wellRED podcast - Orgy Showers, Dead Soldier Tables, Snake Poop

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

CoreyWritesForYou.com TraeCrowder.com   MenGoToMars.com

They're the... They're the... They're all rednecks. Cornbread but sex. They care way too much, but don't give a fuck. They're the next that makes some people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. Just the two dicks again this week.

Correct. Yeah. Or once again, Drewless. Although, he was like in and out last week, right? He was in. They fucked up, and then he came back, and then he was. I'm telling you he does it just to piss me off. And I respect it.

I respect it. Like, I respect that Drew is like, hey, no matter what's going on, I need to make an effort to be on the show. That's nice. But as I've told him a million times,

I would rather you just didn't come than me have to fucking edit. Because guess what I didn't do. Edit. Didn't do it. Should have. But it makes me look, he makes me look unprofessional because it illustrates

that I don't do my job. You know what I mean? I don't. Right. Yeah, but I could just do my job, but I'm not going to. I remember you saying some stuff last time about when I wanted to edit all this out and I was like, no, no, it's fine. Because I thought that it was like, hopefully, I'm sure it was probably more annoying than anything, but I was thinking it might also be funny, you know. It probably is funny.

Yeah, just the ravenry of it all might potentially be funny. So I think it's okay to leave it in. This podcast has been littered with technical difficulties since we began. Day one. Day one, literally day one, which by the way, that was Burt Crischer's fault that I remember we found that out like three years later that like, oh, Burke Crischer just pulled a prank on us. That's hilarious. But, and I'll tell that story in a minute. But it wasn't going well. But we were always able to fall back on pretty correctly. We were like, look, man, we don't know shit about podcasts. Our managers suggested we do this and we got the equipment and we're having to do it on the road. And that was all true. And that was fair. It's been nine years now, though. You think, and this is on me most of the time, you would think that I would have figured it out, and I haven't. Now, you know, it's not completely only on me, because as we know, Drew has been the cause of many edits.

But yeah, we're stupid. So my point is, I'm sure it is charming to some people, but there has to be at least a handful of people. They're like, really? Nine years later, your grassroots bullshit is over, but it still is so grassroots. We thought we would be more successful by now. We thought we'd have people doing this and we don't. Uh-uh. No, we don't, yeah.

I would think that if there's anybody been around long enough to be annoyed by that, they would have been so annoyed by it that they left long ago. Yeah, that's correct. I would think. So I saw this post on Reddit, of course, for somebody posted a picture of a house they were looking at, thinking about buying, and in the bathroom and the shower is a big stand-up shower. Had five shower heads.

Oh, hell yeah. like all around the perimeter of the wall, you know, five different shower heads and five different knobs. And they posted in the, what is this subreddit? And of course, the top answers and stuff,

and I'm not saying this is wrong at all, is, you know, poly shit. Right. So everybody can be in there. It's a group shower. Yeah.

Everybody gets their own showerhead. But other people pointed out, and I agree with them, like, I just think that would hit, you know? Dude. It's wasteful.

I lit up as soon as you said that. Right, because imagine it's not just having the rain coming down on you from all different angles in the shower, which hits, but like you could do different temperatures and stuff. Yes, yes, yes, go to cold the hot, cold hot, my God. Right. Revolutionary, really. Again, I know that we ought not be wasting water. No, shut the do. Listen, hold on now.

No, no, no. Let me explain to you something right now. You're correct that we shouldn't. But this is sort of like. As long as they're building data centers and stuff. Yes, because. Yeah, right. Because like, I'm not going to get on to.

some ant that uses Aquanette on her hair when the real problem with the ozone layer is billionaires in their jets. Like, it's true. Because they, they do it at such an exponential rate that if they didn't do it, it wouldn't matter if we did all this shit. You know what I mean? So fuck them.

You waste as much goddamn water as you can. We did, Is this anything once on an episode, you were not here, where I asked Drew, I'm trying to do it for memory now. And of course, I never even attempted it because he said,

said it was, I don't remember what he said, but I was like, telling a regular, telling regular people, you know, if you don't separate your plastics and your refuse or whatever, you know, the planet is going to die while fucking billionaires at private debt corporations, all this stuff, whatever, is like an abusive alcoholic telling their nine year old, like, listen, if you don't get your shit together, she's going to fucking leave. Right. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

Like, and, but so yeah, I definitely, I mean, I, I, I, agree with there's there's things where to me i'm like okay i will do the environmentally conscious thing here because it's like cutting you like if you have a plastic uh rings for your cans cut them before you throw them because they'll kill a turtle you know what i mean and they and they very much will that one little thing that i do very much could have a large impact on a turtle's life and it doesn't bother me to just cut them so i'm not gaining anything by not cutting it you see what i'm saying but with the water thing it's like yeah there's certain things like that's a that we don't have a lot of luxuries in life as regular type people.

If you want fucking five showerheads, dog, come on. Like, just do it. I mean, you might be, if you're the person that takes a long shower anyways, you're already wasting a lot of water, have fucking five. Go for it, you know. Yeah, no, I know. I'm saying I'm intrigued now. Like, sounds like it hits.

I'm never going to go through the, you know, whole Rick and Merrill of putting all these shower heads in my shower, but maybe one day, go to like an orgy house, not for orgy just find out that there's an orgy house and just be like, y'all got one of them showers and hits and can I use it? I don't want no, but whole stuff. I'm just going to go use the shower.

Although that shower's saying some real shit. Dude. You know what I mean, but that's, oh, yeah. I don't, you concern yourself with that. Like, you wear like, you know, flip-flops and hotel showers and stuff? Hotel showers, no. Right, but an or an orgy shower probably. Well, yeah, like when I was at Bonaroo, you know, or.

Yeah. And I have taken the odd shower in a truck stop because I was just, you know, as you know, and you don't drive as much as I do, but like sometimes you're driving and like, you know, maybe you're not to your hotel yet or you're trying to drive through the night and you just feel dirty. And I'm like, fuck it, man. They make them, you know, I just need a rest because, you know, a shower is a wild and wonderful thing because it can either put you to sleep or wake you up depending on what you need.

