wellRED podcast - Corey & Trae Discuss The MCU Changing Magneto’s Holocaust Origin Story + Bonus Dolly Story!

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

Drew was off today for his birthday, which allowed Trae and Corey to nerd out a little bit about stuff he wouldnt give a shit about (see: anything fun!) TraeCrowder.com for tix CoreyWritesForYou.com for more stuff like the Dolly story! FactorMeals.com/WellRED50off promo code WellRED50off for half off the best ready to heat and eat meals in the game baby!

The comic book world, those types of fans, man, like they are passionate. A lot of them ain't got shit else to do, but scream on internet. And for the record, I am one of them. I just, I'm an adult so I don't scream on the internet about it. Just do it on a podcast. Which goes on the internet.

They're the liberal rednecks. They like cornbread, but sex. They care way too much, but don't give a fun. They're the liberal rednecks that make. Some people upset They got three big old dicks that you can suck Here we are, what's up? It's a Drewless episode this week

Because it's his birthday today. Happy birthday, Drew. Yeah, he's a woman in that way. It's a special day. Yeah, he gets out of doing things. I don't know if he takes a whole birthday week or what, but, you know. Seems like he's had about 15 birthdays this year. Yeah.

I still do, I still would like work on my birthday and stuff. I don't know. I have like shows and things. things like that. We'll be in Nashville. I'll do all kinds of whatever, just really whatever is coming up on my birthday. I still just do it anyway generally.

That's just me though. I don't know. That's me to actually organic promo. We will be in Nashville, December 10th through the 12th, the 11th being my birthday, which I, that hits for me.

That hits for me real hard. As a touring comedian and also someone who before like comedy working, like I was, you know, on the road selling books or whatever or doing whatever. I think I've been home out of the last 20 years. I think I've been home on my actual day of birth three times. Maybe. Like we just eat like the day before or the day after or sometimes not at all.

Well, no, usually we get it in. But like I think I've, my birthday is December 11th. I think I've had birthday dinner as late as like July or January 4th, you know. Yeah. But anyway, no Drew, just me and you. This is sometimes we talk. I saw something this morning. I was like, oh, it works out that Drew's not going to be there

because this is a thing that he'd rather, you know, shove another dick of his butt and talk about this subject. So it's fun. Yeah, right. We got, not that that says a lot, you know, anyway, I don't know. It's lighthearted. It's fun. It's, I don't know.

By the way, you didn't say anything about the freak jersey. I couldn't tell what number it was. I do like that, though. Yeah. We're, uh, we got, we got a whole, like, color rush thing going on today. Michelle, baby. I'm tight enough. You blue, yeah.

Yeah, but that two-tone blues out now. We got, they got rid of the dark blue. I do like the new uniforms. I do, too. I do, too. But I do kind of at the same time, I miss, you know, miss the two-tone a little bit, but I do like the new ones. They can't take them out of my closet. You know what I mean?

That's right. No, it's nerd. It's nerd stuff. which Drew, you know, reviles, I feel like. So, although it is nerd stuff that involves genocide and genocide hits for Drew. It does it for Drew. I mean, he doesn't like genocide guys, but he loves talking about it. Talk about it hits for him.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's a little iffy. I saw this morning. I didn't, in fact, to check this at all. This is on Reddit. It's probably just a rumor. It may not even be true, but I do think it makes sense.

So, you know, everybody knows that. MCU is about to bring the X-Men into it. Yes. Like the new MCU version of X-Men. Yes. And so it reported this morning, and again, makes complete sense that in the MCU, which, of course, is ongoing with all these existing characters and has a set timeline and stuff, that the new Magneto will not be a Holocaust survivor. Because of the time. He can't be, right?

He'd have to be. He'd have to be AIDS. because some people were like, well, fuck, Captain America's from World War II. You know, you could, it's comic book movies. He was Fres, though. He could be, well, it's comic book movies. He could have been Fresz, too, or whatever.

And other people are like, other people are like, no. Because what are you going to do? Freeze Charles, too, Charles Xavier, because that's part of it. It's super important. Right. There are these parallels. So, like, they both have to be frozen for the same amount of time for that.

I'm glad you're bringing this up because I've thought about this independently without, without whatever you're about to say. And so people are, so people are just saying, like, so what are they going to do, right? And make him Palestinian? Right. Well, yeah, I'm definitely not that.

But I mean, they just would never. I know, but it is a quick fix. People bring it up there. Right. People are like, he could be Palestinian. They're like he could be, you know, they'd probably prefer him to be white. So he could be like from Sarajevo or something. Right.

The Balkans in the 90s, like the Bosnia, because that shit was absolutely brutal. So he could be like from there and still be a. white. It just doesn't have as much cachet as the Holocaust. But none of them, but none of them do. Of course not. It's funny,

because now you're into like comparing genocides and you're like, look, dude, like, what are you going to? Like you say, it's just funny to say none of those

have the cachet that that one does when you're talking about genocide. I know, but at the same time, I mean, you know, show me the lie. Uh,

he could be Rwandan, right? Now you've got a black magneto. That would go hard. You know how pissed off people would be about that. Yes. So it's like, and then somebody said, and I feel like they might, but they've already used this so much.

What's the fake Eastern European country? Is it Socovia? Secovia. Yeah, that's where like the Secovia Accordes happened in Age of Ultron and that ultimately led to the events of Civil War. Baran Zemo's family died there. They've already used some of that, but they were like, he could just be Socovian or something.

You know, like it could be. Like he could be from that fake country and he, you know, dealt with that like made up tragedy or whatever. Right. But I don't, obviously, nobody knows what they're going to do. And again, I don't even know if it's true that they've written off the Holocaust thing. But like I said, I just, I kind of don't know how you could do that. So what do you think they're going to, what would you do, I guess?

Or what do you think they're going to do? Man, I don't know, but I know he's too old. But when you said Rwandan, like, I immediate, again, I know he's too old, but I immediately went to, and I'm going to butcher his name. I always do, but Digimon Honsu, the dude from Gladiator, imagine him as a fucking Magneto. That would be awesome. Yes, it would.

Did I pronounce his name even close to right? I mean, I think it's Jiamen. Giamen. Jiamen. I could be wrong. Already exist in the MCU, but that's okay. That's other people. Other people have done that before.

Dude, I don't know. Like, as a comic book reader, like as someone who reads the comic books, the Magneto Holocaust origin seems just so tied and so fixed to him, which was like always going to be a problem eventually if they want to continue going on as they've done because Marvel's whole thing, at least in the comic books like, you know, it's the Marvel comic book universe is the longest long long long long the longest single running narrative ever of all time like the long they're all connected they've technically never stopped like there's other offshoots where it's like this is an alternate dimension but like earth 616 or whatever the base one is like has never changed it just keeps going on and i yeah i don't know man like it's like you do obviously in order for magneto for his origin story to be tragic, it's going to have to be something related to that.

You don't get any more tragic than both of my parents. I was made orphaned by a fucking genocide. It's also, it's not just as tragic. It's also like, like, you know, how evil men can be, the banality of evil. And, like, also this, because X-Men was always that, you know, allegory for racism. And that type of shit. And all that. So it's like, that there's, that's also super.

important elements of it too. It's not just that like his parents were killed by these, you know, assholes or whatever. It's because of what they were. Exactly. Which is why you like need a huge part of it too, because that's what makes him like a mutant supremacist later or whatever. He's like no, fuck humans. They're, you know, we hit, they don't hit. Right. I mean, look, if if if I was doing it, I would just, I mean, you've talked about this a million times, I would reboot completely, like, from the jump, and then you can just pretend it's whatever year the fuck you want, and he can still be the old Magneto, like, if we want to do that.

