wellRED podcast - #87 - Portal Butt 2: Electric Boogaloo (+ More Supreme Court Mess)

Episode Date: October 9, 2018

I believe the title gives this one away, but if not, we reexamine the topic of banging your own butt through a portal, and talk more about the supreme court nomination of Brett Kava-however the fuck his name is spelled.smokeyboysgrilling.com for meat rubscarvevodka.com to get drunkwellredcomedy.com for tickets to our shows we love ya like chicken

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skewniverse, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery, getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,

including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different

language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app,

lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that a reply gift for?

Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help.

If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the. Hello everybody.

It is your boy the show coming to you from my hotel here in Burbank, California, the Safari Inn, out here doing a little work in California. You got some exciting things. coming at you in the next couple months. But before all that, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Madison, Wisconsin, Durham, North Carolina, Wilmington, North Carolina, Spendale, North Carolina, Cullahue, North Carolina, Ridgefield, Connecticut, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Northampton, Massachusetts. Then on to Washington, D.C., Kansas City, Missouri, St. Louis, Missouri, and Nashville, Tennessee, to round out the end of the 2018 well-read comedy tour.

Well-readcom, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com. That is where you can find tickets, subscribe to our newsletter, and grab our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto Dragon Dixie out of the dark. And please remember to sign up for that newsletter. That way you know where we're going to be, when we're going to be there, and you can grab tickets before anybody else does.

This portion of the podcast, as always, Brought to you by Smoky Boysgrilling.com. Go to Smokey Boysgrilling.com and grab all the rubs for all you meets. Send the guys some love and tell them how proud of them. You are for them winning and placing and being in all these barbecue festivals and just absolutely crushing. Also, new sponsor to the podcast, Carve Craft Vodka. Carv Craft Vodka is Jacksonville's first ever craft vodka. The shit's good.

I get drunk off of it. So you guys ought to as well. and carve your own path. Enjoy this podcast. Love you. Ski. Well, well, well. Is it recorded?

Mm-hmm. So let's recap what has just transpired. You all, go ahead. I hate everything. Well, first of all, your memory card is locked or something. It's okay. Also, it's now stuck inside here. Are you serious?

So, how'd you do that? You said, are you serious? Am I serious? He popped up. Corey said, are you serious? And my Siri turned on. That's what you just... All right, we have an HD recorder.

It's a little recorder that has just a memory card, like from, you know, if you remember cameras. Stuck in there. That's absolutely just stuck in there. From a few years ago. So it has a locking system on it. We're not even sure why with this tiny little gray flap. That thing was stuck. Corey was trying to fool with it to get it to where it would work because it was saying, you know, it's locked.

It won't work. Trey says Oh, let me try it Let me try it My first thought is Trey is so physically stupid As we have Discussed on here

Numerous times But then I'm like Eh, you know He's just not going to get it And he might get it And that'll make Corey even mad Because you were in a tizzy You're running around here

Just cussing everything I almost threw my computer Against the fucking wall So I was like Well if Trey gets it to work That'll be extra funny Because Corey couldn't do it So I said nothing

And then Trey just just flicked a time like this what did you do it's the locking mechanism so what happened was it was locked and protected and then the thing that you used to make it not that tray broke it off so now the card just forever is that by trying to move it he just broke it and lost it forever then he stuck it back into the thing and you got it stuck but you got it out it's out now while you were saying all that it's out but yeah so this podcast as you can obviously already tell is yet again on my phone And it sounds like we are in a tunnel because we kind of are. I'll play with it. I'll make it hip. But I did bring all the shit.

I hate everything. I like your hat. We were discussing that earlier. Thank you. It does hit. It's a white trucker hat. And it says something racing team. I can't read the name.

Fisher's racing team. What struck me about it that I liked is don't that fit you? Well. no Corey has it on the last what do you call that notch wrong I guess

doesn't that kind of look like that there's some kind of cracker that that looks like their logo don't it yeah white people yeah anyways I thought it was that and so I got it

just $10 and then I bought this shirt and a Leanne Rhyme shirt well saw your Leanne Romm shirt it don't fit me right but they didn't have different sizes, so I was like, what are you going to do? When in Rome.

You did, Tray? Yeah, it's hot in here. It sucks. It's in time. It's like hot and stuffy. I don't like it. You just want to quit? Yeah, kind of.

We quit. So, Corey is locked out of the green room right now. Corey, you locked out? Yes. Or am I knocking on that fucking door? I'm going to let him. Somebody that signed the wall. Tee-Barbara.

Tee-Barbara? Probably my aunt's favorite singer. So nobody was on our side about the fucking future south? I mean, no, not many people were. But, dude, fuck them. I don't get it. I don't get it either. To me, it's like no-brainer.

Yeah. It's okay that you guys have an opinion that's different than other people's. It's also okay that I do. You don't. You don't. It conform us to agrees with everyone. You guys are such assholes. Yeah, I don't know.

You're just literally like, yeah, that thing you're saying about yourself? No, don't. No way. To me, though, like, it's just kind of wild to me that you're, no, the Cranberry. It's kind of wild to me that you're fine with

what you believe, everyone else believes that. Because that goes against you. I felt like during the conversation you were being a contrarian, like, I know that you would fuck your own self in your butt. I wouldn't. Right.

I wouldn't fuck the portal, though. I've thought a lot about it. And, like, it is just like jacking off. It is. It's just like jacking off just with your butt. Yeah. Right. But you fuck a different person.

It's not a different person. It's true. No, it's not. That is. Well, how will fill it in your butt while you're fucking, you won't. That's the upsides. What, what? Not to me.

What? You bought to me. I'm about saying the portal you fit. Not to me. A stranger. A stranger. You know, or from Chappelle's show, sitting on your hands like falls asleep

and it feels like somebody else jerking you off. Like, that's the whole... That was one of my first jokes I ever wrote. I hear you, but I don't know. I don't want to fuck myself. Like, I don't want to have sex with myself. I would love to jack myself off with my own butt.

Yeah, that does it. Okay. Will you guys go better if I admitted that me and my future self could give each other hand jobs? I don't think we would. What would be the point of that? Exactly. No, why not?

I mean, yeah, I would do it. No, I wouldn't because if I'm already there with myself, I'm fucking his butt. It's a million degrees in here. It don't hit. I want to leave. Okay, but let's leave again. No. Okay, no.

