wellRED podcast - BUBBA SHOT THE PODCAST: "I'd Be Better Off (In a Pine Box)"

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

Take a slow train to Georgia with us as we hop into heartbreak with Doug Stone's 1990 hit "I'd Be Better Off (In a Pine Box)." Funerals, Jamie Johnson, seedy hotels, and cheatin' women - we cover a lot on this one so strap in.

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If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the music that I'm playing right no we can't but we have started recording it was too late for me to stop it it's bubble shot the podcast gentlemen welcome today Doug stone I'd be better off parentheses in a

pine box. First, let's do the facts. Actually, first, first, let's comment if you're not watching on YouTube. Tushar, are you inside a white woman's consciousness right now? Do you have the Pinterest filter going? Yeah, that looks like an ink-bought test my wife would take. A horshack, if you will. Now, Tushar stayed in horseshacks before. This ain't them. I'm a frequenter. No, I'm in an office, side office, somebody else's office, but it is a white woman. So points to Drew. Hey, we did this like that ESPN show.

Is it Around the Horn? Just dang, dang, dang, dang. All right, let's get back to the facts, just the facts. I'd be better off, parentheses in a pine box, is the debut song of American country music artist Doug Stone. It was released in February of 1990, just barely coming in in the 90s. It was written by Johnny McCray and Steve Clark. I know very little about Steve Clark. We're going to get into Mr. McCray and his very impressive au revoir of work.

The song, I'm going to see here. The music video was directed by the directing duo Deaton and Flanagan. There's no Wikipedia for them. I don't know what Deaton and Flanagan had going on in February 1992. I forgot to dive too far into it. I really want to. But it's a great video. It's a great song.

As always, if you're listening, go watch the video. right now so you'll understand what we're talking about in reference to it and the lyrics uh boys what a great country song the anguish of a woman leaving you and then of course the added anguish of seeing her with her new man too shah we usually save this for the middle of it but uh if you listen to it have you listened to it yet yeah okay for a second i recognize on your face some fear i was like uh oh uh i want to know what you thought of what is obviously a great country song from the 90s, but also probably the most common country trope. Like country music, well, at least it used to be. Maybe not now. Maybe it's fucking trucks down

by the river now, but it used to be lonesome heart crying in my beer type stuff. What do you think, buddy? Exactly. I was like, this is the classic, uh, life is cruel. This is a song that you can just sit back, sulk, have a case of beer, and just kind of wallow in your sadness. It's great. To me, that's what country music's supposed to be, baby. I mean, it's supposed to be some other things, too, but one of the things it's supposed to be is exactly what this is, as far as I'm concerned. Like you just said, drink beer, be sad, god damn it.

Yeah, I agree. One of y'all mentioned just a minute ago, like, you know, trucks and painted on blue jeans and dirt roads. And, like, those are, you know, wonderful nouns to go in country songs, like to help paint the picture. But that does seem to be what they're just about now. And that's not anything. At least, like, yeah, this is a trope that's been, you know,

beating like a dead horse. But, like, it's also something that... That's a good song, too. That's a great song, beaten by a dead horse. Yeah, yeah. I believe that was bigger and rich. But it's one of those things we're like, yeah, how could you keep not doing this? Yeah.

How could you run out of this? Like, of course, it's always going to be a trope because this is always going to happen. You know what I mean? And everyone can relate to that. Yeah, hard for it. like other genres don't have millions of songs about getting left, you know what I mean?

Yeah, but I do think country is king when it comes to that. Do you agree? For sure, dude. Tere my beer type shit, absolutely. I'm biased, but for sure, yeah. I mean, AR&B's got a little bit R&B, but R&B also has the sexy stuff. I would say that there are mirror

images of each other to a certain extent where a country song about getting it on with your woman is great. There's plenty of We're going to talk about one of them on today's episode. But it's not what you expect. That's part of why it's great. R&B is usually about laying your woman down and being in love.

So when you got one about heartbreaks, I consider a mirror images. I think it's also the main way rap is different from country. We've talked a lot about, Tushar has brought up how some of these themes have been very rap-like in the, you know, Bubba's shooting the fucking podcast, the podcast, Lord, the Jutebox. and some of the other themes we've hit,

but the heartbreak, it ain't there in rap. No, hell no, they're running through them. You know what I mean? When the girl leaves in rap, good. That's a good thing. More biches. Yeah, one to take her place. All right, let's read the, let's go with the first verse.

It sets up what we've been talking about with the heartbreak, but it also sets up the back half of this, you know, it's what makes this song not just about heartbreak or what makes it specific, and I love it. I said the night you left me. Nothing worse could ever happen. But seeing you with someone else prove that I was wrong. And when your eyes met mine, I knew that you were gone forever,

along with all the reasons I had for hanging on. It's almost a romantic breakup with the eyes connecting. And I don't know, it, that hurts, man. You ain't wrong. well and it's also we'll get into the course the course is incredible it's also she left me we heard that we've heard that country song we know that country song and he's saying yep she left me and i thought it was the worst thing that ever happened to me until seeing her with someone else and the way she interacts with him makes me know that even my hope is gone we ain't ever getting back together yeah dude

because i mean that is the worst part for sure you know if you've ever been through a shitty breakup that's like because that's when you know it's over it's over right yeah because like everyone understands like rebounds or most people like i don't know about y'all but like pretty much every girl that i ever dated for at least a decent length of time like not just like a couple week fling but like if we dated for like several months or whatever the first breakup never completely took you know like there was always that rebound and so then whenever you break up again you're like oh no this ain't complete don't worry about it man she just needs time to cool off and then you know so you're with him and who boy that's a rough that's a rough time and it

doesn't matter when you see her with him how it is it's a rough time because you might see him i've had this before where you see her with him and your buddies are like dude you she clearly ain't that into him it's just a fling and you're like well that sucks too yeah yeah dude that's that's almost even worse like she don't even care about him it's just any dick but mine you know what i mean like I saw a song by Big and Richer. Yeah. That was a Cleetus T. Judd Jam, I think. Any dick, any dick but mine is going to walk that line.

