wellRED podcast - #54 - Someone Better Call The Plumber (wellRED Tours Texas!)

Episode Date: February 14, 2018

Everything is bigger in Texas.... meaning we were even BIGGER dumbasses than usual. Doing mushrooms, eating bbq, climbing roofs... we cover it all.  Click here for a sweet toothbrush form our sponsors at Quip wellREDcomedy.com for tickets to all our shows!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skewniverse, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery, getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps.

Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that.

Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the cue ball looking twin fellas.

Yeah. So that was money. What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first.

But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.

dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the the papyes family feast why has everybody suddenly family with papas hits the table feed all those cousins with six pieces of our boldly seasoned signature chicken two famous chicken sandwiches two large mouth watering sides and four flaky biscuits that's enough for Cousin coworker, cousin roommate, cousin neighbor, and all his billion cousin kids. You've got all the cousins coming. Even the ones who aren't really your cousins.

All for 2999. Love that chicken from Popeye. Limited time to participate in U.S. restaurants prices may vary additional terms apply. What's up, everybody? It's the show. Lord God. We just got back from our Texas run, and let me tell you something. We about left it all on the table.

I don't know if I have enough serotonin left to even do this portion of the podcast. Wellredcom.com, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com, spell just like the podcast. That's where you can find all our tour dates. We're about to head off to Pittsburgh and Jacksonville and West Palm Beach and several other places, but you can find them at well-redcomedy. Grab tickets. Sign up for our newsletter so you'll know when we're going to be in your city first, and you can grab tickets before they sell out.

There are there. You can also find our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark, as well as cool merchandise and all sorts of goodies. This portion of the podcast is brought to you by smokyboysgrilling.com. Go to Smokey Boys Drilling. Ugh. Excuse me. Go to Smokey Boysgrilling.com and pick up some of their smoky dust and dust it all over your meat before you grill it.

It's fantastic. I love it. Pick up a t-shirt from them. Drop them a line. Tell them the show sent you. This podcast was recorded at the end of our Texas run in, oh, God damn it, where were we? Oh, Houston, Texas, after we did the House of Blues. And again, everybody that's listening that was at any of our Texas shows,

I can't think you enough. This was a magical week. We had such a blast. I can't believe we didn't get arrested. I ate a garbage sack of full of mushrooms myself. It was so much fun, and I'm about to die. Before we get into the podcast, I did receive a very interesting message from, from someone. I'm not going to say a fan necessarily,

but I got a call from somebody warning me, and I think you guys should check this out. So before we get into the podcast, here's a voicemail that I received. Y'all have a good and I love you so much. Skew. Hey, what's up? It's the show. Sorry I couldn't get to the phone, but leave your name and number after the beat.

Farts! Skiw! Monsieur Fores, there. you do not know me. I have not as a pleasure of making your acquaintance. But I have found in recent weeks that I have become rather fond of you from afar. I find that listening to the podcast that you possess

the affable demeanor and assumed innocence of a simpleton. And so I wanted to afford you an opportunity to distance yourself from your employer so that you do not become how you say that collateral damage when the world finds out the truth

about the man who calls himself the liberal redneck, a man who I know to be a stiff, a fraud, and a killer. You deserve a chance to protect yourself, sweet Cho. A chance I will not be giving to the third member of your party, whose name I cannot recall right now, because I find him to be how you say, off-putting and a cocks of care. So this is for your ears only, but I'm getting ahead of myself. the story starts many years ago.

You see, Cho, my great-grandfather, much like yourself, was a subordinate to have far more revered than sought after artist. The greatest performer that vaudeville has ever known, a man known as Le Petomaine. A title which is not easily translated, but to give you an approximation,

it would be something like the fartomaniac. You see, Le Petomain possessed a singular ability to expect controlled burst of air from his anus on command. A talent which made him fame the world over kings and queens, dukes and dacha, says, emperors and titans of industry and literature alike. They all came to throw roses at the butthole of La Petomaine. It is said that he could extinguish candel from across distinctions. that he could mimic in a number of barnyard animals, that he could even play the literal but trumpet.

But when the Great War came to Europe, Le Petermain could no longer bear to perform. He retired to a life of privacy at the family bakery where he lived quietly until his death at the age of 88. But before he died, he entrusted with his faithful servant of over 60, six years my great-grandfather the secrets of his trade and those secrets were passed down to the generations in my family until they ultimately landed in the inept and undeserving hands of my first cousin Jean-Luc Pierre a fat slavily drunk out of a man who considered himself something of a drug globetter and who in the fall of 2016 found himself in a far-flung corner

of your United States. An orificly tacky, an uncultured place known as Pejong Forge, where he was drinking whiskey with a local aspiring comedian with an aptitude for the foxy pretension.

We. It was trekked out there. And according to witnesses, they went into the wee hours of the morning. As that was the last time anyone would ever see Jean-Luc Pierre alive again. He was found the next morning drowned in the pancake syrup. And then, what do you know?

Not even one full calendar year after that. On the well-read podcast, a supposedly original character makes his debut too much acclaim. A character who is at once both sentient and incapable of expressing himself so any means others than fainting. A character known as Mr. Butt. Or should I say,

Monsieur, there he is. Coincidence, Cho. I sing not. Get out while you still can, my beloved Joe. For I promise you this right now. Church Brothers Day is nearly at hand. Justice is coming for that ill-billy Charlottent. Oh, here, watcho.

well well did you missed her butt immediately good lord oh look at you you looking all doc holiday-esque i wish it was chips it's in the car there's chips in the car the spicy casos in spicy casso i knew i should have asked i'm sorry baby don't hit why can you bring them i just forgot i was too busy making it hit with everything else you did make it with anything else let's talk about that real quick. Oh yeah, we started, by the way,

Trey. I walked into this hotel room to start this podcast. I thought it was going to be no booze other than the three

measly beers I had brought in my bag. I walk in, there's a bucket of beer. Yep. It's two bottles

of wine. You got damn right. I'm being ashamed from bringing and it's like, why you brought these three beers.

