wellRED podcast - #89 - The CHO and Super Good Buddy DJ Lewis (aka Skinny Bumpkin!)

Episode Date: October 24, 2018

This week is a VERY special episode with one of our oldest friends in comedy, friend of the podcast, and just one of the funniest and most unique sumbitches in the game, DJ Lewis!DJ and The CHO sit down in their air bnb in Raleigh, NC and talk about their old misadventures on the road, how rad music is, and of course how to make meth (we here at the wellRED podcast do not in anyway advocate the use, manufacturing, or distribution of meth or any drug for that matter) wellREDcomedy.com for tickets to our showssmokeyboysgrilling.com for some awesome meat rubscarvevodka.com for more info on THE CHO's favorite vodka

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the skew universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. And it's called Rocket.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. And I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing. any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one I'd said it before, but I had a, I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like

the cue ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was that response to? What was that a reply gift for just when I did something stupid? Something fat and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.

So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with RocketMoney. Go to RocketMoney.com slash well-read today. that's rocketmoney.com slash well-r-re-d rocketmoney.com

slash well-read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the What's up everybody? It's your boy the cho Well-redcom.

W-L-R-E-D comedy.com spelled just like the podcast that is where you can sign up for our newsletter See our tour dates. Get some sweet merch by our book The Liberal Redneck Man Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark. Here's where we're going to be in the next couple of days.

October 26, Durham, North Carolina. That's almost, I think he's got like four, five tickets left or something like that. Same situation, October 27th, Wilmington, North Carolina. Then we're on to Spendale, North Carolina, Kula Hui, North Carolina. I've been told, I was told, I've been saying Kula Hui, and I got shit on Instagram. People were like, it's not, that ain't how you say it, it's Kola, we, and I wasn't trying to be a dick. but anyways we're going to be in Cullochee, North Carolina, on October 29,

then on to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Northampton, Massachusetts, December, or, excuse me, November 29 through December 2nd at just one of my absolute favorite clubs in the world, the Washington, D.C. Improv, then Kansas City, Missouri, St. Louis, Missouri, and rounding out the year with a little homecoming show, a couple homecoming shows, December 20th through the 23rd in Nashville, Tennessee at Zanis. Get your tickets at well-read comedy.com. This portion of the podcast, as always, brought to you by Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Go to smokyboysgrilling.com to get all the rubs for all you meets.

Also, carvevvodka.com. Do you want to drink like the show? I know you do. Go to carvevodka.com. Find out where you can pick up Jacksonville's first, craft vodka, and be like the show, and carve your own path. this week on the podcast I'm super fucking pumped to have one of my oldest

dearest best friends in comedy in the world and he's actually going to be with us surprise surprise I don't even know if I've told anybody this yet but DJ Lewis aka Skinny Bumpkin skinny and he's yeah

and for you lucky fans who have heard him on the podcast and have heard us talk all about him you're actually going to if you're at the shows this weekend in North Carolina, you're going to get to see the man. So pop. So, pup.

This is, dude. I'm jazzed. This is the first time me and you've been on the road together in, well, I mean, I know for a fact at least three years, because I've been out with well-read for three years, but probably longer now. Yeah, probably about five years. I mean, I'd say. I don't even know when the last time.

I know when the last time was. When was it? No, it wasn't. It wasn't Kansas. No, it wasn't Kansas. It had or been the last time. Anybody ever did a goddamn thing. Jesus Christ.

Oh, Salinas. We, uh, yeah, Salinas or Salinas, whatever. Kansas. Yeah, what you? Kansas. And we just, so that's a little background on Salina, Kansas. That is, uh, 50 miles, I think, from Westboro Baptist Church. Yeah.

So naturally, me, now first off, me and DJ, uh, we drove. Oh, yeah. And we drove to Salina, Kansas from Chattanooga, Tennessee, which is like, what, fucking 18 hours or some shit? Yeah, man. 18 hours of straight insanity. So I remember, these are the things that I remember from that gig that I will set up the gig with.

I remember, A, it was the most money at this, at that time, uh, that I'd ever been offered for a gig. And it was, it sounded.

It sounded like, and we got the money. I mean, and it was great, but so like, what happened was the guy like a narque, like the dude. Yeah,

he was a fucking, he was a cop and he was like, kept bringing it up and shit. Yeah. dude and we went after the door and it was like, holy shit, this is weird.

All the turkeys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were, turkey mess. That's where, turkey mess. Yeah, we were going to make that show,

turkey mess show. Turkey mess show for all your turkey mess needs. So I remember that first off how we got the gig and I could not apologize more to her. I've tried, but I couldn't.

Janet Williams was going to do it. It was a, it was a New Year's Eve show and Janet was going to do it and she had to cancel pretty late in the game. And the guy was like, well,

do you have a suggestion to fill in and Janet's like yeah my friend Corey Forster of course and then he calls me and I was like well can I bring an opener and he's like absolutely so I called DJ immediately and I'm like because I you know at the time I could do an hour but it wasn't my best shit so I was like I'll bring DJ we'll do like 45 45 and I remember wouldn't it like three grand because I think we he was like he told me he'd give me three grand and I was just like I'll fucking split it with you if you'll come with me so and then when you paid into like a big ass envelope of cash.

Yeah, yeah. So we get to the dude. He's like, you stay at my house. That's fine. And we're like, all right, if we did the math on the gas,

we're like, all right, if we got two plane tickets, it'd be this. But if we drove, we could get out of it with this. And we wanted to make

the most of that three grand because, again, I cannot stress enough. It would have, it was a long time before I made another dollar doing stand up. I was not,

like, here's how my gigs were going. And I know DJs too, up until that three grand moment was five bucks, 10 bucks, free drinks, 20 bucks.

That's it. And then so they're offering this money, and I'm like, we got to fucking do it. So we drive to Kansas. We get to this goddamn cop's house who's booking it at a fucking Ramada Inn. First red flag. Oh, man. He pays us up front. Boy, what a dumb ass.

Yeah. You know, and it is a damn good, just fortunate, dude. Yeah. Oh, thank God. I mean, we didn't ever got it. Dude, we didn't ever got that money. So I remember we show up to his house. We drove straight there, straight to Kansas.

Didn't sleep, didn't do nothing. And I do remember something that was really funny on the way there. Me and you had run out of drugs. We'd run out of drugs, and we was fucking, we was like, oh, God damn, I'm about tired of shit. And I start rifling through my bag, which, okay, another side note, and to clarify how much money I didn't have, in order to go on this trip, I had to borrow my dad's duffel bag. I didn't even have a fucking duffel bag. So I borrowed my dad's duffel bag, and I start rifling through it to see if I dropped a pill or something.

and I reach over in the side of my dad's duffel bag, and dad, and God, I'm so glad he didn't listen to this podcast. Dad had a box of extends, which is that like over-the-counter, whiner-stiffer stuff. And I'm sitting there.

Winer straightener. You're like, what'd you find? I was like, I found some extends, and you're like, ain't that that boner shit? And I was like,

yeah, and you didn't miss a bit. You go, see if that shit's got a fedron in it. And me and you were straight up back to snort boner pills just so we could stay. away.

It surely wouldn't have been our worst moment. No, hell no. No, hell no. It was actually very, it was very beautiful. But I remember having to piss on the side of the road and it being like, we're going to get murdered? This is where murders happen. Yeah, it looked very murderous. So we get to the dude's house.

He pays us in cash. I've never seen $3,000 at this point. We get it and we're like, fuck yeah, buddy. So he's like, all right, you're going to do the show. And they showed us the contracts. Like, the only thing if you can drink after the show for free, because it's a New Year's party, but if you drink anything before, your contract

is voided. Yeah, one drink. We're like, okay. Now, at that time, I damn sure had never gone on stage without having at least a couple drinks. Oh, Lord. But I also wasn't about to drive all the way back to Chattanooga without that $3,000. Yeah, that was the whole thing. That was the whole thing. It's like, man, we,

and it was a test of goddamn wheels. It was unreal. I can't believe it. Yeah, dude, you're talking about two boner snorting, boner-pill snorting motherfuckers. We're not going to have a drink before we go on stage. So I said all that to say this We get in there, we go do the show Now turns out

Maybe only comedy fans will appreciate this But Hellgig from Beyond Hellgig So we get there and we find out that We're not the show We're DJ's opening for me And I'm technically opening up for a band

And it was one of them like local ass bands That they apparently play there every year And those people paid a lot of money to be there It was a shit ton of money They paid like 60s $75, $75 packages on top of getting rooms. Yeah. And but they were all there to see the band.

