wellRED podcast - #73 - Aloha, Sillybutts!

Episode Date: July 4, 2018

From the green room of The Blue Note in Honolulu, Hawaii, we talk about immigration, healthcare, and a bunch of other sad stuff + some silly stuff! wellREDcomedy.com for tickets to shows!smokeyboysgrilling.com for all your meat rub needs!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. Hey silly butts. It's your boy the show. Were you aware that not only do we do a podcast every week,

but we also tour the entire goddamn country? Well, we do and you can come see us by going to well-read comedy.com. W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com, spelled just like the podcast. This week, we're going to be in Portland, Maine, and Burlington, Vermont. Then we're on to the District of Comedy Festival in Washington, D.C.

After that, Norfolk, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Buffalo, New York, Los Angeles, California, Irvine, California, Las Vegas, Albuquerque, Boulder, yada, yada, yada, we're going everywhere, and we want to see you. So go to the website, grab tickets. Grab our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto,

Dragon Dixie out the dark. Grab some merch, sign up for our newsletter so that you will find out about tickets before anybody. And that way you can't complain on Twitter that they were sold out. Unless you didn't check your email. You can still complain. That's what Twitter's for. Feel free to complain. Do it all the time.

Complain to Drew. Just only Drew. At Drewmorg Comedy.com. Or at Drew Morg Comedy on Twitter. I think that's what it is. Or at average Drew. Whatever the fuck he is. I don't know.

I don't hit. This portion of the podcast. I'm sorry, everybody. I'm still jet lag. We went to Hawaii this weekend. And I've been on the couch for, I'm not kidding. Amber, when did we land? Really?

No, that's not true. Haven't we laid on the couch for over a day? Yeah, there you go. We've been laying on the couch for at least 26 hours. I can't move. I feel jet lag. I don't hit. I am ready to be in Berlin.

So anyways, this podcast, as usual, is brought to you by Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Go to Smokey Boysgrilling.com and get all the rubs for your meats. Hog rub, beef rub, putting in your broth. Do it to it. Anyways, this podcast was recorded in the green room at the Blue Note in Hawaii. It's me and Drew going in talking about the issues. Love y'all. Skiw!

Well, well. I was putting this. down so that when I set my beer down, it didn't do this. I could just do that. That way, maybe it didn't pick up on this little thing. I don't know. I don't hit. I'm just trying to figure stuff out.

Are we going? Yeah. We can't smoke back here. No, don't hit. I don't hit. What's going on for you? I don't know, man. I mean, we're in paradise.

Are we? Well, right now. Welcome to fucking paradise. I wish everybody could see. I got a cigarette stuck to my lip. I'm shirtless. I'm fern. fat, I'm hungover, I'm jet lagged.

Corey's telling me we're in Paradise, and I'm just looking at him, like, the way his mom looks at him when he tells her he definitely cleaned his room. You looked like a Clint Eastwood character, like, in a Hawaii crime movie or something, and, like, he just saw, like, somebody get their throat slit, and he just turned around and put a cigarette in his mother and goes, well, welcome to Paradise Motherfuckers,

which is what I'm going to name this podcast. Welcome to Paradise Motherfuckers, I think. I'm trying to think of a Magnum P.I. P.I. P. I can't because I don't hit. Yeah, I got nothing. Magnum. You feel, you felt, like, kind of guilty this week? Like, being here and, like, looking at all this.

Well, I'm not necessarily felt guilty, but, like, I felt super fucking guilty. I've asked the crowd. People are, like, marching fucking, you know, against the separation of families, and I feel super guilty. I've been feeling a little guilty about the podcast, not addressing everything that's been going on in the world lately. But, you and I have talked about this. A, we're appreciative of the choir. And B, and this is a fear I have. Barry Criminis was the first comedian to like turn me on to this thought and I think there's some truth in it

and he quit and started focusing on issues because he said if I go up there and I tell a joke about immigration everyone laughs and now they feel better about immigration right and they don't go do anything to change immigration policy and I feel like with the podcast it's like yeah every week we can get on here and fucking talk about how shitty Donald Trump is and everyone goes ah I agree and then they're like maybe they won't do anything about it. I don't know if there's any truth to that. My point, though, is I'm just not sure we're inspiring people. And yes, I feel fucking guilty.

By the way, I just realized you just asked that question because you're like, we're in Hawaii and people are marching. Drew, do you feel kind of guilty? And I was like, took it as like, yeah, all the time. No, that's exactly. All the time. Every day of my life. You thought I just meant like that as a basic blanket statement.

Hey, do you feel guilty? Yes, but what about? The day I got to Waki Key, I had been on the North part of the island on my parents. The day I got the Wai Kee Key, there was a fucking march of hotel workers. You know how many times I've said that while a girl stole money off of my headboard? The day I got to Y Kiki. No, why Kiki. I can't move.

Why Kiki? Why? I'm sorry. No, that was great because I need to know as a comedian. Did you know I wouldn't understand and then I would therefore make you explain the joke, which made it hit? Or did you just think I was going to get it? No, I don't. I just like, you know what I, you know me and it's both bad and good because like when it's good,

It's like, oh, that guy can just, it comes straight off the top of his head, yada, yada, yada. And when it's bad, it's like, oh, it wasn't really good. I just say the first thing that comes out of my mouth. Well, yeah, but you get away with when it's not good because a lot of times people like, I don't know what the fuck Corey's talking about, but I never did. It's fine, yeah. Me and Trevor talking about, in one of your jokes, the line is you got gold boom in this one. Half the time you're saying Goldberg, I just thought Goldberg was in the goddamn movie.

Would I say Goldberg on accident? Half the time. That's so funny. And I thought Goldberg was just injured at the next. All my Freudian slips have something to do with wrestling or something like that. That's so fucking hilarious. Anyway, there was a fucking March when I got here, and it was cool. And I went on there, and I met some of the people, and I asked them what was going on.

And they're just trying to unionize the hotel workers around here because they're not fucking unionized. Most of them have more than one job because they live in paradise. They're schlepping fucking rich people shit around all the goddamn time, like they're schlepping our stuff around or whatever. They live in one of the most expensive places in the world, Hawaii, certainly one of the most expensive city, I think, in America. and they have to have like two jobs or whatever, so they want a union. And yeah, I just felt guilty. I'm here to work. Well, to go back to kind of what you said about we haven't gone in on the podcast lately,

like I do feel the way that you feel in terms of like, look, all this shit's going on, and it's kind of bullshit that we don't address it and yada, yada, yada, but I also like semi-subscribed to the thought that like maybe also, maybe not as important, but an important thing is that maybe as comedians we can do a thing to where like you've been, maybe you're actually dealing with immigration and not like we are where we're going like, man, is this what my country's become? But like maybe you've got like a cousin or some shit that's actually dealing with it. And then at the end of the night, when you want to listen to comedy, you don't want to listen to comedy about immigration. You just want to listen to bullshit because you need to go back to sleep. So I do think that like that kind of is

important too. So like when Kathy Griffin she talked back to Kevin Hart about, you know, I think it's bullshit that as a black man, he's not talking about the issues, which was supremely hilarious because Kevin Hart... She said that to him? She said that, she got interviewed and they said something I don't know, she was talking about something. She was, I think it's just

bullshit that, you know, like Kevin Hart, he goes up there and he doesn't talk about the issues. I would never say to a black comedian. First off... You want to talk about what I want you to. Exactly. First off, you're saying this to a black man. Like, here's what you should be talking about. But firstly, he was one of the first people that defended her when like that whole Trump head thing came out.

