wellRED podcast - #70 - Mr. & Mrs. CHO: The Crown Royal Wedding!

Episode Date: June 13, 2018

After taking our first EVER week off from the podcast (so sorry...it was a wedding, it was a honeymoon, it was Bonnaroo) we our back with a very special Wedding/Honeymoon recap from The Thuggish Ruggish CHO and his new bride, the lovely and (unintentionally hilarious) Amber Roberts Forrester.Part of the podcast was recorded while actually ON the honeymoon in St. Lucia (wine drunk in the hotel room) and the last part was recorded back home on the porch in Chickamauga, Ga reminiscing about the experience of being the older couple at the resort, how shitty the food was, but overall how gorgeous it was and why Corey needs to work on his cynicism.The intro portion that normally just contains dates and a plug for our sponsors was laced with an espresso fueled tirade by the CHO concerning Trump, Kim Jong Un, and all that malarkey that went on the past week or so.For tickets to our shows, merch, the book, and more, go to wellREDcomedy.comSupport for the podcast as always is brought to you by smokeyboysgrilling.comFor more information about Andi Morrow's film Pusher go to PusherFilm.com As always, please leave us a rating... it helps us coast along the charts:) Love y'all like Chicken. Skeeeeew!!!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say.

Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore,

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Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that.

Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas.

Yeah, so that was money. What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten.

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slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. Hey well red listeners before I get into the lovely dates portion that you all love of this podcast. I wanted to bring your attention to something near and dear to my heart our friend Andy Morrow. you may know her from the podcast. She is our ginger buddy, Drew Morgan's wife, and she is writing, directing, and producing a film that is, I know near and dear to her heart, and it's going to be near and dear to our hearts as well.

And if you're about what we're about, I think you're going to be interested in it. Here's the description of the project that Andy sent me. Pusher is a story about addiction and community. And I was inspired to write this story by people I love who've been affected by addiction, and my conviction that those cycles can be broken. The film follows Brittany Lee,

a small-time drug dealer in an Appalachian town, forced to come to terms with the damage she has caused herself and others. Our hope is that this story will empower Appalachians to take pride in and ownership of their communities, to fight for those communities and for each other. So you can go to, she has an Indiegogo page that we're going to be raising money to pull this, film off that I think it's going to be very important. I think it's something that, again, every

listener on here, I feel like if you've been with us from the start and you're still with us, you probably at least empathize with what I just said and what this movie is about. I'm going to share the Indiegogo campaign in the podcast description. So click down on your iTunes mess or whatever you use, but it's going to be in the description. It's, yeah, because it's just a whole long, drawn-out bullshit thing. I could tell you the link right now, but it's wild. She says this, though, the website that might be best to give you because it has a link to the fundraiser.

Well, if I just read this shit first, Andy, maybe if I'd listen to you instead of just fucking trying to be a dumb fuck, I'd have known this. The website best is www.w.w.pusherfilm.com. They're on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram as Pusher Movie. So go to pusherfilm.com, and you can check out the Indiegogo. campaign and we're going to try to get this film made.

We love Andy. She's very talented. She's been in a lot of shit. She's a tremendous actress, a tremendous writer, and I'm super pumped about this. So consider donating or at the very least, share the link for somebody that, you know, might want to. I think we've all been affected by this hoarse shit of drug addiction in one way or another, whether it's been us personally or us having to see a goddamn friend die, and I'm sick of it. So if this movie could just help one instance, I think it'd be worth it. So now, into the regular podcast, here are the dates portions that you're about to hear in a full disclosure. When I went to record these dates, I was jacked up on espresso, and I ended up just going on a rant about Trump and Kim Jong-un.

So, you know, if you're not into that whole date shit, you can skip forward about eight minutes and hear me rant and rave and lose my goddamn mind about the North Korea summit. but otherwise enjoy the podcast we love you and uh skew you what up well-read podcast folks it's your boy the show uh back from the honeymoon thanks everybody that sent me an overwhelming number of messages i turn my down i promised the the old lady that i'd stay off social media for the week of the wedding and the week of the honeymoon and i did and to prevent me uh i guess backsliding on that promise i just deleted all my damn apps from my phone. So I deleted my messenger, and I put it back on my phone yesterday,

expecting to have a couple messages. And damn, man, y'all make a man feel really good. I so much love. I felt truly, sincerely loved. And for those of you that listen all the time, you think, but you're just such a fun-loving guy. Of course you feel loved. But if you really know me, you know,

that's fucking insane. So sincerely, thank you for everybody that came out and made our special day awesome. The wedding was fantastic. We'll talk more about that later. The honeymoon also will talk about it later. Y'all ain't going to believe this, and I might lose some fans on this, because you're going to think I'm not as genuine of a person anymore,

but I didn't drink, except for the first night of the honeymoon, where I got, yeah, I got drunk, we landed late, and it was a late night, so I was trying to wind down. I got drunk and sat down on the porch while Mrs. Cho, the newly betrothed, slept, and I sat on the porch, looked at the ocean, and wrote, what I hope will be the start of my new act for you, fellas, when you come back on the next tour and see us. But I didn't drink shit.

I had a good time. I read three books, all of which were great. I got an advance copy of, you've heard her on the podcast episode two. Sarah Smarsh, she's a fantastic journalist from Kansas. I got an advanced copy of her book, you know, because I'm special and shit. And I read that. It hadn't come out yet. And I'll plug it later when I don't exactly know when it comes out,

but I just want to tell you right now, if you liked, I mean, it's not the same as our book. It's a memoir, but like if you like what we're about, you need to go give Sarah a follow on Twitter right now and keep up with her and find out when her book's coming out because it, oh man, it tore me up. I love that book. It was great. I finally got around to reading Tina Faye's Bossy Pants, which I've needed to read for a long time. And Jesus Christ, I don't have to pimp that for Tina. It's still a bestseller after like 10 years.

but hilarious. Also, Radney Foster. I read a series of short stories by him, which is fantastic. So, yeah, the Cho reads. So I relaxed. I feel good. I'm sorry we didn't have a podcast for you guys last week. But, you know, sometimes the Cho got to take a break,

and I just didn't feel like fucking with it. We had too much fun on the honeymoon. We're going to do, we're going to do like a live podcast from the wedding. And Amber didn't exactly say no, but she, said maybe in a way that I feel going forward in my marriage I need to interpret as, you better not do this, you dumb fuck. So we didn't. This week's podcast will be a recap of our honeymoon with me and Mrs. Cho. It's going to have a couple segments in it because at one point, I want to say against her will, but she seemed pretty cool with it. Like I said, I wasn't drinking,

but she, don't worry, she drank for both of us. We went to an all-inclusive resort, and she made sure that we got our money's worth. So there's a section in there where me and her are rolling around the bed and I'm bothering her, and she's talking about how much I don't hit, so you'll very much enjoy that. This podcast, as always, is brought to you by smokyboysgrilling.com.

Go to smokyboysgrilling.com and grab your meat rub, your hog rub, and the beefrub, and send a boy some love, send him a message, tell him how much you love the shit. Put it on chicken, put it on pork, put it on beef, put it on whatever, it's good as shit. And as I've been saying, because I've been trying to clean my life up a little bit, I put a little bit in my bone broth and it flavors it up just the right amount. Gets that good, good spicy mess going. Actually, for those of you that have been paying attention to my constant struggle with weight,

I'm sure there's some psychologists. and psychiatrist out there that follow my posts about how fat I am and how much I want to lose weight and know that there has to be some underlying issues here. And there are. I've had issues with my weight, my entire life. But I don't think, I think I might be the only person ever to lose weight on their honeymoon. I am now at 200 pounds, which I know sounds enormous to a lot of you. But the last time, a couple months ago on tour, I weighed myself and I weighed 228 pounds.

and really what I did here's the secret guys you uh you just got to not get fucking drunk as shit every day maybe two times a week I've cut booze out tried to cut the carbs a little bit

but you just eat man eat food if you starve yourself you ain't gonna do it just cut when you go to a restaurant do what I do cut the shit in half put it to go box and then eat that as your other meal because they give you the portions are insane

but of course you're going to eat them because we're fat and food hits and burgers hit but I'm down to 200 I'm very proud of myself trying gonna try to get to 180 so you know tweet at me keep tweeting at me and tell me how fat I am that really helps whenever we this is this is the main thing if you want to lose weight go on a nationally sold out comedy tour and have people put up pictures of you every single night on Twitter every single night on Twitter 30 pictures go up and then you get to have people say stuff like oh look at the chose fucking fat head. Oh, I bet your mom's vagina felt bad when you came out. Oh, look at your

belly. It's really great. I know that we live in a culture and now, especially what we stand for as progress is like we don't want to body shaming and you shouldn't because some people don't like body shaming, but I got to tell you, for me, that shit really works. So keep calling me fat. I don't care. It worked for, I think it worked for Burke Crischer for a little bit. But yeah, no, keep calling me fat on Twitter. It really works. It makes me feel super bad about myself but don't feel too bad because i promise you i already felt bad about myself but every time you call me fat i put down a coca cola and i pick up a lacroix so everything's good so uh anyways we're going to be if you're listening to this podcast is be wednesday this saturday june the 16th

we're going to be in chicago at talia hall i think i'm saying it right talya hall in chicago the first show sold out very quick and the second show is close to selling out as of right now i may have an email telling me it is sold out, but I don't think so. So there's a couple tickets left. Grab them, come see us in one of my favorite cities ever, where I bought my first pair of Jordans that started an obsession that will absolutely make me die penniless. But I love Chicago, and since I'm trying to lose weight and I can't eat deep dish pizza

or drink all the beers, I probably will go back to the Jordan store and buy some shit because I'm a lunatic like that. So well-redcom, w-e-l, R-E-D-comedy.com, spelled just like the podcast. We're going to be in Chicago this Saturday, and then on to Tulsa, Oklahoma, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Then after that, we've got, we're going to Hana Freaking Lulu. It's just, we're going to Honolulu, and my beautiful, now I can say wife, that's very weird to say, but my wife is going to be coming with us.