It would have been. Where fuck we're going to go? It's a bit. What we're going to do? Do a bar outside? No. Let's just go interview people on the street with this phone. That'd be a good.

That'd be a good one. Do y'all really want to hear us talk about fucking our own butts more? Is that what you're, or do you want us to be happy? What are you want? vote on Twitter Across the phone. I just don't like Podsphere.

Also like the whole We can move on. No one else. No, we can't clearly. As far as I can remember. It's like a universe type Like it's, there's no part of that. That's exactly why I'm not trying.

Like once it, me and myself would go do something different, I think, but that's not the point. Like what? Both shoot each other. That way it wasn't technically suicide. Yeah. Yeah, I hear, no, I mean, that'd be number two. After I fucked my butt.

I'd be like now and it'd be like way ahead of you. But as far as I remember, not a lot of people, it was like five or six people, but they were all like, nah, I didn't think of myself. Too weird. Yeah, it was. That's what I said too the other night at the bar talking about it. For real? Yeah. He wouldn't.

That's what he said. And I told him, too, I was like, I just don't. If you're listening right now, I don't know about that. There's no, like, you know, like I said, for the story aspect of it or anything. It's almost all that for me. right of course yeah but again

to be like to listen Elias oh yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah he's a guy who would who would absolutely who would absolutely fuck his own butt this has nothing to do with him

personally but let's talk about how Eli and Eli though obviously is the same name puts just such different images

honestly aside from him just like oh we're meeting a guy name Eli if I would think a certain thing and it's like we're meeting a dude name Eli

and I'm like this old boy you know in fairness Russell's Bull. If I hadn't have been there with him when we were having that conversation with him, I wouldn't have known who the fuck he was talking about just now. I'd be like, who the fuck is Eli?

But I was there when it was going on. Okay. But furthermore, and I said this a little bit, but we didn't even get to get to this part because I genuinely was not expecting it to be like even a bone of contention. No, I can't believe it lasted as long as it did. But like, the main thing for me is like I also don't think that I, would actually do it, but not because of not wanting to. I don't think it would work out.

Like, the logistics of the follow-up place. There's no trust between you and yourself. Neither one of, we're both going to know what the other one, like, I can't see us coming to an arrangement. Story solved that with 69. As I have done many times in my own life. Of course, then we've got to suck each other's decks, which don't head. I'd much better get one in the butt. Honestly.

Yeah, because at least with the one in the butt, I don't have to do nothing except for just I mean, I just, yeah, I got to exist in that moment, which would suck. But, like, I'm saying, like, soaking a dick, I got to, like, be good at it. I would roll at it, actually. But I don't know, man, I fuck up the butt. Like, hey, it's a thing. It hits for people. It might hit for me.

There's a, I think you got to go through a couple times. It's a process there. Yeah. It's like a drinking bear. Yeah. Brick and bear getting the butt fuck. What's that, the Weather Walker, fourth owl? Yeah.

I don't know, man. I just think. I really thought I was going to bring it up the immediate entry. Yeah, of course. And that would be like, but how you got the logistics of it? And then it was like, oh, shoot it. You're right. But it just got derailed.

We also glossed over. This is another thing people pointed out on Twitter. I guess I just didn't hear him say it. Corey's looked his own dick. Once. Okay. I can't fathom that. And I already told him, flexible men don't help for me.

It gives me the creep. He's flexible. I know. It looks weird. Every time you do something wild, it doesn't. Just watching it. Like, when you put your foot behind your head, I'm like, stop that. Oh, do that.

Do that. And I don't know if that's, like, toxic masculinity. And I'm just like, that's not what men. I have no idea what it is. I just always get uncomfortable when a man's really flexible. I'm like, I kind of hear you. Watching it. Aw.

We kissed on a lip last night. And he pulled away and gave me nothing back. We were up. We got, we got, uh, yeah. Corey got so pleased. He lit up. well red listening. And the idea

that Trey would not kiss me back. We got some good news yesterday and I said drunkenly, I'm gonna make out with you and then I kissed him in the lips and he went

and he recoiled. Because he hadn't kissed me first. Right? I just wasn't drunk enough. No, I hear you. You got to be drunk to make out with me? Man will fuck his own butt but won't kiss his buddy.

I know. That's exactly the kind of man who would fuck his own butt. Yeah, that's true. Well, anyway, what else? You've done this. Well, I know that I brought it back up.

But I'm saying, if we are going to move on now, what other topics might we converse on upon? I was going to say, usually it happens organically, but if we get talking about butt-fucking ourselves, that apparently can just go on for hours. And nothing else. Ourself can go on for hours.

And nothing else will come up. Yeah, this podcast episode is, a portal butt-fucking-to, electric bugle-le-law. Everybody said it'd be too weird? Like, what wouldn't, or like, I don't get it. get it, man. We talked about robots on here, banging robots.

Wouldn't you just hanging out with yourself be weird if... Sure. I mean, if fucking would be extra weird. Yeah, I don't know. What else you're going to do? Right, that'd break the ice at least. This isn't so funny. You feel about butt-fucking yourself the way I feel about the world in general.

Like, you're just so mad that the world don't see it the way you do. Me too. I'm mad. I'm more like shocked or like, I don't know. Yeah. surprised and also part of me is like you've been betrayed by the world

a part of me it's just sort of like y'all are all full of shit I was about to say dude it's just confirmed what I've already known everybody's a goddamn liar that's all it is

like I've known that the whole time but like here's why I'm okay maybe some people but I'm not against it I don't want to do it I actually believe you

but I'm saying like it's not me lying like I think there are people who aren't against it they just think it's like weird to admit

you know what I'm why I believe you. I have none of that in me. No, I believe you because now that it's... You just don't want to do it. I don't... I might, like, I might show up, be like, look at that old boy. Yeah, if you could butt fuck,

like if you in a week looks somehow better than you do now, like if it was you back in form, would you fuck that dude? Well, no, I mean, I'm not attracted to men. I don't feel like that's... Right. Actually, that's... As long as it's a jackd dude. That's an interesting cover.

Have you ever been really attractive to a man? The first time it happened to me, and I think it's still kind of the only time I was at a fuel concert. Oh, hilarious. Back when they had that original singer, that blonde guy. Yeah, he hit for me. And I was watching him, and then I had to stop popping my head, I wanted to kiss him. And then I was like 15, and so I was like, no, don't know what I think of that again.

