wellRED podcast - #92 - Hitler Don't Hit or (#WellRedBonerJams)

Episode Date: November 14, 2018

This week the boys talk about how much Hitler sucks, the worst parts about Alex Jones, and of course reminsice about all the best jams from middle school dance parties.Tweet YOUR favorite middle school dance jams to us with the hashtag #WellRedBonerJams wellredcomedy.com for ticketssmokeyboysgrilling.com for meat rubscarvevodka.com to drink like the CHO

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.

Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features.

I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the.

And now a special motorcycle weather report from Progressive. Well, today you can expect lots of cloud cover with zero percent chance of raining on your parade because you'll be riding your motorcycle room room. That rumbling low pressure system beneath you should give way to a relaxing commute and the sudden urge to take the scenic route everywhere you go because dangnabit you're having fun out there and your forecast back to you this has been a special motorcycle weather report from progressive where every day's a beautiful day to ride with coverage from america's number one motorcycle insurer get a quote today and see what you could save progressive casualty insurance company at affiliates

what is going on everybody it's your boy the show fuck my stupid butt we've only got a couple weekends left here in 2018 this week fuck a butt that's drew in the back if you didn't hear him. We only got a couple of weeks here up this week, November 15th and 16th, we're going to be in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and Northampton, Massachusetts, respectively. Then November 29 through December 2nd, we are going to be in Washington, D.C. at the Washington, D.C. Improv.

Then on to Kansas City, Missouri, and St. Louis, Missouri, and then homecoming shows finishing out the year, December 20th through the 23rd, Nashville, Tennessee, at Zanies, go to well-read comedy.com, spelled just like the podcast, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com. Sign up for our newsletter. That way you can find tickets

before anybody else does and you won't have to be like people on Twitter who are just like, hey, hey, I know you only put up like five dates, but how the fuck come Wisconsin ain't on there? I know it's... You were there last month? You were there last month?

Well, how would I, a fan, have ever known that? Well, just sign up for our news. newsletter, fuckhead, and then you will know everything there is to know about us, where we're going to be, when we're going to be there, when you can get tickets, yada, yada, yada. Anyways, this portion of the podcast is always brought to you by smokyboysgrilling.com. Go to smokyboysgrilling.com to get all the rubs for all you meats. And also, carvevodka.com. Do you want to get drunk like the show?

I know you do. Go to carvevodka.com and carve your own path, motherfuckers. All right. On to the podcast. This is a conversation between what the fuck are you playing? Apparently, the U.S. Army has its own rock band now. No shit. Breaking news.

They're terrible. So saliva got fired or whoever it wasn't the else that was doing it? No, it was a, who was it? It was a, I, stand alone. Who was it? Godsmack. Godsmack. Godsmack was the Army's dudes for a while.

Whatever. Go to carve vaca.com, carve your own path. This podcast is a conversation between me and the two other idiots about how much Hitler don't hit Really breaking some ground here And then we talk about Well-read boner jams So on Twitter

You'll hear at the end We talk about all the best Lovemaking and Bangor Songs from our middle school Dance parties So if you can think of some Shout at us on Twitter Hashtag well-red boner jams

Hashtag well-red boner jams All right now on with the podcast Love you by Skiw Well-well Yeah. Alex Jones don't hit. He don't hit. Alex Jones don't hit. What's next?

Now, how long we've been going? Did you get all that shit? Drew's just a minute. 45 seconds. Well, so say that again. What did I say? About Alex Jones, the worst part about him. I think the worst part about Alex Jones is that by existing in the sphere that he does,

he creates space for slightly less crazy people to be perceived as like normal. not unlike religion or whatever or people like Roy Moore another crazy hardcore insane conservative Donald Trump they make like they make moderate conservatives look pretty okay but really

they're not George Bush has made this weird popularity come back because he's like he isn't a shitty painting and isn't as shitty as Trump and it's like he sucked he might be a war criminal right he sucked real bad

I think he was a war criminal that's so funny to me It's so funny to me to think that, like, George Bush started painting, and because he did that, they're like, see, he's kind of a queer. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, he's not, he's not complete. He can't be completely that way. He paints.

You just did a half Hitler thing while I was thinking about Hitler. I did. I did. Cory gestures a lot, and he did a guy Hitler. He didn't do a forward, what they call that, Sig Heil. Heil Hitler. Yeah, he didn't do that. He just went sideways, super flamboyling.

And I was sitting there thinking about it. I literally was thinking, yeah, by that metric, Hitler was kind of queer. And as I thought by that metric, Hitler was kind of queer, you did gay Hitler for the gay Hile Hitler. Brining. Well, yeah, we was telepathic. I'm saying, I was in here. I was with you. Speaking of Hitler being kind of queer, don't they being like the conservatives and stuff,

like they, part of their whole deal is that Hitler was super left, right? They say, I'm not saying. Yeah, he's a socialist. He's a socialist, but also, like, he was, like, he was. He was a major leftist, they say, just like how Abraham Lincoln was a massive conservative. Right. You know, like, right. That's what I mean.

Yeah, I mean, that's all bullshit. Defining leftism as state controlled, you know, like he was. But that's just fascism. You know what I mean? You can have fascism of any type. For sure. But. And Hitler don't hit.

Hitler don't hit. I'll put that out there. I'll go on the record right now. Hitler don't hit. We're already on the record on the record. shows as, you know, clarifying that genocide don't hit. Genocide don't hit.

Sort of his whole thing. So, you know, we've kind of already made our stance on Hitler clear. Right. Oh, did you see what I just did? No, did you hurt yourself? I was trying to kick this boot off and then my foot slipped and I kicked myself in the ankle real hard. Oh, that don't hit. Well, as you were saying about Alex Jones being that for...

I think I'm bleeding. I don't know if this is like an accurate assessment, but if Alex Jones is that for the crazy right they can be like well at least we're not this crazy like not even just the right i mean i know he's got a lot of that in him just conspiracies right i've always that's always like lena dunham has kind of always been my um well you know whenever me and my dad are arguing i can be like well at least i'm not her and he's like yeah at least you're not her you know what i'm saying and like whenever she be doing some stuff i'm like i'll have to tell my friends i'm like okay i hear you but like that's different she's this right you know you know you

what I'm saying. Right. And they're like, okay. And then they go, okay, you're not that. Cool. Well, I'm saying, you know, fucking conspiracy people are like, yeah, but I mean, even I can laugh at Alex Jones. Right. And then I find myself being like, yeah, they can laugh at Alex Jones where I should just be like, no, man, you're crazy. Right. Yeah, you're all crazy. If you need that guy to be your. But they can say that about you. If you need Lina Duna. I know. And I know, and I don't. I just. We need Lina Duna. We finally figured out why we need her. Yeah. so that me and my dad can have breakfast. She always did want to be Jesus anyway. Yeah, and she kind of looks like lamb chops, so that checks out. Like if you shaved a baby lamb, that's what Lena Dunham looks like naked and girls. I don't know that I've seen her naked. I know that she's done that.

And I know that the purpose of her doing that was body positivity, so we shot that in the ass just now. Yeah, man, I don't think she was the right one for that. Well, no, that's the whole deal with that. I know. I think I broke my ankle. You really? No, but it's throbbing. That don't hit.