She's also leaving Saturday to go to the beach, and then as soon as she gets back, she's going to Hawaii. So honeymoon, beach, Hawaii. This is absolutely Amber's Summer. So come see us in Hawaii. June 29th and 30th in Honolulu. Then we're on to July 6 and 7th, Burlington, Vermont, July 8th and 9th, Portland, Maine. July 20th, we're going to be at the District of Comedy Festival in D.C. And, oh, as I'm looking at it, that's sold out.

Damn. That's awesome, though. It's us and Pat and Oswald and Derek Smalls of the band, the band formerly known as Spinal Tap, one of the great American films. Then we're on July 21st in Norfolk, Virginia. Baltimore, Maryland, Buffalo, New York, Irvine, California, Las Vegas, Nevada, Albuquerque, New Mexico. By the way, I'm hearing some of these for the first time, too, and I'm super pumped. Boulder, Colorado, Richmond, Virginia, Cleveland, Ohio, Columbus, Ohio, Toledo, Ohio,

Goshen, Indiana, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky at the Brown Theater, Super Pump, Providence, Rhode Island, Idaho, Falls, Idaho, Boise, Idaho. That's through September, yada, yada, yada, go to well-redcombe.com to get tickets, sign up for the newsletter, grab some merch, grab our book, The Liberal, Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark. I hate to say it, but it becomes more timely every goddamn day. Jesus Christ, we're meeting with fucking North Korea, which I got to tell you, and, you know, this is me. Me and the boys haven't really talked about it, and I should put a disclaimer, the opinions of the show do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the entire

well-read comedy tour, but I can say this. It seems more and more every day that we are living in a goddamn simulation. More so pointed out by the fact that, so I was reading on Twitter yesterday, I saw this tweet, and I was like, oh shit, he must have just tweeted this. It was Trump, and he said something to the effect of, oh, Dennis Rodman must have been drunk

when he said that I wanted to go to North Korea with him. I'm very glad that I fired him on the apprentice, whatever. First off, I know he wasn't president then, but is it not fucking insane that that dude, that four years ago was tweeting about, I don't know what Dennis Rodman said, but he must have been fucking drunk, is now the goddamn president and was bragging about having fired him on a fucking reality show. We live in a simulation.

I say that because that tweet was four years ago. I read it yesterday as it was like I thought it was real. Then I looked at the date. Then I look on CNN, and God damn it, if there ain't Trump sitting there shaking hands with little fucking fuck-face Kim Jong-un, while Dennis Rodman looks on crying in a Make America Great Again hat with a goddamn pot currency t-shirt on what is happening. Elon Musk save us.

If we are living in a simulation, hit the goddamn button. Although we talk about this all the time, if we are living in a simulation, whoever's currently running it is obviously favoring the well-read boys because things are going good. So, like, I'm fine with that portion of it. Like, the part where I have a career and am able to afford shoes and, like, pay my bills with comedy, that part of the simulation, which also, to a lot of people and your boy doesn't seem real at times, I'm cool with that part.

But this whole part, like, man, you're talking shit about Justin Trudeau. You're talking shit about Merkel. You're talking shit about France. All these countries that are allies, our literal allies, who like, if you don't like some of their policies, that's fine. But there are allies. And you're talking shit about them. And then two days or three days later, you're shaking hands with a literal, murderous, fucking homunculus dictator, talking about how they've got such great potential.

and he's an amazing, smart man. That is fucking insane. Going to North Korea, by the way, and attempting to make peace with them is great. And I will say, like, I'm not going to shit on the Trump administration for that. Like, that is totally fine, because it would be disingenuous, honestly, because I remember several years ago when Obama first came into office and he said, not only am I going to continue strengthening our allies,

you know, because the motherfucker had diplomacy, which is something that just apparently doesn't exist in politics anymore. Not only are we going to increase our strength with our allies, I'm going to talk to everybody. I'm going to talk to our enemies, and I'm going to try to figure this shit out. I remember when that happened. And I remember all it was was, oh my God, can you believe

communist Kenyan fucking Muslim Obama wants to actually talk to these maniacs? You can't reason. Sarah Palin said that. You can't reason with these madmen. And by the way, I'm not entirely against you. And I do probably think at the time, us liberals were like, well, fuck you. If he wants to go to North Korea and meet with him, that's a good thing. And I still agree with that. I'm not saying it's not good that Trump is meeting with Kim Jong-un

and trying to, I guess, civilized relations between a insane fascist dictatorship. That is good. I hope this shit works out. I really do. I'm rooting for this deal. I really hope it works out. I don't want Trump to fail. I just want him to succeed at shit that I like.

and that is going to be beneficial for this goddamn country. And if this is one of them, that's great. But you can't do that while also saying fuck France and fuck Canada, people who are our friends. That's when it looks insane. Again, if you want to go to North Korea and make things right, that's awesome. And anybody that says that's not good is stupid. But you know that this motherfucker, because of what he did at the G6 or G7 or G8, I don't know what the fuck it is, by the way.

I keep hearing G6. I keep hearing G7 and I keep hearing G8. That sounds like a goddamn tailor-made golf club to me. I don't know what the fuck is happening. But all I know is he had a bad showing at that motherfucker, and all of a sudden he's all smiles, shaking hands with this goddamn pudgy-ass, noodle-filled piece of shit. Like, I don't understand it, and I don't understand how his supporters can rationalize it.

But, again, this is, like, Ulysses Everett McGill said in the very great Cohen Brothers film, oh brother where art thou? He said it is a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart. And that is basically just what I have to lay my head down on the pillow thinking about at night is that at a certain point there is no reasoning with these people. And honestly, the more we as a group, I'm talking to liberals, the more we focus on, I don't know, shit like, oh, Trump's a right, like something came out the other day.

It was like, Trump said a bunch of racist shit during The Apprentice, and they're like this whole article. Like, that's going to do a goddamn thing. We know he's racist. And his supporters fucking know he's racist. They'll say all day long, oh, he's not racist. He's not fucking racist. But like, he is, and we know it. So, like, quit trying to uncover that shit.

That's not going to work. Okay? We've got to focus on. And when you do, when you do that shit and all it does is feed into their whole, this is why we voted for him in the first place. We don't like this goddamn political correctness. think. Well, you know, as much as I would love for people not to call gay people bad words and stuff, I would. But look, those people and Trump don't give a fuck about it. Mike Pence don't give a fuck about it. They're going to do what they want to do. We've got to bury our heads down and worry about actual

goddamn policy and actual shit that we can do. We've got to find the middle ground because I promise you there is a middle ground somewhere. I would have thought, by the way, that it was fucking hating North Korea. I thought that's where we could somehow meet in the middle. But apparently now. Oh no, you know, they've got some good shit going on. I like what they do over there. What they do over there, by the way, is state-run fucking television and propaganda, which is exactly what the fuck Alex Jones and Fox News is goddamn turning into. And it's what Trump would have this country fucking... That's all he's doing, man. It is. He's going over there because he's getting a fucking template

on how to run his bullshit. And we're over here worried about whether he said a cuss word or not. Who gives a fuck? There is literal malarkey. There's malarkey. There's malarkey. There's a a larky going on. And what's, so then Robert De Niro goes on the Tony Awards and goes in, and I hadn't listened to it, by the way, I don't have to because I guarantee I agree with everything you said. One of the cliff notes I got from was he said, fuck Trump. And of course, now everybody's like, oh, goddamn, these fucking liberal elites, this is why we elected Donald Trump in the first place, these liberal elites, these elitists think they know

what's best for us. Yeah, so let's see. Robert De Niro doesn't have your best interest at heart. I know, let's elect this silver spoon-fed fucking business tycoon that fucking doesn't even know how much a goddamn McDonald's cheeseburger cost. No, he's got your best interest at heart because he thinks that Mexicans aren't be kicked over the border. Him and De Niro differ on that thing. So fuck Robert De Niro and all hell Donald, God damn Trump because he speaks from me and my people and he's going to bring coal back. No, he's not.

He's not a fucking magician. God damn it, this is ridiculous. What I'm saying is, we've got to stop worrying. Yeah, he's a racist. It doesn't, dude, if you fucking found an old interview where Donald Trump literally said the N-word, that will do nothing. I don't know. I'm not saying at the beginning that there wouldn't be some people go, oh shit, never mind.

But those people have already jumped ship. They're gone. Anybody that gives a fuck about a racial epithet, I can't even say the word, that he said, or any bullshit, they've already jumped ship. The people with him now don't give a fuck about your little goddamn PC. op-ed. They don't. We've got to just figure out some, because he's the fucking president.

That's, I mean, it sucks, but he is the president, and we've got to figure out some way to navigate within this bullshit for the next two or so years, hopefully, because if we don't, and we keep just worrying about bullshit that these people don't give a fuck about, that motherfucker's going to win again in four years.

And you can call me crazy all you want. But, if you will remember, we had our serious show, right before the election, I got a lot of shit because I was the one that said, this motherfucker's about to win. And everybody acted like, I was saying that I wanted them to, of course I didn't want him to. I just saw the writing on the wall, man. I live amongst these

people. I traveled 42 states. I went through all the rural areas. I saw the sign. It's not North versus South, by the way, which again, if you want to learn more about that, pick up our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark. But it's not North versus South. It is rural versus city, and there is a shit

pot of fucking rural out there. And a lot of them are good-ass people. I'd say the majority of them good people. I'm not going to be like Donald Trump and say, they're not sending their best over here, they're rapists, they're, I'm not, that's not it at all. I think some of them are confused and some of them live in, like,

you think Hollywood's a bubble, and it totally is, by the way, a bubble that I'm trying to get in because it seems like, yeah, like, oh, you're out in a bubble out there and you don't really know what's going on with Middle America. No, but I don't have to hear the goddamn N-word all the time and have people talk about throwing Mexicans over a fucking wall

and making America great again and all this Hitler youth bullshit. That's a nice bubble to be in. I'm fine with that. I can actually sleep at night and not feel like the country is going to fucking burn every two seconds. But the bubble that you get in as a god, it's someone in these rural areas is you don't, they don't think racism exists, by the way. When we spew shit about racism, which is a huge problem, they literally don't think it exists because they've never seen it. Now, because of how much access we have to information with the internet and our phones and tablets and constant 24 hour news, at this point, if you don't see that it's happening, it is ignorance. and it's just, it's willful ignorance, it's you don't want to see that it happens.