Start punching your own dick. But then, you know, a few years later, I revisited, I went a little picture of him. Didn't? Yeah, I still kind of want to kiss him. But that's kind of all I wanted to do. Didn't Pete Townsend say that when he knew, I may be so wrong. We may be just about to be to do some goddamn, uh, head with Peter Paul and Mary. I know, Sean, well, and Wall of Sean.

I suppose they, we just stay. We killed Wallace Sean. We made Flintwood Mac part of them, literal child incest. Okay, right, but, yeah, right. To be fair, the entire time that was happening, I was saying, I don't think what should just be saying. This is not the same.

This is not the same. Because even if Pete Townsend isn't gay, it's fine to be gay. Sure. So I had heard that Pete Townsend of the Who realized that he was gay after seeing Mick Jagger in concert. Like he was watching the show. He's up front.

He sees Mick Jagger in concert. Jacker and he was just like, fuck, I like that. And that was just how that was. Like, so either Pete Townsend, like, that's how he found out he was gay or Mick Jagger is truly so powerfully sexy that Pete Townsend's convinced that he's gay because he saw that. He's been gay the whole time.

Right. Are you looking that up? Yeah. Yeah, you should. We should have first. I'm very stupid. What'd you find? So Pete Townsend has been married a couple times with kids, married to two women.

He's married to his current wife. So not guy. In 1989, interview with radio host Timothy White, Townshend apparently acknowledged his bisexuality. Here we go. He called the song Rough Boys from his 1980 album, Empty Glass, a coming out an acknowledgment of the fact that I'd had a gay life and that I understood what gay sex was about. However, in a 1994 interview for Playboy, he said, I did an interview about that saying that rough boys was about being gay and I talked about my. my gay life, which really that was actually just about friends I had who were gay. So the interviewer died of the teens across the eyes and saying this was coming out for me,

which is not what I meant at all. Then in his autobiography in 2012, he felt at one point as if he was probably bisexual. Townsend has also jokingly stated that he once felt sexually attracted to Mick Jagger. So Pete Town is just full of shit. Sounds like it. Okay. All right. Well.

For just a man who grew up. in a time period where it was hard to come to terms of your sexuality. Right. You remember that? Here's a headline from the Hollywood Reporter in 2012. Pete Townsend on Mick Jagger's Anatomy, quote, huge and extremely tasty. Yeah, sound tasty.

Okay. Pete might want to work on his words. A tasty dick. He does have man. I've got to. I don't believe anyone has a tasty dick. What I remember. Well, in terms of it definitely has a taste.

I guarantee you that. It might not be good, but... You know what I mean? Like, I just took a shower. My dick probably has no taste right now, but here in about three hours, um, my, me. Ooh, mommy. That's my taste.

I'm sorry. I'm still honing up on the fact that Trayv didn't kiss me back. I know, buddy. I'm sorry. Y'all kissed... Y'all didn't want to talk about it. I did want to talk about it. He didn't want to talk about how much he don't want to kiss you.

I know you did. You do. Your eyes are beaming, right? now. Yeah, that's the peels. No, I'm kidding. I didn't take any pills. I wish I had some pills. Bring me pills to the show. So I'm just kidding. Please don't. That's a felony. That's a felony. You ever, uh, never mind? Because, yes, I have, guaranteed. Whatever. I was going to think of like the felonies I've committed

and what they are. Oh, God, yeah. Um, I'd like to hear. Leaving the scene, done that a lot. Sure. Is that a felony or a misdemeanor? Actually, that's, that's definitely a misdemeanor. It'd have to be. 99% sure. Because one time, dude, the The greatest thing that... You know what is? You know, you tag jokes? Yeah. Prosecutors tag crimes.

Right. Get you on the DUI. And also, you left the scene. My buddy, I'm going to shout him out because this is the greatest thing anyone's ever done. He'll love it. Wouldn't mention the name of the dude who can suck his own dick. But now when we're talking about actual crime. He didn't know.

This is his address. No, no. But he didn't commit the crime. Okay. He was a hero in this moment. But for the record, your friend who can suck his own dick is also a hero. That was fucking Chris. And he can't suck.

And he couldn't suck his own dick. Well, no, he did. He got most of the tip and suck her. Whatever. I'm sorry. Whatever. He can't, like, go all the way down. What did he say about it?

Because the thing I've always heard and read on the internet and stuff for people that claim they can do it is that it feels a whole lot more like sucking a dick than like getting your dick. That's exactly what he said. That's what everybody says. He told me he didn't even do it. Like, he got down there, realized that he could in terms of like put it in. and then he was just like, nope, and just didn't do it. Which, like, to me, I bet my back would be, like, all stuffed up. You know what I mean?

Like, if I could just take my head off, put my head around my dick, and just work myself. Yeah, dude, just, like, have my head like a basketball and just dribble my dick dry. You know, I do the shit out of that every day. If I could just bribble my dick dry. Yeah, so anyways. Think that a song. I'm going to dribble my dick, drill my dick dry.

Did it dribble my dick dry. I didn't do one last. I haven't been doing the past couple of weeks that we've been, I've been doing, I've been editing it on the goddamn plane because we've been so busy, and I really want to do one this week. I won't. So, anyways, what I'm saying? Yeah, we stay busy this week, huh?

Right. So, fuck. You're talking about about yours who was a hero. Oh, yeah, yeah. Why I know that it's a misdemeanor. Because we were at a basketball game, my buddy Derek Duran, who I'm pretty sure I'm playing fantasy this week. We were outside, and there was this teacher lady who,

I have grown to appreciate her. her more than what we did in high school, but she could be a butthead to us from time to time. And, uh, you know, she was a Home Act teacher and, uh, you know, we didn't have for her and we were shits. So yada, yada, yada. Well, whatever, doesn't matter. She's one time we were supposed to make apple pies. Me and my friends was back there cooking weed and she sent us to the principal office, so I hated her. No, as you can imagine, I enjoyed Homeack. I just stayed making, stayed making biscuits and cookies. Stay making pies. And bro, I was on Xanax every day. them cookies taste is so good.

Did you have to carry that baby around? No, they did that, but I didn't do it. They just didn't make the guys do it. No, I just didn't do it. I just didn't do it. I mean, you just took the F on that one. There was a lot of times. I just took the F day, like a lot. Like, I told you about that fucking, when the Army shows up, makes you do that test.

