wellRED podcast - Celebrity Culture and The Hidden World Of Voice Actors or (Chris Pratt Is Overexposed?)

Episode Date: July 1, 2026

The boys talk about celebrities replacing traditional voice actors in hollywood animation which leads to a a discussion about Chris Pratt and Tarantino. Please stick around after the podcast to hear parts 1 and 2 of Corey's new Audio drama Here We Rest, available FOR FREE at CoreyWritesForYou.com Go to TraeCrowder.com for tix to see Trae in a town near you!  

They're the little rednecks. They like cornbread, but sex they care way too much, but don't give a fun. Next that makes some people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. Hey, yeah, here we are. Are we here? We are here. Well, Red. What's up, everybody?

No Drew this week. He's in hell. He's in hell. He's in a car. No, yeah. He said where he does the podcast at his in-laws, they turned off his air conditioning, I guess, because he's a comment. They don't want him, you know, they don't want him living off of their air conditioning money. That's not what it is.

It has something to do with owning the libs, though, somehow. You follow it all he's saying? No, I did. As soon as he said, hey, I'm going to be in my car doing the podcast, I just immediately went, yeah, you're not going to be on it this week. The reason he said he would have to be in the car doing the podcast is because his in-laws turned off the air conditioning in the upstairs of that house, which is where he normally records from. And somehow that them doing that is owning the libs somehow, he said. Well, also, he said he thinks it's because of climate change, but, like, turning off your air conditioner would be commie. Right, right.

It's like not contributing to climate change, right? It's like using less. It's being like energy conscious. Also, is he not in Athens? What the fuck do you mean his in-laws? Well, I don't know. That's what he said. I guess he hasn't moved to Athens yet.

I don't know. But he did. He moved there the other day. This motherfucker, I just can't. It's like he's such a simple man yet. He's a vagabond, bro. He is a vagabond. Yeah, but anyways, he's not here.

But we are, welcome to the well-read podcast. My name is Corey Ryan Forster. I'm joined, as always, by Trey Crowder, where Trey has some upcoming dates that I would love him to share right now with people. Oh, okay, yeah. Well, in the middle of July, being Lowell, Arkansas with Caleb Signing, and then in August we're going back to Omaha and Des Moines and Kansas City and in a whole bunch of other places not long after that,

all at Trey Crowder.com. You can go to Corey Wrightsfor You.com, and that is where you can get my essays, my stupid poems, my bonus podcast, and also my brand new Southern Crime Mystery Story, Here We Rest, which some of you, I put, I tagged it at the very end of the well-read episode last week. So that was that, and I got a lot of good feedback on it. So check it out. You can subscribe absolutely for free.

Corey writes for you.com, and I certainly wish that you would. I have completed part three. I'm just now in the editing process of it, so it will be out soon. and it's a dozy, Trey. I've fallen in love with writing again. Well, that's fun. I'm glad to hear that. I just realize all three episodes of the skewniverse this week is just me and you.

That's definitely going to run together in people's minds. Yeah, because Mark is out this week for skews. You did that. Drew is in hell. So it's just me and you're on here. And then POA is obviously always the two of us. What are you doing for America's birthday? So, you know what?

I don't know. normally we do a cookout at my parents' house because they have a pool. But I think this year it has been usurped because my wife went rogue and rented an inflatable water slide to put at her dad's house. So I think we're doing it over there, which sort of makes me. Couldn't you put an inflatable water slide beside the pool and do the inflatable water slide into the pool? I'm hoping that's the situation. That would...

Her parents also have a pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what? There's a super fenced in. I don't think the pool would... The slide would fit in there. But it's sort of bittersweet to me because I don't know if you know this,

but my parents' house is on the market. And so... I feel like I've heard you allude to that a couple of times. Yeah, I don't really want to talk about it a lot. But the reason it's bittersweet is I was like, oh, this might be the last July 4th at that house. So I'd kind of like to do it over there. But either way, it's just...

going to be hot dogs and water slides and shit. My son is a complete water rat, dude. Like, he, he has spent every single day this summer in the pool. And then as soon as he gets home, he wants to get in the shower and spend an hour in the shower. And, like, he just can't get enough water. So I'm actually really, I'm super excited about watching him on the, uh, on the slide. I think me and you've probably talked about this, but, you know, I've never really cared for social gatherings and stuff. But like, now that I have, have a kid, like watching him have fun is awesome. Yeah, it's better than having your own fun because you don't have to do anything,

but because you love them so much, you've lived vicariously. So it's like it's fun for you to just watch them have fun so you can have fun without having to do anything. Yes. Like people. Which is the best. Like we watch, you know, we watch the same movies over and over again, like he's in a big toy story phase, which for the record, I think, like, of any children.

movie phase to be in, that's the best one because those movies hit super hard for adults as well. Have you taken him to the cinema yet? Because Toy Story 5 is out, right, right? Doing it this week, and it's going to be his first time at the cinema and his first time eating popcorn. So he's going to have two hits at once. Yeah, first time I took my sons to see it was Zootopia, I remember. And hit for Bishop Benton fell asleep, but a hit for Bishop, but I think it hit for me harder than either of them. That's one of my favorite movies, period.

impressed by that movie. Yeah. I was like, this movie's fucking brilliant. No, I still haven't seen two. They heard Katie and the boys watch Utopia too like while I was gone one weekend.

So I haven't watched it by myself. That's Bain's current favorite. I don't think he quite understands the like race relations of it all. You know? Well, yeah. Yeah, but,

but he does love the bunny rabbits. And it's fantastic. Like I, you know, there's a big, There's big controversy all the time of like, oh, we need to bring back actual voice actors instead of just having celebrity. And while I agree with that, I don't think there's a better person to play that Fox than Jason Bateman. I think that's an exception.

Yeah, sometimes that works out, you know, the voice just fits it or whatever very well. But then other times it's like, look, this is the cliche answer. But like, dude, Chris Pratt. As Marit, what is that? Come on. What is that? Like, and like, look, I said, we could talk about Chris. I was like, we ever talk about Chris Pratt on here?

Not enough. Because like a lot of people, I was a huge fan. Parks and Rec. He was one of the best on Parks and Rec. He was fat then. That obviously hits for me and you. We love to see another fat make good. But then, of course, to like truly ascend,

they had to put him in the machine and make him not fat anymore or else you ain't allowed to hit that hard in Hollywood and be fat unless you're Jack Black. There's like one a generation. But anyway. But Jack Black's never going to play a Marvel superhero. Right, exactly. And I was, but I was happy for him and that was hitting for me. And then he'd be doing some weird shit, but I still will fuck with his movies and I'm not going to act like he just doesn't like hit for me necessarily.

He's doing that thing a lot of like A-list leading men do where it's like he's, you know, it's pretty samey. It feels like he's doing a lot of the same shit over and Ryan Reynolds does the same thing. And it's like in Ryan Reynolds is another one, you know, I'm not, he still hits for me, but it's. it is wearing a little. I'd like to see him switch it up a little bit. I would too. And I think he's got it in him. But Chris Pratt, though, he's just over exposed.

The whole, the politics and cultural part of it all is weird with him. But all that aside, I just don't, whose idea was it that he should be fucking Mario? Him is the main character in the Lego movie, right? Yeah, makes sense. That totally made sense because it's like an every man character, right? Right. But fucking Mario should be, and I get they don't want to be, it's a me, I'm not, you know, they don't want exactly that.

