wellRED podcast - #67 - We Lost a Rental Car & We Miss Spanky Brown

Episode Date: May 15, 2018

On this weeks podcast we discuss Bing Crosby, the fact that we are stupid and lost a rental car, and the untimely passing of our good friend and insanely funny comedian Spanky Brown.gofundme.com/spankybrownmemorial to donate to Spanky's funeral expenseswellredcomedy.com for tickets to our showssmokeyboysgrilling.com for some DOPE ASS meat rubs from our sponsors

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah.

So that was money. What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first. But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.

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They're the. What's up everybody? It's your boy. The show. Sorry. I ran in the house from outside of pollen and me being fat's killing me. I'm out of breath. Well read comedy.

com. W-E-L-L-R-E-D. comedy.com. That's where you can get all tickets to our tour dates. T-shirt, sign up for the newsletter so you will never miss an announcement of our tour date again. Where we're coming soon. Let's see. This weekend, Cincinnati, Ohio, Columbus, Ohio, Dayton, Ohio. Then we're off to Huntsville, Alabama, Oxford, Mississippi, Chicago, Illinois, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Honolulu, Hawaii, Burlington, Vermont, Portland, Maine, DC Comedy Festival, Northfault, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Yada, You get it.

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This portion of the podcast is brought to you by Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Go to Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Grab some hog rub and some beef rub and put it on all of your meats. I promise you will not regret it. I even put it in my bone broth, that I've been drinking to attempt to lose weight for my wedding.

And, I mean, it's going pretty good. It's definitely not their fault if I'm not losing weight because at first I was on a cleanse, but now it's turned into more of just like a, okay, I ate this ice cream and I feel bad. So let me only drink broth for 24 hours. That and I'm juicing and yada, yada, yada. I'm trying, man, but it's difficult.

This podcast was recorded in Spokane, Washington, in the green room, right after we got some very bad news about our dear friend. And brilliantly hilarious comedian Spanky Brown, we found out that he passed away. Very suddenly, we were not expecting this. He had just, I mean, he just posted on Facebook like 24 hours prior. Hell, we talked three days before. Very unexpected.

It is shocked the comedy world. And I know that, like, when someone dies, everyone, all they want to do is talk about how good of a, person that was and it's like well look everybody on earth wasn't couldn't have been that good of a person but if you hear everybody talk about people at a funeral it's like what was everybody nice that's not the case but in this case it just was fucking true he was one of the most genuine sweet nice people that would do anything for you to give you the shirt off his back and you could use it as a tarp I'm yelling that at heaven to spanky that was a fat joke sorry buddy um spanky used to have this joke he said uh what would he say he'd go uh i didn't i didn't get this big bullshit and i eat like a hostage that's how i feel right now just eating ice cream and ship but he was he was one of the most genuine dudes in the world um if you were a comic in the mid uh early to mid 2000s you were probably roommates of spanky spanky lived with almost every comedian this is this is really like

it's not just people who've worked with him that are upset about this like he he worked with people and they became family. Like we were, we talked about on this podcast, if you were a young comedian, young male comedian, at least I can't speak for what he called the women, but like,

after you worked with him once and you became friends, you were nephew from then on out. What's up, nephew? How's it going, nephew? And then he was Uncle Spanky. And that's how he treated you. He took all of us under his wing. He gave you advice.

He didn't care if you were an open micer and you were just starting out and you weren't really that funny. And maybe you weren't going to make it in the business, but he didn't give a shit because he always had a very, we're all in this together attitude. And I'm going to help.

help you if I can and if you have questions I'm going to give you advice. He was not, even though he was absolutely bigger than everybody in both sense of the word, he'd never thought of himself as bigger than anyone. Spanky was an absolute comedy legend, but he would talk to someone who just started their first open mic class the same way that he would talk to Jerry Seinfeld. We were no different. Everybody was the same. I'm going to miss him a lot. I'm really, Goddammit. I'm going to miss him. There's been a GoFundMe set up to help pay for his memorial fund. It's a GoFund. fund me.com slash spanky brown memorial. If you knew him and you're listening to this, that's where you can go donate so we can

send Spanky off in style because he certainly deserves it. At the end of this podcast, I'm going to play some clips of his, so please stick around and listen. And I should probably say this. The entire podcast isn't sad as shit. We talk about Spanky in the last half. Before that, we discussed Ben Crosby, because we were at the Ben Crosby Theater in Spokane, Washington.

We cover a range of topics. you enjoy it and we also have a little surprise in there for you so listen to the podcast share with your friends and leave us a rating on iTunes that it really helps moves us up in the rankings and helps us out thank you guys for being loyal supporters rest in peace spanky brown I love you so much man and I've for the first time in a long time I hope there is an afterlife so I can see you again god damn it love you man peace thank you for the Ben Crosby information that was him right

yeah and that's the one he was saying like just that one and I mean when I think about it I mean that does make sense and it's been covered a shit time and also with the most popular holiday in this country

ever for seven days and Frank Sinatra's version is just as popular but I wonder if it counts for him since he wrote it if those numbers are true if those numbers are true I feel like you'd have to like that would have to justify that

because then there's the There's the more poppy version that, you know, that one of the 60s it came out, and it's in a lot of shit too. Like a doo-op version of it? It sounds like that would hit for me. Yeah, that shit. I love that song.

It's fucking awesome. For me, it's also because I was in Australia, it's the only Christmas I haven't been home. We went to the library and we stole. Summertime there in Christmas, right? Yeah, and we stole a Frank Sinatra. Like, we checked out, but then just never returned a Frank Sinatra Christmas album.

for sure to it for two weeks straight and we had you know a Christmas tree on the beach and all that speaking of checking out and never returning a thing oh shit that was good

yeah damn boy you're telling what you did Drew I know I wish well I have very little to do with it but it's on it's on me it's under my name so I did it on paper god damn I'm becoming my clients

judge I just did it on paper it wasn't me it was my shitty friend yeah I was just holding it So last night, we go to go to the show in Napa. Disclamer way don't hit. And I rode with my friend Arena who was visiting me. She happened to be in San Francisco.

She lives in Australia. Wow, double connection there, guys. I'm bitch. And I rode with her. I went by Corey's room. I was like, you need these van keys because I'm leaving. And he was like, nah, but our manager Nat was like, yeah, because I got to go pick something up. So we'll just drive the van, and we got to drive the merch.

I was like, cool, here. gave her you the keys. We went and got coffee, frozen yogurt, you know, being basic as you do in Napa. And that's something we need to talk about is how basic I was this week. Corey and Nat drove you to somewhere

and then y'all parked the car. Her dad's house. Nathalie. You met her dad? No, I stayed in the car. What? Nat was like just... I mean, I'm kind of glad.

Nat was like, stay in here. He's probably wearing like little shorts with one of his balls hanging here. And I was like, I mean, I'm hit. Yeah, I can't believe. Even more so now that you stayed in the car. I felt like a human sack of garbage. Right.

And sitting down was hip. Because he was hung over? Yeah. And then doing nothing. That was after French Launders. We're all over the place right now. Yeah. That was after I went to French Laundering.

Corey went to a three Michelin Star restaurant and ate a 10-course meal that cost hundreds of dollars. And this was right after that. So he wanted to die. Mm-hmm. But it also hit. It did it. It did it.