And like, not only were they there to see the band, they knew them, motherfucker. So, this is their favorite fucking band. So, now, I didn't know none of that shit. So. And all their kids were there? Yeah, it was weird. It was fucking weird.

It was fucking insane. Okay, they're always selling bottles, too. They're always selling bottles, but there are goddamn cans. Yeah, we couldn't figure it out. Dude, I mean, there's only, once, there was only one answer. And that was that they were getting fucked up. They were, yeah, and they were. They were trash.

So, dude, DJ, I don't know, we had that dude introduce you or something, and I'm sitting there like, well, you know, as long as it don't go too bad, we'll get our money, we'll end up having some drinks with these people, everything will be, we got a free hotel out of it, all that shit. Well, you went up, and as I said earlier, this was 50 miles from Westboro Baptist Church, and you, at the time, which I don't mean, still be, you were doing a joke about Westboro Baptist. Right. And so, me and you had talked about it before, and you were like, wonder how that joke's going to go over? And I said, dude, honestly, I'm pretty sure Westboro Baptist is universally hated. Like, even if you're... And you would, like, seriously. Even if you're a super hardcore Christian, those, they hate those people because they don't think they represent them.

So I said, honestly, I think if it would go over, it would go over here better than fucking anywhere. And bruh... Man, the death. Dude, you did that Joe. All the death. Not just booze, like, fucking... People were staring at you like they were about to kill you. You.

There was, like, one dude just kept on yelling something about, uh, this is America, fucking, I don't know. To Westboro, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, they're doing that shit. You do, I don't even know how much, you did your time. And then it was, I mean, nothing. They fucking hated every second of you.

They were booing. And I'm not, this ain't a slide at you. You're a great comic. They sucked. Oh, no, man. No, because the worst that they sucked, I decided to just suck twice. I mean, like, to be accurate, I did not do us any favors. Like, and I know, like, no, of course you didn't, but like, dude, still, like, you should think that talking shit about one of the most villainous hate groups in American history, you would have carte blanche on that.

Man, you know, it was like everything, though, dude. It was like, from the minute I stepped out there, man, it was like, these are not my people. You know what I'm saying? Like, these are not. They look like my people. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But they ain't my people.

So your West Berger joke, coupled with the fact that they really just wanted to see the band, they boo you. Not only that, they're booing you. And they're mad. Then you, we shotguned it. We were going to host. You brought me up and they booed me going on stage. Yeah.

So I walk up there and I, because I was like, well, we're in it now. I just started talking shit about them, love. in Westboro Baptist Church, and then I was like, then that wasn't working. I thought it would be, for some reason I thought, oh, if I talked to him about it again,

you know, two wrongs, make it right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then that's the best way to do it. Just keep repeating the thing that you said. That didn't work at all. And I've been up there.

And I was like, fuck it, I'll go into my act. And so I start doing my act, and I swear on my life, I'd been up there for a, I'd been up there, I know it because the lady told me.

It felt like an eternity, but it was only 11 minutes. And, like, I hadn't even hardly done two jokes yet. And I look over and this fucking lady is looking at me, giving me the cutthroat sign. Dude, and she's looking. I was like, and I just got in a microphone. I go, what, don't do this joke?

And she goes, no, you're done. You're done. And I was like, oh, okay. And so I walk off. And then the dude comes up and he's like, all right, comedy, everybody, boo, whatever. And I was like, ma'am, did I do something wrong? And she goes, oh, and she was super sweet at then. She goes, oh, honey, no, no, no.

It's just that they very clearly just want to see the band. and like they weren't ever going to like you. And I just, you don't have to go through that. And I said, okay, well, but my,

I said, I did not void my contract. I was willing to do my time. She goes, honey, it's fine. You get to keep the money. You didn't,

you know, and again, we did not drink a beer, didn't do nothing. Well, we're, after all that, it's gone not well.

Yeah. The band starts playing. You won't believe this. They fucking suck. Oh, the worst. They fucking totally, fucking just.

So me and you, I remember going back up to the hotel, and we were like, We're in the room and we're like, man, God damn it, this fucking sucks. I don't want to hang out with these people. And then we were like, well, it is free beer and it's New Year's Eve and this is where we're stuck here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we're like, you know what, fuck then.

We'll just go down there. Let's go be positive and try to make the best of a situation. That's going to work out. Dude, we got so fucking hammered. Oh, yeah. Thinking that we'd warm up to him. Oh, yeah. They couldn't have hated us more.

Dude. And now, I'm reading, this is coming from, uh, I don't, well, I kind of remember this, but it was read back to us by the hotel staff in about a week or so when they were attempting to say that we avoided the contract and we're trying to get us to send them the money back because they claimed that we were hammered the whole time on stage, which we weren't. What they were referring to was afterwards, which they said afterwards is totally fine to have a beer. Well, we got so goddamn drunk. At one point, you stood up on a table, grab your nuts and told the whole room to suck your dick and that Westboro was a bunch of people. pieces of shit. Yeah.

And, you know, again, maybe not the classiest move, but not in void a contract. But, man, when we, our follow-up to that was, was a real kicker. The,

the, the, the, the, the, the, complete annihilation of that fucking hotel room. Oh, dude. There has never been a hotel room.

No, dude. More destroyed. It was, it was unbelievable. That was wonderful. Actually, you know that, you know, the joke that I did, the joke I did tonight on stage, just the one line in it when I say,

uh, I woke up covered in who's, blood, not mine. Who knows? That's based on, that story's not that, but it's based on, so we,

we go up here, and I don't remember, I don't remember, I don't, I don't remember, oh yeah, I got a picture, you butt-necked,

don't I. People, when I was coming up out of the toilet, but I had all that fucking Oh, I don't even know how to find that. Dude,

you, man. But anyways, I said all that, oh, shit, I woke up the next day, and I'm, in so much, I don't remember none of it.

I don't know how all this shit happened. I have no idea. I woke up in so much fucking pain and I roll over and it's just cracking in my bed and I look down and I'm literally I'm literally covered from head to toe with blood my own blood.

It was so great. Dude and I'm like what the- It was so great. And I'm just, I just go, what the fuck? And I looked over and you go, oh yeah, buddy, I broke a lamp in your bed last night. But man, you were fucking, you were having fun. Oh, I wasn't mad at you.

I looked around and considered I didn't remember sleeping in a broken lamp. I then said, well, you stole a guy's jacket, you stole a guy's jacket, and you fucking, and he had a kick-ass time? I didn't know that. At the time, we go to leave, and we're having to drive 18 out. The most hungover I've been up until that point, and we're like, well, we got to fucking drive home. I can't be in Kansas no more. So we're leaving, and you go, get your jacket. And I go, that ain't my fucking jacket. And you go, you sure is shit, we're wearing it all last night. And I was like, no shit.

And so I just grabbed it. And I was like, well, fucking, I ain't going to return it to the hotel. You know, we got to get the fuck out of here, was we thought we was going to God. damn jail because we did they were well yeah man and they had stole they stole all my merch yeah yeah and the jacket was worth that for sure that I still have and I didn't know I didn't know how good I got on that jacket but I took it home and uh I didn't have to pay for that lamp I showed yeah that's wait did you I thought they ended up oh they did they no yeah yeah we'll get we'll get to that yeah we'll get to that so I got home with the jacket now we'll come back to the other thing and my mom was like damn that's a nice p coat I've never I didn't know that's what that was called and she goes uh I said yeah I guess so

that's a peacock She goes, yeah, what kind is it? And I go, I don't know. I said, apparently I accidentally

stole it in, in fucking yada, Salina. And I handed it to her and she's like, this is a fucking Michael Coors jacket, and I didn't know what that meant.