He came out to all. And by the way, that was, he alienated some of his fans by saying that. Sure. So she's saying, you're just scared to alienate your fans when one of the things that he did for you last year was alienate his fans by going, hey man,

you know, comedy subjective. Sometimes you miss, you know, whatever the fuck. So I guess what I'm saying is like, I go back and forth. I'm like, man, this shit's happening.

If you have a voice, you should talk about it. And then I go to. Yeah, but at the same time, can't we just be sometimes a positive distraction? Like, do we have to always? I don't know. Right. No, I agree with you. I think that...

It could be both. Well, it certainly can be both. Dude, I don't... The other thing, though, that's been on my mind about this specific topic lately, though, is... When Trump first got elected, it was... This is crazy. There's a lot to unpack here. How and why did this happen?

We better get ready for him to... We better get ready to fight him on the dumb shit he's going to do. Oh, my. My God, Steve Bannon's this guy. That guy's a racist and a xenophob. We better get ready for that fight. Now, the fight is here. This fucking tweeting out, literally he tweeted out that we should get rid of due process.

He said, in a tweet, I'm going to paraphrase, we send along the lines of, I don't know why when they get to the border, fuck a judge, fuck a courtroom, just, that's not what due process is. Right. Well, he doesn't have any idea what due process is because it's never affected his fucking life. Ever. Yeah. Literally, like, to do that would be to get rid of asylum. We would no longer have asylum. And, of course, the irony there would be a lot of these people are fleeing countries that have problems directly because of things our past governments have done.

You know, like when some of these places in Central and South America, when immigrants come here from there and they're fleeing a really shitty situation, if it's an example of a government that, you know, if it's an example of a government that. that's crazy and puts people in jail and is slaughtering people, a lot of times we help put it in. When it's a situation of extreme poverty and a huge divide between the rich and the poor there, so there's no jobs in their country, a lot of times we help that happen. Yeah. Yeah, their fucking hero Reagan. Reagan, dude, Reagan was the goddamn devil.

666. Ronald Wilson, Reagan. That's what Killer Mike said. Yeah, I don't disagree with that at all. He don't hit. And, of course, you know, there's a direct correlation between him and Trump because it's the same motherfucker. that used to worship. And I mean, dude, like, well, the only difference between him and Reagan, I guess,

is that Reagan held one other political office before he became the president. And you know, I was... Oh, Reagan's certainly smarter than Trump in terms of political policy. I don't know about playing the game of politics. I don't know enough about Reagan's ability he elected it. I feel like he won in a landslide, though. You know what I learned the other day? I thought you're going to say, you know you need,

you need New York somehow like an actor reference because he was an actor? Yeah. That was probably his campaign slogan. Something I learned the other day, which I should have known this. And I'm sure that everybody listening to this does, and I'm sure you did too. But I just didn't. Because I've always talked about like, well, God damn it. We've got a guy in office who has literally, I understand you're like,

we want somebody to shake it up. We want somebody that's not just one of the corrupt politicians. But I'm like, I feel like they should have at least had some experience running city government or some fucking form of it. And I was like, we've never done that before. And that's not true. Hoover had no. He was a businessman and he'd never held political office.

The only reason I didn't know that, though, it's not because I have a political science degree, it's not because I have a law degree. It's literally because our buddy, Travis Irvine, a fucking pothead libertarian who runs for shit in his state of a hotel and is a journalist and a comedian who hits and has been on the podcast. He wrote about it around the election time. Well, I listened to a podcast the other day that had nothing to do with Trump at all.

And actually, I think it predated Trump, so nobody was even trying to make, like, any type of, like, narrative towards this, but like it was talking about Hoover and it was talking about, you know, he came out there and he promised a, it was a chicken for every pot and a, and I can't remember the other part of it. It was chicken for every pot and then yada, yada, yada. He's telling basically all these disenfranchised people, hey, we're going to make everything right for you and it was during the depression. It was all these. And then what did he do? And then that didn't happen. He came in and he goes, well, I mean, I know I said that, but what I meant was that like, you go get a chicken.

I would inspire you so much that you would go get a chicken. It's like, motherfucker, we've been trying to get chickens. Who the fuck's out here not trying to get chickens? We stay trying to get chickens. Stay trying to get chickens. So, and again, this is a pre-Trump podcast. So they weren't setting any of this up for a narrative, but I'm sitting there listening. What was that podcast?

Was I with you? I heard that. Yeah, I can't remember it, but. We was probably riding together. Probably. On that Ohio trip. But I can't, it doesn't matter. But like, I was listening to it going like, I can just replace a couple words.

here, and this sounds exactly the same, and I'm sure, you know, you look back on history and you go, well, everybody had to know then, you know, everybody's living in these Hubervilles and yada, yada, yada, yada, and I very much doubt it. I guarantee you back then when he was doing what we now know through history is some horrible

shit and very bad decisions. Everybody was like, no, man, just let him look, man, we don't need to have any more of these goddamn corrupt politicians, blah, blah, blah, which I mean, I agree with, but at the same time, dude, you got to know your fucking job. Well, and also it's like as if that was the one option.

But here's what I'll say. I don't think Donald Trump, I mean, I think Donald Trump, you know, is he a racist? Yeah. Yeah, I do think he is a racist. I think that the stuff he said about black people going on his boats and working for him in the past is proof of that. But do I think he's a guy who his racist beliefs are so entrenched that he now wants to do like a racist policy? Do I think he's Steve Bannon is what I'm saying? No, no, no, no.

I think that Steve Bannon is a guy who manipulated him. In other words, I think Donald Trump is worse than David Duke for America, not as necessarily as a person. Because he's being manipulated. I think that... When he did it in a way that he could get in power. What's that guy's name, Stephen Miller? I know who you're talking about, but... That little wormy-looking dude who came up with his separating families?

Yes. I think that guy's... He looks like a syphilitic cock. But what makes Trump so awful is that he is that he is... not those people so he can get elected. That's what I'm saying. He's prone to those people. He's the worst.

Like David Duke at least lays it on the line, be like, I'm in the KKK. Trump hides behind all of it. Right, because he'd hide behind anything. Right. Listen, if it becomes something, somehow, miracle of miracles, the country wakes up and it would be more beneficial for Trump to stop being, you know, that way. He would pretend to be another way. He always says he's a fucking chameleon.

He's a psychopath. I mean, he was, I mean, there's evidence of him talking about how great Democrats were for the economy in fucking 2004 in a Katie Couric interview. Right. He don't give a shit. So I'm saying that to say whatever we want to throw at

Trump or the other side, like whatever moment we're at, there's times where I, depending on who I'm listening to it, I'm like, it's way worse than people think, and there's other times where I'm like, it's not that bad. It's right, yeah, yeah. First of all, let me say one thing, though,

is it's not that bad for me. Sure. And I think that's important, not just like to be woke, but also to really think about the depth of the statement of something like America survived worse. Perhaps America has survived worse.

But some people didn't survive that. Some people didn't survive worse than dollars. Yeah, there were people in Japanese internment camps that didn't survive that. We got over it and we're fine. Like America will be fine, but will your neighbors, will them little kids? Germany's doing fine right now.

