wellRED podcast - Oops! Ask Corey Anything! (Bonus

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

Hey all! Baby brain got me and I accidentally uploaded this AMA from my substack! Rather than take it down, I'm just gonna leave it up as a bonus! Enjoy and please subscribe to PartTimeFunnyMan.com !!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's the thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.

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What's up substackers? It's time for Ask Corey Anything again. I'm still making my way down the list. Last time we answered like three or four and it took me 30 minutes. So as you know, these are going to be segmented because nobody wants to listen to me go on and on for five hours. Maybe you do, but like, I'm sure that you want it broken up into a more digestible chunks than five hours. So I believe that we are on Matt Malin or Matt Malin. I really do apologize if I'm saying that wrong. Please feel free to correct me and know that I am embarrassed if I said that wrong. They ask, what is the best comedic advice you've ever received and what was the worst. I'm really glad to be getting this question, or recording this question today because the best

comedic advice I ever had came from a woman who I'm about to see here in two or three hours. Her name is Janet Williams. Most people know her as the Tennessee tramp. She's a stand-up comedian. She is celebrating her 78th birthday this week, and I am picking her up, and me and my wife and my baby are taking her to a very nice Italian dinner and she doesn't know it but we've also made her her her favorite key lime cupcakes going to be a big surprise for janet uh is a very important person in my life she's pretty much the first headliner that ever took me out on the road and took a chance on me 12 or 13 years ago um we we we both came up at the same place the comedy catch in chattanooga tennessee except when i was coming up she was already a well-established headliner

because Janet's a gangster. Janet didn't start doing comedy until her late 40s, early 50s, and basically she went into the club and was like, I want to do stand-up, and the owner was like, well, okay, well, there's an open mic, and you can start hosting and blah, blah, blah.

And she goes, yeah, I'm too old for that shit. I ain't got time. I want to jump straight to headliner. And he's like, and most club owners would just be like, okay, well, that's not how it works because that's not how it works. But he just happened to have like an open Tuesday night where someone had backed out.

And I think that part of him was like, okay, we'll let her see how this is. And Janet had an hour of material, did really well, and just was immediately a headliner. That right there is not some advice to follow because that is, she's an outlier in that regard. But something Janet told me a long time ago, it was, you know, probably on one of those road trips 13 years ago that is stuck with me. and I'm finding out to be more true every day. She told me, she said, Corey, in this business, it's not the funniest who make it.

It's the people who can put up with the bullshit the longest. Now, of course, being funny helps, she would add. But at the time, I wasn't trying to hear that. Because in my mind, I was the funniest kid. And there were so many people out there who were more successful than me, but they weren't as funny as me, and I just couldn't understand why that was. Well, I mean, the most duh answer is like, well, you can be funny all you want, but if you weren't in the right place at the right time or you're not doing the right things

to get seen, then it doesn't matter. It's not like, you know, comedy club bookers and television agents and whatnot have some sort of like, you know, magnetic barometer that just seeks out the funniest. Like you have to be seen. You have to put in all this work. And really, you have to be really lucky. And I think that's part of the advice is like you, like, in order to be lucky, sometimes you have to have just been there for a long time. Like, I'm just like, it's almost, it almost feels like I'm at the very start of my career, even though I started doing stand-up almost 20 years ago. And I get lucky a lot. But like, if I hadn't taken Janet's advice, and been the person who's like, I'm just going to stick it through all the bullshit.

I wouldn't have been here to be lucky. Like, you've got to work hard so that when luck strikes, you can be ready for it. But like you also, like, dude, there are so many people that I started with in stand-up that were better than me. Better joke writers, better, you name it, everything. But for some reason or another, they, you know, got frustrated and quit. And not all of them, I'm not, I'm in no way being like, oh, those, you know, those whamps, I stuck it out and they did it. Dude, some of it was because they had a kid and they needed to, you know, have a steady job. And like, eventually you just kind of accidentally stop doing comedy because it's not as an important part of your life.

I, you know, made the conscious decision to, like, I'm not going to have any of those responsibilities until later. And, like, that's a big reason as to why I think, you know, I made it. Now, granted, there's people I know that, like, have had kids the entire time, and they are totally fine. So that's not always the case. But, like, yeah, I think that going forward, because because of that advice that Janet gave me, that whole, it's not the funniest who makes it. It's whoever deals with the bullshit the longest. I'm able to shake so much stuff off. Like, you'll have no idea how many times I've been told no, how many failures I've had.

