEO of this huge Fortune 500 company. What I'm saying is they would look at the NFL situation and they would go, yeah, exactly. But then if they saw just a regular business being run that way, they would go, that's no way to treat your employees you. And you, what, but what's the fucking, why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Well, let's take it back to the very beginning of this, which is... They're black, by the way. Yes, that's a big part of it, is them being black, and that reminds me, please remind me to say something about Kanye West because I have a point about that. I normally don't have to. Right. Black. Oh, that reminds me. Kanye over the other day.

No, I'm saying it's because they're black that this is happening. Because, fuck it, I'll make my Kanye point now. Kanye West stood up at whatever a word shot was. and was like, Beyonce had the best thing of the year, and he interrupted Taylor Swift and all that. And it became a meme. No disrespect, but Beyonce was video of the year. I wrote a titty milk joke about it. If you were at work and you were sitting there and you were waiting on the employee of the year announcement to come out,

and everyone knew Bob was going to get it, Bob works his ass off, he shows up early, he stays late, he didn't miss a day all year. Everyone knew he was going to get it. And then the cute girl in accounting guy. It because whoever was given out the award wanted her to get it, was flirting with her, whatever. And Kanye worked there, and he stood up at work and was like, this is fucking bullshit. Fuck her. Bob should have got this award. Everyone would have been like, man, that dude's a hero.

But because it's entertainment and because it's a black guy shitting on a blonde white woman, everyone was like, oh my God, have some class, Kanye. Fuck that. He's there. No, it's also subjective what they were doing. That was for video of the year. album wasn't it? Album of the year? It was video.

It was video. Let me ask you this. That's subjective. Okay. Okay. What was Taylor's video? What was the theme of it? I don't know.

I don't know Beyonce's either, but yes, you do. No, I don't. What's one? What is one? What is your video? You remember that one? All the other one? All the single ladies?

Okay, right. Exactly. Everyone remembers that video. It's a fucking iconic video. Okay. It's still objective. You're right. It is objective.

Subjective. Also, it's like, okay, . Bob deserves it whatever. and Bob is definitely objectively better than this other person, but you said like some dumb, young, little shitty, cute tart. But like, what if she also hit? Also hit. Because Taylor Swift does.

What if she also was cool and something else up and was like, you cannot be. Hold on. You think my point, hold on. You think my point is that Kanye is right. My point is that everyone in the industry agreed with him. And he stood up and said, everyone in this room feels this way.

And that's fucking true. Sure. So what I'm saying is, is that we crucifference. him like he's a crazy person. Not you and I. He still rudely took a moment away from somebody, which was horseshit. I'm not saying that that's not true. I'm saying that we're all pretending like

we wouldn't cheer for that in a different context. And I'm saying the reason why is because it's Kanye. What I'm saying is I wouldn't if, so the context you laid out, if that other person who won it over Bob, if she literally didn't do nothing. If she was fine,

she also was good and was like, you know, good at her job, but she wasn't as good as Bob, but she's still good at it, and she's still hit at that job, just not as much as Bob, and then some dude stood up and flipped the fuck out when she won, I would be like, man, that's kind of chill out. Yeah, now she was a lazy

sack of shit that was just sucking the boss's dead. Right, right. Sure. But Taylor Swift ain't that, like at all. Taylor Swift's amazing. The only problem of y'all's argument is that Taylor Swift's garbage. That's the only problem with your argument. You can't look at this any other way because you fucking hate Taylor Swift. Let's go back to the NFL. She's amazing. She literally couldn't lick Beyonce's

That's fine on most things. This was about one thing. Video of the year. We're talking about Beyond... You can't even remember the video. Everyone remembers the Beyonce video. The only reason I remember this is because Amber did the dance or whatever. Everybody did the dance.

That's the fucking point. It became a goddamn cultural phenomenon. Okay. You're really going out like Taylor Swift ain't a cultural phenomenon? Okay. Sure, but that video one. The fucking Beck shouldn't have won the goddamn album of the year because I don't remember any fucking word off that song, but you ain't going to argue that shit. Now he might because he tried for seven to ten months to get me to listen to that album.

I know, but I'm saying... That album really hit for him. I know. I know. but I'm saying, I don't know nothing off it, but Beyonce was up for that shit too, and I remember fucking single ladies, so why didn't she win the goddamn album of the year?

If it's all about, well, this was the most popular, like, you can't do that now because, like, you don't always go with what's the most popular is the best. I'm not talking about popular. I'm not talking about popular. It's just about what has happened. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm not talking about popular, and I have a good argument.

First of all, the whole point of a video is to promote a song. Right. So memorability is actually a huge fucking part of it. Sure. And it is in an album. too, and I still remember the back album. I know all the tracks. But let's take this back to football for a second. I'm saying that

who these players are and the color of their skin has a big fucking effect on how people feel about it, obviously. Because if you, they're forced to even be out there for the anthem.

