wellRED podcast - Trae Gets Called an Idiot on an Elevator + Hilarious Tales From Nextdoor!

Episode Date: August 20, 2025

CoreyRyanForrester.com TraeCrowder.com

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

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Next step that makes some people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. Red dogs. Red dogs. Just a little vocal. Warm up vocal exercise. Do you learn that in theater class in high school? I assume that you didn't. Did y'all have theater class?

We didn't have theater class. We had a drama program that you could just, if you wanted to be in the play, you could do it after school or whatever. And it was during, like, their main time was during football. So I never did it. but one time they their lead actor in something came down with I think you got mono like the day before their big play at the colonnade like it was a big deal and like I was already doing stand-up so like they knew I'd be doing stuff like that and Robbie's sister Jessica was the main girl and she was like just get Corey to do it we grew up together we'll be fine and so I just my guy my character was a detective And so I was like, well, I'm not going to be able to learn on my line.

So how about character quirk? He has to carry a clipboard, you know, all the time or whatever. Okay. But then me and Jessica would just, there was several scenes where it was just us and we just sort of improvved it and like we fucking crushed. It was a lot of fun. Well, it does hit. Yeah.

Yeah, we had a, we had an actual class and everything. It was mostly because of, you know, James Bain. Uh, he was, he had gone off to Kyle. and stuff in the Marines and Fallujah and everywhere in between, but also he was, you know, about to move to Hollywood and do actor stuff. But his younger brother was in Salina High School with me. And so in the interim in between, he came back and like restarted a theater program there, which was pretty sweet. Well, that rules. We wouldn't have had that.

Otherwise, I also don't know if they even kept doing it after we, like even left or not. I think it might have just been while we were there. We being my class, i.e. the class of his brother was. Y'all did stuff like, I mean, we did jackass stuff, but y'all did like Whose Lines it anyway in your basement and stuff, didn't you? In the Bang Brothers basement, yes. Yeah. Yeah.

If I could go back, man, I wish that I had of just fucked with that more in high school. Like, if I could go back, I would say fuck football and I'd have just played golf and been in the drama club. That's all I would have done. Yeah, well, they weren't, you know, I mean, I said before the Ryan Gosling of the Salina High School drama, you know, at the time was Dustin Thompson, my best buddy. No doubt. Who was also perhaps the best athlete in our grade, too, well, best white athlete in our grade. So, you know, so it wasn't, there wasn't a, like, there was no, there weren't like theater

kid, you know, like the stereotype of theater kids, which I know is definitely real, like, we didn't ever did like musical theater. And I'm like, this all started with you doing that fake vocal exercise, because that's the thing that they do. Yeah. They, you know, they're weird.

They weird and wild and stuff and everybody. Yeah, you got to do animal work too. Yeah, animal, right. And that, uh,

we, you know, there was none of that type of thing. It was just a bunch of white trash hillbilly kids, play and pretend, basically, but it was a, it was a lot of fun.

I took some theater like classes in college too where you had to do. And I, I don't know about you. Did you do animal work? Yeah. You mean like, you know, get on,

you're a lion, be a lion type thing. Yeah. Yeah. All that stuff, weird breathing exercises and all this stuff. And I don't know about you, but none of that has ever hit for me. No. Like, at all. Look, okay. If I was, if hypothetically I got cast in a major Hollywood production to be the small role comic, whatever. And they were like, hey, we want you to take some acting classes to do this. And part of that was animal work. Obviously, I'd do it because I'd do anything to make the production better. but I just there'd have to be some stakes before I could stomach that I think and that's not a good attitude to have preferably that tempt you with ribbys or fillets at least to get Corey to be a you know act like a lion which is it's unfortunate because like I think me and you've talked about this before but it's it's not like

it's so important for you to know how to act like an animal to me it's like just getting over your embarrassment and being free that's what it is yeah right being vulnerable and stuff. And like, that is difficult because even as a comedian, I still don't want to embarrass myself, you know, in the acting world because it's different. You know, on stage, I'm in control. I don't worry about nothing. But like, I would, you know, there's certain, I'd be scared to make certain choices that even if I thought I should make it, you know. Yeah, no, 100%. But I know, I feel like we've gotten into all this before. There was a set has nothing to do with any of that. but the thing I've just wanted to run by you and I guess also sort of by our audience,

although they're not here to respond. But I just want you, I want you to tell me the degree to which you think one of my particular neuroses or, you know, lunacies is more pronounced than other people. Like how crazy of a thing is this? What I'm about to tell you. and you're probably not you're not the best person to ask because you know you're among the most like neurotic neurotic lunatics I've ever known in my life but I'm getting better I don't know if you have this particular thing because so preface it by saying I'm well aware of how much of a nothing thing this is that's kind of the point but one of my biggest hang-ups I've talked about it plenty in the macro sense over the years I had a bit and we first started touring about like how I was getting death threats and people were saying, oh, it's crazy shit to me and comments and in DMs and stuff like that and wild stuff. And I was like,

and really the only ones that ever actually like really bothered me were the ones that accused me of faking this, of not, you know, not really talking this way or not being what I say I am. And I was like, those are the, those are the only one. You could say any kind of other wild shit to me to just roll right off my back. But like, that used to drive me insane because I just have this real,

hang up with like, I just, you know, don't say that I am something I'm not, or that I'm not something I am, or that I'm wrong when I'm right or whatever. Like if something, I've always said,

like, people can insult me. And if I, and I told, I said this on Carmen, our buddy Carmen's podcast, I brought this up. And she pointed out that she thinks most people are the opposite,

which I hadn't thought of, which I said, like, if people insult me and you call me like, you know, a fat, lazy, pandering piece of shit or something like that. That's true.

Like, why wouldn't you? Yeah. My honest reaction is like, well, you know, you're being a dick, but I'm like, you got me. Whatever. I understand why you went that way. Right. Yeah, exactly. It's like, yeah, I hear you.

