wellRED podcast - #47 - A wellRED Christmas Spectacular!

Episode Date: December 27, 2017

This week is a special Holiday edition of the wellRED podcast! Full of poetry readings, drunk voicemails, and a brief dissertation on just how many farts are in a fart! (it's science)We also talk about Jim Carrey's new Andy Kaufman documentary, and try to figure out when method acting becomes a bit much.For tickets to our show, holler at the website below! Happy Holidays,and all that Jazz.. love ya!wellREDcomedy.com GetQuip.com/wellRED 

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the cue ball looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the what's up everybody it's the show well red tour updates 2018 and a kick off los angeles

california san diego california phoenix arizona ashville north carolina Dallas texas austinio texas San Antonio, Texas, Houston, Texas, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Jacksonville, Florida, West Palm Beach, Florida, Salt Lake City, Utah, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Fargo, North Dakota, New Orleans, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Lansing, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Portland, Oregon, Charleston, South Carolina, Napa, California, Spokane, Washington, Cincinnati, Ohio, Dayton, Ohio, Huntsville, Alabama, Oxford, Mississippi, Chicago, Illinois, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Oklahoma, City, Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Manolulu, Hawaii, yay! Burlington, Vermont, Portland, Maine, Norfolk, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland. If you did not hear your city on that list, stay tuned because we add dates. It seems like every week. Go to well-read comedy.com, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com, spelled just like the podcast. Sign up for our newsletter, and you will hear about dates before anybody else does, and a lot of times you get promo codes to get tickets right when they go on sale. And a lot of times our shows sell out just based on the promo code. That's always a cool thing to do.

The tour dates this week are brought to you by Smokey Boys Grillin. Go to Smokey Boysgrilling.com and pick up some smoky dust hoggub. Smokey dust hoggub is based on a recipe that dates back to the early 1930s. The beloved originator was a man who had a true passion for barbecue, seemingly his entire life, a passion that was ignited in his younger days during his travels up and down the Mississippi River. Well, if that story doesn't make you want some goddamn barbecue, I don't know what we'll. Get some smoky dust, hog rub, smokyboys grilling.com, available at Elders Ace Hardware in Dallas Bay, Dayton Boulevard, Cleveland, Udawa, Walden, East Brayard, Ringgold, my hometown of Chickamaugauga, the barn nursery, the general store at Moonpie, Sigler's Craft Beer, Fines Gas, Pruits on Signal Mountain, and of course, smokyboysgrilling.com. Tell them we sent you. Love you skew.

We really hope you enjoy this special Christmas edition of the Well-Red podcast. We hope you and yours had a happy holidays, whatever you celebrate, or if you don't celebrate anything, hope you have got to be with your loved ones and enjoy this festive season of ham. But like I said, this is a special Christmas edition of the Well-Red podcast. We're going to kick things off here with an interesting voicemail that I got from our very own Drewmore. and enjoy this voicemail that I was, I woke to yesterday morning. Merry Christmas.

Happy holidays. Shkew. What's up, everybody? It's the thuggish-ruggish show, aka Kofo, aka C-Money with the Honey Bunny. I'm not here right now. Probably drunk or taking a shit. Leave me a message. I'll call you back.

Love you. Bye. Oh, Corey. You're not answering your phone. I hope you're having a good Christmas I'm here in Tennessee I just want to call you and tell you this story of what had happened to me

I went with Andy to the Christmas play she had at her church they're Presbyterian and which I mean you know I have been to that church before I know what the deal is they're a little bit you know

boring as it were but I just thought well you know the Christmas play that'll be just like my Christmas place. We get there, you pull up to the church, it's a nice church.

I mean, you know what I mean? It's like one of those with like brick and wood and it's got stained glasses. Presbyterian's got money. Everybody knows that. And I walk in, everything's normal at first, right?

Like we go through the back and all the kids are in there getting all ready and they got their little shepherds and their little wise men and they got their little angels and one of the angels is crying because you don't want to go on stage

because her halo don't fit right or whatever it is And the mom's like, you are getting on that stage because I've got to get a picture. I mean, you know, basic Christianity stuff. Also, have you ever noticed how the angels are always the cute, skinny kids? And, like, they make the fat kids be the shepherds. I mean, I think that's fucked up. They always seem to do that.

It's a cute little blonde angel, fat-ass shepherd. And if they have a minority, they've got to be a wise man. Which, you know, that's actually cool, I guess. There might be something to that. Anyway, I'm in there. And this old boy that I know from back in. day I see him he's got that thousand yards there stare you know what I mean like he's trying to get his crying kid ready his wife sitting there griping at him like put the wings on right or whatever

and he sees me and his eyes light up and he's like hey I got some beer in the car now you know it ain't really like me to turn down beer even if we are at what is ostensibly a church function but you know I've been so scarred from growing up to church for a second I thought it might be a trap or something, you know, like, oh yeah, the liberal comedian's here, let's invite them to go get a beer in the car, and then we get them out there, and it's actually an intervention, and they're like, we're here to save you, you've got to go inside and handle snakes and ruin your good boots, just like last year, so I was like, I don't want any part of this, no thank you, sir. And so we go on into the sanctuary, and it's time to get started.

Well, my niece shows up in the middle of the singing late, as she always is. By the way, the singing, beautiful. Presbyterians, man, they do that, oh, ah, stuff, You know what I mean? And to be, I'm gonna be honest with you. I was in there, I was a little high. I didn't mean to be. I'd gotten stoned at like three that afternoon and it just didn't wear off.

You know what I'm saying? Got an Uncle Earl's good, good. So we're in there hanging out and there's stained glasses in the woods and they're all singing and I was super into it. It kind of reminded me of home alone. The first one, like, what is that called?

Carol the Bells? I don't know what they're saying. I always thought they were saying, 12 minute nights in a fight. Anyway, they're doing that. I'm hitting. I'm like, this is going to be good. I'm having a good time. Niece comes in. Baby on her hip. Okay, there's no room for her to sit by us. So she tries to sit in the pew in the front of the church.

Two pews in front of us. And the preacher out loud tells my niece with a baby on her hip that there is no room for her. You picking up what I'm putting down here, dude? again I was a little high I thought maybe we was involved in some kind of like super duper into it Austrian theater crap where like this preacher was playing the innkeeper in the church play and she's gone full method

here and so she's just saying her lines there's no room for you at the end but no that is not what was happening. What was happening was that the preacher was just not letting her sit there because she apparently I found that later is like tired that my niece always shuts up late she's like over that so this was her punishment

well being who I am I say out loud to the whole sanctuary. I know another baby who was turned away. Corey, these fucking cowards did not laugh. Not a single person. Andy snickered, one other cousin kind of laughed and put her head down. And these L.L. Bean's sweater wearing pieces of shit didn't do nothing. They just looked at me like I was in that movie Get Out.

But instead of being like a racial thing, it was like a class thing. It was like you can't afford an LL Bean. sweater and you are not making them jokes. I was furious. We're in here in this Catholic JV team building with these half-ass stained glass winders. One of them has a sheep on it with three legs. Everyone in here looks like they're inside of some kind of Lexus December to remember sales event commercial. And now we just can't laugh at what was absolutely a perfectly timed and perfectly executed joke. Okay. Okay. I see what's happening here. We're not going to have any fun. I mean, I'm used to that. Like I said, I've been in a bit of a little bit of a little bit of

the Presbyterian Church before. They don't scare you to death, but they also don't have any attitude. You know what I mean? You know, like I said, they got a lot of money. So, whatever. They didn't laugh at the joke. I'll get over it. Now it's time to start.