Because y'all only see the successes, of course. Like, I don't come on here and talk about every time I had a pitch meeting and it went bad because, frankly, there's not enough hours in the day to make that, make enough of that content, quote unquote content. I hate that word. But yeah, I think that's by far the best advice that I ever got and the worst advice that I ever got. And this isn't specifically from one person. And I won't talk too long on it because y'all know that I've talked about it. a dozen times probably on park rants or whatever,

but the worst advice I've ever gotten was like all the people who constantly told me and every other comedian, and it was, you know, coming from comics and artists alike that like, you have to suffer for your art. You know, like,

and by that, I mean, you have to be miserable. That was such the mantra for so long that, like, in order to be a good, artist you have to have a tortured life or you need to be an alcoholic or a drug addict you should never sleep you should treat your body like shit like that's where comedy comes from and that's just

such i mean look obviously there have been plenty of tortured souls who've made great things but as i've tried to say a million times i feel funnier and more creative now than i ever have and i'm in a healthier place than i've ever been so like that's just i man had had that that had that not been like the cliche for years and years there's no telling how much of a better life i could have lived and so many other people in the arts could have lived if we weren't fed that complete line of bullshit that is 100% just a thing that people say to justify not going out of their way to work on themselves you know what i mean like and and i did it too unknowingly but it was like no, no, no, no, no. You just want to drink and eat fried chicken and be sad and not have to be

responsible for hurting other people's feelings with your actions and claim that it's just because you're suffering for your art. And it's bullshit. So that's the worst, 100% the worst advice ever. Okay, moving on. Ashley a de Guttis, or de Goutis. Again, apologies. Please just correct me and I'll say it right the next time I promise. Not a question. I wanted to say I appreciated you sharing when you were walking a bunch. Been struggling at my job a while, lots of downtime sitting at my desk depressed. Decided on April 24th to start walking when depressed.

Minimum of 8,000 steps a day. Been keeping it up. Minimum of 800 and, oh my God, why can't I talk? 8,800 steps since I started. But averaging 5 miles a day, still depressed, but it's, least not sitting like a bump on a log actually that is awesome i'm very sorry that you're you know still depressed and you know and and and and and right there goes to show you that like you know exercise and all that stuff is only like one small part of it like and i'm not going to sit here and assume

what you are what you are not doing uh else to to help i'm i know that you know you have the same resources i do so i'm not going to like try to you know like i i i i i It upsets me when people will say, you need to try this. And it's like, oh, that obvious thing that everybody knows about. Yes, I am trying that. It's just not working numb nuts. But I would say that, like, yeah, as you've said here, it don't hurt, you know, like, you know, when Tom Cruise jumped up on the couch on Oprah and was talking about how, like,

running solved his depression, I just, when I hear that and somebody says that, I'm like, then I don't think that you had depression. I think that you were in a funk. and like you can be in a funk without being like clinically depressed. But the thing is like, um, dude, yeah, exercise definitely helps. I feel like with depression, like with anything, whenever I try to approach solving a problem, I didn't always used to be like this, but I am now. It's like I want to give myself every opportunity to win.

Like whatever I have to do, even if it only helps me by a percentage, I want to do that thing. and I think that like my therapy and medication are like the number one winners in the scenario. But like I got to give it to my walk and my routine. Like getting in a routine. Like I feel like it's like a comfort for your brain, you know. Like especially for somebody like me who never really had a routine aside from, you know, the bullshit that I say on stage. But like it gets you in that comfort zone. You got something to look forward to, I guess.

So, Ashley, I really, first off, I appreciate you sharing that. And I'm happy if in any way that I helped. And I really, I'm rooting for you in your struggles. And yeah, I mean, like you said, it does make it better. Like going for a walk does not cure depression, but it can get you, in my opinion, to the next day or just the next hour or just the next minute. You know what I mean? it's like just a little relief and like you just start compounding a lot of stuff like that and you can

really make a difference and anybody who like there's and i probably used to be this person where it's like you know when somebody when i was depressed and somebody's like hey you need to do something to help yourself i'd be like you don't understand it's not my fault it's my brain and that is true but like i hate to tell you but like you still do got to try you know what i mean i know that you can't like You can't just suck it up and be happy. But, dude, you can try to do some things to make you happy. Like, you do have to meet depression and your medication and stuff halfway there. Otherwise, I don't think it's going to be as effective.