Like, and that's how I feel about, but if you say something that's just completely off base. Yeah. That, like, drives me crazy. We get what Carmen said. She was like, I feel like most people, they're more bothered by the first thing because it's like, you know, because if it, if it's true, it, like, cuts deeper or it hurts. or it hurts no like that's how it normally works and uh okay well so yeah so anyway because because because like it's that whole chapelle please believe me like i cannot

please believe me right like the other ones are just like this is your opinion and like look i might not agree with your opinion but like if i'm talking politics and you have a different opinion you want to call me stupid for that like yeah i might think you're done but you're allowed to do that or whatever because like who knows i might not be right but i am from the south and I do talk like this and you know and like that no that's because people will be like I'm from the same area that he purports to be from and nobody talks like that and I'm like bitch right like no I would dude call me like again people call me fat and bald and shit all the time I mean it don't hit right like I'm not saying it hits but that is true right yes but you're like okay

okay all right but like it's like I think it's I'm sure it's come up on here before and years past but you know years back I had we had a buddy who like he also had kids but he was older than mine and his kids were over than mine and he used to always do this thing where he would like basically like act like I was lying to myself

and everyone else about being glad to have children because he also had children he was one of those that was always just like oh it sucks on the wife or had kids and he would always act like I was bullshitting the world and myself by acting and

It used to drive me insane because I was like, no, dude, I don't, like, I don't know what to tell you. I don't feel that way about it. It used to drive me up the fucking wall. So this is a, but the reason this is so egregious is because of how nothing, like, somebody could hear me say that just now and be like, well, yeah, I think that would upset anybody probably. But then, like, listen what just happened this weekend. I was in Austin, Texas all weekend at Cap City Comedy Club. The shows were great. Thanks, everybody came out.

I loved it. I ate way too much bad for me food, probably gained 10 pounds over the course of the weekend. Yeah, all that tacos. No works. But anyway, the last night I was there, I was there for four days, Thursday through Sunday. Sunday night, I'd been at the same hotel all week, weekend long.

Door locked, do not disturb, filth den in there. Stank, Huffle. I know this man. Huffle of shame, yes, absolutely. Just everybody knows. I always clean up my shame hubble before I leave so that the housekeepers don't have to deal with the true, like, or get injured. Yeah, right.

It's, it would be, it's a, you know, hazmat situation if I don't. But what, during the time frame I'm there, when I'm in there, nobody's allowed to enter my shame, Hubble. But, uh, but anyway, it was one of those deals, like you see a lot nowadays, the elevator to activate it, you have to have your room key. Can't stand that shit. Rob me. Let them rob me. So it was.

one of those, but I've been there for three days and I've been in the elevator on multiple occasions where either I got in second or I, you know, where I was like, hey, can you hit two for me? Or right. People get on. I'm like, what floor are you guys going to? Four? All right. Four. You know, I hit four. This had happened to me for three days already. And it, and no issues, no problems, right? Because, so anyway, they're all white people. Sunday night, Sunday night, a a guy who clearly had just checked in. I saw him wrapping up, checking in. He had just got there as I'm getting on the,

the elevator for my last night there. He just got there. He gets on there. I have my card. I hit the thing. And I put in my room number and I go, what floor do you want? And he goes, oh, four,

but you're not going to be able to. And I pushed floor four and it didn't light up. And he pulled, he was like, he was like, yeah, it's not going to work for you. You have to, he's like, I got to scam my own card. you can't do it, right?

And yes, this is the whole thing. If people are listening, wondering, is this the whole thing? This is the whole thing. It's now 48 hours later. Yeah, I'm still thinking about it, obviously. So, and he says that, and he pulls it out and he scans it, and then he pushes it, and it lights up. And because of the way that I am, and I didn't say it rudely or nothing like that, I was like, but it's just, it's just the thing I just couldn't not say. I get it.

I would have. I was like, I was like, actually, I was like, actually, I was. I know some hotels are like that, but this one actually, it's not like that. You don't have to, as long as a room key is scanned, you can hit any floor and it'll work. I was like, I don't know what just happened just there, but I was like, but just so you know, for the rest of the time you're here, it doesn't work that way. And he literally just like, stares at me. And he's like, he looked like a, I'm trying to, like kind of a Bob Balabani kind of guy, I would say.

And Bob Balaband hits for me. but that's the archetype that he was. Yeah. And he's just kind of looking at me the whole time I'm doing that. And he doesn't ever really respond. He's just looking at me like, okay. Sure, buddy. Even though we all just saw what happened, right?

Exactly. Right. That was on his face. He was like, like, okay, I mean, you're wrong and we both know you're wrong, but if you need this. You can't admit to being wrong. Like, I read all of that on his face, right? It was cool.

Even though he said nothing. And then my floor is first and it dings, he was like, okay, well, you have a good night. And I just walked off and went to my room and then paced around for an hour being like, you know, I was like, this motherfucker. It was driving me crazy because I was like, I know. Now, here, the main thing is, 45 seconds later or less, he had forgotten about it forever. But in my, in my head, though, I'm like, I can't handle what I know that guy thinks just happened there, you know, which is. He thinks that I, he thinks I felt like, oh, I look stupid. And so I then just like rambled through a lie to try to make myself look less stupid.

But it wasn't true. He was right. I was wrong. I'm dumb. He's smart. All that stuff. It's all going too mad. And I'm like, but that isn't, but that's not true.

You know, it isn't true. And then I started thinking, I started going to my head. I was like, I was like, that hat. I am right, right. Like I am right. I've been here all weekend. Have I been here for three days? What the fuck?

Yeah. I've done that multiple times, right? I have. I know I have, right? Later, I went, of course, down to the sundry in the lobby to get a fucking pint of ice cream or whatever I went down there to get. And when I was coming back up, I got in first and two other people got on behind me, right? And I was like, I scanned my card, hit floor two, that's me. What four do you guys need?

They were like five. I hit five. It doesn't light up, okay? internally I'm like you got to be fucking kidding me there's no way there's no fucking way so and and they're like oh and I was like no no it's all right and I like just scam my card again again and hit five and it worked even though I'm not on five so all that happened is too much time one or two seconds one or two seconds too much had passed earlier and that's why it didn't

work but that proved so I now I know it's like I was right and like and like Of course, of course I didn't do anything, but I was just like in my head. I was like, God, I want to go up for that guy. Yes. Yeah. It just find a way to orchestrate being in the fucking elevator with him again because I need that motherfucker to know that he was not correct about that, that I was the one who was right. And so anyway, I'm just saying, that's just such a, that's the whole story.

