wellRED podcast - #61 - Andi Morrow + Music from Sarah Shook and The Disarmers!
Episode Date: April 4, 2018This week we are joined by actor Andi Morrow (whose most challenging role is being Drew's wife). We discuss acting, taking peoples name when you get married, stabbing lemons, and New Orleans. Sidenot...e: You may recognize Andi as the voice behind our wellRED podcast jingle! wellredcomedy.com for all of our tickets disarmers.com to get the new album Years from our good pals Sarah Shook and The Disarmers
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And we thank them for sponsoring the show.
Well, no, I'll just go ahead.
I mean, look, I'm money dumb.
Y'all know that.
I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life.
And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion.
Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing.
But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.
It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending.
A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis.
I'm not going to lie.
I can be one of those people.
Like, let me ask you right now.
Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people.
People across the ske universe, I should say.
Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?
Do you even know?
Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery?
Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane?
Because that's a thing that we do in this society.
Do you know how much you spend on that?
It's probably more than you think.
But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.
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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different
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So I was like, I should know Spanish.
I'll learn Spanish.
and I've just been paying to learn Spanish
without practicing any Spanish for, you know,
pertinent two years now or something like that.
Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,
but I got an app,
lovely little app where you could, you know,
put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts
and stuff like that.
So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two,
those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies.
You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas.
Yeah, so that was money.
What was that in response to?
What was that a reply gift for?
Just when I did something stupid.
Something fat, I think, and stupid.
Something both fat and stupid.
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slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast.
They're the.
What's up everybody?
Corey Ryan Forster, the thuggish, ruggish show here.
Wellred comedy.com, w-E-L-R-E-D, comedy.com, spelled just like the podcast.
That's where you can find tickets and our tour dates and merch.
and our book and sign up for the newsletter so you'll know about tickets for anybody else does this portion of the podcast as always brought to you by smoky boys grilling smoky boys grilling that's where you can pick up the hog rub and the beef rub and a t-shirt send the guys some love tell them we say what's up and use their rubs for all your mates this portion of the podcast this week is brought to you by one of our very special friends sarah shook and the disarmers they're a fantastic ban they're on bloodshot records great friend of the podcast
and the tour in general.
Their album,
Years, is available for pre-order right now
at Disarmors.com,
and it drops this Friday.
During the podcast,
we're going to play you some music
from Sarah Shook and the Disarmers.
We love her.
She's fantastic.
We've gotten drunk with her several times.
We love their music.
So go pre-order years on disarmors.com
or grab it when it comes out
this Friday, April 6th.
This episode was done in the guest house,
Entray's Burbank home and features a special guest, Drew Morgan's wife, Andy.
We talk about acting and what we got into in New Orleans.
And there's a secret little special announcement in there if you stay tuned.
So we love you guys.
And I'll see you next time.
Shaky.
You try to make a hit?
Did he want us to start without him and then him come in?
No, that's fine.
I don't care.
We can not do that.
Um, no, I got an idea, especially it'll start it before he gets back.
Oh, God, I don't hit.
Him and Andy have been working together today on a project.
I'm a clanny and Maker coming here and talk about how trade on hit.
Yeah, I'll hit.
Did you have fun in New Orleans?
Me?
Oh, are we going?
Are we not going?
No, we are.
I didn't know.
Yeah, I did have fun in New Orleans.
I think I'm still feeling it right now.
I know I'm still feeling it.
I'm so tired.
Vis-a-vis, I don't hit.
Is that the proper?
usage of vis-a-vis i think vis-a-vis would be alluding to the fact of or no i think it means
it's how you got something done or how you got to a scenario like uh like uh cori ruin his life
vis-a-vis v-vis that ain't quite right either right i'm this is what new orleans got me brain
mush right yeah i got i'm gonna look at vis-a-vv no i got the brain mush too buddy i can't think
of shit did you just say lima brain brain
Did I hear that?
It would have been the weirdest food for me to have done.
But yeah, there's precedent for that.
Instead of lima beans.
I don't think I've spelled vis-a-vis right.
Lama brain is when you eat too much like I have today and you can't think.
V-I-V-I-S.
Yeah, vis-a-vis.
That's probably a credit card that I'm bankrupt on.
Faced in relation to.
Right.
So I said, I said, I said,
Yeah, I had fun in New Orleans.
In relation to I don't hit.
I don't think that was quiet.
And I don't hit vis-a-vis I had fun in New Orleans.
It was because I didn't have fun of New Orleans.
Yes, you had it backwards.
Okay, yeah.
But I was in the ballpark.
Right.
Vis-a-Vee words.
You had it backwards, and I wasn't smart enough to say you had it backwards.
Instead, I just brought up your pills for no reason and lime of brain.
No, that hits.
I just woke up from like a five-hour nap after a 10-hour sleep.
Yes, you did do that.
We drove all the way out to Malibu.
We're in L.A.
It was cream.
We drove all the way out to Malibu.
And we were going to go to the Venice Beach Boardwalk after that.
We drove 45 minutes to Malibu, maybe an hour.
We ate.
It was cream.
Corey was like, I don't feel good.
He just went to sleep in the car.
And I just drove back to Burbank and we went to sleep.
Yeah.
I mean, I mean, I know that that sucks for you more than it does me because, you know,
I just got to eat and then sleep in your car so that hits because I'm going to
child but like i still maintain it was all right to go eat somewhere we always be eating in
burbank at tally ran which i mean i love tally ram but that was good pasta well i maintain and i
maintained this for a while that you just don't ever want to hit when it's just me and you when
tray ain't there that's when you just want to sleep i didn't want to hit with him last night either he
was in the mood to hit and i didn't want to hit well first is because we've gone in so hard in new
orleans so hard i want to wait till tre gets out here to tell all the stories so my idea was for the
first part was to have Andy come and talk about her and Trey's project and I'm working with
Trey but I have called her I've texted her she responded I'm going to come out there yes that was
three minutes ago yeah she's 14 feet from us yeah and doing nothing just nothing you know what
she's probably like she probably stopped playing a song look down saw her phone tap to me okay
and then had to finish the song yeah and then naturally started back into another song yes
this you've been to new Orleans
twice in the same bender if I'm wrong.
Am I wrong?
You are not wrong.
That's amazing.
The beginner, the bender, the bender.
The begender.
The begender.
The beginder.
Oh my God.
That definitely means something right there.
This is the beginning of something bad in my life.
I've gained 13 pounds of just pure booze in the last six weeks.
So, yes, it started in Austin, which all your podcast listeners, if you listen regularly, you heard about me in Austin,
climbing up on hotels doing mushrooms.
Made jacking off from a plumber, same trip.
Yes, that trip.
Then I went to Mardi Gras from there, from Houston.
Houston was where I was on mushrooms at the show.
Yeah, it did hit.
Then Brian and I, a friend of the pod, friend of the world, drove to Mardi Gras.
Now, since then, I have certainly had breaks, but I do think it counts as all the same bender.
I think it does.
I mean, you haven't had, you haven't had more than like, oh, there she is.
Oh, there she is.
Jesus Christ.
You're coming here five minutes ago.
Do you have to finish an Emily Lou Harris song on a fucking harmonica?
There's the microphone.
Did you have to walk on your hands out here?
No, I was having Trey's kids do perform lines.
I was telling them lines to perform.
You could have stopped that sentence at almost any point, and I would have believed it.
Annie, have you ever been on the podcast before?
No.
All right.
Well, well, we filmed an episode.
and then Drew messing it.
Oh, you know what?
Boy, she's been waiting to say that into a microphone for a long.
And that's a great, that's a great thing to bring up because that's true.
That was Sarah Shook.
Yeah.
And are we going to do that this episode or not?
Absolutely, this episode, because her album drops Friday, if I'm not mistaken.
Well, let's do it right now.
Before we do it, let me tell the story because this is actually quite funny, sort of.
It's also sad and it also makes me look like a dickbag.
And you were kind of a dig bag too, Corey, but I got all the dig back blame.