We didn't need them. How did you get beer when the bar was closed and there's nothing open around here? Well, I walked up to the hotel

as we often do because our shows end late, and I walk up the bar knowing that everything's going to suck and i was like hey man uh you know do y'all sell booze and he's like well that was not the bar he's like the bar does yeah the front desk is that the bar does but they just closed so no and i was like well is there anyone back there she's like yeah she's in there closing up right now but i mean you know they're not selling anymore and i was like you've said all

i need to know so i went up there and i saw all the girl and you know she was counting out her money and I said, ma'am, I know this is about to not hit for you, but is there any way I can just buy some alcohol? She's like, I'm closed. And I was like, I hear you. What I'm asking is, is it illegal for you to sell it? She's like, no. And I was like, I'll just please, I've done a show.

And I can't get any more. She's like, okay, all right. So I'll be two bottles of red and six Shinerbox. She's like, all right. So she's fucking going on doing that shit. And tell me, she's, I'm so sorry. I don't mean to be. shitty, I was like, you're not being shitty, you're being amazing.

She's like, I've had a bad day. So I asked her about her bad day. Typical Seller woman, apologize to when she's doing you a favor. Exactly. So I was like, you've had a bad, I was like, I understand that. What went wrong? She's like, customers bullshit. I was like, fuck customers they don't hit.

And so, you know, Tab was 80. I left her 125. Made it worth her time. Made it hit. And so now we have alcohol. So for any of you listeners out there, closing time don't mean closing time if you got a little charm on you. Somebody just knocked on the dough.

Who would that be? Something at don't. hit. Josh, producer Josh and producer Brian, please take care of this. What do you think it's about to be? Oh, really? Well, that's not going to be picked up. Not what I thought it was going to be at all. All right, cool. All right, so we're here in

everybody didn't hear Josh, somebody just knocked on the door and walked away. That's what happened. Apparently. I mean, as far as we can tell you. Or it's a ghost. Or it might have been, you know, somebody passed aggressively beaten on the wall because we're being loud or something. No, that was definitely on the door. That was a door knock.

For sure. I mean, I literally didn't hear it, so I believe you. Well, it's very apparent that our serotonin levels are off. What do you mean? This is very, we're just being very meek. I feel like for the start. I don't feel meek at all. I'm sitting in a fucking robe.

You look like meek mill. I'm meek millions. Trey, on the other hand, until right now, literally hasn't looked at us. No, that's not true. That's not true. That's not true. Wistfully.

That's not true. Look at the window, you dumb motherfucker. What's up? Oh, he sees my reflection. Okay. This is who Trey is now, guys. He won't look us in the eye. Look me in the window, you dumb motherfucker.

That's who I am. In fairness to myself, before we started this, I said to you, man, reflections is wild. And you said, don't get me started. So, like, I alerted you to the fact that I was looking at these reflections. And then you got him started on reflections. and you saw what happened. But you got me started on reflections, and then when you were starting to tell a story,

and then right now, you try to tell me that you were staring at me the whole time while looking out the window. I have been. I get it. But do you see how ridiculous that makes you sound? No. Not at all,

because I told you it was reflections in window before we started this. I feel like, what's the name of that? I don't hit. An album that's... Yes. That's the name of it. That's the name of your album.

Reflections is, come on, all them people that was fucking each other. Uh, Fleetwood, Matt. Yes. Oh,

yeah, yeah. Isn't that one of theirs? That's, well, how would, it's funny that, they'd be proud to know.

Got me there. Yeah. All them people that's fucking each other. Oh, yeah, Fleetwood Mac. Exactly. Yeah. You know.

Lindsay Buckingham. Hey, you, what, uh, illuminate me. That's not one of their albums, isn't it?

No, you're thinking of, rumors. Rumors. Rumors. But, learn me drew about them and the fucking because like your wife is super like obsessed with stevie nick so like you know about them right because i don't really know about them so i've been told

about them but that makes it even better all right let me tell you how i remember it yes god damn dude it's about to get super gnarly it's real gnarly right am i misremembering that it's real no that's pretty much all i know about is that it's pretty fucking gnarly i think so there's a love triangle you about to get though all right well there's a love Triangle Lindsay Buckingham Stevie Nix and

John Fleetwood Mac you know Johnny Fleetwood Johnny Mac If only we had two producers

Johnny Fleetwood and Billy Mac Yeah if only we were sitting here with two Brian's doing Brian's doing it Producer Brian replaced

producer Bryce who is dead and producer Josh who is dead to us Anyway It's Mick Fleetwood Nick Fleetwood Is that right? Yes, but I don't think that was part of the love triangle.

Yeah, yeah. It was... Johnny Matt. And our man, Lizzie Buckingham, who is, Keenan. What's his name? From Essanelle. You're my best friend, Lizzie Buckingham. That's from...

What up with that. What up with that? What up with that? We're hitting now. Yeah. All right, so they had a love train. That was a big part of the undoing of the band, because one of those cats was married. I don't think it was Buckingham.

It's Johnny Mack, wherever we can't remember. To the other singer. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And by the way, Stevie Nix, buddy, just apparently it was something.

You know what I mean? But didn't her and Lindsay Buckingham come into it together? I believe that's right. Right. And then she left with another dude. Johnny Mack was married to another... The other girl.

Yeah. Who ain't Stevie Nix? No, yeah. All right. Sheel of Fleetwood. See, it's hard to keep up with it. Now, here's where I'm about to get super gnarly. And then, years later, there was some incest situation where one of them...

You don't know about this? No, I think I do, but... Yeah, the drummer. One of the members, the guy, apparently, who wasn't involved in the Love Triangle, was sleeping with his daughter. What? Yes. But this started, quote, unquote, consensually when she was, like, 16? It ain't no butt.

I know. It was a butt. Mick Fleetwood is. the drummer? Did he fuck his kid? Yes. And Mick Fleetwood's thing is that he had a dude who during the show would come out every, I think it was like seven minutes and put cocaine up to his nose while he was drumming and he would never miss a beat. That's a show. That is a show. And unfortunately, he also fucked his daughter. Yeah. Is that the one? Hold on. I don't want to. I'm fairly certain that's true. Yeah, it is the drummer. Hold on. Are y'all serious? What I'm certain about is that one of

them had a relationship with their daughter. We probably do need to look that shit up. Of course. I don't know. You can't just be throwing that shit out there. I'm not saying that you are. But I don't know which one. We do need to, you know, I'm saying before it's...

Well, what if it's the wrong band? Like, I've... No. Hey, no. Wait, true. And I mean, let's... We'll get to the daughter fucking in a minute. But first, you know, he's like, Mick Flea Wood and you know, he's like, yeah, Johnny

Mac. Everybody knows Johnny Mac. Well, Fleetwood, whose surname was merged with that of the group's bassist, John Mack. My man. My man. So it was Johnny Matt. So I nailed it. All right, hold on.

