wellRED podcast - Assassins, Nicknames, and Family Dynamics: A WellRED Christmas Podcast!

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

Merry Christmas, WellREDDERS! SKEEEWW! 00:00 Introduction and Setting the Scene 06:04 Assassins in the News 12:10 Personal Nicknames and Their Origins 17:58 Musical Talent and Inherited Skills 29:56 Reflections on Time and Loss 35:50 Masculinity and Societal Changes 43:37 Navigating Conflict and Ego 50:28 Relationships and Age Gaps  56:52 Celebrity Culture and Relationships

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say.

Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

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practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one I'd said it before, but I had a, I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like the cue ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was that in response to? What was that reply I give for just when I did something stupid. Something fat and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for

it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com slash well read today that's rocketmoney.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast yeah that's gonna all right great idea well i'm you ain't ever seen mattress commercials yeah no i'm just saying like you could jump on a mattress in a drink won't spill yeah the like

the the the sad the hidden mattress not yeah right exactly no i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i know that. I ain't gonna spill a drink on your bed. Give a shit if you do. Fast forward to the drinks spilling on your bed. And for maybe the first time in a long time, it's Trey. Wow, what is it? What you do that is spill your drink? His reaction was, oh, okay, yeah, I'll not do that.

Yeah, right. What I'm the saying is like, you put a drink behind me on a bed. I'm going to accidentally knock it over. Yeah, right. But also, you were like, show, there's a drink behind you on this mattress. Don't knock it over. Yeah. He's going to, like, bump the mattress and knock it over.

I mean, I'm going to try not to, but here's the thing, though. Oh, okay. But I wasn't upset. that you, this is weird, because I saw what you were saying that he was like like I would ever do that. I'm saying, I'm saying I was saying opposite. Like, I would definitely, of course I'm going to do that.

That's like, you should not do that because I will do it. Yeah. You have children. But yeah, but I mean, do it, you whatever. But also, I was never like, you're going to spill a fucking drink on my bed. I was like, you're going to lose your drink. I ain't got no way to put it. You know, what?

What, dude, do you put up the damn matchers. I give a fuck. I don't know where mine is. over there. I'll be right back. What's up? Longer than Go Go Gadget. He said it right there. What's up, well-read fans? Yeah, I could, but then I'll be landing up a lot. Don't hit. Here we are, everybody.

We're at the Comedy Condo, the illustrious, world-famous comedy condo at Zanis Comedy Club in Nashville, Tennessee, where we are together. Again, the boys are back in town. Fans back together for our yearly Christmas shows at Zanis. And by the time this comes out, if you missed it, you're loss.

Yeah, you don't hit. And notably, I think people have gotten used to it. We are very sorry that Tushar is not here for our annual Christmas episode because he always is and I don't mean just in Nashville, I mean on the podcast. If you love an Indian being uncomfortably racing

and making three white boys feel more comfortable than they've ever felt in their lives. Quirm. We get it. It's hilarious. But he's not here. Speaking of people we like, Singsteck texted me and then he just stopped.

I hope we see him. But yeah, we're happy to be here. I think he's supposed to be around. If y'all know Donnie, y'all know Donnie. He's part of this universe. He should be around. But yeah, here we are. I'm excited to see y'all. You know, this is the only time we get together all year.

And I feel like a little bit of the wind has been taken out of sales because we went to a wedding. It's not as exciting to see y'all because I already did. Well, you soon when we do this, it was just another weekend of many. Yeah, but not. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You got a little wet, baby. I know I'm sweating.

It's not... Smell it. Seeing you guys. It does like... Corey, you walked in and I was like, there's Corey. And I was like, oh, I haven't seen him in a one, but I have because I see you every week.

Yeah, but also... I don't care. This is... What Christmas episodes are, they're different. We're together and it's very masturbatory. And again, usually two sharks here. So, this ain't got shit to do with Christmas, but I just, y'all...

Assassins are real hot right now, right? I assume. On a recent... On a recent episode, because we're going to put this out, closer to Christmas, so it's not last week's episode, but on a recent episode, we talked a lot about the CEO assassin. The adjuster. No, that's what they're calling him, the adjuster?

That's what Redd is calling him. It goes. I mean, that goes. It's right, yeah, the adjuster. Mixed tape called that. Yeah. Louis G. Mind John. We're talking about him a lot, but

there's another assassin in the news, not for nearly as hitting reasons. No, she's more just a like garden variety type of assassin. What? I sent to y'all. Y'all didn't see. I've been driving. No, I saw it.

say something there's a the china columbian assassin a columbian woman assassin it wasn't nothing to do with china she's in no odd as they call her they call her the doll she looks a lot like obri paul she looks like that's what i do the internet's already been like tweeting at obrey plaza being like you got to play this chick oh what in the macbast tomorrow she looks just like i mean i'll try to bring a picture and show it to you but but the rest of it is like Colombian yeah she's got and then pictures In the pictures they have of it. So yeah, she's a Colombian assassin associated with the cartels and shit.

The Punisher and Elektra are both hot right now. Yes. That's crazy. Right, so that's her right there. Video or the picture? It's just a picture. Killed. That video looked fake, don't you think?

Like, the way she's, it might just be how all the cameras are professional grade now. Yeah, yeah. Go into video real quick. Yeah, because I don't have a video pulled up. I'm sorry. After Reddit is. And this isn't the case, or it would have come out by now.

I saw it. It had just gone viral. I was like, yeah, and in two hours we're going to find out that this is not true, right, right. That Americans heard about this, and Colombians are like, this was a, she's a movie story. This is Tuesday, yeah. But I guess not. So that's crazy. She's like insanely, if we're not allowed to.

It's hot. I show. If we're allowed to objectify assassins. Yes, everybody's been doing it with Luigi, but it makes, yes, but it makes sense that an assassin would be objectively hot, right? Yeah, they always are in movies and I always. like that's bullshit but now we're like right right right because everybody's like I bet he's killed

somebody I mean no but you gotta look like an insurance sales right or you got to be hot right because men kill way more people and do you see a bunch of ugly ones what well no what I'm saying is because it's mostly men who do stuff like that there's all these stories of like guys who do terrible things that are kind of hot

and women on the internet like creaming their pants oh yeah it's a big thing and so men like rip on women for that. It's like how they love a fucking murderer or whatever. They do. But now this girl. Oh, yeah.

No, we're, we're having a field. Every dude all that is like, I can fix her. Listen, I've seen women, and I'm for it, by the way. It's just a human thing. But I've seen women objectify the shit at a Louis Fariglo or Louis Mange. It's close, yeah. What a spaghetti boy. Louis Jemangeon.

Louis is your man's yon. There you go. Every woman has been tweeting about wanting to fuck him. And by the way, a bunch of things to continue, for sure, and continue to do that. But here we go. You know what I mean? Like, I will be not ashamed of it. I want to fuck the assassin, the Bond Girl, the...

This is much more common with women for a variety of reasons. But, so, like, all right, y'all know I've been listening to a lot of, like, female artists, like, musicians and stuff. There's, like, this... Not common, but, like, I can think of three or four songs that have lines about, like, I want you to kill me and fuck me or fuck me or kill me. Yeah, that checks out. There's like a weird, and Bill Burr had that great bit about it. Choked me, but made me feel safe. Choked me, but made me feel safe.