And I know that that makes me crazy, but I don't know how crazy. But it's a fine crazy because I'll tell you this, Larry David could have taken that one singular moment and made a classic episode of television out of just that. But the reason that it would have worked is because it hinges on the fact that a lot of people would feel the exact same way that we feel right now. You know what I mean? Of course, a lot of people look at Larry as crazy, but like, how many times you've been watching Kirby? You're like, no, Larry's spitting right now. Like Larry, Larry's 100% fucking right. and I would have, man, me now, I'm a little more centered, just a little more, a tiny bit more.

If four or five years ago, I could see me hanging out on that guy's floor or in the lobby or like just I'd have to. Or I wouldn't have handled it well immediately when he told me I was wrong. Like I would have chowed out and like, I know that you handled it stoically, but I would have been like no motherfucker. I mean, I feel like I didn't. I mean, I didn't. I would have punched him is what I mean. That's what I say. I didn't do it in an aggressive way. I did it in a, you know how I am. I started spiraling basically, like rambling through, you know,

being like, no, no, I understand. I travel a lot. I go to a lot of hotels. So I know why you would think that that's how it works because I know that a lot of times they do work like that. But I've been here for, I've done this multiple times over the course of and it does, this one doesn't actually. I know that it just did, but that was something else.

It's like that. Like that. I wish so desperately. Almost exactly like that too. by the way. And so yeah, and he's just sitting there staring and be like, this guy's a fucking piece of work, you know, which I can't that part of it, I can't defend.

You know, of course. That is a piece of work thing to do. But it was initiated by him being wrong about a thing, but more importantly, thinking that I was wrong about a thing that I was not wrong about. Realistically, he can't admit that he was wrong. You know what I mean? I guarantee

you if you just said like, let's try it again, that dude would have been like, huh? No, I got to go. I got to get out of here. You know what I mean? I would have murdered for Drew. I'm sure his position on that would have been like, it doesn't matter that's inside, you know, I'm going to my room. I hate those people. That's the worst too.

If like you had approved it to him, he'll be like, well, I'm glad this matters to you. It doesn't. I'm fucking, oh, out of just out of put his head between the elevator and fucking just get close, close, close. I wish Drew had been there because I know that Drew would have sided with that guy over you, even if he knew for a fact that you were right, he would have been like, Trey, what do you mean? That's not worked at all the whole time.

We were, sorry, he's going through some stuff right now and you, the vein in your fucking neck. Absolutely. God damn, but no, that shit infuriates me.

Like, that type of thing will ruin my day quicker than the death of a friend, you know, because like, with, you know, a great many of my friends,

it's like, it's all that coming, you know. But like that, that's a natural part of life, you know, but what you described is just unnecessary roughness from the world, in my opinion. Yeah, absolutely.

Okay. Well, again, you're right. I'm not the best person to ask. Right. Because in my opinion, you didn't go hard enough. Right. Okay. All right.

Well, I just, you know. Did you tell Katie this? No, I will later. I just. Yeah, I need to. Okay. Tell her someone putting on airs. I can hear what Katie's response was because I have a feeling I know,

exactly what it's going to be. She's going to call you a fucking idiot. Mm-hmm. Yeah, her thing's just going to be like, you know, why, why does it matter? Like, that's the, like, that's the primary response, I feel like for, I feel like people either

you either like, get it and you're like, yeah, I would be tore up by that too. Or you're like, what, nothing could matter less on earth than a situation like that. So why do you care?

But, but if, but if that doesn't matter what does. Like, what the fuck does? You know what I mean? Like, I'm sorry, but like, yeah, okay, we're not, the people are like, we're not on earth for a long time, so you've got to pick your battles. I say, we're not on earth for a long time,

so you got to get them in when you can fit them in, boy, you know what I mean? Like, that motherfucker, because, you know, it's sort of like you give a man a fish, he eats for a day, you teach him a man. You need to teach that motherfucker how to fish, because the reason it matters is because he's going to do it, again, that guy is completely unchecked aggression. And one day I hope, I hope he does it to the wrong motherfucker.

I hope he catches a dude that's like you, neurosis-wise, but like maybe he just got out. You know what I mean? Or maybe he just got some bad news from the doctor. And he's like, you know what? Let's go to the top floor, motherfucker, you know? Well, his, him again, I saw him check. I know he had literally just arrived.

This is his first time on this elevator. So how could he know? So I get why he would think that it did work the way that he was saying. What I'm saying is when I then, you know, was like, well, I've been here for days and actually it does work that way or whatever. And I can see that he's just, again, not saying anything, but his face just says, yeah, sure, buddy on it. Like, that's the part that bothered me so much is because, you know. But like he didn't, you know, it's not like he was like, hey, dumbass. It doesn't work that way or whatever.

Yeah, that would have been... He said it and almost helpful. Like, he was like... Yeah, I know. That's worse. That's worse. You're right. I know.

Yeah. Okay. Where... Judge... You only heard a couple words from this guy, but where do you think old boy's from? Like, is he from our parts? I don't know.

No. He's, again, I said, but he's, he looked like a, he looked like a fucking, like a, some sort of professor, like an archaeology professor or something. He looked like a, like a, a academic. He was like a... Like a Mark Merrin type. Like Mark Merrin type. Like Mark Merrin.

but more not as like, you know, kind of, I don't know how this, like I would say, like kind of a sort of a cool, good looking dude. Oh, he is. He is. He is. Yeah. He's got that area. He's got. He's got.

And he, you know, Marin like, Maron like pulls shit off. This guy looks to, this guy, he just looked more like bookish or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Like he wasn't. But also like he was, you know, again, academic, smart. And this added to it for me, the whole like. Yes, of course. Of course it does.

He thinks, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. He thinks I'm stupid. Because of your accent and all that. Yes. Yeah, right. And so, like, you know, that was part of it. There's a lot of people that, like, they're hearing you tell this story. They're not considering that fact.

Like, that would be, like, it's a running joke at this time. I mean, I think we even wrote it, Drew wrote it in the book. Like, we got a chip on our shoulder and it's fucking ranch flavored or whatever. But, like, we carry that all the time. And it's one of the reasons I'm so quick to fly off the handle in a lot of situations. Like I always assume that someone's calling me stupid. Always. Always, always, always.

And that's not a good place to start a conversation from. And I'm aware of that. And that is my fault, sure. But it's not without reason. It's not like I just decided to be that way. That was beaten into me by how people treat people with our accent, how I've seen it in movies, how I've seen it in television show, how it's been done to me.