And the preacher gets up to narrate this thing, and it's a lady preacher, and that's fine, of course. Obviously, I'm a very forward-thinking, you know, progressive young man. But this was neither a lady nor a preacher. I refuse to believe that that's why we had going on here. She looked like a block of cheese. Like you ever seen somebody like when they stand up, they're like square and round at the same time.

You can't figure it out. She had like a bowl cut from the 90s and she starts talking. And I swear to God she's sounding like one of them NPR people. You know what I'm talking about? Like it was as if NPR was doing this American life, the story of Jesus, just so monoton. And then they got it by their fields. Just like drone and on and on.

And I'm like, well, this is starting to start. First we had the cool music, then no one laughed at the joke, and now we got to hear you drawn on and on all night. But whatever, we get started. I don't think it's going to be entertaining. The angels come out, looking all perfectly clean. There's old boy, right, because his kid wouldn't get on stage without him, so he had to dress up like an angel. He's drunk, right? And not like you could tell he was drunk, like if you was just walking by.

But you know how you can tell someone's drunk, is if you put him on a stage and they have to stand there and be still for like 15 minutes? He's swaying. I'm like, man, I should have one of them beers. I could be more relaxed right now. And maybe old boy be able to stand up. But like, whatever. The angels are coming out. And then they march the shepherds out.

These poor little fat bastard children, like I said, they're all large. Look like the troglodytes of the church coming out there. And they put them in robes. They ain't flattering on nobody. They look like a Kanye West fashion show. Just look at the brown garbs. And they're just, oh, shepherds by night. And this one kid looked like he's about 17.

I was like, he's too old to be in the play, and I asked him about it. And they were like, he's got ADD. And I'm like, yeah, I don't think that's what that is. I think he just wants to hit people with that shepherd hook. But whatever. Obviously, I'm in a foul mood at this point, like I said. So I'm trying to be good. Then the wise men come out, and it's all women, girls.

I guess they had run out of little boys. And that's obviously fine. And they're like, oh, this is the wise people. And I'm like, great. We've got to talk about transgender bullshit later at the dinner table because the in-laws ain't having that. But then they say Three Magi You ever heard that?

I looked it up That's a real thing in the Bible The Three Magi That's what the wise men were And I don't know what that is I don't know if that was like The Mexicans of the Bible Or something like that

And if it is, that's probably why I never heard it before Because it's like, oh, we'll just leave the minorities out Like we always do I just, I was frustrated that I had never heard They were called Magi That's kind of cool And then I thought Well maybe that's why they always make

Like the black kids play them You know what I mean? Which I can't decide if that's like, you know, being accurate or super fucked up. Anyway, they're all like, oh, here we is. Behold, King of the Jews. And the kids just said, Behold, King of the Jews. It was like that Tim Wilson joke. He just had a real country exit. He was like, Jews. And everybody's like, got a little tense, you know what I mean? And then they were like, yeah, we got a gold, frankincense is myrr. Side note, what the fuck is myr? What is myr? You got gold, gold hits, you got

frankincense, I'm pretty sure that makes you smell good. And then you got mur. It even the sounds off. Mur. Mur. So that was the end of the play. Block of cheese gets up to wrap it up, right? And she's standing up there, and I'm like, all right, well, here's the part where they tell you

that Jesus is the reason for the season. And, you know, in the spirit of that, remind everyone that they're going to go to hell. But that is not what happened. Because, again, they're Presbyterians, and they have money. So she starts doing this speech, and they turn out all the lights,

and they light this big candle, right? And we have candles, all of us. And she starts to light this other candle she has off to big candle, and she's given this speech about how we have to remember that God created the light, and that while the darkness is out there, the light has never succumbed to the darkness. And I'm like, all right, relax here, Block of Cheese, NPR lady. You stole this from True Detective, but let's be honest, it was a great fucking speech. I don't blame her.

I've read the Bible. There's some okay parts, but true detective, I mean, you know, it takes it every time. So I get why she had to update the speech a little bit. So she's talking about how the darkness will never succumb to the light. Well, again, I'm a little stone. I start getting super into it again. Like this mind's own voice, finally, it's like making sense to me because it's dark and we got our candles out. And she goes to light her candle. And when she does, she says, light will never succumb to the darkness. and when she goes to light her candle, she puts out the big candle.

Are you picking up, Corey? Like, am I sitting the scene? Am I doing it right here, right now? I am stoned in a giant cavernous church where the preacher just told my niece who had a baby on her hip that there was no room for her at the end. And then later on, she says, darkness will never overcome the light. And then it does. We have succumbed to the darkness.

Everybody in the church is in dark now. I am cracking up. I fall almost out of the goddamn pew laughing my ass off. And who gives the shit is totally dark in there. No one knows it's me, right? Well, suddenly, NPR lady finds her voice all of a sudden. Now she's not all monotone and quiet and mousy. Now she's got this guttural who's laughing.

It isn't funny. Someone come help me. I laugh even harder than all the kids. kids start laughing. Someone turns the lights on and when they do, by this time I'm a professional I'm fucking composed myself so no one knows it's me except Andy who's broken my ribs punching me by this time. The whole nativity play is dying, right? You got shepherds cracking up falling over their little hooks. You got the angels dying. Their halos are falling off. Old drunk boy can barely stand up at this point and the wise women, people, whatever the hell they are,

they are cracking up. This makes the preacher furrow. But then everybody in there starts laughing. All of them. They finally break their LLB shells down and start becoming human beings. And they're like chuckling. I'm like, oh, now you guys will laugh. I mean, I didn't say that, but I was obviously a little upset that they didn't laugh at my joke with it. But anyway, that's not the point.

The point is, man, I feel like this was the meaning of Christmas, you know. Just lighten up a little bit. Laugh. I, you know, either that or like love. I don't know, man. Merry Christmas. Take a mom and then I said, hi. I'm drunk

Well, thank you, Drew Morgan, for that lovely voicemail. Next up on the well-read podcast Christmas edition Variety Hour, we have a special treat. Donald Trump decided to stop by and record his rendition of the night before Christmas, so take it away, Donald. Thank you, Corey. I think you're all communist.

I think you're terrible, but here we go. It was the night before Christmas went all through my 17-bedroom, gold-plated house. Not a creature was stirring because I hire immigrants to step on them with football cleats, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung, like me, I'm talking about my penis people, it's huge, by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas, who is a communist, by the way, soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar plums, which is a candy for poor people, I'm led to believe, danced in their heads.

Mama in her kerchief And I in my Make America Great Again cap That I appropriated from the poor white people That I exploit And just settled down for a long Winter's nap When out on the lawn

There arose such a clatter Which I assume With some bad hombres I sprang from the bed To see what was the matter What was this noise I wondered Well I listened to Melania snore Oh, it's just Jeff Sessions

using Christmas lights to choke the poor. Anyways, Merry Christmas. I'm the only president to ever say that. You're all welcome. Merry Christmas. It's not happy holidays. Barack Obama was a Muslim. Bernie Sanders hates America.

Hillary Clinton's a woman, and women aren't really people. Happy New Year's, Trump. Well, thank you, Donald. We appreciate you joining us on Christmas. That being said, let's get into the actual podcast portion of this. This is a conversation that we had. In Clearwater, Florida, in the green room, it got cut off because we had an interview, but it's in two parts. You know, it's getting pretty standard with us that that happens.

