wellRED podcast - Best Of The WellRED Podcast Early Days!

Episode Date: September 11, 2026

Aint shit James, Aliens, Goats, chickens, 9/11, OH MY! plus much more  TraeCrowder.com for tickets  CoreyWritesForYou.com to read corey's work!

They're the They're the They're all rednecks They like cornbread, but sex They care Way the fuck Next that makes Some people upset

They got Three big old dicks That you can suck Mr. Butt to the list of people on this spot That's a mention Craig Ryan Cornry, right for us

for us to Drew Morgan And special guest Mr. Butt Well, we're in Canada So Maw Show Derry Ann Monshire

Monshire Oh, bearer. Oh, oh, hon, oh, oh, oh, oh, God, this is ridiculous. Pian Piaom Pia. I bet we're some Papersg guilty pleasure. I was fixing to say, we discovered, like, the biggest scandal in modern political times in America, and now we're doing butt jokes, fighting over Taylor Swift and farting into the microphone. So I'm not including that clip because I consider it one of the best. of the well-read podcast. I'm including that clip because I came across it the other day while trying to find

some of the best of the well-read podcast. And it occurred to me that that was the moment that we found out what this podcast was. For the first several episodes, we thought, well, you know, Trey got popular because of his political videos and we wrote a political book and we have sort of a politically themed comedy tour. So naturally, that's what this podcast will be. We're going to talk about politics and uh somewhere in there we decided well we not really decided we just started talking about butts and one time we were in canada and tray farted and then we started goofing off and having a good time and we realized oh wow that's what the podcast is not not that we won't cover politics of course we will when something insane happens but this podcast is our one

it's our one thing that we just use uh to goof around and to to be us and to let loose and yes very often, that means, that means farts. And that's why I wanted to share this clip as the jumping off point for the best of episode, because it's the moment that I feel truly made the podcast what it is today. And thank you so much for tuning into the well-read podcast. I decided to put out a best-of episode today because I thought, what better episode for you to share with your friends who you've been trying to convince, hey, you should listen to these goofy fucking guys, but you don't really know which episode to point them to.

We'll do this. This is the best of. We're going to get into some super goofy stuff on this episode, some great moments, some funny moments, some moments where I seem like a big old dumb dumb. And in no more clips from the Well Red podcast, did I sound like more of a dumb dumb than the one we're going to start off with here, it is the infamous papaw batman argument here we go skew

no no no no no no no no no no papaw is that for me yeah Corey informed us that one of his goals in life is when he gets older and as a papal because old people can get away with anything so they can sure I agree I told you my plan for retirement I'm going to start doing heroin at 75 yeah maybe maybe me too but I'm gonna be a heroin murder and ass papaw Corey wants to murder people when he's a papal. People that deserve it. Right.

Yeah, I'm going to be a ventilante. Vipal. You're going to be a vigilante. He'll get to it eventually. A ventralanti. That's pretty good. Yeah, no. I do.

I'm not going to beat the shit out of him. Obviously, I have to have a gun. I'll be old. But you already got gout. Yeah. What are you going to have? Me and Drew were telling him when he said this. Like, he's not going to be able to do that.

He can't just go and just do that. A, even if you kill the first person, you're going to get caught immediately. You're a fucking pap all. Like, you ain't getting the way. That's exactly why I won't get caught at first. I will be no, I will not be a suspect because I have no motive. You're going to see, you're going to like serial kill these people, like sneak in, fucking get them in the dog.

You made it sound like you were just going to walk around, go up to the house. Just when you kill. Just show up to their house. Yes. Alex. Hey, are you bogged them in the fucking head. When you kill, they're not going to suspect me at first. When you're going to be confusing.

When you kill futuristic Alex Jones. Yeah, that's me. When you do that, you think you're going to get away with it because you're going to be an anonymous pap. Not forever, but I guarantee for a couple months, because I will have no motive. I don't think you have murder in your heart. I do for scumbags and shit, but like, what I'm saying is they will not ever go, well, it must have been the 85-year-old that's never, that doesn't have a big-time criminal record. Like, I'll have no motive.

No fucking motive. You won't even be able to drive away from there without running into a fucking tree on the off the side. of the road because you're a pap haul. You're a papal. I'll be fine. I can walk off. People think I was dropping off chopper. You can't walk right now.

You're right now, you limp. You ain't going to be able to walk. You're 29 and you got a gat lip. When's the last time you heard a gunshot and actually fucking thought somebody got killed? I heard gunshots. I said, you'll be so slow as a papal. You'll be so slow as a papal. Yes, it will.

By the time somebody hears a gunshot and it looks out, you will not have made it to the end of the fucking driveway. What I'm telling you is, I suspect. I hear gunshots literally every day where I live. I never once even fucking remotely go outside my goddamn house. Alex Jones ain't going to be living on the fucking mountain and Chickamauga. That's true. Okay.

You're going to be in a neighborhood. What if I got one of them guns from like a fucking no country from old men and things? He just puts those cow killer guns. That pressure, yeah, cow killer gun. Nobody will fucking hear it. Yeah, but then you got it's rack and if you're going to risk it as your oxygen tank. That's what I'm saying. It would look like an oxygen tank.

How'd get it up to their head as a pap hole? You got to be quick. They won't let a pat hole do that. You don't have to be quick. Because if a papaw's doing something, you're like, well, this is a papo. What's going on? He is furious. We're not furious.

We think he won't be able to get away with murder very easily. Hypothetically. No, and again, when he's 85, papal. This isn't the most ridiculous we have ever been as a group. I'll eventually get caught. I know that for a fact. What I'm saying is for a while, no one's going to be like, it must have been a papaw. I'd fucking get away with it for a while.

And also, if I was only killing these sacks of shit that I'm talking about killing, I think there'd be a lot of people that wouldn't. want to fucking turn me in be like, no, let the papaw killer

stay out. I'd be like fucking Batman. See, this is how it started. It's like not, no,

no, no, not, no, not, no, not, no,

he just comes to a circle. He said, I'd be like Batman. That's what he said

before. They want me to do Batman. This is what he said, this is how it started. He said, when I'm 85,

I'm just going to be just murdering people who deserve it and just mainlining heroin.

I'll be like a papal Batman, and I said, we've been watching two different Batman's. No. He don't never watch Papal Batman, which is one I'm currently right. That ain't Pat Paul Batman. That's maybe Papal Deadpull. What is Bruce Wayne going to do when he gets old? That'll be it.

You can't fucking catch him either. He's still going to be trying to do it. So he'd been doing his whole life. You ain't Bruce Wayne. Don't I'm saying. He and eventually Batman will need to. He is Bruce, though. You'll need to quit being Batman.

But that's all he's ever known. He is separately Bruce and Wayne. God damn. Bruce Wayne. What I'm saying is eventually Bruce Wayne will turn 80. He's in fine shape. I mean, if he gets killed, no, but like he takes exceptionally good care of himself. You think he's going to want to quit

playing Batman? No. What was that? He does what? I don't know. Did I say a food again? He takes exceptionally good care of himself. Now you're talking about well, Batman could do it. I'm saying I could do it. That's our whole point. You ain't Batman, dog. What I'm saying is he's going to live a long time. I could randomly live a long time.

Keith Richards doesn't take an exceptionally good care of himself and he's lived a fucking long time. He kind of looks like a pap all Batman. Yeah, and he can fucking kill people. Nobody will be like, yes, Keith Richards did that. Right, but that's Keith Richards, dog. You ain't Batman or Keith Richards. Let me go and tell you what's going to happen when I'm 85.

I'm going to start murdering the fuck out of people, and I'm going to come to you. Y'all are still, which y'all won't be, I'll be the one that lives, both y'all. But if y'all are somehow alive, I ain't going to come to your house and kill you, which I could. But I'm not going to. I'm going to come to your house and go, hey, man, look up on the fucking internet. You see them nine murderers? your boy, you boy did that shit

and then I'm gonna fucking jack off my limp dick, smoke a pipe and leave your goddamn house forever. I ain't letting you come over because you might murder me first of all.

No, I won't. Second of all, I only murder people that suck. Y'all don't suck. But your plan, though, for murdering people that suck, to be clear. You are going to drive

to their house, drive to their house, walk up their front steps when they open the door, cap them and leave as an 85-year-old papaw and you think you can be able

To just do that. For a while. No way. For a while. Absolutely no fucking way. Who would suspect me? It's not about to, you'll get caught. Maybe.

It's not about suspecting you. I never said I wouldn't. I've said I'd eventually call it. I could murder at least 10 people that way for that. He's just doing the same fucking day. Yes, I'd do it in the same fucking day. There's the murderer on the loose in the Chick-a-Morrow area. These scumbags I'm talking about him, the pap-ball killer.

The scumbags I'm talking about live alone. They don't fucking, they do. They don't fucking. He hides his gun and his oxygen tank. Here we have him on video. That's the other thing, dude. In the future, there'll be cameras everywhere. Everywhere.

Everywhere. I could kill 10 people in one day. As a papo. As a papo. As a papo. It's a good thing you're going to be waking up early on the future. This is in the future. You said I'll be slow.

He can tell he's a papo in this granny video. You said I'll be slow. Diabetic gout shoes. Okay. No, fuck y'all. If we're in a future that has goddamn cameras everywhere, I bet we got one. I got glide shoes and shit, so I'm going to be slow like a fucking papaw.

I'll be on a goddamn, like, rascal scooter, upgrade 3.0, like, fucking, where it's on my goddamn back, and I hover up to this motherfucker and shoot him in a goddamn head 10 times later. Yeah, they're going to catch up to me, but I can kill 10 motherfuckers as an 85-year-old. Garren fucking team. Why do you want to kill? Because these are bad people that need to be gone from society. There's bad people right now. I don't want to go to a papal, drink.

He can't get away with it now. No, that ain't it. He's a 29-year-old man. It's sitting outside of the realm of possibility when he's 85. This is the stupidest fucking thing. No. It's because I have a lot. It's because he doesn't care about the risk.

I have a lot of him. Now, I don't want to go to jail as a fucking 20-year-old. Hey, unwinds a little bit. I'm saying, I'm with you. I'm with you. I know I'm going to get caught. That's why I'd wait to 85. Because going to jail is an 85-year-old

vigilante pat-ball bat man, you ain't even getting treated bad in jail. Jail will be better than the retirement home that your motherfucking ass would be in. If you didn't go murder these people, if you go murder these people, jail will hit so fucking horridville. Yo, this that Batman,

Batman Papal that fucking killed everybody. Why? Do you want to kill people? You just said because they're bad. I'm talking about... Everybody who's ever killed anybody said that. No, I'm talking about these people because our system is fucked up.

And there's some people that go... Do you want me going on this? Because that's the real reason I fucking brought it up. I'm talking about people that absolutely should be in fucking jail where there's marijuana victims that are sitting there for 15 fucking years, but a goddamn child molester gets out in fucking three. So you want to murder child molesters? And fucking baby rapers and shit.

Like the people that... Them's the same thing. That's what I'm saying. People that literally don't, like, they get out for some goddamn reason while some dude fucking smoked a joint in Birmingham, Alabama, and he goes for 20 goddamn years. These people that, like, dude, a lot of them are going to reaffend. They shouldn't be the fuck out there. That's basically murder.

You've just killed an entire kid's life. How are you going to find these 10 people? I have an app on my phone. That's why the fuck this even got brought up. What if one of those 10 people that shows up on your fucking petter-ass app is a guy that took a piss by a school yard? You can look up what they did on that app. So you're going to find 10 pedophiles within like murdering distance for a pap hall.

Well, they knew living near each other because there's only certain places they can live. I guarantee you. That's what I'm saying. A lot of them are out in the country where even if they did call the fucking law, it takes them 45 fucking minutes to get out there. I could do it. Just wound up. 10 in a fucking bro. You're more passionate about this than anything other than I.

It's just knows because you told me there's something I can't do. You know how I get. I got that fucking Marty McFlaude bullshit. You can't do it. But that's a son. I'm still. Easily can do it right now, but I don't want to go to jail the rest of my fucking life. You can't easily do it right.

You know how hard it is. Easily. I ain't with you, period. I have no motive. That is the main reason they catch people. If you go on a 10 person, now if they hear this, of course I'll get fucking caught. If you go on a 10 person, there's no personal motive. I know somebody who's killed a job of Western.

They go to see. They regret it. No, what I'm saying is when they go to ask the family, is there anybody that could have done this, anybody that has it? They were never going to mention me because I don't fucking know them. That's what I'm saying. There's no fucking. Usually when somebody gets killed, they're like, who has had to argue it with them? I want to change the subject for like seven reasons.

Evidence and shit, you leave behind it. Especially when you're a pap on, you got damn skin and hair. Of course, you ain't got no hair to begin with, or whatever else is followed out. There's a great point. No DNA. I have no hair. Won't be there. There's more to it than just that.

Also, the gun. You're powerfully dumb. It's just crazy that you think this. No DNA. What do you mean? I got no hair. No DNA. It's not the only kind of.

I was being funny. I'm very aware that's not. It's not just about, like, what makes you suspicious. Also, you said you could kill 10 pedophiles in one day. Hey, can get away with it. Wait, wait, wait, wait. We started Alex Jones. Do you know how close they live in the South together?

A lot. I have an app on my phone. And not get called. Why do you have an app on your phone? I found out about it. I was like, is this legit? Sure, fuck it was. It probably ain't.

I mean, that seems like something they can make money on it. They have their fucking criminal background. Seems like it ain't legit to me. But, look, look, look at it. up. They have to register. They made an app for it. I don't see how the app, who would get that information and then put it on that. There's definitely websites for that. The cops, it's the fucking app that they're registered. It could be super easy to hook one of those websites up to an half or whatever.

They do with people moving to different neighborhoods. You can look up how many fucking peddress. Fuck that. Huh? I said, I ain't with that. Fuck that. That's fine, but it exists. It's bullshit. Why? Because that's some nanny state bullshit, first of all. Second of all, just like Trace said, but they have to register, period.

Now, just like Trace said, you've got people who got caught pissing near a school. But they have exactly what they did. According to who? According to what record? Do you know people who work at courthouses who put records in? Do you know what this fucking do you're like? What I'm saying is, it's not that there's an asterisk by their name. What there is is, it was like public fucking, you know, had their pants down in public or whatever.

It's like exposure. I am asking you, Corey, if you think none of those are wrong. Do you literally think of those wrong? I'm not killing those. I'm killing the ones that are, like, fucking, chop. my last station. What if it says the wrong thing? What if it says that?

And I guess you're right. No, I guess you're right because there have been death penalties carried out on someone who absolutely didn't do anything. Yeah, well, that's nothing. One if they weren't guilty, but they were left. You could be operating outside the law.

Because they were facing life, but they weren't guilty. Or what if they did piss by school, but the thing accidentally confused them with another? Sure. That would suck, man. And like, you're right to talk about. So for them that they got murdered by Pope. I have to talk to Pat Paul Batman about that.

I'm not going to be that for another 60 years, dog. Like, you're arguing with me. You want to have this fight with Pac-Paul Batman. I'm not that guy yet. I don't want to have this fight with you. I think the existence of this app is disgusting. Maybe if I had kids, I'd feel different. But what I'm saying is they have to register anyways,

and that register was always something you could look up. That's what the point of the register was. Now it's just an app that you look up the registers. I understand what you're saying, but, like, it's just an extension of what already was, like, registered sex offenders or registered. It was an extension of what already was, but that's the problem with, in general, with, like, the police state and overreach.

It's always an extension of what it was, and the next thing you know, you're going to jail because you had a bad thought. Because Papo Batman reported on you. Hello, this is Pat Paul Batman. There's a child in my fucking name. This is now the sequel Minority Report meets Pat Paul Batman. I'm in. I don't really know. So Pat Paul Batman is now murdering people for thought crimes.

Exactly. And that's not right. And again, that's not me. That's me in 60 years. Don't argue with me. Man, this got weirder than I expected when I opened with. I thought it was fine, Papal. It's just.

I did love, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you had to do it. Papal. It is funny, but, like, yeah, it's just, I don't know. I just, I think it's insane that you actually believe that you could pull that off. I am going to do heroin. There's no way. I'm also going to pull that off.

Yes, there's, listen, you can't do heroin and kill people. I'm going to say, come on. No, that's actually true. I agree with you on that. I'm 100% I've talked adamantly about how I've done heroin. No, you definitely, you might murder yourself. That happens a shit time. But like, no, you ain't getting to fuck up to go kill somebody.

Okay. Now, while I admit that I still, part of me, believes that I 100% could do that. I will admit that in hindsight, I think it will be a lot harder than what I was coming across as believing it would be two and a half years ago when we originally recorded this podcast. as the guys will point out, that's just something about me. I constantly believe I can do anything. And even when people provide, and I'm putting this in huge air quotes, facts that prove that I would not be able to do that thing, I still usually maintain that I could do that thing.

So if that clip was all about one of my quirks, which is believing that I can do anything, this next clip is about one Drew Morgan's quirk. And the quirk that Drew has is that he believes everything is binary. Drew has this thing where if he likes a thing, then, like if Drew, if Drew likes vanilla ice cream, then fuck chocolate. It can't just be vanilla and chocolate both exist and you've got your opinion and I've got my opinion. It's no, vanilla's good, fuck you, chocolate can suck my goddamn dick. And that's exactly the attitude he brought to the debate on whether or not Bob Seeger or foreigner were the better band. That was never the argument at all.

