wellRED podcast - Stuff Is More Expensive and That Sucks (and more!)

Episode Date: June 26, 2026

this week the boys talk about heart attack helicopters, cell phone service being bullshit, inflation, and then somehow Citizen Kane. We hope you enjoy! Oh also at the very end of this episode, completley against your will you will hear the first 2 chapters of Corey's new Audio Drama 'Here We Rest' and you can continue to follow the series free of charge at CoreyWritesForYou.com (and id be sure grateful if you did:) TraeCrowder.com for tickets DrewMorganComedy.com for tickets SquareSpace.com/WellRED MenGoToMars.com

Artisan, but it was like expensive-ass grilled cheeses. It was a hitter. Three cheese, some bacon, yeah. Long story short, we was paying $12 for grilled cheeses at a Denny's. Yeah. They're the liberal rednecks. They like cornbread, but sex, they care way too much, but don't give a fun. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people upset.

They got three big old dicks that you can suck. This hit to the thread, and I don't think it's going through. Yeah, I hate when that happens. My phone's been weird. I just don't have service at my house. You know how, like, every single goddamn wireless company is, like, we cover 99.9% of America, and, like, it just seems like the area in which we're from is that 0.1%.

I don't believe. I think that I think up in like the planes, you know, out there in the planes, the wind swept planes. Yeah. I think it's even worse out that way. Yeah. I was noticing for years in Salina,

there was no cell service for any provider, didn't matter what you just, and Waynesboro too. Like me and Katie started Dayton in 2009, there was no internet. They had dial up, but there was no high-speed internet of any kind anywhere in Wayne County and there was no cell phone service yeah no matter what

provider anywhere in Wayne County and when I first started that and they didn't even have direct TV or nothing and so it was like you there was literally nothing to do but like sleep and talk to old men on the porch or whatever they've got all that shit now and so how close was the how close was the closest hospital let me ask you that I mean in Waynesboro I don't know because I'm thankfully never had to go to the hospital there but we had a hospital and salina my whole life growing up, but it's famously been a whole thing in Tennessee. It shut down, it shut down

like seven, eight years ago. It reopened briefly and then it shut down again and it's been shut down at least since like COVID or something. Yeah, dude, so we don't have one anymore. In Summerville, where our boy Ben Thompson be living, they don't have cell service and also like

the closest goddamn hospital is like 45 minutes. So like if you have a heart attack there, you just die. Like you just straight up die. And, but it's not like, I understand when it's like, yeah, well,

that's, you know, some poor people can't choose where they live. There's a lot of rich motherfuckers out there that just choose to live there. And it's like, maybe I'm a pussy. But like being 45 minutes from a hospital scares the fuck out of me. There's no effect on me because that's how I grew up. I think it's 35, I think 35 to, one like Trey is describing.

The one in Scott County closed down, reopen, closed down, reopen. If you got a heart attack, they'll probably just call a helicopter. I guess you're right. I mean, ours is 20 minutes away. But the whole helicopter ambulance service situation exists

almost solely to serve rural people. Yeah, that's true. My uncle Robert flew one and then like worked his way up. And now works for a conglomerate. I think he's semi-retired. But, like, his whole career was selling rural municipalities on why they should do it.

Right. Yeah, I guess that tracks. Why they should do it. So it's a city. Well, they should get a contract. Right. Right. So that's a private business.

It's not like a fire department, like a state thing. I mean, as far as I know, no state, at least around here has it. I guess I could imagine Wyoming doing that. Yeah, them in Montana for sure. So we used to, we did that thing, that word we can never think of. I think, Trey, you can think of it at this point because we've done it so many times. Kleenex, refrigerator. Yeah.

Lifestar. Refrigerators, that too? Yeah, the refrigerator was originally a brand. I always think that it's eponym, but that's not right. It's, you said, I remember, it's genericide. Remember what you're? Oh, yeah. Which that blew our mind.

Is it really called genericized for? It's like genericization or generic. So genetic, making some... APEC has done this. Apex done this so people who can't spell can't look up what they're up to because I swear to God it wasn't that. Anyway, we're talking about... I just want to say...

...that was Jenner side. And then they got... A Band-aid rabbit hole instead or whatever and just totally forgetting about Palestine. Yeah. And I'm about to go to rabbit hole and forget what we're talking about. I just want to get this off. Live Star is the company around here. And they are associated with the University of...

Tennessee. Yeah. They have the University of Tennessee, the hospital symbol painted on the side. Are they used to anyway? They may not anymore, but, but, you know, it would be like, there's a bad wreck. They had to life star somebody to the point that it's no longer the only company, but it's how we say it. I heard they lifestar them.

We always said life light. So now I'm assuming that the Middle Tennessee company was named Life Flight. And I just, but, you know, to me, that sounds like just what it is. Life Flight. Like, yeah, he got life-flighted out. But now that you say that, I assume it's like a company based in Nashville called Life Flight or something. Katie's one of Katie's... It's plausible that Live Flight's just what that's called, whereas Life Star sounds like some and these people would do if you got sick. Yeah, Katie's got a real good friend back home and she lives in the Knoxville area and she's like a helicopter nurse, like a paramedic, but on a nurse. Our buddy used to drive it, drive around, fly one. Yeah. He would be gone. I remember when I was a kid, he would be gone two weeks. and then home two weeks.

And I remember when I was a kid, always thinking like, God, that sounds horrible. But now that I'm an adult, I'm like, man, that dude had the sweetest fucking gig in the whole world. No, he did. He did because him and his wife were like, whatever. That ain't what I mean. I've already been thinking lately lately lately.

And I didn't barely know who this dude was, but you know another celebrity just died in a helicopter crash, right? Oh, yeah. And I've been thinking lately anyway, like, seems like helicopters don't hit. No, it seemed to do, because like... Hold on pause, though. Your buddies, I don't understand why I had to do two on and two off.

He, I don't, I think that... Like being in a fire department or something? Maybe he will, also, maybe it, all I knew was he drove a helicopter, but I thought it was for a medical thing, because it wasn't like... Well, you know how they go to the firehouse and they just live there? And if a fire happens, they leave, maybe the helicopter people have a helicopter, like, a helicopter, like, a stable, a helicopter. Yeah, he wasn't just flying the whole two weeks.

And you sit there in case someone needs it and then the pilots there and ready to go. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I just don't see. Somebody can't just come at eight and relieve you. I hear you. That's how they do it with a lot of fire departments and shit too. I don't know either, but I know that they're not. I don't think fire departments do two weeks, though.

I'm not, I don't think two weeks. It's more like 48 hours and 48 on 24 off or something like that. Well, he was probably bumping around to different places, you know, maybe because it's so fucking huge here. This dude had two families. yeah maybe especially since it sounds like one of them didn't hit for him yeah well I'm not saying that they didn't hit for each other but like it was a family you'll never convince me he didn't

I just remember being there and it was like not bad that he was home but also not like oh let's give him a kiss daddy's home it was just kind of like yeah there he goes you know what I mean right off the strip and maybe being a dad yeah father's day by the way boys hope you and's got something I did dude, I got fucking laid and got to play golf. It was really fucking good. Shout out to my wife, big time.

Big timing. Now, actually, she did the great thing, which was I got laid on Father's Day Eve because she knew that I wouldn't be worth the fuck on Father's Day, which was true, because I had a couple drinks, played golf. It was been fantastic. I was going to say, when we were talking about the helicopter thing, off the right near the strip in Vegas, there's like a helicopter store where you can just go and buy a helicopter. A dealership would be a better word for it, but helicopter store is funnier than a helicopter

dealership. Yeah. Only one of those I've ever seen, but it's like a dealership just for helicopters. You can go and just pick up a helicopter. I guess that makes sense on some level, but there is a part of me that's like, what? Yeah. Well, everything in Vegas. I'm assuming they send somebody to get their help.