The paradox of women's sexuality. So I think there's an extra thing there. I think less men have that. Well, they're not worried about it. I don't. Yeah, right. They think she can't do it. Right, exactly.

Right. I know what it is with a dude. They look at a woman killer and they're like, she can't kill, but I'm a man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Yeah, right.

So that's what's like women can't do. Right. Yeah. Like, so that's what makes it different. One of my favorite. Or he was pulling the trigger and it took him a couple tries to get the direction. It did.

I can't do the thing I can't do. The favorite detail that I saw about the story about the doll, that's what they call her. So first of all, that's her name. That's her fish. Is this her first kill? Is that we know of? No, she's like an assassin.

She's killed multiple. Okay, yeah, yeah. And one day, we'll live in a world, but we won't say just horrific nicknames about people who murder. But they can't believe we get about that. Or we won't say the female assassin. We'll just say assassin and that, be good enough.

You give a villain or a hero, and we started this out by saying the internet's calling him the adjuster. I love that. So anyway, I call her the doll, right? But as part of the story, my favorite personal detail of it, is that she was arrested along with a henchment and assassin accomplice of her. Yeah, yeah. Another woman who was like under her as like her helper assassin, who's called Gorda Sakaria.

Oh, yeah, yes, yeah. which literally translates to the fat hit woman. Which is just hilarious. It sounds a little bit like Gordado, which is. You know what I mean? Or he could go to Colombia and either would get murdered so quickly or be the president of that country if that's the cold. I was bet I think I'd be like what the Japanese call a guy gen,

which is like when you are foreign, but you go over there and super hip for people. You know what I mean? like Hulk Hogan at one point was a guy gen like you go you like uh stanahan the wrestler he hit harder over there than he did here and so he was like a guy jen made famous by the Japanese people but being foreign yes I agree that in a Spanish speaking country I could do that but I'm not until that story yeah yeah right like the they get nicknames they do they do yeah yeah I just like picturing this duo yeah yeah yeah you know what I mean it's like

the doll that's pretty cool That's pretty good. It gets it. And it's like the doll and her infamous hench woman. The fat hit woman. And you know, Gorderson, Kevin James. You know, Goris. She's got to just be like, we can't do any better than that.

That's great. Workshop. Didn't Mark tweet that El Chapo literally means the short one? So I texted you guys this earlier and Smart Mark, he responded that that's actually a very common thing. And he said that like Hispanic nicknames are terrible. Right. They're always very literal because he said, yeah, it was terrible if you don't be Spanish, but if you don't, they really hit. El Chapo. El Chapo, it means short one, right?

The short one. The short one. Yeah. Like, he's just short. That's what they called him. Right. And then Mark said he worked in restaurants and they called him Pallone, which means bald fuckers. Right.

So, actually, apparently that means bald possum. Yeah. Yeah. They called Mark the bald possum. He did. He did. He does close together. Possum is rat.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't like these fucking nicknames. Yeah. He got the goddamn boss. That hurt his last two feelings. I think El Chapo rules, even with the translation, I think this is one of those things. Because, like, dude, black people in the hood will be like, you know.

With some glasses? Yeah, old nappy head ass. Yeah. Like, if I said it, it's not funny. Yeah, but it's the way they do it. Yeah, right. The Chapo. Say Gordito's girl's name again.

The what? Gorda Sicario. Oh, Gorda Sicario. Yeah, like that's by. I don't think they all dance. That's not that funny. If you go, the short ones here, like it's a title. That's, oh, what did the short one have to say about that?

A lot of times, I mean, well, no, not always. It goes both ways. But I was going to say, in, like, black communities and stuff, they'll be ironic. It'll go, like, you know, like, tiny is big ass. That's what I was telling Mark, I was like, the short one kind of don't hit for me for Al Chapo, because, like, I feel like that nickname only hits if you weigh 600 pounds. Like the dude that played Debo in Friday. Yeah, tiny Lister.

Yeah, also at WWE Star. Big motherfucker. That's another thing we- Christian don't hit. Community is redneck. Mm-hmm. What, nicknames? Oh, yeah, for sure.

Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Somebody's taught queer. Somebody, yeah. Wind is open. Yeah. Let's say you guys walking by down there. It's like,

come gone. Everything to our show. Yeah. Yeah. Even in the well-red show in Nashville, Tennessee. I was still someone yelled me out the wind.

That's hilarious. As soon as there's a line of them out there waiting in a show. We have fun here. I got sounded like Corey, didn't. Oh, but he sounded like Corey.

I love him. Oh, God. But what are some of the, because nicknames are a huge thing. Like, in y'all's town, either in your generation or your parents,

give me some of the nickname. Oh, dude. Because we had a peanut. Who I saw recently. There's 15 peanuts. Uncle Bubby, he usually have a coat problem. Now he's doing good.

He's a phlebotomist, which is so funny. Yeah. He's good with needles. Yeah, I know shit. We had a lot of peanuts. I was Magoo.

My dad has a group of... Because you read? McGoo. Could you read? No, I think it's just Drew Magoo. Oh, Drew McGoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Mr. Magoo.

Yeah, that's me. Couldn't see shit and bumbled into shit. Yeah, that's me. He bald. He don't hit. A rooster. A lot of roosters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, rooster.

We had... For redheads and stuff. Me up. Yeah, yeah. My dad was bass. Nice. My brother was poop. I can't believe I forgot poop.

You can't forget poop. You can't forget poop. Obviously, Bubba. that almost don't count. I think in all the years I've known you, I'm sure I probably have at some point, but I don't know that I've ever asked you, how does he claim poop?

You know what? I'm always just talking about us. Those people were like, yeah, brother poop, he's like, yeah, his brother poop. I'm just rolled with it, but. Yeah, my mom, when she, like, references, she's like, yeah, I'm always like, yeah,

I'm poops, mom. Yeah. My boy poop. That's her memoir title. My boy poop. So it's fifth grade, like fell in the mud or whatever. It was like a boring story and it like, you know, looked like he shit himself.

Right. It was like poop. Started calling him poop. I think the reason it stuck is in fifth grade, my brother was still doing that whole like, whatever. I don't care. Yeah, right. I mean, it wasn't like till eighth grade that he started beating the fuck out of people.

Yeah. And by then, it would been too long for him to do, like he had to act like he didn't care. Yeah, right. Acting like he didn't care everything. My brother was, in fact, not like bully because he was a big dude, but like, picked on. It was called poop.

Until he started, I mean, I'm not exaggerating, beating the fuck out of people. Yeah, right. You'll have that. Before he went to prison, it's like,

we should have seen it coming. Yeah. He gave a few people concussions. Ah, you know, I'm not saying you should have seen it coming. 14 year old. Yeah,

we had my favorite nickname amongst, and I guarantee that. And I, yeah, I'll pull it out. And I guarantee you that y'all, this is a unique, I think, so I've never heard it before. But y'all,

you named a couple I'd heard. Y'all ever heard anybody called Wad? Yep. Really? Yeah. What were they called Wad? What did they take? Our smart market I just talked about.