But it should be a little more cartels. Sebastian Manascalco should have played Mario and just been and just played it like Sebastian. Luigi, are you not embarrassed? Come on. Yeah, that would have been funny. If we lose this broad one more time. Yeah. Yeah.

What's his name? Mollosanti. Yeah, Maltesanti. Maltesanti. Maltesanti. Maltesanto. Christopher Maltesanti, I think. Maltesante.

Okay, yeah. Like, yeah, I'd do it that. That said, Jack Black is Bowser, I thought, was fantastic. Right. Well, Jack Black's one of them to, you know, he, like, it's just, he can do that, you know. Right. But, but, but yeah, they used to, they, and it was also, it was like, I think part of the reason they did that, I think, for years and years was that, you know, like, it was cheaper, right?

I mean, you, of course. You want voice actors to be paid well still, but you ain't going to have to pay them like you had to pay Chris Pratt, you know. Of course. And they'll probably do it better. So it's just weird. Well, it's a different skill. Like, it is a completely different skill. Oh, dude, absolutely.

I'll be watching, like, voice actor videos and stuff about how they break it all down and shit. And it is wild. And again, people are getting tired of hearing me say this. so I just do the brief, but as I say all the time, because it's true, in 10 years of being a professional comedian and living in Hollywood and stuff, I have never in my life felt more outclass than when I did an animated Netflix show, table read with a bunch of professional voice actors at it. Immediately, I was like, oh, dude, I'm, this is, I should not be here.

I was like, these people are in a whole other fucking league than me. Yeah, man. It was like readily apparent, because it is, it is a different thing, you know. It's a different thing. And like a good buddy of mine, Yuri Lohenthal, who you know as the voice of Spider-Man in the Spider-Man video games, I got to work with him in Old Gods of Appalachia. We obviously recorded our lines separate from each other because he's out in L.A. and I'm here. But then we went on the road and did the stage play together.

And what's crazy about Yuri is like the difference in his voice is Spider-Man and his voice as the rail-war. Roadman in Old Gods of Appalachia could not be more different and it's insane. And like, Yuri has a certain look about him. Like, I don't think as an, as an actual actor, he might not be able to land these roles, but his voice is so good. And it is a certain skill. Like, when you're a voice actor, you're not allowed to do things that actual actors are like, you know, use your eyes and use, you know, your face or whatever. You have to convey every single thing with your voice. And like, yeah, sometimes when you get a just an actor to do the voice, like, you're just getting someone to hear their voice. And it's like, whatever. Like, again,

there's exceptions. Like, you know, George Clooney and the fantastic Mr. Fox was an otherworldly performance and it was great. But it was a little bit different because they also mo-capped him for some things. And like, I don't know, dude. But like, like, you don't, nobody knows off the top of their head who played Aladdin. You know what I mean? Nobody knows. Right. And that was fine. And those movies made a ton of money. So I don't understand. Right. Well, dude, do you know this guy? Also, are the people saying that or do you have to let me? The people are seeing that. Yeah. You know this guy? No, I don't think so.

Voice of a dying giant. Listen to this. Listen to this. You search for your enemies in the darkness. Holy shit. Dad, your greatest enemy has always been staring you back in the mirror. Unreal. What's that fucking laugh, dog? Oh, my God. Your doubt, your weakness.

In the end, you'll defeat yourself. And that is why. Hire him. Fire, dog. Hire him. And I'll say a couple other exceptions. Voice of a dying giant on Instagram, everybody. Yeah, look them up on Instagram.

I also will give one more exception to the rule, which is there are some they were traditional actors who then like sort of moved over to voice acting and one of the more prominent ones being Mark Hamill. Yes. And when Mark and I, but dude, that's when Mark Hamill played the Joker, you weren't hearing Mark Hamill. Like he did his own thing. He made it be the Joker.

You know what I'm saying? Like, no, I don't think in a million years, if his name was on the credit, anyone would have guessed that was Mark Hamill. And I think Mark Hamill is one of the preeminent voice actors. but like it's a different skill set and he clearly worked to develop that but like i want them to bring voice actors back like Hank Azaria is like a voice guy who then turned into an actor he was like primarily for the simpsons and like turns out he's got the other chops but like it's it's a fucking art dude yeah absolutely it is but yeah i want to go going back to chris pratt though

um i mean what do you think about all that like the voice Acting aside all the other shit with Chris Pratt. Look, man, obviously I think, like, I don't have a problem with, overall, if someone just says I'm a Christian, I don't have a problem with it unless they say it surrounding like when someone asked them about gay rights and they're like, well, as a Christian, then I'm like, okay, if you're using your Christianity to think horrible things about other people, then I don't care for that. He also broke Anna Ferris's heart, which now I don't know she could be a lunatic. And also, at a certain point, you got to date a Kennedy. I mean, come on. What are you even working at? Why do you have abs if you're not going to date a Kennedy?

But as far as the overexposure stuff goes, like, I tend to try not to blame the person being over exposed because all they're doing is working. Like, I blame the studios, I guess, for being like, we've got to get Chris Pratt instead of somebody else. Like, it's not like Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt's certainly not doing the Kevin Hart route where he's in every fucking sports betting app and all that shit. But like with being overexposed, it's kind of to me like as a person in the entertainment

industry, which we're obviously at such a lower level. Some might even say we're not even in the industry. We just think we are. But I feel like you have, especially for a guy like Chris Pratt, who was living in his car when Parks and Rec came along, you always think this is going to go away so I could find it hard to just say no to stuff and be like, yeah, I'm going to just keep working and do this and do that. And also, like, I bet he's having fun doing it. So, like, how am I going to blame a guy who is like, oh, they'll pay me $20 million and it'll be fun and I get to hang out with Robert Downey Jr.

Fucking, all right, you know, so I don't blame the actor so much as I do the studios who just decide not to take a chance on new people, if that makes sense. I certainly agree with that last part, obviously. But also, like, the whole, like, what you said about overexposure, I totally get that, that whole feeling of I'm racked with that feeling at the lower level we're at all the time. It still is like, even this level of it, like, this will just vanish one day. And then what? So I understand the whole wanting to strike while the iron's hot.

But there is also an argument to be made, though, that some people do be making that that, that treating it that way, having that mentality about it when you're in his position, not ours, I think. When you're in his position, though, it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy because you overexposed yourself, which brings about it going away. That's true. That like going away for a little while and making people miss you, that whole thing, that actually contributes to a longer career in the long run.

Without question. It's also part of that is just, If you do that, you're also inherently, you're being pickier and choosier with the things that you do. And if you have good taste or if you have good people around you and you pick fewer things that are better. That are good. Then you end up being, you know, Leo and that, you know, you're in that like that class. I'm not going to say he has a talent to even be that. I'm just mean like as far as how you approach it, you know, you can make an argument that it's detrimental to keeping it around to, you know,

to force yourself into every or just take everything that comes by. But I mean, Kevin Hart, bro, he's still in every single thing on every channel every day. So he feels like he has been for 10 years. So maybe it doesn't matter. I don't know. Yeah. And it also depends on like what do you care more about the money or the legacy and the prestige? Because like, yeah, you got a dude like Daniel Day Lewis who like he only, he will only do a movie if he can win an Oscar for it.

You know what I mean? Or apparently if his son is directing it. Because even Daniel DeLewis is not immune to, you know, that type of blindness to nepotism, I guess. And hey, we'd all do it. I know. That's what I'm saying. I get it. I respect it.

