wellRED podcast - Branson, MO & Johnson Road Roy

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

This week The Cho regales us with tales from his family vacation and mourns the loss of a local legend in his town tickets to see trae at TraeCrowder.com Tickets to see drew at DrewMorganComedy.com Go to CoreyWritesForYou.com to support Corey's work Go to FactorMeals.com/WellRED50off and use Promo code WellRED50off

You're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex. They care way too much, but don't give a fun. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. You know what really pisses me off? I mean, this is, I mean, not even white people problems. This is stupid white people problems. I got this fucking Conrad sent me a link

He's like oh dude you got to have the fucking Al Bundy jersey And I was like oh you're goddamn right I do And I got it and they fucking in my opinion Ruin the whole thing by putting them married with children Fucking thing here at the top don't you think Can you not get it all? I mean yeah I guess I could I could get Kirby to un stitch it Which you know I will do but like that's just stupid

Like that don't hit No who did that? Is it bootlegged? I don't know. If it was bootlegged, you'd think they definitely wouldn't do it. I know, that's what I'm saying. If it's bootleg, yes, it's stupid. If it's some kind of official merch thing, I mean, I get why they did it.

It don't look good, but I get why they did it. Yeah. But it's wild to me if there is still existing official married with children and it's like, is that like a vintage item? I don't know. You know, Conrad just sent it to me and said, you need this. And I just, number one, I do love stupid. shit like this, but I also have a rule with Conrad where anytime he says anything is a good

idea, I'm just conditioned to be like, yep, sure is. Click, you know, because of who he is as a person. Well, here's what I want to know to start off with, because I was in Arkansas this weekend, and there were some people who had heard last week's episode at the shows who said, they demanded that we get like a Branson report from you, which I was going to do anyway, because I've always been a little fascinated with Branson because it's like Gatlinburg and Ozarks, right? I've been to Gatlinburg a ton. I've never been to Branson, though. First of all,

you'd be going there a lot. Why do you go to Branson? Why? How is it? Once a year. So Amber's Grandma Sandy Jujia Jha Jha Jada Jada. That's her rap tag. Grandma Sandy. She was the queen. You remember the king? Yes.

So she is the queen. You know, unfortunately the king passed. So now she is the reigning, you know, queen ruling by herself. They bought a place in Branson in 94, which was apparently the time to do it. Yeah, that's when Yaakov Smirnoff got there one year before that. So they heard that, no doubt. We're like, now's the time to go. Absolutely.

He's a big fisherman. And Table Rock. No. I mean, honestly, probably. If he wasn't before, I would say he is now just because, like, I don't know where it ranks in terms of the lake that y'all got there. Yeah, yes, right. I don't know how it ranks in terms of what's that lake. I don't know how it ranks in terms of Dale Halla.

But, dude, Table Rock Lake is a big fucking deal. And I love lakes, and it's awesome. Like it's a really awesome lake. So I bet you since Yakov's been out there for now, 30 years now, he's probably, you know, gotten to, if not a fisherman, I bet you people take him out on the boat all the time. So it's really sweet. So they got him a place there. And it's just a little tiny house, but like it be, you know, on the lake.

So from 90-4 to now when they bought it for like, you know, a handshake and a fanta, it's probably gone up a considerable amount. So they've got that place there. And ever since the king died, the queen has, she's sort of, she don't live there full time, but it's becoming more and more full time that she just kind of stays there. You know, she don't really see. Obviously, it's better than Iowa in terms of weather, way better, you know. So once a year, as a family, it's like a free vacation house.

We go to Table Rock Lake. All the cousins go out there. It's a fucking fun time. Their uncle John has a place there that he's never at. So we stay at his place. We got, you know, one family has a boat. We got a boat. It's getting to where next year, actually, we talked about this on the way out.

We're going to have to rent a boat next year because we just keep adding fucking kids. I remember the first year that we went when me and Amber were together, which was 10 years ago, there were zero grandkids. Ten years later, there are 11 grandkids. Like just in the time me and Amber have been together, we and the cousins have collectively added 11 grandkids. So we go to Branson. And it's correct to say this is the Gatlinburg of the Ozarks. But much like Gatlinburg, as tacky as it is, I love it.

I love that type of shit. I really do. Like best cinnamon rolls in the whole world are at this little hole in the wall in Branson. it's also beautiful. I mean, just, and, you know, it's some fent laners, you know, unfortunate to say. I mean, it's been ravaged by... It really is the Gatlinburg of the Midwest. For sure, dude. It for sure is.

But with that, you've got obviously a lot of sadness with the opioid crisis, but you've also got, like, I went to several thrift stores while I was there, and you've also got like a lot of people who are just very community driven, sweet people who just really want to help out. And also some fucking super rednecks who are very vocal about the carpet bagging Yankees who have come in and, you know, tore the mountains down and created water parks. And those are fun people to be around, you know. And it's just a good time, man. It's a really good time.

And frankly, I mean, dude, most of them people, like, way more redneck than anybody in Chickamauga. You know what I mean? Like, I don't consider Missouri the South, but I definitely consider it redneck central. The old arcs are, though. That's what I'm saying. Isn't that where this is? Isn't it in the bottom of Missouri? Well, to me, it's just proof that redneck is, as we put in our book,

the liberal redneck manifesto. The South is a region, but redneck is a fucking culture. Redneck is an identity, and it don't have... I wouldn't get away with calling ourselves hillbillies in the Ozarks, and that's kind of the only place outside of Appalachia that I feel that about. Yeah. Yeah, no, though, those are our people, dude. In matter of fact, like, me and Grandma Sandy actually talked about it,

I'm actually going to go up in a couple months by myself, because I always get some good writing done there, like, as you can imagine. And when you were, because that's the first thing I was like, well, what's going on with that place when y'all ain't there? Well, Grandma Sandy stays there. She's, uh, Grandma Sandy stays there, but it's just her, nobody's in John's place because John, unfortunately, his cancer came back. Grandma Sandy left a day early than we did because John's, I'm out, I'm talking like y'all know him, but this is how Southern people do. It's starting to start to have. I know.

Yeah. Yeah. Go to that ma'amaw talk. Don't, yeah. John, you know. Like, Carla Miller. Miller, Joe. The only save is,

they moved in. They moved in. So they stay here now. And yeah, the only difference is I'm self-aware enough to realize I'm doing it. You wait until in a couple years I'll just be doing it. But unfortunately, John's cancer came back.

So Grandma Sandy's going to stay with him at the Mayo Clinic for a couple months. But then when she comes back, I'm going to go stay with her because it occurred to me that, like, I don't have to wait until we go on family vacation. Grandma Sandy loves me. Like, y'all know how old women feel about me, and, like, we family, so I'm going to go up there because I write, I write really well when I'm there.

I'm just inspired by that place, you know. But when she's not there, like, it's just there. I could go, and I really do love it there. I had a lady. I fucking about got an argument with this woman because she wouldn't sell me a goddamn, they have a, you know this, you see this macho man, hold up, let me grab it. Y'all know one of my prized possession,

here is my is my macho man Randy Savage slim gym holder from 1993 well they just did a re-updated model of this for America's 250th birthday and it's this yeah it's the exact one but it's in red white and blue it's macho man in red white blue slim gym slim gym slim gym it's literally the same there's nothing changed except for he's in red white and blue and at the bottom it says happy birthday America 250 and it's been popping up in gas stations. Now, when it's a corporate gas station, you may as well not even ask. I mean, I do, but you may as well not even ask. So what you got to do is you got to go to these mom and pops where like the person in

charge is not beholding to any corporate bullshit and you can finagle with them. I man, I got an argument with this bitch. I walked this one. I was like, I seen it. Right. And the deal with when you try to buy one of these things, you can't just walk straight in and be like how much you want for that. you got to start like you got to start flirting with them a little bit you got to start this that and the other so i'm doing that and i'm working her for every angle and i look at this one moment and finally i go hey i was like oh my god look at that thing i said hey how much you want for that macho man randy savage and she go and i didn't realize i thought she was the boss and i was treating her like the boss but turns out she ain't and she goes oh my god she goes and then she points back to who's the actual boss and she goes did you know that this fucking bitch won't even sell it to me won't even sell it to me won't even sell it

to me and then I look back and it's the real boss lady and she's just sitting there kind of fucking with her fingernails looking at me like oh yeah like I know how much that thing's gonna be worth and that's how I make my real money this shit comes in and I said on it you know what I mean and it was at one of these places like we're in the out we're not in branson we're on the outside of branson and it's one of these like true redneck places where like they don't even have a Walmart for a hundred miles you know and this is the store this is the fucking store where you walk in and it's sort of like y'all been to buckies right yeah all right well this this is like this is like what what this is what this is what people it's the progenitor of buckies yeah like this

this yeah this is what people from england will tell you buckies is but this is the real deal you know what i mean this is like this is what hollywood thinks buckies is but this is actually buckies right right it's just the only store in that little area. So it's like she's got, she's got like, like, pool floats, and they used to have VHS rentals, and there's like a sex toys room in the back of the fucking store. And they also sell, like, collectibles, and they've got clothes and shirts and stuff. Yeah, but not used to have VHS rentals. Still do.