You know what I mean? Like a dude's not going in to buy his own helicopter. He's going to be like, hey, Nathaniel, go down to the helicopter store and get me a helicopter. Is there a store in, but you, yeah. I mean, we don't have to get in this if you guys don't want to. But in my mind, it's like, yeah, of course they have to keep the helicopter somewhere. Right. But I would think real estate would be cheaper somewhere else and you would just have them come to you.

Or it would just. But I guess Vegas is a place where you're like, right. But here is a place in the world where there's some clientele who didn't know they wanted the helicopter until I showed them. Well, and they hit it big. And they were like, you know what? If I'm leaving my car here and flying the fuck home is what I'm doing. Like, dude, I mean, for real, though, if I'm, Imagine me.

It would win $5 million in Vegas and come home with a million dollars. Without question. And we'd be like, what'd you do? Gambled all the way immediately? Uh-uh. No, look this. Yeah. It's called skyline.

I got a pink a two card and a helicopter, motherfucker. You ain't got neither one. I couldn't pick what color blue. I got all three. Got all three. I'm color. What is purple? Shut up.

Hey, uh-uh. That's why I'll give it to my gay son. It's called Skyline helicopters. And you can lease one. You don't want to buy one. You can lease one. uh that's going to that on leason new a new helicopter a 24 r44 raven one 550 i'm not flying a helicopter named raven anything hell no let's guess let us guess

Corey I'm gonna say I'm gonna knock it down a little 455 45000 yeah I'm gonna go So 455,000 and one panning. Well, then Corey wins. It's four. It's 400. I mean, that's a cheap-ass move. It's smart. But anyway.

Price is right, son. I know that. I get it. I've always thought I would be tore all up if somebody kept doing that to me on that show. But anyway, $495,000. Okay. Well, I was going to say $5.50. I don't, in real life, I don't describe it, the price is right.

If you go over but you're closer, you should still win. But I still would have lost by $5,000. I almost did $5,000. I dropped the four. Y'all are both. You're better and made. I definitely would have guessed way more than that. For the record, you're correct, Drew, but to me, it's just prices right has set the rules

and like we're all just following them. Listen, there's a, that's the R44 Raven 1. Okay. The Raven 2. Oh, no. Okay. It's $746,600. Okay.

See, I wouldn't have, I don't know if I'd have guessed that because sometimes the two, it goes down like the Hummer H2 was a smaller, lesser being. I would have asked if it was bigger. I don't know if you would have told me or not. Yeah, right. If it was bigger or just newer, Trey. Right. It's both newer and maybe bigger.

And then there's the R66. That sounds evil. $1.469,000. Those are the new helicopter models. You can get a used one, though. No, thank you. 250? The only ones they have are used Raven twos for about the same amount as a new Raven

one. A used one is that, to me, a used one actually is the smart play because you know it works. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's been flown. Dude, leasing a helicopter run you about a Raven 1 about $6,100 a month. $6,100. That's it? I mean, I'm not, I can't do that. I'm just saying like that does seem like if, you know, that seems reasonable for a hitter. I just don't know what I don't I mean I know Bill Burr was into this which I guess I'm like well leasing it is smart because it's a depreciating value but yeah you asked me go we're at on leasing I think we've talked about before I used to think it was poor people shit but turns out it's rich people shit yeah I didn't I still don't even really fully understand why because I'm just too money dumb but it's just I met over the years so many people that had money in Hollywood or whatever yeah and stuff that and they all lease their vehicle like Randy Randy Lee Lee And so I just started thinking like, okay, maybe it isn't dumb. And then our, the Santa, we got a Hyundai Santa Fe, not bragging at Katie's vehicle. And it's a, it's leased. We're leasing that.

That's the first thing I've ever leased. So, you know, I can explain it to you right now. You guys are definitely going to be able to grasp it. It's very simple. Lease payments are smaller than car payments. And it's all not like cash in hand, right? Well, it's all about cash in hand. But also, if you don't and aren't ever going to, and these rich people aren't

keep a car. Right. More than three years. Right. Smaller payment just like I just have a car payment forever. Like I have buddies who they don't lease. But also a new car payment forever. Right.

And it will just get slightly larger. Well, dude, I'm going to lease my next bitch. Like you said, I'm just going to have a car. I'm a lease a bitch. I'm going to have a car payment forever, but also a new car forever too.

Right. Because I know that people who have car payments forever because their car payment is five or six years and then they get a new one after four or five. Right. And they're like, yeah, but I got trade value. It's like, no, you lost one. You know what it is? You know what it is in my brain? My brain wants to think of it the same way as a house, like renting or whatever, but it's like, no, your house appreciates. A car doesn't. So we would be stupid. You only, you only buy over lease if you're going to be in a place. It used to be more in seven years. Now they're saying a decade. And obviously it depends on how like some places it's so expensive to rent and then you can buy and have a lot more reasonable rate. But generally speaking, if you're not going to be in a place, at least seven or eight years, you actually should probably rent. Right. Yeah.

And also, there's something to be said about like, you know, you buy a car and you're like, okay, well, I own it outright, which means later, of course, it's going to appreciate, but I can sell it. But then you have to do that. And that sucks. Like, not having to do that is great. Like, hey, my lease is up. Take this.

Because, like, dude, I'm telling you, Randy, Randy and Beth, I know nobody listed this does, but they're two of my best, my best friend's parents, and they're very wealthy, do it really good for themselves. Bro, they've had at least 47 cars just in the past like 10 years. Like they just stay fucking and that's what they're doing. And they always drive a hitter and as soon as and like they'll just get something and ram be like, yeah, I don't like it. Just take it back.

Go get a fucking Maserati or some shit. Let me tell you something else about that that I discovered out here and maybe y'all both already knew this. I don't know if you were just talking about I don't like this and I'm going to take it back and get a different one. There's also, and I mean, a lot of people listen to this would be like, wow, that's really groundbreaking. But if you're a poor piece of shit, I mean, it is. Oh, we sound stupid to half the audience, but whatever, we always have.

There's like brokers, right? Like car brokers. And, okay, whatever, because you're right, selling stuff, super don't hit. Buying stuff, don't hit. Don't hit. Getting haggled with, don't hit. So there's a broker, I thought that, you know, whose services you could employ to do all that for you. And that's true.

but the thing is you don't even pay them. Right, right. The fucking dealership whatever pays them. So like, it's just like It's dumb to not do that. Right. Why wouldn't you?

But people don't even know. I mean, I didn't know. And I felt like, let me tell you this. And they don't, those people don't want to deal with like my fucking white trash cousins and shit. Right.

So I don't think they want people to know. But yeah, it's like, it blew my mind, honestly. Trey, I have some questions. And, you know, you're getting to experience things. We're living through you. I'm, the audience is living. through me living through you now.

Do you got to get insurance on that car? Or does the dealership cover it? Are you trying to suggest I don't hit in some way? No, you're, no, the opposite. Okay. You don't hit for me.

Right, right, yeah, because your family has hit, this isn't weird to you. Yeah, but hey, my,

but yes, my dad hit, but he's also a fucking retard. So none of this occurred to him. So like, I'm telling, like, I hear you,

you're correct. I should be set up in my brain for life. Not at all. Man has made the worst decisions of all time, so I need to hear this too. Whether it's because you also have white trash in your lineage or just because you're you, yes, I don't think you know the answer to these questions. Trey does because he's doing it right now. Question one is, do you have to insure a leased vehicle, Trey?