You know, I saw somebody say the other day, they were making fun of someone. because they took a shower at night and also a shower in the morning, which I do that too. And everybody was like, what the fuck? Why would you do that? And they were like, you don't understand. Those are two completely different showers. Those are two completely different showers. Like, the one at night is to get myself clean because I don't want to put my nasty ass in bed. And the one in the morning is just to wake me up. Like you, the shit, if you shower at night and you shower in the morning, I'm not saying I don't wash myself all over, but probably not as vigorously. It's kind of just being there. let the water relax your muscles.

And five showerheads, bro. And what a great morning. What a great way to start your day. Yeah. I would like to talk about our sponsor, five showerheads.com. I wish, yeah. Yeah, me too.

I just got a box of five showerheads, but also that they came over and set it up for me. That would hit. Where you got five showerheads.com. Holler. The shower thing, I was saying about that this weekend because, like, here's what I do

since I do, you know, I don't do hard labor or anything. It's what people always say. It's like, never will. There's two kinds of jobs. There's jobs you shower before and jobs you shower after, right? Yeah.

And like, I kind of do neither. But so like, what I mean by that is, like I'm on the road. So I wish Drew was here because I know he would really light into me for this. Yeah. I have a lot to say about it.

So naturally he's not. here. Yeah. Drew was with me in Portland this weekend and there was in, Chloe Radcliffe was there also doing shows and like one night, Shane Torres was there and everything. We like hung out and stuff and that's cool, but he was only there one night.

Chloe was there the whole weekend and me, her and Drew went and had lunch and shit a lot and her and Drew both was like trying to walk around everywhere, right? Yeah, yeah. That's not your speed. And it's, it's Portland, but it was like, I mean, it was like, it's hot. hot this weekend in Portland.

And I was saying, like, so here's what I do. What are you wearing? I mean, shorts and a t-shirt, but it don't matter. But not athletic wear or whatever. I mean, yes, it still don't matter. I know it still doesn't, but I'm just saying like sometimes better, yeah. It's way better. I wouldn't do it the other way.

Like, you know, I'm a walker, but I wouldn't do it if I was wearing my regular clothes. But so what I do on the road anywhere, whether I'm alone or whatever city I'm in or it's wintertime or whatever, I'm in or it's wintertime or whatever, I would. wake up and the very first thing I do is go to the hotel gym and when I get done with the hotel gym I'm fucking sweaty yeah and so I take a shower then of course and that's the best I'm all day all day but like but unlike you I'm very much like well that's my shower for the day right right right part of my trashness is like I do not want to have to take another shower today right if I get in a situation where I feel like I need to take another shower today I'm going to be

annoyed by no idea so like I go to the gym I sweat real big. I take a shower then I'm feeling great. And then they're like, let's go walk around Portland and 80 degree weather's for two hours, right? And they're both fucking skinny and shit. And I was just, you know, and I was like, I was like, listen, the reason I don't want to do that

is because I just got clean and that's going to make me sweaty again. And, and, you know, Drew, he just a stank fan. He stank, right? He just stank. And, but Chloe also was like, she was just saying, like one of these days, she went for

jog first, then met us. Basically, she was like working out or going for jog or whatever, and then just going to whatever restaurant and eating and like... No, absolutely not. Having been sweating and shit, and she's like, I'll just be sweaty and like this all day. And then I'll take a shower before the show later. And I was like, I can't walk around all day like that.

Dude, like, I can't be like that at any point. Like, well, she did acknowledge though. She was like, yeah, but it's a little different. She was like, I'm allowed to smell like I'm, you know, have been. working out. She was like, you're not. That's true. That's also true. There's a dude that would pay for her shorts. Right. You know what I mean? Not us.

Yeah, not us. It's not exactly the same. And in Portland, my God. Right. But that was part of my point. It was like, right, exactly. We're not in the same situation. So could we please just get a fucking Uber or something? But I feel like in Portland, people are more likely to go, oh, who doesn't stink? Like, you know what I mean? Instead of who stinks. Yeah, dude, I can't live like that in any way. Like, we, I went for a jog in the park before we did this.

and normally I time it out to where I get here and in time to take a shower, but I forgot that you said, let's start 15 minutes early. And I got home and you also know how a stickler I am for being not tardy. I had, even though I was just sitting in my computer seat to talk to you, I could not do that dirty. I could not sit here for an hour dirty. So I took the quickest shower ever at the risk of being late, which is the only thing I hate worse than being unclean.

So like, I get it. I get it. Portland, you're talking about just how Portland be. In the span of like two blocks the other day, you know, I saw, of court, like a fint folded, a homeless person just to, you know, get the paper. You know, you know about the fint fold? Oh, the fint fold. Yeah, the this. Yeah, it's worse than that.

It's wild. Anyway, we could circle back to that. Please do, because, and by the way, I'm not going to trigger anybody. I'm not making fun of addiction, but it is an interesting lane. Right. Saw like one of them, a pink Mohawk, a mustache that was, I'm not kidding, this big. Nice. Like with bustash fucking.

You saw a bozo. Right out to this big. And then, and then right after that, a nearly fully toothless interracial couple with snakes around their neck. Real snakes. Real snakes. Pythons. They each have their own python wrapped around their neck just in the grocery stove. Do you think they get the snake?

to chew up their food for them? I don't know. Snakes don't, they don't be chewing. Maybe they, maybe that's why, maybe they're losing their teeth on purpose to be more like their snakes.

Like a snake. They'd rather eat like snakes. Just fucking, just, you know, just fucking deep throat everything. That's what snakes do. Their,

their teeth truly are just for revenge and, and like poisoning people. Yeah, well, not, not reviving. I mean, that's how they survive. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. they have to bite the thing before they can. It's just wild to have to have. teeth and not chew. I agree with that. Because it sucks. You don't taste anything. Yeah.

I don't know. We don't know what a snake taste. That's true. I don't. And honestly, they probably, they're like one long tongue. They're like all tongue.

I know what I mean? Do they even have taste buds? I don't know. You know what I'm saying? I bet they probably don't taste nothing. Bro. That don't hit. It's funny,

but they don't taste stuff, but they still like gorge the way we do without enjoying it, you know, because they can't help it. You know what I mean? They'll eat like a whole dog. Hey, everybody.

And then just be laid up for three days. With the dog, just there. With the dog there. You can see the dog there. Have you seen them poop? Yeah. Have you seen them poop? Hold on.

