wellRED podcast - #404 - Rat Bread and Waking Up Screaming!

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

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And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

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Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

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twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like the cue ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was that response to? What was that a reply gift for just when I did something stupid? Something fat and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten.

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while subscription is active that's free kids meals just by going to hellofresh.com slash well r-ed-d kids hello fresh america's number one meal kit all right here we are fellas what's up what's up dog you're hitting i want to no i'm fighting off a panic attack you know how that Oh, Lord. That ain't. Yeah, but, but like, you know, I'm a pro. Like, you know, when you were a pro at anxiety and depression where it's like used to. Depression, yes, anxiety, no.

Yeah, yeah. I'm still a novice in anxiety and it gets the best to me all the time. Yeah, I'm a pro. I've been dealing with it my whole life where, like, I'm in the stage where it's like, I mean, don't get me wrong, getting punched in the face always sucks, but at least I know how to, like, duck my, and make it hit hit me in the forehead. You know what I mean? So, like, all day long, there have been a panic attack.

that's like right here and I know it's right there but like but but used to I wouldn't I wouldn't know till I turned to fuck around you know what I mean but now I'm like I heard him coming a long time ago and so I've just been like trudging through it and I took some advice from myself remember last night when I said man I'll tell you what it ain't much in a Italian sub can't fix earlier I had an Italian sub and a ginger rail and like it gave me it it bought me an hour you know what I mean it bought me a fucking hour but and this is probably not good to talk about right after we mentioned our friends at Hello Fresh, but let, let me couch it like this. This is the opposite of Hello Fresh. This is bye-bye nasty, in my opinion. Let me cut,

let me, let me start this off by telling you what my wife just did. And it's going to lead to a question. I get downstairs, I've been up here working. I go to the counter and I notice we have a loaf of bread. And I go to grab the loaf of bread. And as I go to grab it, I realize on the end of it, there's a hole in it where a rat has clearly gotten into bread. And I look and there's There's a piece. I had that happened before. Okay, well, stay tuned because there's a question coming. So, and I noticed where the hole is, there's a couple pieces of bread that have been

eaten off of. So I was like, I go, oh, God damn it. And I threw it in the trash can and Amber goes, what? And I go, a rat got in the bread. And she was like, oh, yeah, I know. And I was like, you know. And she goes, yeah. And I said, well, if you know, why'd you leave it on the counter?

She goes, what do you mean? What'd you do with it? And I go, I put it in the fucking trash. And she goes, oh, hell, the rat only got on one side of it. And I was like, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, baby. I said, I know that you are never comfortable with our finances or our financial future. I know that I'm not a loaded man, but God damn it, I do well enough not to eat fucking rat bread. You know what I mean?

I was like, I'm going to go get some new bread. She's like, nah, nah, don't matter. We'll just eat the other side. I ain't going to the store and getting new bread. What? Number one, would you eat fucking bread if a rat even was near it? like if it cut a hole in it or how far down the fucking loaf does this rat have to have to touch bread before you're like i'll make a sandwich with the ends okay so i know like you said we can afford bread it ain't but to me it's not about that i've always had a thing yeah i don't think it's a money thing i've always i've always had a thing with way wasting food of any kind throwing food out or when food goes to waste it drives me crazy that's actually one of the reasons i'm such a fan of hello fresh that's why right because i was wasting so much more food before i started using them

but anyway. But so I've always had a thing with that. I still do. Another problem is when you become a parent. You guys are probably just now starting to maybe run into this. The reason that becomes a problem when you had a kid or kids is you eat a lot of half-eaten dino nuggets and fucking mac and cheese and shit off of kids plates after you've already eaten your entire meal in our full, but you don't want to throw it away.

You don't want to waste it. It's now you're standing over the trash can shuffling dino nuggets into your mouth. then that that ain't it. You're not to do that. But that's how much of a thing it is for me. Rats obviously don't hit, though. So to me, like... I'll eat bread if part of it's moldy in the other parts not, for the record.

I'll do that. If there's, like, bread and cheese and stuff, if there's, like, part one side of the cheese, you know, you can, like, cut the moldy part off and make the rest. Right. But I say, I do things like that. I'd have to see this loaf, I think. Like, is there a way the rat...

could have got in there and wallered around the whole deal. But you can't know. Was it pretty clear that he just chewed this one corner and didn't get the fucking loaf? And didn't get any other rest of it and then fucked off. Because in that case, you know, I'd probably, I put at least a four or five slice buffer in there or more. It was buns. It was buns. It was buns.

And which is a shorter pack. You know what I see? It changes it. It's not a full loaf. It's like this long. It's buns. again. I'm not going to be buns so long.

So, like, buns come in two, four, six. So there's three, three rows. And it's gotten this one. So you're only two buns away. No, yeah, I probably wouldn't. But I don't understand why you're so. If I thought about it, I'd throw them away. If I was like, what's the logic here?

Get rid of these. That's what I'm saying. But I'm not, like, put off by her initial reaction just because, like. It's a reflection on me as a provider, Drew. Do you understand this? No, it's not. No, it's not. That's insane.

I know you pay for the grocery. Who picks them up? Me. But, okay, when, how often do you go? Every fucking day that she wants me to go. I go the goddamn store. Motherfucker, I'll leave this podcast right now and go to the goddamn store. Tell me I won't.

Maybe she don't want you to go to the grocery store. What I'm saying is I can see like a sort of, like, if she was fighting with you about it, if she was like, don't throw that bread away. It's good bread. No, she wouldn't do that. incensed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she didn't do that.

But just like, why didn't you throw this away? I don't know. Ratt only got on one end. Like, I could see myself saying that, and then as it's coming out of my mouth being like, but I'm not going down on that hill, baby. Throw the bread away. Frankly, I mean, as we're saying this out loud, it makes me love her more that she's like a person that will be like, hell the rat only.

Like, you want to marry the rat only guy on one end person. Yeah, low man. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, you definitely, like, it's just like, there was a time probably where I would I don't think it was money, though. I don't be like, you're making it about money. She is a cheap motherfucker, though. Sure, but I just don't think it's really that.

It's more like your philosophy as a human. And like, Tray was talking about waste, not just waste. You also get in there of like, okay, but someone has to replace. Like, when are we having burgers next? Is it tomorrow? Do I feel like going in the grocery store? Do you? And like, these are things you think when you're 40.

These are things you think about when you're, 20 and then whatever conclusion you come to shapes you. And you don't think of it ever again. I could totally see myself having this conversation where I'm on her side of it. And then Andy goes, why did you just throw it away? And then I would go, oh, yeah, just throw it away. Like there would be no fight, but I think I could definitely see myself being like, oh, I mean, the rat turds was on the other end, though.

Yeah, that's my thing. If I had physically seen the rat go in and out, I would, I could be whatever, but like there's no, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, uh, it's Schrodinger's rat. I can't, there's no way of me knowing. That's what I'm asking. There's, the way he infiltrated and compromised this bread bag was as such that it's feasible that he could have gotten up in there and ratted around without eating in the other part. You know, he's like, he's got his ass in on this end while he's eating from this end.