But when they voted for this motherfucker, Black Lives Matter didn't make any sense to them because they didn't see the rallies because they weren't coming through bum-fuck Indiana. It didn't exist. So I don't know, man. We got, like, we've got to find some middle ground.

We've got to find some issues that we'd all agree on. And again, I thought it was North Korea. I thought it might have been Russia, because, like, you know, these people have, like, these people that have jacked Reagan off, Reagan's dead corpse off with both hands for years. You know, they hadn't liked Russia. I'm not saying anything that hadn't been said before,

but like the middle ground I thought we could find obviously isn't there. Trump now has maybe said something about proposing state legalization on pot, which is awesome. That is a middle ground that we can find. It's going to be hilarious to me when all of a sudden these motherfuckers think pot's okay because they have it for years because it's the devil's lettuce and it's a gateway drug and it leads to all this shit and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, but, you know,

It could take you off the pills. Those pills that you think, oh, well, he's not on drugs. He's on prescriptions. It's fucking drugs, man. That shit kills people. Pot might be the thing. But we, if Donald Trump actually comes out and makes some policy that makes marijuana a state issue and states can legalize it or whatever, or however it goes.

I don't know. We can't poke holes in it. Just chalk that up as a win for the old, as Trey said, the carnie-handed mango man, the fucking Prince Marmalade or whatever. Like, let him have that. If he does some good shit, we got to give it to him, you know. But overall, no, fuck him. Because even if he does something good, it's so hidden beneath this clear motive of fucking separation and bullshit.

But we got to find the middle ground, man, and we got to actually pick the battles that need to be fought instead of this bullshit, you know, oh, he's fat and he wears a wig or whatever. Like, who gives a shit? Like, man, if the Wright said that about one of our candidates. we'd call it body shaming. And I know because right now they're talking about Justin Trudeau had like a fake eyebrow or some shit, fall off during the G-spot, G-unit Summit, or whatever the fuck it was.

And like, of course they're going to give him shit for that. And like, honestly, we don't have a leg to stand on. If we want to come back at them and be like, oh, don't talk about Justin Trudeau. You're talking about his eyebrows. That's not the issue. Well, we've kind of made it the issue when we talk about fucking, you know,

Trump being a fat-ass McDonald's eating wig-wearing, an orange, tan, sprayed motherfucker. Like, yeah, that's all funny, but, like, that is not, that's not what he should be made fun of for. And that's not what this administration should be made fun of for. And it's not, I don't know, man, it's a hell of a thing for me to say. But it's almost time to stop making fun and just start goddamn voting and going to town hall meetings and getting your friends riled up about stuff

and signing petitions and, like, getting mobilized motherfuckers. Because this shit is dangerous and this shit is not a country that I want my kids to grow up in. I don't have them yet. but like, when I do, I want this country to be better than it was, you know, when I was fucking around, which like, if we're just basing it on these couple years, God damn, I don't see how it couldn't be. The pendulum's got a shift at some point. Like, you know, we had Clinton for eight years, then we had Bush for eight years, then we had Obama for eight years. It usually goes Democrat Republican, Democrat Republican. Once you go so far the other way, the pendulum has to shift.

And usually incumbents win, but I think in this case, like Trump, you know, fucking. and George H. Bush didn't win his. It can be done, but we've got to get a goddamn candidate, and we've got to get a candidate that is talking about more than how shitty Donald Trump is and more about what they can actually do to make

this country. Not great again. Continue to be the greatness that it's been God damn it, one of the greatest countries on fucking earth. And Obama didn't set us back, and if you think he did, you're a fucking idiot. And I'm sorry if you lost your coal mining job, but that shit was going to go away regardless of whether we had a goddamn black president. It's a dying

industry. There's a lot of dying industries, and that's what we need to be talking about. Talk about how we can win the election, not how Donald Trump can lose the election, because I promise you that is what got this shit started in the beginning. Hillary was out there, and we weren't trying to win. We were just trying to make this motherfucker lose because we thought it was going to be easy, and it wasn't, and it won't be in four years. And if you think it will be, you're wrong. We've got to get a candidate that, Lord, please, I hope we can get a candidate that ain't touch no tities eight years ago or some shit that he wasn't supposed to touch. God damn it, y'all.

Keep your hands to yourself and fucking, I don't know, man, write an op-ed about something that ain't Donald Trump just being a fucking racist because, yeah, he is, but I've read about a thousand and nobody gives a fuck, man. Ah. Anyways, like I said, this podcast is brought to you by Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Go there, get your meat rub, and enjoy this episode where we recap the honeymoon and my wedding. And I'm so sorry that I went on a rant there. I don't even know how long it was, and I apologize, but I didn't get on social media for an entire week.

I didn't really talk to anybody but my wife, so I've got a lot of pin up anger. I love you, and if this isn't your favorite episode, and it's because of this, I promise I'll never do it again. Love you. Skew. Bye. Well, well, well. And now, well-read podcast listeners, we take a listen into the Cho and Mrs. Chow's sleeping quarters on their honeymoon in St. Lucia. I wonder what they're up to.

Hey, everybody, I'd like to introduce you to a character, a new character to the well-read podcast named Wine Amber. Wine Amber, how are you? Fuck off. Why? Why do I call you Wine, Amber? Because you're an asshole, and you're insecure of your life. What? Where'd that come from?

Just easy out. No, I call you wine amber because there's beer. There's multiple embers. There is multiple embers. There's beer amber, which as you know is my favorite. There's white wine amber, and there's good Lord. And there's red wine amber. What are you being right now?

Champagne amber, which is cool amber, fun amber. Yeah. That's true. Red wine amber is my least favorite. I think liquor amber would be your least favorite. Yeah, but I don't even ever see you on. Liquor Amber is reserved for nights where you go out and I'm out of town. Like if you go to a Jason Isbel concert or something, I don't ever see liquor.

Well, the other night, when we went to go have Italian here on the wedding. Yeah, but. Because I only had vodka. That was kind of liquor. Yeah, but, and you were being fine all day, what did you have at dinner? red wine but that i've been drinking liquor all day yeah but i'm saying and oh and all day you've been fine until the red wine came and then you turn into red wine amber and you left me sitting there like a fat boy red red red wine isn't there a song yes a very famous one by the band you b 40

you left me at dinner sitting there like a fat boy all by myself eating a goddamn vanilla custard You pissed me off. No, that's not true. That's not true at all. You pissed me off. And then we sat there. I didn't want to face it, so I wanted to leave. I don't actually think that's the case.

I would like to believe that now. No, you pissed me off, and then you were drunk, so you forgot about it for 10 minutes. And then you sat there at dinner playing very funny Snapchat videos on your phone at full volume in this Italian restaurant. And then you got up and you go, oh, I'm tired, daddy. I got to go to bed. and then you let me sit there and eat a towel... As if I'd immediately forgotten that I was mad at you. You weren't mad at me.

I was mad at you. There's a difference. One happens way more frequently than the other. Well, usually when you get mad at me, I get mad at you for being mad at me. Actually, that is kind of accurate. But what I'm saying is that you had totally forgot about that because when you left and you were like, you didn't storm off. You weren't like, I'm going to the fucking room.

Fuck you. You were like, oh. Baby, you're like, I'm, you're like, bye, Daddy, I'm drunk. And then you smiled and you kissed me. Then I came up here and you were just asleep on top of the sheets. That's red white white, amber. Right now it's white wine amber, which is fine. Because if this is red wine, amber, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now.

Yeah, I would have already plunged your face into the toilet. Right. And beer amber, we wouldn't be. Beer amber is just like Danny Amber. Beer Amber is fun. I like beer Amber. Bill Amber is who I fell in love with. I usually sit to beer amber.

No, you don't. You used to. You're totally wine amber now. See? Ah, beer amber wouldn't do this. Fuck you. Beer ever wouldn't do this. Okay, just stop.

She stormed off. Just so everybody knows we're on her honeymoon right now. I don't know where I'm going to put this in this episode, but I'm just, I got this little mini recorder and I thought I would get some, like, candids and shit of us, candid conversation. Is it still, is it still? Hey, babe.

What? Is it still like, you know how like a candid photo is when you take a picture of somebody and they didn't know they were being photographed? I knew. Yeah, but I just started doing it. Like I didn't tell you, hey, I'm about to start recording you. I just got the recorder out and started recording. That's kind of... The Popeye's family feast.

Why has everybody suddenly family with Popeyes hits the table? Feed all those cousins with six pieces of our boldly seasoned signature chicken. Two famous chicken sandwiches, two large mouth-watering sides, and four flaky biscuits. That's enough for cousin co-worker, cousin roommate, cousin neighbor, and all his billion cousin kids. You've got all the cousins coming. Even the ones who aren't really your cousins, all for $29.99. Limited time to participate in U.S. restaurants prices may vary additional terms apply. But you didn't know I was about to start recording.

If I was like recording without telling you that I was recording at all, that would be fucking wiretapping and that's illegal. I'm saying like, I just got on the bed and started recording. I didn't say, hey, baby, prepare. We're going to start doing this podcast. I just hop on a bed. What does the term candid actually mean? I'm asking you. I'm asking you, do you think that's similar?

Like a candid camera or candid audience? I know when I'm talking about that's the situation on me to Google that. We'll Google it. Look it up. You had a good time so far? Yes. I've had a fucking blast. I'm so goddamn full of fucking tuna and ice cream right now, which is a great combination.