So, Brian, you can't just type in Fleetwood Mac incest and that... That's exactly what I typed. Brian said that's exactly what he typed in. Maybe it was a different band. No, dude. It was that. No, that would be... That would be popping up quick.

I'm pretty, dude, I'm fairly certain that was... Boys. Mackenzie Phillips, it was... Hold on. Google, yeah, I swear it, dude. Literally all of us. Actress McKenzie Phillips reveals she had a long-term, incestuous relationship with her famous father, musician John Phillips.

Now, figure out who the fuck John Phillips is. Maybe he wasn't in Fleetwood Mac. God damn it, we're going to have to delete this whole shit. No, why? I'm trying to be throwing shade on somebody that ain't fuck they kid. I've just said the name, right? That's what I've been saying, but we just got to land on the truth. That's all.

Right. Like, you know, because we're not levying those accusations. We're disputing them amongst ourselves. Oh, shit, it was the mammas and the popas. You motherfuckers. I swear to God, though, that made so much sense to me. When I heard I was like, I thought he was the dude from Fleetwood, Mac. We're so sorry, Mr. Fleetwood.

I didn't think it was Mr. Fleetwood or Mr. Mac. I thought it was the third person. Right. They weren't going to let him, you know, that's why he, well, Jesus. Anyway, it was the Mamas and the Pappas. Hilarious. Which is a creepy named band, yeah. Well, anyway, man, the 60s were wild.

They were. You don't know who was fucking whose kid. How do we get out of this? I don't know, man. Jesus God Christ. Jesus God Christ, indeed. Trey, what are you doing? Read about the Mamas and Pappas?

Why was we talking about that anyways? It was with Andy shit. Well, Trey wanted me to explain Fleetwood Mac, and I said, and I said, I don't think I can. I got bits and pieces, and now I blame the Mamas and the Papa scandal on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is pretty much just what happened. But so, what was it?

But so Fleetwood Mac at the end of the day, they just was fucking each other. Yeah, all of them was. And that split up marriages. Yeah, it's what man, Johnny Mac involved. Buddy, what do you think? He played the base, and his name was Johnny Mac. They got big hands. Yeah, he was fucking.

Longfingers. He fucks. It was ribs. We did eat ribs. It was brisket. We ate the brisketes. It was corn. About that corn.

It was sloy. It was beans. It was corn. The corn was a lot like everything in life. It upset me because it was so good. Yeah. Because I said, oh, let me get these sides. We're in Houston, Texas, everybody.

And I went to get barbecue earlier for everybody. And I went to get these sides, and the sides was listed as coal slops. potato salad, you know, standard mac and cheese. And then it just said cream corn. And I was like, well, I'll get one of them, like a small one, you know, so we can have a little corn. And then it was the most fire cream corn I ever had. It was super fucking good, man. Had a jalapeno in it.

Halapeno. The cream also, usually like, I mean, where I'm from, cream corn, it was super thick. That cream was like super cream corn. It was. Trey, are you still reading about the mama's in the pot? Buddy, you can't just blow some stuff. I agree. I feel terrible right now.

Why do you feel terrible? I mean, because we just came out the gate saying some bullshit and it wasn't true. I mean, obviously, we were trying. Why do you feel terrible? First of all, I said it. I know. I said it saying, I don't know if this is right.

I'm saying, Corey, the entire time, the whole time I was saying, you're sure about that. I know. And I was saying as a show. And I kept saying to Trey, I'm certain it happened, but I don't remember who. Yeah, but see, I just know. And it was the mama's and the papa. Now, you, you did.

He's pointing at Corey. What did he do? I don't remember. He just jumped right in. He said, no, he did that shit. But he was right. Somebody did do that shit. But I know.

That's why I feel bad. But the thing is, is like, there's a specific person. Yes, you did. I said a band and I was wrong about the band. Yeah, well. Right. That ain't a person. Brough, you were saying Mick Fleetwood.

Okay, here's what I'm saying. My man Johnny Max's partner. Brough. Here's drummer. Bro. Roll this. tape back. I never said that I knew. I said it might have been. This is what happened.

You were talking about it. And Corey said, Corey said, it was the drummer. And you were like, of course it's a drummer. And the drummer was Mick Fleetwood. You were like, yeah, so anyway, Mick Fleetwood. This motherfucker. The reason I felt bad is like, yeah, we've obviously absolved it now, but like how many people only hear a certain part of what the fuck ever. And also, literally no one's going to listen to any of that conversation and be like,

that's true. Do you guys know that? Well, man, I mean, sometimes we meet dumb fucks. like that one lady who literally still thought after the show that I didn't know it was ramen noodles and I've done told the whole joke about that's why the fucking joke. That's what this is really about. Now we're getting into it. Three days in the making. 72 hours ago everybody.

No, I'm just saying. She didn't know whose joke it was. She got on to me. I'm just saying. Right. What I'm saying is people hear what they want to hear. Guys. No one listening is going to understand any of what the fuck was just saying.

I'm just saying it's people that hear what they want to hear. and they might have heard that one snippet or like the well red guys were accusing fucking the drummer of Fleetwood Mac are you butt fucking is Are you stoned out of your mouth? Yeah you're super stone right now What nobody would do that.

I might be stoned. I might be stoned. I'm sorry I just felt bad I mean you did You went straight after my man Immediately I do I know

That's why I feel bad You start to do well Trey Into like raining him in And then you're just like But I mean you know Corey You did a horrible thing He did. I did.

Oh, but, but no one, no one is going to take away from that comedian Cory Ryan Forster levies incestuous accusations against rock and roll Hall of Famer Meek Fleetwood. And literally, the whole time, the theme of this is somebody fucked her daughter, let's figure out who it is. Producers, why aren't y'all looking this up? So the whole time we've been basically curious, really. I know. I just, I felt bad for some reason, which y'all say that I never do, and I'm sorry for doing it, and I'll never do it again. So let's tell the story of this woman accusing me and not knowing how to say ramen noodle. Please.

So I don't remember what city it is, in Texas, which has been a phenomenal run. Oh, my God. It's been so great. That was in Austin. It comes up. Wait. Was that in Austin? Yes. Yeah.