Right, them little kids? Yeah, they're not going to be fine. No, they don't get a shake. They're not like, we can't fix them. Well, and also, man, I mean, something that's extremely scary to me, I tweeted about it before when I was fucking twacked out or whatever, but like,

I don't understand how people on that side who have been like completely, you know, like if we got to fight ISIS, we got to fight ISIS, we got to, and I agree, of course we do. Like, we can't have that shit, but like, in the meantime,

let's just create another ISIS. Sure. In our fucking backyard, someone that doesn't even have to travel overseas to get to us, let's look at, let's alienate a group of people who are right there beside us

and make their children grow up and go, you know what, fuck these people. Dude, if I am. an extreme Islamist. Like, you know, like an extreme,

part of ISIS, that shit. And I have money. That's where I'm recruiting this. Yeah, hell yeah. Set up a camp in Mexico. Why the fuck wouldn't you?

Yeah, keep going fucking South, Central America. And you know you don't have to pay them shit. Right. It works out. You can good return on your investment. Damn,

I'll tell you what. Say what you will, but this is the best lawn we've ever had in Al-Qaeda. This is amazing. We didn't even tell them to do that shit. It was a desert for these no fingers out here. This motherfucker shot the weeds off.

It was insane. This is a perfect example of how we're the worst. Right. We're on this long exposition about politics and, you know, really have an empathy for other people. And then we just made a blatantly racist job. I don't know any other way to be. Well, but also, fucking, you know, in my experience, Mexicans know how to make good yards. Yeah, that felt it's positive at least.

I think that, uh... Oh, but, like, where we're at right now... Hell. The fight is here. Yeah. We do have to do shit. And on that note, I was going to say, if you've been listening to podcast, you're like, why not more politics? Instead of hoping that we will say things that make you feel better because it's how you feel or make you laugh about that horrible situation, I'm going to say, go fucking spend your money.

There's many places that you can donate to. There's that one, it's an acronym, NACE in AIC. No, no idea. But the point is, go research it. and let's abolish ice. Let's fucking get rid of it. And then again, on that note, there's a huge victory, in my opinion, this week.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez won a primary in the state of New York, she's from the Bronx, over a Democratic incumbent who had been in for years, who people were saying might be one of the next leaders of the Democratic Party, like in the vein of Nancy Pelosi. Oh, wow. he has one, he's been a senator for like 10 or 12 years. Everyone said he was completely unable to be defeated.

Like, you know, he's an incumbent, he's got it on lock. And he got beat by a 28-year-old socialist who used to be, who was a bartender as recently as a year ago. No shit. And the way she beat him was by saying, I'm going to abolish ice. By saying, I want to give everyone health care. And one of the points she's making, she's fucking brilliant, by the way. She's fucking brilliant.

One of the things she's been saying in these interviews, where everyone was like, how this happened and blah, blah, blah, is, like, a lot of people have said to her, well, you know, you won in a district that's very, very, very, very blue. You could never do this in Kansas. And she said, she said, yes or no, whatever, but I purposely went for a district like this because this dude is in a district that's blue. This dude is in a district where he's always going to win.

He's never going to get beat by a Republican. He is the very motherfucker who should be pushing very left policies. And he's a lame duck. Exactly. You're up there saying, well, we need a ice. You're up there saying, well, you know, health care, it's a complicated situation. If you were in the state of New York and you, they haven't lost the Republican in decades, you have nothing to lose by saying, let's give free health care to everybody. You're not truly that far left.

You don't believe in it. Or you want so desperately to be a national leader in the future. You don't want to moly or solely your record. You just want to do enough to keep the day by your name. She pointed that out. And she won. And I'm trying to get too excited about it. But I think it's a big deal.

I am fucking pumped about it. I've been saying on the podcast sounding off for a while. I've been leaning more and more towards the fucking DSA folks. Bernie has, I was for him, but he's disappointed me a lot lately. But as an organization, I mean, they've shot away from him lately because he's now on ice is nuts and doesn't want to abolish ice which is pissing me off.

He sounds like an old grandpa. But anyway, my point is, research that guys, like the fights here. I really mean that I'm not trying to be dramatic. Fascism's at our fucking doorstep. We can beat it. I really think we can.

Yeah, and on another victory that we had, which is not probably, well, I mean, it might be as big of a deal, but, I mean, I feel that Oklahoma passing weed is kind of a spark in the right direction. Like that made me feel a little hopeful, because I mean, that's a red-ass fucking state. Sure. I mean, it ain't near as good, but like I just, I love seeing little tiny things like that.

Good or bad. I do agree with you. I do think that in place like Oklahoma, a lot of times that's like the don't tell me what to do thing. Which is one of my favorite things about the American spirit or whatever is the don't tell me what to do thing. I mean, I have a lot of empathy for folks like that. No doubt. But I know they're afraid of socialist because.

they're like, that's the exact government that's going to tell us what to do. And my whole thing is like, look, man, your shit ain't working. A lack of regulations ain't working. Rolling back regulations is led to the Koch brothers. It's led to Citibank literally right in banking laws. I just wish that we could,

and like, I'm very aware that it's more complicated than this. But like if we could somehow, because it seems like these people will be on the same page, go like, hey, how about this? Marijuana directly funnels into healthcare. Sure. Period. We're all going to do it, and that way you, people that go, somebody's going to pay for it, am I paying for your health care?

You're not. The liberal, socialist, assholes that smoke weed are paying for the health care. And the right-wing libertarians, you're not leaving me alone. We're going to pay for our own health care by buying marijuana. And by the way, marijuana in and of itself is a type of health care. But like this is a new thing that we're looking at. This is like the gambling education thing. Exactly.

Like, yeah, we sell lottery tickets and like, yeah, it ruins some lives, but it also gives a new meaning to some other people's. So, like, it's give and take. Well, with marijuana, you saw in Denver, I don't know the exact numbers, but, like, we're talking billion-plus dollars in tax that otherwise was never there. So this is a new billion dollars. The other shit that they were getting taxes for still exists. This is more billion dollars. And if we could, God damn it, I mean, more billion.

More billion. More billion. More billion. That's more billion. Yeah. That was more billion dollars. How much money would it take to get you to sell your soldiers? More billion dollars. That's how Trump talked shit to other people on the Forbes list.

I got more, I got more billion. Well, how many do you have? I have more billion. But I just, if that's a compromise, I feel like we could work out. Like, I get it, guys. You don't want to, you don't want your taxes going to our health care and free health care because you think that's free leaders. I mean, I don't mind going to war, but that's for another, you know, that's for another conversation.

It's a war. But while. And we'd have enough money for health care. But in this term, we don't have to get rid of something to do it. We're adding something. Every fucking state. can do marijuana and then we can do health care by state. And honestly, it just solves it right.

It's perfect. Right. Put that shit on the ballot. Right. Run on it. Run on it. Everybody. I guess now people shouldn't be as scared because, like, you see Oklahoma passing it.

You're like, all right, we can do this. Also, don't be scared anyway. That's been our whole thing from the beginning. When we first started this and we were like thinking about how we were going to be perceived, just in Tennessee in Georgia. And all we said was we wanted people to come to our show and go back to their tiny hometown and realize I need to speak up more so I can find more people. blacked me and fight. Like, it's worth it.

