wellRED podcast - #74 - Dollar Dollar Bills, Y'all! or (If The World Had a Butthole)

Episode Date: July 11, 2018

Hey wellREDDERS! On this episode we discuss how money is evil (but a necessity, how Puns work, Tennessee's signature color, and finish off with a buddy to buddy pep talk about raising our kids right!��wellredcomedy.com for tickets to showssmokeyboysgrilling.com for some sweet meat rubs!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the skew universe, I should say.

Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

And it's called Rocket. money. Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want any more. Rocket money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create custom budgets based on past spending. Rocket money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled

subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. And I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing. any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one I'd said it before, but I had a, I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like

twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like the cue ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was that response to? What was that a reply gift for just when I did something stupid? Something fat and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten.

If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with RocketMoney. Go to RocketMoney. com slash well-read today. That's RocketMoney.

RocketMoney.com slash well, RED. Rocketmoney.com slash well read. And we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the... 92% of households that join Peloton early in the year are still active a year later. Because of cycling? We also have a treadmill in Peloton Guide. Guide, the thing that counts your reps?

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See additional terms at Onepelaton.ca slash home dash trial. Hi everybody. Did you guys know that we're on a stand-up comedy tour? What's that? What you didn't? What are you dumb? Are you stupid? Can you know I just go to a website?

A website like well-readcom. W-E-L-L-R-E-D comedy.com. Spell just like the podcast. That's where you can find all our tickets, show dates, subscribe to our newsletter so you will get announcements before anybody else. That way you can get tickets before they sell out. Also get our merch and our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie, out of the dark. This podcast, as per usual, is brought to you by Smokey Boins.

Ugh. Not Smokey Boines. Smoky Boys. Smoky Boys. grilling.com. Go to smokyboysgrilling.com to get all the meat rubs for your meat. And as I've said before, if you don't eat meat or you're not into that thing right now, I put it in my sipping broth.

I think it makes it taste really good. So go to smokyboysgrilling.com, grab some meat rub, tell them we said, what's up, and, you know, all that good stuff. This episode of the podcast was recorded in, Portland, Maine. Me and the boys took a stroll around the town for about 10 minutes or so, recording some random banter while trying to find a bar. And then we came up in our hotel and we went in on, you know, pretty much everything that's going on right now. You've seen the news. It's chaos. We live in hell. What are we going to do? Anyways, love you guys. Come see us on tour. Wellredcom.com.

Download, subscribe, and share this podcast. Tell all your friends. Leave us a review. We love you. Well, well, wow, wow. I do know how the water been. Well, Red podcast live from the streets of Portland, man. It smelled like fish a little bit. That was butt fish.

Buttfish? Yeah. I mean, fish is kind of just butt-buddy. It is kind of buddy. Oh, you mean how tender it is? How succulent. Yeah. How much you just love it.

Yep. I mean to it too. I want to fuck with it. Yeah. It's much like a butt. Yeah. You're right. Butts and fish hit for you.

I kind of want to chop a dollar dobies and get shit-face. Go ahead, Fred. I know. Now, that's just straight manure. That was a manure smell. That was like chicken shit. It was chicken shit. There's a connoisseur of butts and fish.

That was definitely poop. Yeah. You're a man who knows about butt smells, or at least you should be, because you're a first ballot, Hall of Fame, spanky-budded ass motherfucker. Yes. Like, you're just,

buddy I too be known about butt smells my farce don't hit but it's established and known and I agree you know how many times I've gone doggy in the woods I feel like this about you a lot Drew but like I feel like even more so today in particular it was pretty unreal your butt has just really been on one I have told y'all this before and you do not believe me and I understand why you don't believe me it's gotten so much better better yeah I don't even know how that's possible. I think it's gotten so much different. Because I used to drink, where are you going?

We're going that way? I don't know. I'm following you. No, you're not. Right, you're right. You're right. We weren't. I used to drink IPAs all the time. That was one issue. And they were just like a lot of stuff that I figured out that, you know, made it bad for me. But like, I remember farting in the back of a van on the way home from a football game in eighth grade.

My brother had just played in. And they all thought I was asleep. And I pretended to be asleep. I was so embarrassed because they're talking about me like I was sick. My uncle was like he's a... But you smell sick. Well, I'm saying my guts is wrong. Like, when I say my guts is wrong, I don't mean like, how they're wrong.

I mean like, no, there's something wrong with my stomach. Say that. Say that. I've been saying it. I remember farting the back of the van on the way back from a football game. In ice grade. That sounds like if I was parodying a Tracy Lawrence song. I remember farting in a van on the way back home from.

I'm a football game. If the world had a bud hole. And I knew from then I would be the same. That was amazing. My uncle, who's a paramedic, was like, what? Is it always like this?

My uncle is a paramedic. Was sincerely concerned. No, he was like, Nancy, there's something wrong with him. You need to take him to the doctor. I mean, that happened to you tonight. I wasn't there, but I heard about it. The guy at the venue.

Devon. The dude at the venue here in Portland, you did. Well, before you tell that story. And he looked like he'd smelled several butts. All I was saying is I've learned that there are things that caused that to happen. And I void not all of them, some of them. I can't avoid all of them. Can you conceptualize what he's saying?

Yes, yes, kind of. Being him have like conversations about it. Here's part of what I mean about words. What you experienced today? was like at least three times a week. Right, okay. You know what I mean? That's like, I mean constant.

I've been with Drew when he was eating like way healthy and like, don't get me wrong. Farts didn't hit. But I'll tell you this about my farts. Is that often the healthier I eat the worst that they actually kind of are? Yeah. Because like when I eat stuff. Because like when I eat stuff that ain't real, my body like it doesn't, it doesn't put it out as real. It's just like, yeah, it's just a mist.

But when you eat like broccoli and coffee. Toffler and shit, like, there's some goddamn fumes in that motherfucker. But, like, when he eats, like, I don't know, if this some bitch ever eats cabbage with some sauce, Lord. Yeah, but I mean, cabbage, though, that's... It is healthy, but that's one... But cabbage is known for... Yeah, but that's what I'm saying, though.

Hold on. Yeah. Yeah. That makes some regular bad. Right, regular bad. Regular human being by. Right. My cabbage farts are a little worse than the average humans, but, you know, whatever.

But, like, my... Drink four eyeballs. IPAs, eat a slice of pizza with onion on it, and an onion wouldn't cook very well, farts will make you want to kill yourself. Yeah, see, that's my standard fart. Right. You know what I mean? No, it ain't. That ain't true.

A couple IPAs and... He means that food. I mean, that's what I normally eat, so like, unless... Dude, unless... The only time... With you, son... With you... It's very.

It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's very. These boats look like you're not trying to flaunt it. Like, you needed that. You had to, yeah.

Those boats do hit. you're right. But that's my thing. And almost 30 minutes later, we still could not find a bar to eat or drink in. Unlike boats, that did not hit. Well, like I said, I'm pretty sure I saw the sign the bar was up. Our hotel bar was up in 1130, so last resort, that's fine. I'm on the first floor where the bar is.

I walk by there, and there's a bunch of people who looked like they, you know, had their boat away from boat. Yeah. down the second boat on the whatever coast. Yeah. It didn't hit for me. Oh, man, it don't look like it's much going on. No, it don't. You can't hear shit.

There's no music. There's not enough to do. No, I see people. See them down there? Okay. Well, we'll say. I hope. I hope.

Tell you, it's a marina. Buddy, I'm on your side. Listen, I know that we claim the South of Superior in a lot of ways, and it is. But if their marinas is closed. Well, I've never... Then fuck their marinas. I've never said that the South was Superior in terms of fucking liquor laws. I'm not talking about

Lakers, I'm talking about marinas and hitting. Oh, right. No, that does hit. If they have a bar, they're open to. Well, I think the difference is... See, do the aren't. Don't even have bars because they can't and it sucks so hard. It's close. Sorry, we're closed. The difference between... The difference between

marinas here and marinas where we're from is like, it's literally all just full of racist, but the racist where we're from, I get. I don't mean I get it. I'm saying, like, their racism is just ignorant, stupidity. These motherfuckers is like that systemic. They own a goddamn, these people on these boats own a fucking for-profit prison.

So it's a racism I can't even comprehend. I feel like when I'm hanging out of a marina in the south, it's also that. It's what shit that I don't hit for me. Well, no, I'm saying there's a lot of poor, ignorant racist in the South. But if you got a house, bro. Right, yeah. Yeah, but I still think there's another level up here than to that. Because if that dude, that dude could only hit to get a marina up,

getting a marina in the South, he couldn't get here. Many black people, I don't think. I saw a Confederate flag on a truck in Maine earlier today. Was that Maine or half? It was Maine. Because I remember it because we said we're like in fucking Maine. You were like. As north as you could.

We're almost not even in the country that they were mad at. That's how far north we are. But yeah, it's fucking wild, dude. But at the same time though, man, it might be somebody from where we're from that came up here to work on a fishing boat. Because I mean, we do hit at that. I mean, it's about hate, not here. Exactly. I'm bringing it with me, goddain.

Did you see her? I did see that. Drive by. She was hammered. And talking to the people in the car with her about us while staring at it. Right. Yes. And I don't know what she said, but I read her lips and I'm pretty sure it was,

Hey, yeah, man, and that. That's what it looked like. I know, I saw it too, and you're right. That's exactly what. We're watching people eat. Oh, and also, it is Sunday. Y'all, that's, I never fucking remember what day it is. You all just go back to the hotel?

Let's go back the fucking hotel. It's a sure fire thing. I'm just trying to get drunk. And so our heroes made it back to their hotel, where they immediately discussed Killer Mike, Tennessee football, institutional racism, and if I had to guess, titties and butts. Now, let's pop into Room 417 and see what's going on. Let's give. I was telling Corey back. You remember when we saw Killer Mike at Bonaroo?

You remember how in the middle of his set? He went on a probably five. I'm in a tirade about how hard Rick Flair hits and how he was the greatest champion in the history of wrestling and all this shit and everything. How awesome is that? It's supreme, especially because I have a feeling it was super random. Yeah, no, I know. That's when I said it was. You're just like, I got, while I got y'all here.

