wellRED podcast - #80 - Dog Food and Pain Pills

Episode Date: August 21, 2018

This week we talk censorship, twitter meltdowns, fake drugs, and all sorts of stuff. wellredcomedy.com for ticketssmokeyboysgrilling.com for some awesome meat rubs!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's the thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the i'm not having a good day this better not be something fast i did start to jack off my own buck

i didn't finish yeah charge it to my room and don't look at me i don't head because I had taken a goddamn Viagra that day, remember? I said, fuck, I got this fake anerole. What did I take? I all had a boner at cheesecake factory when you told me this story. Right. Maybe him and that liberal redneck dude need to sit down over a can of dog food and hash this all out. Of dog food.

Of dog food. Of dog food. Of dog food. dog food what's up everybody it's your boy the show well read comedy

dot com for tour dates here's where we're going to be in the next week or so August 22nd and 23rd we're in Cleveland Ohio then the 24th and 25th

Columbus Ohio then we're on to Toledo Ohio Goshen Indiana Indianapolis Indiana Louisville Kentucky Lexington Kentucky then there's the

Trey Crowder and Friends show at Largo in Los Angeles on September 10th, the 14th through the 16th of September, we're in Providence, Rhode Island, then Idaho Falls, Idaho, Boise, Idaho, Tucson, Arizona, yada, yada, yada, yada, well-read comedy.com, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, comedy.com, spelled just like the podcast, that's where you can find tour dates, merch, subscribe to our newsletter so you get tickets before anybody else does, and our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie.

Out of the Dark, this portion of the podcast, as always, is brought to you by our good friends at smokyboys grilling.com. Go to smokyboysgrilling.com and get all the rubs for all your meats. They're delicious. Order some. Send the guys some love. Wish them good luck. They're in a bunch of sweet-ass barbecue festivals,

and they're kicking ass all over the country, and we love them. And as I've always said, even if you're not maybe eating meat right now or whatever, I use it in all my sipping broths. I'm trying to tone down a little bit and get back in. to get back to my playing weights so I can fit into

fit in my nice skirts anyways I love y'all and I will uh see you next time see you out there on the road I love you skew well well okay so background I did tweet about this

a while back y'all when I saw it when it happened but this super weird thing happened to me about a month ago probably where when that Scott Pruitt guy got well he left the EPA EPA for those

I tweeted a bunch of things just a bunch of just different little stupid jokes about him leaving and one of them it was something and I don't remember it and I can't find it anymore getting ahead of myself but it was something to the effect of

you know the Trump administration has got to be really sweating this one because as far as lying in common competent, malicious, deceitful white lizard bags of shit go. Scott Pruitt was truly an all-timer. Yeah, Hall of Fame. Yeah.

You can't just, you can't coach that. Like, that's going to be hard to replace. Yeah. Something like that. Among like three other tweets about him. And then, and on Facebook, too, posted same things. And within a couple days, that one that I just referenced got deleted from both Twitter

and Facebook by administrators or something, not by me, not by anybody on like our side. They just disappeared on Facebook. It disappeared along with me getting a message from Facebook that was like, your post has been removed for violating our conduct policies or whatever it is. But on Twitter, there was nothing. Like they literally didn't say anything. It just disappeared.

And it happened at the same time. And Facebook and Twitter are not, it's not like they're, both owned by the site they're two completely separate things this is this violates our standards please redirect your attention to amari king calling a muslim a garbage can right yeah i know exactly also like dude i mean me just me even like from a liberal perspective it wasn't even that bad i stay saying shit like that all the time in my videos and and in text and otherwise and that's the only one that's ever happened to and i thought it was super weird because that was pretty light i mean yeah and uh and then so like

the next day, within a couple days after that, I went on this, I started tweeting about that happening and I explained that it happened and I was like, so in light of that, here's some additional Scott Pruitt tweets. And I don't remember exactly what it was, but one of them was like, you remember that scene from Evil Dead where that lady gets raped by a tree? Well, if that was Scott, if that was Scott Pruitt, it'd be fucking hilarious. Just like over the top, ridiculous shit, you know, and I mean nothing came of that that I'm aware of.

And I still, that whole ordeal is still fucking weird to me. The whole thing is weird. Like, the, so Trump has been in the news lately talking about how he won't allow social media to, um, conservative voices to be censored on social media,

which, I mean, the irony there is if a private company was doing that, and then the president stopped it. The president would be the only person violating free speech as defined by our laws in our court cases because the president would be forced. forcing a company to do a thing, which is the government forcing speech. Yeah, this is also president. Don't bake a queer cake.

Right. So, but it's just crazy. They want to feel so persecuted. And I'm sure there's people on the left here the same way that want to feel so persecuted all the time. But, like, we've talked about it on here before, like with our friend Kayla. She was part of that men or scum thing where it started, I think, with Marsha Belski and- Kayla did our podcast? No, we've talked about it on here before the stuff that was happening with her. It was. It was a hashtag men or scum that got started because Marcia shared a picture of a man, like a screencap of a man saying something offered her,

and she hashtagted men or scum. And she had reported him because he said something awful, like you stupid cunt, I hope you die and get raped or something like that. They didn't violate the guy, but they violated her for hashtagging men are scum. So she started posting a lot of stuff about men being scum, and then some of her friends joined in, and they kept getting banned from Facebook

and put in Facebook jail for 30 days, while men who responded to them saying, I mean, literally, I hope you get raped. Hope you die. We're not getting... I'm not getting... You fucking bitch.

Right. Weren't getting that happened to them. So that's like a thing that's been... I mean, it's made the news. That's been noticed a lot. And then on Twitter, a whole lot of liberals have been... have gotten what you've gotten.

and it sure seems like very few conservatives have. Now, I'm not saying that's 100% true. I mean, Owen Benjamin happened. Yeah. And maybe. He got, did he get,

his Twitter's like, or something? Yeah, his Twitter don't even exist anymore. I mean, I remember when he, like, lost his fucking mind,

but yeah, he didn't pull himself up there, like he got, like, take it off? I know that, I'm not saying that he hasn't since just taken himself off,

but he did get, like, deactivated for a while and, like, his wife was posting as him from her shit. And now he's just, not on but it may be him personally but like there was a minute where like he was totally

banned from twitter and i mean you know again he had a fucking meltdown yeah i don't know who that is it's a comedian that went on a yeah had like a social media meltdown back in the day i knew i knew i knew he was always nice to me so like i won't say anything bad about him he did completely i will i mean i'm saying like he's clearly a piece of shit you know what i'm saying is like i truly believe he has having a psychotic breakdown like because i mean dude it almost has to be yeah yeah i'm I'm not saying there's not bag of shit in him. I'm just saying like, from my experience with him, he was very sweet and didn't seem like this guy.

The meltdown put his walls down because like if I have a meltdown, that's not what I'm going to do. Yeah, no, no, no, no. I hear you, but like, like, I might light myself on fire to protest the trees dying or something. It was just so out of character for the dude that I met like any of those, like opinions. I'm not trying to be a dick to you, but like, you can't meet a dude. Hear him say that and be like, I feels out of character for that one time we hung out. That's who he is. I understand that, Drew, but we hung out for an entire weekend.

shared a lot of our opinions with each other, and it just seems like a complete 180. He knew not to share those opinions. Also, in fairness to Corey, he has to be, like, he's a seasoned vet at that particular brand of rationalizing. You know what I mean? As we all are, I think, as I am. Me?

