wellRED podcast - Satan's Dinosaurs & More!

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

TraeCrowder.com DrewMorganComedy.com CoreyWritesForYou.com SPONSORS:   https://www.squarespace.com/WELLRED HelloFresh.com/WellRED10FM

Well, here we are. Well, Red, doing our thing. I want to start with an update from last week because we got a lot of, and it's how it works. There's a name for this, a theory or something somebody put out there, some internet, denizen of the internet who came up with a theory. And it says that, like, if you want to find something out on the internet, don't ask the question. Right.

State the answer incorrectly or be wrong, be purposely wrong about a thing. and you will, you're more likely to find out the actual information that doing that than by just asking the internet to give you the information. Because people don't want to help. They want to tell you that you're wrong. And I did not, I was not purpose. No one, no, well, no one was purposefully wrong here. But an update from last week, I said,

I had invented this entire scene in my mind from somewhere. And I didn't. I was like, I guess I don't know where. Because I thought it was from the TV show Patriot. And Corey Drew to, or Corey Mark told me, whether it's not. And then I couldn't find it on Google nowhere. And so I don't know.

I guess I invented it. And I said it was like a little, a Victorian child with a black umbrella trying to fly and jumping off the roof of a building like Mary Poppins. And I, you know, and I turned the show off because my kids were little at the time. I couldn't fuck with that.

I was like, but apparently I made that up in my mind. A bunch of people, including my buddy James Bain, who's been on the show before, but we also got emails and stuff about it. A lot of people. And I'd said,

I brought that up because I thought it was impatriate. And they were like, Trey's right. That is impatriate. But James sent us the clip itself, and what's an interesting detail about it. It's actually a black child with a yellow umbrella. So my brain turned it into, turn the black child white automatically. I do think it's defensive, because I'm pretty sure, I think, I feel like it's obvious what

happened. That is a Mary Poppins reference. Right, yeah, right. Yeah, racism. But I'm saying the umbrella, it's a kid with an umbrella trying to fly. That's Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins is Victorian English shit, you know? Of course.

So I just turned the whole thing, Mary Poppins-esque, but it wasn't. It was like a... You also turned it off, right? I turned it off. That was at Mark. When I showed, we said that to Mark, and Mark was like, you're such a pussy. It's like the kid, he's like, the kid fucking fell four feet, didn't even hurt itself or whatever, but like, but the way it's filmed, it's filmed from the back and all you see is the

kid jump off what appears to be a roof. It's revealed later that he's fine, but yes, I turned it off. As soon as the kid jumped, I wasn't trying to make you feel defensive. I had another theory. You turned it off because it was reminding you of your own child. Well, they have that too. Perhaps you had transposed a Victorian child in there because you have children named after Victorian-esque entities or people. Yeah, but that was that was Mark's defense for why he didn't remember it being part of the show.

Because to him, it was like a nothing thing. I mean, me, me too. That's not my defense for it. My defense is like, because I did come back later and be like, dude, I'm fucking seeing this now too. And then I said, like, maybe that's just how good of a writer you are. You came up with this thing. And I was like, why isn't that a thing? But yeah, I think that the Victorian part might have thrown me enough because like, I've seen the fucking show.

And it made sense what you're saying. But I was like, no, that's not in Patriot. Because obviously there were no black people in the Victorian age. Right. And so that's maybe those of you who didn't reach out to us but thought, you had a, you know, had some thoughts on that. There's an update for you. Here's another update because we said some people I think might have wanted this to happen. Other people have long since forgotten. We brought up that script that I wrote and Drew was like, read it, read some of it.

And I was like, no, fuck it. I don't want to pull it. And I said, we'll do that next week. He was like, no, we'll forget. We won't do it. Well, I didn't forget. So I have it. Sweet. Two parts. But here's the context of when it got brought up. I said, DJ asked if I still had that script that me and him wrote. And again, the way it worked with, DJ, was out here in like LA at the time and had some meetings and stuff like that I know some of that goes

you get asked you got any ideas or whatever AA meetings he had it yeah but he had an idea for a show at a flea market and so DJ but he had never written like a script or whatnot and I was really up my ass at the time was literally reading screenwriting books and stuff yeah yeah at that

well yeah right yes fair enough but particularly so at that time and I was like well you know I'll write the script for you if you tell me what you're thinking And so DJ said, you know, it's at a flea market. These are the characters, as we all kind of often did at the time. Most of the characters were sort of versions of us, each of us or whatever.

He's like, here's the plot, whatnot. And he gave me like what amounted to an outline, which, you know, he provided via smoke signals or whatever. I mean, it was like pretty, pretty different than a standard outline. It was a little manic and out there. But, you know, it was like funny and made enough sense. And I turned that into a script. I hadn't looked at it since.

It was like 10 plus years ago. And he asked for it recently, and I went and found it, and I was reading it. And I was like, God, this is so hilarious. Yeah. I'm so great. We're so great. Anyway, but then about halfway through, like I said last week, all the other characters, their names, they were spoke, the idea was, oh, you'll play this guy and you'll play this guy.

Their names are like Randy, Dusty. The Andy character is Sarah, right? All the names are different. But halfway through the script, this line comes up in the same direction. It says, interior, food court, day. Again, this is halfway through the script. They've been running around this flea market, having misadventures.

It says, our crew enters the food court. In the middle of the room, Drew sits on a stool playing the guitar and singing. He is young and kind of dirty. He looks like he's trying really hard to be artsy. Randy. Ah, damn it. Sarah, what is it? Randy.

Drew's here. The homeless Jonas brother playing the guitar over there. And then Dusty says, ah, hell, Drew's all right. Randy, you think everybody's all right, Dusty. Sarah, well, there's nothing wrong with that. Stage direction. Drew finishes the song he was just playing.

Maybe two people clap. Drew. Drew. Drew, Parentheses, quietly into the microphone. Thank you. Thank you.

What an experience you have been, right? He says that to the audience. All right, everybody, let's have a quick intermission. And then they come up. Drew's like,

hey, who's this? Talking about the girl. The girl is new. Sarah's new. Dessie's like, hey, this is Sarah.