Here's what happened.
I screwed up.
the podcast
Andy and I
Andy and he just tried to squeeze
a whole
oh my God
it's amazing in there
but that was so funny
Andy just tried to squeeze
a literal whole fresh lemon
that she got off a lemon tree
into a water bottle
it's delicious
you squirted lemon juice all
you missed the first part
did you see how she got this open
no she just stabbed it
stabbed it with scissors.
She just went,
what?
She's hitting.
I get what I want, y'all.
Yeah, but you're getting, I mean, it's fine.
I'm not mad to you're getting lemon juice.
That was just one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen.
You're jealous of my fresh lemon water?
No, I've never been jealous of any lemon water.
I'm sort of.
Corey,
Andy and I interviewed Sarah Shook,
who is, I'm a huge fan of,
we all are.
A huge fan of her music.
We interviewed her before one of her shows in Brooklyn in her van.
She came out to her van.
us while her band was well i guess they'd done the load in already but she was so kind to come out we
sat in a van under a bridge and did the podcast and it was a great episode her and annie were getting
along super well well we had some good hits in there i got to ask her a lot of questions i wanted to ask
her about the great song dwight yokem from the last album for sure my question there was like
you know where do you get the balls to put a song title out like dwight yokem when you're trying
to be you know in country music and then back it up right just back it up oh i love that so hard
too. Yes. So we did that and then as you know, I somehow only recorded two files or got you
two files that were recorded. To explain you what I mean a little bit of people listening,
we have three mics. We record each mic on a separate file. So when I sent Corey what I sent
him, he could only hear two of them. So two people were talking fine. But a third person in the
conversation, I think it was Andy's file. You just couldn't hear. And it didn't make sense because
there were parts of the conversation cut out. Yeah. Okay. That part was all on me.
you didn't let me know that because you never looked at the files for like seven or eight months.
That is correct.
So I was just telling them like, yeah, we'll do it soon.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll do it soon.
We're going to get the podcast as soon.
You tell me the bad news.
It's my fault.
Right.
But we could have dealt with it earlier.
Yes.
Well, now we're going to...
Well, this is also me having faith in you.
That's all that was.
Sure. Now, well, okay, but there was no reason for us to put it off seven months.
True.
My theory on that was you weren't on the episode, so it didn't.
hit for you. That's not a theory. That's absolutely what it was. I mean like, not that I didn't
ever want to do it, but yeah, it wasn't first priority. Like, oh yeah, let's put out this one where I don't
hit on it. So now I find that out, but we're about a month and a half from seeing her in San
Francisco. Yeah, same fan. Yes. So we're going to go see her and hopefully make it up to her
or I'm at least going to explain the situation to her in person. Well, when we show up in San
San Francisco, we're hammered and they're leaving. Yeah. Because we got there super late because
our show ran long.
So I didn't get a chance to talk to her.
She leaves.
Now I'm like, oh my God, it's been like fucking nine months.
Well, we're going to be in Raleigh in two months.
Then I'll get to tell her in person.
Almost a full year has passed since I have interviewed her.
When I finally tell her in-person drunk at her bar where she's working, feeding us liquor drinks.
PBR's and liquor drink.
Yes.
This is what happened.
I had fucked up the recording.
And that's all I said to her.
There was no reason for me to be like, Corey didn't have you every seven months and blah, blah, blah.
blah, I didn't think about how that sounded to her.
To her, that sounded like, I have known for a year that I fucked up this podcast and just
haven't told you.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sure she didn't like that.
When I realized that that's how it seemed to her was when she went on Mike Coscarelli,
former roommate, buddy, who, is he a producer of this podcast?
No.
Bryce is our producer.
But Bryce is dead.
So, yes, Mike is filling in while Bryce is dead for a short time.
Mike is a fan of her.
He found out about her music through me.
I don't know this story.
I'm so excited.
He had her on his podcast, anxiety now.
And he brought up to her, knowing most of the story.
You know, we got a mutual friend here.
Let's tell us about Drew.
Sarah tells this story from her perspective on the podcast of mics.
Now, to her credit, she made me look cool.
Like, I sounded cool with shit in her story.
But the way she told it was, I did an interview with Drew and his lovely wife in my van in Brooklyn.
A year later, he came to my bar, and Riley was.
like, oh, hell, goddamn, Sarah, you know, shit, I'm drunk.
I fucked up the podcast, so we can't.
Which is hilarious, and a version of what happened, absolutely, I was drunk, absolutely,
I fucked up the podcast.
Sure.
But when I heard that, I was like, oh, I'm such an idiot.
I realize now that she knows what I did wrong, which is fuck up the podcast.
Yeah.
But she also thinks I chose to just not tell her for a year.
Yeah.
And I didn't really.
Of course not.
I didn't know for eight months that it was fucked up.
And then I was like, I'm going to see her.
This conversation is better in person.
We didn't get to have it.
So I was like, all right, well, I'm going to see her to a couple months.
This conversation goes better in person.
I'm an idiot, really.
I mean, I get where you're coming from, and I don't think you were wrong.
I just think that it's like very raven of the earth to swoop in on several occasions
and fuck you over from doing the right thing.
And thus, then you technically did the wrong thing by trying to do the right thing four times in a row.
That night, the night that we talked to her in the van, though, that was a good night.
We went to her show afterwards.
Yes.
It was so fun.
And they're so tight.
And their band is so tight.
Yeah.
So Sarah Shook and the Disarmers, their new album, Years, comes out this Friday, April 6th.
And I'm going to play some out for y'all after the end of this podcast.
So please stick around.
No, just do it right now.
Okay, I'll do it right now.
Yeah, because we're waiting on Trey to get here.
That's true.
And we're going to have, this is going to be a podcast with segments.
So we'll do it right now.
Cool.
Right now.
This is Sarah Shook and The Disarmers from their new album years.
Good is gold.
by our friend Sarah Shook and the Disarmers.
The album,
Years, is out this Friday, April 6th.
You can pre-order it now at disarmors.com
or just pick it up Friday when it comes out.
We love Sarah.
We love the disarmers.
We thank you all over too.
Check it out.
Now back to the podcast.
Skeem.
I'm just, I feel better than I did earlier,
so there's no way I'm getting sick.
Otherwise, it'd be progressively getting worse.
But I'm just weak.
I don't hit.
I think it's allergies.
Because it feels like sick,
but it's not, again, getting worse.
It's like my head.
It's just my head and my throat, which is feeling better, which is good.
So I just think it's drainage and allergies.
And also, we went to New Orleans and I flew three segments yesterday, so I don't hit.
Do you want me to make some witch potions for you?
Yes, I do, actually.
Go stab a vegetable in the yard and squeeze into a fucking culprin.
She squeezed a whole lemon into a water bottle.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
It's delicious.
Who she is is my lovely wife, Andy Morrow.
any Morgan.
That'd be causing people some confusion.
Yeah, whatever.
Fuck people.
On both sides of the defense.
Actually, I've never, I have asked you about it,
but I think it'd be interesting to talk about real quick.
Let's talk about that.
You took my last name.
I didn't ask you to.
That wasn't a conversation we had.
You just wanted to.
But then you kept yours professionally.
Now, all that's your prerogative to do,
but if you don't mind, talk about the decision to do either or both of those.
well I um I guess I just like because I just thought that it was like traditional like I guess in my head I was like I have to change my name and you know I didn't really care not to
but you thought you thought you had to I mean in some regard yeah because of where we come from yeah I think so that makes me sad I thought well I mean no I don't I'm not upset that I did it wasn't how much you love me
well i'm not upset that i did but i also wanted to keep maro because i mean it's my name and i've
always used and like so that my career is mine and it's only mine that that honestly makes more
sense to me than the first one i i was surprised even back then that you kept my name why i am still
to this day insanely shock that you kept his name yeah because of who you are and because that's a relic
i actually don't use it for anything other than like tax purposes well
Because you have to because you change it.
What are you laughing at?
So wait.
So wait, what I'm hearing is, is not necessarily regret.
