wellRED podcast - #49 - Weiner-Butt-Doctor!

Episode Date: January 10, 2018

The boys are back in town!!! Well, we are back together at least. After a month off of touring to spend some time with our families for the holidays, we meet back up in beautiful Burbank, California in Trae's guest room to discuss The National Championship, Politics in Sports...Corey tells a story about teaching a former Attorney General how to do Kegel exercises, and of course we are joined by friend of the show - Mr. Butt! Not gonna lie, y'all, we get silly in this one!  Click here to get a SWEET toothbrush from our sponsors at Quip! Wanna see us on tour? Click this shit!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,

including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish.

Spanish and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I had a, I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was that in response to. What was that a reply gift for just when I did something stupid?

Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first. But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions or reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com slash well, read today that's rocketmoney.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the what's up everybody it's the show sorry if i sound a little melancholy i'm still sick sitting here in beautiful barbent california on tray crowder's couch trying not to talk too loud so i don't wake his kids up because they got school in the morning tour date updates, 2018, well read from Dixie with love.

If you're hearing this right now tonight, January 10th, we are at Largo in January 11th, San Diego, California, then on to Phoenix, Arizona, Asheville, North Carolina, Dallas, Texas, Austin, Texas, San Antonio, Texas, Houston, Texas, Pittsburgh, Jesus, I'm sorry, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Jacksonville, Florida, West Palm Beach, Florida, Salt Lake City, Utah, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Fargo, North Dakota, New Orleans, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Lansing, Michigan, Detroit, Grand Rapids, Portland, Oregon, Charleston, South Carolina, Napa, California, Spokane, Washington, Cincinnati, Ohio, Dayton, Ohio, Huntsville, Alabama, Oxford, Mississippi.

Oh, fuck you. I think they must just add that some bitch. I didn't even see that. Hell yeah. Oxford, fucking hey, I'm going to get so drunk. We got so drunk last time after the show, not before, because you know we're such professionals. So then on to Chicago, Illinois, Tulsa, Oklahoma, back at Keynes, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, Honolulu, Hawaii, I'm eating a whole goddamn pig, Burlington, Vermont, Portland, Maine, Norfolk, Virginia, and Baltimore, Maryland. All tickets can be picked up at well-readcom, W-E-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com, spelled just like the podcast.

And as always, this portion of the podcast is brought to you by the Smok Red Comedy.com. Smokey Boys grilling dudes, smokyboysgrilling.com. Go pick up some hog dust and pick up a t-shirt. It's really good stuff. We love them. You'd love them too. Enjoy this episode. We just all got back together.

We've been on a month break from touring. So we played a little catch-up this episode. Talked about what we did for Christmas. Talked about, you know, all sorts of shit. It's a fun episode. And anyways, we love you. and skew well

well well your toe don't hit it's tough don't hit I didn't even look at it but I just assumed what's wrong with it? Very few of my toes hit oh that weird nail yeah that's why it's gnarly ain't it

you ever seen this on my pinky have I told that story? No when I was three years old that's how long my pinky's been wrecked like that I smashed that pinky and one of them Remember the lawn chairs your aunts used to lay out and sun tan on them. They're all the way flat on the ground.

And in order to get them to lay back, you've got to ratchet it all the way forward. It's like a trifold. It's like little vinyl looking straw things across. Katie got one, right? So those things lay all the way flat on the ground. If you want, you can angle it. So you have like a recline, you know what I mean? But to get it.

It's a good quality item. So you can pull it up and it'll stop, right? It locks. but to get it to start over, you got to go all the way forward and then back down, right? I got my finger hung in the gears of one of them

and it was stuck. And to get my finger out, my aunt had to ratchet it all the way forward and all the way back. I was three and a half and I swear to God I remember it. My mama wasn't home

so my dad had to comfort me and you know, dads ain't be good at that. And I just wanted my mom. I remember that. And it split my nose. and I had, I don't know if this is related or not, I used to have 14 warts on that finger. What?

Yeah. 14 warts on one finger? And they burn them off. They out. They, who's they? The doctor. Okay. No warts on nothing else?

I mean, there was some other parts of my hand. They burned them off too. That was it. But that one finger was just add up? Add up with the warts. And as you can tell, my pinky is still not good. I mean, it's still cracked. And for a while, I didn't really have much of a nail on one side.

Then it toughened up. We're about to change subjects. If you guys are cool and done with that story, that's actually kind of boring. Well, like, you think there's ever been anyone that just had a ward on their dick, and it was not an STD? They just had a war on her dick. Yeah, I've always...

That sucks for that person. Yeah, that don't hit. No, don't hit. But, I mean, you can get it off. If it's that type of war, you can freeze it off. It just would suck. I guess. Free or burn.

I swear to God, I have forgotten this. I have a wart right by my dick. swear to God I had forgotten that. Right. By your dick. Yeah, it's like right there. How long has it been there? Since I was like 12. It's part of the family.

You forgot about it. Well, it's also, you know, generally covered up. Right. By hair or pants. Like, what do you mean? Hair. Yeah. Well, Dick warts.

Here we are. Welcome back, everybody. Yeah. Yeah, this is our ketchup. We're playing ketchup here. We haven't been... It's our mayonnaise, too. We haven't been together.

I want my shirts that you're wrinkling. Oh, I didn't know these on there. This don't hit no more. Nothing to hit some shirts back. Delane on. Joe, how's your mental state? Like, emotional state, all that, psychological. How are you doing right now?

How are you dealing with the loss? The loss that you've suffered. You had forgotten? No. You didn't know what he was asking about? Well, we in the car, remember we were talking about our depression and anxiety. and I had mentioned that I was actually in a good mood, and so, of course, you know, Tray had to remedy that.

Dude, I mean, we've established he don't want you to be happy. That also is not what he said. For context, for everybody listening, he's referring to the National Championship where my Georgia Bulldogs raving smooth out. Actually, I don't know if they raving smooth out or Nick Sabin just raving smooth that. It may it could go either way. I mean, dude, I ain't good, but. I think it's like, you remember that episode of South Park when Cartman sees the butt-faced people?

You remember that? There's his butt-faced people come to town and they try to talk and it's just farts. And Cartman sees it and he's just like, he can't even talk. And everybody's like, what's going on? He's just like, you guys, I think I'm broken. And that what he's like, nothing will ever be funny again because I just saw the funniest thing ever. I feel that way with the opposite. It's like, that tore me up.

so I puked. Remember when you were text me and you were like, how are your energy doing? And it was like, because seriously, they were so tore up. And after the game, I vomited like a lot. Now, partly because I was torn up over the game and a lot of part because you know, if you watch a ball game, it's sausage dip and it was sausage dip. But yeah, I mean, I think that

it was just so shitty that I'm at least now like, well, that's the worst thing I'm going to go through in terms of football. So at least that can't happen again. And if it does, I'll know exactly how to prepare for it. This doesn't apply to you, but like, it didn't immediately occur to me, like, when it first happened. But, like, there's a shitload of people, I have to assume, who are both Atlanta Falcons

and Georgia Bulldogs fans. Yeah. And a little less than a year ago, the fucking Falcons lost the Super Bowl in just, in some. insanely dramatic and raven fashion historical fashion historical fashion to the analogous right I was going to say to the Nick Sabin of the NFL yeah to the empire is the to the empire to the empire to the dark to but Belichick's the emperor right and Sabin is Darth Vader yeah you have I feel like you have to say that just because it's pro versus college and I mean dude they're absolutely you know on an even keel with

each other in terms of evilness. Blowing up planets. Jamie Ward made a meme today that was really funny. I sent it to you where it said it said Atlanta sports named the number one most devastating city for sports and at the bottom. It said actually somebody came in right at the last second and beat them in that too. They were only number two. But yeah, man, it ain't been, which, you know, luckily for me, fuck the Falcons.

They don't hit for me. So that was fine. Right. That's what I said. It didn't apply to you. But, like, still, what a dude And just about Sabin? And I know, like, you know, whatever.

We try not to talk about sports too much on here. But just this, that motherfucker, he benched his year long starting quarterback. His two season long starting quarterback. 25 and 2 is his record. He benched his 25 and 2 starting quarterback for a freshman at halftime of the national championship game.

And it fucking worked. Mm-hmm. Like, boy, did it work. But I mean, that's insane. He had talked about doing it, and a lot of people were talking about how good the kid was. I mean, it's crazy, but it was sort of expected, right? I mean, the announcers were saying, you might see the guy. Right.

Well, he said in one of his interviews that they're now showing the clip of over and over again leading up to the game, you know, we've been getting a lot of reps with, I can't say his name, I apologize. Tua is his first name, I know. Yeah. Stick with that. Okay. We've been getting a lot of reps with Tua, you know. I'd like to get him in.

We almost put him in. He said that they were planning on putting him in the Clemson game if they couldn't get their offense going because that defense was so stout, but they just beat the crap out of Clemson. It's still a wild. It's surprising that we had planned for it. But like too anew to prepare and all that is what I'm saying.

Yeah. Yeah, no, and that's another raven thing about it is here. Part of our narrative, George's narrative this year is we have a hot shit, a hot shit freshman because we had an injury. Yeah. And we got to the national championship. And then as you said, it's like, but Sabin had one in his back fucking pocket. Just on the shelf. That's how Alabama rolls.

It was just like, like you said, y'all did it. And it's this huge deal. And rightfully so. And rightfully so. And then Saban's just like, oh, we got one of those, don't we? Oh, shit. We got one of those. I ain't thought about that yet.

We got one in Hawaii. What I was going to ask, and I think even though this is sports related, everybody can relate to this concept. you said that meme about being the most devastated city. Yeah, it's like that's Cleveland. I was going to say, he should have said Cleveland swooped in at the last second. Right. Yeah. So that's my question, though. Would you rather have your season or ours?

Well, we've... And for context, people don't think about sports. Would you rather come really close to getting all your dreams or just, you know, never have had a shot? Well, how are y'all right now? You know what I mean? Not dead inside? Right.

No, I do it. I don't know. Is numb and emotion? No, I go back and forth where I'm like, well, if I, you know, if we fucking just lost three out the gate, I could have at least had a stress-free season and go, well, maybe next year or whatever. But, man, I mean, that's the, that's the most, because I try really hard not to be the, because I know some of these dudes who are like, this will ruin their entire year. This is fucked a couple of my days up and it sucks. But I think I'm, but this is the worst one. Like, this is, that one really hit me.

I was like, oh, God, damn. I'm really affected. I'm really affected. It doesn't. And again, I've never experienced that. So I was like, who knows? No, I mean, I'd rather do what we did. Oh, my bad.