He's my buddy. He's racist. No, no, no. But he's all right. No, no, but that's not. I'm not saying. I'm not saying. I'm not saying.

Norm McDonald thing where Norm, like, talks about somebody, like, they're awful. And then he goes, yeah, he's a good man. But I'm not saying. We said about Bill Cosby. He's like, I never liked his comedy, but as a man, I really looked up to the guy. No, no, I don't. Obviously, there are people in my life that I do that with. What I'm saying is that, like, Owen, it's not that he hid, like, oh, I know not to say this in front of this liberal dude.

I'm saying, like, he was literally saying the opposite. Like, we were sharing mutual opinions of, I would say, hashtag wokeness. So it seems like a, now again, he was obviously lying. or he's had a complete psychotic breakdown. Or both. My first. Right. Because he definitely had a breakdown.

Right. Well, that's all I'm saying. My first weekend on the main stage at Sidespliers in Knoxville, there was this road dog comic headline. His first name was Greg. And he was like so insanely nice and sweet and everything the whole weekend. And his like comedy on stage was also very like, you know, innocuous club shit that was working. He was doing fine all week. and then and after at the end that weekend he added me on Facebook and his profile picture was of this

fucking like teenager who had killed himself with a shotgun and it was like the the crime scene photos was just like a teenager's head blown apart right that's his profile picture classic and his and then everything he posted was just like homicidal lunacy like beyond just like yeah conservatism because this was like five years pre-Trump or whatever it wasn't any kind of that type of shit it was just like right this guy's a edge lorry or something maniac yeah he's insane and you wouldn't have thought that at all that makes me more scared that's how i think a lot of those guys are i mean that's what every serial killers neighbors always say ted bundy man like such a nice guy yeah he seemed like such a normal guy because you can't walk around just being a bag of dick

because like you'll people figure it out and you won't be able to kill him kill them Yeah, exactly. Cut them into pieces. That's why you know I'm not a fucking serial killer. I just stay being a piece of shit all the time. But yeah, I wouldn't Benjamin. It could be one of those deals. Yeah.

The other thing I was thinking is... I've never met him. I mean, I do agree with you when you're saying... But I'm saying, like, it wasn't just like, oh, he's nice, so I don't think a nice person could be racist. I'm saying, like, I don't know, man. What he was doing on Twitter, that shit is hard to hide for a whole weekend. Just talking to another comedian is what I'm saying.

I was going to say maybe that it is happening conservatives as well, and we just don't hear about it, too. Dude, it won't. Because obviously, like, I see what conservatives say on Twitter because people who follow them just to troll retweet it. You know, like, I don't fucking follow Donald Trump. I follow Charlie Daniels. The only reason I did that was because he was sincerely shitting on Taco Bell because they had made an Illuminati joke commercial, and he felt like they ought to take that way more fucking seriously. very offended so i went to troll him about that discovered that he has become insane every single day he tweets uh bengazi's not going away has he become insane or has he been this guy the whole

sure well okay but he never hid that he was conservative he's just gone further right and also he's not screaming the n-word right like so when i say he's gone insane i mean like crazy old man i don't mean owen benjamin right uh but now i troll him like when he said he's saying he's going insane i mean like says bin gauzy ain't going away i just tell him and asked him if he's prayed for it to go i pretend like i don't know the context of anything that he's saying but that i'm sincerely on his side like he tells me to pray for the blue he's like one of his dumb fans he's like pray for the blue he tweets that every day meaning cops and i always write yeah man we gotta love yellow too though or whatever it is yeah fucking idiot well no i don't even let on like i know he's talking about

life i just like genuinely i think that he's talking about a color yeah that's so fucking funny What a goddamn lunatic. I ain't done that much in a while, though. You went in last week because I screenshot it and it was heading for me. Yeah, I got drunk, three in a row. But that was the first time in a few months. That was a relapse. About where we are as a country because people are like,

oh, this is so ridiculous. Social media is right. It's ridiculous. But, like, I can't think of anything I love more than the fact that you can get blackout drunk and be like, God damn it, I talked shit to Charlie Daniels last night. Like, that's fucking awesome. One of my favorite things to do lately, and I don't know how many of them that has happened to listen to the podcast. I hope all of them, because that means they know me a little bit more than my Twitter presence.

But I've just been talking shit to our fans. Yeah, it's just for me. Like, I'll just be like, mind your own goddamn business, Karen, and stuff like that. And I think most of them get it. In fairness, they've been, you know, talking shit to us first. They're getting a little lippy, which I really like. They are getting lippy, I feel like, which I'm into. I am too.

You remember Jason, that old boy from Oxford, Trey? Jason Weather's shout out. He was super hammered and told us as much. Right at the end, he's like, I can't hang around any longer. I'm too drunk. I've got to go home. Yeah. he has been fucking with me on Twitter, but like, you know, jovially.

And the day he said something about, yeah, young people on here talking shit all goddamn days. It's like their favorite pastime. And I just wrote back, you're not that young, Jason. And he sent back a gif of Stone Cold flipping Drew the Byrd to them. But yeah, no, I think it's, yeah, we've, we're a very, between the podcast and our Twitter and our stand-up, you know, I feel like we invite people into our lives. And therefore, they feel more that they can, and they're correct. talk shit about us and they know they can talk shit to me like an

eighth grade girl can like they know specifically the things I'm insecure about and they nail me on it so which is fucking amazing this isn't exactly that but speaking of talking shit on about us on the internet I told y'all this already but I wanted to tell it on here so you know I stay lurking on Reddit

right like I just find pictures of cats that are you cats that are made you know football news shit much that are made trailers did you see that picture that Andy sent of that cat that was you. Did you send it to me? I did, but I don't think I said it was anything.

She found a cup cake. It was me, a roaster that was ham and a cat that was you. It was very great. And what was funny, I showed Corey the text. She said, this is you, this you, Trey, and Corey, she sent that. And then she sent the picture, but it wouldn't download. And I said, Andy, I'm not having a good day. This better not be something fat.

And then she sent me like that smiley face where it goes like this. Yeah. Like, ooh, it is. And then it downloaded, and I died laughing. a fucking big ass fat chipmunk eating cupcakes or something. That was me. It was a rooster on the beach and sunglasses, but he had a fat belly and he had his swimming trunks pulled up over his fat belly.

It was a big fat rooster. Yeah. And then it was a cat with a cupcake in front of it, just looking so sad and miserable. It's sad. Just sad as fuck. That's me. Anyway, I'm on Reddit all the time, just dicking around, looking at stuff. And I think for the first time, as far as in like a random thread,

I saw myself referenced on Reddardt. Not the first time because he'd be searching it all the time. No, we've had... I do tell you, we do not hit on Reddit. No, not at all. At all. We also, like, we did an AMA that didn't hit at all. And yet, we don't hit.

No. On Reddit or at all. So I'm saying, outside of those instances, what are you doing? I'm hitting. In real life, you're just like jacking your dick and he's smiling at me. He's scratching my Reddit. His hand is down his pants and he's just staring at me.