We're just talking about how we thought Bob Seeger hit, and apparently foreigner hits harder for Drew. And so Drew farted on all of our fish, and we had this argument. And so here we go. The great Bob Seger versus foreigner debate. We're fucking ridiculous. You stood on top of your chair at an Irish restaurant. You spread your butt cheeks. You farted on my fish.

You farted on my fish. You farted on my fish. Bullshit. Yes, you have. Fuck old bait No, fuck you Fuck off Fuck old bait

Dude Bob Sigr fucking sucks You farted on my fish You farted on my fish You said fuck Bob Singer That ain't it That's the problem here Fuck old bait So I've been waiting

You farted on my fish BTO County Fair I fucked everybody's mom You farted on my fish You farted on my fish You farted on my fish You're like adult contemporary

No alternative at all Okay, on that note, I want to rehash something that happened at lunch earlier because it hit for me very hard. Did I do something dumb? No, please don't say anything until I get through the whole recap. So we're sitting at this Irish pub in this mega mall situation in Columbus, outside of Columbus, Ohio. And they're playing. It's a city. It's a city.

They're trying to act like it's a city, but it's just a mall. I think Easton itself was already a thing. It's where? This is the Easton Town Center. that we're in. This is what I like defer to. This is a fucking affront to God is what it is. These are so common though, man.

This is just Turkey Creek in Knoxville or fucking Mount Juliet. Turkey Creek's in the middle of a town. Look out that window. There ain't nothing that way. Maybe it's all on the other side. I'm just saying it's a very common thing. I know because we stay doing Funny Bones, and Funny Bones are always in this,

which is a big shopping center thing. Funny Bones hit for me. I'm not talking shit about funny bones. I love them. It's like a tank. Like, this is just Easton. This is all it is a mall. That ain't true of Turkey Creek.

That's infaring it. I don't think that that's true, though. Okay. That's the Easton Town Center. Okay. I think Easton is a separate thing. I'm still with you, though. Fuck all that.

But, like, anyway, we're at an Irish pub in a fucking Midwest mall. And so naturally, they're playing a bunch of bullshit on the radio or over the speakers for the most part. And so at one point, they're playing. And we'd already. commented on it. And at one point, Rascal Flats cover of Life as a Highway was playing. And Drew pointed,

we kept pointing up at the speakers to make fun of the music it was playing. He pointed up and he goes, this is like the most dad rock song of all time. And I said, no, I don't think this is dad rock. I think dad rock is, it's funny because like genuinely part of what happened is I got offended as a dad,

I think. Don't you fucking disparage dad. with this bullshit. This is mom rock here. Yeah. But I was like, I feel like dad rock is like foreigner. And then you said, fucking foreigner hits.

I was like, foreigner does hit. Or, you know, like Bob Seeger, that's fucking dad rock. I wasn't comparing those two bands at all initially, other than saying they were both dad rock. But when I said Bob Seeger,

you said, dude, Bob Singer don't hit near as hard as fucking foreigner. And I stand by that. And me and Corey, me and Corey were just, initially were just like, I don't know about that.

And you were like, what? What? It was like, well, I mean, dude, Bob Singer hits pretty hard, too. And you were like, fought Bob Singer. No. Initially, he was like, he was like, as foreigner, what the fuck are you talking? That's all about my passion for foreigner. Fast forward 30 seconds later, you've gotten, you went from being lukewarm at worst on Bob

Seeger to literally screaming, dude, Bob Seeger fucking sucks. He's just out there fucking, you're so liberal, he has to defend every type of foreigner. He's like, he's writing fucking showtub. And I said, he's pointing both directions dancing around. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. And to be fair, foreigners also show tunes. It's a way fucking better show, though. What song is that? You're as cold as ice. But you don't.

You're willing to sacrifice my. This is like when we had the conversation about Tony Choncha's. what love is. That's air supply. No, it's not. It's not. It's foreign.

Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right. Urgent, hot-blooded, dirty white boy. Jukebox Hero. And that one guitar. Which is a better version of Turn the Page. It's a turn-the-page who's being honest with itself

about what it is. I think Jukebox Hero is a better version of the fucking Travis Tri. 8-mile? No. The little Johnny, Johnny Petit's Home Crown. It's the same as Jukebox Hero.

Don't you just spirits, Travis Trit. Don't you try to distract me. Hold on. Listen, Bob Seger, there's the reason that Bob Seger's songs are using commercials. You didn't have to go hard in on fucking Bob Seger though. But I don't mind doing it because Bob Seger is overrated. But I'm saying we weren't initially, sincerely, I wasn't making any value judgment about one versus the other. I was just giving two examples of Dad Rock.

They both hit for me. I get that. Two minutes later, you're fucking screaming about how much you hate Bob Seeger. That is true. That is true. That's not true. You yelled as loud as I've ever heard you yell. You stood on top of your chair at an Irish restaurant.

I did all that. I did all of that. You farted on my fish. Of foreigner. Yeah. That was it. It had nothing to do with Seeger. It didn't have to be that way.

It never does. No, we all stopped thinking about Seeger because that's what you do. He's a berm. This is. No. No, man. My Seger fucking hits, dude. Berms can hit.

Foreigner's a berm. Sure. But they hit. Way harder. Way harder. Way hard. This is like when we had that discussion about Remember the foreigner belt?

Remember the foreigner belt? I don't remember the foreigner belt on Aquitaine Hunger Force? I hope somebody got my foreigner belt. The Digi Monsters had a for it. That's right, goddamn, we got the foreigner belt. And they hit a button and it turns you into a foreigner's song. It made fucking Carl's head connect for head games. Oh, head games, I get it.

Yeah, when are you going to turn me back, for real? Somebody got me head games. This is great. That's fucking phenomenal. No, I want to go back and, we've been talking about Aquitaine for a couple days. I want to go back and watch that show. I would pot and just in keeping, we're talking about things you do that don't hit, you know, from our of us. This clearly hit for you.

I made your dinner entertaining. But like, oh, we talked about it long after you abandoned us. And we're cracking up laughing about how raving and just full on Drew it was. Every time he kept telling the story, we would laugh harder. Yeah, but you guys would apparently change the story. No. No. You got on the loudspeaker at the restaurant and you told everybody.

Yes, that four hits. Bob Seeger don't hit. I didn't say Bob Seeger's name. When I got on a loudspeaker, all I did was a really, really, really sweet. rendition of jukebikes hero and i did punch a bartender cut your arm because he looked like bob sigger but i didn't say his name okay it was implied fair remember when we were in main and i was talking about how old bay hits bobbay don't hit for him it don't hit for me it's the bob seager of season right okay this one getting that i was in between y'all on that one okay here's all i

was ever saying was that old bay also fucking hits he turned this whole thing about like you're telling me you'd rather have old bay in any in literally any situation more than you're than fucking Tony Chachos. I was like, no. No, I'm not talking to you that. But that's a fair question. I'm just saying, obey also hits. Fuck, obey.

Because we live in a fucking society where also hits is good enough, and I'm fucking sick of it, man. We could have Tony Chachos if we'd demand it. If we would stand up, take to the streets, and be like, we want foreigner and Tony Chachas and nothing less, God damn it, in our malls. I mean, I'm not going to disagree with you that we shouldn't take to the streets.

I do. we know you just take what comes to you man why don't we also want bob sager and old bay around they also hit kind of like no no against the wind is great which is it's of course that's the only one i like that's my theme song against the wind yeah he's so dude how am i not why you're not backing me up really with this because this is hitting bob seeger's a cover band i agreed with you as a person bob singer hits harder then farther yeah god

Damn. Way harder. There's no way. I've laid him out. You tell me what he does. I also did some research, and even on album sales, Fornerner has Bob Sager buy 5 million albums total. But Bob Sager, they sold 80 million, and Bob Sigger sold 75 million. He also hits.

Well, I think this is a fun argument because it makes sense that their album sells. You said Bob Sager sucks. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. Bob Sager. But I feel that way. To death. Yeah.

And I didn't say that, but I was interpret. But I was interpretive dancing. Yeah. If there's an argument and he's on the other side of it. It's foreigner versus Bob Singer. Okay, but you realize that he's saying that I got on the loudspeaker and he's saying on these things I didn't do because I didn't actually... You did say, fuck Bob Singer. I mean that.

I mean, you know, I've told people I love the most to fuck them, you know what I mean? You love Bob Singer the most. Yes. I think that this argument is interesting. Of course they have the same amount of album sales. Like they occupy a very similar space in our culture. It is Dad Rock. Yeah, it is Dad Rock.

but I think foreigner is superior dad rock. I mean, I think I've listed out all the songs that have that prove it. Singer's got like three decent ones. I actually don't. I'm not arguing that Sager hits harder than foreigner. Okay. What are we arguing about then? Because that's what I've been arguing about the whole time.

No, you said. You started earlier, again, I wasn't talking about who hits harder. I just brought him up. Okay. But the first thing I said was foreigners way better than by Siger. You said way better. And me and him were just like, literally we were just like, well, and then three minutes later, you reached a shot off.

Shirt off. Throw it over. Kicking Shepard's Pies over. Well, I had to show everyone with my foreigner tattoo. No, I'm in aggregate. Foreigner does hit harder than Bob Sager, but... What would I do wrong? You said, fuck Bob Sager.

That ain't it? That's different. Any kind of a dick? Wait, wait, wait, time out. Also, I just meant fuck Bob Sigger. Isn't he an asshole? I don't know. Foreigner's probably an asshole, all of them.

One of them is. Yeah, we know our foreigners, but. Yeah. Especially the British ones. Ain't they British? probably they're actually half british half american i did some research hits see how much harder they're hitting the more i know that's why they're called themselves foreigners because they were foreigners in both places so creative yeah better than bob

bob hits silver bullet band hits it did he also fucked with a bunch of muscle shawls motherfuckers he did he had him to be his backup band yeah well so he gets he hits yeah he also has a duet with three doors down and uncle cracker did his song You don't really just start sitting on three doors down? No, but you can't bring up the muscle shows guys and not understand. What Uncle Cracker song? No, that was Macy Gray, which I thought was Bullseger. What?

Not Macy Gray. You thought Macy Gray. You thought Macy Gray? It was Macy Gray. What? Not Macy Gray, though. Obie Gray? Is it Obie Gray?

Tired to pray. Yeah, Obie Gray. Put on the beach bars. Here you myself. No, that is Obie Gray. That is Obie Gray. Okay, Uncle Cracker did that. And when I was little, I thought that was a Bob Singer.

Cesar cover. Because of old time Rock and Robb's. Right. Oh, God damn. Fuck Bob Seeger. That Macy Gray looking motherfucker.

I'm pretty sure that I've told this story on him. Oh, is that a name? Well, if we're going to shit on me and Drew, then it's only right that we shit on our benevolent Lord Trey Crowder.

This is one of my favorite clips of all time. And this is when we were not this, God, one of my biggest regrets in the world. So obviously everybody knows, well, not everybody. If you don't know, we've been recording our podcast on the road on video, and you can get them on... Sorry, I have to breathe.

You can get them on YouTube.com slash well-read comedy. Obviously, this one is a compilation, so it was not filmed. But one of my biggest regrets in the whole fucking world is that we weren't recording when this particular argument went down. because if you guys could see Trey standing up in the middle of our hotel, just fucking like walking around, clucking like a goddamn chicken when he was trying to, not trying to, he succeeded at making me and Drew feel like the dumbest pieces of shit in the world for insinuating that it might hit if T-Rexes had feathers. It would have broke the fucking internet.

Like people that didn't even know shit about us or shit about the well-read podcast, If I could have isolated the clip of Trey fucking walking around matter. I know that like there's probably a lot. I guarantee there was a lot of people that listened to that clip and was like, oh, these motherfuckers, they're putting on. There's no way that they're really that upset at each other or that Trey's that upset about this. I'm here to tell you right now, I love the guy. I have the most faith in him as an artist and as a performer.

But Trey Crowder is not that good of a goddamn actor. He was fucking furious. and you can tell in this clip when we discuss whether or not it would hit if T-Rexes had feathers. And, oh, boy, yeah, just take a listen. Good fucking God. Can I go out a limb here? Fuck the past. The past sucks.

Well, this is another reason we're superior to sharks. They don't have podcasts. Or pass. They don't have a pass. They've always been the same. Okay. So all the subject. of life and how insane life is.

Okay. Here's the thing I read recently. If you stand up and you hold both your arms out, straight out. He's in his willhouse. He's been reading books and stretching his arms out. Look at him. Crucifixion Pose. Okay. Okay.

And the length from the tip of your left middle finger to your right middle finger. If the length of life on planet earth. Life in any form. Is this your arm stretched out?

Kevin Garnett? Anybody. It doesn't matter. But your hands are so long. It doesn't matter. From your left fingertip to your right wrist, right? So 90% of the length is just bacteria. It's just single-cell life forms. And then beginning at your right wrist is two cells.

Multi-cellular life forms, right? Yeah. Okay. If you took a nail file, any right-aid brand nail file, and you ran it. That's how white trash he is. He went straight to ride-aid. And you ran it. If I were going to say Walgreens, he says ride-aid.

Any Gucci brand nail file. And you ran it one time over your right middle finger. Then you could return it and get your money back. If you, if you, if you ran that nail file one time over your right fingertip, you would erase all of written human history. That's like, your right hand is not just human history. It's multi-cellular, the dinosaurs fucking everything, all everything other than bacteria is just your right hand. And human, humankind, human kind. Human kind is just the very tip of your right middle finger.

Right. We're the dust. By the way, that's a nail file. Fucking insane. Dinosaurs is wild. Dinosaurs is wild. They're super fucking wild. Insanely wild.

I know. That's what I'm saying. Dinosaurs existed so much longer ago than... And so much longer than. Like, you think, you think about like... Longer than... They've been around for millions of years. Right.

Dinosaurs, any of the, like, man hasn't even approached existing. From the time we walked out of the caves to now, we're not even one, one hundredth of a percent of existing as long as the T-Rex did. I hear you. What about how, since they found out they was birds, Yeah, they got feathers. The Tyrannosaurus got feathers. And they was probably like very multicolored a lot of them, especially considering where they lived.

Because you know, growing up for years, they was just old-ass lizards. And they was all gray or brown. They was wearing pastels and shit. That's good. But that does hit. Right, but it didn't hit. You know what I mean? Like, a T-Rex being pink and purple.

That's, look. That hits Supreme. Are you shit, me? That don't hit for most people. No, most people want to be great. Y'all, uh-uh. Are you shitting me? Yes, and I'll defend the fuck out of it.

Go ahead. They're talking about, they like Mountain Dew. It's lime green and red. They like fucking NASCAR. Every car but one was bright. He was the best, to be clear. My point is these people love bright colors. Monster energy drink.

Monster trucks is bright green. Bright shit hits for everybody. The literal Raptor, the literal Ford Raptor has neon on it. Neon signs. I'm with Drew Wright. here, chrome, that was a fucking whole... Chrome don't

fucking count. We're talking about feathers. We're talking about pink and purple. Actually, that's right. And also lime green and blue ones. Just the colors that the Wimburns wear, it's also blue and lime green feather. Then rednecks don't like that shit.

I don't hit for them. No. Those colors absolutely hit for them. What? I don't think so. You know what I wore a pink shirt and everybody's like, you're wearing a pink shirt? Not just pink. Y'all just keep saying pink over and over again. Like feathers were also blue and green, and those are the only two I have, but those are fucking colors. You're literally describing Rick Flair, and this is kind of checking out.

Thank you. He's a goddamn dinosaur. That's all he was. He was a velociraptor. He crowed around on stage. Woo! Yeah. You don't know what he's saying. Okay.

He had feathers? You yourself have seen pictures of what people say now that a T-Rex looks like. Are you telling me that when you see these new pictures with these fucking mold? multi-colored feathers on it, you didn't think to yourself, well, that don't hit. No. I'm glad. No, actually, they hit harder for me.

Yes. Y'all are so fucking full of shit. No, no, no, no. It does hit harder. They're so much harder. As birds. Fuck. They're fucking birds.

In the gray ones, I agree. Think about, I'm with Drew on this. Think about Jurassic Park. If they had feathers, it hit way harder. Way harder. Way harder. Are you kidding me, dude? Remember when Sting dressed like?

100%. Fuck. The best thing. The best thing. The best thing was not. Hold up. Hold on. All shit.

Everything's better gay. Everything is better gay. No. No, no, no, no. No. No. No. No.

No. Oh, hold on. Everybody shut the fuck up right now. Matt is better. Everything is, which is gay, it's better. You're going to tell me right now that you think that Wolfpack Sting was better than fucking original 1993 green and pink sting. You've lost your goddamn mind and my respect.

you're going to tell me that fucking rednecks like don't like the ultimate warriors. What the fuck ever. The T-Rex of wrestlers. Fuck all that. In Jurassic Park. If they had wings and feathers, no. Fathers, baby. Oh my God. Look, we get it.

You feel differently. You're literally screaming at us that we don't feel this way. In Jurassic Park, in the scene in the fucking Jeeps when the T-Rex shows up with the fucking cups and the ripples of the water of him walking up, if that motherfucker had walked through that gate, with pink blue and green feathers on it.

Y'all are fucking stupid. Are you kidding me? That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. You are full of shit. That would have looked so fucking dumb. No, it would have rolled. If that motherfucker walked through, pink, green, and blue.

Mostly blue. It would have been mostly blue. Oh, my God. It would have hit so much hard. Dumbest y'est y'all have ever been. You're so full of shit. It would have hit some. Oh, my God.