And then he leaves the whole bread thing behind it's a pretty big hole. It would depend on how big the rat is. Like, my thing is like... Just put his face in, guys. Like, so the mama rat, if it was a big ass mama rat, no, it didn't get all the way in there. It just took a nibble. But I don't know that the mama rat didn't bite the hole. And then a baby rat didn't go up there and rat its ass around.

Sounds to me like you got a nibble situation. Buns are different than a loaf. That is what I'm saying. If this is a loaf, I don't think I said anything. If it was a nibble on the end of a loaf, I for sure. Katie, I think would probably be on your... I think Katie would be like, did you really... If she saw me doing that, she'd be like, what the...

fuck but like if there was a nibble on the end of a loaf i think i'd throw away to rat part probably get a new back like a ziplot bag or something yeah and put the the rest of the still good bread in that bag and just go back about my day but that's a no-brainer i normally do that anyways i'm a big transfer to ziplock or airtight container as soon as the the original has been breached person packaging out here you fucking almost don't hit it don't hit like cereal and stuff like that i'm trying to have mine be crisp the whole fucking time plastic tupperware plastic tupperware like contained just for cereal yeah yeah yeah it hit so hard to glass who oh right I just have a bit about that about glass Tupperware

dude yeah it's the shit pirate blowing my mind blowing my white trash mine like I couldn't fathom I don't even know if it's true I know you've seen this trade because you stay on Reddit there's like a meme or something going around that like listen I don't remember the names or the company but let's just say that this was the story CEO John Wilson of DuPont chemicals, the world's third largest plastic producer, won't allow plastic in his house. Right. And that went around for a while. And again, it was probably 3M.

Who knows what company it was. But I was like, and then you read about microplastics in our gut bomb and how kids are born with them in their balls. And maybe that's why everybody's getting sick and autistic and all that stuff. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to go that far. but why am I reusing Ziploc bags? Now there's a fight me and Andy get into, Corey, and about money. When I am doing the dishes, which is more often than not now, because she's raising a kid and has a full-time job,

when I see the zip-lick, not only do I throw it away, I make a big, I'm like, Andy, just wants you to know this Ziplug bag, it's done. Pissing on it, then throwing it in the trash. Because what are we doing? I will never wash another Ziploc bag. Yeah. First of all, I have too much pride and love for myself.

Yeah. And second of all, and this one works way more on her, this has to be worse for you as far as the plastic. It has to get worse over time. The fifth use of the Ziplog after you put the hot pork chop in it. Definitely true. It is true. I was told that about just like regular plastic water bottles.

Like, you know, like you go get a Desani and then you keep that one for a minute and just keep refilling it. I had somebody tell me, oh, dude, it was Dre. it was DJ's Dre. DJ Dre. She was like, this was long, she's like,

hey, you know that like, you know, when the sun hit, like the more the sun penetrates that petroleum or whatever, and the more, the longer you have it, like that shit,

like the reason that it's able to expand is because it's porous, you know, at a micro level, which means, and here we are talking about microplastics like fucking goop. But either way, no, you're 100% right.

You're not be reusing fucking plastic bags. Like you're in Darfur. So anyway, and starting down that process, I won't use plastic forks. I try not to store anything in plastic other than some Ziplock bags, because sometimes like the salami we buy is already in plastic. It don't resell the way I like. Yeah. I just put the whole thing into a bigger Ziploc.

I do that sometimes. Me too. Every time. And it's like, okay, this is, look, my meat might have some plastic on it, but I'm making some steps. You know what I mean? Yeah, sometimes I put the pepperoni in there with the cheese. the cheese and the pepperoni and the same thing because I'm always going for them at the same time anyways

and then occasionally when I just want a little piece of cheese it's got a hint of pepperoni. That's pretty good. And then also thinking about that, this is a relatively new thing, the plastic thing. I've paid attention to Roscoe what goes into his mouth. Oh, yeah. And like, dude, it's a shit ton of plastic. And Andy got him some chew toys the other day and when they were silicone, I guess it feels good on their teeth. Yeah.

But I'm like, okay, but everybody who gets a boob job has to get them out in 12 years that will die. Their body rejects it. Because it doesn't like silicone. Like, are we going to seem nuts? Are we going to, is this the leeches on our body from 50 years ago or 100 or whenever they did that weird shit? I try to be cognizant of that too, where I'm like, what's the thing that when my kid is 18 and 19 talking to his cousins that they're going to be like, can you believe our parents used to do this shit? Like, I'm always, like, looking around. But that's the thing about it is you can't, you won't know.

Like, you know what I mean? You don't even have to go back to the 1500s and all that. It's like, you know, 100 years ago, I also used to have a bill where I said something about, like, 100 years ago. They put babies in cages. Candy was heroin. It was cough syrup or something. And then cough syrup was heroin or something like that.

I'm talking about giving kids heroin and stuff. But also, like, in the 50s, they're in the big, like, nuclear craze and shit. kids could buy like, you know, Billy's own fucking at-home uranium laboratory or whatever that had like actual little pieces of radioactive rocks and shit in them. And, you know, you used to be able to order monkey through the mail and all that stuff. But he'd like, but that's, you know, that's where we were breaking thermometers and playing with the mercury.

Right. That's what our dads were kids. When we were kids, even just, you know, whipping asses for, this is one example. That was just one generation ago. Yeah. graph paper. So, I mean, yeah, it could be the chew toys. I mean, you know, you know babies and toddlers and stuff, they'd be shoving her thing

in their mouth. You can't help it. Even stuff that is not meant to be in there. Yeah. So, like, it's kind of hard to police it entirely. But that don't mean you got to, that you should give them things made specifically for them to shove in their mouth that you think don't hit to be in a baby's mouth. Yeah, that was one of the realizations I had early on was like, if he dropped his passie at

like a restaurant on the ground, I would like immediately grab it and run and go wash it and put it back as a mat. And I probably still would as like a showy thing. But if he drops his passion on a floor at home, I'm like, well, he just licked the floor. Right. So what's the difference?

What I always started telling myself, and I mean, I still do kind of believe this, is that that type of thing is good for you. It's good for their immune system and stuff to build up resistance to those types of things. Like, it's all right for them to fucking lick the floor. And obviously it is kind of gross. We lick the floor.

Right. Right. We turned out fine. God damn it. And I've known people that had kids that were very, like, germaphobe friends of mine who had kids and then they treat their kids like, you know, like you just said, anything, everything gets sanitized, anything. There's no leeway with any of that at all. And, you know, and I feel like they kids be, get sick or sick of stuff. Or maybe, maybe it's just that those people also freak out more about minor illness. Yeah, right. It could be, it's like a correlation and causation thing. Yeah, yeah. way, I let mine lick the floor, goddammit, and they're, you know, mostly fine. My daddy's daddy before me. Yeah.

