wellRED podcast - #65 - Our Better Halves (The wellRED Wives Take Over!)

Episode Date: May 2, 2018

You keep asking for them to come back, so here they are: Our wives!A 3 parter: 1.) Mr and Mrs. CHO 2.) Drew and Andi 3.) Trae and First Lady Katie Crowder Listen to them talk about how much we dont hit!wellredcomedy.com for our tickets and shitsmokeyboysgrilling.com for some DOPE ass meat rub!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. And it's called Rocket.

money. Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want any more, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create custom budgets based on past spending. Rocket money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features.

I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing. any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one I'd said it before, but I had a, I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like

the cue ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was that in response to? what was that a reply gift for just when I did something stupid something fat and stupid something both fat and stupid but anyway that was money well spent at first but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten if it wasn't for rocket money I never would have even figured it out so shout out to them they uh they help if you money dumb like me rocket money can help so cancel your unwanted subscriptions or reach your financial goals faster with rocket money go to rocket money.

dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the. What's up everybody? It's your boy the show. Wellred comedy.com. W-E-L-R-E-D.com. That's where you can find tickets to all our shows.

Our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto Dragon Dixie out of the dark. A whole bunch of merch. that we got and a list of our tour dates so you can come see us. Also subscribe to the newsletter on there while you're there because then you can get tickets or updates on tickets before anybody else does. That way you can grab them before they sell out, which thanks to you, they often do. Skew. This week, well, first off, as always, this portion of the podcast brought to you by Palmer, quit

jumping. He always does this. He always jumps around when I'm doing this shit. You hear him every time. Do you hear him when he does that? You have multiple times. You can hear Amber in the background. That's my fiancé.

Just take that goddamn collar out. Yeah, just take the fucking collar off of them. This portion of the podcast that they're going to love to listen to is brought to you by Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Go to Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Grab some hog rub. Grab some beef rub. And send the guy some love. Tell them what's up.

I'm actually right now, I'm in the middle of like a broth juice type cleanse. And I've been putting the Smokey Boys hog dust in my chicken bone broth. and it is fucking flames. So go to Smokey Boysgrilling.com, grab some of that, and tell him he said hello. This Sunday, May 6th at JJ's Bohemia in Chattanooga, Tennessee, our boy, DJ Lewis, aka Skinny Bumpkin,

is having his album release party, and it's going to be hosted by none other than your boy the show and the sexy, sexy Drew Morgan. So come out, JJ's Bohemia this Sunday, May 6th. Here our boy, rap. Here's some other great rappers and some comedians, and give us high-fives and buy DJ's album. Love y'all.

This week's podcast is a three-parter that features each of us individually with our better halves. So you got Trey and Katie, Drew and Andy, and me, me and Mrs. Mrs. Cho, me and Amber are sitting on the couch and talking about some bullshit. So for those of you that keep requesting that we have our wives on here more, we did it. We got all three of them this week, so enjoy. And we'll start off with me and Amber. Hope you like it. We love you.

Skew. Well, well, well. We're not hitting. No. I don't like doing this. I know you don't like doing this. I don't like going to funerals, but I had to. You got to do it.

It's just some shit you got to do to support your loving man. But I also had like a glass of wine before I did it. Go have a glass of wine. Will that make this easier? Yeah. We'll go have one. There might be some on the counter by the fridge. Well, Redders, we'll be right back after Amber has a goddamn glass of wine so that she can function.

Well, well, well, red. You feeling better now? A little bit. You feel like you can handle this? Yeah. You see what shirt? Did you see what shirt I'm wearing? Yeah, I see that.

Jason. No, you weren't. Jason Nisible's concert. No, I wasn't. This is the special Tivoli edition, which I wasn't there. I didn't see that one. Yeah, and of course, you didn't get me a shirt. I got two shirts.

I know, for yourself. Well, one can be for you. No, it can't. We don't wear the same goddamn size. I mean, I got a larger size. I'm just saying, first off, it was not purchased for me. But luckily, me and Jason Isbel, this is a humble brag, have the same merch guy.

So our friend Chip at Port Murch, if any of you guys are interested out there, and getting merchandise. Go to Port Murch there in Raleigh. It's fantastic. He sent me this, and it actually got here before the concert even was, on account I hit so hard. But you went to the concert,

and you apparently just had the time of your goddamn life, didn't you? Yeah, we pretend like it was the first concert we've ever been to. I'm joined here also by my good buddy. This is, everybody knows Amber. This is my fiancé. By the next time you're on the podcast, you will be my wife. Wife. We're close.

But I'm also here with one of my best good buddies, Patrick Motos, Patrick, say hello. I've actually already heard this story, but I'd like you to tell Patrick the story of what you and AJ had done at the Jason Nisible concert. I've heard bits and pieces while I wasn't there and while you weren't buying me shit, which I'm still not over, by the way. And he won't be over for a long time. I won't, of course I won't be. He will always give me shit about that. Always. Part of marriage, you can just throw shit back from the past.

You know you have to be talking into the microphone. for that to work. Thank you. Okay, so we decided to... You too, Amber. I don't always do that. Don't. You and Trey.

I can't help it. It's just I move my hands a lot when I talk. I know. You can move your hands, but you also have to move your head with it. Yeah, but I don't usually move my head when I'm moving my hands. So anyways, we were going to this concert. We hadn't been to a concert in a while, especially Jason. So we went a little wild with our drinks, started drinking vodka like I was 18 years old again.

I never asked you this, but you said you're drinking vodka. What do you mean you were drinking vodka? Like you were just taking shots of vodka? No, we actually got vodka drinks, but they had cranberry maybe in them? Maybe. Maybe. Was it pink? It was pink.

Okay. That's why I assume it was cranberry. I don't remember. So we were chugging them down. and concert was going very well until about the end of it, and I don't even remember leaving the place. And for some reason, me and my closest friend decided we wanted to continue to go drinking. You're not going to say her name?

Are you, like, trying to protect her identity? Because fuck her. It was AJ McCrane, the piece of shit. Amanda Jane McRane. If we should specifically call. Yeah, if you want to find her on LinkedIn and fucking talk about how shitty she is, is the better business bureau. She decided that we should still.

go get some more drinks. But if there's anything you know about us, it's, we're way past our prime of being able to stay out any later than our designated time. So we get to the bar and I just immediately pass out on the table. Bar Naps. Order shots for everyone. Pass out on the table and remember nothing about it. And have no idea how we got home, left my rain jacket that Corey and I had just,

bought the other day. Oh, did we buy it together? I didn't remember us pulling our goddamn money. It was us that bought it. That's crazy. I chose it. I didn't know that.

Did you also help me buy all the shirts that were there that day? Was this just me? I don't remember. I have told all them for you. You did. So it was a good idea. You helped pick them out.

So anyways, I just thought it was a good idea to leave the jacket on a statue that, you know, this drunk girl was completely not. Put the microphone to your goddamn mouth. Was not going. I don't know.

Okay. So we get home, I have no idea. So far, let's recap. She's gone to a concert, not bought me a shirt, and then left a jacket that I bought for her at a goddamn bar on a statue. Go on. So, initially, I had started at AJ's home, which meant I was going to end up at AJ's home because my car was there. Well, we wake up the next morning in a panic. AJ's panicking running around the room.