I would rather do what we did because now I can go, well, you know, that happened to Clemson. And, you know, there is hope. And we're looking, I mean, we fucking, it's not like we lost a national championship now. Well, everything we worked for is over. Not even close. No, y'all are set. But, I mean, yeah. But, still.

But, dude, that one was the most bowel, destroyed. event I've ever witnessed. Oh, that reminds me I wanted to say, Corey wasn't drinking. He puked just from emotions and sausages. You weren't drinking and I didn't drink a drop because I had to come here today. I know you did, but I'm still amazed at the restraint. I didn't want to be home.

I didn't want to be home. I didn't drink a drive. Well, the thing is, at the first part of it, I was just how on life. Yes. Right, that's true. The dogs fans out there listening, he drank all year and y'all were doing great. Not true. There it is.

It's a drink. It's Corey's fault that you guys lost. Oh, you didn't drink the Auburn game. That's right. well that was very good no actually it's true too it's funny answer you know what all I was thinking was no I didn't watch

a lot of the games because we were at the club but I was drunk so yeah no this is on me god damn it you try to fix yourself oh dude the like the fact that

first of all they came all the way back and it's tied and it's at last second oh so we're just wrong last second chip shot field goal and then they missed it. He missed it. Alabama's kicker missed it. And now it's going to overtime and it's like, you know,

if they... You got to mow. Right. Georgia has the momentum back now and it's like, okay, well, they've dodged a bullet. They still got a shot at this. Then your boy, the coffee maker,

Gagles kicker. Yeah, made a 52-yard field go. In overtime. Yeah, with room. Nailed it. And right after that, So, Georgia gets a ball first overtime. He makes it.

He drills a 51. He scored most of their guy. He was going to be the player of the game. He drilled a 51-yarder, and then on the first play of Alabama series, they sacked the fuck. Second and 26. I'll never forget. 16-yard loss on the first play of that overtime, and their kicker, again, had just missed a 23-yarder. Looking pretty good.

So it's looking good, and then on the next play. Bullet. That was one of the most. true freshman quarterback who they pulled off the shelf. On a goddamn rope, dude. As soon as it left his hand, I was like, someone's catching this fucking football. But that was real bad coverage, no matter how good that show was. Terrible.

Terrible. And I don't know what it was. It was like, we just got this big sack and everybody just kind of breathed this side of relief and then they let somebody go. I think the corner got burnt and the safety fucked up the cover. I don't think the corner ran. I don't think the corner got burnt. He ran that guy in the cover too. He had the flat.

Some of our fans are so fucking lost right now. Yeah, that is true. And I don't mind if we switched conversation. Well, I bet you don't. But no, I will, luckily, unlike a lot of Georgia fans that I know, I got other shit going on. You know what I mean? So it does suck. But, you know, I did get to come to L.A. and see you guys the next day.

So it's helped. And again, I hadn't thought about it much until you got a microphone. Trump was at the game. A lot of people sent me clips and memes. gifts or whatever of the Alabama players walking to the tunnel screaming fuck Trump. I mean it hit for me to hear that but I also was thinking

like man I remember when like Kurt Schindlin was popping off about Obama and I just was like man shut up you fucking idiot. Of course the difference is whether you believe or like what Obama was saying he was saying hey I love everybody hope is good I want to help people and Trump

has been saying you know Mexicans are all murderers if they come here illegally that's kind of what I mean I tried to who I've tried and failed to say that I'm like, I hear you, but to these people that you will never know anything about because you won't talk to him,

he is a piece of shit that is ruining their livelihood. So that is a fuck you. Well, I guess though, I mean, I guess people would argue that like, oh, Democrats. That Kurt Schilling feels the same way about Obama. But like, well. Is it, was it really Kurt Schilling specifically?

I don't remember that. I'm not saying it didn't happen. He never said, fuck Obama, but he would talk shit about him. Okay. He was just. Oh, that's right. He got fired, didn't he?

He got fired by ESPN for all that shit. I'm pretty sure, yeah. Because he kept getting political and stuff. That all, you know, another reason that's different. At least when I remember that happening, he was already out of the game. He was like, he was hired to talk. He was paid to talk. Yeah.

But about sports. And he kept getting political publicly and shit. And so they were like, no, you can't be doing that. Especially you can't be doing that. Right. And so he got. fire for it, I feel like that's completely different than, and I know you're not making an argument that it's not.

Right. Yeah. Well, I'm saying that I have to admit that there's, there's hypocrisy. Like, for me to be like, ha ha, that's awesome. At the very least, I have to like consider how I felt when people did about it, Obama. At the very least, I have to, we have to do what we just did, which was make the case that it's different. You know what I mean?

Do you feel any differently in that regard? Because they're not artists. They're athletes, which are both entertainers, but they're still very, very, very different things. but like you've said before you know like jason isbel said about Travis Tritt and whatever because Travis Tritt said artists shouldn't be talking about politics their personally shouldn't come into it and Isbel said uh well yeah I'd expect him to say that he never wrote a word that he's all he gets paid to sing and shake his ass and put on tight jeans

and get a shitty haircut or something right and he's like and I get paid to you know write and speak my truth I mean I think everybody should say don't have their mind here's what fucks me up why do we care and listen to him. Just like this thing with Oprah, what she said was awesome. But now our side or a lot of people are like, she should run for president.

If she wants to, that'd be fine. I'm not saying that there would be like, you know, no fucking precedent for it, obviously. But it's like, maybe we don't need a celebrity. Maybe we don't need to care

that much what athletes say. I like that LeBron James, for example, is standing up for Black Lives Matter and drawing attention to it and I think that's setting a great example for kids. But why does either side get in a tizzy

one way or the other? Why do we actually give a fuck? I mean, I think people should say where the fuck they want, but why is it news? Well, that's where I'm at in terms of... I mean, that's pretty much I feel about it too. Anybody, and it's not... This ain't me saying this. This is the Constitution.

You can say what fuck you want. Anybody can. They're just doing a different thing in terms of like, Isbel speaks his mind. Yeah, but that hits for a lot of his fans. Again, he should be able to do it, but the consequences are going to be different because you're an Alabama football player. Think about the demographic of Alabama fans versus the demographic of Jason Isbell fans.

you're going to ruffle more feathers on one end. I don't care if I'm a hypocrite. I think if you're right, you should be able to say whatever you want. If you wrong, fuck you. I mean, I obviously still be allowed to say it. I obviously feel that way too, but then, you know, it's just like, oh, so y'all are right. Because I thought you were basically making that argument, which I also agree with. It's like you absolutely have the right to say whatever you want, but you don't have the right.

You have the right to freedom of speech, but not the right of freedom from consequences of it. And I'm saying, and I was going to say, but you wouldn't have a right. different direction but the people the Alabama fans that are mad about that like those are consequences right so like yeah no I know so like those kids I and I think if they hear that if they know that people are pissed about it and they're like yeah well I don't give a fuck you know I just won a national championship then like that's fine end of story I guess I guess I guess my thing is like as a sports fan if I found out that Jake from campaigned for Donald Trump, but he won us

a goddamn national championship. I'd be like, well, you know, got to separate the politics. I don't really believe what he says, but God damn it, good on you. The boys got a can. Well, you adore Tom Brady. Right. He's a big Trump guy. Yeah, well, he reneged on that. Yeah, I want to... Because he don't like making people mad. Right. But I did... I mean, that didn't hit for me at the top.

But I did say, like, I'm not trying to hang out with him. I like watching him throw the goddamn football. I don't know why they can't do the same thing. I do want to say real quick. I said, why do we give a fuck? I mean that. I wish we did. And now we are. But I'm not, well, I was going to say, I'm not naive enough, though, to think that'll ever change. We're not giving a fuck. I also think that it's fair.

And some of it, like, and you brought up LeBron James. You said about, like, dude, that's a good conceit saying, like, why do we give a fuck? But, like, kids are going to give a fuck about what LeBron James says. And you can't stop them from giving a fuck. Which, by the way. Which, by the way, is a reason that it is important and awesome to me. when LeBron says some shit that I want the goddamn kids to hear. Right.

You know what I mean? Right. For sure. Right. So, I don't know. But it's one of those things are like you can't have it both ways. You can't.

You know what I'm saying. I'm not naive. I know that that ain't actually how it works, you know. And here's the other thing. And this is what I thought you were going to say. You know, LeBron has kids and he is black. Like I care what he says because he has had experiences, you know.

I care a lot about what he's, yeah, because his experience is insanely unique to anybody that I know. in terms of he's a black guy for one thing. And then also, I mean, there's a lot of shit unique about LeBron James. Well, just the fact that he had to deal with someone writing an N-word on his LA home, like, you know, you can't get famous or rich or great enough as a human to overcome that shit. Exactly.

Which is why it's so important for LeBron James to go, you don't think racism exists. I am one of the most well-respected individuals in the country. I am rich, and this happens to me. can you imagine what's happening to that fucking teenager nobody gives a shit about that can't by their way out of fucking trouble or nothing so it is important him not saying something would almost be irresponsible i tell you what new year new me i can't pick and commit i don't know how i feel about it boys right well it's easy to go both ways because like cori just said it would almost be responsible for him not to say anything and it's like i totally get the argument but i also i don't he don't have to i don't think there's anything wrong at all with like michael jordan not doing that shit right exactly Yeah, but didn't it rub you like a weird way to hear him say? What was it he said? Republicans buy sneakers too?

In response to a question about race? When what, right? Yeah, I mean, was this before, because if that quote is long enough before Trump got elected. Oh, this was many years ago. Right. But like so many years ago, it was probably, maybe not worse, but I mean. They just weren't as bad back then. So I did, I mean.

Do you think that race relations were better at a time in America? I think there were anybody still holding on to the GOP back then. I think people holding on to it now. It's like, look, you've seen what it is, and you're still holding on to it to your piece of shit. Back then, I think there was a lot of, and it was ignorance, and it was a lot of probably willful ignorance. But, you know, people were just like, you know,

I've got conservative values, but I'm still blah, blah, blah. There was a lot more chumminess. Now it's like, look, I've drawn the line in the sand, and if you're over here, you're a fucking dickbag. It just, I don't seem like there is much. Are we more divided? Absolutely. But I think you're being a little, uh,

I don't know if naive is the right word. I think you're going too easy on them. I mean, dude. Killer Mike's song, Reagan. I know. Dude. Ronald Reagan was, pre- Michael Jordan. They've been at this shit for a while.