Yeah. Yeah, it's just like having a like a lane on a car. Well, and also you have to do it with a rental car. You have to get insurance for that. No, you don't. Yeah, but yours covers it. But then you're right, but you're right. You're still doing it.

And then Trey, follow up. Is there like specific types of maintenance? Like, do you have to take it to the high on day or whatever to get the maintenance done? I don't think you have to, but I don't know why you wouldn't. You definitely. Because it's way more money usually. Right. But if you're leasing it from there, most of the like general maintenance shit or whatever that is done,

that could be part of like the package when you get the deal. Yeah, I won't mind part of the package. I'm going to do this. Right. As soon as I get to Athens, I'm leased. Well, that's the same. There's a whole bunch of different terms. Because also there's the amount of miles you're allowed to put on it, which will dictate your rate.

That's true. I might not be able to lease because I'd be driving a wife. Is it just cumulative? You probably can't lease, Corey, if now that I think about it because you drive like a crazy amount. I do. Is it a cumulative amount or is it like a monthly or yearly amount? It might be yearly. I think it's yearly.

I think it maybe both wouldn't make any sense. Because I could hit my limit. God damn. Or 10,000 miles a year or 30,000 miles over the course of this three-year lease or what I'm. This might be a good trick for me. Amber's the main reason that I drive so much. And if I lease a car, she's so fucking tight with money. I could be like, sorry, baby, I would.

But, you know, I leased it. I can't drive that much. This might be a little fucking trick I can play to stay home. Yeah, I don't know. But the broker thing, like that's whether you buy a car or lease it, by the way. And like I just went through the whole process with the guy like expecting to have to pay him. Because I'm dumb and at the end. They were like, no, you don't.

See, I need that because I can't. I was like, bro, what? My Pat Paul. I've kind of rocked my fucking world. My Pat Paul would fucking hate me because like I can't haggle will not do it. Like it's not a like, dude, I am, you know, I'm an antiquer. And like, I'm the odd man out because. That is an antifer.

But I'm, but I'm just saying like, I'm paying sticker, dude. like I'm paying sticker because first off most of the time I don't buy anything that's that expensive unless I know like in my head like I know how much that goes for whatever this is something I really want but like I just don't have it in me

especially dude the people running these antique shops a lot of them used back in the day antique shops were just like oh it's an old woman who just wants something to do in this fucking economy now that same old woman run that place actually needs that fucking money you know what I mean so I'm not going to walk in

there and be like, I'll fucking give you, I'll give you a quarter for it. Like, fuck, man. If it's a dollar, it's a dollar. I'll take it. Now, Trey, hold on. First of all, let me comment on that. Cars are the only thing I can ever remember haggling on or whatever. And that's fine. You're not bad if you know. By the way, neither, myself norandy, have ever had a car pain. I know you haggling. Well, you got to when you're doing that way. Trey, was there something due at signing and do you get that back? But I can't remember. This has been two years ago now, the spring of 2024, I think. because when we did it. Actually, it might have been last year in 25, but I don't remember.

I think there was probably something to it signing. Yeah, I don't remember. You know me. I'm about to get me this Ford Maverick hybrid because I've been wanting one, but I'm thinking, what if it don't hit for me? Right. Yeah, Lisa. Because you can't get an old one and try it out. Of course. They're only newer.

But also on that note, isn't it, another thing that I've heard, even though I ain't been in the game for a while now is that, like, just used cars are just insane. Yeah. Like everything else in the world is? Because you had a rate of weird thing where you would drive one off a lot and suddenly it went down $10,000 and everyone was like, how's that make sense? Bro. Well, the market finally was like, it don't. In 2000.

What about like, I used to be in the market for like 10 plus year old used cars. Dude. Yeah, that's crazy. In 2004, I got a 1999 Toyota Tacoma, nice for 10,000. grant right that you couldn't get a 99 Tacoma for 10 grand now like it's fucking crazy oh five i used to have a 05 explorer forward explorer that i bought i think in 2011 maybe 2012 so it's six or seven years old i paid like 3,500 dollars for that yeah yeah yeah yeah and it was fucking totally fine my my sister drove it up until like six months ago she yeah it was still going

I paid nine grand for Andy's 09 Highlander hybrid. We got it in 16, I think. So it was seven years old. I paid nine grand for it. I could sell it right now for eight grand. We have put almost 200,000 miles on it. That's so crazy. And that was eight years ago.

Some of it's just inflation. Right. Like, but it is. It is. But like, I mean, it's inflation plus like, we've talked about it a million times. It's that COVID effect and that fucking whatever, like, these motherfuckers have gotten hip to the fact that like, hey, the world is really shitty right now. It wouldn't be unbelievable if our thing was way more expensive. And people would just chalk it up to whatever.

And so they do. It's not just that. It's also that like people have been, they also got hit to the fact. Now, I don't know who really they are. We're talking about like used cars. I guess there's like car facts and shit like that. Just anybody that runs a business. I know, but if people sell their own car, But if the market is set in that way, then they're going to sell it for more, too. But like, the powers that be, what they also realize is, like, things were actually doing better economically and people have more money. And instead of incentivizing it, people having more money in their pocket from that, they realize they're like, well, that means we can charge them for everything and they'll be able to pay it. Exactly. And they did.

And people did. And that's why no one felt like they had any more money because everything got more expensive at the same time. because greedy assholes realize something that I can't believe they didn't realize fucking way before now. But there used to be like competition and shit too. You weren't able to do that. Right.

Ostensibly, that was how it was supposed to work. They set a market price. But now there's four companies that own fucking everything and they all like collude together and shit and figure everything out. And so it's like, I'm just so fucked. So that latter thing,

I've heard like a few people, I don't know something I liked on my timeline's been feeding me economics videos. But the invisible hand of the market, Adam Smith, you know, it's like every Western economist, favorite thing to jack off about, but even people who are very for it, which there's a lot of

argument from Eastern economics and marks that like, hey, that don't actually work. Right. But even people who are for it right now are kind of recognizing like the invisible hand of the market, it makes things go down through competition, makes things go up through scarcity or people have more money they can pay for it. It's only doing the latter now. Right. Because there's only four people that.

It never, ever through competition, make stuff go down because there ain't no competition no more. I saw this thing the other day about tech companies. And like, I was reading about it because, like, I buy a shit ton of gear all the, like, I'm a, I'm a fucking, I'm kind of gearhead in terms of like audio and video and shit. I love it. And basically, they were saying that, like, you go on there and there's, there'll be a, you know, you like, I want this camera. And it'll show up on this one website. This store is selling it for this. And then same thing. It's $150 cheaper right here. you look, it's got the same ratings, like, okay, I'm going to do that. The same company owns both the fucking places. Like, they set that one up to be more expensive so that you would go by from their other company. But in the instance that you go well, because it's more, it might be better, they'll get you on both fucking sides. So it's like, it's technically not a monopoly because they're two separate companies, but they go back through the same shell to the same motherfucker.

So, like, there's three people in any industry. three companies in any industry that own everything. And they just have, it's just like those fucking kitchens, those door dash kitchens and shit. Oh, that's so funny. That, yeah.

Denny's in North Hollywood did that, Trey. I'll tell the story in a minute. No, go ahead, but that's what you, no, do it.

Explain what I'm about to do. Ghost kitchens. And then what's, explain ghost kitchens. They're fucked up, man. But the pandemic got us all hooked on ordering food or whatever. And I'm never going back.