So, yeah, thanks, Ashley, for that. And like I said, you know, I'm pulling for you. Eric asked, what is your favorite drive-by Trucker's album? All right. Now, you've put me in quite a pickle here because me saying that I have a favorite, one means that I'm admitting that there's some better than the others. And I mean, I guess that's obviously true. But I love them all equally, but I will tell you if you told me there had to be only one drive-by truckers album that you could listen to the rest of your life, I would definitely

say, decoration day. There's no such thing as a song of the drive-by truckers that I skip. However, I've never once listened to Decoration Day the album and only listen to it once through. Like I always just, if I'm, if I'm listening to Decoration Day, it usually means that's what I'm listening to all day for 24 hours. Like, it comes out so strong with, I think the first song is the deeper end, which is like, it's so, that's like one of my favorite drive-by trucker song and I think it's so underrated. and like if you don't know what the deeper end is, as Patterson, who's a buddy of mine, would say,

oh yeah, the cousin fucking song. And it's great. That's obviously, I mean, doing so much of the heavy lifting is outfit by Isbel. I mean, that was the debut of this song. It's become a staple in his solo shows. Wonderful. There's heathens. There's your daddy hates me.

I mean, of course there's decoration days. there's when the pen hits the shell. Like, it's a great mix of Hood, Cooley, and Isbel. You know, like they're all really pulling it all out on that one. Marry me, my sweet anette. Like, like I said, heathens. Dude, the album is just an absolute banger front to back, and it always puts me in a good mood,

even though some of the songs are obviously, you know, they're sad and depressing and, you know, they're thinkers. But, like, I'm never going. going to listen to decoration day only once all the way through. So it's decoration day all day for me. Also love Southern Rock Opera because

I love a freaking themed album. That's great. I love them all, but yeah, you got me. It's a decoration day. Let me know what, I would like to know what yours is, Eric. And I'm hoping that as soon as I answered that, you're like, boom, yes, that's correct. That is the number one.

That's the number one album. So yeah. Marjorie, Birch asked, does a mockingbird have a song of its own? You know, I'm not a birdologist, but how about this? I'd like to think it does. I'd like to think that we all have a song of our own. Oh, here's a great username. More ass than tits.

More ass than tits, ask. You're in your dream blunt rotation with four other people, dead or alive, famous or not. Who would they be, and what would your first question be to the group? My God. Man, that's a great question, but I must put out there first that, like, I don't have a dream blunt rotation because smoking weed with other people is terrifying to me. So maybe if you will allow me to change this to my dream for other people sitting at a bar,

I could do that if that's okay. I mean, if you need me for the fantasy to be smoking weed with them, like, I can do it, but I think that I would choose different people, because in order, like, I wouldn't want to be around any of my heroes when I'm high as shit, because I'll make a mistake. But I can have a couple of whiskeys and talk to anybody. I ain't scared. You know what I'm saying?

I think my first one, and this is going to sound cheesy and sentimental, but, and it is, but would be my papal on my dad's side, my poppy, and that's because I didn't really get to know him that much. He died when I was around five. I definitely have memories of him as a kid, but, like, not enough. And my papaw on my mom's side died when I was, like, three or four. So, like, I just never really had a papal, you know, like, I had older men in my life that sort of, you know, kind of filled that role, but not in a way that, like, I get super jealous because, like, a lot of my friends, papaws are still here, you know. I mean, they're starting to go, unfortunately, but like, I just think about all that time that I, that I missed.

And, you know, I had a great granny. And granny made up for all of them. Don't get me wrong. She was such a good granny and such a big part of my life that I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. You know, I wouldn't. But I would love to sit down and have a whiskey or beer with my poppy, sunny, and just find out what his deal. was like i've heard enough from my dad about him i guess but like i'd like to hear his words of like who he was and i'd like to talk to him about his time in korea and being in the navy like i would

i just i mean you know on top of just wanting to spend time with my papaw like that's just something that like there's nobody else in my life that i can really ask those kind of questions i would also love to see, like, I don't know, I'd kind of love to see his take on everything that's going on right now because he was a lifelong Democrat, like, you know, the last person he ever voted for was Clinton. Now, granted, you know, there's a lot of people who were Democrats in the 90s who went the other way. Who knows? But, like, I would just like to know a lot of things. I would like his wisdom, you know. I mean, the guy died when he was in his 50s. It's just, he had so, he had so much time left and um you know he was a contractor i would have i just god damn it i would have

loved to have worked with him for a summer and got to know him better so i think that'd be number one and now i'm going to try to think of people who i think would fit in with me and him i don't know if he's going to make the actual cut of this four lennie bruce would be a good one um especially if i could record the conversation so that I could let everyone today who is complaining about cancel culture know that they should shut the fuck up. Because if you know anything about Lenny, you know that the man was literally arrested for saying things, not just told in the comments that they didn't like him for saying things, but literally arrested, had his cabaret card taken from him, got prevented from working, had cops outside of his shows,

ready to take him in when he just cursed. So I'd love to talk to him. And maybe if I'm like bringing him back here to this time and talking, I don't know. I'd maybe like to go back in time and be like, hey, I'm from the future. Let me tell you what everybody's upset about right now and what they think is censorship. Just to hear him laugh his ass off and probably make him feel a little bit better about himself. So I could be like, yeah, so you're actually, you have no idea how much of a true. pioneer and hero you are.