While I'm telling you, I'm pitching this to you, look up snake pooping so that we can show it to everybody. Dude, it's insane. It's insane. But anyways, I'm glad that you brought this up because I had a question that I wanted to ask you. And that is, which animal would you least like to be? And I have a brand new answer that it was, I never thought of it before. but you got the snake pooping. Yeah, it's stuff.

What? No, just the caption is, steady, close shot snake pooping. It just sounds like, like, don't, you know, like, yeah, this is the stuff. This is it. Jesus Christ.

Not working. No, it's working. Pull it up. Fucking, God damn. Y'all are going to love this. I'm telling you. I'm sure. If you're not, by the way,

people that are only listening are grateful right now. Did I do it right? Do you see that? Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. Yeah.

Look at that, bro. I mean, that's just a turd, Joe. That is a turd coming out of a butt. That's about, yeah, this is about how I thought a snake would poop. Did you? That's enough of that. Yeah.

Again, that looks like a turd. Well, look, it's just like you don't think. And they got to have a butthole somewhere. No, I hear you. It's just that like, you know, every, Every animal's poop don't look just like our poop. You know, like birds, they'd be pooping white liquid. I guess I kind of thought that lizard type things would be more of a spray poop.

Because you can't ever see their but holes. They're more like a butt gill. It's like a gill that slides open, you know. So I don't know. I just didn't expect. But then you think about what a snake eats. And it's like, dude, of course. Like it has to be massive shit.

It's like they'll eat a horse's head. Right. So just because I know we'll not do this if I don't do it right now. The fent fold. me and Drew were talking about like, I don't understand the physiology of that. I don't either, man. Like, these people are like knocked out on their feet so bad

that they're literally folded over like fully, like fully like folded in half, but still standing up somehow. I don't get how you could be that fucking zonked out of it. I couldn't do it. Sober. Well, I know that's something I thought was kind of funny as I'm looking at them and I'd be like, man,

how about the flexibility in their hamster? I got to get in shape. Yeah, they must do yoga. I got to get in shape so I can do fentanyl and not pull my fucking hamstring. Those hammies are really stretched out. No doubt. But I just don't know how, I don't get how once you get a certain amount bent over, if you're that fucked up enough that had that happen, you don't then just topple all the way over.

Like I don't, I don't understand how that happens. That's wild to me. It's like, it's like fentanyl damages everything except for whatever. your brain uses for balance and it's just like honed in real hard like yeah because you're right it doesn't make sense and to your point like of course these people aren't in great shape that it's got to be in they've got to be in so much pain like leaned over like that like they're spine and they're and again it's very sad but like it's it is crazy like i saw every time i see it online i wonder if it's real or some people doing a bit because i'm like how i know it yeah it's fucking crazy it just says

that like, uh, it, Drew, this was Drew's theory pretty much. And I get, we were talking about this weekend. And it's like,

it has a paradoxical mix of extreme effects on different muscles and, and like, you know, uh, like systems in your body. So apparently, basically the thing, the whatever,

the fucking muscles and the impulses and stuff that we have to keep us upright. Yeah. Them somehow, them is still a. okay ish. But the thing you keep you from fucking just like folding

in half, that part, that part don't hit. They are terrible at not being in half. Yeah. So I don't know. Beats me. Since we talked about snake poop and fint folded homeless people and stuff, only appropriate.

Memorial Day just happened. So veterans, I want to talk about veterans stuff. You know, they love snakes. They love being homeless. Yeah, right. So shout out to all the vets out there.

Yeah, we're being facetious. They know where our heart is. It's unfortunate. You shouldn't have to be. You serve your country. We should take care of you. But we can't because that'd be a handout. Right.

Just because I couldn't not segue with the snakes and the homeless thing. Of course. I've sort of runt this a little bit now. But I want you to answer, honestly, we'll put that up there. This is another post on Reddit, somebody being like, what is this? And there I said, the local. Arby's has one small fine dining table. I love it.

Me and Robbie Lee would have went to that. Right. We used to go on mandates to Arby's all the time. It's the only restaurant we sat in because they did five for five and you kind of want to be locked in for that. And I would have like sat at this table like with your pinkies up and stuff. Absolutely. Which is hilarious. Yeah, that would have apparently been a major faux paul on y'all's part.

Why? Well, that's what I wanted to know is if you knew anything about this. If you're like, yeah, yeah, everybody knows that. No, okay, let me guess. Let me guess. Well, if you think about how we got here, it shouldn't be that hard to guess. That used to be a veteran that used to come in there all the time, and he died and they left that table for him.

Kind of, but it's more broader than that is like, you know, sometimes you go to a bar and they got an empty bar stole for this is Frank's seat or whatever because an old drunk was there every night for 20 years. No, that always hits for me too. I love that. Yeah. Nice reminder of the fragility of life, especially if you choose to spend it trying to hit at all. Yep. Yeah. A lot of empty bars seats, boy. Yeah. And by it, I mean, you know, feel good. Yeah. Have a good time. And this fucking facade we call alive. You will die. A hundred percent. Anyway. And good for you. So apparently, it's like a thing. So it's not that there was one specific veteran who ate at that table at that Arby's.

every week and then died, which is also what I would have thought. But that's a thing that people do. Some, it's the missing man table. Apparently only at one Arby's. Fallen Comrade table. Okay. But it's a setting up a table like that is like a thing. Okay.

Memorial Day, which I've somehow gotten all the way to this point in my life. Oh, right. It's only only only one day. Okay. But that is what it symbolizes. Okay. It's like a sort of a tomb of the unknown soldier thing, but for, you know, a table at,

Arby's and it's like people are pointing out it's like yeah right like it's kind of funny to do it look it's hilarious love Arby's too but it's funny to think about a guy expiring in a foxholes it's like you know you know where's the beef yeah that's the baby yeah that's wendy yeah I know but Arby's is the one that has the beef yeah they have the meat they have the meats being rames buddy yes um yeah well for the record just so nobody thinks anything ill if me and Robbie knew that part, we wouldn't sit at that table. I know, but that's, it's funny, it's funny for me to imagine, because

this is where I was going to go with this eventually anyway, and you just went there immediately without even knowing which is for me, but like the idea of you walking into your local Arby's and just being like, ooh, they must have been my birthday. Yeah, right, yeah, exactly. Yeah, I would.