She's going to suck it, fuck it, look it, and snort a line. Stick it twine her five. Dude, Corey, do that. Okay, hold on. I don't have my phone on me. It's down soon charging. Somebody put the note in there, any dick of any dick but mine. Any dick but mine.

And people on the. They're listening out there. Keep tweet at us any dick but mine, so I remember to do it. You can do a whole verse about how you got Blu in an attempt to keep her interested, but it clearly didn't work, and then you can maybe get sponsored, you know. There you go. We can make some money off this thing, chart topper. All right, let's get back to this man wishing he were dead.

Corey, we're going to go a little bit, and I didn't warn you of this, and it's fine for you to say no, but I'd like you to sing the chorus. Okay. I think this is one of the 10 best choruses in country music. I'm a little bit prone to hypervially when it comes to music, so sometimes I overstate things, but I feel good about that. Oh, I'd be better off in a pine box on a slow train bound for Georgia than the gray walls of a prison doing time.

I think I'd rather die and go to hell and face the devil than to lie here with you and hell. him together on my mind. It's rough, huh? I'd rather be dead or in the gray walls of the prison doing time. You said, I think you said, and the gray walls of the prison instead of or, but other than that.

And then you said bound instead of back, but honestly, I feel like that's better. Yeah, I've all, I've, that I've been seeing it wrong my whole life. Yeah. Well, the first one, just so everyone's clear, he'd rather be dead in a pine box or in the gray walls of a prison doing time. Or, and he'd rather die, go to hell and face the devil.

Now, I realize for a lot of our heathen fans, that might be an eye roll of a line, but country music in 1990. Yeah, right. Because the thing is, like, yeah, you might eye roll, but like, if you do believe that, if you do believe in the devil, then that's a hell of a thing to say, because that's the worst thing that could ever happen is to go to hell. You know?

Let's go to the music video. Yeah, absolutely. Let's go to the music video. Music video is interesting to me. I don't want to get the end is the most interesting part, but in the beginning, he's in a hotel room. Excuse me. Now, as traveling clowns,

we all know the loneliness of a hotel room. Being in one by yourself dealing with a heartbreak, I mean, it don't get much darker. No, it's rough, man. You were really just looking under the bed, hoping the last guy left a pistol. Right. Well, I mean, I've never, because the whole time we've been on the road,

I've been with Katie for years and years. I've never, like, I've been very sad in a hotel room, but it's usually because, like, I can't believe I ate that other sandwich. And then I, you know, or like, or, I mean, more sincerely, because I'm just missing my kids or something. But I'm saying hotel, y'all are right, the hotel room, the sadness and loneliness of, like, I've cried in a hotel room with my head. headphones in before listening to country music 100% thinking about my dad or whatever so this song

i know any right so any kind of like hardship you're alone in a hotel room when nothing but your thoughts it's going to compound significantly yeah i think the alone in a hotel room is a bit of a cliche you see it in literature a lot southern literature uh david joy has at least two major plot points and two different novels where he sets it in that scenario. I think also if you're, if you're poor or whatever, you end up not with a place to live, sometimes you're homeless,

sometimes you're in a cheap hotel room. I mean, cheap hotel rooms are kind of where it's at. Is that a cliche that exists at all in India, too char, or is there any equivalent? Cheap hotel rooms, crying. Yeah.

No, I mean, not really. It's not really a thing where. Where do y'all go to kill? yourself. We do it. We're a bamboo forest. We're river. We're river people, I think.

I like that. And then they, they kind of let the, the holy river take them. So I guess that would be the change of the song. Y'all got a lot of suicide? We got a good amount, buddy. Yeah.

And we need more, honestly. There it is. I have been, I have been, They aren't broken in a hotel room. Not without hope of it working out. But I've been there.

And yeah, man, it's like there's almost no comfort. There's like you got a phone. He didn't have a phone in 1990 with the internet on it. But you got porn, sports as a distraction or Netflix. And, you know, if you're lucky, a comfortable bed. That's it. He doesn't seem to, I mean, even in this chorus, he says, with lie here with you and him on my

you and him together on my mind it's funny that he doesn't get he doesn't allow maybe the song or the genre doesn't allow him to get angry but there's no anger in this song I think it's sure yeah he's yeah he's upset at himself he it's dev I don't think that she cheated on him

you know what I mean I think that he fucked around and did something and like he can't be mad at her he's mad at himself you know but no ain't no good man he can't keep a good one That's why he's staying in this shitty hotel room. And let's go ahead and get into it. It's a perfect transition.

I mean, he's hitchhiking in this video. Right. Yeah, she probably left him. No, she probably left him because he's broke. Don't hit. All right. You know, there's no dude. He's a bank man.

Oh, yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Always. He's definitely a water or something. Yeah, it was always a bank man. Well, you know, that trope, they love to, you know, kind of slum a little bit with the poor guys. Oh.

But then they're going to eventually leave you. Yeah, man. They fuck, you know, the poor motherfucker. But then when it comes time to, like, get their dowry or whatever, it's back to the bankman. What's the Eagle song that's literally about? Fine Silver Eagle by Jamie Johnson. I don't know that. But I believe it's the Eagles song.

