wellRED podcast - #52 - Asheville Makes Drew The CHO!

Episode Date: January 31, 2018

Lot of fun had on this episode! Will Ferrells return to host SNL sent us off on a tangent about some of our favorite auditions over the yearsalso....Trump, George Bush, Jay- Z, Tom Brady, Tiger Woods, shit ton of Rappers, English Accents....we cover a whole lot of stuff on this one!  Click here for a hitting ass toothbrush from our sponsors at Quip! Click here for tickets to our shows!

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W-E-L-L-R-E-D comedy.com. Spelled just like the podcast. coming everywhere and we've got dates up through about July so if you don't see your city on there don't get too stressed we will probably be hitting it up in the fall or the winter or whatever so yeah we're on tour right now having a blast just got back from Ashfield did four sold out at the orange pill and had a ball thank you for everyone who was there we had a blast I got way too drunk feel like shit now as always this portion of the podcast is brought to you by smoky boys grilling.com the smoky boys grilling club

uh they've got the awesome smoky dust hog rub and uh you guys really need to buy you a couple bottles go to smoky boys grilling.com to pick that up pick up a t-shirt send him a letter on their email address tell them we said hello and as always do the dust anyways enjoy this podcast we're a week out next week will be the year celebration of the podcast so stay tuned for that as well download subscribe tell your friends leave us a review on iTunes. It really helps our writing. And we love you. Scoo! Well, well, well. It's love, isn't it, governor? Here we is.

Isn't it? It is. Okay, everyone. This is the podcast, switch. It's a lot of well-read podcast. Switched with... Well-written podcast. Well-written...

Well-written... Podcast of English literature. Been asked if we had thought about this. We'd actually well-written it. Well-written. It's not even well-fought out, really. You think you can keep it up? It's well-rounded.

I don't know how my... See, here's where my brain is right now. You see, you can't... See, if Trey was here, you'd go with it completely. No, I would... No, I would have to... No, listen to me. No, listen to me.

I do like the bag. I do like the bit. My drugs haven't kicked in yet. Every time I listen to you, I end up feeling shitty about myself. My drugs, if they were to kick in right now, I would have never stopped. I would have done my act in a British accent. That'd be a good. gypsy speedboat song the drugs ain't kicked in yet uh-huh and then the third verse maybe they

maybe they do maybe they do everything speaks right in the middle of third verse the drugs have kicked in the drums are off beat man we're geniuses i know god damn but we can't play music so it don't hit we don't hit we literally musically every single thing we got great ideas so many great ideas you you should manage a rap bam yeah i thought about it did you no well yeah i thought about it in the sense of I met a guy who did and it looked for a second like it hit and then I realized that I would be... That's a lot of work.

Well, I would be responsible for maintaining and kind of shepherding Choos. Yeah, rappers are almost all the shows. A lot. Couple druids. Yeah, there's several druids, a couple sways, but for the most part... Very few berm rappers. A couple though.

I think Fat Joe was a Burm. He might have been a show. I think... I don't know, man. I think he was berm. I do. Big Punachow. I think comedy and rap are kind of the same in terms of everything. Well, the ones who, they're mostly chose, but the ones who really make it.

Okay. Not really make it, but the, there he is. I can manage Mr. Butt. The ones who get put on the Mount Rushmore. Mr. Bud on a track, I got something to say. You know what I'm saying? The ones that get put on the Mount Rushmore in both. Mr. Butt drops the beat.

We stayed popping all day. Do you know, you have to agree with me. I wasn't listening. I was rapping as Mr. Butt, sorry. Okay. So, God, this is such a Cho city for you. We have this thing. So you know, I'm the Cho, but there are, is it four cities?

That we know of. Asheville? Hold on. Yeah, there are four cities. Explain it before you list the cities. Okay. Where Drew becomes the Cho. And it's not that I become full Drew and we completely sweet.

And it's not really that I become full Cho. No, but you're More Cho than you in these cities. And I'm more Cho than you in those cities. Yes. Maybe not Denver, which is one of the cities that makes me a Cho, but I don't,

I think you can keep up with me there. I'm still equal Cho. You can't keep up with me in Asheville. We'll see about Austin. I mean. Challenge accepted. Well, you did leave the bar drunker in me last night, buddy. No, Asheville, I hands down have beaten you every time.

I've chowed you. Probably. 100%. Or, yeah. And you know what? Maybe not last time in Denver, but the time for that, too, I stayed an extra day, changed my flight, went to a trample by Turtle's concert. And I'm sort of ashamed of me this on the podcast. Not because I don't want to shame anyone for doing her drugs, but I have this thing.

BJ Barham's got a great lyric where he says, don't trust a man who does hard drugs in his 30s. And I'd be drinking and smoking weed. I did cocaine last time we were in Denver. And here's why. I was out of house party. There was cocaine. I didn't want to do it. And then I was so drunk.

literally this is awful i saw a woman in a wheelchair doing cocaine and i thought well you got yeah i mean for the story at the very least for sure but it's so stupid it's like probably like a little bit fucked up because what did i think was got we did it and then like nothing special happened well like we were just on coke and she still didn't you know had a for the fucking wheelchair right in my head because to me it's like you see somebody in a wheelchair this is also going to sound shitty it's like yeah of course do coke exactly you know what i'm saying yeah i was I was showing out. Yeah.

This is probably the first time in the history of us knowing each other that you've done cocaine since I have. This is the first time in the history of us knowing each other that I've done cocaine, I think, other than maybe one time in New York. Yeah. And we've known each other eight years. I've probably done cocaine twice in the last eight years, maybe three times. Hey, I did a fuck ton of cocaine, but luckily for me, it got shitty. I don't like cocaine. I don't either anymore.

I'm telling you all, there was this magical time when I first started doing it. I don't know if it was, I just wanted to be doing cocaine so, but no, it wasn't due. because I remember my throat literally almost closing up from being numb, and now it don't even, nothing happens. Yeah, it used to fucking... Man, Trump's got the world so fucked up, Coke don't hit no more. I know, dude. I'll be honest, I don't think Coke ever hit for me.

It didn't hit any Obama years either. Yeah. But anyways, what we were saying, and what I was saying before you started rapping as Mr. Butt was we were talking about, you become... Mr. Bud on the track and I keep it fresh. So you become a show in these cities. Start to beat at my butt, and it beats the best.

Leave a little in your drawers. Days of Stain. You got one more bar? What? I thought you had one more bar. Oh, yeah, well, I'll have to drop it because Mr. Buck can't refrain. There's plenty of Choes in rap, for sure. But the ones who we put on our Mount Rushmore of rappers, most people,

they are usually druids. Your Tupac's, your Noz's, your Kendrick Lamar's, they are the people who have the ideas and, you know, essentially tell the world how to live, but a lot of times they're right. And in comedy, I feel like it ends up being kind of the same way. Snoop Dogg, the biggest show in rap, is he? he's definitely the first show what was biggie we biggie was a chewed oh because he definitely dear listeners that's a rare thing chewids are super rare yeah it is usually it's one or the other

you become one someday but he was a huge chewed yeah because i mean he absolutely wrapped about boats and hoes and getting his dick sucked which is all show stuff but i mean he would then go smooth in and i think in his real personal life he was absolutely there's like he was like a i've read stuff about him where he was like uninsanely good drug dealer like not only like he slang dope like like he was an enterprising is that also something that I hear

about Jay Z or yeah no yes did you confuse the time? No I didn't but I've heard it from both that was Jay Z that was his idol Jay Z talks about it yeah he was amazing so kilos of Coke I'm guessing I can sell CDs yeah dude that's the thing about him is he was gonna be good at anything

he fucking oh yeah he uh him and Trump are beefing you know about that? Yeah. What is it? He said. He said that he, you know, I don't know if they asked him a question. I didn't read it, so I don't know what the context was. But something along the lines of, you know, Donald Trump's administration makes it harder on black men in America.

