wellRED podcast - #86 - Kavanaugh Hell Naw! (Man Y'all Done Up and Done it)

Episode Date: October 2, 2018

Supreme Court Nomination Drama, Mispronouncing cities, Porking our own butts through a portal... what don't we cover this week? wellREDcomedy.com for ticketsSmokeyboysgrilling.com for badass meat rubsCarveVodka.com for some spirits to wash it all down

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this particular podcast was recorded in Tucson, Arizona. We talk about Brett Kavanaugh, the Supreme Court nomination, the Me Too movement, and to round it all out, whether or not we would fuck our own butts in the portal. So it's a good one. We love you. Listen up. Skew.

Well, well, well. Tuxon. Tuxon, Arizona. Wait, isn't it Tuscun, if you're doing that? Is it TUCN? It's T-U-C-S. It's T-U-C-S, yeah. I have definitely misspelled this city's name my whole life,

and I guess just because of autocorrect, I never got caught out on it. I feel like what you thought makes more. I've always thought. So what kind of word is it? Right, buddy, I have no fucking clue. Tuxin. Is it native, you think? It doesn't sound like typical, like, native names,

but, I mean, I feel like most stuff out here is that, right? I just meant, like, culturally in general. there's a lot of like a lot of things are themed as actually i mean yeah i guess that's way more of a thing like where we're from really than out yeah that's weird no i was just trying to no i think they were all dead when they when they got out here by the time the white man got out here yeah because like chichamaga's in the east we were pretending like we were going to get along with them for a little while so we were already calling things to quatchie valley right you know what i bet you're 100% right by the time i was born by the time we even got out here and

started like making these places states every we had already decided what time it was you know like we were just like look this how it's going to be and i'm saying that we didn't even learn it's all white now and i'm saying we didn't even learn or have in our lexicon those names like right didn't care to certain things the cherokees called like rivers and stuff like oh this is the high wasi river we had been calling it that along with them for 50 years And then murdered them. Yeah, yeah. And we kept the name because it hit.

And we'd already been doing it. Yeah, yeah. Like, it was in our society to call it the Hawasi River. This is all checking out for me, but I know that there's like a... It's Spanish. There's... Tucson. Okay.

I know that there's like an Arapaho County, Lake Havasu. That's got to be. That is. That is. And that's up by the Grand Canyon. So, like, there's some of that. Well, and those, those, that tribe is still there. That's really what it is.

Did the tribe survive long enough to? keep their name. But here's the other thing I realized just now. Tucson is Spanish. This was part of Mexico. Maybe the Spaniards just didn't play that game. Like maybe they just rename everything. I don't know. Isn't there a lot of like, like the Yucatan, Yucatine Peninsula? Right. Mine and Aztec words. This is my favorite thing that we do, by the way. Just talk like we know. Figure shit out. amongst three of us and we're all the same stupid on the whole mouth. Not one of us knows more than the other.

He thinks we're all the same stupid. In this, in this regard, we are. I knew this shit was coming, but in this regard. I definitely know more about Native American stuff. You couldn't even spell the goddamn word at first. That's Spanish. I don't know shit about Spanish. I don't know shit about Spanish either.

You're the one with the Spaniard mustache. Don't his mustache starting look Spaniard to you in a good way? Well, I was about to say, I've never seen a Spanish mustache that didn't hit for me. They all hit. Okay. I'm fine with that. I trimmed it up yesterday. He got called our generation,

Generations, Bert Reynolds on, uh, what? Yeah, by one idiot. Okay. Yeah.

I'm saying the mustache is hitting. Mustache is hitting. I've trimmed it since then, though. Going for like a little thicker thing. Our comics generation's, Burt, Kreischer, sure.

Yes. Are you guys from a different generation? Me and Burt. Yeah. Yeah. Or a different class at least. He's gen. He's sure.

He's Gen X, right? I said, Well, I said comics generation, which is different than just overall generation. I don't mean you guys at the same age. I just mean like... Oh, yeah. I mean, to me, for sure. I say different class.

I don't think different generation. I think two classes makes up a generation. Burt started at the Boston. He started at Boston Comedy Club in like 2000. Yeah, I meant those entertainers. I can't imagine how riveting this is for the listeners. I'm sorry. I did it.

I know. You is a Burt. I'm Burt for sure. But not Reynolds. No. Maybe now. Present day, Bert Reynolds. Yeah.

Yes. Bloded. Yeah. Bloated. Dead, don't hit. But rest in peace. For sure. Absolutely.

Pour one out. For smoky. I mean, bandit. Jesus, I just called him a cop. I'm an idiot. Someone kill me. So. This is more of a Jackie Gleason mustache.

Actually, now that you say it, this is more of a smoky mustache. You just can't not look. like a woman beater, can you? No. Like you just, he doesn't beat women, everybody listening, for sure. No. Oh, I'd be horrible at it. Look like it.

Yeah, I do. Everything you do. You take your shirt off, you take your cap off. That's a woman beater. That's one of my new jokes is, I look like a child and someone that beats children at the same time. It checks out. But no, I do.

I just look like, yeah, man, I don't look. It ain't a bad look. The irony being that you've been beaten and never beat it. That's true. I have been beaten by a woman, but never beat a woman. we just dropped that yeah i've talked about that before yeah yeah sure we have well anyway believe all women and men um shall we i mean get into that we should at least talk about it a little bit no i mean i want to talk about it a lot i you know true to form i've had an emotional couple

of days i started paying attention that shit for you know obvious reasons we all should Kevin all to be clear. Right. And I knew when that woman started testifying that it was going to get real. But I texted y'all, it was like if you've ever upset your mom. And again, Trey, you're out on this. But, like, genuinely upset her and how that feels. And I don't know.

I'm sure I might get dragged for that. Like, yeah. But, like, I don't know how it's to describe. This woman, she was so clearly telling the truth. and she was so clearly not wanting to but felt like she had to. So she was like crying but not like in a, she was heartbroken. The woman was heartbroken.

And she was talking to these fucking old wrinkly, shitty senators. The last people she wants to ever talk to. And Chris Wallace, one of the few people on the ride on Fox News who has a goddamn heart right after it was like, one of the goddamn Fox cronies was like, you know, they'll recover and blah, blah, blah. And he goes, no, this was a nightmare. for the GOP.

And what he was talking about was that woman was so moving and credible. So, that woman being Dr. Bousie for a minute. Like, it let's just for the sake of argument say that it is

all bullshit and is like a smear campaign on behalf of the on the part of the left. Like, what are the odds of pulling executing that successfully. And what I mean is finding a person who's like

back story, someone who actually went to high school with that guy who has since been, like she's a professor at Stanford and all this, she's not an actress or anything like that. Like she has like an entirely credible background and is also willing to do that for like money or whatever the theory would be. But more importantly, able to do that in that high pressure of a situation. Like, you'd have to be Meryl Streep, you know, to pull that shit off. Yeah. Like, it just doesn't, it's not plausible to me. Well, it's also, she's not going to get anything from this. She has no political aspirations.