Throbbing don't hit unless it's... It's much like Hitler in that way. Yeah? No, because a throbbing dick kind of hits. Throbbing dicks do hit. Throbing dicks do hit. Hilder didn't hit in any kind of way. In no ways, his mustache looks stupid.

His hair coat was bad. I don't know. He probably had... I think he was like real anti-smoking. Okay. That's the throbbing dick of Nazism. Or what is it worse? Nobody could smoke.

I mean... Oh, here we go. Here it comes. He was really good. I mean, I'm not like, he was shitty, but like, he did hit, like, in terms of just like... I mean... Yeah, but in this analogy, like, I kicked the shit out of myself. Yeah.

It was a hard kick. Right. It didn't hit because it hurt. Right. Yeah, no, you're not like Hitler in that way. My ankles are the Jews. Quote. Quote, I mean, he did hit.

End quote. Cory Ryan Forster, comma, about Hitler. I'm just saying, I know what you mean. It's just like, we've had that same discussion about Osama been Laden before. He didn't fucking hit. And you're like, well, I mean, for what he did he? Yeah, dude. What he did was evil and fucking awful.

Don't hit. Right. Genocide don't hit. And Hitler hit at it. He hit at a thing that very don't hit, which means he don't hit. I don't like the hits in his name. I just realized that. First of all, I want to talk more about this side.

More like don't Hitler. Hey, there it is. Oh, boo. Not more about what? The smoking thing. That's the throbbing dick of Nazism. I mean, that may not have to make fucking trick. I don't know.

Apparently. I'm about to look it up. That's funny. Because then, like, when that was before, like, we found out that smoking was, like, the worst thing you could do. It's super funny because it's like, all right, here's what we're going to do. We're going to violently take over the world. Veeful kills all the Jews.

How killing all the Jews because, no smoking. It stinks. You're close. Oh, is that close? Smell so bad. I bet he just didn't like it because he didn't want people taking breaks. Yeah, exactly. No, we must hate Jews for those 15 minutes.

I'm doing the worst German accent ever, but I'm loving it. Yeah. Are you finding out some stuff on this? The German movement in the late 30s, early 40s was the most powerful anti-smoking movement in the world. You don't say. Yeah. Yeah, that was just...

Imagine like America's anti-smoking movement being jealous of that. Man, I'm just saying if we could kill some fucking people. If that's what it takes. I'm trying to find Hitler specifically. Why the fuck do I even... Where did that even come from? Because there's like 78 Hitler documentaries. Yeah.

Because he hit... No, he didn't. No, I'm saying. No, I know he didn't hit, but, you know. No, he was fucking, it was kind of a big deal, I'd say. I don't like how many, my, uh, my oldest nephew, you got really in the war documentaries. And obviously, a lot of them are about fucking Hitler. And like, like, you know, when you say to me, Corey, he's a good general.

Like, I'm like, you're an idiot. You don't mean it. When a 12-year-old says it, you're like, these documentaries got to go, man. Yeah, right. What is he said? We, or we got a... Well, Hitler was a good general. We got a lead with, you know.

Yeah. No, I hear you. Hitler was an ex-smoker. gave up the habit early in life he considered it a weakness and used it to describe it as the wrath of the red man against the white man vengeance for having

been given hard liquor he brought Indians into this because tobacco is an American crop yeah I guess Native American I mean it is though right so he was saying we came over there we murdered all of them and they're getting us back and this is how they got us back That's apparently what he said.

Dude, Hitler was something else. No shit. He proclaimed cigarettes, the enemy of the people. Look, here's a ad for me. I bet. So he smoked. Then he quit and nobody else is allowed to. I bet he used to fuck Jews.

Classic ex-smoker, dog. Of course he did. Wasn't there a thing we're like, he had some Jews? This is what did it for me. They were like, wait a minute. He was a hypocrite. I'm starting to think this guy was kind of a dick. I at least thought he meant what he said.

said. No, a lot of ex-smokers are like that, like Hitler. But no, a lot of ex-smokers are the most hardcore, like, fervent. You shouldn't smoke people that exist. But I thought that was like, don't do it around me because I want one. No, no. I'm already fighting that, by the way. Dude, it happens all the time.

And, like, so I'm saying most people like that aren't Adolf Hitler. But he was. Turns out, most people aren't Adolf. I've been smoking pretty serious. for 15 years and I just decide I'm now in week three of quitting and I already

when I say somebody smoking or I'm like this fucking pathetic weak-minded idiot smoking a cigarette and I'm like who the fuck are you? Andy smokes now and she won't admit it she still acts like it's just like a thing like Amber does that like me like I smoke when I'm out here I put those cigars at your house and I like smoke too

when I'm out here and then since we've been coming out here more I don't do that anymore so she's like saying like no no it's just you know sometimes they're like, you know, I need to relax. And I'm like, no, they're in your car hidden. You have to get a new pack every now and in. I found them in the, yeah, you're like, you're a smoker. Yeah.

She don't admit it. Amber does that shit where she's like, what? It's the whole, well, no, I don't, but only if I've, you know, if I've been drinking, I'm like, uh-huh. And how often do you be doing that? Well, because she said, well, this is what we were talking about the other day. And she is true, like, you know, Amber teaches she doesn't drink during the week, therefore she doesn't smoke during the week. on the weekends she'll have some cigarettes she'll be drinking except for sometimes she does um but she's

like but i'm not i'm not a smoker blah blah blah blah blah and i was like okay well like if you only smoke when you drink picture this you know we got some irons in the fire we got some things going on you know what if it comes a situation where i hit it super big i you don't have to teach you're not doing anything during the week you're gonna be drinking more and therefore you're gonna fucking smote whatever i'm not a smoker i'm like yeah if you fucking buy If you buy a new pack of cigarettes every week, regardless if you only smoke one day, because you're drinking that one day. I'm sorry. You don't get to be like, I'm not a smoker, but you are because I divvy mine out throughout the fucking week.

Well, another thing, Andy said, there was like these cigarette butts on the porch. I was like, was you drink? She was like, no, I just needed one. And I was like, oh, you're a smoker. And she's like, no, and we started having that conversation again. And she goes, I just need it to relax. Yeah. I was like, yeah, that's what smoking is.

Yeah, that's all. Which is, by the way, fine. Just, but don't. Yeah, but I mean, I get that. Like, if you're, if it's a new thing, nobody wants to be a fucking smoker. But here's my thing with that. If you really don't want to be a smoker,

wouldn't it be smarter to tell yourself you are one before you ever get in the danger zone instead of being in denial? Probably. Because you're going to become addicted while saying that you're not. Yeah, but that ain't how denial works. Denial's not logical. Yeah, yeah.

Denial's not on purpose, I don't guess. I feel like denial is a little logical, even if it ain't on purpose. It definitely is, yeah. No, it is logical. but it's not voluntary. It's not conscientious. You just do it.