And then Trump clapped back on Twitter with unemployment for black males is the lowest it's been in blah, blah, blah years in America. Yeah. Which, and he said, because of my policies, which Trey ain't in here, but I'll give him the credit. But, Trey said, we were talking about this. All the unemployed ones. It really helps. Jail the rest. Then we give him a job in prison.

Trey pointed out, I wish someone would ask him on the record, name the policy that you're referring to right now. What policy that you've enacted has given black men jobs? And we were actually talking about how, like, obviously, Trump's riding Obama's wave of things that he did to improve the economy. Obama has a lot of conservative, had a lot of conservative tendencies in terms of national policies that a lot of them bothered me, honestly, that conservatives refused to give him credit for. I don't know why. I can't imagine why they would refuse to do that. I don't know what it is about them. It's really weird.

It's really weird. Yeah, when I'm looking at his picture. I know, because I was like, I remember looking back and everybody, I actually heard this one time and nobody understood the irony in it. They're like, I don't understand why you'd vote for Obama, because if you look at him and Romney, they kind of vote the same. I'm like, okay. So why do you have him? And why do you hate him? Why don't you just want him to come to him?

What is it about Obama that you hate? I don't understand. I've never been able to put my white finger on it. Yeah, I can't. Like with my blue eyes, while I'm looking at the facts, I can't understand. It's pure insanity, if you think about it. It is pure insanity. No, I don't know, man.

It's because he's black. I feel like we have some fans that needed us to say. Because he's black. You know what's... Yeah, right. Yeah, there's, what do they think? I feel like they're dancing around. I don't know what we're talking about.

This is... There's a huge difference. I saw, I was... You know how I be. I stay up to like six or seven in the morning often. Often. And a lot of those times... Like an inordinate amount.

A bunch. But I mean, dude, then I do sleep during the day. Like, I get my eight hours. It's just going to come at, you know... The tone in your voice when you say that is like as if I have said, Corey, man, you're spending a lot of money. And you're like, I do invest, Drew.

No, no, no. I was actually honestly saying that for our fans because y'all are very loving people and I know them at Corey, you really need to get some sleep. A lot of motherly... Yeah. And here's something that I've noticed.

Well, liberals are nice and kind. Sure, right. They worry about you. Yeah. And here's something I've noticed, and I don't know if this is a social thing or like whatever, but a lot of our fans worry about us

and they'll be sort of parental. Yeah. You know what I mean? I need to get sleep, you need to do this. When the women do it, for the most part, it's like really sweet and they're worried about us.

And when the men do it, it's sort of condescending. I'm not saying there's no condescending women and I'm not saying there's no sweet men. I just have noticed. And maybe I'm just annoyed about a few specific things I won't bring up lately. But in general... I rarely hear it from men,

but when I do it, don't hit from me. In general, like when our fans are like trying to be our parents and worry about us. With the women, I'm like, all right. I know I need to sleep more, but leave me alone. And with the men, I'm like, stop time I live my fucking life, bro. You know, that's really funny.

say that I don't know why this is and I've never thought about it, but like, any older woman, I'm fine with her acting like my mama because it's endearing, but any older man tells me what to do? I'm like, you ain't my fucking dad? You know what I mean? Like, what the fuck is that? Is that our own, was it toxic masculinity and our inability to like, allow our fathers to parent us? Because that's like the first thing you rebel against supposedly, right? I do, like, if my dad that's like sophomore year's psychology. Yeah, yeah, but my dad, like, now that I'm older and understand I look back in how many things my dad was right about that I was just being a

fucking idiot like I do listen to my dad now when he says something I my first reaction isn't to go man fuck you old man I'm like I stay listening to your dad yeah my dad has gives a great advice and he's a very wise man so that ain't it now but and a guy my dad's age that ain't my dad tries to tell me how to live my life I'm like man back the fuck off dude you ain't my fuck it probably is that like I ain't trying to have no goddamn man to I'm a grown man too quit me like a fucking kid I'm 30 that's what it is I'm not a kid no more

And if a woman Treat you like a kid It's like well she's old And whatever And I do like being treated Like a kid by a woman Buddy Because listen

I mean it's been A hack joke Since the beginning of comedy It's been a known thing Since the beginning Of psychology There he is Like men want

Someone to act like their mom Right But like dude Yeah of course we do Who the fuck wouldn't Why not? Yeah our moms are awesome Yeah the only did

Was make us fucking I mean Trey you're here At the wrong time Because you know You don't have this I was already about to chime I only called the very

am part of that but I was about to be like I'm pumped the brakes boys god damn yeah uh we were looking good in the triple denim sir I know triple dinnums triple d's yeah the first time I use the phrase triple denim it was too annoying that our manager I did that MTV thing right before you know you blew up and all that like I got on MTV and so you figured you had to get more famous to me so you did what you did I get all the credit uh we uh I was she was I had the same career and I didn't have to do that stupid MTV thing I know it that also checked I was driving around LA and she was texting me like how to go And then she was like, what'd you wear, of course? And they ended up putting me in something when I got there.

Like, I brought a few outfits. But what I told her was like, fuck you think I wore. Triple denim. I got fucking denim shirt, denim pants in my jacket. And if I could find some fucking denim shoes, I'd wore them too. God damn it. About to buy me some. And then she wrote, and I think this sums up how she feels about us in general.

L-O-L-M-G, sigh. I, yeah. The eye-roll emoji hadn't been invented yet. No, I think the IRO is when she's annoyed at us. I think she was, like, founding me endearing in that moment, but, like, also, I don't know what to say about this. Oh, yeah, we weren't annoying her as much back then, I don't think. No, for sure.

Trey, welcome. You've missed... Not a lot, but a lot. Mr. Butt has dropped some bars, both in the general sense, and then literally I wrapped as Mr. Butt. We were, and we didn't wrap this up because we didn't... We were talking about the Jay-Z. Oh, yeah.

We also were talking about Cho rappers and Druid rappers, and I realized we never told the fans what my Choos cities are. That was the premise. Oh, yeah, go ahead. It's Asheville, which is where we're at now. I show out harder than Corey in Asheville, generally speaking. Can you clarify what you mean by your Cho cities? Yes.

The cities that make you into a show. Into the show of our group. But then I pointed out, caveat, I'm not sure it's entirely true. In Denver, I show out, but I don't know if I show harder than. and Corey is what I said, but then I recounted my experience in Denver, not last time, but the time before when I went to a party and ended up doing Coke for the first time in eight years because a woman in a wheelchair did it. And I thought, well, I should do that if she's doing it.

And that's really a fucked up thought that I had. Anyway. I think we're called up. Denver, Austin. Right. And Portland. Denver. Oh, in Asheville.

Yeah, yeah. So it's, you know, hipstery, white, crunchy cities. Yeah. New Orleans don't do that. New Orleans just makes everybody into a show. It's just like, it turns everyone to show. And it almost always kills me. It's only cities in which he shows out harder than me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's relative to Corey. Yeah. I show out pretty hard in D.C., but I can't even touch him. And where? D.C. Hell no. That's a weird show city for me.

But there's places you show out that I don't tend. I don't necessarily feel the need to show out at all. Like just my couch. I actually say like the state of Ohio. Most of the Midwest. Actually, I don't think I showed out in Ohio, did I? We all had an equal decent time. You weren't in Columbus that time.

That was one of those ones that Tray and I did it alone. you had to go to a wedding. The second time we're in Columbus, we chowed out a little bit. Can I say this to any of my friends who are listening to this that haven't been married yet? I'm not coming to your fucking wedding.

I love y'all, but I... Oh, that's an important age where you're over weddings. Yeah, well, literally every show I missed last year was because of a goddamn wedding. I mean, I'd just rather do the fucking show. I'm sorry. Have we talked on here before

about getting married on Saturday in the fall if you're from the South? We talked about that on the end? No, we haven't. You didn't tell the story about when I firmly believe that it'll be a... It ought to be against the law. Yeah.