Even in the South, when I'm doing comedy, and there's just people, like, because Chattanooga is the South, but there was a lot of people from there that, like, they dropped their accent in 12th grade. You know what I mean? And, like, yeah, they're from here, but it's like, me and them live five minutes apart,

and we're completely different people because they decided to be, and you know why they decided to be? Because when they grew up, they knew that they'd be perceived as fucking stupid if they sounded like that. These people go on to be lawyers and doctors, and I totally understand your thing,

on doing that, but because of that, it has the reverse effect on those of us who have decided to fucking be ourselves. You know what I mean? So just know, if we're out there, this is where I start. This is fucking, this is me and my three-point stance. I'm begging you. I'm begging you. You know what I mean? So I get it.

And fuck that guy in his ass. Right? In his ass. Yeah. All right. I didn't know if you had some stuff for me. There's, I mean, I got. Oh, I do.

I do. I have a real fun thing for you. A real fun thing for you. So I'll probably have to share my screen here in a minute, but I don't have to right now. So earlier, I had a thing I wanted to talk about, and we might get to it later, but I'm not going to say what it is in case we don't. But I got a notification on my phone for, are you familiar with the next door app? That definitely sounds familiar, but until, yeah. Is that like a neighborhood watch sort of type thing or something?

Yes, it is. Hold on. My fucking headphones are doing something weird. Yeah, it's like neighborhood watch. It's like back in the day before there was social media and there was like the salina back pages or whatever. Every city like you're locked into a next door region with people who are like from the same city as you. And yeah, ostensibly it's supposed to be like, you know, hey, there's a reminder that the roads are going to be closed because of the tour to Chickamauga coming through. here just a little friendly it's like a bulletin board you know what i mean uh very quickly it turned

into there's a black down here and you know what's he doing nothing but he is here oh god we better do something about it right and and and also do what yeah and some of them and some of them it's like dude if you think facebook posts are dumb this is like that with absolutely just complete reckless abandon like some there'll be sometimes i'll get a notification and it'll be like, anybody got a dog? Anybody got a dog? Hey, who got a dog? We need a dog over here.

My boy need a dog. A free dog. You know, it's, oh, that's a lot of it too, is people just constantly ask them to free shit. Won't free shit and not knowing how to hide. You said this is an app. This is an app you have on your phone. Well, you have, yeah, hold on.

God damn, this fucking headphones. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you fine, yeah. Okay, sweet. So you can have, there's the next door app, just like there's the Facebook app, but also you can just, you know, log in.

And so I was looking, I was like, I'm just going to look up craziest, funniest, funniest next door app posts. And I'm going to share a couple of them, right? And of course it took me to I can hascheasburger.com where all the memes live, I guess. And I wasn't going to do too many of them. And then I saw number one. And I was like, I did a double take when I saw number one on this list. So I'm going to go ahead and jazz you up for that.

But I'm going to read you a couple. here. This one right here is very funny. The subject line, recreational marijuana use. Hi, I'm 52 years old and I'm new to the neighborhood. I am looking for someone who can help me out get a little pot. Nothing fancy, just something I can relax with and ease my arthritis. And then Betty Joe commented, I get marinara from my grandson. This was great. I found a can of beans. They are Bush's brand. Bush is best, to be exact. They were, found on Marion Place last night. Found.

They were found on Marion Place last night. If you lost a can of beans, tell me what kind slash flavor they are. Yeah. Not going to just give those up to anybody. Yeah, you got to prove that these are, in fact, your beans. And you can come pick them up from me. I really can't keep them. I have too many beans already.

Come on. I swear to God. I swear to God. Subject line, stop brushing my cat. To the person who assumes my cat is homeless, he's not. Recently, he has been coming in looking especially groomed for a rough and tumble outside cat. His fur feels luxurious, but I'm salty because he don't let me brush him. I saved him from the needle and adopted this traitor six years ago,

so please leave my giant ginger jack alone. I even ordered a new tag with the request, and he took a picture of this cat's tag, and it says, Jack, to the stranger who is. brushing my cat. Stop. Yeah, people, you know, the funny, that, that sounds like a bit

when it's like, when he said, you know, I'm, I'm just pissed because my cat won't let me brush him or whatever. Yeah. Because it's like any cat owner, I think,

uh, would relate to that general sentiment, uh, but I can't, I'm trying to think of what to type in. I can't think of it. There, there's a,

there's a video that's been pretty, I know it's gone viral because it pops up again and again every now and then for me of a guy whose neighbor is pissed at him for like hanging out with his cat and he calls him. I typed in cat adulterer, but that's not the right word. That's not what you're looking. While you're looking that up, keep looking it up. And I just got to change headphones real quick because these are pissing me off. Neighbor mad about cat. Steele?

No, not what to do if a neighbor steals your cat. That's not it. That's obviously, that's a real problem. I never stealing a cat. God damn it. Neighbor mad over cat. Damn it. Yeah, I can't find it.

Again, that's just a thing that people. Cat pervert. That's it, maybe. You're a cat pervert. I don't know. I'm assuming Corey's leaving all this in. That's why I'm trying to vamp a little bit. I'm glad I found it because I'm sure some of y'all there listening.

Probably were thinking. I bet some of y'all knew what I was talking about the whole time. And so you were sitting there going like, it's cat pervert. Find it. Find the cat pervert. But I did. What the fuck is happening?

I did found it. I said, that's not how people talk. Anyway. Give me two seconds. I don't know what the fuck is going on. That's all right. I will cut this out if I have to.

I want to kill myself. I'm still going. It's okay. I'm trying to think we, in my, and saline. of people would almost like, they'd have communal pets.

My buddy, who's also was named Corey, childhood friend Corey, had a dog. Him and his brothers had a dog named Killer. It was an outside, not an apt name. He was a sweetheart. But a big dog, though. Kind of a big imposing looking dog, but wouldn't hurt a fly.

And he became like the town dog. Like he was an outside dog, so he just went around all over the place. and eventually pretty much got, I would argue, almost stolen by the Salina Police Department. You know, I mean, hell, they're... The town dog? Killer's lucky he didn't shoot them. Yeah, or they didn't shoot him, but since they're cops, and that's what cops do.