And I'm rolling over trying to figure out why I'm in my bed that has no sheets on it because I had washed them in the night before but knew I wasn't going to be sleeping in my bed. So they never got to put back on my bed. So there were no sheets. I was just on a mattress. And AJ's freaking out trying to clean something up over on the side of the bed. And then all of a sudden I get a whiff of throw-up smell. and there's throw-up just all over the mattress.

Like, she didn't even lean up. My side. My side. She didn't even lean up and, like, throw up on the ground. She literally just threw up on the mattress. She puked where I sleep once every six months. Yeah. So.

And just chaos continued with that. Throw-up was everywhere all over the decorative pillows, all over the sheets that were laying on the floor. What color was in the moment? it pink. Even. It was like an orangey, like your orange shirt. She's leaving out a huge, huge detail of this.

Yeah, it's on the decorative pillows. Yeah, it's on the goddamn sheets. Yeah, it's on the floor. I get home several days later. Several days later. Several days later. And Amber's laid up in bed still from this experience. Like, this is how bad it was.

Yeah. Still hungover. Three-day hangover. And so I'm leaving her. I go in there and I ask her. I'm like, you know, the usual, do you need me to go get you some medicine? Do you need any soup? I'll take care of you.

Still just laying on the bed with no sheets. It's fine that you didn't buy me a shirt. I'll still take care of you because that's the part of the relationship that I deal with, which is all of it. I'm a giver. You're the taker. It's okay. I love you. You're so gorgeous.

This is just how it's going to be. You know, that whole thing that I always say. All the time. Every time. So I go in there. I give her that whole spiel. And then I'm like, no, I'm fine, babe. It's okay.

You ain't got to worry about it. I was like, okay, well, I'm going to go in here and make something. I go outside on the porch to smoke a cigarette, and sitting there is not both of them, which would have still kind of been like, what the fuck, but I'd been like, well, at least they're together. One, my right shoe of my Jordan lime green Gatorade, my favorite shoes in the goddamn world.

One of them is just sitting on the porch, and I'm like, what in the fuck? Why would this be? So I was racking my brain. I'm like, I know I didn't do it. And it naturally storms in to the bedroom. First off. You did storm into the bedroom.

But I didn't say. But what I said was, hey, first off, I don't care. Did I not? I said, I don't care. I'm just curious. I'm racking. I didn't storm in. I kind of came in like Kramer.

But I didn't bust in like, God damn it. No, you weren't like being hostile with me. You were just like, what the hell did you do my shoes? Well, no, I didn't say what the hell did you do? I just said, I've been racking my brain. And I know for a fact, I didn't do it. I just know that for a fact, because I haven't been drunk in a while, and that was the actions of a fucking madman. I said, why is only one of my shoes outside?

And you're like, I don't, babe, you got me. I really have no idea. And then, as I said that, I got a whiff of the shoe, and I looked over to the side of the bed, and there was my other shoe. A.J. Sherbert. A.J. Amanda Jane McRane puked. on my favorite pair of goddamn shoes.

And her solution was, I'll put one of them outside. That's what happens when you wake up still drunk and you're trying to clean up throw up. Yeah. So just so we can recap here, they went to a Jason Isible concert where I did not receive a souvenir at all. Then they went to a bar where Amber left a jacket that I purchased for her on a statue. Then they came home and puked on my favorite goddamn shoes. and I would also like to point out that since then, I have received not blowjob number motherfucking one.

I did get my jacket back, though. Right, but... But the belt part was missing. Yeah. But I try to order a new one off of Amazon. On my credit card. Well, I mean, if it's connected to your... Yes, it is connected to Amazon.

God damn it, I just keep getting shit on from this concert. Oh, yeah. It was the gift that has just kept on giving for the past week or so. Jesus Christ. So are your shoes clean now? I mean, I clean them off as good as I can, and I, they're down there. And I think they're fine. I'm going to get some deodorizers.

And luckily, you know, you boy, I've got an identical pair of those. But those are the ones I wear in the streets. I don't want to have to pull those back out. The sheets are still not on the bed, and there's still a slight smell of throw up. I've tried literally everything possible. Patrick even brought me some baking soda the other day. Can't, can you point with the hand that ain't the goddamn microphone? Okay.

Or just don't point. It's so hard when you say your whole life using your hands. I use my hands all the time too. Also, I use a microphone all the time. Fair enough. You're getting married next week, and y'all need to get this shit together. Not next week. We've got a month.

Yeah, we're still figuring it out. I don't know if this is going to happen or not. But at least we're open about we openly fight. Think about those marriages that don't last because those people don't argue. Patrick's got the microphone at his ankle just trying to talk. Like, this is so... Very, uh... I'm very...

Okay, guys, I'm very aware that, like, this is what I do and y'all don't do this. But don't you have kind of at least a slight concept of how the fucking microphone works? I mean, I get how it works, but it's trying to break a habit

that you fit your entire life. Yours is not as bad as him. He literally is just... It's on his foot. Like, he's holding it. Like, he thinks that's gonna be it. I feel like that's very much the sway, like, just like the...

Yeah, that is how he is. He's a sway, and he's just like, man, whatever, dude. If they hear it, they hear it, man. Maybe they don't have to hear it, dude. You know, if it picks up through the vibrations it was meant to be, but if not, then I guess we'll just go on to another subject. Brother, chill, I don't got down. Badger in a nutshell.

So we are, so we are getting married. You got throw up on my favorite shoes. And now Corey's verbally shitting on that. Yeah, I'm sorry. I have been a huge dick head right now. I feel like we want to talk about... I bought some new shoes this week, though. I know.

I know. I know. How many did you get this weekend? I bought five pairs this week. Five pairs. But he's mad I bought a belt for a jacket. Yeah, because I didn't... First off, I'm not mad that you got a belt for the jacket.

It was Raven. Yeah, it was Raven. And secondly, think about the two things that you just said. What would one of those have to do with the other? I bought five pairs of shoes, but I'm mad at you for buying a belt. I'm not mad at you for buying a belt. I'm mad at you for losing a goddamn belt. And I'm not even mad at you for doing that.

It's just so goddamn raven. It's just very typical. But either in both of those situations, my money was being used to buy the belt too. So again, what you're saying is a logical fallacy. I can buy all the goddamn shoes I want because I don't leave them at a fucking barn and puke on them.

Hey, you know the reason I didn't take my purse that night is because I was afraid I would lose it. And so I tried to not have anything on me as possible. So I wouldn't lose it. How did you have your money? Yeah, AJ just had it in her Because most of the time when we go out and you're like Oh my God, I forgot my purse

You also don't have to wallet It charged me $85 The bar charged me $85 and there's no way I spent $85 because I was passed out on the counter. Okay, another thing. I think it's just a convenient I had to carry me out to the car. But, okay, I don't believe that you spent $85

either, but let's backtrack a minute. What you just said was there's no way I could have spent $85, I was blackout drunk and passed out on the goddamn counter. Don't you think that maybe right before you got blackout and passed out on the counter, you may have just been like, shots for everybody and then fucking hit. Because like you can't, the excuse that couldn't have been me, I was blackout drunk, that's never going to hold up.