Or it not even be legal. But also, like, if you're listening and you're from the South and you're planning a wedding, don't do it on a Saturday in the fall. Like, just my best. Don't. You don't have to do that. There's no reason to do it. I know it's your day.

Well, you ain't got to be that selfish about it. Well, and can I say, too, like, I understand because I love the fall. Like, I really do. And if you're out there and you're like, that's my favorite season and I want to do it, find a by week that most of your friends and family are going to be like, that's the team they're rooting. for or just get married on a Sunday. Like, why are we pretending like we can't do that?

We can do that. Well, everybody wants to take off work Monday. Well, God likes to share. Everybody knows that. I think we're going to take off work Monday because you're going to get fucking drunk at a wedding. Sunday weddings would suck. I've been to them. Well, then I got to say, I don't know.

You just don't do it. Other than the by week, and I disagree with that. I get, like, dude, you only get married ones. If you just dig the, because I just love to fucking fight. I do, too. Go on your goddamn honeymoon in the fucking fall then. But you remember one of my best friends and I was, groomsmen in the wedding.

I feel like the anger you had about that scenario. The audience doesn't know. But I'm not trying to tell you you can't tell the story. But I just want to say that the anger that you have about the scenario you're about to lay out, you're projecting that onto the whole idea of having fall weddings. For sure. But I wasn't even going to tell a whole story. All I'm saying is my buddy, and I was a groomsman, so I literally had to go. And I had to be there the whole day.

He got married on the day of the Georgia, Tennessee game. and I had a meltdown of epic proportions. I think it was just me and you in the car, Drew. I think Drew tweeted literally everything I said. I live tweeted that. And I was fucking going smooth in, dude. I mean, again, this is one of my best friends. I was talking about how they died,

and I felt it in my heart. Dude, I don't mean it now, but I did then. One of Katie's first cousins, you know, they were pretty, they're sort of close to an age, so, like, they're, you know, fairly tight as cousins go, because, you know, Katie's entire family all lives within a 0.25 mile radius of each other. I'm Wayne County, Tennessee.

But one of her cousins got married on the... So Wayne County, Tennessee is on the Alabama state line. Yeah. And a lot of the people in her family, like either work or live in Florence, Alabama. Yeah. So basically, her whole family is split almost half and half between Tennessee fans and Alabama fans. And her cousin had her wedding on the third Saturday in October. Dumb.

At a cabin in the middle. of the woods. It's like literally everybody here, even the people, like, dude, your daddy is watching the goddamn game or trying to. Literally the same thing with me. Like, we're on the Tennessee border. Oh, you're right. It is.

And we're also, we're 30 minutes from Alabama. So that's why I know so many Alabama, Tennessee and Georgia fans. We're 10 fucking minutes from Tennessee. I have almost as many Tennessee friends that I do Georgia. I wasn't really even thinking about that, but you're right. It's the same thing. But this is why I'm saying, but this is, hold on, but this is why I'm saying just try to find a bye week or make sure you don't do the third

Saturday in November because like I'm saying that was the worst one she could have picked. And I agree with you and I'm saying don't do that but like I mean it feels a little insane to be like no one have a goddamn wedding in the whole fall just because some people like football. If you do it on a buy week or a cup case if it's a buy week for Georgia like if you're

wherever your two most popular teams is you get one of them with a byeway and one I'm playing a shit again. Here's what I'm saying my buddy Daniel child's football coach coach Juan Jennings in high school. I don't know if you know who that is. Corey, he's a guy who is famous in UT Lord

for catching the pass against Georgia at the end of the game. Wings of Angels. You notice how I just kind of skipped right over our whole thing about that Georgia Tennessee again because of what happened. Well, I mean, also because like

you would just be gloating at that point for you to just like, you know what I mean? You're gloating about something that happened two years ago. All right, I was just trying to hit. Sorry, Corey. I'm sorry that my chowness is making you down. God, I really do suck. What were you saying, though?

He got married, and it happened to be a playoff game because the Titans was in the playoffs, and we played the Ravens. And they didn't mean to do that, do you know what I mean? But it hit at first because it was an accident, so it wasn't like we were mad. It wasn't like it ruined anything. And his wife's cooling really into the Titans, too. So it wasn't like, you guys are pet.

So we were all watching the TV, getting dressed, taking shots, you know what I mean? And it was, like, kind of cool to have, like, extra thing going on. The whole wedding was into it. When Randy's... When Randy's daughter... I remember that game. When Rand of...

Yeah. When Randy's daughter Ashley got married, it was during the Tennessee, Alabama... No. It was some football game or whatever, but they had a projector outside to appease everybody.

They were like, if you want to wash it... If you absolutely must do it on a day like that, then do something like that. And it wasn't like a buncher. And it's kind of cool, as long as it's not the big. biggest game of the year. It's kind of cool to have that going on.

It was around this like fire pit, and it was kind of like it wasn't like a bunch of old boys sitting there watching a piece of shit TV. It was a nice projector, fire. It was near the bar. So just do that shit and you're fine. Have you ever watched the sporting event at Bonaroo? I watched the fucking U.S. Man's Team.

World Cup play or come to a draw with England in the World Cup at Barreu. I did that too. It was fucking sweet. So sweet. It was awesome. There was a huge crowd. You know, watching it on a big projector. on one of the big screens and like, you know,

people had fucking American flags, right, and stuff. I went and, and it was a tie, but we needed that tie for, you get in the neck, whatever, for the points. And soccer that sometimes hits.

And, uh, we went, me and Katie went to, uh, Mumford and Sons right after that, and the lead singer was very pissed off about it, which also hit for me.

It was like, oh yeah. Congratulations on your droll with us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you're very proud. Yeah, we are.

Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. Yeah. Yeah. Y'all don't have. We took your sport and figured out how to tie you at it. You took our music and figured out how to make it super popular ass-ho. No, I very much enjoyed it.

Hell yeah. Well, I think had the Titans won, and you remember that was a close game. Like, I think it would have been extra super duper cool. 2008. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that did not hit. It did not. But any, Ravens.

Especially not for me. We've talked before, joked about with our fans. They started out 10 and 0 that year. They went 13 and 3 and were the number one seed in the AFC. And that was the first playoff game they played and they lost in agony. I remember because it was like, here it is. And Georgia also that year had a shot to go to the championship game. And then that was one of the last years of the BCS, I guess.

It was getting close to. And they got fucked over by like some bullshit West Virginia games. Like that whole year just was absolutely horseshit. We've talked about before, and I think it's in line with us saying, don't have your fucking wedding in the fall. You know, the stereotype or whatever is don't talk about politics or religion. And that's all we do. But as soon as we bring up college football, like, among our fans,

that's when people start, like, getting their feathers ruffled. I do a joke, I do a couple of jokes now that invoke the name of college football. And, like, anytime I do them in the South, man, it always gets some fucking people going. Like, you, like, either just yelling out whatever SEC team it is that they're playing out. Ward Am Eagle, Roll Tide. I'm sure y'all mentioned we're in Asheville, North Carolina right now. That's not far from Knoxville. ville, Tennessee. There's a lot of

Valls fans around here, but like I've been talking on stage lately about how my son's middle name is Neeland, which is after the stadium that the Valls playing, because I am actual white trash. But I've been talking about that and like, you know, they both

shows here in Asheville and I brought it up. There's a lot of cheers, but there's also a lot of, you know, boo, fuck the balls, whatever. It's like every time, like you, you can't even mention it in whatever fashion without riling people up college football. And then the other five percent of our fans are like college football

slavery. Yeah. But like that only happens. Yeah. But yeah you're right in the south there it is. There it was. I mean it's right up there with like dude who you think who you think the average Alabama would gun into his head pick in a fight. Jesus or Nick Saban?