Because I had been talking about the show in general, and I was like, I was like, yeah, dude. And then in the middle of it, he goes on this. this massive tirade and Corey was like, yeah man, that's what I love about him, dude. He keeps it fucking real dude, he does it every time. I was like, no dude, not about politics or anything. He went on a massive tirade about fucking Rick Flair and it was like, but it's so much harder for me. It's like way harder.

Well I say that because like if you, you know, Killer Mike goes on like a tirade about politics or something, like it's like, you know, even though you do believe this, you're doing this for a reaction. and you know that this will get everybody high. But if you go on a tirade about Red Flair, that's for you. Like, you don't know how that's going to go because you don't know like, Killer Mike's crowd. Well, I don't know.

Actually, that's at Bonner, that's probably. Also, though, I mean, but on that note, again, this was pre-run the jewels. It's like he wasn't known at that time for, I mean, he was known for hitting, but he wasn't known at that time for, like, being the political. Right. That he is now. And, dude, his whole. what, Drew, first

45 minutes of his set, probably. Smok. And just straight politics, just political shit. Fuck Ronald Reagan. Yeah. Fuck Ronald Reagan. Fuck Ronald Reagan. Well, I feel like,

for the month, like that's not, you know, Run the Jewels is like super political and whatever, but like, yeah, it's not, it should not be surprising that somebody like Killer Mike comes out and says all that shit. Because, I mean, yeah, Reagan did come out before Run the Jewels, but it's like, what fucking white person in your fan base are you alienating?

I didn't know he was all about this shit. Like, you're with, you know. True, but he also, well, I mean, it is true, but also, again, at that time before, that type of shit specifically what he was known for. I mean, he's still a rapper. What I'm saying is not that, like, oh, his biggest hit was all day. I don't know what I'm saying. He's going to piss these conservatives off.

What I'm saying is he wasn't doing club bangers. Right. You know what I mean? Like, he wasn't, you know what I mean? Like, it's a rap show and he wasn't doing that mess. Sidebar. Rick Flares are the greatest in all time. That's so fucking phenomenal. I'll get some ice. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll chat if you want to.

I'll chop this up. Chop it up. Chop it up. Chop it up. Chop and screw. It's on? It's on. I'm just, yeah, I'm just going.

Whatever. Okay. I'm going to say what I like from everything. Chop it up. You don't chop it up? I like chopping up. We can mob. That's what I was looking for. You want to mob?

We can mob. We could chop it up. I'm going to chop it up. For everybody listening, this is a... Are we on? The thing that apparently we are on. That's something that... What?

What'd you do, Joe? I just dropped the ice bucket thing. When we had chosen in Atlanta, we had correspondence. with the and he said in the way he put it in this like email about a thing we were setting up to do

it's like we can like yeah we'll mob we'll mob to the show we'll chop it up and we were just like all right

guess we're gonna we're gonna be chopping it up guys mobbing a little bit we're gonna be mobbing it we're gonna be chopping and chopping it's just it's pretty Atlanta

you know that's like Atlanta business man That's how you get a loan. I've got a 9.30 mobbing session. Of course, after lunch, we're going to be chopping it up. You got a 9% APR on this one, but we'll knock it down to 7% if you'll chop it up with us. If you want to chop it up.

I'm tired, Trey. I'm a mobbed out and I'm chopped up. It was I ate right after my set, and part of it was fries. So I both have the hiccups and the fatigue. Yeah, well, shirt's hitting. This is my vintage VAL shirt. Where'd you get that? What's somebody called it, at a Goodwill, near where I live.

Yeah. I just went in there. I've got two VAL shirts like that that. That I straight up literally found that a Goodwill. I've got it, and none of them fit me anymore. Okay. I have three VALs, one of which is a jersey, a number 10 jersey, which I assume when it was like Balt knew it was Eric Aange, I'm assuming.

Okay. But I mean, I got it way later, and I got it because it was a Goodwill, and it was, you know, whatever, $3, and it was a jersey. But, yeah, I've got a few VALS goodwill items. Well, this one and the other one go back so far that the orange is different. Yeah. And the other one I have has the Daniel Boone volunteer mascot, dude. You know a lot of people talk about how our orange doesn't hit.

I mean, orange. Orange don't really hit in general, but yeah, it's Blaze. It looks like a hunter. Yeah, I feel like that's like... See, obviously it's just pure bias, but I guess, but like it just hits so hard for me. You know what I think it is? You know what I think it is?

And it's, I'm like, I don't mean, obviously I'm a Georgia fan, so y'all don't hit for me, and I think the orange is repugnant. But over the past couple years, I've started kind of getting it. And I think that's why it hits for you is because y'all have one of the only color schemes that is just a fit. Like that's like that, that's, fuck you, you don't like it. I suck my day. That's a very southern, like, y'all have the only jersey that is spiteful where it's like, yeah, you don't want this goddamn orange? Who gives a shit, man?

Fuck you. You don't have it. And that's how, like, because I buy sneakers based on that concept now. where it's like, oh, is it look gaudy and people look at me stupid? I'm like, good, fuck you. I bought them. I don't hit. And I think that's Tennessee's orange jersey is like just such a spite running down a field

in an 11-man formation where it's like, we know, we know, but we back it up by losing. We know, not so much now, but like later or earlier, you know. That was very funny, but I don't know if you really believe that. I do. It's an insane theory. and you're such a cartoon character. My man's over here like, these sneakers right here, they're going to piss people off.

Not, I'll piss people off, like, make people think you're an idiot, and I'm fine with that. Like, I think more gaudy the better. But, like, that's the cheap. Well, like, that's the chip on the shirt thing. But I don't think they picked a cup. Like, well, okay. I don't think they pick it for that.

Before you came in the room, we were talking about how this shirt's so old is the old orange. Right. They certainly changed to a more fluorescent orange. as fuck. Orange. At some point, I think that was because it was the only way they could be different

from Clemson, Syracuse, Texas. Or maybe, but my thing was, not why the administration changing, but why, like, the fans rally around it and we're like, you know, this hits, like, in no other circumstances, would that orange hit for a year? Oh, we definitely rally around it because it's ours.

You would never wear that color of shirt if it didn't have a fucking tee on it. No, but that's fine. I'm not talking shit, but, like, I think that's a point of pride where you're like, yeah, I'm here, I'm loud, fuck you, I'm a Tennessee fan, and I don't, and I don't,

I dig that and I kind of am envious of that. And I dig it too because I see when I'm out elsewhere, like when I see that specific orange, I know. You know. I mean, with a few exceptions, you know, every now I'm that it's some random bullshit. But for the most part, I know that's not a Tennessee fan than I'm seeing in Santa Monica. It's Hutter's a lot.

If I see red. It's Hutterer's red orange. Good Lord. I'm so tired. If I see red, it's not. If I see red, it could be fucking Wisconsin, Ohio State, a lot of things. But if you see that specific orange, that person is either a Tennessee fan or picking up cans because they got drunk after a Tennessee game. We definitely rally around it.

But, I mean, I think that's pretty normal. You know, we rally around the color the way, like, Southerners rally around like fucking Jimmy Carter's brother. Well, that was what my theory was. He's our idiot. You said I was looking for it. That's literally all I was saying. Was I wrong? You, I think you're saying, though, that the administration had made the choice.

No. The way you make shoe colors. No, no, no. I don't mean the administration did shit. I'm saying that, like, that's just what it was, and the fans, like, are just going on, like, no, it hits for us. Oh, God's totally terrible. Or something, like, any other thing you would not wear that color, but if it has a tee on it, you will.

And, like, that's, and again, I'm not talking shit. That's a point of pride. I think that's fucking awesome. Yeah, man. Fuck you. This orange hits. Yeah, regional pride's a real thing. On that note, I was going to rally around negative.

Nice. They don't have an ice machine. They just have a freezer that you get an individual little bag of ice from. That is. That's funny. So on the note of like regional pride, I was wanting to talk to you all about this. So I talked to you all before about my buddy Hunter, who's, he's Australian, but he's lived all over the world. And he's lived in Switzerland for the past little bit, I mean, like a couple years or whatever.

and I was talking him recently about living over there. And you know what I think? Well, this is about to be very loud. There you go. You know what I think one of the coolest parts about living in Switzerland would be? Being neutral and having sweet knives? No, I don't know, but the flag is a big plus. Yeah, the flag is.

Sorry. Did I do something wrong? No. You didn't at all. What's happened? I was just trying to answer your question with it. I didn't know. If I stepped on your joke, I'm sorry.

It's not my joke. It's a joke I heard that for me because I like corny, stupid jokes. Oh, were you just telling a joke and I fucked it up? I was purposefully doing it in a way that you couldn't tell him. I'm so sorry. I thought you were just telling a story about your buddy and that I could interject. I didn't know you were like telling a city. Dude, do you know Goodwill if I knew you were doing a set-up punch.

I'd have shut the fuck up. What is the joke? Do it again. God damn. Do it. Do it again. Do it again. What I think one of the best parts of living in Switzerland would be.

Can I tell you what I think would be? the best part of living in the Swiss? The cheese? Probably the cheese, the chocolate. Yeah. You know. Skinny white people? Yeah.

Seems like they're all fit. Gotta be a good thing. What was you going to say? What were you going to say? I mean, I don't really know. Is this a story or a joke? I'm just kidding. Tell the fucking joke.

I want to hear it. I can't tell if you do this on purpose or not Cory? I did. Oh, absolutely do. I said, I don't really know, but the flag's a big plus. Oh, that's, okay. Yeah. big plus. Yeah, that's it. Is that a pun? I don't know if that's a

whatever it is. It's a word, but it's like... It's definitely not a pun. I really... The pun is... I'm just, I'm a big fan of... I'm a big fan of jokes. Okay, well, I would like to talk about this, what is and is not a pun. Because to me, a pun is a, well, that is technically a play on words, which... It's definitely a word play. I don't know if it... Most puns are like the word... Right. It's like a double entendre, it has to have a double entendre. It has to have a double... But it does... The flag literally is a big play. Oh, no, I know.

And then he was saying that it was a big plus. No, I know. But I'm saying, like, is that definitively what a pun is, or is that a different thing that we don't have a word for? I can be completely honest and say I've never been curious about that. Well, because there's that joke. There's that joke one time. It's like, why couldn't the pony speak?

I don't know, because he was a little hoarse. Right. That's not a pun. Like, there's no. I've been sitting. You're trying to think of a perfect example of a pun and I literally can't, even though I love them and have heard a million of them and I cannot think of one right now. Like just a classic plan. That's weird because I can't either because I love them.

