wellRED podcast - #82 - God's Plan

Episode Date: September 5, 2018

Gee Golly Religion is complicated! This week we discuss the difference in Christian denominations, Old Testament vs. New Testament, what being "saved" means, and we try to figure out if this is all our fault or not! wellREDcomedy.com for ticketssmokeyboysgrilling.com For some dope Meat Rubs!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

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Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's the thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

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RED rocket money dot com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the it's demon go to hell man fuck that shit unless it's really where they keep the cool stuff like this man

skirk skis if that's the case you'll have to let a motherfucker please rephrase because you know you boy, all I ever want is big tities in my face. But I'm so scared of demons. And why does God care about my semen? Yeah, it all sounds weird, man, according to my aunt. It's just all part of God's plan.

Part of God's plan. Oh, it's all full of God's plan. Oh, it's all part of God's plan. Fuck God's plan. What's up, everybody? It's your boy, the show. As you can imagine, this episode is going to be about the church, for a little bit at least. well-read comedy.com

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So you got. being saved what is that being like religiously being saved yeah by the lord well being saved by the lord what's that mean exactly well it really depends on what

denomination you are not only what religion you are but yes what denomination you are because like that even in christianity like there's which is so fucking crazy it's like there's Drew how many fucking denominations are there

of god damn Christianity 97 it's not necessarily 97 but like it really is funny like everybody read the same book and then came up with like a shit ton of different conclusion so like in the southern baptist uh which which i was when i was coming up and southern baptist when i was yeah when i was coming up in the church game you sound like a minor league baseball player yeah back before i got in the show when i was coming up in triple a well so what it was uh in southern baptist was being saved was you understood that Jesus died for your sins and you accepted him into your heart and then

under Southern Baptist law or whatever it was once saved always safe so if you did that and you truly believed it you could literally later go on to be the biggest fuckass okay of all time Paul that's like Catholic even right like Catholics have like sacraments and confession and all that yeah you have to right but if you go in there and do you know say ate hell Mary you have to keep doing that in Southern Baptist, you just do it once and then you never have to go to confession again. And that can happen when you're a child. Yeah.

Like, well, under their law. They say it's like your age of, your age of awareness or whatever. But like, you know, some kids are more aware at certain age than others. But they're like, once you understand things. The word's conviction, age of conviction. Age of conviction. That's what it is. So, yeah, no, that's what it was.

Wait, you went right to the shitty part. Which makes sense. Well, because that's what your daddy wanted you to do. and that's what you do. You hit for your dad. My dad didn't want me to do shit. I'm so might try your dad. Oh, right, yeah.

The way you expressed that in the beginning, could, you know, not could, is easily construed as something beautiful where you go like, well, you know, you just believe Jesus died for your sins and that God sent him as a sacrifice, and, you know, that's how you get to heaven. But, like, the context of that is where it gets gnarly.

because it's super gnarly it's like well why do you need to be forgiven because you've sinned and everybody's sinned all right and you're eight sure right that's what i keep like coming back to but even if you're an adult like it's starting to get like so everybody's wrong or whatever you know what i mean like man i don't know what's not only just that like it's the it's the whole so like to me the the crazy thing has always been like so church of christ are christians church of god are Christians, Southern Baptist or Christian, independent Baptist are Christians. We all, like, inevitably get to the same goal. Like, we're all

Christians, we're all wasps or whatever. But, like, there's different factions of that, whereas, like, in Southern Baptist culture, like I just said, once saved, always saved. But, like, Church of Christ, which is... Paul from Grace. Right. Church of

Christ, which is where Will, my buddy Will grew up, Randy's boy, they, if you, every time you sin, you have to get re-saved. you have to like... Right. So kind of like Catholic. So I like Catholic, you have to go confess.

But like instead of, whereas Catholic, you have to go to a dude to confess with Church of Christ and the Christian faith, like the, not the Catholic version. You can just get saved it. You can just repent at your own house. You don't have to like go to a dude. Well, that hits. It does. It's way easier.

But what was always like interesting to me is the point that my dad brought up when I was a kid. Because like, now again, he's fighting against bullshit because like what we were doing in my opinion is stupid too. But we would talk to a lot of Church of Christ and they'd be like, yeah, the Baptist once saved, always saved, that don't really check out whatever. And Dad would talk to these Church of Christ people and he'd be like, well, because also in the Church of Christ, when you get saved, you also have to be baptized because if you don't get baptized.

Every time? See, that's the point. So you have to get saved and then baptized and that's when you're saved. But then if you sin, you have to get saved every time. And Dad's point was like, so every time you sin, you have to then go get baptized. and they were like, well, no. He's like, well, if salvation only works through baptism, and then every time you send you have to get saved again,

wouldn't you have to get baptized again, thus finding the pot hole in their bullshit. Like, it's all bullshit. Yeah, but that's what I was about to say. Like, to me, like, I mean, I get the argument your dad is making there, but, like, to me, that whole thing, oh, but you don't have to get baptized every time you get saved. Yeah.

If you're recently, like, that makes just as much. sense to me as any of the other fucking bullshit rules, which is to say none at all. Well, that's why I let off with. I know that this is stupid too. Wait. Yes and no. Here's what I mean about that. I think the whole faith, ah, let me say it, the whole Protestant faith and that whole

idea of getting saved is related to or founded upon this feeling that most of us have that were pieces of shit. I really believe that. Now, I can paint that negatively, and it's fair to paint it negatively. It is fair to look at the Catholic Church or evangelical Protestantism in the South and say, man, y'all have done some evil shit, and you're using people's insecurities against them and blah, blah, blah, to do some evil shit and to promote homophobia or whatever, and that's totally fair. But I do think human beings organizing themselves around, you know,

the idea that we should do better. We should be sorry for how shitty we are. It's sad, but it's like, yeah, I get to ask. We were actually, me and Corey were talking about this before you came in here, because Corey always, every hotel room he stays in, he leaves his TV turned on the 700 Club. It's not true. It's not always 700 Club that just happened to be what channel is on.