Yeah. It just happens. Your brain just be doing it. Brain, it just be that way. Speaking of Amber. Oh, yeah. The non-smoker who left me in Athens, Georgia this weekend. So well-read,

well-read Nation, as you may have followed on my Twitter and my Instagram and all my gratuitous post. Your boy was in Athens, Georgia, this weekend to see the Georgia, Bulldogs play the Auburn Tigers. Please remind me to make fun of you at the end of the story. Speaking of gratuitous post, continue. Oh, I know what

this is going to be about, and it's hilarious. What sweatpants said? Yes. Oh, that fucking cracked me up. I can't wait, because I don't know, but go ahead. Anyways, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah. You were in Athens. Went to Athens, got to Airbnb. We had fucking, I mean, I'd rented this Airbnb

a long time ago, not even knowing if I'd have time to go there, but flew from L.A. to the game, flew back from the game to hear Well, what had happened was I'll have to leave out some details just because, you know, we don't be talking about them. But, like, found out I wasn't going to have to be back in L.A. until Tuesday and not Monday. So I'm super pumped because I've gotten an extra day that I can spend with Amber at my house with my dog. Oh, my God. So it's like, the game's already over when I find this out.

I'm telling Amber about it. She's super pumped. She's like, oh, my God. We can ride home with each other tomorrow instead of. Drew's getting naked, by the way, everybody. Um, what are you doing? You just get, I thought, dude, I thought that you were about to miss a butt and Mr. Butt so hard that you wanted your pants to be off for it. Because, like, you had to mic, like, at the ready.

I just dropped the mic and it was dangling right there. Okay. So I'm, I'm explaining to Amber. It's a whole fucking thing. I'm going to be able to come home. I'm at this bar. I'm going outside. I'm working out my ticket with Delta switching my shit.

Amber's talking about all the different types of food. She wants me to make her when we get home because I can cook dinner or whatever. yada yada yada so anyways we get drunk we go back to the the place and uh i'm woken up the next morning by amber already dressed and ready to go and walking out the door with her fucking brother and sister-in-law and i'm just like what are you doing and she's like i'm leaving i'll see you later you're going to l.a right and i was like what i was like we had a whole thing last night about how i don't have to be back in l.a until tuesday and i'm riding with y'all and she's like well derrick and taylor have to be it we're leaving

We're leaving right now. I guess you just ride with Robbie or whatever. And I was like, we, we had a whole thing. And her fucking excuse was, Corey, it was last night. I was blackout. How do you expect me to fucking, and then I'm the dickhead. How do you expect me to remember this? I'm blackout.

And I'm like, okay, fair enough. But, you know. Yeah, but as you pointed out to me, you have laid the groundwork for that argument for years. Yeah, I know. Like, you, you know. I know I have. That is true. What you just said she did to you, partard.

Yeah, I had done that. Yeah. I mean, me, for one, countless times. Without a doubt. That's why I didn't hit her. You know what I'm saying? Well, I mean, there's a lot of reasons I, but I'm saying I was mad for a second, and then I was like, eh, all right, fucking whatever.

Let me, let me posit a theory here. Well, not a theory, because I'll believe your answer to this regardless, but I'm just throwing this out there. Is it possible that she? that you laying there laid up drunk snoring about dead just so didn't well hold on but that so I don't even mean that she like she still woke you up right before she left

but she woke you up and was like right I okay I know that she said that I'm saying but then she also was like well we gotta go we gotta go so if you're going you better fucking get your shit together and let's go because we got to go and then she left so I'm saying I wasn't going to do that. Right. Is it possible that she was up and this was a thing and you weren't up and so she just...

So she reversed gas lit me? Is that what you're saying? I think that's just gas lighting. Right. She lied to you. Yeah, no, that's not possible. Well, I mean, it's entirely possible, but no, she didn't do it. What I mean is like, why were...

Had y'all agreed when she was blackout? Had y'all agreed on what time you were leaving? No. Did you know when they were leaving? They need to be back by a certain time. Not at all. No one had ever told you that information. Matter of fact, I was the only one that had any type of time thing because I was like,

I have to leave by this to get to the airport to do this. That's another thing I was so pumped about. I was like, I can fucking sleep in. So, like, no, I was the only one that had anything that I had to be in a hurry for. Theirs was just mom and dad, Taylor and Derek, they had not been out as long as us. So what happened was they got, they went back early and thus they woke up early. And they were like, we're fucking ready to go. and Amber was probably just like, well, I mean, I'm wrong with you, so I guess I'll go with you too.

And that's how that was. No, I don't think that happened. Okay. Not that it's not, she wouldn't have done that. Not like she's way too good of a person. It wouldn't benefit her any, is what I'm saying. It benefits her way more if I'm there. Knowing that there was no time talked about or whatever, I'm saying, I didn't know if it was a thing,

we're like, you knew, everybody knew they were leaving in the morning, and then you knew your plans had changed, and then you still just slept and slept and slept. And so then it became a, hey, we got to go right now. If you're coming, fucking we got to go. And you didn't wake yourself up. It weren't up. Okay. Oh, you thought it was like kind of his fault.

I wondered if it had been put out there that when they were leaving. And then so he just didn't set an alarm. He just slept straight through it. And so this was her kind of being like putting it. No, son, she didn't remember. none of it at all. Okay. That is a thing.

Amber, like when she's blackout often, like... She don't remember? You don't see it? No, no. I'm saying, like, sometimes I can look at her and be like,

she's not going to remember this. But then there's sometimes where it's like, everything, like, the machine's running. You know what I'm saying? And like, everything, I'm like,

I can definitely tell she's drunk, but like, because I do that often. They're like, how do you not remember this? You seem fine. Right. It was that?

It was what? It was that? Yeah, but I'm saying like, you know, I was always like, no, she's, she's fucking fine. This is the whole thing. Looking back, I do remember several times at this one specific bar. Oh, here we go. Having to, this is got. I can't wait.

I hope this is so ridiculous that it's like, of course. No, it's about to be. But again, you got to understand that after all this, we then went to Waffle House. She ate, devoured a complete meal. She also apparently had the temerity and wherewithal to steal your credit. card and pay for said Waffle House trip. That's true. Out of your wallet causing you to cancel my card because I thought

I'd left it at this bar that I'm about to talk about. We're sitting there at this bar. By the way, all of us, pretty much everybody was just like we'd been wanting to leave for like an hour, hour and a half. We got to fucking, and Amber's just like we're fucking in Athens. I know we're all old and tired and want to go, we got to, we're never

here, we got to tough it out. We're all sitting there talking about how we want to leave. Amber is literally passing out at the bar. she keeps slumping her head over and I'm grabbing her head and pointed back up going, babe, you're falling, you're literally passing out.

Let's just go. No, and she's like, no, I can make it. And I'm like, but no one wants you to, like you're not,

you know what I'm saying? Like, you're not being a hero for us. We all want to go home. Let us take you home. She's like, I'm fine. And she'd sit there for a second and then I'd see her eyes and then she just,

and I'd catch her head before it hit the fucking table. And I'm like, get up. She's like, I will be okay. And to her credit, she kept passing out, waking back up, and then drinking more, beers and stuff like that. And this is the person you can't believe, can't remember.

But what I'm saying is, we got up after that, went to another bar, and it's like she's... Because of her. She said she wanted to. But then after that, she stopped passing out, and it seemed like she got her... No, you know, we've all taken... My favorite thing about all your stories is that they are absurd on the surface. Yeah. But that takes me less than three...

or four, four questions. She did with that with her too. By the way, I just gave myself hiccough from to get to that in a minute.