It would have hit so much harder. Are you serious? Absolutely. You're serious right there. That hits way harder. That hits way harder. If that was a dinosaur. If that was a dinosaur.

If that was a dinosaur. But here's the thing. But if we're not that. We're not that. We're not that long-legged turkey, motherfucker. That ain't shit. We're not taking away.

Listen to me. We're not taking away. Yes, you are. We're not taking away the Tyrannisaurus. We're giving him feathers and fucking great colors. He would have looked stupid. He would have looked stupid. Not would have.

That's what. he looked like. That's fine. The fact that... No, no, no, no. The fact that that's what he looked like is one thing. This motherfucker would look like a

jack rooster. You think that don't hit? That does hit. It does hit. It hits so hard. It hits way harder. If that scene would have ended with a gigantic rooster

fucking rooster walking his ass out there. If it had been dumb as fuck. He ain't walking the same way. Dude, fuck that shit. Y'all are. He was a rooster.

Look at how his arms is. I know that. I'm talking about cinematically. Sitting here and acting like you're going to automatically break down a goddamn spill bar movement. Will you stop screaming at us for two fucking seconds? Will you stop? I'm not going to stop interrupting.

You've been doing it to me for 15 fucking minutes. Stop screaming for two fucking seconds. The notion is never actually, in fact, or in what we were arguing, we were just fucking with you. I wasn't. That shit would hit way harder. Sure. But the idea was never that he was a complete bird.

Look at some of these fucking pictures of it. They hit so much harder at that gray-ass piece of shit. Y'all are so fucking stupid. You're a fucking stupid. You're a goddamn moron. He's not like, he's not like. That was a turning point in cinematic history. No, it wasn't.

Yes, the fuck it was. No, that's true. When the fucking T-Rex showed up in that movie, you're out of your fucking mind. No, that's true. And if he would have been out of it for 20 minutes. And if he would have showed up with fucking blue and pink face. feathers on the red. Oh, my God.

Or do you know how many shoes that could have Oh, my God. Nike would have had a fucking cross over them, motherfuckers. They'd have the feathers. These Jordan Faisal had the feathers coming out these bits. You would have had feathers on them. By the way. The dumbest shit, you all have ever said.

Hold up, Trey. How could be the dumbest shit we've ever said when you won't even let us say it? Hold up, Tray. You won't even let us say it. Hold up, Trace. The Popeye's family feast. Why is everybody suddenly family with Popeyes hits the table?

Feed all those. cousins with six pieces of our boldly season signature chicken. Two famous chicken sandwiches, two large mouth-watering sides, and four flaky biscuits. That's enough for cousin co-worker, cousin roommate, cousin neighbor, and all his billion cousin kids. You've got all the cousins, even the ones who aren't really your cousins, all for $29.99. Love that chicken from Popeye. Limited time to participate in U.S. restaurants prices may vary additional terms apply. We're not drunk, our manager.

Trey, I will, I'm on your team right now. that was a huge moment in cinematic history. That was a fuck that Stephen Spielberg when the draft, what I'm saying is if that fucking T-Rex had come out looking like Liber Rashi Finn to play the Candelabra, it would have hit way harder. That's so stupid. Hell yeah.

And his arms are too stupid. And he can't reach the high notes or the kids that use his nose. Yeah. After the buildup of that scene of the cup of water. No one would have laughed if we all knew what he looked like. And then if it came. out looking like lizard rachie yeah that people would have started laughing they would have been like this is what you ever said oh really did they say that about Muhammad

Ali when he came out wearing his robe tray that motherfucker was flashy as shit he made a fucking statement that's how that goddamn T-rex would have done if that motherfucker had to came out to battle goddamn Newman from Seinfeld that's what it would have been you don't know shit wearing brown also hold on yeah in your Is that thing happening? But we grew up with gray? We grew up with gray. Because hold on.

I didn't think this with the conversation was. What I'm getting at is, like, once you know, once you know, like, I see what you're saying if our whole lives we knew that the T-Rex was gray or we thought we did or brown. And then that popped up. Everyone would giggle because it would be totally unexpected. But now that we know, and I would absolutely have laughed in that moment, you're completely right. But now that I know and I process it. And I know that's what they look like.

It is undeniable to me that feathers... Me too. Look fucking rad. Way better. And I already know how vicious they are. It's a fucking rad-ass, 100-foot chicken dog. You know what I'm saying? That's rad.

My fucker laying eggs on your head, dude. Also, they think the velociraptor could fly a little bit. Even just saying that, it's a hundred-foot chicken. You're so wrong, man. You're so wrong. Are you fucking kidding me? A hundred foot chicken? You think most people are like, oh, 100 foot chickens?

God damn, that's fucking cool. Yes, that's what dinosaurs were. What about a hundred foot lizard? That is what dinosaurs were. What is cool about a hundred foot lizard? That is what dinosaurs were? Wait, tell me, what is cool about a hundred foot lizard that would be any better than a hundred foot chicken? If it's a chicken?

Chikins are badass. Oh, my God. Lizards just lay there. chickens do not hit they hit to eat they hit so much harder than your fucking bullshit gray ass leathery fucking skin dinosaur you're a fucking moron chickens chickens chickens and they all have feathers too motherfucker we ain't done talking about them also most the lizards you namein is wild fucking colors dog and they hit because they're wild colors no they're not no they're not no they're not no they're not Alligators, Crocodiles, Komodo, Drak. They're all the same. They're bright green.

You're not fucking rainbow. Are y'all out of your fucking mind? I don't even know you right now. What the fuck are y'all talking about? Pink alligators. Dude, that would be so rad. Fuck green. Are you kidding me?

That gray-ass green bullshit, a fucking pink alligator? You're a fucking moron. This is so stupid. No, it's not. Yes, it is. A fucking feathered ass. It's the same size of the transaurus wreck. If the hit-ness thing to be for a murder-

was pink and blue, crocodiles would be pink and blue. But they're not. Because that shit don't hit, motherfuckers. Bullshit. That shit don't hit. They're dead. Crocodiles ain't dead. But the dinosaurs are?

All the pink and blue motherfuckers are dead. All the pink and blue motherfuckers are dead. The ones that ain't dead are fucking green. They're bright green. They're neon green. We got... Dude, I can't believe we ain't had nobody from the hotel call up. How many, dude, how many times have me and you had the hotel call up from us just sitting there laughing at a Cohen brother's buddy?

But those were like, they're partying next door. You guys need to come up here. It's disturbing me. We're about to get the cops called because Trey is beating his wife, according to whoever's next door. Hey, can I tell y'all something that I told Nat like a little bit ago? Nat knew it the whole time as you called it. I fucking actually agree with Trey. Like, I don't think the fed.

Like, I'm totally on your team, but you was getting. riled up and it hit for me so fucking hard. But dog, I'm way on your team. That gray lizard shit is way darker. It's Godzilla type. Fuck this fucking blue and pink bullshit. I ain't with it, but like that was fun as shit. I told her a long time ago I said, by the way, I agree with Trey, but this is going to be

really fun for me. And my God's son, that was amazing. Y'all do that shit to me all the fuck. Well, no, you don't. Y'all never agree with me. I was. And dude, that was fucking rad. God, that was fucking rad.

funny. I argue with my heart. Well, guys, I mean, I don't know how you can get past that. Who, Lord, was that not something else? And now, before we get to the very, the very last clip, I think quite possibly, aside from maybe Papaw

Batman, the most requested clip. Now, I'm going to say this is the most, Pat Paul Batman, maybe the most internally talked about, but this, the last one that I'm going to share is definitely the most requested clip, but before that, I want to share a very quick clip that just tickles me.

This is the this is the inception of pussy dick butts. Excuse. Anyways, back to these goddamn chickens. Buddy. I don't know.

I won't keep talking about dicks. Yeah, I mean, I'm gone. No, no. You ever seen a chicken's dick? Well, yes. That's what we call a bar mitz for where we're from.

Have you for real saying a chicken's dick? They just got them pussy dick butts, right? Pussy dick butt. Yeah, they just I mean, Don't they?

Oh, pussy dick butt. Pussy dick butt. Don't all birds have them pussy dick butts? I heard of veterinarian one time. Oh, yeah, all birds, they got them pussy dick butt. All they do, though, right? All birds is a shoe company, and that should be their slogan. All birds, we got them pussy dick butts.

Pussy dick butts for your feet. So what you're saying is they just got a hole and they just rub their holes together. I got it. How do you know, chicken scissor all day? Chicken scissors. Chicken scissors from the makers of corn dog tie. Come get your dick up, boy. Screw.

Pussy dick butt. Pussy dick butt. Pussy dick butt. So, what does make the male or female? A pussy dick butt. Shave. You know, real careful. I promise you that.

Why are you trying to shave a bird's pussy dick butt? Duh. Right. I mean if you're a bird, you're trying to evolve, Trey. You're goddamn, you're out here with these Caribbean chickens. How are you going to compete? I believe they pluck. Okay.

Well, how do you pluck? A pussy dick butt. Real careful. I don't know. I ain't a pussy dick butt doctor. You are the pussy dip butt officianto. No. No, I don't want to be that.

Well, this is destiny, man. I love to hear a chicken be like, God damn, you need to train. your pussy dick butt. This is getting a little out of hand. We're never going to evolve back into our former selves. Both male and female birds have what's known as a cloaca. Pussy dick butt. That's Greek for pussy dick butt.

What's it called? Cloaca. The cloaca is an internal chamber that ends in an opening, and through this opening, a bird's sex organs. Okay, here we go. Testes or ovaries. I was going to say, like, how do they differentiate? How are they not just unisexual or whatever? But that's it.

They still got balls and lady balls, but they just don't have the outside bar. Okay. Keep going, though. That still doesn't explain to me how they copulate. In the end of the opening through this opening of bird's sex organs, testes or ovaries, discharge sperm or eggs. Discharge eggs? Well, I mean, yeah, they're burnt. They lay eggs. So here's what I think happens. Okay. Old boy bird walks up.

Gets his coacula out. Situates his pussy dick butt over his old lady's pussy dick butt. Over it. Yeah. Like a... They start checking scissors. Right. Like a funnel.

And he sprays his bird jes. Okay. Into her pussy dick butt. Okay. Fertilizes her eggs and then she later shoots those fertilized eggs out of her pussy dick butt into a nest. Did you know? And then they be... I think you guys told me this actually on the podcast, so of course you know.

They'd be putting them eggs out no matter what, right? Yes. Yeah, and if they're not fertilized, they don't ever hatch or whatever. And what we eat is unfertilized chicken eggs, yeah. So it's like chicken periods, really. Santa. Chicken periods. Their chicken periods is what they are.

I know. I'm crying. Today's podcast is brought to you by chicken periods. Yeah, and pussy dick butts. Yeah. Pussy dick butts, the makers of chicken periods. brought to you by Coacula. Coacula's a pretty good word.

It's not as good as Pussy Dick Butt, but that ain't bad. We've really done it today. We have. Yeah, I wasn't ready for Pussy Dick Butts. So we get the pussy into dick part, right, obviously. The same opening also serves a less sexy purpose. The expulsion of urinary and digestive waste. So, I mean, it's literally a pussy dick butt.

And a urine, though. But that's the put your pussy and dick is your urine. You're wild. Anyway. All right. Now for the final clip in the well-read podcast, Best of Volume 1, just Volume 1. So remember, if you didn't hear your favorite clip here, leave it in the comment. Send me a message because there will be a well-read volume 2 because this has been super fun to go back.

through everything. So yeah, but anyways, the last clip, and it has to be the last clip, because this particular clip is 32 minutes long. It could be a whole episode just by itself. In this particular one, we had just gotten back from doing a show

in Fargo, and me and Drew were attempting to explain to friend of the podcast, best friend of the podcast, the most requested guest that we've ever had, and we'll continue to have. DJ DJ Lewis, skinny bumpkin himself.

We were attempting to explain to DJ our, the situation with us in Fargo and how we got maced and how I felt like I almost choked to death. And we thought we had a pretty good story going. We really did. But little did we know, which I don't know why little did we know. We should have fucking known that DJ, of course, had his very own story about mace. And it was just going to blow ours completely. out of the fucking water.

So without further ado, my opinion, the most requested story on the podcast, we're just going to call this one Butthole Mates with DJ Lewis, and we hope you have enjoyed this recap of some of the greatest podcast moments and send in your contributions for what you think is the best. But here we go, butthole Mace, DJ Lewis, skew. So a little context that, I mean, I'll probably get into it a little bit in the dates portion, doing this sans tray and not because we wanted to but because uh we kind of had to we were let's just tell that story let's you and i tell dj and try to get him to understand what happened

and then i feel like that'll be a good experience for the listeners for sure so you you go ahead you lead off well you were on the right track in terms of we try to do this podcast with tray the last night of the last leg of the tour we were in fargo north dakota and we were going to do it in minneapolis but we just we're laid out of you We fart. We drink. It was like, fuck that. Minneapolis is cool. You know, sold out show. We got to go to Fargo. And we have this time we had flights.

And for the first time, we had later flights. Normally, it's like we don't want to do the podcast last night because we got to get up at 6.45 in the morning. But that wasn't the case. But we had 11 a.m. flights and I had a 5 p.m. flight. I was just hanging out in Fargo all day. We could talk about that. I'll tell you guys that story. I would love to hear about Fargo. Here's what I did all day.

Not a damn thing. Anyway, that's the whole story. But. Oh, I'm so disappointing. Well, DJ, I'm trying to tell you a better story. You're sitting on this couch looking at me like we're about to go on five dates, and then I'm going to ask your dad to marry you. I'm just putting these on and they're...

New bridges. You got new bridges? No, I just washed them. I don't know. I'm trying to rub that tidy. Just want detergent pills like that ain't for it. Yeah, man. Just finally tried to use one of them dryer sheets, buddy.

Up until you would go out of day. Y'all tried them? All right, sorry about that. Yeah. Dryers sheets? All the time. I've tried them. sometimes I don't have time to do a wash, but I want shit to smell good,

so I just put stuff in dirty clothes in the dryer with a dryer sheet and then wear them. You ever been to some bitch's car that had one of them in there, and there, Jesus Christ, though. Yeah. In college, some of the pie head kids would put a bunch of them into a, they'd put them in their vents, and then they'd put them in their, into a paper towel tube, and then they would just, after they smoke, then blow it out into that, and then that would supposedly keep the RAs from smelling the weed.

Yeah, I've seen people do that. I mean, I think it does a little bit. It won't do shit the fucking two-day-old crystal bag that's fucking, I tell you that, my man. Just a fucking little tiny hamburger. Oh, God. Those are the smelliest day after shit thing ever. Yeah, your car will smell for at least two or three days.

Yeah. Crystal's good for about an hour. Yeah. The hour you're eating it. And after that, everything else happened. You got to get that shit home, buddy. The fuck out. Yeah.

There's like a metaphor or something you can draw from, like, who really is fucked up in this country in terms of how your group fights oppression. It's like college white kids. It's like, what do you do to fight the man? We blow our weed into a car of town. Not as they're really rich kids. It's a dryer sheet. Yeah.

What the fuck you're talking about? We got to save them dryer sheets. God damn. That's deodorant. That's what we rub on our chest. And also, they really fucking start a bomb fire real fast. Yeah, they go up. Yeah, they go up.

It's all them chemicals. Anyway, no, you're good. We was in Fargo, and we were doing the podcast last night, as Corey said, because we didn't have early flights for once. And we're like, we're just going to do it that last night. So we kept putting it off, kept putting it off, and then we got to where we had to do it. Well, then we also kept putting it off because the bar we went to after the show, we found out. That's what I was to say. Yeah.

Go ahead. We found out that there was a casino in it, and Trey, like a moth to a flame, had to go sit down at the blackjack table. Couldn't get him to leave. Literally, we said, yeah, there's a casino in here when he. walked up. Didn't say a word for me. And I couldn't get another sentence out of my mouth. He was walking away.

I made him come back because a fan was there being very sweet waiting on an autograph. There were other, there were like six people around. He walked up to us. Corey goes, there's a Cassini here. And he didn't even look at anyone else. He didn't realize they were with us. He was just like, oh, here we go. Blake.

Just straight bladders. Like the winter soldier just been read that code or whatever the fuck it is. He just like, must kill everyone. Yeah. Like the Matrix number started coming down. So he took off, he came back. He wasn't asked the people and all that. And then we were like, we're going to order a pizza to go.

And they brought out our pizza not to go. And in fairness, I asked for a go box that didn't come in time. And we had someone had bought us beers. So we had full beers. We knew Trey had a beer and he was gambling. So we were like, all right, we'll just eat the pizza here. It's a big deal. Yeah, we'll put off the podcast another 20 minutes.

The pizza was for all three of us. Corey and I ate almost all of it in about 10 minutes. Without even realizing it, we just, Drew just looked down. He's like, oh, shit. Now, look, there's like three, four pieces left. It's probably enough for tray. It's probably like almost a third, like a little under. It would have been fair.

But then we thought it would be hilarious to just eat the rest of the fucking pizza. When he came back from gambling. Well, especially because he came back and he was pissed. And I go, well, you gambled. And you lost. To be fair, though, he had been gone for like an hour. And the pizza was just sitting there. And in my defense, also, I ain't never had a pizza with sourcrow on it.

It was a good pizza. It had ham, pineapple, and sourcrow on it. That's what I do it in fire. It was a Hawaiian German. Yeah. Yeah. It was great. So anyways, then we did more shots.