I guess, okay. It's like they're just being forced to pay for it recently and that, you know, Trump is the response to that. It's Jordan saying it. And the reason I say is because I, Jordan is a black guy. So, most, I might somebody would probably go, oh, well, so Michael Jordan's, he's black. so why don't his opinion matter. Michael Jordan ain't been black for a very long time in the sense of that motherfucker's got a billion dollars.

He's been hanging amongst all he talks to, he's in a fucking bubble, right? And black people can get to bubble too. It's a lot goddamn harder. But we were just telling about LeBron exists like a plane and then he had that happen to him. Yeah, you literally just said a minute ago, you were saying you cannot get rich or famous enough

to be not black. Yeah. And also, now that's true. What's the famous quote about? Boy, this episode's just hypocrisy like a motherfucker. no it's just it's a very complicated fucking thing yeah it ain't black or white

but like the whole the uh the uh oj yeah was it did he say or did someone say about him he's not black he's oj or did he say i'm not black i'm the juice or it was i'm not black i'm oj it was him i think yeah it said that

huh and somebody also said the same thing about like what they say it all time ben carson and who was the dude Herman cane's his name Herman Kane is his name Herman Kane is a guy who is black who was right

rich republican he he didn't run with a black crowd right well yeah I mean

dude I don't know I don't because I'm I was just and we all were both wrong and right within like 30 seconds of each other

it's a fucked up situation I think ultimately ultimately where this is good talking about it I think ultimately where I fall on it is

they absolutely I think they absolutely I know they absolutely have a right to say their opinion, whatever it is, but they have to realize that whatever feedback they get from it, their response to that is what is what is telling about it. If, you know what I mean? Like if they get hate from it and they're like, man, well, what are you going to do? Some people don't like it. I don't give a fuck. It's my right to do it.

Then even if they're politically opposed to me, I'm like, okay, that's fine. Yeah, me too. But if they act like victimized or whatever for it or act like that's bullshit. apologize for some shit that they thought about. Or go back on it or whatever. Well, then fuck that. Dude, that wasn't a drunk statement you made. That is a well-thought-out opinion you've had for a long time.

You can't apologize for that now. How you feel? Well, that's how I felt about Tom Brady's hoer-neging on Donald Trump. I was like, dude, this is who you been. But. And I mean, you know, you know, I also, Brady hiss for me, not as much as he has for Corey, but still, the way I basically felt about that was, I kind of feel, it's not hard for me to believe that Tom Brady.

knew Donald Trump through, you know, lizard circles. Boat shows. Boat shows for years and years. It was just like, yeah, he's a friend of mine, because I'm sure Trump fucking juggled his balls all the time because Brady's an actual champion, which, you know. And then over the course of the past... He just started kind of a little bit at a time.

Over the course of the past year, 18 months, whatever else, it finally reached a point where he was like, fuck I can't be fucking with that dude no more right that's not I mean that doesn't make it not genuine I don't think you don't think you could get backlash that's when he was like well you know I don't really know anything about politics first of all second of all if your argument is what I'm saying is he was his friend and that's what that was about not not like a not a friend it's like we said before about when we meet I'm certain that I have met some people out here out here being Hollywood that are probably monsters at times to other people, whatever else. But it's like, but they were cool to me. So that's what I'll tell somebody. He's like, no, they're... He had the hat and stuff.

He had the MAGA hat. That's how they all started. Dude, Tom Brady's known. Oh, right. Tom Brady had the... I know. I'm giving him too much the benefit of the doubt for sure. But what I'm saying is, it's not hard for me to believe that, like, especially if you...

By and all the shit to people say about Brady, which is that, like, he almost don't do anything on earth. He's disconnected. But... football and his family. Like his wife and kids in football. So like he just... There's the problem with your logic here though. If that's the case, why do you have the hat in the first place?

Because he was just, because he knows the dude from boat shows. It's like, yeah, it hits for me. And then he puts the hat on and then he later he finds out like, oh, that guy's a monster. That's my point. If non-political Donald Trump hits for you, like if you never believe that he was going to make America great again, or even though he's rough around the edges, I think he's changing it up in Washington. At least he's an outsider. If you just liked him as a person, honestly,

fuck you more than someone who believed in him that he's going to believe. If you meet Donald Trump and he hits for you, not like he's kind of funny at parties, but like I like the guy. I don't know anything about his politics, but I'm going to wear his hat because of how much I like him. That's worse to me. Donald Trump is insufferable.

Yeah, I mean, I agree with all that. Like, I would rather imagine him being like, I've met him twice at a boat show. He's kind of weird, but I like that he's an outsider. And do you know what I mean? And like, the most benefit I can give anybody like that is, they heard him doing the speech, they remembered him from the boat show and they're like,

he's an outsider, he's going to do it different. You know, he's talking to regular people. And then a few months later, they're like, I guess he's full of shit. Turns out that guy's the worst. Well, that's what you just laid out is basically all I'm saying that I think might have happened. But you were saying it like, you know, I was not trying to make them sound

like boys. They weren't right. They weren't boys. You can't be boys with that motherfucker. I just, I don't think Tom Brady is boys with almost anybody. I didn't mean like you can't be boys with Donald Trump specifically. I mean, two people of that caliber, you don't hang out. There is no being boys, right?

But the scenario I just laid out, I think, I don't buy that. I think what happened was he said, yeah, you know, I know that guy. Sure. Yeah, whatever. And then the backlash came and he was like, oh, it was going to hurt my brand. And it's his right to do that as it was Jordan's right to make that statement. That don't hit for me when people do it. I'm like you.

I prefer. Actually, the Jordan statement is a little different because it was up front. I prefer the upfront. even if I don't like it I said that thing about Jordan just so we could talk about it I didn't like that he said that but I liked it in the sense of like

just this is who I am what Jordan kind of pulled that's like an EZE move is what he did where he was like they're out there burning this shit and he's like well they bought him no I don't give a fuck you know John Lennon or the Beatles said that first but yeah but

Easy he hits harder but uh than the Beatles not then John Lennon not artistically just as if I could go back and hang out with either one of them it'd be easy.

Well, there'd be very few people that could compete with easy and that. Go ahead, Trey. Yeah, well, that's all I mean. I think there's another way to look at that, which is the same way that I look at Indian casinos. Because, like, do, casinos. This is going to be fun. Can't wait.

Casinos can be, you know, pretty fucked up. You know, like, I'm off. You, y'all know, I love me some casinos. I'm also poor white trash, so that makes sense. Right. But like. Off to a flame. and moth to a flame, exactly.

But like, you know, not exactly beacons of morality. Well, they're analogous to the world. If you hit, then they're awesome. But if you're poor, they'll ruin your goddamn life. But Indian casinos, Indians having casinos, I'm always just like, take it all. Right. Take it all. So black people turn into Republicans?

You're like that. No, not him turned in. That's not what he said. That's not what he said. He said Republicans buy my shoes too. Yeah, I know that. I know that. So I'm, my thing is kind of like, it's like, yeah, fuck them.

They hate black people, whatever. I'm, you know, I'm making money off these dumb motherfuckers. They want to buy my shoes. That's fine. And I'm like, when I look at it that way, that's kind of sweeter. Well, I got to, this motherfucker's money. Right, that's what I'm saying. Right, but one step back from that without judging what he said, I'm saying that I prefer the,

this is how it is and this is how I am. and because even if it's like, well, fucking Kurt, what's the shilling? Shilling. It's like, I know who he is, you know? That's like that Patton Oswald joke, it's better maybe to know. Or the great, uh, Roy Wood Jr. joke you were talking about earlier. He's like, I miss Rebel Flags. Yeah, yeah, and I'm going to butcher on this beast as like, I don't want Rebel Flags to go away

because that's how I know what gas station not to go to at night. Right. That's the premise. I'm butcher it. Watch his goddamn special father figure. It's on Amazon. I bought it. It's amazing.

That joke's amazing. And so, like, you know, I know not to have Kurt Schilling on our podcast. Or if I'm going to, we're going to fight the whole time. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, we've said that about Trump people a lot over the course of the past. The one good thing. You know, like I'm torn on that whole thing because it's like it's not like they don't feel that way.

It's not like they don't feel that way and act that way anyway. So given that they are those people, isn't it better that they broadcast it? It's better than any of us broadcast it. Right. So we know, like I said, to avoid. them so we know who sucks. It's like they handed them a bank bag and now their faces are all blue. Right.

Keep the money, but, you know, we know what you did. I can't tell you how many times and let me be rabbit y'all real quick where you're going to be like, oh, go on. You was doing self-righteous shit. But like, I can't tell you how many times when you type something out for Facebook or whatever and you're about to hit sin and you reread it. And then you're like, oh, man, my head's up my ass with this one. You know what I mean?

It's like, I believe 50% of this and the other 50% is emotion or me just trying to be smarty or whatever it is. And if I heard it from the other side of it. I'd be pissed. Yeah. So, like, you've got to broadcast it to learn them lessons or at least start to, you know what I mean? So, like, that's another reason people should be able to broadcast it so you can set in it. Because you read some of these stupid Trump country articles, and I know I've been on this all day.

Y'all been hanging out with me. I ain't heard it. Go ahead. I've been reading these fucking things. A lot of them are formulaic and awful. We're someone who went to Yale, parachutes in somewhere West Virginia, and they point a camera and ink pen or tape recorder or whatever at somebody. They find the oldest, widest dude at a diner that's been run down and they got a, Trump sign out front.

And they're like, hey, come speak for everyone in this state right now to the New Yorker or whatever. Dude, go on. I have a perfect example of that whenever you get. So they do all that. I kind of lost my train of thought. Oh, but like sometimes when you read these articles, they interview these people. And then they're like, but then the next day he came back and they backped up a lot. And it's because, like, you said it out loud to someone who don't agree with you completely.

You sat in it for a day. And then you're like, oh, that comes off this way. Stunk. Let me go, let me go scale it back just a little bit. What I actually meant, let me clarify, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? I've done that a lot.

It's a lot harder to, well, maintain your racist views if you're not a horrible person, if you say them out loud and hear their effect on people. Right. Some people, sincerely, and I'm not saying this is an excuse or makes it okay. Some people don't want to be racist, but they are. But they need to learn that they're racist and not from another white person just yelling at them on Facebook. You know what I mean? They need to set in their own fucking shit for a minute.

You think Lageret Blunt just threatened to beat the shit out of Tom Brady, and that's what did it. Like, he never really felt bad. But he felt like, like, he said all this. He's like, oh, everything's fine. And Lerick-Bunt just, like, kind of looked at him a certain way. He's like, oh, fuck, I didn't think about it like that. Yeah, you're right. Lageret, I didn't think about it like that.