She's a new vendor here. Sarah, this is Drew. They shake hands. Drew. What a pleasure. Do you like guitars? I don't know if you saw, but I play the guitar.

And then later, she says, in addition to sharing my voice, I also act as a parole officer to the less fortunate. So, you know, changing it up a little bit from Drew's actual life. Obviously, the rest of this is spot on though, clearly. And then it says, she said, that sounds interesting. He says, well, it puts the gluten free food on the table. That's an actual line that I wrote apparently. he's dirty, right? Dusty said, what's up with all the dirt?

Drew, I've been experimenting with being the earth. So anyway, and then they go to get these slurpees, the mammoth special slurpees that have moonshine at them or whatever and everybody gets drunk and stuff. But like... In Drew's defense, this sounds like someone Drew would hate more than it sounds like Drew. You said, you pointed out, I've probably never read this, but you said that I was an answer.

asshole. Right. That's what I was expected. And you were like, and you were like, I think DJ made it that way. I don't think it was me. But as I'm hearing this, A, this dude's not an asshole. He's a loser. And B. This is 100% a Trey Crowder joint. Now I want to go fine because I think I have. The other thing DJ does to me. Right. And he thinks it's funny. And he makes me like an asshole. The only other thing, I'm not saying he wouldn't do this to me too, but he would do it like, oh, Drew can play this part or whatever. The only thing, though, is there was one line. It reminded me of a time we were stoned.

And Dre and DJ had had this theory, and they were like confessing it to me, that I had found this soccer shirt at a thrift store and bought it because it had the number two on it. Because I wanted people to think that I was close to the best, but humble enough to buy number two. And it was just Andy's soccer shirt. And they were like genuinely shocked that it was just Andy's. So there was one line in there that, but I don't remember what it is now. But yeah, and then, God damn it, it doesn't exist anymore. And I was maybe about to bury myself.

But I was like, I have the shit DJ sent me. And I do have the email, but it was a link to a Google Doc. And the Google Doc, I guess, has either been expired or deleted because it doesn't work anymore. So I can't look to see what he wrote in there about the character of Drew to, you know, because, yeah, I mean, you might be right again. But, and then the rest of it's not so bad. Where the story is clearly going is Drew and either Randy or Dusty One are going to get into like a, you know, like a love triangle, they call it. Like a competition over this new girl Sarah is what is set up by the rest of it.

But yeah, now the rest of it is that bad. And again, you know. So Dusty and Drew have like butt heads. But Randy's like, no, Drew's all right. He's, you know, he's cool. So it's not like you're just, or not you. The character is completely. I'm not ignoring you.

I'm also looking for it. Because it was fun to like do that as a bit that I haven't read these, but I've read all these. But I also just have the link. I don't have it anywhere, apparently. That's such a bummer. Well, I think the link is, I think it's like gone now. Yeah, but I thought maybe I had saved it. Sometimes if you go to like, if you get a Google Doc, but then you save it yourself,

you know what I'm saying? To like edit or whatever. I just found recently I was looking for an old feature script that I started and never finished. I couldn't find it anywhere. And I was like, wait a minute. That might have been pre final draft. I moved to LA and we started doing ARP stuff. The industry standard is final draft for software.

And now everything I do is in final draft. And I was like, wait, that was pre-final draft. I was like, what did I use before final draft? And I couldn't remember. And I was like, it would have been free. It definitely would have been like a free software for sure. So I started Google like free screenwriting software, whatever. And I found one.

And as soon as I saw the name, I was like, that's it. That's what I used to. It's Celtics. And I got on to Celtics. And you can log in. And I just, you know, I put my email address in and put what like my old password that I had years ago that I used to for everything. And it worked and it opened up. And there was all this shit in there that I hadn't seen in 10, 11, 12 years. And that was pretty, pretty rad. And Flee mess was one of them. But

flea mess, I had PDFed and moved over to my long-term folder. So I had it saved anyway. But there was all this other stuff that I totally forgot ever happened. Not that anybody cares, but we are talking inside baseball. I've been recently using Highlander, which is the one that it was either John August or Craig Mason came up with, like the dudes from the script notes podcast. They have their own and it's cheaper than final draft. Now, not that that matters to me, I still have final draft as well, but for any of you aspiring screenwriters, there is one called Highlander and it was created by two

industry giants and it's cheaper and it's pretty awesome. Right. Well, the last thing I'll say about it, not just saying this, when reading through this at first, because I was cracking me up and everything early on, and I was like, I might try to, because it also, it isn't finished. It's very typical of me at the time. It's long enough to be a half hour pilot. But it's not done. But it's only two acts, which means if there's another act, it would be a half hour pilot

that's 50 pages on, which is the most me shit of all time. But like, you have no idea how much that hits for me because, like, I've got like at least seven things that are exactly that, and I'm so down on myself about it. And, like, I know that you still finish more things than I do, but it's nice to know that you also do that. Because, like, yeah, I'm the king of, like, I'll get through two acts and then something will come up, and I'll literally just fucking forget.

And then I'll go back and read it. I'm like, oh, this is great, but I'm not in the headspace to finish it. And so dead, it shall remain. Again, the whole reason I found Celtics is because there's the feature script I mentioned. That's actually the only thing that I, this, this and that. I was waiting on DJ to send me Act 3, right? And then I don't even know what happened. The feature script, though, I just abandoned.

Every other thing I have finished. But either way, I was looking at this and I was thinking, like, I might finish this. I know. I just couldn't look that to stand. I mean, I have. To be fair. To be fair, Corey,

Corey, I imagine, has way more half-finished script. than anyone on earth. Then I have finished scripts if you put them all together, is what I'm saying. You've still done a lot more than me. I'm the Stephen King of half shit. It's unbelievable how much half shit I have. But I was thinking about finishing this, finishing this and trying to use it as a sample.

And of course I was going to ask DJ if I had his permission to do that. Again, not just to send it around as like I said, as a possible sample if I finished it. And when I was thinking at reading through it, I was like, well, one thing I absolutely have to do is I have to fix and change significantly the Drew character. Because I was cringing at it. Like, I was like, this is like just, this isn't good. Like, this is what my nose and it's cringe worthy. So like, I would, you know, I didn't like was the time and place.