I'm scratching my Reddit. That's what I call my taint. There was a post that was a... fish coolly right um and it's as far as i'm aware because it's definitely the one i've seen the most and i think the one that went the most viral his most popular post ever which is him using these two bick lighters as a metaphor for prejudice in america and one of the big lighters is all beat the shit and all this stuff i'm sure one of them wasn't black right yeah so i's better say is the beat up one was white though right and he's like you know you don't know what this lighter's been through

So maybe don't judge it the same as this lighter, you know, whatever. And there's a nice one and a beat-up ones. You don't know what this lighter's been there. I feel like we do know what the one is. It's got the shit kicked out of shit. You know, it's lit a bunch of cigarettes. Yeah. Shit don't help anymore.

You know, it's almost out of gas and we should throw it the fuck away. Okay. I'm kidding. Obviously. I've seen that posted a lot. It's pretty old. Every now that it pops back up or whatever. And so it was on there.

And you go in the comment section. in most of the top comments, and this is all true, by the way. Before you do this, because this happened when you told us this story off the podcast, I've seen that video, but it was not the first video I have seen of Catfish Cooley. So I understand that since that one's the most popular, that's where most people started with Catfish Cooley. Right. That's hilarious to me. Me too, because I'm the same way.

I saw his old shit also. And so every time I see that video getting, like going viral and everybody's like, now this is, some true insight from this simple man. Yeah, I'm a catfish, coolly hipster so I'd say the old shit. I'm always like, okay, but... I saw him chug at bottle of Jack Daniels and puke on him, their

fireball. Not even just that, like, and but now, and I thought this is what would be the case, in the comment section of that video on Reddit, pretty much all the top comments were being like, yeah, this guy's great. I loved it when he called Obama a goat fucking Muslim Kenyon, too.

And they looked like a link to that video or another one it's like yeah or where we should murder all mussels and ship them out our goddamn country yeah this guy he's got it figured out guys yeah like other people calling them out for like don't be fooled by this video you know i thought a guy named catfish right right a hell of a thing for us to say show on one of those threads where somebody pointed it out another person was like oh man so this guy's actually exactly as shitty as you'd expect him to be that's a bummer and then a guy or that was like yeah

maybe him and that liberal redneck dude need to sit down over a can of dog food and hash this all out when you told me this the first time I was sitting on the toilet not being able to poop by the way as I was reading this so it's just all you just constipated

when you told me this the first time I was drunk and knew that it hit for me but I couldn't remember what it was so this very much just hit for me I got to enjoy it again. I forgot you were on the toilet. You were literally full of shit. Yes. When the internet was calling you full of shit.

Yeah. A can of dog food. Do you think that's like that the joke in that guy's mine or gal, but that was a guy, is like. That's a great joke, dude. I know. I know. Is that like, is it like, that's what these people do in the South? Yes.

They sit there and eat dog food. They're poor white trash, dumb asses. Is eating dog food? They eat dog food. Dogs have a dog food summit and talk about your fucking racist and catfish. That's like Obama having that racist cop over for a beer. Yeah. With that guy who he almost murdered in his own home.

God, that's... About catfish over, tray. Do a few shots of mountain, do he eat a bowl of dog food. See if we can't figure out race. No, not a bowl. You're in a can. You piece of shit. Oh, God.

That's... Fucking internet. Such a great roast. I wish I could meet that person and buy them dinner. You probably could. Is it Reddit anonymous and then the whole thing Unless you post like your own picture of you know I mean yeah

You can reply to him and just be like look I tour with Trey This is the funnier than anything he's ever said Can you please message me privately on something Yeah he hasn't responded Mr. Butt I did that and the guy ain't wrote me back Monsor

Dereo Signor Extremo Anyway That's all I got Yeah you don't hit No. Nope. Well, what else, boys?

I was trying to look up Mr. Butt in Japanese because I did it the other day and it was hilarious. Oh, man. You can't get it to work. Your phone won't work? No, it just, there's a Japanese song called Mr. and it's telling me all about that. I don't know what I did. Mr. Butt in China? Well, yeah.

Just a stick man spreading his butt hall apart. We don't, I mean, you guys could do anything but stare at me right now while I do this. I'm trying to talk. I don't know what to talk about. We were going, and then he was looking up butts. Maybe it was Chinese, but this is funny. Masuta Bato. Yeah.

That's Mr. Butte. Yeah. Masuto Bato. It's weird because it kind of... Sounds like Mr. Butte. Yeah. That's like if I was trying to be racist and say what I thought it would be in Japan. Right.

Oh, Masuto Bato. I guess what I'd say. And turns out, my papo's right. once again hilarious I don't hit wasn't it wasn't something about

we've talked about or something it always is yeah I don't remember some papal related incident or something wasn't there's something

happened with papas what's new papas grew this weekend papas our chief papal correspondent

Drew Morgan with this week in papal well the weather ain't doing good well you're just start being a papal

yeah Uh, man, I don't remember. I do remember that we figured out that me and Trey are very different kind of papaws to you. That was last night, me and you. That was today, but you have taken a nap since then. That was last night? No, it was today. I have not taken on last night.

Uh, we figured out. I walked to get cigarettes and I got lost, so I didn't get a second nap. I am, Corey's post-war II papal. I just always, like, told me how he's on his bullshit and needs to get his life together. And your depression, Papal. Both the era and. era and the thing. And the thing, yeah, because you're always just like,

your skin and bone, even though I'm fat, you're just always trying to get me to eat him. You're just like, come on now, eat that, eat that. And I'm like, I've eaten all day and I'm fat, and I don't hit your skin and bones. You're perfect the way that you are. That's, you're actually a mamaw. Yeah.

What about the drinking? That's papal-esque. That's papal. Yeah, but depression, wasn't it like illegal then? I mean, I know they stay doing it. You drink wine with ice in it. That seems like some prohibition. drinking.

Yeah, it's out of a box, too. Corey probably made it in his bathtub. Yeah. I mean, so do you. I know. I don't hit. We don't hit together.

He does what his papal does. Exactly. My papal taught me to do this. I ate crackers and milk because of my actual papal. So you did teach me this, by the way. I learned it from you. That is true, actually. Yeah, 100% true.

Your essence is grandson. I know. That's why everyone patches my cheeks and gives me stuff. That's true. he's not even a shot earlier where you posted a picture of LJ

and some dude was like she looks just like her daddy yeah and you're like yeah she does look like Lloyd and he's like

oh she ain't yours yeah and then everybody started posting pictures of big fucking huge fat babies that I look like and then they

picture a picture of a grown man in a diaper that said this you yeah you think your Reddit shit was bad before she I think she sent me

this screenshot before all that had happened it was just okay you said you yeah and it was just I just like a guy say she thought it was

funny and I said in fairness that's mostly because Corey just looks like a gigantic baby yeah which is a bit I have remember when I asked uh Benton about about it you were standing there he was playing with my bald head now right this is when you were you were standing you like just got up so you didn't have a hat on you're just like laying against the wall not hitting and I don't know like what brought it up but like Benton sat beside me on the couch and I said something about you looking like a baby and Benton was like what and this is my five year old by the way and I was like him, Corey, don't you think he looks like a big old baby?