I think he's probably a rite. It's definitely a pun. I'm not saying you're not wrong, but like. Well, given if that's a pun, the flag's a big plus. I mean, that's also a pun. And if that's how, and I mean, I guess, yeah, it's puns. I don't know. I mean, pun's hit for me.

We've been talking about colors. and puns, we have become your uncle. Yeah, I know. I swear to God I was about to bring Uncle Tim up because we had started talking about puns. And just, he's just... Oh my God, I love puns.

Ponds hit for Uncle Tim so hard. I just realized... You know what it is that what gay people, the thing is best about gay people is that like everything that hits for gay people hits for us too, it's just that they're not ashamed to say it. Like Uncle Tim's fine with going like,

I love puns. fuck you. I don't care. We're just like, I don't know, those kind of whatever. I mean, I think that comes from if you are a man.

Yes. If you're a man and you love wainters, puns is fine. You know what I mean? Like puns don't really stack up. Like once you become okay with, yeah,

I love wainers, of course saying I love puns. That's American. There's even types of jokes as square. Page has your uncle's cadence. Yeah. Not his accent, but his cadence. Yeah, Paige has sacadence.

Is that a pun? Yeah, that is a pun. Yeah, that is a pun. That's a pun. That is a pun. That's definitely a thing. The same thing is a little hoarse. No, it's not.

I did a complete play on words. I took a word and made that word two words to make the joke. The joke was she has a cadence, but she's also a redneck bugs. Redneck bugs are cicadas. She's got a cicadence. That's a fun. other day when he said he was going to start wearing Hawaiian shirts on stage all the time, and I called him Jimmy Buffet.

Pun. That's a pun. I'm not denying that, but I think the horse thing is, too. I think it's just really clever. There's a clever line. It's like another one of my favorite jokes. My favorite thing in our podcast is we could look all this up. But we don't.

It does. Well, then we wouldn't want to talk. Exactly. One of my favorite jokes in that realm is, uh, why did the scarecrow win an award because he was outstanding in his field. Yeah. I don't think so.

Right. Well, how's that different than the flags a big plus? They're literally the exact same thing. Also, one of my, the one that you told me was oh, God damn it. About the funeral? Yeah, tell it.

I love that. No, I got it. I got it. A joke, a pun is a joke, exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact there are words that sound alike but have different meanings. Then that's not, then the big plus isn't it? Yes, it is. A joke exploiting the different possibilities

of a word. Okay. Actually, yeah, that's right. It's a big plus as in, it's a huge advantage versus the literal meaning. It's a big plus. But it also means outstanding in the field as a fun. It also means the other thing that I forgot already because I'm so tired. So the joke that, I remember now,

so the joke was, there's a, there's a funeral and this other woman sitting there, she's a widow and she's grieving and this guy gets out he said hey man do you mind if you might if you might if I go let me say a word and she's like sure and he gets up there behind the pulpit and he just goes plethora and then he comes back down and she comes up to him and she goes thank you that means a lot yeah i love that that's awesome i love those jokes like that are so like yeah if you're doing on stage you're so very dad i think it's it's dad less and like i've been like i've been like i've I love those things.

It's stupid. I love them. If you turn them on stage, you get a chuckle, and then people go, is that what we're here for? But if you tell it at a party, people are like, well, there's some people that are like, what the fuck. Not me, though. And I love them, like, I love attempting to do it in a way that the person doesn't know you're doing it. Oh, yeah. You've already done it.

But that failed miserably earlier. Yeah, that was my fault. On the images of Google when you type in pun? Where's your charge? card of two pandas holding each other and it says, are you from China? Because I'm trying to get in your pants. Nice. That's helpful me. There was that joke. I was watching, this is definitely a pun. I was watching, what's that movie, Hall Pass, which I got some opinions, but I really want to get into him right now. But one of the pickup lines that's dude goes, he goes, hey, are you Irish?

because my penis is doubling. And he set it up. It was J.B. Smooth told the dude to do it, and he couldn't get how to do the jokes. And when he came up to the girl, he was just like, hey, are you Irish? Because right now, looking at you, my penis is twice the size.

I didn't figure out. But, yeah, my penis is doubling. It's pretty funny. No, we haven't even touched on it at all, which is fine. I don't feel in time, but Drew, the whole, well, I mean, we're doing a podcast because we do a podcast and we need one, but we were talking earlier with reporters on stage about doing a podcast tonight about money. Yes.

Money is just an overall concept. And it's wild because money is this thing that, like, ain't real, but is the most real. Yeah. At the same time. Like Jesus. Yeah, well, money and Jesus are kind of the same. They're not really real, but by God, they dictate everything that we do. And we all need him.

That's true. When we were talking earlier about how, like, well, me and you have talked a lot before about the notion of, like, you know, the cliche of, you know, money can't buy happiness or whatever, and it's like that clearly was a joke. That clearly was. The joke was, people tell me money. can't solve all your problems. What kind of what other problems

do you people have? Money's going to solve nine out of ten of mine, and if I got those out of the way, I might be able to work on the other one. I don't have time to work on the other one. It's true. It's like, money can't buy happiness. Who the fuck said anything about happiness? I'm trying to buy diapers.

Yeah, Daniel Tosh's was like it. Buy diapers? Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a jet ski. And have you ever seen anyone frown on a jet ski? You can't even try. Oh, really? That's funny. that joke I did part of it was talking about that Beatles or no the John London song

imagine no possession yeah really on your fucking $30,000 what I said was imagine me on a boat John yeah Miller light in one hand flipping the bird and the other one on some skis they got attached to my toes some big kitty girl with a popsicle it looks like the fourth of july but then you also after that go and he's singing about this on a 30 000 ivory fucking piano that was one of the first jokes that me and you talk about ever. I know one thing I said was, yeah, the hell of the thing for him to say, don't own any possessions. This is a man

who owns a mansion in England. A Chinese lady. That was the third. Was it really? Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. It was a mansion in England, a apartment in New York, and an Asian woman. Man, I

did not know I was about a step on your joke, but that's how just similar our brains are. But yeah. I got to go downstairs to get this cheeseburger. Absolutely. that cheeseburger. But I think that money's definitely one of those things. If you don't have it, it is the most important thing in the world. And when you...

What do you say it? What a Kanye said? That's Kanye, right? Having money is not everything, not having it is. Right. Yeah. It's not like if you don't have it, it's the most important thing in the world. Once you get it, and then I was telling Trey, I've already told him this stuff, he's a money of a cheeseburger. I read this thing. It was like a study they did or whatever. at the time it was 50 grand per person.

I'm sure that number changes or whatever. There's a certain amount of money in any given society or country or whatever where if you have above that, there's no difference in happiness percentage-wise. Sure. Like 50,000 a year versus 800,000 a year versus you're a millionaire. It's whatever. Like there's no indicator that you'll be happy.

You might be happy, you might not be happy, but money is no effect on it. But below that number. Of course. It's just fucking pure misery. I mean, to me, that's, I mean, anything, like, if we're in America and you make $90,000 a year, or you make $400,000 a year, don't get me wrong, the do with $400,000 a year can do more. Will she? And for listeners who don't, who live in places where this doesn't make sense, I'm talking about in North Georgia, $90,000 is a shit ton of money. Now, if you're listening to this in New York, you're like, what are you talking about?

But $90,000 where I live, $90,000 versus $200,000 or whatever, like, yeah, you can do more with $200,000, but I promise you the guy with $90,000 can do fucking as much as he wants. Right. You know what I mean? He's got... But the dude that makes 12 versus the guy that makes 20, there's a way bigger drop off there in terms of your actual mental health and happiness. Well, it's just that when you literally, well, your brain changes. That's one thing that I, so one thing that they taught us when I was doing public defense, they were talking about when you talk to your clients and you talk to them about their finances,

you need to do that because you need to understand, you know, what their situation is because if you're a certain level of four, like you're really living in poverty, your brain literally works differently because you can't think of the future. You're unable to. Right. You think of tomorrow. Our mammalian brain, is that right? If we're in fighter flight, if we're desperate, in other words, if you're worried about how you're going to eat.

That's how they think all the time. Your brain changes. It goes into survival mode, and then you can't process things. You've seen me at an airport walk by in Einstein bagels. Right. Well, that's just them all the time. Well, this conversation was super important when you're talking to people about bail. Right.

Or taking a plea. Right. When, like, the prosecutor says, we'll let them out on time served. And they go, I got to get back to work. I've been here for 15 days. I'm pleading guilty. Let me out on time served. But then you go, okay, but this is going to go on your record,

and that's going to make all this, you know, and you say you didn't do it. Rich people know about investments. Like, yeah, exactly. You're telling me you to end life and what. Well, fuck my future. I may not even have one. I didn't even have a fuck out of here. Well, what I was taught, it's not just like, oh, they processed,

that and they go, fuck my future, I go to the head of the brain chemicals are actually working on a different wavelength in that moment. And that would happen to anybody. That would happen to a rich person if they got put in survival mode. That's got to affect happiness. I don't think I've, dude, I know for a fact I've never been that poor, because any time I've been poor in my life, I've also known that if I got hungry, my parents could feed me. Like, I don't have the kind of parents who could buy me a house or any of that shit,

but they could and would. Feed you and you'd have a baby. Prevent me from being dead. Yeah, you would not die. Right. Well, me and you actually talked about this probably 57 podcasts ago about, like, and by the way, you are my defense lawyer on this about my, like, my happiness. And a lot of course, Tray's like, no, who's miserable, he don't have, he's lying.

But, like, money, you know, we do well, thank you listeners and people who come to our show. We do well enough to where, like, there's so many things that I don't worry about anymore that I used to worry about. And, yeah, of course. Are the demons still there, and can I put them at bay? No. But. Trey thinking that you're not doing better is proof that he doesn't really care about you. At all.

It's really what I wanted to talk to you about. I know. Well, I'm fine. Let's go in on this. He doesn't care. He's a selfish human being. When you were low back then, it would hit for him. And it didn't hit for him.

And so he wasn't around. Right. I was around. Sure you were. He wasn't. He doesn't really. You have to hit and be happy for him to even recognize and know that you're in-guessed. I used to FaceTime you and cry.