Dude, if we have the same Watt back home. He wrote a pilot where one of the main characters was named Watt. Okay. So I think, and I didn't know a Watt, but he knows Wad and Mark made a guy. I know, so I guess Wad. My buddy, my buddy. I won't say his last name in case he gets mad, even though he wouldn't because, dude, he's fucking Watt. He rolled.

Yeah, no Watt. It's the same reason. It must be. His daddy started calling him Wad when he was a kid because everything he touched, turned to a wad of shit. Oh my God, no, it's not, I can't believe. I'm, so, this is also hilarious. Also, like, who says wad of shit?

That sounds weird. Yeah, their daddy. Yeah. It's a whole of shit. Yeah, but wad. You just a wad. Yeah. Yeah, I mean,

well, Pyle would have been a hit name of con. Yeah. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. This dude was talking about at a party, he fucked like the town horror or whatever, and they were like, damn you just changed like you was really giving it to her.

And he was like, I was too drunk to even get it up. I just wadded it up and shoved it in. That's quite better. That's hilarious. Well, I mean, I think it's objectively also hilarious that someone to his two-year-old son was like, everything you do turns us to a wad of shit. You're right.

Scott Gordon was like, I'll get us out of the sad nickname story with a lot of shit. Yeah, but it didn't click with me until after I was like, you know, I was mean. But like, you know, and buddy. That was devastating. Yeah, for sure. But he turned it around. Father, you know what? He has always, like, every day, it's like, I got to prove today that I hit.

Like, I think, yeah, I think it might have had some boy named Sue. A boy named Sue. Yeah. You can go that route or. A boy named poop. Yeah, I don't know. But, like, but now what, dude, what fucking hits his whole family rules. But either way, yeah, yeah.

My dad was spook. Right. Which now kind of means like a CIA op. Right? Yeah. A racial slur. Yeah. Those are both fun.

I didn't know. Oh, yeah, a lot of people said. A bunch of spooks around. Yeah, so. He's black person? Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

But my dad was called Spook is his best friend, purple. Purple is. Purple Haze, right? Yes, purple hayes. We had a purple and a haze. And a guy named Doc who wasn't any kind of doctor or nothing, just duck or whatever. And then we, the buddy named Wee. W-E-E-E-E-E-E.

And then there was like, there's a guy named Skid, a guy named Skroat, Scroat, like, Grotum. Yes, nice. And you know, that didn't hit for him. Yeah, right, you have to be. Well, well, this is, I mean, it's my personal favorite because it's not even really a nickname at all, frankly. But like, when I heard him, when I used to hear him talk about, he's like talking to my maimau about like, you know, remember was married to and they grew up whatever.

He's like, yeah, I graduated with, like all that. There was somebody that they just always called, uh, cross-eyed betty Joe Spivey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, which wait.

Because it's her thing to make no, no, it is. That's what I'm saying. It's not even

a nickname. Rousan, but he's just, yeah. If you surrender around with cross-eyed Betta Jels 5. Right.

And it's like, the other one is my mom, you remember, that, that name is so great that if you take cross-eyed off, it's still kind of hit.

Yeah. This is, I've talked about this before, but still, all I'm doing is quoting the actual names in my hometown, all.

Windows open. I'm talking. Yes. Okay. If you guys all know, rest in peace, I want to just go with midget Mark. Yeah, right. That's fine. I know.

Yeah. Anyway, four out of a midgett now. What I didn't know until years later, which I've already told you all before, but my mama told me, because I was talking about, you know, how midget mark had died or whatever. Right. And she was saying like, oh, honey, I don't, I would never make fun. You know, I've known him as a lot. I mean, you know, I graduated high school with his mama Tammy. The midget.

It is. Tammy. The midget. It's like, with Muget, Mark, there's some alliteration or whatever.

It's like, but like, the, the, it's like, it's reducing her to being that thing, you know? I'm about Mark

shitting on like Colombians or whatever for being like, oh, they're just super simple. Yeah, it's right. It's like we just,

we just are, we know it's doing that. Right. Amy the Midgett. Yeah. He, it's so ingrained in him that he skipped the best one and closest to know,

because he's forgotten. Well, my uncle bubbles. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Well, now here's the reason why I was talking about only my dad's friend.

Oh, okay. My generation of friends, there's duck, sunshine. Duck, because. I was for sunshine in college. Ducks you are. Yeah, I checks out. That makes, because, well, you're from the sign of the commute. Well, because of the movie?

Because I remember the movie. Okay, right on. It was a big liberal hippie queer who would knock the fucking. Yeah, right. Which turned into just shine. Which is. Which is a real hit nickname. It's a great nickname.

But like, duck, shine. And then, yes, point. And you talk about your brother, poop, you're like, he fell in mud one day or whatever. It's also like, porno is like such a great name for him if you know him. He's one of my favorite people on planet Earth. The best. But it checks out even more when you know that the whole story behind him getting it really was never his father. He didn't deserve it.

Right. He just, he had a buddy who was like, you know, higher up in the social hierarchy of the high school at the time, brought a porno tape. to school. The old guy. Asked my buddy now porno to like, hey, put this in your locker or whatever, and then he got caught with it when it was never his tapes.

Yeah, right. What picture has just been like, well, we're checking for boner tapes. Here, put this in your locker. Mine's too full of VHS. Who gave it to him? You know what I just realized? I don't know porno's motherfucking name.

Don't tell me. Okay. Don't tell me. Yeah, I can tell you. It's funny because it's like, dude, all of us now we have kids and stuff and we always talk about how, like, we can't not call him.

Yeah. When all the kids are around, like Uncle Parano, go ahead, Uncle. That's literally what we did. That's really what we said. And we're like, we'll try to, like, we'll try to say his actual name or whatever,

but you just can't, you just can't. You just can't do it. It's Uncle Porna. Go over to see Uncle Porno. Yeah, right. Sounds like the worst, the worst, but he's the sweetest guy on earth.

Dude, he's the best man of, I wonder how that's translating Swiss. Hmm. Yeah. I would like you know. Or Colombian. We also haven't addressed the elephant in the room. Sorry, Cho. Cho.

You are. One of the only person I know of who gave himself a nickname. And it stuck. Oh, dude. Okay. Yeah. I forgot we were even talking about that. He's like, yeah.

I was not. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. You're right. I did do that. I mean, I can't think of anyone else. I've seen people try. The only reason I think it stuck is because I didn't.

That's your right? Yeah, go ahead. I don't think I then was like, hey, call me the show. You know what I mean? Like, I'd say it. It was funny. And then it just, he started calling me that. Like, I called myself the flow.

I had you defensive. I just, just the fact that I've never known anyone to do that. No, I know, because I think the most of the time when people, like, there's a whole episode of Seinfeld where George tries to get people to start calling him T-bone. He's like, oh, he's like, no, T-bone. People call me T-bone now. Who's on you? I don't think it works if you did. Like, I did give myself the name.