And usually it's like I spent $85 what happened. Oh, I was blackout drunk. Yeah, but I was passed out was my argument. I know. But I'm saying like you had to get there. to pass out. And I don't think you remember passing out. Like the thing about passing out is you don't remember passing out.

You just pass out. Yeah. Just $35. And it initially started at $60. And then two days later, all of a sudden it said $85. You know why that was? Did you leave your card there? No, I have my card.

Oh, well, did you walk out on the tab on accident? Is that $15. No, because Rachel signed it for me. Oh, then never mind. I don't know what that would be. Yeah. $15. Well, that was Hair of the dog.

I think it was an inconvenience fee because the guy had to carry me out of it. You know what? then that's the fucking, that's the cheapest. He should have charged you $100. I can't really call and be mad. Hair the dog's my favorite bar in Chattanooga. So literally, if they had just taken you out and sat you on the road on Market Street, I would still find that fine.

Yeah, I mean, at least they didn't actually kick me out. Yeah. Then, of course, you would have gone. Normally, if you start falling asleep, they have to kick you out. They would have taken you out. You would have got drunk in public. Then I would have had to bail you out. Still not got a T-shirt, got the coat stole, got my fucking cheese peaked on.

I'm really just trying my best to make this all about me. Yeah, I see that. You think I'd try to make it all about me. You... But here than we are, you did the same thing. I know, but... shitty things did happen to me, and anything shitty that happened to you

was your fault. It was definitely my fault. The only thing that was my fault was leaving my shoes next to my bed and assuming that fucking AJ wouldn't puke on them. I'll never make that mistake again in my goddamn life. We weren't supposed to come here. Let me tell you something about Amanda Jane McCrane.

She will puke and shit on your life. but no, I bought five pairs of shoes, but because of the employed discount, it's technically like I bought 2.5 pairs of shoes. So I don't think that's that bad. Also, one of them was a pair of running shoes that I desperately need, you know, to wear and be like, I swear I'm going to run. Yeah, these are the lunar line ones. Are those the running ones?

They're the running ones. They're really like. Not much running going on. No. Yeah, we were supposed to run today. Well, God damn it. You know, some shitty things. We made plans and everything.

Okay, but, you know, sometimes you have to go to a lot. a fucking funeral home. It's shitty, but you do. So, that was sad. We're going to go tomorrow. Running? After I get back from golf. I'm playing golf at four.

Oh. And I'll be back. You might want to go running without me. Yeah. I'm going to go before that. We got to get wedding ready. Yeah, no, we do. I got to lose 30 pounds and 30 days.

Pound a day. I think we can do it. Yeah, and I'm in such good shape. Here's how good a shape I am. Tell Patrick what I did yesterday, trying to walk into the goddamn living room. Nothing in my hand, not texting, nothing. So we have all these gates because our dog likes to just pee.

He gets nervous and he has bad anxiety and he pees on things. So we have a gate, like a long gate set up. It looks kind of like a fence. Well, a lot of times we kind of trip over it and we're trying to step over it. That's a pretty common thing. Well, I'm like laying on the couch and Corey was going to use the restaurant. room or something. He comes walking back in and like

rapes the fence, like, and literally bust his face on the couch and on the hardwood floor. It breaks the whole, like, section of like, little columns that are in the gate. I've stuck my toe on it before, but like,

buddy, I just went through this motherfucker. Like, curb stop, like, put it through the holes. You won't be able to tell on the podcast, but, like, you can see where the couch is, the end of the couch Patrick to that thing. What do you say that is about, I don't know, five feet? Five feet.

I hit my motherfucking ribs on the edge of that couch. I tripped over it, fell five feet forward, and hit my ribs on the edge of that couch, dude. Yeah, it was a disaster. And then, like, I just looked. Amber was laying on the couch, and I just looked up in, like, she wasn't even laughing at the moment. She was just, like, looking at me like, Jesus Christ. I was actually going to laugh.

And then I was really concerned. He had actually really hurt himself. Yeah, and then I just looked up at it. I didn't want him to get. I finally caught my breath from hitting my ribs on the couch. And I was just like, I don't hit. And she just started dying laughing. She's like, Jesus fucking Christ.

Can you not even fucking walk? I was like, I guess not. And then naturally I got up off the couch so I could come and record. Yeah, she took a picture of the. Created. And it was the thing he just stripped over. He literally like broke the whatever. Yeah, he went through it.

Dude, I went through that motherfucker. I mean, I'm a big boy. And it's like, wooden. Like, it's like, There's chunks of wood all over the floor. Still is, yeah. So, yeah, it was a pretty sweet fall. So what'd you do while we were, I was in Portland and Amber and her friend were puking on my goddamn shoes, Patrick?

You came to get a shirt. No, yeah, you. Didn't take bar naps. Well, it's been a pleasure having you on the podcast, Patrick. We've really enjoyed you being here. For somebody who never shuts the hell up. Ever. Always has something to say.

I got to say, like, it really is bizarre to me because, like, I, okay, I don't know how to phrase this, except for that. I'm aware that what I do is odd. Like, I don't have a normal job. I get that. And I'm aware that most people don't care to talk in front of other people. But I didn't really, I've always kind of taken for granted how much that fucking is. Because, like, me, publics, dude, fuck it. I don't give a shit.

Oh, God. My biggest fear is public speaking. I know, but, like, a year and a half ago, this wasn't even a set. Somebody asked me to just come talk to their middle school class. And I thought they wanted me to do, like, a little set or something or, like, do 10 minutes. I get in there, and it was one of them, it was like a block. It was one of them hour and a half classes. And the guy was like, so what do you want me to do?

And the guy's like, it's your class, man. I'm like, how long do you want me to talk? He's like, I figured you'd talk for the whole hour and a half. And I was like, are you fucked? Okay. And I just did it. I just taught his goddamn class. I would probably throw up on this spot

if somebody asked me. Luckily, it was a debate, like it was a current issues class that they did debates and shit in. Yeah. So I had a lot of fun with it because what I did was I got students up and I came out the gate doing this.

I said, all right, what was it? I said, raise your hand. Oh, yeah, and the teacher didn't give a fuck. I said, raise your hand if you're pro-life. And there's a shit ton of people around here, and I said, all right, raise your hand if you're pro choice. and like this one girl

it wasn't this one girl it was a couple but like I picked out the most this girl looks like somebody had hanging out with the chick no it was high school wasn't middle school because I know that because one of the dudes played on that was on the football team so this old boy as we call him this old boy gets up in Camo he's fucking pro-life

and then she's pro-choice and I said all right you dude you're in this debate you're pro choice and I took to her and I said you're pro-life and he's like well I don't fuck that man I'm I approached or I said in this debate you are you've got a debate for that side and so they went back and they thought of their notes or whatever and they came back and did it and they learned some shit there was some shit they were debating on. Like that just came off the top of your like I just I had an hour and a half to fill and I was like that well this will probably cure a lot of it.

