wellRED podcast - #90 - The Gang Solves The Portal Butt Crisis

Episode Date: October 31, 2018

With The CHO sick in bed, DJ Lewis joins the boys to discuss the portal butt crisis and give his two cents on the matter. wellredcomedy.com for tickets smokeyboysgrilling.com for meat rubs carvevodka.com to get drunk

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skewniverse, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery,

getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

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So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know,

put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for?

Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help.

If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the. Jessica, this is the happiest day of my life right up there with the day I bought my RV and

insured it with progressive. Man, I love that thing. There are a million fish in the sea, which I'm reminded of every time I bring my RV to the lake. but I vow to love and cherish you. Just as much as I cherish campsites with full electric and water hookups. I'm so sorry. Protect your beloved with an RV policy from Progressive.

Take as little as four minutes to see what you could save at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. What's up, everybody? It's your boy, the show. Well-readcom. W-E-L-R-E-D Comedy.com. Spelled just like the podcast. It's where you can find tickets to our show.

Subscribe to the newsletter so you never miss updates on our tour. schedule, you can grab our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark, and all sorts of other cool merch. We don't have a lot of dates left in 2018. Here they are. November 15th, excuse me, I don't feel good.

November 15th, Bethelm, Pennsylvania, November 16th, Northampton, Massachusetts. November 29th through December 2nd, Washington, D.C. at the Washington, D.C. Improv. December 13th and 14th, Kansas City, Missouri, December 15th, and 6th. St. Louis, Missouri. Then it's the homecoming shows,

December 20th through the 23rd in Nashville, Tennessee. This portion of the podcast is always brought to you by Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Go to smokyboysgrilling.com and get all the rubs for all you meets. Also, carvevodka.com. Go to carvevodka.com. Find out where you can drink the show's favorite vodka and carve your own path, bitches.

All right. this podcast is a doozy, I'm assuming. I actually have not listened to it yet, and I'm not even on it. It's the boys, Trey Drew, and DJ Lewis, aka Skinny Bumpkin.

This was in one of our hotel rooms several nights ago on this North Carolina run. I was, and still am under the weather, so I didn't participate, but there's no way it wasn't hilarious. This, first off, also let me say this, anybody who was involved in making our North Carolina run,

one of the most magical weekends of my life. Thank you very much. That was so fantastic. All our friends in Riley, all our friends in Wilmington, Spendale, and then Culloey. It was just, I can't even, goddamn, I don't know. Every single day was something new, something better, more magical. It was just so much fun. If every weekend was like that, I'd be dead because it was just too much.

Like, I haven't felt good. Pretty much all weekend, but like I just kept power. I was like, fuck it. I can be sick when I get home. And I just, like, wield myself to be okay for the shows. And I was because it was too much fun. And now I'm laying here on my bed about to collapse and die. But that's just because of how great North Carolina is.

And just the South in general. It's never lost on us how just fucking great it is when we tour the South and how much we miss it when we're gone. But anyways, enjoy this podcast. And we love you. And come see us on the remainder of our 2008. tour and sign up for the newsletter so you can see where we're coming in 2019.

We're going to be off this week filming some stuff. Can't tell you what, but we are filming some shit and I can't wait for you to see it. Anyways, we love you and skew. So just it's still Frank Underwood, but you just recast it with some other actor. I would absolutely love to see that. Well, you know they did that with that movie.

Okay. Interesting choice, but that's a good. That'd be wild, yeah. That's what I'd like. There's something along those lines I'd like to see, but playing that role. Well, you know they, so he had to, Kevin Spacey had this big AAA Oscar Bate movie

that was about to come out right when all that shit happened. Called All the Money in the World where he played Getty, the Getty, what is it, fucking Jay, something, Gettie? Jay, something Jay Getty. From like the Gettie. Big Jay Getty. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big Jay Getty. That's not his name. That's a rapper from New Orleans. And it was just about to come out. And they fucking, Ridley Scott was the director, Mark Wahlberg, Michelle Williams, or other stars in it. And they brought, and it was like, it was like, like about to come out in like the next two months.

And they went back and reshot all of Kevin Spacey's, scenes and still put the movie out on time when it was supposed to come out with a different actor. Christopher Plummer, 88 years old. He got nominated for Academy Award for doing it. They reshot every scene. It had Kevin Spacey in it and still put the movie out when it was supposed to. It was like, no, I mean, it's good. I watched it.

It's a good movie, but I wouldn't call it fire. But it was. That story's fire. It was wild because they got, they also had to get Mark Wahlberg and Michelle Williams to come back and do the reshoot too because of course they did because they had a bunch of scenes with Kevin Spacey and like Mark Wahlberg got paid like $1.5 million just for the reshoots. He like, you know, like overtime basically. Yeah.

Because it was wrapped. It was completely wrapped. And he got $1.5 million of like overtime pay. And Michelle Williams got like $250,000 or something like that. And then that came out publicly and it was a big fucking deal. And they had the same representation. And they had the same agent. Yeah.

And they're, she's a bigger part of the movie than he is. And he ended up, he ended up either. He donated every ounce of it to one of the, uh, non-profits associated with the Me Too movement. Right. He didn't keep the money after it became public knowledge or whatever. But I mean, I don't know if he even. But if I'm Michelle Williams, I'm firing my, no, he didn't do nothing wrong.

Right, of course, no. Because the agent went out and got him money. Right. Helt. Oh. Well, that's hilarious. But yeah. Well, there's a whole story involving all that shit was wild as hell, man.

Man, that's a great story, dude. I'm glad it ended up like that, too. I mean, only because it seems like at least the people who were putting in work weren't losing work and they were still able to give. And it was like, and not everybody suffered. Right. You mean like if House of Cards, if they canceled it, obviously there's a lot of other people besides Kevin Spacey that have now lost a job. Absolutely. And that's not fair because of what.

Yeah, what he did. Yeah. So as far as that's concerned, I think that that is a beautiful. fucking sorry. But it's because it is. Jay Paul Getty, right? Jay Paul Getty. That sounds right. No, that is a rapper from North Carolina.

Hey, what do you think about DJ Jazz, Jesus? That's something me and DJ came up with earlier. Well, Redders were here. Me, Trey, our good buddy, Gutter Bumpkin himself, DJ Lewis. We're hanging out in the hotel. He had Corey and DJ last week. You got Mietre and DJ this week.

Me and DJ, we were talking about how Bieber. He's got that just slew of millennial. hip preachers that he hangs out with now? I had no idea. I don't know anything about what you're talking about. So there's mega... Justin Bieber's entourage has preachers in it? It's not really his entourage as much as it's, it's like kind of as on.

So these guys are legit on their own. Like without Bieber, they're mega church pastors. Young ones? But they're young. I didn't know that was even a thing. And they use social media. It's like Joe Austin type shit, but young... But a millennial.

And they use the internet. I didn't even know. I had no idea. So me and DJ was coming up with... Just tell me how much fun it would be to be one of those guys. Yeah, it was like, Jesus getting lit-y. Hashtag Satan is a hater, you know. And DJ Jazzy Jesus.