Actually, she's risking everything. I'm saying theoretically, like, if she was. Yeah, well, first I thought you're saying, let's play devil's advocate, and you're not. What you're saying is, let's pretend that's real and walk through how ridiculous of a scenario that is. How insane that would be. Right. Right. That was real. It, by the way, this is why, their defense has been. It's She's mistaken about who did it. And at first I was like, that's the worst defense I've ever heard. And then I realized it was their only option because of what you're saying right now.

A lot of rapists look like Brett. Which is true. He has resting rape face. Not my joke, by the way. For the record. But that's why they went with that shitty fucking, this happened, but it wasn't him defense. Because of what you're saying. They knew she.

There is no way to paint it. any other. That was literally their only hope. And that is also fucking unbelievable. Do you know what? Like the only way that would be plausible is if she was hammered drunk. And if that was the case, they had said that. For sure. That's the first thing they always say is, well, she was drunk too. Right. Yada, yada, yada. With her, like what you said was like, okay, when, now again, I'm not saying she's not credible, but like when the Cosby thing first broke, there was like, okay, Janice Dickinson comes to mine, for instance. Janice Dickinson was a supermodel back in the day.

Obviously, we only let women do that for like, what, five years. And then she became a reality star and then things fell off. Well, she was one that accused Cosby and one of the arguments was like, well, she's just trying to get her 15 minutes in the sun back. Well, with this lady, it's literally

all risk for nothing. And also, you know what I'm saying? I think we realized these 15 minutes are not, they're horrible. Who the fuck would want these 15 minutes? So that was the one reason I was the emotional. And the other reason is, and this is something that I know, but I don't feel, because I'm not a woman, is just how blatantly obvious it is to eat, just a neutral party. You don't even have to be a believe all woman type person. If you're just sincerely neutral, how blatantly obvious it is that rape culture is real. Like, how undeniable that is now. I've been conditioned with what has gone, what has transpired here. The idea that like a privilege,

rich white like frat boy athlete type guy in the early 80s right like being rapy especially while drunk it's like that's hard to believe right for anybody like well that was literally like that was literally played up rape in movies that's what I was about to say that came out in the 80s fucking Purkeys. Perkins. They put it in movies. Everybody laughed about it. It was like, so.

That was a thing. Yeah. Like, I don't know. It just sent one thing seems way more likely than the other to me. That is how those fucking lizard pieces of shit like Lindsay Graham actually feel. I think his genuine belief is everybody was doing it back then and he's a good dude. He didn't actually rape. And it's like, what about the other girls who,

didn't come forward yet. A, maybe he did actually rape. And B, bro, we're not trying to send him to prison. That's what I was about to say. No, we're just trying to say he shouldn't be able to decide what a woman wants to do with her body vis-a-vis Roe v. Wade. And this is why I can't figure out what they're doing. Like, let's

look at it from the perspective now, what you were saying of like, let's play this out. If I'm a Republican strategist and I do want to overturn Roe v. Wade, and I do want to keep doubting women, and I I do want to keep the culture the way that it is.

Why go to bat for this guy? No. It would be so much easier for them. There are three judges that have been brought up who are women who are super fucking anti-Rovey Wade. Right. Like they are very qualified? I've seen. They could easily replace.

Why are they going to bat for this guy? One thing that I've seen people bring up a few times, but I've also seen it refuted. This is all just like the internet back and forth stuff is that he is like publicly said before that he thinks that. sitting president should be. Yes, no, that's it. Right. So like, the sitting president should be basically, I'm not going to term it right, but immune from indictment or investigation or whatever, like, while they're in office. So that's the theory as to why Trump has got such a hard on for this guy. That explains Trump, but what's Mitch McConnell's deal? And I'll tell you what it is, he just can't stand to lose. This is literally just about not

lose him for Mitch McConnell. Dude, I was about to say, to me, this seems like, you know, like a movie, like blow where you got these dudes that have more money than anything they don't have to do it anymore there's no reason that they have to put their lives at risk or their jobs at risk they're just so fucking addicted to let's see how much further we can keep our thumb on society and keep them just going to know we're because this win says to then look how much fucking power we have we've got a goddamn rapist maybe who knows but like we've got this dude who like clearly every woman we have a fucking i believe her and that's sexual assault for sure definitely assault But regardless, getting this guy, when Mitch McConnell came on and was like, look, you can continue with this circus all you want.

But at the end of the week, we're going to nominate him as Supreme Court justice. And that's just all there is to it. That's him literally going, I don't give a fuck what anyone says. We want to do this. This is our guy. And we're going to do it. I don't give a fuck if we find a goddamn Beta Max tape. That puts violence in my heart.

But that's true. That's exactly what that is. I wanted to point out real quick, the irony of Kavanaugh taken that stance as a legal scholar is that he was one of the main components of the Kenna Starr, Bill Clinton indictment. Right, yeah. He helped impeach. He loved to write salacious questions. So, like, when he was, like, acting like he shouldn't be asked these salacious questions,

that was, like, one of his favorite things about the Clinton hearing was making him answer embarrassing questions. So I wanted to point that out. Why didn't he write, this is what I've been curious about, and I'm certain it's been pointed out. but like he's got all these goddamn calendars from 1982, but he didn't mark on his calendar last year that he had a fucking conversation with Mueller. Like that wasn't something worthy of writing down. You know what I'm saying?

And again, I know that's been brought up a shit ton of times. That should be brought up. He's lied under oath. It's pretty clear. Like when he talked about how little he partied, apparently there's people who've called in the CNN who went to high school with him and were like, he's a liar.

His Yale classmates. One of the ladies came forward just like maybe an hour and a half ago to, I don't know who she, what reporter she said to, she's like, me and my Yale friends have been texting in our group text all day, like, are you hearing this motherfucker? Oh, I think that's the story I'm thinking of and I thought it was high school people.

This one person was like, I drank with excess because he said I never drank to it. It says like, I drank to excess with this motherfucker countless times. Which, by the way, that ain't. So like, drinking to excess is one thing, but just be like, if you didn't rape, say I didn't rape. The reason he didn't want to admit that is because then

it opens it up to, like, who knows, you did it and blackout. Yeah, you don't remember. But like going back to what we touched on earlier, like the, because I agree with you. I think a lot of people like the Lindsey Graham's or whatever, I think that really they, in their heart, they're like, yeah, I'm sure he did do that. But you know what?

That's just how it was. It was the 80s. It doesn't mean anything. It was a different time. It was a different place. And my thing with that, and we briefly said it earlier, but like, I mean, I don't, I don't buy into that. but even if you do like again like you said we're not saying that he should be thrown in jail for 25 years because of what he did in 1982 or whatever like that's not what we're saying we're just saying he shouldn't get this job enough to remove him from consideration for what should be one of the most highly competitive and prestigious positions in our entire country and government it's literally the top job in the law and lindsay graham's saying we're ruining a man's life and he's getting all passionate.