Yeah, still do have VHS rentals. But, bro, still do have GHS rentals. Like, dude, Chikamaga is actually way upscale compared to this place. and our VHS rental place just stopped renting VHSs like two years ago. Do you mean DVDs? Yeah, and DVDs. Like, the dude, and you know what it is? The bad VHS is?

I do not believe you. I know. It's why I do Salinas. You all know how back. My dad was the VHS man in Salina and that shit ended so long. I was there. It was rough. Here's my theory, though.

Here's my theory, though. A long time. Here's my theory, though. the main business that our place was doing was pizza what i think was ain't nan of them vhs and DVDs was actually getting rented the dude just didn't ever fucking take them down you know what i mean like they just sat there and he just didn't give up on it and it like it didn't cost nothing for him to sit there and so we just were always like god damn can you believe that they still got those but it like i don't think anybody ever was renting them but it was

just something that we could say we still had. Like, we still got VHS, but like nobody, nobody was maybe one fucking person. I mean, dude, we had a guy two years ago, two years ago got caught beaten off at the fucking library. And I thought that was a relic of a bygone time. Like, I know that we still got people going to the library. Like, the library is still a resource. Some people can't afford the internet. But I definitely thought that people had stopped beating off at it. You know what I mean? I thought people had stopped beating off at it. You know what I mean? I thought people had stop beating off at it. People ain't never going to stop beating off at anywhere or anything.

You know what I guess that's true. I don't know. This is crazy to me that you think VHS is and you're like, yeah, that's what we have here. But then beating off, you're like, what? People are beating off? I just figured that cell, I just figured that cell phones were so prevalent that you could at least steal someone's to go beat off on it before you would risk a fucking

felony going to beat off at a goddamn library. I think the people for which, I mean, I guess there used to be more of a thing where it's like I have no other options but to beat off in this library. Right. I don't want to, but what else am I going to do? Not beat off? Clearly that's not. That's a non-starter.

So I have no choice. Sure. But I think that for a lot of people, it's, that's like part of it. You know, like if you don't beat off in that's true, you mean you don't beat off on a bus. Yeah. This same dude, by the way, microwave decat when we were in high school. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah.

What? He, for the record, to, in his defense, in his defense, no, you don't need to. Yeah. Well, no, I'm going to. In his defense, it got wet and he thought it would dry it off. My God, Lord, I mercy. Wait, he's like.

He, he's a little, he didn't it started? Yeah, he getting it started. Okay. Okay, well, that's different. Yeah, he getting it started. You're going to just said that. Yeah, yeah, he's getting it started. Yeah, well, especially if he's getting it started.

Of course, he's beating off. Yeah, yeah, he getting it started. Like, just do that. Hey, our main guy that got to do that. Our main guy that got it, are the guy that first got it started in our hometown, our number one getting it started guy. The guy who got getting it started started?

Yeah, he passed away while I was on the road and I wasn't able to attend his funeral. And I'm genuinely upset about it. They always die in threes. Yep. I, dude, I was genuinely,

he must have been part of a different, getting started thruple. It was Johnson Road Roy, and I want to shout out to him because he was the coolest fucking dude in the world. And I always said, like, Like he was just one of those dudes that like you just knew like like I don't know man. I always assumed his funeral would be like the funeral from Big Fish man.

You know what I mean? Like I never wanted it to happen. Obviously we never wanted him to die. But like he touched so many lives because he was just that dude like he was the kindest guy in the world. And let me tell you this fucked up story about Johnson Road Roy. Now he didn't do nothing wrong, but this is just how the fuck the cops. All right. So Johnson Road Roy, only thing that motherfucker liked in this whole.

whole world was, oddly enough, VHS tapes. Every time I was going on the road, he knew what I did for a living. If he's seen me at the gas station, he would always be early in the morning because I'd be going to get a flight and I'd go get an energy drink. And he'd just be out in the gas station parking lot just sweeping, just fucking sweeping. You know what I mean? Not for work. He didn't want their money.

He just got out there to sweep, hanging out with the cats and sweeping. And he'd tell me, go, where are you headed this week? and I'd be like, I'm going to such and such. He goes, hey, you see any them VHS tapes out there, you bring me some. They don't want you to have them no more. So if you see some, you bring me some. And we used to me and my buddies used to always, if we'd go to a thrift store or something, and we'd see VHS tapes, we'd get some and we'd go, you know, just give them to Roy or whatever.

We fucking like, you know, Stephen Seagall shit, we'd just give him VHS tapes. He loved, because I guess that's all he had, he had a VHS tape player, and he'd just go fucking get it started and watch. fucking, you know, Stephen Seagall stuff. So anyway, and I remember one of the funniest things he ever said was I was at the gas station one morning, me and Amber were driving. We were heading to Iowa because her cousin was getting married, right? And I was fucking hating my life and I was in there.

I was getting gas and energy drinking. And he goes, hey, where are you headed? I said, Roy, we're going to Iowa. And he goes, Iowa? What are you going to Iowa for? I said, my wife's cousin's getting married. And he goes, in Iowa? And I said, yeah, he goes, don't she know you can get married down?

I was like from the mouths of babes, man, you know. But anyways, my dad was the president of the CRA, which was the Chickamauga Recreation Association. And the thing that Roy loved more than anything was just watching baseball. The Braves, obviously, but if it was rec ball, that's what Roy wanted to do. He would walk. We called him Johnson Road, Roy, because he lived on Johnson Road, and he walked the length of Johnson Road to the ball fields every day,

which is a pretty big hike. but, you know, he can't drive on account of he gets started, you know. So Roy would walk down there every day. And my dad made it to where they every, for all the, every single team of the kids, which my dad, let me shout out my dad again, there was no such thing as kids having to sell Hershey bars to make sure they had enough money for their uniforms. My dad just made, he paid for every uniform, for every kid, for every single team in the league, even though he knew half of them could afford it. And the reason he did that, he even bought the kids uniforms that could afford it is because he didn't want any kid to have to ask.

You know what I mean? He didn't want any kid to be singled out. He's like, I'll buy the ones that can't afford it. That way the other kids aren't singled out. So nobody even has to ask. All jerseys are on me. And so he would make sure there was an extra coach-sized jersey. so that Roy could have it, so that Roy could have a jersey so that when he came down to the ball field,

he would have a t-shirt to wear to support whatever team that he wanted to. You know what I mean? Nice thing to do. Dad didn't tell nobody. It's just what he did. Well, one night, Roy was walking home from the ball field wearing a, I think it was a bomber's jersey because that year the gimmick was everybody was doing minor league stuff. And this fucking cop who, dude, if you're in the city and you don't know who Roy is, I don't know what the fuck your problem is. He's a staple of the town. This fucking cop grabs Roy from walking down the side of the road

and puts him in the car because he's got this shirt on and just assumes that that meant that he had gone down to the wreck and broke in to the to the, wherever they keep the shirts and stole the shirt. And Roy's sitting there crying

and telling him, no, Mr. Dale gave me that shirt. And the cops like fucking, you know, yeah, yeah. Good story, Roy, and has to get my dad down there. And, of course, my dad gives the fucking cop an earful. And the cop ended up not working in the city for long because everybody heard that, that he made Roy cry.