So you parked the car. Nat, yeah, Nat drove. Yeah. now in the middle part there's different versions of this story it should be it should be sad this portion yes the portion that we're at now so then we do the show yeah all right so i'm pretty married to the one version yeah yeah that's how these things work right all right tray your version correct me if i'm wrong is you knew nothing about it including we're never told anything about the car last night.

A hundred percent accurate, yes. I called, I was mad because, so the show was at seven, I came downstairs at the hotel at 6.30 and called him first. It says, what's up? We're at? And he was like, oh, I'm down here already. And I was like, what about Dury? So I just saw Dury outside a coffee shop looking like an idiot or something like that.

And I was like, well, what the fuck, man? And he was like, well, we saw y'all walking on the shirt. He was like, we texted. We texted all this about me and Nat taking the car. And I was like, I was not. on those and I wasn't. Also, I think it may have happened in real life, not text.

That may be it or maybe I texted you just because I want to know if you needed a car. I don't know, dude. I was out of sorts. And again, I apologize. I left like two hours early and just thought you and him was going together. I mean, yeah, me too. I don't have. I knew nothing. I knew nothing about anything.

I asked Trey to tell me his version of events related to leaving the car and he turned that into just bitching at you for leaving him. That's what happened. In defense, that is The event. Yeah. It's related. Yeah.

Well, so I didn't know shit about the car. Who had it? I think he's 100% absolved. Thank you. Oh, he is. I was discussing you were at fault. You called being him dumb earlier and you not dumb.

And I was in Clay and I thought you had said we're dumb. Corey said it was him. But when that happened, I thought you said, we're so dumb. And I was like, I ain't dumb. Y'all are dumb. Yeah. He were looking at me. And then he just weren't having that.

And it was God. I'm glad to have it on the record that. Yeah. I had nothing to do with this. It's because you are... And honestly, though, but the reason that you're absolved is because you are such, like, historically a worthless bag of shit when it comes to any of the stuff that we do in terms of, like, responsibility of getting a car back anywhere, you know, getting stuff around, like getting yourself to places. That's why I got you all for it. I know.

So, but I would just like it to be known that you are innocent, but it's because you're fucking worthless. Yeah, you're not innocent. You're the corporate veil. Yeah. You're the CEO who's like, yeah, I don't know what that's doing. God damn. Yeah, I don't. I still got paid, though.

Sucks, though. Right, but again, you are. Sorry all them people died in the fire from the poison I make, but you know what I mean? I'm not really disputing any of that. I know you're not. And again, this is... All right, anyway, let me... So, by the way, I know why, like, in people's head, and by people, I mean, the three of us,

I might not be absolved because of what has transpired and we'll get into that. But it turns out, I also did nothing wrong. So here's what happened. I said earlier, it was just a massive... miscommunication between everybody. You guys drove. I left. I got the merch and I left. Y'all went out for drinks. In my memory,

Nat never said anything to me about the car and I'm pretty sure I'm correct about that for two reasons. One, she handed me a box of merch and didn't say anything about it then. I would have remembered during that conversation. And then two, on the way home from the hotel, the car popped into my mind. And I texted y'all, don't forget the car.

On to the group text. That would have popped into my mind. when she said something. Of course. Okay. I guess we should talk about that text. Right after that, I sent a picture, well, now we've got to get a spanky.

I know. This is a very, and it's like, this is going to be a sidebar that we'll talk about later, but unfortunately, we had a very tragic loss in the comedy community.

Our friend, Spanky Brown, passed away, and we all found out, like, I found out as I got off stage, and unfortunately, I didn't hold my emotions

correctly in terms of, It was like I started bawling immediately and kicked over a chair. And then, so basically, Tray found out right as he was walking on stage because I'm a fucking baby. I didn't know that. I knew that you kicked over a chair. I didn't realize the timing of it. Because that's funny that you did that to him, I found out right after getting off stage. Right.

Which you were like, I wanted to tell you before. You got on Facebook or something. Which was fair, but it was like, I came off stage. Yeah, it's the Ravens. And of course, like, me by the elevators. I was like, hell yeah. what are we going to talk about by the elevators? You got some drugs?

We got some drugs. Yeah, no. Opposite. Death. Spanky died. Oh, okay. Glad the show went well. Yeah, dude.

So anyways. So I was on his Twitter. Just, you know, looking at his jokes laughing. That was like our way of mourning or whatever on the ride home. He made a joke about John McCain's funeral. He didn't mention McCain. He just said, imagine inviting people and not invite people to your funeral. And, like, I don't remember what all he said.

He said something like that shows you that Trump's a girl. a raggedy bastard or something like raggedy bastard was like his getter done he said raggedy bastard a lot that was a different tweet about mccane's funeral this joke was about inviting people to your funeral like like you're inviting them to your birthday party i remember exactly it was it made me laugh but it was eerie because my funerals two days ago so i screencapped it sent it to y'all and said this is eerie and then you wrote something like yeah i saw that it was so y'all didn't see that i said yeah all i saw was this big picture yeah yeah because it was a screenshot so it's like a picture and then a comment about

the picture so I mean that took up most of the like the show. Yeah we never saw it. We just didn't see the text about the car and I went to bed. Now I guess I'll tell, you're going to tell your version, I'll tell Natt's version because I've been speaking with that. Nat says she told well she says she told us

that when she set the keys in there she was like here's the keys and that she told you she was leaving the keys with you. The only reason... Not for nothing. I kind of feel like it would be better to just tell what happened before getting into how exactly it happened, which I feel like so far is fine,

but then what happened was you went to bed, me and him then went to bed. We woke up and we agreed to leave it at the time. We first got drunk. We agreed to leave at 8 o'clock this morning because we had to go to Sacramento Airport, which is about an hour and 10 minutes away, and we needed to be there by 920 at the latest,

so we were leaving at 8 o'clock. We were leaving it downstairs. It's 8.03-ish, when Corey walks up to me, and I say to him, where the keys? Where the van keys? I go, what? And I go, what?

what? And then you called me. And then Trey came out 10 minutes later like he always does. It was 802 when that motherfucker called me and I was walking down the steps to the goddamn front of the hotel. You know what's funny about that? When I called you, I said he ain't going to answer because he thinks I'm calling him to bitch about him being two minutes late. But you did answer. But before you answered, we also realized Trey that the car wasn't there.

I called you to find out if you knew about the keys or anything about this. but from that interaction with Corey, what I realized was not only does Corey don't know where the keys are, the van is not here at the hotel. It's 10 minutes away in a parking lot that may or may not be towed. Be towed.