What the fuck are you doing? We shouldn't get that job. That's it. And we should ruin his goddamn life for the record. Fuck that piece of shit. To go back, it's the same, it's the same shit with like, I mean, in a way like Roseanne, nobody's saying Roseanne should go to jail for a racist comments. We're saying she don't get to be on ABC.

There's plenty of other people that should be on ABC right now. She don't get to do this fucking job. He don't get to do, and there are obviously apples and oranges because this is fucking important. But that's what I'm saying. It's apples and oranges with some. something kind of frivolous. You don't get to have a TV show because you said a racist joke. But this dude, got his mouth over a girl and tried to rip her clothes off, and he gets to be on the

supreme goddamn court. And not to mention how he acted in that hearing. He talked about how Democrats are going after him and now this is pure, pretty political. Like a fucking baby. Well, he acted like a guy who wants to be in politics, not a guy who wants to be a fucking judge. He also acted like a guy that's never not gotten exactly what he wanted a single time in his life. You mean like a guy who can't take the word no? Right. Right. Yeah. No, for sure, but, like, that was another thing that, like, I hope he dies. I'm certain I know has been pointed out.

No, he's not good enough for death. But, like, all that, all that shit aside, like, let's say he didn't do none of this shit. And it was a fucking... I'd rather not, but go ahead. I'd rather not to, but just for the sake of the argument I'm about to make, let's say sincerely, this was a goddamn witch hunt. Let's just say that. Okay. I still disqualify him over how much of a goddamn bitch he's acted like in the past couple days.

I said the same thing in the video that I made about this just. I've seen. I agree with you. Yeah, I've seen some motherfuckers. That's enough. I've seen some motherfuckers get some wild-ass question. Hillary Clinton, for example, over her, over Benghazi and emails and shit like that, and sat there stone face, answered the question, said, investigate the fuck out of me.

I don't care. So, like, to me, it does suck. It absolutely, if this was something being done to a person that he genuinely didn't do and he feels in his heart, it's a witch hunt. That fucking sucks. But, dude, if you're climbing to the goddamn tippy top of our judicial system, you've got to be perfect. You can't be a bitch like that. You can't, I said the exact same thing. I completely agree.

Even if you put all that other shit aside, which you shouldn't, but even if you do, if he can't keep his shit together any better than that in a high pressure situation or be any more like any more than that job. Then he should not get that job. You know how many times Obama should have snapped? How many times should Obama have snapped when they're just sitting there calling him a goddamn anti-crice Muslim motherfucker? And he didn't. He just was like, I'm going for the highest job in the world.

I've got to be collected. Fuck this dude. He sucks. He's black, so he's learned throughout his life that if he did react honestly and sincerely in that situation, he would fucking fall apart. Just see that tweet that went viral today.

Yeah, Serena. That's what happened to her. Black people Twitter, where it was a black guy that posted screenshots of Kavanaugh, like just frothing rage or whatever. And he was like, as a black man, I literally can't even conceive of, being able to be this angry

at my job, right? Yeah, like, you know, like what would happen to me at my job? You ain't even getting the interview, don't? If I acted this way and this guy's trying to be a Supreme Court justice. And like, dude, like, I remember one time, like, I was a fucking straight A student and a model kid and all this shit.

I one time didn't get a job at a state park because I had bad handwriting. Okay. Four rape allegations, or sexual assault allegations, and counting for a Supreme Court justice, like, that's not a valid enough reason to discount somebody from a job. Like, that's how jobs work. Yeah, man.

You compete for jobs. I mean, you said it perfectly with the Tennessee shit. Like, it's just such, it's such bullshit, all of it. But today they did, and I mean, they'll still do what they do. But, like, today they did, this is Friday, the 27th, 28th, whatever it is, they postponed the vote. a week. They don't have order to the FBI probe. Do you guys know the story about that?

From what I read earlier, and I may be wrong, but because of what Senator Flake did, because of the woman in the elevator. Two women. Right. So they get the credit for making him, you know, piss his pants a little bit. There were two. There was one woman. Her name is Maria Gallagher.

And I would like to tell that story or one of you two just because people haven't heard it. The only thing I know right now is because of Flake and a couple of people deciding to go with him. The GOP does not have the votes right now to nominate him and thus they have to push it. And times everything in a gig like this. The ones that have dissented

what they said was we will not vote on it if there's not an investigation. Exactly. They didn't say like we're voting no. No, no. Right. But that's still, but if they don't vote he won't. But hey, I know. I got to claim a W when there's a W. That's pretty fucking good.

It's two women, one from Maine and their Republican senators and their names are escaping me and it's Flake and I remember his name because he was the one who's in the news right now for starting it. Flake announced this is, I mean this is such a huge moment in history

sincerely. Whatever happens, this is crazy the things that transpired in the way they transpired. Flake announced he released publicly, I'm going to vote yes. He's walking in to vote in the hearing. The vote for the hearing today was not the vote to confirm him but it was the vote to put it to a vote basically.

And he said, I'm going to vote yes on this committee and then we're going to put it out in front of the whole Senate. And that news breaks. There are women camped out near his office to protest him, didn't know if they were going to see him. He didn't have to go the way he went. There's many ways that he could have, you know, whatever.

He's walking towards the elevator. They see him. They hold the door open. One woman, you know, shames him. Why are you doing this? And I'm fortunately I've forgotten her name. Maria Gallagher says to him

and I'm going to paraphrase here Look at me in the face and tell me you don't give a fuck about me. First she says I was raped and you're telling me you don't care about me and he looks down and he says I'm sorry and she says look at me

look me in my eyes and tell me I don't matter look me in my face right now and tell me I don't matter and he turned white like look He's only used to doing that at cocktail hour. Well, I was going to say, he's a fucking craving nightmare of a human being, it seems to me, perhaps. But, and I don't want to give him credit for being a human being, because we live in such a fuck-up world.

That's what you're supposed to do. Exactly. It's the Chris Rock bit. Right. You're not supposed to hate women. But, you know, it did have an effect on him. She moved him like a fucking hero, and what is both infuriating and inspiring at the same time, her mom found out about her rape. from that fucking video. That's one of the things she said to him.

I've never told anyone. The first person she told about being raped was this fucking senator. On national fucking television. It's like we were talking about the fucking... And his name's Flake. He keeps changing his mind.

It's like we're in a goddamn matrix. That's literally a metaphor or a microcosm or whatever the right word is for the culture we are talking about. about and what it does to people and how it fucking works and operates. She was afraid to come forward or whatever her story is, why she hasn't told anyone. And she's screaming at this dude in the elevator. And then he goes and he taps two Democrats.

One of them's Nall Block, I think's her name from Minnesota. And the other one is Mention or Manchin, the guy from West Virginia, who's actually a fucking Republican, but it has a D by his name and had been saying he was going to vote the guy. And he says, let's all agree that we will put it. to a vote if they'll give us an investigation and I will tell Grassley who is fuck that guy to death that I'm not voting period if he doesn't agree and then that that worked and I don't know what's going to happen I have a prediction but I'm afraid to make it because I don't want to be positive in these times I've learned not to be that or wrong I would suck to sure but that elevator

moment may have literally changed the course of history I've got a mix I That's crazy. It is crazy. You don't want to share your prediction? No, I will. But I'd want to focus on the fact that, like, that young woman, he didn't have to walk that way. If he hadn't announced that he was going to vote, yes, she might not have said what she said. Like, so many things transpired.