The Eagles got one too. There is a song by Jamie Johnson called Flying Silver Eagle that is literally exactly about what we were just talking about. So that's weird. You're cheating eyes. Is that it?

Flying eyes. Lying eyes. You can't have your lying eyes. Because she's still in love with the poor guy in that song. God damn. Dude, fucking Eagles are great. But no.

I agree. They're one of my favorite bands of all time. You know Flying Silver Eagle? I'm the only one of those songs. Actually, I know. I probably heard it because I've like gotten drunk and listen to a lot of Jamie Johnson and not like look down to see the title of songs.

But this is about to wild y'all out a little bit. Oh wait, wait. It's about him on his tour bus, right? No, no. It's literally, it's almost word for word what we were just talking about like to a weird extent in my opinion. So, uh, so anyway, it's like it's,

sorry, I heard that. Y'all hear that too? I don't know what that is up. That was me. I think of sure is. Okay. It's all right. Sorry, everybody.

I got distracted because I heard some shit. Anyway, he's like, standing at that pawn shop counter trying on the wedding ring, she said she needed silver because gold just turns her green. I counted out the 20s. I laid the money down, and we went straight to the Davidson courthouse. After three long years together, she found a banker man. So she was thinking about her future and gave me back that silver band. I had it melted down so I could wear it on a chain.

Now it's a flying silver eagle that used to be a ring. I'd rather have this silver eagle And all that rich man's gold It's my one reminder of a woman turning cold So yeah Jamie Johnson hits like a mother of her love lies in his money Mine's in a pair of wings On a flying silver eagle that used to be a ring

That sounds like a fucking dude That sounds like a fucking like peak era George Jones song Right Jamie Justin's the fucking man dude I've gotten drunk a lot listening to him There's a lot more defiance in that one than in this one. For sure. He's a little bit more like, she did this to me and it was bullshit.

God damn bitch. I think our guy here knows he deserves it or feels that he does. Now, before we move on, I want to tell a Jamie Johnson story that I think y'all know, but Tushar doesn't, and I'm very much going to get his reaction to it. And I'm going to give some context to it because the more context you have, the more red it is. In my county, Tushar, is a famous prison. There aren't many famous prisons in America.

there's Alcatraz, there's Folsom because of the Johnny Cash song, and then probably the third most famous. I could be, where Rikers is probably third. It is a Brushy Mountain State Penitentiary because it's in a lot of country songs and a lot of folk songs. Now, it's not super famous because it's in that specific genre. It's a wild-looking prison. It used to be the home famously of Dr. King's assassin.

It had a lot of the clan there protecting him. I'm sure some of the guards were in on it. It looks wild. Anyway, they've turned it into a bed and breakfast and concert venue because fucking, of course they have. Jamie Johnson concert two, three years ago. Isn't that better than it being a prison though? In some ways, if they wouldn't make it prison themed, I think I would agree with you. We get a frantic phone call, a frantic phone call from my best friend's wife, Miami.

And that's her name. And Miami calls Andy and she's like, oh my God, your brother had to fight, your brother. We're like, what the fuck are you talking about? She's like, we're at the Jamie Johnson concert. brother got a fine and he's like is he okay he's like he's fine I didn't say never see anybody do that to another person he beat this dude so badly

that Miami called his sister crying at a Jamie Johnson concert because I think he shoved his wife I don't remember but anyway that's my she called crime because this motherfuckerer won the fight that's how bad it was yeah

you want my reaction on a woman getting beaten up it wasn't a woman I can't believe that that's where your brain took that out. That's where my... Okay, well, you know what I think. That's so great, I was like, one edit.

I was like, this is the most redneck story I could think of in Tuchar immediately, not being a redneck, was like, nah, that's immediate change I could do. Just one word. Oh, this is a really redneck story.

It must have been a woman getting her ass whipped. Add W-O to that one-word man, and it's way more redneck. We saw Jamie Johnson in an outdoor concert, and Jamie Johnson sings about weed and stuff. It's like a part. He's got some weed songs. We lit up a joint in the middle of a weed song

that some like fucking 40-year-old, drunken old boy came up and like, was like, the fuck you queer's doing. There's goddamn kids here. Yeah. Like he had his kids beside him, you know? Like standing right beside him as he's just like trying to fight us

and screaming expletives because he's worried about the kids seeing us smoking a thing or whatever. you know, so that was my, I've seen Jamie Johnson a few times. It's the only thing anything, and only time anything ever happened. I saw Jamie Johnson. I'm just glad you didn't get to fight with my brother-in-law. I saw Jamie Johnson one time. It was him, Luke Bryan, and Zach Brown, and I, for the life of me, can't think of the

fourth, but it was actually really cool because they all. There's someone more forgettable than Luke Brian. That's crazy. No, well, I mean, Luke, like, you like him or not, he is really famous. And this is kind of before all that. So, but he was like on the rise. And they, they all, it was all four of them and they played together and they would play each other's songs and kind of like, it was really cool. But Jamie Johnson, I remember like every, every fourth song they would get to him and he would just be progressively more hammered.

Like it was, and like, it was bad, man. Like, this is like seven years ago. And even seven years ago, Corey was like, this ain't good, y'all. Like, I feel bad for him. He's got a real bad problem. I weren't going to bring it. I agree with you. Like, it kind of really didn't hit because every time I saw him, he was super, super demonstrably hammered.