But please enjoy it. We talk about everything from politics to farts, as usual. Happy holidays, everybody. That's scary. Yeah, England been having them. But like that? It's been like 35 seconds. What kind of technology England had in the 50s?

They also, they fucks with tea so much. Like, seriously, they, they, they ever have some

having it, but like when you think they go. They also, I don't know. But see, that's an Americanized one, and I say that

because, and this is true, the kettles they have over in Britain, we don't have the wottage. That's true. In our, that's true.

Like, they have a special plug that, like, so they come over here and they're like, you know, and,

you know, it's a, you know, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, what we would say but they have a special like there's a lot more wattage to yeah so you said

that did that boiled insanely fast to you well it's like super slow to them because core's right their wattage being higher whatever theirs is just like mad fast it is mad fast but i mean i got to say i've been like not really shitting on them for the whole i've never understood hot tea my whole life this was coming from i'm you know i'm assuming it's just growing up drinking cold sweet tea and I'm like well it ain't no way it's better and it fucking ain't I'm not saying that but you know first time I really ever aside from a down in abbey theme party that one time I've ever fucked with tea was when I was sick that night that midwestern runway in Nebraska and it's been on our rider forever because we didn't make it and it was just there and they had it and I was like

shit I'm gonna fuck with this tea and I'll be goddamn I really like that tea I enjoy it it's a good clean caffeine buzz it's helps you throw it's warm and always have by the way and like i fucks with caffeine now and drink coffee and stuff for a long time i had basically no caffeine intake whatsoever because i just didn't i didn't drink sodas i didn't drink coffee whatever else but now i do but even back then never always i've never gotten any kind of anything from the caffeine in tea i mean isn't it just like super super minuscule compared to that in coffee It's like, like, I don't feel it at all.

I think, never have. Certain ones are different. Like, I feel like, yeah, I mean, there's a bunch of times. If I'm not mistaken, green tea is pretty comparable to coffee. Am I wrong, Drew? You mean caffeine-wise? Caffeine-wise. I think it has more.

More? Well, I think it has about the same amount of caffeine, and it has something in it called, and if I'm making this up, I'm so sorry. But is there a thing called tea-een? Or did I read that somewhere? Te-een, tea-ean? Did I read that somewhere? I don't know.

I mean, cafe is coffee, and, and, in Spanish. The word is so that's like coffeeene is basically all caffeine. Caffeine is. So maybe there is a T. But then again you think, well, maybe caffeine is a chemical so it would be in all of it.

But then you think, well, it comes from the word coffee. Right? Yeah, etymolismol is a thing. Etymology is wild. Well, right? Guarine is a thing. Yeah, but a lot of those, like guarine and some of those that's like they put in like those like

mega death energy drinks. Right. I've always just sort of thought like, that ain't, them ain't real. Is it Torine? Torine. They're both. Warine's also one. Warring sounds like a punk band, you know.

Yeah, Torin's... Oh, gore. That's why I thought that. It's always been funny to me because it's in those monster energy drinks and they say it. They're like, yeah, it's chock full of Torain. I'm like, anybody in your fucking fan base

knows what the fuck that is. Oh, Torin. Yeah, Torin sounds like an old-timey horse with arms. It sounds like a bull, right? Yeah, that's what I was getting at. It's like that sounds like a mythical... Yeah. Fucking centaur or whatever.

That's what I'm saying. I always assumed that's what they were doing. Torin, yeah. It's all the same chemical, but before they could figure what the chemical was, they had already named it caffeine. Right. So they're like, well, it's a different one in tea, that's tea ain't. And then in Monster, that's... Yeah.

Torring, my God. You're trying to be a bull that can write papers? We're so stupid. There's probably like a scientist who named it these things for, like, certain reasons. But maybe named after a mentor or centaur. There's got to be something there. A mentor is what you haven't had in throughout your whole life, Corey. That's right.

You've been trying to it for three years and it's been annoying. No, dude, you remember the movie, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, role models or whatever whatever yeah i know that's what i was thinking of too they got that horse i know it's isn't a bull it's a bull it's a bull it's a centaur they got it got oh no but it's got horns don't it it's the opposite of one it's got like human legs that which would be the least which would suck human dick it's minotaur that's a minotaur fucking human dick with a bullhead that what pussy you getting that sucks man so wait tray you were reading you missed a bull head you were reading you missed

to quite a few hits and you were like engrossed and I can tell because you had a look on your face like somebody spit in your fried chicken and then you came back and that's what you heard was what Corey said there was a lead in to that I'm sure there was so apparently tea leaves have more caffeine in them than coffee beans but uh when beans but he said beans but when they're actually prepared tea is diluted way more than coffee is typically and also much more caffeine is left over in the tea leaves when you throw them away than the extraction process of coffee. Well, so prepared coffee has quite a bit more caffeine than prepared. I often double bag my tea though when I'm at home.

Right. That'd probably be about the same, I'd say. That's what one of the further down on that same thing. It said that you only have to steep tea for like 10 seconds to get the like amount of caffeine out of it that you need or want. Like after 10 seconds, as much caffeine has come out of it as is going to. going to come out of it. Okay. So it said, if you want more caffeine, don't steep it for longer.

That don't do shit. Just use more tea is what it's like. So you doing two bags that might. But like I know you fucks with a spray. I know like, wait, I'm sorry. You get coffee, like with espresso in it and shit. Jack up shit.

Tea ain't even touching. Of course not. Maybe that's what I mean by it's a cleaner energy. It just means it's less caffeine and I don't need that much fucking caffeine. Right. Because, yeah, you just mainline the shit. Dude, I did for a while and it was like, you know, my anxiety was in a row.

rage of fits a fit of rage you don't say yeah so that was no good drew tell us about this god damn dream you had okay i will but first my dream is for tea ain to be a thing or for it to be a thing some hippie made up and then i read about it on like you know my wife's facebook wall i miss brice yeah our producer yeah this's what he was here for we'd already known what fucking teane was yeah yeah brice was on top of it it's a shame he died it's a thing He's tragic. Moped accident. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it's a real word.

He hung himself because he had a moped. So there's plenty of definitions of the word T-Ean. None of them's from Merriam, though. Do you know what I mean? So I'm not sure how real this word is. But people will be saying, and all it is is caffeine and tea. And I bet fucking guarine is just caffeine present in a bean that ain't a coffee bean. And it's a guar bean.

Guano. Guano. Bac-o. Guano. We figured it out. Well, I'm glad we figured that out. So, Ascentura 2 is on Netflix right now.

Oh, word? Just came on today. That's why I had guano on them. Didn't you watch a Jim Carrey documentary? I did. I finally watched it. We could talk about that something if y'all want to. I'd like to. I don't want to watch it, I don't think.

Yeah, dude, honestly. And you're not wrong, by the way. So for people that don't know, I mean, it's pretty far. I've heard about it a lot. So I think it's pretty popular on Netflix right now. It just came out on Netflix. It's a documentary about Jim Carrey during the making of the movie Man on the Moon in which he played Andy Kaufman.

And Jim Carrey for that movie, like, to say that he went method is a fucking understatement. The way he actually describes it with complete sincerity is that he went. And hollow eyes. My brother went method the first time he went to rehab. He went down to the beach when he got the part. You'd already gotten it. And when he got in the part, he went down to the beach and was like, uh, he said like he called out to Andy Kaufman for a sign or something like that and then 30 dolphins jumped in the air at once from the ocean and from that point on Andy Kaufman inhabited his body and mind throughout the duration of the filming of that movie Jim could resume control but when he was Andy

it wasn't him. It was Andy using him as a vessel. He actually said when that happened, it was even more pretentious. He said, Andy came to me, tapped me on the shoulder and said, excuse me, I'll be doing my movie. Oh yeah, I'll be taking it right.