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All for $29.99. Love that chicken from Popeye. Limited time to participate in U.S. restaurants prices may vary additional terms apply. Their bosses, their work, tells them you're going out. there for the anthem and you're going to stand up and you're blah blah blah that used to not even be a thing so my point is if chick-fil-a said hey every day at five o'clock all of our employees have to walk out and put their hand over their heart and pledge allegiance to the flag i feel like if people were being honest themselves if a lot of employees were like i don't want to

do that like that makes me uncomfortable my allegiance to god or whatever the thing that a chick-fellate employee would say i think a lot of people would get that yeah sure yeah i can see how that's weird right i mean yeah that's what's happening i know they're saying like hey hey hey i'm Listen, this overtly nationalistic force display of patriotism, let's not be politic. Does this really need to be political? Yes, they would. You're right.

That's so fucking stupid. And why are so many Americans going, I'm with the owners, they weren't fucking not-neal. That's disrespectful doing that. It's because they're rich black man, in my opinion. That ain't an opinion. Because there's no other way I can fucking look at it. Because I've talked to people,

I was like, guys, here's my deal, and this is apropos of the goddamn NFL argument. I have a problem with symbolism. Like, it's weird to me. Like, do I like our flag? I think it's a beautiful flag. I think it's great. Will I stand up during the National Anthem?

Probably if I'm at a place and people are doing it, just, honestly, because I don't want somebody to go, what the fuck are you sitting down for? That's about the only goddamn reason, sincerely. But I have a problem with this, especially forced patriotism, because by its very nature, forced patriotism cannot be true patriotism. Patriotism should be something you feel But if I'm having to stand up and do it

Then it's fucking Hitler-esque Is it me? Or is he getting more and more eloquent And sharp With these rants As he's getting As he's being sober You're hilarious at rants

But that shit went deep What he just did That whole line about forced patriotism And how true patriotism And how true patriotism comes from the heart It does That hit for me Well it does

And I've heard people go No I hear you man like you shouldn't be forced to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then two weeks later, I'll see him on Facebook going, these goddamn niggers need to just, like, you know, kneel for the fucking, and I'm like, so there it fucking is. There it is. You don't care what I do, because I'm not someone who should be held down.

I'm a white man, I can do whatever the fuck I want. But you want this guy to fucking kneel, kneel. You want him to not kneel. That's what's wild about it. Literally the most passive fucking thing. You can't even kneel. Yeah, dude. It blows my mind.

in literally every other situation. Yeah. Yeah. But that of that one. They just want them to do what they're fucking told is what they want. And my point... That's it. That's all it is. Right.

And my point when saying earlier about him choosing his words is... Even if I do take race out of it, which, as you just eloquently said, it's all about that. Just the capitalistic aspect of this is that that guy's true belief is, I don't care what you sacrifice for the company. I don't care what your job is or what you do. would I say. I own you because I'm an owner. I'm an NFL owner. That's what to me was revealed in his

analogy more than anything else. If I gave him the benefit of the doubt, he doesn't deserve it. But if I gave him the benefit of the doubt, like, you don't really mean inmates. You don't think all black people are criminals and just said, okay, what did you mean? You meant that your workers don't have any say in how

the company operates. And what I'm saying is, to be fair, like, dude, I don't think that is unique to fucking sports. I agree with you. All kinds of fucking upper management people feel that way. I agree with you. I am saying that this is the disgusting side of capitalism.

Here's where America goes. They go, Marshawn Lynch, you don't like this country. This country has allowed you to make millions of dollars. If you don't like it, leave it. Donald Trump, this country has allowed you to make millions of dollars. If you don't like it, run it. Yeah. Run it.

Make America great again. literally saying America ain't great. Right, I don't like it. But no one has ever said, if you don't like it, fucking leave. Do you see what I'm saying? Am I wrong? You're 100% right and just fucking... I'm a smart boy. I always knew that. Is it prescient or prescient?

I don't know. You know. See what I'm saying? Prescient. Precient. I'm pretty sure. Oh, I got a headache. Sober Corrie. Ork be a professor. I've had two beers. My man's is drinking. Yeah, I've had two beers.

The last two days, I feel like he built up something, though, the last 18 days of sobriety. Some sense. A stroke. Have we talked about that? Is there any, does anyone want to share any more thoughts before we move on to our brief sware into sobriety? Rich people don't have it moving on.

But we want to be them. Yeah. And I've tried to do a joke about that. It's like, rich is the only thing I hate that I want to be. It's the way Republican senators feel about gayness. No, it's not rich people say it's how you got rich. It depends on how you got rich. because Marshaun Lynch is rich.

You fucking hate Marshawn Lynch? No. It's how you got rich. If you step up... Marshaun Lynch and Richard Sherman hit for me harder. And I don't like the Seahawks, but Lord, they hit for me. There's a certain level of... There's a certain level of rich that if you had to climb up...