But obviously, you can't do that based on one character. So I really think... But also, how would you... How would that tie into the MCU? That will, in my, in my suggestion, we wouldn't be. Like, we would just be... Well, they're never going to... I know that.

I know that. This is their main problem. It's like, it's the... It's inarguably the thing that made them so great, but now it is their demise. Like it is that, and not their demise. They're still printing money, but like narratively and artistically, you know, I think now that you've laid out all that shit considering, and again, I wasn't trying to be funny, but it's true.

None of those genocides have the cachet as the Holocaust. You probably do just have to invent one or go with the Secovia or whatever because, like, again, no matter what fucking real world genocide you pick, it's always going to be cheeks compared to the Holocaust and

then also you've got the, yeah, I don't know if they make them black, it's just not going to play. For me, it would rule, but like, I know they're making these huge million dollar business decisions. So I think you're right. You've got to go with some Secovia shit and it's just not going to hit as hard.

Right. But yeah, we, you start out with Palestinian, but if it could be like, um, like Afghanistan in 2002 or something like that, you know what I mean? Americans would hate that shit. I know, but yeah, but that would rip. Especially like with Captain America is going to be back around again or whatever else and that type of thing, but it's like, right. Yeah, he'd have a, dude, a little Afghanistan baby that had his whole family ripped

apart because George Bush had bad information from Colin Powell who got it from. Yeah, that obviously. works. If we lived in a logical world where people were fucking smart and read a goddamn book and would follow a journey, then that would be great. But we don't live in that world. Like, you're, you're

all these things, you're nailing. But that ain't none of them going to happen. Well, except although I think I read and I think this part is confirmed and it kind of makes sense. If you look at the mutants, we do know that have been cast, they're like late teens, early 20s, whatever. I think they're going for like our age

for Charles. and Magneto and that kid from African, he would only be like 24 or 25 or something. So that's actually the timeline kind of don't work. But again, you could fuck with the, I mean, if you're going to already fuck with it. The first Gulf War. Yeah. The last time we went there and fuck shit up. But see, that's the lead.

And Mogadishu during Black Hawk Down or something. Yeah. Unfortunately, that first Gulf War like sort of like. Just didn't have to stay in power. No, man. It's sort of like. No shelf life on that first Gulf War. It's a little like stick.

the band. Like when you go back and read, you're like, no, there was way more hits than I thought, but like no one's lining up around the door when the stones are on the other side. Hey, World War II, Vietnam, all these other wars, like Korea. Like, they call Korea the Forgotten War, but at least Korea is remembered enough to be called the forgotten war. The Gulf War, like, nobody even fucking says shit about that. No, but I was just actually kind of thinking the other day, you know, because I've been going through the whole catalog of what went wrong since you're telling me about it. It's great, isn't it?

Yeah, it's very good podcast to recommend if you're at all into movie stuff. It's all about movie productions that go wrong. Yeah, Chris and Lizzie are fantastic host. They're also screenwriters themselves. Y'all should give it a listen. It's a great podcast. I listen to a Three Kings episode, which I know you listen to. And they didn't bring this up, but they were just talking about that first Gulf War.

And I thought to myself that I feel like it's actually having some like ripple effects still, maybe. Although I don't know if the current administration even thinks about. back that far. But what happened with the first Gulf War is like, Saddam Hussein was fucking was fucking around and shit and tensions were building and whatever. And he finds like, you better fucking, hey, you better stop. You better stop. And he wouldn't stop. And then we just went in there and just whipped the ass. Real quick. Like real quick. Yeah. It was like a Tyson fight. Just took care of business. Right. Right. And I say ripple effect. And you watch it each night at dinner for the record. I feel like that is what so many people assumed was going to happen with

Ron, right? And in this administration back then was like, oh, it'll be like Gulf War around two. Right. And just, what are they going to do about it? And it did not go that way. And now we're, same after 9-11. It didn't get it.

Yeah, I know. You'd think there's a more recent example where that didn't happen. Right. But it was not the, you know, I don't know. I think they thought it was a similar type of sort of operation or whatever. Yeah. Even though that was obviously very stupid and look what's happened now. But people pointed out, and I didn't, you know, you might, you probably know this already.

But some people were saying back to the comic books discussion, they were like, well, fuck, dude. They were like, initially when he first became a character, the Vietnam War was a massive part of the Punisher's whole thing. He pretty quickly kind of aged out of that. And they just stopped with that. And no one even cares or remembers anymore. But I, and then other people were like, and you already said this. And I agree. It's like, yeah, but Magnino different.

so much. Dude, he's elite. His whole, like, motivation and everything about him is, like, you need, you got to have something like that. You do, man. He can't just be evil, bendy metal man. That's why he's like one of the best villains that they have. I know. That's what I'm saying. Totally can, you sympathize or whatever. Yes. Like, I mean, shit.

Dude. You know, I get it. That's him, like, Fastbender aside being awesome, like, he's, his villain, him being the villain, him being the villain is what makes first. class like you 100% the whole time are just like yeah look charles i understand you got to but like you can understand why no right like i'm not saying he should kill all the humans right but i understand yeah but like you know and with the punisher it's like yeah it's but punisher rules don't get me wrong but when we're talking about like classifications of mc u people the punisher is d2 compared to magneto like magneto like Magneto is Premier League

fucking has been always will be and I love and I'm saying this loving the Punisher but like you can fuck around with him and not people maybe not notice or care but like again with Magneto this like his whole thing I mean dude in the pandemic when I got back into reading comic books so hard like there's an entire

series that's just dedicated to the Magneto Holocaust shit and I suggest you read it but like not to have a good time you know what I mean like it's entertaining but in a way that makes you just go, fuck, they can, they can create this type of emotion in comic panels. This is crazy, you know, and I just, and because of that, I stay fucking

with Magneto because it's like, I can't understand that. Like, obviously I can't actually empathize with him. I've never gone through anything like that, but like seeing it, it's nice to have a villain, not again that you root for, but that you can go, I understand his motivation, society is really to blame here for this whole situation. You know what I mean? And that's why fucking Michael B. Jordan in Black Panther, which Kilmonger was awesome. Like, you totally understood that shit.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, so again, I don't even know if that report is true. Again, I almost feel like it has to be because I don't know how they're going to do it otherwise. But I don't know how they're going to handle it. And I guess we'll, you know, we'll find out. They're already doing so many hand-wavy shits.

Like, that's pretty much all everything is now is hand-wavy shits. I say, like, my answer would be, look, in this particular world, Magneto was Fresz, too. They fres him. Like, when they frizz Captain America over there, they knew they had a powerful thing, and they frizz him. And then you can just- And also, Charles. Yeah, no, you're right, though. That's what I'm saying.

There's also that part. That part complicates that. How about this? Make him, make him immortal. Make him, you can, that's not too far off base. Make Magneto's powers, not only the bending meddling shit, but like make it to where he stopped aging at 30 or whatever, and he still is from back then. That's plausible.

Like that, if that's not plausible, then Dr. Doom ain't plausible. Then none of that shit's playing. Then fucking Ant-Man somehow getting a, making a Lego car, bigger, it all of a sudden has a combustionable engine in it. Like, that's, we saw that and we're like, that's fine. So just make him immortal. Make, I mean, you obviously got to

have, he has to have some sort of kryptonite. Duh. But just make him immortal. There you go. Print. Mm-hmm. I mean, otherwise what are you going to do? I mean, I don't know. I think they'll probably the half-ass make some other thing up is what I think might happen.