But that is on right now. We came in here. It was free for him earlier. I was watching that Mandy Moore movie that Walt to remember. and then it turned into the 700. Didn't she have a movie called Saved? She did, yeah. That movie, though, that movie actually hits,

and that movie was, like, satirical and, like, critical of Jesus camps and that type of stuff. That was a movie making fun of all that shit. Well, to be fair, Walter, remember, had a couple moments. But anyway, anyway, it did. Me and Corey were in here earlier watching a 700 club, waiting on you to show up, and there's... A gypsy told me that would happen once in my life.

They were doing this... this sob story on there about a girl that was addicted to crack, selling crack, selling her body, prostituting, all this shit. And then she found Jesus, and things got better, and she's better now. And I was telling Corey, like, this is one of the things that bothers me so much about this. I was eating some eggs. This one thing is that's Jesus table four about this type of shit is that no pork, the implication that like, he's a chew.

The implication that you can't do that without Jesus, which is what you just said made me think of. You're like, yeah, we've all got this inside of us where we feel like pieces of shit and the idea of like, oh, everybody just being better and all that. Like, I mean, yeah, of course I agree with that. I just don't like. But that comes later. You don't have to have Jesus for that. Of course you don't. Right.

The religion becomes exclusive. It's not like in the beginning. It's not like Jesus was floating around Nazareth and Bethlehem. preaching his shit and people who were into it were like, God, man, I really like this guy. And people who don't will burn in a place called hell. Right. Like that, the exclusivity happens over time.

The shittiness always comes later, man. Well, and it's always like, it's just like human nature. There's this great. We're right, you're wrong. Who was that comic that had that joke when we were in high school? Hold on, baby, you got it. I think it was on a, yeah, get that mayonnaise out of my beard. Look it.

You put it in your mouth. Yeah. It's that not just mayonnaise, that's aioly. And it's good shit. It's aioly. It is aioly. Put them chips in that aioly. It's good shit. Sorry, well, Red Nation.

We're eating. We're very hungry. Anyways, go ahead, Drew. Ooh, that aioly. Somebody had a premium blend set or a 30 minute. I don't remember who it was. But he was talking about Colts. He was like, the problem with the cult is you don't know you're in one until they're passing the Kool-A.

I remember this one. Yeah. And I bring that up in reference to this tray because it's like, it gets shitty over time. The exclusivity, the hate, the rules that this is why you can't be in our club and blah, blah, blah, blah. That happens later. It's not every religion, I don't guess, but a lot of religions are usually founded on some very basic human need not being met by the fucking universe that we live in. I mean, isn't it knowing what happens when we die, like for the most part? Isn't that where most of them start out at?

Oh, yeah. us not knowing what happens and needing a way to explain that shit. I don't know if they start that way, though. So most of them started, so the Mesopotamian region. It's a good jumping off point. You guys want to get super into it. It was actually, it's one of the mounts Jesus preached on. Mount Sinai.

Yeah, there's like a shitload of mushrooms in that region. It's like literally the most concentrated region for mushrooms in the entire world. And apparently the birth of three of the five major religions. One, that's where the burning. bush happened. Right. That's why it's so fucking funny. Yeah.

I've seen some bushes be on fire. That's another thing that, like, it's so funny about religion. I did mushrooms at minor one time. I thought Andy's Bush was on fire. With religion, like, they kind of, so you got Mount Sinai and you got all these, of course, there's a shit ton of pot holes in the Bible, but then also with, like, within religion, like, every time you say plot holes, I think you said pot holes. I did say pot holes.

I did say it. I did say it one time. But, like, so just with my dad pointing out, like, well, if you have to get saved every time don't you have to get baptized? Like when they wrote, it's so very clear to me that there was no divine intervention in writing these goddamn books. Otherwise, it would be pretty fucking airtight if a celestial being had something to do with it. But like if my dad can pick it apart, you know, the guy who has two shiners, gets drunk,

listens to Jimmy Buffett. I mean, your dad hits like a motherfucker. My dad does hit like a motherfucker, but he's not a god. Right. So like, I'm saying like they're so easily picked apart. And like, it's clear that when they were written, they weren't thinking, yeah, in 3,000 years, people will still be studying these. They just did it and got the fuck out.

They used it to control people. Well, like, and that's like I was having this argument with somebody back in my hometown recently about all this. And how hard does that aoli hit? It's so great. It's very fucking good. You said they used to control people. Not in the beginning.

I'm not, well, but religion never starts out. I think it was. It might now, but it didn't back then. I think it was written in order to do that. Correct me. I don't see any other point. Sorry, but the written part. later too. Correct me if I'm wrong. Religion is the only area in which we still use

millennia old guidelines and texts and stuff right. Yeah. Like in like law, medicine, fucking society, all this stuff like we like we change things. No. Because we find out things. No. No. In religion no changes. Religion, first of all, religion absolutely changes. We're talking about evangelical Protestantism in the modern South, that is nothing at all, like what was going on in Nazareth. And the idea that medicine may be a little bit different, but I don't feel like it is. What's the other thing you say?

Medicine, science, politics and law, education. Law is a perfect example. No, law? No, fam. Like, first of all, fucking British common law, which goes back, you know, not as far as religion, but at least 7, 800 years is a big part of the foundation

of American law and that is based upon God damn it, I'm so drunk. What is that rock? Rock. There's a rock they inscribe some shit on. I know it sounds religious

but it's law based. Starts with an M. Am I like that? Magna Carta? But the Magna Carta, sure. I don't know if that's it but I think it is. That's a big carda

for all you've listed out there. Absolutely laid the foundation for modern law. You think how... Dude, I know, but what I'm saying is, that's true. The Magna Carta was a huge stepping stone with people, just regular people, taking some power unto themselves, and it's hugely important for that reason. And that's gotten built on over the years.