Anyways, that was all sad. And everybody rallied behind Roy. Then a couple weeks later, my dad had to unfortunately send Roy home from the ballfields. Yeah. Because Roy was doing, what was he doing down there at the ballfield? was he at the library by any chance no roy see he was down there supporting one of the teams and uh roy liked to make his own clothes you know and uh roy had a pair of overalls that he fancied but it was real hot it was real hot you know so roy decided that he would cut off them overalls into shorts and um

well he didn't use a ruler or any type of leveler and um on the left left side, let's just say, well, it's a little short, you know, and, and Roy, you say he was particularly, uh, blest or endowed in a certain sort of unknowled way. Yeah. About what you've heard. Yeah. You know what I mean? About what you, about what you've heard from, uh, from folks who like to get it started. Yeah. Yeah. In a cosmically ironic way. In a cosmically ironic way. and it was just sitting there for God and every mammal to see. And so unfortunately he had to be escorted home for that. But it wasn't his fault.

He was just, you know. That's actually super innocent. It was. He wasn't trying to show his difference. I told you, Ars like, tries to kidnap young women and has been recently murdered. Yeah. Yeah. Ours used to do that kind of not cool stuff too.

He didn't get murdered. I don't remember what happened. but yeah he'd do that he'd pull his wainter out and stuff in front of like high school girls and shit obviously that don't hit but people and people would always be like well what are you going to do you know well for the record and to to defend Roy which I will until the day I die now he didn't like

pull it out it just came out flopped out yeah that's different it just it just flopped out like he was just he was just off on his measurements well he just had to leave though right it's not like yeah well and for the record my dad drove him home and got him new pants and brought him back. You know what I mean?

And up and, and Roy had been in the nursing home for the past couple months. And once or twice a week, my dad brought him barbecue. Him and my uncle Robbie, rest in peace, my uncle Robbie,

over the years, they very secretly used to take Roy. I didn't even know this. They used to take Roy to get barbecue a couple times a week. They were, everybody in the community loved him. He was very well taken care of.

Roy didn't even know. where half his blessings came from because our entire community rallied around him because he needed it, which is a, which, by the way, is a huge reason that regardless of, you know, what district I'm from and how they may be, I am proud of the place I come from because, you know, Roy did not have a good home life, but as soon as a bunch of adults found out that, oh, hey, here's somebody that he needs our help. He got their help. And Roy was taken care of every day until the day he died.

And I think that's beautiful. That is beautiful. You know what else you should take care of every day until the day you die? Is healthy meal options, which can be sometimes difficult if you got a lot going on if you're super busy. Like I found that it seems to conflict sometimes eating something that's like worth a damn for you. but, you know, is actually convenient to get prepared and ready to go. Like, you can cook stuff that's healthy for you, and I like cooking, but I don't have time to cook three meals a day. I don't know what kind of like, you know, 80s comedy movie y'all are living in if you got time to do all that.

And nobody got time for that, but you don't want to eat trash just because you're out of time. Well, I got to solve for you. It's our old buddy. Is it Factor? That's right. Factor is this week sponsor. Once again, I love Factor. Been a devotee for a while.

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I want to ask y'all something. We were, Caleb signing was with me in Arkansas this weekend and we were driving to the airports and I had already forgotten and I don't feel bad for this. But the flag was at half mass. I was like, why is the flag at half mass? And Caleb goes, Lindsey Graham's gay ass, probably. And I was like, yeah, I guess you're right.

And then he started saying he was like, man, he was like, what an archetype of guy that was, because Caleb's from the rural South too and everything. And he was saying like how queer maverick. We all know that like, that was like such a thing in the South for so long that like, closeted gay man. I know he made some watermelon. Right. Yeah, that voice.

Well, you do him down there. Yeah. He just got, you know. I mean, he wasn't claud. did, but like, Leslie. Leslie Jordan. And also, like, my uncle Tim is also not causative, but he seems like Southern gay man, but there's the version where it's like, like in the DBT song, Bob and shit like that.

It's like, yeah, the closeted ones where it's like every single person knows, you just kind of don't talk about it or you whisper about it the beauty salon or whatever, but it's like, and everybody just acts like it ain't, but it is, and everybody knows that. I guess my question is, since y'all are especially still back there in it right now, Now, do that still be a thing or is that like a thing of the past? Brother, if I pull this dude's billboard up. Please do. You got to put a guy on the last of a picture.

I know his first name, I pray shouldn't be saying. While you're looking for that. I know his first name, so I might be able to find it through the first name. Let's see. Well, let me say something while you're looking for that. Yes, yes, it's still a thing. And it's always intrigued me how it bucks up with, but we don't have them here.

You know what I mean? Like, because both of those... But isn't that kind of, but isn't that sort of how that's maintained in these people's minds where it's like, no, we ain't got them here and you're like, what about Lindsay? And it's like, Lindsay, what do you mean?

What about Lindsay's a bachelor? And it's like, of course I all know that Lindsay's guy, but they don't, you know what I mean? Like, we've got one and I'm not going to say his name because like, here's, let me get this straight. The reason he, he, this person in my, at least to my not, he, now he's a, Christian, don't get me wrong.

Lay off an R, yeah. But to my knowledge, he's not a like, kill them all, send him to hell type, Lindsey Graham type person. You know what I mean? He really seems like a good guy. And I, to my knowledge, I've never heard him say any of that stuff. Like, he seems like a good guy. You know what I mean?

So I would not want to, he seems like that good of a person. But literally, when we were in school, like, it was just like, I mean, come on, dog. I mean, come on, dog. and everybody be knowing. And like now that he's a Christian, I know a lot of people who were like, ain't it so wild that he's a Christian considering that he blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But then those same people will be like, well, yeah, nobody around here be like that. And I'm like, yeah, but you know, so it's just it don't make sense. But then I'll be like, but how could he be that if he's that? Doesn't that make you think he's not that? And they're like, no, he clearly that.

And I'm like, well, maybe he just talked that way. You know what I mean? Even now, I don't know. I guess it's like now it's like, you got people, they're all like, yeah, no, we all know. Anybody listening from Shikamaga is going to text me and be like, I know you talking about bleep right now, by the way. But it's like now you're talking about. I wish I could show you his picture. But you're, so see that, it's like you're all talking about like, well, no, we all know he.

Yeah, but it's like. Yeah, I'm not interested now and nobody. I'm saying that used to, did people know, sure, but you didn't. it wasn't like acknowledged like that. Do you know what I mean? Everybody acted like it wasn't the case. It's like I've talked about it before, but it's been a long time.

There was a teacher in my high school. They all call like Mr. Jackson or whatever. That wasn't his name. And everybody loved him because he was a great teacher and he hit for people and stuff. But I mean, he literally, you know,

he had that voice and everything and he taught history, I think, and he was like real effeminate and sassy and all that. And all the boys and shit who thought he hit were like, super defensive about him. If anybody like implied that he was gay,

they would, they would be like, who fuck you talk about, hey, he gets more pussy and you can even dream of motherfucker. I'll tell you that. That was like that type of thing. Like,

you know, that's how it used to be treated. And I'm wondering if like now, if, oh, whatever he's closeted, but we all know the deal. And it's,

I just wonder how it's changed and I don't know because I don't be living there. Oh, well, see, that's just Katie Lang. And by the way,

I mean, that's just a, that's just a lesbian woman. If you're only listening, that's a child's response to a picture that Durr just held up. That one is like one where you get what I'm saying. Yeah. I can't find it because he changed his billboards. His old billboards, he had a permanent.

Yeah, permanent. He's the kind of guy who called it permanent. Yes, a permanent. Like, I mean, I would drive to, oh, no, before I even knew Andy, and I would be like, I wonder how closeted that guy is, but that was the end of the thought. And then I lived here and, you know, see him out with his, like, wife and kids. and I'm like, Lord, honey. Yeah.

That's gayer than not having a wife and kids, by the way, somehow. I mean, Lindsey Graham never, he was a lifelong bachelor, right? He was that version, but the ones that like- Was he really? He didn't have a wife and kids? No, right, Drew? He was. Correct.

Yeah, he was a lifelong bachelor. And so there's the even more like extreme version of it, yeah, where they like marry a woman and have children and everything. I'm immediately contradicting myself, but that is fucking wild because in, Lindsey Graham's doubt, because he old, like, that was the game you had to play. You had to play, right? He got in in D.C. and then he didn't have to play that. He could play the game of, I'll do whatever y'all want.

If you're young, like, if you're coming up now and you're gay and you're in the closet, like, yeah, dude, millennials don't be getting married and having families. But I don't think people knew he was in the closet. Like, weirdly, people just didn't know people like him were gay back then. They really didn't. But you had, but they would start if you at a certain. He was already made, is what I'm saying. I hear what you're saying, but he was a made man by the time they figured it out.