Did more shots. Ordered another pizza. Yeah, ordered another pizza. And then we're like, all, fuck this. We got to go back to the hotel. We got to do the podcast. Take the pizza with us. So we did.

You stopped. We get there and, you know, still not satisfied. We had to go to sundry. I wanted to get sleeping pills, which I did. So I'm getting the sleeping pills. I get the sun chips, and I get like a gatorade or something. And I'm up there, and y'all are, you know, very nicely holding the elevator for me. But the guy, Bruce, I remember, an older balding gentleman who was, I'll never forget this guy as long as I live.

He was at the front desk and he's on the telephone. And like, it's not a normal front desk call I can already tell. He's very flustered. He's just like, okay. Do I need to call? the cops? I don't understand. Please calm down. Please calm down. I don't get it. And I'm sitting there

they're looking at me like, do we need to go? And I'm like, yeah, y'all get on an elevator, I'll go. I didn't hear what Bruce had said. I was watching you interact with this dude. Like, what the fuck? There's a part that I saw that they didn't see, and then there's a part they saw, I didn't see. And so we're about to overlap them. Simultaneously. So they go up and then.

I said that word so wrong. That's the most wrong I've ever said a word. It is great. I think I said Simon tamiously. Which is the dude who used to sell insurance. to my dad. Yeah, Simon Tamiously. Oh shit. Tammously insurance.

God damn it. Here comes Simon Tameously. Ain't nobody like Simon Tamey. That's a creepy bastard. So anyways, he's sitting there and he gets off the phone and like breeze this sigh of not relief, but like of like, oh God, I'm about to have to do some shit. And I just go, hey, I'm just put these on my room. And he's like, can you just give me a second?

And I was like, yeah. And he comes back up and I was like, man, I can tell you're having a rough night. Man, he's like, I don't know. I don't know what's about to. happen i don't know what's going on i really don't and i was like okay and so i'm hearing that and then he starts to he starts writing the stuff down and about that time this dude pops off to elevator uh kind of looks like you is the shirtless skinny dude is a shirtless skinny dude so let's let's the overlap here's the part i don't know about get off the elevator drunk i'm drunk i'm drunk

yeah yeah he's drunk fired it and we hear noise and i honestly thought it was a party and there's a smell in the air that smells like someone got like really hot Indian food. And it's like kind of starting to make my eyes itchy. And I turn and look at Trey and he just goes, he looks like he can't breathe. And he starts coughing. He goes, it's Mace! It's Mace! And I turned down the hall and there is this skinny white dude in brown pants, no shirt

with a fucking bandana over his face sprinting towards me. and screaming people behind him choking on mace. Trey falls into the floor. The dude gets a foot from me and jumps on the elevator. I'm still like a little bit like, what is happening? Why is there mace? And in my head at that moment, someone like accidentally made, like I don't, I don't even know how you would actually do that. So is it an accidental maze.

No, it was not. Like, I'm still in such a good mood. I got pizza. I made Trey mad. Like, my night's going so well. I'm like, oh, and here we are at this hotel where someone at. I guess was partying too hard. You know how it is, man.

Partying too hard? Somebody got maced. Nah. This dude is running from them. I think he robbed them, which I can get to that later, or why I have that theory. Trey is falling out.

He's like freaking out. He'll get in the room, get in the room, so he can breathe. I now can't remember my room number. I don't ever remember hotel room numbers. I just can remember where they're at. We got to where it was at, and it didn't look familiar.

So I went and put the key in the wrong door. Now I'm starting to get it a little bit in the eye. got into my room, Trey's coughing super bad. Like, we're like, what the fuck happened? And that's when Trey's like, dude, something's going on. And I'm starting to realize, like, yeah.

Yeah. This isn't it normal. Like, this isn't just a normal party. Not for nothing. We weren't at some, like, streetside motel. We were at the Radisson. Right.

That's not the nicest hotel in the world, but like... It's not a trap. It ain't a trap. It seemed very out of mind. Right. What the fuck is happening right now? And Trey's just like,

So something's going on. And I'm like, yes, I got maced. He's like, why would they have got maced? And that's where I'm like, oh, shit, that's a good point. Like, this ain't no accident. So he smell it. I hear you in the hall. Well, first off, I got to tell you what happened at the desk.

Because while this is going on, I'm just down there like, please give me the sun chips. Well, that dude you're talking about, shirtless skinny dude, comes out of the elevator and just starts screaming. And it looks like he's fucking foaming at the mouth. He's coughing so much. He goes, I got fucking mace. I got fucking mace. Why he's running, him running while he's maced is pretty fucking impressive. It was something to see.

I think he did the macing and was pretending like. Yeah, and he was doing a good job of it. But so anyways, this is all happening right after the dude at the front desk is like, I don't know what's going on. He's trying to ring up my chips. This dude fucking bust out of the elevator starts screaming, I'm getting maced, I'm getting maced. Now, don't get me wrong, I am slightly alarmed by this. But, you know, I've seen some shit in my life. I wasn't nearly as alarmed as Bruce was.

Bruce, I just go, oh my God. You're more I alarmed at how long it's taking him to fucking get you to sun chips. He's sitting there writing down my shit. And he goes, you know what? How about I fucking quit? Oh, shit. How about I just fucking quit? Bruce is out.

Yeah. Doing Bruce. I'm fucking out of here. I'm done. And so I just grab my shit. And I go to get on the elevator and I hit the button. And the first thought I came through my mind, I was like, what do you want to bet? This is all taking place on the 13th floor right now.

What do you want to bet? I get off the elevator. I turn to the elevator. I turned to the left and there's all the people he was talking about just outside going insane. And then I start feeling it and smelling it and gets in my eyes. I look over. Trey and Drew are like, get the fuck in the goddamn room. So I run, go in their room.

Trey, you ran in my room. I ran in your room. And so then it starts hit. Trey's already fucking losing it. And it's starting to get to me and I'm going, oh, God. And every time I take a breath, there's that hardcore tickle and I can, and I'm coughing and I'm getting there. I'm like, oh, fuck, I can't breathe. And Drew's like, go get the podcast shit and come in here and let's just start doing it.

And I was like, it's already set up in there. Let's fucking go in there. So then we go into my room. And, like, again. You and Trey took off. What's wrong with you right now? You look like you're being affected by something. That's hilarious.

That's insane. And we're about to get to that because that's really funny. Yes, my eyes are itching. It's like you have a cat. I know you don't, but this is what happened to me when I come in the place with a cat. You and Trey took off and Trey didn't leave the door open for me. Yeah. And I heard it closed.

And I was like, fuck. So I put a towel. I went and put a towel in my head. So then I walked through the hall by myself when I did. With a towel over your head. Yes. A very large, very large man. And that affected me because it's like,

Mace don't care how big you are. This dude's like jacked. He's in a tank time. He walks by me. He's coughing. He turns, looks at me like I'm going to help him. There's blood all over the towel. He is coughing or sneezing up blood.

And he says, I got maced. And I just look at him. I beat on your door. When he all lets me in or whatever, at this point, my feelings on this is a room got maced. and it's affecting us because it's floating down the hallway, but it's fine. But, no. You and Trey are not fine.

No, not fine at all. So I immediately, Drew gets in, and I, like, he, and I'm with him at first. He's like, let's start the podcast. I'm like, this will subside, and it just fucking don't. Like, it's getting worse. I can't breathe. I start just fucking puking on the floor. Like, I'm trying to run to the bathroom.

And every time I go in the bathroom, that's where, like, the smell's coming in. So it's worse to go in there, and the maces hit me. And I'm like, fuck. So I throw a tap. how into the door. I'm puking in the toilet. I come back in. Drew has now started the podcast because, and by the way, he is laughing like a maniac because he's like, I don't get, he's like, this ain't affected me at all. And we're sitting there like, so do you think we're lying? And I'm fucking yacking on the ground. Tray's on the floor. I got a very funny picture. I think they're going to

get it together soon. So I'm like, which I did too. I'll start the podcast. I'll start interviewing them. We'll start telling this story. This will be a great way to start the podcast. But as he starts puking and Trey's like, I can't. I'm choking. It's funny. but I'm like, they're fucked up. And you know what? And I'm not. And you know what? I'd like to take a pause real quick, and I'm going to play you what Drew recorded of us so you can know that this is true.

So I'm going to play that right now. We have been maced. Well, Rattors. I don't know if you can hear Corey gagging. We got back to our hotel. I'm just going to tell the story as best I can. I'm buried drunk. And unlike literally everything in the world,

I'm the least sensitive to this. Where I need to puke is where it's the worst and I can't go over there. Corey wants to go puk in the bathroom right now, but he can't walk that direction because by the door it smells like Mace. We get to our hotel, we go to the sundry, you know, we got to get some chips. Y'all know how it is. And then we come upstairs to our floor. Trayn are the first off the elevator.

Trais is better to go downstairs. How do you go downstairs? How are you going to walk through it? You better, you need to put over your head something because it gets in your nose whether you're breathing or not. We got off the elevator. We got off the elevator and it smelled immediately like peppers in a weird way.

And then I started choking. I looked at Trey. Trey started choking. He's about to puke. It smelled like mace. And then this shirtless white dude was running down the hall, looking like a carny. Didn't he look like a jaccolo kind of?

and there were people behind him you're hitting but we're not going to be able to answer you i'm about to fucking die right there Corey's dying again for whatever reason I'm choking but not the most sensitive to it the whole floor of our hotel room was maced the whole floor Corey came up after us I heard him joking we got him in our room

we went back out when to go to Corey's room and do the podcast and a dude was bleeding into a towel a giant a giant man A very large man, very muscular. It was bleeding into a towel. I saw him and he goes to me. Corey's spooking.

It's not funny, but a little is. Oh, man. Trust me, I destroy the humor, but I also can't breathe. Right. Corey says he understands a humor, but he can't breathe. This giant man, he looks at me, and he just says to me, someone tried to get in my room and murder us, and they maced us. That was what he said to me.

There's a crazy motherfucker in this hotel right now who is spraying this shit. Apparently there's somebody running around Mason people in this hotel. This is real. Also, I need to take a fucking shit, but I can't go in there because it got that pepper. Corey got a poop, let his pepper in the bathroom. My head hurts so fucking bad, man. I'll bet this is going to coughing, too. Oh my God, fuck.

Dude, it's... How the fuck am I going to sleep in here tonight? How are you? We're all on this floor, dog. Oh, fucking damn it. We're all right here. It's... Dude.

This might be the first time that I ever, like, call and ask for a refund on some shit, because this is fucking... I mean, I'd ain't the goddamn hotel's fault, but Lord God, I can't fucking sleep like this. It's in my fucking eyes, man. Fuck, dude. My left eye, Edgham. Fuck. I think it's...

And I don't know... I don't know shit about any of this, but I think it's... I think it's dissipating. I think that it was... It is. but my head is so fucking bumping already. I think that whoever did it, fucking did it, and it's,

it's dissipating down. I think it's fucking, but dude, god damn, man. But it's not, it's like, I don't think it's like,

it's definitely that. I know people listen and think that, like, we're probably fucking open to cover down, but we're not, man, like, like,

no, y'all are both furious that I have the mics out. I'm not furious. I'll get to humor later. I'm just don't expect much out of because I'm literally vomiting into a fucking trash pad right now. Well, I mean, you y'all didn't want me to start recording you.

No, that's not true. I wanted you to quit asking me for directions on how to record it because I was choking to death in the bathroom. And again, I can't get over, but it makes sense. Like, I'm sensitive to things that hit. This don't hit so it has... Oh, my peaks smell so bad. Your puke stink?

God damn it, man. That's because we had a whole pizza. A sauerkraut. dude what the fuck man well honestly what this happened you're talking about well okay while I'm here we're doing a goddamn

is this actually still recording all right fuck man okay let me make sure let's see dude you know you on microphone one right now all right well we're

whatever goddamn mic I'm into right now we'll be right back we love you all right so that's what I was doing like and that goes to show you that i was fine and i thought in my head and and i went like i was being an asshole but i really didn't think i didn't know how bad you guys didn't because i wasn't and also you were very drunk well and i'm always the most sensitive this goes back to you just asked me about these itchy ass eyes i'm walking to your house you haven't cleaned the basement in a week or something and therefore i'm falling apart but my point is yeah this is a normal

basement you two are just sitting here hanging out and my eyes are red. When I smoke weed, I have panic attacks. If I get too drunk, I can't sleep, and then for three days I'm depressed. I am the most sensitive motherfucker ever. In the world. But not when it comes. But not when it comes. Mace.

No, but it must be all day. It's what we figured out, DJ. It's weed, booze, uppers, basements. It's fun shit that I can't do it. So this ties into it. Me and Drew gotten a bit of a scuffle, and it was fine. But here's the thing. I was outside. I wasn't that

drunk. I was kind of fine. but I was outside of my mind on mace. I've been coughing. Outside of my mind on mace. Second-hand mace. The third best rapper of all time. I've never had that bad of a headache in my life because I'd coughed and like sneeze and puke so much that my head was just throbbing. And Drew is trying to get me to help him do something on the podcast.

False. No. I was for a second. And then you said I can't do it. And I said, okay. That's fine. Then you said I'll do it and you don't know how to do it, which is true. You don't.

I was just going to hit play until it worked. I was trying to listen to what we had recorded. Whatever. There was a question of whether or not I had recorded any of it, whether or not the mics was plugged up right? This is just a cluster. It doesn't matter. All I'm screaming at me. I'm sitting here saying, I can't help you.

I'm going, I don't need your help. And he's going, yes, you do. In my mind, though, really, though, what I wanted to communicate was, Drew, I'm vomiting. I don't give a fuck about none of this. Shut the fuck up. But I can't get that out, and I'm about to die. But I'm communicating. You don't have to give a fuck about none of it.

I don't like, okay, I don't need you. I think you both have very bad points. It doesn't matter. None of it matters. We both apologize. We both fine, but I'm still yaking. So we're fucking, we're fucking, he came in my room two hours later. I apologize.

Well, red family. Anyways, I'm fucking, we're both screaming. It's both very hot. And so Drew's like, fuck, I want to just da-da-da-da. And I fucking shove him. Like, I did. I pushed him. And then Trey immediately got between us.

We start yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. Whatever. Again, I still kind of don't care because I can. can't see i can't breathe nothing well anyways i yak again and i thought drew had just went to the bathroom so i sat down and i'm trying to get everything ready and i go drew uh were you on channel one or two and tray's like tray's laying in the floor like and he goes dog he left and i'm like oh really i thought he just went to the bathroom he's like no no he left well anyways flash forward me and tray are sitting there trying to just put this together like what the fuck man well then i get a phone call

okay before you did that before you got the phone call i go back to my room No, you're right. Sorry, keep going. That was later. Keep going. So I get a phone call and it's security. And they're like, hey, what's going on up there? And I go, well, how much time you got? Like, I think y'all know a little bit. And it's like, dude, I think somebody got Mason. There he goes, no, your room in particular. We got a call that there was a fight. And I said, no, no, I said, listen, me and my buddy got a little mouthy. I said, that's all that is. I said, because it's just, it's just heated up here, man. I don't know what the fuck is going on. It's Mason there. So the dude goes, well, I'm going to have to come up there. And that made me mad immediately. But I did, I go, they've got to investigate all this shit. I said, you know what? Come up here.

I don't care. Your red's already up by that time. It's up. You might have well. Yeah, come on up here. Yeah, come on up here. I said, I got nothing to hide. I want to make, you know, I don't want to say no, hell no, because then they're going to think

I'm the motherfucker at Mace. Right. So I said, come on up, whatever. So anyways, the security guard fucking comes to the door, knocks on it. I open it, like, and then show him the whole room. Like, hey, here, look, nothing's going on. I'm going to get a fight with Corey. If I had been there during this as drunk as I was, go ahead.

Tell him what he did. I about did something and I wasn't that drunk. So security guard sits there. First off, let me preface this. So it's not a police. This is a security guard. He has a rag over his face. Because of me.

Right. He realizes something is going on. He goes, he takes the rag off. And he's like trying to come in my room. And I'm like, look, ain't nothing going on. You know, look, we had, listen, me and my buddy got a little. He's got his red up, though. I said, we got a little heated.

I was like, oh, your shit going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I said, look, we got a little heated. He's gone now. I said, but it's honestly just because we can't fucking breathe. I said, and I pointed to my floor. I said, that's my puke right there from Mace. And he goes, that's always a good plan to the security guard.

This is my puke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, I don't think I need to tell you. I don't want to have to come up here again. And I was like, you will not. I said, I don't know how to tell you. I would have told that motherfucker. You should come back up here and get rid of this fucking.

Mace, if I don't know what the fuck going on with that shit. You should be literally. So I was like, dude, you're not. Is there not an investigation something? I said, I'm trying to. Y'all just amaze each other and just fucking. What the fuck? Excuse me, there's a noise complaint.

We were down there investigating the attempted murder. Someone alerted to the fact that you may have raised your voice. It's actually funny to say that. I'll get to the whole, is this normal or not thing in a minute. So the guy, he's like, I don't want it to come up here again. I was like, I just told you. I said, me and my buddy got in a little scuffle, but It was literally just because of how insane all this is.

He's gone. It's fine. He goes, well, and then he kind of like steps towards me. He goes, I don't want to have to tell you what will happen if I have to come up here again. And I said, are you, and then Trace stood up and goes, are you fucking serious? I could hear me. Are you fucking serious? And I go, are you fucking kidding me right now?