Nothing.
I definitely didn't have any jokes there.
What I'm hearing is not necessarily regret, but you wouldn't do that.
The only time I even consider myself a morganess when it comes to finances.
Otherwise.
She hit him in the head with the busted lemon.
I stabbed it with a scissors.
She stabbed that lemon with a.
with trays here everybody
and then squeeze the whole lemon tray
into this water bottle so there's
just lemon juice everywhere well I'll
clean it up okay I don't
I'm not mad you admit it was hilarious
all right the reason we have are out here tray and we were trying to get
to this before you got back
scissors those little kid scissors
yeah it's just a little lemon
it worked
god damn I mean if I stabbed you hard enough with these
it would cut you
you think that I'm making fun of you for using those
because it's not like it doesn't make
sense to you're like oh they got the job done it's fine don't worry about that that's seriously
what she said she's like i can stab you with these oh worry about that i just meant like
that's fucking that's bishop abent and scissors he used that for his homework you're gonna you're gonna
rust them all up and shit with lemon yeah i think actually lemon pray cuts through rust yeah lemon is
like clean it clean stuff right they'll make it sticky see look at that you're gonna use your
dress to just wipe off their table too it's funny yeah maybe
It's a relatively new table for my small children, and Andy is out here making it sticky.
They've been fine.
That's hilarious, but also you're like, you're just going to get lemon juice.
We literally took over their whole playroom to do a podcast.
Oh, they're thrilled about that, believe me, because we've had them stuck out here all day.
Yeah, they have been there.
They're happy to be in the house.
That's what we wanted to get into.
And I don't know how much of, quote, unquote, the project we can get into.
But before you got here, my hope was to interview Andy about working with you.
and, you know, how you don't help, but you're here now, so I'll have to do in front of you.
Have y'all been having fun today working together on this?
Well, can we tell what the project is?
What's to do with that, Trey?
I mean, yeah, I don't care.
So I'm making a short film out here mostly at my house, but in and around Burbank,
I'd say 90 plus percent of it is just at my house, though, which my wife is thrilled about.
Because it's a full-on, like, full-scale deal.
it's a short film but I'm saying I hired a cinematographer a director of
photography whatever it's like real gear and a lot of it and it's it's a pain and
ass for for Katie for sure but that's what we've been doing that's why all
y'all are here right now I don't I don't see that we no there's plenty to get in
I didn't know if the whole deal was no I didn't know I didn't know if the whole deal
was a secret have you guys had fun today that's right I felt like we've been
been a good dude i'm like i'm so i have been since it became like real since i like really
committed myself to okay i'm gonna do this i've been more so just like stressed out about it than
anything but just because i've never done it before and also i'm spending my own money on it yada yada
so like yeah i feel like today has gone very well but like i'm more if i'm not i'm in typical me
I'm not allowing myself to enjoy it as much as I should because I'm mostly just
filled with rage.
No, not rage.
Well, because you're wearing a lot of hats.
Yeah, and I don't know what I'm doing.
And so I'm just trying to...
Does he know what he's doing?
He's doing a good job.
So he's acting in it.
And then is he...
Are you also the director?
Yeah, but, and I mean, I'm, look, I'm doing a little bit of that,
but, like, that's one of the reasons I hired a good director of photography is because, like,
outside of...
And me and Andy have talked about...
you know what we're doing in each scene and all this type of stuff or whatever and i've also i've
told clifton my dp like what i have in my mind i can't get over to that the fact that and that
both dps came from the city of los angeles right yeah yeah los angeles andy dp also means double
penetration sorry that you didn't grow up in locker rooms uh but yeah i've tell like described in
what i see in my head yes you know what i want a shot to look like or whatever and uh
but you know all the like in all the camera work type stuff
for whatever has been mostly has been all him
because I don't know how any that shit works
but I mean it's definitely going smoothly so far
but this is day one literally every scene is just me and Andy
Andy's playing Katie Andy's playing my wife
in it and every scene today is just me and her
in my kitchen not just my house but in the kitchen
so it's like you know this weekend when it's all of us
over here and a full-on crew and everything.
That's going to be way different.
Yeah, and it's going to be the middle of the night and shit.
It's going to be fun.
We'll see how that goes.
How's it compared, Andy, to other projects and the other indie projects that you've worked on?
I mean, it's, I mean, so earlier I was helping, I was like doing the slate, which
for people who maybe don't know who that is, it's like right before you start a shot and
you like clap the clapboard.
Everybody's seen that, you know, like, whatever that seemed, take two.
So I was like doing that because
Evelyn's hands were full.
So I was helping out with that and they were like,
oh, thanks for doing that.
But I've, I mean, I was telling them earlier,
I've been on movie sets where I was like acting while holding a light
or acting like holding a microphone.
Ew.
Mr. Butt.
He had something to say about you holding that light.
Gross.
He didn't like it.
That's what I love the most about movie making is,
especially indie filmmaking is that it is such a collaborative effort.
And I think that when people are more involved in the process, they're more invested in the project.
And they feel like it's a collaboration between them.
People are going to be more invested in it.
And it's going to be a lot more fun.
So I was going to ask, how is it compared to Gotham?
And then I was like, well, that's stupid.
It doesn't.
But then you said all that.
Well, okay.
But like, you know.
Gotham actually, so I was actually kind of like,
are you allowed to talk about this?
half.
Yeah.
We got like 8 million listeners.
I was kind of disappointed with that process on set because it was my first time being on a TV set.
And I was really excited about it.
Oh, here we go.
I know what you're going to say.
40 people on set, right?
There's so many people.
And I'm like, why are there so many people?
Literally, I think 10 people were just hired to shush people.
They were just walking around going, shh.
Do you know how much I would excel at that fucking job?
Do any of those people specializing shushing crickets, you think?
Yeah, maybe.
Because we've had, it went very, very smoothly today,
and there was only really,
the only problem at all was toward the end of the day.
But today's not over.
We're doing a nighttime scene when the sun goes down here in about an hour.
And towards the end of the day,
during the last scene we were shooting,
this cricket that's been living in my walls
for what feels like months started up,
his old bullshit.
And it's like, I'm so used to it and dumb about stuff
that like I hadn't thought about that being a problem,
but it's going to be a fucking problem.
Like I'm genuinely thinking about calling an exterminator tomorrow
for one cricket.
Trey was going to call an exterminator.
I told him to Google,
just like Google something
and see if there's just like something you can feed a cricket that'll kill it.
And he found molasses is a thing.
You can put in a bowl and then it'll get stuck.
They like sweet stuff?
Is that so?
Yeah.
But he put, he didn't have molasses so he put honey.
Interesting.
Sweet stuff is supposed to kill them.
Yeah.
It's not good for the digestive system.
Followers of Trey on Twitter or anyone who's been to our live show.
This cricket has been torturing this family for months.
And there's a very long bit Trey has now.
I don't know.
A cricket from Tennessee on accident.
And now it's just like pissed off.
It would be funny if this was the same cricket like from that store,
from all that.
It's all been just one cricket.
And yeah, he's turning my family apart.
Trey has a bit about a cricket eating an applejack and fighting with Katie about it,
but we won't get in all that.
Andy, were you about to talk shit about that director?
Yeah, no, keep going.
Oh, I...
People just shit.
Well, you know, TV sets, they have different directors, usually.
For every episode, I was like a different director.
They'll have, like, one director will come in and do five episodes or something.
But this particular director that I worked with, he literally spoke to me one time.
The whole time I was on set.
He spoke to all the actors one time, and that was to introduce and.
himself and then he like never said a word to anybody else you mean as a group like all the actors
were together and he was like hey i'm and that was last time he taught to any of y'all or
me and like if some of the other co-stars that were there that day and he was like hi i'm so-and-so
thanks for being here and then like he never said another word to us the whole time he didn't
say anything that even the leads because i was in a scene with uh professor pig um and
Corey's face just lit up like Corey's upset that he wasn't
He didn't even talk to him.
I mean, he didn't...
Not even asked.