It was over at this point, but Andy and I were locked. I mean, we were ordering food. Obviously, she got, prayed, had a baby,

like she was bedridden, we was ordering food, we was ordering food. And she got really into these grilled cheeses. Oh, yeah. And it was like fucking, you know, what am I, what am I, don't know if it said artisan, but it was like expensive, expensive ass grilled cheeses. It was a hitter. Three cheese, some bacon, yeah. Long story short, we was paying $12 for grilled cheeses at a Denny's.

Yeah, yeah. At the Denny's in North Hollywood, which if you've ever been there, like it is both the most white trash, ghetto. I love that, Denny's. But then also gay. Like, it is where... It's Tarantino's fucking Pulp Fiction opening. That's that fucking Denny's.

People, I mean, you know, there's obviously some rich people in the Valley. What up, Trey? But like, the Valley... He don't hit for the Valley, for the record. But the Valley, right, but like, but the Valley also has... Right. It's where the crew lives.

Yeah. It's where the working comics and the struggling writers live. So this is, it's not a like, dangerous denny. Is it like Queensy? But it's a dirty denies. It's Queensy. It's Queensy. So it's not a dangerous denies, but it's like a grimy denny.

Yeah. You could get fucked up in there. You might see a homeless man taking a shit outside, so it was so funny that they were getting us for $14 a pop fucking gross. What did they call the you know, the store? I wish I remember, dude. It was something like, you know,

cheese melt, melt world. Right. You know what I mean? It sounds like a hit, though. Well, so that was, that's one thing. Because also I remember Chuck cheese got caught during that. Right, because they were like, nobody would order if it was Chucky Cheese, but if it's this, they'll find out that they like it and they'll be like, well, it's from, you know.

Which part of me is kind of like, with Chucky Cheese in particular, I'm kind of like, that's, you know, that's kind of slick of them. I think it's slick. No one was ever going to come in. Like you said, it was pan-COVID, so people couldn't physically bring their kids in there. And it was called Charles's, right? Something like that. And so they were still, they were still getting close.

That's pretty funny. They were still getting called, you know, dental. Yeah, as many short for Dennis, I'm a fucking idiot I deserve to get fake grilled cheese as Dennels. Well, dude, as much as I hate the ghost kitchen thing, like I do got to, whoever the fucking

person at Chucky Cheese who was like, we got to pull the nose up here and they had that idea like, you know, fucking good on you bud. All right, well. The wild one, before you do this ad, the wilder one, this is quick. This one wasn't necessarily hidden. If you go to do a pickup,

there were four or five restaurants at the same Madra. That's what I was about to say. And you just realize they're all owned by the same company. They all have overlapping ingredients. They that's what I was going to say, I think, I think maybe that Denny's and Chuckie Cheese thing, that might be a different thing than a ghost kitchen because I think a ghost kitchen is where there's one facility that operates four, five, six different restaurants. I'm doing air quotes out of it that all do to go orders, but it's all coming out of the same place or whatever. Right. But anyway, this podcast is brought to you by Squares.

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Oh, thank you, Trey. I'll tell you what, I love a good dad bod. Now, of course, too, if you were to describe the current piece of shit I have as a dad-bod, that would be very generous. But, you know, that is kind of bullshit. Like, they say, they'll look, oh, look, Jason Mamo has got a great dad-bod, and it's like you just kind of can't see the line around his. abs like dads are fat and we don't fucking hit but you can hit uh if you holler at our friends at mars because you know a lot of people think that that classic dad bod just comes from drinking more beer and eating worse which like that doesn't help but here's the deal that's not the entire

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New subscribers only varies by plan. That's hellofresh.com slash well-read 10 FM to get 10 free meals plus free breakfast for life. I'll tell you what, I don't know how y'all feel, but, I feel like this country so desperately needed this World Cup shit. Oh my God, we've been getting the best press in the world. I know. It's been unbelievable. The PR has been so fucking bad for America, you know, like, deservedly so.

Absolutely. I'm not saying we even deserve this little win we're getting here, but we are. I think because so far at least, I'm sure he'll interject himself. But so far at least, it seems like Trump and the administration and shit, I don't know if it's because soccer's gay or what. It's because soccer's gay. They haven't super like meddled with it. It seems like or involved themselves with it so far. Like, you know, he went to that next game.

That's the only game they lost. Maybe because FIFA gave him that silly made up trophy before it all started. That was enough to appease him. What was the trophy they gave him? The FIFA Peace Prize, which is like. What was that even mean? So Trump brought peace to soccer, I guess. No one will ever do that.

Yeah, I don't know. I love Mom Donnie, but he couldn't even come close to fucking. Anyway, whatever. And this doesn't count. You're still right. But I just want to bring up, now would be the time to interject it. The Department of Homeland Security did post our soccer team and then say something about a wall or building the wall. Yeah, that's true.

Right. But that's, you know, yes, well, that's one tweet and it down hit. The other thing, like a top FIFA ref is Somali. He wasn't allowed to come into the country. Cape Verde. Word? Yeah, Cape Verde has been one of the Cinderella stories so far. they're a tiny island nation.

They tied Spain. They had another good result against like Ecuador, maybe I can't remember, but they had another tie. Oh, Ecuador fucking sucks. So they're doing all right. But there are stories of players on Cape Verde whose families aren't here

because that we instituted like a travel bond on Cape Verde, meaning, and they're not the only ones. There's other countries like that. But basically, if you come from like, I get, you know, a particularly black or brown country or Muslim or anything like that. Apparently America under Trump at least, maybe always, I don't know, makes you pay a $15,000 travel bond to enter the country.

You won't like stay. So you won't stay. Oh, you get it back. Yes, when you go back home, you get that money back. But these like players, families from Cape Verde, we're like, we ain't got $15,000 American dollars. So like, there's still been some bullshit. but I'm just saying it's been the most like positive America oriented. And our food specifically.

I know. And that's the thing that has from in the mode. And also all the different like, and this always happens at every World Cup, but the different like cultures coming together in a way that's like. A beautiful thing. Yeah, a beautiful thing. Because they have a shared interest.

Yeah. With the particular narratives in America lately that are super xenophobic and all that shit, that just that happening is also like good. as you've pointed out desperately. As you've pointed out a bunch and when you first said it, I was like, I don't think I agree with Trey. But then you explained it and I was like, wait a minute.

And then I have been a Reddit user for 10 years since and have just seen it. America's actually not even close to the most racist place on earth. We're just fucking assholes about it here. Sure. But like, I mean, it makes sense to me that like when it's a world event and it's a sports things, those type of Americans

that you're seeing are going to be the best of America at like accepting other people because they like soccer. You know what I mean? So the people you're mingling with are already like pretty close. And yeah, that feels

and also like even the people that don't, we do, even the worst of us, have a lot of pride in our country. So it's like we see all these people coming in for this thing. And we're like, yeah, fucking check it out. And the thing that's happened is they've all had biscuits

and gravy and been like, we've been wrong about this bitch the whole time. These dudes, of course they're fat. Their shit hits. Yes. No, I know. I totally agree. It was Uruguay was the second team Cape Verde tied. That's what you say that.

Uruguay, which they won the first ever. Yeah, Uruguay. They won the first ever World Cup, but not hitting it present. Curisal is the one who tied Ecuador, I think, which was also a big deal. Yeah, but I think they got beat seven. and won in their other game. They did. That was their first game. That's a walloping. They're fucked. Real quick, I want to say, when I live in Boston, that's like the biggest population of Kate Birdians in America, I think.

And I went to law school with a bunch of them, worked with a bunch of them down in Dorchester. And what a cool culture. I'm happy for them. That's my team. Not to, I think it sucks. I think it sucks that we're getting this good PR. Right. For two reasons. We don't deserve it. One, we don't deserve it. And we can talk about that if we want to, but that's like, that's my stick in the mud.