I'm sweepie. I'm also sweepie. I'm sure my goddamn booty hole is going to be wonderful with tuna and ice cream later. Whoa. Are you looking up candid? Yeah, my phone just don't work here, though. Oh, right. Like, at all, at any point in time, I can't get it to love up.

There we go. Truthful and straightforward. Truthful. And it says of a photograph of a person taken informally, especially about the subject's knowledge. But I knew you started recording. So no. That's not candid. All right.

Well, I sound like a fucking dealhole now. Imprompt. Impromptu. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that is definitely what this is. But I also felt like a candid picture was an impromptu picture. Although I guess a lot of times people were, whatever, I'm fucking stupid. Well, I can see your butt in that mirror.

Oh, boy, do. All right. Well, we need to get some sleep because we're going to have goddamn leave in the morning from St. Let me shut up. The most shitty drive ever to the airport. Oh, yeah. There's so much fucking... We could went a nice call for only $100.

And drive it ourselves? No. Somebody drive this. Oh. I don't... I'm joking. I don't want to do that. I'm just saying we've been in a lot of things underneath our door about that.

Oh, well, honestly, if I knew that that person also wasn't going to drive like a lunatic, I would say it's worth $100, but, like, I don't... were going to do the same shit. Yeah, it wasn't the bus that scared me. It was the motherfucker driving the bus, and I just got to feel like that's just how it is around here. And as I was saying, like, I feel like it's just how it is anywhere. Like, this may be wrong, but, like, you know, driving in the world, as far as the world's concerned, driving is still a relative, like, considering how long human beings have existed,

driving is a very goddamn new thing just to everybody. but it's especially new to like, you know, impoverished countries, which St. Lucia is. I have no respect to like the road. I don't think it's a respect thing. I think it's like they don't know. They just fucking, I was like, hey, we just got cars. Cool, how do we drive them?

I don't know. Let's just all fucking figure it out. I just get in and drive on the other side of the road. I wonder when they actually got cars. I don't know. I should have looked that up for all this, but I'll look it up. Now, we gotta go to bed.

I'm gonna add this. I'm gonna add this to the middle part where we're, because this podcast is gonna be me and you at home talking about this honeymoon. Yes, it is. I already told you. Because I won't be back with the boys until

June 16th at Talia Hall in Chicago, Illinois. We got two shows. The first show is sold out. As of this, as of me saying this, the second show has a couple tickets left. It's not completely stuck. quite sticking a finger at my nose. Yeah. Anyways,

this is the first time you've ever been on the podcast as Mrs. Forrester. Quazy. Or Signorita Cho. Ah, I like that sound. Signorita Cho. I should feel like way more cool. Oh, signorita. Signorita.

Signorita Cho. Oh, so-cho. Oh, dirty girl. Oh, that's a girl. What was that accent? Girl, gutty girl. You went from Senegal. I think that's just our dirty girl sound.

Do they know about dirty girl? No. Here's the thing Amber does a lot, which is anytime she gets, this is beer amber, white wine amber, or red wine, Amber. It doesn't matter. This is sober Amber. Or sober Amber, yeah, whenever she does something. Or whenever I ask you.

I have nicknames for everything. Yeah, that's true. I have things for everything. That's true. And Dirty Girl is a huge part of that. Yeah, anytime, because you call other people that, like, anytime one of her friends, I don't know, give an example of, like, what a dirty girl is. I mean, it could be dumb, too. I mean, a dirty girl is a dirty girl.

Basically, anytime somebody does something that's, like, so, like, cliche or, like, a really funny, you're like, ooh, dirty goal. Right, like, if one of your friends. Or, like, if you walk out and, like, you drop your towel, like, you're changing clothes in your neck and you see your titty, you're like, ooh, dutty. Yeah, but like, even if y'all were at, if you, I feel like if you were at church and one of your friends was like, oh, can you tell that I'm not wearing a bra, you'd stand up in church, go. Oh, dirty, you're so dirty, don't you go. Those are lies. Like, that would never be a situation. Because you'd never be in church.

But, like, if we were just, like, at the mall or, like, just eating dinner and, like, you know, you could see your tities or something. But, oh, dutty goal. One thing you've got to learn about comedy is it's a lot of yes-ending. What? Yes, and. So, like, I know that you would never be at church, but I've already established that you're at church, so you just got to go with it and be like, yeah.

Like, if I was at church, somebody wasn't wearing a bra. Yeah, but I feel like when we're conversing and having this conversation, it makes more sense for me to be like, hold up. Actually, yeah, and it is funnier for you to point out, like, bitch, I ain't going on a church. That's what I'm saying. No, you're right.

You gave me a lesson today. Like, I get where you're coming from, and I get, like, where you would have that conversation. but so I feel like it won't make sense for me like hold up yeah like if I'm laying like like this on the bed

and I put my butt out like this what I'm doing yeah dirty girl I'm being a dirty good dirty goal oh so dirty girl

yeah I think more people should be like use dirty girls in turn we've both been dirty girls this week well I don't want to get we're gonna end up doing this at home

we'll explain more about the honeymoon so I don't want to get into it right now because we need to go to sleep Oh, you're being a dirty girl. Oh. So anyways, like I said, I'm going to slap this in the middle somewhere. So good night, Mrs. Foster. Bye, Daddy Goals.

Cute. Aren't those two kids just the cutest? Well, now the honeymoon's over and they're back home and unpacking and starting their life together as newly betrothed. Let's catch up with them and see how it's going. I thought this was... You ain't about to go. It's probably on the same album. It's called Hannah.

You getting shit done, bull? I am. My back hurts from cleaning up the whole garage. Or not garage, the basement. Putting all our gifts. Have you seen anything that? So what all we get today that I didn't say? Well, the reason I cleared it all out was so that since we live in a house that was not built for storage,

I was trying to clean all, like, the wedding stuff. that stuff that I do not need so we can store something in the basement. So I haven't actually got to like, I've wrote down all of our wedding guests, but I haven't got them all the boxes and stuff. What do you mean by this house wasn't built for storage? Because I feel like it's got a garage in like that basement area. In the kitchen. Like there's not.

Oh, right. Yeah, no, there's nothing. There's no pantry. No, there's not. There's not big cabinets. No. I mean, it's an older house, but. That's what I'm saying.

It's just one of those older houses that wasn't built like that. And of course, that basement was, this is like that house, back in the day, that basement was like where all the kids hung out during Christmas and shit. Got the shag carpet and shit. It's good. It has that room down there. But just had all kinds of wedding shit that, like, I was thinking about selling, but also just thinking about throwing the trash can.

What? Because I don't want to do that. Selling what? Just like random things we use at the wedding, like jars and stuff. Oh, yeah. Like mason jars? Yeah, I mean. But you love to craft so much.

No, I know, I have a lot of it. I don't know all the things. Well, you know what you could do. just put on Facebook, hey, I got a shit ton of mason jars, and you know... Well, it's not just that. It's a bunch of random stuff, but, like, I'm also nervous about doing things on Facebook. Like, when people sell stuff on there. No, no, no, no.

I have all this lingo, and I don't know how to do all that. I don't mean, like, get on a yard sale side. I mean, literally just posted on your Facebook for your friends, because, like, I feel like all that wedding stuff is, like, girly shit. And also, we might know somebody that's about to get married. Well, that's what I was trying to figure out, but I can't think of anybody. That's what happens when you're the last on the line to get married. married. Yes, that was interesting. I wanted to talk about the, so when we went on the honeymoon,

the first thing that I noticed, I think it might have been the first thing you noticed too, is how insanely older we were than everybody. Yeah. And of course, the only people we got along with or connected with were the people who were there on their 15 year anniversary. And also we connected with them, but we connected with them pretty non-verbally just with like a head nod of just like, hey, we also don't want to talk to anybody. And we didn't even shake hands with them until the bus was leaving the result. And we didn't even shake hands with them until the bus was leaving the resort and they came up to me. It was like, yo, what's up, man?

That was the most we talked to anyone. Yeah, and it felt like he was coming up and congratulating us on, hey, we made it and didn't fucking talk to anybody. Like, we didn't even make friends. And the only reason we're friends right now is because our bond of, you know, we didn't fucking talk to anybody. But that was insane because, like, I wasn't, I don't know, like, it's pretty, you know, I'm 30 and I don't go to, like, which is not old. Yeah. And you're 28, right?

28. That is my age. And so we don't like, and I don't go to like the young kids spots. Like I don't do that. Like if I go to a bar, I go to like a sports bar where like I'm just, I'm not used to being the oldest person somewhere. Yeah. Like the last time I was the oldest person somewhere is when I did. It made me feel very old. Right. I don't always have moments where I feel like that old, but that definitely like, especially on vacation.

Like there's always a mix of people at the beach. That's what I'm saying. You have an array of people. It's older people. one time like it no i felt tremendously old because yeah i mean again if i go somewhere 30 not that old i'm not doing these dumb ass nightclubs i go to a sports bar where it's older dudes i do stand up and like i'm the i'm the youngest i'm like except for me and hell i'm the youngest on our tour yeah i'm just not used to being the old dude and my god like being i was started i had body

issues that i don't even know i have body issues but like i didn't even know i had them because i'm these specific ones because like when I'm around dudes my age I'm like well they're clearly in better shape than me but I could see how I could get there but then with some of these young dudes I'm like what the fuck yeah the girls like were way overdone in makeup and hair they're wearing makeup

to the goddamn pool and I'm like at the point in my life where like I'm going on vacation and I'm trying to not wear makeup the entire time even at dinner and I've said this to you a million times and I don't think you ever believe me and I'm not saying this we're married now I'm not trying to get you I genuinely like you without makeup.

Yeah. And I know you say, well, that's just you saying that I can't do my makeup good. It's fine. Like, I don't think I look that bad without makeup. I think you look better. It's just when you're around all them, you feel like, oh, go all. I look like an old hag. Especially when they're already way younger than you.