Yeah, not even asked.
Corey didn't even get audition.
Have you seen that character?
Oh, I'm sure if it's been janitor pig, I got a fucking call.
I was going to say, you know, professor, it's a bit of a stretch there.
That character's creepy as hell.
Like, I have like a actual pig face that's been cut off a pig and he wears it.
God damn.
Like, around the outside of it.
Jesus.
It's not really as whimsical as I was envisioned.
Yeah.
I had Corey in my mind.
Buddy.
Corey had just like with just a snout on and like a tie sitting around in front of a chopboard.
Just talking about it.
And bacon.
Professor Pig.
Our version hits harder.
Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much all I have to say about it.
It was.
You just thought it was weird that he didn't have anything to say to the actors.
I thought it was going to be like a collaborative.
How did you know what to do?
Like, who's the person who told you what to do?
Well, here's what did happen.
Actually, he did speak to me one other time.
I interpreted it because I was one of Arkham's criminally insane.
So I was in, you know, the insane asylum.
And the script said, so in the scene, Professor Pig like stabs this dude, right?
And it says that all the inmates react either like in fear or excitement.
So I decided, okay, my.
My character's going to be excited about violence.
And, like, I made up this whole backstory about her.
And so he, like, stabs him in the first take that we did of the stabbing.
And I was, like, in the back, like...
And he's out here, Shakespeare in it.
And he's, like, you know, and he comes out after that.
And he's like, oh, so everybody back there who's reacting to this, just be scared.
Everybody just be scared.
And I was so mad about it because I was like, one, that's not what the script says.
And two, you're not even going to have a conversation with us.
You're just going to be like, this is how you got to do it.
Everybody does it the same way, and that's it.
But I guess, like, they do have a lot to get through.
So maybe that's just the way that they do that on TV shows,
things like Gotham, where it's so many different moving pieces to it.
But I didn't like that.
I mean, I've heard Kevin Smith talk about directing for TV versus directing for movies.
And I've also heard other people say outside just that conversation that in TV a lot of times,
whoever the show run, because you're right, each episode will have a different director,
but usually like whoever the show runner is for the show as a whole is way more like a director for a film
than the director of each episode is usually.
And I heard Kevin Smith talking about the difference between directed movies and directed TV.
And he was just like, honestly, when I direct TV, like,
I kind of feel like I'm just there to just like,
all right, like be a cheerleader.
You know what I mean?
It's just, all right, guys, yeah.
Like, he said he feels almost useless on a TV set
compared to all the movies that he's directed over the years.
Obviously, I don't know shit about either one.
I think a lot of directors I've worked with seem to not actually direct.
They just, like, that's a big problem is a lot of directors that,
in my experience, don't know how to direct actors at all.
and they don't, they seemingly don't have much interest in it.
They just direct what the camera guy's doing, what the D.P.'s doing, which is like, why you hire a D.P.,
like, the director of photography takes care of the shot.
Right.
You're supposed to, like, talk to the actors and direct the actors and the scene.
But that doesn't happen a lot, and that really sucks for the actors.
Do you think some actors like it?
Because they're like, fuck you, I'll do it my way.
Don't talk to me.
I mean, I'm sure some of them.
At least some of them do.
And also I was going to say maybe that's part of why for so long, and this is obviously not the case anymore.
TV sucked, you know, other than comedy.
Yeah, I don't, I definitely don't think that that's true.
Because, I mean, you know, like Game of Thrones, for example.
Yeah, you know, they direct the shit out of that.
Well, like, and Neil Marshall is a guy that's directed a lot of, a lot of, probably a lot of people's favorite episodes of Game of Thrones.
Right.
All directed by that guy who also was a filmmaker who made some hitting movies.
But I'm saying, like, to me, that means there has to be something going on.
You know what I mean?
Like, if every time he directs an episode, it's like one of the best.
You can definitely tell when, you can, like, when you watch things, you can tell when the actors have been directed.
Because you can only do so much, you can only know so much of what you're doing, you know.
Like, I can make all the choices I want, but I don't know how it's coming across on screen.
That's kind of a director's job is to guide you through.
that.
Well, we can talk about art or not long.
The real reason I brought you out here, Andy, was to ask you and try together what was
like to make out today.
And then I just realized you haven't done it yet.
No, that's the happiness.
Is it?
That's what?
That's, well, the next scene.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you guys both got really weird.
I was just kidding.
I was hoping this would hit for everybody.
Well, no, I kissed.
We did one earlier right, like, kissed her on the cheek or really the temple, like,
on my way out the door.
Oh, now you're just improving kisses.
I didn't even in the script.
No, it's in there.
I know.
A ass mac.
Yeah, you already get one down there.
You guys were walking out earlier.
We hadn't even started it.
We were about to start, and Drew, you and Corey, were leaving.
And Drew goes, hey, two takes Max for any of the kissing scenes, all right?
And he was looking at my DP.
He's like, I'm telling you, two tags, Max, any of the kisses stuff.
And they're almost out the door.
And then Corey yells over.
He was like, add hand stuff.
he did he did that and then i drove him to lunch
i just so many people on screen and on stage just like
so enormous like not even a thing um
we yeah i mean it's also not a thing for me i mean i
that one the one the one that the the things that have been
hardest for me this might be interesting to people
the short film you did where you were suicidal
and like watching you be sad and suicidal
that got to me a little bit
and then
though the one you were
a stripper
and you made out
with lots of dudes
now that was a play
that was live
I was there
that kind of hit for me
I don't know if that makes me
a cuck
but I was into it
I mean yeah
oh
like so you were
it was a play
where you made out
so you had to like
every night
for a little while
make out with a bunch of dudes
it was one dude
I thought you kissed both of them
was I wrong
no I just kissed the one dude
oh that's right
but I did
we did have that
like simulated sex scene
at the beginning I like
the director staged it to where I like
straddled him but
facing the audience so like
the front of my body was facing the audience
and I had to like spread my legs out
over the dude it was pretty uncomfortable
I didn't invite my parents to that play
and she was butt-neck I'm kidding she had a clothes on
um
pst hey Mark remember getting help from
progressive is so easy you can use the mobile
app chat with us online or call us
and you pick now to tell me I couldn't miss little
Grace's ballet recital.
Thanks for inviting me, by the way.
Did I?
Because you know I'm always here for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can use the mobile app if I need help.
Sorry, you're in my wife's seat, though.
Oh, yeah, I gotta go anyway.
Tell Grace, she nailed her chaise.
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Of course, I said Don't.
I think meeting that dude probably helped too because he was...
Anyway, that's not the point.
He was such a beta.
No, it wasn't. He wasn't.
I thought that's what he was saying.
I thought that's why you didn't say what you're about to say.
No. No. Because he was just...
No, what I was going to say was a little more ridiculous than that.
I cut myself off because I was like, wow, I sound like a tool.
Literally, I met him to him and was like, well, he ain't shit.
Which, that's how everybody gets in trouble with that, you know what I mean?
You just reminded me of something you did the other night.
That better kill me and Corey. Andrew, were you hand Corey that for a second?
Because I know he's probably going to want to chime in.
Before you do, let me finish that, because I think I know what you're going to say.
And we need to transition to tell us to New Orleans, too, because we need to catch you up on that.
Is that where you're about?
I know where you're about to do.
Yeah, yeah.
That, I figured it out, Andy, that particular play, like, you could never be that.
You were truly a different person to me.
Do you know what I mean?
I was like, whatever.
You're talking about the suicidal one?
No, the other one.
She could never be a stripper.
She could be a fucking crazy suicidal ass.
Yes.
No, that's my point.
Thank you.
Thank you, Cory.
Like the stripper in the trailer, like, you did a great job and you became that person, but there was no you for me.
I could be a stripper.
Yeah.
From a trailer, dude, she didn't miss that by that much.
I don't know.
What I'm saying is there was none of it.
I didn't see for me in my heart or whatever.
I didn't see any Andy in that character.
There was so much of you in Z that it was like fucking difficult.