But then the other one is, it's like, it feels like a false, like, World Cup will end and we will continue on. To me. The Trump administration will continue on in Project 2035. It just, it feels, it feels like some sort of, like they're not meddling in it to put me and you to sleep. They're doing it on purpose. No, I know, but don't you think there's something. something to be said for like, a lot of rednecks particularly, like,

don't care. They don't know about it. They're not watching it. No, I'm not saying the World Cup, but I'm saying like, when other countries shit on us so hard, that makes a lot of people dig their heels in even more of just like, yeah, you goddamn right, fuck you. That's because we do it right here in America. Isn't there something to be said about having a lot of people in a lot of different countries be like, hey, we've realized that it's not really all Americans. It's just their government. And we want them.

We want them to succeed because we don't feel. We thought everybody from America was just like one guy from Alabama. We went over there. We saw some decent people and we realized they're being fucked and they need our help. You know what I was going to say? I know, but it's just for still, that seems better. I just think it's hopefully it's separating. Like Corey said, the government and the action.

the country and the people in it. Like, it's reminding people. It's like, oh, America is beautiful and awesome. And the people in it are, a lot of them are awesome too. But, you know, but obviously the regime here fucking super sucks. And a lot of people here don't, you know, like that either. I'm genuinely asking, like, please tell me how that will help us. Short term, I don't think it does.

But I think long term implications are just like, you know, when your country has a more positive. view of another country, like of the people at least, perhaps it will encourage their leaders who want the people of their country to be on their side to like stand up, say a thing,

take action. And again, this is all like, that's in the long term. But I'm just, all I'm saying is it's definitely not a bad thing. And it's, it's nice. Like, I mean,

you're right, it's not going to change this current election. But I think little, little by little things like that are, I don't know that it'll change anything. I just think it's like, I think it's a, I think it's a,

a bad thing. I don't know. It's a bad thing. How could it be a bad thing? Because these fucking German motherfuckers are driving through Texas talking about, holy shit. It actually rules to drive a big ass truck and shoot a gun and hang out. And it's like, of course, I want them to understand that we're not all assholes and

idiots and that. We can be fun and we've got gravy and biscuits and cool things. My fear is the bad ones are going to come up. Europe's going to be like, man, you know what? Right. We should be more like them. I think we are already exporting. We're like the world's leading export in that type of, like, retard, you know.

Yeah. Like that type of, just maga shit, that type of- Right. Californians come to Georgia and Alabama and do that shit. I'm saying I think it's bad because that's going to increase. But at least, I'm just glad you guys at least understand what I'm saying with that. I do. I agree with me that's bad or not.

No, no, bro. I mean, to me, there's no agree or disagree. We're just throwing bullshit into the air and none of it really matters. Like it just, yeah, you're right. It personally for me, as someone, especially because we do putting on airs and like we have fans from across, like I do want people to be like, never mind, that guy's are. Do you know what I mean? Like, fucking it's not every, like obviously we're all culpable to a certain degree for not.

I mean, like for real, when you watch the news later tonight, you will then feel bad that you weren't in the town square throwing Molotov cocktails earlier today and you will feel like, man, I didn't really fulfill my duty. I played golf. I'm a fucking asshole. But, you know, I don't know. There's no event

at the town square for you to join. Dude, Life Star, swear to God, Lifestars here. Like, is somebody dying there? Well, there's a fire department with a helipad right over there. So probably someone is getting ambulance to this location because it's a safe place to

evacuate them. Wow. So that's what happens in rural America. You call the ambulance on your landline. They come and pick you up in an ambulance that was built in 1993. They drive you on roads that haven't been paved in 40 goddamn years to a helipad next door to the middle school and then they fly you to the University of Tennessee. All right.

While we're having a red off, I've already told you all this, but I still want to tell our audience. My camera is my whole computer. I can't flip it. Sorry. Two things. We had a senator yesterday. that nobody got hurt, but it did come through here

and knocked all her fucking power out and all that shit. So there's some of my red cred. But also, so I was at the golf course earlier today. And we heard a gunshot, which like, we're, well, hey, it is kind of weird, I guess, because in the, oh, wow, that was a felony. We were in the park. I didn't realize that stuff.

When you're in the, in the south, hearing a gunshot is like kind of nothing. Right. But we were on the golf course. and it did seem pretty close, you know, and we're like, what the fuck? Holy shit. But it's like, I have people live around there, whatever. We went on with our day. We get to the fucking, we make the turn.

And one of our old football coaches in there, he was like, did you hear? Did you hear about, did y'all hear that shit? And we were like, I'm not going to say anybody's name. We're like, yeah, what the fuck was that? And they were like, well, so and so, you know, he, he carried, he opened care. He's like, he's always got that thing on him. He's just out there, and he's seen Armadillo, and he blew his fucking head off just for fun.

And everybody, I was, my face was like, oh, I'm going to use this for a bit. But everybody else was just like, yeah, right on. Why wouldn't you? You know what I mean? Why wouldn't you? Of course. Oh, they killed an armadillo. Yep.

Someone ran over one here and this body just got left on the side of the road and I got to watch it decomposed and that was wild. Because, you know, they're, they're scaly. So parts of them don't decompose. Exactly. Usually skin goes third and it went like last. Yeah.

That was wild. Yeah. Brad, Mark was confused earlier that we had Armadillo's, and I guess, like, I know it's been the last 12 years or so. That's what I was about to ask y'all. I had heard that. It's so ubiquitous here now. There was some, like, specific reason as to why. I was going to ask y'all, are they, like, are they, do you all know, are they an invasive, are they an invasive species down there?

Like, is that a problem? I've never heard anybody have a problem with Armadillo. It's not like wild boars. They're not going to fucking, you know, brook to. The only time we've seen four or five. And they're usually dead on the road. Yeah, but you said you never see anybody, anybody have a problem with them, but that's not really the main issue with like wild boars it is.

But with other plants can be invasive species. I'm just saying I'm first with a lot of farmers. Well, I'm friends with a lot of farmers and I've never heard him talk shit about armadillos is all I'm saying. We don't know the answer. So not to move on, but we just don't know. But, Trey, that reminds me. Did you know that the South Knoxville Cudzu Arby's is now internet

famous? Hold on now. Y'all got a Cudzu Arby's? Like it's got Cudzu in it and goats are out there eating and shit? There's no goats, which is why the Cudzu keeps spreading. There's an Arby's literally right across the Henley Street Bridge right across from the stadium in South Knoxville. In South Knoxville,

until they got all the bridgework done, was very like strip mall and Mexican restaurant. Now it's 50-50, but there was this Arby's there. It's still there. And the hill behind it is just covered in kudzu so you can take a picture from a few angles you don't even have to really get too trickery and this arby's is completely what's what am i looking for back dropped yeah backdropped by kudzu that's fucking awesome it's been it's been that way since i was in at least high school

and but now it's internet famous because someone posted it and then on reddit i think's where it started someone was like this cannot be real fuck you like there's no way this is a real thing to me arbys has always been the most romantic of fast food restaurants and that would make it even more for me. Like if I lived within 30 minutes of there, I'd eat at that Rby's four days a week. It's DJ's favorite restaurant. Why does that, sorry, why does

that hit for you? Like Kudzu's like real bad. I know, but it's pretty. Okay. If it was heard of that bad, I thought about it right, yours, because I was talking about invasive species. I said plants can be invasive species. Because like Kudzu's like the most infamous one. It's like a real motherfucker. Yeah, but it's pretty.