Like the goddamn floor. God made dirt, dirt won't hurt. That's what we used to say. Put it in the ones. I got made of plastic now, dog. Yeah, that's true. That don't hit. Corey, is the, were you, the panic attack is totally unrelated to the rat bread or it?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or panic attack is just out of nowhere?

Yeah, just, you know, it's, well, I mean, I don't think it's out of fucking nowhere. I can, you know, but, but like, you know, it's one of those things where it feels out of nowhere and then I start thinking and I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, I do have a lot on me and I have been subconsciously thinking about it a lot while pushing a lot of others away. There was one thing I wanted to ask y'all that's kind, it's not about anxiety really, but I just want to add y'all like each of you, let's say you are sleeping, whether you're napping or it's the morning, you've been to sleep all night. Either way, you be sleep. and like your wife or when your kids ain't old enough yet but when your kid gets old enough one of them comes in the room is like hey right you know like Drew or Corey hey maybe like that type of thing like trying to gently wake you up how what happens how I'd be like out I'd be like you better go back to your daddy what the fuck are you doing here Roscoe first thing I'd say right how do you it happened this morning that's the first thing to do is that what you do it depends on

how deep asleep I'm in. This morning I was clearly in a deep sleep because Amber poked me and I went full hi-ya! That's why I'm asking is because Katie was, I mean, she's well aware at this point. We've been together 15 years, but it came up this morning because it happened. When I, my dad used to always be like that.

Like, and I remember, like, laughing at my dad when I was a kid him being that way, but now like, every time. Like, it don't matter. How gently she nudges me or her chair, whatever? I'm like, what, what? Yeah. You ever grab a wrist and turn it? And I, I don't know. I'm like, but I also though, if I don't fully wake up, I'll start saying insane shit.

Like, and my dad used to do that too. Like, I can like respond without actually being awake and then just start talking like nonsense, like completely. Like, and I don't remember. I'm asleep, but I'm talking to her and answering questions and stuff. But it makes no sense at all. And I just didn't know how common either of those things were or if y'all had out, because I know my dad did them both. and now I do too, but it sounds like you do the alarm, because I don't wake up screaming generally.

How I do a lot, even if somebody taps me. Well, see, I figured you might say that. But see, I don't generally, but if I'm awakened, no matter how gently, I wake up like I'm in a blind panic. Like, what, what is it? You know, and like, I don't know why, and I've always done that. So, Drew. I'll be doing that.

I hope, um, not all the time if someone wakes me, but sometimes when someone wakes me and then also sometimes on my own. Here's another layer to it that hopefully in my life I won't experience again. When I'm drunk, if I fall asleep, and then I'm woken up for some reason and like the most common way this would happen in the past

is like you pass out on a couch, but it ain't your final location. Man. Or this has happened to me a couple of times. Long cab ride. or Uber ride after a big drunk, you fall asleep. The best story, I guess, version of that, one that's the most entertaining,

because my friend Micah is a literal sociopath. Yeah, I know Michael. We fell asleep in a couch, in a cab, on the way back from downtown Boston all the way to Newton Mass where law school was. It's about an hour cab ride that time of day. Where'd you go to law school? Boston College.

Anything going on with them? They beat the shit out of Florida State, go with us. Oh yeah, brother. Word up. All right, go ahead. Just wanted to shout out about BC, you know, football. Yeah, pretty cool. So we split the cat with these two girls that we knew.

We weren't like super tight with them, but like friendly, they were in our circle or whatever. I fell asleep in the back. Micah and them worked something out while I was asleep. I didn't know any of that. We get to our school, which is. not where Michael or myself live, and I get woken up, confused, drunk, and I have this thing where when that happens, I can be demonic. Another great story is, it also happens to me when I do, when I have surgery. Every single time, every single time I come out of anesthesia.

Every single time I come out of anesthesia. Like four for four now, when I wake up, I'm confused, and I get my heart anesthesia. and I get mad. Didn't you almost fight a nurse one time over a cheeseburger or something? Yes, I'll tell that story next. So I wake up and I'm like, well, Drew, we're here. It's Micah. I guess I sort of recognize Micah.

We're in a cab. You get out of the cab. I turn and I go, where are we at? Micah goes, we're at school. And he goes, they said they weren't taking us all the way home. And I said, who? And he was like, Stacey and Victoria, well, they're telling the cab driver the next spot to go to so they're not leaving yet.

I just start banging on the window, calling them fucking cunts. Yeah, yeah. By the way, for all I know, none of this is true. Right. This is all told to me. Right. Just fucking beating on it. What the fuck?

The cab like pulls out, scared. I'm like, you fucking sluts. fuck you. And then I'm like, what the fuck happened? And Mika was like, yeah, they just said we couldn't ride with him anymore. And then we walked to his house through the woods from school, which is about a 10-minute walk. That ain't yet. And on that, I came to, I come to having a conversation with Micah, and I literally go, who are we talking about?

And he goes, Stacey and Victoria. And I go, what are you talking about? And he goes, they just left us, dude. You got really mad. And I go, what did I say? And he told me the story. I just told you guys. I had to apologize to them the next day. While I was asleep,

they had agreed to pay for the entire $100 cab fare. A lot of money back then. Micah and I would just walk through the woods. I didn't know any of that and just called them stupid cunts and sluts because of it. And understand

it was like 10 degrees outside. Yeah, I was about to ask you, because I knew. Walking through the woods, don't hit, you know. No. It's just 20 minutes walking, and I'm not, I'm not, I'm literally 10 degrees. I mean, that ain't it. I get that there's a compromise there.

We'll pay for the whole thing if y'all do this. But like, you know, I hate to fucking cold. 20 minute walk through the woods and 10 degree weather, worth $100. It's worth $100 to me. I would be like, no, I'll pay the $100. Fuck that. Michael just wanted to walk through the woods because he's one of those like.

Let's do a stupid thing. This is what we need at the end of the night, brother. And then we get there, we're going to do pushups and eat some lean meat. Yeah. That sounds like Robbie, another. sociopath, I know. Right. Real quick, I think I've told this one before, but, uh, woke up from my blood clot surgery. And the upshot of what's going on is they didn't get all the clots. They were in there for many hours and they just didn't get them all. They had to like regroup. When I came out, they were explaining this to me and I was like, cool. Apparently I was like, I apparently I literally said, hey, I don't care about any of that. I need to eat.

Will you please get me a burger? And she goes, well, absolutely get you a burger. And she goes, well, absolutely get you a burger, honey, but not until you see the doctor. And I was like, okay. And then I can get a burger. And she goes, well, it depends. He may want to do surgery again. And then you can't eat because you can't have stuff in your stomach, you know, before the surgery.

And I said, I'm not doing another surgery then. And you're going to give me a burger. And she's like, honey, I can't do that. I tell you what, why don't we talk to the doctor? And apparently I go, why don't we talk to the doctor? I said something like, don't patronize me. Don't talk to me like a child.

I'm speaking to you here. If you want to go get the doctor, go get him. But don't do that. Maybe I'll go find an authority figure. I don't give a shit what he says. I don't give a shit what you say. I want a cheeseburger.