I don't help. I can get to another level of absurd. Yeah, for sure. Then I'm just like, why would I bring this up? Oh, yeah,

that's not normal. I should talk about that. Oh, that is actually the key to this whole story. Yeah, exactly. I would, I feel like you were going

in a different direction where it's like on the surface, it seemed, it is all absurd in every direction, but like, it's always when you find out

more layers of, of it you're like right yeah right right yeah and that do be happening a lot with his stories right so this was i think shorter but similar in the vein of absurdity me and andy went out our friend the people who played our wedding it's really just one guy the band's changed so much over the years it's just the front man but the burn herman's were playing on set i have the hiccups somehow on saturday they were playing at prez pub so we rallied to go out because she'd been working all day and we'd been traveling I was tired so we drank a few beers

got there did a shot we got our buzz on pretty quickly but it was already 11 so it was fine I'm listening to you I'm just peeing so I went to pee in the story and I came back downstairs and he's dancing with some guy

he's behind her he's got one hand on her right hip like on her leg like coming up like that he's got his other Lord. You look hammered fucking drunk right now. Your pants are off your shirts open.

You can't stop hiccuping. You look like you almost threw up just now. Like you're fucking... Yeah. This motherfucker got his hands on. Go ahead up. Grimped. There's this thing.

It's just started happening. If I get, like, flimbing in my throat, if there's a certain way that I go, I give myself the hiccups I keep forgetting to not do it Why are you doing it to begin with Trying to clear his throat Does you hear it?

That don't hit Listen Because the tickle already don't hit Right, it's the hell Yeah, I'm in hell I'm in hell I'm glad it feels good for y'all And so I come back

This dude's behind her He's got the right hand there He's got his left hand They're holding hands His hand's not rubbing her titty But her hand's over her titty and his hands on top of that, and his face is like on her shoulder from the back.

So I can't see, I can just see his head. Now, everybody listening is like getting really weirded out and nervous. It was her super flamboyantly, oh my God, so gay friend Donovan, who the only time I've had a problem with him in the molester department is when he molests me, right? But I couldn't see his face, right? And I'm drunk. I come back and I see that. I would have hit him.

if his head hadn't been done, I thought, I literally had the thought if you punched the top of his head, you'll break your knuckle. So I grabbed him by a shirt. You didn't notice him at the time? No, I couldn't see him.

He had his face buried in her neck. So you're about to commit a hate crime. I grab him, yeah, he's black and gay. Woo! Yeah, I grab him by his shirt. From like, here, push him away from her hard. Like, separate him from her by like three feet.

Hit two people. He, you know, flips, his head gets rocked. back. He sees it's me. He's like scared but then also he recognized me. I recognize him so I go from like I'm about to kill a person and then leave my wife to like oh my God it's Donovan

and he I go oh fuck I'm so sorry and he just responded by making out with me all right he just started to kissing me and it was so those things were like I didn't want him to kiss me but I almost felt like I owed him now that I'd almost be eating him up

I'm not saying I pulled my head away pretty much immediately, but I had that thought of like, yeah, I guess I owe him then. I feel like there's been a lot of people kiss me just because of that too. Yeah. And like fucking reformed rednecks. I used to pick on the gay cat or whatever.

I guess I'm why I have to let him set up my dick now. We're ever really going to bury the hatchet. He can bury it in my butt. Now, he did leave. I think it did freak him out a little bit because of like, you know, I kind of manhandled him. Which made me why he kissed me. Look.

Look at my ankle. Yeah, there's a huge pump knot on it. Yeah, I think Drew is drunk. Drew just snapping his ankle. So, hold on, though. How many more bars did y'all go to after she was passed out?

One more. Okay. And then Waffle House. And again, dude, when we got to the second bar, though, like it was a more open, lit-up thing. She came back, and it was like second win situation. It was like, okay, you really were just tired. I mean, we've been tailgating all day and shit.

that and like she was a hundred percent fine talking about i was like let's go get something to eat and then we'll blah blah blah blah so like i had no reason to believe that it wasn't she said let's go get something to eat yeah yeah you think she said something about the card no because unless he lied or just not lie but like told the story in the funniest way possible to me earlier she didn't tell him she told him about the card you're saying she also forgot no i just meant you think he he just said she was like let's go get something or whatever. And I'm saying you think in that moment, okay. But what I'm saying is when he confronted her, or when they, he tells her I cancel my credit

card and she goes, I have it, you idiot. Wouldn't she have said in that moment? I told you I was taking it. Yeah, yeah. They both forgot. Yeah. A tale of two shows. A tale of two shows. It was the drunkest of times. It was the drunkest of time. But going back to what you're saying earlier about, he tells a story on the surface level and then as you peel it back, when he told us that she had left him in Athens, here's exactly the, what I thought happened. And I'm not, I'm not saying that you misrepresented it. This was on text. This was on text messages, whatever, but it came across to me as though he woke up, she's gone. He calls her, I left. You got a fight today. I'm on the way back home. And he was like, well, I told you I'm fucking don't. I'm not flying out until tomorrow or whatever.

And she was just gone, like down the road. Right. That's what I thought happened. And that is way funnier. Now knowing that like, he played a bunch of. rolls in it. Yeah, a lot. In telling her while she was hammered. And then also, she still woke you up and told her before she left. Like, you could have just got up and left. I was mad as shit. But she woke you up?

No, I was just mad. And again, I shouldn't be. This is dumb. But at the moment, in the heat of the moment, I was furious that her dumb ass had just forgotten all this shit, which is like, yeah, if she was blackout, duh, of course she forgot it. I'm the idiot for expecting. her not to have fucking, you know, forgotten this shit. You just remind me the whole reason I told that fucking story is you've laid the groundwork. You said this, you say, yeah, I can't get mad at her for using the blackout defense.

I've been using it for years. I can't get mad at Andy for the, well, it was a gay guy defense because I've been using that one for years. And would like to in the future, I'm sure. You don't want to fucking bury that. No, I hear, yeah, and again, I'm going to need this one in my back pocket too. So I just immediately shut up. Like, we did, we, you know, if, if this hadn't had. happened a billion fucking times on both ends we would have probably gotten a fight but it's

happened so many times like all right well we just got a i don't know we got to start writing stuff down on each other's hands mementa chimento memento yeah memento's the fresh maker if you yeah like if we're black out and we really need the person remember this morning we got to put nobody come up with pimento i'm a show i did okay well before remember that's been a thing yeah somebody talking about his uncle had to do that or something he's like he's like read that moment literally the only reason I didn't say it is because I had it's a previous podcast hit but now that's it pimento pimento yeah but yeah we just got to start writing stuff down on each other can we make a pimento trailer yeah where it's just him because he's a blackout

drunk and this is what he has to do to remember shit it's there it's like it has to be like food related somehow so that pimento would make sense oh never mind i was going to say amber wakes up remembering that he put a pizza in the oven Amber wakes up and I've just got take me to the airport written on her left titty Like, that was where I was going with that. Oh, you were going titties? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We learned today that Trey has eaten a frozen pizza uncooked. Mm-hmm. But that was in college. Mm-hmm. It was. Like, other than rape, anything you do in college don't count. And most racism.