Like just having to jump in there and then I did the same thing with a gun control and I did the same thing with marijuana and I made people debate against their side. and again, by the end of it, they were making, because they wanted to win so bad, they were making up really good points against what they normally believe, and it was fucking hilarious. I said all that to say this,

neither one of y'all have had a good time on this goddamn podcast. When you tell me I have to do this, I immediately get sick to my stomach. I know, and that's fucking crazy. You're not, do you not get sick in front of your students? They're eight years old. Okay, well, you're just talking to me and Patrick,

Who is eight years old? Okay. But it's just, I guess it's like the more you do, the more you get comfortable. And you're used to doing this all the time. No, I know. But like you're talking to, what I'm saying is you go up and talk to kids. You're talking to nobody now. Trust me.

Nobody. Nobody. Nobody listens to this goddamn podcast. Nobody. Well, somebody is. And they love you. They love you so much. And they're going to be, you know what I'm going to get? You know what all the comments I'm going to get this week are from this podcast?

You know, Corey. chow, thuggish ruggish chow, whatever they decide to call me, you fat, baldheaded fuck, whatever they decided to call me this week. You know what? What's that? Why'd you make her do this? No, not why'd you make her do this. You let her spend whatever amount of money she wants, which, by the way, please tell them I do.

And I'm not bitchy. Yeah, you just like to give me shit every time. I'm just giving you shit right now because I thought it would be interesting podcast fodder. Normally, you're just like. Well, no, it was funny because it's like anytime I get something for free, or a situation like that, like where I didn't have to spend my money on it, I somehow always fuck it up. The jacket? I either lose it or get like a holding it or burn it.

That's very clear why. If you don't spend your money on something, you don't give a fuck about it. Yeah, I mean, it's very clear why. I'm just saying everything I've ever gotten. Like the times when I've gone to Target and they've accidentally only charged me for one shirt, but I actually got two shirts, something happens to that shirt. Like, it gets a hole in it or something shit. Well, that makes me really, I've been nervous about it. the wedding ring situation

because I watch you with it on and sometimes we'll be hanging out of the house and we'll both be drinking wine and shit like that and we'll pass out and you'll just be laid out and there's the ring just dangling off your when I come home that's why I'm like put it up I know but every time I see that you don't have it on I'm like she swallowed it

she swallowed it right because you ain't get it another one I will say though I'm like a freak about that yort it's pretty what is pretty and it means lot. I bought a fucking car instead if you lose it.

Don't hit me. I'm just saying you don't get another one. I bought you. It's a really nice one. That's why there's insurance. Did you get insurance on it? Yeah.

There's state form. Is it under your name? Yeah. It's just connected to like my insurance. I see what. I see what this going to happen here. She's going to lose the goddamn ring. She's going to get the motherfucking money.

And then she's going to buy herself something. She's like, oh, look what I got. What happened? Oh, while you were gone, I got drunk. I got drunk and swallowed the ring. And so I. I went and just got all the money. I mean, you'd believe it.

And I bought all these Jason Isbel shirts that you can't have. I mean, I'd only buy things you couldn't have. I know, baby. Well, I love you. And I love you, Patrick. And we've got to go pick Chris up at the airport. So, all right. Well, redders, love you.

And also come out, if I hadn't mentioned it on the previous, the intro portion. This Sunday, JJ's Bohemia, the skinny bumpkin release party hosted by none of rather than your boy, the show, and Drew Morgan with a whole, you want to come, Patrick? Yeah. Yeah, come hang out. And a whole gaggle of comedians. It's going to be a great time. So come see us, JJ's Bohemia, Sunday, May 6th.

Love you, skew. And now for the Drew and Andy portion of the podcast. Are you going to lean in like that the whole time? This is a test. Yeah, but you're going to want to talk back there. Yeah. Say this is a test again. This is a test.

This is also a test. Test, test, test, test. Test, test, test, test, two, one, two. What are you pointing at? We're recording. I know we're recording. We're already fighting, everybody. What do you mean?

Is it on echo? I thought this might be turned onto the echo sound. That's why I asked you that question. Anyway. We're using our new, hey, everybody. It's Drew. And Andy. Hi.

Andy Maria Morgan. Maro. That's what we talked about last time you were on the podcast. How are you doing today? I'm kind of tired. You drove all the way to Atlanta. Yeah. For an audition.

A 10-minute audition. Yeah, but I mean, you know. I drove three and a half hours there, went into an audition for 10 minutes, and then turned right around and drove three and a half hours back. That's just how long auditions last. seven hours. We moved to Atlanta. No, thank you.

Can't move to Atlanta now. We just bought a house. Yeah. Are you excited? Mm-hmm. So that's a story that we should tell. I've already told you the story, and you went and saw it, but I'll retell it to you, and you can react. So Andy and I just bought a house, and we just closed on it about a month ago, and my dad and I have been remodeling it.

And I hope to tell you guys some more stories about me and the old man. But today, we were there remodeling the house, and we were standing outside because the phone company pulled up to work on a power pole. I don't know what they were doing. One of the dudes wasn't doing anything. He said, can I come smoke in your yard? Me and him were sitting there. He was smoking the yard. We were shooting the shit.

I was asking him about the tree that we have in our front yard that's kind of growing into the power lines and phone lines. and who would take care of that. And he was telling me who to call. As we're sitting there talking, the trash man comes by, goes around the parked bucket truck from the phone company. So he has to go way around it into the left lane. His truck gets tangled in the cable and phone wire, rips it down.

It's attached to our Eve and overhang. it rips the eve off our house, like the wood. Like the cable was attached so soundly that a board, like treated lumber from a home, ripped into. I heard a pop. We were just talking about the wires. I literally thought I was dying. Like I took off running and I thought, because I heard a wire pop,

I thought the electrical wire. I was falling down. It hit that dude. I was not going to have seen that. It hit that dude. And I thought it landed on him? It was going to die.

Yeah. Lord. The Eve fell on my dad's truck, scratch it to bits. So I'm like, runaway. We figured out the dump truck

driver, the garbage man, didn't know. I had to go get in front of his truck and make him get out to explain him what he had done. Was he like, oh, well, No, I mean, he was like, oh, man, I'll call it in the dispatch.

But he didn't, I don't think, and I'll tell you why in just a moment. AT&T guy is sitting there and talking about how he got hit in the head by something. Like he's mad, he's going to sue too, you know what I mean? And he gave me his name and his phone number, and he was like, I'll help you be a witness. And that was going really well. He was being really nice until I called the waste management company, and that's why I don't think dude called it in the dispatch. because they didn't know about it.

I called him and I'm like, y'all need to send somebody out here. And he's like, that's on AT&T. They're supposed to have 14 foot of clearance and there's no way they would have or our truck would have fit under it. Now AT&T was already there. I'm furious. So I was like, well, look, buddy, I don't know who it's on, but you can't know that until you send someone out here.

And I said, I'm a lawyer. I'm not going to let this go. And he hung up on me. You love pulling that lawyer card. No, I don't. That is not true. I hate that. I hate any time I have to be talking about that.

That's true. Well, so he hung up on me. Yeah, a guy with a head injury. So then the guy with a head injury, I tell him what that guy said. And I'm like, so 18 and he's going to have to get sued too. But what I said was they're going to end up suing y'all. Well, then they left. Everybody just left.