She looked it up on the internet. It was a goddamn $450 peacote my ass took off with. I mean, dude, either of a motherfucker was just too scared to ask for you badly. Guarant, buddy,

I know that's right. Dude, I mean, you got to imagine how, how, how haggard eyes looked. Dude, you just steal that guy's coat

just walking around. Yeah, y'all Westboro loving motherfuckers can suck my dick. Yeah, it's cold. Give me that. So we leave the hotel in absolute Led Zeppelin-era shambles. Oh, man, it was a wreck. We fucking, we get back. And then this is, Drew was living in New York doing a doc, document work or whatever.

Trey was still in Oak Ridge working at the DOE. I was painting with Big Ed. You were working at Shop, right. So we all go back to our normal fucking beginning of the year lives, but me and you are $3,000 richer. And all of a sudden, we start getting phone calls like a motherfucker. First one was from Janet. She's like, Corey, what the fuck did y'all do?

And I was like, I didn't realize that it was actually the big of a deal. I didn't either. But they really, they really over-dramatized the entire fucking thing. Dude, all that, now all that shit at the end, yeah, we ought not done. that but my point and I stand by this and it's obviously true because we get out of it is Janet goes what the fuck did you do and this is how big of a piece of shit I am as soon as she said that the first thing I said was didn't void my contract I know that didn't void my contract because I knew where this shit was going she's like I just got a call from

the booker that's a fucking like that show it pays so much like yeah it's a hell gig but like they're going to end up losing that guy's going to end up losing his rights to do comedy there and he did and he did they've never done comedy there again and they didn't need to no they didn't need to now I've seen Vince told Janet all that shit about what happened at first. And I was like, Janet, they literally didn't even let me do 10 minutes. She's like, were you up there doing offensive shit? And I was like, I mean, literally all I did was I said something about Westboro Baptist.

And I was weird that they were getting mad about that. And she's like, them motherfuckers that hold up, God hates fag signs. I was like, yeah, Janet's like, what? Well, fuck them. And then I said, and then anyways, we get a call from the Booker. And he's like, look, hotel called. They were talking about how before the shit. show.

They, so all the shit we just said that happened after the show, they were just saying that all happened before the show and that, uh, yeah, we voided, we voided our contract. Man, there's something else, too, that it was like a really fucking elaborate, fucking, like, crazy ass. I ended up having to talk to the woman at the front desk and sitting there going, like, ma'am, I know, let me explain to you. And I'm telling her how much money I don't have and how, like, I promise you, I didn't have a single beer because I didn't want to compromise that $3,000.

Dude, we went through it that fucking day, dude. We didn't have any drugs, dude. Yeah, it was awful. Dude, it was fucking... Oh, and that's another thing that I... It had just snowed. It had just fucking snowed like, fuck. That's another detail.

I don't think I mentioned that we drove 18 hours straight and got there in time to do the show. Dude, we didn't drive 18 hours sleep and then do the show. Dude, this is after... And that is after, uh, fucking dude, we had been, we had been all up in Michigan, Minnesota. Oh, yeah, we had been fucking, dude, we had been fucking... Oh, yeah, we did a goddamn goonies or whatever. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck, dude.

About died 100,000. How many times have we almost died out there, like, fucking storms when that fucking lightning hit the fucking gas station, dude, when we were under there on our way to, where were we going? Oh, my God, Alabama. And the Lord came back. Oh, God, yeah, dude, yeah, coming down the mountain. Yeah. Oh, hold on. Let me wrap this Salinas story up, and then I want to talk about when we were in fucking Rochester, Minnesota, because God damn that's some funny shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn, dude, dude, just like road story? Just to sum it up, they were trying to say that we drank before the show and thus voided our contract. And I'm not just trying to make ourselves look good. We absolutely did not. That did not happen. Struggles to say sober.

Yeah, we did not. We do. We were right. Well, then they were talking about, no, you did. You voided your contract. And then I hadn't even thought about this fucking part. They go, we're going to need our money back. and I was like, oh shit, they already paid it.

Like, we already had the cash. I about died laughing. I was like, what the fuck? You think I'm going to send you cash through the mail? First off, I haven't spent that shit. That's how shady the motherfuckers are. Like, looking back on it, too, it's obvious, man. Y'all motherfuckers are just, I mean, whatever the fuck happened, and I don't know what

happened, but I'm sure we weren't the only motherfuckers to fuck up a TV that night. You know what I'm saying, dude? No, we were damn sure the only righteous ones. I know that. That's the goddamn truth, man. Yeah, fuck them. Man. Well, I remember, so this will sum it up very briefly.

So they, I tell them, well, I'm not sending you the goddamn money back. And then they were like, well, we can sue you. And I'm like, and get what? Yeah. Whatever. And they go, we can sue you. And also, you're going to have to pay for this hotel room. So we immediately called our lawyer.

Our lawyer, none other than co-host of this podcast, Drew Morgan. We called Drew in New York. And he's like, yeah, give me their number. That motherfucker, he called me back within 20 minutes. and he goes, hey, everything's fine. You don't have to pay for the fucking hotel. And I was like, what did you just do? He goes, I just ran circles around this motherfucker

and scared the shit out of all. Yeah, I remember. Yeah, dude. I remember. And then they called me back and apologize to me. That's how whatever Drew did, I don't know the terms or what he said. Man, they were being sketchy and he caught him on her bullshit. He did.

He caught him on her bullshit. He's like, y'all got some bullshit. Get down there with it. Drop a pen so we know where the bullshit is and we won't come around the bullshit no more. GPS ain't working. We'll draw you a map of that bullshit. That bullshit and where it art be. So, yeah, Drew, that was the first time I employed.

Employed. Drew is my lawyer, and he got us out of it. We were $3,000 richer, and we almost snorted my dad's boner pills. Anyways, when we were in, this is one my favorite things about you and how you got it. This is one of the first cases of you, you call it, I pled red. And you didn't even know you did it. We fucking, so we go to Rochester. I know it.

Yeah, I know it. Yeah. So we go to Rochester, Minnesota. and with that one, I want to say, dude, did we drive there, do the gig, and then drive straight back that night? We did. We did because we didn't want to buy a hotel.

Right, right. And it was during the storm. Remember we were in that little VW car. Yeah. But I got sucked up underneath that fucking goddamn fucking 18 wheeler. Yeah. Dude, fuck that.

That whole thing. That was so terrifying. How many times did we almost fucking die? A lot. A lot. Dude, it's just being like just, ominous the whole time ran over

coming out of a fucking McDonald's yeah so we drove however many hours it is to Minnesota we got straight on stage did the show and then we were sitting there

like man and we didn't make no goddamn money hell you were actually the only one of work you were the one working I was just doing a guest spot remember I lost my ID man

and I couldn't get my check cashed yes and we didn't have no god damn dude I forgot about that dude we about didn't fucking make it home

and this is that there was no PayPal, no Vimmo, I couldn't get any emergency money. How the fuck? How do we? I don't even know how we got some fucking money. I think, I think the lady at the fucking Walmart was just like, took pity on it. I think that's actually what happened. She's just like, yeah, you look like this is your check.

It's not for a lot of money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It says the word comedy on it. Yeah, this must be you. God, dude. So one of my favorite parts is we, this is how our brains worked at the time, was we get there, we drive straight there, do the show and then we're like, fuck, we don't want to get a hotel,

we want to get fucking back, it'll save us money. If we then just literally spend an entire day driving no sleep. But then we were like, okay, I tell you what though. We were maniacs. Yeah, we were like, oh dude, we were. We were like, how about, okay,

but to wake us up a little bit, how about we go to the bar just for a couple drinks? Just for a couple drinks. And then we'll drive back. It'll be fucked. Then we'll drive back from the north all the way to the south. That's what we'll do.

So you're like, Yeah, buddy, you can sleep the first run, baby, and then, you know, you take over once you sober up, you'll just, of course, be drunk the whole time. Well, this is my favorite part. So we go to this place, and we drink our ass off and fucking just have a blast. And then, sure is shit, got in the car, drove back. That's the first time that either one of us had ever driven around a roundabout.