I'm not saying that, like, religion hasn't, like, changed at all, but, like, we still, like the... I say we, not me at all, but a lot of these denominations, like, the text that was written 2,000... years ago they use they don't put anything on top of it drew it's not like there was a mucking but but like that happens with law well you go on twitter yes it does lord you just went so charlie day like you said law i was mad at you just saying bird law it's bird law i'm very well first of bird law i'm saying i'm saying can i play a song right now yeah is that a thing because this is this is a song that

i uh it's todd snyder who i think would love it if we promoted this shit on this podcast but this is the theory that i had about control And it's called In the Beginning. It's a Todd Snyder song. And please enjoy this. I'll probably end up just editing this and putting the actual song in there. But I want you to listen to it while I pee. The whole song?

You're going to make us listen to it right now? That don't hit. Let's put it in. Don't hit. We didn't hear it to discuss it, though. I'm just going to talk over it. I don't know what I'm going to talk about dumb people. Quoting a book that's really old.

I'm saying people on Twitter are doing that with the law right now. They might not know it. That might not be the difference. They might not know they're referencing the fucking... The law is continuously built upon over the years. So is religion. The Bible's not, but religion is. Okay, the Magna Carta is not, but the religion.

The Constitution ain't changed, Trey. But law has. The Constitution is fucking 220, whatever, however many years of me. But I use it as an example. I'm saying that the Bible is not, I mean... It's supposed to be, according to some people. but like you're supposed to be following the Bible yeah but a lot of religions ain't not to a T T like they built upon it I'm just saying that that's analogous to every other thing law especially

especially because law gets its basis in religion I don't feel that way and I don't understand how you don't understand what I'm saying I do you're saying it's different there's no other like fucking system for which the like founding principle that everything else is derived from is from thousands of years. And I am saying literally, inarguably, that is false. The law absolutely is as old. And as a matter of fact, it's based in religion. I know it is.

That's not what I'm saying. Like, yes. You just said it. No. You said it. And now you're saying I'm not saying that. No. the law, if the law in this country

was based entirely around the precepts in only the Magna Carta, then it would be analogous. But it's not. No, yes, it is. Because you're saying if the law was based entirely around the Magna Carta, there ain't been no new Bibles. There ain't no revisions to the fucking Bible. Yes, there are. The fucking blah, blah, blah version, the King James version, the new whatever version. But that's just somebody else's different

interpretation of what already exists. What about, what about people who write and those bookless that they write end up being the basis. I know you don't know a lot about church, but they'll preach upon someone's essay. They don't just use the Bible. It's more hardcore. I'm not pretending like it's not more hardcore,

especially in the South where people go, if it ain't King James, it ain't Bible. That says it's crazy as someone going, if it ain't Magna Carta, it ain't law. I totally get that. But dude, that's what people do. A lot of people. False.

They pretend to. And I'll give you that. But here's my point with it. They don't live by it. If we were still following laws, yes, we would be hanging people for like whatever. If we were still following the Bible, everybody in our families would be stoned to death for cheating on our wives. Okay. We're not actually doing it.

Okay. Yes. I'm 100% with you on that. You're right. People don't actually follow it or live by it. But, like, that's also part of my whole point. Like, yeah, they don't. But isn't that a problem ostensibly?

According to them, yeah. Just the fact that it still exists. That's what I'm saying. what it is. Yeah. I'm saying the fact that people don't live by it because it's ridiculous and who could ever possibly live by these rules. Then why do we live by any of it?

Right. Well, that was why also, that makes it a problem. Okay, but let's apply that to the law. We can't, we don't follow the law. You and I, none of us. Well, back when I was, you can't possibly. Well, back when I was in, why I lived by any of it? When I was in church, though, this is a big deal for, I don't know if it was like where you

are, but like where I was, it was either the Bible is, 100% true or none of it's true. If one thing in there's, that's what they would say. They go, if one thing is false, none of it's true, but that's the perfection of the Bible. Did you already go over this? Is that where you're crawling down there? No. Okay, I thought you were just going to like, God damn, I just did this.

So that's what they would say. They would be like, if one part of the Bible is wrong, the whole thing is wrong. But that's the perfection of the Bible. It's all true. And so when I hear people who I've seen doctrine themselves within that belief, then go, well, no, no, no. We don't believe that portion of it. and this portion of it. And I'm like, well, what happened to the fucking whole, like, it was the, you know,

divine intervention that wrote this book and everything is right. Like, if, if one part of this you think is bullshit, the whole fucking thing is bullshit. I don't believe that of all books, because there's at least 10% of our book that's bullshit. But, like, I don't think it has to be that if one part of it's bullshit, it's all bullshit. It's just like. I'm just saying it was a narrative that I heard. I'm sure there are, like, churches and denominations and stuff, I'm sure who do take this approach. But if more people were like, yeah.

Some of that shit in the Bible, like gays being evil, that's antiquated and archaic, and fuck all that. We've thrown that out, and now we live only by these parts, the parts about, you know, loving thy neighbor and all that type of thing. That, like, that would be different. And again, I know that that exists, but by and large, I don't, that ain't the fucking case. People don't do that. To me, though. I think that, hold on, I do think, I think that maybe where we're from, it's skewed a little bit. For sure.

I'm not saying that by and large, it's the other way. But here's all I'm saying. And I believe this, and I feel like I know this in my heart 100%. It's something that I've dabbled in with jokes and just felt for a long time. Here's what I'm getting at. Here's the issue. We have this thing in this country, especially outside of the South, where there's this idea that only Christians, specifically evangelical or Protestant ones,

are these are folks who follow this draconian millennia old I don't know moral code or way to live by and that's just not true that's what upsets me in their day to day life or you mean like even ostensibly like they don't even proclaim

to follow it or are you saying like the way people live they don't follow it you just nailed it they're owning it they're proud of it they're talking about it and therefore they get flack for it, deservedly so. This isn't me trying to defend Christians.