It's time. That's what I'm saying. Fucking, it's at the doorstep. You want to talk about history and like your pap off fought the fucking Nazis and, you know, your uncle March with Martin Luther King or whatever. Great. This fight is here. It is fucking here. Be on the right side of it. Put this shit on the ballot. Stop being afraid. If you live in the South, if you live in Oklahoma, put it on the ballot. Run. Perfect example.

Sean Hannity ran, this went viral. ran like a list of things that that woman, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, believed in. It's like, can you believe this? This woman won. This is what she believed in. It was all the best shit. Yeah, right. And it was like, it's so obvious. What's so funny about it to me is like, this is what's wrong with the Democratic Party right now. Hey, Drew. High up Democrats see stuff like that and they're like, yeah, man, a lot of middle America is afraid of free health care.

No, the fuck, they're not. And if they are, convince them it's good. Yeah, they're not afraid of free health care. they just get told by somebody like Trump, you know, free health care is bad. And in the same breath, he's saying a lot of other stuff that they agree with and care about more than free health care, which is insane, by the way,

that you prioritize almost anything over your own fucking health. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like to you can go, no, I mean, I hear you, of course, in a perfect world, free health care would be good. But at the same time,

we can't have queers running around and kids getting aborted and stuff like that. like you you but you're so you're just going to sit there and fall on your own sword and fucking die of god damn a cancer that you could have gotten taken care of but your premium's too fucking high because you've got to be you got to make your papaw not roll over in this gray because you might like a Mexican that's insane sure especially because everybody's papar all fucking Mexicans yeah I got to pee yeah well let me say this in and I feel like honestly you should put this at the end of this episode sure it feels like a you know

know what I mean, like a bow. Yeah. But whatever you want to do, it's your line. It does everything we do. It feels like a bow, minus the W. I'm literally sitting here smoking a cigarette. I'm like sucking on it. And shirtless.

You're hitting, you are a bow. If anyone out there just heard what the fuck I said and it's like, what the fuck is he talking about, and you want to tweet at me about DSA shit, I'm just learning, I don't know a lot about it, I'm not claiming to know a lot about it, I'm learning myself. It's tweet at me, because I'm going to be honest with you guys. I'm a liberal, and when I first started hearing some of my friends being a socialist, I'm like, I'm like, what? Let me tell you what I know about that.

Bread lines and fucking death. And anyway, I'm just saying I know a lot of people might hear me say that and be like, all right, you've gone off the deep end. I don't think I have. I'm pumped about Ms. Ocasio-Cortez winning, and I'm pumped about the idea that Sean Hannity is posting on his show Can you believe this woman ran on free health care and abolishing ice? Not only can I believe it, I'm pumped about it.

Hell yeah. Anyway, that's it. Vote, fucking vote, march, run, push it on the ballot. When you were talking about, when I was in their opinion, were you talking about how at first, like, with socialism, it was like, okay, I don't know about all this. Yes, I was talking about how, you know, when I first, some of my friends started getting into the DSA stuff,

I was like, well, let me tell you what I know about socialism. from my degree in political signs. Bread lines, death camps, Stalinism, you wear the same uniform. Absolutely. We all end up like North Korea. And I said, while you're in there, I don't know a lot about it,

but I have been learning that that would be like judging all of Christianity from one church is, you know, Sure. Viewpoint, first of all. And that second of all, what they stand for. Well, I should say it depends on who you ask. Because there's like any political group,

there's some who's a lot more hardcore than others. But instead of explaining it, because I don't think I can do a good job, let me tell you what I like about it. Universal health care, which Democrats have been fucking just too big of pussies to just get behind. They're actually standing up for working class voters

instead of just giving it lip service. Democrats have done so little for unions lately. They've done so little for workers' rights lately. Fucking Jeff Bezos donates to Democrat. Amazon is a nightmare. People die in their factories. We should have a fucking party on the left that's closing him down, not cowtowing to him at a fucking billion-dollar dinner.

So, DSA is about that. They're, again, they're about other things that might make people uncomfortable. You know, they're, like, they can be pretty far left. but for me I look at a place like Sweden who has higher taxes but has better roads, better health care they have quote unquote big government

but their big government is serving the people and they also have a fair amount more checks and balances to where like yeah it is big government but they're also pretty easy to get the fuck rid of right well and that's my thing is it made me nervous for a long time because coming from where we come from and big government makes me nervous

Sure. Big government took my great-grandparents land and didn't pay them a fair price back for it. I don't like the idea of big government, but we're living in a timer now with the Koch brothers and with, again, Citibank writing goddamn the bank laws where I'm going, well, power is already gathered at the top. It's been consolidated at the top of our society. And by the top, I mean the richest people. Sure.

It's all, we're already living in a big government situation. It's just they're not in office. Exactly. Yeah, they're paying the people in office. So let me get someone in there who's going to fight for me and break it up. And that's how I feel about it. No, I mean, I agree. I'm like, I just look at like most of my friends that are just, you know, man, fuck socialism.

Look, I get it. I get, if you hate the idea of like, I'm born and when I'm 18, you tell me what job to do. And then we're all eating bread. Well, that's not what the USA is. That's an extremist version. and also like the level of capitalism that we live isn't at the extremist version of, well, we got it is. It's getting it.

That's my point. We need to rein it in. There can be a goddamn, you can compromise and there can be, why can't medicine be socialized? Right. You can still have free market capitalism. I can't think that a place can work truly without some form of free market capitalism, but at the same time you can use that free market capitalism and take the tax dollars that are going to other bullshit that we don't care,

and it's going to like the subsidies for these people and the goddamn tax write-offs that they don't deserve and the tax shelters that they used to get their goddamn yacht out so everybody can jerk off on it. Have free market capitalism. They can still live a good life. And also, maybe you can get your butt hole checked out whenever you need to get your butt hole checked out. Tax the fuck out of those people. And my point is... I get taxed like a motherfucker, so do you. Well, my point is the DSA is the only group of people in terms of politics in America that I see who are sincerely running on a campaign or a platform of...

taxing the fuck out of those people so that we can't have health care and education and shit and who mean it. Democrats give lip service to it, but lately at the top at least, they haven't been doing it. And I really think that the Democratic Party as a whole will go back to the left. And this will just be what the Democratic Party is in 10 years because I think young people like what Bernie Sanders' initial message was, even though he didn't back up a lot of it. and I think young people are getting on board with people like this woman, Ms. Ocasio-Cortez. So I do think that the left in America will look that way soon.

But right now it doesn't. Right now it's fucking rich people. Yeah. Not taxing other rich people, just pretending they would. Yeah. And I mean, I think that's the best point you made was that, yeah, technically, you know, our government's not as big as some of these theoretical big government socialists. But like, if you look at the people who are actually controlling them, yeah, yes, the fuck it is.

Right. But anyways, we'll be back later or we won't be or we love you. Bo, get on the ballot marks or just burn shit, whatever y'all. Yeah, and also, nothing hits. Nothing hits. Hey, Trey. Hey, Trey. Now that we're almost an hour into our final show, Amber just text me and said, hey, I'm not coming to either of the show sometimes.

So she's really been hitting in Hawaii. One of the more unnecessary texts ever. Yeah, yeah. I didn't think that you were here. Yeah, we're done. And she's like, hey, I'm not coming to the thing that's over. Yeah, I didn't put you on the list. And I know you didn't pay for a goddamn ticket.