Yeah. And we couldn't figure it out. And we sat there and drove around a roundabout at least 15 loops. At least. While a fucking cop was. sitting at the gas station looking at us just being like, look at these two fucking rednecks that can't figure out this goddamn roundabout. Didn't pull us over a shit.

By the way, I should say this, in no way am I advocating drunk driving or this behavior. We were wrong. We shouldn't have done it. However, hindsight is 2020. Yeah, and we pay for all that shit. Oh, buddy. With that dude. Almost with our life several times.

But one of my favorite things is we do all that shit. We about get killed in a storm. We make it back. Lord God, I know that you had to pay the smoking fee on that fucking rental car. We blasted that shit out. So we get back home and me and you, we were talking, and you'd had Dre's credit card. That's how it was.

You found out that you randomly just had Dre's credit card in something, and that's how we had money to get something to get. All right. Anyways, we get back home, and she's fucking, she goes and looks at the charges, and she's giving you down the road because there's like four different charges for a decent amount of money from Rochester taxing. company and we're sitting there and you're like

what the fuck we didn't take no goddamn taxi we had a fucking car what the fuck is this bullshit and I'm just like Dre calls me or I see her at the club and I'm like Dre I swear to God that right there's bullshit somebody like scanned our shit and they have absolutely hacked us and I believe the shit out of this because I like I said we didn't

take a cab once definitely not four fucking times and she's like well what else she goes I guess it's fraud and so DJ you called the fucking credit card office we's together and you're sitting there telling I'm like I can't you I ain't done this shit and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I promise you, I don't give a...

And, you know, you pled red. And what DJ does is this thing where when he calls customer service, he's as loud, redneck, and scary as he can be. And eventually they just do whatever he wants because they don't want to talk to him anymore. And it works every fucking time. You better be glad I'm not paying these damn bills. You wouldn't even have a job. Who would you be calling if I started paying my bills?

So they take all the money. They're like, all right, sir, it wasn't you, whatever. And they took all the charges off of it. period. And then, we're like, all right, well, I'm glad we settled that. Then, a couple days later, we were talking to, or I was, or one of us on Facebook was talking to one of the comics that was

at that show from Minnesota. And we were just like, yeah, I'll tell you what happened to us. We apparently got our credit card to hack because we had four charges on the credit card for like 50 bucks a piece from Rochester taxi company, and we didn't even take a fucking taxi. And the guy goes, that's the name of the bar, y'all went.

Yeah. And we're like, oh, shit. So, anyways, we got drunk for free. Yeah, man. Yeah, play it red. And then, and then double-red-in-a-mup, man, when the fucking, when I got all those fucking charges for driving to those tolls. Yeah, dude. I fucking just live that, the same thing with the rental car company. Yeah. And they were just like, sir, please get off the goddamn phone. We'll give you however much money you want. I mean, they just took the charter of those.

Yeah. We'll give you a stake in this company if you'll shut the fuck up right now. Man, you know, it would have been worth it. Well, I said those two stories to say this. I'm really glad you're back on, we're back on the road. Baby, man. We ain't going to do that bullshit this time. No, no, no, no, no.

We're semi-sober now and not insane. And, you know, and I have a wife and a niece. I don't be, A, I don't be driving drunk. And B, we're just none of that shit. I ain't going to wake up in blood or nothing. Yeah, man, yeah. It's weird looking back on shit, man, now. Because, like, I'm super, dude, I'm like, man, I regret nothing.

You know what I'm saying? I regret none of it But I definitely see the error in my way Taking accountability I was wrong a whole whole fucking bunch Yeah But it was fun as fuck at times And that type of experience

I would never trade anything for it No I mean I think about shit like that all the time Like when I was 16 I got a DUI Got expung because I was in a field And you're not really supposed to breathalize me On private property after four hours later But whatever fuck the po-po

I think about it all the time like I was 16, I wrecked my new truck. I mean, I wasn't brandy about my new to me truck. It was awesome. Immediately when I got my license, I endangered the lives of other people. And it really set the tone for my next two years of high school. Like, I went from this guy who was just like, you know, it's Corey's funny, whatever, too. Like, some of my buddies weren't allowed to hang out at my house anymore because that's

Corey, drives drunk, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I think about all that shit. And then I think back on it. And I'm like, but man, I don't think I'd be the supreme. piece of shit I am today if it weren't for that. I mean, so I don't regret it. I mean, I'm not glad that other people were endangered, but like, I mean, that was just something that made me who I am, getting to do you out of field.

It was hilarious. It was stupid, but I learned from it. Yeah, and hopefully they did too. Yeah, it'll be fucking running that. Yeah, don't ride the bed of a truck. You don't ride in the bed of a truck when a fucking drunk guy's doing donuts in it. Yes, you do that. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they about died, too. Man, I've no idea, but they did it. I mean. Oh, a little weird button to that story. That party. And this will take two seconds. That party was a going away party for my buddy Robbie Lee Robertson, Chris's brother. He was going to play football at Marrival College.

And he went there that week to go to football camp. That's where they had the party for. And you know who also was playing for Marville College and at that same camp who I wouldn't, who I wouldn't meet for another almost eight years or six years? Drew Morgan. Drew was the quarterback and Robbie Lee was playing defensive end. They never, they probably saw each other, but they didn't like, Meet, meet, meat. But, like, we found that out, like, just two years ago.

They were, we were all hanging out talking. He's like, you were at that fucking camp? Rob's like, yeah, he's like, I fucking played quarterback there. Small fucking world. Oh, well, you know, dude, sports in the South, though, is very highly inter- I mean, it's, I mean, like. Yeah, and it's a small college and whatever, but just wild that they went to that, they both went to that school, didn't know each other, and then years later.

Anyways, buddy, God damn, and I'm so pumped that we're on the road. Have me, too, man. What we're doing right now is we just did a, uh, I had a show of my own tonight. Dude, it was so great. It was so great. It was so great. Well, thank you, baby.

I did a Baptist college. Yeah, man. If you can believe it after hearing all the shit that I just said. And so me, it was in our show, as I said, this Friday is in Durham. And my show tonight was an hour from there. So I don't have a show tomorrow or the next day, but me and DJ just got a fucking Airbnb for the week here in Durham. And we're hanging out. We're going to catch up with our pal Sarah Shook.

And, but again, man, I was so glad that you came tonight because, number one, at those college shows, I normally just fucking alone. And it's just, I have to sit in there and just deal with the misery by myself. But you were there, and surprisingly, it was my favorite college show I've ever done. It wasn't bad. For one, man, I have to say this in night. Progressive Presents precious moments. Hey, Jess, want to come for a ride on my motorcycle?

You know, we can talk about our feelings and explore our emotional compatibility. I thought you'd never ask. The exchange you just heard didn't actually happen, but it could. Bundle your home and other vehicles with Progressive and you could use the savings to make sure the motorcycle is always ready for your dream girl. So keep the dream alive and the savings coming with Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company affiliates and other insurers. Dude, I cannot believe how, like, I said it earlier, how respectful. You were just so, but you're still yourself.

You know, man, it's like people. What he means by that is I literally didn't find out it was a Baptist college until five minutes before I walked on stage. I had no fucking idea. And in no way, pantered. And let me tell you all something. If y'all think I'm going to sit here and kiss his ass right now? Oh, no, no, he would never. Oh, dude.

No, no, no. And I totally expected you to go up there and just fucking just drive that plane into that. And I was going to love it. That's what I was waiting for. That's why I was. Yeah, but I went out first and got a good laugh. And I was like, okay, they're all right. And then I didn't make fun of Jesus ever.

I made fun of church, which is fine. I made fun of church in like a loving way, and they laughed at it, and then I was like, all right, we're good. And then I kind of peppered it in the rest of the night. But like, I know what you're saying, because, dude, that's old Corey, and that's the Corey you used to definitely know.

I'd go up there and go immediately think, well, they're going to hate me. So fuck them, and I'm going to talk about how much Jesus sucks. Yeah. But I didn't. I just did my act, and it was fucking fine. I had a great time.