Because again, I'm sorry. even with the making immortal thing, again, it's like, it changes his relationship with X. That's true. It does. And that also is a big part of their whole thing. Yeah, man, this super don't hit. This super don't hit, but they'll figure something out.

I know, but God damn it, I want the X-Men back so much, but because they're coming back into this already convoluted thing, like, they don't fuck it up. And, like, I know they don't owe me shit. think that they're about to kind of sort of like clear the stage a little bit. Well, good. Not meaning not, I don't know that surely they ain't going to do. I don't know.

They're going to kill off a lot of people because it's like for this next one, they're bringing back all the OGs. Right. But they're already casting the next generation of them. So it's like they're going to have to blow all these ones up or something. It's going to be pretty wild. I mean, oh yeah. I mean, dude, like Chris Hemsworth probably doesn't want to keep eating bison for five,

more years. You know what I mean? I mean, he'll probably always be in really good shape and be sexy, but like the amount of work, I mean, Bautista was like very clear with it. He was like, I'm doing three movies and three movies only because I don't want to have, the shape I have to be in to do this is just, hey, I want to be able to play. You asked your boy about that, though. About the shape that he had to be in?

Yeah, because you saw what he's doing now, right? I haven't seen the latest thing. He's the new Crettoes and the God of War Show. And Crettoes is shirtless and jazz. That's funny. Well, you know what? I was like, I heard about Baptista saying that too, and then he took that job, and I was like, well, you're going to have to be super ripped for that.

Yeah, well, I guess that's a, uh, they. Back to Brinks truck up. Yeah. I mean, honestly. I guess I will be super ripped. I mean. No, I guess I'll have to be super ripped. Right.

I'm sure that. I know that it is a pain in ass maintaining all that. Dude, it's a huge pain in the ass. That's why I'm saying he's clearly, you know, I haven't talked to him about his personal financial shit and I obviously wouldn't ask, but like, I'm, it had to have been a lot of money because like he was talking about like not only just i want to play more interesting roles and if you're super jacked you can only ever play the super jack guy but he was also just talking about crados is awesome if somebody plays those games that's uh and that's only because gary he came in

because gary bertier was supposed to wasn't he uh i don't know is that the is that the dude does that the name of the guy that's from sons of anarchy and i don't know but i thought that i thought I thought the dude from Sons of Anarchy Slash Remember the Titans who played Gary Bertier was supposed to play Cratos. Oh, that's the character's name. Yeah, Gary Bertier is the character's name and Remember the Titans.

Sorry, I assume you watched it 20 times a year like I do. That's a mistake on my part. Yeah, I feel real bad for that guy. I do. I feel so, you talk about life changing. And he's got a great thing going. Yeah, he was mentor in the Odyssey. So, you know, but that, like, I feel like a lot of people,

myself included. So if people don't know, if you've seen the Odyssey, the guy plays mentor and Ned, who he was supposed to be the lead and the new god of war show that they're making and then he like he ripped his bicep or something

while production was happening and they um so they fired him because they didn't have the money to wait and it couldn't you know I didn't start over whatever else and uh and so he got recast

and this dude's like a life Ryan Hurst is his real name he's like right on character actor big dude was in sons of anarchy playing a guy Gary Bertier. Yeah. And, uh,

and, uh, and this was like his, you know, uh, his big break at age 50, the one, the one good league.

Always, you always root for for guys like that. For sure. And then he got injured, which is not his fault and lost a job and that sucks. But, uh, yeah.

And some people were saying that, I doubt it. Some, there was this conspiracy theory that they, that was just an excuse. They wanted to get rid of him anyway because they put out a still image from the, with him in full Kratos get up.

And he just didn't fuck with it. Like they did, the first, the first Sonic design. Yeah. And so some people said the studio got cold feet, we're looking for any excuse I could find to get rid of him. And he got this like minor injury that they really could have worked around but didn't want to.

Who to fucking knows. Who does? But anyway, it really sucks for that guy. But yeah. But those games are fucking rad. And they are rad. And I'm looking forward to it.

And I'm super. And I mean, selfishly, I'm super looking forward to Dave Baltista playing that because it seems like he was born for a type of, you know, that type of role. But yeah, dude, they would have and I, you know, I haven't talked to Dave about it, but they had to just back that Brinks truck

up because, yeah, dude, it, bro, if me and you at our age had to try to maintain that physical shape, it would be so goddamn hard on us. And Bautista could be our daddy. You know what I mean? Like, that's fucking insane. So it was

it was Brinks truck stuff. But God of War, you know, I only started playing that. Like, first time I ever played that was like this year. You've been telling me how badass it was for years. And I finally fucked with it. Fucking meddle as fuck. You correct, yeah. You correct.

Yeah. But they, the MCU stuff, they've announced some of the casting for the next, for who the next round of X-Men are going to be. And they're all young as fuck, which makes sense. So it's like they're clearly trying to like do some sort of reset and like refocus on their version of the X-Men going forward. which is a smart idea for sure, but it's like,

I don't know exactly how they're going to get there, but it might be of a bloodbass. Yeah, because you need people for 15 years, you know, in your Marvel brain, you're like, look, if this is phase whatever,

like, that we need these X-Men to be around for a long time, and hell Hugh Jackman played Wolverine for what, 20 goddamn years, which is insane. And, and that's the one that the people are going to be, it's the hardest,

like I do, I feel so sorry for whoever, in a way, ever gets to play Wolverine next. Like, obviously, I don't feel sorry for you just got cast as one of the most badass superheroes of all time. You're making millions of dollars. But, like, you talk about shoes that you got to feel and everybody going to be upset no

matter goddamn what. He's a good example, though, of like, people didn't like that. It was so long ago now. But people didn't like that casting because Hugh Jackman's like 6-1 or something. You know, Wolverine is supposed to be this big. Tiny little dude. He's a homunculus. He's a badass motherfuckerucker, but he's small.

That's part of his whole thing. And people are like, what the fuck? who's this guy? And then he came to one of the most, you know, iconic superhero portrayals of the modern modern. It happens a lot. It happens a lot in Superhero. Like, you know, obviously he was famous in like that in the dark night.

That's probably the most famous example. But like Michael Keaton, too, whenever they announced him for Batman, everyone just knew him as the funny guy. And Beetlejuice came out the same goddamn year. So like people were like, what the fuck? There is no way.

And then he knocked it out of the goddamn part, not just as Batman, but like specifically as Bruce Wayne. It's like with with superhero stuff, it's always, because dude, the comic book world, those types of fans, man, like they are passionate. A lot of them ain't got shit else to do, but scream on internet. And for the record, I am one of them. I just, I'm an adult so I don't scream on the internet about it. Just do it on a podcast, you know, which goes on the internet.

Yeah, which goes on it. But it is different. There's a different layer. I'm not in the comment section. I'm actually providing insightful, educated thought. kind of. Absolutely. Yeah.

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ask you again, like, is Luke Brian doing some kind of bit? It seems like it. It seems like it down. What is going on with him? I'll tell you this. I don't know if people know exactly what. Again, a few episodes ago, we talked about that. And this one was like viral and, like viral and infamous, viral for not hitting for people.

Right. That song. Which is wake up. Wake up coffee. Fish hunt golf drink. Yeah. Yeah. Camo.