It's not that. It's just that me growing up around these people and then living in the world and moving out and living in Boston and being around people who aren't like that, y'all ain't any smarter. Like being around people who don't follow religion, I'm like, y'all, you got your own shit. Always. Not every single person.

That's not what I mean. I mean, do the numbers. You know what I mean? Like if you go, all right, let's look at the state of Tennessee or the county of Clay where Trace from how many people are dumb and then how many of those dumb people follow Christianity and you'd be like, this is the percentage. Are we about to guess? You can't if you want.

You can't if you want. But I'm saying, then you go to Connecticut and you go how many people are dumb and how many of those dumb people follow whatever and you replace religion with whatever word. Panera bread. Sure. It's equal. It's fucking, it's cheddar and broccoli. I agree with that.

But of course there's like, I know there's, well, yeah, this portion of the Bible is antiquated or whatever. but like if you truly buy into the Bible and you go well this portion is antiquated well it was all you know uh brought to you by the one dude so if one part of it's antiquated why am i supposed to go but this other part's i mean you're not supposed to i feel like if he's fucking done the whole time i feel like if you believe that the bible is the word of the lord then it's not antiquated that's how it is i mean yeah i feel like if you genuinely believe that that's the word of the lord then you have to take it all literally that's what i'm saying it can't be antiquated that's not antiquated that's how it's

then the world the world is just not well I thought it was generally accepted that a lot of the Bible was like you know I mean it was written by it was written by people they didn't okay but the Lord no the Lord spoke to them though that's the that's the difference the Bible was written by people but the

Lord spoke to them through there's no he was there's a ghost writer he was the father of the son and the Holy Ghost writer so you know it took a long time but it was a great joke thank you there were so many words involved but that wasn't your fault because were sticking to the text like you're supposed to

when you're quoting the Bible God damn yeah thank you no yes there's a lot of work and parts in it but like every single portion of the Bible was at least said to be a stamp of approval by the Lord above but if you're

super Christian there's no like argument to be made that like certain parts of it are like okay maybe this guy was on some bullshit and honestly here's the argument the argument is the argument is that Jesus, when Jesus died on the cross and when he came for our sins,

he eradicated the Old Testament, and the New Testament became the thing. The old law, he burned it down. Is that why Jews don't hit for Christians? Yes. That's 100% why Jews don't have for Christians. Yeah, that's why it's not to do with racism. Hold on.

Well, I mean, obviously. I know that. But you know what I'm saying. Yes, but I don't think it addresses exactly what he's getting at. It does, but I think I was about to, maybe. Well, no. All right, we'll go ahead, my bail.

What I was going to say is, like, they say that the, so when Jesus came, the new text. testament completely eradicates the Old Testament, right? And he came and he broke the old law. We're about to have a denomination argument. Because I don't think that many, everybody feels that way. I'm sure they don't. But eradicate is a strong word. In my church they did. He came in and the Old Testament, the law, it was called the law, the old law was Jesus died for that and everything's different now. But the problem with that is, is that people still, A, read the Old Testament, B, look at the Old Testament to, to, uh, uh, uh, talk about gay people and try to New Testament talks about gay people too.

Paul's letters to many of the churches, Galatians, and Echalastis. It does, but it's a big part of why evangelicals are anti-gay. But what I'm saying, but what I'm saying is like, Paul's the word. And this is not, this is not like a hot take. Best be a bad Christian. This is not a hot take. Ecclesiastes is like, is mentioned a lot.

Like this is not a hot take, but like, so people like to go, yeah, you know, it says here that right here a man shall not lay with a man like he lays with the woman, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and they'll use that verse. And then literally in that same chapter is you also can't eat shellfish. You also can't have clothes. That's not Ecclesiastes. That's the Old Testament. Not Ecclesiastes.

Leviticus. I'm sorry. My bad. Leviticus. I knew that. You did. You did. That was nice.

I wrote it. I just wrote that in the sketch that you just read at the top was Leviticus. Either way, give it. Let me have this. I'm giving it to you. But I'm saying what I'm saying is. Also, he didn't read that sketch and he definitely didn't look up what Leviticus, man.

They will look at Leviticus and go, it says a man cannot lay with another man like he does with a woman. And then you go, right, but it also says you shouldn't be able to eat shrimp and wear a shirt that is half cotton. Polyester. And which, by the way, good God. How do they know what polyester was? Dude, that just proves that there was a gay man right in the Bible. It's like, well, you can't have polyester mixing with cotton. And we don't eat shellfish after Labor Day.

Listen, you're right, but here's what I'm saying. in the New Testament they talk about not being gay. I'm not saying they don't. They don't talk about shellfish. Paul specifically did. Okay, sure. Hold on.

Because you said, I'm going to explain it, but you're still talking about, and it's a fair point, how the Bible has demonstrably false parts or demonstrably problematic parts or demonstrably

plot holes. Contradictory parts. Sure. Well, yeah, we haven't even mentioned the fact that there's verses. that support slavery. I thought that's like when I said the

Jesus came and eradicated the Old Testament. I didn't know that was that not a thing that they taught you? Because that's what they taught us. Well, eradicated is too strong of a word for what they taught me. They taught me that... The old law, the law, not the whole Old Testament.

You don't have to live by the old law to get into heaven, but that it's still how God would want you to live. And the old law trade of the Old Testament is the basis of the Jewish Bible. No, I mean, yeah. That's like the Torah, right? Hold on.