Man, dude, it was so good, dude. It was, I was, I was, I was cracking up watching other people. Like, you know what I mean? Especially some of the bits that I'm super familiar with. Because they're so young. Oh, dude. It's so good.

It's so good to watch it. Dude, I don't know why people are so shitty about the youth of today. They are so great. What, did you hear that portion of it? I've tried to explain. I'm trying to work on a bit, especially in college, is how, like, I want to be the anti-kids these days, dude. Because the older you get, the more you're, it's not the more tempted you just blame everything on the kids but you get old you stop understanding stuff so instead of

being like like it starts with music you start hating the music just because it doesn't sound like the music you like and that can be true but i just i fight that fucking every day i'm like i'm not gonna be like everybody's capos so deep dude music has been it's it's a constant evolution of how it is recorded yeah and how it is recorded the the way that it sounds like the the very and it just be very minute details if you're not really paying attention to it, but just the sound of a vinyl record, right? Right.

Now, that whole thing there, how different that it makes an album sound. And that's what is how different the sound of how they're recording music now digitally, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. And like how it was before when it was like, all analog on tape

and like fucking... Yeah, so, I mean, that's what I'm trying to do is go up there and be like, you know anytime i know baby boomers shit on y'all i understand that but like i i think you all are great i think you're the best generation and then of course i talk shit to him but like i just don't want to be the guy that goes up there goes fucking kids these days i want to do the opposite and go y'all are so much better than my generation it's ridiculous my generation is responsible for half of this shit well i mean that's this is the baby boomers and shit like that and but like my generation dude

we're the first generation to like grow up they are the first generation to grow up only with the internet. Like, they've never known nothing but the internet, but my generation, your generation, we're the first generation to have a regular childhood,

which we did, and then get the internet. And boy, as soon as we did, it was just nothing but dicks and fucking butts. Man, you know what? This is what we were talking about earlier.

It's like, well, how much the, the, for one, you're, like, the way the,

the, how fast technology is, is moving. Like, you're not going to be able to keep law to, no, to say it at all.

But, but, like I don't think that I think one of the weird things about like what's going on with society right now is like I don't think people were ready to meet each other

so intimately you know what I'm saying and then the internet came along and it's like oh shit I know too many motherfuckers yeah yeah yeah I'm getting a lot of different opinions that aren't you know what I mean like and it's from both sides

from both sides man it's it's a crazy thing like neither side was aware of the other other in what they really were. Oh, without a doubt, dude. And so when people all found out that there was a yoga class somewhere with a, you know, I mean, he lost this goddamn mind and he got crazy with his ideals and stuff. Up on his bullshit.

And then he had made memes, him and his brother made some memes. God damn it, man. And by the way, this is how I know. Memes are literally my favorite thing on earth. Like, this is one of my, I won't say, well, Well, kind of a guilty pleasure because I'll just sit there and look at memes. But obviously, by definition of the word meme, it's the thing that's just out there a lot and everybody likes it. And it's funny.

But like, this is it short for something, meme? No. Okay. Is it just, is that somebody just make that word out? Now, this is one of my favorite things that we do on the podcast, and I'm glad that you can be involved in it. It's where we pose a question that we easily could find out what the answer is by me just getting on my phone and getting on the internet. net yet I refuse to do that so we're just going to figure this out I heard now I don't know exactly what the word meant but it like originated this is what I heard could be very fucking wrong I'm sure

that people are about to tweet and tell me like that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard my life but it's like it started in like Egypt back in the day like tootun common shit and like that was what's hilarious is is how cyclical the world is it was carvings and pictures of cats because you know they worship cats well think about this what is one of the most popular memes on the internet is cat shit no not cat shit but like dude

the cheeseburger cat grumpy cat we've stayed worshipping cats for a goddamn millennia and they've always been part of the meme Zat guys if I'm correcting that now meme is one of the one of the they point at

the modernized version of meme is the obey giant from the 80s. You remember that? It's that cartoonish picture of Andre the Giant and it just started popping up everywhere

because some like Banksy type art dude just kept putting it up. So like it's just a thing that gets out and it gets everywhere and there's no explanation and people just fucking like it

but I fucking do. I said all that to say this. This is how I know that memes ain't going nowhere and how great they are is that what you just said memos and pepaws have found out about memes

and unlike literally everything else they still can't ruin it. They're still great. You know what I'm saying? They're trying. They make shitty ones. Man, I've seen some good ones, man. I've seen some good ones in the fact that...

With memos and peat-pals? Well, yeah, you know, with the fucking skulls and shit, you know, with the heart. Are you talking about those memes? You're talking about memos and peat-balls making skull memes? I was thinking about memos and peat-ball making, like, these are some memes I see. Did I just show my... Is my aluminum foil showing up here? No, no, no.

No, I believe you. The memes, when you said memean-pea-paw's making memes, the first thing that I thought of was I remember when one's circulating, when there were riots and looting in, oh my God, Missouri a couple years back, when, son of a bitch, I can't remember, the police shot an unarmed black kid. I mean, I could say any year, and that was true.

Yeah. But it happened at Ferguson. And there were loots, looting in riots, and a meme that I saw in the me-maw and pepaw faction of Facebook was one. that was looting in Ferguson at the top of the meme, and then it's like broken windows of the picture, and at the bottom,

notice all the work boots are still there. Like, they didn't steal the work boots. Oh, yeah, man. And I just remember thinking, all right, so a kid just got killed by the police. Now, I'm not sitting here saying looting and riding is the answer, but I also know that right in your fucking senator don't work either. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? So, and your first reaction to that is, lazy-ass motherfucker. Do you know how hard it is to break into a CVS? Nobody, Memaw's, and people ain't got to wear with all. No, man.

See, that's one of those. That was made by just... They were sharing it. I don't think of meme on people made it, but they shared the fuck out of us. Most of the old people on my Facebook, man, they share stuff like glittery skulls and like... I see that, yeah, yeah.

When I think of meme, and that is definitely a meme by the definition. When I think a meme, I mean like... A picture, words at the top, clarification at the bottom. What's your favorite one? of the Irma Gare was I still love it as time was

Man I loved all those Classes with the bad luck Brian was always pretty funny it's not my favorite but Man dude there were some bangers Man there's really been some like some excellent excellent work out there in the internet community as far as like I have man

spent so many hours just just enjoying just just the absolute free time of a bunch of real maniacs out there in the world just putting their mania out in it. And the crazier it is, the funnier it is. I wish that it was more acceptable to be able to laugh at your pain, I guess, I suppose,

would be it as, like, at a more, like, because I remember when the, the, the whole trans bathroom thing was going on, and there was, like, this sassy people. I don't think they're done with it, but, yeah. Well, you know what I mean, the bathrooms. But, no, when it got, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, no, you're, I was being a dick. You're right. when it first started like in 2016 or whatever.

Yeah. I mean, when it really took off. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Opening weekend of the trans. Yeah. Yeah, man. I remember there was a sassy peepaul one.

Oh, Lord. And there was like this, this like, it was like an older gentleman and he was like in like a boocier and a fucking and said some like, I guess that's what they call it. Oh, yeah.

It was quite dutied up. I tell you it in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it was like, Do you want your child using the bathroom with, you know, who whatever, this or whatever? And I was always thinking, man, it's like, dude, I just can't imagine, like, a world we're just like,

that guy's walking around in North Carolina. You know what I'm saying? I can see that. I can see that. Well, yeah, but I'm saying, like, that's insane. Well, I mean, well, you know what they'll do back. When I was going to church, the big thing was it was a, and there's a song about this.

it's called dick suck rape and what they do and in church and in church that's what they do they fucking fornicate on you and they just bust in on you and they make you gay that is how it works that's what I was always told

no that's just fucking crazy like so I guess that is why they were worried about it they were worried about that because we did learn that in church yeah no without a doubt dude it's fucking crazy

like they couldn't even stand it Like, they were almost like you wanted, they made you want, they were wanting you to believe that, like, they couldn't control themselves. Like, like, if you were around a gay person, they were just going to freak out and just start sucking your dick right there and just like fucking, like, because they couldn't take it anymore. Right. It was like an insanity. And I think that's a weird thing to think about a person. Yeah, it's crazy. Like, how would you not have already identified that?