We'd all do it. But like, yeah, I mean, dude, this, like, my example of that, which I always felt, this is really funny about the buttercream dream. Like, I wouldn't post a buttercream dream video every day. and I had a lot of people asking me, oh, more buttercream dream. And I always treat it as like, you've got to miss me, you know. And I took that from specifically Stone Cold Steve Austin,

because I remember hearing an interview one time when, like, at the height of his fame, one of the ways that he managed it, and one of the reasons he was so popular is that Stone Cold there for a while was like, only doing pay-per-views. And he would not show up on Raw or SmackDown every week. And he was, like, very cognizant, and even though McMahon wanted him to,

because he was like money, money, money. But he was very aware of like, if I'm out there all the time, then I'm going to be overexposed. And like, I need, anytime I'm not on there, the people are wondering where Stone Cold is. And that's better than if I was there. So when I do show up, it's a big deal. You know what I mean?

So there is something about that. But if Stone Cold obviously cared about money, but he cared about the legacy, If you only care about the money, then I guess you're just like Kevin Hart, you're going, I'm saying yes to everything and it doesn't fucking matter, you know? Because like, even if it did go all the way tomorrow, I think that he could, he has enough money to live 10 lifetimes in a row without lifting a finger. Yeah, you'd certainly hope. Related to that, I had something come up this weekend that I think might be of interest to you.

So this past Sunday, me and Caleb, Caleb Simon came with me to Solom. a beach, which is like outside of San Diego. It's like, you know, it's like a little above La Jolla. And, uh, I did a place down there called the belly up tavern. And it's like, it's been there since the 70s. It's like an iconic music venue that does comedy and stuff too every now and then. It's like the belly up tavern. Yeah, 600, 600. Capacity is 600 for music, like 350 for comedy because they put seats down, you know. Of course. And, uh, so it's not that big, but it's been there a long time and like the chili peppers have done it. Now, anybody's come out of SoCal did it, guns and roses, all them, whatever, and it's all these fans have done it.

It's kind of like, it's not quite as old, but it's like SoCal Canes ballroom sort of type thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the Roland Stones did a concert there in 2015. Okay. Oh, wow. Right. So it was a private concert, right? Sure.

Some San Diego billionaire, his trophy wife. was turning 40 or something like that. Oh. And he wanted that time to get rid of her. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. For sure. I don't remember how old she was turning.

Don't reason I even say 40s, because I feel like if it was a fucking 25 or 30-year-old, why get the rolling style? Or I guess if you're a billionaire and you're like, you're like, yeah, this is your present, bitch, you know, but it's just you're 75 years old and this has been your favorite band for 60 years. But anyway, I don't know any of those details at all. I don't know who the guy was or anything.

Some billionaires is his wife's birthday. he got dude she might have been and they might have both been her 60s and married for 40 years I don't fucking know but it was his wife's birthday and for her birthday present

he like got a private concert from the Rolling Stones at this place um how much you think that costed okay one night yes

one night rolling stones huh I'm going to say because in these situations, it's you price yourself as, because no, because listen, nobody wants to do a private event. Most people do not want to do a private event. You price it at the like, this is the amount that I will take to make up for the fact that I'd really, it feels below me to stand on a small

stage for a bunch of billionaires. I'm going to say, considering the amount of people in the band and what they were required, let's go 15,000. Okay. So, all right. I, my first guess was five million, right? And I was thinking that that would be low. And after I started telling you the story in my head, I was like, fuck, should I be saying this? I don't know if this is all put, you know, because like the person that runs the place told me. And I was like, but anyway, I, I, this is all public information. The San Diego Union Tribune wrote about it. All the details I'm talking. David, no, it's, it was Hewlett Packard co-founder Ralph Whitworth, you know, since, you know, since, Public information, I can say that. He co-founded Hewlett-Packard. That's the guy who did it. But the price tag, as reported by the, and I can say confirmed, I think, by the people there, was $2 million. Okay.

Does that shock you? Because it shocked me. Yeah, that shocks me. I know that's, I don't want people to say, like, it's not like, me and you, I'm just saying there literally isn't anyone bigger. Like, no. No, no, there's not. The general consensus, right, is in, like, rock music, there's two bands. The Beatles and the Rolling Stones, and the Beatles haven't been a band for 60 years and half of them are dead.

Right. There's no one bigger on earth that you can get than the Rolling Stones. And I just would have thought that it would take more than $2 million for something like that. I really would have. I know that's a lot of money, and it's just for one night. It's just, again, they're the Rolling Stone. Like you said 15, I said five. I just thought, I was like, I think y'all could get more than that.

And what was this company again? Hughlett Packer, HP. Hugh and Packer. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, I just forgot what you said. Maybe you do it because you think that they'll then hire you again and you can get the quote up, or maybe they were already in the area, or maybe. I mean, dude, also, Mick might be buddies with these people, you know, and so that was the buddy price. So, apparently, this says the.

I mean, and this is according to Google's AI, so who knows. But it says that this even includes $2 million, whatever, but it also included building a temporary running track behind the venue so Mick Jagger could jog before performing. Of course. Well, he's got to work out. Yeah, but what's funny about that is, like, I was just there. I'm thinking in my head, like, I don't know where you would put that.

Because this isn't going to make sense to other people because you were, unless you were also there. But back by the built right behind the building is a fucking railroad track. I mean like right behind it. So I don't know where the fuck you would put a like jogging track at unless you got Mick Jagger running back and forth across the railroad, you know, multiple times. Imagine Mick Jagger gets fucking plowed by Amtrak or whatever while doing your private event. But maybe on the other side of the tracks, maybe there was room for that, but I don't remember it. But anyway, whatever. Either way, that's that's why.

Wild. Me and Caleb were thinking about it's wild. It's wild to think that Mick Jagger was sitting on that same couch that we were on in the green room, you know, fucking doing all doing Mick Jagger stuff. Dude, speaking of Mick Jagger, like, I've seen videos recently of him performing and like, when you talk about Still Got It. Like, it's crazy how much that band still has it. And especially when you compare it to, and I hate speaking ill, like I'm not trying to be a geriatric phob or whatever but like some of these clips they're putting up of like ac dc's last concerts and shit dude buddy have you seen motley crews yeah bro yeah and that one you know the motley crew one doesn't break my heart as much because those dudes are huge pieces of shit sure but it's still

hilarious it's oh it's hilarious but dude the acdc when like i normally get really mad when people are in the comments like guys you need to hang it up because i'm like well you know people are still paying to come see him and like and also like you know going back to what i've always said about brett farv and like when he just refused to leave football i'm like guys it's more complicated like this is their identity this is what they do this is taking away like but bro it is absolutely insane yet mick jagger and i guess he owes it all to his jogging like they still got it hey tray we were talking about voice artists and stuff um earlier and i want to i want you can you close your eyes for a second while I play you this really sick beat. Okay. I want to play you this really, really sick beat.

You're going to get copyright stricken, are you? No, no, no, no. We'll be fine, I think. Who knows? And it's going to take me a minute to pull this up because I'm stupid. Well, I'll keep vamping for a second. Yeah, I can also edit. I was going to bring up, all right. I can also edit. Okay. Can, let's see, just tell me if you can't hear it. Okay. Pretty rad, huh? I mean, it sounds weird to me, but I can't. Okay, well, now it's rad. Open your eyes.