Wake up coffee. Cammo, Climb Tree, Wetline, 18, fish, hunt, golf, golf, during. Yeah. And people were like, this is AI and people hated, whatever which they did, but like, you've been, you've been sending our group chat clips from other songs, apparently,

on this new album of his. He's got one that's like... Yeah, he's got one that's like... It's so weird. Slam goes the door, break goes my heart. Yeah. Drive goes the tree. truck down to the bar.

And I don't know that that's it. But I think that's exactly what it is. It's probably close. Yeah. Yeah. What is it? I don't know, but somebody said they should, you know, if he changed. Punch goes the husband. Down goes the wife.

Yeah. Except if you just put the line of poop goes the butt in there. I never told me about that last night. She was dying laughing on the couch and I'm like, what? And she goes, if you've seen this new Luke Brian shit? and I was like, I mean, I feel like there's a new one every week, but is it the slam goes the door? She goes, yeah.

And she couldn't even get the words out. And finally she just goes, poop. Poop goes the butt. And I was like, yeah, it's fucking pretty good. Poop does go the butt. It could just be right in the, like slide it right into idiocracy, you know, like as a thing in like a song in that movie and it would have played perfectly. That Terry Cruz sings.

It's just so insane. And it's like, I, what? he's like 50. He's got this new album out. It's like, this is him trying to do what he thinks the young country guys are doing, right? That's what this is.

But it's like a sincere attempt on his part and he just can't do. I don't know. It's like, that's what I'm saying. So much the current reality is like that, that pose law shit where you're going like, this can't, this can't be,

but I think it is like just real. I don't think everything is real, but like this. I don't know. I think he's like trying. What would be the point of the other thing? To make money, like I was sitting here the other day. I was sitting here yesterday actually thinking like this fucking like fuck Luke

Brian for putting this out because like as a personal attack on a genre that I love so much. But then I then I was like, you know what? I think they've long severed. Like now it just is there's radio country and then there's country music. And everyone at this point understands. the, like, if there's so many people that are just like, there's no good country music anymore. And I'm like, I'm sorry, we're so deep into it have being shitty that if you haven't figured out that you can go find the red clay strings and Tyler Childers and the Alabama shakes.

Now, if you, then you're just a lost cause. So now it's like I'm not even really that mad anymore, but I, it's still shameful. But at the same time, I'm thinking about like, I know Luke Brown ain't writing these songs. So whoever is, like, there's still part of me that's like, I'm so glad. that they get a stupid fucking check for this. Like, they're just at home stoned, probably writing other great songs that, like, people

just go, no, and they go, you know what? Here's this getting it started, whore shit. And, like, how many of these do you think, like, we know that Jamie Johnson's honky-talk, but don'tcadonk was like kind of half-drunk written as a joke. And then it did its thing. I feel like a lot of this is just happening

where, dudes are getting stoned, writing this dumb shit and betting their friends, like, I'm going to send it to Luke Brian, I bet, let's see, let's see if he fucking bites on it. And then they wake up in a hungover slog and it's on the radio. And they're like, oh my God, what have I done? I didn't mean, you know. I want to.

Which is sort of like your show. Right. Which show? Your audible original, like, uh, yes. Yeah. Not in a political way or whatever, but like doing a thing and being like, this will be something. And then it's like, oh, God, it is.

Right. If you need me to edit that, that's fine. No, no, that's fine. No, that's fine. No, I mean, that. Whatever. It should be, well, it'll, it is still being worked on. Shouldn't be too long now.

I just meant giving away the plot and stuff, which I know I didn't. That's fine. That's like the premise. Premise. It's like the very beginning. Elevator page. It's not really a spoiler. But anyway, I know what Mark would say.

Maybe we can get in a situation where I tee you up to get real pissed at Mark when he's not here because that always hits for people. Send him in Link. But we know how Mark is and it's like, look, sometimes a lot of times he's wrong. Sometimes he's right. like we know where Mark stands on all this stuff, which is that he takes all of it 100% completely at face value always.

And when you say stuff like that, we're like, no, man, it's guys fucking around. They can't even believe it's working like this, whatever. Mark is like, no, dude. They're being, yeah. This hits for them. Mark has a special type. You are giving them too much credit for thinking that

this is them doing what hits for them. And a lot of times it's like politics come up or something. He's like, these people are not doing a bill. It's not just a pure, he's like, they, they mean it. The most infamous example is that fucking Australian getting it started, motherfucker. Yeah, Jake. Nick Adams, Nick Adams. The Hooters guy.

Yeah. And I just can't. I can't do a fuck what Mark says. That dude, and I'm sure y'all listen, know who we're talking about. We'll try to find his most recent thing because it went viral again. I saw the people making fun of it or whatever. Here's, I feel like there's the part that Mark maybe don't get is it's like, I don't think me, you or two things can be true. Exactly.

Me, you and Drew, we're not suggesting that he isn't like a right-wing douche back. Of course. That's not what we're saying. Right. But we are saying there's leaning in to the idiocracy part and he's fully aware of that. It just has to. You know what, Mark got, Mark got all-nall hell nautism. That's his new.

That's, that's, that's his specific brand. Like he just refuses to, it is somebody else. By the way, I'm firmly. believe that if anybody else on earth tried to make these arguments to Mark, he would entertain him. But damn sure ain't hearing it from me and you. He damn sure ain't hearing it from me and you. Per mark, me and you, well, you, I've never said a correct fucking word in my life per mark. If I tell this motherfucker the sun is blue, he will get on a stump and tell everybody it's purple. I promise you to God. This man thinks I'm the dumbest motherfucker that's ever lived.

And I'm not saying I'm smart. I'm not. But according to, to Mark, no one has ever been dumber than me. Just thought I'd get that out there. Clip it, me. Man, I can't find the goddamn, I just want to find the fucking, the last thing that Nick Adams tweeted. He tweets all the time, but can I read you something

that's similar while you're looking for it? Go ahead. I'll try to find it. Mark sent us this. This is a real thing. And I hope you didn't read it. I said in the thread, Trey, please don't read this because I want to read it to you.

Is it from this morning? Yeah. Then I ain't even seen anything. Okay. Mark, the way Mark framed it was, you think this is, this couldn't get any more Raven, and then you keep reading. And I have to agree. So the headline is Nazi kickboxing match in Florida, okay? A kickboxing match between a Nazi and a Jew seems like something Goebbels might have dreamed up for a propaganda stunt. Yet that's exactly what happened at Orlando's Kia Center on Saturday, where thousands of children. cheered and some fans waved a swastika flag as a neo-Nazi kickboxer beat his Jewish opponent. The headline fight at the dual arena pitted Jewish influencer Ben Azulet, I think, against Paul Miller, a white supremacist live streamer, better known as the Gypsy Crusader. Miller, whose personal brand online centers on Joaquin Phoenix's Joker movies because fucking, of course it does.

achieved some notoriety during the first Trump administration as a sort of Nick Fentz associate, but his rise was cut short after he was sentenced to federal prison on gun charges. You don't say. Now out of prison, Miller has been rebuilding his online brand through influencer kickboxing matches like Saturday's event. Miller has SS Thunderbolt tattoos on his chest, and he threw up the Nazi salutes before the match while walking around to a Nazi marching song. then he won, and his fans waved a swastika flag and did their own Nazi salutes. To be clear, this didn't happen at some Backwoods Nazi club like the one from the 2015 movie Green Room.

This is an 18,000-seat venue where the Orlando Magic Play, the Kia Center did not respond to a request for comment. Incidentally, the rest of the fight card didn't go much better. A fight between a man and a suit and a guy... And a guy dressed in a full foam SpongeBob costume known as Freak Bob prompted one announcer to apologize for participating in the event. It took that for the announcer to be like, what have we done? Also, Trey, naturally, as you might expect, the brawl was refereed by none other than clavicular. Okay. This is interesting.