I just forgot that for a second. If you had to climb up that corporate ladder, that ladder was literally built with people's throats that you were fucking stepping on. Marshaun didn't do that shit. And we ain't done that shit. I mean, we may, can't wait. But I'm saying there's a difference like, when you're fucking billions and billions of Donald Trump dollars and you've had 30,000 lawsuits you've been a part of, you're a sack of shit.

But, like, you know, Shannon Sharp, all right? Well, he's a great dude. What's a, no, you're good, man, come on in. Remember when he smoked? Remember when he, Shannon Sharp smoked out black and mild? Yes, it's so fucking great. What's your name, man?

Yo, you probably can't get through there on account of we have. We've made everything bad. Okay, I'm so sorry. I can pick up this beer and we can do whatever. I said we made everything bad. We did make everything bad. Man, I'm hungry already. That ain't good.

I have to be. First show ain't even started yet. Dude, I'm telling you, get that salad, and we'll get the nachos later. Let's talk about... What time is the first show start, Corey? I don't know. Does it 715 or 7.30? 7.50 or 7.30?

Oh, 730. Perfect. Let's talk about this dance we've done with sobriety the last few days. Corey and I made it... I made it 18.47 days. And I'm going to give myself... 19 because last night we went out and you got drunk I ordered a whiskey at the first bar

I had two drinks and left it there it was gross it was well whiskey and I couldn't do it I had a nicer whiskey at the um was it um was it embits old abets and uh ribbits and I gave that whiskey to tray after having one drink because my body just didn't want it but then today we have beers shooting that documentary

segment and uh I have failed So I made it 19.5. You made it 18. 5. Trey, what was your number? 13. Pretty impressive numbers for three people who do this for a living.

Dude, but I mean, well, yes. Right, because we're on tour and shit. And love booze. During Downton Flabby, I went fucking 90 days. I went three months with nothing at all. Zero? Yeah. Longest I've been.

No, my house, man? The Super Bowl. Literally, that was it, though. So one day out of 90. No booze at all. If they gave us. three months, if we had three months off. No problem. I'm not saying, I'm not saying it would be

no problem. There would still be the, like, I'd like to have a beer. But the traveling is 100% the hardest part. Yeah. Like, without a day. Yeah, at home, dude, I can, I mean, even though Amber has a glass of wine every night or whatever, I can sit that on school nights, on the weekend. No, she's going. She's going. She's going. She's a sot.

I'm marrying the right one, baby. You is a sot. But no, like, I, but I can sit there and watch her drink. but like I'm around everything else that hits for me. Like there's my couch. Game of Thrones is here. I can go see my niece. I can go cook for myself. I can fucking do a lot of shit.

On the road, the only fucking security that I have is knowing that being drunk in Detroit will still feel good. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, I can't wait to hear what our fans think about our problems. It's us. Yeah, it's always been us. It's us and being together and shit.

Oh, I thought you meant we're broken. That too. We are broken, but you want to drink with your boys. You want to drink with your boys. This is interesting because you guys definitely tend to go harder than me. Yeah. Yeah. But it sounds like y'all have an easier time shutting it down for an amount of time than I do.

Just like Corey said, seriously, if we quit the road for however long, three, four, five, six months a fucking year, if I was at my house in California for that amount of time, I'd have no problem not drinking. That is social drink. Not at all how I feel or who I am. I'm a social drinker, too, but here's what would happen with me. I'd be home for four or five days. My right leg will start bouncing up and down. Andy, who is genuinely sweet and usually very good to me,

I'd start finding a problem with everything she said and did. And then I'd be like, you know what we need to do? What I need to do is fucking go to a preservation pub on Market Square in Knoxville and hear whatever band is playing there tonight and drink so many Miller High Lives and cheap shots of whiskey. They call it a puppy buddy. You get a high life and whatever the well whiskey of your choice

is for $6, I think. Hits. And just do that until I can't feel my face and I start fucking dancing and feeling like a human again. And, oh, God, I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah, or I don't know.

I mean. But I can stop drinking. Well, that's why I can stop drinking and I do often before y'all stop. Oh, yeah. Like, I would say you drink the least. I do drink the least, but I feel like I must apparently drink the most frequently. I think what my thing is, like, I didn't realize I was a social drinker, but, like, I'm a social drinker, but now

we are so goddamn social all the fucking time. We are such woke humans that we're socialist about everything, apparently. Yeah, even drink them. But no, like, you know, we do fucking show six nights a week. I'm like, I'm meeting new people. I got to have a beer.

Well, this is going to get sad. Let's move on real quick, because I did think of another topic. I have to pee, so you all have... No, with me, it's say, like, when we first started this tour, which, you know, 18 months ago, not that long, there was absolutely an element of, holy shit, we're living our dreams. Absolutely, did it.