So, yes, I'm very aware that you're not here right now, which is very fine. So I'm certain she's just been eating wings and getting hammered, which is pretty much what I've done, which is what I do everywhere. But Lord God, they've had some hitting wings and food. Them loco mokos killed me. I love it. It's beautiful here. Yeah.

It's, uh, everything's nice. The language is pretty. It's, it's exactly like the South in what you describe. The senior is amazing. The language is different and, like, inviting. There's a little bit more poetic than ours. And I feel like our language, our way of speaking is poetic, but. Two other people.

You've got such good words. Yeah. Louao, holo, holo, melanoma. Yeah. Another thing we share. I tweeted that, and I don't think half the people who are, I think they just thought I was being literal. That's funny.

I said earlier in the show, one of the main differences I can tell between where I live in Hawaii is that y'all's fat people are just Tanner. Yeah, we have fat people, but they're not named Tanner. Yeah, right. Right. No, hell, them skinny little bitches usually. I was here with Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad were here with me from Monday to Wednesday. Yeah, because they were here all week, but I got in here until Monday.

and I knew my parents were old. But Hawaii is a pretty good test. Yeah. Like how old? Well, like, so they're in this tough spot, and I empathize with them a lot. Like, they're helping raise my niece, my brother's daughter. He's in prison, her mom, don't do well. They split custody with the...

So they're doing that, and that keeps them busy. And younger than they probably could. They say they might seem younger because they're like going the ball. What are you doing? They can't just sit on the recliner all the time. So then I got them out here alone. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it wasn't awful. They put their freak flag at half-mast. First of all, they talk to each other. Like, you can tell that they've just been together too long. Yeah. I mean, you know, not, like, I'm not saying, I'm glad they're still together and they're going to stay together forever. But, like, there's this point in a human relationship where, like, y'all just don't know how. your relationship seems to other people.

What do you mean? Because they're like, they're finishing each other's sentences and it's like weird or like they're getting too. Like, I know, I know Doug. There's both of those things,

but then there's also where they'll start talking to me about a thing. Like, I'm just showing up and here's Drew and we'll tell them what we've been doing. And then they just start talking about traffic. Yeah.

Which is an old thing to do. Yeah. And then they just start talking to each other about traffic. Yeah. And then an hour later, they remember I'm in the call. Oh, yeah. You know about traffic.

And they've just been talking about what they've been telling each other what they've done together for the last four days. Yeah. Like when dad got me from the airport. Can I tell you something? I think that me and you were old. We'd be doing that all the time. Yeah, we're old dogs. Constantly just be like, you know what we did?

Yes, I know. I was there. Yeah. We screamed and agreeing with each other. That's another thing they do. When they pick me up, dad told me immediately what everything costs, which wasn't too much. That tickled me, though, because that's like such a, I don't know that Foxworthy has a bit about that, but if he don't, he should have. Because that, that was like such, when you said that, I knew him.

I was, like, so filled with 17,000 memories of people just being like, God damn, you see what Brad is here at the public's in Florida? Like, hey, how was your flight? Cool. Yeah. Yeah, you know, we flew in. We got an Uber. Man, or no, we got a cab. Who, that cab was expensive.

Your dad got a gober. And just like everything, he was like, hey, you know, what do you want to do? We went out to eat there. It's fast food, but it's pretty good. It's a chain. But, you know, for a chain, it's good. It's called L&L. I'll tell you what, though, Drew, man.

It was, it was $11 for rice? I'm like, okay, was it? You know, and like, it's just everything. They told me that, and then they start talking about the homeless immediately. Oh, yeah. Mom had read that there was a homeless problem here, and apparently they had more, quote-unquote, homeless people than any other city in America a per square foot or whatever.

But a lot of people just live on the beach and tents. And I'm not saying that's good or bad. I'm not, like, I'm not saying that makes it okay. Right. But mom was just like, you know, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I got to be honest. And also, you know, who's the judge? Those people.

It was really sweet, but it was just so old. She was like, I mean, that must might be how they like to live. And it might be, I don't know, but I'm like, we don't need to comment. Like, how is this the third thing you're telling me? That's actually kind of sweet, though, because. It was super sweet. Because that's how I feel like most people from our area are like when they actually do travel to somewhere. Because I've had people that came to see me in New York that were like, man, you know, all I do is watch Law and Order.

It turns out I didn't get raped five times like I thought I was going to. But that's what I'm saying. It was sweet, but it was very like, in my mind old. Oh, yeah, very old. You came to Hawaii. You read up on it to what you found out about their homeless population. You went and looked for it. The tourist spots, they ain't there.

Sure. And then you wanted to have a conversation with me. Now, her conclusion was very sweet because she's such a sweet person. Yeah, very sweet. But I'm saying that just the whole process of like, bro, have you ever went anywhere and read up about the homeless population? No. Out of fear. Have you ever read about the crime of a place or visit?

No, luckily I don't have to because our fans will be glad to tell me after the show. I guess what I mean is like. But no, I have it. Of course not. Of course not. If you're going to a third world country, you might be like, is it safe? Oh, sure. Yeah.

You're going to fucking Hawaii. Did it ever cross your mind? Is it safe here? No, I'm like, do they have an Elvis museum from my hate? That's all I give a shit about. Then they started telling me how traffic works, and they did that thing for an hour. And then another thing was they started telling me about the food they'd eaten in one of my favorite things. And I don't know if mom's listening or not.

I'm making fun of them a little bit. She hasn't listened as far as I know in a while. But anyway, I started. Wonder where we lost her. I started recording in him. Yeah. So I can. Oh, I know.

Yeah, he sent it to it. I sent it to Andy. just so she can understand how funny it was. And at one point, she's telling me about the Mexican food here, and that it didn't hit for her. And then she goes in this long-winded, that's so fucking passionate monologue about how the Mexican food in Warburg, which is just the closest Mexican restaurant to my house,

is the best Mexican in the world. Best Mexican food in the world. It was so goddamn beautiful and funny. That's so funny where she's like, I don't know what it is. You know, we got as literally as far away from Mexico as you possibly could. And this Mexican food fucking sucks. Right. It's so terrible.

And then beyond that, you know, I've traveled a lot. And I've got to tell you, the best Mexican food. Warbird. One closest to my house. Warburg. Warbird. And what a great name. No, I'm not.

It's great. There's no way they're lying. It's fucking phenomenal. My mom may never been wrong. Well, no. And something we've talked about in this podcast a lot is how, like, even though that's 100% Americanized Mexican food. Yeah.

I mean, that's what's up. Right. That's Ronnie White. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then here's one of my favorite quotes from my dad. Well, I'll say this. They got clean bathroom.

Yeah. That's another. Toilets. They're the toilets like. Which is super important, you know. They're not so old that they call them commogea, so that's good. That was their parents. Once they get, once they say, do y'all say the commode in there?