Oh, yeah. It's all with his mouth. Yeah. Honestly, I don't know why. At first, I couldn't tell if it was distorted or something, but in my head I thought it might be, because that's been another, I haven't done it in a while, but over the years of times,

that's been a pet internet interest of mine. Do you know what I mean? You go through spells of looking up like cheese videos and stuff. I've done that with beatboxing before. I've watched a lot of beatboxing videos. And I could sort of, I kind of thought that might be. a dude beatboxing. Also, I don't know if it's the same Asian feller, but have you seen the Instagram reels of that Asian feller that can, he can imitate any sound that anybody makes, like,

instantly? Talk about Michael, Michael Wenzel. I have not. No, can you please look him up. Well, you can keep talking and I'll try to find it. Hopefully I can, because it's pretty cool, because there's another element of how they present it, which makes it be doing a lot of stuff. Which makes it doubly hit. And if I can find it, you'll see what I mean. Yeah, look for it. And I'll tell you this, because there's this other Asian dude who I've been following who fuck, like, I hate my algorithm because now when I follow somebody, it'll all of a sudden stop showing me their shit. But there's this Asian dude who he has a, he's the master of the speed bag. And no matter what song, I've seen that.

That guy's great. It's unbelievable, man. And if you all know what a speed bag is, it's the tiny little thing in boxing. And by the way, a lot of people don't realize this, but I know it seems. like delicate work, that shit will wear your ass out. And it's a great workout. But like, yeah, he can stay on beat with anything with that. And it's so impressive.

Have you found this dude? I have, yes. But yeah, the beat by the speedbag guy also hits. So I guess disclaimer, just because the age we're living in whatever. For all I know they could be fake. This would not be that hard of a thing to fake, probably. But it certainly treated as real. And I want to believe that it's real.

And it's also like this dude's whole thing. I'd like to, I mean, as far as I'm aware it is. But anyway, so yeah, well, I feel like when I pull this up, you might be like, oh, yeah, I've seen this guy. You ever seen this guy? I have not seen this guy. Okay, so here we go. What? What?

God, what? Yeah, I know. The people in the back are really hitting for me. I know, yeah. Never wanted to possess a skill more than I want to possess this skill. Right. And like I said, there's another element to it. It's his boys all flipping the fuck out and dancing and shit behind them. Like, surely this guy's a professional Foley artist, correct? Like, he has to be. There's no way you can have that talent and not go into that line of work. I mean, my assumption is that he's probably, because these guys are all breakdancing and shit, I assume he's a beatboxer.

Right. That's my assumption. Obviously, he could do the Foley thing too. But yeah, I'm just, I'm assuming that's their crew. They got their crew there. They got, you know, breakdancing. And he's the. beatboxer and I'm sure some of them rap and stuff. I don't know. They might have some graffiti guys. Who knows? But yeah. I only say that because like as some people know when I do my audio dramas and stuff like it's a point of pride to me that I do my own Foley. Like it's one of the reasons that I bought a shotgun mic like I go out and I I collect sounds and stuff like that. And you obviously can when you're making stuff like that, you can subscribe to these things that have, you know, copyright-free sounds for you to put in things, but I just like enjoy doing it. And if I could do that shit, man, oh my God, the amount of time I would save doing my foley would be incredible. Yeah, but it's

also like the people that can do it. I mean, I don't know, maybe you're like, maybe this isn't both of us, maybe this is just me. But when I imitate accents and stuff, I just listen to them and then try it and then try to find it, right? But when you listen to people that are really good at this type of thing, they can, like, walk you through what they're doing. They do, right. You know what I mean? They'll talk about how their mouth is different or it's coming.

Where to put your jaw. I know you can't like Freight Caliando break down all those different voices and how they're connected and what makes them different from each other. It's super fascinating to me. Because to me, it's like you just listen to it and then you just see if you can do it. But there's like a science to it or a technique to it at least that's pretty interesting. Yeah, I did like, I've seen that Calliando thing. And when I was at the beach a couple weeks ago with my family, my niece, she found out for the first time that I was a comedian.

Like, she found, like, she's nine years old. And she literally has just thought that I don't work, which, like, I don't blame her. Like, she's never seen me work. I'm always just kind of hanging around. And she found out I was a comedian. And I guess to her that meant you can do voices and stuff. You know what I mean? And why wouldn't that mean?

So she started asking me to do voices. And hilariously enough, some of the ones she asked me to do, I could literally just do, like, she asked me to do goofy and I could do it or whatever. And then through doing that, she kept asking me, and I found out some that I didn't even realize that I could do because she asked and I just tried. And while we were doing that, I did start realizing I was like, oh, wow, when you do goofy, I am activating only this part of my throat and all that stuff. Like, I wouldn't know how to diagram it for anybody. Like, it is true. But, like, Calli Endo, man, the way he breaks it down, it's like, he breaks it down in a way where it's just like, yeah, why wouldn't anybody can do this? Just do these 17 steps, you know.

Yeah, that leads me into one of my favorite recurring segments on this show and also POA. And it's get Corey to talk shit about Mark. So you remember Mark's, you remember Mark's take on Calli Endo and impressions and shit? It don't hit for him. No, it don't. He says it's just a stupid fucking party trick. And it's like, why would anyone, why would anyone who isn't eight years old be impressed by that is basically Mark? Mark's such a fucking piece of shit that hates joy.

Like, dude, that's what, that's all it is. Like, it hit. And I'll tell you this, he brought, I'm pretty sure he brought that up. And this is, this is when you know Mark is about to hate. I thought you threaded the video of Frank walking through all his things. So you brought it up. I did. Yeah.

And that, that's my. point that I'm getting to is the reason Mark hates it so much is because I brought it up and said this hits for me and Mark cannot allow me to like anything that I think is good is inherently stupid. Anything I think is smart is inherently dumb. If I think something's impressive, it's actually the worst. It's fucking, I'm telling you, if you'd have shared it, Mark would have been like, wow, what an artist.

That is great. So he definitely would not have. Every fucking time, Tray, Drew does the same fucking shit. If I bring up some shit, everybody will be like, not you, you right or die for me. You fucking do right or die for me. And now there's sometimes you'll be like, nah, but then I know that it's truly nah. You know what I mean? Like, if you say nah, then I'm like, it's not.

But these motherfuckers are just contrarians. It's a disease. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. I know. Well, that's what I was about to say is like, so is it possible that it's just me and you, are both, you know, fat, dumb normies who like cool stuff that does hit. And they're both artistic fucking, you know, intellectual queers who don't like stuff that does hit.

And it's not about whether it's coming from you or not. It's just that that's how they are about those things. You know what I mean? I'm just telling you it has a lot to do with it coming from me. I have seen... Well, maybe it's like in their mind, if it comes from you, then it's automatically classified in the this is not art

that hits type box. I can't give you an example. Because Corey likes comic books and shit like that and that doesn't do for them. I can't give you an example off the top of my head which always infuriates me

when you're in an argument of somebody and they're like, name one time I've done that and it's like, I can't fucking think of it right now but I know that it's happened. There have been several times where like I pitched a thing

or sent a clip and was told by Drew or Mark how fucking dumb it was and that I was an R word for thinking it was good. but only for like four months later, I guess they forgot about all that. The same clip reemerges,

and now all of a sudden they're talking about how much it hits, right? So to me, that is proof positive that it is 100% if Corey likes something. Like, they treat me like I'm fucking Gaffietti or some shit. Like, who hits for us? Who hits for me? Right, and not for them because they fucking suck and they don't like joy. Right. So, God damn.