So, you know. That's why you try to blame it on DJ. Don't you think it's a, only thing that might be a time and place thing, though? I would probably try to make the Drew character now like a more crypto broie type dude or something like that which also is not like Drew but I'm just saying that version of that guy. And then in 10 years that will look dated

like off or on the other year. Like if you see somebody now riding into their show like a dude being really pissed off at the coffee order at Starbucks, it's how. But like in 2002 if you go back and it's like well that wasn't hacked then like that's fine you know. I too am having

moments with the show Rooster where I'm like damn Bill Lawrence you really should have hired someone 25 uh huh yeah yeah I love Rooster for the record there's just like two per episode where you're just going what the fuck was that 2004 ass joke

yeah you do like Bill Lawrence especially and I for again love Bill Lawrence but like if you are a Bill Lawrence fan you will start like I'll see some stuff in rooster even shrinking where I'm like, okay, maybe other people don't know this, but that is 100% just a slightly retooled reference that was in Scrubs. I remember the episode, you know what I mean?

And I'm sure that's probably fucking real easy to do. I'm sure we do it a lot. There's people that have put together compilations proving basically that Aaron Sorkin does that all the time. You ever seen those? Like YouTube compilations of. Of course. Sorkanism, where he's essentially reused the exact same liner idea and a whole bunch of

different stuff. And, you know, I mean, whatever. You're right that much stuff. And also, if it, and when it hits for people, you can reuse it probably. We're obviously. Steve Carell's real hot, by the way. I don't, yeah, he's a good looking older dude. I don't knock anyone for reusing the jokes. I do knock a little bit, though, in terms of what we were just kind of referencing. It's like a, um, right, well, like a gluten-free joke. Right. in a show from 2026, and I'm like... Right. I mean, the one Corey said,

the main bad guy I played by formerly known as Jamie from... Ted Lasso. Ted Lasso, thank you. He has, like, a thing with his coffee order, and it just feels a little... Jamie. Jamet. Is he American in Rooster?

No, no, no. He's still Jamie Carter. The literature... Okay, all right. He's just with Russian lit. Yeah, he's not an idiot. in this show. He's a pretentious, he's got the pretentious British thing going on instead of where Jamie has the, you know, working class.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay. But he's not, yeah, I just, because Rooster takes place in America, doesn't it? Yeah. An American university. He's a professor, so it works. Right. Okay. Well, yeah. Well, you know, it's all I had. You want to hear something, uh, hilarious. Um, I'm fine now. I'm still a little sore. me wrong. But I was this weekend, I was in Perdito Beach with my friends watching

WrestleMania, and it's me, Cassio and Conrad. And Cassio's a literal professional comedian, and while Conrad is not, he's still one of the funniest fucking people I know. So we're just going back and forth, you know, sharing stories. And they're double teaming this story. And it's like they've rehearsed

it, but I know they haven't. They're just like the perfect two-headed chemistry dudes. And Cassio said something. And it's a shame that we can't remember what. Because, I mean, we were a little, you know, under the Lent influence. I laughed so hard. My mouth, like, my mouth went open really quick. And my jaw popped so hard.

Like, audible to everyone in the room, my jaw popped so hard. And all of a sudden, I couldn't move it, right? I don't know. I couldn't move my jaw. And then when I was kind of bite down, like, it just wouldn't work. And then it kind of snapped a little bit, but, like, it was insanely sore. was like, and they, I just kind of stopped and they kept going and I'm just like, what the fuck is happening, man?

And I start Googling and it's like, I'm like, I'm sitting here Googling like, is it possible to dislocate your jaw from laughing so hard? And naturally Google came back with like, I mean, yeah, like, especially if you, like, if you have TMJ, which I do, like, I grind my teeth like a motherfucker. It's always been a thing. They're essentially like you're like a, you're like a tick and time bomb for shit like that. and I called my fucking Amber's cousin, who's a doctor, because I was like, I might need to go to the fucking emergency room right now.

And he starts walking me through all this shit. And I'm asking him, like, is it possible that that's what I did? And he's like, absolutely very possible. He's like, but he's like, are you numb? And I was like, no, he's like, it can also happen where it like pops and then like resets. And I was like, well, I think that might have happened. He's like, well, your jaw is just going to be sore for a couple weeks. And turns out that's what I did.

And my point is that, like, how much of a fuck? fucking old man injury is that. They're like, I almost dislocated completely my jaw from joy. I was experiencing joy and my face was like, nah. Well, I mean, the only thing that would make it hit harder for me is if, you know, you were trying to get a burger in your mouth or like that, you know, like if you literally unhinged your jaw, like we always say that we do, if you actually did that, uh, trying to hit.

Yeah, I know, I mean, it fucking sucks. I, like, I turned around the other. I was like, I, like, forgot something in the fridge. Like, I opened the fridge, you know, so this is fat. I, like, open the fridge to get stuff out, got a couple things, turned around the fridge door's closing, and I remember, oh, shit, that other thing, too. So I, like, sort of, like, quickly turned like this. And it just, like, my back hurt for, like, two days, you know.

You ran a food camera. just from moving weird. I mean, I was wake up hurting all the time now, just from like sleeping wrong. I got that one. I got the wake up. And I'm not saying I haven't like injured my back. My back is stiff almost every single morning now.

It sucks. I mean, all I got to do is get up and move and it feels fine the rest of the day. But when I wake up, my back stiff is a motherfucker every morning. I have that one. The thing of like just getting in the fridge or laughing myself into some kind of jaw cast has not happened to me that I know of yet. Like, look, I'll be injured my back, but like playing ball or in the gym. Yeah, fuck sucks to be you guys, I guess.