Like, I mean, like, a person like they couldn't hide, right? No. They really have to be like. That's what I'm saying is like, dude, if you're, if you're, especially in North Carolina, if you are, if you're a transgender person comfortable enough to walk around, which I wish that you could, but it's just the unfortunate case you can't. But like, if you are, I guarantee you you're fucking nicer than any of these little piece of shit, snotty kids.

Now, it might be because I'm, I'm, my brother is, is gay or it might just be because of just my circle of friends. But, man, I don't think a region, region has much to do. with it. I guess you're right, but it's just the stigma. I know a butt. I mean, like, I really know a lot of, like, post-stop, like, people who've had the full legit on the hormones, like, going through it, Instagram, and I'm, like, I'm, like, legit.

I don't from where, where we're from. I, just because by virtue of what we've done, like, I'm fortunate enough to have met the majority of my transgender, the people on this tour at our shows, just because, like, I always felt we, in one of our podcast, you know, in one of our podcast, you know, cast classics uh, whiskey wieners and gold. We, I posited to people because people in Chikamaga were always just like,

oh, there ain't no, there ain't no such thing as gay people in Chikamaga. They, these people, what happens is they go out to California and they start sucking waders and my thing was like, no, they went there to suck wieners because they can't do it here.

Right. Because y'all are rude. Right. So like, yeah, I mean, I of course know that gay people are born everywhere. I'm just saying like, oh, I know, I know. You're definitely. You're definitely.

No, I'm saying like, it's like, dude, just obviously because of how the stigma is and I'm doing my best to change it but it's a very fucking uphill battle as a gay person there's no way you don't feel less comfortable in North Carolina

than you would in say San Francisco y'all y'all man you've met my brother that motherfucker used to get out into the fucking out in the yard in our trailer yeah well of course of course we live in a very weird

yeah area of it but he man nobody's gonna fuck with the wild shirtless gay guy at the trailer dude but he had a little shorty short song man after listening to Florence of the machine

fucking getting it fucking singing as loud of the kid hell yeah yeah fucking goddamn mowing the yard and man I mean you could see people like being like what the fuck is going on

yeah yeah like what has happened here is this shit he really listen to Florence on the machine Jesus Christ like what the fuck is that no I mean that's what I'm saying like but it's weird like I don't know dude

I just weird like okay because I know all those people outside of my face and outside of my face and by the way that may have been out of context I didn't mean to I didn't say transgender is weird. I'm saying it's weird

that people have these hangups. I just realized that sound bite could have sounded if somebody just tuned in you said something about transgender people and talked about your brother being gay.

And I was just like, yeah, it's just weird. I'm so, I'm so faded, dude. Right now, I'm just hoping like this stuff is like

it's gonna make any kind of sense. Oh, it does. I'm with it. Okay, cool. It'll make sense enough to where I think it's a good listen. Okay, good, good, good. Look, if people,

people that have listened to you on this podcast before, they tuned in knowing exactly this was about... Oh, yeah, yeah, it's about to get weird. Yeah, yeah. Basically, this is what we have... It has been awesome, too, just... And, man, I can't even...

People can... Whoa! I did not even mean to do that. I lifted my leg and I fart just bellowed. It gushed so far out of my asshole. Like, I feel like that one was in my back. Dude, it... That was, dude, that was insane.

That really was. Can I tell you, you know why it sounded weird? Because of the fucking, I've been rubbing that weed salve in my butthole. So like, it's weird sounding. It's hilarious. I love it so much. I about do it now. Yeah, well, I put it in there earlier today and it's just still up there.

Like, you can wash it out all you want, but it's still, it's like a greasy salve. So, like, I mean, I honestly at this point, I do it half to get a little high and half because, do, my fart sounds so funny, which while I'm high is the greatest thing. So I should have a wig salve in my butt and then I fart and it's so funny. I didn't do that just to be funny. I swear to God, I lifted my leg and I was slid out.

So last week y'all were talking about, damn, that you look like the dude and Trey Nell that fucking. Oh, he did. I just, I always look like I farted. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. And the thing is that Drew is the fart-ness motherfucker ever has been. Dude, oh my God, dude.

What time, dude. No, go ahead. Preach, baby. Preach. I'll just tell you about that. Man, one of my favorite things in the world is to fuck with Drew, right? Yeah, I'd love to see. I can't wait to see you do it this week.

Dude, well, I mean, I'm going to tell you, man, it's a pretty even bad, but I don't even fucking. I remember one time. Oh, the boy can spar. I ain't saying that. You know what I mean? You better bring. I'm not trying to say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you bring your shit. You're going to fuck with her. But, uh, I remember I got him to drink a whole bunch of, uh, fucking amino acids. What was that fucking shit called that goddamn? that apple cider vinegar. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, right before our show. Oh, God, damn.

Lord, I bet he about died. Dude, we were both. We were both of it. It was worth it. But yeah, yeah. Dude, I'd be with him after he ate sourcrout. I can't imagine just mainline and vinegar. Oh, dude.

Oh, yeah, dude. It was great. It was great. Yeah, but again, every, so he does that. Then he farts and then everybody just looks and he's like, but it was him. Yeah. Me.

Oh, man. Yeah, you totally look like you. Yeah. But, I mean, you just, and I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't want. I wouldn't even, I don't smell your fart and not say nothing. I'm not, I'm not kind of friend. And that's the thing. That was a wicked fart, that's like, have you even smell anything?

No, man. No, man, for the most part, mine are just kind of not. It's just for a stinting for a piece. They're loud, they're fucking loud and I get gracious. I don't know, like they don't. So, it really said it had a very unique sound. It had a very unique sound, and I, and I appreciated that. I ain't had no dairy today.

That's why. If I'd have some dairy, Lord God. Does it tighten up or does it? No, I mean, I'm lactose intolerant. So, like, now I don't mind. Does that make you tighter in the butt or looser in the butt? Man, looser, without a doubt. That's what somebody said one time they were like,

you're lactose intolerant, doesn't that bother you? He's like, no, it bothers everybody else. And I'm fine with it. All it doesn't make me fart, farting's awesome. Yeah, dude. I mean, my belly hurts, but you just fart and it's fine. Dude, there's no, dude, I had on plenty of occasions eating stuff that made me fart intentionally.

Yeah. Dude, hell yeah. Ain't it fun? Dude. Cottage cheese makes me fart more than anything. And sometimes I'm home alone, bored, and I don't want to spend any money, but I got some cottage sheets. I'm like, well, I'll just eat some cottage sheets, sit around and fart, watch jaws or something. You know what I'm saying?

Like, oh, dude, dude, what kind of music do you think of shark makes? I don't know, buddy. That is a question. Dunna, dunna. And that happened. Man, music is the fucking, dude. Music is the communication. that is the telekinesis of

because like you know that's a shark you know that's a shark but how did you know that was a shark there's no there's no rule book man there's no book on that shit dude right now he had to feel that shit in his heart that's what a shark sounds like i got you dude it's so crazy me and uh me and tray I don't know if we've talked about on this podcast

but me and him have definitely talked about it uh just together and I know you're going to film me on this music's so fucking crazy because like, are you familiar with the band Explosions in the Sky? Oh, dude. Let me tell you me. Well, then I know you're about to.

Oh, actually, I already know what you're about it's saying. Okay, this is how crazy music is. The first time I ever heard the song, Your Hand in Mine, I was walking around the block, totally fine. Cried, did you? Dude, did you? Squalled like a baby. Dude, like, it hurt, dude, right? There's no words.

I know, dude. They, and I didn't, I didn't, I wouldn't. I wasn't prepped by anyone to say, hey, this is a sad song, you're going to fucking cry. I just started playing it. It's not necessarily a sad song. No, but I get,

it's actually, it makes me happy cry. I get in my feelings, and I just started crying, and I was thinking I was like, there's no words. They know those sounds, the minors and everything put together,

means sad. And I don't know whether it's like, we've heard in movies or whatever, those miners used so many times in sad moments that we associate it with it, or if there's some scientific reasons, like, No, those minors make you say.