Because, yeah, and I would like, and also I'd get Arby sauce all over the fucking tablecloth. Just be a, just be a mess with it. Yeah, well, with it and shit like that. Just be a fucking mess with it. Yeah, man.

No, I wouldn't do that to the dead soldier homies. And I hope everybody had a good Memorial Day. Did y'all, y'all do any hot dogging? No, you live in California now. Y'all don't respect the troops culturally,

so you can't. You don't want to look weird. I mean, dude, I was just gone the whole time. I was in Portland through. I didn't get home until Memorial Day afternoon yesterday. So no. I had Memorial Day in Portland's interesting.

Katie, off the joke you just made. I didn't notice a single thing, nowhere. And that liberal hellscape. But to be fair, look, I mean, I'm from a lake town. And all Memorial Day ever meant was time to start going to the lake, right? Yeah. And there's one extra American flag.

The rest were already still there. Yeah, right. It's just the start of summer or whatever. You know, that's what Memorial Day is. And Labor Day is the end of summer, you know. Right. It's like, that's really all those days. I know that there are plenty of people who respect the meeting

Memorial Day. I'm just saying in like a broader sense. Yeah. And for the record, I do not support our military industrial complex, but I too also respect Memorial Day. You know what I mean? Like it's a, I hate that that has to be explained, but like it's people like for some reason think that you can't hate the army and the whole idea of war without also hating the men who fight it, you know? And that's not true. Well, the thing. thing about we weren't around for this but as I understand it during Vietnam that's like how people roll yes yes it was like people were like if you if you don't like this war you have to spit on the men who fight that is true it's earned that's why it's been presented I feel like

yeah that's the impression I've always gotten again that's I weren't alive yet but and that's I understand the people got drafted into that war too man it makes no crazy It would make more sense to do it now than having done it then. Yes. And I'm not saying to do it now because I ain't with that either. I'm not from a small town and I got a bunch of buddies that went. I'm not either. They just wanted a fucking Dodge Charger and a way out of Salina so they joined the military and I get it.

But back then, you didn't even have a fucking choice. You just get told to go. And I think that even though to do. I know, dude. Like you will literally go. You're not Muhammad Ali. They're not going to get you like you can't just, you know what I mean? Like a regular person can't do that.

And like also back in the day like, I, I'm sure it went on in Vietnam, but like in World War II in Korea, because I knew a bunch of old men at our church, they were, you know, like, they were churchgoers now, but back in their youth, they were fucking hellions. And like, they had a choice of like, you will go to jail or you will go to the military. You know what I mean? And they chose military. They chose military. And that was the right decision. But my argument for like, I know we're not drafted now, but I still feels the same way because that was how our country rolled.

Because that's how our country rolled. and so many people were in the military. Well, when your dad's in the military, a lot of people just do what their dad does. Like, we've talked about this before, why it's weird that Nepo babies get so much shit? Because it's like, why wouldn't they do that? That's the family business.

Well, and if you're a dude in, when 9-11 happens, even if you weren't drafted and you're like, my papal was in the Navy, my dad, I'm fucking going. And then, and on and on. And it's just like, yeah, man, it's just so culturally instituted and stuff. And, like, as much as I hate it, obviously, if there literally was a threat to our country, I would want us to have some guys.

You know what I mean? I would, we would all would. I mean, my whole argument has always been, I will support the military to the death if we just slash the overseas budget and put it all on defense. You know, I ain't got a problem with the dudes. But yeah, I mean, there are some dudes, and I went to high school with them, who straight up went to Afghanistan to, quote, kill a brown person. Those people do exist.

They do. But I also have just as many buddies who are some of the nice. dudes, I know, and they went with a, I think it got beat out of them, but with a sense of duty. And they were like, you know, yeah, right. So, again, it's also just like people don't understand how like it is aggressive and predatory the way they recruit people from towns like ours and stuff. That's why they're all. And these people that they are recruiting are like, you know, they dumb and poor and shit.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Not all of them, but some of them, yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. No, I mean, yeah, just most of them. them is all. No, I know what you mean and every smart person did. I know, but something

I also was dumb and when you 18, I was dumb and poor. Couldn't agree. And I was the smartest person in that school, you know? We just have people that listen to this show who take everything literally and think we're generalizing. But yeah, no, dude, there's a reason why those recruitment centers are at strip malls in fucking towns that have a check in advance.

Like, it's super predatory. And when you're that 18 year old kid And this person tells you You can go to college if you do this Or you can go back and never go to college And make minimum wage That's not really something's choice here People don't have options

You know In fucking like Salina A lot of them and that's like that is an option for people Yeah I know I've always And again also it's just like Yeah I had a bunch of like Good friends who did that.

So I've never held any of it against like the actual troops. Even in a time where you don't get drafted because I, you know, I understand all that. For sure. To be true. So.

Yeah, don't hit. No. And then, so it's like, I guess, liberals treat them like shit while they're serving and then they get out of the army and then Republicans treat them like shit

and don't give them their fucking benefits. And then it goes, yeah, you know what I mean? Like it's a, God damn, man. It's so crazy.

But we had a real good time, though. Oh, wait, I didn't do anything. Yeah, that's why I had a good time. I forgot. Yeah.

Right. That is the best way. I have a good time. I stayed at home and watch fucking John Wick and wrote a story, which self as plug, you can read at Corey writes for you.com. It is the first part of a series I'm doing. It is a Southern murder crime drama.

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for a limited time, our listeners get 50% off for life plus free shipping and three free gifts at men go to mars.com. That's men go to mars.com for 50% off and three free gifts when you check out. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them and please support well read and tell them that we sent you. Men go to mars.com skew. Y'all, I don't know about you, but I'm constantly signing up for things and forgetting that I ever did it's a big problem, and I know I'm not the only one because I hear a lot of my friends and my wife talking about it. And that's why Rocket Money rules, because instead of having to search my emails and type in, like, subscription or something like that, I can just go to Rocket

Money where it tracks everything I've done and I can just cancel it very easy. And by the way, not only that, but one time I went to cancel my cable bill and Rocket Money was like, yo, I'm pretty sure we can get you a better deal. And they did. They negotiated on my behalf. People are saving over $880 million in canceled subscriptions. They've got automatic transaction categorization so you can do your, you know, your finances on there as well, set budgets, see what you're spending too much money on, see where you need to save, see how you can save. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps and find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket

Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Try for $0.0.000. at rocketmoney.com slash well-read. That's rocketmoney.com slash well-read. Rocketmoney.com slash well-read. Hey, so what was Mark saying in the group chat this morning about effects? Like, was he talking about, was he talking about CGI? Yeah. And he said that like a man in a dog suit hits harder than CGI.I,

if you're making a movie about like the shaggy dog, where a dog, a dog, you know. is possessed by a man and that whole thing. Yeah. I just wonder where you land on. If a comedy came out in 2026 and they clearly put a man in a dog suit, that's not the only way they did those movies.