My buddy. My buddy. My buddy, Stanley, I don't know Stanley. He was helping run things backstage. And I remember there was this, like, 10-year-old boy that kept running out and handing Jamie Johnson a solo cup, like every 10 minutes, it seemed. He was just handing him a solo cup. And then Jamie went to do Give It Away, which is the song that really made him rich. that he wrote for George Strait.

And he tried to explain the song. It took him like 20 minutes to just explain the song. And he kept, you know, stumbling over himself. He finally got it out. And it was absolutely horrible. And after the show, I was at Stanley. I was like, hey, man, what was that kid running back and forth to Jamie John? What kind of drink was he having in that red soap?

Because I swear to you, I saw him have like 10 of them. He said it was no ice, no nothing, just a solo cup filled with Jack Daniels. that this some bitch was, I know. So, I mean, again, like, it was not. But that type of motherfucker very often can write and sing a country song. Well, one, yeah, sad ones. And one more Jamie Johnson's story related to that and us being on the road and hotel rooms and all that. Too sure, we were in a car.

I don't even remember where we were going. I think we were driving, I think, to Bentonville, Arkansas. It was like a seven-hour drive. I think we'd been in Mississippi or somewhere like. that the night before and we were driving to northwest Arkansas, seven-hour drive. It sounds like a Jamie Johnson. I know.

It was rainy outside and everything, but anyway, go ahead. Left Mississippi in the rain on our way to Bentonville for a show. Jamie Johnson comes on and comes on the radio. Anyway, in color comes on. It's a song. It would take me 10 minutes to explain it. It's a great song. One of the best country songs of all time.

And it's extremely heartfelt song, and it's positive but sad. It's like got a lot of heart, you know what I mean? And I'm kind of staring at the window, and it's starting to get to me. And there's a verse about two brothers. There's an old man talking about a picture of him and his brother in the war. And it's a black and white photo,

and he's explaining what went down. I'm about to cry right now. It was Bill Anderson. With his family or whatever. He's explaining it to his grandson. And he's like, and if you think that's something, you should have seen it in color. That's like the hook of the song.

And I start to tear up thinking about my own papaha or whatever. I look over. All three of us are looking out of the window or driving, crying, not looking at each other. Not looking at each other. And then we realized that we were all crying at the same time and just started laughing by how, you know, big of pussies we are or whatever.

You fucking queer. I can't believe you're crying. What's wrong you? That's why country music's great. Speaking of great songwriters, let's dive in since we're in the middle of this song because I don't want to jump into the second verse just yet. So there's two writers of this song, Johnny McCray and Steve Clark.

I couldn't find a lot about Steve Clark. Johnny McCray, on the other hand. First of all, great name for a Nashville songwriter. Absolutely. Johnny McCray. Johnny McCray, nicknamed Dogg. Dog McCray. He was an American.

He died in 2013. Country music composer credited with 235 songs released by recording artists, including Ray Charles, George Jones, and Reba McIntyre. his best known songs are You Can't Make a Heart Love Somebody by George Strait Tonight Tonight the heartaches on me The Dixie Chicks

God damn dude I love that song so much And the one I am the most impressed with Comparing it to this song I'd love to lay you down Yeah On Way Twitty Nice Now too sure we can't do I'd love to lay you down

Yeah Too sure we can't do I love to lay you down On this podcast unless we break our rules because it was released in January of 1980. But I love to lay you down is probably the most guaranteed to drop the panties of a mamma song

in the history of white mammoths in the South. That is definitely a pussy getting wet country song for sure. For Mammals. Yeah. Conway Twitty. Now that's what I call getting your grandma's pussy wet. That's what you're all of you want.

It's the only song, don't there. The reason why it's a great song but the reason why too shard is Conway Twitty in January of 1980 was an old heartthrob who had aged up he's got a deep slow, solitary

boys. Lay you down and softly whispered. And he had it, he already had a hit if I'm not mistaken boys with you need a man with a slow hand. I think that preceded it. So he had already kind of occupied that space of the Al Green of country music. How on the nose is that song?

You need a man with a slow hand. We don't know what the fuck you're talking about. My law. Especially because she's not of age in that song. Oh, yeah, that's true. He, like explicitly says that she's not. I was about to say, they tried decoded language back then. They just opened up the song with like,

bitch, I know you're 12, but I don't really care. Come here in my truck. They don't even say, I don't really care. They're not even like, in it. In that song, he's like, now you're only 16, and that's why we're going to be gentle. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. So he occupies that space already. in 1980 and then he comes out with I'd love to lay you down and it is a very polite sexual just proposition I mean you know as as explicit as you can get in country music I'd love to lay you down is as explicit as you're allowed to get and you know women like that polite power he also did goodbye says it all by Black Hawk which we Great song.

That's a great song. That one is a lot of this show, isn't it? Isn't that one eligible for this show? It surely is. That's the 90s. I thought so. Yep. Yeah.

So we might do that. We should put that on the list for at some point. That's a great one. Well, much respect to Johnny McCray, rest in peace, died on July 30. Hang on, I'm sorry. Please tell this Black Hawk story. So we were, I swear to God, I'm not just saying this. We were driving back to Cookville.

from that Jamie Johnson concert I was talking earlier, talking about earlier. And my buddy Shine was in the back, hammered drunk. No, not Shine. Chris Key, I think, was driving. He wasn't drunk, so he was driving. So this was annoying the shit out of him, what was happening, because he was in the front. And I think I was in the front with him. And I don't remember what we were listening to, but I think it was like, it was, you know, contemporary.

It was Jamie Johnson and like, maybe it's drive-by truckers or maybe even rap that was out at the time. It was new shit. Yeah. And Shine was in the back, hammered drunk. He wouldn't stop. He wouldn't stop screaming. He's like, ain't you pussy's got any goddamn Black Hawk? Place the fucking Black Hawk.