And she's like, you're going to get sick if you eat it. And I said, well, I guess we'll see. And then like my dad was there. And my dad was like, Drew,

like he did that like tone of like, you know, your dad when you're 15. And I looked at him and I go, what are you going to do? You're going to beat me up while I got fucking needles in my arm, Dad? Why don't you do that, Dad? Why don't you hit me while I'm in this bed? Or instead, why don't you go get me a cheeseburger?

My dad had to leave the hospital. Because he wanted to beat your ass so bad. And then she brought me the cheeseburger, and I vomited a meat. Like literally halfway three the first bite. It hit for her so hard. And then that night, I was in the ICU because I was. was on the most like the strongest blood thinner known demand and I had to be in the ICU in case anything went wrong because I could easily bleed to death and I thought I was bleed to death because

I was pissing blood and this nurse came in and was super mean to me uh I thought like cut the nurse button my mom's there my mom's like praying I'm pissing blood I'm like mom call handy I think I might be dimmed nurse comes in turns every light on in my room at four in the morning and goes do you need a little attention? And I was like, well, I don't know. I'm just, you know, my pee's black and, oh, well, you, your pee's black because you're peeing some blood. I got a six-week-old next door that can't breathe on its own. Why should I give a shit about you?

And I was like, ah, and she goes, you're not going to die. It's fine. We knew you were going to piss blood. We told you you were going to piss blood. You forgot about it. But I know you were mean to my friends, and I want you to know that if you're mean to me, I have drugs to kill you and I will get away with it. If my dick wasn't already full of blood, it would have been after she said that.

It murdered me. I started dying. Nothing in the world could have made me feel better in that moment than what you did. Because nurses don't speak to dying people like that, even if they're, you know, not for like one incident. And then I apologize to the nurse I yell at later and she goes, that wasn't even close to the worst thing that's ever happened post-surgery. Right. But anyway, alcohol and anesthesia. And, you know, there's that great Andre the Giant story where, like, he has to ask,

the anesthesiologist had to ask him how many vikas he has to drink to get drunk. Yeah. So they're related. There's like some sort of chemical thing without. Yeah. Anyway, I come out of it. If I come out of it confused, what, I mean, I've stayed on here before, fight or flight, I'm all fight, baby.

And I'm just mad. I've jerked. Avi's out of my arm before, blood all over, just confused. and when I'm confused, I'm just going to react poorly because it's like, I think I'm trapped. There's no part of my brain going. You're in the hospital.

Come down. My brain's going, these people got me. I got to leave. Right, right. I think I'm just so used to the, because like I said, every time I wake up,

unless I just like naturally just come to and I'm awake, if there's any kind of alarm or anything like that, initially, it's nothing but confusion. That's part of what I was saying earlier. It's like I never, and especially traveling all the time, time, dude, anytime I take a nap on the road

or wake up in the morning. My first thought is like, radio, show, fucking, fuck, show, what time? Where? Where in? What city am I? Like, that type of thing. I have no idea what anything is. I'm so confused about everything. So I'm like, that's just my reality. So I think that's why I don't get pissed off about it, because I'm like,

that's all I've ever known when it comes to waking up. But only one time ever, and I was, this was years ago. But I was drunk, like, pert near blackout drunk, if not. And I was staying at producer bryson's house rest of peace a long time ago we'd been to a concert or something and uh and i woke up in the middle of the night because i had to pee real bad and it was pitch black in the guest room and i had no idea where i was barely knew who i had no idea what anything

was and i just completely lost my mind again and i don't i'm not processing that i'm doing any of this i just went berserk like a caged animal and i just started like he had an old printer that he didn't need, like an HP printer on an entertainment center in that room. Dude, I destroyed that. Like I just grabbed it, fucking ripped it off the thing. He was throwing it in the wall and ripping it apart and all this shit.

Like, what the fuck? Fucking fuck. Just like tearing this thing apart, whatever. And he like came in there, like, turned the light on. I see brass. And then I'm like, I know everything. It just all dawns on me. And I was like, oh, what?

Dude, I don't, did I just do that? Did I do that? I'm sorry. hit for him. I mean, he did, he did, he thought it was hilarious.

But yeah, I, uh, he didn't give a fuck about that printer. I thought, luckily it wasn't anything that, like, hit for him or was actually,

he's been, well, but like, that's the only time I've ever responded like that, though. The fact that Drew does that every time is pretty hilarious. Yeah. Every time that I've hammered or anesthetized.

Yeah. I think, like, I don't yell at my children or wife, Trey. So, how about that? Well,

I don't, I yell in, fear. I'm not like, get the fuck out. It's not like that. What is this? To be clear, me too. Yeah. Right. You know what I mean? Like every time this is, even like the cheeseburger thing was me going like, all right, I got to be in control here, you know, I guess. I mean, again, I'm told these stories. I often wonder, you know, I feel like maybe people are making them worse. Yeah, I could see Micah doing that where like, I was going to ask you like when you apologize to those girls? Are you sure Micah hadn't talked to him first?

They said that I was like, I'm really sorry. I woke up. I was confused. Micah didn't tell me that y'all worked at a deal. I think he thought it was funny. And they were like, one of them literally goes, that's exactly what I said happened, that Micah confused you. And I was like, well, he said I was really mean to you guys. And they were like, you were beating on the window. It was weird. And I was like, I'm sorry. No one addressed whether or not I said the C word or not. I bet I didn't. That's how I know Micah and Robbie are very similar, because if the same thing happened to me, and the next day I was like, I'm so sorry girls,

they'd be like, we figured that Robbie tricked you. We figured that. Our first thought was that Robbie tricked you. Trust us. Don't worry about it. One night at like a law school event, like skiing, people were playing beer pong. And Micah decided he didn't like this girl that Andy was playing against.

And he kept like agging Andy on to like talk shit and kept telling Andy like lies. and then guy Andy to call that girl a cunt. So I'm now realizing that's just his move. If I did say that, it's because Michael was going, call her a cunt. Like, it's that dang cookbick. Get the jelly twat.

Yeah. Thanks, man. I forgot about that one. I was just thinking, too, about anesthesia. Like, when a dude is in the hospital bed and he's got a bunch of wires in him, like, that's really our only time where we're allowed to talk the maddest shit ever without anyone punching us in a mouth. I was just like being a wife any other time.

I was about to go into that exact same. subject sort of with another fear of mine, but we'll, we'll get into that right after this word from our sponsor, y'all is, and we all got kids. My kids are older. I've been feeding mine for a long time. They are picky, one of them much more so than the other. It's frankly kind of a bane of my existence. From the planning, shopping, and prepping and cooking of meals, getting everyone to actually enjoy what you made, it can be kind of stressful. There's a gift that me and Chosher back and forth a lot of a monkey with a chef hat who looks utterly disdainful. upset and disappointed that it seems someone didn't appreciate what he had just cooked for them.