I'm going to like step off a step in a minute and just walk up completely catatonic. I feel like this is just as Raven. I've been like lifting heavy again lately. And so I was bench pressing recently. Were you getting up these days? We throw them back up there. it's five so I do five sets of five reps and I'm it's two oh five right now yeah and so I'm bent doing that and the benching part is fine nothing happens at all I rack it

and because I'm a fat fuck I sort of like waddle up why help your own my arms like instead just I you know like that to sit up yeah that hurt something like right here not I do that not the lifting part, but this part hurt me right there, and that hurt for two or three days until it just some version of that happens to me all the time. I want to be very clear that I'm all so old. It's just always like,

I mean, I think this makes sense. You just push your muscles to their limit. And then you said, and one more thing, and they were like, dude, fuck off. I guess you're right. I want to be very clear. I'm not like, that happens to me all the time, probably once a week. Well, here's a two-parter. On Thursday night, I went

see our boy with BJ Barham and American Aquarium. Fantastic show. It was the kickoff to their new tour. So if American Aquarium is anywhere near you, I can tell you this. If that was the first show of their tour, it's going to be just unbelievable. The band's tight. They're fucking awesome. Can I interject real quick? You said that was the kickoff to their new tour. Do you know what their forthcoming dates were after that? Like, I knew they were in Athens the next night, but that's all I knew. And then from there, you don't know? Okay. I don't know. But he was on the road, though. Here's why I'm asking. I was in Riley this last weekend and I texted him and he still ain't answered it. And I even sent him on the, oh no, he's busy as fuck. They're doing like every night. Did not even send him another

text, Ben, I was like, you ain't like, you ain't fucking ghost of me right now, are you? No, kind of like with a wink or whatever, but he ain't responded to that either. And so I thought I've been like, what the fuck? No. I mean, I was kidding at first, but now I'm wondering what's going on here. No, no, no. Actively on the road, then that's. Well, and also like, we, you know, naturally, we went to lunch before the show and like all we talked about was you guys and shit, so I can't imagine that. No, he's just busy as fuck. But anyways, I went to their show, me and Amber, it was like one of, like, I can't remember

the last time we, like, Bain spent the night with my mom, we went out, we got drunk, like, you know, we, you know, hired a car, all this shit. And like, it was great. And I mean, I did have a, I did have a little bit too much to drink, sure, but my, but I danced, I asked Amber, the next day I wake up and my legs are just fucking jelly. Like, I can't feel most of them, but the part that I can feel, don't feel good. And I asked her, I was like, did I fucking kick a tank last night? What happened?

And she's like, no, you just dance. And I was like, like, hardcore dancing. She's like, no, just like, you know, for a rock band. Like, you were just kind of moving back and forth. So I'm already feeling bad about myself because, like, I can't even just sway back and forth without being injured. So my legs are still kind of sore. Like, yes, two days ago, I'm driving back from Perdito Beach.

And I decided to sit, this is how fat I am. Instead of going through a drive-through, I stopped to sit down and eat because I won't fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and stuff, stuff you can't eat while you're driving. So I get out of the fucking car, and I'd been driving for three hours. So even if I wasn't hurt, you know how when you've been driving,

you just sort of locked up, you know. So I get out the car and I'm just sort of, I go, who, I just kind of start limping a little bit. And this old boy, and I mean, old boy, he's baldheaded, red face, walking to his car. And he looks at me and goes, hey, buddy, are you okay? And being real sincere.

And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, man. yeah, I'm fine. And I didn't want to say, I just danced too hard at my buddy's show. I go, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I've just been driving a little bit too long. And he goes, he goes, okay, well, just so you know, I had a buddy last week, died of an aneurysm. On account of he had a blood caught in his leg from driving too long. Anyways, I'll see you later.

And they just got his fucking car. And I'm like, awesome. I wasn't thinking about that, but now I am. Well, you're still here. Yeah, I am. You say he was real old, right? He was one of those that he was either a rough 42 or he was a regular 61, and I genuinely don't know which. Did he smell like booze?

No, I was too far away from him, but he was getting into a truck that seemed like he would. Well, you said jello too. You know, I've had a blood clot. It ain't jello. It hurts. Right. It's like a deep pain. it does feel like muscular, like it does feel like when you work out too much, but there's no geloness to it.

It's just the ache. I in no way thought what he said was true, but it was enough of a thing just to make my ride back unpleasant because it's all I could think of. Well, the other thing is that when you throw a clot, it feels like a panic attack. So if you think you have a clot and then you start having a panic attack, now you think that you've thrown the clot and that really induces another panic attack. And I found out, by the way, if you're going through that exact scenario, the prescription, according to a doctorate, NYU Medical, is to move from New York as soon as you think. That doubly sucks because it's like if you've had just panic attacks before, you might also think like, no, you, no, you idiot. It's not, you didn't throw a clot. It's a panic attack.

Chill out. You'll be fine. And then you're dead. That's literally what I said when I walked in there. I said, hi. I'm Drew. I'm having a panic. attack, but I also have blood clots and my arm had been hurting yesterday. So I need you to give me

whatever you tested is to make sure that it is just a panic attack. Dude, people always say like what, if you get to heaven and God is real, what's the first thing you're going to say to him? And I really do believe mine is going to be like, you have all this power. You could create all this amazing stuff, so many different types of creatures and blah, blah, blah. Did you really have to make panic attacks? and heart attacks have the exact same symptoms. Is that really something you had to fucking do? Because that is,

because the heart attacks running my family. I have panic attacks all the time. The idea of heaven is to turn into me. Yeah. Well, he does seem to be a bit of a prankster. A troll. And I'm like,

because like I, one of my biggest fears is because I'm like you, Drew, where I'm like, okay, it's just a panic attack, it's just a panic attack. And I'm like, but one day,

what if it ain't? and I've just dismissed a heart attack because I didn't want to look like a queer. Here's an exercise. I'll play God. You play you, Corey. This is God winning Corey back over to his side in 30 seconds or less in heaven.

Go ahead, Corey, with your question. Hey, listen, man. First off, fuck you for the Titans. Hey, hey, how you doing? You're bigger than I thought. So why, when you made panic attacks and heart attacks, Why couldn't you differentiate them? Didn't you think that was going to be like an issue?

