wellRED podcast - Through The Screen Door W/Corey Ryan Forrester 9/15/20

Episode Date: September 15, 2020

Here's a preview of todays Through The Screen Door W/ Corey Ryan Forrester! If you dig what you're hearing and would like the full episode, go subscribe to Through The Screen Door on your favorite podcast platform OR here at screendoorpod.comIf you'd like to support the podcast by becoming a patron and getting bonus stuff, go to https://www.patreon.com/Screendoor

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.

Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features.

I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.

So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast.

They're the. This podcast is brought to you by my brand new merch store over at below the collar.com. Just go to below the collar.com slash the buttercream dream and choose from two brand new shirts with many more designs in the works. While comedians can't be on the road, this is a great way to show your support and look good while doing it. Once again, that's below thecollar.com

slash the buttercream dream. Thank you guys so much. Love you. And sko! The following views do not express those of the station, the station manager, the station advertisers,

anybody associated with the station, or anybody in the building right now. This is Fox News. imbalanced. Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Caldwell's Conspiracy Corner. I am your host. Everyone's favorite, Hillary Hating, pizza gaiting, race baiting, trunct philating, liver transplant waiting. It's your boy, Ward Caldwell. Today on the show, we are talking Corona Conspiracies and Nancy Pelosi being caught shape-shifting outside of Panera bread. But first, we got to pay the bills and thank our sponsors over at Fabulous Freddy's financially feasible foot bronzer.

Are you like most of our listeners? Have you somehow lost a foot? Diabetes? Fourth of July party? Getting too fucked up near a lawnmower. Whatever it is, down at Fabulous Freddy's financially feasible foot bronzer, we can help you hang on to that foot and make it useful. Do you need a paperweight?

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What a week, what a week. We have had the liberal media once again take the words out of Donald Trump's mouth and just twist them up like some queer bull. lone animal at a genderless toddler's birthday party. Yes, yes. Donald Trump knew the pandemic was serious and yes, maybe he didn't tell us right away. But answer me this. Have you ever been driving your family down a dark road during an ice storm and skidded to miss a deer because it wasn't big enough to brag about anyways? Well, did you start screaming? No, you didn't. Because your wife would freak out. And when women freak out,

they start eating the children because women have tiny brains and immediately go into survival mode at the first sign of trouble. We know this now, thanks to years of cave math and dirt science, but of course you won't hear about it from the Lib Tard media because they are too busy telling you that if we don't quit lighting our farts and spraying aquanette on snails to make them stick to the walls, then the goddamn sun is going to explode. You know who they're trying to protect? Well, it ain't you, ladies and gentlemen.

It's Big Sun and the Big Sun lobbyists who have been working their propaganda into Superman comic books since the 40s. You don't believe me? Then why was Superman's arch enemy, a rich, bald, white man? Who is it? The media has been trying to tell you is the enemy

this whole time, huh? That's right. Rich, bald, white men. That is why Nancy Pelosi put chlorine in Jeff Bezos's water so that his hair would fall out and we'd consider him evil instead of what he really is.

A hero who is finally going to take wealth control back from the G-D. The proceeding was a paid commercial advertisement. We here at Fox do not condone any hate language, can we be held responsible or liable for anything said by one of our paid commercial advertisers. And now, Tucker Carlson.

It is time for Through the Screen Door with Corey Ryan Forster. Today, we're going to watch Scott's Talk about the news, a return of Caldwell, but shaking his head, hating his life. Ladies and gentlemen, here's Corey Ryan Forrester. Hello, hello. Hello, Matt Cohn. How are you, my friend? I'm great, except I got blocked by Travis Tritt today. Oh, well, hey, here's a quarter call someone who cares. Am I right? What you get? You in there just doing the Lord's work, just telling Travis Trit to go fuck himself on Twitter.