I'll be doing my movie. Thank you very much. And so I got out of the way and I let Andy do it. So, no, you're wrong. You just paint a pretty pretentious painting, but that line right there in particular. Yeah, no, you're right.

Yeah. And so that's how it worked from that point forward. And like the rest of this. So it's a documentary that they had filmed at the time that they were making the movie. They had like behind the scenes documentary crew filming all this shit while it was going on. So, I mean, that's like 20 years ago. And they, what? So, yeah.

So y'all going to be able to tell. We had to take a break because we had to do a, interview that we forgot about. But to jump right back into it. So Jim Carrey had this documentary crew filming this at the time they were making Man on the Moon. But then...

Do you think a lot of movies do that now just in case they can make extra money off that later like if it ends up being a big deal? He actually said... Why not? It's normal. It was normal then and it's normal now. He actually even said that about...

They did a... Tell me a pillow, please. They... called EPKs, I guess. I don't know if they still call them there. Electronic press kits? Yes. And it was like,

they did that type of thing all the time in movie productions back then. What court? How did you know that? Because when I started out as a comic, everybody had to have an EPK. Like, you had an EPK as a comic. Oh, I was just always called it a press kit.

Yeah. I mean, yes, that was it. But, like, I started hearing you got to have your, where's your E. It's not on your fucking website. It's your E. I was like, what's that? Electronic Prescott.

It's a stupid. fucking term. My opinion. I thought it was like a test for your heart. Yeah. Well, so they, that was very common practice.

They had people following them around, like behind the scenes footage all the time, and I'm sure yet it's always been on. I'm sure it still does go on. But for this one, Jim Carrey had a stipulation or something. It was like, the only way he'd do that is if,

uh, it was Andy Kaufman's real life, ex-wife or ex-girlfriend or whatever, because she's a documentarian. And, uh, Bob Zamuda, Andy Kaufman's like co-writer and collaborator and bass friend

He played in the movie So they were following him around The whole time And then halfway through it He was such a nightmare That apparently Universal, the studio Buried it

Said they couldn't release it Or use any of the footage Because they didn't want people To think that Jim Carrey was a dick Or an ass They thought it tarnish his image Which would hurt the movie And yada yada,

whatever else So they buried it And it remained buried And I don't know if the rights were given up after X amount of time or whatever. But anyway, it's just been sitting in a vault for 20 years. And then they just decided to release it and put it all together with new commentary from Jim Carrey. And that movie just came out.

So the footage is from when it was actually happening, but it just now has been unearthed. It is unreal just how much of a machine Hollywood is and can be. Oh, yeah. This footage will ruin this movie. Let's put it in the vault. and then because we don't want to embarrass Jim and then that'll hurt the movie and then 20 years later

they're like, Jim let's make money. No, I was just say 20 years later they're like Jim's already kind of embarrassing himself right now so fucking why not put it out? Well, I got the implication that at some point I think the rights went to him because at least the documentary makes it sound like it was Jim's

either idea or something. Yeah, so like it wasn't a studio that decided to finally put it out. It was either him or he at least gave the okay on it. But anyway, the reason it was such a big controversy and shit is because yeah, once Andy Kaufman took over. over his body as he says yeah uh he just acted like a goddamn damn lunatic the entire

shoot you know on and off camera like he wouldn't stop you couldn't like milo's forming the director you know would be like i okay i need to talk to jim for a second though and he just he wouldn't do it he's like jim who is jim jim's not here what do you mean why would you say that jim's not here is what it sounds like yeah i mean no i hear you right yeah i mean i kind of feel the same way but it's like he jim tells the story that at one point milosh foreman called him one night a few weeks in and basically told him uh i can't i can't do this like this is not working whatever and i guess carry i guess coughman was asleep or something because it was jim carrie at the time on the phone and he told him well you know i can tell andy to go home i can tell him that

he's fired and I can try to do an impression of Andy. I'm pretty good at impressions. I think I could do that. So I can send Andy home and I can do the impression for the rest of the movie if that's what you want me to do. And Mela's Formum was like, uh, no. That's exactly. That's exactly how we do.

No. So it's one of those deals where it's like he did do a great job in that you can't argue with the results of it. And also watching him behind the scenes. too is like tonne lifting and shit i mean it's insane man but no here we go it's like okay what like but i know it still don't but you're still a dick like it doesn't matter what you did that was so great like there there's a ton of people i know like dude if you were just a fucking contractor and you was building my house and at the end of it i've got the most beautiful house is

the greatest one-of-a-kind house but the whole time you're building it you just walked around shooting nail guns in a shit and told me how my wife's titties was great and at the end of it I mean, I kind of, I mean, whatever, dude, good house. You know what I'm saying? Does that make any sense? The house that Titties built, I'm not sure. You're saying because Clifton was always hitting on women. No, I'm saying it's like we get, acting is the only acting comedians where we're the only profession that you would ever let a human being talk to you like that.

Rock and roll. Football coaches. Right, yeah, you're right. But, okay, I don't know. If you hit real hard, you can get away with that shit. Actually, that's true. Never mind. What I said was wrong.

Just like the best dude who weighs. Actually, dude, that was Andrew Lloyd Weber. Yeah. No, he's a... That's a... Yes. Whatever. Music, music, musician, dude.

Who's the... Composer. Who's the... Who's the fucking... Lloyd Wright? Frank Lloyd Wright? The architect? Yes.

So if it was Frank Lloyd Wright built in your house. Yeah, you would. You'd be like, hey, or Tudis do it, don't they, Frank? You let it... No, you're right, man. And that's kind of a shitty thing. We just... We let Dickheads get away with...

But it's true. But, my thing was... Well, I mean, we have ventured back into the Weinstein thing now, really, letting dickheads get away with shit. Yeah, I'd rather not talk about rape this time around, though. No, I know. I'm just saying, that's, like, that's... Yeah, like, we do that.

Yeah, and that's the end game to that, but go ahead. And obviously, rape is way worse, but Jim Carrey was being a dickhead. For sure, but, you know, the art that resulted from it, Drew. Hey, we'll be right back after a word from our sponsor, y'all. Ski! So, guys, it's the show. We're going to take a little break from the podcast to talk to you about our new friends at Quip. As most of you know, it's been a recurring theme on this podcast that all three of us have shitty teeth.

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Again, Carrie was saying Andy Kaufman was inhabiting. inhabiting his body, right? Well, one of the big things he did was when, yes, Mr. Butt. I agree with Mr. Butt on that. I agree wholeheartedly. Wholeheartedly. As I often do.