You did. I'm such a broken piece of shit. And Trey wouldn't have that. He only can take you at your hitting it. Speaking of the devil. Yeah, see? He knew that he was in here hitting. But to my point on that, what I'm saying is, has money in any way done anything to solve the actual chemical imbalance that is clear.

really in my brain. Hell no. However, there's like a so, there's so many things that I, that used to be going through my brain that now aren't that don't, those things used to bother me more and they would grab me down more. So now like, yeah, I'm still a sad sack of shit, but I'm a way less sad sack of shit because I have not as many worries. It's not going to get rid of the non-problem so you can work on the other ones. Exactly. Well, that's the other thing too. Like, I just, so me and Amber got, just got married, and I've just got insurance, like real good insurance for the first time. And I'm about to start going, me and my boy DJ, skinny bunk boy was talking about the other day,

and he's convinced me I'm going to actually going to the therapy that I've needed for so very goddamn long. Well, this is going to be something. Oh, it's going to be something, buddy. It's funny because I was just telling the trade, literally night before last night before last thing, I'm going to start going to therapy when I moved to L.A. I'm going to be a total cliche. I'm going to move to L.A. and go to therapy, I think. I don't know if I can afford it out there, though.

But that's also a money thing, though. Yeah, that's what I just said. I don't know if I can afford it. Remember, like, I have good insurance with Amber. I can go to these people. I have the money and the resources to do it. Your insurance will cover mental therapy? That's awesome.

I mean, it fucking should, but. I know. Well, dude, okay. Some of them do some of them. Let's say, okay, let's say this. Hypothetically, let's say that it does not. You don't know. No, it does, but I'm saying, it does, but I'm saying hypothetically if it does not.

The amount of money that I'm saving being on Amber's insurance versus paying for my own insurance kind of cancels it out, and I now have this extra disposable income by being on her insurance. Did you get me a cheeseburger? No, you told me you didn't want another. I said I want a cheesburger. No, he didn't. He told me you. He won't have a cheesburger. I said I want that, too. I'll spit my cheeseburger with you, baby. I'm just kidding, baby.

Okay. You don't want a cheesburger? I can't decide. I'll split mine. No, I don't want to. I know I don't want half. I might have a buy. I'm just messing with it.

but I now have the I'm comfortable enough to where like I can dude fuck it the insurance or whatever I'm comfortable enough in my life to where I make enough money to where I can spend a little bit

to go get the therapy whereas you used to I would look at the therapy bill and be like well that's going to just make me more depressed because then I won't be able to eat so like what's even the point of this like there's no goddamn point but now

I want to ask you something Corey you were living in a room with a cat peeing on your clothes the room wasn't it was a living room it wasn't even a bedroom like that should affect your mental health because of course it does

there's other things that are related to I did it to myself I'm living there that was by choice but still but but by being there like you couldn't afford anything nicer at the time and blah blah like yeah went into massive credit card dead but then imagine someone who has no choice

right right could have left well so that's actually yeah I would hold it ask Corey about this. This is part of this discussion I wanted to have with him specifically. And I want to preface this by saying, this is all genuine curiosity. I'm not making any assumptions about it.

I know you're not being a dick. We've had similar conversations. Having seven times, like, from the time I was 18, all through. I mean, my entire adult life, like, there's, literally never been any safety net of any kind guys if you're here for this for the first time in the lower podcast trying to have a terrible

childhood yeah I know go ahead I had to hit this is my brokenness you yeah obviously I know that you're it's not I know I know this whole time you've been doing fucking stand up and shit the whole time when you're in New York and all that I know it's not like

your fucking Dale wasn't putting you up yeah there's no trust in a nice apartment and Manhattan. There's no trust fund. There's nothing like that. But there is comfort. There is like... Well, and I want to know how much that way factors into it. I know. I know.

I know. But dude, that's like asking a twin what it's like to be a twin. But if I can tell you this though right now, like sincerely, like I do, like what you're saying is 100% true and it was there, I didn't really realize it too much until later because my brain just did, my brain was just this. That's how privilege works. You don't think about it. Exactly. Well, exactly. That's what the beauty of is you don't have.

Well, exactly, exactly. So my thing with my parents was, you know, like, again, there's no, we don't have to trust fund money or whatever the fuck it is, but like, you know, they, again, everything's fine. My thing was always just, yeah, but I don't want to do this thing and mom and they were like, that's, I mean, do what you got to do, but I mean, you're going to be fucking poor and you didn't, you know, you didn't grow up with knowing all this and this is going to be a different experience for you. And I was like, that's fine. In the back of my mind, it never occurred. me like, yeah, well, but if everything goes to shit, I'll still have them. Now, that is 100% true, but it did never really cross my mind because they're for a very long while. They were, they were supportive. They were like, do whatever you got to do, but like, they were not going to be the type of, hey, let me, can I need 500 bucks. Can I, like, they weren't going to be that because now, if I had been, like, going to school for, like, something that they thought was viable, like, if I was actually in college for, like, for a law degree or going to be a doctor,

or just literally in college at all, they would have done that because they'd been like, well, at least he's doing something that we know at the end of this comes a degree and becomes this. But, like, they weren't going to do that with stand-up because they were like, look, if you want to do this fucking crazy-ass thing, that's fine, but you're going to do it on your goddamn own. And so, like, I went, you know, I went for it full bore and didn't, you know, accept anything. I'm not saying I didn't, from time to time. Not in New York.

That was standing. Like, when I was just on the road, would go home, and then. and, like, you know, do my laundry at moms because I didn't have any detergent or, you know, I went over there for meals. And, like, I would, you know, tell my, which I didn't want to see Mom, but I'd be like, hey, Mom, I really want to see it. What about we get lunch knowing she would buy it? Like, you know, there were all those little things, and that's definitely privilege. What about, I'm curious about you. Like, do you feel like you remember what it's like to worry about that?

Like, when did it stop, I guess? I guess that's a better way to ask it. When did it stop? Or has it? Hasn't? I mean, like, it stopped on a day-to-day level, but the idea of it coming back when all this retirement shit we do goes away, which, you know, some of the case. I just made it go away. Good job. Either way.

No, I don't think it's went away. I mean, because of all that, we're talking about it. I've realized recently, I just let me get two bites. and then I don't know what you do. I genuinely have realized over the past couple years, and I know this is kind of an easy thing to say, but I truly think that I mean this. All I fucking think probably

I truly think that I mean this. I think you'll know what I mean when I say. I don't know. I really honestly believe that the amount of money that I have slash make right now, which is basically enough to, in Southern California, to be fine.

Like we're not remotely rich in any way, but we're fine. And in Southern California, being fine is fine. But so just being fine, if I can guarantee right now, like, I really think if some mystical being told me

you can guarantee right now, you could lock in this level of financial security for the rest of your life or you can roll the dice on maybe hitting way, way harder. I'd take this for the rest of my life forever and be totally okay with it, I really think.

I don't, would have any yacht and all that should hit? Of course it would hit. I genuinely don't care about it. All I care about, I've come to realize all I've ever cared about money-wise, your kids. It's just being okay. Like not having to worry about it. And fucking, these past two years,

the first time in my life that I've ever not had to worry about it, literally. Right. The first time I've ever experienced that. And that has shown me that that is all I need to be satisfied financially. Just being okay. There's other things, plenty of other things in life. artistically, creatively, professionally, whatever, that I still need to be satisfied. But financially, all I need to be content is this, i.e., just being okay.

Well, that's all I was talking to my dad about that when we were in Hawaii. We were hiking, and we were talking about me buying that house. I bought like a tiny, cheap house and not a great neighborhood. Well, I think it's a good neighborhood, but not by, you know, quote-unquote white people's standards. Is it a good neighborhood? You're in the first wave of gentrification. Sure. That's just so funny, the boy from Morgan County is gentrifying Knoxville.

But anyway, but I am. Well, if anybody deserves to. It gives me a sense of security. And we were talking about me and Andy moving to L.A. and all that. And he's like, you know, what's your goals? And we were talking about it. And I was saying to him, I'm like, I don't give a shit about money beyond security. But the nature of what we do,

is such that Well, but like I Wanted I want us to get a show Because I want to make that show And by definition though I'm going to make a lot of money if that happens I want to go down as one of the best I ever do it

And if that actually happens Then I won't reach as fuck Fifteen times out of the money That's what I was trying to say 99 out of money If I get what I want I will be a goddamn millionaire But the millionaire is not what I want, but it's a byproduct of that.

Like, there's no other way to go about it. Like, if I get to make my show, if I then get to make my movie that I want to do, if I then get to be another movie, like, yeah, that's what's going to happen. But like that wasn't what it was about. That's just a very nice thing that let me then go do my other thing. It's going to be changed. It is going to be changed, but on top of that, like, I've been thinking a lot about that lately. And, like, so what you said of like...

Charge? Yes, I think about change. often, but like what you said about if I could, somebody said, what you're making, what you're doing right now, because this is also the most financially secure I've ever been. Oh, Mr. But. This is also the most financially secure I've ever been. And where I live in North Georgia, good Lord, so that I can live like a king on what I make, which ain't as much as you, but doesn't matter.

Like where I live, it's just, that's what we were talking about when you were gone. It's like at a certain point when you're living in a place that the cost of living is, is what it is and you make a certain amount. Other amount, other higher dollar amounts of money, yeah, is objectively better, but like you can only be, like at a certain point, it's like, yeah, but this is fucking plenty. Like, you can live a great life. So I go back and forth between, like if somebody said, Corey, you make this and that's it, and that'll be fine. I'm like, yeah, no, I think that'd be good. Or you roll the dice. I'm like, well, I've been rolling the dice the whole time. That's, but, but I now just, I know I just got married, so there's a kind of

change in my life. And I don't have kids, but I have a niece. And so I've, which I know I'm not trying to say in any way that I understand how it is between you and your kids, but I'm starting to, like, at least look in that direction. And like, I see Laura James and, like, I think of all the things that, like, I want to do for her because, you know, Lloyd's a fireman and Kirby's a stay-at-home mom. And they don't, you know, they may not make a shit ton of money. He does it, he does a great thing. but I'm sitting there going like, yeah, but if I could do something for her, that'd be great. And I'm thinking in terms of security, like, and if I made what I do right now, I could really make a dent and all this.