I said, there is Mace. I'm trying to go to bed. I'm fucking puking. And you're going to come at me with this goddamn attitude. And he stepped in my door and I pushed him out. So get the fuck out of my goddamn room. And I slammed the door in his face. Yeah, he did.

Then I locked it. Well, about five minutes after that, me and Trey were sitting there kind of laughing over it. But my red, I was like, I won't fuck that security. We look out the door and there's the police. And I was like, man, I was like, you know good and well. That security guard went down there and said, these fucking rednecks are the one that did it. He shoved me out of the goddamn room. I know it for a fact.

But, I mean, you know, after that, that was it. Drew came back in my room an hour or two later and we chatted. And again, we were fine because redneck can shove each other and be fine an hour and a half. I didn't shove you. On the way, we didn't shove each other. I'm about to fuck her up in my basement. I'll break you and your pig. On the way to or back from your room, I saw a cop talking to a girl.

She was fucked up. Like, she was drunk? She the one with the stomach showing? No, you asked me about that. Yeah, she was sitting for me. And he was like interviewing her, you could tell they had been separating everybody, as the cops do. Because he had her out of there, and what I heard him say to her, you can just tell me

they've already told me it doesn't matter to me just where are the drugs or whose drugs were they and she was like there were any drugs sir what I think happened is they were partying and someone decided to steal all the drugs you know made everybody there or whoever was bringing

the drugs got uncomfortable and maced everybody there and I believe it was old boy without his shirt on and his plan on getting out was I've been maced and then he's dipped right which there was that one dude that ran up and we went out in a hall for a second that came up and was like a dude broke in our room, tried to steal everything and maced us,

which I mean, yeah, I buy that. There was some shit going down in Fargo. There's probably always some shit going on in Fargo. So, hilarious you would say this, okay. So anyways, the next morning I get up and I'm like, I wonder if this has already been on the news. You know, Fargo ain't that big of a place. If there was some big drug bus,

I bet you it's been covered the fucking law was here. It was all three. So I just look up Fargo, Radisson, and click news. November 30th, 2017, panels falling from Fargo Radisson create public safety concern.

I'm like, well, that ain't their fault. Whatever. October 6, 2017, Radisson in downtown Fargo lockdown is finally over. What? The downtown Fargo, Madison is a trap house.

You shed me. December 2017. SWAT team, Fargo police respond to disturbance at Radisson. The SWAT team. At the disturbance. And it's like the goddamn Radisson.

It's a 16th floor hotel. It's got literal law offices on floor three. There's a spa there. Yeah. Is it nice? It was a nice spot. It was pretty tight. But like, so all that shit.

You know, did some meth. Y'amace. Like a SWAT team showed up. And disturbance. How many disturbances? What kind of disturbance? That new treatment. Just put this mace on your house.

You cry for four hours and you feel like a new man. I got mace right in a butt hole once. dead in my butt. I wasn't going to ask you if you'd ever been mad. Was I like a tear? No, I'm not as I was in. The cop was like,

came up to you. You were just like presented. You were like, ah! Just put in your ass cheeks apart. I'll give you a tar. Yeah, they're so used to the cops coming.

You're like, shit, I know the drill. You pulled down, spread your butt cheeks, and they just sprayed mace right in it. I was in a, in a hole in a county jail one time, and I was in there raising hell,

and they just, is a hole solitary. Yeah. You're raising hell by yourself. Please describe Brazing Hell in this scenario. Well, I was butt-naked. Okay. I was kicking my door as hard as I fucking could and telling everybody I was going to kill everybody.

So that was pretty much telling them, tell them, and I was going to try to sling. We've got a two-one two here. We're going to need a butthole mace. Well, what happened was, this is what happened. They turned all my water off, right? And then they came in there, and they dropped my little flat. And they got what they got in there is they got these, like, fucking. How long had your water been off?

just when they came in there like they have a search team like as big as oh sure sure sure i thought you're saying that's why you were kicking the door no i was kicking the door i don't even remember man i was being an assone i'll see how this guy does without water yeah yeah i think he's gone without it for several days yeah man i was i was in it i was going through some things

and i tell you i had a lot of my mind and i was trying to explain that the best i could right and uh you know butt-neck and kicking the door. We didn't have the words for it, so I think it out. I would act out. We have all been there. He who has, uh, you know, not ever kicked the door.

He's sitting there trying to pass the first kidney stone. Trying to tell him what was up. He's like, you know, I've always heard actions be flattered in words. Let me see what. Fuck you. Fuck you. Just balls flapping everywhere. I don't give my fuck.

Ain't that. So they came in here, took my damn, while a little child flap down where they feeding you LaTray in this little, in the hole, and they, and they got these things that's like a damn, like a, like a, like a, like a, what a fire extinguisher. Sure. But it's full of fucking mace, dog. And like I turned around. Holy shit. Yeah.

And I turned around real fast when I saw it coming through my flap. Yeah. And buddy, it shot me right in the asshole. Yeah, I swear to God. That shit right now my fucking nuts. My fucking dickhole, I was dying. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Jesus. And I told him, my fucking. I was begging them. I said, I said, I'm so sorry. I swear to God, I never fucked with them folks ever again. I never did anything like that again.

This shit fucking, it changed my life, man. Got right with the Lord. And, yeah. Yeah, that's how fascism works. This second they beat you till you give up or die or wish you was dead. Lord. So, yeah, so next morning we go down and we're trying to make sense all this shit. And we just walked down in the front desk.

Everybody's just down there. Hey, welcome to the rat. Like, you know, SWAT team went here. They put our receipt under the door. I thought for sure. It's a note. It's a note. Sorry about the mace.

Yeah. And so, uh, because considering what they've been through, you'd think they'd already have one type of fuck up. Right, right. So we go down there and we're just walking out and they're like, hey, see you guys, you're checking out, have a good day. And Trey goes, hey, before we go, um, what the fuck happened last night?

And they're like, what are you talking about? And they're like, and we're like, and we're like, They tried to fucking straight face player. Like we're idiots. So they go, what are you talking about? And they go, last night. And they go, oh, well, you know, we weren't on that shift. And I just go, right.

So when y'all came to clock the shift that we were last night. Nobody said it. Yeah, you know, normal night at work here, guys. Directly off. Are you shitting me? Come on. Dude, it might have happened at that fucking place. Yeah.

It's very normal. It's like, oh, fucking not, dude. Whatever. I said that. And they go, well, you know, we're not exactly allowed to. talk about it and tray goes i slept breathing fucking pepper spray last night i understand if you're not allowed to give like names of people and shit right right but you absolutely are allowed to give me something yeah be like this fucking dick can't try to rob it some bitch and then they got

fucking made something so and i so i called who do i call i called ammer i was telling her about she's like you need to fucking complain to management i'm like that ain't my style so my style of complaining management is i just made a twitter thread about it i told the radisson i went through this whole thing and ended it with like just to let you know i know this ain't your But next time, I'll whip your goddamn security guards ass. And Radisson responded to it. They're like, oh, my God, we're so sorry. Please send us an email detailed what happened.

I was like, oh, you know what? I'll send you a link to this podcast. How about that? Yeah. And so, but dude, they ain't going to do shit. No, but we're going to tag Radisson in the post of this. Oh, without a doubt. And well-read fans out there, tweet this podcast out and tag Radisson on Twitter in it.

Please. Please. Hashtag butthole mace or whatever. As y'all know, I'm Bible done, but as I understand it, I mean, hell, Catholics also be that way. Yeah, they can't use gross control. What else is being careful and multiplying? Philip Rivers, he's like Southern Catholic. He's got 94 kids or whatever.

Oh, is he Catholic? Yeah, he's got six, I think. But here's the thing. He's an Alabama Catholic, which is wild. Then why don't he cuss? God damn it. I tell you something. There's a huge difference between I'm not going to use a condom, and I had six kids.

I'm supposed to keep getting you pregnant, thus said, like 19 and 6. Like, I'm going to ask the doctor. This dude is sick. This dude is, he ain't 19. Right. I mean, it does take a while to get there. Right. Well, though, that don't hit for me.

I thought you said this is, you were about, I thought you said you were going to make this guy hit for me. I said I might make him hit for you and I might not because he's the fact that he's a songwriter and. Well, he does fuck a lot. but he does fuck a lot. His wife hushes and makes Tater Todd Cassler. All this guy's all right. It's actually their next kid's name is Tater Talk Castle. You gotta come up with something original after 12, you know.

Especially for the songwriter. It's a lot of pressure. Huh, you know, now that I think about it, the fact that all, no one of, or is that why Jesus had to keep giving all his disciples different names? Like, you'd think at least one of them disciples, two of them disciples would be named the same. You know what I'm saying?

I think two of them were. Were they? Weren't there two Peters? Hey, you might be right. If Jesus was involved in the Peters. He stayed renaming motherfuckers and maybe that was why I got too confusing like when Jesus was right in the screenplay. It was like, look, I know, I know your name is Saul. We already got a Saul.

So you're Paul now, okay? I have no idea. Well, I don't either. I'm just saying like. No, I made about any of this. Jesus changed people's names. He gave them, like, rap names. So, like, Saul.

So Saul hits. What's my Bible name, Jesus? Yeah. No, that's true. You're Christian name. Or whatever. Yeah. So Saul was this dude who love.

Prior to the goddamn desert name. Yeah. Bible name. He loved to murder Christians, which hits. Yeah, dude. His favorite shit. Like, he's literally his whole identity. Saul and the Saul Paul thing is one of those, like, the classic example of the Bible

where you're like, I love their, love their, love their early work. Yeah, a lot. But yeah, he stayed murdering Christians and stuff. And then he like, God was literally his job, Trey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know that was a job. Yeah. Yeah. And so he, he,

he's lines and shit. Yeah, oh yeah. And he was the fucking, and he was the best at it. He was, and, uh,

Michael Jordan of murdering Christians. Yeah, he was so good. And so God then. Surely some Muslim has taken that title, you know. Oh, yeah,

for sure. Well, God. God. I'm like in the Crusades, but I realize I was super insensitive like now too. So I'll probably or not said that. I was trying to make a crusade

joke, God damn it, but anyway. They definitely got done more all at once. But we, so Paul would like kill a shit ton of Christians and that didn't hit for God. You know, and so God was like, he blinded him. Am I right, Drew?

He made him blind. He made him blind. And then Paul had to walk to Damascus blind and then there no hell no and then there he found the Lord who made him see again and then I guess immediately Saul was like oh damn I shouldn't I shouldn't have killed all them and then God was like now your name is Paul and then he wrote almost every book of the New Testament that is not one of the gospels so this thing about the type of psychopath you have to be to murder a bunch of people and then go tell them how to live their religion. He's like the ex-smoker of the Lord back then.

You're not like ex-smokers are the most fervent. Yes. Smoking people always. Like they smoked their whole life. Then they finally stop and then they just become real maniacal about it. He did that, but with the Lord and murder. Yeah, pretty much. But in reverse.

Huge piece of shit. And then wanted everybody to. He's like that annoying kid in college who smokes weed for the first time. and thinks you have to every fucking event you do. Except he was killing people. Yeah. But he stopped killing the people. And his weed was the Lord.

He stopped killing people. He used to look cold when he was killing people. Then he started smoking the Lord. Everybody else had to smoke the Lord too. Yeah, he got tired of, I'm learning this Bible shit. He got tired of being, uh, he got tired of killing people one at a time. And so he decided to sit down and write the Bible. you know, so he could just take out just so many at once.

Also, the story of him losing his eyes and gaining him back. He wrote that. So, you know. Yeah. He also, to be fair, probably wrote the story about him murdering everybody. I think he was just a fucking nerd in retrospect. Yeah, I think it's fair to say that one of the guys that wrote sound like a badass. Yeah, I think it's fair to say that a lot of the guys that like actually wrote the Bible were lunatic bags of shit.

He said a little bit like a Danny McBride. character like walking to a church you know i used to murder you guys but yeah found the lord and that i'm gonna be cool with y'all and tell you not to kiss each other that's gross i depending on the tone a show about this time period of paul would be like a six episode mini series of this like honestly tonally like danny mcbride would be pretty fucking rad it would be like because that's that's a point that i've never thought about but you're right it's like god damn he literally his job was to murder them and then he saw their guy and then now he's like telling them how to live their life he's the biggest asshole in the world he's in arguably more influential on American Christian

culture than Jesus is for sure because he wrote all that he wrote all the bad stuff too like a lot of the don'ts Jesus oh he's the one that came up the guys don't hit in the new test well perfected it I wouldn't say yeah he perfected We didn't invent the chicken sandwich. We just perfected it. Yeah. Gays don't had to been around, I guess. Even by...

Bro. Every reference to Gays in the New Testament is from Paul. Now, a lot of scholars would argue they're actually talking about pedophiles. You know, who knows? Maybe Paul had one good idea. And then they fucked that up. He was a dickhead.

He didn't hit. He didn't hit. There's like a phrase that involves that whole Damascus thing, right? Probably. Something like, fuck. Road to, like your own personal,

something about road. Oh, yeah. It's like your cross to bear. Like Paul on the road. I've never known what that may. I knew it was like Bible adjacent, but I've never known what it meant. Just by context, I would say it's like that,

like when you're giving your testimony, like everybody knows what testimony is. That's, you go up in front of the church and you're like, you know, this is what I used to do and here's what I do now. The road to Damascus, I think, is like when you're at your rock bottom as you're finding Jesus. Am I wrong to it? Like, that would be. So, like, if I was, yeah, my own personal road.

When I was to Damascus, I have to learn. And I didn't know it. And then by some miracle, they told me I didn't have it. So I was able to fly to California and kill it. According to Google, Road to Damascus experiences are those in which a person has a sudden insight that radically changes their belief. So it's like an epiphany that you have. Yeah. And it says it doesn't, while originally used in a spiritual context, the phrase also refers to other types of sudden conversion.

Yeah. So it's just like, yeah, like a light ball. It's like a light bulb moment. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Except it don't have to be for the Lord. It originated with the Lord. Yeah.

I just had a road to Damascus moment involving cheese. I want to talk to y'all about this. I actually think we might have talked about this before, but if we did it was a really long time. About cheese, I bet. Yeah. So I know we've talked about. about how disappointed I was to find that authentic Mexican food does not include the usage of Runny White, right? A long time grievance of mine, as a reminder for the listeners,

Runny White is that runny white cheese dip, you know, runny white. If you're from, if you ever eat trash, white trash Mexican, Mexican food for white trash people, like if you're from the South or the Midwest, you ever get that white trash Mexican, then you know about Runny White. And I grew up on the Mexican food for white trash people, not the more authentic shit. And Ronnie White, you know, ever had, must buy. That was my murder in Christians, you know, it was, running life for me. Like, that was my shit. I was about that life.

And then came out here and found out that they don't have that. I know I've talked about that before. So I still, I still have a void and, you know, cheese filled or cheese size void in me that I can't fill. with any other. Oh, I know where you're going right now, and I'm excited. Well, so. Because you texted me the other day. You texted me.

Yeah. It seems to me every time. I'm sure it's not every time because I'm sure you need it every time. Yeah, right. No, it's every time. I've been doing better this year. Pretty regularly whenever Corey each running wide, he makes sure to text me to let me know how much it hits and that I can't have any

because I'm 2,000 miles away or whatever because that's how he beat. And he did that the other night. And I was like, God, damn it. and I was like a little bit high so I got on Amazon Prime now or Amazon Fresh whatever it's called and first of all I got on the internet and looked up a recipe to make my own Runny White and then I ordered the ingredients and made my own Runny White and I've since made two batches and like it is not it ain't it ain't it ain't exactly it but it's close enough to it that I can tell that it's like also I looked at multiple different recipes for Runny White and they are all the,

basically the same. And I've tried it and it ain't exactly right, but it's like you can tell it's in the ballpark. It's an approximation of Ronnie White. And so I feel confident in saying, do you all know what Ronnie White is? Okay. So, okay.

Because I find it pretty hilarious. Okay, well, okay. Is it just like powdered milk? No. Okay. I'm gonna tell you right now that I don't know what it is, but I will tell you what I was told. I was a kid and I'm just now remembering this.

It's like, why would anyone have ever thought that? Everyone at our church, because we used to go to the Mexican restaurant after church every time because I saw one when there was. And all the older men with kids, we'd be like, well, kind of, because that was the only place we could get this magical. Like we'd all had cheese before,

so you're just telling us this is cheese isn't really helping us out because it's different than all the other times I've got cheese. That's what Corey was like an annoying kid about. No, To help more. Exactly. Oh, dude, I was, I was exactly that kid.

But anyways, I was just like, what? How is it so good? Why is it? And they all said that it was goat's cheese. That's what we were always told, too. Really? I also was always told that that was what made it so special. You know, that's stupid, right?

Right, yeah. Yeah. Right. Before you do your reveal, here's a real quick story that I made to tell you all last week. Mama been sick. We're going to get back to Ronnie White, I promise. Right after you blew her birthday candles out. Mama's been sick.

She's been having, like, weird seizures. We thought she had a stroke. She went to the hospital. There was some, like, scary times. They now think it's just a new version of her migraines. They're just, like, evolving in the stress, blah, blah, blah. I'm bringing this up because one of her triggers, she knows, is dairy. So I don't know what's in Ronnie White, but I hope it's not dairy because my mom has nearly

stroked out for Ronnie White twice since the last time she's been in the hospital. My dad gets so mad. She goes down to Whitberg. He's not with her. She goes to the Mexican restaurant and gets Ronnie White, knowing that she will get a migraine that night. She's dying for Ronnie White out here in these streets. Yeah.