Big part of the movie, well, and Andy Kaufman's story, y'all remember all the shit with Jerry Lawler, Jerry the King Lawler. And him and Andy Kaufman had a famous feud and Jerry smacked the shit out of him on David Letterman show and all this stuff. If anyone don't know the background,

Jerry Lawler was a wrestling. King of Memphis. announcer personality type he was also a wrestler he was just a straight-up wrestler for way longer than he was in that point he wasn't wrestling already when him and and he coughman had that way no that's what he was the high house he was in the 90s for us he was Jerry the king just the wrestler but then no he was he was the shit so king of memphis and it came out later that uh at the time you know it was like real and shit but it came out later that they were both in on it and it was like a playing thing between him andy coffman the whole time so

Jerry the King Loller, the actual dude, was in Man on the Moon, playing himself and all those old clips and shit. So he went, the whole time he was on set for the movie, Jim Carrey, off camera, like when the cameras weren't rolling, was just fucking with him the whole time, like the way Andy Kaufman used to. But he's just like getting his face screaming at him. He's like, dude, he's like poured water on his wife's head and shit like that. and and like Lawler at that time when this was actually happening they were filming about it and he was like I mean I guess I get what his whole thing is

what he's trying to do but then he said and like I'm inclined to believe this he was like but you know I remember how it actually was and Andy wasn't anything like that you know what I mean like to he was like camera stop he didn't doing this shit to me he was like we had a great

you know he's like we talked about the things we were going to do we were all in all like he didn't he never acted like that toward me and i believe that that's true of course so like that you know what i mean like that right there is just like okay carry yeah you know what i mean cameras off stop fucking doing that right so the fact that jim carrie's doing that the whole time he's like no it's not me it's andy doing it right you know it's like but that ain't even what he actually did though right according to the guy that per jerry law there right who i believe right so you know it's just that type of shit yeah well so you were about to say something about is i guess

is it worth it or whatever no i wasn't going to say that i was just going to talk about i don't remember him getting any kind of buzz for that role in terms of Oscars or any kind of award like that and this is something we've talked about before in that movie world critics A just don't understand comedy like you look on writing the medas there's some great comedies that are very low-rated Joe darts are go-to yes it's like what's 13% And it's the same damn movie, by the way, as

Slumdog Millionaire. Same plot, you know. But that aside, it's true. It's true. It's the same plot device. He's on a show, being interviewed,

and he keeps flashing back. Mr. Bud agrees. Oh, yeah. Whole fartedly. Yeah, whole fartedly. You killed yourself. Good Lord. But comedies aren't

taken seriously, or rarely taken seriously, especially anymore. Man on the movie. wasn't a comedy though and was never meant to be a comedy. It was about a comedy. It was about a comedian, but it was very much. Yeah, but dude, that was, I mean, it's fucking Melos Fordman. I think that plays into it. It absolutely does. From the critics' perspective, they're like, Jim Carrey's in it, must be a comedy.

And he's a stand-up comic. I don't know. All his antics and shit behind the scene were very, he'd already done the Truman Show at this point. And all his antics, which he didn't get nominated for. But he got a lot of respect for it. He didn't get nominated for in Liar-Lyer, Liar. liar liar is not liar liar liar is a perfect example of what you're talking about but i'm saying the truman show was a drama he'd already made that transition and behind the scenes everybody

knew all he was doing all this crazy method shit and stuff i remember people talking about this stuff i don't know they got he did get nominated i think maybe not for an oscar but for like a golden globe or something i think he don't count dude he got he got he did get a lot of buzz and shit for this performance at the time i remember people talking about it i mean people talking about it's one thing i don't remember him getting buzz for awards but my point like that what buzz is my point still stands is that I don't feel like comedy

I don't think critics even get it much less respect it I mean dude like all right traffic thunder Robert Downey Jr. got nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor that was the first time that had happened in the comedy since like the 70s and as far as I know it ain't happened since I mean it's like that thing Eddie Murphy

said that you were talking about earlier when we weren't on the podcast yeah he got nominated for Academy War for Dreamgirls and in a doc some documentary thing I saw he was like not bitching obviously he got nominated for that but he was like all these people were you know basically sucking my dick over my role in this movie and I got nominated for it and he was like man what I did in the nutty professor was 50 times harder than what I did in that movie is everybody kept talking about this great look I gave in a scene about drugs like I'm gonna fuck a look like I played 10 people in one goddamn scene or whatever he's like that's insanely harder

So do you think there should be separate categories like best actor in a comedy? Sure. And the Golden Globes, there is that. They already do that. And also, again, they don't do that. Do you think they should? Sure, I guess. But again, though, dude, man on the moon, it wasn't a comedy.

It wasn't viewed as a comedy. Okay. I've said okay to you four times. I don't know what you want for me. It was very much a prestige thing at the time. I'm saying whatever, it being a comedy and all that shit, doesn't factor into that movie, in my opinion. Because it wasn't looked at that way.

A stand-up comic and a comedic actor absolutely factored into it. I think it followed him around his whole career. I think the first time anyone started to take it seriously was that movie where they erased his movie. Oh, Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Moon. And then he ended up being an independent film and not do, I mean, that was bleak. That was fucking bleak. What, the number 23? I didn't see that one, I don't think.

It was fucked up. But that, I don't care. I don't give a shit about that. I'm saying, do you agree with me that, that, comedy is not understood by critics and disrespected by critics when it comes to awards and just like rating the scripts or rating the movie.

I mean, that's, dude, I think that's just an objective truth. Regardless of whether what y'all are talking about can mesh, that's to me just insanely true. It's treated. I 100% agree with that. Yeah, it's all the way. It's just treated different from everybody, even like suburban moms and shit.

And I'll use my family as an example. Like, I've heard mom, and she don't know more, but when I was younger, countless times if we'd go see a comedy or something like that. It's like, why do they think

they have to be vulgar to be funny? Why do they have to be vulgar to be funny? This movie's so dirty. This movie's so nasty. Every time with a comedy, put it on a fucking,

then they would go home and watch the Sopranos and think it's the most high art. Super vulgar. Murder. There's fucking tittyes out everywhere, which, you know, hell yeah,

hits. But they would never go, why can't they do this show and be Clinton? Never. But every time it was a comedy, the whole movie could have one fuck in it.

They're going to fixate on that fuck and be like, they didn't really need that fuck. It's like, you just, comedy is on this weird microscope where it's nothing else has to be clean, but comedy does. And there's like no subgenres within comedy where it's like, it's not like, they would never say why they got to be vulgar to do a drama about Sopranos because they're like, well, this is about the mob, et cetera. Yeah, that's how they talk. Right. And it's like you do a comedy about, you know, whatever. It's like, well, sometimes you got a cuss to like do a comedy. That's how the world is.

Yeah. So, yeah, you can make, are we there yet? And it's going to be a clean comedy. Totally fine. you can't make the hangover and it not be filthy. It's about like going to Vegas and getting hammered and all that. And that's what that is. What, Trey?

We have moved on four times, but what did you want to say? Jim Carrey won the Golden Globe for Best Actor two years in a row for the Truman Show and then for Man on the Moon. Oh, wow. And you like, fuck the Golden Globes. They don't matter, but like they're easily number two behind the Oscars. They usually determine who's going to be the... Yeah, and that's a pretty big deal. They didn't get a Academy Award either time, but I'm saying he might be.

Must have been nominated. Dude, Jim Carrey was the shit in that way. His whole, like, shift to dramatic acting was, like, people were all over his nuts about it at that time. And his role in that movie was a big part of it because of all this crazy shit he did behind the scenes. I don't know how many times or ways I can say, okay. Like, what do you want me? You're right. I've said that.