Already. It probably has a time limit on it on top of that. And we have 8 o'clock and we're operating in a five-minute window here. That we need to leave in order to make our flight on time for the show in Spokane, Washington tonight. We haven't spoken about this because there was no reason to, but I'm sure you noticed he went into

fucking fight or flight mode very much yeah had to get a flight literally flight I literally chose flight he ordered an Uber he was talking 90 miles an hour he like there was literally

I absolutely noticed everything we discussed yeah I wasn't trying to be secretive about it everything we discussed in terms of solutions if he thought for a second that some part of it wasn't involved in getting an Uber right then yeah just talk over it so my it's on me like it's on

my credit card. I'm sitting there, I'm like, well, people do this. People lose keys. That was my first thought. People lose keys. Here's my thing. My ass was going to the goddamn airport. Like, if you thought I can figure this out, I was like, well, y'all go ahead and try, I'm getting on this goddamn, because of how I am, that's just, it's ingrained to me. I don't hit. Right, but at that time, because we hadn't discussed all the things we just discussed, my perspective was, I handed you to keys, I texted you about the keys, and you were the last person I saw in the van. So if your ass was going to the fucking airport, I'm going to the goddamn airport, too. It did happen. Right. But it's in your name.

on your credit card. But then I also thought this happens and I'm tired. There's got to be a solution. So Albert shows up. We had an Uber driver. Who is the Uber Uber driver. If I had to say, he is the most Uber, Uber driver I've ever. Shout out to Albert for being the best.

No, he hit. He was Stanley from the office. Yes, the old black man with a big round face. He had on an Uber hat. I could tell you, with under. unmitigated certainty that he is not the best Uber driver in Napa, California. I just meant, oh, no, hell no. I just meant him to that.

Isn't my man, Stevie. You do. You do. In New Orleans. Okay, but you know what I meant by that? He's the best person who is an Uber driver in Naperva. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So he pulls up. Yeah. He could have got us into some shit if we had. He had on an Uber hat. He had on an Uber name tag. They don't make those. He got those made.

You don't go to work. Did you hear him ask me to get him his banana. out of his lunchbox on the way? No. Shut the fuck up. He was like, yeah, I was on my way to jacking the box when y'all caught. This was, he goes, hey, can you get in there my lunch bag right there and get me a banana out?

And I was like, yes, sir, Albert, I absolutely can. I start getting his banana out. And he's like, I was going to go to jack in the box. But then y'all called. And, you know, I had to make it on time. That's why he's the best person who's a driver. Right. Because, I mean, dude, it is a job.

It is absolutely a job, don't be wrong. But because he was an older guy and he's old school, like, it's like I'm clocking in. I'm wearing the U. uniform, I can't be late. Well, I thanked him for taking us because, you know, they can refuse, of course. They should be able to. It's just an hour and a half away. And he was like, I was like, thank you so much for doing this.

He goes, it's my job, ain't. Just like a fucking detective in a shitty movie. Just doing my job. At some point, we got into what we do. All right, go ahead. That fucking crushed me. Well, he said, we started talking about. being comedians and we said we're on the well-read comedy

tour and I said red like redneck like well redneck like smart redneck and he goes oh like Larry the cable guy and I go well like that but the exact opposite yeah same spectrum if that makes sense and then he said

was the only spectrum he's on he said who's that other guy and I knew he meant Foxworthy but what I said was Ron White yeah we're more like him we're Southern but we drink a lot and we fucking hate Jesus He did not hit for him. Albert was a probably 72-year-old black man.

Yeah. So, I mean, yeah. He had like a, that remark did not land. He had like a retired vet look about him too. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah, like, well, not that, you know, all vets love Jesus. They don't. He did a very shitty thing to them if he's real.

But anyways, it did not hit for him. And not at all 70-year-old black men love Jesus. But many of them do, in my experience. experience and or at the very least they don't like me saying right we fucking hate jesus you know we drink but you know like that but we fucking it's a bold statement basically at nine in the morning yeah when he's having to drive us to the goddamn airport and we've already we've already talked about the fact that we don't have the fucking he knows for bags of shit we have 45 minutes left maybe jesus could have helped y'all find the goddamn rental car we haven't stated this explicitly

but you guys have picked up on it yeah we left the car yeah right right because Because I now realize either, because in our heads now, either I know Nat has the keys, or they're in the green room, because she hasn't answered her phone. Because it's 8 in the goddamn morning. She shouldn't. So either they're in the green room or Nat has them. So I'm like, well, I'll just tell her, please figure out a way. And then I realize, okay, this is the solution.

Nat has to fly back to L.A., whatever airport she's flying out of, whenever it is. I'll switch the car to be that drop off or whatever. I do that. It costs $200, which if I'm honest, that sucks. That was a huge relief in that moment. Literally, I don't know what the number is that that man could have said in terms of this is how much more money you have to spend to take care of this problem. But it was high that I was going to say yes. Yeah, but I mean like, from their perspective, though, if you're playing that you just outlined,

If that's how it ended up, how it ends up shaking out. Yeah. From their perspective, all you are doing is changing the drop-off point for a car, right? So I feel like $200 is about what you'd expect. Well, and I extended it. It was $100 to change the drop-off. It added something and it added something else and then tax. Yeah.

But I'm saying they didn't know nothing about, hey, I've abandoned that car in a fucking parking lot. Right, right. It wasn't their goodwill. It's the fact that we live in a time and an era where all these corporations are connected. it's not like two separate businesses like Bob on ones and Jim owns the other. Like there's way, I don't mean like I'm lucky like they were nice to me. But if this would happen in 92, Lord God, I guess I'd own a van that I don't. Would hit.

No, we like that. We like that van, though. That would hit. The tail's not over, guys. So I get a hold of that. She's like, I told y'all. It's far from over. No, son.

So now our manager's like, I told y'all, I dropped the keys off in the green room. And hell, maybe she did. We drank a lot. Maybe she's like, I'm sitting here. And we were like, okay, we're not. And I, and I had also told you all this morning that I knew that I had seen them laying on the counter in the green room during the show. But I didn't think nothing about it because y'all do that all the time. For the record.

All the time. You empty your pockets on the counter, so I saw it and didn't think twice. For the record, anybody out there and Nat. And Nat, since I know you're listening, if we are drunk and you are trying to tell us something, you have to treat us like the flight attendant does the exit row. you have to get a verbal yes and like see our fucking eyes. You can't just like make a blanket statement, have everybody go, yeah, whatever. Okay, I will say if any of us are telling a story, you have to do more than that. For sure.

Because if either of us, if any of us have the floor and someone tries to get us to agree to something, we'll just say yes to get them to hush so we can finish the hit. And if you're hitting for me, I'm not paying attention to anything else. Remember the story you told last night? No. Yeah, I don't know if people would do. We don't have to get into it, but about when you used to sell books. Oh, yeah. please God let's yeah do it Jesus Christ in my mind that's when this happened and you were like right in the middle of being on one

I was on one you paid for on PayPal yeah that won't pick up on the mic but that is for me so anyway get a hold of her I'm like look I'm sorry I'm so sorry and she's like no I'll take care of it you know I don't want to get a ride anyway so it kind of works out and don't worry about it because she's sweet and she takes care of us and that was awesome. That relatively sweet. Nah, if you're listening, you're relatively sweet. Don't let us go to your head. And, uh, all right.

I'm like, okay, it's taken care of. We fly to Seattle, first leg of our flights. As soon as I land, I get a phone call. I recognize the number. It's the person that I talked to at the venue who I talked to that morning. He said, I'm going to go over there at this time. Someone can meet me there. We'll get him the keys.

Yeah. He calls me and he says, I'm in the green room. There's no keys. Yeah. No keys. Yeah. Yeah.