It is. It definitely involves dairy. You know how the consistency is pretty thin. What's thinned out with milk, according to all the recipes I found just milk. But it is essentially, there's green chilies in it or whatever, and there's like garlic powder and some cute garlic salt and some cumin, like spices and whatnot. And it's thinned out with milk.

but it is essentially just melted white American cheats. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. That is it, which it almost sounds like they made that up as a joke, like to make fun of us. Yes. You know what I mean?

It's white Americans in a bowl. Yeah, right. It's like, yeah, it's like because this food, again, this is like the version of Mexican food for white trash people and white trash places.

And it's like, and so that fucking ambrosia cheese dip that we all lose our minds over is literally just, melted white American cheese like it could not be less off. It's also that

it's just like you know these fucking fat fucks like what it's also it's also the perfect example of America whereas like you look at you're like golly how stupid and shitty and dumb and poor

and all my it's almost like they're making fun of us and this is so trashy but then it's like give it to anybody you'll be like do it hit though do it hit dough.

You know, like make fun of guns, jet skis, fucking your cousin, do it hit dough. Yeah. Mama ain't here fucking dine for a salad. I tell you that right now. I'm saying. But it's just like, you know, like Rotel dip, right? Vosita and Rotel. The absolute number one seed.

Yeah. Number one seed, number one seed, NFL Sunday dip. Part of dip. Absolutely. I agree completely. And some dudes just fucking. killing each other over the middle. Every head must buy every time I must profess when it comes to

it. But it's like, you know, Velvita is like, it's even, it's even more of a like made in a lab fucking concoction and regular American cheese. But Velvita is like the meltonous version of American cheese. American cheese is like craft singles, the shit you melt on cheeseburgers or whatnot. So I'm saying it's like,

Ronnie White is just like it's not, it's not exactly white Velvita, but it's like, pretty close to being white LV. You can get like high quality white American cheese, and I did, and it does hit, but it's just,

yeah, I don't know. It's just so raving. They do. They do. They do. Have you tried it? Does it hit?

I haven't tried that for the... I have absolutely used Casso Blanco to make like rotel and shit, and guess what? It is. Yeah. Yeah. You should try with your recipe, though, right?

Do what? But you should try it with your new recipe. That's what you're getting. You should, right? I should. I feel like I know what it'll, what it'll taste like, because I'm pretty versed in Valveda now.

I think I could, and it is, so it is a little different, but I'm just saying, it's not that far all, really. Well, it's good, but, yeah.

All right, the 12 disciples names, there is a repeat. I want to go through them, though, because something Trey was joking on. We might get a riff out of this. This is pretty great.

The 12 disciples are, Peter, James, John, Andrew, Bartholomew, or Nathan Daniel.

Yeah. James the lesser. Listen, we all know other James is the one that hits. This is Jesus. We're going to make sure every new person you meet knows. Yeah. Like, no one's ever going to have any question about which of these two James's hits. Judas.

They're going to meet them, but it ain't you. Everybody needs to know. that you do not hit when compared to this other James. Like fucking. Jesus did that. Jesus did that, bro. Dave Chappelle's Prince. Come in, James.

Yeah. And what sucks for that, dude, is he's like, what's he going to do, prove to Jesus that Jesus is wrong about him being less? Like, if Jesus says you're the lesser James, guess what you're forever. You're in the Bible. I assume it would Jesus do. Roast your ass, James.

That's what he'd do. Fuck you, James. Ain't shit, James. Oh, ain't shit James. That's what Jesus. This is James over here. We got ain't shit, James. Oh, man, I bet he hated fucking Jews.

I bet he tried to warn Jesus about Judas every day. Jesus. James, ain't shit. Have you met my shit? Disciple ain't shit, James. Oh, man. All right, all right. It doesn't get better, but I do need to keep going.

There's other tiny hits. There's Judas and then Jude. Now, imagine if you was Jude and Judas did that, and everybody kept getting the shit in. They definitely would, yeah. It wasn't me. It was Judas. Jude us, you fucking idiots.

All right. Matthew or Levi. Now, how is it? That's too far apart names. Yeah, I don't know why he changed him at all. Like, none of that makes sense. I mean, like, with Paul and Saul, it's like, oh, really, Paul? Saul, did Jesus change your name?

Or were you running from some Samarians? Right. Because you just murdered everybody. Well, in that vein, their names would make more sense than his. Like, if you're wanted as Matthew and you go by Levi, I get it. If you're wondering by Paul and you're like, yeah, it's like, he's got a fake mustache on. I'm like, no, I never heard of Saul. I'm Paul.

What are you talking about? They, I, this is not a spoiler because it's literally just a name, but like that's... Also, it's from the Bible? No, no, no, Sean, no. He's going to watch that fucking Mel Gibson movie later. No, matter of fact, I just won't even say what character it is. That way it definitely is part, but that's it. That exactly what y'all just said and did is a joke in Shang-chi.

All right. Yeah. Well, the joke I'm thinking of now, I can't say. so yeah yeah man that's the this is some biblical he just Jesus stayed go ahead three more there's three more and one's worth here in Philip Thomas and Simon the Zellick oh it's fucking Jesus is called you as zeal oh damn yeah yeah like like right Simon Jesus is like hey so I'm Jesus a game a game I must be someone open one of my this is What's this COVID, Drew?

I think. Are y'all just hearing old football games that I played in? With you, it's like, with your CT, it's kind of like holding your ear up to a fucking seashell. You just start hearing. Yeah, can he play? God damn it. Can he play? It was an ESPN tab.

What the fuck was I said? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, Jesus is sitting there like, what was the zealot's name? Simon. Like, Jesus, even when he's in, like when he was making that, that the last dinner reservation it was that he made, and he was just like, I'm Jesus, you know, from the, yeah, the religion. And this is Peter and this is fucking Simon, this guy.

I, listen, he's, he follows me, but he's not really with us. You know what I'm saying? Like, he's going to say some wild shit. See him at the other end of the table. Hey, Leonardo, will you draw him last just in case? You guys ever heard of that game Simon says? Yeah, that's him. He's the one always saying.

shit. I would love to see Larry David as Jesus doing that. Oh, yeah. Simon. Okay. We get it. Okay. He's my stepdad. I'm the one who's got to die. So why don't let me say what the rules are, Simon? Larry David, as Jesus just at the last supper dealing with the waiter, when he's supposed to be doing some other stuff, like Jesus stuff, that would be really funny. I don't want to make a big deal, but like, I'm going to die tomorrow.

So, God, you're acting like it's your last meal. Yeah, that would be great. But yeah, man, Trey, I forgot that we need to do this more. Just tell Trey about the Bible. Yeah, yeah, you should. Yeah, because that was really, really, really, really fun. We'll be right back right after this. Are we here?

Here we are. Yeah, here in the hotel room in Riley, North Carolina. It's 9-11 somewhere. Everywhere, in fact. Happy 9-11, everybody. And on that note, we've got Staten Island's finest over here. In honor of 9-11, we invited. Mr. Canoli himself.

Mr. Canoli friend of the show, Pete Revello, to come back. Hey, buddy. You're going to get me? Yeah, I know. Yeah, I was to say, we have to share a mic, and then they put the microphone. I'm happy to be here, boys, on 9-11. Thank you. Yeah.

This is a big day for you all, right? Yeah. Yeah. You got to leave out your cookies and milk. You're Staten Island, you're Italian, like, it's a lot. Yeah, yeah. It's been there, you know, 9-11. It's a fun time, you know.

Come on down to New York City and enjoy. And you're like extended family. How many cops who have beat their wives? None. But it's just to have a small family. They're not cops. They're not cops. They're not allowed to be police officers, but they have the heart of police officers, you know.

Swollen and gorged. lined with fat and all that stuff we're trim we're trim people's yeah but cops and NYC are fat they are big boys it's uh oh yeah it's disgusting I don't know why I don't know why I don't know what they don't run any

I guess it was a shoot that's why that's a weird thing that's always been a weird thing to me that like we saw two big fat fuck cops here in Riley yesterday and I was just like dude look at that bald bald pale fat not hitting their family hates them yeah they did suck though

and I know nothing about them except for surface level but that's enough it's weird to me it's always been weird to me that like I know to in order to become a cop you do have to like go through I mean it ain't enough whatever the fuck it is but like you do have to like go through training and like be in some type of shape to become one

but then the second that you become one they're like okay now you can just be as fat as you want to be yeah that seems to be what it is like there's no like re-up you know what I'm saying like hey, every year you've got to lose 20. I had to take C-L-E classes when I was a public defender. Like, I had to keep learning law. Cleveland law.

Continuing legal education. But my point is like every professional, every profession, that's the word I'm looking for, has to re-up. And they just don't have to physically. I'm sure they have to keep taking weapons trainings or something. You know, keep shooting the black guys. They get enough of that every day. Yeah, they make sure not to stop.

stay rusty in that field. But, like, that is crazy. Like, everything. It's like, yeah, we got to, like, go to a conference or blah. But they just get to be fat, and not for nothing, but, like, you will probably be a little bit more trigger-happy if you know you ain't going to have to run. Right. Well, yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, I, normally I just chase this fucking guy, but. I might have a heart attack if I do. Right. This is the only way for me to survive. Remember that lady at the show last night who said, it was too soon? She said, she said, I was going to come. So, we are filming this, we're recording this on 9-11.

so last night was September 10th we had shows and we are very aware this is poor shitty fucking quality but we're in a hotel I thought you were about to be like we're very aware this is poor taste to be making fat cop jokes on 9-11 for me last night was September 10th we had shows at good nights

this lady and one of the shows said I was going to come tomorrow but I just couldn't handle seeing you guys on 9-11 or something like that we were just like we just laughed do you think that was like I personally can't be out and about or I know y'all. I couldn't tell what she meant by it, honestly.

But then she said it was too soon. She said too soon and kind of laugh. So maybe she was just hitting. I don't know. Maybe. I just, I mean. It didn't. It seems like a sincere sentiment, the first part, I thought.

Like, I didn't want to see y'all on 9-11. Right. But I don't know. I think this is like, I've been doing stand-up for a lot of years. But I do not remember actually ever doing stand-up on 9-11. I have no idea, dude. I think that'd be something I'd remember because I would have definitely gone on stage

and done something in poor taste. Pete, were you there at Carolines the night I lost it on that? It was a lady, but I thought it was a guy. Not a good start. No, I wasn't there, but I like it already. Misgendering at 9-11? Yeah.

All right. It was a bad read. I had a joke. There was a pause in it, and it was a bad. being on mushrooms and not wanting the cops to come, even though somebody was bleeding out or whatever. And anyway, I get to this pause and somebody said something,

and I thought they said, that's a bad joke. And it made me so fucking mad. Because, again, my life, everybody heard it. He had been having a really, really, really good stuff. He was crushing. He was fucking murder. We were at Carolines, and he was doing so great. A lot of his friends, I guess you were not among them.

but a lot of his New York buddies were in the back we were all standing in the back watching him like man Drew's killing it or whatever and then all this happened like a top five or Ethan was there I was on cloud fucking that's why I got so mad I thought everybody heard it I thought everybody heard it

we didn't even hear what the person said at all but it was so loud to me everyone heard that's a bad joke right before I'm about to get off stage so I was like fuck you you didn't even let me fit you know blah you said fuck you sir that's what you said fuck you

sir. Again, it was a lady. And I got to tell you, we found out after the show. I got to tell you, you were crushing and we were really enjoying your set, but that was without question the hardest you may ever have made me laugh. It's when you said, fuck you, sir. Because again, we couldn't hear anything.

It seemed to us like, you're crushing, there's a pause, and you just stop and stare with just hatred in your eyes. Fuck you, sir. And they just start going off, and we were like, what has happened? So the only time that might compete with me making you laugh was when I'm telling that story.

Lexington. All right. So we're in the meeting. That's what made me think of this. So we're in the meeting greet. And it's 9-11. In New York. Guy comes up to me or whatever.

And it's the guy. And I'm like, man, I'm so, you know. And he's like, it wasn't even me. And I was like, oh, shit. Okay, cool. Like, I don't have to deal with this. And then pause. It was my wife.

Here she comes in the bathroom. She also was cool. But she goes. it was a bad trip. She didn't even say it was a bad joke. And so... To defend you a little bit, fuck her still for talking during the show.

It doesn't really matter what she said, but yeah, it is different. Right, it's hugely different. Then I'm in Kentucky. I'm on mushrooms. The Secretary of State for the State of Kentucky is there. I'm telling this story...

He did not know that. As a bit on stage while on drugs. How did I get on 9-11? I don't remember, But, dude, no, no, no, I know what it is. I know what it is. I said. You flew your set directly into a building.

Yes, he did. And I said, everyone said, I remember what I said. I remember what I said. I was on drugs while relaying this story, and I was talking about how funny the whole, like, I'm telling the story. And I said, the only thing that could have made that situation funnier is if she would have said, well, my son died on 9-11. Yeah.

And then I, like, it's like, I heard myself say that. And I saw the reaction in the crowd. And I was just like, I mean, it would have been a little funny, guys, if her son had died on, no, I'm hearing it, I'm hearing it. And Corey and me. Oh, was DJ there? DJ was there that weekend, but I, me and you were, because I was about to have to go on and stay.

And that's what was killing me. Both of these times, I'm waiting to go up on stage in like 90 seconds. And during both of these meltdowns, but during that one, I had also taken some mushrooms. Yes. And he's crushing. And I've been back and I was like, oh, he's crushing to do whatever. And it's like, yeah, he ain't been raving at all, you know? As soon as you said.

And then next thing, you know, it's like if her son had died on 9-11, come on. Come on, God. So it gets completely silent. Except Corey and DJ scream at the same time. I look back. DJ runs out of the club. And then Trey and Corey collide hugging each other, laughing, falling in the floor, which causes the whole crowd to turn and then hate them.

Yeah, because we were the only ones laughing at the 9-11. Oh, God, dude. 9-11 has ruined my sets twice. Yeah. I don't think I've ever... 9-11's always been good to me, man. Yeah, I mean, amongst my favorite holidays, arguably top five. But yeah, I sincerely, I can't remember doing a show on 9-11

because I just, I know me. I definitely didn't do a show on 9-11 when I was a younger comic because I would definitely remember some terrible thing that I did. Can you imagine if we had Twitter on 9-11? No. No, I cannot. There would be a lot of... Yeah, I mean, for you guys, yeah, but in New York it would be like,

you know, it would be, that people would be like live tweeting and people fall in from the building. You're like, if we already had... That's pretty sick. If we already had social media

on 9-11, I think 9-11 would have already happened. You know what I'm saying? What? I think that if the timelines had worked out to where, let's say, hypothetically, Twitter and Facebook had been invented

in 1996, right. 9-11 would have happened a year later. But we still would have had Twitter in that scenario. Huh? You're saying if Twitter had been invented, so we would have had Twitter. I'm just telling you what I know. I'm telling you...

No comment on what I don't. I'm telling you that if 9-11 hadn't happened, it would have happened as soon as we invented Twitter and Facebook and shit like that. But since it did happen when there was no Twitter, when Twitter did get invented, it didn't cause 9-11 because 9-11 already happened? Yeah, this is the 9-11 Twitter paradox. Okay. Yeah.

Do you know about Pete, do you know about the guy who bowled a perfect game on 9-11? No. Why would I know about that? Well, it's like, yeah, I went viral at a certain point, but like years later, like somebody found this, they were in a bowling alley, and they've got like plaque, little plaques with pictures and stuff for everybody that's ever bowled a perfect game in that bowling alley.

And it's in like massive, outside of Boston. It's outside of Boston. Like on the time zone. Something like that, like up there. And there's a picture of this guy. And 9-11 happened at 8.30. And all it says is it's like, whatever his name is, bowl perfect game.

September 11th. 2001. Yeah. And he looks a lot like me. Yeah. And, uh, no way. Well, he's just a bald dip shit. Yeah.

I don't believe it. Well, you know, hey, a bowler. It looks like you. Well, you know, it's possible. Yeah. Anyways, uh, we have been talking about adapting that little story into a short film for quite a while and I would like to play this gentleman. It's a real mixed bag, you know?

It's a real personal high and then everything else is not great. Well, the way they, I remember reading this like kind of break. down of it. Somebody had found the guy or found the people that were there with him or something because he's long dead or whatever. Is he dead? Seems like it. Surely he's dead. Bowlers don't live long. Ball bowlers,

not known for their longevity in the game, but he we all shared that article. But the way it, like, it sounded like a real you know. I'm not letting him win. Triumph. Yeah. Yeah. Like he was bowling

for America. You know what I mean? He was like, I got to do this. So let me tell you how the short film's going to go. So it's this dude walks in, right? It's probably maybe five minutes long. Dude walks in and he's in slow motion. And all you see is people just sitting at the bowling alley bar drinking, fucking crying. He goes up, he powders his hands.

He starts going bowling montage. Then all the sudden, right as soon as you know he gets to the last frame, and this will be the most expensive part, mind you. But there goes my hero by food fighters, start. and then as the last two pins fall, it is laid over with the Twin Towers falling down. You know what I'm saying? And then he walks away like Tony Stark when he blew up that goddamn mountain thin. Wow.

I mean, I'm moved. I think that's what we need. Thank you. Yeah. Corey's got a vision. Wouldn't that rule? We do cutaway interviews and Trey was there. You know, he's his witness.

But I wasn't there that day and I don't believe it. That's just he's been lying all these years, both of them have. about the bowling. Yeah. That would be interesting. Yeah, we've got that, you know, it's got a little tension built in naturally there. I'm excited to see it.