Literally everybody. But I have pictures of the truck and the number. And look. I was a criminal lawyer. If anybody out there listening wants to help me and go ahead. But I'm going to probably turn it into the insurance. We have owned the house, 29 days. We already have a homeowner's insurance claim.

If we're going to send something out, they're going to be like, this is fraud. You guys are working on it. You screwed it up. We're already filing our first insurance claim. We haven't even owned the house and what? We don't even live in it. This is like the first of many, I feel like, South Knoxville experiences we're going to have. Do you like South Knoxville?

I love it. It's so. weird and what do you mean it's like kind of city because you know it's right across the water from downtown so it's got that aspect to it but it's still really got a country feel and it's really redneck where we are it is it is like different types of rednecks than where we grew up right south knoxville redneck yeah we should tell them about the guy with the privacy fence. Tell them.

There's this guy in our neighborhood that, uh, so our neighborhood is really weird. There's a lot of like, I don't know, how do you explain it? There's just, like, there's some houses that are really well put together and they have, like, nice lawns. There's a lot of lower middle class and middle class folks mixed in with a lot of working class folks, mixed in with a few white trash folks. Okay, I guess I was going to explain it in, like, aesthetics, but that's probably a fine enough.

Well, imagine the aesthetics of the group of people that I highlighted. So there's somebody, it's an old enough and small, and what am I trying to say? The houses there are small enough and the neighborhood's old enough without any like new construction that there's a lot of different classes from middle class down. Right. And there are houses often you can tell which class they are. Well, yeah, it's kind of anywhere, right? Sure.

Well, but I mean, like, everybody there is kind of quirky. Okay, I don't know how you would know that already, but go on. I can just tell from, I mean, we're quirky too. I'm not saying it in a bad way, but I can just, when I drive around, I'm like, look old Tammy over here with like, sure. Well, so the guy with the privacy fence, he's my favorite example, because he's built this like, I don't know if you've seen it because he has this huge privacy fence, but he has this tiny, tiny house.

Like, it's newer. Like, it's a little new house that he's built, but it's genuinely a tiny house. And he has his huge backyard. And above, at the back end of the yard, he has this above ground pool that he's built this huge deck on. Like the deck. Oh, the deck is bigger than the house.

Yeah. And he has his huge privacy fence. And on the outside of the privacy fence, He has spray painted the word nosy in a huge letter. And he is not a graffiti artist. It's not uniform. I think everybody's going to hear Mick. Mick Eaton. Ew.

Mr. Butt. You just farted onto the mic. That's how you do it. By the way, we don't have, we're recording this on my mic, on my Yeti mic, so we don't have the fart mic. We have to get, like, a fart cover for this one. Also, you went, ew, you fired it into the mic. You're projecting because you want this mic to pick up your voice, and you're doing your audition accent. No, I'm not.

You just went, ew, you farted on the mic. I noticed it from the beginning. It's weird to talk into a microphone. Well, don't. Just talk to me. I can pick you up. I know, it's right there. Well, it's fine.

Either way, it's fine. It's fine to project. It's fine to do your actor voice. I've just noticed it's strong. I'm code switching with a microphone. Yeah, that's literally what it is. The mic has you code switching. That's okay.

That's funny. Then we got Larry. Larry and Geraldine. Larry and Geraldine. Larry and Geraldine is my grandma's name. It was her middle name, but she went by it. It was Ruby Geraldine, but she went by Geraldine. They've been good neighbors so far.

I think he's a drummer. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, he is old and white. His name's Larry. Yeah. What was I thinking? But he's been real nice. I bought his ladder a few times.

He mows our yard. Well, his son is now mows our yard, and I pay him. He mowed a piece of our yard, so his grandkids couldn't get bit by snakes. That's what he told me. It was 50 degrees outside. The snakes were not yowal, but anyway. Definitely a train. And I've never seen his grandkids.

I feel like they come once a month. But, yeah, whatever. Then we got Linda and Rick cross street. I love them. They're my favorite already. Tell what Linda did. So I took my friend Rachel to see our house and I was telling her about all of our neighbors, the different assortment of personalities. And as we pull up, I'm like, oh, Linda lives over here.

She's really nice. She came over and said hi the other day. And as we're getting out of the cart, Linda's on the porch. And she goes, hey! And she holds up this little chihuahua wearing a little sweater. And she goes, this my little boy. lock box. And then she, like, made his little hand wave at me.

And Rachel, my, Rachel was like, oh, Linda's pretty cool. Linda has blue hair on the end. Now she has blue hair. Yeah, it's not all blue, but it's blue at the end. And her husband's name's Rick. Didn't meet him today. I waved at him from the porch. And she said, that's Rick.

He likes to have his beer after work. And that was all she said about it. And that cracked me up. So they remind me of all my aunts and on them. And then about what they said about the garbage truck guy that hit the. Oh, yeah. Linda saw it. So we had to relive it.

Because Linda stayed on the porch. Right. So we had to relive it for Rick. She was like, I told them what happened. Them idiots. They're all idiots. Rick just goes, man, they're idiots. Then next door to us is Roe.

Have you met Roe yet? Uh-uh. Roe is a jacked, like very jacked black man with gold teeth and dreadlocks. And it's so funny to me that he lives across the street from Linda and Rick. And Geraldine and Jerry. Yeah. Well, he didn't live like Larry. Larry.

Oh, whoops. Roe gets his kids off the bus most days, and I talk to him. And he's who told me to call 311 today because he was like, just complained to him. and they'll send somebody by it because even though because the freaking garbage people, they're contractors. They don't work for the city, but the city will still,

I don't know. Right. Who cares? That's boring. It's boring that our house got ripped into the shreds. What do you think of the house so far? You into the stuff me and my dad have done? Mm-hmm.

Me and Doug? Yeah. It's a cute little house. You got the new counters we put in? Yeah, they're beautiful. Dad cut the holes wrong for the sink, so we had to fill it in with putty.

That was adorable. I felt bad for him. He was so mad at himself. And it was like barely, just barely off. I bet he was so frustrated. Yeah, he was very frustrated. And then his truck got a piece of house dropped onto it. I know.

Your dad also had a bad day. He did. Did he cuss at all today? No. I mean, he doesn't really cuss hardly ever. I know. That's why I was asking. He said that he had made something bass backwards, but he says that in front of the kids.

I don't think he considers that a cuss word. I was just listening to that George Carlin bit today about the word shit. And he was saying that everybody, even like people who never cuss, they always say shit when, like, they drop like a lasagna in the kitchen. It's so true. That's a shit. Shit. That was Geraldine's favorite word.

That was my mom's favorite word. She. I miss your mama. I miss her, too. She was the best. She loved you. I loved her. Yeah, you're a lot like her in some ways.

She was so funny. Like when you try to fight large men, literally try to fight them. That's one way. I think I've talked about that on here before, but hey, let's get into it. Andy has on more than one occasion responded physically to either insults or physical assault in a bar to grown large men. Yeah. And it's something that... I see red.