I'm sure everybody's probably seen the montage of stuff because they look so they do look hilarious now. It's like it's clips of a actual dog doing dog shit. And then when they needed to do some human stuff, it's cut with a quick shot of what is pretty clearly a man in a dog's suit. Like one of them he jumps out of a window and like grabs a rope and like fireman slides down the whole thing. A dog. Yeah, right.

But anyway. And so, but because I'm trying to decide if I agree with, like, it is that it. People share that montage. I've seen it probably six, seven different separate times now. They do that because it is funny, but it's funny because of because it's from a bygone era. And looks dumb because of that. Yeah. Like if a movie just came out of 2026.

that was supposed to be funny but also is like trying to be a real movie. Right. They couldn't do it. I can't decide how I feel about that if they did that. I can't decide if I think that that would work. I think it only works like once. And like I think Will now Wilfred.

Do it once is funny. The show Wilfred didn't really stick in the public conscious as much as I would have thought it would and should have because I love that fucking show. But like, you know, the whole, you've seen Wilford, right? Yeah, but that's, That's very different, right?

No, it is very different. Wilfred is the premise is that this guy sees his dog as a man, like a homie in a dog suit. But it's like the dog suit that like the buthound gang used to wear. It's like that type of thing. Exactly. In the shaggy dog movies, this guy is supposed to look like a real shaggy dog. Well, what I'm saying is Wilfred, it wouldn't have been as funny if they had a guy in a green suit and it looked more like an actual dog. I do think that was the right move for Wilfrid,

but that was very specific. And like in a movie, in a show, in a show, it's like, that's the whole point of the show, so it's whatever. In a movie,

that it's almost like it breaks the fort, not that any of us believe a dog could be sentient and bipedal and do all this stuff, but we'll buy it if it's a decent effect. We'll be like, eh, and in this world, but the dude in a dog suit,

it takes you out of it. You know, we would take you out. Maybe just don't, you know, we don't have to do that at all. Dog movie? Yeah.

Yeah. Dog, man, like dog. that are possessed by man. Bro, I think Airbud and Wishbone, the last two greats. You know what I mean? The last true. Oh, and the Homeward Bound Gang.

Because used to they had dogs doing activities. Now they have dogs dying. That's pretty much a dog's only purpose in a movie now. Which is ironic because in those old movies about dogs doing activities, they would just use as many dogs as they needed to, no matter how many of them died until they got the shot. That is correct. Now they'd make a movie with no real dogs or with very handled with kid gloves,

real dogs, make sure they're perfectly safe. but in the movie the dog dies every time. There's a wishbone documentary. There's a Wishbone documentary coming out. Have you seen any of the press for it? What? No. Bro.

What the fuck are you talking about? Bro. Who was clamoring for that? A wish? Is it like a gritty behind the sink? You ain't ready for how crazy? No. No, no, no.

It's more of like a Mr. Rogers celebration treating Wishbone as if he was sent from dog heaven. It's so funny, dude. And I, by the way, who was? clamoring for it. I didn't know it, but me. I can't fucking wait, because I did love that show, but it's like the fucking the trailer for it, are these

people like, you know, in a serious documentary setting, nice background and stuff, just gushing over this dog and talking about him being the fucking brando of dogs and shit. That's all great. You know what would be for me. And it would be for you too.

What I would love way more than that is a fake but presented as real e true Hollywood story of Wishbone? On Wishbone. I did that. That was the sketch me and DJ did. I did that. Yes. It was Wishbone and he was upset that he kept being typecasted because that was also the dog from Frazier

and he was so upset. He's like they always make me play the dog and he gets blackballed from Hollywood, ends up doing fucking porn at the end. And that's why DJ was railing me in the ass on Amber bed before we fucking dated and broke it. I remember you and DJ being dressed up and you told me it was a bad idea and now you're clamoring for it.

I don't remember. Every single one of those sketches was an abject shit show but not because of the ideas for any of them. The execution. Those all got memory hold for me because when we got done with them and looked down we're like oh my God this fucking shit sucks. That wasn't our fault though.

I know but like so I had totally forgotten that that was the premise. Yeah. I'm so glad we're talking about this. Can I tell you my favorite bit from it? Yeah, please. I don't know if you remember is you and DJ having dogs. Yeah, well, the character, nobody had any lines except for me and DJ and a bartender. I had you, I'll say, I won't hide the bar or I'll hold the ball. So there was one of the opening scenes, we were filming and the premise of it was is that me and DJ were in a scene together and the sketches about us shooting a scene.

and the camera pans over whatever and we're at a bar and we've got dog bowls that we're licking beer out of, right? We're licking beer. And I look over at DJ's character and I go, did you hear about Frank?

And he's like, no, what happened? And I go, dog cancer, right? And he's like, oh my God. And then I go, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. I got a problem with this. And I look over at the director and I go, why would I say dog cancer? I'm a dog.

like i would just say cancer and then it pans over to the director which was going to be you dressed like a cat going i don't know i don't know yeah that i mean so like that is a funny idea it's also like thinking about us doing all that in real life as like we were not prepared then no yeah right and it's like it makes it just all seem just so insane dude because all of our ideas were We're so high concept. You're ambitious than we should have been doing. And it's like, dude, if we're all of those now with the resources we could get, we could absolutely make them hit.

But then it was like, we couldn't just write something simple that we could knock out. We're like, no, we need four locations. There's a clown and a Klansman. We need a clan outfit and a full clown makeup. And we got, yeah. And we got a corn dog in my yard dress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had.