But if I roll the dice, I may have zero dollars next year. And now there are other people that I love. And Amber, and I want to have a kid with Amber. And if I have a kid with her, then I can't be thinking about chains. And I can't be thinking about this ridiculous stuff. I have to think, like, do your thing, but also just make the standard amount, and everything's going to be fine because that's who you love. So things are different.

Kids change everything. You know, people out there, I don't, I think, I mean, we've met a lot of fans. We have a decent idea of the demographic, and I think it ranges. Our fans have grandkids. Sure, but I think just in terms of money, people who haven't struggled or maybe just haven't struggled in a while. I mean, that's something that I noticed with my own grandparents as they got older. I know that they struggled, and they would talk about their struggles. They would talk about how whatever was for dinner, you ate that.

There was no other option that night. You know, you ate what was for dinner. They ran out of chicken. Sometimes they just had bread for dinner. And my dad would talk about growing up that way. My grandparents saw that as struggle. So then the next generation or the generations after that struggle. Got it.

Wasn't struggled to them because they could go to the store and they had wicks. They could get a bag of Doritos. It's like, well, that's not struggling. But it's like, yeah, but, you know, trying to not being able to pay the, light bill i get y'all didn't have electricity but y'all was adapted to not have an electricity it was a very fucking yeah exactly that is way different like a dude if if you don't have electricity now that buddy you don't live in this world right but back then it's like what's just like that with the phone yeah you can't afford a phone that Obama plan to get people a phone and all the problem's like

god damn Obama phones and it's like so you can't get a job with that exactly how the fuck are they supposed to pull themselves up from their bootstraffers they can't figure out how to get to the yeah yeah that's sure by the homeless person with an eye phone or whatever and it's like look man okay that shit just become it's like a fucking roof off your head or no you know what though you want so on i mean you've got to you got to be connected you know what fucking really pisses me off about that and like i don't understand how this isn't just the logical conclusion to get to that go be fucking homeless everybody goes look at him they got it easy just fucking ask everybody for money oh okay oh do that and like so excuse me

no excuse me sir you're so what you're saying is your life is extremely difficult and You work for your fucking money. But this guy over here. Trade place. This guy's got it made because he's sleeping on a goddamn, broken down shopping buggy. And I've got to tell you this. It was actually one of the first jokes that I did in New York. I never could figure out to get it.

But my concept was people were watching this dude walking. Like this homeless guy's walking down the street with a shopping cart. This is a real experience that happened to me that I want to turn to a joke. He's walking down the street with a shopping. car. He came by, I worked at Eddie Bauer on Fifth Avenue in New York. He came by every day. And he had a shopping car and he was going through the trash can and he was putting cans and he was going to take them and he was going to recycle them and he was going to get money. And I was sitting out there smoking a cigarette one day with this one dude that worked with me.

And he just goes, Jesus Christ, fucking guy out here collecting cans can't just, you know, work like the rest of us. And I go, dude, that's harder than what we're doing right now. Like that guy collecting those cans, I'm sitting here in an air condition and selling jeans to a fucking Brooklynite Jewish lady who has a $100,000 in her checking account. What I'm doing is fucking very simple. This guy's not only go out in the heat of the day wearing three coats for some reason. And not always he's had to do that, but he's got to take the cans. Then he's got to do a thing. Then he's got to yell at.

He is working. You're mad that he doesn't have a boss is what you're mad at. And then he has to go sleep under a fucking bridge, not knowing if he's going to, and he had to have health insurance, he didn't know if the flu that he gets is going to kill him that fucking day. Sure, you know what?

Give him your fucking job at Eddie Bauer, and you go fucking work that. That's the most ridiculous shit I was a word. For someone to unironically envy a homeless person is insane. But, dude, it happens at a fucking, like, Olympic level where it's like, I'm sitting there going like,

And by the way, from people who are otherwise smart people that I know. Like, I'm not saying they're not ignorant of some things. But I'm like, how are you looking at this in any objective fashion and going, yeah, fucking these bums got it made? Do you know how easy it is to be a bum? Go be a fucking bum then. Let that guy work your goddamn job and fuck your beautiful wife and have your gorgeous kids and live in a house with air condition and have a fucking cheeseburger that he had to suck some of his dick for.

Get the fuck out of here. I'm sorry. No, you're preaching to the choir, dude, because the whole notion of, like, oh, the, like, not homeless people specifically, but just more people, with people, poor people. Poor people, right, yeah, they're, even in a house. They're living life on easy street. They got their feet kicked up, just living off the gutterment tear. Get the fuck out of it. And, like, it pisses me out so bad because, like, that was you.

I, yeah, I pinned there, and it's, like, nothing about that existence. is easy. No, of nothing. Of course it's not. And the idea that, you know, that's like a goal for these people, like they're doing it because, like, we allow them to do it because it's

super easy to live that life. It's like, you're not fucking kidding. Dude, that wasn't my experience, obviously. Like, we've just established that. But, because of where I live in Royal Georgia, that was several of my boy's existence. And not one time did I.

I'd rather be doing that where you just sit there and get shitty cheese. You know what I mean? That was the thing for me. The cheese was when I'm not going to do it. But I'm saying like I never thought, and my fucking dad never thought, oh, I'd rather trade places with these people. No, my dad would rather go to his job that he could do and work and do all that shit. Like there's no fucking way. Because again, if you can, this is not a great.

now as you, I guess, but when people talk about comedy, like, oh, I can get up on stage and do that. Do it then. If you think it's so great to be a fucking WIC food stamp recipient, you can. Per you. By the way, it's not that easy. But per you, it's that easy to just do it.

So if you can, and that's the fucking life, go do it and shut the fuck up. Put your money, put your fucking government stamp money where your mouth is, you fucking piece of shit. I don't hit. No, you do hit. You're speaking the truth, baby. I don't know. I've been talking with Randy Quaid.

I miss saying it. But like, I don't know if that's one of those things. That's one of those things that I don't understand what, like, it blows on it that. It has to be said. Like, at least like homophobia they hide behind the Bible and stuff like that. And so logic is nowhere near the conversation. But in this one, it's just a matter of dollars and cents, and it's just a matter of livelihood. And none of it stacks up.

None of it makes sense. And your argument is literally just you don't want to pay an extra three cents per dollar. for taxes because you're a fucking, but you don't mind it going to war at all, but it's just these fucking poor people that you're, it doesn't, again, not that homophobia makes sense, it doesn't, but I understand it being hidden behind some old antiquated fucking book. This one's not, though, it's just fucking moronic. Thank you, Corey. I really appreciate that passionate exposition on socialism. I'm glad we brought this back up on the podcast. Go for it, buddy. I was just saying, because we did it last week, too. Actually, I don't even know what we're going to

put this out. Who knows? Oh, yeah, we kind of just touched on some stuff that we and you talked about. I just don't understand. Well, no, I do understand, man. It's the idea of, it's fear. That three cents, they're afraid that they're getting hosed. That's all it is.

They just don't want to. And they are. And they are not by the war, but not by wit. They're getting hosed. They're not by all more. I know. And Halliburton and Halliburton and God damn. But that's all it is.

It's the fear that I'm paying. for some that someone else is stealing from me right and that is that's what bothers me though is that like yeah there are people most of the time there's also sincere heartlessness now there no there well it's also it's also a well dude and there are also there's not just like that does exist like it's not just fair heartlessness there's also the people I sincerely think it's like kind of a human nature type thing to people tend to make any thing or any conversation somehow a reflection of them personally.

So like, for example, when... We're not going to do that at all. When fast food, when fast food employees say they go on $15, and a paramedic says, I save people's lives and I make $12. And we're like, no, because there are more? I make $12 an hour. You mean to tell me some teenager flipping burgers should make more money than I do? No.

Not saying you should make more than you do now. remotely saying that buddy. You should be making more getting fucked. You should be making more money too. He also should. Yeah. This has nothing to do with you. And also, people just inherently do that.

They automatically make it about them and their life and their situation. They just compare it to whatever they're doing or what they got going on, even if it's not really actually related at all. But the other way to the fucking attack that. is not in the raising everybody's wages, which everybody seems to have a problem with, it's attacking the fucking actual renter housing structure where like everything's jacked the fuck up and everything is completely, which of course goes down to minimum wage and whatever the fuck. But like, I don't give a good God fucking damn what the fuck it is that you do. If you work 40 hours a week, this is another thing.

You should be able to afford a place. I'm not saying you should be able to afford a four-bedroom, fucking whatever you want, but you should be able to have a goddamn home with a roof over your head and air conditioning. Now, anything aside from that, like if you've got other problems and that's whatever. Any society on earth is going to have people that just point blank, no bullshit. They're fucking stupid. All they can do is a minimum wage job, which that's fine. totally fucking. I was wrong.

But those people that, and that is why minimum wage should be said at a level of that, like you said, if you work a full-time job, you should be able to fucking live. And feed yourself and be okay. I would like to apologize.

If you can't, then something is fucked up. I would like to apologize. I was yelling, and there was no reason for me to say some people were just fucking stupid. By then they are, some people are fucking stupid. But they're also, there are instances of you have, you've got your leg

blown off and something and you can't go do certain things and you've got to work on this assembly line or you've got, like... There's also just nothing fucking wrong with working for the guy in the highway department. Of course there's not. Of course there's not. But that's the fucking thing. Well, these people should set their ambitions higher.

And it's like, okay, well, if they do, then someone has to do their job. Who would pave your road? Who would bring you... Who would make your license place? We're not saying, that they need to be sitting next to you at the golf club, fucking, you idiots. Nobody's saying that they're going to be on the same level as you.

We're just saying to Leo to exist to go to a home every night and have a meal and go to sleep and wake up and do it again. During the period of time when all those people who hate all this that they harken back to, that they want America to go back to the 50s and all that. Yeah, it was a terrible time. No, you could do that. Oh, right. Yeah, exactly. You could work at a factory.

And you could work in a factory. The cost of tuition was $500. You could work on a home, have a car, have two kids in school, whatever. You could do all that working in a factory in the fucking 50s, which is what all these motherfuckers want us to go back to. But they want to go back to that for all the black and queer reasons. Right, right. You used to be able to do that in this country, and you fucking came anymore.