I can't remember if I've told you this yet or not. But, like, there's been some people on my Patreon and stuff who have brought up, I said this is one of my favorite recurring segments. I brought up, like, man, why does Corey not like Mark so much? He talks about Mark. He talks so much shit about Mark. Like, you need to tell Corey to lay off. He's being so mean to Mark.

And I tell him, I'm like, well, here's the deal. Y'all are only seeing one side of that. Like, Corey is responding publicly to things that are happening privately that y'all are not privy to. They're mean to me. that Mark does that drives him up the fucking wall, and y'all don't ever see that. And that's why it's also, you know, funny to me. When you and Mark it into it, I always post that little reaction meme of the dude holding his phone in bed, being all content and happy and stuff.

And I think everybody, you know, it's funny. And I think everybody knows this, but, like, if I didn't love Mark, I wouldn't be saying any of this. Like, you know what I mean? Like, because we're really good friends and we text a lot, he pisses me. the fuck off. And I piss him the fuck off too. But the things I piss him off about is seems to be me just existing and smiling and enjoying my day. Those are the crimes against humanity that I've committed is saying like, look at this neat thing. Isn't that good? And then fucking eight

paragraphs from Mark about how it's fucking stupid. It's indicative of how much of a moron I am. I'm uneducated. I'm fucking basic. All this fucking horse shit. And then that motherfucker will, then he'll talk about watching some dumbass movie that don't hit. But it's fine because he's like, I was just doing it on the treadmill.

When Mark enjoys a dumb thing, he's doing it ironically, you see. You're spitting about that. It's like, he's definitely inconsistent for sure. Because like I remember recently, like apparently, and I don't, I haven't kept up with this. But apparently Kevin James was making like a mafia movie.

Good. Can't wait. And I put it in the thread and directed it at Mark. And I was like, you know, something about this will hit for you or whatever. And he got, he was like offended by that being like, what about me would make you think that I would watch a fucking Kevin James movie? And I was like, okay, but this, I was like, this is Kevin James in a stupid, like, action crime drama movie. 90 minutes. And I was like.

Which we always talk about is great. I was like, you watch, I was like, you watch those all the time, don't you? Don't you watch every Gerard Butler movie that ever comes out? Yeah. And he was like, yeah, but those, that's not this. I'm like, I'm telling you, I think this is Kevin James's attempt at doing that. Yeah. Or whatever.

But anyway, but it's like, it's hard to, he does seem inconsistent to me. Like, it would be stuff where it's like, I don't understand why you're acting like, I wouldn't think this would be a thing for you. Mark and Drew both. You know. Mark and Drew both can't stand it if they think someone has. has them figured out. They must remain a mystery and an enigma. So when you pitch them something that you think they would like, to them, they go, well, you, there's no way you know enough about me to know what I like. I'm such a deep and mysterious well. I'm a fucking, I'm wearing a velvet robe,

smoking a pipe, looking at the world burned, thinking about Marcus Aurelius quotes. You don't fucking know me. You dumbass bitch who likes Michael Bay movies. Yeah, it's like recently I found out that medical schools, right, if you're like training to be a proctologist, you've got to get practice, right? So medical schools will pay people to come in off the street and get their butt holes fingered all day by medical students. And I put that in a thread, and I was like, Drew, if you're looking to make some extra money, you know. And he goes, and Drew was like, okay, look, that's funny. And I know I'm the sex guy or whatever, but just everybody knows I don't do butt stuff at all. So I'm not into that at all.

So it doesn't really. And I was like, okay, but you know what I mean? You fucking dirty hippie. I'm not into butt stuff, but I'd catch a butt fuck for a couple dollars from a gloved finger. Yeah. I mean, but dude, by the end of the day, you got to just be war smooth out. They ain't no elasticity left in that thing, I'd think.

If you just put in eight hard hours at the dung there at the butthole finger in mine. That's a lot of time to get your butt hole finger. Your butthole is the mind. Just getting bored out over and over by people that, like, the whole reason they're there is they don't yet know what they're doing. doing. But even if they did know what they're doing, they're trying to be doctors, not like fucking prostate massagers, you know what I mean? Well, yeah, and also, like, you can't mess it up to it. It's not like there's an off button in there. You know what I mean? Yeah, I just think that it would

seems like it'd be mostly discomfort for most of the day. I don't know how much they get paid. Can you jack off while they're doing it? Because that wouldn't like probably frowned upon. I would have made. Yeah. Well, frowned upon and not allowed are two different things. That is true. That's a good point. You remember that time we, listen, We heard a clip somewhere of Burke Crischer telling that story of, and again, this is publicly available, so I'll just, you know, reshare it. But he said years and years ago he got a very small bit part on the shield. And he was playing a peeping Tom on the shield.

And he's peeping on some actress they hired who's a very hot lady who in the shield is, you know, she's getting undressed. This is for FX, so no tities or nothing, but probably like, you know, see the back, her naked back and side boob or whatever. and then Bert is playing a peeping Tom outside the window and in the script he starts jacking off right and Bert was like I've never acted in anything before at this point I don't know how any of this works like he says the guy starts jacking off

so I start you know I put my hand down there at first I'm like sure I'm not supposed to just really jack off right and the director's like no no yeah it's good keep it up like the director was encouraging him or whatever and so he ends up he's just like jacking off right while during this take on the other side of this window from this actress He's just actually, you know, jorking it. Did he bust? And no, I don't think, no, he didn't bust or nothing, but he's just really playing with his actual wiener.

And then they called Cut. And that lady was very upset and was like, what the fuck is this? This is so unprofessional. And she, like, stormed off or whatever. And Bert says, again, you can find this clip somewhere. He says that Michael Chickles walked up to him and was like, dude, fuck her. That was awesome. It's feeling where about it.

Well, I mean, she couldn't see his dead. I know. I know. We're not laugh, I guess. from that era. That's from the pre-Me-2 era of Hollywood, obviously. But again, but Bert, though, he genuinely didn't know no better, you know. Well, also, I mean, he's a guy you can believe that, you know, coming from. For sure. I mean, I would have done the same thing.

He just wanted to do a good job, you know. Also, I mean, I don't know sitting here right now. I don't know what you, if it's in the script at the guy that you're playing and then starts jacking off, I guess you put your hand down your pants and then just like do a phantom jerking motion without actually touching. go ahead and grab it. Yeah, but, like if my character's supposed to fart and I've got one on deck, why ADR it? You know what I mean? Just like, let me fart.

Right. What's funny about that is I'm pretty sure you would then still have to later ADR a fart. Well, they would folly a fart. They would folly a fart, which I would request to do. You'd get the authentic reactions and everything from people if you actually farted, which is always a good thing. I farted on set. Well, going back to Chris Pratt, that's a famous story from Perkins and bring that up. up a lot and people started

reevaluating during like the Me Too era and shit was that they did a bunch of takes of a thing where Andy answers the door naked or whatever and the door is being knocked upon by Amy Polar and they did a bunch of takes of it and whatever it was going along and they just couldn't get it and finally

Chris Pratt actually took his draws off. He actually is naked. They do a take and I think that's the take they use right? The take Amy Poller, it's her genuine When they're being shocked. Like, holy shit, because he actually was naked.