Like, and we're fucking rock stars. Hell yeah. We're going to live the rock star life. And so we're just celebrating the good fortune. We were going smooth in. We were going smooth in every night, eating the shit out of food and stuff. And I'm sure I've sat on here before. But between the time the tour started in May of 16 to the end of 2016, I gained literally 40 pounds.

Right. And just generally felt like shit most of the time. It was like, I can't do this anymore. Or I'm going to die. and then I moved to California and I started anytime I'm off the road I don't drink at all and I've stuck to that ever since and the weird thing is

it's sincerely it's not hard it's not hard at all it's not at all the problem have a family though I do have a family yeah like there's no because I never even have to have my drinking I didn't drink until my kids went to sleep right and like but I but it's not hard for me when I'm at home to not drink

but the minute I get back out here with y'all though right the minute but you're a home I want a fucking, I'm a huge homebody. You love TV. You love TV shows. Going out, don't hit. You love TV shows. You love TV shows.

Andy and I. Right. We're about and be social lives. And we sleep in because we don't have kids. Right. So then we're up late. And dude, after dinner, it's like, we're sick of just each other. Right.

And we're both, I mean, she's a fucking show. She wants to go party or whatever, oftentimes. And I'm tired of being cooped up. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not really a home body. It's weird. I have that thing where I want to be home alone and read or whatever. and hate and privacy

then like then I want to go get drunk and hear fucking rock and roll music and I think part of what it is for me is I assume that will end like I know that

I see my hairline going backwards I see my belly getting around her you know what I mean I see these bags and these wrinkles and I feel my body getting tireder

and me like I go to rock and roll shows I bring earplugs now stuff like that yeah so there's a part of me that's like I think there's a part of me that's like oh I am going to be that guy.

I sincerely look forward to it. But let me squeeze this last bit of juice out. Yeah. So I have a hard time staying sober when we're home. I just don't have that. I mean, it's a cliche for sure. But, I mean, I think it's mostly, it was just having the kids. But, I mean, you know, Bishop turns six next week.

So, I mean, they've been around for a while now. So, like, I've been this guy for a long time now, and I don't. So it's hard for me to even remember. But, like, dude in college and shortly thereafter, I was very, very much a go out, get wrecked. We'll do party, have a good time guy. And I actually remember, and I've told people this before, like, this is one of the things I don't think I'll ever forget, and it's wild.

I had a shotgun wedding. Katie was pregnant in our wedding. And, uh, for anyone who's listening to not from South, shotgun wedding means that you got married because you got your wife pregnant or your husband got you pregnant unexpectedly. And the term comes from the idea that her daddy pulls a, a shotgun on you. It's absolutely based in the patriarchy.

So, but anyway, we had a shotgun wedding like the cake topper on our cake. The bribe was pregnant and shit. It wasn't, you know, we very much so embraced it. You guys embraced it. Yeah, and it was funny. I've had a lot of people tell me my weddings, the best wedding I've ever been to because it was a good time. People say that about mine.

It hit real hard. My dad was there fucking getting just smoking joints with everybody getting hammered. It was awesome. Anyway, at the wedding, one of her uncles. Orby is his name. Uncle Orby, who is a red-ass motherfucker. But, I mean, he's a good old boy, you know. But, like, he gave me this little nugget of wisdom.

You know what I mean? That I just wasn't expecting. And also did not at all get at the time. And he told me, he's like, yeah, changes everything, man. You know, and I was like, yeah, of course. Absolutely. Yes, sir. You know, just sandwich both of there or whatever.

And he was like, and you know, you know, you're going to get to where, you know, you be out, you coming home from work or something, and your buddy will call you. And he's like, hey, we're having poker night tonight come over. You know, we're going to get drunk and all this stuff. And you're just going to say, no, man, I got to go home and be a little man or whatever. And I said, yeah, absolutely, because, you know, that's my responsibility. And that's what I'm supposed to do. And he was like, no, but that's what you're going to want to do.

Right. And at the time, I was like, no. I really was. I was like, no, that ain't what I'm going to want to. do. I'll do it because I'm a good person, but that's not what I'm going to want to do. But it complete 180 in terms of that ever since. And that's how I am now. That is what I want to do. I don't ever want to do nothing else but just be at home with my boys pretty much. Two things. That reminds me of what we brought up me playfully aggravating, shitting on Thompson for leaving Bonneroo early that year.

Right. And missed Tom Petty. It was that same thing. But I think he just missed his baby, his newborn, you know. Of course. And the other thing I wanted to say, because you were talking about how you used to go out, and this is a point that I can't make enough, I cannot keep up with you and Corey when y'all go in. Like, that's the thing. Y'all go harder than me.

But from talking to you guys, it seems like I'm more of a, you know, on the regular kind of imbiber. I don't know, and he's not here, so this almost feels a little unfair because Corey went to pay or whatever. It's not an accusation. But, like, dude, yeah, I've never, ever gotten the impression from, because it's not like when we go off the road, we just totally ignore each other. Usually, like, we're texting about either some work shit or just some funny memes that hit, whatever. We're in touch. I've never once gotten the impression that Corey dries out when he goes home. Sure.