I just thought it was funny, dude. Hey, you want to watch me do it to a fat guy real quick? Absolutely. I'd love that. All right. Check this out. All right. And seen.

Same. Well, since you brought up. You did it for a bit. I'm in. God's motivations and stuff. You made me think of something, but I want to do it right after this word from our sponsor. So y'all know that I like to dabble in the kitchen, you know,

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Why wouldn't you want to save money? And oh, lookie there. My pasta's done. Let's eat, buddy. So I said you made me think of something you brought God's motivations. This is a, is this anything, I guess, because this came up this weekend in Raleigh.

And this, I did, the general sort of area of this I know has been talked about and stuff. So that's part of one I want to ask you all about, but also just discuss it broadly. So I'm doing a thing right now where I talk about, like, dumb, stupid, the nature of stupidity, the

fact that dumb people are too dumb to know that they're dumb and whatever and how it drives me insane because it leads to them being smug even though they don't know shit, right? And I can't stand that. And so then I bring up that lady who I've talked about her hearing on before. I bring up the lady who made that TikTok about the one, no, the one about dinosaurs, the one about like she's being super, super, super smugged the whole time

about how anybody who believes that dinosaurs were real is a fucking idiot, you know, like that's her whole premise, which kills me because, like, dinosaurs were real, you know? And so that makes her an idiot. Anyway, I rant and rave about her. I do a whole thing about her, right? And as part of it, I'm like, you know, I think about her all the time. I'll be about to drift off to sleep mercifully at last on a Wednesday night.

My eyes just shoot open. Like, how do you think the fucking bones work? because you're fucking like somebody, you know, and I'm smash cut to her sleeping like a baby, just, you know, fucking, I'm like,

that's how life works and that shit ain't fucking fair. And I go into this whole, you know, it's, so that's the whole thing. But after the show the other night, a lady came up to me and was like, hey,

all that stuff about that lady and dinosaurs, she was like, I actually know the answer to some of those questions because of the church I grew up in. And again, it's not the first time I've heard this. Uh-huh. But she was like,

she goes, the answer is, that Satan put the bones there deliberately to test our faith as Christian. And this lady has lost her faith and left that church. But she grew up in that church. She failed the test. Right.

That's right. And she was like to test our faith, right? And that's what they say. So the rest of the weekend, I do that bit. And then I was like, I was like, so last night a lady comes up to me and says,

you know, the church says it's Satan put the bones there to test our faith. And I was like, I was like, how fucking high was Satan when he came up with that shit? It's like he was on some good stuff. Really pushing the boat out with that one. Huh? Thinking outside the box, you know, it's like Satan and a bunch of council of demons sitting around trying to come up with new ways to test humans faith. Right.

Or get them to question their faith. And Satan's like, all right, I got something new. I've been working on. You guys are going to love this. Like, what is it, Satan? A new form of pediatric cancer or famine? You know, he's like, no, no, no. Three words.

big fucking lizards right and they're like big big fucking I don't know how is that going to work and he's like well you know yeah big fucking some of them with little bitty arms just to throw them off it would be hilarious right and I did this whole

I kind of riffed this whole thing about how insane that is and funny to me and I end it you know at the end I was like I'm just saying it's funny to me to think about the type of a type of person who would get put through all these more traditional test of faith

like dealing with cancer or tragedy or the torment of the innocent around the globe and maintain their faith in God. But they see a stegosaurus and they're like, that's it. I'm out. You know, I can't deal with that or whatever. So that's pretty much what I just, you know, half-ass came up with in the wake of that literally happening this weekend. But I guess I just wanted to see if y'all have actual experiences with that thing and what you think about it. And if you think that's a funny bit that you that doesn't already exist in that iteration you know it's worth if it's worth keeping it as part of the larger bit that I already have I guess it's definitely worth keeping it and I experience like this

this goes back to a thing that has always infuriated me forever which is that um god works in mysterious ways is the ultimate fucking just answer to any like anytime you can refute something they've got that in their back pocket to be like god works in mysterious ways So I've always said like there's literally no point in arguing. It's it's it's it's pointless to argue with someone like that because as in an argument, people if they hear new information should be like, oh wow, you're right. But they can always just go, well, you just got to have faith. And it's like, well, fuck that don't.

And it's just always interest me that like you would think that if God is this all powerful being that created all this stuff and yada yada, that he would, you know, go out of his way to make it irrefutable, you know, and all this shit. But turns out, you say, like, no, God did this, God did this, God did that. And then, no, he didn't matter of, and any time you can prove it wrong, he goes, well, that's just, God did that so that it would test you for, so that you would have faith. You know what I mean? It's like, you've got to have faith, and they keep doing this thing.

And it's like, in what, though? Like, in, like, how does that not work with the other religions? I want to ask a clarifying question, though. You just said, you're talking more broadly, but you're, like God did that to test your faith. In like your church or when you had heard it, it wasn't Satan that did the dinosaur bones. It was God that did it to test people faith because God purposely test people.

If Satan does something, God had to allow it. You know what I mean? And also like, well, there's just so many stories in the Bible. I mean, if you look at Joe, he thinks like Trey, though. God was like, all right, let him do his fucking bone. Look at this bone play. He's got to go. Right.

But if God, if, because I ask that because if it was God ultimately, that came up with the dinosaur scheme to trick people, then like, um, are they not real? Like he just, he just conjured bones and put them in the dirt.

I mean, the devil does seem like a bone conjure. First of all, joke works, but if we're going to, like, have like an actual discussion about it, your point, it was a good one.

But it is interesting from the other perspective, if you're like a person of faith, well, you're like, there's this person who, genocide and starvation and child cancer didn't shake them. I could see that person being like, yeah, dude, he's really clever. He knew that I'd blame all the bad shit on him.

Dinosaurs are fucking awesome and refute the Bible. So it's like drugs. It's drugs for nerds. You know what I mean? Because, dude, drug will make you lose some faith in God too if you're in the wrong head. What I like about that is the way it currently, you know, and I sort of do this little act out between Satan and an unnamed demon.