Basically, I just said he lied about something, which he did, because he's a fucking whack job. And within 10 minutes, Travis Tritt blocked me. And I'll tell you this much, the only thing I know for sure, two things I know for sure. I can play guitar better than him, and I can kick his ass. So I ain't worried about Trump's trip, but I think it's just funny. I do think it's funny too. I also think it's funny that I see so many of those MAGA people that not only do they block people, but then they like brag about it. Like they'll like I promise you if I go on Travis Tritz page right now, there will be, it might not mention you by name, but there will be something like just blocked another, you know, Lib Tar or something like that. They love to brag about blocking as if blocking isn't like such a signal of,

someone being weak and like wanting to live in an echo chamber, which is the thing that they constantly like preach against. Like, oh, you liberals just want to hang out with each other and jerk each other off. You're such snowflakes. And then here they go. And him and James Woods actually search the words resist. Yeah, I saw that. They'll search people to block because they're so fragile.

But I didn't want to interrupt your monologue. Corey, how's it going for you these days? Oh, it's going well. Matt Coon. There's a lot going on in the news this week. as you may know, the NFL kicked off this week, and because of the crowdless stadiums due to coronavirus, artificial crowd noise was pumped in for the television broadcast,

which Raiders fans said was extremely confusing. They're not used to that. They're not used to that. They're not at all, not the Raiders, because they historically suck. Not historically. Historically, they're a great franchise, but as of late, they have really not hit.

Also, Matt Coonan, Weird News, a lock of hair taken from Abraham, Lincoln during his post-mortem exam was sold at an auction this week. The buyer chose to remain anonymous, but was quoted as saying, Now if I can figure out how to make Polly Juice potion, I'll blow them all away at the penny festival. That's stupid. Do you get that? Do you like Harry Potter?

Oh, absolutely. That's quite a quote, though. That's quite a quote, me. I know. I know. This dude's fucking wacko. I'd like to hang out with him. I sound like Regis.

This dude's a wacko. He's a wacko, McCoon. I want to hang out. out with him. There's no than I like more than current impressions. Your impressions of topical people are amazing. I know, dude. I'm so, I'm so living in the past. In up in, oh, in New York City, Matt Coon, I don't know if you heard about this. New York City subway riders who don't mask up, who don't wear a mask, will start facing fines on Monday if they don't wear a mask. Local Woodside Queens pervert Jimmy McGinnis said, well, then how will the Puerto Rican broads

I'm looking my lips when I'm staring at their hoo-haws. Ah? Ah. There's no way to tell. No, I'm going to get heat. I'm going to get heat this week. Donald Trump held a crowded indoor campaign rally, ignoring objections by the governor, because it may spread the coronavirus.

This was in Nevada, Matt Coon. Donald Trump held an indoor campaign rally in Nevada in Nevada in Nevada. in a moment of lucidity from the usually clarity bereft president. Donald Trump said, look, people who live in Nevada and support me have wanted to die for years. Okay, okay. All right. All right. Matt Coon, Mike Bloomberg popping back up in the news.

Mike Bloomberg committed $100 million to help Joe Biden win Florida. Can you believe that, Matt Coon? I cannot believe that. A hundred million dollars to help Joe Biden win Florida. That doesn't make sense to me because for another 25 million, he could just buy Florida, sell off the surplus of Airbrush T-shirts, use the profits to finance every Trump supporter's moving fee, and buy them a brand new F-150, rename the state Titty City and sell it to China as an amusement park. I mean, come on, it's so simple.

Titty City. Titty City, Matt Cone. And finally, an upstate New York. York police deputies gun went off in a diner injuring two people. Now look Matt Coon, in his defense, the coffee was black. All right, ladies and gentlemen, that's the monologue. Let's get on with the show. Corey Ryan Forrester, another great, great monologue. People love the monolog. People love the show. Of course, people over at Patreon, patreon.com slash screen door, love the show also because they get shows that are twice as long, including our Friday drop, JJ's Diner, all about Parks and Rec.

Corey, we're getting so much great feedback, more and more listeners every week. How you feeling about through the screen door? I'm feeling great, man. I'm feeling all the love for the first time in a long time. I'm actually like, and I got to get over it because this isn't healthy. I'm like every day going to check the reviews because I'm so thrilled and happy to be doing a new thing. And of course, I want that little endorphin drip that comes with scrolling and refreshing and seeing a new five-star review. so thank you guys so much for putting those up.