Maybe now. Maybe that's a recent thing. He's changing because he is getting married soon. He's laying in the tan in bed and he's doing all this other shit. I wish he was here so we could go in on that Because I still believe it's tan and lotion And he won't admit it Right maybe he is

You know Drinking less for that reason Like even when he's at home But like Because I remember because it was a thing Because like We would get out here on the road And he would want to take a break

From drinking on the road And I would be like This don't hit because we're exact opposites Like you've been laying drunk at home For the past five days and now you need to take it easy, I'm the exact opposite. I've been sober as a judge the last five days,

and now I'm on the road, and I'm trying to hit. Right. That's the thing I used to go after Corey for. Right. Oh, he's back, so we can go in on it. Anyway, we were just saying, Drew said he... You're going in on me?

Yeah, yeah. Drew was saying, did you smoke a cigarette? I did. You motherfucker. Yeah, I did. Anyway, I don't feel bad at all. Now, you don't hit. You laid drunk.

Well, we're going to do this, and then I have to go up. I wanted one before I went up. You have an hour. Anyway, Drew was saying, he can't keep up with us when we're going in. No one can. But he thinks that he... Well, that's not true.

But he thinks that he drinks and goes in more frequently than either of us. And I was saying, I'm not levying an accusation here or nothing, and Corey's not here to defend himself, but I have never, until maybe very recently, but I have never gotten the impression that Corey takes it easy when he's at home or that he dries out when he's at home. I tend to not stymie myself as much as... No, you're right.

I mean... You lay drunk! I do lay drunk. I do lay drunk. It's no... We've talked about this in our Patreon series Game of Chones. I identify with Robert Barathean more than anything, because I'm like, yeah, he's the king, but he just wants to, you know, bang horrors, lay drunk and eat. Yeah.

Hits. Does hit. I've started taking it easier as of late. Mainly, I think... Did you all have a theory? Yes. My theory was that... that I now I spend a lot of time with my niece.

Like I, I, I, well, that's wild, because it's actually, we were talking, I was talking about that from my own perspective as a dad and was saying something similar,

but, so that actually, no, and that does check out because, now that I moved back to Knoxville. Yeah, but Amber stayed drinking. So,

right, that's what I was saying. I was like, well, I got Andy at home. So, you know, every third day,

she's trying to party hardy. Yeah, yeah, no. But I hear you because I move back to Knoxville, and it's like an hour and a half for my nieces and nephews, but if I know I'm going there, I won't drink the night before. Right.

I don't want to. And I got to get up early and go there. And then I go there that night. And then I'll go over to Brines, like after they go to bed. And I'll be like, what's up, dude? And he'll smoke a bowl and he'll like you want a beer. And sometimes I'll have one. Sometimes I just have none.

Yeah. And I don't mean like, uh... Brian has got his new housemate. Congratulations, honey. I don't mean that my niece has made me want to be a better person. It's just that I spend so much time with her. And while with her, I'm not drinking. So that's just a large portion of the day

that normally I'd have been sitting there on my couch, drinking beer, I don't know, trying to write jokes, but probably watching TV. And yeah, but, no, I mean, you said me a million times, like, do you ever fucking sleep? Because I'm always either on our text thread

or on the other thread. It's like four in the morning. Then it's like 9 o'clock in the morning. I'm back up doing shit again. But yeah, man, I don't know. It'll kill me eventually. Well, I'm curious. People out there listening who do drink,

and I know a lot of our fans do because you're liberals in rednecks and Lord them groups like to get fucked up you know how frequently how many drinks because you know you read those things like when you go to a physical and it's like do you have more than four drinks

at a time when you drink and I'm like well fuck yeah dude what's the goddamn point exactly so I'm like I'm just curious if you guys want to share any of your drinking abs like you know is it once a week for you do you only go out with your husband on Fridays because you have a sitter that night and then when you do do do you get hammered because you know it's your only one night?

Like, what's up? Tell us about it, you know? Yeah, because if I'm going in, I'm going in. Like, if you tell me, that's what we were talking about when you're gone. I don't have that as much. I can do three beers, two nights in a row,

but as I get older, that makes me feel as hungover as fucking getting hammered. It does, man. That's why when somebody... But see, but my rationale, and this is not what you were saying, but I'm saying instead of having that feeling and being, like,

drawing the conclusion, so I might as well get fucking hammered. every night. The conclusion that logically I draw is, why do I even drink at all? Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, I still do it. No, if I'm not, if I'm really firmly trying to not drink and not get drunk,

and somebody's like, oh, no, I hear you, but just taste this drink. It's very good. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. No, just taste it. I'm like, all right, and then I taste it. And here we go. I'm on top of the bar naked and we're doing oyster shooters because, like, that's just how I am. And I respect that.