Yeah, because they use that, they use that sound to identify and to communicate that feeling. That's crazy. Yeah, before you picked up on it. So it was already there, and great, and there's subconscious. And that fucking, and dude, while we're talking about jaws and, like, scary-type movies or whatever, is it, uh, is it, Michael Myers is that, Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, That's Jason. That's Jason, Forhees, yeah. That's, that's so eerie and crazy.

Why, though? Why? If I heard that shit without seeing his ass, I'd still be freaked out. I associate it with anything. No. That sound itself, it's a big sound, man, I don't know. Because that some bitch just did that and they were just like,

God damn, put that shit in there. That's insane. Do you know what's almost, it's a different feeling, but it's definitely like a long part. It's like when you smell something that... That's the closest to memory there is. Dude, it is something great.

Dude, it's smell like a summer rain or something like that or smell something that you can identify with so deeply. It's like, speaking of crying, this happened to me the other day on a plane where I've also cried several times listening to exposure to the sky. I was coming back from, I don't know what,

but I had early fucking flight. I'm hung over serotonin down. Couldn't, had no fucking, my immune system sucks. I'm on the brink of a disaster, is what I'm saying. And I'm sitting there in first class.

You know how it is. And. Ready for disaster. Yeah, and somebody, an older lady, an older lady walked on the plane and she had on the perfume

that my granny used to wear. Oh, my gosh. And I was like, I had my head down and I just smelled it. And I looked up and buddy, you talk about, I had to, there was somebody sitting next to me and I just kind of just covered my head. And I didn't like, I didn't make, it wasn't like a, huh, ha, ha, but like, it was one of those things where you're not even, I'm not even doing anything, but effortlessly, the tears were just flowing down my face. And I couldn't get that smell out of my nose all goddamn day. And it liked to have fucking killed me. And like, that's crazy.

But that is. See, man, that's what drives me nuts, man. We're supposed to be sane people. We're supposed to, like, behave in a certain kind of way, right? But we only have five senses, man. Now, true enough, these are a fucking amazing senses. Well, actually, I read something the other day was that that's just an old thing and that we actually do have more. We've got to have more.

I don't know how I interpret. Like, okay, this one I am, I'll look up. You keep talking about I'm going to look it up. I just feel like there's got to be more. There's something behind everything. We live. We are all absolutely. I mean, okay, so light moves and waves.

Right? But what makes the light wave? So if something's going faster or something's able to move light, you know what I mean? It's crazy. Because that's how it moves in waves. It travels through waves. So it's got to be traveling on something.

Here's the, and that I got, I finally looked something up because I had to know. These are the five original, which is sight, sound, taste, smell, touch. And here are the other senses. Balance and acceleration. Which that makes sense. I mean, you know, torque, feeling something balanced. Wow, wow, that's just a very interesting.

Temperature. Yeah. Which I guess some people originally thought, well, that's touch or whatever. You feel something and you know the temperature. Temperature. Yeah, because we are communicating. These senses, this is how we're communicating with it. Man, this is really dumb of me, but how do you say?

Is it properoception? Is the kinesthetic sense that provides the, Perid... God damn it. Literally, I ain't even got through one motherfucking sentence

yet, and I can't pronounce three of the goddamn words. Hey, dude. This is my sense of stupid. Have you ever read

the fucking back of a honey bun? Yeah, man. When I'm jerking off all the time. This wasn't glazed before. No, man, that thing reads

like a fucking nuclear bomb, man. And I've never seen the kind of words. I mean, it's almost offensive. Oh, it's the sense

of knowing. the relative positions of the parts of the body. Oh, sure. Neurologist, I just said, I just almost mispronounce a word that I know. They test this sense by telling patients to close their eyes and touch their own nose with the tip of their finger. Oh, yeah, dude. Pain, which I mean, that's feet, but I mean, a pain, all right. Sexual stimulation, duh.

An internal sense, also known as an interoception, is any sense that is normally stimulated from within the body. Farts. yeah now hunger pulmonary stretch receptors peripheral chemo receptors i don't hit uh man what in the fuck nah man somebody somebody somebody somebody somebody somebody somebody somebody we could put a lot of these in the same in the same category yeah that's what i'm saying like uh that's what george carlin did with he uh with all the the cuss word the seven words you can't say it's like we had more but like you know we're like motherfucker is that's one word we're gonna take that out or whatever and you just categorize them as because like temperature i mean i don't know yeah you

feel it's getting hotter but that's almost and we you know it's that it's cold or hot but like okay so what were really or actually the well that dude that's a that's a that's a whole fucking thing like like like how you're the two dumbest motherfuckers that ever have lived how do you define a feeling or sense how do you define a sense how you're sensing something because i'm gonna say what i don't trust nothing i'm seeing right now hell no dude i've never had no you know what i'm saying no no so and i just feel like the i mean like the sense is that the five that we like saying like I don't know how many

there probably are more because there's got to be some sort of spiritual connection somehow I mean I've got a pretty strong sense of doubt if that counts is that a thing? Absolutely rejection fear all those like

young young in like fucking arc types and stuff dude and like since I mean I don't know it's a fucking dude here's what here's what I know about all that dude is like we are

fucking alive, right? arguable. Right. I've seen lost. You know what I'm saying? I still got questions. Dude, man, that fucking whole thing right there was like an exercise,

in patience, and... Eventually futility. Yeah, absolutely. I was going to say credibility. But, man, I'm like, I think back at that show all the time, and I'm like, God damn it, I wish that it had started sucking after season three, not season six or what.

whatever, because if it started second after season three, I've been like, I'm not too far in. I can quit now. But by the time I finally got to the, I was like, man, this is about to be some bullshit, but I've done committed to it. So, God damn it, I'm not going to not finish it. That's a crazy thing that, like, I don't know if people will look back on it. I mean, I guess we are now and, like, see what a huge thing that is. Oh, it was a landmark show, dude, and it was really good for a really long time.

What I remember, like, I mean, like, of course, I didn't, like, I was actually in a position to really watch a lot of series all the way through wait dude you know what's so crazy as I have memories that are about one thing like okay I remember loss being a very big uh the first series that I remember people were like binging on and like yeah yeah they were obsessed with yeah it kind of brought back the water cooler show that had been gone for a while after the 90s uh kind of ended their run

of that type of thing especially for ABC in my opinion Lord I just nerd it out no no no no no it's But it reminded me, though, like, a lot about, like, just the way they used to do shit. Dude, I fucking took what I was going. That's so goddamn funny. You're just like the writer's un-lost. He just started a thing, and then you were like, oh, man, I don't know where the fuck I'm going. Let me just keep rambling for a minute.

All right, and I'm done. And nothing fucking happened. Yeah, I forgot I was talking, actually. It was like, oh, no, I'm actually holding a microphone and talking to it. Like, dude. Ain't that something? Dude, man, well, I was fucking remembering that I, what I was saying was, I replaced memories with other memories. And so I'll be remembering lost.

But then I'll fucking, but how I remember it. It wasn't like when I was a child or anything. It was when I was in prison. Well, it was when you, it wasn't when you were a child. That show came out in, like. I know, but I remember it as a, like, I was going to say that at the beginning of it. Oh, right, right. Oh, you mean the other way, you remember it as a child, even though it didn't happen when you were as a child.

Yeah. Even though it didn't happen when you were as a child. Right. Oh, that's crazy. It's fucking weird, dude. Well, I mean, is that like you blocking out the fact that it's a memory that you associate with prison, so you took that away and put it somewhere else? Because, I mean, you know, for the record, you were also a child in prison because the system's fucked.

Well, yeah. I don't know, man. I quit going to therapy. I feel like I got it from here on. Yeah, you're fine. You're figuring out lost. You know what all the senses are? You're judging my farts.