And I'm like, you know, Satan like is high during the whole thing. So I kind of doing like a stonery type thing. So like comparing it to drug. Did Satan come up with drugs? Yeah, you know? Without question. Yeah. They rule, don't they?

Right. See, so often I'm so often, I'm like, do say it seems like a cool dude. And they hurt people. Right. Yeah, no. God's a huge piece of shit in a lot of those regards. But like, what I don't understand is like,

they can't seem to get over that like Muslims have the same faith in their shit that they do. You know what I mean? So there's always like, they should leave. I mean, more so, I feel like. Without a question more so. When I was first starting out, I had a bit. And like, it's a little reductive of the Islam people

because it was basically, I mean, I'm not saying I came out there and said, every single Islam is a fucking, you know, has a vest bomb on. I didn't say that, but I was like, one of my things was like, I genuinely believe that the reason Christians hate Islam more is because they aren't able to commit to their God quite like they are. Like I hear some Christians say I'd do anything from God, but I'm not seeing it. You know what I mean? You're not really showing your work.

Levelle Crawford bit I brought a million time. I don't know Jesus like that. Yeah, yeah. But I'm like, but they'll always be like, you just, you know, you just have to believe. And once you believe your faith can't be shaken. And I'm like, right, it's the same for everyone in their belief. And why, like, so what if I just truly believe all this other stuff? Are you going to respect me in that regard? And then, yeah, I hate to give the guy too much credit now. But like when he said it, I, like, I remember sharing this with my mother. It was like, Jervais was like talking to Colbert or somebody. And he was like, you know how like I could. couldn't get you to not believe in God.

It's the same thing with me and believing in it. Like, you can't, you can't just say you believe in something if you really don't and expect that to, especially if we're talking about God here, trick God. Like, I can't just, they're like, because my mom used to always tell me, she's like, why don't you just believe in God just in case it is real? And I was like, that's not how believing in shit works. It's a Pascal's Wager, is the name of that philosophy or whatever you want to call it. And it's dumb because, like, it also, it's insulting to your God, frankly, that you think I could get one over on him like that.

Like, if he knows all this stuff, he'll know that I'm only doing it so I can get into fucking heaven. And frankly, I don't think that would, you know, that wouldn't track to me. And if it does, if that would work, if he knows you don't really believe it, but you're still like giving it up to him just like out of respect or whatever. He's like a mafia boss or something. You know what I mean? That makes him like a dickhead, you know. Yeah, and as I tried to tell everybody in my family and all the people at the golf course, like, that keep brothers like, yeah, we just want you to go to church, you know, or whatever. Like, yeah, how can you not believe in God?

And I'm like, first off, like, I'm, all the stuff that it's, that Jesus or even the Ten Commandments said to do, I do those things. Like, I'm a good person. And like, it just doesn't make any, I was like, I can't. I fucking can't. Like, and they think they're going to tell me something that I didn't hear for 20. 20 years of church and I'm going to be like, oh, wait, never mind. Then it's irrefutable proof. Because again, like, with all what, there's like, God said, Jesus said in the Bible or God said in the Bible, like, if you only had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could move mountains.

So like the whole point of his thing is like, the point of believing in God is you can't know. The point is that there's no proof and you have to believe anyways. So if you were able to give me irrefutable evidence, you'd just be lying because there can't be any. There can't be any because it's all based on faith. Faith is when there's no evidence and you decide to go forth anyways. If you had evidence, it wouldn't be faith. It would be called consensus.

You know what I mean? Right. I'm still thinking about what Drew said about, I want to add something to that about, like, the idea that if that is true, then that means Satan has made so many children's lives rock so much harder than like Jesus ever has. You know what I mean?

Unless, I guess if you could be, Jesus credit for Christmas or whatnot. But like, you know what I mean? Toy dinosaurs. Right. Toy dinosaurs, yeah. Or drugs.

Yeah. If you told me that Satan put them there and took credit for it explicitly to try to win people over to his side, you know, I would be like, okay, I could see that because that's rad. And that's what he's doing anyway. He's, he's, he's, he's stay doing that.

It's just another temptation, Ray? He just deep doing. Dinosaurs, cocaine. Like, how's fucking God to eat? Right. How does God even... Yeah, I'm gonna probably... And I know a lot of that stuff at the end

has definitely been brought up before, but, like, you know, Jim Jeffries and shit. It's like, you know, he's gonna fucking love you. You know? Right. Like, imagine trying to tell someone in earnest while they're just snort and coke off the back of a hooker,

listening to stairway to heaven. You're like, hmm, actually, I'm more of a sweet tea and our God is an awesome guy. Yeah. Dinosaures are like cocaine for seven-year-olds. That was his, he came up with that for,

yeah, after he came up with seven-year-olds for our, or seven-year-olds for our uncles. That's a different one. That's a different one. He's got all the bases covered, you know. Bad raid.

Yeah. Anyway, no, that's all, yeah, I like a lot of that. I'm going to make, I'm going to make me some notes here because.

I mean, you know, on that note, the notion of sin, is that you will do something that will destroy you or the people around you, and the devil is who tempts you to do that. I mean, by that metric, he did do seven-year-olds, too. Right.

Right. I know. That's what I said. I didn't mean, I didn't mean to say that, but when I said it, I was like, I mean, that's another version of the same thing, just aimed it. Maybe that you get out a joke in a new way. You're like, you know, you're hitting up how great the devil is,

and then you're like, all right, but he did. you know right there are some sins that like i'm not going to act like i'm completely on the devil's team drugs you know consensual pitties sure if i could somehow end it on yeah this is such a wild thing to say if i can like end it somehow on a pedophilia thing it will actually yeah like super duper hit because not it will be kind of a callback because right not long before that before i get into talking about some epstein stuff or whatever i do this You know, I'm like, sometimes people say, oh, everything sucks right now, but you're a comedian, so you must like it all, really,

because it gives you stuff to talk about, right? And I'm like, no, you know, I think I got children. I don't want to die, you know, yada, yada, whatever. And then I say, also, a lot of that shit that sucks right now is not funny. I was like, fucking war and genocide. Like, that shit isn't funny. Oh, yeah, child sex crimes. Every comedian has got a bunch of child sex crimes jokes.