So that's much harder to me than watching you kiss somebody.
Yeah.
Wait until I do it.
my first sex scene on screen.
Yeah.
I cannot wait.
In my directorial debut.
Professor Pitt goes to Hollywood.
So.
All right, Andy.
This what, you could leave.
Or you could hang out.
It's fine.
Or you can hang out.
You should leave.
This is what Drew said.
Bye, everyone.
Bye, Andy.
Thank you, Andy.
This what Drew said.
Actually, no, Andy, I want you to hear this real quick because I know he didn't
Should I, do you know what he said to me?
Should I preface it?
Absolutely.
Help yourself out.
I don't know if I, genuinely, I don't know if it'll be funnier to tell it from me and Corey's perspective first without knowing what you were reacting to.
I think it would be.
We'll just try that then.
Okay.
So me and Corey, we just got back from New Orleans, all three of us from tour to tour stop down there.
We had two shows at the Halen Wolf second time there.
Let's remember to apologize for the date thing at the end here.
Yeah.
but during the second show,
during the first show,
during the first show,
me and Corey both went to find a bathroom
because there wasn't a bathroom in this green room,
so we walk out and we're walking through the crowd.
And like from in the green room,
you can hear, but like not that well,
so we weren't sure where Drew was at or whatever.
And you definitely can't see,
and he was visually on one.
So we're walking out,
and as we're walking out,
the first thing I heard Drew say is,
I'm supposed to be the sexy one.
Look at this shit.
And he was pointing to his belly.
And he was turned around sideways
with his gut sticking out in profile
and he was pointing out.
He was like, look at this shit.
And then...
By the way, that's built in.
I know.
Yeah, yeah.
That's good.
I know.
I've seen that for it.
And then there's a...
Somebody said something.
We don't know.
And Drew goes,
thank you gay, sir.
And he goes,
and then he goes, he's like,
did y'all hear how fucking
queenie and shit?
Did he that sounded?
And me and Corey just lost.
Corey fell into a trash can.
He was laughing so hard.
Oh, Mr. But there he is.
I really did.
Hand to God.
We were almost the bathroom.
Thank you, Gaye, sir, had tripped me up.
And then it was like the Haymaker 1-2 when you said you hear how
coiny and shitty that was.
I fell and hit my head on the trash can.
And we were both like lamenting the fact that we didn't hear what you were responding
to because I'm sure that that made it even funnier.
So I'm doing that bit.
And the bit is about the South in general, and I'm talking about big people or whatever.
And anytime I'm in the South and I don't get the reaction I want, I always say something to the effect of,
oh, okay, y'all going to act like we don't have a fucking batch of small T-shirts back here that we just can't fucking get rid up for the last two years.
And I said, look at me.
I was supposed to be the sexy one on this tour.
And I turned sideways.
I put my gut out.
And I go, I'm sexy in the South.
Look at my gut.
And this dude goes, and not particularly, like, lightheartedly.
Like very cutting, cleaning.
That's what I heard.
In a very cutting way, it goes, uh-uh, you ain't skinny at all.
Like that.
And everyone who could hear him, which was almost the whole crowd, cracked up.
Yeah.
And that's why I was like, thank you gay, sir.
Yeah, you had to address it.
And you did it in, I don't know another better way that you could have done.
I think it was for me and Corey, a big part of it was like, we thought thank you,
you, gay sir, was the extent of it.
Yeah.
Because there was a pause.
And then here it comes.
And then you went back and they were just like,
did you guys hear how fucking queenie and quainy and shitty?
That crack made the fuck up.
And also, looking at you when you did it,
both underarms were just soaked and sweated.
You just looked like you just switched alt-right all the sudden.
Buddy, no, I was addressing all that.
One of the jokes that was that shirt fit when I got there.
Because, buddy, I'd been on one already and I stayed on one.
But I also then said to that guy, something like,
no, I get it, dude.
People who look like me
probably used to beat you up in high school.
I'm glad you got that one in there.
So I just,
and I wanted people to know
that that was my way of apologizing to the man.
And he loved it.
And his,
and his partner,
who I assume was his partner,
might have been one of his buddies,
but whatever the guy was with him
was just horse laughing at him
and pointing at him.
So it was fine.
Yeah, that,
I mean, yeah,
because that dude thought that he had just deaf jammed you
and then you came back,
you know, as we do.
God, that fucking crush me.
I was
We got down there on Thursday
On Thursday
Tray and I went out
Was it Thursday?
Yes, because y'all were texting me
And I was at home not hitting
We went to
Frenchman Street
I go there almost every night
I'm in New Orleans
I go to Frenchman Street by the end of the night
Like I just almost every night
I'll do other stuff every once in a while
Frenchman Street is one street over
From the eastern edge of the French quarter
I think that's right
Anyway, it's just right off of the quarter, but it's like, in my opinion, the hit in this straight down there.
It's where the best music is and the most good music in contained area.
Right, yeah.
So we were there dancing.
Our buddy, Caleb Johnson, or he's my buddy, you just met him, I think, who's a good friend of our buddy, Lee Baines.
He just had a book come out.
I'm going to read that soon, and we might have Caleb on the podcast to talk about it.
He's a novelist.
That's crazy.
Anyway, he was there.
We did some shots because he was on a basketball.
party listen to some good music so i was starting to be on one then me you brice producer brice
back from the deb we went to new orleans found a voody quain down there and she brought him back
with some black magic he has since died again he dead he dead again now he died it in
new orleans yeah died in the parade uh may he rest in peace and they had a parade for him that was cool
it was really beautiful what did you what did you say that killed me so much because i asked where
Bryce was.
He said touring a...
Touring a lemon factory.
A lemon factory.
Which like...
I don't carry a hit for me.
That's hilarious.
That makes it funnier.
But we were walking back, the three of us in Jackson,
Bryce's girlfriend.
And there's this club on Bourbon
that just blasts music
into the street.
Mm-hmm.
And people were dancing in the street
outside of it and shit.
Yes.
And everybody on like the
patio or balcony or whatever of it
were also dancing and shit.
It looked like everybody was hitting up there.
We were on one, so we went in.
We get in there.
We sit there having a drink.
There's a dude on the dance floor.
He's doing these weird
like James Harden-like dance moves.
He ain't hitting for me or you.
I think he's not hitting for me because I don't hit,
but he's not hitting for you.
James Hardin the basketball player?
No, he hits for me.
This dude's copying his moves.
Basically two white dudes were getting in the middle
of a mostly black dance floor
and doing their cool moves or whatever,
but they're just knocking people out of the way,
and Trey goes,
won't you go over there and whip his ass in a dance off?
I'm like,
he actually wasn't particularly,
particularly,
yeah,
whip his ass in a dance off.
Did you say it's hilarious?
Yeah,
that's hilarious.
Fuck you up.
He wasn't that bad.
It wasn't,
but for me,
it was mostly just like,
you wanted to see me do that.
I was aging you on because that was going to hit for me.
You could read my seeth.
You saw me seething and you were aging me on.
I didn't even need to read it.
I just know you well enough that when I looked at that guy, I was like,
that guy don't hit for Drew.
That fellow that exists on the earth, I bet Drew hates him.
Honestly, it was his buddy more than him because his buddy was like pushing people away.
You know what I mean?
Like, make some room for my friend.
And then the dude didn't do anything.
This is what I love about, Trey, is that in his mind, he was sort of going,
this guy don't hit for Drew, I bet I know what I can do.
Hey, Drew.
That's what I'm saying.
That's so amazing.
weren't there. He needed someone else to just
use at his leisure to
entertain the king.
Make it hit.
Make his hit.
Cho!
You was being the show.
Yeah, buddy. The story
goes on. And I can tell you're getting uncomfortable.
I tired of all this already.
Okay, all right.
Yeah, I've been sitting real time like,
that's why I ain't been saying basically
anything because I was like, I'm letting him tell this fucking story.