Yeah. Yeah, because leftists were actually. left this back then Democrats would push pro-union policies and try to hike up wages and they're doing that less and less. I think that's about to come back. I mean, you know, Bernie Sanders, how well he did in the primaries is a

reflection. You know, however you feel about him, and he seems like he's lost touch with reality lately. But like, man, I just think he just got jackslapped. He got oldest fuck, but he also got jack slap. But that's completely irrelevant to my problem. All I'm saying is that like, I think people are starting to realize this, but man, you're talking about

you guys are pointing out problems with the entire fucking system Walmart is never going to just pay Walmart's employees more out of the goodness of their heart it's not designed to the government has to step in capitalism will never check itself

it can't like by definition I've been over here screaming for so long like oh democratic socialists I'm not saying we should all be fucking communists like Russia I'm not saying that I'm saying that capitalism inherently is greedy it is how it works Its whole point is profit, not people.

You can't have capitalistic education system because if you have shitty, not shitty, but if you have students who can't pay attention or they're not doing well, what does capitalism say? It's just throw them away. They're not worth the investment. If you're dying of cancer, what does capitalism say? Just let them die.

It's not worth the investment. You can't have capitalism as your fucking guide for every facet of society. And we're starting to, and that is the goddamn problem. Well, that's my problem with, I was thinking about this the other day, libertarianism in general is that... This isn't my joke,

but that is so true. I saw this like a meme or whatever. That is fucking astrology for grown men. Like when you see like all these liberal women being like, oh my zodiac sign and you're like, that's retarded. That's exactly what libertarianism is. Dude, it's just like...

Pure libertarianism is fucking ridiculous. No, it's... There are plenty of parts of it, parts of it that I can appreciate. It's like, yeah, I can do that. In a perfect fucking world, it's the greatest thing ever. But that's the problem is that the only people who are libertarian are goddamn old white man. Well, not all of a bit. Like, for the most part, the dudes that you see, the spokesman's for it, the fucking people toting the goddamn snake flag are people going, we should have everybody.

And I'm like, you are free. You're the most free person I've ever seen. You're literally, you're an older white man. you were born and bought a home before the housing bubble burst, and you still pay the same taxes you paid in 1978. It's fucking paid up. Everything's going right for you. So many of those people are the most die-hard support of troops.

Blue Lives Matter. Yeah. The opposite of libertarian. That's socialism. They drive on the goddamn row. They're socialist. All that shit is socialist. It's very socialist.

And also like... And they've just made it. It's just become a thing where like... That isn't addressed. I'm not saying they don't exist, but I've never in my life met a black or female libertarian. And it's... But do they really... Do they see you as a mother who's a daughter and a caregiver?

Fearless, but sometimes fearful, a health nut with a French fry habit, an O positive geologist named Patty, who's here today for a melanoma exam. At Kaiser Permanente, we believe the only way to care for all of you is by seeing all that is you. Kaiser Permanente for all that is you. Learn more at KP.org. I've met black conservatives. I've met female conservatives. So I'm not saying that like, oh, yeah, because black people and women should be.

That's not it. Libertarianism is literally a construct that only appeals to the people. The most privileged. To the most privileged human being. And they're the ones going, they're the ones saying privilege doesn't exist. It's like, motherfucker, you're literally started a thing that is the definition of which one. Everybody will be left alone. It's like, okay, sure.

But like, if we live everybody alone right now, this is how it's shifted. Black people are down here, minorities are down here in Europe here, so if we don't change anything, that's how it stands. And I understand why you would want that. But, like, no, maybe when we, if we some fucking how get the seesaw level, then we can talk about what you're talking about. But until that day, no. Even then, no. Even then, of course, but...

This is a perfect example of that, in my opinion. You were talking earlier about welfare queens. And you were like, yeah, they exist. And they are. There are genuine... But who gives a shit? There are people that are colossal drains on society, that are bags of shit, that exploit the system,

and they fucking suck. And the most liberal person... person on earth also doesn't like or appreciate those people. No, actually, I hate it a lot because they make my argument shit. Exactly. They make it worse for us. Those people exist. Of course they do. But what are you going to do about it other than just let poor people die? Right? You don't know what I mean? Like how are you going to combat welfare queens and people gaming the system? what are you going to do about that other than just let fucking people die?

Yeah, you're cutting your arm off to get rid of an infected finger, but in this scenario, the arm is thousands of people, some of whom are fucking kids. Yeah. I'm sorry, millions of people, I meant to say. Exactly. I mean, at the same time, that's pretty much the immigration debate, too. It's like, well, are there some shitty fucking foreign people that are going to come in here? Yeah, well, like, I'm a shitty dude from Tennessee that went into Vermont.

Nobody gave me hell. Like, yeah, of course there are shitty people across the board in literally every single facet of the earth. But you shouldn't make a law based on the very small percentage of these shitty people. Who suck? If that law will then in turn, fuck over a bunch of innocent, good people. So the welfare thing is like, yes, are there welfare coins that take advantage of the system? your goddamn right there are.

However, there are emphatically more kids and parents who just can't strike it and they need this, or they're going to starve to death, or they're going to fucking start stealing from you, by the way, because they will have no other choice. All of the kids are innocent. Again, also with the immigration debate. The kids are 100% not to blame. And the parents, for the most part, statistics, like, for the most part, they're fine people who are just fucking trying to do something so that,

their kids can survive. The welfare queen that you shit on, that you go, I don't give her my god-day. Well, fine, don't give her your money, and then she's not going to have any, and then one day, fire flight's going to take in, and she's going to have to feed that baby, and she's going to break into your fucking house, and then later you're going to go, God damn, why it's crime so much. Well, I don't know. Maybe if they had a decent fucking wage, then they wouldn't have to break into your house. So it's the same, god-dame, I mean, the analogy is there. I can't really, I'm not smart enough to get there, but like with immigration, it is similar. it's like look for the most part

no these people coming in here they just want a fucking better life the parallel is there and to me in my mind it all comes down to the kids it just comes down to fucking being human you know what I mean like

they can make all the argument talking about the immigration shit they can make all the arguments they want about they're doing it illegally they know it's illegal they're coming up whatever they're breaking on they can make all those arguments as they want and they can be logically correct about someone. Yeah, but they're not though. I don't

fucking care. Well, I don't either, but they're also not. Taking, ripping children away from their parents and putting them in fucking what amounts to cages and detention centers and shit, that shit is inhumane. For sure. And we

should be better than that and above that as a society. And it's the same thing with letting poor kids go hungry because their mama is a fucking bag of I add to that this argument where it's like, well, let's, you know, if you break the law, you lose your kids. First of all, that's not really true.

But second of all, in the cases where it is, that's also horseshit. Unless the crime is that you were beating your fucking kid. Absolutely. You shouldn't have your kids. There are plenty of people to get their kids taken away that absolutely should not fucking have that happen. Yes. Americans.

Dude, there's plenty of people that didn't even commit a gun. There's plenty of people that didn't even committed. Non-valized drug offense. Bro, there's some people that don't even commit a crime that that shit happened. Well, you were shoplifting and you had your kid with you, but it was diapers. Woo, buddy, that used to fucking fire me out. And I'm not saying that they would lose their kids the first time. I want to say that about, like, I can't believe I'm defending.

I'm not defending at all the American justice system, but I don't want people out there who don't know anything about it to think that if you go shoplifting, you lose your kid automatically. That's not how it works. But you do, there is a lot of DSF, DSS department. Yeah, DCS, sorry. DCS situation is going on. criminal courtrooms when parents had their kid around during something or if they've got to go to jail, obviously you do have to talk

about it in that scenario. And dude, they're super quick, in my opinion, to fucking take kids away. Well, also, you know how you could prevent people stealing diapers? Pay people more money. Or give them diapers. You're right. Or give them diapers. That could be part of universal health care. Why the fuck couldn't it be? Diapers can't be

that much. But, like, if someone's stealing diapers, Dude, honest to God, if you're still a diaper, if you're still, it's not a bad person. Like, now,

I'm not saying that apropos of that, you couldn't be a bad person, but if you, I'm not ready to say that somebody's shoplifting t-shirts from a T.J. Max is a bad person. Well, no,

but dude, a person letting their kids shit on themselves is a bad person. A person stealing diapers so their kids don't have to do that is a desperate person. Like, at the end of the day,

even if you are someone who has some other issues, if your mind is still, but I have to get my kids some diapers, there is hope in you. And there is, you want to take care of your kid and you don't give a fuck how you have to do it. I completely agree,

but like, I don't understand why we have to use those examples. If you went to T.J. Max, with your eight-year-old, and you saw a shirt that you liked and you couldn't afford it and you decided to fucking steal that shirt, you deserve to be punished,

you don't deserve to lose your fucking kid if you're otherwise a good parent. I hate that we have to vote. find these angels, you know, this mother with fucking three kids and she's working two jobs, and I hate that we have to do that to make a fucking argument to these people. The fact

of the matter is if you have a job, no we don't. We're losing by doing that in our opinion. Fuck them and fuck the whole point that they're trying to make of like we're just tough on crime and we don't want to, no you're not. You're not being tough on crime. It's fucking fear and it's selfishness.

All this is. You're going to give up your own to sense. You don't want to give up your land. You don't want to give up anything out of fucking fear. That's all it's about. You're no better than any of these people. On that note, going back to the larger economic discussion,

very similar to what you're saying, whenever they make arguments like, you know, you give these poor people more money and they just spend it on beer and cigarettes and cigarettes or whatever. Okay, A,

so the fuck what? Like, you need to tell me there ain't no blizzards at Anheuser-Bush that wouldn't be super pissed off to hear you talking shit about people spending money on fucking... Like, what's more American than spending money on fucking booms? You know what I mean? But more importantly, who gives a... Why do you care if they're spending the money on business? Why is that a problem for you?

Yeah. Because it's like you were saying, like, why do we have to... find these perfect gleaming examples of poor people being abused by the system to like make a point to them when it's obvious that the system is abusing everyone that's like that when that ambulance guy you were talking about is saying i could pay 15 an hour why the fuck are these are dude bro what you deserve more yeah you should be mad that you're making you're making 15 to not at the burger at your fucking boss that's why i'm that's why i'm i mean this might not be a popular opinion I don't know to you. I don't know how you feel about this we never talked about. Like, I've always been kind of fine with, like, decently heavy sent taxes.