Okay. But that's why you brought it up. We were talking about just carrying this movie. Yes, but I was just trying to transition into this new topic that we've tried. transitioned into. You're dragging us back. Okay. Just want you to put some respect on Jim Carrey's

name for being a dramatic actor. I got plenty respect on Jim Carrey's name. I mean, I feel like the world wasn't giving him his due, but apparently they was. Okay. Well, what next fellas? Yeah. We didn't get into, we got into why

comedies, we were just talking about how comedies don't get to respect put on their name. Eddie Murphy was a good example. I mean, did we talk about his own podcast? They're off podcast about Jim Carrey's performance and Lyer Lyer, which of course he's going to get the nod for a man on the moon. It's a dramatic movie. But his performance

in Lire or Lire, to me, is equally as good as anything he's ever fucking done. But it's also a really hilarious movie, so no one thinks well, that's an award-winning performance there. Yeah, no. Movies that are actual comedies and full-on comedic performances

and stuff, no, no one ever did, no. They don't get any respect from anybody ever in that regard. Last thing I remember is Robert Downey Jr. was nominated for an Oscar for... He already said that. Today, on this podcast? Five minutes ago. Five minutes ago.

I'm sorry, you must have clean slated me by... I thought you were about to buy... In this room? I've been listening to every word you said. What was I doing? I don't know. I got up to get my drink, but that's when you did it. I don't know.

But he was the last one, right? And at that point, it'd have been like... Only one. But now they do... In a roll, he couldn't get away with. today. Hell no. The Golden Gloves do split them

into comedies and whatever because that's been a big thing recently kind of because they classify Get Out as a comedy. Is it funny? I ain't seen it yet. It has funny.

It's not a comedy. But you would never classify fucking Friday the 13th as a goddamn comedy and like there's just, well, that's probably a bad example, but like,

I don't know, any horror movie has a little bit of ha ha ha humor in it. And it's the same would get out. It's just Jordan Pill. It's a fucking comedian. I mean, that's why.

Why? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, he's a comedy guy. That's what I'm saying. That's what they do. And it takes, like, forever to get out of that. And you can, you know what I mean? Like, I feel like, didn't Sandler get some buzz for this last night?

The Meyerowitz stories, yeah. He got a little buzz for Punch Dr. Love when it came out. And he, and, but like, and it's... But it files you around. It does follow you around. It's almost like a stink, which is weird. With him, it's like, everyone's always said, anytime Sandler is not being Sandler, he's a man, which, by the way, of course,

I love Sandler's being Sandler movies, but, like, Punch Drunk Love, fucking rain over me. I've talked about this on the podcast before. I don't think you've ever seen it, which kind of surprised me. I was saying it. I know him. I was supporting him.

My beard has started ringing. But anyways, he was fucking unreal in that movie. And Punch our glove, he was great too. So, I mean, yeah.

Have you seen Meyerwood stories? Not yet. It's on... I figured you would have watched it. I know. It's on Netflix, and I'm really wanting to fuck with it, but I have a feeling.

I've been, like, kind of in my dumps lately, and it kind of looked like one of them that's going to be a void hollering movie to a degree. Probably yeah. Mainly because anytime he gets Oscar buzz, it's in a movie where shit really

fucking goes down. The dude, the writer and director's got named Noah Bombach and he makes like these like kind of heavy, like heavy in an indie way. He's got pretentious, pretentiously heavy movies. Yeah, yeah. The national, but

for movies. Yeah, yeah, kind of. The squid and the whale. Yeah, I heard about that. No, I didn't see it. He's that dope. Jeff Daniel's in it. I don't think I would watch a movie called The Squid and the Whale unless somebody like you recommended it to him.

Like if I was just perusing something and I was like the Squid and the Whet? There'd him, Mr. Butt. Yeah, that's his thoughts on the squid and the whale. It didn't have for you? Squidna well is a cartoon that me and Drew should just be in. I'm the Well, obviously. I'm definitely the squid. I've got to put my ink on everything, just black.

Mm-hmm. Let me ask you this real quick, though. Is it different, in your opinion? Like, what Eddie Murphy did in the Nutty Professor, is that a different thing, a different, whatever you want to say, skill, art, performance, whatever, than, you know, any dramatic role you can think of what Daniel Day Lewis does? I mean, I don't think so, me personally.

Then it shouldn't be two categories. It's, no, but... I don't know. I kind of do think it is. I do, too. Maybe, I mean... With respect, though, like, in a good way. No, I'm saying I don't think Daniel Day Lewis, sure.

Louis could do that. They know what Eddie can do what Daniel Day did. Right. Right. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. It is a different thing. I'd like to ask an actor.

Dude, you have to be, you have to be genuinely funny yourself to be able to do that type of thing. Now, like, you can be a not funny dude and have a great, well-written role for you that you act in a perfect way. And I'm not saying he's not funny off camera. I don't know. But like Michael Shannon in the night before. Sure. Crushes. But that role was absolutely perfect for him.

and he did what he does and was great in it. Like John Lithgow comes to mind. That dude's got great committee time. Some people can absolutely do both. But like... Well, and that sitcom he was in, he was in it with Jason Gordon-Levy. He's got both in him. Sure.

Did I say it's right now? Joseph Gordon-Levitt, but yeah. I was like, he ain't a Jason. But here's, because here's my other thing with that. Eddie Murphy in The Nuddy Professor, for example, is heightened. He's doing these characters. with a heightened sense of comedy.

They're believable, but they're ridiculous. You know what I mean? Like, the grandma's just this fucking blasting one-liners after another. She's believable as a comedic character inside that world. But, like, in a regular movie, like, if that was just a character... Yeah, you'd be like, what's happening here. Yeah. It's like, and I don't mean this to despair is what he did,

but it's almost like mimicry. It's almost like he's mimicking a character that he's made up in his mind. and that ain't what like you know dan o'd a louis is doing that's a different thing i think okay what what do you mean i mean i think i know what you're getting at but you're married to an actor so uh there's no doctorises yeah i had to make it a point to say that um not where i live there ain't god damn the whole really the whole mimicry thing yes like again i think i know what you're getting at but won't you expand on that a little bit i feel they don't like to them that's not what they are doing.

Like even if they are playing a person, right? Some may be. Well, and that's probably different. I don't know. I don't know how Will Smith feels about what he did in Ali. Some may, you know, feel like certain roles are mimicry, but I guess what I'm getting at is like, I mean, it's like I said. I wish we had an actor on here to sort of give their perspective more. I don't want to sound like I'm disparaging what Eddie Murphy did in the Nuddy Professor.

But to me what it was was he came up with a character in his mind and then just like mimic the way that character with that, or like, characters he's known from his past. You know, he embodied it and then heightened it, super high for humor. So what I'm saying is explain the difference in that and like, I get it. I think acting is responding to other actors and their lines and their emotions that's happening in the scene in the way that the character would. I don't think that I could play. And I don't think Eddie Murphy had to do that at all in that scene. He only had to react in a funny way, like the way improv actors do.

Yeah, no, I think. I think that a good example would be I feel very confident that I could not play right now without training or whatever. You just put me in a movie where I'm a Civil War reenactor, Civil War Soldier or whatever. In an actual movie, I wouldn't be that great. But if you wanted me to play a funny-ass parody of a goddamn Civil War soldier or actor, I would murder. Right. Because I'm trying to be larger than life instead of in this actual world where, I would be more subdued and just reactive.

Right, it's nuance. Yeah. Motherfucking nuance, motherfuckers. Yeah, and your butt! Yeah. And then if they separated those into two different categories, they need new critics. Because Joe D'Rour having 13%. I mean, that just makes me furious.

It's ridiculous. Oh, God, that's... You got the yons? Yeah, I got them yons because this week in running, I just had a Cuban sandwich and fucking up... really mainly what it was was them like six cookies I ate on the way out of it. I was sitting here going like, why am I so? Yeah, it was the six cookies.