Sabin because they know Jesus wouldn't wouldn't fight. If they truly follow the Lord's Jesus would pick their Jesus whoops everybody's ass don't he yeah but he turns the other cheek yeah actually that's true okay God or Nick Saban

what's the difference there you go yeah has God got five motherfucker I don't think so five and nine years his record before I think now

I think now with Alabama his record is a hundred and twenty and nineteen or some shit like that. It's 18. Because I remember you're right. You texted me that and I said, well, it's about to be 120 and 19 by God.

And I said, no, it will not be. And you were right. I was right. But yeah, that's insane. It's dumb. It ain't fair. But I think, me and Robbie were talking about this other day. I think with, and I don't know really why my theory is on this, but like with like the, what Tiger did in golf was the way that he elevated the talent so much, there will never be another tiger.

literally just because there can't be. And like with... Meaning that... Yeah, I'm not sure I follow. I think I'd do. He came in at a time and he was so fucking insane that he won all these majors

but because he was so good the talent level now and everybody has kind of evened out with each other. They've gotten so much better that it's impossible to be as much better than these guys. You can be it's impossible

to be as much better than these guys as Tiger was than those guys. He's leveled that he had a lot of people leveled It's a different thing because it's not like... And I think Brady and Peyton kind of ushered that in with quarterback. It's not like greatness, but it's type.

Steph Curry has revolutionized them. Dude, James Hardin is unreal good. Yeah. I don't think he plays basketball the way he plays basketball if Steph Curry wasn't doing what he was doing. I don't think James Hardin ever allows himself to think he can shoot 10 three-pointers a game as a point guard until he sees Steph Curry doing it. Every kid coming up playing basketball now is just all.

Wants to be Steph Curry. Want to all my buddies that coach. They talk about it. Okay, here was my theory on it with coaching. It was like, well, it's different. But with more and more kids leaving now early, like, you know, people have been leaving early since college football's been a thing. But now it just gets, it's more frequent that people leave.

They stay a couple years and they leave. Well, that fucks up recruiting and that's harder to build your dynasty. So once Nick Saban leaves, I don't see somebody winning five and nine years again. Not that they can't be a goddamn amazing coach. but it's like he came right at the tail end of that being possible, and I don't know that shit can ever be done again. That's my phone. If fans can hear it and I have no idea where it is, which is Raven.

I mean, like, I think you have a valid point, and also I agree with what you're saying, but I also kind of think that what it really boils down to is you're saying, like, you know, it's going to be a long time before we see another multi-year-old. generational best ever in the history of the world because of yeah it's like yeah but it is it's not be a long time right right right but what i'm saying is like what i wins five and nine years it's because like there's never been in all the annals of college football they ain't been a

well what i'm saying what i'm positing is i guess is is is that if tiger never existed number one phil mickleson would have won a shit ton of i mean that's he would have won a shit ton of majors like car malone and hekeem and them yes when jordan was and uh yeah dude exactly Exactly. And fucking, I mean, it's why Drew Breeze isn't looked at as great because he was there with Peyton and fucking Brady. No. And, well, he's in the NFC. That's because they never put a fucking defense around him.

That's true. Until this year. And then their defense blew it in historically, comically spectacular fashion. I don't think that Jordan Speeth is as good as Tiger Woods. But I do think if Jordan Speeth, with the talent that he has right now in present day, if you put him coming out of the golf world when Tiger did and Tiger doesn't exist. I think he comes out and absolutely fucking dominates. I don't know that he's going to win 14 majors exactly,

but I think he gets to 5 and 6 and way quicker harder than you can nowadays. Then the plug, because back then, dude, when Tiger first started, they were still fat motherfuckers playing. I know. You know what I mean? It don't exist anymore because they had to level up. Okay. And I don't, this is a genuine question.

I don't know enough about golf and you're a big golf guy. Like, it sort of seems like somebody that's just a very casual golf fan that it could also maybe be explained that golf was just like in the middle of like a lull, like a shitty period because like, I mean, didn't fucking Nicholas and Palmer and those dudes like, hey, they were in, they were in shape. They were in golf shape. They were in shape. Right. I know. But like I'm saying, they also absolutely fucking dominated, right? I mean, you know.

They did. Jack Nichols. Was it in a different type of, are you saying that like if Jack Nickley, yeah, Tiger never did catch him. So like if Nick didn't because again, everybody leveled by the time Tiger started to get to, everybody had leveled up. Guys, when it comes to your health, brushing your teeth is one of the most important parts of your day. Quip knows that and they've combined dentistry and design to make a better electric toothbrush.

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make it hit now back to the podcast skew you you know what I mean that's with the theory that I'm saying is that by the time

Tiger nobody did on is it like because you watch old footage of some football like when Mike Dicka actually play

you ever watch Mike Dicka highlights when he was a player dude crushing running people over breaking tackles and shit

but it's like back in those days and I mean I could be wrong some of them may be you could transport them to present day. Yeah.

But I think if you took Mike Dicka from 1961 or whatever and lined him up, you know, on the fucking New England, well, not the page, you know, the fucking Chargers, line him up at Tide-in for the Chargers next season. Yeah. Even him at that age from then, like, he wouldn't be doing that shit. No, of course not. Is that true for, like, Nicholas and Palmer in them?

Yeah. Golf seems very different to me. It's still a hole on the course in this distance and all that. There's like kind of a way that you could say that, but then it kind of shifts because you either go, well, okay, but then Jack Nicholas has the technology that they have to that. He would have the clubs and all that shit. And like he was, you know, he was hitting at 300 with fucking wooden woods that had screw pegs on them.

And he actually, when he started out, he was chubby. He was absolutely, he was the big bear, big golden bear. He was a. So that kind of, that seems to indicate to me that like he, that like Jack Nicholas, might have still been Jack Nicholas if he had been born 30 years. I do, yeah, I mean, I do think that. But, like, and I think Tiger had a natural ability to do it, too, but he just, like, Tom Brady, I think Tom Brady would still be great if he didn't

only eat three onions a day or fucking whatever. But, like, because they take those extra steps, it just makes that difference. That's one of my favorite things about Tom Brady. He eats three onions every day. Well, just like, I'm like, yeah, man, that's what it is, Tom. It ain't Bill Belichick. It's the discipline now. The genetics got bestowed upon you.

But it's like, it's just that. Keep eating apples. But I'm saying that's an extension of his discipline. Sure. I agree with that. I hear you, a lot of people have made fun of the TB12 method, and I agree with you. It is horseship. It's literally pseudoscience.

I know, and I agree with all that. But, dude. Here's the butt. He's not the most fucking, he's not the most fucking, he's not just like a genetic super freak at all. He actually is. He can throw the ball like 85 yards in the air. Dude, he wouldn't have been drafted in the fucking six round if he was Andrew Luck.

I don't think people knew. Of course they didn't know, but I'm saying, dude, go back and look at, like, his combine and pictures of it. He was skinny, but, like, dude, he was still 6'4 and Cabbage Press a house. Obviously, extremely genetically gifted, but what I'm trying to get at is it's his fucking brain and his approach to it and the discipline and all that shit is what makes him. Are we getting into it? It's his coach. I mean, he's a great quarterback. I've never, ever, ever denied that.

But let me ask you this. if Drew Breeze plays for that team with that coach, is the result similar? Yes. So, but Drew's Breeze is 5-9. If Tom Brady plays for Sean Peyton, I think he'd still be very good.

Absolutely. He wouldn't be. Oh, no doubt. He wouldn't have fucking five-rings. Well, my point is like, Drew Breeze is like, what, 5-9? No, he's actually six-foot tall, but for an NFL quarterback.

That's 5-9? Sure, yeah. Well, I'm sure we're crushing for our fans right now. I'm talking about football and golf. You know one thing that me and him did bring up, but we didn't dive in on it, and I wanted to go in on it with you. Corey stepped outside, everybody.