Let's just say it was. and says to me, and this is referring to a joke that I had told in her mind, it's ramen. And I'm sitting there, I'm listening to her, I'm like, what is she talking about? Like, I don't, what's ramen?

Like, do I have ramen? Is she having ramen? Like, to us, that just means she has ramen. It's ramen. It's ramen. I'm like, yes, yes. You got a ramen factory you don't,

you tell me about? What are we doing here? I was like, what? You pronounce it. ramen and then i realize she's talking about your joke yeah and i won't give too much away but the whole joke is i save well this is the whole thing so i say well at one point of the joke i say raymond and then the last part of the joke i accuse everybody of like staring at me because i said it and i'm like i know it's called ramen but yada yada yada yada it's only raman if it's good ramen if it's

cheap that shit's raymond that's the whole point of the joke so you got to get at least one punchline I think one of them is, if you bought it on your way to the methadone clinic, it's Raymond noodles. Yeah, I said, if it's in an expensive bowl and a basil leaf, that's ramen. But if it costs 12 cents and I bought it on the way of the methadone clinic, that's Raymond because the 12 cents will not buy you the accent mark, the A requires to become ramen. So this bitch heard that whole shit. I'm sorry. Oh, yeah.

No, okay. Cues a man, a goddamn butt fucking his daughter. That's fine. I say bitch one time and let's call the goddamn cops. She heard the whole fucking joke. Right. So she comes at me. She's putting me on blast, and I'm in this weird spot where someone's like coming at me, trying to get me to defend something I didn't say, but at the same time, she misunderstood a joke.

It's like for me. Which is a capital offense to me. Dude, it's like public defender. My man's was innocent. My man's being Corey. Someone's saying something that I did that I didn't do, and you didn't understand a joke? Like, this is a whirlwind for me. And I think I'm going to lose it.

And finally, I just like, you know, all right, let me get calm. And I just said, her, ma'am, that joke is not mine. it's Corey's. But you did explain the joke. Yes, he misunderstood how to, he mispronounced the word. That was the whole joke. Thank you for understanding it.

Goodbye or whatever. And I don't know. Yeah, he also wrote a book. What the fuck have you done? I know how to spell stuff. That's why I did that. See, that's what I was about to say. I did the right thing, right?

I was like, I'll defend Corey enough that he doesn't feel like he has to go in on her. So that he don't do what he just did this woman? Because he would have. I just realized how in need of validation. I was a good lawyer that night, was I not? You were. I was defending my client and preventing him from going to jail.

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skee you durr i had the thought you just reminded me of this and i want to hear your reaction to this because it was an involuntary feeling that i had okay for anybody's listening

didn't see Corey arrived late not late later in the day to san antonio than the rest of us and when he walks into his hotel room, he finds that it appears to be a crime scene. Unbelievable. There's the couch is overturned, pillows are everywhere.

There was a lamp sideways. The lamp is knocked over. The heat was turned up to 90 degrees. Both the TVs in the hotel are turned on and are blasting at full volume, Fox News. Which is the sticky bandits moment that that was. y'all's calling card literally when i first walked in i was like and and it was a poop it well that didn't come to later but at first i was like somebody like me stayed here last night and they ain't going to hotel up yet and then i heard fox news and i was like no this reeks of my

friends and also there's so much done back here what was your involuntary thought okay so that happened to corey okay everybody didn't know i'm paying but i'm listening he walks in there and because he's cori and i'm not this is not a criticism it's uh it's praise because he's cori he can't do that without cataloging the hits so he pulls his phone out and makes a video about what happens this is what happens when you tour with these motherfuckers right so i shared it with the line and i'm a little high at this point because i've you know i hit my weave vope a couple times then we were earned and i was going to go to sleep so i shared his video with the cap my caption just said this is hilarious but

I steadfastly maintained my innocence because I genuinely didn't have shit to do with it. No, you did not. And I was like, people ain't going to believe that.

And then this is the high, silly thought that I had. I was like, yeah, but Drew did that and he's my lawyer in this, so he's going to make sure

I get off. Yeah. I was like, because Drew is like, was a public defender and it's logger and all that, and he,

And he knows that I'm innocent. He's going to, it's fine. But what you failed to understand there, Trey, was that you had done it. Brian, who's on my left and I'm about to passing the mic, and myself, we were my clients. And I would do anything to anybody for my clients. You weren't my clients. I was going to sell you down the river. I had this other thought.

My follow-up thought was, yeah, but. There it is. Before you all continue with what you. y'all have done to my room. Where's that fucking weed pin out? I want to get high. Brian got it. I'm about to let Brian or make Brian talk.

However you want to look at it. For the record, I didn't think I was going to go to any kind of actual court, even that of the public opinion. Public opinion court hit you. I know. I know. Which is a lot to unpack here. First, let me give credit where it's due.

And I don't mean this to throw. I'm ashamed of this. It was my idea to wreck Corey's room because when I got your room key, I wanted to throw your stuff like I used to all the time. It's like a throwback. But I didn't have your stuff. So then I thought, let's wreck the room. Like, I love that that's a callback.

Yeah, that's a great. And it would have, I'd have laughed my ass off. So, which I still did, dude. By the way. If I would have somehow, like, had a suitcase of yours, oh, buddy, you have no idea. I'd like for the listeners to know, and you know this, like, I wasn't mad at all. It was a work of art. I appreciated it.

Well, I'm saying it was my idea, but I can't say credit for making it a work of art. I, like, flipped over the bed and, like, was like, oh, let's go do this. and then I'm about to pass the mic to my man, Brian. Yeah, you did. Friend of the podcast, often referenced here, traveling with us through this Texas run. It's been his birthday weekend. Ronnie Minnie Van Zand himself.

Ronnie Manny Van Zand himself. My buddy Brian came, he was like, I'm going to take a shit in the toilet. And I was like, damn, we've escalated things. And he was like, you was playing checkers. Brian knew that was chess. The whole time. What's the Baltis?

He was like, I'm going to turn the heat up. And I was like, well, that checks out. and then we left. We got downstairs and he was like, also I left it on Fox News and that's when I got jealous. I was like, what? Nluence.

And you put it. Both TVs? He's like, yeah, both TVs. Full blasts. Surround sound. Just Trump blasting at you as soon as you got out of. And it literally was Trump the second. Of course it was.