And then in the story, he said he got like, you know, he got called into NBCHR for that or whatever. He got, like, written up for that. And so it's not like he didn't get reprimanded. And I think him and Amy Poller, they're cool, I reckon. Yeah, dude. But that was one of those things that people, like, debated, like, is that all right or not? And I don't think it is, but it hit. Like, it worked.

And, well, I think that's one of those, it's a great area thing because, like, Amy Poehler coming from a comic background and being friends with Tina Faye, like every, every comic has the mindset of right. And also, you know the person. It's about relationship. Right. Right. Like, like, like, for instance, if me and you were shooting something and I pulled my dick out in front of you, like, nothing. The black and white thinking on this would be like, Corey should get in trouble for that. But, like, I know it's fine if you see my dick and you wouldn't care.

So that would be fine. And, like, I know she's a woman, but also we're supposed to treat everybody the same. And, like, I don't think she get, again, guys, do not pull your dick out on set. But I do think in certain context, it's like they got the scene. And I promise you, everybody wants to get the scene and go home, you know. Yeah, but that right there is the argument that, like, all them lunatics from years past. I know. Stanley Kubrick and all them would always make.

And it's like a Stanley Kubrick, you know, his movie's fucking smashed. They do. But like the way treated people is pretty infamous. And that was always the justification. It's like, well, you know, it worked, didn't it? Look at the final product. Yeah, but you know, you can get a hidden final product without doing all that too. Well, also, also something that never gets brought up is like, they go, yeah, well, look at the final product.

It's like, all right, but we're not, we haven't been allowed to see what. take 58 of 150 look like they might have got it on 58 like who's to say that if they use some of the other takes it wouldn't have worked like we just have to take his word for it on that the different side of the other side of that coin what do you think about that famous death scene for talia all gul in the dark night rises uh where she you know what i'm talking about it gets yeah when she stabs when she stabs batman and she just kind of of hunt, she just,

she just kind of goes, yeah, yeah, what do you think about that? Because that's Christopher Nolan, one of the most celebrated modern directors.

That's a, Mary and, Marian, I can't remember her name, but I love her. Cotillard. I'm, I feel like I'm butchering her name.

She's French. Yeah, yeah, here's a sentence I shouldn't say. She's in my favorite Woody Allen movie, and she crushes in Midnight in Paris. Merion Cotillard.

Yeah, but anyway, she's a celebrated actress, celebrated director. She has said, for because he's of course been asked about it that they did a ton of takes right why would he use that one like what i don't what is the explanation for using that i can tell you this that when i first saw the movie which was in theaters of course um i didn't even notice it like it didn't you know what

i didn't remember noticing it is it is one of those that like you but once it's pointed out like holy shit, you know. So the only, that's the only thing I could think of is like when they were editing it, like, but your whole job is to be paying attention to shit like that. You know what I mean? Like, I understand how that could get lost on somebody, but like with the chain of command and everything and how meticulous he is like, how, I don't know, dude, I got no explanation for that one, but it's one of the worst on-screen deaths of all time. Like, it is, it would have been better if they had just shot, cut away, and just had her death implied. Yeah.

What about Tarantino, right? So relevant to what we were saying, he like, he did a few things, but one of them at least. Umatharman. He choked, well, I was going to say he choked Diane Kruger and Inglorious Bastards because he was like, he said, I don't trust anyone else to do this but me. And that's one of those things that's like, come on, dog. Come on, buddy. Plent is that really the reason. Can choke women.

Yeah. Right. But so that's a little. And then yeah, the Ooman Thurman thing, that was in a car or something, right? And kill Bill.

Yeah. Like, with this shot just won't look right if you don't do this yourself and it almost fucking killed her or something. Kilder, yeah. Dude,

Tarantino is so hard to defend. I know. Well, that's what I was wanting to get into because I feel like that's only becoming more and more of the case. Yes, for sure. Like politically and otherwise and stuff.

Everything. He's just kidding to be more and more of a, of a tough nut, you know, as far as that goes. And dude, honestly, you can even just take the politics out of it and it's still like, like, like, because he, he's like, you know how we feel about method actors. He's like a method director. And again, I take it as like, you go, well, look at the final product. But again, I say like, well, there's no control here.

Like, we don't have an example of what it would have looked like had he not done that. And also, like, it's very, to me, it's very distra. respectful to actors for a director to think the only way you're going to be able to do this is if I do this, you know? And certain things are fine, but like when it comes to physical pain and stuff, I'm like, no, I'm sorry, you got to draw the line and you just don't get to do that. And like, I still considered Quentin Tarantino, one of the greatest directors of all time, certainly one of my favorites. Like, there's at this point, I mean, I could stop supporting him as a human being, but there's absolutely nothing on earth the guy could do that would change my opinion

about Inglorious Basterts, Jackie Brown, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, all of that. Like, they're great. They are great. Now, one thing I will say about Tarantino is, dude, we talk about Aaron Sorkin being high on his own supply. Tarantino takes the cake on that. And I look at somebody like Tarantino, and, like, first off, his self-imposed 10 film rule is so fucking stupid. And it's so clear, a decision, a 20-something-year-old made that they thought would be profound, but is now coming back to bite him in the ass. And it's easy to think of Tarantino as like this great director when he's only done 10 movies.

But you look at Spielberg, like Spielberg has, yeah, he's had some stinkers, but he's also swung the bat more. You know what I mean? Tarantino don't swing the bat a lot. And so, I don't know. He just, he really gets on my, like, but that said, I still could listen to him talk about film all day. Like I read his book,

Cinema Speculation, and I loved it. But mainly because me and you've talked about this a lot, the thing I love the most in this world is fucking passion. I love it. If you're passionate about something, even if that thing I don't give a fuck about, I can, like, I could, if someone was passionate about screwdrivers,

I could listen to him and talk about screwdrivers for an hour. And the guy's clearly passionate about movies. but he's getting harder to defend with a lot of that bullshit, that self-importance bullshit. And now the Tel Aviv stuff, it's like, bro, come on. Now, I'm almost at a point where, like, I don't even care if his 10th movie ever comes out. Like, we got, we got, I mean, I want it. Obviously, I'll go see it.

But, like, to me, if there's, if. Part of it is like, and I'm sure this is a part of what you mean, but with the self-imposed 10 movies thing, it's also, he's unnoticed. necessarily adding all that pressure onto himself because now it's like it's like we don't care right it's like just say you just say no but because you said i'm only making tim well that means this is quentin tarentino's final film and so that means it's like it's got to be absolutely it's got to be the masterpiece it's got to be the magnum opus or he just isn't going to make it and it's like because he already had that one lined up about the film critic in the 70s whatever that i think has been

totally scrapped and i don't know if he even knows what is what he's going to plan to do now but because because he's like you know he he's put all that pressure on himself, which doesn't make any sense. It's like, dude, just make another movie or whatever. And I think, you know, make some fucking TV, you know. Yeah, I mean, he wants to. Because, you know, I know, because I think it was in, no, Kill Bill maybe was going to be, or was it in glorious bastards. One of those, he was going to be a, he wanted it to be a TV show initially.