As far as I'm as I'm not. know, but probably some omissions. The point I've been trying to make about this overall conversation we're having with Trey is where Christianity and most religions both fuck up

and paradoxically make their bones is the idea in and of itself that the text is infallible. Putting a verse or a line in your, these are the rules saying that these are the only rules. Like the law which we keep going back to,

is supposed to be changed. Even under a fucking dictatorship or a feudal lord system, they would at least pretend like, well, there's potential for the law to change because the law has to be fair and so we have to be able to change it or whatever. Religion says that's not possible.

Right. But in reality, they do it. And I am saying that... Yeah, but ain't that a problem? Like what you just described is that not a fucking problem? It's all a problem. Right. Are you, like, you're talking to me and asking me if I think religion's a problem?

Well, I'm just saying. I'm just saying that the notion that this is somehow special compared to other human ventures. Well, I don't think that at all. I just never, I've never felt that. Like, religion is just the most human venture. It's control, it's faith. There's, there's sincerely beautiful aspects of it. And then just fucking shitty, problematic.

Let's rate people aspects of it. I've just always felt to say sincerely beautiful parts of it. Like this is what I was so overshadowed. You don't, well, I just don't think you need. Like, there's beautiful, this beautiful aspects of humanity. Right. You don't have to have religion to have those same things that you're talking about. But, but religion used to be.

You all want to get super into it? Like religion used to be entertainment. We're being fucking hitzers about God. It was all of it. Back in the day, man. Yeah, it's early stuff. No, yeah. Yeah, God's early stuff hits.

I was just... Buddy, I was just texting with Dean Macello, friend of the podcast. Fucking... He was saying... We were talking about some deep shit about our wives, and he was saying...

He was like, slightly related. I want you to watch that Mr. Rogers documentary. Oh, I'm about to. And he said, he's unironically the most Christ-like figure of our time. Without a doubt. And I don't know if that's weird. And I'm texting back,

no, it's not weird. I think Aaron Rogers and Cardi B are saints. And I don't think they're the most saint-like. I just think that's the funniest one. ones to point out. But my point with that is, religion used to be over and involved in all that. Your entertainment, that's not the case anymore.

But like, so we're not calling it religion. It doesn't have the stakes it used to, but like, we're still doing the same things. To me, like, a beautiful part of religion. You kind of lost me at the very end of that. Go ahead. Some of the beautiful parts of religion to me, like, when I was growing up, I genuinely, and me and my friend Chase, shout out Bubba Chase,

we record songs together all the time. one of the things that we always do when we're sitting around playing together and singing songs is we sing gospel songs like hymnals and because they're like regardless of how much I don't like the Christian faith anymore the church like hymnals are gorgeous songs but like they were also for the most part written by slaves and those slaves were singing those songs while the actual Bible advocated for their goddamn slavery right and the people so like to me the beautiful parts of religion still that's the most of beautiful part to me and it's dirty.

Like every beautiful part of religion came from fucking filth and dirt and just hate. I completely agree, but you can do that with everything, whether it's religious theme or inspired or not. You can say this art's beautiful and then look behind the curtain.

I mean, like the blues. That's not particularly religious, but it was made famous by these black musicians that white people were taking advantage of. Many of them died penniless. Sure. But there's no fucking blues book

that is like entrapping people and have been responsible for thousands of death due to goddamn... I'm not, again, I'm not defending religion. I'm saying if the Bible... You are kind of, which is fine, by the way. No, I'm not. I'm saying that if the Bible didn't exist,

we would still fucking murder, enslave, and rape people. We would just find a new reason. Of course. Don't blame the Bible. No, but it's us. But we wouldn't... It's always been us.

it's always going to be us. Okay, but us is directly related to because we've always been a people under the tutelage of some sort of religion. So that religion seems to say that like, us. There's where we disagree. I'm sorry, I just don't see it. Human existence. The Bible hasn't been around forever. But the Bible.

Before there was the Bible, there was more rape. No, but the Bible condones it. I'm saying if there's. Because we wrote it. And you're saying that to me. No, but you're saying that if there wasn't a Bible, it would be the same. It would be. But we would do a different book

That would condoning it? Yes, because we do that. That's what we do. Then that would be the Bible. It's not the Bible. It's us. We suck. We've always sucked and we're always going to suck.

Yes, I agree. If it wasn't the actual Bible, we would just write another thing. Because the Bible's not the problem. It's the people who created it. We're the problem. What about the idea of that? You're right. Before there was religion, we were just fucking beating each over the head with rocks

and fucking, you know, knocking women out with a fucking mammoth thigh and them back to the cave and raping them and shit. You could hit them with something way littler. That's what we were doing. That's what we were doing. And then the Bible came along and things have gotten better or whatever. But is there not an argument to be made that that's all part of the same process of evolving as society? What I mean is, what I mean is we don't need it anymore.

We never needed it. But yes, I'm with you. Like we're reaching a point where. Now you're in my, now I'm with you. Well, that's why the Bible is dangerous because now we've evolved to. the point of not needing it, but it's still fucking there. And if I seem to imply that the Bible isn't dangerous, I didn't mean to.

Well, no. The Bible is dangerous because we're stupid. It's just that if we say the Bible's the problem, then the argument seems to be if we get rid of it, then we won't have problems anymore. And that's where I go, that's not going to fucking work. We'll still have money, won't we?

Well, and you can see it in the atheist community where they have problems of misogyny, idiocy, whatever it is. I'm not trying to shit on the atheist. If you get rid of gun, they'll still find a way to kill each other, but at least there won't be fucking guns. Right.

But if you, hold on, a lot of people advocating for the removal of guns is because they know it will reduce violence. It's not because they actually think it'll eradicate violence. Sure. And I'm saying this argument seems to me to go oftentimes that if we got rid of religion, humans would not have no problems,

but we'd have really figured it out. And I'm just like, we do need to get rid of the religion. We do need to get rid of the religion. but we need to recognize what the fucking purpose the religion was serving. Because if we don't, then we have these godlike figures like Donald Trump. I mean, or like anybody else. We're replacing our saints with these Twitter gods, and we're going to do the same fucking thing if we don't recognize that religion just filled a void.