Commode's most redneck old word and I love it. Papal Clem. Dan's dad, he said commode and it always hit for me. And say it's from me so hard. I'm trying to look Oh, mom played a You know those things where it's like Pick your birthday month

And beside each month it has an adjective Yeah Redneck Horoscope And like what street did you live on it? If you ever wondered who plays those, it's mom Yeah, yeah She was in there reading a Facebook post Telling us all our like Marvel character names

She thought it was funnier than any joke I've ever told Yeah You know she was like look like oh September that was dark and then what street I grew up on was pleasant bridge she said your Marvel name's

dark pleasant and she thought that was so hilarious which I mean that's pretty goddamn fun if you want to break that down that's pretty sweet to me you are very dark pleasant my dad does the same thing but not with those he does he sends me like videos of like dogs taking baths

and like that's you know to him better than anything I've ever done which you know I mean it is Well, then in the joke vein, and as comedians, you got to love this. Oh, yeah. It's like, all right, she's playing this game, and it's so much funnier to her than any joke I've ever told. It's whatever, Mom. I'm not going to put my life into this.

And then she starts reading memes with her friends here on his Facebook page. She's just reading them. She describes it. Doesn't show it to me. She showed me like one, but mostly she just... Like if she had a blind sister. Exactly. Exactly. And now this meme, Drew, it's Native Americans, and it says, and whatever it was, it was awesome.

Like, the point of it was awesome, but I was just like, we're in Hawaii. This is what we're doing. You're reading me Facebook names. It was great. They also. They played Bible trivia. That is. Do you still crush? I did. Dad was arguing with the answers, which was so raving.

Yeah. There was one where he was like, that's Paul. And mom was like, it's Saul. And he's like, it's the same person. Yeah. Yeah, the Christian beater formerly known as, your parents are super cool. They were the first people I saw in Hawaii.

Yeah, because they took your flight back. Yeah, they took my flight back, and I got off the plane. And, like, you know, dude, nine and a half hour flight, I didn't sleep the night before. Nothing hit. And I got off the plane, and I just heard, Is that Cory Forster? And I was just like, oh, shit.

And I looked over, and I was like, so thing. It was like, oh, it's Doug and Nancy. Hell yeah. I didn't know if you remembered what they looked like. I don't even know how much young madam. Yeah. But I told them, I don't know if he knows what you look like. Oh, no.

But I wanted them to be like, oh, my God, and freak out like they recognize you. Yeah. No, I don't know. You think, oh, I'm getting recognized. I would have. But hopefully not know it was then. No, I would have. And then Dad was going to go, it's Will Sassau.

Will Sassau is my favorite. That would have been amazing. But I met you, so I've only met your dad one time. I met your dad in the parking lot of a book's a million in Knoxville. You said the Knoxville show. Yeah, that's when I met it, but I met him that day we did a book sign and He dropped you off in his truck

Oh, that's right. Yeah, he dropped you off in his truck and I went over there and I shook his hand in the truck and he was hitting for me So that's when I met him, but your mom I met at Trey's house She came over for something, she, like, I don't know what it was, but like, yeah, that's true, it's 100% true. In Oak Ridge.

Oak Ridge, okay. Yeah, she, like, I don't know if it's dropped you off or like she was coming to do something. I met her there. Then also, she sat with my mom at one of our Chattanooga shows. She did. And also, she'd be coming on Facebook and stuff. Like, your dad, your dad don't have a Facebook presence. But, like, but that phone or a connection to the outside.

But to say this, they wouldn't have even had to scream. If I'd have turned around and seen him, I would have known that was Nancy and Doug. I think I've told us on the pockets before, but even if I have it, when Dad came to the Knoxville show, that's only the second time he's ever seen me do comedy. My friend Austin, who I've known from way back, grew up with me and Brian. Which Austin? He just grew up with me and Brian. You met him at the Knoxville show.

You wouldn't have met him anywhere else. Yeah. He came in. He came backstage. And he goes, so, uh, went to pay for parking. I'm standing in the line. I remember this shit. Not this fucking.

And we're waiting. And this dude just starts kicking the machine. And I'm like, God damn, what is this guy? Look at this fucking old man. Look at this redneck. And it turns out it's your dad. Drew, your dad's out there just kicking the shit out of a machine. Yeah.

Dad comes in. The first thing he says to me, they shouldn't let rednecks out in public. And he goes, I don't know if you guys normally have this problem. It's your shows of redneck getting out and about, but I just got in the fight with a parking machine. Your dad's flipping over tables like Jesus at the bank. Yeah, you know what I just realized?

I took that story poorly. Austin parked somewhere else and was walking by. He didn't know it was my dad. Yeah. He came in and said, there's people out there fighting parking machines. I know it's a redneck show, and then I told Austin later that that was Doug Morgan.

Because Austin, that was dead. Of course. But no, they were, they were sweet. And it was nice. It was like a, I feel like that was like a water birth, like coming Hawaii. That was a good transition. The first thing I hear in Hawaii is a redneck accent going, Corey. That's what they say about water bursts.

It's like, it's a good transition from the baby because they come out of this goo and then into the water. And they can naturally hold their breath? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about that. I guess you just. It's always been confusing me. Me too. I guess the kid just drowns for a sudden.

You remember that fucking Nirvana cover? Yeah. Never mind. The baby swimming? Yeah, where they just put him in there and they got his dick. I reckon babies can swim. Yeah. Isn't that wild?

That is wild. Huh. Yeah, because I mean, they just, otherwise they just threw a baby in the... Yeah. Huh. How about that? I don't know, man. I remember thinking...

It's the only thing I've thought about often, but every time I've thought about it, it fucks me up. Now that we come, now we'll come full circle to Mexican restaurants. restaurants. I remember there was El Madador. I thought you're going to make a Mexican baby swimming. No. No. No, no, I wasn't. That's hilarious. But when the Mexican restaurant, when I was a kid we'd go to after church called

El Madador, I remember that's when I first, like, they had the jukebox and you could play whatever you wanted, but like, you know, it was a church crowd, people weren't doing shit, but they had the Nirvana Nevermind album. And I remember at a very early age being like, how come I

can see this baby's dick right now. Like, that ain't it. Was it never mind? It was never mind. Yeah. We're sure about that? I'm very positive. You'll me look it up.

I'll look it up. No, I believe it. But I think, was there one that had Latin? In utero was the one that had the... I think that's the baby. No. In utero had a, it was a black, it was a black album and it had like a descriptor of like a woman's uterus. No, it had that statue of that woman.

with wings. That's it. That's in utero, but no, never mind was the baby with the weeny, the weeny baby. Weenie baby. I mean, again, I still could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure the weenie baby album was... I collect weenie babies. Yeah, I want to, it's just fucking never mind with the greatest albums of all time. We of course know it as the weenie baby album. Yep, that's it. You went, um, not Jimmy, not Jimmy Stewart. Who did you just do? Oh, I don't know who I did. You did, uh, late night. Carson. Carson, you're going to get up here. Carson, this next band, they've been touring all over.

They have a tremendous heroin addiction. And their next album has a baby with a ding-dong. Please give it up for Durvana. That's my Johnny. You've done Johnny a bunch. I don't think you've ever done it in like a Now Let's Do Johnny Doing Contemporary Things. No. That's what you should do.

I like that character. What if Johnny still live? Like, yeah. Please introduce Cardi B as Johnny Carson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it right now.

Yeah, this next lady, she's been making the ways on the pop chart. She, our most famous video was her taking it very hard from a black man named Offset. She wears camouflage leggings, and we just love her here at the tonight show. Here singing something that me nor Ed will ever understand,

Cardi B. That's all I got. Cardi B hits for me. Here's Johnny. Cardi B does hit for me. She's about to pop, too. This is what I love about Cardi B, which you should do this, but like, she's pregnant as a motherfucker right now and still hitting on Instagram, putting up, like, sexy pictures.