That sounds like a disease. That is a disease. He's got Chow's disease, also known as Almond. alcohol is. I respect that. Chief Hitton syndrome. I don't have that. It's more,

it's what Drew was saying. Like, I can only have a couple. But it don't matter. I'm going to feel like shit. How you doing? Hey, hey, hey.

No, I think in between. We're going to try to put it in between. But hey, can I get, though, can I get another Miller lot, though? Because it'll be, by the time you get back with it. I'm going to check that in. And can I get a vodka tonic, please? Titos, please.

Thank you. Single. but tall. Cool. Tall drink of Titos. I don't like a lot of my ladies. You know what I'm trying? Yeah. Yeah.

Single and tall. Yeah. I don't have a type. The qualifiers came out of women. That ain't my type. I just, you know what I said that first? But Corey has one. I don't have one.

You know what's very weird. We've discussed this. I feel like I don't have a type. I think all types of women are beautiful. There's a type that likes me. And so that's what I end up going with. But, like, I've definitely been attracted to not huge-titted blondes. But, like, that just seems what sticks, you know.

I just always thought that was strange. Hello, Allison. How are you? How are you? You want to be on the podcast? If not, we can cut this part out. You want to be on it? What are we talking about?

We're drugs. Well, yeah, we were talking about. Well, we're in D.C. We did this already before Corey blew it. But we are in D.C. we would be remiss, I think, not to mention something about what's going on in the world or whatever. I wanted to talk

about this briefly because I think it's hilarious on just in a, the abyss is real and there is no hope sort of way. This JFK document stuff Trump put on Twitter, I'm going to release the JFK documents. They were scheduled to be released. It had nothing to do with him.

Right. First of all. Other than he had to approve. Like he's going to take credit for time change in the fucking spurn. Exactly. But he had to approve it, unlike time change. then he didn't approve it. After taking credit for a thing that wasn't on him, then he said, no, I'm not going to prove it.

Like some agencies told him not to. And then he did. And they're out now. And everyone's going crazy, of course. And so, and you guys know I have a bit about this. I'm not trying to do the bit. But in general, I love conspiracy theories in an entertaining kind of way.

Like, I love that we get people who are fomenting at the mouth over what the truth is. But they're worried about the truth about this specific event that now, because it's years later, doesn't have any effect on us. Yeah. Corey's a lunatic. Okay. I am a lunatic. He's a conspiracy guy. What's your conspiracy? All of them.

All of them. Yeah. I mean, it's not that I believe them, but I entertain them. I'm like, well, I love it. Yeah, I love doing that. Well, fuck, yeah, that could be a thing. But, like, right now, if we find out, oh, really, the government was shitty and shady? Yeah.

You know? We know. Well, that's sort of my point is, like, all these people are like, oh, oh, my God. Mr. Butt. Mr. Butt weighing in on the JFK. Mr. Butt has opinions on the JFK shooting. There was two farters. From the assy hole.

God damn. That happens every time. Corey's always quicker. I was like, grassy knoll, grassy chowl. Assy hole. I just don't. As far as all that shit goes, you really did fart back into the left. Yeah.

Well, actually, it's to the right. Oh, God damn it. But I don't expect a single thing of note to come out. Of course not. Because if it was going to, they wouldn't let us fucking read that. Oh, no. And if they did, like imagine if they did what that would mean. It would mean that, well, yeah, we knew about this, but, you know, time hadn't passed.

Right. But on this day, because of some arbitrary rule about when we released documents, now you can know that we murdered JFK. We murdered the president. Yeah. Of course not. It's absurd. But that's what's so absurd to me about these people have more faith than some of the most zealous, religious people I know. Like some of these conspiracy people, you know what I mean?

It's like to believe that Bigfoot is walking around in the woods, Jesus is way more plausible to me. Right. Well, no, it's like, yeah, we make fun of, like, religious people for just ignoring, like, evidence and facts and stuff. but those people are so much, well, easily as bad about it. We've talked before about me and Corey were talking the other night about fucking flat earthers or like my least favorite

anti-vaxers or climate change deniers. Any of those my least favorites? Here's my empathy with anti-vaxers. I get their point. No, I get their fucking point, though. Well, and I do too. They don't hit.

Bullshit. No, what we talk about other than eight. But here's why I empathize with them. And it's dangerous. These things, these vaccines are made by Asian, you know, Chinese companies who have very different standards than we do. They're sold here in mass.