I bet that sentence has been said to Lageret many times. So many times. You know, Lagerie? You know what, Ligarie. You're right. You're right. I didn't think about it like that. I didn't think about it like that.

Yeah, dude. Legerick Blunt is definitely like, just generally speaking, not the man with whom to fuck. Hell. No. You were talking about those Trump country articles and everything you said about it. I reminded me of this thing. And it's like, this is no secret to the three of us. But like, that shit has been going on forever since before there was a Trump.

Because I remember, I'll never forget it. And I know, you know, you're going to say, well, why didn't you bring that up? But it was from fucking, like, 13 years ago. It was a piece on Bill Maher's show. It wasn't him. It was a... And I've never really seen him do this before, but for a while...

Because I've been watching that show since it came on. And for a while, he had this, like, segment with this female documentarian who would... It was like a desk... She would go out and make, like, field pieces, right? Like a typical, like, late-night show. But, again, Bill Maher don't really do that. But he did for a while. And she would go out and make...

these like little documentary pieces and they'd show them on the show. I don't remember her name or nothing like that. And again, this is from years ago. But I remember the piece. She went to rural Mississippi. Right. And I don't even remember the fucking point of it. I really don't.

It was just like, we went to rural Mississippi. Here's how stupid they are. That's like literally. Like, I don't even remember the fucking general premise of it. Just bee footage and banjo music. But one thing. And everyone in it was, of course, the most toothless, backwards idiot motherfucker in the world. But here's the kicker.

They're always presented this way. But she literally said verbatim, before they played it, she said, it's important for people to understand that we didn't cherry pick any of this. We literally got off the plane and started talking to people in Mississippi. and this is what we came out with. And I was like 16 years old at the time or something. I'm not whatever. I mean, not much older than that.

And even at the minute she said it, or then when it was over, I was like, you know how I know that's bullshit? Not one black person in the entire thing. You interviewed 15 fucking toothless white people. Mississippi is 48% black. You stepped off the plane and just started talking to Mississippians, and there's not one brun.

nowhere you didn't talk to big crits uncle at all like not at all don't live near the goddamn airport right exactly like it was just so transparently bullshit right to me but bill martin you know again done the show and hell oh the show but like that audience then was just like just lapping it up and dude that's one the shit up and i remember being just

only we that would think about that they do see that and they're like yeah it makes sense that's what i'm saying That's what's double-upy you're reading about that. It's not the only reason, but that's a big reason that explains Trump. Yes. Without a doubt. And I know you know, but let me break it down in a few different ways. Well, and anyone listening to who might not be from the South or whatever.

Number one, that's one way we can explain Trump because you say, well, okay, Drew, this is a more apologetic bullshit. A lot of Trump supporters are racist. Yes, a lot of Trump supporters were, in fact, racist or lacked some of his most racist. immigration policies. Absolutely true. What about the 48% of Mississippi that's black that can vote? Why aren't they voting? Why aren't more of them voting?

If you want to come up with reasons, you are going to have to either be a racist. You're either going to literally blame it on the fact that they're black, which I know none of you are going to do, or acknowledge that your fucking party and your culture is not doing anything for these people. And in those pieces like that, when they don't show black people,

white people from Mississippi watch it and go, fuck those goddamn liberals. Black people from Mississippi watch it and go, yeah, they don't give a fuck about me. On December 11th, I said... Oh, thank God I wasn't in that. On December 11th, I said a lot of things on Twitter, but like December 12th,

and a lot of other people made this same point, but one of the things I said was, and this is when Doug Jones beat Roy Moore in Alabama, and one of the things I said... Thank you. Black women. One of the things I said was, I really, really hope this shows Democrats on a national scale that you can win

in the South if you just show them that you give a shit. Like, because that's what Doug Jones did with the help of fucking Charles Barkley and his entire campaign team or whatever. And they got out the black vote and, you know, all the other people that swing that way in Alabama who other, that's what, you know, at my video at the show that we did, that's what I was trying to get at with that is that there's, I know there's a lot of people in places like that that are just totally politically demotivated from years.

and years of... Been one. Yeah, of just... And that... That's not just on the people that are around them. That's on the... On the left and the Democrats and shit

for riding them off for so long. Just as a lost cause. People who didn't vote. And then I'll... And I'll say it. And, you know, we get accused of being apologetic, apologists.

Yeah, like I said, I've already said it. A lot of Trump supporters like the racist shit. But some of them, you know, are just stupid. Well... they don't know they're so racist

and they're mad about what we were just talking about and to them Hillary Clinton and that reporter and Bill Maher and now you Trey are the same person I'm kidding not you but like I mean yeah

I've said pretty much exactly this on Bill Maher show but they're the same person to them and you can say well that's bullshit anyway like why are they all the same we're all the same to y'all exactly like we have been all the same to y'all for years when I get told, oh, you guys are trading

Morgan said to me pretty much. I don't really want to hear about poor white people's problems or whatever he said. Which is what our uncle says about Black Lives Matter. Exactly. Yeah. But I'll give a fuck. I'm out here.

My life don't goddamn matter. I ain't got a fucking pension. And I don't want to be clear. It's not like, I'm not trying to get into like this. We got problems too because it comes like a who's got the worst problems contest. It's just more about let's have an honest conversation about what

slack from that side of it, you know, to be from the south. And like I said, to be black from Mississippi and you see that piece. First of all, you're like, this ain't exactly accurate. And second of all, where am I or all my people? And the one, and I know how this is going to go over, but I still feel compelled to say it. I, like, just a bit of a disclaimer here. And I've told you all this off my countless times. But again, I'm serious about it. I'm not just saying it. Like I said, Amigo, I've been watching Bill Maher show since it came out. And it came out when I was in high school. Like, I've been watching it forever.

Well, there's been a few different, wasn't it called? I'm not talking about politically. Politically incorrect. I'm talking about real time specifically. Politically incorrect was when I was a child. And I didn't watch that. Real time came out when I was in high school. And I've watched it ever since.

And I'm not bullshit. And he has said multiple times, story I just told, notwithstanding, when the South has gotten brought up, he has, you know, and part of it's probably an ego thing where he's just talking about how much he hits. Which I, you know, be a hell of a thing for me to say to somebody. Yeah. But he has said multiple times, it's like, you know, look, I do shows in Nashville and Birmingham. I do shows in the South and I sell out and the people there, the people that I meet there, like, not any different than what, like, he's.

Yeah, they're not driving from Maryland to get there. He has made, made a point to make that point multiple times over the course of the show. So, like, I just, you know. So, yeah, have a trade back on, Bill. We ain't trying to grill you. Yes. that too. I do want to go back.

Show Hitch for me, God damn. All that other shit. I mean, I'll say this. You get to go on there and say these things. And let me be rabid. Let me be rabid real quick by saying, well, there's no way that's going to happen, Corey. I don't ever want to do his show, but I want to go every time you do. That was so much fun.

I can't think of a more nightmare situation for me than to do his fucking show. But God damn, I had such a good time at the party. That's a great set. the Eric Holder's story on the podcast? I don't think I have. Please. I don't think you have either. It's like you don't used to tell it on stage.

I've heard you tell it so often that I never, but I don't think you've ever told it on here. I didn't. Tell the people. So we go to Bill Maher, you know, it's a huge fucking deal. And get there. Three days after the election. Yeah, three days after the election.

So we all felt like how I felt right after the goddamn Georgia game to fucking put a bow on this and you know it's kind of like oh jesus christ what the fuck is going on but you know it's still cool we're at bilmar so tray goes back there and they're you know putting on some in just such much needed makeup and so he's

he's back here they're like oh let's cover that whole thing up yeah it took a while and so uh anyways we're back there and I'm looking around and there's fucking food and everything's nice and there's Judy Greer which I thought was insane that was I think the first

uh yeah it was like the first random oh shit there's a famous person that I didn't know I was about to see just like just hanging out just hanging out just being there hey you know Judy grew up her husband's a producer on the show yeah I just look over there and I was like holy fucking shit so uh anyways we got drunk I got drunk and I'd already

made it a point to be like I'm not going in there for the I did my best fucking friend in the world is going on Bill Maher one of his favorite shows and uh I didn't even watch the taping because I was like it's part he's hitting too hard

I'm just gonna stay back here and drink and to which and I maintain this is true it was part that and part

I'm gonna have to piss three times during this tape and I ain't fucking getting up during the middle of that so I'm gonna stay back here

and watch it as did a lot of other people so we're sitting back there and trades about to go on I'm buzzed up

and we're all talking and I'm sitting there talking to my our manager Nat and I can't remember how it got you was about

peeing it was about right oh yeah you were talking about You had to pee all the time. I said, I'm going to have to pee. And she goes, no, come on in.

She goes, just, no, come on. I said, now, I know me. I'm going to have to pee. Like, even if I'd have two glasses of wine, which I'd had three bottles or whatever, said, I'm going to have to pee. She goes, well, just do kegill exercises. And I go, what? And she goes, yeah, kegill exercises.

And I just go, ain't that for your pussy? And I know, that's not the right thing to say, but I'm just being honest. That's what I say, I ain't that for your pussy? And she's like, yeah, no, but you can do it to not pee. You just clinch. And I go. Yeah, but I feel like if I do that same motion that you're doing, it's just going to pucker my asshole up a bunch, and that's not going to be how that works. And then I'm sitting there and she says something and I start trying to explain Kegel exercises.

The way I know, and I turn around, and there was a former attorney general, Eric Holder just standing right behind me. And I go, oh, Mr. Holder, I'm so sorry. And I don't know why, but it always comes out as a Barack Obama impression. He just goes, that's okay. I actually did not know that. So thank you for that information. And then he just fucked off. And I'm terrified.

And I'm like, oh, my God. Everyone's going to be mad at me. I'm about to get kicked out of this party. And then his assistant comes running by, who I'd remember from Ireland. It's very pretty. I don't remember what her name was. But I said, oh, my God. She'd been back there to see him.

And then she comes back and oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Please. She goes, he thought it was fucking hilarious. And I was like, yeah, he don't, you know, that's not something he gets to, he don't go to me any parties where there's a redneck sitting there talking about clenching her butt hole. No. You know, so that was probably nice for him. He's probably been to some lizard parties or somebody was clenching her butt hole, but yeah. Yeah, but it wasn't me.

We've also had this conversation before, but not on the mic. Also, I'm sorry for butchering that. I haven't told that story in a very long time. No, you didn't butcher it, but you did butcher Kagle exercises. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Which is like, we've also discussed, like, that makes. It's even funnier that you misinformed Eric Holder or whatever.