I hear what you're saying. I agree with that. And it makes sense. A god-sized voice. You guys can call us at 1-800 God-sized void. I really think, all that aside, I genuinely believe that if you can somehow magically, snap your fingers and religion is going right now. And religion is gone right now.

Tomorrow morning, things will be a whole lot better for gay people. Things will be a whole lot better for women in the Middle East. You wouldn't know not to hate them. Right. No. Why? Hold on. Hold on.

Let me address what you said first, Ray. If you snapped your fingers and made it disappear. Yes. But what you're saying is if you snapped your fingers, because here's what you're really saying, to make that happen. And this is connected to your point. to snap your fingers and make not religion disappear, not the idea of God,

but the idea that gay people are evil, the idea that women are less than, it's not religion that you have to make disappear. It's the lesser side of our nature. Hold on, hold on. Go ahead. We wrote it. Right.

Like, we had, because of what people thought. Couple Dick, so they'll write it again. And they still do. And they still do. And I agree that if we got rid of it, we could make progress towards what our goals are. What I'm saying is, I genuinely believe it is dangerous to blame the idea for our problems instead of the creator of the idea. We're the creator of the idea.

If we got rid of religion tomorrow, I don't think it would mean automatically that gay people wouldn't be hated. It would mean that God isn't the reason or the excuse that the people who hate gay people have anymore. Yeah, people just be grossed out by them. And then they would have to come up with something new. And where I'm with you is whatever they come up with, we might be able to challenge that a lot easier because it's really fucking hard to challenge humanity. Yeah, it's my beliefs.

You can't question my beliefs. That's where I'm totally with you. Where I think it's dangerous is... Because that's the worst. And it's impossible, right? Not being able to... Because people on the right go, you know, goddamn liberals, this is what makes me just so furious here.

Liberals, you can't have a conversation anymore because as soon as you say something, they just go, oh, you're a racist. And I'm like, as soon as I say anything that is marginally a fact, you just go, well, the Bible says this. So, like, how the fuck is that not the same goddamn thing? It's worse. It's fucking inferiority. It's an arguably worse.

So you want to, like, because people go, oh, facts, this is the thing I love to hear so much. Facts can't be racist. I'm not racist. Facts can't be racist. And I'm like, every time I try to bring up facts. You mean like when somebody talks about the percentage of violent crime committed by black man or whatever. Yeah, yeah. It ain't racist.

It's just a fact. Facts aren't racist. And I'm like, So in the same breath... Well, we didn't call the fact races. We called you racist. Right. In the context in which you brought it up.

But in the same breath that you want to just sit there and talk about facts, I'll bring up a fact and you'll go, well, I believe the Bible says this and the Bible doesn't matter. Facts don't matter when it comes to the Bible. So you've just got fucking, dude, you're sitting there fucking boxing with seven ounce gloves and I'm wearing 10 ounce gloves. Like you've just got this fucking advantage to where you can just go, well, the Bible says this and that's what I believe and, you know, fucking whatever. I'm very ignorant about it. boxing but why wouldn't heavier gloves be in advance? I was thinking the lighter punches. Because you can go quick. You can go quicker.

Okay. You get tired less which checks out. Yeah and also the 10 ounce patent doesn't hurt your face as much. If you snapped your fingers, then religion was gone tomorrow. The world would be like a step-cloth. That's not my point. My point is

if a book that is 2,000 years old gives you all the permission you needed to hate someone because they like sucking dick you were going to do it anyway we have to think talk discuss that that's all I'm saying and and the only way I defended

religion this is the one way I defended religion I didn't defend religion as much as here's what I was saying religion gets all the blame for that and I have been in many circles that weren't religious that had those same problems and so it's not that I'm saying

no religious people don't do that or it's not religion's fault it's not that I'm saying that I'm saying if we just pretend like people with Jesus fish tattoos on their feet are the only fucking reason that we have,

the problems that we have? Sure. We're fucked. We're super goddamn fucked. No, yeah. There's some shitty Jews out there too. It's not just that there's some shitty Jews.

There's a lot of shitty Jews, Corey. I know. That's plenty. I'm saying that... I'm not... I know you... By the way, you've made a good point and I agree with you.

I know you guys know that there are people who are shitty who aren't Christian. I'm not just saying that. I'm also. saying if we allow ourselves to believe that religion did this to people, we're not going to eradicate it. What you're saying, which I agree with is that religion is a byproduct of people being shitty.

Yes. But it also helps them assimilate. Because the only... Yes, that I agree with. But I think we do have to separate those issues. For sure. Because the alternative, if it's either religion is a byproduct of people's shittiness, or the alternative is God.

God actually divined it and God is shitty. And when we can't win that one, boys. Right. No, no, that one, see, that don't hit? No, it don't hit. Religion don't hit. Speaking of God being shitty, where's my beer? I thought I got you another one.

Oh, I found it. Drew has found his beer, divine intervention. Speaking of crazy shit that people believe without little, with very little evidence for. Have we started here? Are we going? Where do y'all stand on Bigfoot? Yeah, we're good. Bigfoot?

We're all out on Bigfoot. Uh, no. No. I mean, but I love it. Like, okay. No, I love it. Unlike religion, I love that it exists. Right. Well, he, so he does exist. No, the, no. The phenomenon. The religion of bigfoot. Right. Yeah.

Well, part of the reason this came up is, what was the text exchange we had? You said something. I said, I were talking about doing the podcast and I said, I want to talk about the Lord and Bigfoot, which is what I'm doing. And I started dying laughing because the joke I said was, well, that's my uncle, but I I don't really have enough. But I know people who believe most in both the Lord and Bigfoot. There's people who would come into my house and be like, and now tonight we're going to talk about the Lord and Bigfoot. We caught Ben Laden in the cave, but we ain't fucking ever, no one's ever got a grasp on this nine-foot-ass fucking. Right.