Yeah, well, everybody in there, they just are giving this whole spiel about they just are giving this whole spiel up there about taking the, they were doing this whole spiel up there about taking the test and then they just kind of barely slipped in there that and do do do da-da-da-da-da-da-da and then also you know this is not required and blah blah blah blah we can't actually make you do it well I'm like the only one that heard that and I just I go see I go excuse me what this is a perfect example me and trade great scores very smart you a fucking genius I just didn't I just heard that and I was like excuse me they're like yeah we can't make you take it and I go see yeah and they're just like no I go ah and I just fucking

fuck the doors then everybody's like you can just we're doing this I think that they There were some people who did that at my school, but they just had to sit in the room with us. No, I just, I mean, they slept. I'm certain that my teachers would have rather me stayed in there, but I just went to the fucking... But that they could have made you do. Absolutely, but they, I think they were shocked. They'd never seen that before. They were just like, there goes my hero.

Anyway, I went to the commons and just ate Cheetos. How many times have you said that in your life? A bunch. I was already on pills, so that hit. So anyways. Always me and telling me what you did for the weekend. Yeah. I was just hanging out with the commons again.

Did she go? Hales. Anyways. Anyways, our teacher, Miss Bailey, if you're listening, Miss Bailey. I'm sure she is. Yeah. She were at a basketball game and we were leaving and she was pulling. There was me and Derek and a couple of dudes out there

and she was pulling out to go home. and she just fucking backed in to this goddamn car and then just like, you tell she knew that she did it, she looked around and just fucking drove off and goddamn Derek and just fucking called the law on Ms. Bailey. They came down there,

they called her. They called her back down there. Dude, it embarrassed the fuck at her. And it was hilarious. She thought you backed into somebody's car in the school parking lot? At the teacher or a student.

It was a basketball game. So a rival person's car. Maybe. Maybe. I never even saw that. Your town's so small. Everybody knows everybody's car. When I'm here,

is you're calling your friend of hero because he ratted on somebody. He made it on a teacher who was always ratting on us for shit. She deserved it. I don't know. I don't like cops. I don't like kids who call cops.

He wouldn't have done it to anybody but her because she was the fucking stickler for everybody's got a heavy shirt tucked in. I need more of that. Is it just tucking the shirts in? No, it was really awful. She wasn't truly awful. I'm anti.

But I'm hearing you, but I'm anti. Dude, back in somebody's vehicle and driving off as a shit mood. I'm not saying, dude, she's still. She did it. If she was a teacher that was kind of like a shit. I'm saying like, so she can make me tuck my shirt in because then's the rules,

but she can't, she can just back into a goddamn car. That's literally just as bad, in my opinion, as Bill Cosby telling Eddie Murphy not to cuss and then raping. Same thing. A hundred percent. Same thing. Yeah. And I don't know that same thing. I don't allow you to die on that rape bill.

I also don't know that she's never raped. We don't know. Nobody knows. Everybody. She don't make no money. money. No. I told you I like her now.

But I'm just saying she brought shitty insurance. None of that, dude. You miss me with all that shit. You're saying. Car insurance had nothing to do. Also, her husband did fine. Defending.

I'm not defending her. I'm not defending her. I'm pointing out that like people be doing that and then I'll make it to be it. Of course, but if I didn't, you call me the biggest piece of shit. The world.

Bill Cosby wrote that was a complete just fucking threat. Actual violence, and by the way, not a fist fight between two dudes. Like, somebody's getting the fuckbeat out of them. Gun shit, rape. That's the only time I'm calling the goddamn cops. Okay, well. We're talking about two different things.

Also, you know, Derek was 15 at the time. I wouldn't call the cops now because I know how the cops be doing. I'm not. Hold on. Also, the reason I started this, I didn't say he's a piece of shit. You said he was a hero, and I'm just not awarding him that medal. I guess there are different. Well, I'm sorry for hyperbole there, but, you know,

You know, she backed into a car, and so, you know, she stayed telling us, tuck in her shirt and kept walking on the grass, send us a goddamn detention. Well, fucking, you know, maybe don't back into a motherfucker's car and leave. Or maybe on Monday on Monday morning, you know, go out there and just break out her tail a lot or whatever. No, I think you go up to her on Monday and you're like, we sell you. You black man. Well, I didn't do shit. They're saying. You go up here and you say, we're going to tell the police and the principal, unless you stop fucking making us tuck our goddamn shirts in.

That would have been. That would have been better. A 17-year-old Corey would have suggested that. Actually, what about this? Again, I'm not trying to say he's a piece of shit. I'm saying I don't think he's a hero. What about this? Yeah, I don't really think he was an actual hero,

but at that moment it was funny. This to you, because I agree with the not calling the cops part generally. I'm just saying, fuck her for that thing that she did. I agree with that. Okay. I'm not trying to say she's the... What if they had walked over and, like, put a note on that car

that would have been back into that said, That would have hit the train. Miss whatever Bailey of this class, this school, whatever, backed into your car and we all saw it. Here's my phone number if you want to talk to me about it or not,

but just put on there who did it. That would have hit. And then that person could have either called the cops or just been like, I'm not going to call the cops as long as you'll do the right thing. Okay. Because for a thing...

Tell him he's a fucking piece of shit. You did. You said, you said, I'll rewind... My only problem with any other... You said... Well, I said he believed... He deserves the death penalty. I did say that.

Yeah. I said, I hope his kids die in front of him. I said that. Farted on his fish. I farted on his fish. My back is sweating. Can we quit?

I have no problem with what he did. No, neither. It was 15, dude. I wouldn't do it now. I sincerely wouldn't do it now, but at 15, that shit ruled. Like,

I agree with you, but also don't. You're not following. Right. I'm falling in. I was only, the only thing. He was 15.

getting me fired up about was when you were like... So it was Kavanaugh. No, he wasn't. I don't know. It was $17.00. For a minute there, you were like, you know, she don't made no money. She ain't got no insurance. That was the part of what it was the way.

I get that. And I'm not saying that makes it okay. I'm saying that there are circumstances. There's just plenty of reason not to call cops. Right. And the people who did the fucked up thing, having a fucked up life is one of them. Sometimes you have to call cops.