There's definitely a bit there. On the ones and twos. Your heart and soul. Well, yeah, I guess it could be a bit. It definitely could be a bit. Not, I mean, you know. We just thinking more like a sketch. Or that.

I mean, either one. Or a character. I would love to see that guy. I would love to see any of these guys as far as they're, as far as like, I want to see what they're preaching. I have to imagine that they have to at least be a little bit cooler about like gays and stuff. Yeah, yeah, they are. No, no, they are.

Well, so, but they also still have to. Are they rich as fuck like the other televangelists? Well, see, they still. And they wear, and they're like super hit. They wear that very expensive. It's like that, but instead of, you know, like a nice Armani suit or whatever it is, Olstein's wearing, they like have supreme sneakers. Like Gucci?

Yes. They look like rappers. Y'all are for real. They look like very, very, very, annoying white guys? Yeah. Oh, yeah, very white. Yeah. Very, very, very, very white.

Extremely white. Like, dude. Y'all are blown. I get my mind blown pretty constantly on this podcast with Jesus shit. Yeah. Because I don't know shit about none of it. And Corey and drew a lace of Jesus shit on me that I'm always like. This was new to me, brother.

Yeah, that's, I had no idea. That's not even some shit with the Lord. That's a little. Well, I know. I mean, most of it ain't. Yeah. You know. but like I just don't know nothing about it.

You do scream, but just kind of just make sure you're pointing that mic at your mouth. This may be because sometimes it's bad later on. Yeah, you know, you can back it. I'm just, I'm sorry. It's just that we've had that problem in the past. I'm loud. Not with you, though. How are you, baby?

Oh, how are y'all? I'm great. It's been a fucking great week. DJ's been with us for three days. Well, you've been with Corey for four or five. Yeah, me, Corey. But we've done three shows now? Yeah, man.

DJ's still going strong. Rest in peace, Corey. Corey died earlier. Corey is dead. He overdosed on bone broth. He drowned in a bathtub filled with broth. He went to meet Bryce in that great grocery store in the sky. That great Panera bread in the sky.

Corey and Bryce sitting there and joining a soup bowl right now as we speak. You knew what the joke was and I just fucking blew it. Bryce, as you, have you met Bryce, DJ? You're going to meet him tomorrow. He is. I'm actually very excited. He's the widest person. I promise you and Bryce will get along famously.

And it will be hilarious because you could not be more different people like super superficially. But I promise y'all will get along. Our hearts are together. Y'all will have a great time together. You know, like that. I find myself in that situation more than I find myself is the most unlikely of confidence that I find myself. that I find myself in the company of. It's such a strange, strange world out there, you know.

It is. I agree. And fun. It went too long ago. We didn't Traver talk about we were sitting out in the fucking stoop. We was stooping it out in goddamn Long Beach. Yeah. Dude, just fucking.

Oh, I want to bring up that too. Because even before that, but yeah, go ahead. Because tell the story that you, the way you told me, if you can remember when you got back. I told Drew and Cornyn him about that. after, and I mean, none of this will be news to you, DJ. You were there. But I get back and Corey and they're like, so, you know, what's up with DJ out there? Because you were like, you were like living out in L.A. at the time I was not.

This is a few years ago, I just went out to visit and do shows and stuff. And me and my wife, me and Katie, went down to chill at your place down there and watch, right? And watch. And we get down there. And like, dude, and for the record, let me preface all this by saying I was completely comfortable and having a great time the entire time. Much fun down there, dude. But we got down there, and it's me, you and Dave Wait, another comic, he was there. Two-Shar, Tushar Singh was there hanging out.

And we're down there at Watts and DJs in this like, you know, little like working class neighborhood, basically, with all different kinds of people around. We're just sitting out of stoop, drinking beer, bullshitting. And while we were doing that, somebody nearby nearly died of something. Like the fire department and an ambulance pulled up. Everybody's in the neighborhood looking, taking people. pictures and stuff. This, this little Mexican kid

came by on a bicycle, but not on it. He was walking the bicycle because the chain had fucked up. Something was wrong with it. And I thought he's just going to walk by us, but he's walking by. He stops at DJ and just starts pointing at the bike.

And he's like, what's it, buddy? Something fucked up about bike. Yeah, let me see it. It's like, this guy just like, DJ's apparently just the hillbilly around there. So it's like, good him to fix it. He'll fix it.

It's like, oh, something's wrong with your bike. You know who fixed that? Gomer. Take it to Gomer. Take it to Gomer. pulling at it. And DJ just sitting down there. He's like smoking cigarette

talking to me. He's like, yeah, buddy, it's wild. I just fixing a bike. And meanwhile, man, you're running up and down the fucking sidewalk. I don't fuck with you. It's fucking yelling. Rapping big son.

And then you had a roommate who was an Indian woman. Sri Lankan. Yeah, yeah. Sri Lankan. And she's name was Shree Shree. Yeah, that's what I call. And according to Tray's wife, Katie, she had the biggest crush on Tray. She was very into me.

I was there with my wife. Oh, dude. Just in front of Katie, just rubbing like this and stuff. She said, they don't make men like this in St. Longer. Nope, just East Tennessee. It was a great time, man. How long had you been out there by then?

Listen, when did we go out there? Well, that was when you first got out there, right? Did you go home between them two? I feel like. Barely. Barely. Just barely. So I was in New York, and I know I planned on being out there.

for a month because Andy and I sublet our bedroom in New York to help pay for the rent while I was gone. And then I ended up coming back after like a week and a half after me and you failed. And so we just had a roommate in the living room. He's super cool. That's the side of the point. We went out there. So I got there a day before DJ, maybe two.

Because you know, back then especially, it was like whatever the cheapest flight is. That's the day I'm coming out. So for me, it was like one day, and DJ was there like the next. I rented a car because I was like, well, I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going to be going to all these different mics out here. And a car, that's more important than a hotel room, I decided, because I'll just sleep in the car. It is.

But it is. It really is. So I got this Chevy Malibu. I remember that was like a joke I was trying at Mike's talking about how I was living in Malibu, Chevy Malibu or whatever. Yeah, no one was that working. No. Just got in.

Staying in Malibu. Mr. Stey, Malibu, everybody. Mr. Butt. Love the Malibu. Staying in Malibu, everybody. Yeah, yeah.

A Chevy Malibu. Huh? Right, guys? Am I right? What else is going on? So we had a show lined up at Flappers comedy club in the Uhoo room. Right down the street from me. The side room.

Right. Where I live now. I could walk to Flappers. I don't, but I could. Yeah, right, right. And my understanding at the time was we was going to have it weekly for a month or something. I don't know. I just remember, like, I was going to be there for a month.

We was going to give it this shot or whatever. We did do that. Yeah, we had to one show. And then we got to, we went. So DJ gets there, and I had the car rented for two days. I went and pick him up. And I'm like, already, I'm almost out of money or whatever. Dizzy's like, well, I'll rent a car.