Jay-Z and our president are sort of beefing on Twitter, which is, what a sentence. Yeah, well, dude, but I mean, like, yes, but it's totally just fucking par for the course. Absolutely. It's some fucking celebrity or some whatever. Dude, I talked about it's on stage last night, and I couldn't quite get my point across,

but I was talking about the idea of, like, what you just said. We're all like, well, yeah, I mean, this is the new reality. No, I feel like every day

we should wake up. I'm not saying, become complacent. No, no, I don't know. I know you're not. But we become used to it. But the,

and I have become used to it. I'm not talking about everyone, like me too. I feel like every day I should wake up and go, what? What the fuck? And I don't mean like,

what the fuck, Trump's president. I'm so mad. I mean, like, everything that happens. My friend Chris is, is one of the better at it. I went to law school

with Chris Heller. He's one of the guys I do Black Friday with every year. He's one of the guys I keep up with and we drink and we watch sports and all that. Black Friday is a thing every year we're doing his law school buddies go to a certain city to watch the opening round of the NCAA March Madness Tournament. It was started as a tradition on Good Friday. We went to a Catholic law school. We had that Friday off, so we decided to go to the bar at 11.30 and start watching basketball and drinking. And it really blossomed into something devious.

That particular year, I got kicked out of the bar at 9.30 p.m. Literally what the bouncer said to me was, look, man, you're not doing anything wrong, but you're too drunk to be here. Anyway. At a bar in Boston? Yes. What's up? Chris has this thing he's doing, and I think it's actually pretty effective and subversive where he'll go, like, every post or whatever that he puts up, it starts admit it. You forgot.

And then he'll just list a ridiculous thing. And it's just one thing. He just does one thing. And it's like, once a week he does it. Right. And I'll read them. I'm like, fuck, I did forget. I did forget this.

insane thing that we should have talked about for four months. Yeah. I mean, I have the same thought sometimes. Do you think that, and this only applies, this specific thing only applies to us, but like, don't you think it's basically this, like, that that isn't also true for us, but in the other direction in terms of what we do every day, like what our lives are? What do you mean? Oh, you mean like that Louis bit?

Everything is amazing. We should wake up every day and just be like, oh, my God, this is unbelievable. this is amazing, but like you just don't wake up that way. Here's the difference, though. It's that. That happened gradually over time and built upon itself. No, it didn't. What do you mean?

I'm talking about our careers in what we do. Oh, I thought you're telling me a, oh, I thought you're telling me a human being alive in 2018. I'm just using us as an example. I'm saying, I thought you're talking about like, we all have James Bond camera or computers in our hand. The point I'm trying to make is I think that it's like, it's just a human nature thing. Like, it's part of like adaptability. You rationalize reality. Whether reality is rational or not.

Right. And whether it's good or bad. We've gotten deep immediately. Yeah. No, you do do that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Absolutely.

I mean that. You're right. I agree with you, but I'm also saying I think that's totally natural that that is. It is natural. And I don't want to trivialize what I'm about to talk about or compare current America to this at all. It's not comparable. But just in terms of what you're talking about, I've read stuff from psychologists talking about the situation with the Holocaust or people who are being tortured. or whatever, where over time, you fucking adapt and rationalize.

And again, that's not to say you're fine. Or just know about it. But either. And that's not to say that you're fine with it. That's not to say that you don't know. It's fucked up. It just becomes your reality. Well, it's also like a big part of when I've done, so I used to volunteer in New York

at this, it was like an after-school program for kids who grew up in, like, at-risk or low-income areas of New York, but, you know, they, like, did super well. And they would, like, take them to summer camps and help them apply to college and all that stuff. And I volunteered there. And one of the things they talked about, one of the things we did in the group I worked with

was talk with the kids about their situation. A lot of them were minorities. Talk with them about what it means to be a minority in America and oppression and stuff like that. And one of the big tenets of the training that I really didn't have a lot of part in. I was about saying this is part of what your job was. No. Because I was like, you come in there and sit down.

It's like, listen, this is what we're going to do. Listen, guys. I'm a necessary. I volunteer. White man delegation. I'm a plan. I'm a volunteer. I'm a comedian.

And I'm here to talk to you guys about what it's like to be oppressed. You're not going to sit down. You're not going to like this. No, no. They had speakers come in or whatever. And like people teach these things. But I was there for it. One of the big tenets of it was.

explaining to, I don't know, not explaining, like making people understand that they have rationalized their own oppression. Not everybody does that, but some people have done that, and like, that's one of the first things you go. Because even though you rationalize it, it still fucking affects you.

And maybe you're depressed. You don't know why you're depressed. Maybe you're always angry. You don't know why you're always angry. It's because you've rationalized the thing that you should be paying attention to. And rationalization is a classic defense mechanism. Exactly.

That's what that is. And so, again, not to at all compare being liberal in America to the fucking Holocaust. But I'm saying those extreme examples, if people can do it there, of course we're doing it now. Of course we're rationalizing this. It's not fucking rational, though. Yeah. Corey was talking about a bit earlier. We're not only talking about football no more.

That sucks. I don't want to say this real quick, just because I'll forget it. Delaney, Derek Carr hit Delaney Walker for a touchdown to win the pro ball. Yeah, boy. I thought that would warm your heart. That's awesome. I mean, fuck the Pro Bowl, but I'm going to watch that. I mean, yeah, that hit.

You could not be more Raven right now with what we were talking about. Well, no, we were talking about rationalizing things and making them normal. And then like that, like a distraction, like that's the next step. You rationalize reality and then you focus on distractions. Yeah, but, dude, we need that. Sure. That's why we have a career. I actually say, buddy, that's us.

Entertainment and sports and all that. Y'all made me laugh. for the first time in the whole goddamn administration. What I was going to say, Corey, you were talking about earlier, you said Will Ferrell came back into George W. Bush. Yeah. And it was him talking to, like, basically reminding everybody how much he sucked.

Which is hilarious. And he said, that is funny, but that's another example of what I'm talking about. It's like, oh, we've lived through this before. But I don't think that's what people say, though. I think that was, like, I was bad, like, historically bad. People, I think what they were trying to say is a lot of people on the left, included instead of saying it's fine we've lived through this before

they're like you know George Bush wasn't that bad actually he was fine hell I'd take George Bush back in a heartbeat and it's you know a lot of people are quick to say pump the brakes on that shit right like Trump is infinitely worse but like let's not act like he didn't also suck or whatever

one of my favorite lines in it he goes everybody wants to talk about how Mike Pence is heartless Dick Cheney was literally at one point heartless because I think He goes, I'm pretty sure it's just a bunch of Legos in there right now. And then at the end, him and... That's great.

Him and Who's the Girl? She played Condoleez. Leslie Jones played Condoleezza Rice, and they sang the All in the Family song. Those were the days, but with different words, and it was fucking beautiful. I can't wait to watch this. Watching Leslie Jones sing with Will Ferrell is like some sort of comedy wet dream for me. Yeah, it was great. Speaking of, you know what's interesting about Bush, too, is the idea that Will Ferrell could play a president.

is indicative of how dumb that president is. Right. Because Will Ferrell's good at one thing, playing dumb. Dumb, yeah. And he crushed it. I reckon in his audition for Saturday Night Live, he, like, walked in there, and one of the things he did was an impression of George W. Bush,

and it was just him. Really? Well, George Bush, you know, you think... Well, I've seen that, I think. It got on... It ended up getting on the show, but his impression of George Bush was just him laying down with a ball of yarn

and, like, smacking out of him. No, no, I've seen that. I didn't know that was an impression of George Bush. That's what I've seen. They ended up putting that into the actual show. No, no, I've seen his audition. And what I'm saying is, like, I've seen the audition. He doesn't impersonate Bush.