Look Black Hawk on. Black Hawk! And he wouldn't stop screaming for Black Hawk. But this is, and so you might be thinking, just play the boys some Black Hawk. But this is, I'm old enough. We're all old enough. Yeah, no streaming. This is like, this was before ox cords and Bluetooth.

If you didn't have it, you didn't have it. We just had the burn CDs that we had. And we should point out, Black Hawk had like five hits in the early to mid-90s. It's not he was asking for something that's in everybody's car. Yeah, and again, it's also because of the fact that iPods and all that shit aren't ubiquitous yet, it's a fairly unreasonable request for Shine to be making. And he was furious that it couldn't be accommodated and he bitched about it the whole way back to Cookville. That's what I think of when I think of Black.

I really want to get drunk. Yeah, what is? Yeah, this 90s country music podcast we decided to do in the middle of a sobriety run. Yeah. Really something. Luckily, we're doing it not together. I think that's what's helping.

Yeah, because the last one we did together is the reason I'm sober. Oh, that's true. That is true. Corey was on one that night. She was a macotaur. She is the mother Teresa of country music. She's the Nelson Mandela of Nashville.

Willie Nelson Mandela. There it is. Oh, man. All right, well, let's get back into wanting to die because, you know, you lost your lady. Verse two. I always thought that someday we might get back together. I just thought you needed time to spread your wings and fly. But when I saw the loving way, you held onto each other.

It was all I could do not to break down and cry. Now, going back to before when I said, it doesn't matter how they are when you see them. Your buddy's like, oh, it's just a fling. It still hurts. But this verse here talking about, I just thought you needed to have a fling. And I was willing to wait on that.

You could spread your wings a little bit, you know, get out of our little town, see what's out there. But when I saw the way you looked at each other. Ooh. It's tough, man. It's rough, man. It reminds me of that George Strait song, you look so good in love.

And, yeah, that's a hard. I've experienced that a couple times where, like, when you see them with the person, it's not 100% defeat yet, but then, you know, they post that one picture of them locking eyes, and you're just like, oh, yeah, man. It's the not posed one.

Yeah, she never looked at me like that. I mentioned on the Well Red podcast this week and then didn't elaborate, I think that I had been the, like, the James Marsden character from the notebook or whatever. Yeah. You know, we were talking about that.

Who's like, who's really his only crime was not being Ryan Gosling or whatever? Yes. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure. Who among us is not guilty of not being wrong. I've often compared myself to James Marsden.

Yeah. I'm sure that I had some of my own crimes, you know, in this. But anyway, I got, my point is my college girlfriend. Being poor and stupid.

Yeah. My college girlfriend broke up with me, cheated on me and broke up with me for the dude that she is, to this day, as far as I'm aware, married to and has kids and shit. So it was like pretty clear pretty quickly that this situation that we're talking about in this song was playing out. You know, now, of course, the thing is less than six months later.

And to this day, I have been eternally retroactively grateful to that motherfucker for saving my whole life dog with that shit. Like I really appreciate him diving in front of that bullet. Is there a country song about that? That book hits for him, I think. Probably. So it all works out. But I'm thrilled now.

But yeah, at the time. Unanswered prayers. Yeah, unanswered prayers is like that. Unanswered prayers is the Garth version, so it's sweet. I want to hear the Toby Keith version of like, thank you for taking my bitch. Jump on a grenade.

I was reading earlier is like that. Oh, okay. He talks about, you know, how he's like grateful to that guy. I'd rather have. Thank you for taking my word. And I listened to the end of it. He circled back around to that heartless bitch at the end of the song,

Jamie Johnson's song from earlier. The final verse says, I met a homeless man on Broadway. He was holding out his hand. He asked me for a dollar, said he was once a banker man. Until that lady took his money. I said, man, I feel your pain.

You might could use this silver. you know it used to be a room oh yeah she left the banker man desk that that horror gets everybody in the end buddy I tell you what I tell you what I tell you what and what like she he got fired from his job to her he just couldn't go to work no more

I'm assuming that's just how much she wrecked him in the divorce you know yeah yeah you're right then he got divorced he got drunk and he lost everything and now he's a hobo you know it happens it does happen the podcast fans you were getting a double episode today I mean we have I'm serious Jamie John

Doug Stone. Well, it's unfortunate that aside from maybe one song that I can think of, we probably won't do much Jamie Johnson on this. So anytime we can shoehorn him in, I think that's good. Yeah, we probably should. I can't think of any Jamie Johnson songs that are from the 90s. The dollar, maybe.

Maybe the dollar. Maybe he wrote some. Wouldn't have found something he wrote for other artists before he started recording himself? Give it away, I believe, was the 90s. So, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

I just farted and it's so gross. It's choking me. I just want everyone to know that. If I look a little rough right now, I cannot believe what just came out of me. The rest of the lyrics is just a repeat of the chorus, and there's not really any changes. He throws the word girl in there once,

but it's pretty much standard. The video, however, I want to get to, I want to get back to the homies, Deacon and Flanagan, the directors of this video. So as I mentioned before, he's in the hotel room, and he ends up hitchhiking.

and I think I brought that up, but I don't remember. Did I, do you hear that phone ringing? Somebody knocking at your door? No, the phone's ringing. I thought it was going to be in y'all's ear. And I accidentally answered it.

Could you guys hear that? No. Okay, good. My brother called from prison. So, yeah. You need to take that? No.