Yeah, you get red when you see red. Yeah. Well, it's something that I've worried about, because on the one hand, I can't imagine what it's like for someone to just like reach up under your butt and grab it and rub on you and then run away like a coward. Mm-hmm. And then the other hand, I'm like, yeah, but if you chase them, you might get your jaw broken. Yeah, but I'm not thinking that in that moment. Of course not. I'm just mad and I want to murder them.

So one time she grabbed. A dude, he probably weighed 220, 2.30. Mm-hmm. He was really, really in shape. And you threw him over a table. I pushed him backwards and he fell over a table. And then he got up. He was really embarrassed and mad.

He got up and he shoved me. Mm-hmm. And I went flying back. And then... And that's when I saw you, which, by the way, everybody, I was right beside her. She didn't tap me. She didn't breathe on me. She didn't say my name.

We were at a concert. I was facing towards the band. I looked to my left and you were gone. And I thought, oh, she went to pee or whatever. Yeah. He grabbed my ass so hard. Like, full handful, just, like, squeezed really hard. That's so gross.

I've never been that mad in my life. And so then I, and, you know, look, I'm fortunate that, you know, that's, it's still terrible, but that's one of the, luckily that that's one of the worst things that's happened to me as far as that goes. but, you know, I was so angry, and so I didn't think about anything. I just went after him. If you had had something, like, in your hand, like a bottle, would you have hit him? Yeah, absolutely. I kind of wish I did have a bottle in my hand. Fuck that guy.

Yeah, I think of it. I still get mad when I think of it. He, like, smirked at me. That's why I pushed him, because I was like... You were cussing him out. I was like, you can't fucking touch me. You can't grab something. somebody and he was like in front of his friend and he just kept smirking he was like what

you're talking about a little fucking smirk on oh want to break his face so he was denying it technically but he like had a smirk on his face so he was denying it but like not really I don't know right you don't be smirking like no no I mean I think it's like if someone comes in you was like don't fucking do that yeah he'd have been like what are you talking about yeah he definitely I mean it was definitely him like he like I swung around As soon as I told it. Maybe it was his friend. I could see maybe someone smirking about that, maybe.

But still, if your friend does that and your response is to like, you know, who we do is, you know, you deserve to be pushed over a table. Mm-hmm. Well, then he pushed me down. And then I... You felt so hard. I was like a screaming banshee. And that's when I noticed what was going on.

I started screaming at the top of my lungs. I will fucking kill you. I will fucking kill you. And then I heard... I was like, I was like, I was going on. on my way over there. The bouncers beat me. They had him. They swooped in real fast. And you.

And I was walking up trying to figure what happened. And then I heard a very young kid say, and this is funny because it's like a moment of us being at a concert. And we were younger. This was a few years ago. But this like 18-year-old kid goes, he pushed that lady down. And so then I saw it red. But then I saw the dude. And I was like, oh, my God, he's so big. And I just started walking towards him. And I've admitted this before.

Like I was like, if I get to this guy, I'm hitting them in the face. But please God, someone grabbed me first. And some bouncer, like, I guess saw the look in my eye and grabbed me and was like, don't do it, buddy. Those bouncer really did their job that night. They were like there immediately. Well, and again, I'm really thankful that he recognized that I was not a bystander and that I was about to get involved because I was.

but I was very nervous. I was like, I'm going to die, but I'm going to hit him in the face. Yeah. For the best that it didn't escalate further. And then that cop was such a dick to me, remember? Yep. That fucking cop was like, so what do you want to do? Press charges.

I was like, he just fucking sexually assaulted me, dude. Why are you talking to me like that? And he was like, so you do, you do then. And I'm like, what? what the fuck? Why do I feel like I did something wrong? Yeah, because he didn't want to fill out any paperwork. And I didn't end up pressing any churches. Well, and I'll own up to the fact that I told you, you know, I didn't think you would,

like I didn't think you would feel like you should have if you ended up doing it because it wasn't going to go anywhere. I think I got mad at you too because you were like, well, you shoved him. What I said to you was you didn't see him do it. Him and his friend were behind you. I don't think I say anything about you shoving him. I think you said, well, you shoved him first, so that's what people will have seen. Right, which is true. Yeah.

Ugh. You wish you would have pressed charges? I mean, I don't know. I mean, no, I don't lose any sleepover the way it went down. Right. I do wish I had a beer bottle on my hand. That would be, yeah, well, we'd ended up in court that that happened. We had a big brawl, probably.

Oh, I know. He probably would have punched me. I just to say, I hope you hit him hard enough to knock him out if you did that. That would have been bad. When this is over, remind me to teach you where to hit somebody to knock him out. Remember the guy in Miami? I do remember the guy in Miami that I shoved up into the wall. All that dude did was say you were fat.

I hated that guy. He sucked. Yeah, he was nagging you. And our friend Molly, he was nagging you guys. We didn't want to flirt with him. and he kept being mean, like, trying to make fun of us. Yeah. And then he was like, okay, it's badass.

And then I just had been drinking. And I saw red again and just got up and slammed him into the wall. That was so funny because we all got pushed outside. Well, like, I just saw you shove the dude. And I was like, what the fuck? And I grabbed you because you were still kind of going after him. And everybody was getting kicked out. And I took you into the bathroom.

I was like, what the fuck is going on? And you were like, he called me fat. And that's all you said. I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you, Andy? You can't shove people for calling you fat. And you were like, fuck you, Drew. And I was like, okay. And then I was like, all right, but I'm going to go kick his ass now because I was like all macho.

So then I went outside where he was. As soon as I got out the door. The bartenders kicked him out. He was kicked out. He took his shirt off. He did. He took his shirt off. And then his friend was there trying to sometimes trying to figure out what was going on.

but then also trying to like intimidate us. His friend would waffle between like, you know, there's four of us, bro, and like, what's going on? What happened? And then at some point he goes, I'm a nurse. I'm a good person. And our friend Grant, who was one of my public defender colleagues down in Miami, was like, what are you talking?

You're a nurse? Who gives the fuck if you're a nurse? Get your shitty friend out of here. We were like, little punk rockers in Miami with your little public defender group. Well, we did have a good crew of degenerates. Public defenders are punk rock

in the law world. I guess so. Thank you. But that group specifically, like Grant was a former punk rocker. Jimmy was a degenerate. I was probably like the most level-headed one, which is not been the case. That's the case of me for some of my comedian friend groups

and then that group, and that's it. You know what I mean? I'm always like the degenerate in most of my friend groups, but not necessarily on the tour that I'm on right now and not necessarily when I was a public defender. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He was a former punk rocker and a priest. He was a priest and a punk rocker in his past life. Jimmy was degenerate. Natalie was a firecracker. She wasn't really degenerate. She was just a... Yeah, she was awesome. And then, uh, who else hung out with us?

That was mostly it. I liked that crew. And John. John from Boston. Ah, fuck these kids. He was so Boston. Yeah. Like, we lived in Boston.

We lived in Boston, and he was the most Boston person I've ever met, but I met him in Miami. He was like a cartoon. I mean, he'll acknowledge it. It's like accent-wise. He was a cartoon character. Yeah. What are you quare dro? That's what he would say to me all the time.