But I know exactly what you're telling about. He ended up bringing that back, but as an impersonation of Bush. Honestly, it's more insane because that would be, there'd be a layer to it. His audition at one point, he literally just played with a ball of yarn. He just played a cat doing that. But what you're saying is, later on, they brought it back as George Bush. But that's crazy. What you said is, they took that and they were like, you know, we could do something with that.

Yeah. Yeah, the president would do that. I love that character. He did an audition when he was the dude, barbecue, and he's like, get off that roof. Anyway, so yeah, we got the pension going, get off the roof. So, you know, works with him.

Get off the goddamn roof! It crushes. I watch that all the time. It's fucking great. This is great. You ever seen Phil Hartman's starting out of audition time? I've seen pretty much all of the masterclass. All of the ones that have ever existed.

Masterclass. My favorite one for a very specific reason is Dana Carbys. Have you seen it? I don't know. There's two reasons I love it. He does it in person. nation of his brother, that is Garth. It is Garth.

And it turned it into Garth later, and it's, like, beautiful to see that. The other reason I love it, he's doing one thing, and you see a comedian get insecure. Because that room's so intimidating, because no one laughs. You're used to be in front of an audience. No audience.

You see him get insecure, and he's just going to go, Lauren, I'm giving you all I got here. What are you wanting for me? Ah, fuck you. And he just, like, keeps going, and then he got the part anyway, you know what I mean?

Because he's undeniable. Undeniable, baby. Yeah, like, a lot of people, there's certain people out there who see moments like that and they're like well that's how they got it and they try to take that fuck you impression it's like yeah but you weren't hitting you know what I mean it wasn't organic

for you yeah you plan to go in that way you have to be you have to have something to back up the fuck you those guys from like that era I feel like you know people forget about I mean because of course they do but like me and Corey been watching we were watching the show recently from like 2011

on showtime it was one and done one season called Inside Comedy you watched a little bit of it It's just to, they just interview comedians, but not just stand-ups, like, sketch comedians, whatever. One of the interviews is with Martin Short. That dude's wild. Dude, they started, and I've always liked Martin Short, but, you know, like, you don't think about Martin Short a lot, or at least I don't. Well, so like, Glick is not exactly on the forefront of modern Zank Guest. As far as the interview, they showed some old Martin Short clips, and, like, one of them was, two of them were him, his, he was impersonating,

Jerry Lewis. Oh my God, dude. And the first one was just him at like Jerry Lewis's fucking, you know, telethon, except their telephone was to raise money for some ridiculous thing. That was like the joke. But like he wouldn't even say anything. You couldn't hear the sound. It was like his voice talking over it.

You know, like I remember what I was impersonated. And they're just showing the clip. And just the clip of Martin Short, like just what he was doing, just his physicality. Fucking hilarious. And then they showed a sketch where you don't have the context. don't even know what joke they're making. And it's like, what it ends up being is a parody of like a European art film. And this lady stands up and she's like crying a single tear and she's like,

our marriage is falling apart, joke, whatever. And then from the couch into frame, he stands up as Jerry Lewis like, you know. You don't even at that point know what really is happening. Right. And it's so goddamn funny. He's so good at that. Immediately funny. And the point that me and Trey, I think me and you were talking about, is like,

We know who Jerry Lewis is for sure. Right. But, like, we didn't grow, like, he wasn't the popular guy when we were kids, so we weren't immersed in him. Like, he was insanely famous. Right. So we're not, it crushed us, not really even knowing everything there is to know about Jerry Lewis. If you were at that moment and you grew up on Jerry Lewis, I can't imagine it. Because I'm fucking, I think a person could come in there not even know who Jerry Lewis was.

You could show that to a 19-year-old now, and they just, they would know it was funny. Did you ever? Did you ever work with Kevin Maney? No, unfortunately I didn't. I've heard nothing but everybody that worked with him. I came and did at a guest said at one of the shows the weekend that you worked with it at sides. It was me and Kendra Corey. Anyway, he ends with a JFK.

He does a bunch of characters, but JFK is one of them. He used to rest in peace. Yeah. And it couldn't be more removed, you know. From being timely or whatever? Other than, you know, the fact that JFK is sort of timeless. For sure, yeah. It was unreal, though.

speaking of time less you brought up the holocaust earlier reminded me of something else time was classic I meant something I wanted to talk about or just met like I watched a two and a half hour documentary on the plane from LA HBO documentary so you know very well made

about Steven Spielberg and like you know Stephen Spielberg's always hit for me one of my fondest memories was my dad took me to the theater to watch Jurassic Park when I was seven years old God, it was so good. I wanted to be a fuck before that movie. I wanted to be a paleontologist.

You know what I mean? I love dinosaurs. We talked about that before and how we both had bits about, because remember I had that bit about trying to be a fucking archaeologist and you end up digging up just bones of your dead dog that your dad told you ran away. Indian money and trip. Yeah. But yeah, like, I,

Stavis Pilberg's always hit the way. That's old yellow. There was a lot of shit I didn't really realize about him, which is that it's like I kind of did but not really or hadn't thought about which was that before he made Schindler's list and then and then a little later especially saving private Ryan or whatever he was like viewed by a lot of people as like the epitome of like pop mainstream you know big budget movie making like he was Michael Bay I almost said Michael Bay but I was like I am not I'm not going to

fucking sit here and say people thought out because I don't even think they're I don't know if they're

even they didn't have a Michael Bay back in them. They didn't have a Michael Bay back then.

He was the monkeys and it turns out he was the Beatles. Right. Like way later in his

career is what I'm saying like that time he made fucking Schindler's list I mean he'd been making movies

for like 20 something years or something at that point and then between that movie and like I

said saving Private Ryan you know which is like shown in fucking classrooms and stuff

Do you think he was responding somewhat to that notion by doing that? I don't, he, they, a lot, he was interviewed throughout the documentary and I don't think he ever said that. But like, a lot of people, a lot of people were like, a lot of the other people they interviewed, it was definitely implied that, yes, that played a big part in it. Like, he wanted to demonstrate that he could do that type of shit. And like, you know, because they, one guy. brought up. He's like, you don't even think about this now because you think about Schindler's List in Jurassic Park, which were back to back.

Right. pairing in the first place. But he's like, Schindler's List was a three hour long black and white Holocaust movie. You know what I mean? That cost a shitload of money to make. He was like, and then Jurassic Park was the first like large scale application of computer generated special effects ever done, which is like now you take CGI for granted. Everybody uses it. But like, he was just saying, And neither one of those things were at all a sure thing. Like they were both colossal rolls of the dice.

And like, they're two of the biggest smash successes in the history of filmmaking. Well, we came up with them. He's fucking something else. But that's the thing. We come up with them. But that's how fucking haters work is like, you do well. And they say, oh, well, you do well, but you're only good at a few things. And these critics or whatever, they say that about six people.

They're right about four of them. You know what I mean? like four of those six people that they're saying that shit about that they are only capable of the one thing. Spielberg's got a new movie out right now with Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep called The Post. I heard it was good. It's awesome.

And the last movie made with Tom Hanks before that, Bridge of Spies from like 2014, a movie fucking rules. Like he still got it, man. I think about this kind of shit all the time because like we came up with Spilberg, right? Like E.T. was when we were... To me again, Spilberg's great hot take.

Right, right. Well, but you're saying there was a time where it was a hot take Because, like, we came up with that. I remember E.T. was the thing. My brother was into it. I watched it. It'd been in on video for a while. Jurassic Park comes out.

That's incredible. I hear about Shender's List as a teenager. We are little kids. We always, like, our perspective at that time is like, oh, he's always been great. Everything hits. It happens in music all the time. And actually, that last Bieber album, and, like, I had to be the first two men. I've always shat on Bieber.