Of course it was. It was unbelievable, dude. Brian, here we are. Sidelined reporter here with the man of the hour, the star of the show. Brian, tell us how does it feel like to be so victorious? Well, like most people that know us both,

I'm better than you. So, you know, first time, long time, Drew. How's it going? He just came out of the gate murdering it. He came in the mic back. He's like, here, do something with that. He has crushed this whole,

he's crushed this whole goddamn week, man. That's all he does. We figured it out hitting and sitting. That's all Brian does. Hitting and sitting. Sit and hit. Efficient. Because Corey also has his buddy on the road with us right now,

but as has proven Raven over the weekend, I think he's working somewhere for us right now. Yeah, he left. Every time he leaves, Josh is gone. Every time he leaves, something better does come back to us. I actually know what. He's been hitting. Now that I think about it, he went outside to smoke a blunt and walk around

because that's what he does. That motherfucker smokes like seven goddamn blunts a day. Well, don't put him on blast. It ain't, I'm fucking praising him because, like, I take two hits off a blunt. I'm about to die. This motherfucker can just function on it. Y'all didn't tell the best part of that shit, though.

Well, I said there's a lot to unpack, which we keep saying shit. After that, I'm cool with it, and I was, and I thought it was hilarious. But I'm like, all right, my room's wreck, whatever. I'm going to take a shower, and I'm going to get ready for the show. Yes. And first off, I wasn't going to have to take a shower, but I got in there, and it was 90 degrees. And I started sweating. And so I was like, I got to take a shower.

So I walk into the fucking shower To like, okay, this is fine I'm gonna cleanse myself I'm gonna go do a show Everything is okay And Brian's turd is sitting there And so I'm like I'm gonna flush this shit Real quick

I flush it and immediately Water just starts pouring out of the goddamn toilet And it's turds, it's water It's not hitting And the first thing Corey does Is start making another video Immediately that's great Again I had to make it good for myself

That's what you do you make whatever your situation is make it good for you you know what I'm saying and it did it was a hitting video so but then I'm like okay I can turn the water off everything we find so I climb up on the motherfucking bathtub like Bugs Bunny when he was massaging Elmer Fudd's head and that goddamn remember that we're here ta-t-t-t-t-tunna so I'm up on the tub sitting there trying to fucking turn this off you Elmuffe I went the wrong way and turned the water pressure up and the water just went and just start shooting out the fucking sides of the goddamn toilet it. And then I finally got it down.

And it's poop, right? It's poop. It's water. It's brown. It don't hit. And it was brine. And he's like Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy where it's like, I have famously large turds.

This fucking piece of shit. So I'm trying to get out of there without. And then I just fucking slipped and fell socks went straight into the fucking water, which I immediately threw away. And then. Oh, yeah. They ain't coming back from that. And then I am going to tell this.

I don't give a fuck. This is just what happened. So. So. Catch your breath first. I don't. do need to catch my breath. So it's water in the fucking toilet.

His poop. Josh is up there, our buddy who's out there smoking a blunt right now, and he was like, what the fuck is happening? I was like, man, it's a goddamn, the fucking toilet's overflowing. I'm going to have to get a fucking plunger. And he's like, okay, I can take care of it. You know, I was like, don't worry, but it's fine. It's fine.

I'll deal with it. So I turn the water off. And in my dumb ass mind, this is how chose work, if y'all were wondering more about the Lord. I was like, you know what? Just Josh said, I'm going to go smoke a blunt. walk around and I know how much time that is. So I was like, I'm going to jack off.

I'm just going to lay here on the bed. The bed, by the way, which was lean, and I didn't fix it. It was leaned against kind of the wall. I was just laying sideways jacking off on the fucking bed under the cover. I didn't know that it was on the own fixed, man. I didn't fix it. Dude, I was sloped toward the door. It feels so good for me because that's the only part that really my thumbprint is on.

I was sideways, just under the covers jacking off. And I'm like, I got the, this, I'm going to just jerk, jerk the stress out, and I'll be fine. And I didn't, all of a sudden, I look up and there is a, you know, very nice Mexican gentleman standing in my room. The plumber, who has walked in on me jacking off. And get up under the covers. And he just looks at me. When I look up and he just goes, um, does you call about the bathroom? I was like, I didn't, but apparently my buddy did.

I was like, you know where it is. I don't know what would be worse is if you had called and then we're like, let me just get done. I forgot about it. Or if it was like, yeah, yeah, I'm just, the toilet's overflowing with shit and I decided to jack off. You don't know what gets me going? I didn't call the plumber because I had something to do first. So, anyways, the plumber walks in on me jacking off. And then I was like.

I was like, you know where the bathroom is. I'm in the floor. I'm laying down in the floor. I think I'm dead. You've done it. You've killed me. I know. I can't fill my head.

And I know that that should be. I choked, like genuinely it choked on that water. But there ain't no water. We've turned the water off. The plumbers here. We've turned the water into me wine. Oh, my God. So.

so I know that should be the funniest part and I know it will be the takeaway but like the funniest part to me well you know where the bathroom is maintaining eye contact and stroke rhythm throughout just staring right at him not slowing down and all that well just hold you know where the bathroom is holding my phone is this your cousin so we so any fucking ways. Oh my God. He starts to go in the bathroom. And also,

also, this is... We ain't even done 30 minutes. We've been on one. Well, the thing, the thing that bothered me, this didn't occur to me because, again, I have just been walked in on jacking off.

So my brain ain't in the right spot. So I get up and this guy's trying to help me out. And I go and then I remember what the room looks like. So he walked. in he gets a distress call about the toilet being overfond the couch is upside down the beds are upside down it's 90

fucking degrees in there both TVs is still on you didn't turn the TVs off I was trying to you had your priority straightening yeah that's what I'm saying you didn't fix shit that's what I'm saying

straight I went straight to if he had called the plumber it would make more sense like oh I got time to rub it out he didn't and do nothing. He just went straight to jack it off. I do that bit on stage about how you had to have liberal vices, and one of them is you need to jack off to Fox News from the time to time.

And that's kind of what I was doing. So I'm watching Alexis, Texas, kind of as an homage, but because she hits from me. And like, yeah, in the background, it's Trump. Wait, hold on. Okay. Just Marcus in your head. What did he talk about what you just said later?