I just, and nothing about this makes sense. Most right now. I was about to say, well, I was about to say, well, some, you know what I'm saying? Like, sometimes you're just stupid. Yeah, yeah, like ignorant racism, not hateful racism. Right. none like a lot of things about this don't make sense but you know drunk and in college i came back to my apartment one night everybody else was passed out or not there i was the only one there

and i guess i saw a pizza box on the counter or something i don't know what made me do it but i looked in i looked in the oven and there was a pita tautino's pizza in there and again i just walked in the door so like i know i didn't do it i know it ain't mine whatever but i get and again in my drunken head It was just like, well, it must be my birthday. Clearly, someone has baked me a pizza. I guess I thought. You know, you thought you cooked it. You forgot you didn't.

That's how drunk you were. But I had just got back. Like, I just got in from the bar. Her mom is such a don't. Anyway, I pulled it out, I pulled it out, ate the whole thing and went to sleep. And then the next day, I was in there hung over, just laid on the couch. And Thompson, I think came and opened up the oven or whatever. And was like, what the fuck?

And I saw him doing that. And I said, Oh, was that your pizza? My bad man, I ate that last night when I was drunk. And he goes, you ate that? You just pulled it out here and ate it? And I was like, yeah, he goes, it did thaw out. It did thaw out.

That's what it happened. It'd been sitting there, song. It wasn't frozen. It thawed out. Thawed. Yeah. He was like, he was like, oh, did you cook it? And I was like, it was cooked already.

And he was like, no, it wasn't. He was like, I put it in there. How certain are you that you didn't cook it? Because I didn't, I pulled it straight out of the oven and ate it. I didn't do. nothing to it. I'm 100% certain he didn't cook it. And he was like, but he just said, I pulled it out, put it in there.

I was going to bake it. But then I was super high and tired. And I was like, fucking, I'm going to bed. I turned the oven off and went to bed. He was like, but I did not cook it. To me, that's the second weirdest part of this story. If I'm stoned, no matter how, yeah, like, I'm still, mate. Maybe, maybe because he's going to take 35 minutes.

And he's afraid he's going to false. I've done that before. That's probably what was. He thought he wasn't going to make it to the end of it. So he just called it to bed. I was drunk. I had the wearwithal to be like, you're going to go sit on this fucking couch, and you're going to nod off and you're going to burn this goddamn house down.

Don't fucking do it, dude. It probably was something like that. But either way, I ate a uncooked, thawed-out Totino's party pizza. Every time I hear Totinos, I think, Lance Parker. Did you ever meet Lance Parker? I don't know. Parker, P-A-U-K-U-S. That sounds familiar.

New York comedian. He had this joke. The premise, I don't remember the whole thing. The premise was talking about weed becoming legalized and how eventually that's going to lead to fancy weed restaurants, like fancy wine restaurants. It's like a weed pairing. Don't they have those in Amsterdam?

I'm sure. I'm sure. And he was like, this is a 1998 bubble cush. It's half sotiva, half indica. It's a nice blend. It pairs well with Tettino's Pizza rolls.

And then he would do like five more, and the weed would keep getting more elaborate. And then every time he would go, it goes well with Tettino's pizza rolls. I had some Tateo's pizza rolls last night. Did the party pizzas hit for y'all? Oh, yeah. I love them.

I mean, you know, there's better ones of that out there, but they do hit for me. This is something that I can get in. Frozen pizzas? Frozen pizza, because I know I'm stupid when it comes to food, but when it comes to red sauce. Yeah. You know what's up? Well, go ahead. I mean, dude, honestly, in the world of frozen pizzas, I know what you're going to say.

No, it might be them. Totinos? Okay. They hit for me. I thought you were going to say Tombstone. The thing with them. Tombstone also hits. Here's the problem with Tombstone.

Tombstone don't know who it is. It's living a lie. Tombstone's too close to being a real pizza, and it pisses me off. But here's what I do with Toadneau kind of the same way in that room. A little bit. See, that's actually what you just said is exactly why I don't particularly like DeJorno. Because I know their whole thing is, it's not delivery as DeJorno. Yeah, they're trying to be, just be trash.

Yes. You trash. Just be trash. Titoanos is trash. The pepperoni should taste like a mystery meat with so much salt in it. I take, I take Totino's pizzas and I'll put like. You should almost need to burn it. I put Velvita on top of them.

You know, maybe it's Franksran. I'd do that with frozen pizzas. Me too. Me too. I mean, I will do it with any of them, but I'm saying you doctor up a totino's, take that bitch out folded over. That's the same with all those fancy versions. The crust hits. California pizza or something?

Yeah, I'm out. California Pizza Kitchen. You dress those up and you basically have a pizza too. Plus, I convince myself because it says something on the box that it's good for me. Red Baron. It's Red Baron. Red Baron does hit. The pepperoni.

don't taste like real pepperoni and that hits for me. I guess it's Kirkland because that's... You know how funnions don't taste like onion? But you like it? I fucking love funnions.

Funions. But you like them. Yeah. Red bear and pepperoni is the funnions of pepperoni. Okay. I'm with that. My favorite

frozen pizza is Kirkland like Costco brands. That's fucking great. They have like a cornmeal. I haven't fucked with very heavy because Costco is so far from my house and then in college, no one,

fucked with Sam's Club in college. Matter of fact, it's the only frozen pizza that I don't go in there and like, you know, chef show it up on it. I don't have to say it's really fucking good. Now, dude, speaking of Tatino's pizza rolls, those, and I think it's Tony's. Oh, yeah. Only two brands I fuck with other than Save a Lot, and the Save a Lot thing is just because I grew up on. Pizza Rolls?

Yeah. I don't, I'm, Tony's Pizza I've had in hits. I don't think I've ever had Tony's Pizza Rolls. I think Pizza Rolls I think Pizza Rolls I've only ever had. I've only ever had tootinos and then like generic. The Svalu up brand's not bad. Hey, let me ask y'all this. Okay.

I remembered one of the topics I wanted to talk about and I'm pumped about it, but go ahead. Bagel bites. They hit. Okay. I don't know if y'all fucked with them. Yeah. Benton fucking loves those things. Yeah, pizza in the morning.

Pizza in the evening pizza has supper time. When pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza any time. That's how we're saying at my house. That's exactly like that. They got me. We had those. I was like, Mom, we need that. When I was a kid, we fucked with that more than we did.

Pizza rolls became me. I was like, I will do it. But the bagel bites was the jam. My sister would eat them bitches. Benton. She preferred them for them. Benton loves bagel bites. I mean, I routinely have bagel bites at the crib.