Do you want to bed? No, I'm good. What are you queer? He was like that Dunkin' Donuts sketch on us in real life. That wasn't a Dunkin' Donuts sketch, was it? I'm pretty sure you're talking about him. A bit I used to do. Oh, I don't know if I saw that.

But here we go, what are you queer? And I would go, John, you shouldn't say that. And he goes, that was John every day. We'll drink some beers. So Boston. Well, I mean, we've done our time here. Violence is not the answer. I just want to say that.

Depends on what the question is. The question is, what does Andy want to do to people? I'm a reformed I'm trying to be reformed by violence I don't know if I believe that I mean it's fine I mean I don't think you should

shove people who call you fat because if you get your job broken it won't have been worth it at all yeah I mean I would now now that I'm older I would respond differently in that situation sure

definitely What about the other situation? No. I probably would have been. So you would have responded differently. You would escalate that one and de-escalate the first one. Yeah. That's growth, guys.

Well-read growth. Well, again, we've done our time. I don't want to go too far over because I don't know what the other boys are putting together. But guys, well-readers, thank you for joining us all on this. Let's hang out with the wives episode here. Andy's are anything you want to say, you know, in general. Tell them how awesome I am or anything like that. No, okay.

There you have it. You're awesome. Thank you so much, everybody. Just wanted to tell you guys real quick, because I forgot. You can follow Andy on Twitter at Andy with an eye. That's the full name. It's Andy, the name, spelled with an eye. but the username is Andy with an E-Y-E.

That was confusing, wasn't it? And then also, you can follow her on Facebook on her fan page, which is Andy Morrow. She's an actor. And she does a character that a lot of you, I hope, are familiar with. We've shared the videos before called Rayla For Real. And you can follow Rayla for Real on there. And it's funny, Rayla for Real reminds me of a certain side of my family, all my aunts. this whole time we were doing this podcast

you were in a robe and your vagina was hanging out and that reminds me of all my other aunts that's like the other side of the family aunts that's like that whole like Oedipus complex like some men marry their mothers

I married all my aunts oh god bye oh you have waited for so long I am happy to present you with Trekkroud there and Katie Crowder. Of course you did. Let me see if I can find that post, actually.

Well, yeah, I can go ahead and call that up, have that in your back pocket. Because, so I don't know where to start. We recently started getting every now and then there's a cleaning service we use. And that's pretty recent. Because people were showing up at our house, unannounced, camera, cruise and stuff. Not unannounced. Yes.

No. No. Not unannounced. Like, at least. This is what we discussed last time on the podcast. Yeah, because it was Swedish documentarians. I know. Yeah.

That wasn't unannounced. Yes, it was to me. No, I had texted you that morning. Okay. I didn't have my phone. I don't, I ain't trying to. Why are you going to bring up old shit? You brought it up.

Kind of. Because I said we recently started using a cleaning surface. Yep. Okay. So that had happened, and so the bathroom, including the toilet seat, is all just spotless. Yeah, everything's so clean. Yeah, and it looks great. And the next morning, right?

I mean, pretty soon. It was, this was last week. Yeah, but either way. Because you were. It was Friday. It came on Thursday, and I left on Friday. Friday and it was Friday, right, before I left? You left on Thursday.

But yes, it was Thursday. It was Thursday morning. Okay. But that would have been a week after they'd come last time. That part's not important. It don't matter. The toilet seat was spotless. The whole thing was spotless.

Then you come in one day and you're like, Tray. What did you do? I did. What did you think I had done? I don't know. So explain what you saw. and then what your immediate reaction was. I got up on, this was last Thursday morning,

I got up and went to the bathroom and, you know, stood up and turned around and flushed the toilet. And when I did, I noticed that the toilet seat was blue. So, right, hang on. Let me get this totally straight. Hold on, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait. Correct me if I'm wrong.

So you have not. notice nothing, are sitting on the toilet, stand up from the toilet, look at the toilet that you now notice is blue. And the first thing through your head is, Trey! Well, yeah. Okay, and again, back to my original question. What did you think I had done? I don't know. You have a habit of tearing things up or using things incorrectly.

Okay. highly debatable, but what? Okay, no, we don't have to do this. No, I don't, but I know you just got a whole rolodex of shit. You're about to just start so, yeah, I immediately

retract that. We don't have to do that. Anyway, but what did you think I had done now to turn the toilet seat blue? I don't know. I don't know, but I just knew you did it. Okay. So, and that's where we left this.

Yeah, no. And he said, it was blue last night. Yeah, it was. And I was like, what? I don't think, I didn't notice it, obviously. And he was like, yeah, it was blue last night. And really what was going through my head was he's fucking lying to me right now. Oh, what?

So that I can't blame you for it for some reason. so he like I run the boys to school I run the boys to school and come back and then you leave and I tried to clean it off and it would not come off and so I googled I googled toilet seat turned blue and the first thing is women all over the internet are claiming that being pregnant has actually caused their toilet seats to turn a shade of blue. And that is literally like the first two pages when you Google. Yeah, you know, when you Google a question, Google, like, at the very top, above all the links, everything, they'll just show you the answer or whatever. It was like that, but with that statement she just read about women claiming they're pregnant and that made their toilet seat turn blue.

So yeah, you sent me that, and I was just like, what? No. Because that had not even entered my mind at all. I didn't know. I didn't know that was a thing. Yeah, I didn't know what had happened, but I didn't know. Definitely not that. I didn't know if it was some, like, cleaning thing they had used,

that I sat down on immediately or something or what. But I sure as hell never thought, pregnant so you send me that and I was like what the fuck so anyway then what did you what did you ultimately conclude well I mean I was like I really hope one of the cleaning ladies is pregnant and she turned our toilet seat blue I almost ask them oh my god almost but then like the next day I guess Or was it that night whenever I texted you? I guess it was late that night.

I don't know, but by the way, in the same, in the vein of what you just said about I was wishing one of the cleaning ladies was pregnant and turned it blue. When I told Drew and Corey this, when I told them the story up to that point, I showed him the Google result. The first thing Corey said was Andy used that toilet, Drew. Because she just been out here truly before that. Oh my goodness. Anyway, I, the whole time, was like, there's no way. There's no way. There's no way.

There's no way I'm pregnant. Well, any of that. Like, yeah. So I wasn't that worried about it because I was pretty sure, like, surely not. But so. Yeah, and all of my friends, like, I posted it on Facebook and I was like, is this really a thing? And like, a lot of my friends were like, my toilet's blue and I'm not pregnant either. but what I don't know apparently.

Apparently toilet seats turning blue is the thing. But so, so yeah, so turns out it, like some people were like, maybe it's your jeans. And I was like, I wear yoga pants all the time. I don't ever wear jeans. Although I have had a pair of jeans that turned my entire legs blue one time. and I got rid of those real quick. That was not fun. But,

but yeah, it turns out that, because I think I would have noticed if it was my jeans. Yeah, turns out it was just my underwear. What? It was,

you wearing denim underwear? Apparently, I don't know, is just a new pair of underwear that turned my entire ass blue. How did you, ascertain that, no pun intended. Well, I went to get in the shower and I was like, God, what is wrong with my ass? I look like a smurf.