And Benton just, like, stared at you for a minute. And he goes, Yes. Because he's bald! And that's also, that's also when we determined that. Like it never occurred to him before until that moment. That I'm a huge baby.

It was so fucking funny to him. He died laughing. And what we also realized in that moment, which I just know to be true, is that he knows the word bald because of me. Uh-huh. Because one time I was laying at the house,

and one time I was laying at the house, just sitting there not hitting, and he climbed on my head as he does from time to time. Uh-huh. And I had my hat off, and he was just like up there, like, Bugs Bunny shaving Elmer Fudd's head, just like massaging my head. And he just goes, what's wrong? And I was just like, what? And he goes, why don't you have any hair up here?

And you go, it's because he's bald. And he goes, oh, and that's when that word came into his mind. And so now when he thinks of bald, he thinks of me. Yeah, a lot of people probably do. I do. Of course they do. When I think of bald, I think of you. Like, you've known other bald people, but I'm like, there's been more, there's been

linebackers before Ray Lewis, but since him, that's who you think of when you hear is bald and is who, why I learned bald, he came out of a swimming pool in front of me or the river or whatever, and I got freaked out and said, your hair broke off in the water and I started crying because I thought something happened to his head. and you have replaced him as what I think of as bald. Well, God damn. This is the least good I could feel for replacing someone's father in something.

Just don't hit. I really and truly hate myself in my life. Corey took me shopping for my birthday today. I did. Corey. Let's both talk about our days. Oh, I had a good day. I did too.

It was the same for a minute but different at first. You slept like a normal person. No. No, you didn't. I woke up at seven. I didn't feel good at all. I was a little hungover. We were out pretty late last night.

And I ate those nachos. Did you eat a bunch of them nachos? They were really good, but Lord Jesus. I was shit. You know what? They were so spicy immediately. That cheese, the liquid cheese on those was spicy as hell, which is that's not normal for a, like a mall, a plate of nachos or whatever.

But, I mean, it hits for me. They hit. I hadn't even thought about that, but yeah, I've been fucked up today. So I woke up just weren't. And that probably has something to do with it. All right. So a few weeks ago, I won't out who it was or whatever. But a buddy of ours gave me what he said was a Xanax.

Because I, we were on that big long run. I don't sleep good. And I get anxiety all the time. And I found out that he had some. And I was like, man, yeah, like sometimes. Like I'll take one in half of one before I get on a plane. And that'll really help for me. Who they hit?

Who they hit? And then I just didn't take it. Forgot about it, whatever. I woke up this morning, remember I had it, was feeling super anxious, shitting my brains out, hungover, wanted to go back to sleep, didn't hip. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to eat just a little nibble off this X. And then it wasn't Xanax. What it was when I looked on the internet, because I got real, like, weird. As soon as I've been into it, I was like, man, I didn't even.

So I just, like, typed a description of what I was looking at into the internet. And it pulled up immediately. It was a fucking Adderall. Opposite. opposite and I don't I'm not good with Adderall I almost never ever take Adderall when I do it fucking makes me super anxious you have the worst night of your life

hate it every time so I'm wanting to go back to sleep hung over and I just ate off what says is a 30 milligram Adderall I'm like fuck oh wait you still got that the story ain't over okay so I'm sitting there I'm just like it's gonna kick in a minute and when it does I'm gonna

leave but I'll lay in bed maybe I'll go to sleep before it ever happens and I'll just have fast dreams because I convince myself that's the thing that would have My dreams will just be faster. I'll be having dreams about cleaning. I started. I started... I started yawning.

I started feeling good. Then I remember that this particular buddy of ours told us that he had gotten these drugs off to Mexican internet. That was how he said. And I looked back where I had just had the internet open and like five down from my description in the, you know, what I just typed in the description, it said what it was. there was a story, a very recent, very popular story. Pist, hey, Mark, remember, getting help from Progressive is so easy. You can use the mobile app, chat with us online, or call us. And you pick now to tell me.

I couldn't miss Little Grace's ballet recital. Thanks for inviting me, by the way. Did I? Because you know I'm always here for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can use the mobile app if I need help. Sorry, you're in my wife's seat, though. Oh, yeah, I got to go anyway.

Tell Grace, she nailed her chaise. Get the help you need from Progressive, their mobile app online chatter over the phone. Progressive casualty insurance company affiliates and other insurers. Adderall ball on the internet turns out to be fake. And I'm like, oh, fuck. And I looked, and the pill I was looking at was different than the Adderall pill that I saw. It was very close, but slightly different.

I was like, fuck, I got this fake Adderall. What did I take? Sweet Jesus, I deserve this. This is, I deserve all of this. I took drugs from a man that we have hung out with like four times that he told me he got from the Mexican internet. You chowed out, son. And I'm going to die now, and I went and looked to see what it was, and it was a pain pill.

Oh. I took a nibble off of it. Which is fine for you. But I had, well, it is fine for me because I fucking hate pain pills. Like, growing up, like, when I broke my leg and they put me on the mildest thing because I told them I didn't like them, they would make me nauseous. They would make me so sluggish. Nothing felt good. I couldn't imagine why anybody would ever abuse these goddamn things.

So this is just like a mix up on the part of the good people at the Mexican Internet. Yeah, I hate to hear about it. Because like what, like the only way it would make sense to me is if it was just like a sugar pill, like it was bullshit, you know. Right. Like, I don't get why they would just be sending other hitting drugs. Right. That's the way it is. That's exactly what I think.

I think that, yeah. It was just a mix of it. Yes. Yeah. And the way the FDA found out about it, people took them, didn't feel right. I'm glad to know their internet sucks too. By the way, the people who took them and didn't feel right and went to the hospital, just poor people who couldn't afford regular adderol. By the way, that's all this is.

So before anyone, I mean, you can judge me all the fuck you want to, but before anyone judges his story, it's like, whatever. This comment section is going to be lit. I'm just saying, literally, our shitty fucking capitalistic society is why this whole thing is there. This is so amazingly great. It's true. It's completely true. You kiss my ass.

I'm going to pat all Batman on both of you right now. You're not wrong, and you're not an asshole. I just can't wait to see what all the fucking Karens have to say about this. I'm sure they'll tell me not to do drugs off the basic internet. And they're not wrong. Of course they're not wrong, but they don't hit. But I'm saying this happened. This market exists because there's fucking desperate people.

Anyway, this dude orders them, right? The reason he told me it was Xanax, I guarantee you, is he or someone he knows took one and was like, oh, that's a Xanax. You know, and that was just like, I can tell you exactly what the fuck it was. The mix up is that, remember that night, that motherfucker told me, I'm going to give you an Adderall. And I was like, okay, cool. So I took some of it. And I was like, this ain't fucking. And it was goddamn.

So he just, it was a switcheroo. Right. But I was just trying to make. make us look like a little less insane. I don't give fuck it. I know. That shit doesn't sell, boy. I know.

I know. I was trying to get fucked up on some pills from the Mexican internet. That's what I was trying to do. And yeah, as they tend to do, the Mexican internet fucked me. And both of us, we've both been fucked by the Mexican internet. Well, no. But at least they're not silenced in fucking conservatives. I was not at all fucked.