Like, sometimes you fucking have to. But, like, they should not be called unless you have to. I agree with that 100%. dude, if some shit popped off like that right now, there's no way I call the cops. I don't want them to hear some other shit. Right, and while they hate my reasoning, cops don't have for me. Cops would agree with me. Like, they're

like, don't fucking cause unless we need to be here. Hold on. What about this? I thought that, like, I've always been told that whenever, and I know that's different because that's a hit and run, but whenever you have an accident of any kind, like, you have to call the cops because like, the police report is far as insurance. Like, if you

don't, you can fuck yourself over. Yeah, a lot of insurances won't. Like, you've got to get a police report. Yeah, that's true. So that's not safe thing. No, but that's... It's just like a cover of your basis, but that's like you're having a conversation

with a person and you're like, we got to involve the cops because of insurance. Right. Yeah. And like, if somebody hit your car and you don't know who it is, you have to call the cops. If that person walked out there,

they had to call the cops, but that ain't ratin. That's like my shit's fucked up and I need someone to help me. You know, that's the thing. Derek didn't have no fucking car in this thing. If somebody just backed into my jeep though? If it was you,

I'd call the cops, probably. But if it's just somebody, I don't know. Well, I was just going to say, if I came back to my Jeep and somebody had backed into it and were gone out, like I'd call the cops. I just go out. Well, you know there would be no reason to. But the only reason I said that then it's different, it's like, if something happens to you and you need the cops to help you, you make the decision to call them, I'm not ever going

to be like, don't fucking do that. I'm talking about these fucking do-gooters who are out there trying to. Nancy Grace and stuff. Yours is more of a revenge thing. Yeah, I mean, he just thought it'd be funny, which it was. God, damn, at the moment. Are you kidding me? I have.

No ability to argue or doubt that. It was hilarious. I disagree with what you just said. You absolutely have the ability. Thank you. I've seen you do it. Thank you so much. It's very itchy to me.

But still, whatever. Can we quit? Can we just go stop comedy and touring and everything? I'm tired. It's just I'm hot. If I wasn't hot, yeah, the tired's one. I can deal with tired. I'm so hot that I want to quit my job.

Right now. Our dicks don't taste good. No. My dick don't hit. Oh, your dick don't It don't. No, it don't. My dick's never hit.

I feel like I have a handsome dick. We were talking about that after the podcast ended last week. Yeah, I told you. As far as dicks go, dicks look weird. The way I feel about dicks as far as how they look is the way about many of my about black people, you know. They all look the same, but, okay.

That could have gone so many ways that would have made just as much sense. I thought you're going to say I pretend like I'm fine with it but really in my heart that was the universal son of you're a dead tank swim what the fuck are you talking about you do that

and I don't know if it was the same guy because I didn't I don't have the other one on file to go back to sea but twice it probably was the same guy twice in my life and like five years apart while watching a porno I saw Your own dick

My dickle ganger Yeah Dickle ganger That's what me and Robbie Have decided to call I don't even think I would notice But I know

I did I see my dick Well but Well first Dude Yeah you would Yeah you would Because your dick's

Right next to his Last week I saw a very large Saying if you're watching Pornow Your dick's out So you're looking at your dick I don't really look at my dick

I don't Y'all like hold it You know The phone is in between Yeah I don't hold the porn Right I didn't look at it

Yeah I didn't check it out They see what's going on? That's true. I'm kind of bought away. You're like looking back and forth because the phone and your dick

basically on the other side of it. Oh, that's fantastic. I'm going to say, that's super consistent where the man who wants to fuck himself. Yeah, man, I'm sure. No, it's all right. The story, the novelty of it. A million.

You don't want to make out, well, you're dead. Yeah, no. It was never that. I'm not just hungry for my own big. Hey, what the fuck time is it? Who knows? I saw my.

own dick dickle ganger but a large version and that was weird 645 hilarious this is how fucking stupid I am apparently I started this recording at 612 p.m and that's what that means I've just I've looked at to see what time it was right here a bunch I was just like goddamn 612 time ain't going hell that's kind of what in my brain is like all right well we're in it I wonder when time's gonna start back like yeah when they stopped it's down like Kavanaugh got nominated and he just put an end of time. That was his first thing you did. He was nominated him tomorrow.

That don't have. So is it like a done deal? I saw that Murkowski said. A rope a dope-a-dote. Yeah. It's 51-49. And they only need 50. 50-50's fine because then it goes to somebody who's definitely going to do it.

I don't remember. Maybe even the president. No, that don't make sense. But whoever. Is it a house? Fuck, I don't know. Like, whatever I was reading, nobody was worried about it. Even if it went 50-50.

Right. It's probably McConnell that just just would be like, all right. But Manchin is a Democrat who's going to vote for him. And then of those Republican swings, Collins is going to vote for him. And Murkowski said, no, she's still going to vote against him. So unless some other Republicans pulling a rope atop. See, this is, if John McCain is still allowed, we'd at least have to hope that, like,

Lindsey Graham or Mitch McConnell wouldn't return his text that week. So he'd walk in and stare at him and go, no, like he did that one time, you know. But we don't have that. Hope is what we don't have. No, John McCain is very, very dead. Well, hey. the whole investigation thing it pretty much has gone exactly

like I said last week, right? When we were talking about last week, I was like, but you know they're just going to fucking they're just going to do it just to say, hey, we did it, but they're not really going to do an actual investigation, then they're just going to vote him in and that's exactly what the fuck is happening. Well, they weren't allowed to.

Yeah, I don't mean that, I don't, yeah, I don't mean like, you know, the FBI purpose. Well, that's interesting thing is Republicans have been shitting on the FBI for a soliditude. years now because of their investigation of Donald Trump, especially the White House. And now suddenly we're supposed to, you know, they're like, yeah, see, greatest investigators of all time.

FBI, man. Yeah. And, you know, and to be fair, vice versa. Right. Now, right. Now we don't believe. Right. Yeah, no, absolutely.

It's not that I don't believe them. I think they were too curtailed. But I've never really trusted the FBI. But I've been consistent with that. Yeah, I don't think, I don't think that it's like they're purposefully just half-assening. I feel like they have, you know. Drew's got a belt around his neck. Everybody, I'll tell you not.

Oh, there you go. He's really doing it. Oh, he's, this motherfucker. Could you do that? No, because you would pass out and then let go. Drew's just choking itself with a belt. You're talking about like autoerotic expciation. No, no, no, I don't mean could you personally pull that off?