Okay. Anyways, the funniest part to me, was that so this has happened i collect myself i pull my put my dick back in my pants i get up and i'm like i got to leave this room i can't be in here while this guy's you should have left the state so right so i get up and i'm about to walk out the room i put my shoes on and the fucking plumber comes out of the bathroom and looks at me and just goes i'm gonna need more stuff and like he thought it was going to be a standard operation and he was just like

this is not this is not this big man so he had to go downstairs and he had to snake Brian shit I was a fucking toilet and Brian you don't

here's the here's the finisher of that so because I know I can't be in the room I can't take anymore I don't know if this is illegal or not But, I mean, I was still rock hard. I went down to my sweatpants, went to the lobby bathroom, and finished jerking myself off. And then I came back up.

And he mopped it up. The turds were gone. Everything was fine. But anyways. I hope you tip that, man. I didn't see him, did you? I didn't see him ever again, Corey. I feel like this.

Hold on. We can't move on. I'm not moving on. No, no, no. Sorry. No. But I feel like this is like almost not even worth asking, given how everything.

went. But I'm just curious, though. Like, you said, you said that you told Josh what had happened. We're fucking toilet's overflowing, man. He goes, all right, I'll take care of it. And then left. Yeah. What did you think?

What did you think that he was doing to take care of it other than bringing someone back to the room? Let me tell you what I thought. I knew that would. To walk in on you jacking. I knew. I knew that would happen. But, no, eventually. But also, Josh is a hazarded out.

No, but also Josh's first priority before all this happened was that he was about to roll a blunt, which he's done, and was going to smoke it. And I know my man, and I was like, well, he's going to smoke a blunt first before he says anything to him. Man. That's where my brain went. And also, can I be honest? You're ridiculous. Can I be honest with you? Yes.

That whole thing, like, dude, the Trump being on the TV, the heat being up the bed, it was so perfect. I think I got a little hard. from it and I was like I got jack off right now. Like I need this. It was such a quality hit. Also, speaking of quality hits and jacking off, the way I feel from laughing right now, I don't mean to be gross. You know, like when you just like, he ain't had an orgasm in a while and you come so good,

you just don't want to do nothing. That's how this laughter has made me feel. Like, fuck the rest of this podcast. Also, where do we go for later? Also, in my mind, it was like I would hear him come in, but we were in a suite. So he did probably not. And then I didn't hear him through the other door. and then I just kept jacking off.

You were indisposed. You were otherwise preoccupied. It's like, I'm going to name this podcast. Remember the Allocho was what it has to be. Well, these stories like this, man, obviously from the perspective of somebody working there, it's like,

goddamn fucking comedians coming here, tearing up the shit and like, this is what happened when fame gets to your head. This is what happens when you don't change. That's our problem, is that we ain't grown up changed at all. No at all. We're just still the dumbest.

fucking white trashiest You know what I mean? It wasn't like We're so cool We're gonna trash this hotel room It was like I'm gonna fuck with Corey Yeah And Corey's like well I'm gonna jack off

We wouldn't Nobody was ever supposed to see any of that No It was just for us Yeah Yeah because that's the thing The room got The room was not

We put it back together The room was not left that way Josh put it back together Yeah Josh's best Fair enough What are you gonna do After this weekend

Corey When it ain't no Josh no more I mean Because you've been running him It's been good Erwer. It's been nice having Josh. He's been waiting on you hand and foot.

Yeah. Yeah, he should. Making Brian look bad. No. Ain't nobody making Brian look bad. Nobody. They have tried all goddamn week, and my motherfucker has just said no to that. Because we, I mean, I know that was, yeah, it's probably hard to top that jacking off story.

But Lord God, the night before in Austin was something fucking else. Yeah. It was. The San Antonio thing is just, the roof. The San Antonio thing is a sad man in a room jacking off. but it wasn't wild. I did that shit all the time. There was other smaller things before that even that your day had already been not hitting before literally any of that happened.

Oh, it'd been extremely living. You drove to the airport on accident. Almost flew home instead of doing the rest of these shows because I so fucking hung over. And I'd taken a comically large garbage bag full of mushrooms that we'd all shared the night before. And I stayed up until 7.30, 8 in the morning, just sitting there with my thoughts. And yeah, nothing was hitting. and then I finally got to the hotel thinking, I'm going to sleep and relax and everything will be fine,

and it was literally hell. It was 90 degrees, and it was just fucking hell. Also, the reason you went to the airport is because there was a barbecue joint you wanted to go to. Well, not me, actually, Josh. But you found it on the map. Yeah.

And it was at the airport. It was the airport barbecue restaurant. So we pull up and we're at the airport, and I was like, oh, God damn it. So we had to turn around and then go somewhere else. We go to that other place. franklins which i wanted to go to we stood in line for like 10 to 20 minutes it was a huge line was a good barbecue oh let me tell you what happened they came out as we got near the door and go yeah

we're out we're out we're out of food and we're like what the fuck so and because the drive was so i'm going to get to the hotel i'm going to sleep then we go to fucking stubbs and stubbs was fine but it did take a while and it didn't hit as hard as i know franklin's did and then got the hotel and that was the, you know, toilet overflowing begins part of the story. Let's talk about our night in Austin. We had a great show in Austin. We appreciate everybody who came out.

Biggest show we've done today, and it felt like it. It was amazing. We did the Paramount Theater, which is a historic theater. It's one of those theaters that, like, I've heard about before. You know what I mean?

It's probably a lot of theater that you've heard about. Last time I was in Austin. But I've heard about the one in Austin, specifically. Last time I was in Austin, fucking Steve Earl is there. Yep. It's a fucking big deal, man, and we did it, and it was like, and it lived up to every goddamn expectations that we had, period.

It was one of those where you're like, oh, I have set the bar so high, it could suck, and it was fucking there and more. And then. We went back to the hotel, and that's when the garbage bag full of mushrooms came out. It was Brian's birthday. Which was Josh. Josh did that, the credit. Yeah, I've been working hard. It was Brian's birthday at midnight.

We went to the Continental Club, which is one of my favorite clubs in all of America. My man's McMurtry has a Wednesday night show there. Every Wednesday, correct? I think it's every Wednesday James McMurtry plays in the gallery upstairs. Upstairs, so go see that. That's a plug that is for free. And it was a funk band, and it was mushrooms, and it was booze. And it was a good time.