Riven's starting their solar. He starts talking to me. He starts. Start with rides back. He starts talking to me about the cleaning crew, who they report to, how that's a different department. But he feels like someone would have told him because he deals with the artist. And that makes sense to me. And as he says, something about the cleaning room, I remember rolling my jeans up and putting

them into my bag and feeling something bulky in the pockets and thinking to myself, I guess that's my belt buckle because we didn't have any cash from the merch last night, whatever. And in that moment, as I'm getting off that plane, I realize I have packed these goddamn keys. And all I can figure is I was so tired,

Nat handed me the keys or let them on the counter and I just absentmindedly stuffed them in my pocket on the way out the door and just forgot that I did that. But that bag is under the plane. Yeah, it was checked. And during this time, Schrodinger's hits. You were like 100% convinced of it, basically. You were like, that's what happened.

I know it's what happened. So also during this time, Corey, who also happened to have a strawberry milkshake at the time. And I want to say you got the small one, and it looks so cartoonish. In my hand. Your hand with your big head. I was thinking that the whole time.

I was like, maybe they don't know this. Of course we did. But anyway, his utter joy at what Drew had realized and was going through what had happened and at the strawberry milkshake, the comically small strawberry milkshake he was drinking, he was literally like a fucking kid at Disneyland. I was a giggling. And part of that joy was because of that thing we did before we got on the first plane. Yeah.

One of you said to the other one, we're stupid talking about this conversation. At that time, I didn't feel like I had done anything. And I said I had texted y'all and y'all missed it. And all I said was, I'm not stupid. Y'all are stupid. Corey lost his mind, told me I was losing my goddamn mind. And he screamed as we got on the plane,

you're losing your mind right now. This is the way that happened. You said that, and I also flipped out. Because, again, as we've already covered, I felt 100% absolved from everything to it. So you said, I'm not. But y'all are stupid. I was like, I didn't do shit.

Well, the reason I said y'all is because I thought you were the one that said we're so stupid. And then, so now, but it's like a back and forth thing. This is as we're walking down the fucking. We're like checking our tickets in. The lady's looking at us. Yeah, like, scanning the tickets. I'm saying how to the fucking flight attendants and shit all while. Like, motherfucker, I didn't do a goddamn thing.

And Drew's just like, and Drew goes, you're the, you're the, or Corey says something. Like, yeah, and you just immediately start. losing your shit and you go I'm not the one losing my shit and Corey goes you are currently in the middle of losing your shit. No no, screamed it. Screamed. You're currently in the middle of losing your shit and I thought about

someone had a great joke. Was it Louie? Was it Louie? About someone screaming relax at their kids? Probably. Someone used to have a great bit of it. Just relax. Yeah. Yeah. It was either him. I've done that. Yeah. He does that to me. But anyway.

So that was very funny. And so Corey, so Drew has this realization, I packed the keys. It's all my fault. I'm the biggest idiot on earth. That's where his head was at at the time. And part of that is because...

Corey is over the moon. Well, and part of the reason... It looks like his head. Part of the reason that I felt that and that y'all had no reason to doubt it. I mean, I stay doing that shit. Right. I leave my wallet everywhere.

I misplaced keys. I misplaced everything. And we had just talked about that. Weren't you walking into that? No, it was you. It was me and you in an arena. Yeah, we were walking. into the hotel the day before and we were in arena was talking about me doing that or you were

and i was like yeah but y'all keep acting like that's what i want every time my friends bring this up they're like wow why don't you change yeah like every morning i fucking wake up and today i'm going to stress me and everyone i love out yeah yeah who's like you think i want it's like that that bill burbubbs like you think i want to be this person yeah you think i want to be the fucking muffin guy but uh and so didn't that happen and so we're waiting at this airport I'm texting Andy. I'm a fucking piece of shit. I'm an idiot.

I'm so stupid. Because I already told her a little bit of what happened. She said, what are you talking about? I'm like, it was all my fault. The whole goddamn time. Someone gave me these keys. I don't know if it was Natter-Cory. I put them in my pants and I walked off with them like a fucking idiot.

And then I sent people text, bring the car. And I'm so stupid. Because I'm convinced. Because nothing else made sense in my mind. Why wouldn't they be in the green room? And if they was in the green room, someone surely would have alerted us to that fact. Right.

You would think. And then I get a text from that right before we're taking off to the second flight. And she said, apparently they sent them to your hotel. They found them in the green room and delivered them to our hotel. So while we were standing outside, Corey's freaking the fuck out, calling an Uber. Me and you were talking about like, what was called? They were 30 feet behind us. Let's call the club, maybe we could whatever.

The goddamn keys the entire time were behind the front desk, which was, yes, 15 feet back and to our right at the hotel there. Corey and I have given Trace so much shit about checking out of hotels

like the white trash that he is instead of just leaving and not talking to anybody. He also be printing out paper tickets at airports too. He does a lot of stupid shit.

My fucking phone. Look. I'm just doing to you what y'all do to me. You have reasons to do it but we're going to shit on you for it every time. Yes.

Y'all literally never one time had your phone fuck up and it'd be a thought. That was no. But what I do is I take a picture. I screenshot it. Yes.

And that way it's on my camera. I'm like the app fucks up, but my phone never fucks up. And then I make sure it's never dead. And if it's close to dead, I always print out of the ticket. For sure. Well, that's what I'm saying. When I check a bag, they give them to me anyways. It's the easiest thing in the world to print a ticket out.

And a ticket can't fuck up. Trey, I'm sorry, Corey, and I care about the environment and you don't, man. Yeah, you're really. I recycle those stupid fucking tickets. And I feel like checking out of a hotel. is not, I feel like just fucking off and leaving whenever you want to is more white trash.

Well, then walking up to the desk, excuse me, checking out of 223. That shit ain't white trash. Well, white trash is walking out with your fucking shirt off. Fuck y'all.

I agree with that. I agree with that. That's also true. Hold on. Hold on. I agree with that. But the reason you check out is because you think you have to

or you used to, and that was white trash. I did used to. Yeah. But. I don't know what I thought would have. Well, hold on. I think it's just,

to be fair, I try to check out when we leave early. Fuck that. I feel like it's occurring. Yeah, they can clean the room. But when we're leaving at 1145,

like, I'm like, there's no reason to tell them we have left. But anyway, right. The point, the reason I brought that up

is had Corey and I not shamed you out of that behavior, we would have had them keys. Yeah, absolutely. Because I want to walk up to the days. Okay, we have arrived at the one way

I am culpable. Just a lifetime of being shitty to my friends. Oh, that's both y'all, though. That's everybody we know, but it's on both of us in this particular instance. Yeah. So. Can I start blaming stuff I do on the fact that y'all shame the shit out of me?

You do, always. You literally did earlier today. After you drank that stupid milkshay, you sat down beside me, and you said to me, you go, you've done this somehow. I don't know what you've done. He accused you of Pavlov dog in him. Somehow Pavlov dog made. and you can just make me get a milkshake any time you want me to.

So for context, ladies and gentlemen, I think we've went over this. But Corey has some sort of intolerance of dairy. It really hurts his belly. And he just does it anyway. And apparently in his mind, he thinks Trey when he wants him to drink a milkshake for his entertainment, which is him. I mean, it doesn't. I mean, he looks so tiny in his hands.