Yeah, he's six cookies. We had a fan being it. Shout out to Kim. Yeah, Kim. Thank you, Kim. She brought us up what I thought was white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. And it was white chocolate, but twist, it was banana cookies, which I've never had before in my life.

But I maintain, it was the best cookie that I've ever had. You maintain that it was the best? I was curious if you were going to, you know, you've maintained it. Truly stand by that. I do. and or not change your mind. No, I wasn't saying that because I maintained that's the best cookie that I've ever had. I didn't think, I want to be clear.

I didn't think you were lying. I just thought, like, if you really don't believe that in a few hours? No, I do. Does he just believe it now? No, I truly do. I mean, it was moist. It was good white chocolate, and it was banana. Was it banana?

It was banana. I had one, too. It was good. I was going to tell you about this dream I had. Yeah, I want to hear it. All right, so, sorry, I was looking for something on my phone. another thing I wanted to show you, but I can't find that. I've been having this thing where I can't sleep,

and I'm sure all of our fans will tell us their opinion on this, and maybe some of y'all have some good ideas. I keep waking up at like 7.38, no matter what time we get to bed. We got two shows. We get to bed at 3.30. I wake up at 8. We get to bed at 11. I wake up at 8.

And obviously, that's a problem when I go to bed at 3.30, and then I can't go back to sleep. This morning, this very morning today, I was able to go back to sleep after laying up. there for about an hour. Well, I would start to, oh, Mr. Butt, not into the mic, though. I was starting to doze off thinking about jokes and stuff, and then I, like, I'd wake myself up, and that's another weird thing I do.

I think I need to do a sleep study. Well, then, for whatever reason, I was thinking about how round you are. And how, God, this is the dream? Yes. Well, we're about to get to the dream. I was awake thinking about how round you are. And how everything on you's round? Everything.

Like, you got round feet and you got round calves. and you got a big round butt and a round belly and big round balls and even this is a lot of information for our fans you even got kind of a round dick yeah my dick is pretty round you got round cheeks you got a round head of course your nose is pretty rounded like yeah there ain't you ain't edgy there ain't no edge to you no and i was thinking about that as a metaphor yeah well i guess there it is mr butt whole fartedly agreeing with yeah i was thinking about that and i started to doze off and then in a dream You're just like Lilting off to sleep Just thinking about how round The cherubic angel that he is

He is so round And of course I was thinking about you Because I was thinking about how cherubic he was And how that hits for you And how you all are talking about it So hard. I love it so much So I fall asleep And start having this dream immediately

Where you and I Are telling someone How round and cherubic Corey is I don't remember who the person is But they didn't know Corey I guess a fan We'll say it was a fan And we were explaining

that and I'm like I end the sentence and we cut the tray and you say yeah I mean next time you see him just ask him to fart he'll do it and I woke myself up laughing and like y'all for me this is huge this is basically a religious experience I woke up in a good mood in a great move I woke up die and laughing like in the bed I don't have you ever done that. It was kind of weird. I have done that. Like to wake up. I've done that a lot.

Like, I'm just like, and I'm like looking around, like, upset that y'all aren't there and that that didn't really happen. But anyway, I knew that I should share that with you guys and I've waited all day so that it could, the fans could hit to. Ask him to fart. He'll do it. My farts are pretty rounded too.

Yeah. Well, rounded. Yeah. And the way you said it, just like, you know. I just keep to fart. He'll do it. Come on, Mock. you can do it.

Dude, that's why I've told Corey before and I mean, this don't hit for him, which is totally fair, obviously. But anytime he talks about like wanting to lose weight and get in shape or whatever, I'm always just like, you look exactly the way you should look. Like, he refuses to let me even think about being a better person. I mean, am I wrong? Does he not look exactly the way he or look? Well, I mean, you're not wrong at all.

But I mean, and the fans know this, you do have this thing where you don't want him to get happy. You don't want him to get happy. That not want him to be happy thing is such fucking bullshit that got pinned on me for one goddamn episode of this. When I did not say I don't want you to be happy, I said it was bullshit that you claimed that you were. That's very different. That is true. Very, very different. I know.

I knew it then. Mainly because my friends think they call me fat all the time and tell me. I should be fat. You should start claiming to be skinny and see what he does. Yeah, yeah, exactly. See how that pans out. But no, I hit for Dre as a fat person. You hit for everybody.

No, I don't. I don't. I don't. If we told people to do that. He hits for everyone but himself. Have we told people to do that? To what? Listen to us on half speed.

Is how funny it is? Yeah, I've told people that. It's been a while since we mentioned it. Remember to do that? If you get a chance, you can slow it down on iTunes Stitcher. I think of all them things. You can slow it down. a half speed and Lord we sound

very stupid. And I got to tell you, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, if you catch a fart and half speed that, it is unfucking believable. Because what I found out is there's more farts in a fart than you think there is. You know what I found out.

He's sitting there running data analysis of something. He's got a whole computer program turned out of the headphones on. He's twisting knobs. Yeah. Amber. Shut the fuck up, Amber. I'm on to something.

He turned around making tally marks on the walls. Dude, no. Third part, same part. No, what I mean is, it's like, you hear a fart, it's like, well, if you sew it down, it's real like, it's real like, bra-p-p-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bbbbbbbbb. It's like when you catch seven skips on a stone and a pond. Dude, it's wild as hell to see and here.

Dude, please write a paper on this. I want to see your finding summarized. Going Forrester, there's more farts in a fart than you'd think. But there are, man. There's webber. four farts. Corey forster multi-factor analysis of the quantity of farts within one fart. I ain't wrong.

I'd love to see you defending that dissertation. That'd be a funny sketch. Well, nobody would come at me, though. That's the thing. I also love the idea of Corey being like, fuck, I hate research. I ain't doing no research. He's like, no, sir, you've already been doing research.

You've done it. Listen to farts is, oh, yeah, research. That's actually, that's a fucking hilarious sketch. You and a, do you not like, like, what I'm talking about. A seismic thing. When you go to get a PhD, the last thing you get to get a law scoring.

The last thing you got to do is defend your dissertation. Oh, I do know what that is, yeah. Well, you doing that. And your dissertation is on the number of parts. How many parts are in a farm? And the panel of professors, whatever, the classic, you know, stuffy ass, whatever, bowtie motherfuckers.

Oh, but God damn. And it's just you. They're going in on you. But you swayed by the end. I'm a stone-faced. I'm just like, I got this shit. Well, they're going in on. you but not like because your topic's ridiculous like they're taking it very

right they're coming after his like methodology mr morgan i'm looking in chapter three here mr forster that is all of the same fart therefore yeah and i'm just met by the end of it they're sitting there crying just like that fart fart farted i heard it yeah no i'm into that or we might be real high oh i'm super stony combination i'm stony baloney but you know i ain't ever lied about Farts. By the name of this podcast. I ain't never lied about Farts. Inception Farts.

This is right up there with Come, ain't Pee. And Drunk on Baines. That's actually, that's the compilation album. It's his greatest hit. Greatest Shits. Four-Nine Forster. It's all his best fart bits. Yeah.

Oran Rout Forster, I ain't never lied about Farts. You ever tried to fuck a fart? Fart could get it. Yeah, we didn't talk about that on here, have we? Or have we? I don't think we have, but I'd like to since we're on a subject. And this is two. We're both drunk.