I was like, in this sketch, we're all ancient. gods like you're fucking, I'm zoos and your Zeno, whatever. Like, everything was so fucking weird. We had the Tennessee tramp, Janet Williams, eating a rotissory chicken on her knees off of DJ's belt. Chicken belt. You remember chicken belt? Yeah, of course.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, but then there was stuff, it's just like, freaky Tony, right? Which is just a workout video, but the dude who does it is pretty freaky. He's freaky Tony. Fricky Tony. And that's like the whole thing. But anyway, yeah, just an absolute fever dream.

Remember at the very, at the rap party or whatever, I was messed up and got naked and beat Ben's ass and wrestling out in his yard. I do remember that. We put, before we realized how much those all sucked from a technical perspective, and we decided just to shelve them all after spending weeks on it, which I do not regret. was the proper decision given the outcome. But we have one that was very simple, and we put it together first, and we put it out.

And even now, if you saw that today, the quality is terrible, but it's for like 14 years ago. But it was one shot from camera in the trunk of a car. Oh, it was great. And it was, that was the best quality one. It was groomsmen at a wedding. Yeah. Open up the trunk of their buddy's car to do all the wedding shit to, you know, put the beer cans of on the back and they get in there and they find like shovels rope lime ass a bottle of acid and all this stuff and realize that he that he's apparently going to kill his bride that night and we all sit there quiet for a minute and then we're like this motherfucker i'm got any gloves in here what's the fucking kind of rookie shit is this like we do have to get some gloves like and then we like get gloves and throw them in there i think or at least say we're going to so it was just one joke with two

the first one being realizing that he was planning to murder and then of course the probably pretty obvious turn of us being like, well, we're going to have to help him help him get away with this instead of like trying to stop it. My favorite line in that is because we knew that we, it wasn't written down. We just all knew the beats and we were just sort of improv or whatever. And somebody was like, I got to get gloves. I got to get shovel or whatever. And I was like, I said, yeah, I'm going to go get some lime like to cover their body. And DJ goes, yeah, we got to get some limes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just rolling. Yes, and. Yeah, right. Yeah, lives. Be lions. I'm sure. Some lives. Yeah, man.

The vision we had was spectacular, but Lord the execution. Uh-uh. Again, though. Can't believe they turned out to be a woman. You know what I mean? Unbelievable. So. But that's what, like, we,

look, we, like, hired people who purported to know how to do that stuff, which is, like, the reason we hired them. And then they turned out to, not know how to do that stuff. So what the fuck are we supposed to do? You know, we didn't know what we were doing. We also saved between us like three grand.

And that was a lot of fucking money back then. Remember we paid half up front, half after. At the time, dude, that was just, and we split it like six ways or whatever. But still I was like, dog, this, I've been, all right, I want to do it. But like, that was a fucking lot of money for me. And it's so funny because like now, A, we've got more money and thus could do it. it, but also the equipment, like, back then he had to have cameras and all this shit. Like, we could do something better on the fly that we ourselves edit than that motherfucker did

with goddamn cameras and the, again, proportion to I know what I'm doing. Yeah, without a doubt. Sorry for shitting on all that, but nobody can find it because we married it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Y'all will never see it. I mean, hell, but we, you know, would you know, would you know, how to find like no yeah I mean either no as far as I know it's like it's gone forever which is that's

kind of unfortunate yeah I know I kind of also would like I'd like I don't ever want the world to see it but I wouldn't mind looking back on it because again how just how bad it is not that we need to see the sketches to do this but I maintain that like we could there's some of them that the premises were great that we could do now and they would hit and it it kind of like I'm like I want those ideas in that moment of life for us to have footage. I want those ideas to, like, have actually birthed instead of just being these things that went away, because, you know, there's still your babies. Like, some of them might suck, but you got to, you got to feed them and, and love them,

I reckon. Mm-hmm. Feed them and love them. Feed them and love them. That's what you got to do. They say, uh, yeah, I don't know. I feel like the, on the, they probably are still putting people in, costumes and movies and stuff, right?

Surely, surely. Except, I don't know. I don't know. Because it's like, they'll put them in a costume, but it's a mocap costume, and then they fully CGI over them with the thing is. I'll tell you, I'll tell you this. Cats would have been better if it was just people in cat costumes and not the fucking CGI.

Well, what's weird about that is it's like they CGI'd it's like they used CGI to almost attempt to make it look like people in cat costume. No, it's stupid. Just make them cats. You don't have to have Inderselba's face.

Yeah, but even then, because they did, they did CGI that, right? Oh, my God. Remember, there's the butthole cut that never got released. Yeah, is that real, though, or is that just the thing people said? Here's the deal, Trey. There's an Italian phrase that means if it's not true, it should be. Right. And I don't know what that phrase is.

Yeah. But I want to think that Judy Dinch's asshole CGI is out there somewhere on a hard drive, on Epstein's Island. But yeah, because I'm just now thinking about it. Because I mean, I never watched that movie. I've seen some clips from it and I did not. You just use CGI in digital fur technology. Oh, digital fur technology.

But why, like, why not just put people in catsuits if the end result you want? Right. It is what appears to be a person in a cat suit. Because weren't they going from what they did on the Broadway play, which was just people in cat suits, right? And it hit for people. Yeah. Why didn't they just do that?

I don't know. I guess because they were like, well, that's Broadway. That's just a Broadway. We've got to take it up. And it's like, sure. But again, if you're going to do CGI, go all the way. We don't have to see that that's Taylor Swift. We don't have to.

And I guess in their minds, they were like, if you see Idrisel but Judy Dinch, it just is more of a spectacle. But like, it's also you can't really get lost in it because you're just like, look at how fucking stupid James Corden's piece of shit ass looks as what was, who was he, Jelly. I don't fucking know. I didn't watch. So did you watch that whole movie?

Oh, yeah. Really? Like when it came out because you were pumped about it? No, no, no. No, no. Morbidly curious. Morbidly curious. That was when through the screen door was going, my podcast,

and we had a segment called Bread or Wine, which where we watched a movie, a lot of times an old movie, and determined whether it held up like bread or like wine. That was the only new, newish movie we did, because it was like, we just kept getting emails like, bro, y'all got to watch this shit and talk about it. And I went into it being like, the reviews are terrible,

but, you know, I'm already prepared for that, and I'm a very campy person, and I enjoy stupid shit. So, like, I bet you I find something to love about it. And I wanted to so that I could be contrarian. But God, dude, it's, it's not, like, everybody only talked about the CGI part, but I'm like, that's not even the most egregious crime to this movie. The most egregious crime to this movie is that the story went nowhere and was fucking nothing and was stupid.