I'm saying, could a person kill themselves, but they couldn't, right? No. No. It's fine. It's when people like make a makeshift noose. Noose. I'm very well aware of how people die while doing something sexual, Tray. Okay.

I'm asking if you could literally show yourself. I don't think you can't. You would pass out. You would go limp and thus the belt would come. And I know this because I asked my mom and I was a kid, I thought when I was like eight, I could just hold my breath and die. Yeah, and it didn't work, obviously.

But you tried it when you were eight? Yeah, I made it go. They didn't call nobody? No, because I didn't say, hey, I tried to do this. I just later were just like, hey, could you, and mom's like, and, you know, mom was a nurse and all that shit. And she's like, well, honey, you know, if you did that, the person would just pass out and then they would naturally start breathing again.

And that was the first time I was ever disappointed. I don't know how people drown themselves. You have to breathe in water. I know, but I mean, I don't know how they have the fucking, that's like, shoot yourself. Dude, I can't. I have a huge fear, choking on noodles, one. But it all goes the same thing, being strangled, getting my breath cut off. Like choking.

Choking on noodles goes to a few things. Right. Being in a pool, drowning in a pool, getting buried alive, suffocate any of those shits. So I don't get it either. It's like, dog, there's so many awesome ways to kill yourself. I had it for so many amazing ways. They're all.

Well, you're right. I'm saying. Was that a canang bit where he's talking about, do some flare, you know. He's like put a little cup of water down there, make it look like you just missed it. Wear a cake. Yeah. Go out with a question mark. Yeah.

I had a dream when I was younger that I was drowning. And I was, I was under water in the dream. So I was holding my breath. And finally, in the dream, I just said, fuck it. I'm sucking in. And I know I'll die, but I don't care. I can't hold my breath anymore. And this is awful.

And I went, and then I woke up, and I've never been that out of breath in my life. Yeah, I wake up. I've definitely been, I've definitely woken up and known, like, I have been holding my breasts, like, in reality because the dream I was having herself. I almost certainly have. sleep at me and have been told by multiple women that I've slept with over the years that hey you stopped breathing for a while last night we didn't do anything because your wife gets the phone out and records it because it hits the air yes I'll literally be sitting there's going

and she just be sitting there fucking dying laughing like a motherfucker yeah literally dying literally approaching death and she's sitting there figuring out what fucking like filter on Snapchat, she's going to send this shit to all our cousins. Not the bummer one. No, not at all. It's very much hits for her. But yes, I need to go have a sleep study done. But I said I like to say this, I wake up screaming a lot

because I'm out of breath and in my dreams I'm choking. I had a period of a few years where I wake up screaming about at least once a month. That has faded for now. I don't hit. I can't remember one time and I

wasn't awake, actually. I was like I mean, I have no recollection of it. But Katie told me that, like, one morning, I've done a bunch of wild-ass shit in my sleep. One morning, she told me that she said. You finger my mouth. Right, yeah, fingered your mouth, poked your cheeks and stuff, all that without realizing it. Katie told me one morning that I, I just shot up in bed in the middle. We said that on the podcast, right?

Surely. Go ahead. I just shot up in bed the night before and was just screaming. Fire! fire! And she was like, what, you know?

Oh, right, because she thought there was a fire. Yeah. And then I didn't think about that. And then was, then realized that when she was just like

basically pushed me back down and I just went back to sleep. She woke up one time and I was sitting up in the bed holding her arm and just like gently, gently gnawing on it. I'm not biting it.

I think you told me it before and I made it Corey in my head. But just gently, gently chewing. Nubbing a little nubbins. Yeah. imagine waking up to that shit that's insane

that's creepy as hell you've done shit like that to me yeah man I don't know like I Drew said the other day I also I woke up one time I had passed out drunk

and I woke up making out with someone now well that's the opposite she was hammered drunk too and look for all I know I was blackout and I started it

I should say I came to making out with someone and I was like literally I made out with her for probably two minutes while trying to figure out where I was, who I was with, and who else was in that goddamn room, because I could hear other people breathing. We was just like, you know, 20 years old in a hotel room. We went to some convention or whatever. I came to getting a lot.

And that freaked me out. And then I started, you know, like, imagine if I, I don't know, imagine if it was somebody I couldn't end it with pretty quickly, you know what I? I came. Yeah, you were like, so you were, that was. assault, but haven't. Well, I'm not accusing her of that. Because for all I know, I started it, but you just don't, you weren't self-aware. No, I was not into it. I stopped it.

What I'm saying is, for all you know, from her perspective, you were into it. But you were even conscious. I started it. I don't know anything. I know I came to, with her on top of me, making out with me, and it took me two minutes to figure out who it was and what was going on. And then I just rolled over and pretended to be asleep, which she did not fall for. fall for. I woke up one time. I guess I do get assaulted. Go ahead. I woke up one time. I woke up one time getting my dick sucked while wearing a Darth Vader helmet. He woke up or came too. I won't say his name. My favorite one of these is my

buddy in college and he's, God, he's such a good dude that it made it even funnier because he's the nicest person. It was a Halloween party, by the way. I just, I forgot, I forgot to even say that. I just just a house wearing a Darth Vader helmet. It's dark in there. He woke up where came to getting his dick sucks in college. and he had a girlfriend, but he didn't know if it was her. And the way he figured out, she had really big tips. And he was like, I'm just going to grab a handful. And if it's her, cool.

And if it's not, I guess that's cool, too. And he reached down and he was like, okay, it's her. That's fine. That's fantastic. All right. Oh, I wanted to tell just in case I haven't, and it's worth revisiting. I was having a dream that we met somebody. The three of us met somebody.

and we were or maybe Corey wasn't with us maybe it was just me and you Trey and they were talking about Corey and I said he doesn't have an edge to him he's just round everywhere and it's very funny and it tickles Trey and then you like walk by and Trey goes yeah he'll fart just ask him and I woke myself up laughing like I woke up laughing which is very rare for me and like since that you had that dream and that's been a thing like we've said that to real people in the real world, like without telling him it's a dream, just about him, you know,

like in like a meet and greet or something. Go fart, just to ask him. Yeah, go fart. And they just go, yeah, they're never back. Well, you have that point. I fart less than I used to, frequency-wise, but when I do it, it's so bad. So bad. But you pointed out that I can just do it whenever I want because everyone just assumes it's you.