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Speaking of kids, I've been wanting to tell y'all this for a long time. Well, hang on, because I want to, you said the anesthesia thing. So just before we move on from that, I was already, what I always am worried about, because I've had multiple surgeries, I've had more surgeries than a man in his 30s should have had, too. I've had two on my eyes and one of my sinuses in the past six years or whatever. And when I'm always, 40s now, so he's actually had the right amount of surgeries. Right. Yeah.

Last week, he had had too many surgeries now. Yeah. He's had the right amount of surgeries. What I'm always worried about now, because all those have taken place in Southern California, too. like you were talking about how we can say and I know that they see everything and I know they'd think in reality they'd think

you're going to say the N word I'm way I was going to put it specifically is I'm worried I'll start rapping some of my favorite DMX jazz from when I was 14 or whatever you know what I mean? Word for word and they may not be as familiar with DMX as Ovois as I am you know what I mean they may only know the hits

they don't know the B sides and the deep cuts so to them it's just sound like freestyling or whatever but I'm just dropping M bonds left and right It's funny that you think one of America's greatest artists of all times B-side, they'll think in the nurses room that you just got freestyling. Yeah, you're right. That is a really good point.

There's no way they would think it was freestyling. But either way, that they might not immediately recognize it and just key in on all the N-words and stuff. Yeah, what I mean? If any of us are saying any number of phrases and that word is among them, it's going to be highlighted and it's going to be the only thing that people hear. That's seriously what I, that's what's in my head every time, is that. Is that how you count backwards? You know, like whenever they tell me.

As far as I know, no one's ever told me any stories of me being any kind of out of pocket afterwards, but that don't mean I wasn't. It's just they didn't tell me if I was. I want to be clear. I've also been very sweet when I've been out of it and just tell everybody how much I love them and cried tears and joy. I normally when I start to come to out of a surgery, I'm just very pathetic and whiny. like I think I'm dying, you know, trying to get pills, basically, that type of time.

Yeah, yeah. That's what I do. There's no way this is, this can't be normal. This is right. And they're like, that's exactly how you're supposed to feel. It's like, I don't think so. This is bad. That's what I'm doing. Anytime I've ever had anesthesia or if they've just, or if it's just been like the laughing gas at the doctor and I sort of start coming to, I immediately realize, oh, I'm fucking, oh, I'm fucked up on drugs and I'm like, oh, I'm like, let's fucking, let's let this ride out. You know what I mean? Like, somebody, bring me beers, you know, whatever. But I don't, yeah, I've only had, like, I haven't had enough surgery. I should have had way more surgeries than both of y'all, for the record, and I've had way less.

I mean, the only thing you're more reckless about than us is drugs. Like, what, like, where are you getting at? Why do you think you just went through a whole thing about you had a panic attack because your wife did the bread wrong. But that wasn't what, no, no, no, no. I've been fighting off a panic attack all, but even before that. Had nothing to do with the rat bread. Again, that was.

Like, other than drugs, and then maybe when you were young and single, the sex related to drugs. Well, and dude, my cholesterol. But like, the sex doesn't lead to surgery. That just leads to more pills. Yeah, I guess you're right. But, I mean, nobody, eh, my grand, I guess I. I'd be riding skateboards.

Like, the first hospital visit was I tried to ride my big wheel down the slide. I fell off. See, I'm just cursed by God. It's also possible I need surgery, and I just, they don't know. That's true. You know what I mean? Blood clot thing was initially a football injury. that I ignored.

Yeah, right. And then that's a scar tissue, you know what I mean? So, yeah, that's possible. Yeah, I got some of those. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, you're saying, like, I should need surgeries. It's like, well, not yet.

It's usually genetic things. Heart surgery one day, yes. Oh, yeah. If we have to get heart surgery before you, I'm going to be furious. Well, I'm already, yeah, I'm taking care of that. Oh, wait, I've already had heart surgery. And that's why I'm so mad. Yeah, no, I'm working on that.

Me and my friend, what's he called? I can't remember what my cholesterol pill is called, but me and him, we're working on it. together in tandem. Anyways, I wanted to read y'all this. I thought it would hit for y'all. This is, I don't know why. I haven't looked at podcast reviews.

I don't look at our comments as much they're used to. Like every now and then, if we did something new, I might be like, let's see what they thought of this. But I try to stay away from it off. We had this podcast review that usually if they're shitting on it, it's like, oh, fuck these guys in their politics. Or if it's not about politics, they'll only be shitting on one of us. You know what I mean? Like in this episode, you know, Corey ate a muffin.

I could tell. I could hear the muffin, you know, or whatever. It's rare that it's not about politics and they shit on all of us. And it happened in one thing. And it was someone who was a fan. They said, and I quote, one star, one star. I've been listening to these guys for five years and I've loved every minute of it,

except now because all they do is talk about their dumb fucking kids. One star. Oh, yeah. I've been listening to it. Five years. Five years these guys have hit for me. One star. All they do is talk about their dumb fucking kids. Now that tells you

that, say, I kept it cool. See, for those five years, I had kids that whole time. You talked about him too. It's just me and Drew would balance out. And I was, you know, I was a cool dude about it. I don't know. I know a cool dude, so I want to hear people talking about their kids. Now,

uh, I, you didn't have your kids. whilst starting the podcast, I would imagine. Right. That's me being... I mean, no, I get it. I don't give a fuck, though. We've been around a long time.

We'd be getting older and stuff. That's a whole review. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fuck these guys. One star. Loved them. Loved them for five years.

Loved them. One star. All they do is talk about their dumb fucking kids. And my immediate reaction in my mind is like, okay, this show kind of started out political and we were always trying to interview political. But then we eventually moved away from that. And it just became about our lives, like what was going on in our lives.

and now the thing that is going on in our lives is fucking kids. Like, I don't know what else to talk to you about in the week. That's all I've been dealing with. You know what I mean? It's also just not, I mean, it's not really true. I mean, we've been on this one now for 40 minutes, and I'm pretty sure all we've talked about kid-wise is this comment. Yeah, right.

It's not true. And the food stuff. In a commercial, I guess, yeah. I don't know, man. I just don't care. Oh, I don't care either. That person's not listening right now, I would have. imagine if they are good on them for like trying to see if we'd react or whatever.

And now I've done this. Very kidlike of them to want his three daddies to notice his little comment, give him some attention. Oh, you'd think it was a guy? Uh, yeah. That's not a war. I definitely feel like it's a guy. You don't think it's a guy? Your head went to a woman?

My head went to woman just because most of our fans are women. And I feel like, I feel like in like, I'm not saying men won't leave. Okay, because a podcast review. is a deeper level of commitment that I think most men have. I think men will fire off a comment. It was one sentence. To me, I know that it's not universal. I know those women's that do this,

but to me, that type of vitriolic kids don't hit stuff, it's just screams, man, to me. The name is like- reviews on stuff other than maybe Yelp. Like, this is basically a Reddit comment to me. Anyway, what was the name that was given? The name was like, I'm not going to say the actual thing, but it's like their iPhone username.