I mean, to be fair to him, that's how it happened. Right. Right. People are like, this is a cheap way to put green on that hill. And it's like, yeah, and everyone within 100 miles, too. Well, if it gets too bad, just, you know, sick a couple goats on it. Goats can maintain it. I think if it was that simple, they would have done that.

They call kudzu the vine that ate the south. I'm saying, I don't know. Simple. Hell, I think it hits for them. I don't think that. The goats will eat it and it will maintain the kudzu, but you have to continue to do that. Right. it oh i'm not saying it doesn't hit for that rbys i don't i don't know about that i'm telling you i'm telling you

that it does not hit overall it's like it's like a problem like a big problem well it calls it's erosion right it'll cause hillsides to fall apart can't you just burn it huh can't you just burn it can they just fucking no oh that's right it's super resilient but so but anyway apparently arm apparently it's debated whether armadillo should be considered invasive or not. Okay. What's the debate? They're kind of up in the well and it's no. They might be and they might not be.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. That some argue that they are invasive species due to the, uh, their burrowing habits and the nuisance they can cause to fucking various. I ain't never done that to me. Yeah. Yeah. They are prolific

diggers. Says here they frequently tear up. Yeah. I know. Sorry. Sorry. I know hard are and everything, but they frequently tear up lawns, golf courses. Corey. See? What is that?

You know what? Maybe that guy knows more than that. Yeah, exactly. You know what? That just made the story hit harder, honestly. Now the man's just... They're not. They're comrades and we should protect them at all costs.

No, yeah. It was funnier to me when he did it for absolutely no reason. When it was just, I want to blow an armadilla's head off. That was way better. But yeah, they can like... Apparently they don't. But I'm saying it can be a thing where it's like they come into a place and they're not the, you know, the...

The ecosystem there is not meant for it. They didn't evolve with them as part of it. So they come in and they eat a particular kind of grub. And that grub is how a fucking particular type of bird reaches like adolescence or whatever the fucking. And that bird dies off and that bird primarily eats this other bug that like fucking destroys your crops. Sounds like they just. Sounds like they just. Somebody's got to win.

I'm just saying ecosystems are wild and delicate. They are wild and delicate. wild and delicate, but you know. It's wild how. But apparently how it's mostly okay, I'm just saying you're being pretty flipping about the whole thing. Me? Yeah, you, as though invasive species.

He's spoiled human American. He doesn't know that he's this close. What am I going to do about it? You know what I mean? Nothing. Have you ever seen the reverse story about when they figured out how to protect the wolves and reintroduce him

in Yellowstone? And it's probably a lie, but I've seen all these videos of, they reintroduced the wolves and grew the population and then suddenly seven ecosystem some problems they were trying to figure out and just went away and it was like a chain, it was a chain reaction the way you laid out, Trey, but in reverse.

Right. No, I don't know the specifics of that, but that sounds like it helps. If you're telling me, I need to go shoot a bunch armadillos. I'll fucking... Listen, if that's what can get me back on your side, I'll go fucking kill every goddamn I'll kill every goddamn armadillo I ever say, fuck them. I'll go cut down some cudsoo today.

Go cut down some cudsoo today. That's what I want you to do. Because I am telling you that that needs to happen. That's cool. I haven't seen any since I played at High Point back in the day. High Point was ate up with it. Well, they have figured out how to maintain it. But I know I'm better to get rid of it because it's still fucking here. Well, bro, I literally just, when every time I hear a cubs, I'm like, yeah, you just

get some goats. Like, that's, what it does is they'll eat it all. Right. And then it cannot expand. Right. But the next cycle, it'll come back. So you just have to keep doing that. Yeah, no, I straight up did not know.

Like, I knew that it was a thing, but I did not know it was that invasive. I was speaking from pure ignorance. no Jeff Foxworthy speaking of Foxworthy had a joke I think if there was a

you might be redneck joke if your family crest is Kudzu that's great if Kudzu and Kintzoo and

maybe a snapping turtle I can't remember Fainting Goats would have been a good punch What Kudzu and fighting goats They go together to me

Y'all are fuck with fain goats I mean I'm very well I'm very well I think Br, me and Big Ed. I've never made them faint in person myself. Me and Big Ed.

Me and Big Ed. Isn't that bummer, Trey? Would it find out God did that? Yeah, you're not supposed to. It's bad for them. Oh, it is. They're having a seizure. Oh, no.

Oh, fuck, man. Well, I mean, it checks out that that would be bad when you think about it. But me and Big Ed was fucked up one day. We was painting, uh, we was painting houses out in Oduar or something. And these people had fucking fucking fainting guts and they's gone. And we was fucking just blazing at lunch. We just out there going, and just scaring the fuck out of and making them fight.

Bro, we just had the best day of our lives. I had no idea. I was giving him motherfuckers seizure. Here's what's funny. You've told that story before, and I have told you this before, and you still have no idea.

Well, I ain't done it since. We all learn, you know? That's so good. That reminded me when you said Oudawa, especially the way you said up there and OdoWah. Jeffrey Aspenes has this joke.

I think it's the second time it's gone viral, but it's so good, where he's talking about white supremacists, specifically in Minnesota. Yeah. But he's like, it's so funny to have white supremacy here

because people are like, we've got to keep this town pure. We've got to keep this town white. We should only have white people in sketch, match, or ratchewan. Dude,

let me say this. Jeffrey, I'm so goddamn proud to know that motherfucker. He is one of the more, bro, he is one of the more prolific motherfuckers that just stays hitting for me on the,

the end. Like, I actually don't watch a lot of comments. I know I should. And you can tell in my work that I haven't in a while. But I don't really fuck with stand up like I used to. But like as soon as Jeffrey Grace is my timeline, I know I'm in for at least 90 seconds of pure fucking fire. He's also pretty much don't tell is the only platform you can really say that like did anything for him outside of his own channels. Yeah, I didn't even know that. And that's like, that's pretty impressive. That's very impressive, dude. You know what it is? He fucking puts in the goddamn work. He puts in the work. He's also insanely bright. Like, he's one of the smartest. He's a bright motherfucker.

But I mean, you know, and Trey could probably speak to this as much as anyone, but just like to remain independent, like, look, obviously, just because you go on Rogan doesn't mean you're not independent. But right. There's an ecosystem. The industry changed, but there's still industry. But the industry is the closest. Jefferson. It is the closest thing we have to Carson.

It'll never be. I don't think it is anymore, though. Do what? I don't think it is anymore. I agree with you. But at least during that, there was that period of time where, and again, like, it can't even really be compared to Carson because, like, you could, if you went on Carson in the 80s and he called you over the couch, you could fuck up for 10 years and still have a career.

Like, with Rogan, it's going to get you that initial thing, but, like, there's still a lot of competition and shit. But, no, undeniably, man. And yeah, but anyway, shout out Jeffrey Asmus. y'all don't follow him fucking follow him man he he worked with us at that lago and i was immediately like just in love with his style i had me and him he did um so al frankin took a hiatus from his podcast recently and he had a guest host on and i was one of them and i had geoffrey do it do that episode with me so man we're on there so we were talking about all kinds of like

just the state of comedy and shit like that and uh you know he just he keeps it a hundred. He does, dude. Holy-ha. Because he ain't emboldened. What's the word? Beholding to anything. He's a lot. I know,

yeah, and he don't get to. I also just, I think that he could never be because that motherfucker seems to just, keeping it. Keeping it,

yeah, right. He's literally incapable of, right. That's what I was saying. Keeping it a buck is just genetic. Like, he can't fucking help,

but keep it a buck, but keep it a buck. I got a buck on out of here, boys. I have to stay there very much for and buy a house. All right, go buy that house, baby. We love you. Love you.