But then we went back to the hotel. It was weed. It was everything. We went back to the hotel. We went full end, didn't we, Corey? Me and you had a moment that I'm, like, both proud of it. of and not proud of. Yes.

I'm proud to... Where'd we've been on one this trip? We were really on one. I was wearing a robe. Yes. I put on that, the technical... I was...

We dubbed me Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. We did that, Tray. We dubbed it in that. I was... As a group, you dubbed yourself. Well, you want to know why I said that? I thought it was me, but I couldn't remember if it was,

and I didn't want to say I did, and then have you do what you do which is when I take on accident something you did and you freak out and jump out the window and kill me. I didn't know if it was me or not. It was a hit. It was from the Bible. I knew it was one of us. Yeah.

Anyways. We had them robes on. We had them robes on. We went to see our buddy Peter. How you doing? Yeah. Peter was working the front desk and he... So Texas has this weird thing for Texas.

Actually, for anywhere. It's fucking stupid. Blue Laws are dumb. Yes. Where we couldn't get alcohol after God damn 12. I get like two or three. but like fucking 12 so we go to the front and we're dressed in multicolored robes that we have gotten from the rooms and peter knows this

yeah i mean it's it's it's some big lobowski robe shit is what we're on so we go down there we are rolling our dickholes off on mushrooms sure and we're like not how the kids say it but i respect you the goddamn cooler was locked and drew was like well if i want one of them the croys can i will you unlock it and he's like yeah and Drew's like well if it's already unlocked what happens if I fucking just take off on that beer and he's like I don't know I guess I'll have to fucking tackle

you and I say immediately ooh you got sexual right off the bat I like that which I thought would at least throw him off his game didn't at all nothing no nothing not even cracking a smile I was also eating a piece of pizza in the road and then we had to sign for the shit that we did

buy which was like some sodas and shit like that and I had the audacity to while having to sign for this ask this fucker if he could hold my pizza, which admittedly on mushrooms was one of the funniest things I've ever done. But, like, in real life, that was shitty and I was wrong. But me and Drew was hitting. Well, no, we made cool with Peter because at the end, because he was talking about how he was like, you guys are, you know. He was a fan of ours that didn't get to go to the show.

That's why it's kind of extra shitty in my part. Well, no. We gave him the show, though. Well, and then I was like, dude, I'm sorry. We're just fucking around. We're not actually going to steal beer from you. And then he had one of the greatest fucking walkoffs of all the time. It hurt.

It fucking hurt. And he goes, no, no, I get it. I know how it is with guys like you. You can't turn it off. Yeah, and he said it with such, the way he said it, the eyes. It was basically just like, so this is how it is. You guys can't not do this. You sad fucks.

He didn't say that part, but that was insinuated. And we were like, oh. And so Drew immediately parkored his ass up on the fucking hotel. Like, I'll show you, I can't turn it off. Drew climbed on top of a motel. Well, don't connect those two like I did that to Peter. We left Peter. we did i just felt subconsciously you was on one still we's on one i never stopped being

subconsciously he was on one right yeah but it was mushroom subconsciously you both were on one well drew did how's it's it been for you tray this week yeah you ain't said shit i said shit because i i knew nothing could follow did you jack it off to the phone story we really literally blew our load there just like baby and i'm just everything since i mean i can try to It's been a shudder. Just edit it and move it to the end. No, don't do that, man. This is real.

Let's sit in this. Let's own it. No, it also is that I took some sleep, sleep before I came up here. Oh, for else. You do that. Yo, you got more for me. Can I take some? I mean, yeah.

But, yeah, if you come get it. I will, of course I'll come to get it. Okay, but you come get it. Like, I'm going to hand it to you through the dough. Yeah, I just, it's hard to follow that story. That's my bad. It's going to be hard to follow Texas on the run. It always is.

Y'all gonna be fucked when I turn that story into a goddamn bit because I can't wait to. I'm gonna die. I can't breathe. Anyway, I don't want to think about that anymore because it feels like sex you'll never have again. Yeah. I'm upset that we are leaving Texas. I really am. I am too, man.

This is it. I'm like, what do you do? How do you follow this shit? Well, dude, Texas is... We had Asheville, then Texas. Like, that's a back-to-back that I can't fucking get over. Texas feels like its own little country of like... It does.

Our mission. You know what I mean? Yeah. of like, there's a lot of liberals here, but they get drowned out, but there's still a fuck ton of them. Yeah. I mean. Texas is known in such a red, gun, toting, racist state, or whatever that is.

And it's like, but there's so many of our people here. Yeah, I mean, they're the epitome of our book and what we're trying to do. Well, there's also so many people who aren't white. So it's like, you know, right off the bat, like, a lot of liberals who are like, oh, Texas is full of racist white people. It's like, well, you're kind of being racist about how Texas is right now, a liberal person from Connecticut. Everywhere.

Every goddamn state. ever been to is full of fucking racist white people that's fucking what we excel at but they ain't got fucking brisket their heads like a motherfucker so I mean you know step get your food game up and then you know nobody's racist you are like what you're saying

what you're saying Corey is I think is like Connecticut we'll listen to you about your racism complaints if you can learn how to make cornbread yes exactly because there's as many races there as are in Texas but they can't make a sass like Texas does so fuck them we're saying on Connecticut and I've never had anybody comment that it

like fuck you for talking about connect no one's ever been proud of connecticut i've heard one dude do it his name is dmitri i went to law school with him some dude was like shoving him because he was being a duchbag and being rape because that was his thing in law school the guy from connecticut uh yes and then the guy that shoved him and he said back to him man i'm from connecticut and the whole part he did until he laughed of course he does yeah yeah how canadaica don't laugh at that you mean like you mean like in a tough like like in a i ain't the one motherfucker yeah i'm from connecticut that's how he said Jesus. Yeah, that's amazing.

It was unbelievable. I just remember that and it made me feel good. It's like, we met a lady of one of our shows recently out in California and she goes, you know, I'm born and raised California and I know what everybody thinks. Californians, they're tough, but it's been hard on us lately, right? I like that. That killed me. That sentiment, whatever, but the line of, I know everybody thinks us Californians are so tough.

was like literally no one thinks that. No one's ever thought that. Like nobody thinks like y'all, you know, y'all have for me. Oh, I love them. Have you ever left California, ma'am? Yeah, we'll tell everybody from the fucking pill epidemic how tough it's been on you when we get back there. Your region really has been fucked up. I mean, you know, it's people in California.