I just felt like they were looking at you. And by the way, the only reason that I think they knew that you were older than them is because you were with me and I'm sitting there fat and bald reading a goddamn short story book. I wonder what people actually thought about us. I'm saying, I think if they saw you, they probably felt bad about themselves because they were like, damn, here's this girl, she's not wearing a lick of makeup and I can tell, and she looks gorgeous, and she's not giving a fuck.

I wish that I could have that confidence. Yeah, I guess most of the time girls are being so critical on their self. They're not necessarily judging someone else. Yeah, and these chicks, it's like, you're on your honeymoon. Who are you trying to impress? And I ain't trying to like, I don't know what type of shaming this would be. Like if you want to wear makeup, wear makeup, that's fine. Yeah.

But I have to feel like if you wear makeup to a goddamn pool or a beach, that just, that says something to me. Like, why? Yeah, that's like a waste of my time. Especially you're with your husband. Some of, well, okay, now, back up. We were the oldest couple there. There was, like both of us being old. There was, however, some situations where we noticed that it was a dude.

clearly on his second marriage, but the chick was young. Like, the chick was younger than us, but it's like a, like, a secretary situation, like that one chick that was always, but I'll say this, that one chick that was always wearing that thong, that red-headed girl that was with that old dude, I don't think she was really wearing makeup. Yeah. I think she was just like, look, I'm skinny. She's sort of like one of those, like.

I'm skinny, here's my butt. What else do I have to do for you? Yeah. She's always like one of those, like, what's the word I'm looking for? Like. All natural? Yeah. Like, hippie, like, not necessarily hippie.

She definitely wasn't a hippie because that dude looked like he was a mortgage banker. Which there's nothing wrong with that, obviously. But, like, I'm saying if she was a hippie. I have a few people in mind, but I'm not going to me. If she was a hippie, then she just latched on to him because he clearly had some money. Otherwise, this motherfucker would never be with her because, like, she was pretty. I mean, she was pulling that thong off. You know what I'm saying?

Like, it wasn't a situation where you look. Surprisingly, she was like the only one. She was, but it wasn't a situation where she was like, oh, girl, put that up. It's like, no, hell, she's, get it out. Pull the booty out. Yeah. I mean, if you can rock it, rock it. But I feel like I would get along with younger people more than I would. A dude like that on his second marriage to a younger woman.

Yeah. Like a dude, that guy, if he was with somebody his own age, I could hang out with him all night. But, like, I can't talk to a fucking 50-year-old dude who's with a 25-year-old girl. That is the male equivalent of wearing makeup to the pool. Like, what are you doing? What are you trying to prove? My God, what has gone wrong in your life that you think you have to do this? Yeah.

Exactly. I'm only probably five years older than that girl, and I don't think I have anything to talk to her about. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, well, half of them, you don't have, I mean, any of those people, we didn't have anything to talk to him about. No, and they were all like.

Just like, I'm not trying to make more friends. That's what I'm saying? They were all trying to socialize that. You could see him like, hey, what's up? Where did you guys get married? Where did you get married? I'm like, who gives a fuck? Yeah.

I didn't come here to see other motherfuckers. I came here to not talk anything about my wedding. No. Because that's literally all I've been doing for an entire year. Yeah, and we didn't, and we made it the entire time. And the only conversation, this is the conversation we had, and it was all at that, the steakhouse, the Japanese steakhouse or whatever. I was a nervous wreck, well-read listeners, because this is like day four,

we haven't said a word to literally anybody, not hello, not nothing. And we get reservations at this place when we walk in and we realize it is like one of them. At last, well, I knew it was a grill like that. Yeah, I didn't think. But it did not register until we were about to walk down there and it was like, shit. It's one of them habachi grills where it's family-style seating. And like you're forced into talking. And we were the, we were actually.

When you're with a group, usually when you go to those places, other people don't really care to talk to you. But like, if you're on vacation already at the sandals place where people are trying to make friends, they're extra special trying to talk to you. And, but the cheat code that we didn't even mean to use, but we did use is that we got there 10 minutes before our reservation. And because we checked in, they were like, oh, well, this table that's already in progress, actually one couple didn't come so y'all can just sit here.

So luckily, when we sat down, these people had already started bonding, and we were the new people. And so we kind of just slip in. The only conversation we had was the dude right beside you was like, he was from Boston. And like, my God, you even said just fucking Amber, Amber doesn't travel as much as I do. and this motherfucker was, I feel like I can say this because, like, we get enough shit for our accents. This son of a bitch was like,

if I had written a character from Boston, like me, not have ever been from Boston, I was just like, oh, this is probably what they are from what I've seen on the Departed and Bill Burr's show. That's all I can think about.

And he was just, he was like, hey, what's up? I'm Mike. How are you guys doing? What the fuck's going on? And Amber was just like, hey Mark, and I said, hey Mark,

and then we just started talking to each other and never had to talk to them again. And set for, the second, conversation that was set up by this but happened later is directly across from us was an older black couple who also was saying nothing to no one at all and i was just kind of like okay and me and him kind of nodded each other like we're the old people here we're not going to say shit and it was awesome and then dessert came out and every single person at the table i ever went to the bathroom

and then every single person at the table got up and left because that yeah they were young hard bodies having this dessert. They can't afford those calories. They're going to have vodkas and sodas. But ever so everybody got up, like this huge table of like 15 people, 15 people get up except for Ambers in the bathroom, me and these two older black people over there. And they're sitting there and the dude immediately smiled at me. And I just go, God damn. I said, so the old motherfuckers are the only ones left hunt. And he just goes, yeah, I paid for this whole thing. I'm going to get mine. And I fucking started laughing. I said, oh yeah, you know, my fat ass is getting dessert and that was it by the way that was like then we ate dessert didn't talk and got up and left didn't

i never even knew the conversation yeah you didn't even know you didn't even know it happened until two days later we were walking through like the pool area and i had a cup of ice cream which good god i know that i've complained the whole time about how she the food was but the food was like whatever i can eat it it's still you know i've had frozen tg i friday friday meals i'm not above that that's what it tastes like but i can have that but what really upset me was that i got mushroom Alfredo one night and it sucked. And dude, I literally could teach L.J. Who was one years old to make mushroom Alfredo.

It's not that fucking hard. So if you fuck that up, I'm like, I ain't got no confidence in you. Secondly, their ice cream, which they don't even make. They bought shitty ice cream. And also, like, I grew up having the fucking, you know, the pool party at the Mamaw's house. When Mamaw breaks out the big-ass drum ice cream that's not even a brand, like it just says vanilla on the side.

Like, I understand what cheap ice cream is. is that shit was not. I don't know. I've never. I mean, I've had a lot of this. Chief ice cream, still ice cream. It's fine. That shit was fucking.

I don't know what it was. It did not hit. But because it was sweet and cold, my fat ass was sitting there eating it out of a cup. And we walked past this older couple that we met. And the dude just looked at me and head nodded. And we just like, yeah, like that. And we just walked by and Amber goes, what was that about? And I was like, huh?

Oh. Well, no. I didn't say what was about. I said, oh, those are those people from the other night. You're like, you know, we bonded or whatever. Yeah. And then you told me this story. And I was like, no, even deeper, he saw me eating yet another dessert and was like, that's what's up.

That was the best part of it. And then two days later passed, we still didn't talk to him. We seen him on the bus going home and me and him bonded over shoes and the fact that we were the older people on there. But like, again, I've never felt I've never felt that old and like there was part of me that was like. It was strange. Like, we went out of our way not to talk to people, but at the same time, I'm like, well, hell, maybe they're not. you know, maybe they're not talking to us. Like, because you don't look old, but, and I don't either when I have a hat on,

and again, I'm not old, but when I'm sitting there in my, you know, five o'clock shadow buzzed head, you can tell I'm bald, and you can tell that my gut is not, oh, I just, I haven't worked out in a couple weeks. Like, this is some shit I have earned. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I'm sitting, I'm reading a physical book, like not a, on my tablet. And that wasn't really that many people like reading books.

Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. Everybody was trying to, like, get, dream. drunk, get crunk, and, like, make friends. And, like, nobody was reading books. I wanted to just be reading a book on the beach.

I said before we left, I was, like, perfect for that. Like, it was a beautiful place. Even though I knew that, like, it's all-inclusive, I can get drunk, which, you know, surprise, surprise, I didn't get drunk except for the very first night. But I was like, I'll get drunk and read. Yeah. That'll be great. But even some of them, them older dudes that I thought, well, they'll read a book while they're

trial. I only saw, like, a handful of people. I didn't see anybody reading a book. I saw a couple people, just because I was looking it out, trying to see we were the only people. But there was a shit ton. Like, we very much were, I don't know. But were the people reading books, were they, the ones you could tell maybe they're older? Yes.

You know what I'm saying? There might have been a couple I couldn't tell, but, like, reading. I didn't see anyone that was, like, younger reading a book. And you were reading yours on your iPad. I'm reading, because I don't do that. Like, I know it's better. Like, you know, you've said, and I believe you, I've actually read a study about it where, like, it's you can read a book like that faster.

Yeah, I think I can read it faster. And also, not just that, instead of me having to bring seven books, it makes sense. It has one book. Well, it would have helped me because I brought three and then by the end was like, God damn it, I wish I'd brought more. And they didn't have a bookstore there. But my point is that the study that I read what, do you know, did I tell you why they think it's easier to read on the iPad? It's like a mental thing with your brain.

Whenever you are on the iPad, it's just you flick and you flick and you flick and nothing ever changes. with a physical book, you can feel the weight of it and you can see how many pages that you've got. And your brain will be like, maybe I'll finish this tomorrow. Whereas with the iPad, you can just get lost. And the pages are shorter. And that's why some people say they can run on a treadmill better than like, I used to, I used to the type of person, it was easy for me to run on a treadmill than outside because I would see the distance and how far away it was. You know, and like on a treadmill, you just cover that up.