Now, my favorite argument related to that, and I, by the way, no. There's no way. Right. But I like the Himalayan argument. Okay, go on. I love their pink salt, but I don't know about the Bigfoot. They got a white Bigfoot. Their pink salt is.

What's his name? That's it. The Yetty, right? The abominable snowman. Yes. There was just a white big foot. Wild bobcat. Just the notion that, well, okay, like, it's a very remote thing.

If a mammal could survive at those heights, we would rarely see them. They blend in. Like, that's where I'm like, all right, conspiracy theorists got real creative. They were looking far into the future when, you know, because I feel like in the 1700s or even 70 years ago, the, well, Bigfoot, he exists in the Alaskan wilderness in very north in Canada. By the way, he could have existed at one point.

That was a plausible argument. He's dead now. Well, that was a plausible argument back in a day, right? Oh, he's up there. But now it's like, we got camera phones, man. We got too, exactly. We got too much shit. We got too much ways to prove.

But the argument. Your ass is wrong. And I know you said, you don't believe it. Y'all knows Zimmerman's bit about this, right? Yeah, Joe's, yeah. Doesn't he has a lot in this monster to us. His buddy's like, Joe's like, I got this. friend is a bigfoot in his name's Dave he's a real person by the way that's Dave

Stone yes yeah yeah and he's like one of the things that he says to me is uh well you know we've never found the bones of bears for bears we've never found the bones of bears we know what we have found Dave bears we found the bear before so that seems like Mitch Heberr used to have that joke too where he was like, I can't remember the whole thing, but the end of it was basically just like, that's more terrifying to me. There's just a big old blurry, out-of-focused monster. He said, I think the problem is that Bigfoot is blurry.

It's blurry. It's blurry. That's more terrifying to me. There's just a big out-of-focused monster out there. But like what you said, the Himalayan argument, right? They only exist. I feel like those conspiracies. came around at the same time,

but that one's held up a lot better. But what are they eating up there? Yeah. There's no vegetation? What are they doing? Catching birds that's flying up there? They're magical. They're big.

They've got to be magical, I guess. They're big fucking hominids. They got to be having like 3,000 calories a day. Maybe not. I haven't heard the word hominids in a long time. The, uh, Chupacabra. Yes. One of the, one of the, one of the, one of the chupacabra.

Here we go. I seen one. Bigfoot, ain't no way. Corr. No, listen, me. Cipacros. I say one. I seen one.

He was in a leprechaun's lair. Listen to me right now. I was fucking this girl on a tractor outside of the barn. It wasn't outside of a motorcycle. We were banging under her daddy's rainbow. He was a lepracone. He lived in a tree. I was taking his goddamn lucky charms.

I sent y'all the goddamn picture. Of a chupacabra? Yes. Are you seeing me? I'm going to share the goddamn picture with this fucking podcast. Chris fucking. Not damn Chris. You know Chris?

By the way, Chris, every chubicabra big foot, All of them started with my buddy Chris. Chris? No, goddamn Chris. He told me. Okay. All right, I'm saying. Bubba Chase's brother.

Let me tell you something like this. The picture that he fucking sent me, he fucking, this motherfucker. You've never been more of a black woman than right now. Let me tell you something like this. He's red as hell at the same time, too, though, which is. And I'm right. Yeah, I said black woman. So, any fucking ways.

Oh, my God. I didn't even mean to do that. But that was there any fucking ways. Listen here, snap, snap, let me tell you about the motherfucking chupacabra. So, anyways, Chris called me like, it's probably like six or seven months ago

he's on tour and he was like, hey man, when you come back into town? I was like, I'll get a couple days. He's like, come to my house, man, there's a goddamn, I don't know what's going on. It's like a wolf or something that's going on my front film. We're going to, you know, fucking hang out here and hunt it and shoot it. It'll hit. It'll hit. It's different. Different, no hit.

I'll get some beer. Yeah, no. It's different. It's different. It's different. Well, all I heard was, you ain't been in town in a while. You want to shoot a fucking animal. I'm like, fuck out, dude. So we'll go there and hang out. Well, fucking Chris finally shot the motherfucker. It's dead.

It's dead. And he went and took a picture of it. And again, I'm going to share it with this podcast. It was not a dog. It was not a wolf. It was not, it was at the very least, an abomination of God. Right. It was.

And we, so. I looked at it. I got the picture. You did not send us a picture of this. Yes, I did. No way. There's a zero percent chance we both forget this. I googled and then we Google.

You sent us a picture of a fucking chupacabra. Yeah. Dude, I remember that. Even if you just sent me a picture of an ugly dog. No. That you thought was chupacobb. I would remember that time. Corey said to this ugly dog was a chupacobabra.

We googled fucking chupacabra. And like, I guess anybody, that's exactly what it fucking look like. Dude, it's abomination of God. It looked like a fucking like if you just stretch a dog's fucking head out. or like a goat or some shit like that. I'm telling you, you, y'all shot a retarded dog.

This is what every bigfoot enthusiast sounds like. Like, sure. You started the big foot talking, you were like, hold on. No, no,

no. But then we shifted to Chupacabra and now it's this. Hold on. This is just, I know you're right. I found out Thompson, you know,

everybody knows Thompson friend of the podcast Thompson. I found out recently. Very alive, unlike Bryce. He's dead. Thompson's still going strong. Rest and peace, Bryce and peace,

now recently that he's a he thinks he has evidence of bigfoot he has pictures of what he thinks is bigfoot tracy how mad were you found bigfoot how mad were you when you found that thompson believed something that didn't hit for you now dude believing in bigfoot doesn't not hit for me i was mad that i hadn't been told i heard about it from our buddy key key told me about it and this was like months ago and i was like cori's trying to wake up fucker how you're you not going to tell me that you got evidence of bigfoot i'm your best friend right like you're just sitting on that That's going to just not tell me that's proof he don't believe in it. That's proof he don't really move.