I think that's something I used to talk about on stage too. It's like somewhere, Eric Holder is telling someone, no, no, no, apparently you just clench your asshole together a bunch. The fucking redneck told me at this party. But here's the thing about it. Like, for Duke, this is my understanding, you know, and I ain't no goddamn wainter butt doctor. But. Weiner but doctor. You could have been.

Yeah, absolutely, I could have been. Couldn't have been anything. do-op songs unless it involved. We needer but doctor. We needer but doctor. Hey, we'll be right back after a word from our sponsor, y'all. Ski-you. What's up, guys, it's the show.

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back to the podcast ski you yeah weaner but doctor but my understanding what do you do weiner but doctor this is killing me weena but doctor

when a man does cagels I need to come and see you weena but doctor my weiner when a man does cagels you squeeze. This is the first verse.

Your pee muscles. But you will, if you don't concentrate on it and isolate it, if you don't like think about it, you will also pucker and unpucker your butt hole at the same time. But you can. And this is where I do know some stuff. You can isolate it and not do that. And in fact, if you're a man and you're trying to do kegles to help with bladder control, but also if any man listen doesn't know, it also helps you with stamina in the

bedroom. Yeah, I could care less. And I hear that. But if that's what you're trying to do, then you need to leave the butt hole out of it. I don't know why. But like, if you're trying to do it and make, it is hard, but you can't do it. I'm sure. But it is hard, but that's what makes it.

That's, I don't. But anyway, if you're trying to do it and you want it to work, you need to get the butt hole out of the equation. I have a feeling. I have a feeling. The answer is yes for both of you. for very different reasons, but of y'all had hemorrhoids ever?

No. External or internal? Just. Jesus. A visible knot in your asshole. That's the only thing I know. Yes. Lord, literally.

You could not devise a more raven answer. That was so great. Have you had them? Dude, unfathomably, no. I never have. Well, so he can back me up on this. I've heard that it's a fucking nightmare.

It is a fucking nightmare. But the nightmare. about it. Oh, God. Sorry. Pay phone bill. That's the... All right.

Not going to do that. That don't hurt. I'm on my phone. It still works. This is fine. So, you don't know how often you use your asshole

until you have hemorrhoids. You don't think about it. I buy that. It's unreal. Like, the simple, like, just doing this, you use so much of your asshole just to, just a fucking

shift. your legs. Wiener but doctor. But you do, do you not like, you can't sleep. I poop so much. Weaner but doctor. Weener but doctor.

Well, I mean, there's two things that aren't going to hit for our fans about this episode. Firstly, that we talked about sports for the first 15 minutes. And secondly, that there's no way around me not naming the episode, Weiner about doctor. Well, I mean, it's just Mr. Butts's more distinguished cousin.

It's his character. That's his Stefan. Mr. Butts are calling that's stuff. Oh, Mr. But, no, you're looking for Wiener But Doctor. In the house. But you do. It's unreal. So I can't imagine, because, again, like, just taking a drink, I use my asshole somehow. So I can't imagine trying to compress my dickhole and not using my asshole because they're so close together. I'm doing it right now.

Are you, though? I am. I'm saying that is because you don't know how much you use your asshole until you get an hemorrho. You know that, you know, I'm using my asshole. I know, I know. What, what am I'm not? I'm saying you, that's, by default, you do. I'm supposed to be clenching off.

You have to learn how to not do that. Let me ask you what I'm doing. I'm trying to, like, squeeze my, retress. Pretend you got a bonner and you're trying to make it. You're trying to make it jump. I use my butt hole. I know. By default.

Take the butthole out of the equation. It's so hard for me to do. Listen to me. listen to me grasshopper. Dre, stop interrupting him. Let him explain what he's doing. What are you doing? Okay, I'm trying to make my...

And I feel like if I had a bono, this would be easier. Does that make sense? Sure. Totally makes sense. Well, I'm crushing it right now. Give me a minute. But like... Dude, I don't...

It starts in my butt hole and then goes up. Like, I... What does? I'm trying to, like, lift my penis like you would a boner, but the first muscle that gets used in that is my butt hole. It's like my butt hole is like start... a lawnmower and that's the that's the choke.

You know what I mean? Okay, okay. I knew we'd get something we could isolate later. Yeah. Well, not, apparently not my dick, though. No, no.

It actually, I did it, did it, did it, totally did it. But again, if I had a boner, I think I'd have done it first guy. I want everyone to know Corey pointed at Trey and acted the way a kid does when he wants to tell his daddy that he has finally done the thing

that he couldn't do. And I'm just as I'm not saying You said acting That is exactly what I did I did it daddy I slated my ball From my dick

I had a baller Where are we at before Y'all made me do that We're but doctor We need to talk about We could talk about We need to catch up We need to catch up at the break

And this is not just for the podcast We literally ain't done it We went straight from a meeting to hear All right well let's do that And then we can pray You know in this Yeah, that's fine. Who want to go first?

I'll go first. I genuinely can't talk. There's so much you can't talk about. Yeah, and y'all know what I mean. Yeah, but I can tell you why I can't talk about it. You had a boy that started school. I've been finalizing the script for the pilot over most of my Christmas break, and that's why I can't talk about what's happened with it.

But it's kept me very, very busy. I mean, Christmas was fucking great, but it's like, Did you go home? No, we stayed out here. You don't remember Nashville? Huh? Certain somebody being very upset. He wasn't going home?

Yeah. Go ahead, right? Never mind. Christmas was good. It was like, I'm trying to think. It being warm and like palm trees? Yeah, man. The boys asked about like snow and shit like that.

And we had to just be like, that don't, you know, that don't happen here. We took them to this. I mean, it doesn't much happen where they're from, but it does get cold. But like, well, but last year or the year before, one of the, one of the, two years ago. Okay, so yeah, it did happen. Yeah. And like, you know, pretty good. They have it.

And that's a third of their life at that point. Yeah, that's true. As far as, also when you consider what they can remember it all, you know what I mean? Like, it does kind of check out. Yeah, but like. That's half their memories. But, um, that's actually a theory I heard the other day about why time speeds up. Yeah, yeah.

I've heard. Three years old. A month is a third of. your goddamn life. When you're 30, when you're 30, it's, what is that,

Drew? We all number dumb. One 30th. We're number dumb. Yeah, but I mean, I know, but that's the thing. Anyways,

go ahead. Sorry. It is one 30th. What do you mean? Well, I know it is. It is one 30th, but that was a very easy way for,

what percentage of it? Right. Yeah. In my mind, I was thinking percentage-wise, like, yeah. Who gives a fuck?

I'm so sorry. I have a problem where when I learn a new thing, I must tell you, you are my dad. It's, It's a 3.3%. 3%. Repeating.

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Anyway, try doing that about using your butt hull. We try. Weiner but doctor. We're not a doctor. I'm so numbered dumb. Weener but doctor. What is this lump? Okay, so anyways.

That's a hemorrhoid. With the kids. I'm trying to think. Was that Pinocchio? He had like a stump knot in his ass. His nose was going through a butt hole. He's a hemorrhoid. That's what I'm.

Then the guy's like, no, it's not. He's like, I know. No, exactly. Oh, man. But aren't you glad I said it? Yeah. Keep lying, you little wooden.

You sell like Pinocchio and Tyrone Biggams. Uh-huh. And Mickey Mouse. They're all the same. Yep. Okay. God damn. That was awesome.

You went to Legoland, didn't you? No. Which one did you go to? We went to Lego Land for Bish's birthday. That was back in November. We ended up going to the zoo for Benton's birthday, which was his choice. At the zoo, a howler monkey. tried very, very valiantly to piss on my wife,

and then started shitting in his hand, I can only assume, to hurl it at her, but she ran away. Yeah, but we didn't come from them. Right. Dude, she was standing there like, you know, just looking at the monkeys like you do. And then this monkey starts swinging over there,

like very dramatically swinging too, like straight forward. Yeah, but it can't do. It's just like, Katie's like, you know, talking to the boys and stuff. She's like, look, look, he's coming over here. Oh, he's coming right this way. He's coming. Oh, he's coming right at us. Whatever.

And she's like, right by the, you know, as close as you can get to the enclosure, which still there's a gap. And then there's, it's not glass or nothing. It's like a big mesh thing. Yeah. And he gets right up on it, holding on to the top part with one hand, swings his dick forward and at the like apex of the arming. parts just pisses straight out straight through a hot i mean dude it was perfect it's just you know

they make it to where they can't piss on bitches happened one too many times yeah they got they got the game playing for that sort of thing only in the zoos out here when it comes to you know i hear you know dude in thailand you got to pay extra for that if i dude if fucking salina popped up a zoo or so shit there is a zoo a lot of, there's no monkeys, but it's llamas, and they will spit on you. There was an attorney out here who specialized in them cases. No, I made my bones with the monkeys peeing on the women's. Yeah.

How did your kids feel about that? Oh, Lord, they died. Yeah. Died laughing. God damn. But, yeah, and then Benton started, he started junior kindergarten, which I didn't know that was a thing, but it's a thing in California. figure.

Honestly, I'm kind of glad. I'm glad to see some evidence of them using all these taxes they be taken. So, you know, that, whatever, that hits. But he's in a public school junior kindergarten out here, and he started yesterday. And something about that son of mine, which is, that's my, that's my Liston, as I say back home, my youngest boy. Your show. He's a show. Bit of a show.

Just a lunatic of a kid. I mean, hilarious and precious and very sweet, but Lord, he's all over the place. And the night before his first day at school, my wife was like, she was like, I'm kind of nervous about Benton tomorrow. I feel like I haven't prepped him enough. And I was like, what do you mean? And she goes, well, with Bishop, who's his older brother, she's like, with Bishop, I just, I don't know, I take things for. granted, I think, like, you know, like, it never occurs to me to say to Bishop, Bishop, this is how you unzip your lunchbox.

And she said it with complete sincerity, but I just started cracking up laughing because, like, Lord God, that just the right, you know, the ravenry of that. You knew exactly what she meant. But I knew exactly what she meant. Yeah, she weren't wrong. She weren't wrong at all. It's like, goddamn, you're right. That boy.

I didn't even think about it. That boy, he just, yeah, but anyway. He ain't right. Now, that boy ain't right. Yeah. So she, we were laughing about that, and that was the night before, his first day. And then after his first day, we go and pick him up. And then the car ride on the way home, I said, how was your first day?

It was good, whatever. Did you eat your lunch? Yeah, not all of it. Not all of it. What do you mean? I didn't finish my pre-son. Pre-son, he means cup pre-son, which I would assume anyone that's around our age knows what those are. or it has kids.