That had to, yeah. That's what almost wants to give me hope, you know what I mean? And then my prediction is, Kavanaugh is going to back out. Yeah, that's what I thought you were going to say. Well, if that. I'd like to think that and also that they'll be, that they'll basically make him do that behind closed doors. but like, man, why that particular motherfucker is? I don't know, man.

Who, Brett? Yeah. No, dude, this ain't going to go quietly without a doubt. And also, to say something about what you were saying before, I've got mixed feelings on that hole. Shouldn't give a person credit for being human. I agree with you, and the Chris Rock bit is spot on, in my opinion. But at the same time, positive reinforcement has shown their studies to be.

These dudes are wanting credit for something. So I feel like they're, This motherfucker's going like, well, God damn, I'd do something shitty, nothing that I'd finally do something good. So there is something to be said about, all right, look, hey, Senator Flake, this is a good thing. Good dog, here's a treat. You know what I'm saying? Do this again, and you'll get another fucking treat. So I kind of, I get what you're saying.

Somebody pointed out that they think that that move was him looking towards the future. When he leaves the Senate, he'll be wanting a lobbying job. And that that would have been, that moment on TV with that young lady was so bad that. it could actually, even in the lizard world that he's going to go exist in, could hurt him. Do you know how awesome that is, though? Yeah. That's like his, culture slowly starts and change. Right, that's like knowing that the future, not to steal their word, but the future is female.

Right. And that's him knowing that the world is changing and I need to look good. And so, therefore, going forward, even if these dudes are faking it, if they have to fake it being good to women and minorities in order to get elected, God, that's great. Sure. That's so worth every time I've ever been called a fucking cut-tard. snowflake pussy to know that like these dudes are actually the ones that are terrified because they don't want to lose their that's great that's awesome it's something it won't happen something is going to terrible happen in the next couple days well the other fear that my cynical heart has is

i mean you know it's not like the fbi is the most fucking pristine that's what i'm worried they're already they're already they're already they're already they're already they're already they're fake yeah right and it's limited in scope and all this shit already like i'm worried that they're going to come back in a few days and not absolved him but say we couldn't find any yeah all we have are these two inconclusive like this is they're inconclusive we don't whatever

and then they'll take that and be like see we investigated it and then they'll just vote and confirm this and the reason they might do that they may call I mean they could literally be someone making a call right now and be like hey Trump stop shitting on the FBI stop meddling in our affairs stop dragging us in the media into your base and we'll give you what you want.

Well, this is a perfect situation that he's already set up by all news is fake, if it's against me or any Republicans, for that matter. Oh, there's people already saying that Dr. Ford, Balsley Ford, is connected to the CIA. So he's already, for two years now, actually more than that since 2012, honestly. The news is all fake, and now not only the news, the goddamn FBI has no credibility, because they're the ones that have been setting up this witch hunt against him when they should have been going after crooked Hillary.

It's like, they're in a position with this Brett dude that like, I mean, it was his to lose, honestly, because it's just set up to where the base ain't going to give a fuck. And therefore, all these fucking senators that want to confirm his ass can be like, we're not hurting our party line and we're not hurting our goddamn constituents because they all think that this is bullshit. So, I mean, it's set up perfect for this motherfucker just to get nominated. So that's what, that goes back to what I was saying. If he'd just been decent on a stand, he'd be fine. But he's a fucking crybaby piece of shit.

There is one thing that I just thought of, I mean, I thought of it, but I just thought to bring up. One of the reasons that Mitch may be pushing so hard is that he's afraid if they lose this one, that by the time they get another one, they'll have lost the power. Dude, that's definitely a huge part of it. Do you really think that these cowardly Democrats, I'm sorry, but most of them are cowards, won't? Because there's never, like, there's been like three examples of Supreme Court nominees not passing it. and other than when they just refuse to do Merrick Garland, it's been very for legit reasons.

My point being is like, there's been democratically controlled sentence that approve of a president's nominee who's Republican and vice versa. It's just like, until Merrick Garland, it was just literally known, you just say yes. Yeah, well, that's fucked up. They did that shit.

They fucked and set a precedent. Yeah, they're not cowards. They'll say a lot of things about them, but they're not, had they done that, we wouldn't even. different kind. Had we had they done that, we wouldn't be in this position for several different reasons. A, the president wouldn't be set and A, B, we'd just have fucking Merrick Garland in there. Yeah, but that, this guy's replacing Kennedy. Oh, true. Yeah.

Theoretically, it would be in fucking second Donald Trump. Right. Theoretically, it might have been, it might have been Merrick Garland and then Gorsuch. True. You know. So this dude still wouldn't be a factor right now if they had just. But yeah. Oh, right, because that was his first choice. Right. yeah i hate to admit my stupidity there but it's just it's all so much can i tell you what happened in the forster household two days ago was that i was i was going through my phone i've got the i've got time i've got the app time so i get like news buzzes to my phone that's like the headlines

like you know cavanall on the stand now so i can click it and see whatever while i was sitting there and my phone uh was right beside amber and i clicked up and it said cavanall making statement about whatever and i go god damn it amber goes What are they mad at him for now? I go, are you keeping up of this? And she goes, yeah, yeah, what are they mad at him for now? I was like, and I started telling her things. She goes, they were mad at him.

They were mad at him for taking a knee a couple weeks ago and Nike and all that shit. Now they're, when did he do this? It's like, what? She thought Kavanaugh and Kappernick were the same thing. I was not putting that together. Me either. That's hilarious. You were as confused as I was, so I told it decently.

But she's like, they were mad at him. Because I was sitting here thinking. I was like, does he think he said Kaepernick? No, no, no. And I got, that's what I said. I was like, what the fuck are you? I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? She goes, isn't that the Nike dude, right?

Because Amber didn't know who Kaepernick was. And I was like, no, Supreme Court Justice. And then Amber goes, well, this is just too much. Yeah. Well, no, it is the same thing. It's just a different version of it, not at all political. But here while back, I found out that Katie thought Kendrick Lamar and Lamar Odom confused.

You know, I did that for the first two years of Kendra. Lamar's rise to fame. Okay. Well, Katie did that up until, like, I mean, this has probably been six months ago at this point, but not that long ago. She, I don't know if it's since she got them confused. I think she, like, made them one person in her head. I did the same shit.

We saw Kendrick Lamar performing on TV somewhere or something, and she started talking about him being married to a Kardashian and all this stuff and saying something like, I thought he was taller or whatever. And I was like, the fuck are you, are you talking about Lamar Odom? No, who's that? What are you talking about? This was literally just before I knew who Kendrick, because I, there was a moment there, where I didn't fuck with anything but folk music.