It's like CR3-99. You know what? It's not indicative of being a woman or a guy. That's not a woman either. Yeah. No, that's a guy. Yeah, I just assume all our, like, you know, my Instagram skews like 78% women.

I just assume like a dude I feel, do you know what? This is low-key sexist to me, obviously, because in my life I'm like, no, a dude would have the good sense to just move on and not say something. You know what I mean? Well, now you're right.

Comments for women. You got your wish. Um, bro, you don't get, I know you get a lot of hateful comments and stuff too on just other shit outside. I do. And I feel like it's very often dudes. But those are dudes that aren't fans of mine. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Like, we do have more women fans. Less so after I said what I said just now. I get that. But like, I just always assume anytime, if I don't know the sex of the person based on their username and it's like positive. It's, I know it's one of our fans. I always assume it's a woman first. Always assume first. And then. Maybe I'll find out it's a dude, but like I go straight to woman. And I'm sorry, especially when it's negative.

I've been in fucking comedy clubs my whole life. They're the ones to heckle the most. That's true. And I think that's just because there's no punched in the face possibility or less of one. Exactly. That's why dudes only heckle when we're on anesthesia. Right. Or the internet because there's no punch through face capacity on the internet either.

That's true. That dude can suck my dick. If you're listening, or woman, suck my dick. I didn't think I'd be able to segue into this so I wasn't going to talk about it, but this is actually perfect because we're talking about comments on the internet and getting negative ones.

So there's this guy, I know him. He produced some don't tales in San Francisco, and I've done him before. I don't know him that well. I found out after I met him, he's a stand-up comic and a producer, that he's Steve Balmer's son. Whoa, really?

Yes, from owning the Warriors. Huh? So the, you know, the were the clippers? Now, the Clippers, right? Clippers, yeah. Right. Because this kid lives in the Bay is why I did that. Anyway,

he posted this joke, which is pretty good. Honestly, while I was watching it, I was like, oh, he wrote a joke about himself, but from someone else's point of view, like, that's actually kind of interesting. The joke is if you buy a house because your parents

have money, you're supposed to tell me that. Don't make me play along with this. I got a buddy who's 27 and he just bought a house and he told me that. And that's all he said. So now I have to be like, that's great. I guess DJing's going well when we all know his parents bought it. And I was like, I cannot wait to see these comments.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn't go mega viral, but it's like it's doing pretty well or whatever. Buddy. It's Spider-Man pointing. Yeah. like, yo, tell us how much your dad's worth. And then someone wrote, did someone roast you with this joke at a roast? And then you pretend that it was DJ instead of a comedian.

And genuinely, my reaction is the comic is, hell yeah, dude, good for you. Good for you, unless someone else did write the joke, that would be so funny. But unless somebody else read the joke, good for you that you're like, yeah, I'll do a joke about people with rich parents being annoying. Because who would fucking know better than me? Exactly.

Who would know better than me? Right what you know. Right what you know. All of his friends are that guy. There's no way that, like, Steve Balmer's kids don't exclusively hang out with like Tim Cook's kids. You know what I mean? That's literally what I thought. I thought this did happen to him, I bet. And I bet his only thing is, hey, man, you don't have to lie to me, y'all. Right, right. Come on. It's me of all people. Like, what the fuck are you doing here? Like, I got you this houseworming gift. I couldn't afford it. My dad's credit card pay for your houseworm gift. Yeah, exactly. I feel like that's a real. high level, man. Like, to me, I would think that the kids of all those dudes would be like, hey, we just acquired another villa. And there would be this, like, understanding of, do you know what I mean? That none of them would even think, like, oh, did DJing pay for that villa?

Right. Like, unless you're Steve Aoki or whatever, you know, his dad. Well, the thing is, his dad started Benny Hanna, so he's like a rich kid, but he's like, he made a DJ and, like, no, I think some of those people are. Yeah, you didn't know that Steve Aoki, the cake throwing DJ? So standing in front of a little table and making people happy while you throw food at him is genetic. Yeah, it's a guy he's gotten in his blood. Yeah.

Oh, dude, speaking of witch! Speaking of which, fucking Joey chestnut, baby. Do you see him wipe the floor with that motherfucker? No, and I figured that other dude would win. Wasn't that other dude like him? Jim versus Kobayashi. I don't have it right in front of me, but I'm pretty sure he beat him like 86 to 68. Like it was, like, he ate two more hot dogs per minute than fucking Kobayashi did.

Like, Ray Mysterio was there and gave Kobe, or gave fucking Joey Chestnut a goddamn belt right afterwards. Like, it was fucking, dude, he went, he set the world record. He set the world record to get his own fucking record. I thought Kobayashi broke his record. No, dude, Chestnut's had it for like 10 years straight. Kobe Joshi, I believe. He's like the OG.

He was the dude before Chestnut. He was. He took the mantle away from him, is what happened. And a lot of people thought he was going to come back and take it back. Dude, the thing is, like, not even close. Like, literally not even close. Nobody has ever fucking eating more hot dogs than Joey Chestnut. Just when you think that motherfucker has lost a step, all right?

Let me tell you something. He has not. He's gained one. He leveled up. Is that rich, would you do stand up or DJ? No, no. Fuck no. I cook every day.

But I wouldn't try outside of the jokes. Does that make sense? I think I would produce. Two shows with my friend, like you guys are in town. I'd be a hobbyist. This day I moved to New Orleans. Trey's got a show in New Orleans. I'd be like, buddy, can I jump on?

I do open mics. He would have no effect on. Like, I would just, there would be no like, you would be like, damn, that joke's six years old. And they'd be like, you got a damn right. You damn right. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I'm with you. I think about that shit all the time. Used to, man. There was like that dumb, hopeful artist in me that was like, no, man, like, this is what I do. You know what I mean? Like, I would never. And now that I have a kid, I'm like,

I got a number. I totally got a number that I would just like, again, like I'm not saying that if someone, if you were passed through, you're like,

y'all, I'm doing the festival. You know, you're going to be here for the festival. You already did. Oh yeah, I already did that. Yeah,

you're right. But I still, like I got a show. You could have to show at all. Speaking, well, hold on. Before,

I do have a show in Center Alabama, September 13th, and I'm doing comics for Carmelah, uh, October 11th. So I do,

I pick my spots. I pick my spots. But I still, but the reason I can afford to not do stand-up is because I'm working really hard on other stuff I wouldn't be doing this shit either like if I was already really rich like I think I would you know what I'd do

here'd be my moot I would like you do some I would yes I would but it'd be like I would go right for two weeks at my main house you know what I mean in the attic with a state or the number one do what yeah the state or number one house no state like like Stephen King

you know what I mean like yeah dude no I would never right at my main house because that's, I mean, if you're, sanctuary, if you're the, if you're the, if you're the, if you're the, if you're the scion of that kind of wealth, I mean, you, like, part of those,

I wouldn't do shit, bro, I'd travel and be a philanthropist, right? But we are still creative. But I also, those, a lot of them, not, you know, I've never met a single one of these motherfuckers, but I've got, you know, they have some kind of drive to prove

to, or illustrate, like, I'm not just I still got it. I have like something to offer. And a lot of times I feel like they start organizations or companies or something that their dad gives them the money to start. Wait, oh wait. Are we talking about that we were born super loaded or we just

got super loaded now? I'm currently talking about the people that are born that like that are from St. Balmer's I don't know. I like Pete and I think it's cool he does stand up. I think I could see myself doing it. I can't see myself doing like the extra like

posted and what times the algorithm fuck no I'm gonna produce this show so I can meet new comment like that part of it buy them buy all that I could totally see myself trying to be funny because you want an identity right right and by the way part of the reason I think

we have the perspective we have is like we wouldn't do shit we know in our hearts and it by the way it took me a long time to get here it was like on the well red tour like towards the back end where I was like oh I'm great yeah right like like a few shows in a row and then you go do a show that's not a well-read show in New York and you're like, I got fucking great at this.