And by the way, I thought I was really doing something. They were like, what size? I was like, I'll get a small. that's an old galafin that's oh it's that movie orange county galaphanacus all that shit at the drive-thru and then he goes and a diet coat jack boy you're right but yes that is that and a diet coat it's half diet half regular wasn't that it that's that's a tenacious d sketch at least but yes i don't hit i mean that's that's pretty much into the tail we got a hold of i changed it to be delivered to the airport that our manager

nat's going to and it's very kind of her to do that for us and it's very kind of her to do that for us and it helped her out because she doesn't have to get a ride from her dad. But we left a car. We did. We don't hit. It does hit. We just called in. Hey, we're just leaving the car.

That's that Louis bit. Well, that's where it is. The guy was just like, all right. I mean, they still want the car. The only reason, and again, if I'm guilty, whatever, I don't give a fuck. mean to and I'm sorry, but like my only thing is that, and you'd heard me say this, I went out of my way

earlier to be like, I know we have a van but, because Val was going to be there, so I said, you want to drive. I said, but let's, I said, I think we should all Uber to the venue because we're going to get drunk. We're not going to be able to take this motherfucker back home and we're going to end up Uber

and then having to come back here and get this. So in my mind, literally all night, Nat had it. She was driving. I was like, fuck, the van was so far out of my goddamn mind because I was like I'm going out with Val none of this and I didn't and I didn't confirm that he literally never one time said a single thing about

and I never saw well and I never saw the text well I wasn't going to fucking drive it I was hammered and I said I was going to get hammered so what was I going to do the text one thing that I have to own up to I sent that picture you commented on the picture and I saw the comment right before I went to sleep and the thought popped into my head bet I didn't say it I wonder if they saw the other thing

and then I made the mistake of thinking Yeah, but Corey knows he's got the van in the van He's... That's why I thought you had him the whole time. No, no. I don't want to like... You're, everything, you're right about what you just said, and you did say that.

I remember you saying that. I'm not saying I'm completely innocent, but like... But that's not what ended up happening. What ended up happening is you were in the van and went to the show. Right. But I still made... I was never going to drive that motherfucker home.

I know, but it still... But you did arrive in it. It sure did. So it's still, it's just kind of funny. And Ray, you know, It's raven because... Never even be like, wait a minute. Where's the fucking van?

It's raven. Because you had come in it and you know what I mean? Like... It's raven because like the way that you like purposefully... I really just say... Like we have to have the van and all that. Like, what I got y'all for, he fucking dickhead. Yeah.

The same way he does that, you like don't want to... Like you're like, no, let's not drive the van because like I don't want to be responsible for shit. Yeah, because I knew what was going to happen. One part I left out a little bit that I think. is pretty funny. While I, during that 45 minutes that I thought it was all my fault, the only way to fix it was me to fly back

to Sacramento and go get that goddamn man with the keys that I have. Would not have. I know, like, Andy, my wife was like, Payless has spare keys, but in my head, I'm like, yeah, they're not bringing them to Nat. Right. Like, I have this reservation.

I'm going to have to go deal with this. So I was like looking at flights and shit and doing the math. I thought that my irresponsibility with items was about to cost me around $800. Mm-hmm. Going ahead. Honestly, not even the top three most amounts of money that I've had to spend in this scenario.

Because of your... Yes. How much did that end up costing you the last time we're not the last time we were in Northern California, but one of the last times we're in Northern California when you had another rental van and you wrecked it. Well, that wasn't my irresponsibility. That was just me being an idiot. Every time it comes to North California and gets a van, they either wrecks it or leaves it.

To be clear, that wasn't your responsibility, but it cost me $0, Tray. Because I have sweet insurance and a credit card. I thought I remembered you somehow getting fucked on that deal somewhere or another. That's called a fantasy. Yeah, you're right. Corey just said that's called a fantasy. I had, what don't hit? Oh, right, nothing.

You right? Mountain hit. I had a thing that I wanted to talk about, but we spent, or actually, this is ain't this is not accurate is it right yeah because we there's a big okay so well should we talk about the we should the announcement yes now that i've said it what okay or we can save that for the end yeah let's save it for the end and let's not forget and we can do it now if we're saving that to the end um i think we should pay a little tribute to spanking i did talk about why he hit for us and uh tell like a quick story a piece or maybe just one of

one or whatever. Spanky Brown was a comedian who, I believe, he moved around all the time. He was roommates with basically every comic that I know. Right before I moved to New York, actually, Spanky was going to move in with me at my granny's house, one that, you know, sweatpants, fucked up the chandelier. I think, fuck Corey's granny.

Fuck her. His goddamn chandelier. That was when I wrote on Amber's calendar and not in permanent marker instead of dry race because she had hurt you somehow. I don't know. Well, I had hurt me. by allowing myself to be vulnerable. That next morning, me and you slept in Amber's bed together.

Oh my God, I was thinking about that today. The worst I've ever been hung over in my life, I think. 100% is true for me. That bed was slanted or whatever. We couldn't sleep. We broke it. Yeah. But also, that's the first night my heart did the thing that it did when I was drinking.

Oh, that's right. You know, I didn't know what it was, but I couldn't go to sleep because my heart was in my throat. Do you remember, but y'all didn't break it. Y'all re-broke it. better because it had already been broken and I fixed it in a certain way just so she would not ever know that I broke it. Do you remember how we broke it the first time? Me and DJ was dressed up like dogs and pretended to... Me and DJ was filming a sketch.

We was dressed up like dogs. Skinny bumpkin. We was dressed up like dogs and we was pretending to butt fuck each other on Amber's bed while she was in Miami. For a sketch. Anyways, just for fun. Right. Anyway, so Spanky, I'm pretty sure originally, that's hilarious. from Charlotte, North Carolina or something,

but he moved around all the time. He lived in Knoxville. He lived in Chattanooga. He did comedy on the Southern Circuit a lot and was a big brother to, I mean, if you checked Facebook, it was pretty fucking unbelievable. Everybody who said pretty much the same thing

when I was starting out. Like, not I was good, and I was like, when I was a fucking open micer, no headliner wanted to talk to me. And that goes that way, and I get it. I don't want to talk to these motherfuckers. I'm kidding. But Spanky was always like,

No man, I got net. And if he liked you, you were nephew. Yeah. You were nephew. Or niece, whatever. But like you were. That was for me. Because when, because yeah, he did live in Knoxville for a while.

And we were working at sidesplitters a lot. That was when he was around Knoxville. So like he would, he would just be at side splitters a lot, just hang out. All the time. Well, man, I remember how unlucky I felt. He was just always that way to me, you know. He didn't care if you're, he just wanted to help. Yeah.

You know, we're all in this together. I don't want nobody to be bad. Let's all make it. It was years before he saw me. Just bad luck. Do you know what? Like, we just never interwoven that weekend with Julie. Skaggans.

When he saw me. And that was like the first time he talked to me. And it was like, it was like, cool. Yeah. Oh, Spanky just finally saw me and was like, hey, man, come here. I remember the first time I met Spanky too. And it wasn't even at, well, I'd seen him a lot at the comedy catch, but we'd never worked together. And I was still very much in that.