Trey really cemented it. No, he's right. Yeah. Again, we told the story before, but very quickly, we were all drunk hanging out. You want to hear this. We get comments all the time. What is it? We were drunk hanging out after show in Asheville, North Carolina, and our buddy Kevin was there,

and he was saying something about my, us getting an LLC. Yeah. Yeah. Having, yes, by having to form an LLC or whatever. And I said, I was like, yeah, well, you know, I'm the president and CEO of Trey Crowder Enterprise. It was just like hitting. And Corey goes, yeah, well, I'm the chief hitting officer, baby. Cho,

that's what I he did click with me and he just clicked and he just there you go after that yeah that's the whole story

yeah but it is so funny it's like because it turns like I've never introduced myself as Cho I talked about this

so many times before but it's also like Cho is like a very common and standard Asian right which all fits with this long running joke

we have about Cho being a secret Asian man secret Asian man God, that was a banger. The two main points of evidence for that are, first of all, on an episode of Bubba shot the podcast we did that Tushar was on. He rest in peace, we wish he was here, but Tushar, stomp by an elephant.

Died with Brow. You showed Tushar that one episode of Chow from that photo shoot we did or whatever, which I can try. And Tuchar goes, you look fucking Korean. I'm getting at or whatever. But also that there's a lady who works at a gas station and shows hometown who always does. She ching ching chong China. She chung China's him. She ching chongedana's him.

Every day. You're so what's the last thing for? Yeah. She does that too. And again, I thought like, okay, this is just the thing she does. But he also loves noodles. I did. Yeah, I get it.

Asian people, which I think is common among them. There you go. Common among them. Yeah. There you go. My. No, this wouldn't work. I was going to say my papal was in Korea, but, you know, he didn't.

Your baton got pregnant? My father got pregnant somehow. Yeah, my papal got pregnant in Korea. I've got knocked up by Korea. Hey, man, maybe he got butt-flucked by them Koreans that worked so hard the DNA got in. Yeah. Anyways, what was I going to fucking say? Yeah, no, the lady, she ching ching chong chinas me.

And I thought, okay, she'd just be ching chung china in people. And I've been in the line of 13 deep line and seen this woman interact with every goddamn motherfucker, not ching ching ching chong chining in an area one of them till she got to me and ching chong chined me we talked about this before but the wildest explanation is that she thinks you're asian of course right of course that way but great that'd be crazy dude you know they do it all the time of course of course me comes in every time every time every lady did that she thinks core he's Asian that's hilarious yeah every single time she sees an Asian person she goes oh chip chum chum chum yeah right I mean like yeah That's a commitment to the racist bit. Yeah, I mean, they... The funniest version of that to me is people like, Jim Caviesel, the actor, they got struck by lighting while playing Jesus. Hey, Chang Chon's people?

Hey, not, dude, not just that. It came up, when he made that movie last year, that Q&A movie, it sounded freedom or whatever, and there was a lot of press about it. They do you think it hit? They did an oral... I bet it kind of hit. He said, it's an action. Yeah, right.

Like, I don't think it hit. I bet it was like... No, like a good beam. Or like the dad and a reinvention. I'm sure it was probably fine. That's true. But that books has no problem running shit like that. Right.

He's like number one right now. When that came out, there was some oral histories and stuff about his time on, I think, person of interest. Yeah. That show that he was a star of for a long time. And there's all these, like, accounts from people who said that it wasn't just he was ching chong China and people. What he would do is if he would meet some studio executive or something who was like, Asian. Her parents were from China or whatever was Chinese. He was like, you know, I'm actually fluent in Chinese. It's like, God, chik choppy chop top, chopsticks. Oh, that's the make that. No, like, he would, no, he would just be like, oh, I'm supposed to say.

Right, right, right, right. Yeah. But it wasn't Chinese, Mandarin? You wouldn't do anything. It was just ChangChang China. And he believed it, like an eight year old? That's what they, that's how they presented it. Dude, he would just like talk. Him saying really, you know, yeah. This affects you a theory that I have that delusional people like some of them make Kanye West is a perfect example

he probably thinks they can speak German he is undeniably one of the most talented people to ever live but he thinks he's even more right than he is of course he thinks he's a god right like the delusion because so he like he thought he could do that

so that's crazy chow is nowhere near that level of insane but he's pretty delusional and you've without question you've heard him tell the story oh if I get a couple more accolades bro about he got really hammered one night and played learned piano again everyone told me this

I'm not everyone told me this you can ask my friends you got my fucking friends they used to talk about now they're like I'm there's you play piano like I know I'm like no fucking don't and then I learned about genetics and like inherited shit everybody in my family plays piano like I've never practice it but everybody did and I read this thing on like shared genetics and unlocking stuff again

hey never said I didn't even meant to doing this shit I'm telling you You fucking call any of these motherfuckers. They were like, what was, you know? Just fucking playing some sort of goddamn sonata or something just kind of freest. Like, you know, was it like, oh, those are all keys. Bro, I was black out drunk.

Everybody just told me you played piano last night, and it sounded like a person that knows how to play piano. That's all that I don't. This is not I got a fucking DUI, dude. Was everybody on mushrooms? No. We were all, everybody was 16, 17. Some people were drunk.

I was dipshit. That's true, but like even a dip shit knows what off key sounds like. Who knows, man. It's never happened again, I'll tell you that. A lot of people don't know what off-key sounds like. I mean, part of the explanation here might be that you do have a very good music ear. I could, yeah. It still feels like you'd need a few seconds.

I don't. I don't believe. I'm not saying I believe him. I'm saying what these people say. These three go to get. Yeah, right. Yeah. That's what you'd play.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I could see how if you've just got a decent musical ear, you could just sort of under. You'd need a minute. You would, yeah. But unless blackout drunk speed shit up, dude. I don't know. I mean, I do have buddy. Now, it's like, confidence is what you need. They know how to play the instrument to begin with.

Right. A lot of music is like, I've got buddies and- Yeah, like, I could just immediately play drums. They could like, you can just immediately play. When? And I'm not a great drummer, but I'm saying the first time my buddy, my buddy who drummed, like, I could, I could immediately keep time, like, immediately, like, keep time. He showed me what to do, but then it's not the same as like.

It's not. But I'm sitting in with somebody. I'm aware of that, but a lot of people can't do that. I can't do it. Yeah. Andy can do it. Like, the rhythm, the issues, I can't get my limbs. like I can do it like this

you know what I mean but in fact we're trying to go up like I'm saying if all this would be easier for me to become a good drummer than it would be somebody I was going to say naturally gifted musicians a whole lot of them the ear that they have they can just they can just hear a thing and reproduce that's crazy

and to me it's insane it's insane like it's like speaking a language like three year olds and shit there's some fucking like it's crazy it's crazy like the kid will just be born and it's just like just fucking knows all this shit and that's why I sort of believe in that goddamn inherited DNA

shit because like that shit's true yeah right but like it doesn't manifest itself that clearly generally speaking no i hear you i'm not one night while you're hammered more like could's actually could buddy couldn't agree more i'm just saying it reminded me of that oh because you never tried even alone yeah maybe just sit alone and play some shit two pianos in my room like you're out yeah i got my granny i got my granny baines piano when she died which is you never tried oh it's got to be tuned Once I get it, go out on top, you know. Also, and I have a keyboard that I had this idea that maybe during COVID,

I might start fucking with it. And I was like, well, I need something to take on the road with me. You know what I mean? I'd have to have something to travel because Greenwich is a fucking piano. You know what I mean? But I've used it as like the... Remember from a video of you shirtless singing Joe Diffy karaoke when he died? With the hat on and the shirt opened.