Like, you know, in terms of, like, you know, your beer and whiskey and all this shit is taxed at a way higher margin than regular,

like macaroni and cheese and stuff like that because it's not a necessity. You don't have to have it. Cigarettes, booze, all that shit. Dude, tax the fuck out of it,

as far as I'm concerned, but put that money to our new health care system. Education. health care lottery, which already does, all that shit. And that way at the end of the day, when you talk about these people that only spend their money on booze and only spend their money on cigarettes, then you have to at least admit, well, technically they're paying for their own health care that we consider free,

and we can kind of come out the other side and go, well, wash my pans, punches, pile out of that. I don't, like, to me, if, I don't even, I don't even know what a 12 pack of beer is anymore because we've been doing so well that I don't look at prices, because that's how much we're hit. It's weird you say that. But, like, I really don't. I really don't.

I want to circle back to that. The last thing I remember was, 12 bag of Bud, like, the last time I remembered looking at it was like $10.89. It could be $17 right now. I have no fucking idea because I don't look at it. But let's say the standard price is $10.89. Now, again, I'm doing well,

but, like, I don't mind paying another $4 or $5 if that money from my syntax goes into health care and goes into WIC and goes into WIC and goes into all these things that you, yourself, Mr. CEO, are too fucking proud to pay for, and you're like, well, okay, I won't mind money going to that. I'll fucking do it. I don't give a shit, because we're essentially paying for ourselves. I'm not saying I, quote-unquote, mind that,

but I am completely against that if we don't first start by fucking taxing... The actual rich. Me too. If we don't start by saying to Walmart, mine's an easier when, I think. We're not going to allow you. Right. to skirt employment laws, and we're not going to write employment laws to make it to where you can have a full fucking store working,

and 90% of the employees there are on government assistance because you don't pay them enough. I am literally subsidizing your business as a taxpayer. What that means is Walmart is on food stamps. That's what I'm saying. Walmart is on food stamps. And I'm telling you, fuck, that's raise taxes on rich people, on corporations. do that, like Democrats, do that. Well, dude, of course. Run.

Like, we've been telling people, run. Run, run for office and do that. Fucking be a leftist. Be an actual goddamn leftist. Stop fucking taking Elon Musk out the dinner and them being like, we've got to be more pro-trade with this and that. Maybe we do to do that. I don't fucking know, but I know that we need to raise taxes.

I got to go to bed. Hi, buddy. We love you. So, I said, I want to circle back to something you said a minute ago. You said, I don't know what a 12-pack of beer is right now because we're doing well, and so I don't know. I haven't kept up with it. So to that notion, I can afford to pay the taxes.

No, but no, no, that's not, it's actually, you just reminded me of something I wanted to bring up in the context of the money discussion to begin with. Because that's a, that's a famous, like, barometer for how out of touch. It's also a joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a famous barometer for how out of touch a rich person is, is to ask them. How much is a gallon of milk? How much is a gallon of milk? I didn't know that until recently.

Honestly, I don't know right now. And I heard that was a thing that, you know. That's how you find out. It's a thing you ask to see. It's a joke in comedy, too. To see if it's a person is out of. Okay. But when I first heard that, I was like, dude, I've been poor as fuck my entire life, and I have no idea.

Right. For different reasons. I'd have no idea because that's how bad with money I. Right. Like, I don't like, I couldn't, I had no clue. I'm so ignorant and just shitty. money-wise from growing up poor that I have no concept

I couldn't tell you what I'd tell you back of beers either at all not remotely and it's not because I make it's a mixture of both for sure it's not because I make money in my opinion because I've never been it's because I'm financially stupid right

I'm financially stupid as fun but mine is like and I just can't actually I definitely know I want to start another podcast called financially actually I definitely know mine's the opposite because

several years ago I was 100% knew to a T how much my pack of cigarettes and beer costs because that was your pack of breath. Exactly. My direct deposit just hit. I know exactly how much I can get on this and I still have money for this or whatever. But now because I'm so fortunate,

I don't even look at it. I just go up there. All right. I throw everything up there. There's a total amount. I know the total amount, but I don't ever sit there itemize anything because I don't give a fuck.

I'm going to get it anyway. Right, but there's people who like don't know how much their car cost. Right. You know how much you paid for your car. Yeah, exactly. When me and Katie were living paycheck to paycheck, I remember one time she got mad at me because I spent $16 on squash, yellow squash, because it was like not in season at the time,

and so it was overpriced or whatever, like per pound. You just thought that's what it cost? I didn't even look. I didn't even look. We're going to get it. We needed squaw. We wanted squash. We're going to get it.

That's what it is. And I came home and she looked at the receipt and she was like, what the fuck, Trey? And I was like, what? And she told me and when she like said it to me, I was like, God damn, what? Like, I paid how much for that shit? But I didn't even know. Totally oblivious, man. That was something actually I wanted to circle back to that was like from, I mean, honestly at this point, probably 50 minutes ago.

But you were talking about, it was one. We were talking about me in New York and how it was different for me because, like, even though in my mind I wasn't consciously thinking all the time, oh, I've got a safety net. There was definitely that subconscious, like, shit, it's going to be fine. I feel like I always had, like, a different perspective and stuff because I didn't come from, like, you know, we joke all the time, or Jury especially does, because that's just, which is fine, I don't care, but, like, oh, Oh yeah, Corey comes from money, Corey comes from money, but I come from first generation money. Right, you're not from old money.

I'm not from old money, and I'm not even from, like, half old, like, I'm from, my dad is the first dude that ever made money. He's not a goddamn millionaire. He does well, you know, like, hell, me and dad might do the same now. I don't even know. Like, I don't ask him. I just know that everything was fine. It's just one of those things where, like, dude, in Chickamauga, which is like Salina where I'm from or like Sunbright where he's from, in a town like, that. Yeah. No, your dad is.

But that wasn't. Your dad is crushing. He is crying. But that wasn't the point. But you're right. Generally speaking, he's just, I mean, he's middle. But that's not even the point that I was even trying to make. The point that I was trying to make is that like, because of that, I was raised differently than I think maybe even sometimes Drew perceives that I was because my dad grew up with not money.

Like he, so he was the first one to do it. So, like, that was very new to him. So that whole, you talking about like, this will go away tomorrow. Well, dad had that. And so, like, even though I grew up knowing, like, well, dad hits, things are going to be fine. My dad has never flossed on himself. He flosses on his wife and his buddies and his chilt. But he never, my dad wears, my dad will wear K-mark shoes, don't give a foot.

Still, like, dad does well. Dad will wear cam-art shoes don't care. He goes, he gets all his jeans. Walmart never has not done that he fucking wears Haynes his like during the winter he wears he has three Haynes sweatshirts and he wears those my dad any nice clothes my dad has my mother bought him begrudgingly like he he's just well you know him i'm not explaining this to anybody my dad is a very he will like if if me and you and if we all go out to dinner he will buy all of our dinners but he would never in a million years

spend even a third of that on himself by himself. You know what I'm saying? So, like, I was always raised by my dad to, like, think of money differently. He's like, no, no, I hit, and you can hit. But I didn't always hit, and this is what you've got to do to hit. And so I think that's why it was like my whole going out and not being, not giving a shit that I was poor was not a, like, well, I've got this safety in that. It was just like, that's, that is what my dad was.

did and I wanted to be like him. And so, and I did, and I got with a woman who did the same shit to me that my dad did. My dad started a business and my mom was making all the fucking money. And then within a year, he hit and told my mom to quit her job, which is, you know, what I told Amber to do. But there's that different perspective of like, it's first generation everything hit, but I still have enough of a lens into what it was like for my dad to. not have shit and then make it hit. I'm drunk, so I don't know why I started making this point. Oh, I know why. I wanted to make it earlier and I didn't get to it.

That was literally the only reason. No, dude, I get all of that, man, because I, I mean, like, you were talking about your dad just now, and a lot of what you were saying, I realized as you were saying that I do the exact same things without even thinking of it. I haven't bought myself an article of clothing, and I'm not kidding. in probably 10 years. Oh, two pairs of boots.

Like, Katie or Matt or manager or whoever will buy shit for me because I just, I don't shop for myself. I don't do that. For Christmas, I bought Katie a Gucci bag.

How long have you with Katie? And she felt weird about it almost nine years. Yes, right. Makes sense. I bought Katie a Gucci bag and she felt weird about it and she was like,

you know, because it felt, it felt Austin, to her and she brought up like, you know, you don't, you're not that type of person. And I told her, I remember this. It hit for me. I told her, I was like, I was like, yeah, no, I don't. I'm not that type of person, but I want you to be that type of person. Yeah.

Like, I want my man took care of me. Right. I want you to be false. That's how my dad is. That's how my dad would never in a million fucking years by a Rolex watch. Right. But if my mom said, I want a Rolex watch, dad would go, I'll get you one.

Right. You know? And I'm, dude, yeah. No, I'm different. And I've, sincerely, I've never even, like, sat down and thought about that type of thing. But hearing you talk about your dad and the way it is about that shit. Yeah, that's what it is. That's exactly the same mindset that I have.

And I actually worry a lot about my sons because I don't know how to raise them with money. With money or not. With money. Right. Because I just didn't have. Exactly. I don't want them to be spoiled bags of shit. I don't understand the value of a dollar and responsibility and all that.

If I may. But I don't know how to go. If I may, I'm all joking aside, I'm very aware of who I am as a person. However, I wouldn't say that I may spoiled bag of shit into, like, you know, I'd do anything for you. I'm a good buddy, good for, like. Like, I'm a lunatic. But, you know, my dad enlisted me with a great set of morals that, like, to me, no matter what, anything happened, I still had those.

Like, I don't think that fucking, I think that, like, and my buddy Will. Actually, my buddy Will is more of a perfect example. Because Randy, you know Randy, you help smoke funeral version. Yeah, I know, Randy and Will and all them. My best friends in the world, I consider them family. In fact, at my wedding, they took family pictures with us. And that was a big deal for me for them to do that because I don't have a big family, and they've always been a part of my family.

Randy has done extremely well for himself. Also similar to my dad, though, he didn't have shit growing up, and he made it himself. But so Will and them came up with money, and the good better good. You know, they do fucking, my dad does well. They do motherfucking. out. But the way Randy raised Will was to be, no matter what, a hard worker, like Will, even though he knew in his mind, yes, later I'm going to be able to take over dad's company

or whatever. But his dad was like, not unless you, I'm not going to give it to you. Like, I'm not going to give my legacy to some bag of shit. You better work and prove to me. And Will fucking worked his ass off through high school, after high school went to college, He's working there and working his way up. But like he's, you know, as much as he could have just been a yacht, fucking frat, bag of shit, his dad made him work.