I mean, they're pretty iconic, I think. They're in little pouches that you puncture with a straw and then drink out of. So it's just, that's it.

There's no lid. There's no mechanism. You stab it with a straw and drink out of it. And he said, I didn't finish my pre-son. And I said, huh, so what did you do with it?

And then he said, very, like, matter-of-factly, like, no, don't worry, I'm on top of it. He was like, Well, dad. Yeah, he was like, put it back in my lunchbox.

I'm going to finish it when we get home. You put the open Capri Sun back in the lunchbox? Yeah. You think maybe it might have spilled in there? No, I closed it first. You closed the Capri Sun? Yeah. That is exactly how he sounds.

How did you close the Capri Sun, Benton? No. put my ice pack on top of it. Put his ice pack on top of it. Which is going to do literally nothing but squeeze out what liquid might be, yeah, left in there. So we can't just look to each other like, well, Jeff Goldblum boom, well, there it is. Well, there. Literally the first day.

Day two. Today, he comes home from school. How is school today? Good. Did you make any friends? Yeah, I made some friends. What are your friends' names? I made this hand a friend, and he's holding up his own right hand now.

I made this hand a friend, which, you know, to be fair. Me and my right hand is like this, son. My best friend that I have ever or will ever have. For sure. We've shared a lot of things. But I have made this hand a friend and this hand a friend. I made my feet a friend. I made my mouth a friend.

And I just let that go. basically. I was like, all right. Okay, cool. Well, what did you... What did you learn today at school? And he goes, what? I was like, what did you learn at school today? I don't remember because my brain is having a dance party.

That is, like, I know it is, baby bear. I mean... I know it is. Your brain is constantly having a dance party. I say this having no knowledge of what it's like to be a parent or a functioning adult, really. Yeah. But like I just feel like if my child said, I don't know because my brain's having a dance party, I'd never worry about that fucking kid again.

But you're goddamn right it is. This is the, we're in California. This is the perfect place for that. I tell him all the time, like, sincerely, I've told him multiple times. Like, you know, and I'm not, and while sober, not drunk, and being totally sincere. I'm like, Benton, listen to me, okay? Stay weird.

Uh-huh. Yeah. I was like, don't you. I was like, don't you ever worry about being weird. You'd be as weird as you want to be, you know, or whatever. And like, he's always just like, okay, and dances into a wall or whatever. Well, life is more complicated when you stop having a dance party. Well, it's funny.

Well, his older brother is way more like me, which, you know, means he's inferred. He's having a get together up here. maybe. Yeah, right. But he's like... And he hates everybody there. Right. So, dance parties.

On the subject of dance parties, you brought up Legoland. We did go to Legoland for Bishop's birthday, you know, his, the other one's older brother, the one I'm talking about. We went to Legoland for his birthday.

And in the Lego Land Hotel and the elevators, you get in and it's a normal elevator. You push your room number and the door closes. And when the doors close, music starts playing and a disco ball comes down and lights start going. on. So fucking dance party, right?

Well, the little one, Benton, fucking three. He's like, oh, my God, as soon as it happens, was what a kid's supposed to do. Bishop, it's his sixth birthday. I swear to God, the first time it happened, the music comes on,

it comes down, and Bishop goes, seriously. The next day, the next day we got back, no, not the next day. Later that night, going to dinner, it's like an hour later or whatever, we get back in it, doors closed, it comes back down, and he goes, another dance party. He's the most disaffected six-year-old in the history of the world. His name is Dawia.

Dude, Dawia. That is fucking hilarious. But Benton, when he spilled that Capri Sun in his lunchbox, and thus his backpack and soaked everything in it, Bishop came home from a regular kindergarten, you know, big kid right after that, or a little bit after that. And we told him,

I said to Bishop, I was like, yeah, Benton, because he saw like the backpack and it was wet or something. He was like, what happened here? And I was like, Benton didn't finish his Capri son,

so he zipped it back up beside his lunchbox. And Bishop just goes, oh, my God. Such an older brother. Yeah, that's amazing. Anyway, so yeah, that's my, that's my catching up over the break. I just did a thing that I do. That and real quick, John Gruden is the coach of Oakland Raiders again,

so that has for me. And the Titans just had an unreal first round of the play. Literally unreal, dude. Marcus Marriota. He completed a pass. Marcus Marriota played quarterback, running back, wide receiver, offensive line, and offensive coordinator. He called the phone.

fucking plays from the first quarter on. He literally did it all. And they came back from a 21 to 3 deficit in the second half and beat the chiefs at home. And it was fucking sweet. But now they have Emperor Palpatine this Saturday. And that is very much not going to hit. We know. Yeah.

Like literally, my favorite college team has to play Alabama. And then my favorite pro team has to play the Patriots. Yeah. It just, it ain't nothing hit. In less than a week's time. Yeah.

So this has nothing to do with anything. I wanted to say it. I do this every fucking time that I'm here. I just went your bathroom and I blew my nose and I didn't know that my ears ain't popped yet from the plane. It is so loud in here. And I'm so sorry for probably having screamed this entire podcast. There's no way I didn't.

We stay doing that. We stay doing that. You pointed out in that meeting earlier and as soon as you said it, I was like, he's right. We are you. Me and you were literally yelling at each other in total agreement about something. We was like, yeah, exactly. That's what it will do.

or whatever like. Corey and I were doing that in an Uber right before that. The three of us do that all the time. You know what I think it is? We're starting to do it right now. We're literally doing it right now. It's so much fun. You know what I think it is?

Is that even though we've been friends for so long, we are so conditioned to hearing someone that sounds like you and you not being right and me having to yell at you, that it's just the, it's Pavlov's dog. I'm just like fucking, and yeah, we do it. We do it often. But, uh, no, dude. I like,

I genuinely think. I seriously think that's exactly what it is. Really? I'm not kidding. I can't do it. I know. We've made it a thing now. What'd you do for a Croma?

For Cromas, well, I covered my best story when you put that voicemail on the podcast. Was that last week or the week we were? Yeah. Trey, I don't know if you went back and listened to it. No, that's two weeks ago. But it's a bit now, so you can listen to my set and I'll probably do it tomorrow at Largo. uh okay so i know what you're talking about but though that was right in the middle of all that right all that shift in that mess um we had christmas at uh at my mom's house on christmas

eve we always have done it that way um i i stayed at bryans he's four minutes from my parents and we were supposed to get up at seven they called me at six i did not answer or wake up i guess one of the kids woke up and they were like santa has come So they had already done basically everything by the time we got there. So, you know, that was raving. Christmas was over when I got there. But it was cool. It was a really good time.

We had pancakes. My dad, my dad was being very nostalgic this year. He got out Mamaw's old cookbook. He made chocolate syrup. Your dad's like a fire cook, right? Yes. And he got it from his mom. So he got out my Mammaal Dean's old cookbook,

started making some of her stuff. He made that. He made chocolate syrup. And then he made Apple Stack Cake a few days. later for my niece's birthday. And the chocolate syrup tasted just like Mamma's. He didn't say it did, but it did. The apple stack cake, he didn't make it quite moist enough,

but it was still delicious, and he'll nail that next time he does it. I got him a tree stand, and I was really excited about it because it was his Christmas birthday and retirement gift all rolled in one because it was expensive as hell for a tree stand. My buddy Adam McNulty, who's in Guy Marshall. Yeah. His family makes tree stands. And they're real nice.

They're worth every penny. But they're really expensive. And I got that for him and surprised them with it. That checks out. Well, it's really hard. And also helps. To get my dad some. It's real goddamn hard.

That's part of what I mean by it. It checks out. It's really hard to get my dad something he really wants. Because, you know, he's both completely satiated and always unsatisfied. Right. Yeah, no, we've met. So I was just pumped because mom was calling me the next day saying, that he made all the grandkids go look at it.

Like he was like taking him up to the shop, which is actually hilarious because only one of the grandkids gave a shit about it, and that's Neff Cho who loves to hunt. I can just be up in a tree. Yep. Well, actually, he's afraid of heights, like a true show. That's like, buddy. Don't win.

It don't. It don't. It don't help. He's playing basketball. He's pretty excited about it. He's hilarious. He can miss, I'm not exaggerating. He could miss 30 shots. Make one, and he will celebrate.

he'll do he'll dab he dabs like cam newton he'll march down the floor saying look at me literally he'll say look at me he don't play he don't guard anybody on defense the niece is also playing this kid's a man after my own heart sounds also chose i tell you i used to play basketball the niece is also playing miss 30 shots and talk shit the whole time she's she is a woman after my own heart yes make your jokes uh she scores all the points she literally shoots jump shots she's she's she's just turn five. No, I know. She literally jumps and releases the ball naturally at the top.

She dribbles the ball up the court. She scores literally all the – she had eight points. They won eight to four, the last game I checked in on or whatever. I haven't gotten to see them play yet, though, because I was sick this last weekend. Are five-year-olds on an eight-foot goal? It's eight or nine. I don't remember. I think it's eight.

Well, it definitely was eight when I was a kid. I didn't know if – I couldn't remember if that was when I was like 11. Go ahead. Well, that's it other than – I went to Austin. This was before Christmas. I went to Austin. uh just by myself for a trip and uh and it was a good time i got hammered went to the continental club i listened to our man mcmurtry if you don't know about james mcmurtry dig in on him yep

i also saw this woman whitney rose play and it was great uh it was real good country uh texas style music i got hammered uh talked to her manager about how much we hit basically told her told him that she could be on the podcast and then had to write him an email later and say hey i looked at the date and i was wrong about when we're going to be there and so that ain't to work out or whatever. Well, we'll cross pass. I know, because I stay hammered. I bought like nine shirts while I was there.

Nice. I got Andy a Christmas present that was pretty smooth. It was like a denim vest with a David Bowie emblem on the back embroidered. And, yeah, it was hit. Drink barbecue. Listen to me, drink barbecue. A ate barbecue and got drunk in Austin, one of my favorite cities. That's most of what I did.

Brian's got his new house about done. He painted Smokies. He painted the Smokies in his office on a wall. And you guys are going to love this. The reason he did it is literally. Yeah. Paints? Yeah.

I can say that. Lloyd paints. Yeah. But now, I mean... And it's insanely good. I will say Brian's good, but he's not like... Thompson, don't be painting. He's not like an art.

Like he... Thompson draw you the hell out of the... It's a night. It's a night. Like, I don't want to take away from Brian. I couldn't have done it. But I don't want you imagining that like he's Bob Ross. He just has the beard and smokes weed like Bob Ross.