Like you made it so much easier on everybody and they do not appreciate it. You know, like they think they're being you just because they use a slur and then some people say, I'm not going to go to your show anymore. So I would like Lenny Bruce would be a good one. I'd like to hear him and my papal, you know, that probably wasn't his type of comedian. I think my papal is probably more like a Bob Hope guy. but like Lenny would be a good one to have at the table, I think. This might surprise some people.

It won't surprise a handful of you, but I think, I've been thinking about like really historical people. And like Winston Churchill kind of popped in my mind, but then I thought, you know what would be better than Winston Churchill, Queen Elizabeth? Because if I get Queen Elizabeth, I can just have her tell me what Winston Churchill was like and Neville Chamberlain and Margaret Thatcher and,

I held Boris Johnson. Like, you know, love her or hate her or feel nothing about her. That's totally fine. But like, the, like, not only did she live to be, you know, 96, whatever years old, those 96 years specifically that she lived and in the position that she was in when she lived it, she experienced firsthand so much of the history that I am interested. I would love to talk to her. Like, if we're in a situation, I assume, in this fantasy,

where, like, she can tell me everything. She doesn't have to go by, like, the proper cooth, you know, regulations of the queen. She's letting it all rip. I've resurrected her from the dead, and she's like, all right, let me give you the real scoop. She'd be fun. It would be fun to have, uh, it would be fun to have her husband there, too,

just for some good, you know, jokes about the Irish and whatnot. But I really would like to have her because, she just, you know, it's different than talking to a president and a president, like, they get there for eight years when they are of heavy influence and really in the situation and then anything else that happens, it's like, well, the other president deals with it, but like she was the lady for fucking 75 years, I think, was the diamond jubilee that they celebrated right before she died, which I was in England for, which is crazy. But yeah, and I don't mean like, oh, I love Queen Elizabeth.

That's not it. It's just like, I'm looking at this selfishly, like, what could I get out of this roundtable conversation? And I think Queen Elizabeth would be, I mean, just fucking perfect for me. So we got my papal. We got Lenny Bruce. We got Queen Elizabeth. Again, I'm still not convinced that I want to keep Lenny here.

Maybe I'll keep going and we'll figure out whether he needs to stay or whether he needs to go. But I think another good one would be the American dream, baby, Dusty Roads. That's right. I would love to sit down and talk to Dusty Roads. I'm sure that most of y'all, even if you're not wrestling fans, are familiar with who Dusty Roads is. The Son of a Plummer, baby. He was a huge inspiration to what became the Buttercream Dream, which, as I mentioned in a more recent, Ask Me Anything, is coming back.

He was a genius wrestling booker. A lot of people don't know that. people were just like, oh, well, he was just the guy. He was the entertainment. But no, Dusty was also a booker. He was running the show for Crockett promotions during all those, the heydays, whenever you've got Rick Flair versus Dusty and Ricky Steamboat and Sting and all those guys, like he actually had the pencil in the back. And I would just love to pick his brain about philosophy and psychology on wrestling because I've always thought, and I've talked to several of my buddies who were wrestlers about this, like the similarities between that and comedy are like very stark, like how to open a show,

how to close a show, the pace, you know, when to let people up, when to get quiet, so they listen, you're trying to entertain at the end of the day, but you also want to send them home thinking about something, the flare, the mic skills, the stuff that you say without even saying anything, you know, making sure that the people in the back row feel it just as much as the people in the front row. And plus, dude, like, he was there for all of my eras of wrestling fandom. So, like, he'd be a great guy to just sit down and go, tell me, tell me about this guy, tell me about this guy. And he's funny as hell. I mean, that would be, I think Dusty Rhodes, if I had to pick any wrestler to be at my table, it would be him.

Like, I could say macho man Randy Savage too. That'd be great. But then I'm only kind of learning about the one era, the one that he was in, and he wasn't really booking. And I kind of went. And, dude, Randy had a fucking smart mind for the business from everything I hear. But, like, I kind of want to talk to somebody who was running the book. You know what I mean? I'd love to talk to Dusty Road.