We go to this fucking bootleg-leg-ass rental place. We rented, like, we rented like a night. 1998 busted-ass Selica. Like, dog, it had been stripped. Like, somebody has, this is a stolen car. There's no question about this shit. Like Shri-Sri's uncle

was the one who rented it to us. They got a lot of fucking shady-ass rental car places in L.A., dude. I fucked with some of them without meaning to. It's wild. Yeah, dude, yeah, it is. But the one I got was like a new car. But it had power nothing.

Like, I didn't even know they made cars that still had to roll up windows and the fucking... Yeah. But they do. So we end up... They don't really make that no more, though, do they? Yeah.

No, yes, I'm telling you. Oh, like 2018? Yes. Yes. I'll be a fucking shit to bed. So we end up at this backpacker in Hollywood called the banana. Yeah. Banana.

What was it? Bungalow. The banana bungalow. Banana bungal. And we stay there for a while. We talked to the owners. We get a show there. So we had me and DJ.

Oh, yeah. And the thing he was doing was. he would dress as he is now just tattoos and short shirt sleeves and I would wear this polyester 1970 suit that was my wife's

papas and I was his lawyer and he had just got out on parole and that was the two men show we were doing before we would do just regular stand-up right? How long was that part of it? 10 to 15? Yeah yeah

so we're... We actually hired on a fucking guitar play. Y'all hired a guy? Listen, listen, with what? DJ's DJs, Jay's making this sound way more legit than it was. No, no, he knows how legit that sounded.

So we're at this backpacker. No way to that sound like that. We're at this backpacker with like 18-year-olds and they're all Dutch and, you know, like Martin, this fucking 21-year-old, we're hanging out with him. My buddy's shotgun, shout out to my man shotgun. He happened to live literally walking distance from there. So we ended up hanging out with him a few nights. But we're like, chat up on his kids. We're getting on these people.

to come to our show there at the backpacker. So just imagine me in a polyester suit in Los Angeles. It's still sunlight out. Doing this show at this hostel with DJ, the gimmick is I just got him out of prison. And it's all like they're from Denmark. They barely fucking speak. We all like playing it straight?

Like, were you playing it like you were really that lawyer? You were really a guy, like you were playing it like a little. Yes. And that like. There's a lot of improv too. Oh, we was improv in the whole time. Yeah, dude. Well, this is part of it.

That was just the backstory, and then we would quickly just not talk about it anymore. It was so. That's exactly how it was. Hopefully I got a judge. And I remember. Anyway, what's going on, buddy? Yeah, and the traffic out here, you know. Staring that Malibu.

I remember this one improv. I was trying to do crowd work with these Danish girls. And I was like, where are y'all from? They were like, Denmark or whatever that accent is that I can't do and just butchered. And I was like, oh, everyone there, I hear it's like one of the happiest countries on earth. And she goes, yeah, we're all on medication. But just like in their flat, stone face, like, you know, we're all on medication. Yeah, right, yeah.

And everyone was just like, that's how the crowdwork was going. But remember them two dudes? Where were they from? Norway or some shit? Oh, did. Were they Germans? Yeah. No, there were some Germans.

But there were these Norwegians who, they were talking about how it was dark for six months out of a year, where they're from, so everyone's sad all the time and that's why they like L.A. and love comedy. They would laugh. I'm not kidding. They laughed. They played in a bluegrass band. They laughed just like this. They would look at you. No facial expression. It wouldn't change. And then they would put their hand

on their belly and go, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, uh, ah, ah, ah. And the reason I know exactly how they laughed is because they were at that show and then came to the flapper show. Fucking Norway's laughing like sales. He's fucking sail. people. So we go.

So, dude, we've been there. We're out of money. I can see a last motherfucker. We're staying at shotgun's house now. We can barely afford the fucking 1964 Honda, excuse me, 94 Honda Civic that's busted up. I've got to go back to New York. But we got this flapper show coming. up so we we stick with that and we do it almost everyone in the crowd well everyone in the crowd

was from the backpackers yeah my buddy shotgun my buddy mac uh uh sister yeah well that's fucking well that's cool though you guys like got people out like yeah they saw y'all at the hostel and then came later oh yeah buddy well that's right tray from the hostel i we're getting there we're getting there we're getting there we're gonna let that go tray on that note right right right right right right right right I can't be going on that note, I want to be clear to you and everyone listening out there. At the hostel son, we were big fucking hits. Maybe not the night of the stand-up.

Maybe not the night of the stand-up, son. But by the third night, they got drunk with me and old DJ. I bet. This dude, Martin, where's Martin from? From Latvia. Latvia? Yeah. And this, uh, Frederick, this fucking Australian buddy.

Oh, yeah, dude. Frederick was like, I was going to go out and get some pussy or what tried tonight. I just want to hang out with y'all, man. we went to a fucking cover band. We were leaving like fuck you on my beat your ass when you get up. Fucking messages at the fucking at the fucking in the lobby. Yeah, you can leave messages for people or what to. You know, hey, I'm looking for a couch.

Call me this or what I need a roommate. We were like, I'm going to fuck you up in the morning. Hold on. Just on the board. Oh, okay. Yeah, not too anybody. It was just, yeah, just in general. Just so in motherfuckers.

nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, to y'all, y'all are joking, but to everybody else. Let me see that. So then, so we got this show at Flappers, and we made this kid there, he's just like playing guitar in the courtyard one day or whatever. And me and DJ had been wanting to do something to either close out the show or started off, and we decided to close out with a song.

Now, remember, we've been in L.A. for like 10 days. We didn't come with enough money. We had nothing going for us. We were in a 94-Sela. So this song that we wrote with this kid was called L.A. I fucking hate you. Okay. Hold on.

I'm sorry. You probably said it, but I missed it. You sent this kid. We wrote this kid. Where did y'all find this dude? He was just playing in the courtyard of the backpacker. Okay. I still am friends with him on Facebook.

He lost his job the other day. Shout out to our boy, Kevin. Anyway. So he's playing guitar in there. We're talking to him. He's like, man, I was like, why did you come to L.A.? And he goes, oh, dude, you know, like, I was up. I'm from San Francisco.

And at this time, I've never been to San Francisco. So I just thought, shit, it is just like this. He was like, I just, I'm living in San Francisco. going like me and my friends they wanted to like go on a trip and I was like let's go and I quit my job and then they were like oh we're not going to go and I'm like wait what like y'all planned it out and he's like no no not really like he just had a conversation with his friends one night they were like yeah we're going a trip next week he quit his job the next day and then they were like yeah we was drunk man we can't quit our jobs you sure wasn't Travis Irvine

it was a little Irvine not quite as cool because I'm pretty sure that's how Travis ended up running for office multiple times. Just like, yeah, man, we just talked about it, I was going to run for office, and then they were going to be my campaign managers, and then, like, I don't know where they went, but I ran for mayor, though. Is he like that?

Yeah, he's awesome. No, shit. So, but we didn't hire him. He saw our comedy show, and he was like, we should write something together. We were like, all right, buddy, let's do it. And then we did, and we were like, you want to come be on the show?

We didn't pay him at all. Oh, yeah, that's right. Because we weren't getting paid. Oh, that's right. We didn't hire him. We didn't get paid. So hire was the word. Was it a, was it?