Because here's what happened. I nibbled on that fucking thing. And since I didn't take a whole one. I didn't get sick. I realized what it was. I read about it. I was like, well,

okay, I went and got a rental car. On the dry back, it hit me harder. I was like, fuck, I got to get back. I went and got a massage

while on a pain pill. And I have never, ever, I advocate for doing drugs, but I always say, don't ever fuck with pain pills. And this is why, because they're fucking awesome,

and that's why they ruin your goddamn life. I had the best massage of my life. Absolutely. I hit him up. And I'm like, you want to eat? He was like, you want to eat?

I'm about to get this. massage, but when I get done, I'm going to go to a cheesecake factory. You don't have to wait on me. But if you want to wait on me, I've been dreaming about that chicken parmesan. You're a freak for some chicky, chicky parm party. And my man says, yeah, they got a chicken parm pizza. They put pasta with Alfredo on top of it. It's an affront of God, and that's why I like it.

On a pizza? It's no, it's a chicken parm pizza style, meaning they flatten out this chicken into mush, bread it. It's meat pizza. Yeah. Buddy, I got ones in there. That isn't a front of God, but that does help. I nibbled on his because I had already just completed a bang bang, bang.

He told me, I've had breakfast. I'm already on whatever my way. And then I hit him up, and I'm like, well, what are you doing now? And he goes, well, I went to get oysters at the boathouse after I had breakfast. Yeah. So it was a bang bang. And I said, well, I'm going to Cheesecake Factory. I'll see you later.

And he's like, no, I'll meet you there. So he's already drunk into his second meal, your own pills and eating the chicken. This was, by the way, at 1130 a. Yes. Because I was going to say this was all two hours before I woke up. I remember waking up, I had 56 text messages. And then we went shopping. Then he told me shopping for my birthday.

We did. It was a great day. It was the best date I've ever had in my life. Yeah, I bought him a jacket. Andy. I bought him a jacket, which will end up she'll be wearing it too. Andy. Well, it'll probably fit her better.

I'm not a medium anymore, but I just can't accept it. Well, it's not that I can accept. The largest is just, they still look kind of weird. So I guess I should just gain 10 more pounds. The only way I'm a medium is that I know exactly what chubby white women are thinking at all times. That's my medium. But yeah, no, it was a great day. We went and shopped, and I also bought these jogging pants that are ridiculous.

I hit for me. Yeah. I bought a pair of ball shorts at Dick Sporting Good yesterday because I forgot to bring my own in my bag. But then I didn't forget to bring my own. They were on top of my bag right in front of my face when I stared at it and said, God damn it, I forgot to bring my shorts and then walked out the door to go buy more. Comedians beat shopping. They were right there on top in front of me.

I was looking at them and was like, why didn't I bring my shorts? I got to go buy a pair of shorts now. For our dreams, Trey. Oh, hey, speaking of which, I bought your shoes. They actually, I didn't know that when I was trying to last night and it kept fucking up, I finally fixed it this morning. I realized what the problem was. The ones you bought, though, weren't they just at dix?

But they didn't have his size. That's right, because you are a freak. Yeah, that's... They didn't have my fucking size either. They didn't have 12s. They didn't have nothing. My whole life. What are you in 19?

He's a 13. 13. 13. 13. Roy Moore would have sex with your feet if it was a girl. Yeah. I mean, mine was 12. They didn't have no 12s.

I tried to get them LeBrons. The KDs today. I tried to get a bunch of these motherfuckers. They didn't have no goddamn 12s. But yeah, I was going to just go buy you some now. 12's not that rare. Uh-uh. Right.

I feel like it's the top end of normal. Yeah, I guess you're right. It would be you'd think they'd have his. Of course, they only had one. I would definitely think they'd have 12. No. Well, I know, but maybe 12s aren't that rare, so a bunch of motherfuckers have 12. My whole life, I've had to go into a place, and I don't even look at the different types of shoes.

I just have to say the guy, show me what you have in a 13, because they very often don't have. Man, that's sad. The shoes that I finally got to where you could afford shoes and then you still can't have all the shoes. The shoes that I bought you hit very hard. Well, sweet. They do hit. Are they getting shipped to my house, or are you? you're going to bring them to me on the road.

You have to pack two extra bags. I know. Buy another bag. No. Put them in it. When I bought him, it was, I got the fastest shipping you could get

because I thought I was going to be able to bring them to you next week. They're going to show up the day after we're in fucking Cleveland, so I'm going to have to bring them to you on the next run. So I'll bring him to you. You bought you shoes today on my birthday. He got me a $30 jacket. I just realized that. Wait.

I thought your birthday's like September 2nd or something. It's the first. Also, in fairness, I was, I'm still planning. on getting you something for your actual birthday. Oh, that's not. You just said, here, get this. I'll pay you back. And I just said, happy birthday.

You don't have to pay me back. And then this lady behind me, this blonde white woman was like, it's my birthday, too. What are you going to buy me? And then they just started flirting in the line. She was like 50. It was hilarious. Her and Corey? Yes.

Yeah. But it was unreal. It was unreal. Yeah, she totally would have let me buy her stuff. And did she. Oh, I'll offer to take her to She's Cape Factory. You did? I was a good Oreo treat.

Coocoe. So what time did you start drinking today? About nine. Something like that. What times you wake up? Didn't you get back at that? About nine? I had a wine here. Didn't you get back at about four?

Yeah, something like that. Because me and you left at like two or two 30th? No, it wasn't nine. It was like 10. It was like 10.30. I think I called Andy at 145. I thought we got back at like two. It was like 1030 when I started drinking.

I woke up at like nine. Oh. They had a white Russian with coffee in it, so he had to. Yeah, it was a cold. caught. Yeah, I wasn't going to. Well, I mean, I had a little nip of wine before I left. I'm about to say, you just said. But just a little bit.

There was, because I'd had it, it was on my, it was on my bedside table from last night because I apparently went to sleep drinking a glass of wine. Also woke up, and I told you all this, but I want to tell our listeners, I woke up. This is good. I got something for you after this. I don't like it for you. I didn't remember this at all until I saw them and I just, it all came washing back to me. was there was three cartons of ice cream,

vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry, because they didn't have any appellant, I guess, you know, don't let your dreams be dreams. And as soon as I saw them on my counter, I remembered me last night, holding all three of them in my hand, walking past the lady at the front desk, and just go and charge it to my room and don't look at me.

And then I came up here, and I put, see that coffee mug over there by my sink, I put all the ice creams together, in that, mixed it up, and ate it like a fat fuck while watching something on TV. Did you eat all three of them last night? Oh, yeah. So at the same time, I mixed them all together and ate them. Drew, you don't say a word.

So when I read those texts from you with the picture of the three empty ice cream containers, taken by a very empty man. And you're saying, you know, don't look at me and all this, I literally, I was laying in my bed still. Hacken got out of bed. This is like 1.30 p.m. and I'm laying in my bed half-necked. I'm reading that, and I literally was like, he's such a sad, fat fuck. And then I reached over to grab my caffeine pills from my bag and stuck my hand right into the chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich wrapper that I had completely forgotten that I had bought the night before.