So we got my poppy. We got Lenny Brew. we've got Queen Elizabeth and we've got Dusty Rhodes. I'm trying to think if I can beat Lenny Bruce. I don't know if I can. I mean, obviously there's people, there's more people that I would love to be here, but you only gave me four. So by God, you know, ask me this question again next week

and maybe my mind would change, but I think that's a pretty damn good list. My poppy, Queen Elizabeth, Lenny Bruce, and the American Dream, the son of a plumber baby, Dusty Rose. You don't know hard times, Daddy. All right, let's do one more before I segment this even further and do like a part three. I think this is part two. And then do a part three and then probably part four, five, six, seven, eight, whatever.

From Sherry Patterson, long time caller. Love you, Sherry. I know you like antiques. I would like to know what's the best antique thing you've ever found and did you buy it. Also, what's your most elusive antique you hope to someday find your personal holy grail? Thanks, bunches. Well, I won't go too in depth in it because I will just direct you to. There's actually a video I did here on the substack.

It's the latest one. I think I called it Antiques Road Show. And it was a microphone used at Mid-South Coliseum during the Andy Kaufman days. That's definitely the coolest one I've ever found. And yes, I did buy it by God. I got it for 200 bucks. And I'm glad I didn't say this out loud, but I would have given them more. And so that's the coolest.

My holy grail item. How do I describe this thing? I really need to have it pulled up, but I was searching through old magazines not long ago. Ironically, the magazines came from an antique store. I collect, like, people magazines and stuff like that if they have, like, if it's a cover issue where someone died, like, I've got, you know, the Princess Diana one, I've got the Tammy Wynette one. Or if, like, if the cover story was something that, like, meant a lot to me as a kid or was something that was sort of like a flashbulb moment in history.

I try to pick those up. They're usually not that expensive. Like, I would only spend five to ten bucks on them. I wouldn't go any further than that, but I do like having them, you know, whenever I can. And I want to say that I was going through like some, and maybe it wasn't People magazine, but it was so. It might

even been a playboy, because I'll buy an old playboy too, and no, not for the reasons you think. Although I do, you know, I do fancy me the old school gals. I do. I'm not going to lie. And in it was like a advertisement for, I think the Marlboro Miles or Marl Points thing had like just started. And if you sent in so many like paid proof of purchases, say that five times fast, from like a

carton of Marlboros, you could get this, it was this red like horse riding jacket. So like, picture all the jackets that they wear on those like four. Fox hunts in England. You know the jackets that I'm talking about, sort of the hoity-toity ones. Well, this one was a red one, which, you know, often those are too, like the, they look like the red coats, and it had a marlbore patch on it. And it is one of the coolest shits I have ever seen in my life. And I'm pretty sure that I saw one for sale on eBay, but it was a small. and the thing about smalls, the thing about small now is a small now don't fit me, but smalls back in the 70s were actually smalls.

Like, dude, if I find a large from the 70s, that don't even fit my fat ass. You know what I mean? So I didn't, it was very pricey and I didn't buy it because I was like, no, if I buy this some bitch, I'm wearing it. You know what I mean? So I've always sort of hoped that one of those would just pop up in an antique store and maybe someone didn't know what they had and they were just like, This is Pap Paul's jacket, whatever, 40 bucks, even though I'd spend more on it for sure. But that's something that I have always, that's something that I've always kept an eye out for.

And I don't know that if I'll ever find it, but it's one of those that you just keep in the back of your mind. And that's the thrill of the hunt, you know, like that's what most antiquing is. It's like, I don't go there thinking that I'm going to find anything. I go there hoping that I'll find something. you know and you've got those items and that's definitely one of those items also i'm always on the lookout for like an old school scotty cameron putter that would normally go for a thousand dollars but hoping that someone just you know was like cleaning out their kids closet and were like oh here's his old putter just puts it up for 40 bucks you know like an old like i love

that's another thing i collect is like old golf clubs like if i find like an old set of 70s like Australian blades with a one iron in them, oh boy, it's coming home with me. And no, I'm not playing with them. I just like having them. It really pisses my wife off. But I wouldn't say it pisses her off. It just like she doesn't understand it, which is totally understandable and fine. But yeah, man, that Marlboro jacket, if you ever, if you ever see a red Marlboro riding jacket that you think fits this description, you, if you're at the antique store, holly. at me and i will tell you buy i'll venmo i'll even come pick the sum bitch up you know i don't know why it's on my whole i don't even think i'd look good in it i think i'd look goofy in it but like

i saw it one day i know how rare it is and therefore there you go so all right so we will uh on deck for next times ask corey anything will be sarah waffert's what is your best writing advice asking for a friend. Sorry, Sarah. You're going to have to wait till next time because if I had to guess, that one might take the entire 30-minute chunk.

Love you. Love all of y'all. Thanks for being here. I'll see you later. Skew!