Still pizza rolls, though, for me. There's something in the pizza roll. I have pizza rolls at the crib right now. You can take it in the rant. Yeah, boy. Yeah, boy. No, it's what it is. But I like a, I think I like bagel balls.

bites more. I understand. I know this is a different sort of thing, but like where y'all stand on hot pockets and how they fall in this trajectory of things. I have them on. I mean, I'm not anti, but they're not even close to frozen pizza or pizza bites. Like the pizza

flavor hot pocket? To me, it's not even, it's so much worse than... What about to ham and cheese, though? No, the cheese burger. Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger. What you... Cheeseburger. The one hamburger. What you were just talking about, about the pepperoni being like

it was that fake shit or whatever the hamburger meat in the Hot Pocket Cheeseburger one is so fake and I know it's made out a horse Oh I love a horse Yeah all that horse Did you just fart? The bed vibrated

I bet your phone vibrated Yeah probably Did you just fart? No that was my phone That's a great sentence Well and Andy used to have her phone On vibrated all the time I would say your phone farted Yeah

And it would make her laugh Because the word fart makes her laugh Then you said the other day you was on your phone and you had to fart and you instinctively put your phone to try to record your fart. Like, yeah, the way we do on the podcast. But when I say on my phone, I don't mean like I was on the phone. So I was like, I know. I was just like on Twitter and then just put my phone by my phone and farted on my phone. And then just put it right back to your face right back to what you were doing.

And it was like on the way up as I wafted fart into my own mouth. Then I realized what I had done. That's hilarious. It was as I wafted fart into my own mouth. I realized what a caricature I had become. I'm just over here farting on my phone. I remember one of the things I want to do on the podcast, and like, this is Raven. I had thought it would be a whole thing that I would, you know, do in advance and then talk about it on here.

And you have our fans chime in, and I ain't done none of that. Because I forgot. No, no, no, it hits. Listen. Well, tell them what you want to do. Okay. All right. And then they can chime in.

Okay, yeah, all right. That's actually, that's better. So this will work better. I wanted to do like a... As usual, one of us has fixed your idea. Usually, anyway. You're right. You right about that.

A bracket, like a tournament, but that like gets voted on. You know how like they'll do like the greatest video game character of all time or whatever, right? Yeah, to do it all the time around March Madness. This is only, this only works for people that are around our, age, I think, but middle school dance jams. And I feel like one side of bracket is slow jams and the other side

is bangers, right? And so like on the bangers side, number one seed is probably not, no. Because if it is it, because it just wins. You can't have that. Well, hell, number one's, number one seed. You don't think no diggity is going to give it a run for its money?

Not pony. I might upset it in the final four. But here's the seedings, though. Mm-hmm. On the bangers side, number one, see, got to be back that ass up, right, is one. Oh, without a doubt. Window of the wall, the other one? Nah, we were in college by then. I think hot in here came out when I was in high school.

That was middle school. That was a big one. So here's my sleeper. Stand back. You're dancing kind of close? Next. Too close. Yeah.

That's my sleeper pick right now. But we're from. Okay. On the slow jam side, Um, hang on one second. Oh my God. I know the group. What was the name of the fucking song?

Yes, what's the song? All my life. All my life. All my life. Casey and Jojo. You did. Because that's, that was a huge one. Yeah, that's the number one seat.

And then a boys to men. And then a boys to men. Did y'all, for slow dances, did y'all didn't have no country music because Lone Star amazed. Oh, that was our song. That was like a song. The first parody song I ever wrote was to that was because it was so annoying that we had to do it at every middle school dance. And it was, baby, I'm disgusted by you.

And me and my boy Will, every time it come on, we would just start singing that shit. And all the girls who were like wanting, they were like, you know, the hand in the back of their man's pants girls or the pockets. They were all serious about that. Quit it, you fucking assholes. And we're just singing the whole thing, making their lives shitty. It didn't even rhyme. I'm glad you even proved. But that was cool.

No, it's still great. It didn't matter. I'm just kidding. But that is when I knew. I think the first time that we weren't going to make it, my high school girlfriend and I. Not that I thought we would, but you know what I mean? What? She was like, that's our song.

And I was like, oh, great. Yeah. Breathe by Faith Hill. Yeah. Yes. It was that. Shanae Twain, uh, looks like we've made it. Yeah.

You're still the one. That's the one. Yeah, you're still the one. You're still the one. If you always be my, do, do, do do do do do do. When that do do to do do do start, man, you know that the girl. man you know that the girl was going to come get you and take you the dance forward and you was going to get your tongue wet

and I was like that bitch said dodo that's what I was doing. Yeah and then Trey was doing math problems Just sitting over there watching Counting the doo-dudes Did you just say? He's over here counting doodoo.

Look at him, little nerd-ass bitch Counting doodles. Yeah. This is a great idea. So wait, who's going to drop the bracket? Is it 60? One of our fans. I don't know.

We could probably do 32. 32 is what I was thinking. Slobberhoes. Get on this. So it's 16. Yeah. He is the only one I trust. 16 slow jams and 16 bangers.

And we'll see whether the bangor base of slow jam. Yeah, that's the, that's the, yeah. The championship. Yeah. Oh, I love this. How do we vote? We do a Twitter thing? Twitter thing.

So we'll have to, we'll have our fans help us make the bracket first. and then next week will describe the bracket, and you can post it with the podcast, the picture of the bracket, and then people can vote. No one needs to make the bracket. Well, someone might have to physically make it. I don't need anyone to order them.

I need to know what the 16 are. And then we can order them. And for the record, this is alienating a large group of our fans, which is, you know, y'all old motherfuckers, which is fine, you know, but like... Honestly, dude. If they throw something

that was at their middle school dance and it's strong enough to make it in my bracket, Like, I'm thinking foreigner. Well, also, though, but to be fair, like, just because they weren't in middle school, they still heard these jams when they came out. They've been when they's at the club days older. You know what I'm saying? It's not like they're 900 years older than us.

It's cold as ice. Brown-down, boom. Oh, is this going to go back to foreign? Foreigner's going to end up winning this. I'll be so fucking up. I'll be so vindicated. I'll have to kill myself. What else was some goddamn jams?

There were so many jams. No diggity. Yeah, no digity. Oh, the ignition remix. Yep. Oh, what about when Biggie died, that fucking two-pop song? I don't know if that's a bangerora slow. No, you're talking about.

It was Faith Evans and he did it. Every breath you take. They were doing stinging them. The police. I'll be missing you. I feel like it seems like yesterday they used to rock the boat. I laced the track.

You lock the float. Notorious. They got to know that things ain't always what it seemed to be. Words can express. what you mean to me. Even though you're gone, we're still a team. Through your family, I fulfill your dreams. In the future, I can't wait to see how you open up the gates for me.

Reminis sometimes. Night day took my friend. Try to black it out, but it plays again. I know these real feelings hard to conceal. Can't imagine all the pain I feel. I give anything to hear half your breath. I hope you still live in your life after that. You just, you went into the police.

You got to change the words a little bit, Corey. It's just a sample. You're right. you're not having to pay for this yes we say wasn't it well not only you that was tough daddy's

I'll buy a sample we ain't buying the goddamn lyric more money more problems was a oh pretty big

oh dude also I don't know about for y'all but this was for us give me a wring if you want some dangling was that one

for y'all like Chuck Barry no give me a wring if you want some just give me that wrangling no you want some dangling

y'all never heard that motherfuffling You just reminded me of Petty Piedie Pobboh. Who am I? Petit Popper. Yeah. Petit Popbo is definitely one for sure. Helicopter, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Y'all have never heard of me a ringling. Most Nelly songs. Like, honestly, if we're trying to fill this out, Nellie's going to fucking lock it in there. Country grammar was a huge one. Yeah. Riffy Spears. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Hit me baby one more time. Toxic. There was an O-Town song. Yeah. Oh, shit. That was the, it was describing the girl. with like all the, she had. No, you're talking about Liquid Dream?