That's for sure. My thing with a treadmill is that I don't, my knees don't hit. Now I like running outside versus something. I would prefer to run outside because I like scenery and the treadmill gets boring. But you know how I've got the knees of a 58-year-old because I hyper-extended them. I have major issues with my feet and my calves. Well, mine are knees and those treadmills they give were like concrete. I can run on grass.

Like if I can run in a field or something or on dirt track, I'm way better. But as far as running on concrete, miss me with that bullshit, I can't do it. But no, that's what that is. But anyways, I mean, I had a good time reading and shit. Yeah, and I mean, it was beautiful. Like, it was one of the prettiest places, like, beach-wise I've been to. Let me get... I mean, there's mountains in the background.

Oh, yeah, the, where they called the... Pitons? Petons. Yeah, they hit. They were fucking great. I kept on calling it pittons. Because that's the thing, you had to keep, as you always do, you have to keep me in check because, like, I'm a very, uh, what's the word, I'm cynical.

I'm getting less cynical as the years go. Like, I'm learning to, like, just because I think something stupid, don't mean that I can't let everybody else enjoy it. There's a couple things that I'm still hung up on that I can't let it go, which is shitty country music and apparently all-inclusive resorts and cruises. Because those are just like, no matter what, I can let people what. I've almost forgiven people for watching Tyler Perry because I'm like, well, fuck it. You think it's funny.

Enjoy yourself. I don't give a shit. But for some goddamn reason, those things, they, and I was trying, how many times this week did I look at you and go, nope, I'm the asshole? I'm the asshole. Yeah, I mean. Because you would sit there and try to defend something. I'm like, you don't need to defend it.

I'm being a fucking dick. Just let me be a dick. I'm so sorry. And I get like where you're coming from like in the food department and whatnot. But it was very nice and I'll have to worry about paying, tipping, driving. You're like, you could literally leave whatever you wanted anywhere. Well, that was also the fucking man and made the bill, birds about to come out. You're like, you don't have to pay for anything?

I'm like, no, I fucking paid for it in February. God damn it. Yes, I did. I paid for this shitty ass fucking cheese. cake and goddamn ice cream, but you had to remind me a couple times. You were like, let's get our picture with these mountains in the background. I'm like, I don't give a fuck about pictures. And you're like, what?

It's fucking pretty. I was like, yeah, we're going to get a picture of us at this goddamn resort. And you go, yeah, well, if you just see us in the mountains, you don't know you're at a resort. And like, that's true. It was a pretty background. So the fact that I didn't drink any and I was just there to sit on the beach and enjoy a book, it was awesome.

Yeah. Because the mountains are still the same. It's not like those were resort mountains. Those were the pitons. They were fucking awesome. Yeah. The water was not. Insanely clear.

So clear. I have a story about that. We were on, we were sitting on a beach and I was reading my Radney Foster book for you to see the stars, which he's not paying me to say this, but I do suggest anybody that's a fan of short stories in general, southern West Texas folklore, us. If you like us, I think you'll like this. or just singer-songwriters because the way his writing style is very singer-songwritery. I was reading that book, and then you saw they had these like donut floats out there

that were like anchored or whatever. Yeah, that you could, and they had a net and you could just go laying them in the fucking water. And like not move. And the nets were so fine that like, even if there was some bullshit under you, like, it ain't going to bite you, nothing can fuck with you. So we seen one come open and we were like, oh, fuck yeah.

And, you know, again, I'm letting my cynicism go. I'm like, of course my fat ass can go waller. in a net. That'll be awesome. We get there and I go to jump up on it and as soon as I go to jump I realize the net's broke so I fall through the son of a bitch and I grab the outside of it which is like this hard plastic shell

and I'm like god damn it and then none of them were like well no wonder this one was available nobody's fucking with it. We go back up to the chairs on the beach and we start reading again and I know it had to be 20 minutes because I finished like a chapter and a half or two chapters or something and I look and my

goddamn ring finger wasn't on or my My ring wasn't on my ring finger. My ring finger was still there. It was a panic mode. And I panicked for a second. And then immediately it was like, okay, this, my ring, I got the cheapest one there. It was 100 bucks. Mine doesn't mean as much as yours.

Like, if I lose it, it's fine. The only reason I was upset is because, like, we just got there. You've got your wedding ring on it. I'm just going to be not wearing mine. It just looks stupid. Like, that's what I was internalizing it. Like, I'm going to lose this thing, the literal first week that I'm supposed to get used to wearing it. My dumb ass is going to lose it.

Well, Amber's just like, I, I said, oh, my God, I bet you I lost it when I was fucking around on that goddamn flow. And I just give up. I was like, well, I guess I'm going to have to, you know, go back to Brody Jewelers and get fitted for a new one. And you go, let's just go fucking out there and see what's up. Hand of God, it had been 20 minutes in the fucking ocean. We went right to that float. Amber looked down and was like, there it is.

And I just picked my goddamn ring up. It was great. So Clearwater's is beautiful. Yeah, it's not something that would ever happen anywhere else. Hell no. Panama City, that motherfucker was gone. That motherfucker would have either been lost or some old boy would have stepped on it, grabbed it with his toes, picked it up and went and pawned it for some fucking meth,

that he would have ended up selling me later that night, which would have hit. But. AJ's lost, like, three pairs of sunglasses, just immediately fell off and then just could not find them. And those are sunglasses. Yeah, I've been with her when they're big and black and usually would stick out. Do you remember that Jeff Foxworthy joke when he was talking about if you, and all hers has been expensive sunglasses too. And I think when she lost them,

I quoted this Foxworthy joke to her because he was like a, he said, you buy a real nice pair of sunglasses, you know, you'll lose them in your bathroom. I miss quoting the first, but like you'll lose them very easily. He's like, you buy a pair of Cheapos from the gas station. You can't get rid of them things. He's like, you thought, he goes, you can be leaning over a cruise ship and then fall off. Some scuba diver will pop up and go, hey, somebody lose a pair of Cheapos out here, got a pair of Cheapos.

That's how I feel about sunglasses. The only sunglasses that ever continue to be found in my purse are random ones. I don't even know whose they were, but like ones that I buy, something always happens. Some of them are probably mine that, cheapos that I bought that I've just left here. Because I buy, usually if we're on the, when I drive and we're on the road in the south or whatever, I'll leave them. Like, fuck, I forgot my sunglasses, and I will go to the gas station buy a pair of Cheapos and then come home and I've got 12 pair. Yeah, I know. I mean, it's good because you always need sunglasses.

No, for sure. That's why I will never buy expensive ones. But I had a good time, and I know you talk about how I'm a foodie or whatever and I shoot on the food. but like, again, in my defense, mainly it's because the good listeners of this podcast have made me so fortunate that I'm able to travel the country and out of the country to stand up and like, we do. We eat it. One of our things that we started like, yeah, we should not do it all the time. We should save that money because we need to have a future. And this, of course, we'll all go down in flames one day.

But one thing that we've just always done has been like, you know what, man, because of that, because you never know if this is going to last. Yeah. eat this fucking nice Chicago steak while you're here, eat this nice seafood, because if it doesn't last, then we damn sure won't be able to get it. And we're here, treat yourself, we work really hard. Well, that's the thing that they always say,

like you work and work and work and work, and you just have this money. Right. Well, exactly. So if it all went away, like, it would suck, and I'd have to figure out something, how to get it back. But, like, in the interim, I could go,

man, all those experiences, like, well, and that was worth the money. Like, I'll always, you know. That's why, yeah, I'll always pay for a, pay for an experience. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But even food. Like, I'll always remember like we, one night after we had a great show in Denver

and we went to this steakhouse. And this was early on in the tour when we really shouldn't have been spending this money. But like, we went to a fucking nice steakhouse and we just ordered. I mean, we just ordered. And we had all had great sets. And we sat there and we talked about it. And we drank wine that we shouldn't have ball. And again, at the end, the bill was like, Jesus Christ. But like, I think about that.

meal all the time and how often do you think about meals literally only if they're great and not all the time as or if they're really shitting or as anthony bourdain has pointed out rest in peace they don't always have to be expensive to be great it's about the company you keep which is why the ones on the honeymoon were fine because i had you to eat with me but like someone was just so fucking shitty but like as we pointed out if we we ate at seven restaurants i really only complained about two yeah jim maintain is pretty good and those two were and you know it abysmal yeah But, like, the sushi was phenomenal. Yeah.

I thought the Indian food was awesome. I thought the Indian food was great, too. And I just, the week ago, had authentic at Tushar's Mama's House Indian. Now, of course, it wasn't as good as that. But, like, you know, there's good country restaurants that don't do it as good as my granny. Like, Tushar's mama. But, no, that Indian food was, that was my favorite meal that, because I don't want to consider sashimi a meal. Because, like, sashimi, like, really, you just got to catch a good fish.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, exactly. I can't really give you too much. credit for the fact that you're in paradise and you caught a good fucking fish. They prepared it well. It was amazing and I didn't shit my brains out, which is how you know you got good sashimi. But no, that Indian place,

like that non-bread was good, the fucking curry chicken, that lamb was the shit, the fish mess. I've never had fish curry. That shit hit for me. Well, and I'm the type of person that I like to have like a variety of like flavors. Like I don't want, I don't necessarily want like a bunch of

one thing. Right. I want a lot of different things. And that's what was awesome about it. Indian food. Yeah, they do it family style. They bring everything to the middle. And you were like... We should be doing that. More places.

We should do it. Like here when we do it, it's like, oh, that's a tapas restaurant. Yeah. But like, that's just what it is there. And like, yeah, that fucking totally should be how this. But you know what? Some people do it. Yeah, you know, that's why we think Bees is the greatest restaurant ever because Bees does

that shit. It's country food. And just like, also Mama Joe's, shout out to Mama Joe's Country Kitchen in Mississippi right outside of Oxford. You just get what you want. It's just there. You know, everybody gets whatever. Yeah, exactly.