It's just tough. All I'm saying is there's plenty of stereotypes about everywhere and there's plenty of stereotypes about California. For sure. Them being tough. Tough is not one of them. No. You're not, yeah,

it's not to say Californians ain't tough. I'm sure there's some tough ones. Of course. Now I'm like afraid someone's going to whip my ass next time we're in.

California. I'll show you how tough I am. Shit, no. We've met some great people here. We learned something about Corey tonight, I think,

Trey. Really? Yeah. Did I? I did. I knew that you had this new shoe fetish thing that you're doing. Yeah.

And I'm going to be honest with you. I thought this was a thing you were dabbling in that was going to be a fad. And it probably will be. There's an I actually hope. He's going to graduate to chains. But you have not.

But you didn't dabble in it at all. Apparently. I went straight to it. Corey has these lime green with orange lightning bolt. It's the Gatorade. Gatorade Nikes. And this guy tonight, I think his name was Randy. It was Randy.

Was commenting on him. And then he explained to me and Trey because he could tell we didn't know that these. He had on a pair of Jordan Suicide. I said nice kicks. That these apparently are like super duper rare. Nice kicks. Yeah. They,

so. But you've been wearing them on stage. You need to stop doing that, man. I bought two pairs. I bought, I have another pair that you just stayed in the box. Earlier, I fell into the floor laughing because you jacked off while there was pooping the floor.

And then I saw dirt on them while I was down there and I cleaned it off because of what Randy told me about it. Well, thank you, Drew. I appreciate it. No, they were, they announced that they were doing the Jordan Gatorade thing. I immediately saw it and it was like there was a blue pair, purple pair, the lime greens, and then there's a green. they were like the lime the lime greens are going to be the most rare we're only selling them

in two stores in america so of course the redneck tell me i can't have some shit gory did you see uh it went viral or at least i saw it was a clip like a gif of the just black dude with some fire ass jordan's on he was about to propose to his lady and he pulled one of the Jordans off before he took a knee to propose to her. So that he wouldn't bend it? So it wouldn't crease when he bent his toe up kneeling down.

He took it off and that is amazing. He should just handed her at Jordan instead of a goddamn ring because they're better. But anyway he felt that way but didn't feel that way about her. So yeah, when I heard that I was like, I got to get on, I started, I got on a

waiting list for him at first and then I heard of this app Stockex and my buddy Scott Eason. He runs epic comedy hour in Huntsville, Alabama. It's a great show. If you live there, go to it every time they have it. He's like, there's this app, and there will be somebody on there that bought a pair at that store, and they will have them to sell.

They'll probably be a little expensive, but you can get them. And so found them, got them, shipped in my house, bought two motherfucking pair, one for my daddy, but dad will never wear them. They'll just be sitting in his box, and so, you know, they'll be worth something, but they hit. Well, like I said, I'm just so thoroughly impressed that you went right for the gold. You wasn't screwing around, although what did I expect? I mean, and I didn't take that as offense, but I mean, come on, bro. You know what I mean?

Like, if I do something, I do something. Yes, but. Yes, but with some of like sneaker culture, it usually takes people a little while to, you know, figure out how it works. Yeah, how to like get the good shit, you know what I mean? I just want to. You called Scott Aeson. I did. I texted Scott.

Yeah, I had somebody who already hit, like I know how to facilitate the hits as a show. and uh so anyway i learned something about you in texas you know what i mean a very positive thing so that was good i'm so glad the thing you learned about me in texas that those shoes do hit well in my defense they are lime green for sure they're wild as hell but that so am i they fit me you know what i don't fit anybody else they fit the chow their chose i bought a hit in a pair of shoes in texas you did you did boots in fact it was boots it was booze it's texas it's boots yeah lukeases Shout out, they, uh,

I helped you not buy the pair that look like garbage bags. Yeah, that's what he said. I'm not really about to hold garbage bag look. It's a little on the nose for you. Right. Yeah. Redundant.

Yeah. It's like you're better than this. You're not trash anymore. But what do you say? Or, what do they call it? It's like a, it's a,

their black cross cut or hex cut. Yes. One of the other. Black round toe. cross-cut camon which is a lizard's an alligator slash crocodile looking motherfucker it's a dinosaur is Josh so basically I got dinosaur boots

that's how I'm looking at it anyway you got damn right you got dinosaur boots you got dinosaur boots yeah these look like a dinosaur fire no we're all hitting Drew's barefoot we're all in our we're all what we want in our spot that we want to live yeah

well I was just saying that because I love Texas I have fun dude I can't wait to come back I always love Texas, and, uh, I mean, it makes sense that it takes us a year between runs and shit, but like my goddamn dude. Oh,

it would kill me. If Torham was always like this, I'd be dead. That's what I said. I was talking to, I guess it was Nat yesterday. I was like, you know,

don't give me wrong. We absolutely still go fucking hard. You know, we shouldn't, we should calm down. But Austin was a specific type of, I was like, we don't do this every night.

You can't. It was Brian. It was Brian. It was his heart. It was Josh. It was mushrooms. It was beans. It was slaw.

It was weed. It was everything. Josh brought a bag of mushrooms. Which I mean, given, dude, mushrooms. He brought a bag. A bag. Josh brought a bag, yeah, a fucking satchel. A garbage bag of mushrooms.

And we just, at one point, I'm going to say this because nobody else will. At the end of the night, it got down to the dust. And we just started pouring it on our pizza and eating the pizza with the mussels. I have forgotten about that. Yeah. I have that weird paradoxical. I'm very proud and ashamed to myself. Yeah.

We were sprinkling mushrooms on pizza and just eating a pizza. I hope my mama don't listen to this episode. I was fucked up. I had Nat take me to my hotel. I climbed onto the roof. I know. I brought that up and I can't move. He didn't go in.

You climbed on the roof. Then parkored off that motherfucker. Oh, yeah. Then after we left, Nat fucking had that suitcase carrier thing and was pushing me through the hotel while I was laying there in that goddamn robe, acting like a goddamn fucking Caesar, some sort of Caesar. I had a seizure. Dude, good. Yeah, yeah. But it was hitting.

and Lord God to people at the hotel hated me. Like some kind of Caesar. Chicken Caesar. Lord, let's get out of here. All right, I love y'all. Ski-kew. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go.

Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night and skew.