Part of me is ashamed about part of this. I feel like I know exactly what Mark is thinking and probably what you're thinking, whatever else. Dude, if that guy's a full-blown neo-Nazi and Rock and Swastikas, because that don't hit. That whole article frame that as a neo-Nazi versus a Jewish kickboxer. That's what you said, Jewish kickboxer. Read me the Jewish kickboxer's name again. It's at the very beginning of the article. Okay.

Sorry. I closed out of it. Here we go. His name is Ben Azule. Spell that. A-Z-O-U-L-A-Y. That guy, just calling that guy a Jewish kickboxer is like journalistic malpractice. Jewish influencer, it says.

Journalistic malpractice. Okay. That guy is one of the biggest pieces of shit on planet Earth. Okay. The neo-Nazi dude. That don't hit, obviously. Fuck him. Two things can be wrong.

That, clearly, that was like two of the worst people ever fighting each other to a pulp and front of a crowd, which is gross, and I'm not defending it. Right. But all I'm saying is, I bet Mark don't know that part. I don't know anything about that guy. But that dude, just so you know, that guy, I hate myself. That guy, I just wish I didn't know any of this, but that guy. I'm surprised you do and Mark don't, because you can be blissfully ignorant sometimes,

and this is usually Mark's arena. It's kind of not, though. Who do we just, I don't even want to say his name. But you know who I'm talking about? Pickle jar, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember his name right now, but God, I hope that mother.

The alpha, the alpha male. Yeah. Yeah. I know who he is. I can't think of his name. Me, you and Drew, Mark was the only one of the group who did not know who he was. Yeah, that is wild. Yeah, you right.

So, no, Mark has like a blind spot. Well, this dude is another one of those guys, except he fell off a while ago because it was uncovered that he, like, fucking raped a 16-year-old. Oh. Yeah. It got like convicted for it, by the way. I would say, I don't know exactly legally. I'm pretty sure he was literally convicted for it back in the day. Also, he brags about Jewish influence.

Okay, the Jewish guy. He, Jewish influencer. He brags about being on like an IDF fucking death squad and shit like that. And then was revealed to have, you know, this old rape charge and stuff. So we should say Israeli, not Jewish, because he's identifying with. He's a maniac. Right.

Okay. And so like, it's, uh, all I'm saying is that gypsy crusader or whatever the fuck. I'm sure that guy's the absolute worst too. Yeah. But just framing it as a Nazi beats up a Jew and everybody loves it, that kind of bothers me knowing who the other guy is because that's not really. Again, anyone who went to that event is getting it started and I never want to have a single word of conversation with them.

No, they should die. But that ain't the way that that ought to be talked about. in my opinion. Well, thank you, Trey. You heard the truth here, folks, and I salute you for it. Thank you. There we go.

Yeah. Got them back. Got them back. Got them back. So apparently, who's super hot fire? Yeah, boy. Right.

I don't know. I think that's also someone who's, I don't know. Now, that person I don't know. But anyway, apparently that, even that fight, the other thing is that fight you're talking about, I got the impression you were,

reading that. It's like, oh, this neo-Nazi beats up a Jewish influencer and everybody claps, but it was like a split decision victory for the Nazi guy. And again, and the Jewish dude is a huge piece of shit, too. So not because he's Jewish, but because of other things. Man, this world we live in, dog, I'll tell you what. Jepsy Crusaders last fight was against super hot fire. Okay. Just so you know. I'll be honest with you. Super hot fire sounds like a black lady influencer to me. Yeah, I don't know, dude. I don't know who that. That is. This is like a whole, it's a whole world, bro. Whole Codd.

It's like you said. And they're all more successful than me. Right. I know. I'm happy. You said it's an 18,000 seat. Yeah. Now, whether that was sold out or not, I don't know.

But like, they had to, the Kia Center had to have faith in it for them to book. I mean, you got to put a deposit down. I know all of this from just how it be. But like, they're not just going to let anybody do that. They still want a little guarantee in their head of like, Y'all go and pack the seats and sell some hot dogs, right? So. Right.

But yeah, just so you know, the way I know those dudes when they come up is... From all your secret meetings of online influencers? No, I'm not... This don't hit for me about myself either. But you know how there's also this whole little cottage industry of like... It's like punditry. It's like talking head stuff, but for the comedy world. Yeah, you love that stuff.

I don't love it. I hate it, but I do watch it. I don't watch it all. I got into a... I got sucked into it for a while where I was watching a lot of it. I don't watch it nearly as much. It blows my mind. I don't watch it nearly as much anymore, but I was kind of sucked into it for a little bit.

At first, with just a total fascination of like, of like, dude, how many views does this have? There are people who's like whole fucking job is running a YouTube channel that's like doing recaps but also making fun of like Brandon Shob's podcast and the last shit, Burt, Christ. I sure did and stuff. It's so crazy to be all those dudes, which makes sense. They're the most popular one. It's only a handful of dudes, and it's like some of them are like huge. They do numbers because they're hate watch like Brandon Schaub. And obviously, Rogan is at the tip top of all of them.

But a lot of those same guys will also branch off, which it makes sense into like manosphere stuff. And they'll cover like alpha male shit too. Well, because the line has been blurry between what the two even are anymore. The ones that I'm watching, it's like they're critical of all. They're making fun of it all. They're not like hyping it up. But I'm saying that's how I find out about some of these alpha male influence or sometimes

who I wish I did not know that they existed. But yeah, that guy, we were just talking about he's one of them. Dude, what's crazy about that is, and I know I brought this up, but it's been years ago, is that like, that's actually not a new, a completely new thing. Because I remember when we first started this podcast, like, nine goddamn years ago, back when I was, like, obsessed with like, where are we at on the charts, all this stuff and blah, blah, blah, blah. And so I would check every week.

There was this podcast that was like always near the top of the comedy podcast, which like Joe Rogan was always number one until he went to Spotify exclusively or whatever. But like it would be Joe Rogan. Then it would be, I can't remember who else. And then like in the number five spot for a long time was a show called the Joe Rogan experience experience. which was a fucking podcast where all they did was every week they broke down what they talked about on the Joe Rogan experience that week. I really wish you had been at this get-together once out here in L.A.

It was at Drew's House. Because if you were seeing this happen nine years ago, then when I had this conversation, it definitely was already a thing. Right. Get together at Drew's House all hanging out. Carmen, our buddy Carmen, like told me that she had an, idea for a thing she wanted to do. And it literally was exactly that. She was even going to call it the Joe Rogan experience experience.

And that's exactly what it was going to be. And I told her at the time, I was like, I was like, I think that'll do not. Well, dude, she would do it critically. We did not know that that was already a thing, which is, but it's fascinating to me that not only was it a thing, but it was already burning up the charts at the time 10 years ago. So, yeah. I think there, and you know, you got to understand, though, this is probably a very different Joe Rogan experience, experience, experience, because this is before Rogan made a shift.

He was still talking about monkeys and stuff. So, like, these dudes weren't doing it critically. They, you know what I mean? They were doing it as if, like, they were, they were like Monday morning quarterback or like it was a, yeah, like it was, it was first take or something. Like this week in pop culture, but it was just that show. Carmen doing it from a critical point of view would be probably new. And also, I guess you just got to call it something different. but I don't think that's a bad idea.