There's no, there's a standard for how they're supposed to be made, but there's actually no standard for checking them to make sure that the whole batch was made that way. Like, they check one or two or whatever, or I'm sure it's two or three hundred. Don't get, let me not skip facts, you know, if we're talking about conspiracy theories. We check two or three hundred. The FDA goes, these are fine. I sympathize and empathize with them because I'm like, I could imagine. a scenario that there is fucking something fucked up

that happened in one or two vaccinations because the capitalistic industry that creates these has fucked up. When there's a conspiracy theory, you look at who's the benefit. Sometimes breaks fail on a fucking hard. Exactly. Like, way more often. I'm not saying that makes me on their side. The point is what we talked

about the other night. When you look at a conspiracy theory, the only time they ever hold weight to me is go, okay, who is to benefit from this? And with anti-vaxers, I can at least go, all right, the people pushing vaccines want these vaccines to go through because there's money to be made in them. Exactly. I get that. I get that. And if I'm honest with you and this may not hit for you, Trey, I do think there's too many of them out there. I think that they have elevated the, the idea that

they're necessary to the point that now kids need like 20 vaccinations. Oh, so easy to say when kids ain't fucking dying from smallpox and shit all around you anymore because of vaccine. I'm open to an argument the other way. The only three thing I'm saying is, is the reason you're open to an argument in favor of vaccine? No, I'm hoping to an argument in favor in the notion that we need 26. No, the point is, is there's at least a reason why it could be

one way. With flat earthers, there's no... There's nothing. There's no money by... First off, look at the fucking moon. Look at it. Look at it. Who the fuck is it? They think big science is sitting there going, we can't let them know it's actually flat because then... Because then fucking what? If it was flat, they just go,

hey, by the way, it's fucking flat. There's nothing. Nothing to be gained. I agree with all of that completely, but... I'm not a fucking anti-vaxxer. They're a lunatic. Me neither. But there is something to which they... Can seat their teeth into, at least.

But with flat ursters, there's not one. There's not that thing. You don't just sound stupid. You sound like, phenomenally stupid. With flat earth things? Yes. Why? I mean, I agree with that.

That's all I'm saying is like, at least... We were having this conversation off Mike just the other night. That's what I wanted to bring up is that anti-vaxers is insane as I think they are. They at least have a thing that they can go. Yeah, but don't you think that maybe blah, blah, blah? With flat earthers, I'm like, why the fuck would the government be hiding a sphere? Like, why the fuck? Who's benefiting?

The government's hiding the ball. Yeah, like, why? Like, it don't make no goddamn sense. Don't. Don't. Don't hit. 9-11. Don't hit.

9-11 doesn't hit. Another conspiracy. It is, yeah. I'm with that. I mean, not wall the way, but I'm halfway with you, dude. I'm just saying. There's times where I'm like, okay, but why did that other building fall, And my thing is, is I'm not going, I know definitively that this happened, because those people are crazy.

What I'm saying is, there was something to be gained. And there was weird shit going on. There's something to be gained. It was a part of me that's like, I'm not saying the government did it. I'm saying the government found out that they fucked up royally, and they hid that they fucked up royally. Follow the money, dog. Follow the money. I'm not saying it's real.

I'm saying there is a reason. We are pissing Trey off. I don't believe it. I'm just saying there is a thing that you can go, okay. Now that Trey hits, he's joined the Illuminati, and that's why he's against us. Yeah, yeah. He's like, y'all shut the fuck up, man. We keep this in the cave, dog, with the fucking qualoids.

You got quailudes? Oh, I'll trade it all for quailudes. Wait, hold up. If you get quailudes, I'll denounce anything. But if I had quailudes, y'all too be the first to know. That means a lot to me. Hopefully, in this order. Corey pointed at himself first.

He would make me test them first. Here, here, Joe. Take these lemons. I don't know. That type of shit. just makes us look bad, I think. Stop a shit. Us.

Who's us, people? Anybody that's saying it. The three of us? I'm just saying, dude, I'm not saying I believe it. What I'm saying is that I can see why someone would attempt to draw that conclusion. Whereas with Flat Earth, there's no end game. So you've watched some of the loose chain shit. Have you watched the rebuttals to that?

Of course. Yeah, dude. Again, I'm not a fucking truther. I'm saying I get why they get there. I don't know how to get there I have not seen a decent scientific explanation as to why Building 7 fail at all

even on the rebuttal I don't buy it like let me tell you want to know what I believe I believe there was a bomb underneath that motherfucker and for whatever reason they didn't tell us about it like they didn't want us to know that they have failed that royally I don't believe the government I don't believe the government did it I think the terrorists did it I think it was a huge

fucking operation you know why because no matter who did it was a terrorist thank you Corey good job I'm not saying I think the U.S. government did it and they were trying to get into war. I'm saying that it seems to me that operation was way more complicated than flying two planes into two buildings and three fall down. I mean, it's a very complicated operation anyway you slice it. I'm with you, baby.

Also. Camille Nangiani. Also, let me ask you this. The Pentagon, the most secure building in the United States. There's no video footage of it. Come on. there's definitely video footage of it we're not allowed to see it why not i don't know probably no reason probably no big deal

i just get why those people dig into that shit i get why it's interesting right whereas with the flat earth y'all just dumb kari irving you stupid i mean yeah i completely agree with all that i mean as far as right i get that one the least of any of them because

yeah i don't don't understand even. I mean, goddamn, if you've been in an airplane, and I mean, in fairness, a lot of those people, probably not. But, like, fucking B-O-B and Kyrie Irving, they fly all over the goddamn place. Right, you can see. You can look out the window and see the curvature of the fucking earth.