Hell yeah. And people are going like, oh, girl, once you lose that pregnancy weight, and then she's going in on, I'm like, fuck you, I'll get pregnant again. You can suck my dick. She's awesome. I'm going to get pregnant again. You can suck my dick. I mean, that's not a direct quote.

No, that's probably the name of her next album. Yeah, this next lady's next album. is I will get pregnant again and you can suck my dick. Here's Cardi B with offset. I think this is my new favorite thing, man. I'm going to do it forever. Yeah, I want you to make videos. Did you have a good week time in the way?

Yeah, I did, man. I'm still like, I mean, I know we talk about it all the time. It's probably like beating a dead horse, but like I'm fighting a lot of mental exhaustion right now because I went. I've just, I ain't been home. Like, yeah, I had a, my honeymoon was very relaxing. it totally was. I didn't drink. I didn't do anything stupid.

I got a lot of rest in, but like I miss, I have only been at my house sincerely two days since I got married and that was three and a half weeks ago or whatever. And I'm just like in this mood right now of like,

I know that what I do for a living is on the road, but like it would be nice to be like one week just at my home with my wife. Like we ain't done the character over the fresh hold shit yet, like all this stuff that I envisioned.

Which again, I have a different life. I'm just kind of like mentally exhausted and just really want to get the fuck home. But yes, I've had a fucking dude introducing me to loco-mokos. That's going to be the worst thing ever happened to me because that's the hitting a slot that ever was. It's eggs, rice, short ribs. Gravy. And brown mushroom gravy.

Yeah, brown mushroom gravy. All mixed together and, like, it's the best hangover food ever. Because, like, I have a problem eating a lot of times when I'm hung over. What? It's best hangar of food ever Because I have a problem You could have stopped right there Exactly

Yeah, exactly But like it is because like when I'm hung over Like I can't put a lot of effort into shit But like it's such a good slop I can just spoon it into my fucking dumb mouth And then start drinking again And like yeah it is But

I can just spoon it into my fucking dumb mouth I want that to be a heart of these on Yeah, she'd hit at it I had a great week It was fun hanging out with my parents for two days It was really awesome Moving on some hikes A lot of hikes

And I got to talk with my dad I just sat with my mom mom some on the beach and uh you're your dad went on the road to damascus together we did yeah we we got off-roading once we climbed up this paved road it ended we just kept going up the mountain he was he was telling me about that there was wild goats yeah he could hear him he was like everywhere dad got he'd be like out over in the bushes there's something that work hunting over there I guarantee you can kill something there he told me one of the friends like he wanted to go hunting so bad I was like what are you been what you've been drooping and stuff I'm like you know

Drew, he'd go up there on some spots. I wouldn't go. Of course, I'll say this about Drew. He ain't never cared to fall on his head. You know, like, it's just something. And then he started telling me about every concussion you've ever had. And he was just like, they told him at one point. They're like, you can't get another one of these.

And I was like, I guarantee you he was like, tell me. And your dad was just like, yeah, I mean, yeah, that's pretty much it. Yeah, he's like, well, you know, bullshit. He didn't say that. I'm not going to. Nancy, if you're listening, you know Doug didn't say bullshit. But that was what, it was so funny to hear that. Because I'm like, yep, our perceptions of your son are exactly the same.

He was just sweeter. My good friend, Andrew, his son got his spurt's concussion this week. Big day. It is big day, yeah. And he was worried. He was texting us. That's a redneck bar mitzvah. Ran into a bar mitzvah.

Yeah, ran into a bar mitzvah. That's fucking hilarious. He texted us, all of his friends. And he's like, he's worried. He was like, yeah, my man. you know, Jacob got a concussion. He's,

you can't remember anything. He's asking me every 10 minutes, like what happened or whatever. And that happened to me, and I could tell you he was worried, and I was like, you know, hey, man,

he's, register him to vote now. He's going to be fine, you know. Yeah. That happened to me, and I turned out okay or mostly okay.

And then I started, it's funny to you think about it. Well, I started thinking about all my concussions. It's funny that my dad wrote that up. Like, I've had too many. Uh-huh.

Well, I mean, I think that I've, I had some that I didn't get checked for. Like in football? There's no, yeah, for sure in football. There's three instances. Well, and just being drunk and falling off a goddamn porch. Well, there's three instances specifically in high school football where I know I had a concussion now looking back on it. I didn't do anything about. But then there's like the diagnosis.

There's like, you know, when I was rushed to the hospital, vomiting when I was seven, and again when I was 13, and again when I was 18. And that's when they told me not to get anymore. I don't know. I don't know how we got off on this tangent, but I ought not fall on my head anymore. No. Yeah, I don't know. Whoa, I've talked about you and your dad, hocking. He's talking about how you do stuff he wouldn't do because you didn't give a shit to fall on your head.

Yeah, my dad was a lot crazier than me, though, per of the stories back in the day. I think he's just mellowed out, which is wild to think of my dad as a mellow version of anything. Right. No, yeah. No, I hear that. I don't know. I'm probably going to be an insane papal. but there will probably be like, no, you don't know what this motherfucker used to do.

Man, I can't wait to be a papal. I can't either. Like, I've been trying for years to figure out how to, like, skip, like, being a dad and just go straight to the patpaw. What I figured out, the only thing I can do is adopt a pregnant 17-year-old. That's what I've always wanted to do is adopt a pregnant 17-year-old. You could also, well, you know, that's a pregnant 17-year-old. You could also, well, you don't hit. You'd have to not be with Amber.

As I say, you could just marry someone with grandkids away later in life. Well, that would hit. Yeah, but Amber's going to outlive you, so that ain't going to happen. Without a doubt, unless it's a murder-suicide situation that she would be within her rights to do. She'd still out-live you because she'd be the one murdering. Right, yeah, exactly. And then she wouldn't suicide. No, of course she wouldn't.

No, dear. Well, we got dark. We did get dark. We weren't very civil. No, we weren't civil at all. all, Drew. When that came up, God, that made me furious.

I was so... Please be civil. I said that today, and I know that I'm not... I tried to... As comedians do, like, you always, if you think of a joke, you try to Google, Lord, did I, am I stealing this for somebody?

But I know I'm not the first person to say this, but I couldn't find anywhere, but I was saying earlier is that, like, it really makes me uncomfortable to hear the motherfuckers that are waving around the rebel flag, talking about being civil. Like, that just sounds...

That sounds too much. It's also the notion that this is a time for... Pardon me. I'm very bothered by the babies in cages. Yes. Can we please have a meeting on this? You know, fuck that. Now that you say it like this, absolutely, let's have...

Also, the entire goddamn campaign was held up by... We're not pussies. He's not afraid to say it. Fuck your feelings. That was like the unofficial... Fuck your feelings, quit being snowflakes. He's literally up there convulsing and making fun of a goddamn person with, I don't know, usually had Parkinson's or whatever.

I don't remember, but the journalist who was handicapped in some way, and he's like making fun of him. Doesn't matter. Trump also then had someone peacefully protesting one of his rallies, and he literally asked, could somebody take care of him? Somebody punch him in the face. Could somebody do that? But, no, you're right.