Well, to be fair, again, when me and her had that conversation, it was, I mean, God damn, dude, it was probably eight years ago or something. Yeah, easily. Yeah. Well, I say easily six, seven, eight years ago, something like that a long time ago. Time be fine. Time to be fine. I don't lie thinking about it.

But, yeah, no, I don't know. It's just, it's wild. Like I said, I ain't watch it nearly as much more. My new YouTube thing now is, and I did this years ago, and now I'm going back to it always hits. I feel like old compilations from the Ricky Jervais show, which is, you know, called that, but the star of it is obviously our boy, Carl Pilkington, who is just like one of the greatest comedic, I would say characters, except I don't believe he's a character. No, that's him. You know what I mean? That's just who he is. One of like the most natural, comedians say all the time,

they run into people in their lives, they have buddies and stuff who are funnier than any comic they know will ever be in that type of thing, but you pretty much never get to meet those guys. they're just plumbers or taxi drivers or whatever. Carl Pilkinton is one of the, he's like proof of that. He's like the British version of that where it's like, that's just some fucking dude they knew.

They're like, this guy's the funniest fucking person we know. And they put him on the radio. You know, he was their producer first, right? Yes, which that is crazy to me. Right. He just got hired to be their producer. Right.

And they were talking to him and they were like, you got to be on the show. Exactly. And by the way, dude, like, you know, I was listening to some of the older episodes. He was like 27 when that all started. and like did he's got it, me and him got a similar thing going on. I was, I was listening one literally yesterday.

And that, the other thing about that show is, unless I'm wrong, that whole thing was a like two or three year deal. Yeah, in like the early 2000, like 2000. Yeah, they did like three series. 2003 to 2005 or something like that.

And then that was all on the radio. And then later when podcast first became a thing, some brilliant motherfucker. Yeah. Took those radio shows, put them together as a podcast. Put them as a podcast is one of the first big hit podcast. But anyway,

I'm saying somebody animated them. Which was even, that was for HBO, another brilliant motherfucker. Anyway, it was all, the whole thing is from two, three year windows from like 2003, 2005. I only say that to say, I was listening to a compilation last night on one of the episodes. Carl said that he was 33. So, uh, he was roughly 30 to 33 when they were recording that. But either way, yeah, I mean, yeah, you know, he, uh, it's the bald. It's the ball to do it.

He, uh, he is truly like. he's one of the greatest example of just like from the mouth of babes like every now and it's funny when you're listening to it now there'll be some shit that they clown Carl on back then that like seemed like they absolutely should have

but now it's like damn Carl was spitting just yesterday and when I listened to he kind of sort of predicted like augmented reality like meta glasses he kind of predicted those and he kind of predicted chat GPT too And he's like, he's pitched like movies that they shit all over that kind of became black mirror episodes later on and stuff. And that is true.

But some of it, though, is like, it's still really stupid. Of course. Yeah. Of course. But yeah, so I've been doing that past few days and that's been delightful. That's what went wrong. I'll tell you this. If you're ever in a super depressed state and you need to get out of it.

Now, obviously, you know, go see your doctor. get on medication, talk to therapists, all that stuff. But if you need just like an endorphin boost, just Google Carl Pilkington, the Ricky Jervais show, Monkey News. I know, no, I know. It's unreal. Chimpanzee that's monkey news. Monkey news, all right.

It's, dude, it's so goddamn funny every time. And also, what's even funnier, it's so funny that we're now doing the Ricky Jervais experience experience. Yeah, you're right. I don't give a shit, though. the derision with which Carl delivers the monkey news because he seems to have this artist mentality of like, well, I've already done monkey news before.

I don't want to do it again. And they're like, Carl, everyone wants to hear monkey news. And he's like, there's no more interesting monkey news. And then he'll bring up some monkey news that's obviously he is fabricated, which is fucking hilarious. And if he's writing those, like he is a talented man. Yeah, they mentioned a couple times. they reference something as like, you know, Ricky's like,

no, it's not, it's not, that's somewhat on the internet. That's made that up. That's bollocks. You know, absolute shy. And so, like, it seems like he's, either people are submitting stories to them and, you know, this is to monkey knows that happened. Or he's like getting them off the internet somewhere or something is what

it seems like. I don't think he's just like writing them out, but, uh, I mean, either way, it's fucking. Ricky and Carl's relationship, uh, remind you of you of, any two particular people that even in looks all the time while listening to it I think about

that but you're I mean you know it's made me think before it's like man I always show was a little bit dumber than so I could exploit him more yeah because like some there's definitely we definitely have had moments like that but dude on that show it was every

time they turned the mics on for the whole time because Carl can't not be like that of course you have like flashes of like that, but you always like that. I would say I have more flashes of lucidity, and I'm mainly in the other spot most of the time, but I appreciate that. But yeah, no, that just is Carl. He was like, he seems to have been born a middle-aged, upset British man, and that really,

it's super hits. It's good, it's good shit. I heard in one of the clips yesterday, which again are from 20 years ago, he said, uh, You know, he'll have an orange in the bath. Like, that's where you know. And I don't know if you know, but that was a whole stupid fucking thing on Reddit, like Word. 10 years ago.

And I remember when it became a thing, like a Reddit little end joke. And I don't remember them ever acknowledging that it came from that. That it came from Carl Pilkington. That Ray was just acting like Reddit like came up with that. And I didn't know that they didn't all these years until yesterday. And I was like, well, that's pretty raving and classic. What is it just having it? orange in the bath?

Because the whole idea is that oranges are great, but they're like juicy and they're sticky and stuff. That's a, that's a show move right there. I like that. The idea, and read it kind of elaborated. Carl just said he never orange in the bath.

I read it like elaborating in this whole thing where it's like, no, here's what you do is you like put it in the freezer for a little bit. So it's like real, like, nice and cold. And then you get in like to shower and you kind of like just rip off like the, just the skin part. You just bite into the whole thing.

Yeah. fucking apple and just let it like just bust just bust all over it, whatever, yeah, it's cold and it hits. It's cold and you eat it like that. Yeah, that hits. Parally, primally, but you're in the shower so it all washes off of you. And it was like a thing and ready for it. I was like, you got to drive the shower or if you haven't done the shower orange,

you're going to do the shower orange type thing. And once I used to have my burger towel. Your burger towel? You remember my burger towel? You'll have to elaborate. I kept a towel in my car that I would, because I just got, you know, know, we'd be doing shows or whatever, and I'd often be on the way to places where I didn't need my clothes to get messed up, but I still wanted to eat in the car.

So, like, I just had a towel in there that I would just make into a bib. Yeah, Bibb, but it was just my, my, bib, but it was this huge towel, and I was just like, and people would get into my car, and they're like, what's this thing covered in old pickles? I was like, it's my burger towel, you know what I mean? Like, that way I stay fresh. I think I may have stolen that from Jim Cornett a long time ago. Okay. Well, so that's a good car, Ethan.

for sure. That's what's why you pointed out, but you're right, because it's like, yeah, you hear that and you're like, what the fuck, who,

why would, but when you think about it, you're like, well, that's better than fat fucking mustard all over yourself in the car, which so many of us just do.

Right. And now you're mad the rest of the day. You got a mustard stone or whatever. You'd be like, I wish I'd had a burger towel. And it didn't even enter my mind because I don't have a special brain like Chos. Well,

just like, I don't do it anymore because I don't drink. drink, but, you know, I used to often wear diapers when we did the podcast, but that was out of respect to you because I was like, look, every time I take a bathroom break, he's got to sit there. So I'll just fucking, and the thing is, I only ever, out of all the times I wore a diaper, only ever had to use it one time. Having it on makes you not, makes you realize you can hold it for some reason. You know what I mean?