Like, you know, they can't wait to bust out. And then I pause. And I'm like, I mean, I do have some. They're not like, exactly. and that gets like a huge pop. So if I can, 10 minutes later while talking about dinosaurs, fucking make another joke about child sex crimes, I guess. Then now we've got a callback going in this.

Yeah. So it is fun right now with all this stuff going on to do comedy. Well, yeah, it's our job, man. You know what I mean? Like you have to. I got kind of a is this anything, but let me preface this by saying, I have nothing except for the thought that I had.

You know what? I guess what I'm saying is like, is this a thing that is... Well, it's just like... But no, it's like, before I go any further, I want to know if this is a thing that's common knowledge or whatever. But like, I was thinking the other day,

like, it's pretty hilarious to me that Coca-Cola came up with a sprite and their marketing department was immediately like, so this is for black people, right? You know what I mean? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's Sprite is such a black drink only because, like, I don't think that inherently, but their marketing for Sprite has always been, this is for black people.

Am I wrong? Like this is, do you want the truth? I assume they found out. Okay. Right. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? They marketed it.

And then like, the research came back and they were like, damn, you know who this is hidden for? Right. But, but why? Like, is it? Why are you in for dark people? Yeah, I mean, because I'd Sprite to me just hits. Like, why would that, why would, does their palate more prone to limine-limy things? Is that, you know, but I don't either.

And I mean, obviously, like, I'm aware that that codeine goes better in Sprite than it does Coca-Cola. But like, I don't consider that purely a black thing. Also, I think that Lean probably, I'd say their love for Sprite predates Lean. I agree. I agree. Like they were there when they was making me because it was already in the house. I'm not going to lie. My particular soda-based racism has always has always gravitated.

In my mind, my mind always gravitated more towards, you know, great drink, grape soda, orange soda even maybe, like the fruit sodas and out. Sprite is a lemon, lime soda, so it doesn't not fit. But to me, Sprite is just like. Like, you know, and I don't even fuck with soda, but it's like one of the fucking goats or whatever. It's awesome. So I feel like Sprite in my head Sprite kind of trans-ins. I'm just asking the phone.

Like one time, oh, Charlie's, I know I told you all this. A super, super redneck couple, I walk up and was like, hey, Tray, I'll be your server. What can't get you drink? He's like, two Sprats, please. And I was like, well, is Sierra Mist okay? And he was like, you ain't got Sprite? And I said, no, no, we do have Sierra Mist, though. And he was, and he goes, I don't drink.

nothing else but Sprite. And I was like, well, I'm sorry, sir. I don't, we don't offer Sprite. I'll take a pure drain alcohol then. And no, they got up and left. What? They left. He got up and walked out.

That, like, I mean, they were as wide as the day as long, you know. Like, dude, that blows my fucking mind because like, like, I love Sprite. I love Sprite too. There's certain drinks that I like, but if I'm going to a restaurant, there is no God damn way. Flip theory from Reddit. There's a

Ask Black people Reddit. And this question has been posed as you might imagine a few times. And they're touching on all the stuff we are, but the conversations, the context of it's a little different.

The number one answer is it's not, don't pair it stereotypes, black people like all drinks, blah, blah, blah. And the person's like, I will pair the stereotype all fucking day. Hold on.

Someone responds, right, but the question is Coke's not targeting. black people like Sprite is. So is Sprite targeting black people because they love it more? Or are they just trying to get them to? And if they're just trying to get them to, why?

Like my, you know, like, I'm observing a reality of some sort here. Even if the notion is lie, Sprite is who is pushing that lie. And what someone is saying in the comments, and it's gotten a lot of upvotes, is it probably means that black people weren't drinking Sprite.

For whatever reason. And then they did that push to close the gap as it were. Okay. That's interesting. You know what that just made me think of? Do you think, because I feel like they didn't, but maybe they did. Back in like full-blown segregation, Strom Thurmond era, if Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola, a southern, very southern company,

if they like started marketing a product to black people to get them to drink it, do you think people would have shot up cases of coke in their front yard and stuff and wrote in the paper about it? Well, yeah. paper and I don't know. But it's not for us. I don't know if they had shot up in their yard. Because, you know,

Coke was a dollar back then or a quarter, and that's how much a house costs too. Right. If they, look, if they put up a billboard or something in a white neighborhood with black people drinking coke, they'd make people,

people would be very pissed off. But if they went into black neighborhoods and advertised Coke with black people in it or whatever, it's like you think that'd be a problem. I don't think they would have given a fuck. Y'all think they would have given a fuck if they try to get in the black neighborhood? Yeah, they never see it.

That is trying to get happy to admit they were there seeing their girlfriend. Right. I'm thinking of the fucking, you know, the Bud Light thing is what I'm, is what I'm getting wondering. You know, it's like the idea that Bud Light was just trying to get other types of people to drink Bud Light and that really pissed everybody off. Also, there's a, there's a possibility that like, like, we know, we know that Sprite is owned by the Coca-Cola company.

Like, we all know that. But back in the day, maybe you just see this thing and you're like, oh, that's a completely different type of drink. And like, Coca-Cola has a. history of doing this. Like, Fanta was literally sold to the Nazis because they were like, we can't have people see Coke because they'll associate that. But if they see Fanta, that whatever.

So maybe to them they were like, we want that we need black people, but we can't just make black commercials with Coke. So we'll have this other thing. And then like, for the most part, they won't put two and two together. You know what I mean? Yeah, but they definitely also wanted honkies drinking Sprite too. Of course. They want everybody to drink it.

Right. Right. Yeah. It's weird. I don't know. Marketing is... I was able. I said none of us in the marketing school, you know. No. I mean, I kind of did, but not really. I mean, I was at the foot of a man who did, literally graduated from marketing school. But I'll tell you, even my dad has said with like some of it, he's like, dude, with a lot of it, he's like, there's no sign.