And like, this should just be on Broadway. You know what I mean? Like, it's not good. Like, fuck Andrew Lloyd-Weber dog for that one. Fuck him. I'm just kidding. I'm certain the Broadway wins a, it couldn't not be good. Otherwise, it wouldn't have been that successful.

I know, but it is pretty much just that premise, right? It's just a, like, a retinue of cats that introduce themselves through song. But again, it's like the whole premise of the thing. It shows you the difference in medium. like when you go to a Broadway show, it's cool because it's live and happening right in front of you. But whereas a movie, you're like, I mean, yeah, if I was seeing all this,

but this was recorded and in front of green stuff, like I, it's sort of like with AI, like me and mom were talking about AI the other day. Like dad shared a video that he didn't realize was AI. And like I knew immediately. And it like, it was an animal doing something.

And I was very funny, but it was AI. And I texted dad back. I was like, oh yeah, that's unfortunately AI. And dad was like, well, it's still funny. Now I'm like, no, it's not. And he's like, what do you mean?

Like, if you, so you're saying if you saw the same thing, but it was real, it would be funnier than this. And I'm like, yeah, because it actually happened. Or in the sense of it was an act, people did it on purpose for me to like. And this is generated and bullshit. And so, no, it's, I don't know, I don't know how to articulate that. But the reason we like a thing, in my opinion, at least sub-concored. conscious is because we go, wow, whoever did this is awesome.

You know what I mean? This is great. On that, I'm not advocating for AI right now. I'm just saying, let's say somebody, somebody just sitting in the room has an idea for a thing that they think is funny, but it's not a thing you can reasonably do without your like, like I've seen them before. And these don't even really hit for me either. I'm just thinking of an example.

I haven't seen them in a while. but it's like, I've seen these shorts pop up before. It's like, it's like an influencer. It's like a parody influencer being like, what's up, chat? We're here. We're doing this, whatever. But the guy is a gorilla who can talk.

Right. And then he does like weird gorilla shit or something. And it's like, that's not a thing that, you know, you haven't. It'd be, if you're all high, it'd be funny if a talking gorilla did this or whatever. And it's like, I mean, you could go get a gorilla suit, I guess, to keep it on thing. That would be better for me. about. Here's my thing.

It should, but yeah, it's like, it's still, like the idea I think can still be funny. It's just I don't support using AI to execute it. Right, because if you saw the same thing and they CGIated instead, if it's almost,

it's like, okay, I do want there to be a person that's CGI'd it because that's a person that has a job. But fundamentally, this person is still creating something out of nothing and putting it there and it's not really there. And if it was executed the same way,

how can I say one's fun, and one's not. Again, to me, it's just like with the intent, but there's a part of me that is like, if we lived in a perfect world and people like Christopher Nolan who could afford CGI, he's a bad example because he tries not to do CGI, but like Michael Bay, who can, he gets $500 million budgets, he can afford to use CGI, right? If we lived in a perfect world, because he could afford it, he'd be like, I'm going to pay for the CGI, I will not use AI, but then like people who were trying to make an independent movie, they're like, I have this sci-fi seen and like we literally don't have the money to make it happen and and if we do it in a puppet

way it'll look stupid so because we don't have the money we're going to use it if we live in a perfect world it's like those two would sort of counterbalance where those people be like I'm using it now but once I get to the level I have money I will then spend it on this and you know what I mean like I'm not well because it's like I get the I get sort of the idea of being like I'm not taking a job away from anybody right now because it's like this is never going to happen. No one was going to do It like no one was ever going to get paid to do this because I don't have money to pay anyone to do this. And so, and so I like, I understand that argument in someone's mind. I've just landed ultimately philosophically opposed to just using it, period. Right. But like, I mean,

I get how a person could tell themselves that or whatever. I want to, because we've only got, you know, eight, nine minutes left or something like that. And I wanted to start an argument with you. So that, it may be enough time. It's the perfect amount of time for you to shut me down miserably and point out how stupid I am to everybody. It's a very small thing and it's like I go back and forth. I think you either be like, yeah, okay. Or this is perhaps the type of thing that could have lasted 30 minutes and this is nowhere near no time. I don't know. Well, we can do a part too. It's only because it's like, it's long since over now. If you ever like circle back to it or whatever, just made just a form of honesty with you here. It has always kind of bugged me,

just made my eye twitch a little bit or whatever, that you went with brinked. bread or wine instead of milk or wine. Because milk and wine are both drinks. And aged like milk is also very much a saying. Yeah, I know. So I don't, what was, you know, what was that about? I probably just like the way it sounded more. And we didn't, there was no conference about.

Is it that milk hits too hard for you? You don't want to slander milk's good name by implying that it then doesn't hit. Because I know you a milk boy, you love milk. That is funny. You know bread too, though. I do look, oh, so much. And Amber just made some homemade that I'm about to go. I have my butter or my cream, my cultured cream on the counter.

It's been there for 40 hours now. So as soon as I get done here, I'm going down to make my butter so that I can eat a fresh piece of Amber's homemade bread with my butter. and I'm very excited. I think, I wish that I had thought of what you just said and attempted to say it in earnest because that would be hilarious

if it really truly was me being like, I can't put Milk's name in my mouth like that. Yeah, right. Because I do feel that way. I really think probably what happened is that we didn't plan on that being a segment and we just happened to be talking about a movie that week. And I probably said something like,

ugh, aged like stale bread or something like that. and then I something was like that but this age like wine and then it became bread and wine but hilarious enough it's double stupid because Matt Coon who is my co-host he could never get it right whenever we were doing it because he would call something that was good bread and I'd be like yeah but you mean wine because bread bread bread hits though he goes that's what he said he goes I don't he goes I don't like wine I like bread that's exactly what he said he said he right and I was like But you don't like old bread. You know what I mean?