I know it was like people y'all had met that came to it. Was it free show? I think it was five or ten dollars in the side room. Yeah. And y'all got like none of that. Nothing. I think it was like we would have gotten a certain amount over 30 people and we sold 20 tickets. Yeah, that checks out.

Oh, yeah, it's probably exactly. So the song, do you remember? L.A. I fucking hate you. I don't remember anything. L.A. Suck my dick. No, you make me sick.

And then it was suck my dick. I just buried the lead there. Yeah, it had to be. The sucking dick part was at the end, Trey. Yeah, you got a build. I know. That's what I know. That's what I know.

That's what I know it was really. Oh, yeah. When we played that, an agent came out and was like, I'm going to give you guys a deal. It was not really. I went home to next day. We tore it up right there. We said, no, you can't have a lot. How did y'all get that show in the first place at Flapper specifically?

like how did that come about i was fucking around out there yeah okay moving on i remember i remember we went to talk to him we went into the office and there was other comedians in there trying to get their dates or whatever they was doing and you know how like when you're out especially with dj but just us like our accent you know you get stairs or whatever and then if you like go to walmart or whatever especially out in california and like you get loud like me and dj are across the aisle and he's like yeah yeah yeah baby what's up this mom pushing her kid at the Walmart's going to be like what the fuck was that these comedians are sitting there like trying to get paid or get their dates or ask about an open mic or whatever at the

office and DJs there like yeah we got a show we got show here in the side room and whoever he's talking to literally won't look at the calendar to check for his name or they're just like no no you don't he's like uh yeah yeah I do baby and they're like no no sir because it's L.A like they just think he's an insane person who thinks this is how you do it you lie to get your foot in the door right and these comics are just staring at us and i'm like god damn damn this is what is always going to be like out here so how like how did that it you just persisted and they finally checked i intervened a little bit and i was like look i'm sorry we have a show in the in the side room the yoo room this is dj louis we just call

and we need to find out whatever it was we needed to find out it was it was it was right and they were looking for dj louis that's what it was but still i mean i had my facts together It was just, you know, people got the tooth, man. They don't vibe. They don't vibe. They don't. I feel like people are way more, they don't realize how, it's like a snake. Dude.

You know, it's been way more intimidated of you than they are. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Bro, definitely. You mean you're the snake? Like if people are saying to that person as though you're a snake, like he's way more scared of you than you are of it. Well, I don't know. I think he's saying he wishes somebody was there to tell that person that because they're treating him like they treat a snake and there's no one saying that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I mean, you know, it's not every day in L.A. you run to a Confederate alien. Yeah, dude, I mean, I'm doing a whole, like, chunk on stage lately about moving to L.A. and about my accent out there. And it's all true. But I'm saying, like, I mean, you, like, you're many times of, like, I sound that way. but other than like the boots and maybe a cut off t-shirt or whatever, it's like fine.

But you know, you're... But you know, you're... Well, actually, but you know what, though? You have a Mohawk mutton chubs. But you know what? In fairness, LA's got that mess. Yeah. Really, the way you look ain't that weird.

So it really is mostly about the way you sound now that I think about it. Well, I was the way you look is, I mean, people look that way out there. certain areas. We went to get jobs at the place where you just sound up to be an extra and you get like $10 a day. That was like one idea we had. Yeah, I want to talk to DJ a little bit about that in the minute. Just start, like literally we left there in free.

We're going to, buddy. Don't. I mean, really. DJ, don't worry, baby. I'm letting you out of here. I'm badgering every guest we bring on with this shit. If you think you're getting out of it, you're out of your goddamn mind. Three hours after we went in there and got our head shots at this place.

Didja had a callback to come being extra on, you know, some futuristic, whatever, space porn or whatever it is. What all shows did you get to work on as an extra? Well, we were on his old stomping grounds the other day. Oh, yeah. We were out there where they shot West World. West World. Yeah. We're out there.

But I didn't. You didn't have a... West World is a massive show now. But when you were there doing extra work, they were just filming it hadn't come out, and nobody had heard of it. So this is all I heard about, because when I was hanging out with you out there, you were telling me about this job you has an extra

and how you got pissed off and had to leave and you were just telling me you're like, man, this bunch of fucking bullshit, buddy. Just fucking horses out there. No water. Now where.

Just horses, no water. Anthony Hopkins. I was like, what? Anthony Hopkins. He was like, I don't know. He's on a horse. Like, no water, nothing. These horses fucking Anthony Hopkins.

And then I just, I always remembered that and always thought it was funny. and then months later, when Westworld comes out on HBO, I see fucking Anthony Hopkins in a fucking future Western or whatever. And I was like, they didn't give him horses water. This is bullshit. I know they didn't.

I was freaking out about that. I was freaking out. And I don't know how you treat a horse, but man, I was like, goddamn, I'm dying. How the fuck ain't it dying? I just like, nobody care. I kept on asking people. That's what we were saying.

We was on that lot the other day. We was on that lot the other day with our buddy Earl, and I was telling a story, and I was like, Tray, imagine, I was saying, Earl. Imagine an extra. Nobody knows his name. Just walking around, demanding to speak to someone about these goddamn horses. And it's you, mutton chops, fucking belt, bug. All right, your goddamn horses need fucking water.

I was so upset, dude. I was way upset, dude. But in high sight, I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. Yeah, I mean, them horses might have been fine. And whoever owned them horses was on set and gave very much of a fuck about it. On that note. Even if it's just because there were so much money. And I know, I derailed it because Drew asked what all showed you were like an extra on.

But seriously, talk about being an extra for a minute. I mean, hell, I'm interested. Like how the process, how it goes, the job. Even I, man. I just mean that in that we like work in the entertainment entertainment industry to people. Right. But I'm saying, I don't know how it works. I would like, I imagine people that have nothing to do with the entertainment industry don't know shit about how being an extra goes.

So how does it go? Man, David, I can't tell you how it goes, buddy. You don't want to really, you don't really want to take what I'm about to say about it to be like that's how it is. Because man, number one, man, I always. man I was on a lot of drugs buddy I still very want you to continue like okay you know what

you've given the disclaimer please continue don't believe man I was I was fucked up man in a in a son I was you buddy and so

I remember I used to get text and they would and they would be like if you accept this job whatever like it was like mission impossible you know what I mean like all of a sudden you get a fucking...

You're an extra emission impossible? Well, no, no, no. I know. You're living. You're living. You get that fucking text and it's like, can you, you know, if you will take this assignment, you know, we'll dress you up like a goddamn whatever to fuck

and send you out here to be in this fucking bullshit and you'd be like yes or no. Did you have to get to set or just get to them and then they took you to set? I had to get to set. I had to get to set. Which was always cool because like, wherever the sets were because like I wasn't really living anywhere right there

I was living in the car I could just like go in whatever area it was like if it was up on a 101 or something like that I just drive up to Santa Barbara or drive up in Big Sur or something like that and just like fucking sleep out on the beach and shit dude with my fucking listen to the waves and look at the big ass fucking sun just trip out all fucking night you know I mean fucking it's crazy right okay just to remind everyone the question was then. Oh, yeah, that don't sounds like it hits. But then what happened?