Say you. Try, did you know that? Come see me in Athens. Oh, yeah. Thursday and then New Orleans, June, August 8th. Trey, did you, did you know that Grover Cleveland?

Mm-hmm. Tom shift. Did you know that Grover Cleveland had a child out of wedlock and, but he also just admitted to it? that's the crazy part hold on is that also the one who heard was her name ruth no that was warringy harding okay orangey harding's the one that had a child out of wetlock and then didn't admit to it

and just like ran named ruth i think it was ruth huh because here's why i say that because one of those presidents we talked about this on poa it was like a like a tabloid they didn't have tabelage exactly, but like the equivalent sort of news story about like a scandalous child or something. And they called that kid Baby Ruth. Baby Ruth. Yeah. So. And that's where the candy bar and they, even though

they say it's not. It isn't. No, no, no, it's the opposite. Right. Baby Ruth came out and Babe Ruth and whoever were like, what the fuck, you know, you're going to give me a piece of that, you know, like a cut of that. And the candy bar company was like, well, it ain't named after Babe Ruth. It was Grover Cleveland.

him by the way. It's named after this president from 40 years ago's illegitimate child that was in the newspaper. That's what we named the candy bar after, just so you know. Right. And I don't remember if they got away with that or not, but I just know that that was like, that's how that's the reason I remember that.

No, you're right. That was, that was the baby Ruth girl. Yeah. But but he fucking, my point is though, is like, he actually was owned up to it and said he did it. That's so insane for back then. That's so insane. Maybe he was just caught like, just ran-

and rocked-in-a-heart. Yeah, but I feel like, back then, you only, all you had to do was kill two newspaper, paper people, and you're good. You know what I mean? Yeah, but isn't that also, it might be, it was before that. It was way before that, I guess. I was going to say that was the air of, like, the rise of, like, William Randolph-Hurst and stuff, but not, Grover-Cleven Cleveland was in, like, the 1800s. He was before. Right, but either way, Randolph-Off. Hurst could be paid off too. Like, it was one guy.

Yeah, I told everything. But if you didn't hit for him, though. That's very true. What the fuck you're going to do? He straight up tried to get Orson Wells on rape charges, dude. Yeah, right. That's like, it's so insane that they made that movie at all. Yeah.

Because Randolph Hurst was so pissed about it the whole time. It's so gangster that they did. They didn't kid. I know, I just feel like there out there today that would do that. I'd be looking for Stephen Colperic. Stephen Colbert getting fired and all this shit that like happens in real life. You know, if they were about to make a Bezos movie.

Yeah. Well, they're making a Facebook movie. Yeah. They're making it. They've already made one and they're about to, they're making another one right now. And like, dude, if Zuckerberg ain't William Randolph Hearst, he's more, dude. He's more.

I guess that is true. That is true. Now granted, now granted, Mark Zuckerberg controls Facebook, which is a lot of the media, but there still are a bunch of strong. media companies. And William Randolph Hearst Day, he was, it was a borderline monopoly with him. So,

even, like, Mark Zuckerberg has more reach and has more money, but William Randolph Hearst was like the only game in town. So, right. Yeah, I don't know. Whatever, but I still, I still think I agree with you

if the, yeah, I don't know, man, but it's, but dude, like, a lot of, like, I think, that's one of the reasons I think that, like, context needs to be when you're judging what is the greatest movie of all time or something like that. It's like, okay, obviously the main thing that counts is how good the movie is, of course.

But when you add the context of, this is Orson Will's directorial debut and also the thing he decided to do was take on very clearly with make no bones about it, the most powerful person in the fucking world basically at that time, to say, fuck you to him,

bro, and then to swing that hard and connect is pretty fucking crazy. It's insanely. It's insane. Like, it's, and for all that context,

I think I'm back on board of Citizen Kane, best movie of all time. Yeah, I'm not going to argue with it. Yeah, well, let's wrap her up,

baby. Let's do it. Come see me in Solana Beach. It's like outside of San Diego, uh, this Sunday with Caleb signing. Hell yeah, Caleb.

then also with Caleb signing in mid-July I'll be back at the grove in lowell Arkansas love that club y'all if y'all been before or come back you've not seen Caleb there with me and you're in for a treat so and then I've got a little bit of time off the road thankfully until later this late summer and fall and then I'm back at it going all over the place all at traycrouter.com please hey chattanooga slash the comedy catch tonight I'm going to be there with my friend nighine Farsad you know, we're from Fake the Nation podcast, one of Roland Stone's top 50 most influential podcasts of all time. I'll be with her at The Comedy Catch tonight for the Muslims are

coming too, is part of a documentary type situation. So get the tickets at thecomcom. But frankly, more importantly to me, I want you to subscribe to my substack at Corey Wrightsforyou.com. I just hit number 15 in comedy, beaten W.combo Bell. That's my new claim to fame. I'm sure he's beating me today. But whatever. It's a lot of fun. Corey writes for you.com. I'm in the middle of a southern murder mystery drama thing

called Here We Rest. Part 2 just came out. And you can listen to both parts one and two in one single audio thing that I have just put out me narrating all that stuff. So there you go. Corey rights for you.com. And thank you all for listening to The Well Red Show. We love to stick around longer. we got to go.

Tune in next week if you got nothing to do thank you, God bless you. Good night and skew. Fart. Fart. Hey everybody. No one asked for this.

Absolutely no one asked for this. But here it is anyways. This is a short this is the first two parts of a Southern crime a southern crime drama that I'm writing over at

Corey writes for you.com. It's called Here We Rest. The reason it's called Here We Rest is because that's the Jason Isabel album I was listening to when I started writing it. That's as deep as that goes. But anyways, here's me reading the first two chapters of it,

which you would have gotten if you subscribe to Corey Rights for You.com. And you can still subscribe to Corey Wrights for You. For You.com to hear the third and fourth chapters when I write them. And also, you can subscribe totally for free. Like, you don't have to spend any money to subscribe. I just want you there.

And it's a beautiful place that we've really made a nice home for ourselves over there. But you also can't, you can give $5 a month if you want to, but you don't have to. Corey writes for you.com. Here is, here we rest chapters one and two. I hope you enjoy it. All right. Thank you. Bye.

Fishing downstream from a nuclear power plan ain't the smartest thing a man could do, but there's set Randall doing it know-how. Says he reckons he won't eat them, but it sure is fun trying to catch them three-headed sum bitches. I suppose it was. Randall Daltry was many things, but a liar he weren't. Up at the fire, his wife Martha was explaining to some distant cousin

about how you can't do double coupons at every grocery store but she had a list of the ones where you could. She had a permanent band-aid on her big toe because she couldn't stop knocking it on the metal rods sticking out of her recliner. She wouldn't fix it because the Braves hadn't lost a penance since it broke, and Jesus wasn't her only superstition. The kids ran around, in the parlance of the time,

like little wild Indians, not concerning themselves with the value of that which they broke. One was trying to fix a bicycle chain and only making it worse, while Aunt Ida's twin girls bogarded the jump rope so they could double dutch until the sun went down and it was time to swat at lightning bugs with a wiffle ball bat. I was behind the screen door and the camper. The camper did not come with the screen door,

so Randall took the one off his dead mama's porch and sanded it down to fit. It was not practical, but it was nice and everyone got a kick out of it. That was Randall's way. It didn't matter if something is supposed to be, only that it could be. He didn't stop to consider the fullest notion of pragmatism when he got an idea on how to make something fun. He once traced his son Levi on a door with a carpenter's pencil

and used a tractsaw to cut out an opening that only Levi could fit through. It made no sense and took all purpose away from the door, but Levi thought it was the neatest thing in the world, and that's all that mattered to Randall. I sat there drinking some homebrew made by who else but Randall Daltry. I'd pretty much given up on strong drink when Sheila left me, but I couldn't turn down Randall's apple pie. It burned in that real good way that lets you know it's going to work, but don't sour your face too much. It was that good. I had been inside for a few hours,

just watching the little dramas of the family unfold in front of me while praying no one needed me for anything. I like these gatherings in theory, but I prefer to keep to myself, especially back then. Seems like every time I participated in something, I'd mess it up. That's probably why she left. Didn't have shit all to do with the drinking. I could ruin just about anything while sober as a judge. Or at least I'd tell myself that to justify another swig.