That's the headliner. I'm not talking to them. Yes, 100%. And aside from being a headliner, Spanky, and not in a cocky way, because he was not. not that guy. He was a sweetheart. He just had this coolness. He was so cool.

He was so fucking cool that like, even if I didn't know he was a fucking headline comedian, I'd be, I'd be scared to talk to him, but I saw him in Knoxville and had known he worked at the catchets in his show, and he was just at the bar. We were doing something or whatever. And he's like, hey, hey, buddy, what's your name?

And I was like, Corey, I'm a comedian. Yada, yada, yada. I know Dale John. Oh, shit, Dale's my dog, man, yada, yada, yada. And then we struck up a friendship. He couldn't have been cooler. We got drunk. And, you know, from then on, it was,

then we worked together a bunch and then it was nephew you know once you work with him and he likes you your nephew and man just the fucking nicest coolest funniest fucking dude i was i was i say dude fuck the nice and shit all the people all there's this there's this like kind of circuit like a southern circuit of all these this like rotating roster of comedians that come through all the southern comedy clubs and uh in my opinion and i'm not disparaging any of the rest of them no my opinion he was the booed he was the fucking funniest he was those guys Like he was un, I never saw him not just slaughter. Murder, dude.

And I mean, you know, me too. Like, I'd be in the back just fucking losing my mind. It could be shit that I've seen before, or it could be when he was doing, you know, showing out, he did that a lot. Because he was just very, that motherfucker was just funny on the couch, you know. He's just funny on the couch. The story I would want to tell about him, and this is, I guess, a little different than him reaching out to me, but it meant a lot to me.

and he didn't even know, but I saw him around the time. Remember when he opened for Chappelle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was on the tour when he first came back, and Chappelle's getting all them crazy hecklers. I saw him around that time, and he was talking about it, and Spanky had been a god to me when I first started. I was like, this is this headline, and he's so funny,

and then as I did comedy longer and became more cynical and all that stuff, and I started to see it for the industry that it was and how it could really... Spanky was hilarious, but he was still this circuit guy. He didn't get his due. There was so much joy and pleasure on his face talking about getting to, you know, work with Chappelle. Oh, yeah. And it's had an effect on me because one thing I've noticed, and we're all like this, at least in this room, maybe not all comedians.

The shittiness in size of this remains, the cynicism remains. No matter how good your career goes, you're always worried it's not going good enough. You know what I'm saying? There's just like feeling of it's all, for me, it's all going to go away tomorrow. It's either the industry sucks or. I suck. It's a balance in between those every fucking day, tight wire. And he was so...

Not that. Well, he was... He obviously wasn't content. That's not the right word forever. But in that moment... He was just happy. It was like, man, this is a dude who gets something he's deserved. He knows he deserves it.

He fucking knows he deserves it. And, like, that's something that I get hung up on. You know what I mean? I really need to feel like I deserve a thing, like, to enjoy it. He was... He fucking loved it. And then, if you remember, that was the tour that Chappelle kept getting heckled because when he frowned part of the back.

And spanked. his take on that and how he would shit on every comic who shit on Dave for leaving the stage. Some of these young comics would be like, if you're a fucking comic, you should be able to handle it, you should be able to do this. And he would just made it his personal mission

for like two weeks to shut all those young, ignorant motherfuckers up. That's my favorite Spanky Brown story. One of my favorite. I've got several, but the first time I actually met Spanky was at Dale and Jody's. No, excuse me.

I've seen it. him in Knoxville. That is not the first time I met him. I seen him in Knoxville that time. The next time I would ever see him was at Dellen Jody's wedding and he was the right Reverend Spanky Brown. He, uh, and I'm following that tradition. Drew is marrying

me as having a comic, uh, officiate because you know, we're not religious people and that's just what it is. So Spanky came out there and I cannot remember the guy's name to save my life, but Spanky had a goddamn hype man bring him up. It was at the, the wedding was at

McCurdy's comedy club and he had a hype man bring him up. You've seen this, you've seen your pastor on HBO, you've seen him on Comic View or whatever. Give it up for the right Reverend Spanky Brown. Spanky came out there. Everybody welcome to McCurdy's Comedy Cathedral

and he was talking about how old everybody in Sarasota was and he goes, I saw two urns and a Lincoln Navigator driving down. But after the wedding and it was a beautiful ceremony and people did time, Spanky emceed and people went up and did time and it was fucking great.

And Spanky married him and Spanky had known Dale for years. They'd known each other for, I talked to that. Dale was one of the first people I talked to us and I called him and we talked for 15 minutes inaudibly, if that makes sense. Like we were, we were both just, we knew the other person was on the phone. That's about it. And then finally we did whatever comic does and then something made us laugh and we went on a tear and we were talking about this.

which is a, you know, Dale'd known him for 25 years or something like that. Jody, at the lowest of her lows, they lived together and Spanky really helped her out. They're fucking tight. Obviously, he married him. Fucking, after the ceremony, me and Spanky are outside and we're drinking. There was like a cash bar and just like a comedy club. There was like a two drink minimum at this goddamn wedding. So we're outside drinking, and Spanky was sitting there and I was like, dude, you fucking murdered.

He's like, man, that felt good. it was like it was like two comics out there smoking a cigarette after a set he's like that felt really good he's like man i think i could do this and i was like what you mean he goes man i got fans and shit and like people you know some people want to have a uh a nice uh a funny wedding like some people aren't religious they want to you know their second wedding you know especially third wedding whatever he's like i think i could do this man i want to start i'm going to get a website and i was like you know my dad's good at website so we start talking about and he goes i got it miss my business card

Spanky Brown I married the shit out your ass every fucking time I saw him from then on anytime we're talking that got brought up last one over here taking notes I was like Spanky I'll marry the shit out your ass brown and dude he was just

he came and ate at my restaurant when I had one in Chickamauga when we would always work together he was really good about the comedy catch in terms of I could almost guarantee I was getting a week with Spanky because he knew

A, he thought I was funny and we were buddies and he knew that I was just feature level. I wasn't making no goddamn money. So if I was coming in, he'd always tell Alfano, you know,

nephew, Corey's, Corey's gonna fucking open for me or whatever. And so he'd come down to my restaurant and then one time, if you knew what our restaurant was, which y'all did, we did Kish and chicken salad and stuff like that.

He went on stage after he'd eat at my restaurant that day and then, and Spanky could eat. Spanky used to have a joke where he said, you don't get this big bullshit and I eat like a hostage.

and he came down and he went up in his first like six or seven minutes was dedicated to how hilarious it was that I served a big old black man keesh but he had to point out

that it was cheeseburger keesh and then he just went on this tear and I can't remember nothing he said all I know is like no one there had the context of nothing but he was so fucking larger than life funny that that dude

it's a cliche but you're like he could read the dictionary and it was funny but like it's so it's fucking true. Yeah, he was just one of those type of people. It was just always funny. I just remember one time he, we've already talked about how he was very much a

take you under your wing type of dude. You know, like I said, uncle, you know, uncle's pan. Uncle's nephew. And anyway, that's how it was with me at side splitters. And just one time in particular, I remember I'd done, you know, I'd be talking about race some and I always kind of have and I had done this. I'd tried to, I've told y'all, we've had this conversation before.