You don't know that. Every single time he's like, fuck, my bad. He's like, I just like, he couldn't have bread come out his mouth like that. That is true. He refused. He was like, it's bread. Bread's good. But by the way, you can still, our archives at through the screen door, still very much

available. Matter of fact, we still get like a thousand downloads a month, which is insane because we haven't had a new episode in like six months or six years. but I do every now and then pop a new thing on that feed and I have dreams of bringing it back. So go ahead and get through the screen door on your Apple podcast and look through all the bullshit. What was the most bread-like thing you can ever remember talking about on there? And for the record, I'll tell you, first off, I ended up stopping that segment because

I didn't like talking shit. I don't like talking shit. And we at first, like, the first couple episodes we done were like famous examples that people sent in so it kind of felt like well they they've already been shit on enough what's one more but then it got into things and i was like dude i don't like doing it i only like talking optimistic so then we kept picking movies that i knew i was going to be optimistic about but then it's not the segment because like i refuse to shit on a movie um but i mean cats was definitely the worst like we we started off i think the first episode was green lantern uh the ryan riddles one and like yeah dude comparatively

to all the superhero movies that we've seen like like it is a stinker but like you know it's a dumb movie i had a good time it was it was so bad it was good but then when it got into other things like matt was very comfortable being critical but i was like i was like i'm not i totally get where you're coming from especially on a podcast because it's in public and you're like look i i want to make stuff i know somebody in that i know it's hard so i don't want to shit on people making stuff plus yeah it's so hard you might cross past with somebody like legitimately uh but have you noticed that and i feel like it seems to me like it's in a like weird like fraternal type of way which i don't

not understand but like mark won't he won't do that like in private like in our group chat no and it pisses me off i know i agree because like i'm with you if you're talking about in publicly but in private we shit on everything exactly that's her whole fucking job exactly so the threat exists for i really wish i could say this to everybody but i can't so y'all listen to it but mark dude he'll be like he he'll there was some uh something something we brought about a show recently that we were agreeing did not hit and mark was like well i ain't watched that yet but here's why y'all are wrong and it does yeah yeah he does it every time he'll do that and it's like motherfucker you don't you ain't even seen it yet but it doesn't when he does see it he's still going on like it hits just because it was written by people

for a tv show and he's a tv writer we know those things in that but it's in private yeah right right it's in private again like i would be if if he just won't do it he's like a cop if any of the When another cop shoots a black guy or what. Right. Like if you, if one of us posted about it. Yeah. If one of us posted about it or whatever, I would send that to the thread and be like, hey, I don't know if you're drunk or not, but this ain't a good look.

Don't, you know, don't do that. But like, of course, you still have opinions. Right. People really just believe now that like you got to like, and I'm a hell of a person to say this, but some people think you got to say everything. You know what I mean? And there's some people that are like, if you wouldn't say it in public, you shouldn't say it in private and I'm like, are you insane?

Are you, bro, friendships are built on saying stuff to each other that you would under the threat of perjury never fucking say in public. We need that. Those thoughts can't just sit in here. That's cancer, dog. You know what I mean? Yes. And I mean, obviously,

that all depends on context and shit too, where it's like sometimes you say a thing about somebody and it's, if it's about a person who's also a friend or whatever and you're like, I think it can be important about look, if that motherfucker was sitting right here right now, I'd say all this directly. Right, exactly. And that changes the context of everything.

It does, yeah. But when it's like... I've said that about Drew so many times. Yeah, right. Yeah, I said that about Drew literally on my last Patreon thing that I did two days ago. Somebody showed up, put a clip in there. It's like, I thought this was Drew at first and it was a shirtless ginger guy. Ginger Billy? And no, no,

a different one. But I... Ginger Ninja? that is Drew himself is the Ginger Ninja I pulled it up I chair the screen and I don't this dude I don't know this shirtless Ginger I don't remember what he was doing but I was like

no no no see here the reason why you shouldn't know this was not Drew immediately it's like you see the light behind this man's eyes you see how he's like smiling you know and it seems to be feeling stuff whatever I was like that should let you know immediately and I just went on this whole thing about that and then I said I was like just so y'all know

if Drew was sitting right here 100% exact same shit so Yeah. Anyway. I really wish I had that picture to show everybody of that, where that poor, poor, pitiful artist drew that picture of Drew as a cowboy with completely black eyes.

So funny. Oh, guys, if I can remember, I'll look it up and put it here on the screen, but don't count on it. All right. Well,

thanks for listening this week. We appreciate it. Come see me on the road. I've had three straight weekends. Well, I'm about to have the third of three straight weekends on the West Coast. The first to have been awesome. Seattle.

you're up next. And then after that, then we're going eastward, Florida, and the Carolinas, and then a bunch of other places that coming up all at traycrouter.com. Hey, go to Corey Wrightsfor-you.com.

That's my substack, and that's where you can read all my short stories and essays and stuff. By the way, completely for free at Corey writesfor-you.com. If you want to give me money, you can. But you can also do it completely for free. I'd love it if you subscribe.

A lot of fun. stuff on there. Listen to putting on airs, which comes out every Friday. Listen to Gravy Baby and weekly. Is Drusel doing fucking Gravy Baby? I promoted every week, but I hadn't seen him put up a clip in a while. I mean, I think so.

It might just be a bit. Yeah, sure. Yeah, listen to Gravy Baby and weekly skews and all that shit. I mean, that would be funny if he had stuff. He was letting you promote it every week. He's like, I'm going to do this to see how long it takes before they find out that I don't even do that anymore. I only say that.

Three years and we don't know. I'm pretty sure that they're still doing it. It could just be a stupid algorithm thing because I used to see the clips all the time and like I've noticed there's some people I used to watch all the time. I was like, man, they must have went away and I go to their thing. I'm like, I've never seen any of these 50 videos. And I'm on Instagram all day.

Buddy, if this had come up earlier, I've been and it's freaking out. Freaking out lately. Dude. I have people saying this at shows about me. And it's like, I've got an email. I know for a fact that's happened. And I've been like, oh no, the algorithm is burying me lately.

And I'm like, if that happens. I'm just, I'm just done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah. I'm real high. So please let's not.

Okay. Corey writes for you. com. Thank you all for listening to the Well Red Show. We love to stir around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you. God bless you.

Good night and skew. Fart. We're going to get drunk and we're going to talk a lot. What other rednecks to talk about? about four in the bears laughing so hard that we end up falling out our chairs Cory oh what a pair high class topics with a redneck flare oh yeah two rednecks but we're still fat and we gonna talk a lot we gonna get drunk and we don't talk a lot oh even though Corey is a drama don't this we gonna get drunk and we don't talk a lot

dress real fancy sitting our chairs drunk and we don't talk a lot