Well, he's already written eight episodes of bounty law. He's already written them. Like, he wanted to do a deal with Netflix, but like, obviously it's going to be hard to get Leonardo to Caprio to do television and you can't do it unless he plays Rick Dalton. But like, he wants to do that. And then according to him, that doesn't go against his rule because A, that's TV. And also, what he meant by that was Auteur. Like, he's, he will still direct a movie he didn't write and he will still write a movie he didn't direct. That doesn't count in his, in his list, which of course is why, like, death proof doesn't count on his total and, and all of that stuff. But like,

and he's also said one of his dreams is to do a Star Trek movie. Fucking let him. Let him do it. Dude, let him do a Star Wars one. I would love to see Tarantino take on somebody else's IP so that we can see, because I think that's also the mark of a good director is like, yeah, I love all tours. I love people who from start to finish, this is their baby. But I also think that the mark of a good director is, can you adapt something from somebody else's source material and make it work? And Spielberg has done that for years. And I would love to see him do it. it, but at the same time, there's also part of me that's just like, go away, dog, just go away. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I have to admit until he made something that don't hit. Yeah. I don't want him to go away.

No, I'd like him to shut his mouth a little more every now. No, me too. Me too. No, I hear you. Like, if him, him and the Cohen brothers and Nolan, these are just three specific directors who I will be seated opening day of every single thing. they do for the rest of my life. I love them so much.

And yeah, and like, you know, I hate to say it for a while. I was like that with Woody Allen, and I know you shouldn't, but like I do, I separate the art from the artist and you got to do that with Tarantino for sure. But I'll tell you the worst thing that motherfucker ever did

was that BET interview. Oh my God. Brah. Unbelievable. So hard to watch. But yeah, but I don't want to do, I don't want to do this things. I know it's like it's a, it's a testy thing that bothers people that this gets thrown around so much. But Quinn Tarantino was 100% some type of neurodivergent, right?

Without question. Like, no doubt about it. It's just from a generation where it's like people, that still, people still weren't getting that diagnosed or whatever. And it's like, his trains is movies. His trains is movies. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. No, for sure, dude.

I mean, like, you don't have to be a psychologist to just watch him talk and know that. that like his body language is so different. It's alien almost. Like the way that he speaks and the way that he interprets questions and speaks to people, it's like it's his first time talking to humans sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just got an email from Louis C.K.

How about that? Awesome. He got a new special coming out. He's got a new special on Netflix today. I guess it dropped on Netflix. I thought he was canceled. My man name dropped Clarksville, Tennessee in here.

Okay. Just everybody knows, you know, I, for years and years and years ago, I signed up on his mailing list because he was like the first guy to, he just put specials out himself. Remember that? Yeah.

And part of that process was sign up for his mailing list, and I guess I'm just still on it. So I get these automated emails from Louis C.K. I got the email too. So it says, it says you can watch it, whether you're in Nome, Alaska, Paris, France, Tokyo,

Bengaluru, or Clarksville, Tennessee. So, I don't know how he landed on shouting out Clarksville, but that's cool.

Yeah, I got the email too. I signed up for it because I had to purchase all the episodes of Horace and Pete. That might have been

how I got it too because I definitely also did that. Yeah, what a fantastically insane show. Not to, Sorry that we're promoting Louis C.K. here, everybody, but, you know, again, separating the art from the artist. What are you going to do?

Yeah. Yeah, I know. All right. Well, I bet y'all support our art instead, and also then whatever you want to do. But come see me on the road at tracrouter.com, please, everybody. I'll be in Lowell, Arkansas, in the middle of July with our buddy Caleb signing. It was very funny. and then later on in August and beyond a whole bunch, bunch, bunch of places, Omaha, Kansas City, Des Moines. I know yearly Ohio runs coming up, lot all at traycrouter.com. I am begging you to subscribe to Corey Wrightsfor You.com. And for the record, you can do it 100% for free. It is a substack. I just bought CoreyRights for you.com because it's easier than saying substack.com

slash Corey Ryan Forster. But subscribe to CoreyRights for you.com. That is one of the best ways to support me because even if you do not do the paid membership, it still gets my numbers up, boosts me up in substack. And I will say this, though, if you really, really love me, go for that paid membership because if I doubled my paid subscriptions by the end of this year, then substack could basically be my full-time job and I would love that because it would give me time to write more on there because that is one of the things I love doing the most. As a lot of y'all know, I'm not touring as

much as I used to because I love staying home with my child so anything I can do behind a computer to make money. I'm really trying to do that and one of the best ways to support me in that and get a lot of really cool, hate to use this word content is to subscribe at coryritesfor you.com. I write things, I read them to you. I do bonus podcast. I write poetry. I put videos up there. There's also a chat that has over 700 members in it that I'm very active in.

It's a lot of fun. Corey writes for you.com. Thank you in advance for subscribing. Thank you all for listening to The Well Red Show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Oh, by the way, listen to putting on airs. got to tell you, season three of House of the Dragon is out, which means that season three of

Little House of the Dragon, starring me and my sister Lady Kirby, is available at watchp.OA.com, which is our YouTube or on the putting on airs podcast feed. Thank you, God bless you. Good night and skil. Fart. Fart. Everybody. No one asked for this.

Absolutely no one asked for this. But here it is anyways. This is a short, this is the first two parts of a Southern crime, a Southern crime drama that I'm writing over at Corey writes for you.com. It's called Here We Rest. The reason it's called Here We Rest is because that's the Jason Isabel album I was listening to when I started writing it. That's as deep as that goes. But anyways, here's me reading the first two chapters of it, which you would have gotten if you subscribe to cory rightsfor you.com.

And you can still subscribe to cory rights for you.com to hear the third and fourth chapters when I write them. And also you can subscribe totally for free. Like you don't have to spend any money to subscribe. I just want you there. And it's a beautiful place that we've really made a nice, home for ourselves over there. But you also can't, you can give $5 a month if you want to, but you don't have to. Corey Wrightsfor-you.com.

Here is, here we rest chapters one and two. I hope you enjoy it. All right. Thank you. Bye. Fishing downstream from a nuclear power plant ain't the smartest thing a man could do, but there's set Randall doing it know-how. Says he reckons he won't eat them, but it sure is fun trying to catch them three-headed

some bitches. I suppose it was. Randall Daltry was many things, but a liar he weren't. Up at the fire, his wife Martha was explaining to some distant cousin about how you can't do double coupons at every grocery store, but she had a list of the ones where you could. She had a permanent band-aid on her big toe because she couldn't stop knocking it on the metal rods sticking out of her recliner. She wouldn't fix it because the Braves hadn't lost a penance since it broke, and Jesus wasn't her only superstition. The kids ran around, in the parlance of the time, like little wild Indians, not concerning themselves with the value of that which they broke. One was trying to fix a bicycle

chain and only making it worse, while Aunt Ida's twin girls bogarded the jump rope so they could double dutch until the sun went down, and it was time to swat at lightning bugs with a wiffle ball bat. I was behind the screen door in the camper. The camper did not come with the screen door, so Randall took the one off his dead mama's porch and sanded it down to fit. It was not practical, but it was nice, and everyone got a kick out of it. That was Randall's way. It didn't matter if something is supposed to be, only that it could be. He didn't stop to consider the fullest notion of pragmatism when he got an idea on how to make something fun. He once traced his son Levi on a door with a carpenter's pencil and used a tractsaw to cut out an opening

that only Levi could fit through. It made no sense and took all purpose away from the door, but Levi thought it was the neatest thing in the world, and that's all that mattered to Randall. I sat there drinking some home brew made by who else but Randall Daltry. I'd pretty much given up on strong drink when Sheila left me, but I couldn't turn down Randall's apple pie. It burned in that real good way that lets you know it's going to work, but don't sour your face too much. It was that good. I had been inside for a few hours, just watching the little dramas of the family unfold in front of me while praying no one needed me for anything. I like these gatherings in theory, but I prefer to keep to myself, especially back then. Seems like every time

I participated in something, I'd mess it up. That's probably why she left. Didn't have shit all to do with the drinking. I could ruin just about anything while sober as a judge. Or at least I'd tell myself that to justify another swig, then another, and then it was on to the next mason jar. Randall didn't care. He made enough back in the day to get us through the Cold War if it ever came to that, and as we all know, it didn't. I laid back on the itchy old camper couch and started to nod off when I heard a commotion down on the bank. Holy shit, Randall screamed, forcing Sheila out of my mind for the first time all day. Sunny boy, get down here. He called me Sunny Boy, despite my name being Steve.