And I feel like the keyboard was in it. Might have been. Yeah, it very possibly could have been. Yeah, that was a... Dave that because I wanted to turn it into one where it fades from one to the, you know, like, um, like those old 80s music. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like a cut to Joe. Did version of you singing over here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But instead, I just, like you with a keyboard, I did nothing. Yeah, yeah, no, I hear you. Yeah, that was a sad day. I was really upset when Joe did it. I fucking pulled it wrong. It was COVID. Him and John Prime.

Both. Yeah. Oh, they're in COVID. Yeah, man. Five fucking years ago, by the way. And, you know, let's please not start talking about the past. the passage of time. I told him, I went downstairs,

waiting on him to get out of the shower, and I just turned the TV on, and it was on ESPN, around the horn. Remember around the horn? Yeah. It was a big program when we were like,

uh, college age. I loved it. They still do it. The OG with Max, right? He still have most of the same goods on there. So like,

bro. Woody? Woody, Woody, put he paid, Bob Ryan, Kevin Blackstone. It could be 90.

And he's already in sex. Yeah, right. Yeah. I turned it on. It's like, dude, it's four cryptkeepers on the fucking string. You print media people. You know what I mean? But it's like, and again, God bless them.

But it made me feel so old because that's another thing, too. It's like, I had an experience recently. Woody was the Ron White of ESPN, which I always liked. My wife had a, we had a funeral on her family that we had to go to. And we went there, I saw a bunch of cousins of hers that I have known, but I haven't seen in years who are around our age, you know. and dudes, by the way, dude cousins. So, like, I saw these guys

who I haven't seen, and I mean, goddamn 10, 15 years or something. Sitting their age. I know who they are. Right. And they walk in and do I look old.

Right. And then in my head, I'm like, oh my God. In the same age. I look exactly as old to him. Of course. As he does to me. You got it together pretty good.

But they just, they walked in like one of them like, dude. And it's like he looked better than you did 10 years ago. He was hitting. Yeah. It's like he had a mustache. and he looked like a grizzled detective yeah yeah whatever but like grizzle yeah right you know what I'm saying on the job the grisly long cut detective and I saw him I was just like so but yeah but I started

that immediately I saw them I was like god damn they look old and then I was like holy shit I look old do we all look old I do that with people who weigh the same as me I'm like I never got fat and then I'm like we're standing there and it's like we got the same size britches on like I know oh no yeah oh god last night a gay dude was shocked and genuinely not like flirting with me that I was 40 and was like, do you, so do you moisturize? Are you one of those straight dudes he moisturizes? I don't think so. Well, bro, for the record, and I do think you look good, but like, in general, 40 now is so

much different than it was even 20 years ago. Like, I remember, I've seen pictures of like, my, my mama's a very attractive woman, but this absolutely, of course everybody would. But like, you said that too quick. Go ahead. I've been told my whole life. Like I was the guy that was like, we want to fuck your mom, you know. Got it.

And we should start back to that, but go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. Anyways. Hey, everybody tell Corey's good at piano and he'll let us fuck his mom. Damn it. I wish you would have fucked some people besides my dad. She might have smiled more. But I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Everybody. Enjoy the holidays. What? Sorry. On earth, were we talking about? I don't know.

But I was going to just age, 40-year-old. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll see pictures of, like, teachers that I had, like old class pictures or whatever, and there'll be a fucking teacher, and I'll start working out in my head, and I'm like, they're my age,

how I am right now, but they look way older because, like, the styles were weird. People just, like, a 40-year-old in 1994 looked way older than the average 40-year-old now. I think it's because cigarette smoking doors was just everywhere. That's definitely a big one of them. That and just general.

No sunscreen? And no, they never wore sunscreen. Yeah, those two things are the biggest things. Diet, stress, all that. I don't know that the diet has gotten that much better. Is this phenomenon, this like cheers phenomenon true of black people? No, they don't feel.

No, nobody knows they don't do. They've always not cracked. I said earlier I was watching around the heart. They've never cracked. They've never cracked. The one black dude, Kevin Blackstone. Yeah. Like, he looked much older.

He looked so much better. Much better. What I'm wondering is if black people who are 40 now also look different than black people who were 40 in 19- probably maybe black don't crack and everybody knows that but I have seen pictures of like I'm not saying we just Taylor but somebody like Lawrence Taylor

it's like this is Lawrence Taylor and a senior high school picture and it's like that's a 42 year. Yeah dude yeah that's a grown fucking man right there I know another theory that I've seen but it doesn't explain the women is all you know I don't know if you guys do know this like one of the things Alex Jones was right about is like there's like hormone situations going on. We are genuinely less man.

Yeah. Of course. That's testosterone. But a lot of them is just societal. Testosterone will age you too. Of course. Yeah. Right.

And like this kind of good because we're huge pussies. That hits. I mean, the thing about testosterone is it doesn't actually, it like makes you more, it gives you energy and it makes you more inclined. Like if you're the kind of guy who will punch Corey, testosterone will make you do it more quickly. Yeah. But if you're, like, kind of afraid of a bigger dude,

testosterone ain't gonna make you. No, it gives you more, it's your get up and go. It's like your, it's like the, it's like the diesel of your metabolism, whatever. I mean, I think we're just like, better people. Yeah, that's another way of putting it. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. But, no, I mean, yeah, I was about to say a lot of that is societal.

It's like we don't, we're less manly because we have, we don't have to do as many manly things as once was required of the fucking man, even, you know, 50, fuck. years ago, hell I don't know, maybe. I don't know. I don't do shit. I'm a queer. I've been doing shit. That's what I'd like to say.

It's over. Me too, but yeah. Not doing shit, I know. Fixing stoves. Nah. Send her my mouth. Boo. They're good for you.

It's awful. Nah. I'm glad to hear you say that. Because like you'll do it and you would think you would get like this sense of like, holy shit. I wouldn't think that at all. You got to reference so many videos. I often got to call my father-in-law over.

Just to be like, I'd be like, hey, is this right? Hey, this is right. But this part was $300. And then he ends up doing it, you know, and then you feel just to do that you were going. I do that part. Should have called him in the first fucking place? That's what I do. Now, there may be, I got a group thread with some friends.

We call it Garrian. Like, you need a Gary. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need a call a guy named Gary, yeah, but for like doing things. Yeah, right. And we have a system of like, oh, you earned seven Gary's for that when you crawled under the house. I like that. Wrong, though, blah, blah, blah.

Like the other day, I was showing him a video of the leak because I was like, Hey, is it this? Can I get this piece? You're Gary? I was Gary. You were Gary. I was Garying. I am not Gary. Yeah, right. And one of them was like, and one of them was like, long sleeves. I can see you got the gloves on. Yeah. Giving you seven out of ten Gary.

Nice. I like. And I was like, yeah, I do know to wear long sleeves under a house, but I forgot, crawled under their short-down and got bit literally 17 times by spiders. So you have to take those Gary's... What's interesting about that to me is I feel like just from being as being an anti-Garry who watches videos. You don't get a Gary

taken away from you. You get a Randy added, I think, if you get bet by spiders. Maybe that's what I'm about to say, maybe. Maybe it's more of a Randy thing. Though that different thing of like, I was not doing none of that.