Like, you go to the set and what happens? You get corralled by somebody, like, because a lot of times these sets are closed, there's like security you got to go through or whatever. So they got your name. Insurance shit. Okay. Paperware you got to fill out.

That shit sucks. Like on thing, like on Westworld, like them motherfuckers, they shoot, they shoot from like, from the start, before the sun goes, up to behind it. You're like having to get dressed up and all this shit all day.

You're having to get your little guns and shit. You're like, they like, pick out your outfit. As you walk in, like, somebody's like, do his makeup. So they look at you and whatever kind of makeup, like, they do some like, but see, I had them fucking fire-ass chops right there. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, I was busting some smooth motherfuckers,

you know what I mean? Without a doubt. And God damn, dude. So these motherfuckers, they're like, are those fake? Are those for real? And they kept on, puffing on my cheeks. And I was like, you old baby, they're real. somebody right there baby yeah

okay so they do the makeup hair so you sleep on the beach you do drugs on night and then a makeup girl touches on

this is exactly what it's like a cowboy that shit's fire fucking I bet but before you do all that check this shit out you eat a fucking breakfast

man and the break up straight you know what I'm saying yeah crafty oh so good what did you get what was the breakfast

man sometimes they have eggs they have some like rich folk potatoes shit, dude. I'm sorry, I know, of course, but please explain to everyone else what you mean by rich folk potatoes. Any kind of potatoes that's got like, it comes with like, uh, any kind of like vegetable.

Yeah, like a potato scrambled. It's got like peppers and shit in it. Rich folk potato. Yeah, rich folk, but if you put anything in potatoes other than milk. Please tell me you went back to the hostel and told that Latvian boy all about the special potatoes you had that day. He's just sitting there just like spellbound. That Lovian boy is.

Dude, he has cooked... Potato with peppers. Dude, he's cooked up in England. He cooks a... Yeah, he's like a huge chef. He's like cooked for fucking Dave Grohl. Yeah, man. Martine hits.

Martin, dude, he's crazy, dude. He used to... Hell, yeah. On a... Well, hell, Frederick was a goddamn engineer living in Melbourne, Australia. Yeah, dude. Well, I mean, you were a goddamn lawyer. Yeah, right.

I was a fuck, yeah. Yeah. Everybody just like, yeah, we get him. what's everybody else's the story so all right what else besides west world when it's time to work okay

work okay you've done all that breakfast hits dress up our cowboy hits they patch your chops I know I get it and that all hits and then they say stand right there

stand right there and talk to this guy stand right here and act like you're reading the paper the first thing we had to do the first thing we had to do was it was an opening scene where they got a long shot, zoomed out, the train coming in, and buddy seeing the town for the first time, right?

That's the first thing that we're doing. So God damn, we had to orchestrate what we were going to do. Right. And then do that. We had to do it ourselves, kind of. We had to figure out how we're going to do it ourselves. But like, what direction they give you, you personally, what they say to you? To me,

nothing. They're just like, buddy, you got to, you know, stand over here and just keep doing the thing

that you're doing good job. You know what I'm saying? I was like, yeah. Pat them things right there, baby. Packed them right there.

You know what I'm doing. You just crashing behind the air and everything. I'm fucking killing it. You know what I mean? To them fucking horses, dude, and then we had to break it off. Okay.

Let's see. I doubt. You've skipped. So much. It was goddamn horses. I had to break it off, buddy. You know how it is. No, man.

No, man. They was all been cool and it was a few days into. DJ, a minute ago, you said, we had to orchestrate our whole thing was going to do and they kind of left it up to us even. What does that mean? Like, you were supposed to look natural as though you were milling about this town. Yeah, milling about that. But you couldn't all be doing the same thing, obviously. So, like, did they dictate to y'all?

Like, you and him are having a conversation. You are feeding that horse. Not to me. You are sweeping the porch. Not to me. Okay. I don't know what they taught other people, but I just kept walking. When they said action, I just walked forward.

And that's all I did. Okay. I kept my eyes forward, and I just walked. And I figured everybody else was doing their own thing around me. So, like, I knew if all I had to do is go forward. I was the walking straight guy. She can be the doce dough girl. You can walk backwards.

Yeah, yeah. Y'all do that. And I'm just going to walk right here. and then I got my point A to point B and y'all figure it out around me. You know what I mean? Okay. Weren't you on also?

Sun's Anarchy? Yep. Don't that make so much sense, Trey? Of course. But as an extra. That's what we mean. In a prison scene? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not what it was? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I was in a couple of them. I was in a couple of prisons. Okay.

How did that work? Talk us through that. That. My answer is that. My answer. I said, I was, like, sitting there in some counties. Right. Dude sitting in a fucking home cell.

Right. And I was like, oh, shit. And then I kept on getting this feeling like, hey, hey, hey, hey. No, all right. I don't think anybody to lock this. Like it was taking you back. It was taking you back. Yeah.

You having flashbacks. Well, not necessarily, but like, am I putting myself in this cell on my own? It was a pride thing. You know what I'm saying? Am I sitting in here? Right. Am I sitting in here? I can't believe I choosing to do this.

Yeah, that's what it was. That's what it was. It was like, it was like that motherfucker and it was like, man, I mean, I'm in this. Like, I got this, like, this doesn't feel right. This isn't right. This, you know what I mean? But then, you know, fuck, they sent me a chick. So, you know what I'm going to?

Okay, but the like, the show up, breakfast wardrobe makeup of that show, very similar. Same type of thing as far as all that goes. Yeah. You show up, they put you in a jumpsuit. Yeah. Okay. Someone will pass down your mutton chops. You eat eggs with sausage and potatoes.

You got to get okayed. Somebody's like the director. Somebody's got to be like, yes. Like he's got the right look, put him in there. I'll tell you what the most awesome one I ever did was. It's called something about Doris. Or it's got. Something about Doris?

Is that the sequel to something about Mary? No, no. A prequel. Set in the 50s. Something about Doris. No, no. It was a, what's her name? Her, fucking, uh, uh, uh, um,

does she explore? No. DJ was in a children's cartoon? No. Hey, by. All right, never mind. I could have been a dream. Who knows?

Go ahead. Who was in it? No, I can't remember. I have no, dude, Doris, something Doris. Doris Day? No. The movie had to word Doris in it. Hello, my name is Doris.

Doris? My name. The name Doris was in the title of the movie. Finding Dory Finding Dory I went with it He was an extra He is a cartoon

Yeah yeah yeah Hello my name is Doris With Sally Field Yeah Sally Field I found that on the internet No shit That makes sense You were in that

Yep That was the most fun I did Why how'd that go They were super cool And the whole time Like everybody who was extra Also

Was way super cool Just had nice people Yeah man they fed the horses they did well man i tell you now i don't know a lot about i don't even know a lot about horses here's what i do now and y'all are on that set right that's out there buddy it's in the desert it's dry well then horses live out there though there's a stable right past there and some on that property that's a roy roger's old farm it's a ranch i'm sure it was me yeah that's not like i'm sure it was he's just like he just sitting there's like he's like

he just never saw a horse with water. Mr. But, but he said, they're refusing to give these horses water. Dude, but I watched him for a long time, man. I mean,

when I started noticing that they were over there, dude, and I didn't see him. I didn't see him, dog. Yeah, I believe you. My butt is wrong.