But I talked to him into it. I stuck it in it. He's such a sad fat fuck. I was like, what the fuck? I lifted it up and it's just staring me right in the face. I was like, God damn it. I wish. Shook it off. I was like,

I hate myself so much. He went to get snacks, and he got like a bag of Cheetos and a drink. And he was, you know, finger in the nutty buddies. I was like, I was like,

them cookie ice cream sandwiches hit because I wanted a bite. And he goes, yeah, they're pretty good. I go, they're great. And he just grabbed me. Yeah.

Mr. Mr. Sip of my goddamn juice here. I took two bites. Trying to save you from yourself. He took one bite. As soon as I got it, I got in my room,

immediately started taking my clothes off, just looking at like, mm, yes. Yes. He's about to be on. Shack, man. And then he knocks on the door and open it.

He was like, I'll have another bite of that ice cream. And he started laughing. Then he acted like he was getting mad. Like, right now, like, you know, oh, you need to sip my, and I go, uh-huh, uh-huh. I said, I can't believe he didn't text me. I said, your Cho's not here, and I'm trying to be him for you.

I'd have my own. I'd have had his own. That's what I would have bought. That you would have bought. That you would have paid for. You didn't buy my water, though. I did. That's what you buy me.

because I'm a dog. This is what I... This is what I think happened. He got me a bowl of water. He gave me scraps while you hated me. I am your dog. That's hilarious. Here's why I bought his water.

I'm not saying stars. Here's why I bought his water because I walked up and he was telling her my room number. And at first I was like, no, that's my number. You forgot your goddamn... It's fine. Just put it on mine. Now I'm saying, he's like, he's been preaching on my room all goddamn weekend. He sleeps at the end of the bed.

It's fine. 31 like like that was I know it's not it occurred to me after I literally thought that that was my room number but I don't think I've gotten anything all week I got one other water

and he bought it yeah and here's how much I've been to that sundry I got that water just second ago and I walked by and the guy goes 235 we'll see you later like didn't it happens to me and you a lot a lot yeah they fucking know

it's sad how much that happens they know the deal I remember our room numbers if we were talking this is like we live in a son we fuck a sundry up, boy. Yeah. This is I'll be down there tonight, guarantee

it. Oh, buddy. Are you kidding? I've actually considered going down there already and having my shit waiting on me when I get up here. And then what'll be awesome is that I'll forget that I've done that and then hit that up before I get up here and it'll be double double. This is similar to what you just said about the ice cream

sandwich, but way worse because I'm a worst person. I don't know if you were told on the podcast that time that I was attempting to call you a sad fact. No, you didn't attempt I'm tempted, you got it out. I said, you fucking fat bag of shit. While eating a bowl of...

You're such a fat bag of shit. While eating a cold bowl of noodles over your sink, and then I literally almost choked to death on one of the noodles. It was 2.30 a.m. We're standing in my kitchen in Burbank. Corey is standing over my sink, standing up eating a bowl of cold ravioli. It looks at me. You're such a fat sack of shit.

I mean, it starts choking on one of the raviolis and almost like throws up at my fucking sink trying to fucking hawk it up. It was so funny. Man, that's almost as funny as the time he puked on you. Oh, damn it. They also hit. Every time. So, yeah, no, it's a good day. It was a good day.

That massage was great. I was telling him. What, you just got up, didn't you? I've gotten like nine, ten massages. I got up at about one. I went, got up at 1.30, went to the gym at two. came back, ate a pizza. A half of a pizza.

Did you go to the gym? I went to the gym before that. I went to the gym, came back, ordered California Pizza Kitchen, because they'll bring it straight to your room. I ate that. That's like thin crust. That's okay. I got a thing.

I made them put it on thin crust because, you know, I'm watching my figure. There you go. We all watching it, baby. Watching the throne. We sent a bunch of naked, well, not naked. You, I mean, you really up the ante on that. Yeah, and he was up. Corey sent a picture of himself, shirtless, and jean shorts for some reason.

You can find it on Instagram. He, of course, posted it publicly, so I don't know what I'm telling you. On nine platforms. Yeah, y'all have seen it. Everybody's seen it. But that came out of nowhere, so then I sent a picture of my back. I had a reason. That was take 40, you know.

I had to take 40 pictures to get one that looked all right. And I just said, I can make pictures lie too, true. Yeah, well, because the way you were standing. It's also that mirror. Look at how it is. Well, that mirror might be the explanation. So then I set one. It's that mirror.

I set my dick and balls. He don't look very fat in it. Right. Yeah, yeah. Let's make that very clear. If everybody didn't know what the fuck you were saying. Right. So normally, all right, that's a good point, Corey.

People can't see it. If they're not looking at it right now, they want us to paint a picture. Normally, Corey's really fat and bulbous. And in this picture... Round, don't hit. And in this picture, he's still fat and bulbous, but less so. Yeah, because this mirror is like... angled and you went

Thank you for asking us to I did angle myself you angled yourself the opposite angle that gets angled so you had a double angle situation going on The double angle

Yes With double angle Corey's first double angle shot Went double angle Oh Yeah He had to close his butt

himself into a footgram That's what happened When you do double angle He literally just farted Spats it again. It went my mouth. I deserve that.

Woo. God damn. Foot cramps do not hit. No. So then you sent that one saying I can make pictures a lie too. Yeah. Your back looked good, by the way. Yeah, it's funny.

Like I said, my, I swear to God, my back and my front are like, they're from two totally different bodies. Yeah. It's ridiculous how different and amorphous I am. My back might hit. I don't know. You don't. You don't.

You don't. But anyway. So then I sent a picture. picture of me in the mirror. I put my dick on the counter. Yet your dick and balls on the bathroom counter. Because the counter was slightly too tall for me. So like,

yes, you had to like tiptoe up on it, set your balls on it. But then I flexed my arm. The joke, of course, being, you know, because I wrote. Look at my arm. I said,

I didn't doctor anything in this picture. You said all my pictures are the true. Right. Yeah. But then as soon as I sent it, I looked in my forehead. You look like butt head. Yeah, it was so long.

Your head looks. It was so weird. It was so weird. These mirrors, man. I'm saying. I've got to give it to my man. They make me skinny. They make him look like Beavis.

They make you attractive. Like it's a whole... Yeah, it's really weird. It's really weird. They're doing a lot of work. I'm going to give one of these mere shit to my house, actually. No shit. Like my back look jacked.

So I got that massages day. I was telling him at lunch. I think I've got... Let's say I've gotten 10 massages as an adult. Not like that many, but probably 10. I've only gotten a boner one time. And, you know, I don't want to be gross. But ladies, that's something that we're...

Well, Corey says he's not worried about it. I'm always. just freaked out. I'm going to get a boner at Cheesecake Factor when you told me this story. Right. I don't give a fuck. I always just freaking out I'm going to

and they start rubbing on my legs just like, I'm an idiot and I'm like, this is going to happen. It's going to be so embarrassed. It's never happened. It didn't happen today except for one time and it was the only time that a very old lady was giving me a massage.

Which hits? I don't know what to do with that. It's your inner papal. You're right. You're in her papal's dick. You got your daddy's eyes and your papal's boiler. That's a gypsy speedboat song.