I can't wait to check it out. Oh, you know, you didn't... Thank you, Pete. Something I forgot to mention at the top of the show is that you can go to well-readcom for our tickets. We said we're in Raleigh. We're doing shows, and that's where you can get tickets

at W-E-L-L-R-E-D comedy.com to come see us on the road. And the shows this weekend, been really, really fun. Yeah, we're going to be in Atlanta. By the time you hear this, we'll be in Atlanta on Thursday and Friday. Yeah. Yeah, oh, that's true.

Yeah, September 15th and 16th and 16th and 17th. I'm always so stupid with numbers. You're number dumb, baby. I am very number dumb. You'd probably bowl the perfect game on 9-10. I know. That would have been my luck. So, Joe's been on one this weekend.

Being a number-dum, you lost counting of your shots last night, I think. I definitely lost count of my shots last night. That was a bit much. What's funny is, so we got some friends and Riley went to lunch with him yesterday. We went to lunch with them today, too, yesterday they were like yeah you guys got out of your second show this is like you know 12.30 1 a.m. is what we're talking about well hang out we'll go to a bar chill whatever all that shit and me and him talked about it like on the way back to the hotel and I was just like dude

I love them man but like I know if I'm saying this I know if I do that I'm gonna feel like fucking shit tomorrow we got two shows tomorrow night probably turn right around to do it again and I'll be fucking dead by Sunday like I just I love them but I can't do that and he was he was also like, dude, you're 100% right. Oh, yeah. Like, you got it, we got it, we can't do that. I was so relieved. We can't do that.

And so they came in the green room before one of the shows, our friends, and I told him, I was like, listen, love y'all, but we're going to hang out tomorrow too. I'm just going to take it easy tonight. We're just going to take it easy. And I'm like, yeah, that's fine. Whatever. Corey was very much on board with this. Fast forward 90 minutes later, if that.

Not many shots, almost. He's, yeah, he's no telling how many shots. and vodka Red Bulls deep fucking purposefully leaving his shoes at the club I asked him I said so I asked him

I was like I didn't ask him I was like hey Cho you're leaving your shoes and he was like he was like I know hey that's the move

I don't know what that means I was just like what he was like that's the move and then he just walked off and then we get to the parking lot and some fans walk up to us they say y'all want some trunk whiskey

because you know our fans hit the ones are the ones I trunk whiskey. He goes, hell yeah, I want some and he just disappears into the night for a little while. Me and Peters. Two things you're famous for loving, hanging out with fans after shows in trunk whiskey. And here's the thing, I was

browned out because I was like, I remember so much about the night and then there's pockets that I don't. Is that a real thing what you just said? Sure. Sure it is. Yeah. Okay. So it's like where you come in and out of the blackout. Yeah, yeah. I was browning out like power. Yeah. And any I remember that that trunk whiskey was the thing that I lost like at least an hour after that because dude first off I don't drink whiskey a lot. I do like whiskey but I do not drink whiskey a lot and I damn sure don't just stay drinking straight whiskey and I took the most I mean it was rude frankly how much I drank of their goddamn whiskey like I fucking gluck gluck made it or not I'm sure it but you don't like show you can't sip it like most of the time in that situation sincerely I fake it to people because I actually don't

want to drink you but like good good good and as soon as i did i was like buddy that's not you that's not smart like you're about to be real fucking tore up and i sure shit was and then so he said he lost an hour after that much of that hour spent wandering around a convenience store like grabbing various snacks and stuff and he kept giving my face just like let me tell you something i fucking hit you know he's like you were just like you got damn bitts i'm doing god damn just like and i said yeah arms full of chips and fucking beard stuff. He was like, and it's so, he's already got multiple chip bags in his arms and we're standing in line and he looks over.

He goes, oh shit, rap snacks. And he grabs a bag of raps snacks. Listen, we're not sponsored by rap snacks, but I would like to go on record as saying, like, that's genuine excitement because rap snacks are among my favorite. Rap snacks fucking hip. They're so good. So he said that, we get back to the hotel. I'm driving, of course.

We get back to the hotel. It's five minutes later, if that. Get in the room and dump the bag out. And when I dumped the bag out, he goes, oh shit, rap snacks. And then he was like, it's fucking bullshit. We ain't got refrigerators in these rooms. And I was like, it is bullshit. You're right.

I was like, you're doing something about that. And he was like, what are you mean? And I was like, I mean, they might bring you a fridge, you know? And he's like, they'll just bring me a fridge. And I was like, yeah, I mean, you have to call him wherever. He's like, shit. And he goes, he goes, hey, you don't worry about this. He picks up the phone and he's just like,

Like I'm doing something nobody else on earth. Yeah. This is my special skill. And he's just like, he asked for a fridge. They told him they couldn't bring it till in the morning. He was like, okay, well, you know, still bring it. And he gets off the phone. And then this morning, and so y'all came up in here. We had like five sandwiches.

All these sandwiches were in bags. I'm so shocked to find out that that was a chain sandwich. Me too. That blew my mind. We'll circle back to that in a minute. For sure. There's six bags of open chips laid on his bed. There's two trash cans filled with ice and beer and stuff sitting on his desk over there.

And so with all that in mind, he texted me this morning and was like, dude, I woke up and there's just a fucking fridge in my room. He was like, I don't know how that happened. It's wild to me that they not. You didn't answer. They came in and installed the fridge and everything. And like, just picture. I'm butt-ass-nack. I'm so butt-neck in the bed.

Gives me so much joke. him like just dead to the world, saw it, and you know he's fucking... You're talking shit about him. Two languages? Yeah. All this, just trashed ass rooms, like, yeah. Just fucking calling him the fat gringo looking at.

Oh, dude. Yeah. Dude, for sure, man. I love it. All right. But I have a fridge now. All right. You skipped one and I got two comments.

You skipped. Door open. Oh, he's done plenty of other shit. Well, the door was open because we're all coming in and out to, you know, get the sandwiches going back and forth. He's just screaming. wildly inappropriate insults at all of us at 1.30 in the morning with his door open. Yeah.

That's the part you skipped. I have two comments. One, did you feel like even though we were getting free booze, it felt like Coco was upselling him a little bit? Or she just is in love with you. Like, she just kept wanting you to drink. But people love you.

That don't mean they should feed you nine shots. No, I don't know. She may have believed me about my infliction that I had. I'm not saying this old. She very didn't. I don't say what you said. Because honestly, I only got as drunk as I did last night for purely medical reasons.

Yes, he did. It's true. He's got throat problems. I know. Well, in my new act, I am doing more of a sing-songy number towards the middle. And I have noticed, and also, I don't know if you know this, but the rest of what I do is screaming, which is not good for my throat. And if I don't take care of my throat, I will not be able to hit these notes in the song that I'm doing. So you drink whiskey for two hours after the show.

Well, same throat. You know what I mean? Okay. So, my second comment, from my perspective, yeah, I want that. Sorry. I just, you know, no hands right now, my bad. Second comment, Pete gets back from his show, and he calls me, and we're all going to bed, but we're going to get some food, and I'm so relieved we're going to bed.

And he calls me, he's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm walking back to the hotel. What are you doing? He goes, we're going to go to the hotel. We're going to hang out. I'm like, nah, man. I was like, almost like I felt bad. Like, ah, dude, you know, we'll hang out tomorrow, buddy.

Like, you know, we can hang out in the room, but, like, we all decided. and he goes, yeah, no, Corey and DJ just, like, got together, and I'm not sure what happened. They just started screaming and making noises and then ran to drink trunk whiskey. And I'm in the middle of the street. Literally, I just go,

fucking goddamn. We did. They were very much like, they wanted to go to a place. They were like, tell them they were like, find somewhere it's got pancakes and vodka. I said that? Yeah, repeatedly.

Repeatedly. You're like, I need pancakes and vodka. That's as good as beer and waltzes. I tried for a minute to fight. Pancakes and vodka. I tried to, you know, cooperate with that, but briefly.

And I was like, dude, fuck this. And now I was like, we just go back to the room and order shit. And I was expecting you and DJ to be like,

no, don't hit. You know, fucking pussy. I want pancakes and vodka. But y'all both just rolled with it. We're good friends. Dude,

you need to pancake vodka. That could be your margaritaville. I bet they've got. They definitely have one that's, like Bert. Cake vodka for sure. Right. I'm talking about a restaurant that is pancakes and vodka like Margaritaville.

Yeah. Yeah. And my face is a pancake. Uh-huh. Like on the, it's like, it's like, it's like, Shoney's big boy. And your body is like a vodka bottle. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I'm into that. Uh-huh. I was thinking about Margaritaville a lot yesterday. Yeah, sure. I mean, it was a Friday. Uh, well, no. We'll be right back.

Right after. this. Oh, yeah, no, I was just, he bitch about goddamn not growing a beard and that was the only thing I ever heard about any type of Native American, any type of thing like that. What else did your papaw bitch about?

Yeah, fucking snakes. Go out of the yard. Now, you can tell I got that poisonous snake by shaving. Pobba, you can see the fucking shave of his head. You're too damn close. We get the fuck out of here. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You remember that cousin Ricky bit when he was talking about, he was hanging out with Steve Irwin and he was just like, I don't know, that snake that won't hutch. And he's like, I ain't got fucking time to be a zoologist, Steve. Hell, I've stepped on an old garden hose and about killed my fucking self running off

a cliff. Any snake has to die. And I agree with that. Yeah, man. I put up some fucking videos before of like, I'll be in the park and I'll see a snake and I'll be like, I'll just put the video up and I'll be like, oh, goddamn, I ain't coming here no more. And they're like, that's a fine snake. It's okay. Yeah, man.

we got them bad in the park. People fucking love them black snakes and I reckon you do need them because dude if we didn't have them motherfuckers the size of rats we'd have in fucking chicken-monga battlefield. Oh no, I hear you. I'm not just going to go out on them.

Yeah, but we could just kill the rats too. Yeah, for sure. We could just kill all of them. It's hard to kill a rat. Just get some more cats. We've been trying to kill rats for centuries. Then we got food. We already got so many goddamn cats

and fucking chicken muggle man. It's done real. We can make the cats fucking kill the rats and the snakes and it'll all be fine. It won't happen. I'm running for mayor of Chickamauga. I mean, if I'm... You ever got to fight with a rodeo clown?

Because if not, you ain't going to win, dude. I mean, if somebody came up to me and said, what would you like more of fucking rats or snakes? I'd be like, rats, that's fine. I'd say, listen, what we can do about the goddamn chicken situation first for we even go down the fucking rat and cat fucking rabbit? I love... We're all running for mayor of Chickamauga right now, and this is our...

What's the chicken problem, DJ? That's what we're arguing about. DJ... Let's hear your platform. I have in your yard... I've noticed that there's... Some bitch came over with chicken fishing. Tell them that story.

It's never seemed like a problem, I guess, is my point. Shit. Y'all got chicken problem? Yeah, man. What's the chicken problem? The fucking issue is that they started fucking fighting chickens and everybody which is fine, that's fine. That sounds like a human problem.

Well, except for they keep breeding them and shit and then they don't have the space of it and then they just keep fucking. And then they get out in the yard. And now we have a fucking massive amount of just feral chickens which run amok. And you're saying this started, this started with people who were fighting chickens. Yeah. In their yards and stuff. Cockfighting.

Not like these people were fist fighting chickens. They were doing that too. They were doing that, no. You got to get them in the pen somehow. And that mother-looker, right open. 24-7. Tell him about that old boy that came over and came chicken fish. Yeah, so this mother-voker just pulls up at the house one day.

So we got them everywhere. Man, this mother-over-old. DJ and Dre was giving them psychedelic mushrooms to see what happened. So the chickens kept up. Yeah, so we had a bunch of old mushrooms. Yeah, but it's the chickens. You're blaming everybody.

Yeah. For the chicken problem. These goddamn chickens that we put on mushrooms and fall. Yeah, right. They fight by themselves. That's all them motherfuckers do is fucking fuck. That's all they fuck.

He was giving them mushrooms to bring peace among the chicken people. Y'all check this shit out. I love thinking about the chickens in the trailer part just going, we learned it from y'all. Yeah, I'm out there with like two fucking LED lights, spinning them around. Chicken, that's out.

Fucking chicken just tripping out. That's what I mean. Right there. Falcons catching drones out of the sky. All they've seen is fighting. A lot of them fucking. All right. Man comes over because you got them chickens in your yard.

Yes, indeed. Are those your chickens? No, sir. Can I get them chickens? Is this like the chicken police? Who is this? Yeah, we got that. Yes, buddy.

I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no. The chicken chair. No, no, no, this is a free agent right here. This is this a motherfucker fucking out the area. You know what I'm saying? He's noticed. He's the size of chicken work and he's...

Yeah, he was rolling around. He's like, you know... The chicken Pinkertons. Yeah, he probably already marked out different fucking... I imagine that he had been going through blocks and was like, no, I need to get into this. And don't think that this motherfucker did not have his shit together. Because indeed, he did.

He pulls up into the fucking van, right? About 40 kids fucking roll out of them, dirty as fuck. Start playing in the yard. We don't give a fuck. They stole our potato chips. It's fucking weird. So we fucking... They stole your potato chips.

Went in the house, stole some cookies, ate some cookies. They picked up some of Dre's art, which was like those baby dolls, you know. Mama, she killed a baby. Yeah, she killed a baby. Y'all killed babies? Yeah, like, what? No, no. Dre's line that was so funny was, I started filming back because I realized 40 dirty ass poor kids rode out of this van, came in my house, started judging me like I'm the weirdo.

Yeah, man, and they was just going wild all in the yard. Meanwhile, the dude, he got a rooster, right? He's got this rooster. he's got a fucking rope tied around his leg he goes out into the yard he slings this fucking rooster out there and all of a sudden here comes another rooster comes up oh yeah so he starts chicken fishing yeah surfing turf trees he fucking fishing them from underneath cars this motherfucker's on top of it cleared my whole fucking neighborhood up why are they coming at the rooster because they're like oh you're trying to talk shit motherfucker like i'm saying you say he's got a rooster on a rope on a strength

throws the rooster out there in order to fish the other chickens. That's my favorite. Why do they come at the root? Are they trying to get fucked or are they trying to whip his ass? Yeah, they're trying to whoop his ass. Yeah, they're trying to whip his ass. Now, he'll get to, like, the hens and shit, because the rooster will chase the hens around so the, the hands will come his way.

You know, they'll definitely. Yeah, he's up there. Yeah, he's the cock of the wall. But as far as, like, the motherfuck and the other roosters in the area, they, trying to fucking fight. Because he's going to fuck all their bitches. And again, what's this man's title? Like, what's he?

Chicken fisherman. Chicken fisherman. Chicken fisher. Yeah, ambassador of chicken fisher. Did he have a card or anything? No, he ain't had a card. But then this motherfucker shows up the next day in the morning. And we were like, no, sir, that's enough chickens for you.

We don't even have any fucking chickens yet left. But it was wild, man. Went to the chicken well too many times. Yeah, man. You didn't have no chickens left? No, man, I'm up. Well, that sounds like he's solved the problem. He's doing a good job, right?

Indeed. I have never, I would fucking recommend him to anybody. He's like a snake. Except for the fact that when the fucking, but chickens kill snakes too. Yeah. Chill the fuck out of snakes. But. That's the thing, though, is like, we're like, okay, we got to have the chickens to kill the snakes.

We've got to have the snakes to kill the rats. We've got to have the rats to fuck it. Like, at what point? Then you put out the rat poison. It makes the goddamn chickens fucking crazy as fuck. Have you seen what we did to be? We can handle this shit. You know what I mean?

What? Taking care of... I'm just saying like we can... What we do to bees? Yeah. You're not seeing what's been happening with bees? There's no bees are dying. Bees are dying, dude.

They got fucking robot bees. It's like off Ritchie Rich and shit like that. Tracy said, what did they do to bees? You didn't know this? Yeah, I didn't know that. You didn't know this? And I'm gonna speak, bees are dying all over the place? Dude, they're fucking literally...

Like, it's like a goddamn black mirror episode. Like, the government is trying to figure out how to make robotic bees that can pollinate flowers because, there's not enough bees. Why can we just pollinate flowers? Why do we need the bees?

That's what I'm saying. Just go out there and just fucking go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be it on a goddamn, yeah, beat on a beat on a goddamn little. My dad said a hornet's nest on fire yesterday. Just torched it. And see, that's another thing with like,

with like honey bees you get it. Like, okay, honey. They make the honey. And then with like, but wasp. What's that all about? You know what I'm saying? Dad was like, I'm going to kill his hornet's nest.

You're going to get mad at me. I was like, I don't know. I don't get a fuck him. He's asking his queer son. Hey, now I kill these hornets? My pussy-ass boys here, I guess you're going to be upset if I kill these hornets? That's what he does. He does it to Andy worse.

Andy, he'll be like, we're going to have meat. Is that okay? Is that all right with you? Good bit, Dad. Fucking hippie. I think the cow got stung. Does that help? You're going to cry if I kill these hornets?

Yeah, that's pretty much it. That's pretty much it. He thinks it's as funny as. you do. Because it's fucking hilarious. That's pretty good. My dad's funny, dude. We'll be right back right after this.