If he told me, I'd be like, come on, don't. And that's just proof he don't really believe in it. Because if he did, he'd be sharing it with everybody. Shut the fuck up. Chris. That's how I feel about this. Are you, hey, Chris, we're doing this. What is this going to prove? Go ahead, Chris.

I just need him just, we're doing the podcast right now. You're on the podcast. Tell me about the fucking chupacabra that was in your goddamn field. Well, I don't know really what if it ever thought of, about the head of giving a chill gum set up. Wasn't it a goddamn cheap of copper though? Longer than the front. It looked like a hairless dog

almost, kind of merle-colored. It was an abomination to God, wasn't it? It was. It slank around real weird. Slank. Murl-colored. That's a... I guess it was an offspring, but it was weird. My buddy at the DNR couldn't tell me what it was. The DNR, what's the DNR?

Uh, that's the Department of Natural Resources. Yeah. You know Joe Stiga. Oh, I know, Joe. Yeah. Snake Boy. Snake Boy didn't know. Snake boy didn't know. I like how you're trying to make it official, but these are Chickamauga Pigs.

Which, by the way, is it me or does Chupacabra rhyme with Chickamauga? The Chickamauga Chupacabra! I'm going to make a fucking Chickamauga Chupacra t-shirt right now. Chris, can you send me, don't you have the picture of that motherfucker? That's Corey's amateur wrestling name. I have it on my own phone. Chickamauga chupacabra. You hear that?

This is like Thompson. He said, I might have it on my own phone. If you saw a chuk chupacabre, you'd have it on every phone. Right. I'd get a tattoo. Send me a picture of that chippa cava because I want to share it with this podcast episode. I don't see if I can find it. Hey, Chris.

I love you. It's on his phone. I love you. Do you need to plug anything? You got any shows coming up? Chris. I miss you. Drew said hello.

I miss you, Chris. Hey, Chris. Hey, Chris. Remember that last time we did acid together? I'm sorry. Find that picture that Chupacobran sent it to me. These motherfuckers don't think I'm telling truth. That ain't going to change nothing.

We do think you're telling the truth. We don't think it was a Chupacabra. That's what I said. That's also like, look, that hit, and I'm glad to hear from Chris, but like. I don't think you are. You talked over them the whole time. The idea that you're like, you know what? I'm going to get Chris on the phone right now.

He'll prove to y'all that's a chupacobra. I thought it would just be funny for the podcast. It was. Right. But this is the argument we're having. I know. Well, it don't. I'm not an idiot.

But you, you believe it. You believe in a chiroiro. They're real. Seen them. By about Batman. Joe, what even is it? What is it? It's an abomination to God.

What does what? Yeah, we know those exist. Is it gay? No. It's a devil dare is what it is. A devil deer. It's a gray-ass-looking deer. Devil-deer.

Devil-deer. It's got horns. I'm not, I'm not bullshit. When I was in high school, they killed a devil-dear. deer in Clay County. It was front page news. It was a big deal. They ended up identifying it as a thing called a Munt Jack.

Munt Jack. Munt Jack. It was just a very rare. Okay, hold on. Yeah, that's stupid. They're all over the place. To be fair to Corey, that's what Chupac translates as. Munt Jack.

I wouldn't make it funny. You, Munt Jack just seems like a fucking racial slur. It does. It sounds like Moulogian. Because I heard mutton. Yeah, Melungeon. Yeah. Anyways, go out.

I'm not shitting on your counties. Is that what a Chubacre is? A malungeon dog? I've seen one. Listen, I believe you. I believe you saw on a front to God. It looked like it had gang green on its fucking size and shit like that. It probably did.

It was like a bat dog. No, Papal Batman comes out. Because I've never seen you be more committed to an argument since Papal Batman. It has fangs. A mutt deer? A munt jack is it basically looks like a deer with fangs. It's a wonged. wild looking deer with goddamn things.

If you get one, it ain't in good health or whatever, they look wild as hell. Well, that's what it was. That's what a chupacabra is. Okay. Well, that ain't a chupacabra. Yeah, it is. They just call it a different name.

Well, here's... By the way, this is why I brought up chupacabra. This is... This is why I brought up chupacres. No, one big-ass monkey. Exactly. This is why I brought up chupacabra. When it first started and they figured out what it was,

they were like, oh, it was a coyote that looked kind of weird. It's like, apparently, with the first chupacabre in Mexico was. But everybody... That's 100% what it is. Hold on. They remembered it being huge. Like, I think that's kind of something.

Like, maybe what be going on with Bigfoot. Not like now that it's a phenomenon, but in the beginning, it's like, they just saw a fucking hairy-necked dude in the fucking forest or whatever, you know, a monkey. I don't know. Right. And when you retell the story, he becomes eight feet tall. And there's like that all those. Yeah, it's like a game of telephone. Well, not just telephone.

There's all those studies now that talk about how, like, your own memory changes the more you tell a story. Yeah. You can tell a story. I know that's 100% true. That's scary. Yeah, it is scary. That's why you believe in chupacobras. I'm a murderer lady in 15 years ago.

We're going to get this picture. It's just going to be a dog with like one lazy eye. I'll tell you what it ain't going to be. A fucking chupacabre. It is. It will be. All right, everybody. Well, readcommy.com.

W-E-L-R-D comedy.com. Come see us on tour. We love you. Religion don't hit. Cheapacabre's a real. Bigfoot, we're on the fence about. I like to crucify a chupacabra. Yeah, me too.

Corey knows where you can get one. He's got chupacabra guy. I do. You think it would come back three days later? Four. If I know anything about chupacabras. And you do. They're a little late.

Yeah, they're a little late. Excuse. No. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do Thank you God bless you good night and skew With your choice of select sandwich nugs, fries, and a drink

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