Yeah, yeah. The, like, manliest dudes or whatever to do, they don't, they don't do none of it. But I agree with you. The Jerry thinks about it. They just quint instead of putting goggles on.

A real Gary hates that motherfucker. Right, right. Gary wants to do it right. And be, I'm going to have to be back tomorrow to be. Right. So we're talking about a Rand. 100%.

So Randy's, dude, they fuck around. Yeah. Yeah, right. And Randy's little, it'll just work out. Of course. You know what I mean? I've got all the makings of a Randy except the will to do things for myself.

You know what I mean? I would be a huge ride. I'd never be a Gary. I'd be a fucking Randy. Oh, I said a lot of people won't be a Gary, but sometimes you have to try to do Gary. Gary, you can have fleeting moments of Gary. And I'm saying that I do get the appeal.

Like, if you can feel good and you, like, want to be like a good husband and all that. You got a kid. You've got him to look up to you. But at the same time, I'm here to say it is, I think, Slow Far is slightly overrated. I haven't gotten to, like, you know, shoot a dude I didn't like in the first place for breaking into my house.

That part's probably cool. Bro, I swear, and again, first off, I think you notice, like, for some, I'm not suggesting that I would win any of these fights. For some reason, though, when you become a dad, dislike Wish a Muffucker Wood clicks on in your head. You know what I mean? where it's like you don't want to fight people,

but it's almost like you're like, I hope it, I hope you, you know. Okay, okay, honestly, I feel like I had the exact opposite where you didn't want to have any trouble.

Me too. Meaning like, yeah, I feel that too. If you're saying is the idea of, they have to deserve it. Everyone threatening your child. Yeah,

like I'll turn into an animal and rip them to pieces. Of course I felt that. Yeah. Like, any, I mean, I remember saying on this podcast at one point,

when my kids were literal or whatever, I was like, there's almost nothing I won't walk away from. Of course. And I believe that about myself. Kids, I'm like, I'm like, I can't. It's not worth it. Yeah, it's not worth.

Go to jail or get killed or none of that. Like, I have kids to take care of. I'm whatever. Some douchebag in a bar. Yeah. No, no, no, it has to be completely righteous. And I know that it wouldn't hit for me when it happened. I think it's like that you do know that you'd turn it to an animal.

And there's part of your subconscious that's a little curious to see what that would fucking look like. Like the other day, again, dude, I don't know how this would actually shake out. but I just put Bain down, I was alone, and I heard something that sounded at first like somebody was breaking into my house. Turns out it was just the wind, and that immediate thought, which used to be like,

oh shit, was literally like, guess I get to kill someone. You know what I mean? Like that, and then I was like, what the fuck are you? You know what I'm saying?

But like, never been that way in my life. And I was just like, it's just that paternal instinct. I was like, here we, here we know. No, there is,

I mean, there's that instinct is definitely a very real thing, which is, I don't want to get a lot of facts. I'm just like, I remember one time I like came to in the middle of the night. Bishop was only like, I've been doing that a lot.

I was only like 18 months old. And he was under me. I was like over him on all fours on the bed. Uh-huh. Almost snarling because I had had like a, a dream or where he was hurt or something. Or somebody was like attacking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But none of that was even conscious. Like I like came to like over him. I haven't had that one. Like that's a fucking animal or something. And, you know, like I said, all that was completely instinctual. I didn't even have to think about it. Of course.

But yeah. I have a bit I'm doing right now where I talk about when my car got broken into and Sam Fran. One of the things they stole was Roscoe's diaper bag. He was only about two months old at the time. And like it did put emotions through me. Now that wasn't a direct danger, but it was a different kind of thing of like something could happen. Well, it was no, it was like, no, this wasn't danger. This was a lot more ego.

This was like, I can't let someone steal from. Right. This is like, Yeah, it's his. Failed if I let him take some. That would piss me off too. I won't do the whole thing. Come see us live and you can hear it, or me live.

No, but no, if it's like, yes, don't give me right. If it, the idea of it being directed at them, if the idea of you protecting them in some way, you're like, yes, I'll fucking, I'll turn it to an animal, I'll do what. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the idea of like having a grow out fucking escalation, douchebag fight in a bonus. No, that ain't what I'm.

And I said, I just put behind me. Yeah. Yeah, me too. I'm talking about righteous defending my family. Yeah. I just like, see what happened to me for a second. Those are two very different things. It was simulation just to see what it feels like.

I was playing pickup. This might have been the last time I played in L.A., actually. And this guy, I got into it. And I've seen him get into it. One about seven people? No, that was a different time. That one was a similar feeling of like I left because the dude was going to stab me. Or yeah.

And he had a knife. Yeah, right. But, like, that was also a thing of like, is this who I am? Just going to let a dude run me. off from my court and then I was like yeah actually I think that is whoever or be the guy who gets stabbed like I mean I went back in but you guys heard that or ends up stabbing and killing the either way either way

yeah yeah no it's not a black veteran home right either way it's barely ever fucking worth it right this time this dude was it's fun though getting into me then he shoved me then he like hit me in the face of the ball and like throwing it back to me so I fucking grabbed it well of course from three feet threw it as hard as I fucking could he came at me people separated us there was this whole thing of like guys was at least go outside you know and i'm sitting there and we're like squared up and i'm looking at this dude and so much is going through my head but and he was pregnant at the time oh yeah have any of that like father protective stuff but i definitely was like my life is so fucking different long story short we didn't fight i felt like embarrassed that i got so angry that i squared up and then

walked away which is just ego and man stuff but it was like all my boys saw that of course they were texting me like you did the right thing i think this guy needs to leave he's gotten in five fights in the last three months you know blah blah blah um but i was i was sitting there in my car and i was like i just let that dude dog like even though everyone thinks he's a fucking you started hearing your dad yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but then i was like i was like also hearing my dad of say things like all that matters is him now. I was like, if I go back in here

and I do get... Right, it's like, what's the best case for Eric? So if you leave and then go back in, it changes the crime. You know what I mean? Also true. Yeah. What outcome is jailed bad? No. Like, because of your pride,

beating the fuck out of this guy. Pride, your ego or whatever, versus what the likely was telling me him. And I think there's some validity to this but not not in terms of pick up basketball you know what I mean yeah but there's somebody to this things that were going through my head of like

well is this who you are as a father right someone's like he's there and you see you yeah and then threatens you leave right it is a problem you don't come back to this community center that's for fucking no he has to fucking leave and then you go all right

I could probably get him kicked up was that who we are right uh Karen we just go tell the cops you know and it's just like nah fuck that I'm gonna hit him in the face And then you go, yeah, but that's, and then you go, when my son wasn't here to see it. So I don't have to actually deal with any of that.

Also, once you've done all that, you've calmed down, kind of. You know, I mean, once you've actually thought about it. It took me a while, but. Yeah, I mean, like a few days. I'm just saying, like, he's got his dad in his head, like, get back. No, I'm a pussy. Luckily for me, like, I really, since I've had Bain, you know, you were talking about the random, like, bro being a douchebag.