Well, I go out onto the dance floor,
and I'm like, back in my way in there,
literally how long have I been on the dance for
tray you can tell the dude
like I've been sitting there trying
like again just like go get that muffler
and then and then he finally was just like
all right and then step
and just goes on to the dance floor
and doesn't even get
across it doesn't even get halfway across
it so I mean five seconds
like you literally were intercepted
on your way to the dance four basically
that's how fast it was
by a brunette actresses
from New York with a nose ring.
Basically, a version of my wife just picks me off,
starts dancing with me or whatever.
Then her friend does.
Then her gay friend does.
Now I'm surrounded by a group of people.
That dude is fucked off at this point.
I start dancing.
The song ends, like, old girl's being pretty hansy.
I'm like, well, we got to get to the bar.
I got to get away.
So I go to the bar.
I walk by Trey and I whispered to him.
As he's walking by me, he leans over him and he goes,
save me.
so we go up to the bar she's standing there to my right
tray walks over immediately
I let him walk up there
they're standing at the bar I walk up to him
I put my hand on his back I kiss him on the cheek
I was like I see you out there
and then I turned in yeah I was rubbing his head
and then I turned and looked like I was surprised to see her
I was like oh hello
and I could see at first
the genuine surprise in her eyes
like I could see that like
because she saw your teeth she had bought it
my teeth match his teeth
I know
she'd seen them in the light
for the first time too
oh both our teeth
what I said
because really
I meant the royal teeth
that makes us make even more sense
yeah royal
royal teeth
she saw y'all's teeth
that's hilarious
I found each other in the world
I found him
we're sitting there like
looking each other's eyes
they're turning look at her
and like
the light's up
I'm just fucking
but no
she looked like
I could tell at first she was like,
she bought it and was like, oh shit.
And so I was like, all right, yeah, this hits.
But then she didn't work.
It didn't work.
And she told me she was an actress.
It didn't work.
And I ended up, I was like mad at myself.
I kept telling me, I was like, I didn't sell it.
I was like, I dropped the ball.
My acting classes are not paying off.
I thought I had that bitch.
That's what I was saying.
With genuine sadness.
I was like, I didn't sell it.
Yeah.
That's so phenomenal.
So then she tells me she's an actor.
I say my wife is.
That don't work.
I just walk outside.
I just go to that porch.
Then we're out there talking.
She comes up to me.
I give her a fake phone number and then she fucks off.
Yeah.
So then.
Yeah.
And then...
The dude is out on the street.
Remember, they blast music in the street.
People just dance in the street on bourbon at this bar.
The same guy is now in the street dancing, pissing me the fuck off.
Yeah.
Still not.
Not in regard.
Not at all.
So I'm like,
I was like,
Back in the game,
this is my chance.
And I say,
Trey, you got any cash?
And he's like,
why?
I'm like,
because I don't have any cash.
And to my boy's credit,
without needing further explanation,
he's like,
okay.
There's everything I've ever honed.
Give me a 20.
There is,
one of the bouncers has a mascot panda head
that he wears to like take pictures with Taurus.
I go up to him and I hand him the 20
and I go,
sir,
I need him.
that panda head. I'll bring it right back and you'll be able to see me the whole time.
You said, okay, you want a picture or something?
How will I know which one is you?
I put the panda head on and back over to the dude.
And unfortunately, some girl goes to take a picture with him.
And the reason I know all this, because even though I'm walking backwards in a panda outfit,
is there's video of all of this.
Yeah, and it is quite something to say.
And you could see a piece of it on, I think my Instagram.
We'll put it on the well-read Instagram or whatever.
I back over towards him.
And again, now I'm describing you what I've seen on film later.
He goes to take a picture with some girl.
I kind of bump him.
He notices me, takes a picture with the girl,
and then his friends are like, we got to know, we're late.
I got fucking blue-balled so hard,
but I never got my dance off.
And I thought it had already not happened,
and now I got another shot at it happening,
and then that happened.
And it was about to be the most epic dance-off.
So then I, like, flip, like,
Like he'll turn, flip around.
Like, you know, like Michael Jackson's spin.
Like, I'm going to start this dance off by flipping around on this dude in a goddamn panda head.
I flip around.
He ain't there.
He's gone.
Like, he's just gone.
And you had really, you had really put yourself in a strong position to.
You know what I mean?
Did you understand?
He's sitting there doing his little.
That's what I'm saying.
You've got a panda head.
Yeah, in the street.
Oh, man.
He's gone.
But he's gone.
But all them girls he was taking pictures with now, you know, think that I have.
hit because I do and I'm crushing it in a fucking
murder. So then I just give everybody the show they deserved
unlike the one that piece of shit was giving them.
I was about to fly to New Orleans
and I hadn't been there hitting
and I just wanted to know
if Drew was still on this epic bender that he had been on
that pretty well started in New Orleans
and I said hey Drew you're still on a bender
and the response he sent me in text for him
was a video of him dancing with a panda hat on.
My favorite move, and this isn't on the video that you can see online, unfortunately,
I might be able to get it from Jackson, was I did one where I bent over,
and as I've been over I started to lose the head.
Of course, it started to roll up.
I grabbed it and then just made that a part of my dance,
and then I stood back up and spun the head and then spun into it.
I was heading.
Anyway, it was a good time.
And then you showed up.
I did.
Corey, and you left, and now might be a good time to briefly apologize to any of those listeners out there.
Yeah, it's still hard to talk about.
Yeah, because I'm still not, it's this weird situation where it's like, I don't know what I can and can't say about it still.
The show was supposed to be on Saturday.
The show was really supposed to be on Saturday, March 31st, and I had a thing come up.
I mean, weeks and weeks ago, it came up, and at that time, we moved, we contacted Halen Wolf.
They were like, yeah, no, we're.
open on Friday night.
Like we've got that date open.
We'll just switch the dates.
It didn't seem like a big deal.
Well, we were also assured that they had a mechanism to get a lot of people.
And then since what you were doing on Saturday was and still was a secret, we didn't
make a Twitter post about it because it was like, well, how to do it?
Yeah, or a video, like, when I've done like Bill Marsh show, I make like a video or whatever.
Yeah, well, because, anyway, at the time, it seemed like not at all a big deal.
I thought it was going from a Saturday to a Friday night.
You know what I mean?
It wasn't like it was going from a Saturday to a Monday or whatever.
It was just one day earlier.
And most people did get the message.
And still a weekend and the venue was like, yeah, yeah, that's fine.
And also, yes, we'll, we have a system for this.
We'll send out our emails to everybody bought tickets.
We'll let them get their money back if they don't want to come Friday or they can just switch to Friday, whatever.
It didn't seem like a big deal at the time.
And I didn't know it was a big deal that night because if you all wasn't full, I thought, well, that's how many people couldn't switch to Friday.
I didn't think that.
how many people never knew.
Well, anyway, turns that, long story short, has come to our attention that, uh,
I guess, I guess a lot of people, I don't know if it got sent to their spam folder or whatever,
but a lot of people, I guess, never got the notification.
Well, like 30, which is a lot.
That's pretty good, that's a portion.
Yeah, I don't want it to sound like it was 150 people.
Yeah, well, either way, just, you know, I apologize.
We apologize.
It's Trey's fault, really, guys.
It is, no, I mean, it is my fault.
But I'm.
It is my fault, but I, but yeah, I'm sorry about any not hitting us that that called, calls.
I'm also, if you were at the first show and not the second show, I don't know exactly how to put this.
We hung out a little bit after the second show, but not the first show, because we had an interview schedule for between the shows with a, with a paper down there in the region whose name is escaping.
me now. But there was
no other time literally that we could do it.
It was either that or after the show, which was at like, you know, 12.30 or 1 a.m.
and the venue closes and whatever.
So we had to put it in the middle, which kept us from coming out there in between the two shows.
So anyway, it's just, I don't know, frankly, a lot of things we could have handled better about
the New Orleans shows in general, but that's not, none of that is our, none of that is our,
none of that is our M.O. or our standard at all.
Well, I feel like saying thank you,
sir, might be my M.O. But, you know, I feel like other than that,
I was not referring to that as something we could have handled better.