I needed that. Getting that, then I, like, I guess what I'm saying is I may be completely full of shit. I might have, like, have to have gotten there with something anyway, but it sure feels like I'd just be like, yeah, but I can just get good. I don't need anyone to know. Yeah, right. Other than, like, Trey Crowder and Corey and Sam, you know what I mean? I don't need the world to know.

I need the world to know now because it's. it's the only way to make month. Yeah, no. Yeah, couching it like that is, you're correct. Like, I do want the world to know now, but in my brain, I'm like, isn't that, though, just because if the world knows, that means more eyeballs are on it, which means more clicks, which means more money so your kid can go to school. You know what I mean?

But, like, I was looking at from the perspective of, like, it's us now, and someone just hands us $500 million, and is like, this yours, you know what I mean? It's like, what would motivate me to get the fuck up and do something? And I'm like, well, I would make a movie with us. That's what I'm saying. I would say the same thing. I would finance. I would take $15, $20 million of that and make a movie, at least one movie and see if it hits.

And if it does hit, then I'll try to make another one. If it don't hit, then I'll go to an island somewhere or whatever. And that's that. Yeah. I think that's what I would do. You could also like start something, you know, like, however that, whatever that means, whether it's a production company or if you just love stand-up, you could, I mean, dude, what Rogan did.

what Rogan did is interesting. Like, Joe Rogan's stand-up sucks, but like I admire that he is like, I do what I love. It's like he spends a, like he said before, he spends a shit ton of money on food, and the reason why is it never gets old to him. He's like, getting rich makes the things you love kind of suck because they get old. He's like, not food for me. Not food, yeah, that's so true. And apparently not comedy for him, which poor bastard, I wish it would have.

Well, I was speaking to his club. That thing stuck, God. I didn't watch the new special. I still, his old shit hits for me, and that's fine. But I was listening to Ron White the other day talk about Rogan's new club and like the model of his new club versus like what the comedy store and what the comedy seller do. And like, uh, I, I had to give it up to Rogan.

Like, he's, he's paying the dudes. Like, not just the Ron White's. You know what I mean? Like, he's like, he's paying the comics way more than the $50 sets or what. Now, I don't know how long that will last, but I think that's a, that came from Joe realizing like how many people in L.A. and New York. we're having to cram all these $50 sets in to survive. And so when you do the mothership, which is a showcase club,

he pays him a lot more, which I respect. But, yeah, it would be cool to own a club. But then you're like, I don't want to be fucking Rick Bronson, be like, you know what I mean? Like, oh, no, I'm a comedian first and a business owner second. Like, no, you quickly become not that. You know what I mean? Yeah, but in this scenario, you're so rich, you don't have to be the business.

Right. You just, I just, I just, I just, The best people. Yeah. I buy a club and I go to my favorite club and I go, I'll pay you twice to move and run this one. He's literally what he did. He stole Eagut, Adam Eaget, yeah, who did Norma's podcast.

Yeah. And ran the store. He was like, moved to Austin and he was more money. But also, he was already kind of king of all media when he did all that, meaning like, that club has been, every show has been packed every night since it opened. And it will be for a very long time. And he knew, he knew that would be the case, or at least he should. he knew it would be the case and it has been and yeah it will be for the foreseeable future that is also

a massive factor in sure thing you're saying and paying the people and just the whole experience and everything about it it's not really wouldn't be the same like about you know if my ass tried to put a club in knoxville or whatever it'd be pretty different oh no i definitely ain't doing it here fuck that shit you know what i mean i mean where are you going to do it i mean i'll buy the dc imprive because i want to live in dc i just buy the dc mpriv we got to have a billion dollars thing yeah yeah yeah yeah there you go yeah i think i would dedicate some portion of what the club or whatever it was i was working on to creating genres like clearly defined so that crowds can understand right every committee is not the same they don't

like and why yeah because i think it is fucking people up to like go to this show and they expect certain things and they get other things and like and i'm going to be honest me, I'm not interested in doing what I do in front of Brian Holtsman's crowd. Or Matt, right. Or might, or like, it's, I mean, my dad go through that all the time. He's like, my dad is the king of, like, he definitely supports me and is glad I'm successful and is proud of me. But he's also constantly sending me clips of shit I should be doing. You know what I mean? He's like, now this is it. This right here, what you're doing? Fuck that. This right here is it. And I'm like, he's like, if you did this, you would get more different types of

people to and I was like I don't I don't want different types of people I just want more volume of the same types of people like I don't want these like I god love you but like you're right you know and they're like no and that they'll say something they go any comedian should be able to go up at any time and fucking you know whatever and it's like I'm sorry but like no uh I I shouldn't necessarily be able to just go up in front of Jeff Dunham's crowd and murder with my same material that's not how it works. These people want a different thing than what I do. Like, you don't say that in movies. You don't think that like if someone, like a crowd is sitting there through like this great movie, you know, like God, Godfather or whatever the fuck. And they're like, and now your movie

should hit exactly the same for them as that one did. But yours is the lighthouse. It's like, what do you mean? These are two different things. I mean, music is, I think, a lot easier to make people see what our point is. If Taylor Swift, who is, or Beyonce or whoever, you know, these are big acts, these are known acts, these are acts that are clearly talented. If they go up in front of Slayer's crowd, some people would still like it. But not everybody. A lot of people hate it.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like, like, uh, the same with the movies too. George Strait couldn't just go to a little Wayne concert and just start. He's the greatest. You know what I'm saying?

If I was there, I was so pumped. Oh, it would be awesome, dude. I'd be fired up. And I think a lot of rap fans would be like, man, he could sing, but he needs to get to to fuck off stage soon. Exactly. And that's not what they want.

Right, and I think you should be able to do that as a comic for 10, maybe 15. Yes, yeah, of course. And I can. I know I can. I can't him up in front of Jeff Dunham, people. But I honestly think, for me, comedy I'm interested in, it actually shouldn't work if you're doing 45 or, like, in front of everybody. I am so uninterested personally.