I wouldn't, I'd left the rap behind. Now I'm firmly back in it. But what it was to me, I think, is that when Kirby and my mom would be telling me all this fucking Kardashian shit, there's a Kylie Jenner. And so I always, I took that K, and then I heard the Lamar, and it was Kendrick Lamar, and I'd heard Lamar Odom. And all these names just came at me at once. And when I heard Kendrick Lamar, I don't necessarily think I thought that was Lamar Odom,

but in my mind, Kendrick Lamar was just someone in the Cardassian. Sashian family. That's all that was to me. That's also what Katie thought. She also found out at the same time. I knew who Lamar Odom was, though. Yeah, see, she doesn't at all. Right, but it just, I just heard Kendrick Lamar and I was like, there's something going on. Like, she, I found out at the same time, she also

thought that humble was a, Mayamo. So did Chris! Chris meant the first time I said, dude, this banger just came out, listen to this, and he goes, okay, what's his name? Yeah, he never says his name. And that's what do you tell me? He goes,

bitch miamo and i'm like and i guess it's because i didn't take spanish but i mean i know what miamo is but i was like no and of course it's in the video but no he thought it was too he thought it was bitch miamo huh yeah i have uh confused many a rap lyric one point i even thought that our man ludicrous uh was uh had some

making love to a man tendencies but i just don't i don't see miamo in that one but if two people did it clearly in Chris dude Chris is a he's a he's a word smith he's he's a and also can rap so I with Chris is like whatever Chris is like one of the dopest fucking freestyleers I know and went to school for words which is what I how I say anguish but yeah no he he thought it was me Imo as well bitch me amo is it gonna be like fucked up or atonal or tone deaf or tone deaf or anything if I switch gears is something weird to something just we immediately

just started talking about our wife wives not knowing shit i don't think that was right do you have for the record i didn't bring that up but uh leave all women unless amber starts talking about fucking football or some shit that's somehow that checks out i uh i mean i what else do we say about it man like fucking yeah it remains to be seen what's at how it's actually all gonna play out it's like a fucking not that great book yeah right a forical for we put rape culture on trial this week and It is winning kind of. Yeah, no, it's wild, man.

I feel sad again. No, it's certainly wild, and I think there's just, as has been the case. And honestly, to me, it really helped prop up the current commander-in-chief. This has been the past five years, just old white dudes being scared to death. Yeah. And just like, not necessarily running from the hills, but, like, doubling down for sure, you know, at, you know, getting all the guns out and shit. I may just, you know, be and have been telling myself that,

but I've also thought the same thing for a long time, that this is like. But what if there's more of a thing we thought? It's like a darkest before the dawn type situation where it's like they are scared and it's like we're in their death throws and it really sucks. But we'll come out the other side of it and be better off. I really want to believe. You had that joke, Corey, right after the election about Trump being our rock bottom.

No, it was right. It was actually I wrote it in 2015 when he was just working on the nomination, and I stopped doing it because I got scared. So, but yes. Today, I think we texted about this. It's like, I was like, no, this is our rock bottom. Surely, I hope. And then you or one of you go, Trey, I think all this is our rock bottom.

And I realized, yeah, I was thinking of rock bottom like you wake up in a ditch and you've lost your car and you're like, I got to get my shit together. This is one of those like, the last three weeks. years I've had is my rock bottom and I don't even remember some of it. You're trying to hit bottom. I think I killed a guy. Yeah. You know, like that's the rock bottom. Well, my,

in the middle of it. My joke that I can't even remember all the beats, but it was essentially and the reason I stopped doing it was, it was before the 2016 even happened, he was just throwing his name in there. And everybody was talking shit. It wasn't real. And I just was like, I basically was like, I fucking hope Trump wins, honestly, because I think this is the rock bottom American needs.

Like, this is the thing we can finally do, too. wake up in a ditch and go, oh, God damn. And then four years later, we'll get our shit fixed. And then he got the nomination. And I was like, okay. And I stood it for a little bit. And then it got serious. And I was like, oh, no.

I don't really want this. And I don't want to joke about it. On that note, I mean, a lot of the socialists I fuck with on Twitter and whatever, and a lot of people like that, I mean, they're, you know, they're out here saying, yeah, this is why we say, just go vote. Ain't a fucking enough. And, like, this is one of those where I hope they're wrong. Like, I hope he doesn't get nominated.

I hope the process works. I hope that even if it was a miracle and that young woman, you know, saved it and all that. But, you know, I think they're right. I mean, I think we're going, I think we're going to, I don't know how women aren't sitting things on fire right now.

That's what I'm saying. And I think that that's what's coming. I think fucking violence is coming. Not just from women in general. Dude, unfortunately, this is not. And my dad told me that literally as soon as Trump won't nomination. I'm not speaking. He said this ends in the street.

I'm not in any way, dear God, speaking for every woman. Of course I'm not, because we saw what we saw today. But I can speak for a fair amount of women in what we call Trump country, where his base is, where I'm from. And, dude, and it's not because who they are inherently as women. It's because of what the culture, religious culture, big time, and just the fucking submit to your husband I don't think our memos are going to be in the streets

No no no I know that but I'm saying dude I'm saying like A an alarming number Of young women that I've I deleted I deleted my Facebook but now they're getting over Into my Twitter these young girls that I know That I've seen say some stuff like This is all fucking horses shit

They were talking about the boys with boys mentality And it's just because that's what they've heard their dad say Which is this is terrible I'm not just saying women though I'm saying that There's the fucking gap between the rich of the poor is growing. The obviousness of racism being a big part of our political class

is being put on Front Street by Trump. He is a manifestation of all of those things. I am saying that a lot of people, not just women, are going, voting is not working. No. And they're starting to, like, I'm just saying, if you're fucking hungry and you think you're I was voting not working though, they're all

in, we haven't been voting. On the left, we haven't fucking been voting. Like you, you still think that's the same thing. You still think that remains true. If there actually is a blue wave this November, you still think what you did. If that happens and they somehow baldly fuck with the election or something like that, that type of shit, I think that will lead to violence in the streets. First of all, they already have done that, clearly.

Hey, before I look at the Russian meddling. And I've been reading about how the number one supply. for voting booths is owned by the fucking policy institute that has Steve Bannon, Kelly Ann Conway, and somebody else on the goddamn board. So, yeah, that's already starting to happen. It's going to get worse. And B, and this is where we might disagree, the blue wave might put it off, but unless that blue wave has actual fucking people with new ideas in it,

they're not going to win anyone's hearts. Democrats were in power. We had Barack Obama fucking rape culture didn't change. He was still bombing kids. He kept Guantanamo Bay open. I'm not saying I hate the man. That's not my point. I'm saying that this country has been pushed further and further to the right after, ever since 9-11.

The goddamn terrorists are winning. What if Barack Obama was the beginning of the beginning of actual change? I want to be hopeful. The people on the opposite side of that who don't want that. Trump and all this shit, this is their response to this. That's 100% what it is. We weather this storm and then we'll continue on that trajectory that Obama started in 2008. We're saying the same thing.