But, man, I feel good. I feel like because of this, because of you, I want to thank you, Matt Coon, for pushing me and helping me out with this. I feel like I'm in a creative boom right now. I'm feeling great, loving everything about it. It's helping keep me sober, or at least for the past couple weeks it has. So I'm a healthier, Corey. I'm a less angry, Corey, than maybe I think the rant,

which, by the way, I still get fucking DMs every day almost about, Hey, buddy, was listening to a couple weeks ago through the screen door podcast and you went on a rant. And I was like, oh, God, which one? They're like, you know, the one where you like were conflicted on whether or not people should die. And I was like, oh, right, that one. And I think I like blew a few years after that. And I've really been trying some self-care since then. I'm happy to report that I'm a happier, healthier, Corey.

And I'm really enjoying this podcast and can't. I literally, I look, every time you upload it, I start getting pumped up about doing the next one. I don't remember the last time I was like that was something. It's a great feeling to have something that you're creatively involved in, that people are enjoying. And let's not, let's not bury the lead here, Corey. You're sober. You're not drinking. And not that you're, you hit rock bottom.

Of course, we all know you hit that a lot of time ago and stayed there. Yeah, for sure. Still there. But you're sober. That means no drinking, no, no edibles, no CBD up the ass, nothing going on. I'm still taking CBD, not a few. the ass. But no, no weed, no alcohol, and also, this is the biggest one for me, no nicotine of any

kind whatsoever. Wow. I am completely, my only vice right now is Taco Bell's Mexican pizza, but I justify it because they are getting rid of it in November and like, what am I supposed to do? Like, can you imagine if I didn't eat two Mexican pizzas every Friday and then come November they took them away and then I just had to live with that fact that I could have and didn't fuck that we were both chatting today with one of the best salesmen in the world via DM in our group chat and he was saying that it is such a thing as a fake takeaway that yeah perhaps and we might

bet money on this that maybe Taco Bell has no uh is not really intending to get rid of the pizza they're just exploiting people like you that's that's good first of I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm above being taken advantage of by a Taco Bell. I'm not at all. Like, listen, they've got work. They've got better men than me, I promise. But here's what I was saying to my wife. I'm kind of going the other way with it.

You know, Conrad is absolutely could be correct. It could be the fake takeaway. But what I told my wife was, because their whole pitch right now, or not pitch, but their whole reasoning behind saying they're taking it away is that the boxes are like bad for the environment. you know what I'm saying like on the Mexican pizzas. What I think is that just because of renowned fucking environmental activist Taco Bell like that's their shit. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So that's what everybody was saying.

Everybody's like, God damn it. Why don't you just put it in a different box? And I'm like, well, if, okay, if they're really getting rid of the Mexican pizza and they're sitting there telling you it's because of the box, all that is is that the Mexican pizzas are not selling and they have a good PR team who was like, hey, the Mexican pizzas aren't selling. we could just get rid of them or we could get rid of them and look good in the process by saying, hey, these packaging is a piece of shit. So I don't know, man, like it could be the fake takeaway. But if it is the fake takeaway, that means Mexican pizzas would have had to have been dipping a little bit for them to want to use that gimmick on it.

And I just can't, like, maybe I'm fat and I am. Maybe. But like, but I just, I just cannot fathom the Mexican pizza not being over like Rover for everybody. because it's my second favorite thing at Taco Bell, and that's only because Nacho Grande is like, duh, number one. I mean, it's not like they have big bags they could put it in

or the Nacho Bo Grande container they could put it in. It's not really. Yeah, or just hand it loose to me. Like through the drive. I don't care. Just give it to me loose. Like hand to hand. Just pass it over.

I'll come in there and make it and pay you for it. Like, it's not a lot to ask it. Like, I'm, I'm, I love it. So, I don't know. I hope it's, I hope it's the fake giveaway. I hope, like, if they want to treat it like a McRib, I'm fine with that because God knows I don't need to go eat Mexican pizzas as much as I do. And it would feel like a little mini holiday to be like, oh shit, Mexican pizzas are back.