And there's some comics who I can think of who could do it, who I respect, but I don't, I'm not interested in their specials. if you can do 60 in front of anybody, I personally want to know more about you. I want something in there that is going to turn some people off. Yeah, it's not saucy enough. You got to have something to run these people the fuck out of here. And I respect, like, Seinfeld and Bargazzi.

Sure. But, like, I don't watch their stuff. Right. Yeah. No, I hear you. I mean, I just, I'm so with you on the, if I have. What's that? I love them for 90 seconds.

Yeah, no, I mean, I love them. I love them, period. But I hear what you're saying. Like, they're a genre. We're a genre. Matt Rife is a genre. Like, crowd work. Like, because, dude, now, you know, we notice this, we've noticed this a lot.

Like, now people kind of expect the crowd work. And it's like, hold on. But for the full time, but for the full time, like, I get a little bit. Here's my hot take on that. It's probably not the first thing, but it's the first thing you can point to and anyone can see it, whether they're in comedy or not. This is comedy's first time we stole from black people and pretended like we invented it.

It's like every black comic ever has been doing exactly what Matt Rife does. And they're going, and you've got 25 million to do that on Netflix? Yeah, it's literally the same as jazz. Yeah, it's literally the same as jazz. It's improvisation, bullshit. And we still-in-his audience. Look at who they are. He's literally Elvis.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. Little girls throwing their fucking panties up. Yeah. And just like Elvis, Matt will acknowledge, I came up in black rooms in Atlanta. You know, Ralphie Mae took me on the road. Every other comic who took me on the road when I was young was black.

You know what I mean? No, dude, and that's my thing is I ain't got a problem with it. I'm saying like, it should be okay for you to be like, hey, oh, did you see Matt Rice's new special? It should be okay for you to go, I don't like the crowdwork genre. You know what I mean? Like, but nothing against that person. It's like how, you know, my dad don't have anything against individual rappers.

He just don't care for rap. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, I'm sure they are good at it. I don't like that whole thing. Therefore, I wouldn't know if they were good at it or not, because I don't fuck with that. It is just so funny in Raven that seemingly all of the things that are the biggest things in comedy right now are the things that we don't do or don't want to do.

Be really short. Don't be verbose. Right. Only talk to the crap. Don't be, you know, I mean, don't be remotely leftist or woke or anything. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like for the only thing that's edgy is being.

conservativey, edgy or whatever. That's only thing to count anymore. The crowd work shit, all that stuff. And it's like, none of that was a thing, even when we started. You know what a bit? Like, I never saw any of that coming. No. And, uh, dude, I didn't see clips coming.

It don't hit. Yeah. I saw clips coming. I don't think I saw any of that other shit coming. I only saw clips coming because I saw it like happening real time. I started in the Bush administration. So, like, YouTube had just became a thing. And all we were doing was. watching the drinks out of cups and the fucking unforgivable guy. The people I can think of who are left and then allowed to be considered edgy,

I can think of a few brown people who, frankly, I can think one or two who I think are very funny, who like, but frankly, like, it's Dave Chappellelli, like new Dave Chappelle where it's like the punchline is at the end of a three-minute soliloquy and it's good, you know, it's good. or like someone like Jeffrey Asmus who's killing it right now and he'll have very edgy lefty, like he's got one about Palestine right now that I love. But then the next one

is about how liberals he has to go both ways or he's going to be called a cuck or what he's that. And he has jokes about how he's a cuck too. Jeffrey's awesome. He's awesome. He's the best. We all know him. He's a good dude. I love Jeffrey. But but

that it don't hit for me that he maybe he don't even feel he has to do that. Maybe he just wants to do that. But what you just described, it's like, you literally have to do that. Or like, or yeah, or it won't hit for people. And it's like, and that, that just pisses me off just in general. Not in Jeffrey, just the fact that that's a thing, that you have to like, you got both sides, everything. Everything.

And like, that's all Austin is other than Edglord shit. And I hate it so much. That never used to be a thing, dude. I don't care what anybody says. You're allowed to have your position and fucking hammer it down. But I also hate it in terms of comedy because it's like a lot of the young guys will just be like, Democrats, Republicans suck. And then like that's the end of their point.

And there's not really a punchline. And you're like, you're doing middle claptor? That's where we got to. Right. People hated right wing and left wing claptor so much that we now have middle. That was the reaction to right wing and left wing claptor. You're doing Raybone claptor. Was to create neutral claptor.

Yeah. Okay, bro. Good. You hate both parties. Wow, what a revelation you've given us 27 year old? Yeah, I was about to say we never went to grad school. Let me guess.

Did you also go on a weird date lately? You fucking piece of shit. Right. You're fucking non-contributing zero. Take a grudgeful position like the rest of us and fucking put ten toes on the goddamn ground, motherfucker. Or be really goofy and stop pretending you have anything to say and just tell me the funniest thing you could think of.

I'm okay with that too. Right. If you think politics suck, don't talk about them. Right. Yeah. Talk about... Like you didn't say anything. Right.

You're right. Say something. Take a definitive position on something. And if that happens to be the Chipotle order, good. But, but dig in. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm with you, dude.

Now. All right. Can I tell you? Okay. Come see my outmoded, uh, endangered form of comedy this weekend. And, um, at L.L. Comedy Club in San Antonio. And then after that, we in Michigan.

and then Ohio, and I got everybody open for me. You know, Caleb Signing, who's been on the show before he's going to be open for me this weekend. So come watch me get buried, and then Donnie will be back with me after that. So go to tricrouter.com and come check them all out. Come save me. I will be in Riley, North Carolina, September 15th. I've got Asheville, October 4th, Chattanooga, October, I want to say 18th or 19th.

It's all on my website. I've only got a few dates the rest of the years. You guys know I'm trying to be home, but I've got a few. I have a Don't Tell coming out, September 9th. So if you see my little clippies on Monday the night, share them, comment, do all that. For those of you don't know, don't tell is basically like comedy,

the new Comedy Central. So, you know, I'm proud of it. I'm excited. And obviously, if you guys comment and share, that helps. So that's the game we're playing that we've been railing against. Yeah, that's it for me. Listen to Gregory, baby. Next Friday, September 13th,

I'm in Center Alabama. Don't know where, but I bet if you fucking are one of the 10 people who live in Center, Alabama, you probably know where something like that would be happening. So go there next Friday, and I'll be there with my buddy, the Cassio Kid, and that'll be fun. And then on October 11th, I'm doing two shows with Friend of the Show, long time friend of the show. Our good buddy, Mr. George Wallace, I'm doing the Comics for Kamala at the Uptown Comedy Center in Atlanta, Georgia, October 11th. Come see me. It's going to come see up.

Just come see fucking George Wallace. How about that? And I'll be there. I'll disappoint you after George crushes. So thank you all for. George Wallace. What's that? Nothing.

Oh, my bad. I'm glad you did that because I also forgot. Go to we love Corey.com. Check me out there. Also, I'll have a new column coming out in the Atlanta Journal Constitution this coming Monday. Thank you all for listening to The Well Red Show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do.

Thank you. God bless you. and skew. Part two. Thank you.