But I read a lot of people who were like, damn, he's like taking a real step here. And, dude, Destiny's Child. Beyonce was a pop-tart She was like literally talked about the same conversations as Britney Spears Not because she sucked People thought she was good But they were like you're a pop tart

You're good like Britney's good Very first analogy you made the fucking Beatles for that They were a boy band They were a boy band in first And then ended up being you know The most influential musicians that ever fucking lived Did you see what Gondam untweeted about Timberlake's new album His new album

His new album it's called I don't know what it's I'm jacked for it He's got a denim jacket on and he's in front of a mountain. And Conneman tweeted the picture. On the cover? Yeah. Okay.

And Johnman tweeted the picture and said, Why does Justin Timberlake look like he's always trying to fit in in a new school? That's hilarious. Josh Connolly's so fucking funny. He does hit for me very hard. But yeah, man, like, Beyonce, you know, Destiny's Child. Like people, it's not like people are like, they're garbage. They're like, oh, they're Pop-Tarts.

She can't be serious. And now she's one of the fucking, I mean, you know, she's a fucking cultural, culture-defining artist. Right. You know, that's true, but if you think about a lot of Destiny's Child songs, they weren't doing the typical pop-tart bullshit. Like, dude, say my- But that's looking back now. And what we were saying when you were out or whatever is, as a critic, you take the six people who are hot, you say all six of them are just one thing.

You're right about four of them. Right. But I also think of that in terms of like, they're like, you know, they're only good at a couple. How many fucking things you've got to be good at? You know what I mean? No, there's nothing wrong with being Brittany. Critics only good. This is badass.

Critics are only good telling people how they're only good at one thing. The monkeys are pretty fucking good. Awesome. Well,

right, and like, don't get me wrong. Like, he all throughout the, ever since Taylor Swift's garbage, but,

what's a critic good at? What's a critic good at? One thing, telling people that they are good at one fucking thing. Well, some of them, some of them are great.

You know, some critics are great critics. Yeah. And Stephen Spielberg's great at being a goddamn director. Ever since Jaws, like from Jaws, up until that point

I was saying earlier, like he was, you know, one of, if not the biggest directors in Hollywood and the most money. I mean, he was huge. But in my mind, I thought he was always huge. Well, he was, but he wasn't always

revered in the way that he is. He was huge, but not revered, in the way that we were still very young when he leveled up to that status. You know what I mean? Sure. And so, like, I just kind of didn't realize that, and it was sort of wild to me.

But, like, Tom Hanks told this story about when they were filming saving private Ryan. Y'all know that scene in saving Private Ryan where they're trying to take that machine gun bunker. There's a machine gunner on the top of the hill and op-um or whatever stays at the bottom and watches it through a scope as they charge up there and take him. And the one dude gets shot and ends up crying for his mama and they give him morphine or whatever and he dies.

That whole scene. Tom Hanks told the story about the day they went to shoot that scene. Everything had been set up exactly wrong, like mirrored exactly, so that the lighting for the time of day it was, was unusable. Like, they couldn't get the shot at all. It was just ruined. And he said Spielberg at first was like, what the fuck? You know, it was super pissed off.

And he was like, I'll be back. And he went and took a walk, like a 15-minute walk, comes back. It was like, okay, I know how we're going to do this. And his idea was to shoot it all from the perspective of Opum, or I think that's the character's name, who was at the bottom of the hill watching him. He changed the entire plan for how to a problem. approach that scene and it's one of the most like on off the cuff like spur of the moment that day and it's one of the most iconic scenes in that whole movie which is an iconic ass movie and it

wasn't even supposed to be like that it was just a basically improv that's fucking that's crazy that's gangster yeah it ill well here we are do we hit a wall what has happened i don't know i just started thinking of this always happens to me when it's like five minutes before i have to go up and we're doing the podcast then i feel my brain goes there and then I kind of look at both y'all. I'm like, oh shit. I ain't been listening to know this. You can, I mean, if you want to go smoke a cigarette and get ready to go on stage, baby, that's fine.

That's fine. How much time we have, Corey? We're 53. I mean, we've done a, you know, it's a good podcast. Did you all talk about, you know, you talked about rap? We actually, yes, we talked about Jay Z. We started to. We were talking about the Mount Rushmore.

Oh, Chos and Druids. What we're talking about is. Chewad. He's a druid. I don't think I've said this on here before, but for the record, JZ is still to this day. the best concert I've ever been to in my life. I didn't...

I don't think I've heard. I thought that was my morning jacket at Bonaroo for you. That one's up there. Jason Isbell has been up there for me. Sure. Part of the reason I say that, though, is that, like, I was not expecting Jay Z to be... Right. He exceeded your...

Like, dominating. Like, I thought it'd be a fun time. So it was at Bonarue, and, like, I've always liked Jay Z casual. I was a casual fan of Jay Z. I wasn't, like, a super fan at all. And I'd been to maybe two or three rap concerts up to that point. I was like 22 or something. And none of them were good.

They were all pretty shitty, honestly. We discussed this. Rap shows are very, very hit or miss. On the way up here, we were talking about Killer Mike, that great show he had at Bonner, but then I saw Rund to Jules in New York, and it was bad. Well, so they're hit or miss, and I'd seen three and three only, and they were all miss. So I was like, yeah, we'll go to Jay Z. Why not?

Nothing else is going on, but I had really no expectations for it. he's an insanely famous person, why not sleep? Dude, it blew me smooth the fuck away. It was absolutely incredible. Made me a huge Jay-Z fan. And like I said, best fucking concert I've ever been to, again, relatively speaking, I think. Because I think that my, you know how it's like when you watch a movie, you have zero X. It's like when we watch fucking the night before.

Yes. Seth Rogen movie. I know both of us had really no expectations. That's why I put it on because we were wanting to like now. And when it was genuinely good, now in my mind, I'm like, like, God damn, I was fucking impressed by that movie because I had low expectations. I watched it again after that to like see like, like, was it just we had low expect. I fucking died again the second time.

Michael Shannon, he's so. Murders and he should be in more comedies. Was it Mad TV that had that sketch? It was a dating service. Like, it was like a video dating site before the internet. This was like an old sketch before we had internet dating. And the name of the service was lowered expectations. Lowered expectations.

Oh my God. I haven't thought about that. Yeah. Yeah, was it? Yeah, I can't remember any of the things. I remember that jingle. You had those phone dating things. It would be like, I could do, be like, I live at home of my mom, and I don't have a job,

and this girl would be like, oh, my God, he's a loser. And someone would be like, you haven't worked in four months and you, 80 pounds overweight. It might have been in living color. Conan. That's Conan. It's a Conan thing. That's what I thought. What?

It's a recurring Conan sketch. Dude, it might be, but like, if it is, he got permission to do it. And it must be in SNL. Conan had a bunch of like recurring sketches. But I didn't, I didn't dig on, I didn't, I didn't dig on Conan like a lot of people did. I don't feel like I watched it. I think that has the same kind of, I think the person. I think of that.

Yeah. No, but lower. No, it was Mad TV. Okay. We were. I thought I was insane for a second. And my memory ain't been working lately. Which every couple years, Conan still does.

And I love it. That's what was throwing us off. You were the Walker, Texas Ranger lever? Yes. Oh, God. so fucking great. I don't know if I remember. Literally all it is.

It's a recurring segment on Conan where he has this big lever set up on the stage. Is it lever or lever? I think it's one of them. Like how theater and theater can be spelled two different ways. It's British and American.

Right. That's usually what they... That's kind of what they... They call it. It's a lever. Oh. We call it lever. No, maybe they call it later.

Trey, at the opening of this podcast, Corey and I had this idea what we were going to be British. We was going to say, oh, these British blokes have switched podcasts with us. It's a new thing we're doing. Well, Red guys are doing our podcast and we're doing this. And then we just couldn't maintain it at all.