Mr. But he was mad about them horses. He had been shitting. I know it. Jay, do you want to talk about Dixon butts and butts? Man, do I? Okay, all right.

So a couple things I was been waiting to talk to you about on this podcast, and it sucks at Corey ain't here, rest in peace. Man. That great broccoli cheddar soup and a bread bowl in the sky. That's where Corey went. Pour some chicken, pour one out. Pour a chicken noodle out. Pour some bone broth out for Corey.

But a couple things. First of all, this one's shorter. He's a vegetable broth. Vegetable, yeah. That's all. he deserves. I can't believe you said that, but I do agree.

Fucking, uh, this one's shorter and easier, but I still want your input on it. Corey. Right. Yeah. He farts.

He farts. Yeah. So he has this thing where, and he's right about it. He's 100% right. This is an astute observation on his part. He realizes that when he's in a group of people in public, like when it's Mayhem and Drew in public,

and Drew farts. And Drew farts. And Drew, Drew stays farting all the time and it stinks very bad. But Corey has ascertained, rightfully so that anytime we're together and that happens, Drew has carte blanche to fart because anybody that smells the fart is going to look at us, see Corey and say, he farted. He's the one who farted.

And he probably did. That's the whole thing. He probably did. Yeah. Whether anybody, like, whether anybody else farted or not, he's probably farting, too. But this, he's funny. He was so funny. Even telling him this whole problem, Corey has, he's like, yeah, but Corey was farting now.

What of Corey's best friends. He's played those situations too. He's like, yeah, no, but the thing is, he probably did. Also was farting. You know he's farting. Listen, for the record, he do stay farting. He always runs his mouth about this. never tried to imply this was unjust.

Honestly? Trey. Trey, mine are mine are worse? Mine are the worst. He farts more than me. For sure. Because he'll do like eight in a row.

Because when he farts it's because he had milk and he has milk every day. He doesn't not have milk. Every day. He doesn't not have milk. He never don't have milk. No. No. It's always there, dude.

So. So, you get it. Yeah. He's a farting us looking some bit. Yeah, yeah. Is he not? Yeah. I would totally. So here's the question.

Who can you think of in your brain? And preferably somebody that's like in the public eye so everybody listening will know what you're talking about. But even if it's not, even if it's just somebody on a personal level, I still want to hear about them. Who can you think of in your mind who would usurp Corey in that role? Like you put any group of people together with Corey. in it, who can you think of that would take the belt from Corey of he farted? You know what I mean?

Like when people look at the group and they say he farted. Who can you think of that would be better than Corey for that role? Faison Love. Yeah, well, Corey's the white Faison Love. That is known now. I would say the other group that I would say would be dogs. talking about Pute man

what a fantastic answer they can be famous just somebody you know I'm somebody dogs dogs you know

the only thing I think Corey's is dogs I think Corey's is dogs I think so the only part the only thing imaginable on earth that would be more of

a likely uh what's the likely suspect for a fart than Corey is a dog. Other the dogs that's just Corey's the champ dog

First ballot Hall of Fame he who farted I'll tell you that's the two that's the yeah that's how it's got to go Cory's his dogs

What about the catcher on the bad news bears they did that to him right every time somebody fart on the bus they would blame him but it was his fault yeah dude and what is that kid's name? No.

And Goldberg on the Mighty Ducks, they rehashed that joke. Goldberg. It was me. Yeah. Mighty Ducks was the jam. It was. Emilio Estevez. A G.

Yeah, dog. You got to, I really. But I got to tell you, man, young guns, too. Quack. Quack. I just going to be honest with you, man, I revisited it. You didn't hold up? But it was not my, not my shit.

Neither was dirty hairy. What about Young Guns won? Have you revisited it in a while? Oh, yeah. Oh, buddy. As a kid, that's one of my favorite movies of all. Oh, yeah, dude. Love that motherfucker movie.

Yeah, them hits, isn't that not going to... Dude, matter of fact, I'm going to watch young guns. I don't know what else? Watch 48 hours. If you ain't seen 48 hours in a minute... I tell you, not too long ago I went back and watched Beverly Hills cop again for a while. And Lord God, it was fire. It was so good.

Oh, Boston just won the World Series. Trey, we were talking earlier. I fucking hate. DJ was revisiting Rush hour. Grabed your money. Me and DJ also talked about rush hour earlier. But he brought up to me.

It was hilarious. Yeah, okay, I wasn't going to say it. But he just said it. Jerry what he just said? He was talking to me. I didn't know it was Rush Hour. He was talking to me. It was just me and him earlier.

He was like, man, we was talking about that movie. Are you remember that fucking, man, in the 90s, man, fucking God damn. Chris Tucker and fucking. fucking China man Dave man What's his name And I was like

And I said That's the most confusing racism I've ever heard Tucker and then that And I was like Jackie Chan He's like yeah And I was like

Oh You mean Far and away The most iconic Chinese movie star In the history of movies And then I was like I was like

So much so that His name Has become a racial slur For Asian kids in the U.S. This Jackie Chan-ass-looking motherfucker. Jackie Chan's like, that guy, you're China Man, Dave. Also, Dave?

Where the fucking Dave come? No, I get it. I know what he meant. You know how they like that. No, no. Bruce, Jackie, whatever. Yeah, dude. First of all.

Jet. DJ. DJ. Just just by that's name. We meant the China man part was what was racist, not the Dave. Trey, I know that they have names like Bruce sometimes or Frank and Dave. But why Dave? Why not?

Why wouldn't he say Bruce because of Bruce Lee? No, why did he say Dave? Because Bruce, this is why I interpreted it. Bruce is Dave. Bruce is an actual name of one of those guys, Bruce Lee. Right. So is Jackie, so is Jet, whatever. Right, right, right. I think in his brain, in his brain.

In his brain, it was picking a, what's another name that's like Bruce, Jack, you're right, who's like, Dave, Dave. Thank you, that's what he later. See, I get it. Thank you, Tray. I get it. Still racist, but I get it. How's he's saying?

He's being indignant about the Dave part. Don't get me wrong. He's being indignant about the Dave part. Anyway, we don't have a huge martial arts. I hope it is because I feel like I just stomped the shit out of it over here. I forgot about it. Yeah. You've kicked it.

A minute ago, I saw it, like, somehow hanging. Like, it wasn't even on the floor. Anyway, we don't have a martial arts movie. No, I know. We were talking about it. There's not even, like, a British one that took over, you know, the way they used to do that. Go ahead. I knew he would know.

Tony Jha. Tony J-A-A. He's in Ong-Bach and a bunch of others. I know. Okay. I've heard of Ong-Bach. Okay, right, exactly. So that alone proves he's not on that level, but he's still, like, famous.

When I say his, when I explained it to you just now, you were like, like, oh, right, that guy. Sure. Like, that's something. Okay. But he ain't fucking Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan. Right. And then the other guy, same deal.