We've been on the road for a while. This is how horny you get on the road. This is an example. We were standing outside of this bar in New York, right? New York. Yeah. To New York, yeah. And I turned around and nestled my butt right up against Corey's crotch and farted a real good and straight into your crotch.

And he goes, ooh, that felt good. Something like that. Oh, that far hit. And then you'd stand there for a bit and you go, hmm, fart could get it. My fart turned him on. It was warm.

It was on my wiener. That ain't happening a couple weeks. You know, I mean, it's stank, but I'm fine with that too. That's happened. And then,

of course, I started to ride a bit. No, you did. You're like, that's a classic Corey Forstroping line. What's up,

everybody? Good to see. Y'all ever tried to fuck a fart? I think I'm totally going to do that. Well, you burped my dick stag get with it

yeah for you this makes any sense to all those are just things Corey he also it wasn't far from that night

he hugged me and it made me pay a little bit and I just said ooh you burnt my dick yeah and so that

became a thing and I took it way too far that night I remember yeah I think you get you

burnt my dick on t-shirts yeah yeah yeah but then yeah yeah

yeah then we've gone off the rails here all that weed. I really want Corey in 20 years to have like barbecue sauces and t-shirts that shit is so hot,

it'll burp your dick. It'd be good baby bibs. Burk my dick. No, that'd be weird. No, that don't hit. No, that ain't good. Well, I'm sorry.

How good is that hot sauce? It's fart fucking good. Fart fucking good hot sauce. Yeah, I don't even know. We're ridiculous. Yeah, we are off the rails. This episode, if I'm not mistaken, fellas, is going to come out five days before Christmas. Am I wrong?

I don't know. Maybe. Well, it's going to have to. Sure. Yeah, that's true. Because I forgot y'all's Christmas present, and I wanted so desperately to get it to you on this or the last trip so we could use them. But I'm just going to tell you what they are and show you a picture of them, and I wanted to do it on the podcast. Because we talked about this on the podcast briefly.

I'll talk about how we needed some of these. and then a fan sent me a message. Oxy cotton? Yeah. How did you find it? And then a fan said, I got a friend who makes those. Why don't you get them from her? And so I went and checked out her website.

And when I went and checked out of the website, if I'm honest with you, they're like way more ornate than what I wanted. I wanted the classics. I'm going to show you what it is. Yeah, I know. I'm just trying to figure it out. It was so ornate that I was like, I kind of like the classic look. Until I saw that these custom things that I have gotten for us.

Oh, no. there were six of them total that she had made in her Etsy store six total okay three of them matched our nicknames so perfectly that i was like that she had made already yes oh wow the simulation kevin who watches over us and presides over the prize be price be was looking out for us that day so even though these were pretty damn expensive for what they are and what i mean for what they are is i mean what their function is it's art so at or it costs that much but i wouldn't plan on getting y'all art but i have done that Yeah, you usually don't plan on it. I got us drinking horns.

Yes! Oh, dude, fuck yes. If I can drink in horns, and I don't have great pictures of them, because this is just from the email that they sent me that said, you know, it's on the way or whatever. I thought that I had pictures at the house. I can get Andy to send some better ones in a minute. Here is the honeycomb with the bee on it right there,

and it is, as fate would have it, the biggest one, so it holds the most beer. 32 house, baby, yeah. So he's got a honeycomb and a bee on the other side. yours is orange with a big black bear on it. These are just theirs. That does hit. This was just out of six.

These were two of them. And then I was like, well, maybe I don't need to get it because there ain't one for me. And there's not one that matches my nickname. But what I did find was a red one with a raven on it. Yeah. So I got this red raven one there with the black. Yeah. And also, mine's the prettiest.

I thought you meant you were going to say, oh, there's not one that's me. She's like, well, I've got one that's broken, but it's still worse. Now, they come with leather straps so they'll fit around your neck. They don't have, like, the stands or whatever. They're, like, they're pointy. But I was thinking I could get somebody to, like, make that so they could actually just have a handle and you could just set it out and drink out of it. You know what I mean?

Son, I'm drinking out this motherfucker. Oh, I know. I mean, you could just sit it on the table. Oh, right. No, you could just wear it on your thing. Well, that's a even harder. Dude, I'm a man on the go. Fuck a table.

I'm so mad I forgot to do this in Nashville. Yeah. I had them there. And I wanted to do it on the table. the podcast so I didn't do it and then I forgot because we drank too much. Yeah, we did. We went in. Well, I'll mail them to you.

Merry Christmas. I help. Thank you. That does hit. I ain't got y'all shit yet. I'll figure out something ahead. Corey got me beer and I think it's on my neighbor's porch. And if it is, she has already drunk it.

For sure, but you can pour it in your horn. Yeah, well, again, except that Holly has drunk my beer. I know she has. Holly Hambride. I know you did that. Yeah, I know you hook me up, Daddy. It's okay. Yeah.

Gift certificate is always good. what you got tray i got tray a um a foldout like uh tailgating type tennessee table to put out in the yard because i saw what he tweeted about it yeah not very grateful of you i thought it was pretty funny and i got him two chairs too and i basically i got him a whole setup to where uh he can make his yard on game day if he if we're ever there look like how it should be at home so it's a whole tailgate and set mugs and beer opener all tennessee stuff yeah and well and this is orange too your horn by the way. It's more of a Syracuse

orange, but it'll be fine. Hips. You got a mouth full of chips. It does hit. Well, guys. Merry Christmas, everybody. Yeah, thank you guys for, this is the first calendar year

of the podcast. So it's been a... What? Nothing, just the sheer excitement and your voice and all over just said. Well, that Cuban sandwich. I was being sincere. I was being sincere,

but also that Cuban sandwich doing a number on my butt. It's about to be a nine-farer. order down. The pork guy. Which, if I'm not mistaken, Dr. Forrester, comes out to no less than 36 farts. There's several farts in a fart.

Listen to it on half speak. I'm telling you, dude, I'm not kidding. Listen, y'all, this episode in specific on account of there's been an appearance, this, by the way, might be the first episode that all, that Mr. Butt was voiced by all three butts in one episode. so there's a lot of opportunities there's a lot of opportunities if you go back

if you listen to it man I'm telling you listen there's more farts in a fart than you would ever think if you get an opportunity so Merry Christmas guys if you're taking anything if you're taking anything

away from the podcast this year this is now our 45th episode or something like that it is that we're getting close to a year yeah February something yeah we're like real quick before I forget

the name of that Etsy store I should have done this already was uh is Fathom Fortuna, Tray Fortuna? I am. Pro,

Yay. Fathom Fortuna, yeah. I think that's fortune Fathom luck. Fathom luck. In like a You know, Fortuna's

Luck in Latin pretty sure. Okay. Because Bong Fortuna is good luck in Latin. Yeah, so.

Bone Fortuna. Yeah. Been there. Yeah. Yeah. But Corey Fatham and but Fortuna, that's the only thing

he'd fathom for and tuna. And I bone for it too. Yeah. Have. Can I stay on your couch, ma'am? So, anyways, Merry Christmas, guys, and we love you here.

Enjoy it with your loved ones. Yeah, don't forget the reason for the season. Somebody else wants to say Merry Christmas to everybody. Yeah. At least seven. I guarantee it. All right, well. Scoo.

Which is the reason for the season? season. Should old acquaintance be for God had never brought to mine. Should old acquaintance be for God hand old langs sign? Happy New Year's well-readers. We love you. Ske you. Thank you all for listening to The Well-Read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do.

Thank you, God bless you. Good night, and skew.