Are you kidding me? You know what sound of sharks, mate? You're fine. The fuck are you going to therapy for? He knows what sound. a shark makes how can you dispute his reputation yeah to as to how are you feeling tell me tell me what's on your mind today i know i know what a fucking yeah yeah i know what a fucking sound of shark makes they teach you that at fucking feelings college you pussy man dude you know what it's so weird is like

dude i'm at the point now in my life we're like i have admitted that my ignorance to such uh i've shown myself my ignorance and my thoughts uh to such an extent that I'm actually able to let go of a lot of bullshit Right Because like You put so much pressure on yourself to stop doing shit Like you know let's say yeah When I was a drug addict right

I fucking dude Put so much pressure on myself to quit doing drugs They're like I would obsess over being a fucking drug addict And then I couldn't get the fuck out of it Right And meth is one of those things where it's like Super fun Super fun you can put it in your butt

all the time. God, dude. You do so much, get so much done. It's great, really. Yeah. Way, way better for you than, like, other stuff probably. Ain't nobody in the South would have a roof if it wasn't for meth. Dude, it's done so much for our economy, really, man.

My neighborhood. Yeah, man. Dude, Drano sales used to not be shit. We figured that out and we're like, oh, fuck, we can, you know, market to these people. We do not hear at the well-read podcast, me or DJ or Drew or Tray. We're not here. Did we just talk about this? Advocate meth.

You know, what was the first time you saw meth? With you, without a doubt. No, not true. First time I did meth, I'm saying this. Yeah, guys, I've done meth. But only once was it on purpose. The first time, and I won't say the person's name, but it was way back in the day,

you know, back when he was doing all that bad shit, we was talking about the beginning of the podcast that I'm now not doing. But there was an old boy that, too. There was none of this is going on there. Right, yeah. No, no. There was this old boy that I used to, you know,

toot a little coke with from time to time. And he hollered at me after I did this show or something. He's like, come on down. I'm a DJ at this club. You know, we'll go up in the top room. I'll get you a line. We'll hang out. And I was like, all right, word.

Well, I get there. And I'm like, yeah, I'll come in for a quick line. Like, it's like a fucking gentleman doing Coke. And so I go up there. And this city-ass club with this city-ass money. Yeah, dude. And I fucking see. Yeah, yeah.

Everybody's standing around there wearing like jinkos. And it's like, it's 2010. So, like, there's no reason for that. So I'm in the wrong place. Oh, you got a wallet chain. I should be here. Yeah. So anyways, I get up there's a line already,

and I just go to, I go to snort it and do the second that it was going up my nostril. But I couldn't stop. The second it went up there was like, I was like, this is not cocaine. And I fucking lean up. I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude, what the fuck? And he goes, he's like, what? And I was like, what the fuck was that? And he goes, trucker crank, dude.

And I was like, trucker crank. He goes, oh, yeah. That was meth. My bad. And I was like, you don't think. that considering all we've ever snorted together was Coke that you might not need to mention to me. I want to be down

with truck or crank. I was up for two days straight mainly because now that I thought about it and have done meth again and know how it works and I don't do it anymore and I only did it three times. Well, our podcast listeners don't email me. Don't call my mom.

But I totally could have eventually slept within those two days but I was so convinced that I was like I did fucking meth. God damn it, I'm going to be up for a fucking And, dude, I just, I didn't have, ain't, wasn't a soul at my house. It was late. I just walked around, dude, just beating the walls. It's like, God damn it.

I wrote a bunch of shit, but it was malarkey. It was just some garbage. Oh, it was fucking garbage. That's what I like, oh, actually, no, I wrote a joke about meth that weekend that was talking about. That time machine, dude. Yeah, there's that, yeah, there's the meth time machine. And then one of the tags was, uh, to the end of it was like, you know, the thing they don't tell you about meth is, uh, uh, you know, the thing they don't

tell you about meth is uh is uh how god damn fun it is and everybody's like no corey that's ridiculous meth is not fun oh yeah you think there's a lot of people out there just sitting on i'll tell you what this drug fucking sucks but at least i don't have any teeth or a family there is that's like no there's a reason these motherfuckers are doing it oh yeah absolutely people want to like a fucking uh because because people like to feel amazing and awesome and plus dude our culture and i don't know man pills and mess and fucking goddamn scratch-offs, man.

I'd like to say something real quick before we forget. Any college kids listening out there who think that they've never done math or would never do meth, if you've ever done Mali, you've done MET.

Yeah, man, it's got to... We're all street drugs. All street drugs. All street drugs. They figured out that Meth and Mali felt similar in Mets' ways to make, so that's just what they're doing now. I mean, they're... Okay, so the first time I ever saw MASS,

I was probably about seven. when I saw it. Right. The first time I saw, I just started thinking the first time I saw Whalen that song by fucking Roger Al Wade and I just started thinking about you the first time I saw meth

and it's very beautiful to me. Well, it involves a bunch of characters cooking it in a very dangerous way around a bunch of kids. Yeah, as opposed to the FDA-approved Safeway in front of kids to cook meth, go ahead.

Yeah, I mean, put some goggles on, motherfucking. You know what I mean? Or at least put some on us. Yeah, we're going to need to go to grocery store. All right. Someone got to drive this fucking car. Fucking asshole.

That's the first time I see it. And, dude, I remember it being just a fucking normal thing that people did. And back then they made it, like, you know, there was like this whole process of, like, stealing a bunch of goddamn, uh, of, uh, uh, suit of feds. Oh, yeah. Still in, you got to go sell all the knack wheel, little knockwell thing so you can fucking different stores. Yeah, man. Got to get the red phosphorus. And you have to.

And the yellow. And, like, dude, it's like. And of course, everybody knows you, it's all about, it's not about the red phosphorus on the match head. It's the red phosphorus on the strip. So you got to buy the packs of matches that have the most strips on them. And that's only, and that's, and that's only it. And this is how detailed they got with it now. And like, I can't believe it.

Like, these motherfuckers' families have been just out here just perfecting, just. And it's a mold, right? Yeah, yeah, they come from old meth money. Dude, it's, for real, dude, for recipes. Which is $78 every other week. It's so crazy. They could be making their own medicine. They could be making penicillin.

Yeah. They could be really fucking, like, doing something. Yeah, and they might have to after a while. I mean, no, they won't. No, of course not. Do some meth? Yeah, dude. Dude, you ever done some meth and you were sick?

You ain't sick for a while. Promise you that. No, dude. No. Yeah, dude. That's the whole thing. It's so accessible in poor areas. And I think people just have no.

idea exactly how saturated everything is and now they know how to make it because it's chemistry yeah so the strip you're using that for magnesium and that's how they make horny dope they can grow that shit in the ground that's how they make what horny dope dope that makes you fuck oh horny dope yeah yeah i thought you said horny dope no either way that's that's that's magnesium it's magnesium oh so get your dick hard dude yeah dude yeah so they can make a meth for you you. You can't predict. Tell me what you like.

Yeah, we're going to tailor this math. You're trying to craft. You're trying to craft? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to focus or you're trying to fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's going to be one of the other buddy,

and I'm sorry. Just you're only taking away to it. Amy, get some extra magnesium of Mr. Soft Dick over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the other one is iodine. And they make the iodine. They started growing it way deep into the ground, and the chemicals suck up the iodine out of the

fucking earth and it forms this huge crystal, dude. Like you have never fucking saying it's fucking really goddamn weird. And I had to get to fuck away from it. I don't know how we started talking about this, but

I don't know, but honestly, I think that we should leave on us teaching everybody a half-ass way to make mess. You heard it here, guys. You've heard about our road stories. You've heard about how awesome we think music is. And now, if y'all want to make meth in your own bathtub, do it, and then package it and sponsor the well-read podcast with it.

So thank you guys for listening. We love you guys. Like I said, this weekend we will be in Durham, Wilmington, Spendale, Kula Hui. And we've got guest in with us all weekend. Baby! Baby! Baby! is my good buddy, oldest friend in comedy, DJ Lewis,

aka Skinny Buckkin, aka Boots, aka Butt Suds, aka Hawk Breath, rowdy toothstep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's all I got. So, and by the way, I don't, I know we didn't do a jingle coming in. We just kind of started the podcast, and I don't want to edit it at all.

So I'm going to go ahead and do this for everybody, a little live version up. Oh, let me take a sip, get my throat. I don't think that work Thank you all for listening To the well-read show We love to stick around longer But we got to go

Tune in next week if you got nothing to do Thank you God bless you Good night and skew Skew Skew, baby