You couldn't have handled that any better.
But, yeah.
There he is.
But.
I didn't realize that when you guys fart on the podcast,
you actually put the mic
up to your butt.
So, like, anytime people use these mics.
Yeah.
we got a special mind for them that we really do we have an orange one that never gets used unless we have a guess i swear yes we have a claim but this is what really don't hit and i don't know why but for some reason drew's you in the mic using the microphone i always use yeah he is so you're gonna have pink uh yeah all that means you got in all my farts and i've gotten somebody else's farts
not down we're over here trading for trading ford and as usual means you but i think the first person i told was joy read that and i was like being i was like just in case you ever listening to these we'd be farting these microphones but not the one
that we're giving you this orange microphone, it never gets used unless we ever get used.
You did tell her that.
And she was just like, oh, okay, okay.
Yeah, I forgot.
Of course, she's never listened to our goddamn podcast.
This is a non-fart, Mike.
She's already showed up to, you know, just that little hotel room with all of us in it or whatever.
And, like, the whole time I was just like, she ain't going to do this, right?
Like, surely she would come here and do it, but she did.
And then she gets in there and he's like, hey, listen, I don't you know, we don't fart on to that and that you've got.
It's your other ones.
it's the other ones
what we fart on to
why you
so you left
we don't deserve to
so because of all that
that caused us
to shuffle the shit around
and whatever else
I left on Saturday morning
because I had to
and y'all
did not
we did not
and Corey
so I wasn't there for
any of this shit
Corey how much time
where we at right now
51
okay yeah
go ahead
you need to
help me out
with the rest of the stories
for
various reasons, including me not being able to remember them, but for, you know, all the reasons.
So, Trey leaves.
You went out, you left the show early, not early, but as soon as your set was done.
As soon as your set was done, I brought Trey up, and because my friend Robbie had just
got into town, and he was there for his birthday, and in my mind, and I was like, well,
this is 45 extra minutes of seeing Robbie and getting drunk.
And, like, we didn't have a meet and greet.
That very rarely happens, and I was just like, if I don't take a very first.
advantage of the one time we don't have one, then I'll never get to again.
So, fuck it.
I'm leaving.
So, yeah.
You took off.
I get done, my buddy Russell, was one of my best friends in the whole world.
I say that.
I've hung out with him like a friday a dozen times, but we just, he's one of the most fun
people I've ever heard of everyone.
For sure and I love him to death.
He's a public defender down in New Orleans.
I know him from my days when I thought I was going to save the world.
Well, I bet that's a rough gig.
Buddy.
Aaron.
It's a public defender in New Orleans.
That's like the worst place you can be a public defender probably.
I believe that.
Louisiana's famous for having super.
super arcane, like, uh, prison laws and shit, whatever.
And unlike places where it's like high crime areas, but then there's like some liberal
government involved.
They're underfunded.
They're undermanned.
We should have had him on the damn podcast and talk about all this.
I keep telling everybody we're going to do a criminal justice.
And then I keep putting an episode of the podcast.
Then I keep everybody keeps being like, oh, when's that one coming out?
Some people have, Corey.
I know I'm fucking kidding.
But anyway, he was like, you and
Well-read S-V-Skew.
He was like, you want to go have a drink?
And I was, like, pretty tired.
I was like, I don't know if I go have a drink.
For the record, Russell meant 20.
Well, I knew he kind of knew he meant that.
But also, he's real nice.
And he was like, I mean, we can just do it.
We'll go back to the hotel room, take a nap.
Or, I mean, go to sleep and we'll hit it tomorrow or whatever.
But he had agreed to, like, stay with me in the hotel room.
I got a suite and everything.
Like, we were supposed to go out that night.
So I was like, all right, we'll go see what Corey and Robbie are doing.
What Corey and Robbie were doing was Robbie was the drunkest person I've ever seen have that much energy and not be falling down, if that makes sense.
It does make sense.
I've known people like that, and it's always so weird to me because I can't comprehend it.
No, that's what's terrifying when Robbie gets that drunk is because any other of my friends, if they're that drunk, I go, well, I don't know how I can handle this.
I'll carry them into a cab, and I'll take them to their room, and they'll be out.
Right.
Yeah.
But he got so much energy and Robbie's a fucking stout, tough dude.
Like, if he's like that, I'm like, fuck, I just see how this is going on.
Some people are just like wired that way as far as drunk.
Like, I've known a few drunks like that before that, like, they don't, they don't put themselves down.
No.
Like they just get super obliterated, but are still just going hard.
They just turn into caveman.
Right.
Yeah.
It's still fine.
Yeah.
But he was cavemaning it out.
You're talking about Friday night?
Yes.
Okay.
We're not even gotten a Saturday, so.
Right, right.
Yeah.
So Friday, he's telling me that Corey told him that I've been on one and was on fire during the show.
And he said, and I quote,
Corey don't ever say that anybody had a good set but him.
He don't ever say that, Drew, so I know your own one.
He kept saying that.
And then he goes, I can't wait for you to do their wedding.
He's talking about me doing Corey and Amber's wedding.
Here's what I want you to do.
Once you get there, it's a old bird gathered here, blah, blah, blah, whatever, whatever.
He is yelling this.
He's screaming at everyone.
Then you just be like, oh, and then dicks.
put your dick in her and then you drop
the microphone and I'll go up there and I'll get down
like this and he gets down the floor in a push-up position
and I'll catch the microphone in my asshole.
Russell met this person
a minute and a half before.
We're at Pat O'Brien's which is the touristy
drunk spot.
He is outdoing the people at Paddle Brines.
Do you know what I mean?
There's business men puking on their shirts
and Robbie is the most ridiculous one in there.
It was something else.
So we usher him into one of the sidebars.
they got at Petter Brines and we're the only ones in there
which I think hit for most of the bar
but of course not the one bartender who's like I'm about
to get off why the fuck did y'all bring him in here
and then him
and Meg
his girlfriend
pig Meg are running back and forth
which I've never met a woman
who has been more misnomer
in my entire life
yeah man it's quite the dynamic
that they have going on did he name
her pig Meg? No
it was Big Meg at first
And then I'd named her.
Was that a joke?
Because she weighs 105 pounds.
She's Big Meg, Pig Meg, and then at one time I almost, one night I almost convinced her to shave her head.
We was drunk.
And I was drunk.
And I was like, do it.
And I was like, then I can call you wig meg.
And it was this whole thing.
Big Meg is just a catch.
She used to like, she would get drunk.
She does these characters.
She's one of the funniest people I know.
She's just, unreal.
She's so funny.
But she would come in.
We'd be drunk.
She'd be like, hi, everybody.
I got smearing off at the store, but I drank them all away.
And she'd just do this.
and then that became...
She impersonates my sister at parties?
That's pretty much.
That defends me.
So she would do this character.
I'm sorry, Paige.
I know Paige won't hear that.
Somebody would be like, oh, look at Meg over there.
Meg's doing it.
She's being hilarious.
She's like, I ain't Meg, honey.
I'm Big Meg, okay?
And then she just, so that's Big Meg was his character.
And then, how did Pig Meg get to be a thing?
We was eating bacon.
She was doing some other character or something, and that became Pig Meg and then Whig Meg.
Anyways, I just like, but when she, when her and Robbie moved in together, I decided.
I decided that she had grown up, so now I call her Piggothy.
That's her grown-up name, Piggothy.
Well, he was sprinting back and forth down the bar, just talking, telling stories, walking
back and forth and quote-unquote dancing, and she would follow him.
And then every time he would stump, she would pretend to hump him and then point at him and laugh.
And they were really something else in a good way at that point.
Fucking sounds like it.
Yeah, it was hitting that night.
And I think then, Russell, no, I ended up in bed at 4 a.m.
I don't know what time we left.
I was in bed around a similar time.
Do we go anywhere else that night?
No.
We can I tell the story what happened on the street?
I don't remember what happened on the street.
Well, I'm excited.
Oh, yeah, that's fine.