I actually just haven't put myself in those situations. since I've had pain because I just stay. You know, you're touring. Like, you're, you could happen. I haven't. I've just like, like, dude, me and my buddy went out to a bar last night. And that's like one of the first times I've been to a bar without my wife where we weren't just having like a dinner thing.

And I was like, oh, I'm real world right now. Like, I hadn't done it. So I was like, holy fuck, I'm out here. You know what I mean? So, yeah, I just don't. I'm so boring that it would probably not happen. Well, so I don't play pickup basketball anymore. I have no idea where it would happen to me.

Yeah, right. I told my dad off the other day. What? Not in a way, but it's this kind of thing. He was pushing Roscoe around the driveway. We had just gotten out there, and I was like, I got to, he's been being a dick in general, and I was like, I got to go pee. And my dad's just kind of a dick in general.

He goes, whatever. Like, and I go, what? And he goes, and I go, don't talk to me like that. Not in front of him. Right. And I just walked off. And then I was like, I was like walking off where I made a, you know, like, you know, like, you're like, I'm dinging shit.

Yeah, like, what the fuck has happened? and yeah, the math. But that's what I meant. The student has become the teacher. I'm not going to do that in front of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know, you know, that's like a weird thing. I don't know how much longer my dad's got, but that's definitely going to be an issue for like, because I, you know, I love my dad.

But a lot of the things I went to therapy for or because I started seeing myself be like the negative things of him. Yeah. And I've worked really hard to lessen those, get rid of them, whatever. And, yeah, there's probably going to be a situation. If dad lives a little bit longer when bang gets older and he starts daling out on something, I can see myself being like, Dad. No, that's upside of being old. Not in front of him because I'm not doing it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But my thing is, is like, I went to therapy so I wouldn't do that in front of him. You know what I mean? Because I do all those. I learn that from you. So you're working on me, you damn shank going to do it in front of him. If he's going to learn shitty behavior, God damn it, it's going to be for me, motherfucker. Right.

Well, that's funny. That's a very much healthier way to look at it. I think I was more looking at it like, I'm not going to let you dog me in front of my boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I wouldn't do that either. It was like the third time I've been really sad on this pike, and we all did it.

I did it to me. I was trying to head. That's fine. Merry Christmas to everybody. This may be a funner. Coup brother in prison. Because I dead and his buddy's a wad of shit. So, Merry fucking Christmas.

I wasn't trying to make you sad with that one. I said earlier, I want to circle back to this. We got like 10 minutes left or something. I don't want to not do it because I am actually very interested in it. You said growing up that you heard from all your friends all the time that they wanted to fuck your mom all the time. And so, like, I, one of my best. More so that she had a nice ass, which the particulars didn't hit for me. My best friends also named Corey, actually.

He was the one with the hot mom. Yeah, Cory B. And he got, and he like, dude, it was a whole thing for him. Like, he was perpetually getting hit with people or getting hit with shit from people being like, talking about how hot his mom is, how much he wanted to fuck his mom. mom and yeah yeah yeah it was like uh it was a whole thing for him he used to like really bother him he used to piss my son and him would get real mad so i'm wondering what that like i didn't bother me it did but like the thing is like ever it never bothered it all was his mom super young yes okay

he was 15 years old when she had him so she was like 28 when we were to either his dad or stepdad like yes but they no no they might that makes it different but they were married at the time so my buddy brandon they got divorced in high school and then it was even when it was like you know Then we really, oh, my mom, I think of your divorce. So it's like a thing where it's like, oh, they could fuck her. It would be different. She was a pretty young hot woman. Yeah.

Started dating good looking manly men. And then he really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. I'm saying, I get it. But then one of my high school coaches, a week after I graduated, showed me a naked picture of her. No. And I didn't have to see it.

And it was very uncomfortable. Oh. But also kind of hit, though. Yeah. Anyway, first person perspective. We had, so we did have, there were some other girls and boys that also had hot moms, but theirs was like, yeah, their moms were almost our age. And I felt like that hurt.

But mine, it was always, I could tell they were saying, your mom is hot for a mom. So there was like a comical thing to it. It wasn't just like, I want to fuck your mom. You know, it was like, you know, for a mom, I could just take. And so like, it never really bothered me, like, that much. You also just the chub. I just don't give a shit. Yeah.

He has a bit about this. Also, I said I want to fuck their ugly-ass mom, too. You know what I mean? Revello, our buddy Peter Velo has a bit about this. And part of his bit as though his dad just was a, was not like a great guy. He wasn't around and she'd on his mom, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, oh, Deborah? Yeah, I wish somebody would, dude.

She's a good lady. Yeah, yeah, sir? I'll tell you this right now. Again, I want to keep talking about my dad, Dine. I hope he don't, by the way. But if he does, like, I'm definitely going to be supporting of my mom if she gets back, if she decided to get back out there. Like, I'm not going to be that dude that's like I can't think of my mom with it.

You know, like, I. Well, if she did that with like some dude you went to school with you something about your mom. Here's the thing. If, if that'd be so hilarious. I would love that. They get Polly with your mom. Here's the thing. There are a thruffle.

Him and Amy and your mom. We probably going to move in that house. Yeah. The only way my, this is how I know my mom would spend the back way. way back for shit way back for the yard life yes and so it would have to be if it was a younger dude i would just go with they would have to super hit financially none of them do so i ain't worried about it uh but yeah no no mom like she's definitely has been like she's like the next time if i ever get married again it will not be for love it will be for financial security so like now granted

no she said it she said yeah he's the great she's the best she's also she doesn't keep it a hundred I lost, dude, she's in front of my dad because she knew he wasn't paying attention. He was being a dick, and I'm like, God damn it, mom, you're a fucking sane. I don't know how you stayed with this motherfucker. He's over there. And she'll just be like, son,

if, what is her phrase? She goes, if I divorce him, I get half. And if he dies, I get all of it. Like, right? It's like so practiced and methodical. Any goddamn ways. But if she started, well, that's number four. If she started dating like a 35-year-old

who was super rich, don't get me wrong. It would not hit for me. Would get me out of that nursing home jam, though. So I guess I'd just be like, that's what mom does now. What if you just started dating a 35-year-old for fun while she's looking for Mr. Rich.

No, that ain't it. No, that ain't it. No, he's got to have fucking, there's got to be a reason. He can't be, he can't be. He's like a smoking area, rich guy. But what if in the meantime, she did out of his,

just don't tell me. Yeah. Landscaper with no real money, but he's gorgeous. And that's fine. He said landscaper, Corey. Oh, my God. You just a sleep. Landscaper, and I was like, if he's foreign.

Oh, my God. I didn't even realize I fucking did. I was like, Mexican, man, this is a shit. Rob, 50% chance he will. Windows up. Where are your front? Well, at least I... There's also a 30% chance it'll be like a dude named Darren with a pill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Hard abs. No, yeah, she could fuck any foreign, black, all that shit. I don't care how old they are. You know what I'm at. That's fine, but like nobody I knew, you know what I mean? Like, that wouldn't hit.

I mean, she would end up doing it, though, because, like, one of, because they'd be trying real hard. You know what I mean? And, like, yeah, Darrell be over every weekend. Okay, not Darrell. And that's, I know I said any blacks, but not Darrell. Not Darrell. Conversations is weird. It makes sense.