But, anyway, I'm just saying, I get cat jealousy, but what I don't get is this. Are you back now, Corey, and everything's okay? Yeah, I may as well be. So, I'm if you've seen this or not. Oh, hello. This has got to be one of the wackiest neighbor disputes of all time. Oh, we'll have the police department figure it out. Absolutely. Great idea.

Are they fighting over loud noise? Property lines? Nope. It's all over this cat. Oh, little buddy. Mercury the kitty keeps wandering into his next door neighbor's yard in San Diego. No, I'm not. It's our cat.

He accuses him of purposely holding the cat hostage. There's a crime about you. harboring my cat. What crime is that? Against the law. Then comes this suggestion. Go in your yard and say, Mercury, go home.

Don't come in our yard anymore. She will not do it. She's a cat. She doesn't speak English. Oh, really? This doesn't mean go home? No. Anything don't mean anything.

It's a cat, dude. Just when it couldn't get any whackier comes this. I have done, I've done nothing to bring me to a. Or not being screamed at. I don't really care to hear from him. No, the cat pervert. Just because,

I mean, he was the one being, you know, treated unfairly there, but that's, I'd rather leave it as more of a mystery myself, how that all turned out. But,

but yeah, you're saying there's a crime, you're harboring my cat. Just tell her, tell her when she comes over. You're not welcome here, cat. Go home,

cat. Like, I don't know. It's wild to me that people, have animals outdoors in like, they said that was San Diego. Like I'm from a small town. I'm from salina and people had outdoor pets all the time.

That's all you have. By the way, they used to get drilled by cars on the regular. Or sometimes shot by bat balls. Rednecks or shot by pap balls. Yeah. So like probably still not the best idea, but it was very much common practice.

But like if you live in like a city or, you know, near a city or whatever, I think it's wild. to have an outdoor pet but you know to each day i mean we if you do have an outdoor pet you sure as hell can't get mad no at someone else for allowing it into their yard so treating it nice giving it scritches or whatever like that's insane yeah dude like we our cat owl like he just was a man about town you know what i mean he was a and and like they're at one point two two of our neighbors thought that he was theirs right and the

One, my mom ends up being kind of friendly with her. And she's like, just so you know, like, I don't care. But, like, that is my cat. She's like, are you serious? And she showed her him a picture of me with the cat and fifth grade or whatever. She's like, oh, my God. And she goes, well, you know, this person over here thinks it's theirs. And I hadn't had the heart to tell them.

But I didn't know it really wasn't mine. And my mom was just like, who gives a fuck? And she goes, by the way, she takes it to the vet. And my mom was like, good, one less thing. You know what I mean? So, like, who gives a damn? It's a cat. Here we go.

It's windy as shit. seriously, non-stop for a week, especially in our neighborhood. Someone please call the police about this. The wind? The wind. That is, dude, I'm telling you, you think that sounds stupid? That is some amber shit, if I've ever heard it. Like, I don't think Amber would really suggest calling the police on the wind,

but like multiple times when we've been on vacation and it rained, she would be like, this is such bullshit. Can you believe this? Like, we're on vacation and it's. it's raining. I'm like, well, we're just in a different city. They be getting rain. And like, it finally clicks for you. She's like, yeah, I guess you're right. And I'm like, you guess I'm right. What do you mean? You guess I'm right. It's not bullshit if it rains on like the, okay, Alanis Morissette. You know what I'm saying? It's not ironic. It's just a fucking thing that

happened. Here's a good one. This one would have got me. Friends and neighbors, is anyone interested in meeting monthly to discuss the JFK assassination? I'm telling me that guy's got a lot of thoughts on a lot of other things too, probably. It's the wild basement in that guy's house. It was the monthly that did it for me because, like, he didn't say from time to time. He's like already got a structure. Like, no, monthly would be good. Right.

Check's out. It's like, you know, weekly is too much because there's not a lot of new information coming out. But, you know, quarterly and beyond is too infrequent because you need to stay on top of the importance of the matter. So really, what does that leave other than monthly? I'm in Willow Bend on Lauderdale Drive. There is a Siamese-looking cat that is roaming day and night and climbing up my This has to be a typo, but I'm going to read it as is. That is roaming day and night and climbing up my screen cage and walking on my labia.

Please keep your cats under control. What do you think? Patio? Patio, maybe. I mean, those letters are not near each other. right but but walking up the screen and then walking on my yeah i don't like i mean not roof not gutter not i'm trying like the shit the cat climbs up on that yeah i don't know i doubt it was her pussy though right i got to share i got to share this one for the you see this that's a big

ass lobster that's a big ass lobster that is goose uh selling my lobster goose i love him dearly however it is time he found a new friend great with kids and pets my dog is a little nervous around him but with proper training i'm sure your dog will love him just as much as i hope you will he gets fussy when he isn't taken for a walk he eats mainly small fish however i have found that he loves a small piece of orange after dinner as a dessert he hates any music by johnny cash if you play it he will destroy anything around that's a lobster that is a lobster that's uh That's wild. I haven't vetted this one, actually, but it looks good.

And really, I'm just waiting to get to the number one. I'm trying to build tension here because, bruh, you talk about a double take. Huge divorce sale. He couldn't keep his pants on, so they're yours. Starting at 9 a.m. That's great. Starting at 9 a.m. to whenever I pass out, come by and get fabulous deals on furniture, clothes, kitchen wearing anything else my cheating husband touched.

Bring your pen of sealing. and nearly everything must go. Come and get great deals. His girlfriend gets him, but not everything I bought. The sales will be amazing, and you'll love helping a newly single mom with two kids. If you love great deals, nice stuff, and despise cheaters, come on over.