No, he's not going anywhere. Oh, right. That's true. It'll call back. Got time. Been a lot of country song titles pop up in this episode, too, I think. Yeah, there have been. Yep.

Thank you for taking, my bitch. What was I saying? Oh, the video, and he's hitchhiking. So we know that this man is really not doing well. Maybe that's why she left him. He's in this lonely hotel room. And then we find out where he's going. And I don't know if you guys watched the video if you had time to, but it's kind of wild.

This dude's a glutton for punishment. There's no way he was invited. no no no no no no no no no he goes to a wedding he goes to a wedding and they're like but not to do but not to do the thing that they always do in shows to be like speak now forever just to like watch with his guitar case and just be like I don't hear

and now do you think he got there late on purpose or just like hung out outside because he just sees them leaving the church has he been did he get there late or was he just like planning on staying outside the whole time. I'd say he probably got there and didn't have the nerve to go in. I mean, I'm that going by what I'd do. I'd be like, I'm going. And then I'd be like, I can't fucking walk in there.

And yeah, he probably waited. They probably don't show you the loaded gun in his pocket. Right. You know? I'm glad you brought that up. That's that desperado guitar case. He's got eight guns in there. Yeah.

I did, uh, Corey, when you said that, when I first was listening and like read the lyrics, the first verse that went into the second verse, the chorus where he's like, basically, I'm going to go to hell. Yeah. I'd rather be in hell. I was like, oh, this has a little bit of an active shooter vibe, like a prequel to a real problem. Yeah. I mean, if he doesn't care to be dead, then why not take a motherfucker with him or two?

You know what I mean? That's what white people love to do. We never want to die alone. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's a big fear for a lot of people die alone. I think that's a very bleak reading of what's happening here. I think what happened. The line, when I saw the loving way you held on to each other,

I think we're watching him lose the hope he's referencing in the song. I think that this man heard she was getting married and he was crushed. And he wanted to see for himself before he completely let go of hope. I got to go see, because this is pre-Facebook or anything like that. He ain't seen a picture of them. They're not in the news. Right, that's what I think. He's going to this wedding, not to interrupt, just to get a look.

He had to know for sure. Right. And he found out for sure. Man, that's a great point. This is pre-face-old. He should have still told him, hey, don't do that. Hey, yeah, bud. He had nothing good comes to that.

Don't do that. Well, trust me, she's marrying his ass. Just, you know, let's get drunk here in the garage. I'm kind of with Drew. this point when a man's that desperate, his boys have probably done all they could. And they're like, man, just fucking let him, God damn. Yeah. You know.

Let him cry it out. I've got, because I've had, I've had buddies like that who, you know, they, as soon as they got divorced, obviously, I was like, all right, man, do you. You know, I'm here for you. I know, I'm like, okay, you know, he's still obviously going through it. Then after about a year, I'm like, motherfucker, you got to get your shit together. You know, like, I can't be doing this no more, you know, so there's a, there's a limit with you boys. That's true. We did a sketch one time in which you know what let's not go over that.

I found the video really I found the video kind of took a lot of I mean as you said drew most of them are most of the videos him either in his living room or hotel room and then on the road and then it cuts all the cuts to this wedding and when I was listening to the song without the video I thought it would have been, I found it interesting that it was like they cut to the wedding for the finality. I thought it would be at a bar and he just sees them kind of closely glanced. But this is like, you know, they're leaving the church and he's like across the street just sad and then walking away. But I guess that's the power of decisions you can make during a video. They make eye contact too. Yeah. And she locks eyes with him while

she's about to drive away. It's like, ugh, that's rough. He don't hit. You don't hit. you don't hit. How would you describe her face? She's a redhead. First of all, I did not mean physically too sure. I meant more what Corey was saying, but, you know, I saw it as a pity, and I think that that's the right move as the director and actor, and that's like the hardest thing to take in that moment is if somebody in that position

looks at you like you're pitiful. Yeah. Y'all ever been telling you're pitiful by a girl that you're trying to like get with? Not in those exact words, but like it's been heavily implied that I did not hit. I've gotten it in print in a letter. Oh, my God. You're starting to come across as pitiful, and I don't want to see you that way. Yeah, man.

Yeah, I got it as an NFT recently. I'm just kidding. Yeah, man, back when I was sort of torn up over who is my now wife, I went through a lot of the emotions of this song. and then I did, but I went the other way. I just, I started running through them. You know what I mean? I was like, I'll get it out of my system this way.

And I was boozing a lot, and I definitely had a girl and not be like, I'm worried about you. I don't know about all this. That's actually the theme of Dougstone's second single. I'd be better off in a warm box. Yeah. Hey. Well, I got a couple of things.

One of them, it's a parenthetical. title, which I've always been a fan of. Yeah, they're great. Especially for comedy. I've been, I've been better off and then in parentheses in a pine box. And yes, you know, we've talked before about we have our own fictional band, Gypsy Speedboat, and they have such

tracks as, I'm hooked, she's hooked on pills, I'm hooked on her, parentheses, and pills, right? Which is. So I like, you know, also it's, uh, it's cold out here, but it stinks in there.

Perentases, but it stinks in there. but it stinks in there. Her and Pills, name of their first tour. A lot of people don't know that. Yeah, so I'm just going to note my appreciation for parenthetical titles. That's all.

I tried to Google, like, you know, best parenthetical song titles. And the first one, it was a terrible list because it didn't even have, like, the genre or I think even the artist, it was just list of song titles. So I'm not sure if they were even real. Some of them were definitely real.