The question is the manifestation of that. And I'm saying Trump is so bad that it might be. He and his administration. Before the fuck, like to all right all them motherfuckers. No, I'm not talking about them. Those in-sale motherfuckers. I'm talking about them being out in the street. I'm just saying like Occupy Wall Street was a bunch of hippies playing drums.

I agreed with them, but they were just playing drums. The next machination of that might not be because of the alt-rights threats, even though their pussies are not going to follow through on it. The next machination of that might not be hippies playing drums in the park. Right. Also, to clarify what I was talking about earlier, I was merely answering your question of, I don't understand why more women aren't,

or I don't understand why women aren't setting shit on fire. And what I was saying is, essentially, the women I know who know how to, set shit on fire still believe what their papal has told them. Some of like a lot of them, an alarming amount of them is what I'm saying. I know that, but I mean there's also just

you know, the woman today yelling in the elevator. That's setting shit on... Fast forward three years when you know, I agree. No, I agree that they, I agree that the ones I'm talking about fucking should be. It's just like how condition we get like, dude, how much like I look back at my

fucking self, like I look at back, back at myself from the beginning of this tour, the goddamn liberal redneck tour and I think of how much I've grown as a woke person and how much things that like, if you'd have flat out asked me hey what do you believe about this and like I'd have sat back and thought about it. I'd be like

oh shit, yeah this but like how insane our conditioning is when we get older and this fucking rape culture is one of those things that like it's just going to take some time but god damn I mean I feel like what you said about Obama being the start of this and that woman on the elevator I do I think that's going to be something that

my grandkid looks at in a history book going like, there it was, called his ass out. And I hope so. I guess I would just be more, I'd be less cynical about it if our current on the left, like idea or plan seemingly going forward is like,

give Jeff Bezos tax breaks because he says things like gays are okay with it. Well, not to, not to, you know what I mean? Not to quote, Trey too much here, but like,

we got to just figure out some way to goddamn win. And then we get in there, we can do all this shit. But right now we just got to figure out, out a fucking way to win and we just keep dancing around with these tiny little fucking ideas that we're never going to get the middle ground people latched in on. That's what I'm saying, man. I got some ideas.

We got guns. I know, baby. I'm just kidding. No, I hear you. FBI. I'm kidding. You know what I'm saying, though, is like we're so hard line and we should be on certain things, but then we, God damn it.

I don't know. This goes back to what I've fucking really, like, I've grown to hate as that whole, like, you know, we've got to appeal to the middle class, which you fucking absolutely do. The middle class? Or you mean the middle of the political sports? spectrum. Well, no, the middle of political, bring back the middle class. And like a lot of that is, well, I mean, when I feel like when a fucking Democrat says it, they're saying, all right, we care about the, we care about the working man. We want to bring back the middle class. So there's an even divide. And there's a clear structure here like it used to be in the

60s, the golden age that they say. Then when a Republican's like, bring back the middle class, they just want an extra sect of poor people. Like they don't want it to just be them and poor people. They want it to be them and then some other people and then some poor people. It's just very hard for me not to be cynical as fuck all goddamn day long because I literally hate, like I hate everybody. Like I want the Democrats to win because I know that we have way, the Democrats have ideas that align with my morals way fucking more than the GOP. But at the end of the day, I fucking hate them too, if that makes sense.

I'm sure it does to you. Or am I wrong to hate everybody? No. I mean, I stay hating. everybody in politics. I just... Us living in a plutocracy and income inequality and all that, yeah, I'm 100%

with you on that. That's not going to change whether Democrats get in or not. But... I think those things are tied to this stuff too. I still think it's just so hugely preferable to the alternative when it comes to things

like racism, gay people, Muslim, xenophobia, all that type of stuff. It's preferable to the alternative, the alternative being Republicans being in power? The far right, right? You're right. Yes. Exactly. Yes. I'm saying that... Like it would still be better. I'm saying that I think Trump is accelerating the notion

that it's not preferable to starting the fuck over to look, man, if you look at recent, the French Revolution, like violent situations, other than Hitler, most of them have been when the middle class literally dries up. And if you compound that issue with what we're seeing right now, which is fucking racist being supported by the president, a goddamn sexual assaulter being nominated at the Supreme Court. I just think he's accelerating that. I don't know, ma'am.

But you guys know me. I'm always worried that the end is nigh. I think that fucking, you know, my background about, you know, the book of revelation and all. I think I just have a doomsday gene. I think my problem is that I want to believe that the end is nigh, but I just am like, no, this is just how I'm going to live forever. I don't mean the end is nigh.

as in, there's a bomb, and me and you get to die. That would hit. I think it's a slow, fucking painful. The end of our, right, our, we'll just be checked out and then just have to float for 40 years, just completely catatonic. No, I mean, no, I'm talking about the slow but painful decline of a goddamn world hegemony, that being America. Yeah, no, no, I mean, I feel. Anyway, what's the lighthearted thing you wanted to talk? Yeah.

I don't even know that I want to. Well, don't we have time to, I mean, we got to do something. to begin with. Well, hey, man. As compared to the rest of this shit, we've been talking about, good Lord. Let me transition for you. All there is, in my opinion, left,

is fucking hardcore, either violence or, you know, organizing and voting and actually giving a shit and setting yourself on, you know, really being on fire for politics or nihilism and not giving a fucking war. Have you ever watched the... So let's move into that.

You know, when you're watching the news, this happens all the time, and it always cracks me up. You'll be watching the news and they'll be like, and today on Highway 72, a three-car pile-up resulting in the death of six people

on their way to church. And they give this whole backstory about how all this horrible thing's happening. She just learned to play the tuba, and then they'll cut the other camera, and they'll be like, and in other news, a cat parade.

A squirrel is on water skis. Yeah. Jonah was at the cat parade, and Jonah's sitting there. He's been hearing this shit the whole time, just crying. If you ever seen it's all we got. Fucking distraction and nihilism.

Have y'all ever seen them do mix up the two things? Deliver the sad story the way that they would talk about the squirrel on water skis before? Because they're just reading? I don't know. I just, I'll never forget it. A wreck on 19. I was probably 11 years old or younger. And it's like a flashbulb memory for me because I remember being like, what the fuck was that?

I bet since y'all didn't have electricity, all yours were flashball memories. Just flashlights throughout the house because you're poor. Yeah. I'm stupid. I was, yeah, I was real poor. Well,

he does it and you laugh. I was just thinking, no, you just made me think about what a flashbulb is. That's like from the camera. From the camera,

right? Yeah, we didn't have cameras, you fucking dumb ass. Joke don't hit. Anyway, like local news in Nashville was like...

So cameras don't run off electricity. When he's going to the bathroom, you said to take a bunch of that joke, yeah, there's a bunch wrong with it. It's like, whatever.