I guess smurf it. Yeah, smurf it. Yeah, so I didn't notice it because it wasn't my entire legs that were blue. It was just my butt. Okay. So, yeah, so that was fun. All right. but I still thought Trey had somehow done it.

Yeah, I'm kind of surprised that you even told me that, well, I think I asked you, right? A couple days later was like, so, I mean, pregnant, what? Yeah, because you asked me if I had gotten a pregnancy test and I was like, uh, no. Yeah, I was kind of surprised you just came off with that. I don't usually like to admit that I'm wrong. No, not at all. Ever. But, you know, whatever.

I still regret telling you the cricket story. But that wasn't you admitting you a wrong thing initially. I mean, that was admitting to a very embarrassing story. It wasn't that embarrassing that just about you hearing a cricket. That wasn't that embarrassing. You know, you catching a cricket later. In an effort to prove me wrong, like, you know, that part and that, you get a little dicey there. Whatever.

But also, most of that is not, you didn't tell me. Most of that I was just there for. Yep. So what else is going on? Michelle Wolf. Yeah. Not much there. Yeah, we tried to talk about that earlier, and you were just like, you said, okay.

So, you seemed fairly. disinterested. And I finally, I was like, I will just do this later. And I just paused the recorder or whatever. She weren't into it. And I had asked you like, because you had your phone out. Yeah.

And I'd ask you like, well, yeah, what are you doing there? And you're just like, nothing. But you kept your phone out. What were you distracted by? What were you doing it on your phone at that time? Nothing. No, what was it? I'm not going to say anything.

Why? That ain't fair. Yep, nope. Why not? It's probably more embarrassing than the cricket story. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. So I like to do makeup tutorials and stuff

and did like a Minecraft tutorial. and I was I was Googling like old school Justin Timberlake because I thought, oh, that would be a fun makeup tutorial to do tomorrow. Because you know. You know why? No. Why? I'm not singing it.

What? You do it. I don't know. What are you talking about? What's song? What's tomorrow? What? Don't sing it, just say it.

I seriously don't know. Yes, you do. No, I don't. You weren't an in-sync fan? May. Something about, I mean, tomorrow's May 1st, right? Uh-huh. No, I got nothing.

You got nothing. Well, what is it? You can Google it later. No, just tell me. You, really? Yeah. you should I'm

I should know it yeah I mean I might if you I don't remember I don't remember that bye bye bye is that the only

song you know not if I heard them that's only one I can like think of off the top of my head but I mean you know Paige was in all that shit oh yeah and they got in sync got their

Hollywood star today okay so is that why you were no that's just a coincidence yeah okay i guess although they should have given it to them tomorrow right because for some reason may first is significant and in sync lore is that am i correct yeah because why it's gonna be may it uh uh Is it me? It's going to be me.

Yeah, you don't know that song at all? I don't know. I feel real dumb right now. You can't play it either. Don't play it. I'm not going to. Okay. Yeah.

I think we can like, I don't know. I think I do, maybe, but I can't think of it right now. You know it. Okay. Probably. I probably do. I eat one of those gummed. movies earlier.

I kind of assumed that. Yeah. I tickled Corey the other night. I always assumed that. We just got back from Portland, Oregon, and somebody brought some cookies, Oregon-style cookies. And me and Corey split one. Split, one.

After everything that night, we were just going to watch a movie or something. anyway yeah I tickled him we were some stout cookies so are we done I don't know are we done I don't know you seem to be I mean you've definitely

you know carried this for sure now I'm serious like you've more than pulled your weight in this in this recording so far so what else is there to talk about i mean the michel wolf we didn't really touch on that which is i don't really i don't think that there's anything to even really say she was hired right to do a job and she did the job and and now they're pissed off about it yeah

i guess they're just totally outrage by the idea of somebody you know doing the job that they were hired to do. Like, they're just, they're so anti that. Or telling it like it is. Yeah. Any of those things. I mean, she did a good job. No, I mean, I agree.

What is there to say? I mean, yeah, that's how I felt about it too. Because, like, what do they think is going to happen? Like, it just, I don't know. But, yeah, we were talking earlier about, uh, while you, were distracted by looking for the JT pictures, which I talked a little bit earlier about how they, their whole thing, a big part of their whole thing is that, yeah, we're snowflakes,

we're overly sensitive, too easily offended and can't, you know, handle real honesty and people telling it like it is and all that. And then they lose their minds over Michelle Wolf making J. about them. I mean, I saw a few posts that were... And they do that with everything like that. Like, they get... They're more easily offended than anybody.

That was talking about... They were like, she shouldn't have talked about anyone's appearance. I listened to the whole thing, and I never heard anything about anyone's appearance, number one. Right. But number two, I mean, hasn't Trump said a lot of shit about people's appearances? Yeah, he's like, you know, he made fun of that. disabled journalist or whatever by doing the like...

Fags. Yeah. All that. Yeah, all of that. It talks about grabbing their pussies and all that. And he's the president. And they're totally fine with that. She's a comedian.

Well, maybe she should be president. Right. Yeah. What about Kanye? Speaking of Trump and all that. Oh, I don't I don't really pay attention to him Okay

Well, do you know what I'm talking about at all? He had on a hat I should also say this I'm not on Twitter So I don't really know what goes down over there What a beautiful way to summarize That entire saga He had on a hat.

I don't really know. It's funny because it's not like that far off from the reality of it. It's just anyway. He had this big long tweet about Trump being his boy and everything. But he looked so sad in that photo. Yeah, I mean, he's conned yet. But like, I don't know.

I mean, that was pretty wild. I don't know what happened. I don't, but I mean, like, again, it's Kanye. I don't know. Like, he's just, Kanye's been saying wild shit. Even if he had said it on, like, Facebook, I wouldn't have paid attention to it. Right. Because he's crazy.

Right. I looked at, uh, I typed in his name on Twitter to, like, see what people were saying about that when it was all happening. But doesn't he have, like, an album or something coming out soon? Yeah. right right isn't he married to Kim yeah well that's what I was about to say so that means his mother-in-law is yeah what's your name Chris Chris Jenner yeah yeah she probably told him to wear that hat well yeah I mean like I don't keep up with the Kardashians right who has the time but but uh but she knows what she's doing

right for sure as far as business goes yeah okay well so kind of on that note i typed in his name on twitter when all that first was going on to see like what exactly was going on and after like so much about like you know conier offending the leftist you know whatever else and black conservatism and all this all that type of shit But halfway down the page, there was a tweet from Kim Kardashian that just said, like, they did a model of my body and made a perfume bottle out of it. Here's the picture. And it's just like a picture with her.

Yeah, I saw that. And that shit cracked me the fuck up. After all those tweets of like outrage or outrage at the outrage or whatever. It's just a naked body perfume bottle. Yeah, from Kim. Mm-hmm. What a world Sounds about right

Okay, well Thank you, honey, for Is that all you needed? I mean, I hope so, maybe we'll see I'll probably listen to it in the morning Hate everything about my contributions And delete it and then we'll do it again Or I might be cool with it, we'll see

Either way, you did great Okay Love you Love you too See you all later Skew. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do.

Thank you, God bless you, good night, and skew.