But for example, the very first one was he hit me parentheses it felt like a kiss Jesus yeah that's what I'm saying I'm sure it's just some bullshit list

that somebody's fucking around on or whatever but that was the first thing that popped up on it so I was like I may not or use this list as a resource or whatever but anyway yeah and the other thing I was going to say about this song is because it never occurred to me and I don't know maybe it maybe it isn't

What do y'all think about this? The main thing that I remember, because it's a personal memory of mine when it comes to this song, is so the bar that's like right by Tennessee Tech campus where I went to college, it's called Spankies. It's where all the college kids went. Every, I feel like Wednesday night, it was definitely a week night. I think it was every Wednesday night. They had this same dude who played live music. His name was Jeff Crouch, and he had been like, you know, like I tried to be a Nashville guy for whatever, you know,

and hadn't really, like, worked out. but he was definitely a talented dude. And he would come and do it. And, you know, that poor motherfucker probably played wagon wheel 50,000 times. You know what I mean? Like that area plays stuff like that. But every week near the end of the night, he would always play this song every time. And it's like everybody's fucking hammered by then and started to get it out to come and whatever else.

And it's like, and we'd just be out there like screams singing along, which I'm sure hit for him, you know. But just like getting super into it. And it was always like, everybody had some chick they was pissed at or whatever, no matter what, even though, you know, no matter what they had done to deserve it. But he, I'm not saying he closed with it every night, but near the end, every week, he would play this song. And it would always really smash, you know, for all of us drunken idiots in there. And so that's what I think of when I think of this song. What do y'all think about that, the choice on his part and the, you know, just the circumstances?

Well, that's what I was about to comment on. I feel like, obviously, I think part of it was, it's an older song at that point. The kids want wagon wheel or something new, so he's having to wait a little bit to sneak in what he wants. But I think also, arguably, there's a little bit of, these drunk motherfuckers can't handle this shit. They're going to have to get a little drunk before they can handle the heartbreak I'm throwing out.

Yeah, no, I'm with you. Always, I've looked it up and, y'all ready for this is the song from 1962 off the album twist uptown by the crystals the sole uh four piece the crystals all female four piece from 1962 with their hit single he hit me parentheses and it felt like a kiss here's some of the lyrics from this

apparently actually real song oh my god he hit me and it felt like a kiss he hit me, but it didn't hurt me. He couldn't stand to hear me say that I'd been with someone new. And when I told him, I had been untrue, he hit me and it felt like a kiss. He hit me and I knew he loved me. My God. Listen to this. If he didn't care for me, I could have never made him mad, but he hit me and I was glad.

Yes, he hit me and it felt like a kiss. He hit me and I knew I loved him and then he took me in his arms with all the tenderness there is and when he kissed me he made me his. What do you say about that shit? Who wrote that song? Stand by your man.

Don't fucking Jerry Heller. Was that his name Jerry Heller? Jerry Heller, yeah. Evil at Jerry Heller motherfucker was right outside the recording booths making these goddamn women sing this song at gunpoint in 1962. You know what I'm holding their fists up like this. Yeah, do it. He's probably holding their,

contract up like you're right here 100% I'm allowed to hit you if you don't saying that you like getting hit it's not a conundrum oh yeah they had met Ike Turner for sure oh wow I want to uh it was written by Jerry Gary Gary okay it was written by Gary Gothen

okay but she were going to say a man and Carol King oh wow under the guidance of Phil Specter oh my God well that makes what I'm saying Phil Specter holding a pistol to somebody's head like, right it, right it, bitch.

Golfing and King wrote the song after discovering that their babysitter and singer, little Eva Boyd, was being regularly beaten by her boyfriend. Jesus. When they inquired why she tolerated such treatment, Eva replied with complete sincerity that her boyfriend's actions were motivated by his love for her. So that makes it sound like the people who wrote it. They meant it as a like commentary on the reality of domestic. or something.

Right. But I'm still, I think it's that they didn't, yeah, I think it's that they didn't know yet because nobody was talking about that stuff back then, that that was Stockholm syndrome shit. They heard her say that and were like,

oh, she likes it. Yeah, it's not like a, temp psychology. It was widespread protest of the song in 1962. Thank God. Right.

I just read it and I was like, oh, I bet this was the jam in 1960. It was all stock hop into this shit. Yeah. You ought to beat my baby at the hot dog stand. Let's, I do want to say a couple more things about I'd be better off, parentheses in a pine box. That's so fucking funny. This is a two-verse song.

We're seeing that a lot in the early 90s. I think three is standard now. I could be mistaken. What do you all think? I like it. You think it would go down now because they want to keep more of them coming and you know what I mean?

Yeah, I like it, but I think I prefer three verses. I think that the video closes this story out in three moves in a way that the song alludes to perfectly. I'm not insulting the song. I don't want him to do anything different

with the story. I guess just musically, I could have used another verse. Yeah, I think that we're so, like, it's so beat into us that, like, no matter what, everything has three acts. Like, you can say, oh, this is five acts, or oh, this is only a two-act thing,

but it's like, no, there's a beginning, a middle and into every story, no matter what. So two, no matter what, there's the rule of three in comedy. Two always is going to feel like incomplete. You're just like, what's the, you know what I mean? Like, that's just how stories go. But, I mean, when I'm just listening to a song,

I don't guess I, especially something like this is the classic, I don't care anymore, but yeah, I'm always expecting, look, there has to be three, you know, set it up, take me along and bring it home. When I was reading it, I was like, what? No, there's another verse. It's, uh, and I couldn't think of it. So, I mean, clearly it didn't need it. It's just, I don't know, I want more, I guess.