They did what you were just talking to, doing a thing or whatever and then they like and then he like turns to the camera he's about to throw to a commercial and he's like uh when we come back show and tell turned quickly turned to a game of stab and yell at a local elementary school when we come back and i feel like what the fuck was that and it was some kids stabbed another kid with a goddamn pair of scissors or something during show and tell yeah and that's and that's how he that's how he fucking You know, led into that story.

What I love is that someone wrote that and then that was fine. Yeah. And then it got put up on a... Interesting choice. And then it got put up on a teleprompter and that guy was like, okay. And then the dude reading it was like, all right, we're in it now. That's fucking crazy. What was your thing?

We're doing really on the fence about even bringing it up. I know, but we've done made what I think is the proper transition towards it. Like, we know that we're about to talk about something lighthearted. Okay. Everybody's already killed themselves that's listening to this podcast. You know, we got, like, 10 minutes or showtime or whatever. Like, I wanted to spend, like, 45 on this at least. But here we go.

I have to go on stage. You can sit in here and screaming the void by yourself. So let's say, me and you, I know for a fact. I can't remember if he was there, but we've kind of had a version of this conversation before because of course we had. Which one of us would taste better? No, no. Let's say. It's me.

Not a clone. Because I feel like clones's a little different. Let's say you from the future and not the far future. You can't be. You from tomorrow or next week. Yeah. So basically you. Yeah.

Shows up at your hotel room later. Yes, I would. Yes, I would. Dude, okay. You kidding me? It's not that simple. It's not that simple. Of course it's not.

Who's the dick and who's the butt? Oh, would you fuck yourself? No, I just figured we both suck each other's dicks. So you just took that for granted? You just like 69 with your future cell? I mean it was like, no butt fucking at all? Well, no, we'll just do. Here's my thing.

And like, now I'm more mature than I used to be. I could take a dick in the ass from me if later I could put my dick in my own butt. You know what I'm saying? You were very right not to want to get into this. That's fair. Well, I fucking told you. Well, you said it was frivolous. It is literally fucking ourselves.

Does it get more frivolous for me? It is certainly frivolous. There's just other adjectives. If you'd ask me, this is what I said. I fucking told you. I told y'all. This is what I was talking about being more woke. Dude, if you'd ask me this five years ago,

but I hadn't got no goddamn dick in my butt. No. Now, again, especially if it means I get to fuck my own butt. Did you think that future you would fuck you over and not reciprocate? Yes. Now, I hadn't thought about that. Because that's also a joke. No, but see, I didn't.

I'll figure it out. Oh, my God. Would you trust future you? How this is connected to that choice. Would you trust future you to fuck future me's butt first? You are, but future me would know that move. Yeah.

You are saying future you would rape you. Oh my God. No, I'm not. No, no, no, no. If you lie to get sex. In some places, son. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay, hold on. Buddy, I'm about say, let's cut this goddamn podcast. I got my shit together. Buddy, let's, I guess, yeah.

Okay, I'm about say, let's cut this goddamn podcast off. I'm about to implicate myself. Right. But yes, no. Who doesn't lie to get sex? I would say, bro. Like, well, yeah, you lie to yourself just thinking that you deserve it.

I'm sad. Want to bang? That's never happened. So anyways, no, you're right. I don't know if I could trust current me or future me. That's why I'm saying we got to just be like, dog, let's suck each other's dicks. Okay. I would eat my own ass, though, I think, while I was doing that.

You would eat future use butt? I think, because then he'd be like, okay. And then he'd let me fuck him in the butt. I'd get him going. You're trying to seduce future you. Future me, yeah. Future you're going to know that, you know? No, dude, you know how much I'll retain in a week?

Not much. Well, Red listeners, they're doing that thing where they stare into each other's eyes. I just haven't gotten to you. I'm moving to you now. Buddy, future him wants him to fuck him in the butt. Yeah. Matter of fact, they'd both be going, no, I'm the butt. Yeah, no.

I don't, I don't know if we're like doing this just for comedy's sake or you're being serious. have no interest in fucking myself. Oh my God. Are you kidding me? Have you seen my ass? Well, I'm curious. Is this a homoerotic thing or a narcissism thing or both? No, it's just that.

In my opinion, this is all it is. It's when I'm been over, Hits, first off, it's a butt, and it ain't gay because it's my butt. So it's really just me getting... Hold on. Even if it was gay. Well, right. Who cares?

But you wanted to do it, what would the problem be? There's no problem. So why do you want to do it? Because I can. But you can? Hold on. Hold on. It's not cheating.

Hold on. But you can fuck a guy. But it's not cheating if I fuck myself. Do you know what she'd let me fuck myself? I want to hear this. She would let you fuck a guy. No. Yes, she would.

No, she would not. Let's say in a universe. She'd let me fuck future me. Let's say in a universe where she would let you, why don't you do that? Why don't you fuck a guy's butt? I'm not gay. I don't want to. So I don't understand why you want to fuck your own butt.

Because me, there's no emotional. Jesus Christ. With a dude. But I don't understand why you want to fuck your own. I asked that with so much sincerity in my butt. If I'm fucking another dude's butt after I fuck his... Why won't you let me get a joke out tonight? How about you just keep fucking me in the butt?

What is this about? I'm sorry, I didn't know that you still had a joke. You posted my... Papov? Did you see that picture he posted me earlier? I was about to talk about this. I'm about to talk about this. After seeing that picture of myself, I don't want to fuck myself.

I look disgusting. Hold on. Trey, I'll show you the picture and you tell me who would want to fuck me. Everybody. Okay, listen. Look at him. Drew. I don't want to fuck that.

No, that's disgusting. I don't have sex with that. You really don't see. see the difference between just having sex with a dude and having the opportunity to literally fuck yourself? Yes, I see the difference. I'm trying to understand why that difference makes it appealing. You'd be a pioneer, dude.

Because it's... If you met your future self, you're already going down. Here's why it's appealing, and I think this is open and shut up case. It is the only butt I'm allowed to fuck. That's it. It's not cheating. Dude, to me, it's also just... It's also just an extension of...

That's not the only reason. Are you really going to sit there and tell me that it's not just a generally accepted thing amongst guys? Yeah. Like it gets brought up all the time. It was episode of 30 rock about it. If you suck your own dick, would you do? Would you suck your own dick? Marilyn Manson, he had a ribbon move so he could suck his own dick.

But you feel it. Hold on. But you feel it while you're doing it. I've licked my wiener before. You have to get fucked in the butt, which doesn't appeal to me. You also have to suck a dick if you're sucking your own dick. But while you're sucking that dick, you're feeling the good feeling. Dude, would you jack another dick?

dude off, you jack yourself off every day. You know what I'm saying? If a dude told you, again, in the universe where Amber would allow this, that I will suck your dick after you suck mine. Would you do it? No. Why? Because that's cheating.

No, I'm saying she let you. Oh, yeah, probably. I wouldn't care. Well, there you go. That makes sense to me. Yeah, I don't give a shit. No, that makes sense. You know how many girls I've bang that were uglier than most dudes I know?

I don't care. 74. Yeah, it's a spectrum. It's a spectrum. Dicks ain't real. I don't know that I would do it, but it's mostly because of, like, like, working out the semantics of it. I don't want to fuck a dude's butt that ain't my butt, but I really want to...