Single attractive men 30 plus years of age, encouraged to attend. I'll tell you what. Bet she got it stuck to her that night. You guarantee that, yeah. Hell hath no fury, baby. That's what they say. Subject line here, TV.

is it possible to sue the networks for harassment some commercials southwest airlines progressive insurance guyco and others appear over and over again and i do feel harassed please don't tell me to mute or change channels or turn off i'm asking about suing you know i hear this person i do do i get where mal or whatever their name was is coming from with that one because uh you know who among us hasn't thought that's like there's only four damn commercials in any given point in time they just run them on a repeat. I don't want to have to change the channel all the time or mute my damn TV. It's my TV. Yeah. This is America. We could sue for anything. We're such in the age of streaming. And like, you know, used to on streaming, the whole deal was there's no commercials. But now

they be slipping them in there. And it's like, damn, I'm paying for. And some of them, it's like, okay, you can get an extra tier, which I do. But some of them, you're on the highest tier. And then all of a sudden, they'll slip a little ad in here. And I'm like, hold on. The reason that I pay for it is for not this. Like, this is what you're supposed to do when we're watching for free. You know what I mean? But I ain't watching for free. It's in,

if Drew was here especially, we could turn this into a whole goddamn, uh, fucking rallying cry for eating the rich and shit if we wanted to. Yeah. It was a capitalism because it's just a fucking other, it's just like a, you know,

a somewhat minor symptom of the disease that is, uh, unfettered capital. Because it's like, They just take what, right. They just take a little more and a little more and a little more and a little more. And it's like, and because not because there's no such thing as enough. Right.

And, uh, and they'll do it for as long as they can fucking get away with it, you know. And that's even the thing like a fucking, you know, dick pill commercials on a fucking, you know, an old episode of bake off you're watching on Tooby or whatever. it's still, I don't know if Tooby does that. I don't fuck with Tooby. Tube. I love Toby. It's amazing.

It's amazing. But aren't, is Toby free but with ads or is that a different one? Yeah, it's free, it's free but with ads. But like, see, that's fine because it's completely free. I agree. I have no problem with that. Like, listen, we're in the entertainment industry. We have to make money and that's how we make it if we put out something for free is by ads.

Like, I'm fine with that. It's just when you go, hey, you're already paying the max for this and then I'm going to slip this. it like because like HBO started doing it when like used to they didn't do it and then all of a sudden they just started doing it but they didn't say like hey bump up to this new tier for this or hey you can pay less like i'm fine with that if Netflix was like hey we know some of you can't afford it so you can only if you want to pay five dollars a month sorry we're going to you know barrage you with ads but like that's how it has to be i'm fine that but they don't do that they just fucking they just go we know you ain't going nowhere because the last of us is about to come out so sub have you Dix, you know. Tooby's awesome. Number one, that's where you can find our specials right now is on Tobey. Number two, they do have those like, I see, there's a lot of people who, they're like

influencers on Instagram and their whole niche seems to be reviewing these Tobe original movies. Right. And those are, I've never watched one in full. Those are truly insane. But they also have like a bunch of John Wayne movies. Like they've got a better collection of classic films than TCM does. on HBO. Like I go there for like to watch it old John Ford, you know, some Sidney Lumet

things or what, they got a bunch of shit. And again, it's free. Um, okay. Let's see. I'm going move on. Wait, no, this said, but hold on it. I got to read it. Uh, upset with my neighbor's Wi-Fi name. Hi, all. Now we all use devices to connect to our internet and whatnot. And my grandkids come over and use their iPhones and iPads too. Well, the other day, my grandson went to connect to the Wi-Fi, and our neighbor's router name is all cops are buttholes. Now my wife and I are very upset because he started crying, and we had to explain to him that indeed all cops are not buttholes. Okay, lost me there. And it's just generally a rude thing to broadcast. Is there any way I could possibly block this signal or possibly call the non-emergency

police and have them go over and give them a stern warning? I bet they wouldn't like to hear about a network named all cops or buttholes any ideas guys first off i don't think that's going to make them change their stance you know if some cops roll up being like hey you can't name your wifi router whatever you want yeah let that reminded me of another thing i saw this is from three years ago on reddit and whoever the person is that did this i just i don't know you hit for me if you're out there in the ether somewhere i want you know you hit for me i'm sharing my oh you're sharing your screen right now i'll stop i'll stop i don't get it for me i don't get you there Yeah.

All right. Let me. I stopped. Corrid, is your, your boy, what, is Paul Patrol still a thing? Does he watch Paul Patrol? I mean, it's copaganda for sure. So look, this is from mildly infuriating. A lady posted, the patrol sticker set my wife bought for our three-year-old son.

And it's Chase, is that his name? The cop from Paw Patrol? I guess. I don't pay attention. It's just the main one. He's the cop one. The main one for Paw Patrol. But they put, they put, they,

put A-C-A-B on it, which stands for all cops or bastards or I guess buttholes on this episode. But like, and again, this person posted mildly infuriating because if I remember correctly, like this is, this guy is a cop. This guy's cop's wife bought these stickers for his toddler. Somebody put a cab on them. And that's just, I don't know. It's great.

That's just right up my alley right there. Yeah, luckily for me, Bain is like, Paul Patrol's in the road. If I'm like, oh, I don't know what he wants, I'll try everything. But luckily, my son is a man of taste. And he fucks mostly with Bluey. That's his jam. He loves Bluey.

He sort of got into this one called Super Kitty's where these cats are astronauts. And it's, even for kid shows, and I'm sorry if we know anybody that works on it, but you probably know the deal. It is diabolically dumb. But it is cute because Bain just loves cats so much. whole time he just goes, kitty, kitty, kitty, so that's fine. But no, he, uh, he normally is a, is a, is a bluey guy. I will, I'm actually going to, I'm glad that I'm not sharing my screen right now because I can't give away the reveal. And I'm going to have to pop it to you. Um, here we go. Suspicious man following me around in his car at 3 a.m. I worked for Lyft as a driver

and I usually work the late night hours to give people rides home from bars. The last few nights, I've noticed the same old man following me around in his car around 2 to 3 a.m. I think he is stalking me. I tried switching into my wife's car the next night, but he found me and still followed me to a customer's house slash neighborhood. I finally got scared and ran a red light to get away from him. Okay, I didn't like that. That should not be number nine. Oh, yeah. I thought there was like a twist or a turn coming or something. It's just the man who's scared is being stalked or whatever. That's not. That don't hit. I mean, I bet the comments go off and are probably funny, but all right. Here's a good one from Allen, Texas. Apologies to anyone who

might have just witnessed a lady running down an alley in her underwear yelling, Bologna! My doggy escaped, and I panicked. Oh, okay. I've done the same thing in Burbank chasing Earl's dog through the yard, and I think people thought that I was insane. Okay, questioning morals. This might be a little trolley problem for us or something, Trey. Hey, all, I want to first thank everyone for all their comments on my last post

regarding my son's vaping device. The solution was to swap out his gum with nicotine gum so he would no longer have the urge to smoke in the house. However, this post is about another matter. I'm a stay-at-home mom, so in my free time, I enjoy sitting in my living room and sometimes notice people walking by and so forth. I have concluded that one of my neighbors,

name not to be mentioned, is having an affair. I am wondering what I should do about it and if I should go tell the wife. I hate to stir the pot on this scandal, but there is no room for adultery in this neighborhood. Blessings, Sharon. What would, you know, would you, let's say hypothetically, would you, this is a good moral question.