Yeah. And I don't be far. So on Instagram, I posted that picture in front of us. You don't be fart. In public, I don't. Because he knows it'll get blamed for it. Right. If we're on the planes, I don't be farting.

Because I used to try my heart, it's not to fart in front of my friend Daniel, because if I did it in public, he would scream at me for it so everybody would know I did it. But anyway, we were on a fucking subway in New York one time, and I farted on a crowded subway. He was going, oh, oh, it's in my mouth. Why would you do that?

Look at all these people. And they're just staring at both of us. Like, I hate him for farting and I hate you for causing this. For existing, yeah. We had our picture made in front of, the Robert E. Lee mural that we, that was in the theater we played last night. I put that on Instagram and Corey has this funny face and one fan commented. It looks like he just smelled one of y'all's farts.

And literally it took only three more comments before someone replied, I bet he was the one who did it. Like as if he smelled, someone said that someone else farted in a picture, you know, when no one had farted and our fans in three comments were like, Corey farted. Look at him. You know he did. He farted. Yep. That's who I am. Who, like, who's a person that's like, somebody that's known, so famous, somebody who's going forward that, like, that would usurp him in that?

Like, that would overtaic. Because, like, you can put him in a lot of groups of people, and he's going to be the one that's like, he farted. You know? You can diversify that group. fable a lot. And you can go through a lot of people. Joey Diaz, maybe? Yeah.

I was thinking, I was thinking Burt because him and Burt are the same, of course. But like, Bert has that fratboy thing going on that Corey could have people. Frat boys fart. I know. And they don't give a fuck back. Nobody, they'd be farting in public. He would lie his on fire. Like, there'd be a bad question about.

Oh, sorry, guys, I farted. That's me. Oh, it stinks really bad. Oh, God, damn, guys. We've got to go white by that. He said. Billy Gardell? I thought about Billy Gardell, too.

I can say that. Maybe. Lisa Lampinelli. I don't know why we're just doing comics. I think that would just be so stinks since Lisa. I know why we're just doing comics. We were trying to think of famous people

and the only ones that are fat are comics. Yeah, I was actually thinking that too. There's not a lot of fat famous people. And it is fat people. You should do a joke about that stereotype being untrue. What? It's just like, if somebody farce, they always blame the fat guy and that's bullshit.

I'm gonna do it tonight. I ain't nobody sympathize the room on that. I know. Literally, I just be like, yeah. Yeah. Even the fat people are going to be like,

it is us. No, I get weird amounts of sympathy. It'll be fine. And I just farted. I just laughed. I just laughed. I just laughed and parted.

God damn it. Oh, fuck. I don't. You smell that? It's such a great and hilarious character trait for somebody to have. Like, just a way to describe you as genuinely. It's like, any good people you put him in, if somebody farks, you're going to think it was him.

Everybody's a story. He just always appeared to do that just farted. Remember, Mighty Ducks? Is that a funny opener? I just like I always just farted. I always look like I just farted. I'm open with that and not.

People like have a meet around because I'll just get the blame for it. Remember? That's hilarious. Mighty ducks. That was a really joke on Mighty Ducks. And I think the bad news, Bear that they always blame the fat dude for fun.

It was Goldberg and the catcher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had broken the red bear on the fucking cheese well here, but it's wrong. Well, I'm just saying like, dude, being honest with you, the more you're around skinny motherfuckers, because as much that goddamn they eat healthy and them fucking healthy foods go straight through.

you forks, I ain't no good. Worse fucking farts or healthy farts. Broccoli farts don't hit. Broccoli farts don't hit, Bate Farts don't hit. Bates Farts. One of the last sentences you just said. It's like,

it's pretty Boehauer. That has shit. That shit goes straight through to make a fordard. That's it. Something like that. Yeah, that was Boomhauer for sure. I don't know, man.

It's just fucking bullshit. It's what I'm saying, dude. You should really make this your cause. I'm going to. Have some marches. They'll stink. They will stunk.

Get a whole group of people finally march around with science. It wasn't me. Now I'm not marching. I'm going to have to delete this from the podcast because when I start doing that, I don't want you to have credit for having just said that. No, don't do that. I'm not. I do it.

Actually, I like when my balls smell, you guys. Sometimes when they first start to funkify, it's okay. I'm like, okay, this is what humans are supposed to smell like. And then about an hour and a half later, I'm like, this is what vinegar smells like. And it don't hit. I don't like, I wouldn't say I like it, but I'm like, just don't. I'm fascinated by it. It's because balls have a very specific smell.

It's a thing that dudes do, too. You know what I mean? You just like, you scratch your balls and immediately smell your fingers. You have to. Right, everybody does it. It's like checking your oil. It's actually there is. No, there's actually science behind that.

It's also why we smell. on far. This is the science he's aware of. Fart science, it is. Sean Donnelly's one-man show. Mm-hmm. He's talking about far science.

Sean Patton. Which one-man's, which one-man's show that he took to the French festival was about his family going through the experience of Hurricane Katrina. Like his mom went to work

and they couldn't get a hold of her and they thought, you know, and all that stuff. But there's a through line of them farting. His dad had like a family traditionally started. He'll fart and go,

oh! And all the kids go, oh, wait! That's awesome. shit right there. And he was talking about he's talking about the fair of minds

and all that. Anyways, and how it makes family members closer to play far together. He's so funny. There was a woman. He's hilarious. There was a woman in the showroom.

I wrote the subject with him and I told him this in a hip room. There was a woman in that showroom bawling her eyes out and laughing, choking on her own tears because he was so funny and sad in that story. It was awesome.

So the fart one I know, the ball was. and I'm a son-man. Okay. The fart one is why we, it is natural, our instincts are to smell our own farts because it tells you about your health. I've heard that before. Instinctively.

How is Drew not dead? It doesn't make. The way his farts smell. I know. But I have gotten better over the years and maybe my farts. I don't think so. You have no, y'all don't even know. Because it's not just how bad they are.

It's also, it's also quantum. Okay, let me- Guys, I'm telling you every fucking day. Let me tell you. It was like that. And I, so maybe you smell my own farts. Let me tell you something about your- It's-key's. No, here's my thing with-

Here's my thing with your farts right now. Spread now, so. If you jump in the pool, it doesn't matter if someone pours a cup of water on your head. You're wet. Your fart is the stinkiest thing ever. I don't give a damn what they used to smell like. There ain't nothing can be stankier.