Then another. And then it was on to the next mason jar. Randall didn't care. He made enough back in the day to get us through the Cold War if it ever came to that. And as we all know, it didn't. I laid back on the itchy old camper couch and started to nod off when I heard a commotion down on the bank. Holy shit! Randall screamed, forcing Sheila out of my mind for the first time all day. Sunny Boy, get down here!

He called me Sunny Boy, despite my name being Steve. Sunny Boy was his tailgunner back in the Pacific Theater, and I assumed it was a term of endearment until I found out he called me that, because after the war, Sunny Boy moped around aimlessly until Shellshot got the better of him, and he shot a double dose of black tar in his neck. This was apparently Randall's fun way of calling me a sad sack. I know he loved me. It's just that generation had a hard time showing it. I ran down to meet him, forgetting I'd just foundered myself on corn liquor,

and took out several lawn chairs on my way. I managed to say on my feet by some miracle, but the sloshing in my stomach was about to send a bill of sale to my mouth. What's going on, Randall, I said, between gasps of breath while resting my elbows on my knees and my chin on my chest. Then I smelled it. I vomited so hard there was a wonder a lung didn't come up with it. There was a body floating in the water, and from what we knew from old detective shows, it had been there a while. Hot, damn, whoever he is, he's blowed up like a damn birthday balloon. Randall said, nasally while pinching his nose.

We better call the law. I got Sheriff Stevens number somewhere in my truck. I took a bodeor and slowly but surely got the body flipped over on its back. I gasped. What is it, Sonny boy? I wiped the puke off my mouth and prepared for another round of it. I was in shock. The words were right there, but it took them a minute to reach my lips.

It's... It's Sheriff Stevens, I said. Randall looked at me and his face turned white. Well, he said, I reckon he's not going to answer the phone then. Part 2. Growing up in the rural south, a floating carcass was perhaps not the most unsettling thing I've ever seen, but it certainly would be for the children. Randall had a stillness about him that I'd never seen him wear.

We were not blood, but that changes nothing. Randall is as much family to me as anyone with the last name Croslin ever was. When I was a teenager and needed to get away from everything going on at home, Randall and Martha's door was always open to me. Randall was a tough man, but a fair man. He also had a great sense of humor, which juxtaposed comically with his tough military exterior. When you've watched your best friends die face down in the mud amidst the roar of enemy artillery, I reckon it makes life's normal woes seems like child's play in comparison.

I never saw a situation get the better of him in the 30-some-odd years I've known him, but today was different. Seeing Sheriff Stevens' body swayed back and forth in the wake, bloated and stinking of death, caused Randall to take a rare, long beat before speaking, and when he finally did, I wish he hadn't. You need to make the call, Sonny boy. I knew he was right, but that changed nothing as far as my feelings were concerned. I had spent the better part of the week trying to see how much liquor could kill a man so I could just hover below that threshold. I'm an emotional wreck even without punishing my body, so standing there, having not had a sip of water in as long as I could remember, I was numb. Well, no, that's not true. I was very much in pain. I would have killed for numb, actually. But I certainly couldn't think clear enough

to make a weighted decision. In that moment, the only things I knew was that I still loved Sheila and that the distance between us was my fault. I had been wanting to reach out to her for so long, to lie to her and tell her I'd changed, to tell her that things would be different, to ask if she'd come back in my life and make me whole once more. But now, instead, I'd have to call and tell her that her daddy was dead. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Randall, we better call the police first. I'll holler at her afterwards, but I don't want to be accused of failing to report this shit in time.

Randall looked at me funny. Well, he'll be just as dead when you get off the phone with her, but knock yourself out, Sonny Boy. As I went to walk up to the bank to get a telephone, I heard a loud boat chopping through the water. As I turned and looked, I noticed a Coast Guard flag. I reckoned that meant I could stay put. Perhaps someone else had called it in before he washed up towards us.

The uniform fella in the passenger seat hollered at us over a bullhorn. Step away from the body this instant. I thought to myself, What the hell did they think we were about to do? dressed the dead some bitch and cook him for dinner? I mean, I know you ain't supposed to contaminate a crime scene, but it doesn't take a detective to figure out that this isn't where the murder happened. Damn, is that what I think happened? A murder? Of course that's what happened. Sheriff Steve was a lifelong fisherman, a star athlete, and a very cautious and safety-prone man. There is no way you could

convince me he just fell in the water and died. It may not have been murder one. Hell, it may have even been an accident, but one thing is for sure, this was someone other than Sheriff Stevens doing. The Coast Guard feller spoke once again, "'Terribly sorry to alarm you, folks. Just didn't want you too close to the body in case it explodes. They do that sometimes, you know. Gases in your body break down after death, and, well, you can go up like a hot fart out of nowhere.' I suppose that is true.

I certainly didn't major in anything that gave me an argument against it, but it was a rather odd thing to say over the body of a dead man. Okay, I said, but I don't think he's been dead that long. Medical examiner, are we? he said. Nope, just watch a lot of procedurals. Without saying another word, the Coast Guard boat inched as close as it could without grounding itself and then used what looked like a pool cleaner to drag the body closer and then eventually on deck. All right, guys, be safe.

Are y'all going to send someone to get our statement? Randall screamed, but they just kept on driving. I was stunned. Almost no sooner than we had discovered the dead body, it was scooped up and heading the other way. No interview, no police tape, no sirens. To say I was in shock would be an understatement. While I was in this disillusioned state, however, I somehow mustered the courage to pick up the phone. She may not love me anymore, but the news should have been.

at least come from someone she knows. As the phone rang, I thought about what I might say. I thought about our wedding. I thought about the years I'd thrown away. But mostly, I thought about how horrible it was that I was about to hurt her worse than I ever have. When she answered the phone, I went numb. You don't ever consider that you'll miss someone's voice, but God damn it, I did. Her innocent alto almost whispering, hello, sent chills down my spine. How could I have fuck this up. Why can't I just be normal? Hello, she said again. Steve, are you there? I'm here. Hey, Sheila, Steve, what do you want? I have to tell you something. Are you sitting down? I am actually. I'm sitting down to lunch. Okay, well, if you're with someone, you might want to

excuse yourself because this is going to come as a shock. Steve, you're scaring me. I was scaring myself too. The butterflies in my stomach were laying eggs. Sheila, your dad is dead. There was a long pause. I didn't think I could handle hearing her cry. Looking back, I wished to God she had of because what happened instead is something that I'll never get over. Steve, I don't know whether to laugh or throw my phone. Are you drinking again? What the fuck is your problem? Is this your idea of a joke? I knew it would be difficult, but I didn't think I'd be called a liar. Sheila, I don't want to be doing this, but I thought you'd want to hear it from someone you knew. Your daddy is dead.

Steve, Sheila said in a stern tone, that is impossible. I assure you it's not. I just saw him. They took him on down the lake in a Coast Guard boat. I'm sure they'll call you soon. I just... Steve, I'm sitting here with my father right now. I went numb once more.

To be continued.