Liquid Dream. No, that one might be on the banger side. I don't personally, I don't think that's going to make the cut. I'm talking about there was a slow jam. What was the O-Town Slow Jam? Yeah. LFO. I like my girls that look.

Summer Girls. Yeah, the song is so fucking stupid. Oh, it's the worst, but it was that. It's in that vein. What was that old town song? I like girls who wear apocryon being fitch. Take it for hair. One wish.

Yeah. That is dead now. What? Lloyd Singer, he dead. I think. That's fine. Yeah, that's okay. I'm not going to look that up, by the way.

Probably wrong. Sure, sure I'm way wrong. I've just killed that guy. My butt don't hit. I can't think of that song anymore without thinking of him and him. All or nothing. All or nothing.

Oh, nothing at all. Yeah, yeah. Is this just... Fuck, how'd that go? You could... Simple telephone call. To quote... To quote fucking big mouth, you could rub fronts

for a salad five minutes on that song. Another slow, God must have spent a little more time on you. Insync version. Yeah. Definitely the in-sync version. I mean, I remember that song. I believe you. Oh, you know, it was. God must have spent a little more time on you. I'm realizing that other than the couple of ones

I could get the front rub going on with, I'd really just remember the bangers. No, I hear you, but I remember a lot of the front rubbing was the most because I always had me a girl because I hit. You just said a minute ago you was antagonizing them during these songs. I would do that during that song because that song didn't hit for me. O-Town has a Twitter. How do they not break apart before Twitter?

They're still here? And it's followed by George Manus. That's so goddamn funny. I'm trying to think, obviously, any backstreet, like, in sync, bye, bye, by, that was one. Fucking Backstreet Boys, off the Millennium album. I want it that way. That was one. off the millennium.

I'm just fucking throwing out album shit here. Of course, Insinks, that... I thought Millennium was John Mayer. You know what? That's Millennia. Maybe. Backshy Boys was also Millennium, for sure. So, Mayor lives room for squares around that same time.

Yeah, but that was right at the beginning of college for me. Right. Did y'all ever get jiggy with it? Oh, fuck, yeah, dog. In Miami? Miami, yeah, for sure. Party in the city, what a heat is? on all night on the beast

to the break of dawn welcome to Miami be a need though on me amy bouncing in the club with a heat is on all night on the beast of the break a don't

yeah hell yeah fucking I don't light it yeah the cigar yeah that's a

that's from getting jiggie with it then he says then he goes into pig Latin ill way to amy on the ass day or flay give it up jiggie make it feel life for play yo my cardio is infinite

ha ha big wheelie style's all in it We forgot about master P. Oh, my God. Did you say make them say, uh? Make them say, uh. I didn't hear it either, but I believe you. I didn't.

I meant to say it after I was talking about. I said, Back that ass up? No, I said, uh, baller shot caller. Oh, my God. That's a slow jam. Yeah, but then I'm, oh, dude, yeah. My way.

Oh, God, you make me want to. This is what you do. And all the things that come along with you make me. You make me. That song is so. Awesome. No scrubs. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That was a big one. And then no pigeons. That was good. Yeah, I remember that. Shorty thieves. You never heard the parody that came out for no scrubs called no pigeons.

By them hood-ass, motherf-foy. Shorty thieves or sporty thief or something like that. I don't know this at all. It was the sporty thieves. Sporty themes. It's pretty awful, frankly. I'm sure, but sounds like it is.

The magarina. The magarina. Missy. Missy fucking. put it down flipping and reverse it If it worked it Let me work it Work it

Yeah I can't stand the rain Although work it was a much bigger jam than that one What about a I thought of it a minute ago Fuck Now you brought up dude Timbalin

Timbalin was Putting shit out back then What about Peaches and cream Pitches and cream? Talking about Peaches and cream I need it because you know that

No, that was jagged edge, right? Or was that? 112, 112. 112. They had a... They had a jam called... Your body all... Anywhere.

We can do it anywhere. That's all on his. What's your fantasy by Ludo? For show. What's your fantasy? All over my body, girl. Was that Key Sweat? I don't know.

But Jagged Edge, what was that song with Jagged Edge? What was that song? Puckettie, something party. Where to party at? Girls on the way with that Bacardi. at. Yep.

We're to party at. That was a banger. That was a banger. Do that again. Down, down, down, damn, damn.

You know how I'll be doing that from time to time. Clips, dude. The first NERD produced track. Grinding? Yeah. Yeah, man.

Gride. That might have been a little later. That might have been high school down. Oh, dude, not for nothing, but, uh, and they don't really fall into either.

It's a banger. Uh, my fucking nookie by Lent Biscuit. That was always played there you dance the Lent Biscuit all about the he said she said bullshit. Also, again, it doesn't really fall into any one of these categories, but they stayed

playing Papa Roach's last resort at that shit. They did. Yeah, they did. Cut my life into pieces. This is my last resort. Suffocation. Good God. You talk about giving some people a voice that didn't need one. DMX, dude. Party up. Yeah. Rough riders anthem.

Yeah, dog. That's what I, Darren, you were doing that, I was thinking it. Down, down, down, down, down. Yeah. That was the jam. Hypotized. What about mace?

Yeah. What's the main? It feels so good, I think, is what it was. Smooth by Carlos Santana and Robert Thomas. There it is. The Fugees? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Killing me softly? Yeah, he had to dance with that. Well, all right, we get it. We know stuff. Oh, yeah. So anyways, sloberhows, get on this fucking bracket. You know how it is. Yeah, I want to do that.

We'll tweet it us. Tweet it, Trey. Late 90s, early aught. Tweet it, Corey. Let's know, let's do a hashtag. You did that last time for the well-red election. So what is it? Hashtag, well-red middle school dance.

That's a little iffy. Well-red boner jams. Well-red, I love that. Hashtag, well-red boner jams. So, all right, yeah, tweet. You know what? That's a good way to narrow this down too. Because that might cut out pop a roach and stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah. But like, we want to hear the bracket of the songs, the top songs, to have or have upon you a boner when you's in middle school. If you're thinking back on a song and if it makes your weenie wiggle or your weenie stiff or whatever. Or you makes you remember getting a stiff weenie on you and you enjoyed it. And this obviously, that's just a metaphor. Women, you can get pussy boners too to this. Yeah.

I don't know. Lady boners. Two, go and get a pussy boner. you go. So hashtag, which is, by the way, that song is in the running

here. Hashtag, Big Pimpin. Yeah. Brambram. Yeah. Well red boner jam. Tweeted all of us.

Please. By the way, well red boner jam. Just now when you said it, even though I said it, I forgot it. And I thought you were about to say well-red wiener boners.

No. And I don't know. Well-red wiener boners is funny. I got my own weaner boner boners. Wait, maybe it's well-red weiner jam. No, Boner Jam.