Actually, you know what? His name would be Bob or Bob. Dude, actually, I'm being really unfair, actually. Thompson's super artistic, but he don't normally paint. He like does, he can carve wood and shit like that. You know what I mean? Like he can... Well, this is going to milk.

Can't drink out of a painting, God damn it. What's this for? You know I love you, Thompson. He painted the smokies on his office, though. The reason why is because Miami told him he couldn't do it. Never mind. And actually, yeah, I'm totally back. And right in the middle of it, it's a night scene of the mountains.

Right in the middle of the black is a white plug-in, like a wall plug-in. And I was like, you're going to get a black cover? And he goes, yeah, as soon as I can find one, I bought him this kick-ass nightlight that has what's basically a salt lamp on it, but it's orange. It looks like a flame. He put that right in the middle of it. It just looks like there's a fire on the mountain. This is important. Oh, that's sweet.

This is important for me, and I think it's important for you, too. when you say the reason he did it is because Miami said he couldn't do it do you mean Miami was saying I don't think you'll be able to do that or Miami was saying don't do that well I took it as the former

and I didn't ask any questions both hit for me I just laugh and said that hit okay well both hit just very different ways I guess yeah what's his garage like because as soon as you said Brian got his new house done I just I imagine Brian's a man that

he has a garage but it's where the old house is, so he's just keeping that. He has a separate garage from his house. Yeah. Well, yeah, there you go. Yeah. That's Brian.

Yeah. I'm going to go to the garage. I'll be back in an hour. Right. He comes back four days later. He's got a new dog. Yeah. He had a wolf dog that just showed up at his house one day,

and then it just stayed forever. Yeah. I think it was half wolf. I've never seen it. This dog was five foot eight. It could dunk. And then, like I said, podcast listeners,

I'm not following Trey very well. I told y'all my best story when Corey put that voicemail up last week about the nativity play. And then honestly, right after Christmas, man, I got sick as a dog. Yeah, and I'm just now starting to recover. And that didn't hit. Oh, I did this to Corey off mic, Trey. I played basketball a lot over the break. I haven't drank in eight days.

And I was sick during that time and couldn't eat. How much weight do you think I lost? One point seven five pounds. I gained two pounds. Yeah. I was telling him the same thing. similarly happened to me. I went to, and I'll get into this later,

but I went to Iowa, and honestly, as much as we in that family normally, I didn't really get that fucked up at all on account of I took a lot of edibles and just did that.

So didn't drink, then got sick, didn't eat. Then after I got better, ate decent, and played ball, football and a bunch of stuff for a couple days.

I lost 13 pounds. I've gained it back, but so. Well, my theory was because I wanted to be a better, want to lose. Well, my theory was because I went on the bender in Austin.

I gained 20 pounds and then lost 18 and ended up in that. Oh, and you never weighed yourself between that. Oh, well, all right. I don't be weighing myself, son. Well, no, that makes sense to me now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that totally checks out.

You said something earlier. There's a new wing place. It's not new, but I just found out about it in Knoxville called Freakies with a Z. It's fire. Go ahead. Yeah. Oh, damn. Makes me wish I still lived in Knoxville.

I won't fuck with them wings. I said that out loud, so you and I would remember. remember next time we're all there. I went to a place the other day out here in LA that, I mean, of course, you know, any place can say anything the fuck they won't, but they purport to have the best wings in Los Angeles. And like, it's one of those things where you go on their Yelp reviews and shit and people will talk about them having the best wings in Los Angeles.

Let me just tell you all. If Dems was the best wings in Los Angeles, Los Angeles don't have, they apparently don't have a hooters in Los Angeles because. You're telling me that when it comes to not. smoothies or salads Los Angeles ain't hitting on the food

tip they probably are the best wings now I mean like burgers wings Mexican food somehow Los Angeles don't hit it

had in and out burgers are great burger but that's no and I was going to say like that that's funny and I'm with

the joke and I I'm the one who brought it up with the wing shit but like I mean there's some there's some good food it's the fucking

it's the second biggest city in the fucking country. For sure there's good food. You can find whatever. I'm talking about a type. They don't do bar food well. No. I mean, me and you, well, we all three, when we went to the, I can't remember where it was

that we ate, hands down, the best beat goat cheese salad I've ever had. And I'm not just saying that, but like that is what they have the best of. And it was amazing. Great sushi out here, too. They do have great sushi. Yeah, Asian food. Yeah, it crushes fucking, but anyway. It's ruined me for fucking any sushi anywhere.

like, well, of course. I mean, like, Tennessee. I haven't had any good bar food in L.A. I haven't either, but I'm not really ever tried. Every time we go out in L.A., we're always some people that I feel uncomfortable eating in front of. No, I can. I'm like, you, I know what you want me to do.

You know what I mean? Dude, it exists for sure. Like, you know, total slop bar food, like terrible for you shit. I mean, I know because y'all know that, like, we just ate some of it. I'm about that life. Yeah, right. And I'm all, and I also am the type to think. I can't believe that this exists here, but it does.

There's a place right over there called Norms right across the street that is garbage. It hits so hard. It's so hard, dude. It's funny you say that because we were talking the other day. We should go there tomorrow. Amber said something. We were going to go out to eat the other day, and we ended up fucking going to Buffalo Wild Wings. That's what my dad wanted.

And so whatever. But I wanted to go get Mexican food, literally specifically. because I remembered I was coming out here and I was like And I ain't gonna be able to get that cheese And I hadn't even thought I hadn't wanted it in a long time But knowing I'd be away from it

I was like hey can we go get Mexican food She's like she's like when the fuck It was the last time we had Mexican food I said here's the deal It's that when I go out there They ain't got that you know the heroin cheese And she's like yeah the runny white And I was like yes the Ronnie White

And the Ed McCaffrey And so It's Christian McCaffrey now I know Y'all know about that? Did I tell you all about that? I knew about that. I knew about that already.

You're talking about his dad. His dad basically breeding him? Yeah, he said I'm going to breed fast. Like, because he, I think, was it Lindsay, it ain't Lindsay Vaughn. He married some sprinter. No, Lindsay Vaughn's way young. Lindsey Vaughn's like McAfry's, or well, yeah, but, yeah. Corey, Ronnie White is your name in any Western.

Runny White. Oh, God, damn, here comes Ronnie White. Don't worry about it. Anyway, so I was like, I got to go get some of this fucking... This is going back to what you said. I know, yeah. We talked about that on the podcast. Right, no, no, I know that, but I'm saying what you literally just said about like,

I know there's garbage food out here because that's what hits for me. And I go, Amber, I said, that shit don't exist out in L.A. She's like, are you sure? And I go, yeah, she goes, that's not true. And I go, Trey Crowder has been there a year. It don't exist. Trust me. Trust me.

The man has put money. He's sent people out to find this shit. I've looked hard and I've asked people that have lived here. I've like, it don't exist. I've researched it. I know. I said my man's been on the scene almost a goddamn year. And if it ain't Ronnie White in a year, it ain't Ronnie White.

No, they have baked white because of course it's baked white. And baked White hits. It does hit, but it ain't Ronnie White. It ain't Ronnie White. Yeah. Runny white on top of baked white would have. It would be like a cheese steak with cheese sauce. Oh, my God.

Well, look, man. Hold on now. So they sell, it's called the Gordoes or whatever. It's the square container that you get to take home. You get the angles or whatever. And it's the runny white that you just buy at the grocery store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll send some of it.

So hard. I'll send some of that out here. You should be anyway. I should, it should have met me at the door. Oh, is that my case of Runny White? All right. Beat me here. Dude,

I send Thompson, Cratum. I'm not shitting you. I'm about to make him start sending me Roney White. You should. You should.

He's saying all the time, like, here, I built you a bowl. So, anyways, oh my God, I don't know what,

where I was going on. He usually listens. Dusty Bear, I ain't kidding. I'm going to need that running white. You go ahead and send that out here. It blew a goddamn mind

that there was no running white out here. Runny Wye is also your name If we ever do a porn parody Yeah Of what What are we parodying? Literally

Ronnie White Yeah Charlotte's web Yeah right Try to isolate your butthole Runny White Spells out cum She says

Runny White up there It's you and a pig style Just jacking off everywhere I bet I say well I mean I'm the pig Yeah I know That's why I said Charlotte Wend The director

Isolate your butt hole runny white okay daddy that'll do pig well uh i don't know why i got into runny white other than just weiner my doctor weena but doctor so what i did over christmas runy white uh

a i turned 30 over the break which you know whatever happy birthday thank you it's fine and both of y'all murdered with your gifts by the way and you know what i didn't even it's a total obviously it's not doing me it's a total coincidence but

it didn't even even, I literally didn't even think about the fact that that's Todd Gurley's number. Yeah. You know what? Did you? No. What? That's wild.

That was my, that was my, present, birthday present me. I'm a genius. Todd Gurley Jerry's, and he's 30. Todd Gurley's number 30. Oh, and that's your birthday. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that does it.

Does it. Absolutely. That was a great. Dude, I was so fucking stoked. It's pretty sweet, right? It's that blue and yellow, too. It's not the color. It's not the gold.

Not only that. I'm not. kidding and you can and they'll vouch this because they're listening and they always listen umbra's cousins who i'm about to talk about because that's who i spent christmas with they me and brandon amber's uh cousin the day before i got fucking home we were sitting there and he goes oh what you think about those color rush jerseys and i said i'll tell you what i really fucking love the rams color rush jersey he's like oh i fucking do it too he's like god damn he's like i want i said dude i'm fucking getting to talk girly jersey when i get are you serious ask amber i thought

I told you this. Ask Amber. Amber was like, did you fucking get drunk and order this? And I was like, no. What the fuck? I was like,

Trey just got it from me. She goes, you literally, yesterday said, when I get home, I'm ordering this exact color. Nailed it. Dude,

you fucking crush. So anyways, yeah, immediately I fucking put it on like a little girl. Yeah, we are. Started modeling it.

I was fucking so stoked. Actually, I brought it with me, actually. Because I was going to, you know, wear it. Celebrate.

Yeah. It sucks. They lost. Yeah, nothing hits. So I turned, I turned 30. That was pretty uneventful because I treated it like a, well, I say I treated it like a 30th birthday. I went to see Star Wars high and then went bowling. Yeah, that's a 30th birthday.

Well, that's what I'm saying is everybody's like, you're acting like a kid. You're going bowling and watching Star Wars. I was like, yeah, but I'm also not fucking staying out late at the bars. I've got somebody to drive me. I'm not fucking... I think this is pretty... Yeah, that's how I interpreted it is... It's 30.