That makes all the sense in the world to me. I totally understand that. So I only actually peed on myself one time. You know, what you need to do is take that lesson in the rest of your life. Right. Now you know you can actually hold it. I need the diaper on. See, that's what I mean, but you don't, though.

Yeah, I do. You think you do, but you don't. The diaper has proven to you that this whole time you could have been holding it. No, but the thing is, like, even if I was holding it, I'd be going like, oh, I'd be worried about it. I'd be in my head, like, but with the diaper, I was like, if a little comes out, it's fine. You know what I mean? But a little comes out, it's fine. By the way, dude, I, this is how mind-blowing, not drinking.

has been to me. Like, I went to see The Odyssey and saw it in the, in the, in the, I'm out, all the cool stuff. And I had already go, because this fuckers, three hours. I had already Googled like, where are the best spots to, if you have to pee? And I got, there was like five of them.

They're like, hey, look, whenever they get in the horse, like, you can just, you can go real quick because they're going to be in there for a minute and this is what happened. I didn't get up one motherfucking time. I sat there and didn't have to pee. None of that shit. I was just stoned as fuck. It was amazing.

Yeah. Well, part of that's, you know, just a gripping white knuckle thrill ride, isn't it? It sure was, but no one's the Odyssey. Yeah. Even more so than I thought. No real spoilers, but I thought, I said this to Burns. After we watched it, you were in that chat. I don't think you'd seen it yet.

But, like, absolutely love that movie. It is funny to me in retrospect how many different parts of that movie were essentially Monty Python, run away, run away. It sure was. Especially the one in the woods. Yeah. When there were the giants and shit, it's so funny. And I know it's like just the real story, but it's like getting the boat, go to a place, get out of the boat.

Yeah. Oh, fuck. Run away. Run away. Don't hit. Don't hit. Don't hit. Take the boat to another place.

Get out. And it's like, again, movie rules. And that's just what the story is. What the fuck you're going to do? But it was kind of funny to be. Like they did a lot of running away, a lot of run and ass back to the boat. in that movie. But somebody tweeted, they were like,

I love The Odyssey, the story of a man who chooses to give up having sex with Charlize Theron on an island to get back to his bitch wife, which Ann Hathaway is obviously not a bitch in the movie or in real life. But yeah, it did seem to me,

like when I was watching that, I was like, yeah, I'm pretty sure that if I had these ancient Greek mushrooms in the form, of like a lotus or whatever and I could just keep forgetting all the horrible things that happened to me and then get it sucked on by a goddess. I probably, I probably just go with that.

You know what I mean? I probably just keep that. I've run that back a couple times. Who can blame you, run it back. All right, let's get out of here. I got to go make Mark and Matt for that extravaganza. Where you see me on the road? And hell, man, I don't know what's coming up next.

Upstate New York, I think. And then Hartford, Connecticut, and just a bunch of other places. East Tennessee and Eugene and Austin, Texas are all in the near future at all at traycrouter.com. Hey, yeah, and speaking of that, come see us in Nashville at Zanis, December 10th through the 12th. That's at traycrouter.com as well. Also, I'm going to be in Ironton, Ohio on September 5th. On September 15th at the Rone Theater for the Lawrence County Democrat Party dinner, I will be the entertainment.

I will put the ticket information in the description. of this podcast. Grab a cameo for me, camio.com slash Corey Ryan Forrester. Also go to Corey writes for you.com where I'm putting up essays

and narrative fiction every week. This week we did a special in our little universe that we've built. I say we may, the Chicka-Lukee universe we've built.

We did a special tribute to Dolly Parton. It was an article from the Chick-a-Luky Times Free Press of when Dolly came to Chick-Looky and you can read that there.

Or actually, as a special treat, you can listen to me read it right after this. Thank you all for listening to The Well Red Show. We love to stick around a longer, but we got two go. Also, Drew's doing something. Go see him, I guess. Tune to next. Next week, if you got nothing to do.

Thank you, God bless you. Happy birthday, Drew. Park. Park. Hello, my name is Stumpy Winslow, and you are listening to an audio edition of the, Chicka-Looky Times Free Press and we are appreciative of all of our subscribers and patrons and frankly overwhelmed at how much attention our little part of the world is getting.

It goes without saying, but the story I'm about to tell you is one of the most popular with folks of Chick-a-Looki because how many people can say that they ate banana pudding with Dolly Parton. We'd also like to take this time to thank our sponsor this week, Bedford Schrader and Sun Shudders, trying to vacuum your living room. room, but get the feeling that Marty Purvis or one of his no-good cousins is trying to sneak a peek through your window, you need to go on down to Bedford Schrader and Sun shutters. Easy to open, easy to close, and they don't get tangled when the wind starts to blow. From white to black

to Auburgeon and Everwich Color in between, free home installation, as always, for folks who live in Chick-a-Luky City limits, unless you are Marty Purvis or one of his no-good cousins. Bedford, Schrader, and Sun shudders. You may have shutters, but do you have Schrader shutters? And now on to the story. Here is When Dolly came to town, an excerpt from the Chick-a-Looky Times free press originally written by yours truly Stumpy Winslow, editor-in-chief. Most people have never heard of Chick-a-Looky, and to be quite honest, we like it that way. Sure, we've got local drama that would make even the writers of the bold and the beautiful blush, Nothing that ever makes the national news.

We are part of what the media refers to as flyover country. I reckon them reporters don't realize that planes fly over everywhere, but that's fine. Their ignorance don't bother us too much because we know how good we've got it. Big Jeff's pork and pudding has the best dry rub ribs and apple pie you have ever had in your life, and the waitresses call you honey, darling, and dumpling. We are fine with New York and L.A. thinking that they are basically. better than us. They are allowed to be wrong like everyone else. It's a free country, for now. Our one run-in with a worldwide celebrity happened a few decades back, and we still celebrate that

day like it was Christmas. The day Dolly Parton came to Chicka-Looky. Now, I know you're wondering why a celebrity, nay, a queen and national treasure, would come to a little town that no one has ever heard of and trust us. We thought the same thing at the time. It's public record, but a lot of people don't know that Dolly Parton actually got married in a little town called Ringgold, Georgia, which just happens to be right up the road from Chickalookey. One year, she and her husband, Carl Dean, were headed to Ringgold as part of their anniversary celebration and took a wrong turn that ended up being so right. It's cliche to say that certain celebrities have an aura about them, but Dolly truly had one. It was as if her spirit arrived before she did. The air was fresher.

The sun shone brighter, and you've never seen the sky so blue. As a legend goes, it was supposed to rain that morning, and to this day in Chickaluki, people swear that the weather would change for Dolly wherever she went. It would have been nice if she'd been in town the day the lightning struck our power lines and made us all miss the series finale of He-Haul, but I suppose we will never truly understand God's plan. This was before the days of GPS and places around here are so small that they don't show up on every map, so Dolly had no choice but to get out and ask for directions.

Our town center was only about 250 square feet and operated at the time and still to this day by a single employee named Lita. No last name, just Lita. Lita said she'd had so many last names over the years that she figured she'd have better luck just sticking with one. It seems to work for prints and share, and I probably do as many outfit changes a day as they do. She'd often quip. It was Aunt Lita to those who loved her and she loved back, which despite her brash style and uncommonly offensive tongue for a small southern town was almost everyone, except for Ray Porch, but we'll get to him later.