Donnie Yen, who was in, he was just in Rogue One, the last Star Wars movie. He was one of the main characters in that. And he's the star of the It Man franchise, which is pretty popular. But, again, and he hits, and he's successful dude.

But neither one. No, one, he's not a martial artist guy in it. Neither one of them are... Well, first of all, that ain't true. He's got a stick. He hits like a motherfucker. Yeah, but they all do. He does some badass shit.

But no, yes, but no, that's action. He's an action star in that moment. It Man, straight up, kung fu movies. What I was going to ask, though, is the kung fu movie... They're like three of them, right? Yeah. Is the Kung Fu movie... And Hongbok, they're Kung Fu movies, too.

But he's like Thai, though. Is it over? As a mate... He is Thai, yes. Is it over as, like, you know, a main genre? A main genre? It usually be a main genre, right? Yes, but they do still make them.

There's a pretty popular franchise. The first one was like a big cult hit, like very famous, and they've made two or three of them now called The Raid. And they're just straight up, I mean, they're fucking kung fu movies, and they're righteous as fuck. They still make them. None of them are mainstream anymore. The last mainstream ones really were The Matrix,

which were white Hollywood. But the Matrix. But the Matrix. was a kung fu movie. Black Panther Black Panther had a scene that was a kung fu scene and it was in

and it was in that Chinese gambling thing or that might have been a different. This is what DJ was saying earlier. I don't know if y'all had this same part of the conversation

but when we were talking about DJ said he was like he was like it's been replaced by superhero movies because when you can have Captain America just fucking sucker punching

a fucking super soldier all the way across a football field or have Iron Man turning his fist into anvil with the blink of a fucking eye. When you could do all that and the Incredible Hulk just slinging motherfuckers around then like

fucking karate ain't that cool anymore. Superheroes have taken the place of... That's weird because what I said to him earlier... All vampires know Kung Fu. What I said to him earlier is that the comic book movies have replaced.

I said that to him but I said oh shit there ain't no Asian comic book and then I was like of course there are why don't they make that they did it was called Iron Fist and Netflix just cancelled it also Iron Fist is a white guy but it's like a

I don't know it's a whole thing but no yeah yeah no superhero movies have taken the place of like Kung Fu and action Kung Fu and just generic action movies and shit

them's all just superhero movies now Man, that's just all it is. It's true, man. Well, I don't know, man. Don't make a comeback. What about the Taken movies? Oh, yeah. Oh, John Wick, man.

John Wick. I don't know about John Wick. Well, John Wick isn't a kung fu movie. No. That's an action movie. Yeah, it's a murder movie. But Taken's a murder. It's a murder movie.

Taken's pretty kung fuy. And he looked like David Carradine to me. Was there, okay, so there was a Jason statesman, and so you have those along the lines of like the people who were like, That was like half action, half kung food. Steven Seagall kind of motherfucker, Jean-Claude. The way he says Jason Statham

reminds me of Key and Pills, sketch about the valets. You know, where they're out in front of the hotel, like Liam Niesons, though. Liam Niesons. Michelle Pfeiffer. What about Michelle Pfeiffer, though? He says Jason Statheman.

Every time he's talking about him, he says, Jason Statheman, movie. Jason Statheman, boy. Yeah, Jason Statheman. you. Yeah, man, that's how I fit up. Man, lock stock and two smoking barrels. Oh, that movie rules.

Guy Ritchie, dog. Guy Ritchie's my boy. I watched M. Bruges on the plane the other day. And I'm embarrassed, and this is stupid, but it's a thing of me, I'm a little embarrassed to laugh super hard in front of people if they don't know what I'm laughing about. You know what I mean? I watched him Bruges on the plane the other day. I love that movie. When he karate chopped that door, I about fell into the fucking aisle of the plane.

He's just fucking. What? Martin McDonough, man. He was a racist dwarf on cocaine. What a great name. That's a three billboards guy. Yeah, no. Did you, uh, did you ever see a drive?

Mm-hmm. God damn, dude, that's a violent-ass movie. It is. That motherfucker dude, that movie, like, the violence in that movie? Yeah, it's pretty much, that movie, and I love that movie, but that movie's pretty much just pensive staring into the distance, punctuated by extreme graphic violence. It's just like Ryan Gussling

Just looking pensive And that fucking song The soundtrack, yeah Yeah, yeah, dude What was that song? Real human band And the real hero No

Not that one Kivinski, knock call Yeah, that one I think The song rules What's the name of the band? Yeah, it does. What's the name of the band? It's like, you know, A dude, a French dude or something

And I think the one I'm talking about, though, There was a very popular something As far as I know M89 M80 M80

Oh M83 They had one in that Midnight City Wasn't that end drive? They had some shit I own drive They had one on drive

That was just on the soundtrack I don't think it was in the movie And it was so badass So Listen Because we still ain't got to it And I promised DJ We made dicks and butts

So DJ We talked about this A little bit the other night Off Mike We got into some real deep, heavy metaphysical shit. Talking about the dick butt continuum. And I already explained to you the whole deal about yourself coming back from the future

and fucking your own butt and all that. And go ahead and fill the listeners in on where you stand on that. If you from the future could travel back to right now, the near future. Next Wednesday. DJ from next Wednesday comes back in the hotel after we wrap up this podcast and you and him are hanging out. Would you get down? Yeah, they're fucking butt for sure I don't believe that

No, I didn't challenge the other two Because I believe it I'm not saying DJ you would be against it I don't think that you'd get around to that I think you'd have to watch Alan Watts With yourself for a little bit You know, you'd have to go to a dog park And play with all the dogs first

Do I have a fucking time limit Like I can only fuck myself within it's like 20 minutes And also is it part of the premise Or is it supposed to just come up naturally? because I always assumed it was supposed to come up naturally. That's a good point, actually. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Kind of. But like, it's still, I don't know, to me it still comes down to would you do it or would you not? Well, okay. I do believe DJ would do it, but I don't think it would end up happening with DJ because he'd go play with dogs with his future self. It does make a difference because I feel like if you told me you're going to hang out with your future self for 20 minutes, no, we wouldn't fuck butts. What about three hours? Yeah, maybe.

I don't know. It depends. But it's so, I doubt, to me, it is a good wrinkle to the question, and it does change things. To me, the primary question was not time, not time limit related. It was more just like a... I wouldn't be able to fuck myself within probably a year. No, you got to get to know yourself. You got out of a few dates with yourself.

See what, if you guys want the same things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You wouldn't. Never be any agreement on that. But, okay, all right. So that aside, DJ both would and would not do it. If future you had an STD. But fucking.

I'm shroding. And you went back three weeks, but you had gotten that STD in them three weeks. Would you wear a condom? Or would you just be like, ah, he's going to get it in a week anyway? Ooh. Ooh. But if you caught it from yourself and then got it again later, would it be like super clemen Lydia?

Or would you be immune to it? Oh, yeah. That's one way to look at it. Yeah, I'd do myself a favor. I'd give myself herpes, yeah, for sure. Hell yeah. No, I don't know. I would give myself herpes.

So, DJ, here's the other part. It's what me and you were talking about the other night. This is new to Drew, I think. It ain't the portal mess? Okay, maybe it's not new to Drew. I guess we feel the minute on it. I said I'd fuck the portal. No, no, no, no, no.