Yeah. I got my papal's, fall's dick. Yeah. Do y'all just be randomly getting boners on airplanes? Dude, if I fall asleep. Remember that time I sent you all picture?

I wasn't wearing no underwear. I mean, I think it's the sleep thing. I mean, but it seems like on planes it's more of a thing. You know what I think it is? I sleep. Because you wake up, you're beside some dude from fucking, you know,

some Midwestern businessman. You're just throbbing rock hard. I wore, I wore. I wore a pair of, remember that time we did that whole episode on sex and then it got deleted or it sounded like shit? And we were like, well, that was a sign.

Let's not talk about boners and sex anymore. And then here we are. Go ahead. Bad boners is different than... That's true. I wore a pair of... It's just funny. I wore a pair of gym shorts on a plane without any underwear.

And I slept. And when I woke up, I have... Well, what do you mean? You do that all the time, don't you? I know. I'm just painting a picture for everybody. My bad. To know how much you could see the most rock hard my dick has ever been in my life.

I passed out. I mean, I was probably dreaming about something that hits. And also, I was probably, So I feel like the plane be vibrating and stuff. You know what? And so like, I don't know, man. But, dude, I'll be waking up rock hard all the time anyway. I wake up with boners on plane, so I'm acknowledging that it's a thing.

But I don't buy that, like, the plane vibrates. Because I never feel good. Dude. I never feel good on plane. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. You remember why that was? It's because I had taken a goddamn Viagra that day.

Remember? I took one. Yes, you do, because you were making fun of me. I'd taken a 36-hour Viagra the day before. And then I get home ready to rock. and Ambers just passed out, and then I had to fly the next day, and it was just still in me. So, dude, you could look.

You could wink at my dick, and that motherfucker could bore a hole for a while. Was that when we got delayed in Detroit for hours and hours? And you just kept getting massive boners and going to the bathroom. Jacking off, yeah. I'm sorry, I know it ain't right, but I jacked off in the Detroit airport like nine times. I was with it. I'm sorry, I know it ain't right, but I checked off in a Detroit airport like nine times. Someone isolate that, sent it to me on loop.

I will. We just, like, be in the middle of, like, a conversation about, football or whatever. Yeah, I know, I hear you, buddy. I'm sorry, I've got to go jack off. It was either that or I don't know what else. And then we finally landed. We're going to be an hour late to our show.

This is in Pittsburgh. I've never seen Trey stand up for the podcast. He's standing up for Corey's boner. We stand up, we fucking sat on the tarmac for like an hour or whatever, talking about how much nothing hits and whatnot. And then we finally stand up to get off and we got her and get the thing or whatever. and he stands up and he's like, dude, look at my goddamn dick. He was out of the fucking phrasian boner as he's walking off the fucking plane in Pittsburgh.

Like, it was all day. I saw his boner probably 12 times. Yeah, dude, you could have balanced. My goddamn dick. You could have balanced the budget on that motherfucker. It was something else. So we, being in Indy, we went hiking up into the Rockies, and we went down by this water. And we started culling up, and we got a little randy.

And there was these tall bushes. It never don't hit for me when somebody calls it a Little Randy. The word Randy is amazing. That's what I call my dick too, Little Randy. Little Randy and the East Side Boys at your balls. So there's like tall bushes where we're at in the Rockies. So we just like went off the trail and we found a part where there was no bushes, but there was bushes all around us.

It's like, hey, nobody can see us here and nobody could. And we have sex. And we had just gotten done. But like, we're still naked. And Andy just like sets up. And she sits up and she lays right back down and she goes, there's just a couple right there taking pictures. And I'm like, of us?

Y'all are of the wondrous natural splendor? The mountains. She's like, no, no. They don't know we're here, but there's no way for them not to unless we just lay here until they leave. Yeah, since you've been grunting like a pig for five minutes. I think we'd been done for five. I just like laying down. You know, we cuddle.

I grunt more afterwards, if I'm honest. Fair enough. Yeah. We weren't eating a buffalo. fay. I don't know. So we lay there for a second and then I'm like,

we got to get to this concert. You know what I mean? I ain't missing Lucinda Williams just because some dude who likes to take pictures of a mountain might be mad that I like to fuck by our freak. I feel like if you're taking pictures of a goddamn mountain, your cool was saying my dick. Well,

we got dressed. We had to get dressed like, you know, on the ground. And the reason I thought of that is not because we're talking about boners, is I have bug bites. all over me now and I guarantee you it's from rolling around in that

but then we just got up and we walked by them and they the girl wouldn't make eye contact and the dude looked at me and kind of nodded and looked away. So they knew they seen you. Of course they knew. Well we popped up. What else was we doing? It was either that or spying on them. Like sex was the least the most innocent thing we could

have been doing right there's a really close up picture of your fucking butt hole somewhere out there. Well yeah but I don't think that guy took it. That just is the truth. Yeah. I bet a really close up picture of my butthole would look like a satellite picture of Mars. I just remember that you jacked off to your own butt. I almost, well, I did start to jack off my own butt.

I didn't finish. Yeah. Well, that's because your butt don't hit. Butt does hit. Got me going. Couldn't get you off. Got me going. It's just that I didn't want it to afterwards.

Listen, all I'll jack off my own butt right now. You know what I wanted you to say. I'll squeeze my tities together and jack off of them too. I don't give a shit. I don't hit it. Yeah, I know. I wanted you to say the one and not the other. And then I was like, that was my fault.

I wound the show up. You did. Got more than I bargained for. Always do. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the fucking risky run. I know it. It is.

Hey, so what happened after we left last night? It's so goddamn hard, some of which I can't say, uh, from a moral standpoint. But he, uh, he did say this, which I think I may have texted or told you. Tell him the karaoke story. That's what it was. And you'll help me out because I told, when I texted, I was, I heard it. I was very drunk and I immediately texted or told No, you told, we were still there with that.

He said, we were talking something about karaoke and he said he likes to go karaoke. I was like, oh yeah, you sing karaoke? Oh, yeah. I sing in Virginia, Virginia, braw. He said, oh, yeah. He's a 70 old man from Virginia. He said, oh, yeah, I sing karaoke.

He said, what are you saying? He was Frank Sinatra, New York, New York. I said, yeah, you crush. He goes, last time I sung it, four grown men cried. Am I butchering it? Well, what you said last night was, you said that he was like... I said it right after he told me, so this is the truth. Last night you said, you were like, oh, yeah, you like to karaoke or whatever, you crush at it.

You hadn't said the song yet at this point. And you said he was like, you ever seen a grown man cry to a karaoke rendition of New York, New York by Frank Sinatra? No, I haven't. Last time I did it, three grown men cry. That's not an easy thing for a man to do. that is exactly what he said and it was fucking phenomenal and I bought the rest of his drinks all night and he drove me home

and it was fucking righteous it was a rad fucking night that's this weekend papal that is this weekend papal right there what was that at all that's actually what it I seriously you know what I say was like wouldn't there something hitting pipeball or something recently I think that's what it was

It was, man. I was about to say, I think you met yourself as a papaw somehow in the space time continuum. I mean, I agree with that. Somehow, he's got hair, which, I mean, I think they'll get it figured out by the time I get that age. They'll have to have. It would make sense that future versions of you would come back to help past you hit because that would hit for you. But still get buried drunk.