Yeah, that's just crazy to me. But that's why he was so talented. I mean, in a lot of ways, this is a gay man's story. He was like, I am great at what I do. No, I'm, I'm, I'm with you. You're making me, like, nothing could make me a Lindsey Graham fan, but I can tell you this. I am without question. I have more, not respect is not the word, but like, I'm,

more impressed with him because like, yeah, like everyone knows that back in those days, like, in order to be a politician, if you was, like, you, even if you weren't gay, you still just had to get a wife. Like, the whole thing was like, I mean, it's the, what's the, what's the cliche thing is like, you got to, even in business, it wasn't just politics, it was business too. It was like, you've got to prove money if you can't even get someone to marry. Yeah, you got to prove that someone can put up with. Yeah, that's like what I mean.

Yeah, that's like what I mean. Like, it's like, like, it figures at least, you know, somebody can put up with you. Exactly. I don't remember what he says about it. He also says, also we know you're not queer. We know you're not queer. Yeah, he might have actually said the slur. Yeah, well, he's at the driving range scene, right?

The driving range scene. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's like, you know, you cock must work. You know, you're not queer and at least somebody could put up with your shirt or something like that. And that's based on, that's based on literally what people think. Right. And also, like, there's been a lot of movie scenes that were like, a lot of dudes like, hell, they would, I've seen movie scenes based on like what guys actually believe they're like, man, I put on, I'm not even married, but I put on wedding rings when I go out just so I can get laid. Because like women are more attracted to dudes that have, that are already married.

Okay, this is a fun little diversion for me that I don't remember if ever has ever come up on this podcast before. I was about to say, I don't remember if we ever talked about this on here or not, but. I've been fascinated with this for a long time, so I've been married for 15 years. Has that been at all y'all's experience? No. But for me, it is not. Because look, here's still, look, you know, chin strap played bro me back, whatever. Like, you know, I did all right.

It was fine. From the moment I got married, it's like, it's like the opposite, which is good. I feel like I get here, not complaining. That's the way it should be. But that cliche I always heard. It's also like, that's like saying, it's like, you know, because all women are fucking horrors or home records and stuff. But, like, I legitimately, though, I have, that has never been my actual real life experience at all. Like, I can tell you this.

I only, I exclusively get hit on when I get hit on, which is not, I mean, it's probably more than most people would think, considering I'm a very annoying, chubby idiot. So it's probably more than anyone would think. But it's also almost exclusively by older women and they don't give a fuck, period. You know what I mean? So, like, you can't really use me as an example. For me, it's almost all older women. They don't give a fuck, period. Like, you could be sitting there with your wife,

and they're just going to be like, it's what I want. I don't care. You know what I mean? I also think there's a huge difference in the population of women who would be receptive to you hitting on them, married or not, versus the group of women who will hit on you, married or not. Correct. Like, that's like a, and like, you know, that has, like, the women who will hit on, the first thing they have to think is that it's like safe.

And I don't mean safe like you're not going to hit them. I mean, like, that you won't do. Who's Corey going to judge? You know what I'm saying? Like, I think that part of your charm is like you are one of the least judgmental people. Yeah. Ever. I'm safe.

So I think that like that's a different thing. But I also think, and Corey's touching as it's generational for sure. I think that old adage isn't old. adage. I'm not saying it doesn't exist anymore, but I don't think it's like... Right. That's what I've always kind of thought, too. Yeah. I do think women look at me like, like, if I'm looking for a dude who I could fuck and it will go no further, this, you know what I mean? Like this, who he going to tell? And also, who going to believe him? You know what I mean? Who's going to believe this motherfucker?

But, uh, yeah, also, I haven't worn my waiting ring in like six months because I lost it and just keep forgetting to go get another one. But I also haven't been to a bar in those six months either, so I wouldn't know. Like, I have no idea. I don't know what it's like out there, but I'm specifically just speaking from like, what I was talking about was like Lindsey Graham's era of back of those days. Like, look, man, all of everything I say is based on the show, Madman. Let's just get that.

Let's just get that out there. That's my knowledge of pop culture. And that's when Lindsay Graham would have been swinging it around, you know, know, back in those days. But that is wild, man. Well, they've got that character, Madman, right? They've got that, like, clearly gay book cause of character who's like, yeah. Sal.

Go out and get some pussy, you know, or whatever. My God. These girls. I love me. I love it. That's like he's a guy. Please tell me I get to come to. Pussy boys.

Yeah. You're telling me we're casting someone that looks like Norma Jean. Please let me come to Cass. Yeah, like, it's hilarious. And, but wow, yeah, Lindsey Graham, confirmed bats are just getting them moles fucked. Just without even having to tell his wife where he was. Right. I don't know with homophobia or what, but every time somebody brings that up, I hate it.

I hate it, too. It is homophobia, but it's really, it's just gross. Bro, I'll tell you this. If I found out that Katie Porter had moles in her fucking stinky, mushy ass, I wouldn't like it either. And I, and she's a woman. Yeah, right. But, I mean, look, there's been. a ton of like,

I was going to say thinly, but not even veiled like homophobic stuff about Lindsey Graham, but I legitimately do think that he's a gross old man. It's not even that. It's different because I've seen people acknowledge this in the

bits that they're doing or when they bring it up or whatever. And it's like it's different for him because he was like a fucking hypocrite who worked against three. So it's like he was outwardly homophobic while being gay would change his context of making fun of him for being gay.

You know what I mean? It's not because he was up-fucked. It's not because he was a closeted gay dude. It's because he was like a hate-filled. He was a demon. He made people's lives worse. Yeah, right. That's what makes it different and okay, in my opinion. Of course.

But, yeah. Now, if the thing that you're saying about Lindsey Graham also applies to just regular gay people and makes them feel bad, then maybe don't say it. But they all seem to be very specific shots at him, which I think is totally fine. And also the best ones have come from the gay community, which have been, right. And also there's been all these,

y'all think all them, what do you all think about these, like, reports, you know, from these guys that have been like, now that he's dead, I will say,

I fucked Lindsey Graham in the butter. I did this. I'm mad at you for not saying it earlier. Do what, Drew? At NDAs. That we get sued for $100,000. Yeah,

right. That's true. I guess, well, dude, just do it and we'll pay your go fund me. My God. Just more meant like, do you just buy all of them?

Like any type you just read a story like that, you're like, he did fuck Lindsey Graham in the butt. Yeah, I want to buy it. Right. I mean, I want to buy it too. Drew, at least some of them have to be. Can they like, can they show the NDA now that he's dead be like, hey, here, I signed it?

I don't know what you mean. Oh, like pull it out? Yeah. I don't know. Which, of course, you could fake that too. Yeah. And the, but the ladybug's thing was rumored, obviously for years and years before he was dead. And multiple people, like.

multiple people. Man, I mean, dude, bro, he was fucking gay. I don't give a good goddamn. He was gay as fuck. Of course, I'm not debating whether he was or was not gay. I guess I'm just saying in the days following his death, there were a bunch of different, like, social media, like purportedly firsthand accounts.

You won't know how I know he gay? You know how I know he gay? He's a fucking 80-something-year-old Republican, right, who was never married, and I've not heard one woman say that he raped her. not one he's gay there you go

not one not one allegation not one he fucking grabbed my ass said my scar none not a goddamn thing he's had to deny

when it comes to a woman that's the gayest shit I've ever fucking heard gay all right well rest in a piece to his gay ass

I guess you know I was thinking about yesterday well about this ain't a full joke but I just had this thought and it won't go nowhere else, but I was watching this, they have this new show on Disney

that's about the Titanic. It's like eight episodes and it's one of those like docu dramas where like they do have people, they do have people talking about it, but then they have like actouts or whatever. You mean like like fucking like unsolved mysteries and shit used to do?

Yeah, kind of. Is it that type of like production quality? Is it like cheesy like that? No, no, no, no, it's good. No, it's good. I've only seen a couple minutes of the first one because Bain interrupt me, But no, it's good.

It's more like, you remember, you saw a wide-urping the Cowboys thing on Netflix, that thing. Uh-uh. It's like that. Like, no, the actors are doing really good shit. It's just like, then they couple it with, like, James Cameron stuff or whatever. Yeah. Talking head shit. I was just thinking about how fucking hilarious it would be.