And then we like, you know, you and some buddies go to Taco Bell. Jesus Christ. We've been a pandemic so long. I'm like fantasizing about me and my buddies getting together and going to Taco Bell. The inside of a Taco Bell, though, is kind of a dark place. Like, if you're going to eat it, they. there. I haven't done a while, but it's usually very cold and very cold symbolically, too. It's not very welcoming inside. Yeah, I was about to say it's a dark place metaphorically, but like actually it's very bright. Like it's got, it looks like a hospital waiting room. It looks like a hospital waiting room made out of Zubah's pants.

The chairs are not very comfortable either. No, they're not. Did you watch 30 Rock? You didn't. I did not watch 30 Rock. Oh, God damn it. There's an episode where Jack accidentally, Jack is Alec Baldwin, he gets these couches and they malfunctioned, but he has to figure out a way to sell them. They're like shaped really weird. And he ends up selling them to the Palestinian army as like a torture device or something like that. That's how it feels to sit at a Taco Bell.

You can tell, by the way, that their benches and their boots are set up. And even the way, their shitty, swively chairs that, like, they want you in there for exactly eight minutes. And they want you to get the fuck out before you have diarrhea in their toilet. I'm surprised their benches don't have those little dividers like they have in this subway system. So you can't lay down.

To keep homeless people out? Yeah. I know. I know. I know you'd think because how many times have you been to Taco Bell and thought, I need to lay down. I need to lay down right now. Every single time.

Well, let me ask you this. No marijuana products of any type. No drinking. No nicotine. What is the hardest? Nicotine? I honestly,

no right now because I had kicked it a look. I was only smoking when I drink, which like I know a lot of people like that, but when I used to smoke. Mostly women. I think you're the first man. I think I said that. Yeah, but but it was just like no, I know I hear I hear you. Now back when I smoked smoked, like when I smoked real cigarettes, I smoked, you know, every 10 minutes whether I was drinking or not. The only thing is like, here's my secret, Matt Coon, I was always drinking. Um, but like when I stopped, uh, when I stopped smoking real cigarettes and went to vape, it became, I only smoked when I drank. And I thought, oh, you're doing pretty good.

That's nice. Then I was drinking a little bit too much. Um, so we, on my other podcast, uh, we got sponsored by a nicotine gum. I won't say it right here because I don't sponsor us. I won't say what the name is, but we got sponsored by a, uh, nicotine gum gimmick situation. And they sent us a pack just to like try it out, you know, because we don't like to lie about any of our products. And I tried it out. And I was chewing it for like a week. And I was like, oh, this is nice. And then, fucking sure enough, I was in the middle of a good drunk one night,

like an eight-hour drunk. I'm about four hours in. And I realized, oh, my God, I haven't reached from my vape at all. And then I realized, so I actually stopped smoking, stop nicotine. Lord, I can't talk. I stopped nicotine before I quit drinking. So to me, the hardest part of not drinking has just been there's been a couple country artists in the past few days put out albums and that's a huge trigger of mine when a when a when i'm not like i know that sounds ridiculous but like when a country artist that i really like puts out an album i love like i can't i can't even hear the first note without wanting to crack open a cold beer and finish a 12 pack and finish the album so because of that i actually haven't listened to any of their music yet i'm trying to get over the

three-week hunt before i feel comfortable even least listening to country music, but I don't have a problem. I don't have a problem at all. I can't even listen to fucking music. So this nicotine gum, even though they don't sponsor us, they helped you out. You can mention their name. It's Lucy, Lucy, nicotine gun. I know Lucy well, I've never used it, but I place their ads in several podcasts every week.

And if you want to sponsor us, you know, I'm a great subject for that because no one smokes more than me. This has been a preview of Through the Screen Door with Corey Ryan Forster. To get the rest of the episode, go subscribe to Through the Screen Door feed on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. And if you don't like apps, just go to Screen Doorpod.com. And if you want to support us on our Patreon and get bonus content, go to patreon.com slash screendoor. Love you guys so much. Thank you so much for supporting us. Skew!