Now that it comes. No, let's be civil. Let's surely do that. That's how everybody that's about to be in a fight, when you talk shit the whole fucking night, and you're about to get in a goddamn fight and the person pulls their fist back, you always go, whoa, whoa, whoa, man, we ain't got to do this. Why don't they have to come to this, man? Hey, yo, yo, yeah, let's be adults about this.

Oh, you want to be adults now that I'm about to crack your fucking nose in half, you fucking piece of shit. Now, well, it's a-cracking them noses in half, though. Yeah, dude, it's, I saw a tweet. I don't remember the guy's name. I didn't follow him or anything. It was a bruh. They always have the hit in her tweets. ways.

You said something like, you know, I was polite all day yesterday and we still got baby jails. And I was like, yeah, that's where we're at. A and B, and this is something that I feel pretty strongly about. Like, politely asking someone to leave your restaurant because your staff doesn't want her to eat there. It's not really uncivil. No, that's the most civil way you can ask somebody to leave your restaurant. Well, and it's also like, you know what's not civil? hey faggot, I'm not going to bake you a cake.

Right. So get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. And don't say that that doesn't represent all of you at this point, because if you've bought into it, yeah, the fuck it does. Right. Well, it's like Kim Davis. I mean, she might have been polite to gay people when she was saying. But have you seen her haircut?

No, she wasn't. Well, that was the biggest proof for me that she needed gay people in life. Dude, Jesus Christ. She needed some gay man to fucking fix that shit. But anyway, uh... Yeah. Order. She might have been polite.

I'm not saying she was, but I'm saying she might have politely said, I'm sorry, but I can't give you a marriage license. That still, to me, definition-wise, was the most uncivil thing in the world to do because it was her civic duty. Literally her civic duty. You work for the government. This is what you do. You give marriage licenses. Does civil and civic mean the same thing? Hell no.

I'm sure they don't. I don't know. Well, let's see. Civic, civil. Yeah, that's a civilization. Civilization, the study of civics is how civilizations work. We don't know. No, it's true.

Civil, relating to ordinary citizens and their concerns as distinct from military or ecclesiastical matters. Courteous and polite is an alternative definition. Civics. Where poor people were conceived. Is it different? Civic. I mean, obviously, there are different things, but. Oh, the Honda Civics is the study of.

Civilization, right? Is that what it is? I just got your joke because Honda Civic popped up. Yeah, yeah, I don't know what you meant. I don't know what you meant. Civic is just related to a city and municipality.

I'm stupid. That was my fault, everybody. I'm sorry. No, it's fine. I still hate her. Well, yeah, I think Kim Davis and her fucking... She has the same haircut as Kim Jong-un.

Yeah. She does. Yeah, she does. They both got that. fucking, I don't know, Pentecostal fucking, they're snakes. There's snakes involved?

It's a snake. If you found out that handling snakes was somehow a part of North Korea's thing, you would not be surprised. Hell no. No, you'd be like, yeah, no, that checks out. No, here and I actually tell you the truth, that kind of hits.

Yeah. But, no, dude, Kim Davis, I've never... And fuck Mike Hocopoebe, by the way. Dude, he's literally the worst. He's trying to, like, he's open mic, Mike tweeting shit. He tweeted out a goddamn, today he tweeted

out something that I swear to, I know for a fact I've seen as a meme like seven years ago. Like, Dirt, did you see it? It was like, I'm worried about my grandson. He's crapping in a diaper. He's asking me to feed him all the time and he can't take care of himself.

I'm worried he's going to grow up to be a Democrat. Maybe I can help him. And of course, everybody was just like, maybe you should worry about everybody else's one-year-old, you fucking piece of shit. But like, it was, the reason it bothered me was as a comedian because he always bothers me as a comedian because I was like that's been a meme

for so long and it's so shitty of a dad joke he's the worst how could and how could you do that though like how could how could a Democrat make that joke about like um you know I'm really I'm really worried about my

I'm really worried about my child I was talking to me the other day he's one by the way I was talking the other day and I was like hey a little Johnny I know you're one and all but uh can you can you explain to me your feelings on immigration and my one year old child was like

fuck everybody that ain't me fuck everybody that's brown I hope they die and let's put them in cages and I was like I damn I'm worried he might be a Republican. You can't really make that way to turn a one road into a monster in a cute way yeah exactly but yo you can turn where you fucking shit on himself and I guess

you might be a Democrat yes he would maybe because like babies are full of love for no goddamn reason and hope for literally no goddamn reason Right, that's the way they're Democrats is that they love everybody They don't judge anyone

And they grab your wieners in public Dude So I'm not gonna Like, so Milo this week You saw what he did No, I haven't thought about him in a long time Really? So the Annapolis shootings Oh, that's right

He literally a day before And I'm not gonna sit here and blame it on him Because at the end of the day That dude was gonna do what that dude was gonna do I'm not going to go down that road. But Milo literally called on fucking journalist to be shot. And then that dude did that. And Trump has, Trump has shared a meme of him in the, in a ring in WWE.

And they put over the dude that Trump was kicking the wrestler, whatever, they photoshopped the CNN logo on it. And it was him kicking over. So literally inciting violence against the media. I feel way less upset about that meme. Me too. Than I do, Milo. me too

literally saying quote unquote as a joke he literally said yeah we should kill journalists yeah so my ball point is this is that like regardless yeah Trump's mean may be innocent but like they're literally

at least alluding to the fact of we should be violent towards the medium be violent towards journalists and I don't want to go the Milo route because I definitely think that's wrong but like I really I'm calling on eight year old

to hit Mike Huckabee in the nuts with a wiffleball bat. I don't think that's as bad. It would also be the funniest Mike would have been. Exactly. If you just give somebody an 8-year-old, like not an adult because you could really hurt him. Like if we could somehow train an 8-year-old to hit him in the nuts with a wiffleball bat,

that would really do something for me because he fucking sucks. Also, getting hitting the nuts of a little bit of a lot, it's classic. So classic. Corey, I think I'm out. I think I'm out of juice, man. I'm also out of juice.

We don't hit. I'm tired. I got this lay. It's gorgeous. Shout out to Catherine. Came in Sawson in Salt Lake City and gave Trey Alley and seen him there. She came here. She's from Hawaii.

She gave us all lays and some other goodies. Shout out to her. She gave, this is funny. She said that she knew from the podcast that my wife didn't use soap or bathe regularly, so she brought me two bars of soap to give to her and that fucking slave me. Which does hit. So thank you, Catherine. Thank you, Honolulu.

Go to Well Road Comedy. com, W-A-L-R-E-D Comedy.com, check us out on tour. We love you. Goodbye, skew. Thank you, y'all, listen to the... Well, Red Show, we love to stick around longer, but we got to go. We got to go aside and hit the beach, and then we're going to suck some teats. We're doing the same song?

Yeah, they're yours. The main one? Yeah, the new one. Where the liberal rednecks, we like cornbread and butt sex. We make some people, or... We, shit, start over. I know you're not going to have. We're the liberal rednecks we like cornbread and butts.

We care so much, but yet, don't give a fuck. Don't give a fuss. Or the liberal rednecks, that makes some people upset, but we got three big old dicks. Making suck. Thank you. Suck our dicks, everybody. Thank you all for listening to The Well Red Show.

Stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you. Good night and skew.