That's with me too, but I mean... You're not going out and getting fucking blitzed and, you know... Right. Going hogging and... I mean, I did. Not the hogging part, but I did get fucking... Yeah. Mr. Bud.

I'm not sure the mic picked that one up. Well... I didn't hit. So... When I'm deaf? I didn't hear it. I thought you said I didn't hit. I said I didn't hit.

I said I didn't hit. I didn't hit. I said, I said, I didn't hit. I said, I didn't hit. I didn't hit. I did not hit. Oh my God. I so do smell it.

I'm about to write a fog horn. It's as ripe as a peach in order. I'm about to write a foghorn leghorn spec script. So, Warner Brothers would love that shit. I know. I know. We'll hit. I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say the political.

climate. So anyways, have my birthday, and then we went to Iowa. And if you've ever been to Iowa, that's about all I've got to say. You know what I mean? It was cold as fuck. It was, I think, I'm pretty sure I texted you all this. When we left Iowa, it was negative 20 degrees. And that's not the windshield.

It was negative 20 degrees. I don't even, I'm not kidding. I don't know what that is. I've never in my life. Life experience negative 20 degrees. I know I haven't. Let me tell you what it is. I don't think even close to that.

Let me tell you what's talking about. You ever felt like going to sleep forever? Yeah, but that has not right. But yeah. When we were under a palm tree. Not literally from the weather. Not the last time we were in Iowa, but the time before that we were in Iowa,

it was like seven degrees while we were there. And I was miserable. I was like, this is fucking ridiculous. So the last time that we were in Iowa, not with y'all, but like when I went up there for Christmas, last year. It was negative 5.

The windshield was like negative 20, but it was negative 5. So I felt that. And I remember having the thought of like, well, you know, once you get here, it's like once you're wet,

you're wet. You know what I mean? You can't get any wetter. Like negative 5, say whatever you want, but I'm shivering, I'm not going to fucking know. Son, you know.

It's unreal. Yeah. It's fucking unbelievable. So I go out, it's negative 20. We're going to leave. It's 430 or something in the fucking morning.

Like, as cold as it can pop. possibly be. And so I'm sitting there and it took me about, I'd say, three and a half to four minutes to pack the car to help her dad pack the car. And I'm sitting there and I'm breathing and it feels like I'm snorting peppermints. And I go in there and I went like, fucking this. My snot, I thought I was like, well, I'm just a magic. It's just really cold. I go, Danny, my snot is frozen. He's just like, yeah, and I'd do that. I was just like, what the fuck are you doing?

Like I know there's people that like, you know, if I lived in this situation, like the New Orleans and they're like, if you live in a fucking flood zone, why don't you move? Some people can't. But I met some of these motherfuckers in Iowa. They could. They're fine. Like they've got done well, go to a place

in Georgia's got the same fucking rent or what a property value would exist. Live there. Your snot is freezing. And, this is morbid. A woman on their road, neighbors. And what neighbor means in Iowa is that you're on the same road. Right.

You know what I mean? Like they're not... She lived 35 miles away. Yeah, they didn't know each other, but they're neighbors. Yeah. She and them were the whole zip code. Right. So she froze to death.

That ain't something you ought to be able to do now. Because she's not... If you're homeless, I get it. You're going to freeze to death. Not that's not good, but I'm... Dude, you know what my thing... She locked herself out of her house and within... Let's say within 20 minutes, if it's negative 10 or below, within 20 minutes, whatever's exposed, you get almost permanent debilitating frostbite.

And then after that, you go numb and then it's just the void forever. Tom Segura has a bit about that on one of his like old CDs, what even a special, because like he wasn't even at special level yet. It was an album. One of his albums that at least used to be on Spotify, he taped it in Minneapolis. And he's talking about like, I was watching the weather this morning. and they gave the well I don't remember the like scientific name for

but whatever advisory and basically what it means is how long your bare skin can be exposed to the air before it dies and he was like that shouldn't be a thing I've never seen that

that's pretty exactly how I fell what I was going to say to your story and to that bit because I think about it all the time because I'm such a huge pussy when it comes to the cold and I've only gotten worse since I've moved to L.A. Like, I was bad enough growing up in the South my whole life.

I've gotten even worse now that I live out here when it comes to I have no tolerance for the coal whatsoever. So I think about this a lot. But, like, when you know me, I normally don't give a shit. The entire country of Canada is worse than that. Yeah, I know. Literally the whole nation. Right. What about?

How? If you get frostbite, they'll take care of it. I don't think they had to do that. You have to have free health care of it. there. Is Vancouver not? Uh,

yeah, you're, no, you're right. Vancouver's not. But, but very much the most of Canada.

Well, most of Canada is uninhabitable. Like, they say you can, it's like, you can fit the entire, uh,

population of Canada in fucking Manhattan or some shit like that. Like, all of them are, I mean, not really, but it's, it's, it's, it's wild what you can do.

Because like, all that, that ain't it. It's just here. That's, yeah, that, that's definitely true. That's definitely,

no, no. It's not true. like I mean that is true that the rest of it up there that ain't it and it don't hit and nothing hits and whatever else but like literally

every major city in Canada other than Vancouver is fucking worse than where you were in Iowa and it's not just Canada Minneapolis is worse than that sure I'm talking about purely in terms of cold cold let me tell you something nothing is worse than where I was in Iowa

I know you mean I totally believe that you mean cold it is I'm talking about purely cold. I'm talking about purely cold. But at least these places in Canada have a donut store. I'm saying the shit blows my mind all the time. But dude, when you grow up, when you grow up in it, though, it's just different. You just, I saw this video that was a viral the other day of these dudes rescuing elks from a frozen pond.

Yeah. So, you know, if that ain't some Minnesota shit. But, like, they were out there. How do you do that? They were tying ropes to elks and hauling them out of a frozen pond. But, like. What if the. Elks was trying to kill themselves.

What if they were... I know. They didn't even think to think about that. But one of these old boys, the Minnesota version of an old boy. Somebody shot the elk. That's what I was saying. They're going to put them out just to fucking slit their throat, turn them into jerky or whatever. It's going to be some good eating, eh?

But like the... No, you don't want them all scared and cold when they die. No, no. Warm them up. Make them feel safe. That's no good. They're up. Goose them to sleep there.

That's the fear. Make them trust you, you know. Yeah, nobody likes pawn jerky. That's our motto. No, yeah, no, no. Fear makes them real, real chewy. What you got to do is, uh, well, and make them feel loved. So, and then, the Minnesota version of an old boy was out there in a video in a tank top,

in a sleeveless shirt on a fucking pond with ice this thick and snow everywhere. Well, he's an idiot. I mean, he's an idiot, but he also was, I'm saying, like, he's from there his whole, like, it's wild. No, no. It's just like you and whiskey. Well, not whiskey, but bear. Right. Right.

Bear. Yeah, no, it's fucked up. do, but anyways, that's how I spent my Christmas. And by the way, I love all the people of Iowa. It's just that's so fucking cold. And I had a blast. I love Amber's cousins. Although her old fucking family, we had a ball.

I got these pants. It's a good pants. I love them. I love them. And I'm not, by the way, I know this ain't me. I don't care. You know what I mean? I think that's very much you.

Yeah, that's totally you. Okay. Well, good. I'm glad it is. But I honestly thought people, oh, look at Corey, wearing fucking jogger pants instead of it. Because I feel I'm the gray sweatpants

that are baggy with the elastic at the bottom. You are those, too. I'm also that. You're literally all sweatpants. On you, those just look like regular sweatpants. Okay, well, that's cool. No, that's fine. That's fine, but I've got to tell you,

I'm, I was sitting there going like, well, you know, I won't do a fucking one of our shows in these pants, but I'll do a spot in these pants. I'll go to Comedy Central in these pants. I just got off the plane. I didn't know. You went to Comedy Central and them pants today. I did.

I went to a meeting Comedy Central in this pants. In them jeans. But do you know how much better I smell than most comedians that have meetings, probably? I have no idea. Comedians stink. We're terrible. Anyways, so I'm not, I'm, these are, this is what I do now. It's what I mean.

This is me. Yeah. And I'm glad that you accept it. I've got, I've got these. I know. I'm talking about this is me. forever and in any situation. Cory, Bryson had,

try to do a bit about how we should be wearing sweatpants and not jeans, and it never worked, so he just turned it into a thing he would just tell people. Like, we would just be hanging out, and then he would just tell people like, like, like, a philosophy. He would just be like, guys, you know. Patton Oswald's got that bit, though.

Well, it's, I don't know about how he should just wear sweatpants. Yeah, it's the start of one of his more recent, but, like, finest hour of one of those. See, if my opinion's the same on why. but I mean, mine is just I've Turn 30A

And I'm engaged to be married She loves me And women be doing it They wear leg This is, that's all that is That's all that is that they wear leggings The ones I wear literally yoga pants I don't do yoga

I wear them because they're comfortable And they hit, But they're yoga pants Right, hell no Oh, dude you don't There it is Mr. Butt I've got so much

Weiner but doctor When I buy workout gear I remember that it's workout gear when I get home and I take the tag off and it says Nike run. I'm like, oh yeah. That's what people use that far? That's what it felt good. It's funny because we use it for literally the opposite purpose. Ball shorts.

Woundering. Yeah. Not basketball. My balls. Balls shorts. My ball short. Well, that was, so that was my Christmas. I got these pants and I hope y'all, well redders had a good and two.

And I'm glad we got to play some catch up. I forgot one quick story. He literally told me, I know. Off Mike, nobody heard it. He's been sitting over there, give me the wrap up, shut the fuck up forever.

I want to hear what you get. I could go another hour. I'm just telling y'all to wrap it up. I know, but now I was, and now you got to say something. And you were the one who said, no. No, you weren't telling your Christmas story.

Y'all got off on another tangent. I was like, let's wrap it up. Oh, I thought you were like, I want to go to sleep because we're in your bed. That's where I thought. I mean, fair point. We're in Drew's bed right now. Fuck y'all, it don't matter.

What were you going to say? well all right drew's a child well i'm naming it now actually that's not true we know the name we also if you name it drew's a child to prove that i'm a child that's like a child like thing to do but checks out for him right

yeah i don't give a shit i am a child yeah all right great note to end on so anyways love you guys i'm fucking what i have done you haven't i'm fucking with you i'm just trying to make good banter you do it to me i hope you choke on wine in your sleep i will

one day. I say, don't worry. It might not be tonight, but it will have. All right, guys, we love you so much. Everybody, skew. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go.

Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night, and skew.