That's so hard for me to believe. Dude, that's it. What? No, dude. I don't mean that just as a pointed comment on you. You lie. Although I do a little bit. But just dudes in general, but like, yes, also you, it specifically.

No, you specifically. It's just hard for me to believe. It's impossible for me to believe. You're a fucking animal, first of all. Like, and there's no, I don't know. No, none. Because the whole thing you're saying about, would you suck your own dick if you could, that has nothing to do. That's just like jacking off.

If you're literally fucking yourself, it's kind of. It's not the same because there's another person there. But there's another person there. Yeah, but you're saying I had to get fucked by him. No, no, I'm not. I didn't say that. I'm asking how. But how would you ever possibly work that out?

Because future you is going to think the same thing. I wouldn't do it. If present you, hold up. If present you, it's as a week, you said, a week later, man. It's very near future you. So like two and a day. I only said that. Okay.

If future. That takes out like, oh, I'm a different person, man. I'm way more interested in old. And here we go. Listen to me. If future, if we're talking about two or three days in the future me, fucks present me in the butt, I guarantee you while future me is, fucking my butt, he'll start feeling it because there ain't no way that shit goes away in less

than a week. You know what I'm saying? Your first time getting fucked in the butt, he'd definitely start tensing up. Am I wrong? Dude, if I swing a golf club, I'm sore for a fucking week. If I got fucked in the butt by this dick dick, well, now you're getting into some like fucking time-loop. Portal shit. In the future, can I just say in the future, when you mean insane, don't say the word frivolous? So the conversation me and Corey have actually had before was, you know the game portal? No. I don't think so.

Hello. What's up? Is it time? We're good? Oh yeah, hold 10 for sure. We're in here talking about fucking each other's future selves in the butts.

Would you fuck your future self? You don't have to say it on air. Like if somebody can't, I wouldn't either and they think I'm insane. Man, fucking white socks, man. So the what we talked about before. He agreed with me, by the way.

Okay, the game portal, you got this gun. It shoots, you make portals. you shoot up one portal on that wall and the other portal on this wall you jump through that portal you come out that one right okay we figured out a way to fuck ourselves in the butts so i was just talking about the game i just brought the game up and in less than 90 seconds we were talking about what would be the best way to go about using portals to fuck your own what we found out was you had to be in like some confined space like a casket would actually be perfect where like so like it would but lord no it would so like you hit the one portal down here at your

butthole and then you hit the one portal right here above your dick and then you just start your power by every time you do that the butt's also gonna i know it's it's hard but i feel like you get a couple it's simple no it's not but you start power bottom and your butt through a portal is not simple you power bottom your dick up into the first portal and then it's it thrust up into your own butt. It's very hard. You guys are talking about breaking apart, the time space

continuing, literally dismantling the laws of physics so you can fuck your own butt. You are telling me right now that if there was a portal gun or whatever, that like one of the very first applications of it would not be to fuck your own butt.

No. Without a doubt. But you know anything about human beings? No. He doesn't. No, me. He doesn't. Hold on.

Me personally. Yeah, every, yes, but And the other thing I was going to say Once I heard about it Now that I processed it a little bit I might do the portal thing Because of what you were saying earlier About sucking your butt

Well, I don't have to see it But you get to feel it Right, yes, and I get to see it See now that's kind of interesting Like to be, to be fucking a butt And feel getting fucked in the butt I mean you I mean, you hook that up

If you want to It's not like There ain't ever been nobody fucking a butt walking I've been offered that like fucking a dozen times in the last three months. But if it could be your dick the whole time, that'd be something else. Yeah. Just there's...

The portal thing is way more intriguing to me than the meeting my fucking future. First of all, if my future self came back and that's the first, hey, hey, man, I don't know what the brave scores. I know what your future score would do. Your future self would shoot present you in the head so he didn't have to exist. I almost... No, I mean, I'm not suicidal. I almost made it clone of yourself, so it. it's like genetically and everything, an exact copy of you.

That's weird. That is weird. It's definitely weirder because it's, that's just fucking your brother. Oh my God. That's not you. When we get clowns, clowns, Lord, when we get clones,

people are going to literally do that, aren't they? Yes. Probably. Of course they are. There's a million reasons why we ought not have clones. But, we don't need clones. Bruh.

Hell no, we don't need clones. That's the only reason it's like a time travel situation with this question I pose is because clone is, it's different. It's very different thing. A clone of you is not you. I would fuck Future Me's butt. So it ain't the same thing. So hard.

I was more interested in the like, I knew he'd say that. I'd eat my ass. But the idea of, okay, but who's going to go first? Do you trust your future self? Future you ain't going to trust present you? Like how you going to work all that out? Because you know how you are. In future you knows how present you is.

So like, it's going to be a stalemate, I think. would definitely be you and future you would just go get drunk, Corey. And then there wasn't. Suck each other's dicks, dude. I'm saying with 69. I'm more into that anyways. Dude, it is. I'm saying I'd be more into that anyway.

He's like, dude, like, we'll suck each other's dicks. And then, I don't know, that hit. It's so hard. Dude, if I could go take myself to a bar, get nachos, and then suck my own dick. Dude, what more do you want? Nothing. What do you want? What do you need a supreme court?

Court nomination, that's all you want. That's it. Well, I'm out. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and do this show. All right, let's do it, baby. I just... You still got more? I'm sorry.

Well, I just, you guys have really put some conflict in my head. But? No, because, like, I can't... And your butt and your dick. I can't believe that y'all can't believe my stance. Because it's fucking bullshit. That's why. I know what you're doing.

Yes, it is. You'd fuck yourself. Dude, you're the most animalistic motherfucker I've ever met. What does it happen? I am very animalistic, but I don't fuck stuff I don't want to fuck. You're going to be in a room. I'm with you, future you, who's just as animalistic as you are. I hate myself.

I mean, y'up. You know how awesome that is? Hate me. You ain't never hate fucked before? I ain't ever been hate fuck that I know of. And you wouldn't want yourself to be the one to break your hate fucking cherry? No. I just, none of this is checking out to me.

Is it because this is his contrarian ass ways. He knows he would. He knows he would. Fuck you. No, I wouldn't. I'd fuck your butt before I'd fuck my own butt. And I'd let you, because I'm a good dude. All right, I'm fucking your butt by that.

Future me. You fuck. Future me. butt in front of me and I'll watch and I'll jack off to you fucking my butt. I'm fucking your butt later tonight. Okay. Jesus. That's fun.

That's fine. This has been a whirlwind of an episode. It sure has. But I have no interest in fucking myself. Okay. Well. Thanks for listening, everybody. Yeah.

Ski-you. All right. You can go fuck yourself. Sure. Literally. In the future. Okay. Nope, I'll keep going.

We'll do this all night. You've got to go get on stage. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night and skew. At Progressive, we know how much you love your recreational vehicles, so we decided to record this commercial in an RV.

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