Right. But like our future self-trails like, man, fuck them. They'll figure it out or they won't. Pussies. You can't get a DUI through a portal. That's me. That's what I've always said. I didn't even consider that until it was coming out of my mouth.

I bought all his drinks all night. And then he drove me. That's so fucking funny. Yeah, man. On the Uber to the airport today, I went to the airport to get a rental car because me and Corey lived too early to get an Uber. What time your flight is? 9.50, but I'm actually still worried about getting, I mean, I'll need to leave it like 7.50 in the morning on Sunday morning and fucking short pump. Like, I've been worried about it.

You can ride with us, but it won't hit. No. What time are we leaving? We're going to leave at 540. God damn, my fucking stupid life. Started talking to him. He called himself a black redneck. He's talking about growing up in this tiny town in Appalachia and Virginia and fishing and all this stuff.

Then he started telling me all these stories about, he was like, it was so funny because he was like, I feel like this is a small town thing. Like we do this. I'm sure people in the pockets have heard us do a version of this where you say things were great and then you describe a very. a very horrendous thing. I've done that on this podcast. He was like, yeah, man, you know, and it's just like, man, the country's real divided right now.

He was a smart guy, and he was talking a lot about politics, and he was really interesting, but he was like, the country's really divided right now. Sometimes I think people go a little too far with it, because people try to be good. Look, man, I grew up in a small town around these people. I know a lot of them voted for Trump, but that was good to me.

I mean, you know, I had a few stories here now, you know, a few run-ins with people. For the most part, I really felt love there. And then he proceeded to tell 19 of the most horrific stories. But, like, yeah, just like, but you know, man, we got through it. I busted that boy's mouth. And I'm like, you literally had to fight.

But you're so southern. I feel like that's a southern thing of like, you know, like, yeah, man, but, you know, we's fine. Like, you're just too proud to say it was hard or whatever. Well, but in contrast to that, that's just how shitty it is that in his mind that is fine because he made it out. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's a lot of people that it's been worse for her. And I will say he told a lot of great stories, too. He's talking about his mama dying recently, which sucks.

Yeah, sounds awesome. That sounds fucking great. And somebody beat her to death in front of him? And the community comes. coming by and everyone telling him old stories that he didn't know about her, even people that he was like, damn, I didn't think you club with black people at all. Right. And talking about what she meant to him. And then he was talking about some stories that he just found funny.

Like he, growing up, he's playing baseball with his friend Jimmy. They wanted to keep playing. So he calls his dad. He's like, can I go over to Jimmy's house? And he's like, James, James' son, Jimmy? He's like, yeah. And he's like, okay. When he got home, his mom and dad had been fighting.

His mom was mad at his dad because James's dad was. was in the KKK, and James himself had been mean to them when they first desegregated their schools there. But he was like, he was good to me. I was like, no, he bought me McDonald's. I guess he's changed a while. And then he told me, he was like, you know, he's one of those dudes were like, I don't think he'd want me dating his daughter. But he's come a long way. And that's like, example of what I'm getting at.

He's like, he came a long way, man. You know? It's like, yeah, he used to want you to die. And now you could exist as long as it's not dating his daughter. I mean, like, that is progress. That is progress. It's still progress. Without that, you can't get the grandson being fine.

It don't just fucking flip a switch overnight. And that's what he was saying. It has to work that way. It's like with Roy Moore and Doug Jones and Alabama shit, there were a whole lot of liberals that were still like, okay, fine, but come the fuck on. It took a goddamn pedophile to barely eke out a win for a Democrat in Alabama or whatever. Not to mention that that guy is so moderate.

And the whole time I was, who Doug. And the whole time I was just like, so the fuck. Yeah, we're moving the right way. It still counts. Like, it still counts as progress. It's still moving in the right direction. Fuck all that shit. Yeah, man.

Don't shit all over this just because it's like, you know. Well, I saw a point on Twitter, and this is a white person that made this point. It was a black person. They were talking about race, but this is true of any kind of progress. They were like, if you don't get excited about progress or at least acknowledge it in a positive way, if you see it and you still find what the problems are immediately. Nobody wants to be the response. What they said was you don't want progress.

Right. You want to be self-reesome. righteous. Right. Right. And it's like, that's not a thing I would say to, like, you know, a gay person's face if they're talking about somebody not being pro-gay rights enough.

I get that. It's context that matters. But that is, like, an important thing to remember as we try to move forward. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I would to a certain degree because, like, sometimes, like, it does. It's like, yeah, man, like, it's that whole, like, you've said a lot. Like, if someone's not 100 fucking, like, they're trying so fucking hard to be on your

side. And then you're going to go in here and be pissed off about a fucking comma they missed on some shit and it's like they're fucking trying like they didn't you know like they mean well how about instead of just fucking retweeting it and putting them on blast go hey man thank you so much y'all've come a long way this is really fucking great but if we could start a dialogue this too is a little bit problematic but i appreciate the blah blah blah and said just going to fuck this piece of shit he sucks all the way around one interesting conversation about that that just went viral what were you laughing at this now i wanted to

tell a story but i'm not going to right now because okay about me not having no about out. It's the sort of. Yeah, about Drew's balls. Did you see that guy get, that white guy get tackled at the airport, has gone viral? And he got tackled. He's, like, starting to cry. He's, like, kind of fighting back.

He's jerking his arms away. He's starting to break down. And then the cops, like, literally break him down. And then he goes, you're treating me like a fucking black person. And it's gone viral. And that's a perfect example of people are having that conversation surrounding it. Some people are like, well, the dudes acknowledging. That's what I'm saying.

that's a racist. But then other people are going, yeah, but he's saying he expects to be treated better than black people. And it's like, damn, yeah, he does.

Either what, but I'm saying, I'm glad that it happened. Regardless of what that guy means, that was at least a Freudian slip. Right. Of him understite, even if he meant,

like you're treating like a goddamn N-word or where. He's still acknowledging, hey, what the fuck, man, I'm white. Why are you doing this to me? Right, but he's acknowledging that by being white,

he deserves better treatment. Yeah. Like, that's fucked up. Yeah. Yeah, or, I mean,

I hope it's the other way. I mean, I hope it's just him going. I haven't seen the clip you're talking about or whatever, but I mean, I think it's possible that it's like, not that he thinks that he deserves it, but that it's just like, hey man. I thought that's how it worked.

Like, right. No, I feel like we're saying the same thing. Not that in his mind, he might be in all right, dude. It should be that way, but just like, everybody knows that's how it is. Yes. I'm white. I thought, yeah.

Well, then a lot of the other comments were like, well, no, I mean, you didn't get treated like a black person, sir. Yeah, you survived. You'd also like, I mean, he didn't really swing, but like, they're going to get him for assault on an officer for the way he's happened. Yeah, and that shit, buddy, yeah, you can't be doing that. They didn't even tase him.

Oh, see, you got to tase them. White folks, that is. Well, that silence was not that I even awkward. I was just like, white folks that is. Tase white people. That does sound like a fun game. What a hit. Thank you all for listening to The Well Red Show.

We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night, and skew.