So, like, yeah, that's my shit. Now, we want it family style, but not with, like, a family. Just me and you. Yeah, just take the family out of it. We just want a shit ton of food in the middle of the goddamn table. But I had a blast, and you want to add anything else about the honeymoon? Any notes that you have? Do you feel, are you rested?

Yeah. Really? I'm just, well, I was worn out from flying all day yesterday. Well, and, it wasn't a flying. Here's why, because I wasn't worn out from flying. You, much like when a mother is pregnant, eating for two, because I didn't drink, you had to make sure that we got our money's worth on the all-inclusive. And I'm proud of you for it, and you did.

That's the Dan in me. You was fucking throwing them down, and I was sitting there. This is how I know we're going to make it as a couple, because I had to sit there and watch you for seven days, drunk while I was sober. And you know how it is, like, when you're at a party and you're sober? Really? Yeah, I mean, you don't like to be the only, I mean, not necessarily like being the only

person drinking. Well, I know, but. Especially when we're like celebrating. I know, but I was, I thought that maybe you would think, this is how much Corey loves me. We're in Paradise together, and he's not drinking. He's just enjoying my company, which I was. Yeah, but you know how my brand were.

Yeah, don't. I don't. I don't. I mean, yeah. not upset about it. I get in these moods. Trey calls it, when I do this,

he calls me broth. He says, oh, you're being brawth right now. Because, like, from time to time, and it really doesn't matter where we are. Like, I'll just decide, I'm not going to drink for a week

or I'm not going to drink for two weeks. And, like, we could be at a goddamn festival where it's free beer for us. And I was, yeah, I'm good. And he's like, you'll sit at your house at 3 o'clock in the morning by yourself and get hammered, but we come out to a place where, like,

you should be getting hammered. You're like, no, I'm okay. Yeah, I mean, you do that pretty frequently. And I'm just the type of person, you know what I get something in my head. That's what I'm doing. And I just... I think it's not a bad thing. Well, I got drunk the night we got there, wrote jokes, you know, of course,

because I needed a transition from not working to okay, or from, you know, working to not working. Because, like, as you've seen, like, when am I ever truly not working? Like, in terms of like... Oh, I mean, it's a constant thing. If I'm on the couch... You're on a constant flow. If I'm on the couch, I may be sitting on the couch, but like, I'm writing a joke, I'm trying to write a sketch, I'm editing the podcast, or I'm coming up, hey, babe, do you think this is funny? Oh, yeah.

I mean, it's constant. So, like, but I don't ever, but, like, so you see, like, workaholics in, like, when they portray workaholics in, like, when they portray workaholics in, like, when they portray workaholics and he's, but he's doing the man shit. It's like, yeah, he's working for the man. Like, I don't, I've never even considered it workaholic because, like, I genuinely love what I do. Yeah. But it doesn't matter. at the end of the day, it still works, and that still stresses you out, and you sometimes need to fucking get a break from it.

And I'm way guilty because, and I don't know if, I know this, couldn't have not hit for you, but, like, you definitely didn't complain about it because this is why I married you and I love you, but the night of our wedding, so we get through with our wedding, and we have a big party at the big cabin with all the groomsmen, the bridesmaid, and I had, like, 16 comic friends that came. And so we all came back and, like... Did they ever put that picture anywhere? I don't know.

Well, we got our photographer to take one, so we'll get it. But, no, I haven't seen it. But, yeah, so, man, this is so great, too. And I talked about how blessed we were at the wedding. But, like, my friend Janet, Janet Williams, the Tennessee tramp, go see her if she's ever near you. She's a comedian. And she was like, hey, Corey, we need to get a picture of all the comedians here. And I was like, oh, that'd be great.

Go round them up, and I'll be there. And she rounded them up. And, like, I knew there was a lot of comedians there. But, like, seeing them all in one group, I was like, oh, my God, I haven't been around this many. fucking comedian since an open mic night because you're never around 16, 17 comics at once unless you're at a festival or something and you're all busy doing shit. And I was telling like, so after the wedding, even though we just got married, of course me and you were supposed to be together. Yeah. But you were very like, I told, I was like, babe, listen, I'm going to just

be brutally honest with you. I'm aware that we got married, but I haven't. That day just takes a lot out on you. Well, and also, we're like, we're about to go on a honeymoon who gives a shit. You were hanging out with your friends who you also never see. But I was, but I was, I was like, okay, Dale Jones, Dale's a headliner. Like, when you're, when you're headliner or whatever and you're not going somewhere where you haven't opened an act, you never get to see your headlining friends because you're also headlining and you don't work together anymore. Like, me and Dale used to work together, but now I don't open for him because I'm off doing my own thing. So like seeing Dale, when he left, like, he gave me a hug and a kiss.

It was like, well, I'll see you in a year and a half, maybe two years. And it'll be me, like, going out to see him in California because, like, our paths don't cross. So, like, I was a fucking. Especially all of you guys. All of us. Yes. Some of these, like, Janet and Dale might not have seen each other for... They don't ever cross-knit.

They may have not seen each other for eight years and they're the best of friends. And so I was like a kid on... I was like, oh, my God, all my fucking comedian friends are here. I don't ever get to talk to them. And, like, you know, we talked to each other different. Like, we were just fucking up, writing material, doing shit. So, like, the night of our wedding, well-read listeners, this is how you know that Amber is just a fucking saint. She went to bed alone.

But... No, you was tired. What time was it? Well, like 4.30. It was like the sun was about to come up. That's true. And I... We both had stayed up, really.

I took a shit ton of psilocybin mushrooms and stayed up with, you know him, you love him, friend of the podcast, skinny bumpkin, aka DJ Lewis, amongst other comedians, but me and him were the last ones out, as it always is. And we sat up, dude, and we wrote jokes, and we wrote jokes, and we wrote fucking jokes. Like, it was just spewing out of us. Yeah, I know. It was the, I mean, it was parts of the mushrooms, but, like, it was the scenery. We hadn't been together in a while. Me and him used to write, like, maniacs together. And, like, it was just all coming out.

And I swear to hand to God, I got, what will end up being 30 minutes? Like, right now, it's like, I'm going to have to tag it. I'm going to have to do this. I'm going to have to polish it up. But I was, like, worried, I was like, ah, this shit, when I sober up, this ain't going to be nothing. But I'm looking at it. I'm like, oh, man, the combination of how happy I was at the wedding and these fucking

mushrooms and being around DJ again, this shit is ready to go. So the night of our wedding, I stayed up right in jose. jokes and then the first night of our honeymoon, I stayed up writing jokes. And then I finally got to like, okay, Corey, you... Like a chill mode. I'm very aware that if something pops in your head, you should make a note of it. There's no reason not to do that. But fucking put the pen and paper down, put the recorder down, enjoy your goddamn honeymoon.

Yeah, and I did. And I did, and I didn't drink, because I thought I'm just not going to drink this day because I feel like shit from staying up till... Because I stayed up to like seven in the morning writing fucking jokes or something like that, drunk as fuck. They had like three bottles of wine in our room. I drank all them motherfuckers just hammered. And I was like, well, I'm just not drinking because I'm, I feel bad. But then as it went on, I found out just like I don't drink playing golf anymore.

I used to drink playing golf all the time. But then I got good at golf and I started just enjoying golf. So I'm like, well, if I'm doing something I otherwise enjoy. I should do that. Well, your thing is that you always say whenever I'm, like, when you, when you, clean, you always get drunk when you clean the house. Yeah, because it gets them the motivation. And I'm like, how do you get drunk clean the house?

I just want to listen to music. You're like, well, I have to do it anyways. I may as well have a buzz. Yeah. But I don't think of like golf's not like that. I'm like, I get a buzz off of golf, and I get a buzz off of just sitting there reading a book at the beach out of it. And being with my lovely wife. So I'm, and I'm, I set a goal for myself.

I'm going to, actually, I'm not even going to say what it is. I don't want to put it out there in the world. But I have a goal that I set that I want to do. I need to have this thing done by December at least. and I'm not going to have a goddamn drop of alcohol. Hopefully I can finish it. The goal is to finish it quicker so I can have a beer. But I'm not going to have a drop of alcohol so I finish this project that I'm very excited about.

But I feel fucking I'm rested as shit. So I laid there for six days, didn't drink. Actually, lost weight on the wedding. I weigh exactly 200 pounds as of today. And three months ago, when I went, I've said it on a podcast before, When was it that I had to go illegally get you diet pills because you didn't want to fucking do it yourself? It's been like three months. Yeah.

So I was 228 or something like that when I went there. I was 228 and I had lost two pounds from the year before, so I guess that's 2.30. So like in a year, I've lost 30 pounds. Why don't you start losing weight? You want to keep on doing it. Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, I feel good. And I know it's like, it's just so insanely hard to lose weight if you drink.

Like you can eat good all you want. but if you fucking, if you're drinking like I do, which is like, you drink 13 beers bare minimum a night, that's fucking, I mean, how many calories? Like, that's at least 2,000 calories just of alcohol. Yeah. And then I've got to eat during the day, and then a drunk makes me want to eat nachos. Mm-hmm. So, like, yeah, I mean, I looked in the mirror today and, like, my stomach is getting, it's not flat. Like, when I sit down, I've got a gut, but, like, standing up, it's getting flat.

And I'm like, oh, you go, girl, you go Glenn Coco. You go, Glenn Coco. So, yeah, I'm fucking pumped about it. I'm rested. I'm ready to get back on the goddamn, this amazing. It's like, oh, God. How was it? Like, two weeks ago, all of us were literally about to quit the tour.

We're like, God damn it. I got to get off the fucking road. Jesus Christ. And then now, probably day three of honeymoon. I was like, oh, Jesus, I got to go tell these jokes. Got to do it. So, yeah, I'm pumped to be getting out this weekend. And you're going to straight to the beach again.