Dolly and Carl Dean whipped on into town center in their 1972 Cadillac Eldorado that she had been given by Porter Wagner as a gift. As most of y'all know who live here, Chikiluki is so behind the times, not always in a bad way, that even if it wasn't Dolly driving it, it still would have been front-page news that there was a Cadillac in town. I didn't even have my glasses on, Aunt Lita said. And it sure wasn't logical for her to be here, but the second she got out of her car, even behind the dusty blinds of the town center, I knew it was her just from her silhouette. Here in the South, she's as recognizable as Mickey Mouse, a can of Coke, or Jesus Christ himself.

Some town folk might consider that taking the Lord's name in vain, but as editor of the Chickaluki Times Free Press, I have a responsibility to print the truth. Naturally, Aunt Lita got to that rotary phone quicker than Doc Holliday pulling on Johnny Ringo, and before Queen Dolly had darkened the door, word was being spread, and a crowd would soon gather. Looking like a million bucks and smelling like two, Dolly waited for Aunt Lita to pick her jaw up off the floor and politely asked for directions. Lita told Dolly that she was torn

because if she gave her directions, well, that meant she'd leave. This made Dolly laugh, and the two began a conversation like they knew each other, and in a way they did. Aunt Lita knew who Dolly was, of course, because everyone knew who Dolly was, but Dolly saw in Aunt Lita a southern woman

who did what she wanted, dressed how she wanted, and despite coming from humble beginnings, you know what the Yankees might call being trash, was damn proud of who she was and where she came from. They may have just met, but Dolly could identify with Aunt Leda because she was the type of person Dolly wrote songs about and the type of woman that Dolly wrote songs for. Dolly insisted she was never in enough of a hurry to skip polite conversation. By the time Dolly and Aunt Lita were around and home, on the how's you mom and them portion of the standard southern polite conversation, the doorbell started jingling at a rapid pace.

Word had gotten out. I'm sure Dolly wouldn't have chosen for her wrong turn to turn into a two-plus-hour meeting greet, but she also didn't seem to mind. And I don't mean she was putting on airs and pretending to kind of keep up appearances, you know. She genuinely seemed to be having a ball, telling stories, signing autographs, taking pictures. and these were the days before the camera phones, so that one wasn't as big of a hindrance

as it might have been a few years down the road. Mamas were bringing their babies in and insisting that Dolly kiss them, as if she were the Pope dispensing Holy Water in the Vatican. They told stories about the first time they saw her on the Tonight Show star in Johnny Carson and asked if she and Porter Wagner were still close. Billy Butt brought in a guitar and told her

it would be the greatest honor of his life if she would just touch it. But she did more than that. She put on an impromptu concert that despite lacking any production value was likely the greatest that anyone in that little welcoming center would ever see for the rest of their lives.

One lady didn't have anything on her to have Dolly sign except for a copy of this newly published book she was enjoying called Fried Green Tomatoes. Dolly said that she wouldn't feel right putting her name on somebody else's art, but what would they think if instead she read a few chapters aloud to the children, who, not necessarily old enough to understand

the great situation they were in might need to be entertained. As she got into it, she quickly realized that perhaps this was not necessarily a book to be read to young children, but Aunt Lita put her mind at ease by explaining to her that a great percentage of these children had probably seen their uncle hauled off on drug charges during the family Christmas, and for the ones who hadn't? Well, the Bible is pretty gnarly at sense, and they read that every goddamn day. Pardon me, I may be editorializing here a bit more than I already was. It was around this time that Ray Porch came in.

I suppose I should say Mayor Ray Porch, because he indeed, he was a mayor at the time, but between you and the Wender, he never did anything to earn being called that. I know you'll say, now Stumpy, you need to try to remain unbiased in this newspaper, to which I will say that this is now officially an opinion column, and I will say what I wish. If the truth offends you, you can read the newspaper from a few towns over where I'm sure there's a nice write-up about how some eight-year-old girl was crowned beauty queen in the town festival after being judged by five perverts.

Ray Ports ran his campaign on the dangers of big government, as if big government could ever be a threat or even a possibility for a town like Chicka-Lukee. We only have one red light, and considering how people drive around here, its main job is to have bird's shit on it. He talked about welfare queens as if his family wasn't on government assistance when he was a kid. And of course, to hear him tell it, oh, you don't understand. That was different. We actually needed ours. My daddy wanted to work. He just couldn't for a while because he was sick.

Not like all these other people who just want a handout so they can lay around without a bra, letting their titty's flapping the wind beneath a Tweetybird shirt. To be fair to Mr. Porch, his daddy was sick, sick and tired of his wife and everyone else telling him that he had a drinking problem.

I'm sure his father thought he must have been doing something right, though, to raise such a clairvoyant son who somehow knew the private financial situations of everyone in town. I think most people can agree that government overreach is not great, but to hear his policies laid out,

it seemed like he was running for a position that wouldn't require him to do much, since it sort of seemed like he was saying it shouldn't exist. I don't know if that's true, but I do know that if our mayor died today and they kept it a secret, many of us wouldn't find out until it was time to vote again. Interpret that any way you wish. Don't make a matter to me. Something Mayor Ray Porch had recently decided to harp on was the library. He didn't see why there was any use for it.

A waste of city money as far as he was considered. If kids wanted to read books, they could read the ones they got at school. And if adults wanted to read books, they could pay for them out of their own pockets like real God-fearing Americans. Books have a funny way of making you think for yourself, and Ray Porch and people like Ray, well, they don't really like that. It's bad for business. As Mayor Ray Porch watched the children, however, utterly transfixed by this angel in human clothing, and reading to them, concentrating and paying attention harder than they ever had to anything before,

he quickly realized that this would not be something he could take away from them if he ever wanted to see another term. Little did he know that he wouldn't even complete the term he was in, but that's a story for later, folks, and I certainly can't wait to tell it. Dolly read so long that we had to make a special call over to Big Jeff's Porkin' Pudding to get him to bring us all some barbecue. Once it arrived, the smell of it and the banana pudding was enough to make everyone realize that reading time was over, and it was time to chow down.

We feasted and chatted and raised our glasses of sweet tea to our Queen Dolly, and then wished her well as she made her way up the road to celebrate the rest of her anniversary trip. Before she left, she thanked us for letting her read to the kids and said she'd always had a passion for getting kids into literature, and was going to do something about it one day. Of course, there is no way of knowing if her quick little detour into our fair city at Chickaluki is the reason she started the imagination library, but you can bet your hind in we pretend it is.

And that was the day that Dolly Parton came to Chicka-Luky. Still, to this day, the only person on earth who could get Ray Porch to do the right thing. I am Stumpy Winslow, editor-in-chief of the Chick-a-Looky Times Free Press, and I thank you for your time and attention. And my boss, Corey, would also like to let you all know that, of course, you can always listen and watch everything here on this substack. Corey writes for you.com for free. However, he would like to add, he did the numbers.

I don't know of that boy doing many numbers, so if he did the numbers on it, it must be important to him. He said that if he could double his paid subscribers by this time next year, he could justify being a stay-at-home dad who does nothing but rights and podcasts for all of you, which is a long-time dream of his. And you can help it come true if you have the extra coin and his work brings value to your life. You can subscribe for $5 here on the substack from free to $5. but he stresses only if you have the extra money.

If you don't, please continue to enjoy it for free, and he will never paywall it. Also, if you do not like recurring payments but would still like to support, you can also make one-time donations, PBS style, using PayPal, and his PayPal is ButtercreamCore at gmail.com, and on Venmo, he is Buttercream Corey. Thank you all for reading, and we appreciate you, and stay out of trouble, Chicka-Looky.