Like, what the fuck, man? I don't know. That kind of shit drives me insane. Is there one that you get the most? If that's the one you get the least. It's willful ignorance, you know, and like, that shit just drives me insane. The one that I get the most,

I don't know. Can you name a few and maybe I'll... The Illuminati. That don't make no sense to me because if this isn't a group of people who are running all this, why don't they get their shit together? This isn't a global one,

but Michael Jordan's dad. And the whole thing with Michael Jordan and the gambling deal. And he got into it with some real shady people that... Yeah, I could see that. That one I could... I'm not saying that I believe it,

but like, I could absolutely see that, though. Right. Right. And I've heard people be like, well, he's, you know, insanely loaded, like a fucking billionaire. Why would he not pay his debts? What's up? Courtney! What up, dude?

Come on him. Who's with you? No, no, we need to wrap it up in a minute anyway. Okay, dude, I'm Trey, right? Where you met? Maybe, no. I don't think so. I've heard them talking about you.

You're a comedian, right? Yeah. Is he here? He was a bee or something. He's going on a minute. You had to big hunt tonight? Yeah. I'm here.

Here he is. If I don't get too good, man. What's up, how are you? If I don't get to get to air, I'm gonna come live for the late show. Man, I was really hoping you are still recording. Okay. Oh, y'all are. What are you doing tomorrow?

Is it with Rob? Yeah. Okay. So Rob's doing that tomorrow? Well, no, no, no. I think it's a different group tomorrow. So Rob is only doing a big hunt and then I guess you got something else going on. Okay.

And then he'll have a different group at the lounge tomorrow. Yeah, man. How did I come? How do you guys? What are you guys doing tonight after the last night after? link show signing autographs taking 11 more we are doing that not the women parts but I think I'm I'm probably gonna come by okay with the it's between that or going back to old everything getting that fucking getting those

oysters for five someone the local took it to this bar that has half rice apriety and it's a hell of an appetizer man I saw your imposter it was yeah yeah motherfucker right and like because again like I love comedy want to go see that but it's like I've already done two shows I don't go have oysters. That's not, yeah. Oh, I know you ain't hating on me. I wasn't worried about you.

Who's going to complain about that? I'm going to go with one of them, probably. Yeah, reckon who? Let's wrap this over with it and you can hang out. It'll take 30 seconds. Let's end on that last question. I'm about to get some food, man. I'm going to hang out for a show as much as I can.

A friend just popped in. I wanted to say this before we got ended. I know how it's going to sound, but I just accidentally farted on a man's butt. That's the conspiracy theory that I believe the most. The bathroom is very tight. The bathroom is very tight, so I was trying to squeeze out while this dude was leaned over this thing. Our butts hit, and because I was trying to squeeze, a fart came out, and I farted all over his butt.

Loudly? I don't, and I didn't hear it, but it's also loud in there, so I don't know. So here's, we've got to start the show. Here's the question I put the tray. Corey, answer real quick. What's the most plausible conspiracy theory? What's the one that you are more at, most out to believe? For me, Trace said it was the Michael Jordan gambling thing,

which is a bit of a cop-out because it's not international, but I hear you. I know why you're saying that. For me, it's aliens. I haven't really thought about it. That's the one that popped in my head. For me, it's aliens. J.F.K.

That ain't a conspiracy theory. Bruh. Aliens is real. My man. But does the government know? To me, it's just that I literally have to go right now. It's literally just that Lee Harvey Oswald is a fucking patsy. Absolutely. I agree with you.

But aliens even more? Yeah, I didn't know we were, I get what you're saying. No, does the government know? To me, to me, it's illogical and nonsensical to believe that aliens don't exist. That's why it's the most plausible one for me to believe that the government knows something about. I mean, do we know about them? Have they contacted us or whatever I think is probably different. What is a different thing?

It's a different thing than saying aliens exist out there somewhere. which I believe with like 100% Sure, but that's not a conspiracy. But the idea of have they been here, do we know about them, whatever? That, I mean, I'm inclined to believe that that has happened, but do I, you know, but maybe not.

But like, they real. I know that much. All right, well, we got to go. We're in D.C. about to do a show. Trump don't hit. D.C. hits. Trump don't hit. D.C. hits. Running bird T. Hits.

D.C. Improv hits. White. Trash Mexican food hits. Love you all. See you next time. Scoo! Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do.

Thank you, God. Bless you, good night and skew. At Progressive, we know how much you love your recreational vehicles, so we decided to record this commercial in an RV. With a family on vacation. Mom, who are these people? Oh, that's Flo and Jamie. They're recording a commercial suite. Don't they do that in the studio? Normally.

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