Would you tell, like if it was your boy and his wife was cheating, do you tell because you're like, he needs to know, or do you just like, I can't be the one to break that and it'll hurt him too much? If it's my boy, yeah, I think I would. I mean, no, I mean, I know I would, unless there was some kind of weird extenuating circumstance I can't think of or whatever. I mean, I would like, like, if I was sure, I guess is, you know, if I, like, because what you don't want to do is, whatever, you see your boy's wife out at, like, during the day having lunch with some dude or something. But then, so you tell him and then it turns out that's like, that's just a co-worker or that's her gay, but he's. or whatever.

Beats are for nothing. Right. Yeah, it's like, you definitely don't want, you don't want that to happen, and that makes you like a busy body and a fuckhead. But like, if you got them like dead to rights,

uh, yeah, I think, I think you got to tell your homie. If it's a home, if it's somebody, you don't really know all that well or whatever. Then I mean,

yeah, I just stay out of their shit, I reckon. I think I'd have to tell Amber to tell them because there is still that, like shoot the messenger thing where I feel like my buddy would always look at me sideways, the rest of our life because he would just think every time he thought about that moment he would see my dumb face you know what i mean this one might be what if what if you don't tell him and he

finds out later that you knew and didn't tell him that'd be even worse that no that is worse you're right i got to tell it maybe it just shoot the woman you know just don't even say anything this one is really funny and fucking on the nose that i think it might be a joke but like i don't notice a lot of people like nobody really just has a next door account to troll or hit because there's no rewards for it. There's no likes or monetization. This is Karen. It's been bothering me for a while.

So here goes. I'm sick of all the Karen reference remarks. I'm going to start reporting everyone as harassment until those offenders learn some respect. I'm a very kind and patient person, but I'm over this. Yeah. Tremendous.

Yeah. No self-awareness about the irony of that at all or whatever. everybody acts like us Cairns are just a bunch of bitches that complain to fucking people all the time and try to get people in trouble and shit. If y'all don't stop, I'm going to start complaining to anybody I can and see if I could get y'all in trouble. It's sort of like what, like with, you know, bring it back around to what we really do here, Corey. It's like gerrymandering, you know. That's right.

That's like, it's like, it's like, oh, this is a bit, we got a bit, a lot of black people in this general area. And they're not going to vote for us, Republicans. you know, because they just, they've somehow convinced themselves that, you know, will, like, oppress and disenfranchise them or whatever. It's like, okay, so what are we going to do about that? Well, I mean, I figure we would, you know, start by oppressing and disenfranchising them so that their, you know, votes don't matter as much. Are you ready for the only recourse I can see?

Yeah, go ahead. Okay. Dude, again, I literally thought that I'd clicked on the, wrong page because number one, Trey, you're about to fucking, you're about to lose your shit. Look at what fucking number one is. It's fucking Kiwi. Oh, the actual Kiwi on, oh my goodness. Okay.

I'll read this. And by the way, Tara, I'm sorry for putting your shit out on Front Street. I love you, but it is number one on I can't have cheeseburger. So like, it's fair game. Happy New Year. This is from Tara. Happy New Year neighbors wishing, and for the record, Tray, the comment is what do it. I'm just not showing it to you right now.

Happy New Year neighbors wishing everyone a joyous night, but please keep your four-legged neighbors in mind. They do not understand that fireworks and other devices are not going to hurt them. They easily stress and can become very sick. Thank you for your time and consideration. Okay, it's a nice, nice little thing. Catherine says, sorry to hear about your horses, Terry. However, I do not feel very bad for you. I've seen you walk your horses around HR,

and I've never seen you clean up after them. Yes, your horses may be many, but they shit like a Clydesdale. Maybe your New Year's resolution should be to stop being lazy, get a bag, bend over, and pick up after your four-legged shit factories. Have a great year. Oh, man.

How about that? You're going to hear about this. Oh, I am going to hear about this. And I understand, but like, you got it. You know Tara got a other side. side of the story that old bitch in the comments isn't isn't getting across I'm sure according

to Tara at least that's what she's going to say to you and not Tara I'm not saying your line I'm just saying I foresee it you know that I'm on Tara but more importantly Kiwi side yeah like I couldn't not like that was amazing my tiny horse lady happens to be

number one it's the ring bear in your wedding is number one on the on that list absolutely he was That was his role, right? Ringberry, yeah. We got him a custom suit that matched mine, and we got him a custom horseshoe made that went around his neck

that had our rings on it, like on a little key, key hook. Boy, I tell you what, they should have never gave you redneck's money. It's funny, too, because, like, yes, I wanted a tiny horse at my wedding, because who doesn't? But I'm telling you the main reason that I did that is because Amber had spent all this money on the wedding, and I hadn't really spent no. And I was like, well, I got to flex nuts. You know what I mean?

Bring the fucking horse in. Yeah, what else you're going to do? Well, you, yeah. One of my favorite pictures of a, well, I shouldn't even say that because I had to find it, pull it up. But, you know, Kiway, the tiny horse used to come to our comedy shows. Yes. If you find it, I'll use it as the picture for this week's podcast.

That way people can see it. Okay. Well, it's just a picture of us after a show outside the comedy club with Kiwi. And one of the reasons that I love it so much is because Corey is perhaps, perhaps the most visibly drunk as fuck motherfucker you've ever seen in your life. And I don't care. I made different pictures.

I made different drunk people you've seen. Corey in this picture, you can only hope to be to appear as drunk in a picture as Corey. You can never appear drunker, I don't think. A huge part of it is the fact that he's kneeling beside a tiny horse with this just very hammered look on his face. It's pretty great. Yeah, but dude, one of my eyes is in Alaska and the others in Wisconsin, bro.