His dad made him understand, hey son, I understand that we have money, but do you know that my dad didn't and I didn't grow up with it and would you like to know how to do it again? You know, and I think that is the difference in first generation money and fucking like Trump. We're like you have no concept of like what it took like Eric Trump has no idea what it took to get all that money because he's so far removed from whatever the first drump, I guess, is what it was the name back into that. There's some, like, old saying that relates to that. It's something like the first generation makes the money, the second generation keeps the money,

and the third generation squanders it, yeah, something like that, yeah. Because of what you're saying. Well, the second generation doesn't have the same thing that the first had that it took. But they don't want it. want all this to go away, either. They know enough to like... Yeah, and that's... But by the time it gets to the third generation,

they're just taken off the granted. Well, luckily, your kids are the second generation, so you're going to be fine. Your kids is me. Good luck. But you know what I'm saying? I can, like, actually every day talk to the dude that is responsible for

my comfort. Whereas, like, Eric Trump and Donald Trump Trump Jr., like, that, that That's 19 generations ago. They can't have a concept of anything. I can talk to a guy who, yes, he has this money and yes, he's made it well, but he also remembers what it was to look at my mom and ask her to marry him and go, baby, I don't

have anything, but I have an idea. And if you'll just be with me, I know that I'll make it and have that person go, I've got a job, I'll support you. And I have that with Amber. and it, you know, goddamn lucky-ass bitch worked out in two weeks, but still. But you know what I'm saying? I do. Like, I know that guy, and that guy knows that, and I've heard him tell those stories.

So, like, I have at least some sense of relatability towards it. And therefore, I'm telling you how to be a parent, by the way. Therefore, but therefore your kids will too because they're going to hear it. No, this is inside. I genuinely appreciate it because you've been through it. But they're going to get that from you. They're going to get that from you. They're going to hear you go, sons, please appreciate, and I want you to live comfortably.

That's why I work so goddamn hard. But there was this guy who one of you met briefly and sadly you didn't get to know for a while. And Spook, my dad, who didn't have shit. And I came from fucking nothing. And that shit fucking sucked. and I don't want to go back there again and you don't either but if you're just going to live off my money

you might because this shit could go away you got to learn to have a foundation and like my dad as much as he doesn't like as much as in the first part of my career he was like this isn't a safe bet whatever he still instilled in me this like insane work ethic that was like it's never it can

always like you know 530 in the morning I was sent I was up cutting my bits and working, like, I work my ass off because of dad. Like, because my dad does, we end up doing the same thing. We both work on a computer every night, entrepreneurs, with a woman that doesn't deserve us at all. I became my hero.

But, like, my work ethic, even though I'm a lazy drunk or whatever, my dad instilled that, and he's like, it's going to go away. You got to, you got to, you got to, you, dude, you got to, you're my hero, dude. You're one of my fucking heroes. You make me a better dude all the time. You're definitely going to make your, fucking lunatic kids better people. Yeah, but I have this thing of like,

God, this podcast got queer. Well, I have this thing where I like... We're about to cry. I want to... I focus so much on making their lives better than mine was that, you know what I mean? Like, I take a lot of pride and them being better off than I ever was.

But there's a balance you've got to strike there between doing that and them ending up spoiled little assholes. Them being a fucking lacrosse player that fucking hits people. And I don't,

my, you know, my boys are five and six. They're not that yet at all. And also, like, Bishop just lost his first tooth, by the way.

And the tooth fairy... I feel like when Benton loses his first tooth, he will actually have misplaced it. Like, he'll be in his hand. He's like, I can't find my tooth.

I don't know what the hell that tooth can't find my tooth. But, So, you know, the tooth fairy brought, and it's funny, when Bishop was getting his tooth and putting it under his pillow, the daddy lost it, Benton was sitting there the whole time, literally in his face going, fairies aren't real. I must say, your teacher gave him the tooth fairy while also telling him not to believe in God. She's just hilarious. She's yelling about how not real fairies were or whatever. But anyway, whatever.

Bishop put his tooth on the pillow, got $5 in the morning. and he asked for there's every day because of course there is on the way out of his like little daycare summer camp type school situation on the way out there's a fucking ice cream

truck parked right there and Bishop was asking about wanting ice cream and I told him yeah you can have it but you have five dollars yeah right and what's

you won't cost two dollars and if you want that how many dollars are you going to have left three yes three and that's all the dollars you're going to have so if you want that ice cream today that's fine but you know what I mean like I've tried to turn it into a thing to me that's enough almost and

uh shit I wasn't going to say he did something to that effect about the I don't remember. $5 and he spent the money on that. I mean, yeah, right. It seems like a good, but they don't learn the lesson

until it gets to the point where they have to, but what I'm saying is he hasn't ran out yet. You know what I mean? Like once he runs out, and then it's like, okay, ice cream today is like, well, you had no money. Sorry, buddy. I remember what I was going to say.

Rates aside, Bill Cosby made some all right points. Of course. One of which was, on the Cosby show, Theo said to him something about, because, you know, we're rich. And he was like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, your mother and I are rich. You have nothing. That's funny because, like, that, you know. That's funny because, and he may have subconscious known this, but like. That's what you need to tell them kids without raping.

Well, Seinfeld said that in comedians and cars getting coughing. he was talking to somebody and he was like, what do you do when your kids, you know, like, do your kids know who you are right now or something like that? And Jerry's like, well, you know, they're starting to know. But people at school will say some things. And so my kids come up to me,

one of my kids come up and then they go, Dad, are we rich? And I was like, no, I'm rich. You're nothing. Yeah, pretty much that. But like, I mean, that's, to me, that's a great, Not to say Seinfeld's kids couldn't still grow up the fact of shit. You could.

But like, yeah, if you... That's the type of shit. You have to have to do that. You never let your kids think that I'm going to let you start on the street. Right. But go, no, I mean, yeah, could I right now go buy you a car and it not dent my account? Yes. Will I?

No. Right. Go get it. you know, but, you know, your first car, you're 15, 16, you can't go work a full-time job. I'll get you one, but I'm getting to a used car. Because, and that's, I mean, Dad bought me my first car. And I was working, but I was working at a fucking, like,

I was going to school, playing football, and working at a goddamn pool. There's literally no way I could have paid for a goddamn car. But he also didn't want to drive me anywhere. But he got me a used car. And he was like, you know, that was like, by the way, I didn't give a shit. I was like, cool, I can get pussy in this.

as good as I can get pussy and anything. But if you want something fucking that you want, you got to go do that. And that should never... That's not hard. It's so fucking crazy because you see all the time these fucking rich people that, like, their 16-year-old has a goddamn,

like, brand-new Corvette or something like that. And you're like, what are you even thinking? Like, they would... They're going to wreck it. By the way... They're going to fuck it up. They're 16 years old. A, there's three possible scenarios.

A, they're going to wreck it. B, they would have liked any car you got them because they just want to go. They just want to go. That's not true. No, or... That part is not. Those kids?

No, no, but that's what I'm saying. Or the third scenario, they have to have the new thing. And if that's true, you lost them a long time ago. Like, if they're 16 and they pitch a fit because their car isn't the year that they're in, You lost them a long time ago. So it's one of the two. Like, and for me it was, I didn't fucking, I could have cared less.

I wrecked that motherfucker and ended up like, dad was like, well, I can't, I'm not buying another one. And I was like, well, I can't afford to get one. He's like, well, you can have your papal's old hammond down. Couldn't have been happier. Didn't care. I was going to get pills and pussy, and that'll do it. So I'm saying at 16, if your kid is not trying to get pills and pussy, you've gone wrong.

Somewhere. My first truck was an 89 Nissan and I like when my dad and grandpa, what, like what kind of 89 Nissan pickup. They literally didn't have the name. It was just 89 Nissan truck. Had that's it. It had like the designs on the side, like the? No, I know what you're talking about.

They had a lot. I'm trying to remember that specific truck. There was a Mazda. It was a Mazda. Mazda like B-10 or something. And they had like the D-10. Like the Davena, Dias, things or whatever. Yes.

A floor on the floor. But it was just a 89 Nissan, like, my dad and grandpa gave me that. When they gave it to me, it was in rough shape, didn't look great, whatever, just like you. And I, exactly. I took it. I probably put more hours into that thing than I ever have any other piece of property that I've ever owned in my life. right since then i fucking buffed it waxed it all that got a sound system put it in it myself tinned the windows myself fucking put an insane amount of effort into it and made that thing

hit yeah like by the time it was sudden done that fucking truck hit for salina a fucking 16 year old pork hit at that time like i took it and fucking turned it into something you know And also, for the record, still wrecked it. Right, yeah. Because I'm like the shit out of mind. You shouldn't do, that's for another podcast, 16 year olds or not be able to drive. It's insane. Looking back on it, like you think like, yeah, of course, I got to fuck.

But like, dude, now that I'm, this is me being old, but now that I'm knowing that there are me as 16 year olds driving around there, it's fucking so scary. But to the original point we're making, I've never, like, I don't know anyone. No, I do know some people that got a brand new car when they turn 16. 100% of them are pieces of shit.

Yeah, me too. And assholes. Me too. And I know some rich kid, like Will, people would say it was a rich kid, didn't get a brand new car, could have easily. Dude, his dad could have bought him fucking three brand new cars and never even

saw a decimal point move in his fucking account. But he wanted Will to not be the worst and he was first-generate. His dad was the only person that family would ever have money so he knew this shit will go away. And Will, great guy. Not a fucking lunatic

bag of shit with money. Every single, literally every single person. And Chickamauga, you've been there, you know, there was plenty that I saw get a brand new car. A, it was definitely wrecked. B, some of them died in it. And C, if they didn't later, they went on to do even worse shit than what I just described.

And again, like I said, if you're 16 and you pitch a fix because you get a new car, you got lost a long time ago. So whatever. Money is not real, but it does hit. It does hit. It's a wild thing. We have it. Anyway, let's go smoke a cigarette by there.

I love you. Skew. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God. Bless you, good night and Skew.