Like, imagine you're standing, you're like a little kid and you're standing on the Carpathia. Like, you've just been saved. and you're waiting, and, like, you're sitting there waiting for the survivors of the Titanic, and you find out that your dad in third class died, and then you see a woman from first class walked down with her fucking Pomeranian. Like, how fucking, like, how shit. And you know that happened. And you know that happened.

Yeah. So many times. I mean, I feel like that era. And those people, whatever, it was just like, you know, just another kick in the head. Do you know what I mean? Other hole in the boat, as it were. That's just how things was back then, you know what I mean? Do y'all get that RFK diarrhea?

Perhaps you offer me one of the dog's treats for something. Yeah, if I'm lucky. What'd you say? Did y'all get that RFK junior diarrhea? Not yet, no. Yeah, we got it. I'm banking on it. you know me.

I've got like a month off the, because Caleb told me that that shit lasts like a month. Is that true? Well, I don't know, but we all, well, maybe we didn't get the specific one, but everybody in that Branson household had the exact same diarrhea for three days straight.

I thought you just meant your town. You're saying your family actually had it. You're saying y'all had superb diarrhea? I'm just saying we all had our entire. I'm just saying, I'm blanking. I just called it the idus because we all had the exact same diarrhea and it all smelled the same and it was all at the same time. I mean, but regular old, like things that caught just a stomach bug or whatever, they, it'd be like that.

If you're in like a small house with a family of people, you will all get it at the same time. Yeah, but I didn't feel sick otherwise, you know what I mean? Okay, is that how, why would this be called turbo diarrhea if you're pretty much just fine? You're just pooping. Isn't it supposed to be? I don't know. I just want to blame it on Robert. Well, you can do that anyway, but again, I don't know if Caleb was right or not,

but he said this fucking new, this new diarrhea they've come out with. He said it lasts like a fucking month. Well, that don't hit. And I was like, because as you know, I'm, I'm pre, I'm pro diarrhea for the most part, but I'm not pro new diarrhea. I like old diarrhea. Right. Well, he said, but I was like, I've got like a month off.

Then we didn't get it. We coming up and I was like, if, then if that is true, then I'll be, I'll be getting it pretty soon. I'll spend that whole month. pooping. Well, if it lasts a month, we didn't get it. But how can you poop for a month and not die? I mean, I know it ain't the Oregon Trail no more.

You can still, if you drink Gatorade and stuff, all you got to do is stay hydrated. Yeah. You'll be fine. That was their problem back then. Yeah, they couldn't hydrate. They couldn't stay hydrated. Water and it had hawk poop in it and stuff.

Yeah. As long as you, as long as you keep vitamin C in you and hydrate, you'll be fine. But I mean, yeah, if you acted like a fucking, like if my dad poop for a month straight, this would absolutely. kill my dad for sure because he would not hydrate properly the whole time he'll die from this r fk jr will kill my dad finally oh yeah no i don't i ain't got it yet but i mean i've been you know we've been washed it's one of those things where katy's like washing berries off last night that i just brought back from the store rinsing them all fuck that i'm still not doing that and then she eats the berries

and then she's like i think something's wrong you know it's like she she she ended up being fine but you just saying i woke up yesterday morning to go or sunday morning to go the airport in Arkansas and I had eating like club food at midnight the night before and I woke up with like my belly was wrong and in my head I was like this is it this is the start of it it's that new but it wasn't at all so yeah that's one that's what don't hit about it that's what see that's what I do as soon as they announce a new thing like this I make myself sick right well you just assume that's what it is yeah I get I get like mentally sick or whatever and you saw this that this thing too is that it's from well actually I

I think they might have exonerated Taylor Farms, I think. Yeah, but did. Okay, but regardless, there's still nefarious bullshit. Didn't the Taylor Farms like CEO just meet with Trump or something like that right before they were exonerated all of a sudden or some shit? Yes, yes. But regardless, here's my thing is, regardless of whether they were exonerated for them causing the diarrhea, one thing we did find out in the Taylor Farm situation is that regardless of whether it was them, that was tainted. What we did find out was, is that they are supplying both Whole Foods and Taco Bell at the same time. So the Taco Bell lettuce that you're getting that is costing you a dollar on your

chalupa is then being marked up and sold to you for $9 at Whole Foods. And in one place, you're being told it is bad. And in one place you're being told it is bad. And in one place you're being told it is good. So regardless of whether or not it is the one that's giving you diarrhea, that is now irrelevant to me and whether or not Taylor Farms is a good corporation. Because, and by the way, insert Fry from Futurama meme here, because I, as soon as I heard that, my brain went, so is eating lettuce at Whole Foods actually bad or is eating lettuce at Taco Bell actually good? You know what I'm saying? I'm like, which one is it? and the reality is

is that it's just fucking lettuce and we're all being manipulated and all right you had to guess that was going to happen at some point and you don't think they got they'd be having different lettuces on the farm that old man Taylor's running old man Taylor and his upstart farm

I mean maybe I mean maybe but like I mean maybe but like you really run a farm where you're like hey make shitty lettuce over there and we'll give that to Taco Bell like that doesn't. doesn't make sense to me. Like, why would you...

Well, let's say your goal was not to make shitty lettuce, but... It's... Right. They ain't all going to turn out great. You're like, that one ain't up to Whole Food Standard. Put that in a Taco Bell pile. Right. And we'll sell that one for cheaper.

But you wouldn't sell stuff with diseases and stuff on it. Right? No, they definitely wouldn't do that. Yeah. But then I don't have a problem with... But then if that's... But then if the only thing is the quality, then I don't really have a problem do you know what I'm what's the who cares like the only the only thing when it comes to the

beef maybe I got an issue but like I just don't see when it comes to lettuce lettuce mainly water anyways so like what the fuck I care about nine dollar goddamn lettuce you know what I'm saying like get the fuck out my face with that like beef I do want to pay a little extra for some good stuff but like are there any more vitamins in the when he when is the bad lettuce that you're selling the Taco Bell does it got less vitamins and stuff in it or is it just a little bit more brown

no bro fuck lettuce it's like the people that just want to get just uppity shit otherwise they also buy lettuce so they put the I don't know it's more green and leafy looking the shit they put in whole foods probably and that's all it I don't get a fuck lettuce see I'm about over this generally but uh I'm about over this shit

um it so according to fucking Google's AI or whatever it says it can take two to 14 days until the symptoms appear and then it says once the symptoms appear it can last several weeks or a month that's what it says bro i don't want that i don't want that either months of that i don't want that no i'm in no position to be near a toilet that long i mean my god dude yeah i mean i'll be uh i like diarrhea for like a day, a day of diarrhea, that's what's up. It says always wash raw produce thoroughly with water and make sure to cook foods to 158 degrees, wash your hands. See, man.

Me and you talk about this all the time. Yeah, I mean, I normally never ever used to do that. Me too. Fuck that. It's never been a problem. But Katie has instituted it now that turbo diarrhea is around and, you know, whatever. Like, dude, I fucking don't even wash mushrooms. I just be eating the dirt.

I don't give a shit. To me, with mushrooms, I've always kind of thought like, I don't know that dirt, the mushroom Dirt is part of it somehow. It's a dirt to do it. Like you wash that off and it makes them weird, I feel like it. Yeah, it makes them slimy and it does make them slimy. It makes them less appetizing when you wash off mushrooms. Yeah, that ain't come out in the cook.

It's going to come out in the cook. That ain't dirt. That's mushroom nutrients that it looked like dirt. And don't even get me started on what black people do to chicken. Oh, bro. You know what I mean. And looks. Like, well, not everybody knows.

And look, that's like, proven to not be a thing that is good to do. Matter of fact, it's worse. It's worse. It actively just makes your sink. Look, black people, I love you. You spread the contamination around and shit when you try to wash meat, raw meat like that. You just get the germs all over the place. Black people, I love you.