I realized something about the portal the other night while we were talking. They didn't want to give me my credit words, dude. I'm giving it to you. Trying to act like I'm some kind of crude. fuck his own butt, which I would through a portal. Okay, I'm giving you that. But the other night in Raleigh, I realized something else

about it. And disprove this. I dare you. Tell me I'm wrong about this. So let's picture it for a second. You know how to turn me on. Let's picture it for a second. I'm in a coffin, right? I know. You're hard already, Drew. But I'm in a coffin and

right over and it's real tight. It's a real tight coffin and I barely fit in. Like the front... So a regular coffin. No, more so. You know,

coffee. That was a fat joke. Okay. I hate you so much because I didn't get it. Now I feel worse. But anyway, just a real, real tight fit of a coffin.

Right in front of my pelvis is the first portal, right? And right behind my butt, and I'm completely naked. Right behind my butt is the other portal. So we're butt-necked in a coffin, fucking butts.

So think about how close my dick is to my butt right now why do you got to be in anything the portals put the portals close to your dick and butt it don't matter you need something i mean you'd have i guess you could just set up like two pieces of cardboard that's fine but you have to have

portals don't just go on the air yeah they do they do they absolutely do no they don't you about broke my toe okay anyway no they don't they absolutely do no they don't it's a portal you're already breaking fucking physics laws

why you got to have a portal from a video game but you have to have a porth on some sort of matter. No. No, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. We'll do it by actual science. I'm talking about dicks.

No, no, no. Fuck, fuck the actual science. Hold on, hold on, wait, wait, God damn it. Fuck the actual science. I'm talking about in pop culture, in movies and video games. Like, they'll just fucking, some people will, like, hit a button and pop a portal up just as they're running. Portals just be everywhere.

Oh, that's right. That Dr. Strange motherfucker does that shit. Just pops a portal up. Dude, back to the future. It's just on the street. The reason. That, okay, God damn it. We got some loops going here that don't hit.

The reason that it got to that point was because initially it was a, God, damn it. A thought problem, a thought exercise on how you could go about fucking your butt with a portal gun. And the limitations were it had to be. be on things. Well, a portal gun not have to be. You didn't say anything about a gun. But no.

No. No, not a portal gun because fucking X-Man or no. What's his name? That fucking cartoon. I said, Dr. Strange. Yeah, they shoot it and it just goes it. But anyway, you're in the car. I know that.

I know that. I'm back in the coffin with you. Okay. And all the listeners are too, they wish they were dead after I did that. Okay. Anyway. Wait, wait, wait.

All right. That was a portal from my butt right in your mouth. Uh. Okay, so yeah, I'm in a coffin. One porters in front of my dick, other portals behind my butt. It's real tight because that's how tight the coffin is. You get your dick hard. You get your dick hard.

It goes into the portal. It goes into the portal. Goes out the other side. Goes out the other side. It comes into your butt, right? Yeah. Okay. Listen, your dick is in your butt.

It is. We're all there. We're all together. Yep. You're digging in your butt. Now watch this, Drew. my hand that I'm holding out in front of me right now. This is my butt, right?

And my actual dick is my dick. Okay? The portal is in between us. Look, dick, butt, dick, no matter what, no matter what, dick, but they move in perfect unison. Right. So there will never be friction, no matter what, you cannot achieve friction. See, I say.

They move in perfect unison together, so you feel nothing. It is therefore. You do feel the dick. in the butt. Therefore, impossible to fuck your own butt. You can put your dick in your own butt. To fuck your own butt is impossible in this scenario.

Am I wrong? How does it even go in? You get it hard. See, man, I said time and space could be the friction. He did say that. Let me, can I have a moment? Yeah. Hold on. I need a moment.

I've requested a moment. You have to go... I knew I couldn't get a moment. If you're going into the future, then, like, the faster and object moves the slower it fucking... Are you talking about the theory of relativity? Yeah, I'm talking about that fast. This podcast has literally jumped up its own ass right now.

Faster an object moves the slower, right? Time is. Yeah, right, right. So there would be a delay somehow. So you could come forever. You could cut well, or there would be a delay that your dick would go back up in your butt or the... Hold on, but you're talking...

No time in face. But the theory of relativity refers to the... What if your dude should be in the same two places at the same time? This is exactly the impediment we ran into the other night when we start talking about this. DJ, also, you're talking about... You're talking about... God damn it! You're talking about fucking the speed of light.

You're not fucking at the speed of light. The portal ain't got shit. How are you going to time travel then? We're not time traveling. Exactly. I know I was telling you a night. You're not time traveling. You're space, yes, it's a wormhole.

Your space traveling without time traveling. It's a wormhole. It's a wormhole. I just don't even know about this. What kind of... DJ will no longer fuck his own boat on principle. Same thing the other night. Exact same process.

He's like, hey, time travel. It's like, we're not time traveling. It's simultaneous. Well, I would have to look further into this before I would. And I will be coming back with something. No. I've explained it to you again. Listen, check it out.

Okay. Your dick is not in two places at the same time. time. It's not because look, here's the portal, right? This part of your deck, the part by your body is right here. At this part of time, at 11.59 p.m.,

all this part of your dick is right here. The rest of it is back here in your butt at the same time. But no, but no, but no parts of your dick are in both places. is at the same time.

This part is here. The rest of it's in your butt. All at the same time, it's only space. It ain't time. It's only space we're talking about. Time is not affected. Man, where is it? Do you agree with me?

I do, right, here's what you could do, two things. It blows my mind, boys. You could jack off into your own butt. Okay. No, you could jack off in your own butt. That's a good time. And as, as, your dick heads at, in your own butt. As you're jacking off into your own butt.

There comes true with a fourth wall, man. As you're jacking off into your own butt, you could get a little movement by like, you know, pushing it down and then pulling it out. You know what I'm saying? Just extending your dick, like grab your dick at the base and just extend it and then pull it back down against your body as hard as you can.

You could get a little bit of friction there while you jack off your own dick in your butt. Yeah. I knew you'd figure it. out. That's why I was wanting to talk to you about it. Because I knew you'd find a way. I knew your animal ass would figure out a way to fuck that butt.

I will not be deterred by the mere laws of physics and bullshit. I will. I will conquer this hill. Never let it be said that anything other than, of course, someone not wanting me to. Corey's so broth. He's so broth. Never let it be said. Dave.

No, he just keeps not letting me talk. It's fine, though. Let it never be said. No, it can't be now. He was literally letting him not be sad. What of course in there listening fucking his own butt. By the way, I was going to point this out, but then there was never a good time. DJ's butt is hanging out during that whole segment.

I'm sure. His pants have just fallen down. pass where his underwear. You don't even have pants on? I'm not judging you, DJ. In no way. In no way is just me shaming you. This is just me.

Look how... He's a cartoon. He is. You don't even have pants on, boy. I am completely pantless. All right. Let's wrap it up. All right.

That's it. Wrap it up. If you're fucking your butt, always wrap it up. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week.

You got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you. Good night and skew.