You traveled all day. with me in a car. What you're saying, I know why you're saying it, but you're wrong. If I had been farting that whole time and I did that every single time we were in the car,

I'll give you. That's what I'm saying. But quality I use loosely, but still. Taste it. Yeah, no, no. Quantity of, absolutely, dude.

Yeah, you didn't fart one time, which I was, it's gotten to the point where I'm sitting there and after a while, I'm just like, why don't it stank in here? You know what I mean? Like, I just expect it

to you have farted. When I was in Australia, I lived in Australia. I just expect it to you have I don't words I was in Australia I was a little while and they called me

like I'm in one of their phones still as dirty diaper you don't hit I know it but that's why I got you hold on well so how's the balls factor into this I mean you just said that and I assume that's also

we like to smell our own balls there has to be like the same connection well I just to make sure make sure that your pheromones are in check make sure that your body chemistry is going on it's an instinctive thing like I sincerely Me and Kirby, my sister used to talk about it all the time. We were kids, and we didn't know the science. I'd fart and I'd go, oh, God, I'm about to be sick.

And then, like, I wouldn't be feeling bad at all, but I'd fart. And then sure of shit, two hours later, I got the flu. Yeah, sure. Because I just, my body knew. Yeah, no, I have that. There's a certain way sometimes my fart smell where I'm like, oh, sickness is coming. Okay, I'll talk you about a shit on there for a second. I did too.

I was looking forward to it. I have this thing where I can't even agree or be nice to people. they just assumed I'm about to be. No, it was the time when you go, oh yeah, I know, I got that too. It's just how I taught, man. And you always, well, you always accuse me having, you know, the brining, as it were. And I thought that was going to be another thing. Like, oh, yeah, he can just tell the future by as far.

We don't accuse you of that. Yeah, you say you have the shirming. And we say, no, you don't. Yeah, I didn't say the brining. Yes, we are. Oh, us saying the brining, he's saying is us making fun of the shining. Also, no, what I told you was that the next step in evolution, which has been thought of by scientists before

is that it's going to be telepathy. So you are the next wrong on the evolutionary ladder? Like, this is the next step? Get ready. I wish y'all could see him right now in this fucking 1989 Don have. Actually, you know what they say is that they say autistic people is the next thing

on the evolution. Yeah, I don't know if I buy that A. Exactly, it's me. For the record, I think that upsets a lot of people who have, you know, Okay. Hang on. Really?

Because you think that would be the opposite. Hang on those. Yeah. And I'm not trying to... I'm not trying to be insensitive. I'm just telling you what they say. Autism aside. Okay.

Okay. Actually. People theorize that the next step in human evolution will involve brain power, telepathy, that type of thing. Okay, maybe people do theorize that. What I'm saying is, you are not... do not have psychic times. What I'm saying is,

what I'm saying is, what I'm saying, no, this is it's very dumb of you. What I'm saying, what I'm saying is if the next step in human evolution

is for that to be a thing, it makes sense that there would be little specks of it now. Because I can't control shit. I'm just saying every now and then that's the next step is you can actually fucking do it. I'm saying that every now and then

just some bullshit lets through. I can't control this shit. I just, you know, I'll be psychic sometimes. Every now and then some bullshit lets through. Me and my mom can. Me and my mom.

No, everybody. He has weird feelings about things sometimes. And then eerie shit. Me, my mom can communicate through. Those are just called, like, coincidences. Unless you guys are fighting with each other, you are the same person and have the same opinions.

Right. No, it's not what I'm talking about. Dude, you're just, I'm saying it can be... Part of your mom. Like, so... I'm just saying it can be 6.30 in the morning at a time my mom would never call me, and I would go, oh, shit, reached from my phone, but I just, something's going on, and mom will call me.

Boom, right then. I know. I get this spark in my head. and you know ever do that and she don't know. So it's not just that you, and a very anxious person, are looking at your phone all the goddamn time. The guy who just talked about waving up screaming.

No, that's the other one. Okay. I just... No. No. Got it. Like, I knew y'all were going to do this, by the way. We've done this before.

Of course we. Why wouldn't we do this? That was a joke. It's an insane thing to say. That was a psychic joke. Okay. Well, you should have seen it coming and we wouldn't have liked it. I did, because you're an asshole.

I was about Drew earlier saying that of this group, I'm the asshole, not him. Yeah, that checks out for me. No. Yeah, it's Corey. You just said a big ago, I can't do it. Bag of shit. Without people knowing, without people thinking that I hate him. Are you working out?

I don't think so. No. That was the best answer ever. I don't think I'm working. Maybe, I don't know. Asshole is a perception thing? Well, perception, I'm not, that's like I'm trying to distance myself from it. Is asshole like, I don't know, I don't know what I'm trying to say.

We don't have to get into this. Oh, sure. Is it like being a good person versus not being a good person? No, not at all. What is that? A dick? I thought you have a, I thought you've already gone through this. I thought that, well, I mean.

It might be semantics. You can be. Like a smart ass? You can be a good person and be just kind of a dickhead to people interpersonally. I mean, dude, you have a fucking bit of I'm a good person, but I'm not nice. Yeah, but that's because y'all not telling me. Not being nice. That's an asshole.

Assholes are not, I mean, I mean, that's, that, okay, I'm with that because that's sort of where I want the bit to go is me arguing that, us setting the world up that way we're not being nice turned is like what we view as being an asshole is why we have so many goddamn problems because people just get away with pretending to be a good person and just like because they're polite or whatever so all right I'll accept that

you could also be polite though yeah I was about to say the thing is not usually exclusive okay but see this is why I get upset with you because I am polite like I can be as smart ass to y'all or whatever and then like yeah I'll threaten to kill a dude because he won't turn out the goddamn lift you know but I was feeling at that particular time That is fine.

I don't hope that it gets you to all. Now, at that moment, you'll have to understand it was Raven because you just, you would just explain to us how shit like that never happens to you. And he's about to, God, he's about to throw a stool through this motherfucking Ultima, I'm sure. Can we quit touring and the podcast right now? It's so hot. It's so hot, Trey. All right.

Bye. Bye. It's cute. I don't know how to stop this. Thank you all for little. to the well-read show we'd love to stick around longer but we got to go tune in next week if you got nothing to do thank you god bless you good night and skew