And in most situations, I stand behind you up fully 100%. But man, I got to tell you, y'all in the comment sections of most food videos, like, listen, when y'all are, when y'all are in the comment section of a white, woman cooking chicken, I'm fucking right there with you. I'm right there with you. Could not agree more. Unless it's the part where you're talking about how like, I bet she didn't even wash that meat, you're just wrong. And I know you don't want to hear a white man tell you you're wrong. And normally I would not want to be the white man to tell you you're wrong. But when it comes to

washing meat and shit, as a white man, I got to tell you, you are wrong on this one. You are wrong on this one. You do not have to do it. I promise you that they are what they are they're doing it. They're doing it. You don't have to do it. When you wash chicken in the sink, it is spreading salmonella in your sink. When you cook the fucking chicken, it, the cooking is the thing that gets rid of the germs. You don't have to fucking do it. I promise. I promise. No, no, you don't. You're right. Also, also, Not all the time, but a lot of the time, salt and pepper is enough for eggs. Sometimes that's fine. Absolutely.

Sometimes that's fine. Absolutely. Sometimes that's fine. All right. Sorry, y'all. I need to wrap this episode up a little bit earlier than usual because I have a thing that's about to start a different meeting. Where are you going to be? Drew got booted from our system we use here, but wanted me to tell y'all, this is Drew will be in Birmingham.

on August 7th and New Orleans, Louisiana on August 8th. I guess you can find those on Drew's website. Drew Morgan Comedy.com. Dr. Morgan Comedy.com. Birmingham, August 7th, New Orleans, August 8. I, Trey, I've got a little bit of time off the road proper. But in August, I will be in Kansas City, Des Moines, and Omaha, and then upstate New York, Hartford, Connecticut, and a whole bunch of other places coming up in the late summer and early fall, all at Trey Crowder.com.

Can you see your website right down there? I can. You're doing a good job. Yeah, I can see it. Okay, I'll just making sure it wasn't just showing up for me. Hey, I am going to be at Coreywritesforyou.com. That's my substack. I just put out a story today. You can listen to it. It's actually called The Story Before the Story, and it's about a house falling down upon itself. It's a little thing from Branson.

By the way, you can pay or you cannot, but I'll tell you this. If I double my paid subscribers between now and next year, I can afford to just write and podcast for a living. And that's all I do. And I can raise my son and I'll be a happy man. So Corey writes for you.com. Also go check out, if you're on the Dollop's Patreon, you can go ahead and check out the first five episodes of the Dollop Hollywood Hellscape,

where I am the new co-host of the Dollop Hollywood Hellscape. It's a dream come true to me to be on the dollop, and I actually get to be the host of one of their spinoffs, and I'm very excited about that. So check it out, but more importantly, Corey writesfor-you-com. Thank you all for listening to... Sorry, my voice is shit right now.

Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. But tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you. Good night and skew. Fart. Gors. Fuck my butt.

Hey, y'all. So we went a little short today, so I figured I'd add the latest thing that I did over at Corey writes for you.com. I call these park rants. And today I was talking a little bit more about my trip to Branson, Missouri. And I was talking about how it inspired me to write a story. But this really isn't that story. This is just me talking about wanting to.

write that story. This is the story before the story, as I called it. This is the story before the story, and that story is probably going to be called the house that God divided. Anyways, here's me rant about that. I hope y'all enjoyed it. And if you did, you can subscribe to Corey Wrightsfor-you.com, totally for free. Here is the story before the story, the house that God divided. All right, talk to you all later. Bye-bye. it is time for a rant. So today I woke up with the wrong brain. And I feel that most days, frankly,

because my brain is, I would say my brain is incorrect in the sense that it is mostly given me grief. It has fortunately also given me a career, thankfully. You know, I've got to give my brain props for that. It works in ways that are detrimental to my hair. health in many ways. It has caused me to make the wrong decision in terms of, you know, things I've put in my body over the years, whether that be drugs or cheeseburgers or genitals. Okay, Jesus Christ, that's a little bit much. But, you know, y'all all know that I've had struggles with my

brain. I have, you know, clinical depression and anxiety and all that. But my brain is also a neat little thing that's creative, and I love that about it. That's my favorite part of my brain. Matter of fact, yesterday I was thinking about it. We were driving home from Branson, Missouri. Most of you know if you actually follow my substack closely and you're in the chat, which, by the way, if you're not in the chat, I suggest you do. We have fun in there. It's sort of like, I would say the chat is sort of like how most people treat Instagram or something like that. You know, like my wife and like my family, like my sister and stuff, they're like a lot more personal on Instagram. My Instagram, because I'm a show person, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, my, my, my Instagram is more for entertainment purpose.

I put up funny things and clips and promotional stuff that, you know, most normal people are just like, hey, here's us at the beach and the lake. I'd save that for the chat. You know what I mean? Not that anybody really gives a shit about my personal life, but I guess some people do. And I save that for the chat because I kind of think that's more private stuff. And I'm only really willing to show that side of me to people who are who I consider. actual fans, not just lurkers on Instagram who I don't think have my best interests at heart.

I feel like a lot of people on Instagram who follow me are just, you know, a lot of them follow me just to hate me. I don't feel like there's anybody on Substack that's like that, especially anybody that's like, you know, active in the chat. Y'all are, y'all are all my people, you know but if you if you are active in the chat and you follow me on substack then you know i've been on vacation in branson missouri this week and it was a fun time we had a blast it's one of the most fun vacations i've had in a long time and i definitely think i'm gonna get in the weeds here but i'll i'll eventually get to a point y'all know how these talks go i definitely think that a huge portion of the reason that it was one of the best vacations of my life is that not only did i

not drink a drop of alcohol, but my wife didn't drink a drop of alcohol either. So there was just like zero stress at all in terms of like nobody was ever hung over. So like, because we were dealing with like 11 kids. Obviously only one of them is ours. But you know, we're all family. So we're going to tend to everybody and we care about everybody. And when there's 11 kids running around and they're related to you. Well, I mean, you know, not by fucking blood, at least for me. But like, you have a vested interest in keeping them safe, so you're going to be stressed. And it is very much easier to do so when you're not hung over. It makes everything a lot less stressful, and it makes your anxiety a lot better. And I've been trying to tell my wife that for years, because my wife,

it took me a long time to convince her that she has anxiety, which was very frustrating. And, sorry to put her on front street here, but like, it was very frustrating because, like, I was trying to explain to her. I was like, I'm not talking shit to you. I'm not saying this, that you have anxiety as a pejorative. I'm not like, I'm not using it as an insult. I'm trying to help you here. I'm telling you because I know, because I have it, you know, and I've told people this before, it's the wildest thing ever. When you go to therapy and you, figure out all your shit, it is like, it's either like getting glasses for the first time and you can finally see, or maybe more so, it's like having a filter removed off of you and now

you can actually see the world for what it is. And you can, like, I can diagnose people on the spot. Like, obviously, I'm not a professional. I can't, like, get into the minutia of it. But, like, You can just start spotting, oh my God, this person needs therapy. Like, you can just start spotting issues. And you realize quickly, like, how much the world could benefit from therapy or in a lot of extreme cases medication. Like, you just start noticing it. You know what I mean?

Like, you just really start noticing it because you've been through it. And I would explain to my wife, like, all the tendencies, now that I've been through the other side that I can just pick up on, And I point them out to her because I want her to feel better because I feel better. And like obviously I still have my moments, but there's so much fewer and far between. So I tried for years to tell her and she would basically give me the like, what the fuck would you know about it? Which that always pissed me off because I'm like, listen, you can say a lot about me.

And like, there's plenty that I don't know. But like, God damn it, when it comes to brains being fucked up, I'm a fucking, you know, I've done four tours of duty. God damn it. I'm well versed in it. And she finally believed me, you know, and got her some medication. And then, but the last thing, and I've been, my current sober stint is like, I think six weeks or something like that. And I've been trying to tell her. I was like, baby, listen, and I'm telling you this, the next thing you got to do to level up is you got to quit boozing so much.

I was like, all the anti-anxiety medication in the world and all the breathing exercises in the world and all the little tips and tricks in the world, I was like, they're great and they do help. But I was like, they can only do so much. You give up that booze. You're leveling up. you know, and she finally listened to me. And we had a stress-free week, and it was a lot of fun. And we had a blast. And, but the reason I said I hate my brain is because I woke up with the wrong brain today.

So I woke up with a writing brain today. But today is not a writing day. Today is a podcast day, unfortunately. Today is the well-read podcast day, and so I'm not really going to have a lot of time to write because we've got to do the podcast, and then that rolls right into my wife goes to work at 4, and I've got to pick my son up from my mom's, and don't get me wrong, I can get a little writing done while my son's running around and playing, but not that real deep-focused writing like I want to do.