You just go by a feeling and then it's, you know, whatever. But like, I don't know. It just blows my mind. Because like every single commercial I've ever seen for Sprite has featured an NBA basketball player or some type of black thing, whereas every commercial for Coke is a polar bear or a Clyde Santa Claus. Yeah, I mean, I guess this is just because I don't see race, you know, as we've long known. That's right. But I, it really, like I said, it never really occurred to me about that Sprite was, you know, the boost mobile of Coca-Cola's lineup or whatever. I didn't. And what are the Chinese drinking?

Shee way. Tea, squid pop. That's true. I mean, I know Mexicans got Tampico. I know that's their thing. Is it Tampico or? Yeah. That's definitely one of those I saw those Mexican dudes in a gym with a gallon of Tampico. Yeah. They're in their workout. Yeah. Brows have gallons of fucking water or whatever when they're really into it.

Then Woritos. Gallo. That's a real story. I know it sounds racist, but it's also a little thing that happened. It's like that, it's like that Israeli settler guy. It's just a picture of, I mean, a picture of him. I mean, a picture of him being a caricature, but it's like a real picture of a real man.

And they're like, this is anti-Semitic. And it's funny because it's like, it seems anti-Semitic propaganda. It's just, it's a picture of a real Israeli guy doing some crazy shit, you know, so what? It was bad.

Like, he looked, that particular one, like he looked like he could eat corn through a fence. You know what I mean? Like, it was, it was wild. It was super wild. I still think they kind of knew what they were doing,

but at the end of the day, yeah. Remember the kid? You know what I thought of was a kid eating dirt in Appalachia? Right. They really did see a kid eating dirt. Sure. But as people pointed out,

kids just fucking eat dirt. The kid was being weird, and you did that. Yeah. It's like, okay, okay. But in this case, here's the difference. It wasn't just a dude happened to be torturing a lady

y'all just been torturing ladies Right and also like in New York There's less dirt That's why you're you know What are their kids A rap play? I hate them pickups come off the subway Their kids

They don't let it ever let a New Yorker act Like their kids ain't dirty They'd be licking subway poles Right after I saw a grown man Who shit in the corner Licked the same subway pole Come on. Come on.

Come on dog Cory real quick This is very, very quick thing. Roger Allen Wade, that's your boy, right? He's, is he Johnny Knoxville's uncle? Cousin. Cousin. Okay.

I bet you remember, I would not to put you on the spot. Jackass 2 was on my hotel TV other night when I came back from the club. You're going to be dumb. You've got to be tough. It was on the soundtrack. He says, do you remember a line that I'm almost certain he had to have come up with off the cuff in that movie? They do a stunt or whatever where I think it was Pontius. Chris Pontius, you know, pulls his ass ball.

Yeah. He sits bare-ass, bear-balled on a ice horse, a horse made out of ice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, he sits on it bare-ass and bare-b. And he's like, when it gets too cold, he tries to stand up and his ball sack, it's stuck to the ice or whatever. The dog and fucking Joe Dirk. Yeah, they're all laughing and everything because it's hilarious. And Roger Allen Wade is there hanging out, and he sees that.

And do you remember what he said? I don't. He goes, I guess that's why Eskimos don't do rodeos. to be off the cuff, bro. It's definitely off the cuff. How could that have not have been off the cuff? When else? Right, exactly.

And I was like, I was like, God damn, what a line that was. Here's why I know, because A, when else would you say that? And B, and I mean this is a compliment. Roger don't do prep work. You know what I mean? He wasn't sitting there thinking, oh, we're going to do this. Like, no, that is fucking how funny Roger is. And that's why he's a great songwriter, too, is like, those turn of phrases are just,

He says those with the ease of someone saying, how are you doing? You know what I mean? It's unbelievable. God damn it. I'm going to go watch Jackass too. I'm so pumped for the new one. We've said it a million times and it's a bummer,

but we can try, try, try, try, try. We will never be as funny as just the bee sketches of those movies. Like, it's unbelievable. That was nothing. It's funny that you mean B-side, but also there's like seven where they get stung by bees. That's true.

That's true. If that's nothing that struck me rewatching it, you know, not having planned to do so, is there's all these little like interstitials that are like, they're 15 seconds long. And it's like, that was a whole idea for a prank and it took prep and everything. And they set it up. And it ended up in the movie, but it's only 15 seconds long. So the amount of things they came up with and put together. And money.

Is wild, you know. But yeah, it's hilarious. There's a trend. Remember who you are, a white boy. And I haven't seen. with jackass yet and I keep waiting on it. It'll be like, remember who you are, white boy? And it'll show like, dude's skating in the 2000s or late 90s.

It's just like, it's basically like a joke of like, hey, stop trying to not be white. You could be white and be cool. I keep waiting on the jackass one. I just haven't seen it yet. I was bench pressing the slip knot earlier. Would that kind of? Yeah, remember who you are, white boy. Corey Taylor, one of the ultimate white boys.

Mm-hmm. All right, well. All right, well, I'm. blah, yeah, this is good. Okay, tomorrow I get Thursday, April 23rd, this week, one night only in Phoenix, Arizona. The next week I'm in Brooklyn, New York, and then after that, West Coast, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle.

Don't remember if that's the order, but a bunch of places coming up in the near future Florida, the Carolinas again, and on from there, all at traycrouter.com. I'll be in Bristol at the Blue Ridge Comedy Club, May 1st and 2nd, coming out and seeing me. I'm going to be at Bonnarudum Wook Court on Saturday out and Outeroo in the group camp

and if you want to see that, I'm going to be announcing soon that I'm headlining Ath Fest on the comedy stage in Athens, Georgia at the end of June. Check me out and also listen to Gravy, baby. I ain't doing shit. It's heaven. So subscribe to my substack,

Corey writes for you.com, essays, podcasts, all sorts of stuff. I wrote a poem yesterday called My Poems Ain't Good. So read that. Corey Wrights for you.com. Thank you all for listening to. Oh, and putting on airs, yeah, gravy, baby, and weekly skews. Thank you all for listening to The Well Red Show.

We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Attune the next week of you. You got a little to do. Thank you, God. Bless you, good night, and skew. Part. Part. Buck.