Like, it is, I mean, I even have to admit. And, like, you know how many pictures of me drunk I've seen of myself? Pretty much every picture that's ever been taken at a well-read show. And, of course, I'm drunk, but, like, most of the time, I look like I'm holding it together. I don't know how the fuck I did a show that night. Yeah, I know. Well, you know, we had, there, to come to your defense somewhat, I don't remember exactly how the time of that shook out.

Those meet and greets would sometimes last, you know, a little while. You'd be drinking throughout them the whole time. So you may have been totally, also you started the shows off. That's true. So you could have been totally fine while you were on stage. And then by the time it got to when this picture happened, you had just continued going in very hard. That's true.

That's true. Oh, speaking of which, I wanted to just briefly mention this. It's not out yet, but I wanted to get people excited. I just recorded a brand new 90-minute album that I'm going to. to be putting tracks out on on series but also once it's done i will make it in some way available to the people and uh and uh and uh had a follow-up thing that i wanted to bring up to you but now we're close to the end of the show what are you talking about an album yeah i did an album i recorded an album of what material stand up i thought i told you this i don't know if you did

i forgot there's i mean what am i missings or some kind of catch here or something no then what what is it? It's an album of my stand-up. Yeah, right. Well, I recorded it primarily to put new tracks on serious, right? Okay. Yeah, like that was the primary thing because our record producer, Ross, lives in Lexington, and that's where I did the show.

And we'd been planning on, he's like, hey, whenever you're here, you need to record. And when he'd mentioned this to me, you know, like at the beginning of the year, I was like, oh, yeah, I was like, if we just get a couple tracks, from it for serious that'll be great um but it really i've been you know working out a lot of stuff this year and it just really came together and i was like well shit you know this is more than just a couple tracks for serious i'm going to have to put this out um probably after our zanis show because i'm going to do some of the material at zanis but uh no it just really came together you know jordan at at comedy off broadways we've said a million times one of the best clubs in the

country. That's not, I mean, it is. It just is one of the best clubs in the country. It was a Thursday night and he just said, hey, you ain't got to, you know, we ain't even leave you a light, just do whatever you want to do. And that turned into a nice, pretty tight, 90-minute set. And, yeah, I'm excited for people to hear it because, you know, I've had, I haven't been touring as much, but I have been writing the whole time. So there's just so much shit in me. And my life has changed in so many ways. What with being a dad, it's just a constant joke machine, you know. yeah well that's uh well that hits that's exciting i didn't know uh yeah i don't know i thought you were i don't know i thought you were up to something i don't know what would i be up to i don't

know i don't know just the way that you said it for some reason made it sound like that i don't know that it was some kind of you know secret sneaky secret new idea no no secret no no secret just a comedy album 90 minutes of comedy from your boy all brand new. It was fun. I did a, uh, uh, some of it I made up on the spot. You'll never believe, uh, which is why it was 90 minutes. But I have a pretty solid bit, um, about, uh, Ben Franklin writing a fart essay, you know, so, which I feel like I've been, my whole life's been leading up to that moment. Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. Like you were, yours up. The only comedian in the game, I think, for that particular undertaking. Yeah, man. Um, honestly, like, and I

didn't like I've got so much more material that I didn't even put out there I was talking to vow the other day like I have a solid hour tested material right now if I wanted to on just American history that I feel like you know podcasts are supposed to be niche why can't I put out a niche you know special you know Mr. Forster goes to Washington or some type of shit yeah I think you can I mean you know Drew did that once with like a 15 or 20 minute deal about the Tennessee drag stuff specifically. I've been thinking, I don't know if I should even, you know, because I'm not saying I'm going to actually do this,

but I'm like been thinking about not even thinking about the next hour in terms of being an hour and meaning like just shorter. Well, no, just I have an hour right now. I'm saying let's say the next bit I have if it's five minutes and it hits. That would be 65 minute because I don't. just put one out not that long ago. So right, I just now got back. I'm like, I have an hour, a new hour right now. But what I'm saying is write another bit. That's another five minutes. Instead of 65 minutes or whatever, say like, okay, what's the oldest part of this hour that I,

you know, and I can retire it and replace it with this new five minutes? Yeah. And whenever I make that whatever that decision is, just film, like get a good quality version of that. That's of that, of that bit the bit that is going away yeah and just put it out as a fucking just clip on its own and just like burn it that way instead of like there's no rules they're saved it all up did a whole hour put a whole hour out at once and then cut the hour into clips but just skipping that first part maybe and just yeah no there's no rules anymore i know especially it just seems like that's what matters more now you know yeah no i know like i mean the thing is like obviously nobody would ever, if this was back in the day when you had to sell albums, you wouldn't do a 90 minute

audio recording or whatever, but like this is, it's, it lives in clips anyways, you know what I mean? It's going to live in clips so it doesn't matter. But like, yeah, if we're just doing the thing where we're putting stuff out on YouTube, if you've got a type 45 and that's what you want to do, do it. If you've got an hour in 20, do it. If you've got an hour in 17, do it. Who gives a fuck? You know what I mean? But I will be, the very first people that will hear this will be all my people on my hero, hero, which is we love Corey.com. So go subscribe there. Right on.

Well, that it. We're wrapping it up, believe so. This weekend, I'm in St. Louis, Missouri. Please come see me at helium there in St. Louis. And I've actually got a week or two, perhaps even off from the road. But then tons more dates, Ohio, upstate New York, Connecticut, Virginia, Oklahoma City's coming up. And before we know it, it'll be Christmas time. And it'll be time for me, Corey and Drew to be at Zanis again.

So all that's at Trey Crowder. and there's already like two or three months worth of dates in 2026 up there as well. So go to traycrouter.com and check it out and come see me. Please. Hit. Go to Corey Ryan Forster.com for all my stuff. I'm not touring right now, but Christmas is coming. If you want to get a cameo from your boy, you know, I do all of the characters and I'll do anything you want.

I'll roast your dumb friends or whatever. Check out all my stuff from the Atlanta Journal Constitution. And like I said, Corey Ryanforster. com has everything there. So thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Oh, September 7th, the Comedy Catch, is celebrating 40 years in business. And I, along with a ton of other local Chattanooga folk and some touring comics,

will be there September 7th. Go to thecomaddycatch.com and grab those tickets and come see us. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you. God bless you. Good night and skew. Bark I get drunk and we gonna talk a lot with a pair high class topics with a redneck flare