I might can do some light, outlining work, which I don't, it's not that I don't like to do, it's just that I've never found that it helps me that much. But the thing, I'm going to tell you all the thing that I want to write about. And this, I will use this to serve as sort of my outline, my like vomit draft, because this is a thing that I saw while we were on vacation that just really stuck with me. So hopefully, by just getting the inspiration and the bare bones out here, I will be able to then listen back to this and put it into a story. Now, by the way, here we rest part four will come first for sure.

But as y'all know, I'm someone that I try to do a lot of things at the same time. You know what I mean? I like to stretch things out and I like to do what I'm currently inspired by. the thing that I saw. So we were in Branson, Missouri, which you don't, you know, probably even, no matter where you live, if you live in the United States, you've probably heard of Branson, Missouri. It's like, you know, the Gatlinburg of the Midwest, I guess. It's a, it's a lake town, and that lake is Table Rock Lake. And as far as lakes go, it is a fucking banger. I mean, it is unbelievable dude uh this week in particular i guess they'd gotten a shit ton of rain the lake was

super clear it was awesome it was so beautiful a little choppy but that made it super fun um Amber's grandma's got a place there she got in like 94 for probably not that much money you know and now it's probably worked so much. There's no telling. But we've obviously got carte blanche there. I'm a very insanely lucky man. Let's just put it that way. I'm an insanely lucky man. We've just got a place that we can go to on Table Rock Lake anytime we want. I'm blessed. So we were there and our place is right near this place called Gobbler Mountain, right? And so we've been on the lake all day fucking around and um bane who my lord y'all just i mean i knew he loved the pool he can't get enough of the pool this summer and he loves the bathtub too like he just loves water

but the lake is like a whole other level he would he just wouldn't stay out of it he was just i've got some videos that that maybe i'll hopefully i'll remember to post with this post of just we had that damn boat door open and he was jumping off the boat right and like in midair turning so that he would already be in the direction to hit the water and swim to the ladder so that he could get back on the boat and jump his ass off again it was hilarious like literally jumping and like wiley coyote turning midair fucking jumping back on the boat just having the time of his life so he was starting get the nods on the way back, and I'm thinking like, okay, he's going to take a nap. Now, I, on vacation, am the designated, if it's time for me to take a nap, I'm the one that makes the sacrifice of leaving

the party and taking him to take a nap so Amber can keep hanging out and usually drinking with the family or whatever. Now, again, she didn't drink this week, but that's still my role. And by the way, I say sacrifice. That's tongue and cheek. It's not a sacrifice. I love it. I always, like, I'm always down to leave the group and go back up to whether it be the beach condo that we've rented or the lake house and lay the baby down, or in this case, the toddler down, so that I can be the fuck out of the sun. Because I hate being in, I mean, I love nature. Don't get me wrong. But after too long, in the sun, I'm ready to be inside, and I'm also ready to be by myself. That's the most important part. My social battery gets drained pretty quick.

And frankly, I'd rather be alone by myself watching The Terminator or the prestige or fucking, you know, The Matrix or Lord of the Rings. And by the way, I'm mentioning things I've seen a million times for a reason.

it's because I also would like to halfway participate in a nap, you know. So I can't put on something I haven't seen. I can't put on something I have to pay attention to because I want the option to fall asleep. But also, there's no guarantee that the baby is going to immediately fall asleep. And I may have to sit there and hear some unintelligible conversation first. You understand what I'm saying? you've got to have movies lined up for when you're watching them with kids that can just play in the background that entertain you,

but you know the plot, so you don't miss anything, right? And I'm always fucking down for that. So I take Bain up, and he's sort of dozing. We're on this vehicle that I have affectionately referred to as the Scooter Pooter. It's this little, like, it's not a golf. When you see it, your instinct would be to call it a golf cart because it's about the same size. And it's got about the same horsepower.

But like, there's no place for golf bags or anything. It's just, I call it, I've been calling it the Scooter Poter. It's a scooter pooter. And it's clearly from the 80s. And it's just a little vehicle that serves a school. same purpose as people use golf carts for in neighborhoods it's just a thing that's not a car but you can get around in it you know what i mean it's a little vehicle for little neighborhoods little lake towns to where you can just put a cooler in it and get around right so we've driven that

uh he's still he's still he's still kind of not having it and uh he loves riding on that little thing and he's he's sort of he's sort of nodding off then we're getting the we get in the we get in the the house. He's still not having it. I'm like, goddammit. I really want him to go to bed. And he kind of starts crying. And my father-in-law, Danny, who Bain affectionately refers to as grand Danny, comes in the house. Now, for background on Danny, Danny, my father-in-law, was also my shop teacher in high school. He was one of my football coaches, and he was my track coach. I loved him then. I love him now. He is fucking awesome. He is also one of those dudes who is only happy when he's working.

And like, not in a, like, I mean, it's wild because, like, he's certainly, like, you know, a capitalist in the sense of, like, you know, we got to work for, if we want things, we got to work for him. But he's not a, like, I don't think he thinks you're, he don't think you are useless if you don't spend 18 hours of the day working. He genuinely just likes. likes it. Like, he's just kind of, I think he would tell you he's lucky that like his hobby is fixing shit. He likes building stuff. Like, he's a carpenter. He's a contractor. That stuff makes him happy.

And it also just happens to make him money. Like, he feels truly lucky because he loves fixing shit. He would be, when I say he would be doing it for free, he does. Because when we're at the lake, he'd be fixing people in the area's stuff and he don't charge him just because that's what he likes to do. Like everybody knows when Danny's in town, like, they'll wait. Like if something in their air condition are fucked up, those be like, oh, Danny will be in town next week. They'll say, oh, hell, we'll fucking wait until he gets here. And he'll fix it for him for free. He likes it. He enjoys it. He stays busy. You know what I mean? He's that dude. He's a man's a man. He's a man. Drinks Bush beer fucking likes Iowa football and Iowa basketball. That's where they're all

from, Iowa, you know. And so he's just a, he's just a real man. And he's fucking awesome. And I love him. I don't know why he loves me, but he doesn't. He doesn't. He does. And what's cool about Danny too is whenever we're in Branson, because, like, he's from Iowa, but his family's had some land in Branson for a while, so he knows the Branson history, and he's hunted up there and shit, and so he knows some stuff about it. And he sees that Bain's crying, and he knows that Bain does really well on car rides and stuff, and he knows that Sometimes Bain loves car rides, and he knows that Bain sometimes falls asleep on car rides. So he's like, hey, you want me to take y'all on a ride up Gobbler's Mountain.

I bet Bain would like that, and I got something I want to show you. Because another cool thing about Danny is, I mean, me and him could not be more different. You know, we could not be more different. And I used to have a lot of, like, anxiety about, you know, I'm marrying his daughter, and he's this man who, like, Like, he can fix all this shit. And he's, he's like, he's a good woodworker. And, like, anytime something at my house needs fixing, he comes over and does it, you know. And I always feel like, God damn it, like, that's a man.

And I bet he doesn't think I'm a man, you know, and that, like, embarrasses me or whatever. And it somehow, low-key got brought up one night. And he was, basically, his answer was, he goes, well, I mean, brother, I can't write a fucking book. And you can. don't you think it takes all kinds? And I was like, God damn, that's such an awesome answer. You know what I mean? And he meant that shit.

You know what I mean? Like, he truly meant that shit. And like, hell, I provide for his daughter. He don't give a fuck how I do it. You know what I mean? And also, I think it hits for him that I can't do any of that stuff because he still feels value. Like, he likes it that he's still the guy that comes and fixes stuff for his daughter and not me.

You know what I mean? but we get along really good. And another thing he really likes doing is like whenever he remembers something from the past or something cool comes up, he's like, oh, man, this might make a good story for you. And what's funny is whenever someone says like, oh, this will make a good joke, I'm usually like, oh, God. But whenever someone says, I bet this will make a good story, I actually get really excited. It's like kind of the opposite.