I'm just saying, like, not Darrell. Daryl's too familiar. He's our black bunny. He's a black guy. Can't be Darrell. I've seen his work. You know what I mean? Sure.

Yeah, I can't. Yeah. If she adopted Daryl, that would hit for me. Like, I would like to have him around all the time, just not fucking my mom. Darrell's got a real sweet mama, though. He does, maybe. I met Daryl's mommy. Yeah.

She made us a pizza lasagna or pizza casserole. It's a casserole. Yeah. Fire. Sweet lady. Very fire. Well, y'all go. Well, do you all think that so hot as fucking.

I know. Yeah. So like, but do you, so I feel like, I mean, he's never going to hear. this. Daryl? I, no. Uncle Tim. At y'all's saying, we're in Nashville.

Where's Zany? He got a nickname. He'll show a pig bottoms. Yeah, I know. I know. Flock, not. Pig bottom of a slop mountain. All right.

Sorry, what were you asking? So, yeah. But he told me that, y'all. He said he was picking the nickname. I should get there and there and root around. Just root around in the mud. Anyway, God. He's gay for context.

But so, but he's like, Uncle Tim, he's showed up to Zanis weekends before with like, A 22 year old, whatever else. It's like Uncle Tim's a sweetheart and good looking dude who's almost 60. Yeah, also a cyber, you know. And I'm like, feel a little weird. Yeah, he'd be younger than you. He showed up to a woman. And he's so much younger.

Sure. Like, the dude, and I, he came to. What do y'all talk about, Tim? One of his, uh, oh, right. His, I guess his, uh, prime, I don't know, let's say I'm going on. He'll never hear it. So it's fine. His, uh, I'll text it to.

Boyfriend of his. Uh, the main slop. I guess the main slop. They came to myself in Boston than I did. Yeah. Recently. He was up there because this dude's like an engineer who I think lives or works in Boston or something. 22 and an engineer.

He's like 28. He's still younger than me. 28. So just, but, but anyway, they came back there. Uncle Tim showed up. I brought him back to the green room. beforehand. Yeah,

yeah, this dude, y'all gorgeous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we got this. Yeah,

like a 28-year-old statuesque Indian fella. Oh, nice. And he comes back there. And that's the car, fucked your uncle.

Right, right. Tim has made very, anyway, I'm sure he would love to fuck too sharp, but anyway.

Of course, too far. The, my, uh, my buddy, the host, John that weekend,

they came back there and I was like, hey, this is my uncle, Tim and this is this is and I said the guy's name or whatever and then went out there watched the show when they went out there John was like so your uncle's like fucking loaded or whatever and I was like no just just just just got it he just got it like that yeah yeah yeah I don't know what to tell I was like no you know but no he is not rich but yes because that's

what this dude looked like right it's just but again I know the guys they got their own rules Yeah, well, it's dual-income household. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know what I'm saying? I know that women can work now, but I'm just saying, like, that was the... Because the dude is, he's 10 years younger than me. It's just a little weird, you know, and he ain't my mama. I can't believe that it's...

I can't believe that in the dynamic of your sassy gay restaurant owning uncle and the statuous gay Indian man, you're the biggest queer. Yeah, I mean... I'd be for him, but it is just a whole... Would it be different if it was your aunt? Would you feel a lot different? Because he's the bottom? Yeah, I think I would.

Yeah. He's the bottom. Because it's like, but it's also just like the whole, I don't know, if it's your aunt, like if it's your mama and they got a pool boy running around. Right. It's almost like a yes queen. Yeah. You know what I mean? For her.

Right. It's that grace too. Okay. Yeah. All right. Okay. Yeah. Good for her.

Good for her. Good for her. I'm sitting on here before and I know it's dicey. And I'm not like. saying that it's great to fuck 19 year olds but like there's hair in the field oh that's true it's fucking business that's true right it's not illegal look if my uncle was fucking an 18 year old i would be like ooh maybe don't bring her to the fucking damn dog yeah but like if he's fucking an adult with a grown-up job none of my business yeah do your thing

yeah no for sure always just feel like and again drew gave me the look and i was like yeah i know what you meant like whenever one of my buddies like dates like a you know like 24 or 25. I'm like, what do you even talk about, you know? But then you were like, yeah, probably not talking a lot. That's true. But like, to me that's the thing. It's like, I've seen seen them and I thought they were hot, but I don't want to go any further than that. I want to be clear.

I think it's okay to judge people who do big age gaps. I just don't think it's okay to run your mouth. Sure, because they're grown-ups. Yeah, who care? Damn, sorry. Yeah, oh, that's hilarious. My podcast content. People like on these crusades. But my, yeah.

Leonardo DiCaprio likes to fuck 20. Of course he does. Of course he did. And it's fine that you find that gross. Get that. Yeah, of course. Right. And he don't talk to him.

Because he's got that whole dossier that he makes him sign where he like, there's a, this is what I heard one time. I don't know if it's true, but like, okay, we'll leave. I'll talk about it. No, no, the dossier. He, I think it's one of our friends that used to work for somebody in Hollywood. This was the rumor. Girl comes in, they sign this paper or whatever, and there's instructions. He's got in the middle of his yard, he's got, like, bed in the,

middle of it with a canopy or whatever over it and uh he you go out there you get completely butt-knacked he comes in puts on noise canceling headphones and listens to his lines while he rails you out and then you fucking leave that's what i heard and that's what i want to believe that doesn't even sound fun i mean i guess no he's a psychotic but it's like that's just part of the super star for him part oh for him yeah he's just getting a release but it's what he's dealing with like well for Hers, you get on a Gucci handbag. I don't talk before about. Yeah.

You can talk about the Conahey and weird shit you've heard he's into. It's like, at his point, it's like, I mean. But he interacts with him. You're so used to it. Like, but here's the thing. But here's the thing. It's like, here's why he does it. It's because it's like, whereas we're like, I'm going to crank one out real quick.

Their pussy is his hand. You know what I mean? Like, he's just getting a thing. He's got to get it done, but he's also busy. So he's like, I think I just like sex. And that's great. sounds like fun. But that's me.

Tremendous. All right. I have a very quick about the time you all hear this. Chicago will have already happened. But 2025, I got a bunch of days. Go to tricrider.com. Come same. Marietta, Georgia's the only thing I can think of.

I got lined up. That's January 25th. I'll probably dip into Atlanta on the days surrounding that. So if you're in the Atlanta area, I'll probably do a guest spot at the skull or a feature spot or whatever the fuck they call it. Showcase. That's the word. But I'm at Marietta filming a thing on January 25th.

Don't kill yourself this Christmas in spite of how sad we've done. We've been heading. Go ahead, Chuck. Yeah, I don't, this, I'll have already been in Chattanooga. Thank you all for coming out to Chattanooga, December 20th and 21st, and seeing me at the comedy catch. That was a blast, I'm sure. Other than that, we love Corey.com. Listen to the other podcast, putting on airs, gravy baby, weekly skews.

Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. I tune you next a week. if you got nothing to do Thank you God bless you Good night of Niske Bunch of CEO

Hell yeah