I tried to do this whole thing about people in Idaho, like, just, or wherever. Idaho is, as one example, New Hampshire, whatever. That's how people in Idaho sound, I feel like. I don't know if that got picked up on it, but Corey just caught one louder than I've ever heard him catch one. That was spanky. That was spanky. Comment there. You quit talking about me, you raggedy bastard.

But them being like. But them talking about how racist the South is and how that pisses me off. I was trying to make this whole thing about like, you know, what the fuck? How are you going to talk about us being racist when you live in Ronald Reagan's dreamland? Everybody you fucking know is white. Like, that's what I was trying to do. But I wasn't good enough for whatever. And it was just like, you know, I feel like it basically came across as well, of course, you ain't racist.

You ain't got no black people around. Right. You know what I mean? Which is not like not what I was trying to do. Fair point, by the way. It did not work. Right. It's my point.

and I came down and Spanky was just hanging out in the bar like he would do a lot and he told me he was like he was just like hey nephew let me tell you like it ain't shit about what you just did racist he was like I know what you're trying to do

he was like I can see what you're trying to do and you need to just keep trying to do it you'll figure it out yeah yeah he was like don't don't worry about that you know that actually used to get me in trouble because Spanky would do that shit to me too right

but spanky is a comic first so like to spanky Kramer had a bad set to Spanky he didn't interpret something as that if it was funny that's all that's the filter he went through and then I'd be like no Spanky I think that was racist

and he's like that shit my bad it was funny though but now he was truly great man and we were talking last night and probably like it's just because those are just the ones you hear about because those are the ones that people talk about and those the ones that people care about. But it's just always the good ones, man.

Always the good comedians that fucking take off too soon. It ain't never the fucking shitty ones. Them motherfuckers stay around forever. Gallagher will exist forever. Sorry, Gallagher, if you're listening. Steve Hofstetter will live forever. Yeah, huh? I mean, you know, only to good die young.

That's true. It's a thing. It is a thing. I guess you just pointed out why that's true, though, Corey. You only notice when a good day young, when the bad was down. You know, nobody gives a fuck. Yeah, nobody gives a fuck.

I'm sitting over here like almost, not jealous, is not the right word, but like, you know, again, the Skagin show was the first time he saw me, and then I moved. Yeah. Four months later, and then the next time I got to talk to him was when he came and hung out with us in Charlotte. Was it Charlotte? Jol's. Yes, yes. He came into the office and hung out with us. And hung out before our show, and that was the first time he had ever.

I started talking to me about what I needed to do and all that stuff. Yeah. I remember sitting there being like, man, I wish I had this in Knoxville. I wish we'd have met sooner. Yeah, I was very fortunate to be at the catch and see him four times a year, or however many times he was there. And also work with him in Knoxville. A lot that happened.

And we had so many mutual friends. I mean, he would stay at my house when he was passing through if that ever happened. Just one of the goddamn. But one of the good ones, but I'll say, this, like, if I could take anything positive way from it. I was like, I was reading Facebook last night, and I was doing this to myself, I was just reading

Facebook and crying. Like, I was doing it to myself like for some form of therapy, but there's no way, I don't know if that's hell. What do you think about that? Like, if I'm intentionally trying to cry because I know I've got to get it out, is that good or bad? I think that's good. Okay. But I was reading testimonials of him. Corey only

asked me because in this Triumvir, I'm his mom and Trace's dad. Right, yeah. So, I think he'd be doing that too so I know that he would be yeah that's fine I do that you think of the two of us Trey's the most likely to read stuff

just to make himself cry that doesn't go with lore at all actually you're probably right I more so listen to stuff me and him be crying on point I absolutely do that I'm not trying to tell y'all that I make myself cry more than y'all

I'm saying it feels to me like the lore is that I do that. We got into a huge argument and we all start crying I'm blabiger pussy in you. I just... Anyway, I just think the lure is that I'd be crying the most. Absolutely.

Anyways, there's no doubt about that. What I took away from reading a lot of stuff last night about Spanky and, like, you know, a lot of it could have been written by me because it was just... It was the same story over and over because that's how genuine of a duty was. Everybody had the same goddamn experience. He was a great dude. He was sweet. He helped out. Right.

But I took... I was like, man, goddamn, you know, what a legacy this guy has left behind. and like, you know, I don't want to die, obviously, but like it really made me start thinking about some corrections that I need to make in my life. Like, I can see some people saying this kind of stuff about me, but this is the outpouring of love that I really want to have, and if I want that, I've got to start being more like Spanky Brown,

and I'm not like him. Well, it won't be comics, it'll be blonde women. That's true. I'll get... Talk about how good you made them feel about themselves, because you love their co-pses. I'm going to have Paulette bears. I don't want to be.

That is. Yeah. But anyways, man, you just talk about inspiration for living your best life. Just that dude, it's, you know, I think he's made everybody that he talked to a better person. I don't know if that's true for everybody. And then he got his last lick in for us, and that's what I said on the plane. Yeah. I sent you all that picture of this joke.

And that was his spirit. The reason this has all happened. Yeah, it was his spirit giving us one last thing and making us leave that van. So, you know, he got us. we're about to have to start this show rest in peace pull one out yeah man but I did

I mentioned an announcement earlier so we should do an abbreviated version of it at least big things coming we hope for the podcast dear listeners was probably medium medium things coming for the podcast we hope dear listeners we're basically rebranding the whole thing I don't know how else to say it

how much like we're pretty sad on on what it's going to be absolutely but there's no reason to draw this out I mean but like look we're going to get together we're going to always be talking about what's going on with us in some sort of segment or briefly or whatever but we're about to have a theme

we don't want to be stagnant one thing that's happened and we've talked about this before on here and everything but one thing we've noticed over two almost exactly two years of touring together. It's the end of this month

will be two years. And one thing that happens a lot, we've noticed, is that people, do we talk to, the shows that come to the shows, want to give us what we call their red cred. Yep. Which is to say,

their red credentials. They want to sort of give us their red-ass resume, basically, which is like, you know, there was a lady who was like, she shot her husband, then the cop shot her and all that.

Like, that's the real story. You started with the Michael Jordan. No, You're right. But more recent, last night, when we were hanging out in between shows and some fans popped out where we were smoking, they were going out that way. Everybody that stopped by was like, man, I'm from fucking Arkansas or like I'm from around here, but I grew up on a fucking farm. And my pap ball slapped a bear in his face. Whatever it was.

So on that note, we just got talking about that thinking about that. And we feel like, you know, there's a few things we can be honest and straightforward. about when it comes to the podcast here one of them is like we feel like we need some more structure to it and the other thing is that when we first started this podcast we didn't know what fuck we were doing at all and in fact honestly it was a mistake to have done it the way that we did but we just didn't know no better so like now we at least think we do we think we have a better grasp of like how to do it I mean from like a technical perspective so we're just basically going to relaunch with this new

theme in mind of, and I'm not saying this is going to be the name of it, but just red cred basically. And so what it's going to be or what we have in mind right now, this could still evolve some, but what we have in mind and y'all can go ahead and start doing this. We're going to submit

I'm about to. We want all y'all to do that. You know, fuck doing it live at the show. I mean, do it live at the shows too, but I'm saying tell us these stories of your give us your red credit. Give us your red credit. Give us your red cred, your own red assery or the red assery of your family.