And especially with Danny, he's usually right because he knows that I, I'm like really into old shit and period pieces and stuff. And Danny usually shows me or tells me about some shit that like I did not know about or I hadn't seen before. And so he's like, let's go up Gobbler's Mountain. I got to show you something that I bet you might want to write about. So he gets us in the Polaris. And if you don't know what a Polaris is, it's like a fucking dune buggy type situation

meant to go off-roading in. Danny hunts a lot and shit. And so it's just this big-ass, you know, like I said, dune buggy type thing. It's badass as fuck. And so it's me and him up front, and we got Bane in between us, and we're going up Gobbler's Mountain,

just boogety-bugety-bugity-bugity in. And he's like, there's this house up here, and you've got to check it out. It's completely falling apart. And I'm thinking to myself, okay, hell, I've seen a house falling apart before. You know what I mean? And so we're going and we're driving up there

And there's a lot of pretty scenery I mean we got the lake over here to our right Gop it's a, we're on Gobbler's Mountain We got the lake to our right We're going up a corkscrew And the lake's so goddamn pretty You can see it through the trees And I'm just sitting there

And I'm waxing poetic to Danny I'm like, oh man I was like Hey man I was like this ridge over here I was like, whose property is that? He's like I hell I don't know these people He's like why I was like I just thinking I was like maybe I was like I like come and bring a chair and like sit there in the morning and write.

He's like, oh yeah, nobody up here cares. You know, he's like, that'd be fine. Bring you some coffee up here and like pretend like I'm going to wake my ass up in the morning after being up with fucking 11 kids all night. Anyways, we're pulling up on the house. And sure shit, there's this house and just right down the middle of the house, it is completely caved in. I mean, from the road, you can just see the middle of this fucking kitchen.

You know, it's just caved in. I'm just sitting there I'm just like, God, it's so fucking sad, man. You know? And what you've got to understand, too, is that, like, this property, y'all,

there is no telling how much this shit is worth. Because Table Rock Lake, this is, I mean, this is some salt out land. Like, I don't know how much Grandma Sandy paid for her place in 1994,

but, I mean, she could get fucking five, six, seven times for it now, you know. And like, even this place that's completely caved in, you could, just for the damn

land it's sitting on, you could get something. But I'm still sitting here and I'm just like, God, how'd they let it get that way, man? And I'm like, I know everybody's got their circumstances. And, you know, far be it from me who is like, I'm not a rich man by any means,

and frankly I probably never will be just because well I don't know I'm just not I've got artistic drive but I don't whatever the thing is that makes someone I don't know

greedy is not the word but like I don't know I don't know like I have a lot of artistic drive and if that artistic drive makes me rich then I'll be rich but otherwise who the fuck I might have say anything but like it was just bumming me out thinking about it and I was like, God, how long that place, how long that place has just sat there, abandoned in order to become that way is crazy, you know?

And I'm sitting there thinking about all that. And then Danny said to me, he goes, yeah, they just moved the guy out last month. And I was like, what? There's a guy that's just fucking been living. living in there like that for a fucking month, or not for a month, but up until a month ago. And I promise you, that shit did not just happen. It did not just fall in. And I confirmed that with Danny.

He's like, oh, no, it's been like that for a while. Like, for a while it's been like that. And this dude has just been living in it. And his kids have been trying to get him to move out. And he's just... And guys, I'm talking about all of the everything. elements are in. Like when it's raining, it's just, his kitchen is just getting filled with rain. When it's lightning and shit, he's just getting lightening upon and all that shit.

And he's just staying. And guys, I'm telling you, he's, this is a, this, we're talking at bare minimum, probably a couple million dollar home just because of where it's sitting, you know. and I know what you're thinking. Well, that might be the case, but he ain't got the money to fix it up. Okay. Well, I mean, can't you take a goddamn loan out against it to fix it up? Look, I don't fucking know how money works.

All I'm saying is that's fucking, or again, dude, fucking you can sell the house and then use that money to go live somewhere else that don't have a fucking hole in the roof. But that's where my wheels got going on writing something, because I'm thinking that's where she used to live with him. And now she's gone. And he can't sell it, even if there is a hole in it. Because the hole in that house ain't got nothing on the hole in his heart. You know what I'm saying? That's the sappy version. Or there's the version, there's the more comedic version,

where the house deteriorates and it splits down the middle like that. And a woman and a man continue to live in it, but they live on opposite sides of the house. And they just sit there, have dinner each night in separate rooms, and just watch the rainfall. in the middle of the house. I can't figure which direction I'd like to go with it, but it is interesting.

Well, like I said, today's not a writing day. Today's a podcast day. And now I have talked to y'all during the 30 minutes allotted for my exercise, which has been my walk through the park. And God damn it, it's hot as fuck out here. I'll tell you what.

is so hot that if my house had a hole in it and my AC wasn't able to keep working she-wee I'd about just have to take the big sleep I'll tell you that much right now everybody I appreciate you being here

on my substack at CoreyRights for you.com you have no idea how much it means to me and it means a lot to me that over the past like week 20 of you decided to upgrade to being a paid subscriber. That means the world to me, because that means that you heard my...

Well, it wasn't a cry for help. I mean, hell, I'll be fine. But it means that you heard me say that I crunched the numbers, and if by this time next year, I doubled my paid subscribers that I could basically justify writing every day on substack as my full-time job, that and podcasting. And the thing is, like, and I know I just said, like, oh, I can't, today's not a writing day,

it's a podcast day. Here's the thing. If I, like, today could be a podcasting and a writing day if I doubled my substack paid subscribers because it would mean that my wife wouldn't be picking up a shift at the meeting three. And so after I'm done podcasting, I wouldn't have to go pick up my son for my mom's because he would just be at home with my wife. And I could just go straight to writing this story. Again, I'm not entitled to that by any means.

But it would be cool. And you would be the beneficiary of it because I would write. more. I have a, I might share it with y'all, but no, I'm not going to, just because I want y'all to be surprised by stuff. I spent an entire day the other day in Branson, finally getting, I've had all these ideas for short stories, but they literally were just in my head. And I was like, oh my God, that's the most dangerous place for them to be, because you'll forget. I finally just got them all down on paper. And I was like, all right, that's the goal right there. Because I keep trying to come up with new ideas. And I was like, hey, fuck

that take all the old ideas and just flesh them out and i've got some really great ideas for these short stories to complete after here we rest that i don't think these will be in like parts i think these will be like oneers or whatever but i really want to do them as a book um but obviously since you guys are here your reward will be seeing them first um so thank you for upgrading to a paid subscriber, but as you know, and as I'll say, every time for you new people, it will always be available for free. Always. If you have a problem with that, I'm sorry, but I just think that's the way to do it. I want everybody to be able to enjoy it. Look, are there people who could afford the $5 who are choosing not to? Sure. I'm sure.

sure there are. But I would rather that happen than there be people who genuinely deserve to be entertained but can afford it and be denied the ability to do so. Because when I write and I put something on the page and I'm excited about it, do you know who I want to see it? Fucking everyone. That's who I want to see it. Everyone. And I just have to believe in a society that will choose to reward that if they have the means. You know what I'm saying? So if you have the means, it is basically less than a cup of coffee a month. And also, if you do not like recurring payments, which, for the record, I don't either, for the most part.

but you can also make a one-time donation, a PBS style, to my PayPal, which is ButtercreamCorey at Gmail.com, or my Venmo, which is at ButtercreamCorey, literally any amount that you want. $1, $5, $10,000, $10,000, whatever you want. It doesn't matter. Also, the QR codes for those are below, on this post and on every post that I do. And also, if you're going to be a paid subscriber,

you're going to make that upgrade. You can do it at the $5 a month. You can also do it at $50 a year, which saves you some money. Or if you're like, hey, I definitely have some extra coin. You can subscribe at the founding members. level and you're giving more money. Again, you get the same stuff, but you're like, hey, I'm rich. So I'm going to subscribe as a founding member, and it's like $250 a year. So you're spending more money so you can look at it as I'm paying for those people who can't afford it. And again,

only do this if my work brings value to your life and you can afford it. If neither of those things are true. Well, if my work doesn't bring value to your life, I'm sure that you're not listening at this point. But if it does and you can afford it, please give me money. If you can't afford it, please continue listening for free. Either way, thank you for being in my life and making it what it is because it is genuinely, I think, the best life a man could ask for. And the only way that it could possibly get better is if this time next year, I have doubled or maybe even tripled my paid subscriber ship. And I wake up every day and write for Substack and do podcasts.

And then I go to bed and kiss my son. And then, yeah, that's what I want my life to be. And I work hard, damn it, to achieve it. I've got a lot of stories to tell. And I don't want to die before. I get to tell them all. All right. I love you.

See you later. Bye bye.