I like boner jam. I like boner jam. I mean, that's from a thing, but it still hits. It's out there, I've said it up. It's boner jam. Yeah, what's from a thing? Boner Jam's. Boner Jams.

Oh, eight. Paul Rudd's character gives him the porno tape, porno mix tape, and it's called Boner Jam's 08 or whatever. Everybody loves Raymond. He's like, that's a good show, I just tape it. But this is, but Boner Jam's O8, there you go. That's some of my personal favorites I've selected. So hashtag well-read bonoam.

I just did that thing the Beatles did, I think, were you still the song, but you didn't know. it? Yeah. That's the thing they admitted to. They were not admitted to that. No, they're the Beatles. I think they're like, but if it, but

no, even if they did a bunch of that, like, they've had the same thing done to them so many countless times since that like, fuck it. Here's what I think happened with that case. Because like, I mean, so in the case, this dude, no, it was a woman,

it was a riff. It was like a GCD and the way, and the rhythm was the same and the breakdown was the same in terms of how you play those notes. Of a famous Beatles song? And, yes. And George Harrison, what he said was, well, no, I didn't steal it, but I have definitely heard that song.

I have to admit that. Maybe it, like, worked its way into my brain, and then I accidentally stole it. He did it on, it may not have been even, he might have done it once with the Beatles said that that was something that happened with him and the song, My Sweet Lord. Okay, it was just his solo. It was my sweet Lord. But here's my argument with that. It's like, when it comes to musical progressions specifically,

it's like a language in it. Like, certain notes just go together. The idea that two people happened upon the same thing that works. Well, that's what? Of course that happened. That's what happened to Miranda Lambert and Steve Earle. And when it happened, to Miranda's credit, she was like, fuck.

Her in kerosene, she's like, fuck, that is feel all right. Okay, let's settle out of Gordon. I mean, it's just parallel thinking or whatever. We're like, I do that. You know parallel thank you in one, and I think rightfully so, especially with something that general. Right. But yeah, it was my sweet lord. We've kind of talked about the general topic before because I know you brought up on the podcast,

and this one is the most mind-blowing to me, is the fish movie where she fucked a fish dick. Yeah. Yeah. What? Shape of water. Okay, right. There was some foreign movie that was basically the exact, like, seemingly the same. the exact same concept, but

Guillermo del Toro... He came up with that when he was like six. Right. He had evidence of like, this is the concept he'd been working on for a very long time since before that movie existed, but not publicly,

so they also didn't steal it from him. Right, right. It just one of them things. It just happened, but it's, but you're right, in that particular instance, a fucking, you know... Well, it was like pretty...

Period romance where a lady fucks a fish feller. That's a wild thing to be an example of parallel thing. literally like a celestial being. I don't remember the specifics, but it was like remarkably similar. Right. That's just always been my thing with that, you know, in that specific movie, people were like, oh, Jesus Christ, really we're going to let the fucking bestiality movie win a goddamn Oscar.

I was like, he's a God. It's different. Also, there's a, also, hold on, on that note, just real quick, we talked about this after the thing first came out. Also, I'm pretty sure it's implied that she is that. Yeah, yeah. she's that thing. Those scars on the throat were gills.

She is what he is, but she was raised on land. So that's why she didn't go full bore fish, but she was born the same thing that he was born. So she is one of those things. Which is why explains it to end she can just be with him in the water. Right, right. So, you know, it ain't, it's all, it all checks out. Also, I just don't even give a fuck if she was.

Right. That dude is clearly like an alien, like God type thing. Like, you're not just fucking a fish. This thing can heal. things. That don't mean you've got to fuck it, but like... It don't mean you got to fuck it, but I'm saying it ain't weird if you fuck it. It's still a little weird if you fuck it.

It's not... Okay, but you ain't just fucking a fish. I love that movie. I never had a problem with it. I know. I'd fuck a fish if it could talk to me. Dude, if some like fucking, I don't know, hippopotamus god just came up. Of course, it's a hippo for Corey.

Of course, Corey picks a hippo as that. I mean, if some talking, let's say, hippopotamus, you know. But she can't. carries it well. She's got a good personality. Makes a hell of a cornbread. If she come up, started talking to me about Skitterd. You know, I'm just a hippo.

She'll protect her kids. Nothing that, she'd never fight us. I'm saying, I wouldn't just go fuck a hippo. I'm saying if I found out through this that this hippo had powers and like, oh, this is a special type of hippo. Yeah, son, I'd fuck a hippo in his butt. You know what I'm saying? Like, of course I would.

It's a god. I'd fuck a fussy. I can't believe There is a shaman in some tribe in Africa somewhere that could 100% talk Corey into fucking a hippo. Buddy, we're in L.A. We're in L.A. There's a man out here in a white robe who could talk to me to fucking hippo.

They've taken better men than me. Well, hippos have taken the best of men. That's true. Y'all seen that video of that hippo farting everywhere. It helicopters. Did you know the sound? It's tail helicopters. Oh, no.

You told me that. You made it not. No. When y'all told me? You told me. You told me. Here's, no. Here's how I know.

I know what he's doing. No, because you said that and I go, I go, word. I go, you go, yeah, I'm sorry. I'd take something great and ruin it like I always do. And I said to you, honestly, I don't even care. To me, whoever did that, I'm glad they did it. They made it hit harder. But I learned about that on the thread.

I remember that. Maybe it was Rick. Fucking Rick. It was probably Rick. Coming in there with a don't hit. I mean, I know. know I'd be ruining stuff with the truth, but I just remember learning this within this group.

Well, that's so funny because I, I have the exact same memory of it. Like, I feel like I remember us being together and that coming out and me being like, fuck, really? Like being really bummed out about it. But so I don't think it was me, but I'm not saying it was you. I don't know who it was. It was probably Rick on the Threat. Something down on hip.

I just, I typed in hippo, and the first thing that comes up is hippo farting poop. Yeah, played us Rotate to that. By the way, we've played this on here before, I think. No, that's even funnier to me. Here it comes. That family,

about to get what it deserves. Buddy. How fast that motherfucker's tails going back and forth? Just swatting that shit at all them fucking little kids? It's such a bummer that that's doctored

and it's still funny either way, but also, aside from it's just, it don't hit harder for me for sure. It would hit way harder for me if that was just genuine. But either way, that fart, though, let's give it up. That's a first bout. Ever head must bough of her tongue must profess. That's a first bout at halftain fart.

Yeah, without a doubt. I mean, I don't know many. I mean, you got that fart and then Harry on the toilet and dumb and dumber. Those are the two farts. Did you just make a fart? It sounded like it did that. You never can. You never can.

now you're about to do a fart bracket that's next that's it yeah I mean there's been a lot of go ahead and hashtag that at us y'all hashtag well-read butt jams I mean to me though it's not even a contest

you're the first Mr. butt your fart and the entire pantheon of farts no no no just in ones that I've heard in my life well I'm honored truly you know if we're going on like

smell and stuff. This one right here has got you for... But no, it'd be that hippos fart, hairy and dumb and dumber, and, uh... No, I can't think of any other ones. All right, we're in the weeds, and we're at a time.

We should go. Let's go. All right. Ski! I'd fuck a fish. I really wish one of y'all had had a fart. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go.

Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God. Bless you. skill.