Yeah, I don't care.
So the next day, I don't remember what all happens.
But I remember at some point I caught up with Corey.
We're just here in just a minute.
We're wrapping up right now.
At some point, I caught up a Corey.
They're at a bar.
He, Paul, and Robbie are wearing matching Hawaiian shirts, like the tourist trap type.
Corey's and Robbie's say New Orleans on them.
They're hammered at like one.
Hammered.
I was fine because I'd taken like 90 milligrams Adderall, but yes, I was drunk.
I was also hammered.
I was fine, y'all.
Don't worry.
I'd taken like 90 milligrams Adderall.
I was also hammered because I had gone to drag brunch, which this place in there has brunch and a drag show.
and then Russell and I went to a private pool
that was attached to the restaurant that he's a member of.
He's like, man, I'm super embarrassed
I'm a member of this pool.
It's just more expensive to be a member
than the pay to come here all the time.
It's called Country Club, and he's like,
I hate these people, but I love it here.
That's so fucking fun.
Anyway, we were hanging out there.
We ended up getting drunk at brunch.
I'm going to catch up with you guys,
and this gentleman comes up
and offers to sell us cocaine.
Corey says okay, and he starts
to walk down the street.
Russell's like, that's a scam, dude.
These people, you know, they come down to-tour.
I was texting y'all halfway through and I was like, I'm getting scammed out of drugs,
but it was like terrifying.
So I was like, but I can't just go, hey, fuck you, dude.
So he takes off walking.
I think they're just walking down the street to like make the exchange somewhere else in case cops.
Wait, hold on.
Hold on one second.
What did you just say?
Yeah, you said, I text y'all said, I'm getting scammed out of drugs.
You knew it was all the time, but you said, but I couldn't just be like, hey, fuck you, dude.
Because we got so far down the street and it was him and this other dude.
And so when this other dude showed up and he was like, oh, this is my uncle Jerry.
I was like, no, this is the guy that if I try to fucking leave, y'all both beat the shit out of me is what this is.
And I haven't given no money yet.
I already know this.
And I'm just like, well, fuck, I'd rather give 80 bucks or whatever than my life.
So that's what I'm going to do.
So they're walking down the street.
God, I'm about to get so many comments on this.
Russell's like, you're trying to buy cocaine in New Orleans.
Russell's like, this is a scam, dude.
And I'm like, I'm like, well, he's like, well, why'd you?
And I'm like, because Corey needs to learn his goddamn less.
listen here and I say that and then I look up and y'all are gone and I'm like oh shit he didn't need to learn this lesson I sprint drunkling down the street to the corner where I lose him at I'm sitting there I'm like fuck I go back in there I'm like I gotta go look for him I explained to everybody the situation Robbie's like let's go Robbie I realize at this moment is as drunk as he was the day before yeah on the way down through there he's telling me again how much I must have been hitting on this bender I'm like Robbie Corey is disappeared
And he's like, well, let's just go looking for alleys.
And if we find anybody that's got cord, we'll beat the shit out of him.
And I'm like, I guess that is the plan, but I don't think you realize the gravity of it.
Like, he's gone.
He left with a dude who's supposed to selling drugs, and they have taken him inside somewhere.
At the very least, I'm afraid he's getting robbed right now.
And Robby's like, all right, man, let's find him.
Anyway, man, you like my shirt?
I feel like his shirt looks pretty good on me.
I'm just like, God, damn.
I don't know how long you were gone.
It was a good bit.
I call you.
Your phone goes straight to.
voicemail three times in a way. Now I'm legitimately scared. But all I can think is, well,
it's Corey. Like, of course he's going to get out of it. You know, there ain't no way there's
justice in the world. So there ain't no way he's going to die. Right. So I'm like getting nervous.
Then you answer a text and you say, as soon as I get back, we have to leave. Yeah. I don't know.
I didn't know the context of that. I just got everybody gathered together, closed out your credit card,
bought myself a drink on it. You were putting all that on the group text, by the way. So I'm not with
y'all but I'm seeing all that and when I saw the text that said as soon as I get back we have to leave I just said what have you all done what had what tell I just realized by the way I never heard the rest of the story we're walking down the street and as soon as like I noticed that his and I'm putting this in air quotes uncle Jerry is going with us I'm sitting there like oh god damn it this is what this is what this is oh by the way what you said to Russell Russell told Corey this is a scam and what Corey said was yeah one bag's fake one bag's real I'll get the real
that's usually how the scam works
so
right well anyways
the good thing about it is is the start of that scam
is that they give you a line of real drugs
and they always hit because that's how they lead you in
so I mean you know
it's still hit a little bit
I just wanted to do the free drugs
yeah of course so anyways we're getting down the road
and I realize like fuck this is a scam
but the reason there's two people here again
is if I try to bail one of them's gonna catch my ass
and anyways we get to this ATM
and I'm sitting there thinking
you know horse bank
yeah so my car never fucking works at ATMs
and I'm sitting there going oh my God
it's not going to work they're not going to believe me
I'm totally about to get stomped the fuck out
while we goddamn praise the fake lord
my ATM work so I gave the dude
fucking 80 bucks for a sack of drugs that I knew was bullshit
so he fucking hands it to me
did you do the real drugs line
I had already done them that's what got me to go down the street
he hit me with that and I'm
I'm going, here we go, you know, so I'm hitting.
And so anyways, I'm sitting there, and he gives me the drugs, and he goes,
all right, right, all, all, all.
And we keep walking down the street, and he goes, hey, man, you won't buy a little more?
And I'm like, no, if I wanted to do that, I would have fucking, he's like, all right, cool, man, whatever, whatever.
Yeah, yeah, well, I'll catch you later, whatever.
Well, he fucks off, this guy.
Well, as soon as that happened, Uncle Jerry, again, in quote marks, looks at me and goes,
motherfucker, was you not picking up on my goddamn signals?
And I was like, what?
And he goes, that ain't my goddamn nephew.
you? And I was like, oh, God. And I'm like, I'm sitting there going like, I didn't know how to say, I know.
You know what I mean? He goes, that wasn't my goddamn nephew. I was like, oh, word. And he goes, that motherfucker, I couldn't say shit. He had a gun on me the whole time. And I was like, word. And he's like, yeah, he goes, he goes, what you got? That's some bullshit, man. I'm like, word. So anyways, he's like, but I got the real shit.
Yeah. And he goes, but don't you worry. He goes, but don't you worry. He goes, you.
you go with me, I will get you the real shit.
And I said, you know what?
I can't get nothing until I go back and get with my boys.
And he's like, fair enough, I'll walk you back.
Which is when I sent you, Drew, the second we get back here, I've got to fucking go.
So I gathered everybody in a group out front.
I paid for Corey's tab on his card, signed his name, by myself a drink, so I was heading.
And you can take the go cups.
I gathered everybody out front.
We waited there on them.
We all walked together.
and then no one knew what was going on but me and Corey and Russell I think had a pretty good idea.
Actually, I know Russell did because he was the person to start talking to Uncle Jerry.
Russell starts talking to Uncle Jerry.
He knows him from Coke.
Well, he starts talking to Uncle Jerry and we're six deep down the sidewalk where's
in front, Uncle Jerry's in the back talking to Russell, and Corey runs away around the corner.
We stop on the corner, Uncle Jerry's like, where do you go?
And we're like, we don't know.
We're going this way.
You don't hit.
And we fuck off.
And I just texted him from a bar that.
I was inside that that day would never find me out.
Nice hits.
And we do is hit.
All right, well.
And that, I've got...
I've got...
There's still more New Orleans stories.
There is.
No, go ahead.
I mean, y'all can go ahead.
I have to go inside.
I got to pay.
I don't hit.
Okay, well, all right.
Excuse.
Yeah.
Thanks for listening.
See you next time.
Scoo!
I don't hit.
Thank you all for listening to the well-read show.
We'd love to stick around longer, but we got two.
go.
Tune in next week if you got nothing to do.
Thank you, God bless you.
Good night and skew.