And you can change names or redact them or whatever, obviously. All that's fine. But give us those stories and we'll read some of your stories. And also we'll just, we'll react to them and to share our own stories. And I also think we should rank. We need to come up with a red ass scale. Like of the month. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And we'll rank them in terms of red, like what level of red asses? And then at the end of the year, we'll have like an NCAA tournament situation. with them. Del Earnhardt unattainable. We've already said that woman was the Michael Jordan. The LeBron James,

just to give you all more examples of what we're getting at. So a three should be the highest you can get on the red-ass scale. The LeBron James of it, if that lady that you just mentioned was the Jordan was the woman who said that her uncle

and cousin died in a car wreck while they were racing each other. And Corey said, who won, which we thought was like a little dark, you probably shouldn't say that. And she responded, we all did.

that was and to this day one of the greatest one-line responses I've ever heard in my time because what kind of I thought about Kansas City I thought about that before and Huntsville was the lady

Huntsville was that lady that quick or has she gotten that question a lot Like is that a bit Like there's been enough jackasses I don't think she was drunk Yeah And that came from that place in your brain That's the funniest part of your brain

I got the truth And it allowed her to get dark. But I was like, man, or there's a bunch of fucked up people like me that asked that same goddamn question. Because, I mean, that's the first thing that popped into my mind below. So, Corey, tell them how they can submit these stories.

Here's how you can submit these stories. Well-read podcast at gmail.com, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, podcast at gmail.com. Send them to me. I'll filter through them. And I'm very excited about this simply because it's reading material for me during the week.

I'm going to get to firsthand. I can't wait to share these. motherfuckers with y'all like just be sitting at the house fucking dying at four o'clock in the morning so tell us your red ass stories yeah tell us your red ass stories prove you red cred and um and by the way i think we're going to like debate whether or not you know we're going to rank them so don't send these in and they get mad when we give you a one because like you know we weren't that impressed that you threw cookies that's not a and that's not a and that's not a knock at you and like the thing is after a while there will end up being a curve so you know i don't

know send your shit a dale curve a dale curve A taco bell curve Also would have worked We would have accepted that All right y'all So that's the deal That's what we've got planned And again

This pretty new idea And it's still coming together And it'll probably evolve some But that's basically what we're looking at So y'all help us go ahead and get started And to all the ones of y'all That are still listening to this right now Despite our numerous

Fuckups with this we've had over We don't have it We really appreciate it So hopefully we're going on to New and hitting her things You know when we could make that We hope Happen is when we get back from his wedding.

That's true. His wedding's in two weeks, or three. I'm just saying if we're going to put a date on it, it'll be middle of June. Yeah, I'll probably have some good ones for y'all when I get back from Portsonant-Losha. God damn. Okay. Nothing hits. Nothing hits.

Y'all hit. We don't hit. Ski-ski. Dere left a van. Yeah, rest of the pace, spanky. Fuck that van. Before I start the show, I'll let y'all know we don't do no fat jokes in my show. Nothing wrong being big, takes a pimp, carry this much weight.

Some of you single women in here looking for your man, you better check you out a big man. That's right. We ain't got the biggest Pee-Ps in the world. You're going to know we've been there when it's over with, though, damn it. Cracked ribs and broke pelvic bone. tow up furniture all that shit so get that blue cross card out

we're covering that beach because somebody getting broke off I'm serious I prefer the word chubby because it's cute only thing everybody say it chubby see it that nice

man I'm gonna start the show for real you're gonna start see the lights on rotiss it's hot as shit up y'all god

dang It's sweating the damn suede shirt and shit. I got my damn car stolen man. That's right. Appreciate this, sir. It's right. Y'all know this ain't Ricky Lake, don't you? Y'all know that shit.

Helping each other out of their problems. My wife folks is so helpful. I got my damn, uh, I got my car stolen, man. about two months ago. I was on my way to Myrtle Beach through the House of Blues and I stopped at this BP station to give me some of that good

gas station chicken. Some of y'all laughed, you know what I'm talking about. Because something in the gas station chicken but in the big brand shit, you know. Some white dude with some equestrian pants on. No shirt and a mullet. Stole my damn brand new

1988 88 88 Acura legend. Didn't have a 15 more payments that bitch. It does some shit. So I had to catch the damn bus from Columbia, South Carolina to Chattanooga, Tennessee, and I don't know if any of y'all ever had the distinct privilege of riding the

Greyhound bus, but I'm going to tell you this right here. Next time you're sitting around your house bitching and whining by shit ain't going your way in your life, take your day off work and catch the Greyhound bus. You will see that shit ain't bad as you think it is.

Just ride the Wilmington and back. you get a ride in the show for your damn money and it ain't the passengers I'm talking about you know they already messed up anyway come on the bus got the little bad attitude with the little name brand luggage like Kroga and glad and hefty

you know what I'm saying thanks for shopping in and shit you know see damn bus drivers man because a bus driver is nothing but a recycle redneck airline pilot that's all this is anybody who wrote the bus

anybody wrote the damn you know what I'm talking about Because we've all flown before in here, right? You ever know it's on the plane how smooth the pilot is? He's all suave and nice and courteous and shit. You can be flying to the most bullshit airport in the world. He'll make it sound like it's something important, make you feel better by where you're going here. Boos.

Pass, this is the captain speaking. Under half of the flight crew, want to take this time to thank you all for choosing Delta as your first choice in travel. We should be landing at the Kensington International. Didn't know I knew about that bullshit, did you? Yeah, I see that shit coming in. The Kensington International Airport

slash Police Station and Chinese Restaurant. About 15 minutes, look at the right side of your plan. You can see the city of Kensington. We don't flew right by that bitch. Somebody gave them a map. I told you. Time so small, they got one or a roach, go to everybody house.

But anyway, Weatherman, Kensington is a cool 186 degrees under Paltly Cloud. This is totally different on the bus, man. different on the bus man because the bus drivers try to do the same shit but it come out all country-fied you preaching that you telling you a bunch of shit ain't none of their damn business nowhere it was mr white mr i m white your greyhound bus driver we're about to pull up here to kensington at earl submarine sandwich and transmission place for a meal stop here old buck fast i'll make you sombitchgo i guess

now you got 15 minutes to get your shit and get your monkey ass back on this bus as quick as you can I'll leave you right here in Kensington and I ain't bullshit, need. We got some African-Americans on the back of this bus to advise you all to get your shit and get your black ass back on this bus as quickly as you can't

because they will shoot your ass in Kensington. That was our good buddy, Spanky Brown, off his album, live at the Laugh House Comedy Club. You can grab that on iTunes, and please do so. Grab that. Let's make that some bitch number one on iTunes and Chef Spanky from the great beyond that we still love him and I'm certain that the proceeds from any future album sales will go to, you know, family,

so that's cool. But anyways, that Spanky album, live at the Laughhouse Comedy Club. Get it on iTunes. And son of a bitch, hug all your friends and tell them you love them. And we love you, Spanky. I miss you. I never won't miss you. Love you.

Skiy. Thank you. for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night and skew.