Sonny Boy was his tail gunner back in the Pacific Theater, and I assumed it was a term of endearment until I found out he called me that, because after the war, Sunny Boy moped around aimlessly until Shellshot got the better of him, and he shot a double dose of black tar in his neck. This was apparently Randall's fun way of calling me a sad sack. I know he loved me. It's just that generation had a hard time shot. I ran down to meet him, forgetting I'd just foundered myself on corn liquor, and took out several

lawn chairs on my way. I managed to stay on my feet by some miracle, but the sloshing in my stomach was about to send a bill of sale to my mouth. What's going on, Randall, I said, between gasps of breath while resting my elbows on my knees and my chin on my chest. Then I smelled it. I vomited so hard there was a wonder a lung didn't come up with it. There was a body floating in the water, and from what we knew from old detective shows, it had been there a while. Hot damn, whoever he is, he's blowed up like a damn birthday balloon, Randall said, nasally while pinching his nose. We better call the law. I got Sheriff Stevens number somewhere in my truck. I took a bodor and slowly but surely got the body flipped over on its back. I gasped.

What is it, Sonny Boy? I wiped the puke off my mouth and prepared for another round of it. I was in shock. The words were right there, but it took them a minute to reach my lips. It's Sheriff Stevens, I said. Randall looked at me and his face turned white. Well, he said, I reckon he's not going to answer the phone then. Part 2.

Growing up in the rural south, a floating carcuit. was perhaps not the most unsettling thing I've ever seen, but it certainly would be for the children. Randall had a stillness about him that I'd never seen him where. We were not blood, but that changes nothing. Randall is as much family to me as anyone with the last name, Croslin, ever was. When I was a teenager and needed to get away from everything going on at home, Randall and Martha's door was always open to me. Randall was a tough man, but a fair man.

He also had a great sense of humor, which juxtapose, comically with his tough military exterior. When you've watched your best friends die face down in the mud amidst the roar of enemy artillery, I reckon it makes life's normal woes seems like child's play in comparison. I never saw a situation get the better of him in the 30-some-odd years I've known him, but today was different. Seeing Sheriff Stephen's body swayed back and forth in the wake, bloated and stinking of death, caused Randall to take a rare, long beat before speaking, and when he finally did, I wish he hadn't. You need to make the call, Sonny Boy.

I knew he was right, but that changed nothing as far as my feelings were concerned. I had spent the better part of the week trying to see how much liquor could kill a man so I could just hover below that threshold. I'm an emotional wreck even without punishing my body, so standing there, having not had a sip of water in as long as I could remember, I was numb. Well, no, that's not true. I was very much in pain.

I would have killed for numb, actually. but I certainly couldn't think clear enough to make a weighted decision. In that moment, the only things I knew was that I still loved Sheila and that the distance between us was my fault. I had been wanting to reach out to her for so long, to lie to her and tell her I'd changed, to tell her that things would be different, to ask if she'd come back in my life and make me whole once more.

But now, instead, I'd have to call and tell her that her daddy was dead. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I couldn't bring me. myself to do it. Randall, we better call the police first. I'll holler at her afterwards, but I don't want to be accused of failing to report this shit in time. Randall looked at me funny. Well, he'll be just as dead when you get off the phone with her, but knock yourself out, Sonny boy. As I went to walk up to the bank to get a telephone, I heard a loud boat chopping through the water. As I turned and looked, I noticed a Coast Guard flag. I reckon that meant I could stay put. Perhaps someone else had called it in before he washed up towards us.

The uniform fella in the passenger seat hollered at us over a bullhorn. Step away from the body this instant. I thought to myself, what the hell did they think we were about to do? Phil dressed the dead some bitch and cooking for dinner? I mean, I know you ain't supposed to contaminate a crime scene, but it doesn't take a detective to figure out that this isn't where the murder happened. Damn, is that what I think happened? A murder?

Of course, that's what happened. happened. Sheriff Steve was a lifelong fisherman, a star athlete, and a very cautious and safety-prone man. There is no way you could convince me he just fell in the water and died. It may not have been murder one. Hell, it may have even been an accident, but one thing is for sure, this was someone other than Sheriff Stevens doing. The Coast Guard feller spoke once again, "'Terrably sorry to alarm you, folks, just didn't want you too close to the body in case it explodes. They do that sometimes, you know. Gases in your body break down after death, and, you can go up like a hot fart out of nowhere. I suppose that is true. I certainly didn't major

in anything that gave me an argument against it, but it was a rather odd thing to say over the body of a dead man. Okay, I said, but I don't think he's been dead that long. Medical examiner, are we? He said. Nope, just, uh, Watch a lot of procedurals. Without saying another word, the Coast Guard boat inched as close as it could without grounding itself, and then used what looked like a pool cleaner to drag the body closer and then eventually on deck. All right, guys, be safe. Are y'all going to send someone to get our statement?

Randall screamed, but they just kept on driving. I was stunned. Almost no sooner than we had discovered the dead body, it was scooped up and heading the other way. no interview, no police tape, no sirens. To say I was in shock would be an understatement. While I was in this disillusioned state, however, I somehow mustered the courage to pick up the phone. She may not love me anymore, but the news should at least come from someone she knows. As the phone rang, I thought about what I might say. I thought about our wedding. I thought about the years I'd thrown away. But mostly, I thought about how horrible it was

that I was about to hurt her worse than I ever have. When she answered the phone, I went numb. You don't ever consider that you'll miss someone's voice, but God damn it, I did. Her innocent alto almost whispering, hello, sent chills down my spine. How could I have fucked this up? Why can't I just be normal? Hello, she said again. Steve, are you there?

I'm here. Hey, Sheila. Steve, what do you want? I have to tell you something. and are you sitting down? I am actually. I'm sitting down to lunch. Okay, well, if you're with someone,

you might want to excuse yourself because this is going to come as a shock. Steve, you're scaring me. I was scaring myself, too. The butterflies in my stomach were laying eggs. Sheila, your dad is dead. There was a long pause. I didn't think I could handle hearing her cry.

Looking back, I wish to God she had of because what happened instead is something that I'll never get over. Steve, I don't know whether to laugh or throw my phone. Are you drinking again? What the fuck is your problem? Is this your idea of a joke? I knew it would be difficult, but I didn't think I'd be called a liar.

Sheila, I don't want to be doing this, but I thought you'd want to hear it from someone you knew. Your daddy is dead. Steve, Sheila said in a stern tone, that is impossible. I assure you it's not. I just saw him. They took him on down the lake in a Coast Guard boat. I'm sure they'll call you soon. I just, Steve, I'm sitting here with my father right now. I went numb once more. To be continued.