I know. You're going, I'm flying out Saturday, as y'all know, Talley Hall, Chicago. And you are driving to, is it Gulf Shores? Yeah. We always go to Gulf Shores. Gulf Shores, some of the biggest best oysters I've ever had in my life. Oh, I can't wait.

I know. I'm so fucking. Since, like, that was the thing about the honeymoon, it wasn't just necessarily, even though we were at the beach. They had different types of foods. I guess they didn't have just, like, just seafood. Yeah. Yeah, that's a bummer, too. Yeah.

That's what I fucking want. But, yeah, that's why I'm excited to go to the beach now. Yeah. Good, seafood. That good, good. Because I really don't consider it, I don't really consider it much of a vacation on the beach if I can't eat oysters every day. Yeah. Because I do. You know me. I'll eat eight or nine dozen a day. That's what I spend my money on.

But I'm rested. I'm ready to get back on the road. And now we're back at the house. And while doing this, by the way, Amber's been sitting here sending, are you doing thank you cards? I'm writing thank you cards. She's writing thank you cards because she does everything and I'm worthless and I don't hit. Oh, I mean, I don't expect you to do this. Which is great. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, I haven't had you do a whole lot of wedding things. You haven't. Yeah. And I've told my friends, and they're like, do you think that's because she really, because I'm not going,

she's a great girl, and she knows that I've got a lot going on, because I do. Yeah, well, and it's just stupid things. And I was like, they're like, do you think it's because she knows

you've got a lot going on or she knows that you'll fuck it all up? I was like, there's some of this shit, I can't fuck up. It's not, I did not even remotely think anything in that regards. But no, you haven't,

I said on the road, I was like, man, you know, we've been planning this wedding, but like, my main contribution is like, you know,

I'm a checkbook, as it or be, I guess. Like, I've thrown my checkbook down, but, like, as far as planning goes, I ain't done shit. And I think that's also, too, why I was so adamant about, like, just taking care of it all myself. Because, I mean, we paid big chunk, you know, you paid specifically. Yeah, for sure. But, like, all I did was I got the DJ. Shout out my buddy, Jake James. He's also been on the podcast.

If you remember the episode, the homecoming episode, and Knox, I don't remember what number it was. But Jake James was the DJ and turned that motherfucker out so hard. And, of course, my ring bearer, my. tiny horse, Kiwi, I set that whole situation up. But I would also like to point out, which I've had to say on Twitter and Facebook a lot today, that was your idea. I know. Like, I paid for Kiwi to get down here.

I'm so happy about it because it's so cute. Yeah, I paid for Kiwi to get down here and I set that whole thing up. But, like, everybody's like, I can't believe your wife let you have a goddamn tiny horse at the wedding. I'm like, hold up. It was her idea. Now, as I pointed out, you were drunk as Kudor Lou Brown. Yeah, but, like, I knew it was happening.

Right. But I held your feet to the fire. I'm like, no, we're doing this. And you're like, yeah, cool, fucking. To me, it was like one of those where you were like, okay. Like, you didn't care if it happened, but at the same time you were like, hey, he ain't going to do this shit. And then I was like, no, this shit.

Well, this is the thing. We don't, we have recent babies in our life, but they're babies. So, like, we didn't have anybody to be a ring bear. Right. So why not commission a tiny horse? Yeah, like, that makes it funny. Not only that, though, I got my boy, my tiny horse. I had him made a custom matching suit.

I know that was so great. Yeah, so like, it wasn't no bullshit. My man's had a suit. Look, just like mine. He came down the aisle with the rings. It was dope as fuck. But, no, you've done everything. And I can't, I mean, again, like, you're type A.

So, like, this whole sitting here writing cards and being organized. I would do it. You know I... It's weird. Like, I am type A, but I'm so not. Yeah, but you... In certain aspects. Yeah, but I know.

Well, then you're just a hybrid because, like, there's no one more type A than you. Like, you have your color coordinated with everything. Everything's organized. Like, if you talk about... told me, hey, honey, do the thank you cards. But I'm kind of an organized mess. Like when it comes to, like, serious things. That's what I'm saying, but that's the stuff you need to be. Yeah. Like in my classroom, I'm so topy. Yeah, right. But I'm saying like when it comes like, hey, the bills, like the bills, you can't, there's no art to bills. Yeah. It's all, it's, it's got to be

this. But like, like, if you were telling me, you're like, Corey, write the thank you notes. I'd do it, but it would take me three months because each one, I would be like, all right, I've got to write something insanely specific to this, but I'd be writing a podcast. I'd be writing a poem. I'd be fucking trying to think of some Ray Bradbury's story that reminded me of them and cut it out of a book and put it in there because I'm a lunatic. I've like as we've slowly gotten stuff, I've

wrote down what the things were. See, that's another thing I would never do. Yeah, we'll figure that shit out later and then I would be just in a ball of stress going like, oh my God, but you got it taken care of. This list is goddamn color code. It's amazing. This is why we're going to work. I love color code. I'm a lunatic. I'm probably

I'm one of the, I'm sloppy. but I'm for a man I'm not that sloppy. Yeah. Like, I mean, you know, I'm sloppy in the sense of like, I feel like when I'm here for two weeks at a time. Yes. I feel like when I'm here for two weeks at a time, shit's like usually in order and everything's fine

because, like, I'm in my rhythm. Like, if I come home for like two or three days, it's fucking chaos. Yeah. And it's not because I'm normally a sloppy person. It's because, like, my brain ain't working. And I'm like, where did I leave my shoes? Oh, they're on the kitchen counter?

Why? Why would I have even done that? Like, what was I doing? Yeah. I mean, that's a very common male thing. Right, but. But you're not near as bad as, like, some guys are saying. No, no, no.

Like, I told you, like, in my hotel room, if I've been in a hotel room for four days on the third day, it looks like I just checked in because I'm constantly always packing. Yeah. Because that's how I deal with my stress. But I said, I like to say this, I'm still very much a fucking lunatic. And this right here is proof of why we're going to work out because, you know, when bills have to be paid, you can have my money, but you got to do it. Yeah.

Because, like, I'm going to forget. And I'll, I don't, I'll gladly do that. I'm not going to write a thank you card, not because I'm not thankful, but because I won't fucking remember. And. That's marriage, babe. Yeah, that's a fucking, it's, it's, uh, team. We're a team. That's, that's, fucking team work.

I was, I was waiting to see if you were going to catch on. No, I didn't. What was that, Tenacious Day? Yeah. Oh, this is another reason I love you is I said teamwork. That's fucking teamwork. And you immediately started singing fucker gently by Tenacious D. I can't help it. That's just how my brain works.

Well, I had a blast at the wedding, and I don't think our next one will be that fun. Whenever we might pull one of those. Bill Joe Shaver's been married to, he's been married six times to three different women. And he got married to all three of them twice or some shit like that. That's like way too much work. That'll never happen, but I do see a situation where I blow all of our savings on a transam, and then we have to renew our vows. Because you know when everybody renews their vows,

somebody fucked up. They don't sound wrong. Yeah, nobody's just sitting there going, everything's great. Let's get all our friends and family together and tell them how great. Now, you did some fucked up shit. I can see us renewing our vows

because I had to have the fucking smoky in the bandit car or some shit like that. But I also feel like we would renew our vows in the car because you're awesome. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm also not going to do the whole renew vow thing. No, I'm not either because that don't hit. That just is like,

too much work. I mean, you're already married. I don't know. You don't have to do that. What do you mean renewing your vows? Like, I don't have, like, I feel like in 25 years, well, they, we didn't have vows, period. Yeah. We didn't. Well, I guess we, we just did what Drew said. Do you? Yeah, no, he

asked him want to do vows. Oh, no. I got to say this. Shout out to my man, Drew Morgan, who have well-read podcast listeners, know them and love him. And I don't know if you did know this. Drew Morgan was the Reverend at our wedding. Because me and Amber are not religious at all and we were and i and drew and me had fiddled around with it a couple times back when like there

was no way i was ever going to get married drew was always like if you ever do get married i want to preach the wedding i'm like sure whatever and then we got engaged and i was like drew he's like fuck yeah drew wore a goddamn fitted baby blue suit he looked dope as shit and in our vows drew said and then nothing has ever made me happier in my life drew said do you amber lynn roberts take a best-selling author, Corey Ryan Forster, to be your husband. Dude, I almost started crying. I hadn't even started crying at that point. I thought you looked beautiful in your dress, babe.

I did, but I guess I'm not that emotional. At that moment, I almost started crying. Like, it was amazing. It was sweet. Trey and Drew did the two best things that made my wedding absolutely the best. Aside from seeing all my friends, aside from, you know, all my family being there, it was Drew reading our vows and saying, do you Amber Roberts take bestselling author,

Corey Rhinforcer to be your husband? And Trey, who, he came up to us after the wedding, him and Katie, they were in another cabin and he goes, hey, is Amber here? I want to give you all y'all's gift. And I was like, yeah.

And Trey goes, look, man, I was sitting there trying to figure out what I could get you as a gift that you would like, and it all just bowled down to this, and I thought, fuck it, I'm just going to do it. And he handed me a duffel bag, and I opened the duffel bag, and the duffel bag was just fucking full of cash, packs of cigarettes, and sour skittles.

Just fucking loose money everywhere. Like he just went to the bank and dumped it in there, fucking sour skittles and cigarettes. So, that's what you want. I'm choking up right now. Like, you singing fucker gently drew with the best-selling author line and try to give me a duffel bag full of money, skittles and cigarettes. Like, y'all just get me, man. Y'all just get me.

I've never felt such unconditional love in my life. That's what love is. That is what love is. Well, all right, well-read listeners. It's been fun. This has been the first ever episode between Mr. and Mrs. Cho. Mrs. Cho, say bye and skew. Bye, schoo.

Skew. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God. Bless you, good night. Take as little as three minutes to see if you could save on motorcycle insurance with Progressive. Come on, you've spent more time than that trying to name your bike.

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