Isn't it weird how like when it comes to things like this, like with technology, we know technology is growing at such an exponential rate that we are constantly having to adapt laws and legislations and rules and things like that because of that. And everyone pretty well understands like, yeah, we live in a different world than we did 10 years ago, you know, so like monitoring is an issue and there's always cameras on. Yet, guns, that's been cool since 1776. You know what I mean? I know that's very cliche, but it's like, it really, like, it goes in one ear and out the other when it's like some technology thing. It's like, yeah, duh, of course. We got to like, you know, and the do, but like with that, it's like,

well, I mean, you know, laws the law. Don't know what to tell you. Well, yeah, it's like, also with the originalists, when it comes to the Constitution, people are like, well, that's not what the founding fathers wanted. Well, the founding fathers couldn't imagine a fucking James Bond computer being in my hand. We got different shit going on now. Also, they wanted slaves. I was about to say they didn't want the 14th Amendment.

It wasn't even there yet. You know what I mean? Like, you can't do that shit. Like, you can't, I mean, we're just screaming into the nothingness on this particular topic. But, like, I just don't get how, the originalists just don't make any goddamn sense to me because, like, First of all, I mean, Trey, you've covered this at length in one of my favorite stand-up bits that you do and just of all time and just that like, man, fuck the past.

Like, why? Like, why y'all want to like, I mean, I feel like if you're an originalist, you also need to throw your goddamn air conditioner out. Stop going to hospitals like that whole. Like, do it. The Amish. Yeah, do it. They're originalist. Do the goddamn, yeah, exactly.

Do the goddamn thing. But don't pick and choose. Don't be the fucking libertarian that just wants to smoke weed version, which that's exactly what that is. Or the Republican that just wants to smoke weed. so they are a libertarian. Just pause here, and it's fine. I just want to know. So are we, by this logic, okay,

with people who don't have air conditioning and refrigerators, hating gay people? Yeah, I am Amish. Dude, I fully expect the Amish to hate gay people. Like, here's the thing. I mean, I don't know, but they've got. Of course they do.

There's no way that they're like, you can fuck a butt in a barn if you don't have a shower. There's no way that- I guarantee you they fuck butts in bars. But I'm saying, okay. They hate gay people and also fuck butts and barn. Because if you're the army. If you're the Amish and you're going by the book on all the shit that don't hit,

why the fuck would you go, oh, but we'll let the one that doesn't even affect us at all. They can't have trucks because they didn't have trucks back in the day. You know what else they didn't have back in the day? Gaze. So also, happy pride month, everybody. Happy Pride Month that just started. Yeah. And no, like, obviously, I'm not for anybody being.

I'm not for anybody being against gays, but there's no sense in, like, being like, it's a huge problem in the Amish community. They stay in their own thing. they're not like getting out there and affecting anybody else. That's kind of their whole thing. You know what I mean? Dude, I bet they do.

I bet they do a lot of fucked up shit. Of course they do. Everybody just kind of like, everybody just lets them back. Everybody's like, you know why people let them do it? Because they've never seen them do it. I don't want to go out there and fuck with all that.

Of course. Let them do. You know, like just nobody wants to fuck with them. So they're just left around the body. I bet they're out there fucking horses. Yeah. And fucking.

Of course they fuck horses. That's the movie we need to make. They fuck horses, don't they? Dude, I was saying about this today, them fucking horses. I drove by them on my way to Nashville. They got like little kids out there working, which first of all, how's that work? Because you know they don't pay taxes, right?

You know that, right? And the reason they don't pay taxes or something. They don't make money because when you buy something from them, it all goes to the church. It's communism. But somebody's controlling that money. The money's real. Like when they sell you the barn or they make their soaps or you go get one in them pies.

Jelly. Yeah. You're not paying them with a board. You give them money. Right. And they buy land because they're buying up land. The Mennonites and the Amish are buying up land all throughout where I grew up right now. So I'm thinking about that and I'm like, man, it's really, really wild how insular it is because there's not even ever going to be a big revealing documentary about how.

Of course not. You can't get in. dudes made billions or millions or whatever because they don't even know what cameras are. Right. And they're not Twitter. Like that information doesn't go anywhere. We live in the day and age where like the people that fuck up that do evil shit, they have Twitter accounts.

The Amish don't. You know what I mean? Like none of that information is getting out. And also what the only way you can do it is you got to catch some people on rum springer and convince them to stay and talk. And some of them talks about it. But they all talk about the cult like aspect of it, which is fair.

You know, they're telling me how, like, it sucked to work all day at 11 years old. Of course, that's what they open with. That don't hit. But they didn't stay in long enough. I'm telling you, it's, it's bigger than that. For sure. For sure. It's, I mean, it's like, it's like, I mean, on a very different spectrum, I guess, of

Scientology, the complete opposite spectrum, but, like, still, like, cult-like, recruiting. And then I'm sure, like, you know, once you level up and become, like, you know, the big boss, Obadi or whatever, you know, I don't know, though. Like, who is the dude? Who is the one making all the money? Just the church, but they're all the church. I'm sure some sort of elder, you know, they've probably got a council of elders or something.

I'm sure all this information we could absolutely find out, but that's what we do on the shows. We don't find out. By the way, last week I declared the DOC dead. He's not dead. He's very much alive. As a matter of fact, so what happened was I'm going to go back to the Amish in a minute, but just a little.

We talk out our butt on this show. It's nothing new. Editorial note from last week. I remember. DOC had a really bad car accident and crushed his voice box or whatever. And in my head, I thought he eventually died of complications from that, I guess. So I was like, rest in peace. But not only is he not dead, his voice is like fully healed now.

And he's just totally fine. And he's like 53 or something. That's on us. And do it completely fine. So sorry, I pronounced the DOC dead. That is my fault. Anyway, back to the Amish. Yeah, I'm sure we can find all this out, but I don't want to.

look it up, fuck all that. Let's get your answer out. There's got to be some kind of, you know, the boss man. Top Theetan, top theton dude, Amish guy.

But not, but not like at the top of, okay, I remember some Tim Allen movie. Aren't they called Ordnungs? Maybe. I know, I remember the promo for that movie.

I don't know if I ever saw it. It's him standing in a week. Ordnungs, I think, is like their version of like priest, tribe or whatever, community.

community. Like you're in this Ordnung, which is this particular Amish community. I'm literally getting that from a fucking Tim Allen movie. No idea if that's accurate. Who knows? Anyway, the way I'm saying, I don't think those are connected. Are they? There's not some like grand national Amish council. There can't be, can there? Delegance from Orn... Maybe. I think they're like insular things. I don't think they have like Amish conventions and stuff. So it's like the highest you can rise at any given, you know, it's like being a chief among the Vikings. or some shit back, although, I mean, hell, they had. Well, there's on, they, they wouldn't have to have. Yeah, it's like they wouldn't really have to have different denominations because there's not really much. You don't do a lot of, Puritan is very like, we don't interpret.

We just, the words say what the words say, you know what I mean? And we do that. Like, I just typed something in and I clicked on like 10 things, 10 reasons we need to stop romanticizing the Amish thinking, who has done that? Well, I was thinking we're about to get into, about to find out about all this horrible stuff and the evil and the and the and it's some christian website that's like they don't actually get the bible right how fucked up do you have to be unreal to look at fucking eight year old's out there mowing the yard and women getting married at 13 when they're girls not women and

go you know what's wrong with those people the way they feel about grace and salvation right interpret the scripture right they're problem with them everything else they got it figured out Yeah, it's weird too because what you just said, like all that work, like working in the field stuff when they're eight and marrying when they're 13. That's just how regular Christianity was in the South in the 20s is not really much different. You know what I mean? Like we just like, but Amish people don't move on with society. You know what I'm saying? Like they don't do that.

Like they don't evolve. Like even the Christian church does because like, man, it's fucked. I mean, I used to have a bit about it. It probably will still revive it about how like if you listen to, go me to 85 to 90 year old couple. and like they're sitting there on the rocking chairs at Cracker Barrel. Ask him how they met and started dating. It usually sounds like kidnap of some kind. Like she's always 13 years younger than him.

He always was like, you know, just coming by our house every day, throwing pebbles at her window and stuff and finally talked her daddy into giving him a donkey and her at 12. And then they went to church and that was just it. But like that's just, that's surely how the Amish shit just still works. Right. But like out in society, we're like, yeah, you can't do that no more. like Jerry Lee and Elvis did it. That's it.

After that, no more. But Amish keep going. They apparently own 20% of the puppy meals in America. That checks out. Yeah. They have a big shunning issue. You know,

we all, I think most people know what rum spring it is. If you leave, what? Oh, rum spring. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. If you do leave, you're out. Which is pretty cold like. That's where they got a bunch of those Dwight shunning jokes from the office. There's a dude. And I don't know.

very much about this, but there's a guy, so there's Amish community in Clay County where I'm from, I'm sure y'all have them too. And Amish community there, there was a guy who left during Rumspringer. And so presumably is now shunned, but he started a mattress company in Salina, and it's one of the only successful businesses in Sinai in the past, like, 20-something years. And it's called Dutchcraft. Did they all have hay in them at first? I don't know what he does, but I'm saying, you know, real hard worker.

Imagine that. But I'm saying like, I'm sure that dude got some stories. Exactly. Yeah, but I've never even met him or talked to him. I just know of him being, because his office or whatever is like right there and slining and shit. And I know that he left Amish to do that. But he like hits.

Like it's a hit in business. Not like fucking. Does he look Amish still? I've only seen him like from my truck a couple of times. And he had sort of a, you know, I used to be Amish kind of vibe to. Yeah, but at the same time, not full bore Amish. And I have no idea what he looks like now. I haven't seen that guy in years.

It would be such a great front if you could infiltrate. Like money laundering. Yeah. Everything they do is cash. Just like, where'd you get all that money? Help. We built a barn. It's all cash.

There's no taxes because of religion. Nobody really wants to come fuck with you. They had that stupid-ass TLC show that has been proven to be like completely totally fabricated and fake. There's no legitimacy to it at all, but Amish mafia. And this was sort of like, I never watched my $2,000 salary. I think this was like the premise of that, you know, because sort of what you're saying, money, it was just a bunch of shady shit going on.

Yeah. Like an Amish, well, mafia. And that shows all bullshit. But I, you know, I bet they up to some shit, though. Of course. I don't know if you're having delays, but Corey, I don't know that was hilarious. Thank you. I appreciate that.

What did you say? I called the show my $2,000 salary. Oh. Apparently they got pollution issues because they just, you know, they don't give a fuck about the EPA. Man, they're trying to explain the EPA. What are they, hold on. What are they polluting with? A fertilizer.

They're running it in the bays and streams. Okay. Yeah. They live, you know, there's always a lot of them together. I got to say, though, if I'm, this is just me coming from a logical standpoint. pragmatic, which is not normally my base, but I'll try to get there. The amount of otherwise pollution that they don't do, I feel like sort of cancels that out. You know what I'm saying?

Like maybe my mom my mama wasn't taking a dump in the creek, but she also had the aquanette out on the porch every day. Just you know what I mean? And they don't do none of that. Like the average human being without meaning to affects the ozone so much. The Amish, let them have shit. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Their carbon footprint is made out of, you know, from a wooden shoe.

It's fine. Right. Exactly. There were a contingent of people in Salina, I remember, who used to like, so obviously the Amish, they sell a whole bunch of shit. You can buy vegetables. Their butter hits. Vegetables, jellys, butter.

A lot of their shit hits. Yeah. So all that type of stuff. No regulations on it. A contingent of people who wouldn't buy stuff from the Amish. And I remember one of the reasons they would give was they were like, you know, they use human manure to like fertilize their crops with. And I remember as a kid being like, what?

What's the best kind of poop to put, like, you're using fucking poop either way. Right. You're using the shit. Yeah, right. Unintended. Like, I never understood why that would matter, but some people were always really weirded out about, first of all, I don't even know if that's true. That was a rumor, but people were like, you know, they used, like, human feces, right?

Okay. No go. It's like, I don't get it. We eat stuff to hits. Let me read this to you guys. I'm just going to read it word for word off the richest.com. I don't know what the fuck that is. That's where I found this list.

The richest.com. That is a website designed to hurt you. One of the problems is drunk buggy driving? I think I've heard that before. It happens more than you think. Here are a few stories about Amish drinking, driving that will make you raise your eyebrow. In the summer of 2010, an Amish team was caught drinking in charge of possession of alcohol, failure to stop, failure to yield, and overdriving an animal. Levi Detweiler, 17, started a horse and buggy chase with the cops, which lasted exactly a mile.

before he made a sharp turn and wound up in a ditch. That's the horse's fault, by the way. He fled the scene, but of course was found quickly. It doesn't say how he was found quickly, but it's probably because he was walking around, you know, with that fucking bowl cut from 1984. I was about to say, and he was wearing, like, boots, like huge boot.

It's not like he can get run. Yeah, suspenders, jeans. Yeah. A fucking wide-bram hat. Yeah, all that. He was carrying a butter. churn. It was impossible to comment on his clothes and not offend all of our fans. All our Amish fans? Yeah. No. Come on. What do the Amish dress like? Let's be honest.

Our fans. Trains. They cover up crime a lot, apparently. I guess that's something that happens with any insular group. Is that like a, is that like a, you mean they like cover up? They do a lot of crimes and intentionally cover them up or like when one of their kids does something. stupid, they cover it up because it's like, for the gray to good, for the gray to good, like that type of thing. Yeah, so it's like rape. Oh, yeah. They've even covered up murder.

Now, they take care of it themselves, surprisingly. I was about to say, dude, like, for real, and I'm stupid. We know that. But, like, in an Amish community, people don't really fuck with them. I'd say that most of them are born in their yards, you know. So, like, when an Amish person dies, do you think there's a lot of them, like, reporting that to that? the corner and stuff?

Or do you think they take care of a lot of that in-house? And you just never will know. That I skipped was they just dig hand. They just hand-dick to just do it. So, like, there's just people that have existed. And there's no way to say this without sounding like insane. But, like, there's people that have existed, a bunch of people that like the federal government has know that they would have never known they even existed at all.

Like, on paper, they didn't exist. Like, men in black flash, like, they're just in a, like, if they fucking dug this person up. There would be nothing. What are you even looking for? You know what I mean? Their fucking teeth prints aren't going to match shit. Their fingerprints ain't even in the goddamn system. They don't have a fucking Social Security number. This is a non-thing.

I bet they have to have some of that to exist as they do. Right. The assumption I'm making, but I'm assuming that they do death and birth reports and social security numbers somehow themselves, like through the government, because if they didn't, the first time something

gnarly happened and the Fed showed up like, you know, some, I'm sure there's been big problems of, you know, maybe they had a serial killer amongst them or something. And the Fed showed up if they found out no one had a Social Security number, I think that would have put an end to it. But maybe I'm naive. No, I'm sure that you're right. I'm just sitting there thinking like, certainly there has to be babies born that like, they're like, well, we'll get around to it. But it's a, it's, you know, it's the bull weevil season and we have to go out there with our sithe and like, and then they just don't do it because also I'm sure that there. There's like kids, they don't even know their fucking names.

They just stay having kids. They're like, oh, the one with the no mustache and the beard. I don't know. That's one of them. So this, this sounds made up. But the final thing on this list is that they hate America but love Mexico. What? That can't be it.

How do they even know about America? It says many Amish went to Mexico over a century ago, lured by large plots of land and no military draft. And they ended up incorporating tortillas and sauce in their own dishes, which made it way back. There's Mexican Amish making salsa and tortillas and shit. I got to know. More recently, Amish go down to Mexico for

major surgical procedures. I don't know they're allowed to do that because they don't have health insurance and it's cheaper down there. But the American, you know, individualism. A fucking backer leaf around it and hope for the best. That's what I thought. I was about to say. Have your horse doctor shoot you if you start feeling too bad.

Yeah, does this change your assessment of the environment stuff, Corey? Now that you know, they're just flying to fucking Mexico for surgery like a drug dealer? A little bit because like here's the thing like I know for a fact that pretty well in every religion there is hypocrisy where it's like oh I thought they weren't supposed to do that and like well they're not but they do it anyways. Like the only thing like like I've always said like I think the reason that Christians get so mad at Muslims all the time in Islam is that they're like man say what you will but like they fucking go by that book. You know what I mean? Like God damn like they really they really do man. They follow the fucking rules even when they don't hit and where. as we, when they don't hit, we don't follow them rules, which, you know, Vell Crawford bit about that where he's like, I don't, you, y'all can't even front. Daycare way more about they got, you know, I know, because they blow themselves up. You try to tell some, some brother to, hey, Jesus said you should walk in that building

with a bomb strap to your chest. I don't know, Jesus like that. I don't think I've ever heard that, but that's funny because when I was like, probably 19 or 20, I pretty much had that same bit. Bet you, Lavel's was a lot better. But it was pretty, yeah, the whole thing was just. be making a point of like, I think it's a jealousy issue of like, man, they're just way better to their God than we are ours. But like for real though, like they're like you think in Amish, you're like, oh, well, no, they're not, they couldn't do that. But it's like, yeah, people are full of fucking shit. But to me it's like, again, like I said earlier, if you're going to completely cut yourself off from society and technology and all the fucking stuff that hits just because you're trying to live by the Bible, then why would you make, if you are going to be a hippo? and make concessions, why would it be for just little tiny dumb things?

You know what I'm saying? I'm with you. I was going to say they don't hit for me. I think they're a cult. No, they don't hit. And for the record, fucking come at us. You know what I mean? Do something, ma'mish?

Oh, how'd you hear about it? Oh, you just had a phone. Yeah. Exactly. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week. nothing to do. Thank you God bless you good night and skew.