It was my fault. I stopped because my drugs hadn't kicked in. If I had, I could have done it for the whole time. The Walker, Texas Ranger lever, and he would just get up and pull this lever and they'd play a random out-of-context clip from Walker, Texas Ranger. It's so goddamn funny. Like, that's one of those things. It's like, my pa, my papa, my watch that show.

and it's like, I never thought twice about it. It's like, you get to watch it in these clips that they put on there. It is unreal how fucking ridiculous it is. One of my favorite ones, it's him in a field. Regular grass field, there's no, there's nothing anywhere. Just a totally normal looking grass field. He's with some chick, and he squats down very serious, and he puts his fingers on the grass, and he lifts him up,

and he licks his fingers, and he gets a very, like, thoughtful look on his face for a second, and he goes, plane crashed here. There's no evidence of any, you know, it's just a fucking meadow. And then my other... Imagine in the real world if a dude did that in a field and the girl would be like, uh, what? Yeah, I gotta go. My other favorite one of those was Haley Joel Osmond.

Yes. You know what I'm talking? I remember this Conan thing. He walks up to fucking like Wilford Brimley and somebody else. He walks up with Walker, with Chuck Norris. And the other adults, they see him and they're like, hey little buddy how you doing and he's like pretty good Walker told me I have AIDS that's what I want on my fucking gravestone Walker told me I have AIDS

yeah that's fucking that's good we need to save a more in-depth rap conversation where was that conversation for another where was that at where was Walker's base was it San Antonio or Houston or Dallas it was Dallas, right? I, dude, I don't know. Just Texas is all I know. Well, not in the real world next week, but when this comes out the weekend after,

we'll be in all those cities. Did they shoot it there? I don't know that either. But if there's like a Walker Museum or like a tour. Yeah. Oh, that'd be great. I think we need to reboot it

and have Wheeler Walker, Texas Ranger. Oh, my God. That's a phenomenal. He gets down on the field, lays down, licks his fingers. sticks it down? There was an orgy here. Buhl touch that.

I'm going to fucking text him and tell him he should do. How do you know? Pitch fucking Whaler Waters. Tase poop in my mouth. It's right, I got to pee, and Corey's going to smoke. We've got to wrap this up. I was going to wrap up.

I was watching my sister and brother and all love the show Ridiclessness. They robbed Deirdrick. And I mean, dude, as far as shows about people getting kicked in the nuts, go, it helps and wheeler was one of the guests the other day and uh you know

he's sitting there and rob dearer's like so Wheeler you know like you're not getting a lot of love from like mainstream country and and I just why is that? He goes well man I mean I don't know it's weird like I feel like I'm doing your standard country music but like they get their panties on a wad when I start talking about sucking all my friend's

dicks and stuff and dude like the entire crowd just fucking died and whoever that chick that's on his show that just gets paid to be a chick that's on his show was dying as well, but that would fucking crush. How did Deerick respond?

He laughed his fucking ass off. So, full circle, when we were talking about me being on MTV earlier, and I just mentioned that briefly, the story that I told was the story of me in New Orleans. The show was MTV Party Stories, and the story that I told was me partying in New Orleans, in the opening of the story is me and my friends on Black Friday.

Oh, that's right. Partying in New Orleans. They were pretending that I was Rob Deerick because when I, back then, when I was shaved and had no beard, I kind of looked like him. And we were convincing some people, like, they were buying us drinks and talking about ridiculousness. And I was like, this is my posse. I was telling Micah, my really big friend. I was like, him and Chris, who's like 6'5, this is my security and all that shit. And people were buying it?

I mean, they either were or they were choosing to pretend to. I've told you before about my Australian buddy, Hunter. Yes. Last time I saw him was... His family owns the rain. Yeah, yeah. Last time I saw him was not that long ago in Nashville. It was probably about a year ago, but like we were out in Nashville.

And, you know, Nashville, I'm from Tennessee. Nashville's one of our bigger cities. I got, I got recognized a couple times. And we was, both times that happened, he introduced himself as Jim, Jeffries. That's how he said. he had that accent yeah yeah because he you know he sounds just like him do people buy it if i can do it what really this is very uh unfortunate in my opinion but both of the people he did it to i could tell did not know who jim deffreys was yes unfortunately

oh man unfortunately because dude you know a lot of our fans aren't yeah they don't know shit about comedy or whatever they're friends of us for honestly like as yeah they didn't know he was and so hunter just kind of let it, like, just let it go. But I really wish they would have went with it because he would have rolled with it all night, I'm sure. Honestly, dude, as our profile grows, I feel like a lot of comedy fans who become a fan of a specific person,

that's the situation. Because I've talked to people who find out that I do this and they don't know me or they don't know us or whatever, and I ask them who their favorites are, and they'll be like, Bill Burr. And I'll be like, oh, cool, how do you feel about Jim Jeffries? I think they're similar, and they'll be like, who? Like, they hear, they don't consume comedy normally

like you do music. You don't just try and find new comedy like they do new music. You're definitely right. They just latch on to someone. They become a fan of them and they literally don't know who else exists. There's definitely, obviously, there are comedy fans, comedy nerds out there. But like most people, even if they enjoy a night at a comedy club or enjoy stand-up comedy, you know, are not that. They don't know very many.

And I've had people ask me, like, oh, have you heard of this guy, Jim Jeffries or Bill Bird? I'm like, yeah, they're huge. I mean, have I heard of, I'm a comedian. Right. But to them, they don't think they're huge because they discover them on a YouTube clip or whatever. They saw that clip go viral of Jim Jeffries. He's talking about gun control.

Right, right, right, right. Yeah. You heard of this guy? Yeah, man, that's like his fifth special. Yeah, we've heard of Michael Jordan. I guess he'd be more like LeBron. Yeah. He could be Kobe.

Yeah, I don't, I don't know. He hits. Jim. We're talking about Jim Jeffries? Yeah. Why don't you think he's LeBron? He's the one two Grammys, by the way. Just now?

Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. Best Americana song if we were vampires and best album. I was actually thinking about that when we were having the argument. Best Americana song and Best Americana album? I was actually thinking about that. Yeah, yeah. That's another point for me because I think it's better album than 24 frames.

What's it called? Something more than free. Yes. I was thinking about that the other day. One thing that the last time we argued about that I didn't bring up was how good if we were vampires is. It's unreal. I think it might be. It's not my second favorite.

I think it might be his second best song after Elephant. I think the reason that, like, it's, those are his two most heart-wrenching songs. So that's why it appeals to me? No, no, no. No, it's not because I want to cut myself in the room. Well, they are two of the most heart-wrenching songs. I think it'll cover me up as in the shit. Wait, I'm sorry.

I forgot about outfit. Never mind. Every. But that wasn't on any of his albums. I should say his solo. If we were vampires is one of those that, like, everybody can relate to that sadness. and how life is fleeting, you know. Well, and it's funny that he took something so sweet.

He's like, I'm going to write a love song about how I'm so much in love with somebody and how sad that is. And I still want us very badly to make that video. God, I want that so bad. Y'all need to listen. Listen to if we were vampires and think about this. It's me and Trey, and we're having a bromance day. And anyways, I die.

And the lyrics are, if we were vampires and death was a joke. Yeah. We would stand on the sidewalk and smoke I wouldn't have to hold your hand, blah, blah, blah. The idea is if we never had to die, I wouldn't have to feel sad for the fact that we're going to be apart one day. But, you know, maybe that's good because we appreciate these times.

But then I end up dying and coming back to Bightray and make him a vampire, and then the last scene is us butt-fucking each other on the sidewalk. With those, like, dollar store capes and plastic thing. Yeah. What was the thing that I called y'all and said this has to be a part of that video? recently?

I don't remember. Oh, it was so great. But I don't remember what it was. Damn it. We got to go. We got a show to do. All right. Love y'all very much.

Gee! Congratulations. That's awesome. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God. Bless you, good night, and skew.

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