You think that when it was, a lot of these, that maybe when it was written, there was an extra verse, and then for radio they were like, just cut that shit? I would assume they would be on an album somewhere, wearing but maybe you're right yeah yeah sure i mean that's happened that's happened a bunch of times but i feel like usually when that's happened like

Drew said there's like an album cutter and extended you know it's like people isn't that what album version means like yeah like thunder rolls very famously had the last verse of it cut out for so did uh friends in low places yeah but but everybody knew that you know right like

it could have that could have happened before it even got like recorded or the finished version was made, you know what I mean? There could have been written a third verse. That's what I meant. Like once there's like, I don't really care for that. Or like, that takes the, that takes the song in a completely different direction that doesn't fit me as an artist.

So I'm just going to like. I mean, I feel like the dude felt like there wasn't much else for him to say. Yeah. I don't hit. Yeah. Yeah. The verse, the two verses in the chorus are so heavy that it kind of, it felt like, what the hell?

Unless you're going to add more exposition of what happened. and like what you did. Guys, what I'm saying is, where's the verse where he fucking pulls the trigger, you pussy? What do we do in here? On her or him, one. Himself, no, I know. Him himself.

Yeah, for sure. For some reason, suicide is a much funnier of the joke than he shot his ex-girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. Murder suicide. Right. Yeah, I mean, everyone knows you don't show a pine box in the first act if you don't plan to use it in the third act. Checoff's pine box. Thank you, Cho, and Trey.

Everybody knows that. Yeah, we're getting fucking Brechtolian. That's the only theater thing I knew. It doesn't even make sense here. Y'all got any comments before we rate? Just that, I wanted to say that my favorite memory of this song is one time when me and Amber were living in our old house before we got married, I got really, really, really, super drunk and mad at her.

And often what I would do then is I would just go sit in my car and turn on country music and listen to it. Because not drive, because I'm not going to be irresponsible. but it and this song came on the radio and I filmed myself while crying uh not well I was like I had been just teary out from the song singing this song and I really thought I was hitting so I posted it on Twitter no you did god damn yeah you it's so this is maybe the all your health and shit aside this right here is maybe the number one reason it's good you finally stop fucking drink yeah no I know know I posted this on Twitter but it wasn't like it I wasn't like, I was like happy cry.

Like I was just like, this song was hitting so hard. It wasn't like me going like, look how sad it. No, no, no. You lost it to them. You posted yourself crying and then you lied to people about why you were crying. It wasn't a the buh moment. I was genuinely emotional from the song, but I was just singing and hitting. You know what I mean?

And I put Doug Stone fucking retweeted it. I remember that. Yeah. So therefore it's not crazy, Tray. No, exactly. But like, it was funny because like everybody was in my, everybody was in my mentions, just assuming because this violently drunk man is in the, front seat of a car that I had been driving and shit.

Like, and I get it. I totally understand. But yeah, love this song. I love that. Doug Stone didn't say shit about that. He was like, God damn, you got good pit. Pits. Be careful of the way home.

Let him do it. Leave him alone. Was ragged old truck on that playlist show? Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? The opener and a closer, son. Absolutely. RIP.

We're doing that one no matter what. I don't care what year in the past. Yeah, that's fine. We'll find like a remastered version that came out in the 90s. All right. Here's my favorite memory of it that is a flash memory that you just gave me. When you said my favorite memory, I just remembered this. It's hazy. My brother and I, very young, were arguing. He would sing this song all the time. We loved it. I think we just liked the phrase pine box and trains. And we were arguing over what it meant. I don't remember what we thought. I just know that we were wrong because we went to mom to settle the argument. And I remember her like, just like, not wanting to, the song is about wanting to die. Yeah. And it kind of makes me think

a lot of this, like, how do I explain this to my kids? They always choose the moral things to fight about, like, you know, gay people or whatever, but like, it is hard to talk to kids. Uh-oh. Of course it is. The dog's going crazy. I don't know if y'all heard that. Anyway, that's my favorite

memory of this song is my mom not wanting to explain to a six and ten year old that wanting to die over a woman ain't actually a fun song. Whereas my granny explained to me what suicide was when I was like seven because I asked what happened to Farron Young.

And so that was great. And then also told me, and by the way, he's in hell. So that was fun. That made it head. We had that conversation about someone in my family, so that's also fun. Yeah, that's good stuff.

At least Farron Young was a stranger, guess. Two-shar, last thoughts? All right. Two-Shar has left. Let's do the rating and then maybe he'll pop back on or maybe he's lost the internet. We'll start with Cho. I'm going to give this 2.5 out of three Earnhardt's or Bubba's or whatever it is.

I'll do 2.75 out of three. Nice. I'm going to go 2.9. I genuinely think it's one of the best choruses in country. If there was a third verse, I'd do 2.8. I think if there was a third verse, I'd go three. I'm going to go 2.9 Earnhardt. We've got a 2.7, a 2.75, and a 2.9.

What are you thinking? I'll go 2.7. That's 2.7? You broke up a little bit. I'll go 2.7. 2.7? I'm not fast enough to do the math, but that's a pretty high rating. I think it's a round of 2.8.

Appreciate everybody. Yeah. Come back next week. I don't know what we're doing. Hopefully, I don't know if I want to tease it or not. Yeah, I'm going to tease it. Tushar, at some point soon, is going to bring a Bollywood song. I think our...

Nineties, Bollywood. 90s. It can be 90s. It doesn't have to be if you want to go 2000s. I think that really hits if you do 90s. Yeah. Got to do 90s, yeah. All right.

This is super offensive. Did y'all have video equipment in the 90s, though? Or were y'all just fixing all of ours? Bye, everybody. See you.